#without having to sacrifice a thought to the faith that is used to justify racism homophobia inequality and murder

[gjordis]

In my humble opinion Christians should shut the fuck up sometimes

[mcknotanniegrey]

I know I'm in the minority and the show ended 2 years ago, but I've gotta get my Lucifer thoughts out somehow.

(Spoilers below)

So I finished the show and I expected to be disappointed based on what I was seeing of the internet's reaction to the ending... but i was pleasantly surprised to discover that I loved the ending. To quote Jeremy Strong, i thought it made sense dramaturgically. It was emotional, beautiful, and written with love to the original myth, the show's narrative arc, and the fans.

Like literally everyone got a happy ending, the show stayed true to its therapy concept and character arcs and growth, Lucifer and Amenadiel both learn from their father's mistakes and make different choices, Chloe is Amenagod's consultant and lives her human life feeling fulfilled, and still a Deckerstar happy ending! That's incredibly difficult to wrap up so much character development and the series as a whole in a "happy ending" way while also staying true to the integrity of the art.

The years Chloe and Lucifer spend physically apart (but still emotionally together) echo the myth of Hades and Persephone, staying true to the eternal love story with the bittersweet yearning and the reunion. What's a few decades when you're looking at eternity? It's as Rory said, that time is a blip in their existence. After the time loop is resolved, the whole family can visit and be together again. We get cake & eat it too!

There were some things I have critique for, of course. Amenadiel discovering racism again and his investigations felt out of place on their own; but I can justify this arc to myself for a few reasons: 1) it echoes the journey both Amenadiel and Lucifer take realizing that the entire system is flawed and how they want to change things if they had the power/authority to do so 2) there's a social responsibility I'm sure the showrunners felt about a police procedural show, given how we know these shows affect perceptions of police and in fact are used as propaganda that affects the public's perception of the current (and past and still happening now post-show...) events. It makes sense that the writers and actors would want to comment on this while also being quite hopeful in aligning with the show's themes about change and improvement. The system is terribly flawed, but there's still hope because we can change things and confront the injustice. 3) Amenadiel can't solve systemic racism for humanity because we need to do it ourselves. Amenagod fixing this would be the cheap way out narratively and also pessimistic in its messaging that IRL we can't do anything without the divine stepping in and undoing our mistakes. 4) Chloe wouldn't be happy being only Mrs. G, wife and mother. She is the Detective and both she and Lucifer realize that this part of her identity is integral; neither of them want her to have to sacrifice this. By being Amenagod's consultant and continuing her career as lieutenant, Chloe still has her independence and own identity outside of being Lucifer's partner. She's able to live a fulfilling human life without commuting back and forth from earth to heaven/hell.

Another critism is that all of the main characters were romantically paired up by the series end, when that doesn't have to be the ideal ending for someone at all. It sucks that we had to make sure Ella finally got a good boyfriend, as an example, especially when her arc confronting her own darkness and refinding her faith felt much more important and emotionally poignant in my opinion. But I can also see how this choice was probably made to support the fans and give favorite characters a happy ending, rather than only appealing to the Deckerstar fans.

I don't know, I guess I'm just so surprised that it seems (from reddit at least) that people hated the ending so much as to compare it to GOT - when David Benioff and D.B. Weiss clearly wanted their own show to be over and done without caring about the narrative arc at all - when it just seems so apparent to me that Ildy Modrovich and Joe Henderson clearly cared deeply about their show and wanted to give an ending that fit narratively/had integrity as a story and also was a love letter to the fans who'd saved the show to begin with.

[battlekidx2]

Kipo Season 3 Thoughts and Review

Okay so I just finished binge watching Kipo season 3 and wow that was a ride. They really did save the best for last. I thought the second season was an improvement on the first and I think the third season outdid the second. There was just so much to love. It didn’t fix every problem I had with the first few seasons but it did a really good job at covering as many as it could. The conclusions that the show reached for its world and the individual characters was almost all satisfying across the board. Honestly I feel everyone should watch it and form their own opinion. 

It is a bit cheesy and very optimistic, but I think it’s the kind everyone could use right now. Kipo is a show filled with wonder and possibility and it’s exactly what I needed and I feel a lot of people could use considering everything. It deserves the hype it gets. Now to get into spoilers. Since it just dropped they’ll be under the cut.

Kipo season 3 was fantastic. I know I just said that up above, but I feel like only saying it once is an injustice. I want to start off with the characters since they’re what kept me coming back to the show. Without further ado here we go.

Characters

I think I’ll start off with the titular character, Kipo. I will say she was the character I had the most problems with coming out of the first two seasons, but that’s mostly because of how pronounced her role is so the issues I had were more at the forefront than for anyone else. They didn’t really fix my problems, but I felt they did a fairly good job addressing them. I found her to be a much more compelling lead this season. There was a lot more internal struggle with what she should do than any other season and her optimism was mostly very endearing and needed within the show and with everything that’s been going on in life. They had Kipo become frustrated, make mistakes, almost give up hope, and it felt earned when she came to the conclusion to give everyone a shot. I will say her optimism felt a bit much when she was directing it at Emilia, especially after it was revealed that Emilia killed her own brother to prevent human and mute cohabitation. But her final decision to free Emilia from the mute body was understandable and wholly Kipo, so I liked it. 

Now I want to talk about a duo I really wanted to interact and have screen time this season and was so pleased that they did: Wolf and Scarlemagne. I love both of these characters and thought they would have such great chemistry because of the similarities of their backstories. Both were betrayed by those they thought of as family and left to survive on their own in the mute eat mute world that the surface was. Their interactions this season just proved that I was right to be excited for it. Scarlemagne and Wolf somehow brought out the best in each other (and the worst but that was only for a little bit). It was nice to see them nudge each other in the right direction towards the end and come to have faith in Kipo’s vision for a better future despite their troubled past. That final talk they had before returning to prahm reflecting on their lives and how Kipo changed them was really heartfelt and just the quiet moment before the storm I needed.  “Things could have been so different if I’d stopped hating all humans for the mistakes of a few” and Wolf did the exact same thing with mutes. This line summed up their arcs, individual tragedy, and point of understanding and connection between them. It made the conclusions to their individual arcs that much more powerful. Wolf ends up getting the family that she never thought she could have after the wolves and Scarlemagne sacrifices himself to save his sister, Kipo. His death scene was so heartbreaking. He died in Lio, Song, and Kipo’s arms having gotten the chance to have his family one last time. And finally truly becoming Hugo once again. I don’t know if the found family trope has ever hit me as hard as it did with these two characters (it may be I’m just emotional since I just finished the season less than an hour ago). (as a Scarlemagne stan I do wish he had been able to live out the rest of his life with the Oak family though)

Side note: the king hugo leitmotif playing when Hugo died was so sad and perfect. 

I have a lot of thoughts for Wolf and Scarlemagne after this season. I don’t know which is my favorite character; they are both pretty phenomenal. Wolf was the mvp of season 1 and Scarlemagne was the mvp of season 2. I don’t know if anyone was surprised that Scarlemagne got redeemed this season. I know I wasn’t, but I found how they went about his redemption to be really interesting. It felt like a progression. I wish more time had been spent on it, but I felt that with the screen time it did have they did a good job. I felt his change of heart and with that conversation with Wolf I really did think he had fully come to regret his actions, acknowledge his flaws and wrongdoings, and resolved to do better. With Wolf she has been holding onto the past for so long that she doesn’t know how to let it go. The pain of her first family betraying her hasn’t gone away because she got a new one and has come to (mostly) reconcile her prejudice against mutes. It just became more muted and easier to ignore. Having her confront the wolf, Margot, who’s betrayal hurt her the most, was the first step towards being able to fully let go. Her finally shedding the wolf skin was the final step for her to unburden herself with the past pain and prejudice and putting on the purple and silver cloak for prahm was her letting herself be the hopeful child she was on the inside that Kipo had brought out (albeit still keeping some of the gruffness that she had before). I just love these two characters.

Benson was great this season. I felt they knew what to do with him to a better degree than in the first and second seasons. The story of how he first met Dave was unexpectedly heartwarming and highlights their importance to the series which I felt was a bit too understated in the first two seasons. (Dave was actually useful this season!) I was shocked that the history of Dave and his eventual meeting with Benson was such a unique and great commentary on the idea that violence only begets more violence. That talking things out, like he and Benson did, was what ended the centuries long conflict and ensured that they survived instead of taking each other out like everyone else before them did. It shows the pointlessness and destruction of cyclical violence in a way that many shows have failed to capture. Even much more serious shows that you would think would have less censorship to work around and thus be able to explain better. So often in shows they try to preach that violence isn’t the answer but so many cartoons fail to back up that lesson within their story. Kipo does back it up and more in this last season.

Going back to Benson. They let him play off of a lot of new characters and made him feel a lot more like family within the group. This is best shown when he and Dave tag along with Wolf and Margot to look after Wolf. They aren’t the best bodyguards but they clearly deeply care about Wolf and want her to be happy and supported. His romance with Troy was sweet and I really liked his Prahmposal and when Lio gave him advice on how to prahmpose (I really like dad Lio this season). Benson is just such a fun character and I’m glad a lot of the things I said I would like the show to do with him ended up coming true.

Emilia made for a good obstacle for the main characters to overcome. She wasn’t that interesting of a character though. I liked what they were going for with her in their attempts, I believe, to show the intergenerational aspect of prejudice through her and her father. I did think some things felt off with her. I just didn’t buy that Kipo should try to give her so many chances. When Song revealed what she did to her brother that sealed the deal and made Kipo saying she has to believe Emilia could change ring hollow to me as a story beat. Her belief in others had mostly worked out in her favor so far in the show, but Emilia was given no moment or slight glimpse to give the audience any indication she could change which makes it hard to feel invested in this plot point. I liked that they made Emilia hold her ground and never change because you can’t change everyone’s minds and to change Emilia’s mind Emilia would have to accept that killing her brother, who she loved, was wrong and that just isn’t a step I think she could make. I also think it’s important to show that not everyone can change. In a perfect world that could happen but the world isn’t perfect. I think Emilia was the perfect villain to show that. I still wasn’t a big fan of her character but I think she served her purpose in the show well.

I will say I’m a bit conflicted about this because, while I would like to see more sympathetic villains who don’t get redeemed, I also think that with the racism angle that the show was going for making Emilia unsympathetic worked well. She’s just a xenophobic person who is adamant about staying set in her ways regardless of the reality before her. This does have basis in reality, unfortunately. So I do like it for that. I’m really glad they didn’t give her a mutes killed my brother/family tragic backstory to “justify” her racism. Her racism is at no point justified which I appreciate. 

Plot

The plot of the third season had a big task in front of it. It needed to wrap up the world’s conflict, 2 centuries of mute human conflict, in 10 episodes. Which I was very iffy on whether or not it would be capable of doing. This show had 2 great seasons but the amount of stuff it had to wrap up had me a bit nervous. Those nerves were unfounded though. The third season actually came to a very satisfying conclusion for the world and I bought that the characters we saw were able to bring the conflict to a peaceful end (or as peaceful as it could be). There were a few things I was a bit disappointed in. Two things to be exact, the lack of the use of Song after the episode “Song remix” and the complete disappearance of the vaccine plot point. 

Song and Lio were supposed to create a vaccine to the cure. They even stole all the pieces they needed to make it and then it was never brought up again. I would have been fine with even just a line saying they were still working on it near the end or that they found it wasn’t possible, but it just isn’t brought up after they steal the supplies. It didn’t negatively impact the finale to me, it just felt weird considering they made such a big deal about it earlier in the season. I felt Song deserved more of a role after “song remix” because she had missed so much of her daughter’s life and her daughter seems to have adopted two siblings. It felt like a missed opportunity for family bonding between the group especially since Benson and Wolf have never (to our knowledge) had a loving mom. I love this show’s use of the found family trope so I really wanted to see this. Though Wolf cheering with Kipo saying “Go mom” was a highlight and adorable.

Conclusion

I really loved this show. Dreamworks may be my favorite animation company. They’ve done such a good job with their cartoons as of late and they’ve had a good track record with their recent cartoons with sticking the landing. Not all but most. Kipo is a show I will definitely return to from time to time. It’s just so optimistic and sometimes I think everyone can use the optimism and wonder that Kipo brings to the table. I’m sad to see this show go, it came and went within the same year, but it went out spectacularly. It was strong from start to finish. I had some qualms here and there but they never once deterred me from enjoying the show. I really think this show deserves more attention and praise than it gets. I hope more people decide to watch it because it deserves it.

side note: I love how they finally incorporated the age of wonderbeasts part of the title in the finale.

[princeescaluswords]

Continuing on the theme of "power isn't everything, nor is it exactly what you think" did stans miss that Derek was actually unhappy during his alpha tenure? And happiness came when he forgave himself, grew, and found new love? When he let go of toxicity? When he actually treated Scott like a brother like he professed in season 1? Power comes from our loved ones, and standing up against oppressive forces. So, why are they stuck on keeping Derek alpha? Just kidding, I know why

In my opinion, there are three primary reasons why certain stans are stuck on keeping Derek as an alpha.  One of them is racism, which is the one I think you were referring to; one of them is heteronormativity, which is as easy to parse as it is still prevalent;[ and the final one is the fetishization of suffering, which is a byproduct of Christian thought misapplied to our culture.

None of these arguments are going to win me any friends.

To me, the racism aspect is very clear.  While Derek losing the Alpha power had nothing to do with Scott’s actions and everything to do with Derek’s rejecting power for its own sake, his loss narratively paralleled Scott’s ascension, so in the minds of certain members of the fandom, there was  implied causation.  Theories appeared that Scott ‘stole’ Derek’s power, usually through Deaton’s manipulation of the Nemeton sacrifice (however that worked), even though Scott was already manifesting True Alpha potential in Season 1. 

There was no other indication that anyone really consider this a possibility. Derek was supportive of Scott as alpha.  He was the first person in the series to actually describe what made Scott special, which wasn’t the use of power, but Scott’s compassion, humility, and resiliency.  As for the title of alpha changing hands, Derek himself remarked “It happens” when questioned by Scott on the change of the alpha power from Laura to Peter.  (Only Peter had a problem with Scott as alpha, and that was less Scott as alpha than Peter not being alpha.)

Yet parts of the fandom insist that Derek retain his alpha status, even though he failed at it and was miserable while being alpha, even after he became so much happier (and more effective!) without it, is because, as I’ve talked about before, the audience has been trained to see the highest status as rightfully belonging to upper middle-class or upper class white families.  Decades have taught them that is who is supposed to be in charge, so the fact that Derek doesn’t have this status and Scott does is unsettling to them.  (This is also why you see so many human alpha Stiles stories, when Stiles doesn’t have the leadership ability God gave a dachshund.)

A lot of shipping also requires Derek to remain an alpha.   This comes from holdovers of the “best suitor” model of romance and heterosexual love that dominated our culture for centuries.  They identify with Stiles, so they believe that Stiles deserves to be won by the best suitor,’ and conversely, Derek deserves to be the the best suitor for Stiles.  That’s part of the romance – celebrating the perfect couple, finding the perfect match between the dashing  man  and the blushing girl he chooses to make his.   How can Derek sweep Stiles off his feet and fulfill all his needs if he’s not the best? Think about it - if the goal of the romance is to get the best man, then the female-analog’s goal should be to want the best, the hot-shot, cocky, muscular millionaire race-car driver, not the balding, mumbling accountant who collects seashells.   The best, in the werewolf world, is the alpha, so Derek must be the alpha in order to fulfill this ancient and tired role in their fantasies.

Finally, United States culture has been influenced by Christian thought misapplied – in this case, the concept of virtue in misery.   It is through the Passion that all humans are saved, it is often by martyrdom that sinners become saints.  Christian thought intended this to apply to spiritual status, not secular power.  Disabled people fight with this remnant every day when well-meaning people apply this concept to their physical lives. ‘Your suffering must have made you so strong.”  No, suffering is suffering.   

But this misapplied concept persists, permeating our society.  In terms of this fandom, it serves to make Derek the logical choice to be rewarded. Derek had his family killed, endured Paige, was raped by Kate, betrayed by Peter, tried to form a pack only to see it torn apart, and then was manipulated by Jennifer. He’s suffered a lot, but the show insisted that doesn’t make him a good person or even worthy of being an alpha.  Nothing underlines the show’s concept more than this scene:

Isaac: Why’d you do this to us, Derek?  Was it all about the power?  Were you bored?  Were you lonely?

Derek: Maybe.

Derek’s loneliness, regret and misery doesn’t justify the actions he took for the writers of the show, but it does for parts of the fandom because of the cultural bias toward the idea that misery ennobles.  Derek should be alpha because he suffered the most – his secular power should be a reward for all he has endured.  Thus the endless tags of “Derek deserves nice things.”

This runs counter to the theme of the show that trauma is trauma – it doesn’t justify anything.  It doesn’t empower anything.  The fact that Derek’s anchor is anger over his tragedies is presented as a bad thing.   The fact that Scott’s anchor is Allison – a person whom he loves despite all the pain her family causes him – is held up as a good thing.  When that anchor goes, Scott’s anchor is replaced by faith in himself, and he finds that by not allowing the significant trauma he’s gone through to embitter him, to dim his optimism, or to shatter his faith in other people.   Scott becomes a True Alpha not through embracing his suffering but by overcoming it.   When terrible things happen to him (and they do), he gets back up and works to make things better.  Derek and Brett literally give speeches about it.   Scott, when mentoring Liam on leadership, says the same thing.

By the by, this is one of the reasons anti-Scott stans feel the need to claim that Scott didn’t suffer anything. To them, if Scott doesn’t suffer anything bad, than he can’t be ennobled and thus he’s not deserving.  It’s also partly why members of the fandom claim that Derek was a ‘clone’ or mocked him as ‘zen Derek’ when he was no longer a tightly wound ball of misery in Season 3B, 4, and 6.   To them, secular power is dependent on the depth of misery, determined by the Trauma Olympics.  

[pastorjdo3]

America’s Seed; America’s Harvest

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So the five kings of the Amorites, the king of Jerusalem, the king of Hebron, the king of Jarmuth, the king of Lachish, and the king of Eglon, gathered together and went up, they with all their armies, and camped by Gibeon and fought against it.  Joshua 10:5



The people of Gibeon were recent allies to Joshua and Israel.  Though they became allies through deception, they were neighbors of Joshua and now under a covenant agreement with them.   They entered an unholy alliance to defeat Joshua and now find themselves reaping a harvest.  

Unable to handle the yield of the harvest, the Gibeonites  have call for the sharecropper.   They send for Joshua and company to help them defend their home.  Joshua, learned from the previous deception immediately goes to God in prayer.  God gives him a confirming word and Joshua gather the Lords army and marches to Gibeon to fight!

Marching for Gibeon!

I find it so appropriate in this time to address the marching on God's army.  Led by Joshua, they marched 3 days to Gibeon to fight to save the people of Gibeon.  These same people had collaborated to deceive Joshua and now they are in danger of being destroyed.

Some of you reading would have stayed home and called this justice, but not Joshua!  Joshua considered this behavior of an unrighteous man.   We like Joshua must be obedient to the Word we preach and teach.  God gave us instructions on how to treat neighbors and enemies.  Both of these ways are merciful and involve much self reflection.  God cares about how we treat others.  He set's an example of this in how He treats and interacts with us.  God understands that there  are times for war and times for peace, but encourages us to do what we can to live at peace with one another.

Fight or Flight?

Both Peace and War are relatives to circumstances, but both are still a choice.  Joshua, knowing that war was being perpetrated with his new ally had to make a choice, fight or flight.  He could fight for the lives of Gibeon or flee from the instructions of God and the responsibility of the Covenant.  Joshua had the responsibility to defend his neighbor and to stand for the righteous treatment of people even though not deserving.  

Joshua as a Seed Sower!

Joshua as a leader had sown many seeds into the Kingdom through Moses and through Israel, and now he will sow further into those that surround him.   Joshua would reap this harvest as he lead God's people.  He had experienced the challenges of sowing and the patience that must be had by the one sowing seeds, but was now reaping a mighty harvest from his efforts.  Gibeon, sadly is reaping a harvest from its deception, but Joshua is compassionate towards them.

America's Seed & Strongest Crop

As America ages, we are further troubled by the seeds sown into the ground.  This country continues to reap discord because of the seed of racism, an American manufactured seed that was planted in the soil of capitalism, continues to reap a harvest of greed and hatred.   The harvest on which we all dine can not be fully enjoyed because it has bitter roots that nourish the fruit that is produced.

Joshua Marched for Gibeon and for Joshua

Joshua avoids planting seeds of hatred by placing value on the life of his ally.  Like him, we must be willing to march to Gibeon, risking our lives to protect those who are being persecuted.  We too must gather our resources, and use our skill and technique to insure that the needs of the less fortunate are met.  We must march and use the voice given to us, and the name licensed to us to give volume to the chords of those who have lost their voice screaming in the wilderness.  

Part of what we must understand is marching for Gibeon is marching for Joshua.  Remember, Joshua is still leading!  Joshua is still setting an example for how to live and how to forgive.  Joshua is setting a standard as God's spokesman as to how generations to come will respond and live out the Word of God.  His actions will lead them to build a Holy City or another Sodom & Gomorrah.  You aren't just marching and fighting for today, you are fighting for tomorrow.  Thus, marching for Gibeon is also marching for future Generations!

It's not You, It's Me!

Poor Gibeon, I thought.  The 5 kings are only attacking them because they know they can not defeat Yahweh and Joshua.  They are being persecuted unlawfully.  They are being killed out of frustration.  They are being oppressed because the 5 kings fear loosing their kingdoms and becoming common.  

Waiting on the Savior!

Poor Gibeon, I thought!  All they can do is hold on!    All they have is hope!  All they have is their faith! They sent word for Joshua!   They cried out for the savior!   They are defending themselves as best they can.  They are utilizing every resource within their reach to survive.  Poor Gibeon, holding on the hope that Joshua will honor his covenant.  Poor Gibeon, having to endure the attacks while waiting for Joshua to arrive.  Poor Gibeon, watching it's citizens die at the hands of the 5 kings, and hoping they can avoid extinction.

Poor Gibeon!  Reaching out to a neighbor that speaks righteously, and having to wait to see just how righteous righteous is.  

Fight for Us and We might Fight for You!

Sadly, this country that boast of freedom and liberty but never intended it to be for all people.   It has been willing to send people into war to defend freedoms which are denied to them.  It has sacrificed lives for capital that has not be offered in equal shares.  It has build democracy and equality in foreign land, and restricted human decency on its on soil.  

Each century we see voices rising from the earth requesting basic human rights, and having to march and fight to get them civilly.  Every centuries we watch marginalized groups have to prove they are worth citizenship and to be recognized as civilized or a part of humanity.

He's Not after You, He's after Me!

Sadly, we often watch the church: 1.  Justify the Actions of the 5 kings   2.  Protect Itself and watch Gibeon Perish.  

And after acting unjustly, we lift our hands as the standard of Christ as though Christ saved himself and allowed the world to die or allowed the world to get what it deserved.  He did nothing of the sorts!  He left his Gilgal and met us at Gibeon, gave a voice us all, fight for us by standing in the gap, and then sacrificed His life  making sure that we could experience life and life to the full.

He Died so we Could Obtain Citizenship!

We forget the selflessness of Jesus, who was the sole heir (if you will) to the Kingdom.   He came into earth and dwelt among those who had been enemies and law breakers in the Kingdom.  He then marched for us, and sacrificed His life to make them citizens on the Kingdom and heirs.   As a Gentile nation, we should understand what its like to be a stranger without rights who gained citizenship from the sacrifice of another.

Joshua arrives and defends those He is in covenant with!  I am so glad that we serve a God that is marching towards us!  I am so glad we serve a God that honors His covenant!  I am so glad we serve a God that allows us to make a new start.  I am so glad we serve a God that looks past our past.  I am so glad we have a God that is willing to walk with us into a marvelous future!  

Cheer up Gibeon, Joshua is on the Way!

#PastorJDO3

[tenaciouscandybouquet-blog]

Dear Jessica,

in order to be a servant leader I must love like Jesus.

It all goes back to the principle of upholding and restoring the dignity of human life, and I was wrong for thinking that every human being already was given this diamond slip of information, but maybe that is my new mission.

Another principle from Catholic Social Teaching is that

I would choose to play victim-rescuer here and present my sister as someone to have compassion with for a while, but I know after years of trying to get through to her, that 

I have since realised

I realise that some of you will naturally want to be on her side; I have experienced the same with past ‘friendships’. Though I’ve learned that to be attracted to/want to spend time with people who have shared/similar insecurities and anxieties, while liberating in a eureka-I’m-not-alone-in-this! sort of way; fear-based friendships where the deepest emotional bond is felt when we bitch, sob, or moan together, is no match for the friendships where we share a love for something.

And this is where the formula gets messy. Call me an algebra nerd but the ratios can be all different. 

The main principles here are that:

Humans are so different from each other that

And I guess I’ve analysed this too deeply because I’ve tried to justify all the pain I’ve felt in my life. I’ve tried to justify why it was okay to accept this certain thing in this situation but then have it be wrong in another. 

I’ve blindly accepted because it had previously felt futile but when you have nothing left, you find it in you to find the truth. And Evey was completely right, when she said that the truth can set you free. Integrity can set you free.

And this is another learned virtue, so to speak. 

When we have this crossed so many times, naturally, over time, we are conditioned to passing it through our minds because processing it fully would cause too much hurt. Our brains and bodies have had enough.

We are not around people who are respecting our hopes, wishes, fears, dreams, and fostering environments as much as possible, which help us to grow and learn and get back up once we’ve fallen a bit off track.

We can learn to become insensitive, or chuck it in the ‘not-so-important-in-my-life’ file, which we can’t really blame ourselves for, because to claim it as an important thing, which matters a lot to us, and therefore should have a lot of effect on our self-esteem, would be to lower

Which is why for the duration of life, it is so important that the earliest memories of life with a caregiver are where the parent is reassuring the baby, the human life, of the most secure, protective, loving care any life deserves.

We fight for the environment and animals; similarly, why not our own human race?

Maybe it’s because we find it so vile that some people would want to sit in their own filth of their lives with the knowledge that they aren’t really doing anything for anyone.

I see the war in your eyes - would she acknowledge me if I helped her?

Would she beat me if I gave her some insider knowledge? How would she help me better MYself?

Maybe it’s because when we went through hard times no one was there to help US up.

Maybe we learned a pattern of proving ourselves to the ones who rejected us when we asked for help, and don’t want any charity from anyone.

Is this pride? Is this to be looked down on?

Why do some people deserve help and others do not?

Do you really believe that there’s always going to be inequality in the world?

Those people go through the worst forms of mental illness.

Once you have an attitude like that then you’re never going to do anything extra, for anyone. You won’t get blessed by life’s accidental joys, happy accidents, funny mistakes - you’ll be over-controlling, demanding, impatient - wanting your fill already because you have paid your dues. There is no fun, no connecting in the act of doing, learning, mistake-ing together, no bandaging wounds once we’ve mucked up, no sorries and fights and tears and more love, just perfection, just an end goal - and THEN we’ll be happy.

But here’s the book the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, summed up in a sentence (this Catholic source I read once said it’s kind of anti-Catholic, but I take this with the knowledge that his philosophy is a summation of pretty much every religion, no religion, all religions; having a PhD in Philosophy I guess he has that broader perspective to distill or bring all together, though we filter by our own instincts and knowledge/truth uncovered so far too)

That piece of information was, that you can’t achieve a good end by bad means - this includes all your micro-relationships, bad choices, all the parts of the system. Think of a high fashion chain, popular one, that uses slave labour but ‘sustainable materials’, to use a stereotypical example. 

And I just realised now, in thinking about this again, that it can be quite stifling. Paralysing. But the same rules apply as with any perfectionist problem.

Through sacrifices, we can achieve freedom. This is because it pulls us to our highest conscience - we are called to care so compassionately, love so fully - give without thought of reward - and because we ARE limited maybe there will be muckups - maybe something promised last week will have to wait 2 years when you originally said 2 months. 

NZ is waiting. To be called to arms. 

problems: depression, gap

racism,

BIGGEST SOLUTION AND WIN WIN FOR EVERYONE: HELPING EACH OTHER UP. WATER INTO WINE. 

Let me tell you a story about my teacher. She saw something in me, might have known that my best friend had just left, and I was in a new class without my old friends, and was shy, nerdy, sensitive, quiet, reactive, scared, nervous, with low self esteem. She pulled me out of the dark..

In criticism I’d say she set some pretty high relationships maybe riding on the high of the difference she could see she was making, 

The main thing with Malis was the BS - so no corruption, no shoulder taps, flattery by indirect gifts and compliments - genuine principles, values, 

and so you understand it we are very clear - we share fully like Mrs Brebner’s RE class, laying out the structure and very clear expectations, and people can move around that as they need to. The goal is to progress our society not allow it to go backwards.  But the bare bones are there - what you don’t need to reinvent, what you can and should. The benefit of architecture is that it allows you to intellectually challenge yourself - debate top minds, pick brains of actual architects, multi-talented people. 

goal: to give back to Mrs Brebs

Massive thanks to Mrs 

Progressive NZ fashion aesthetic. 

Story - what do you wear coming out of the gym? The disparity is huge. We want it made and tested in NZ by friends and family and colleagues here. How people are going to be fully involved I have no idea. But it’s going to give back to ACM and Vinnies and I’m going to tell people what they need and want.

I feel like all of NZ is depressed and kind of waiting on something to be pulled together, to inspire, not the same old. We hate consumerism now, capitalism. We want to return back to nature, we want to be praised for all the effort and care we’re putting into the protection of what is beautifully pure and good. 

Their quest was anti-Catholic  

Listen to nature, heal by nature

Make people happy - gifts? - THOUGHTS, IDEOLOGIES, ATTITUDES, THEN IMPACT. SMALL SEEDS FIRST. 

But see, that’s the thing - life is made up of imperfect, and its the imperfections which give the value to life.

I realise this is something I have ‘walked’ wrong in my life. People do more of what you reward and celebrate. So what do you want people to do? Be more courageous, faithful? 

To give more freely?

Then you start. Do your tests at home, with those closest to you. they are gems. Don’t take them for granted. 

So I don’t know, maybe our egos take charge over time. As we get older. Or maybe we get rid of them. Maybe we learn to detach, or maybe we just attach more to other things.

I hope in this confusing meld of things we learn that everyone is so different that we can’t judge each other. Infinite combinations of DNA molecules, patterns built up from a treasury of experiences, some chosen, some intentional, some accidental

Being my sister,