#wow its almost like well written notes from class actually help me understand shit.....

[minglana]

nothing like studying for an exam and realizing that if i hadnt been so stupid id definitely be able to pass

[fanficwriter013]

The Tower: Unexpected - 14

The Tower: Unexpected An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist Previous //

Pairing:  Avengers x ofc, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2071

Warnings:  pregnancy, surgery stuff

Synopsis: A little over 2 years after moving into the Avengers Tower, Elly finds herself pregnant against the odds.  While some are excited, others are terrified, and pregnancy that none expected to happen causes rifts through the group and threatens to end the relationship.  

Author’s Note:  Written with the writer to my muse ability @avengerscompound

Chapter 14: An Arm to Hold Them

When I reached 30 weeks the construction on the house was well ahead of schedule.  I guess that’s what happens when you have a multi-billionaire nudging things along.  While the whole facility wouldn’t be ready for a while after the babies would be born, at the rate it was going, we would be moving in before they came.  That is if they hung out until the end.

There was something else that had been going on that none of us had been aware of.  After Bucky had decided to have his arm removed Tony had gone to work designing a new one.  He’d spoken to Steve and together they’d worked on a design for one for him that was personal and beautiful and meant for Bucky the father to hold his children with, and not for the Winter Soldier to kill people.

When the arm was made Bucky was booked into surgery with these world-class surgeons and specialists in bioengineering.  Tony was going in with them to oversee things.  As was Bruce though he was a little unsure of how much he could help. 

The rest of us waited in the waiting room.  It was not a quick operation either.  We took turns pacing and being the strong one for each other for about 10 hours.  None of us were willing to go and just relax. 

“You think it’s over yet?”  I asked around the 9 and a half hour point.  I rubbed my side.  I was really stressed and really uncomfortable.

Wanda’s eyes glowed pink and she tilted her head to the side.  “They're still working. That's all I can tell you.”  She said.  I groaned and flopped on the couch, letting my head fall back against the wall.  “It's all medical jargon. I can't follow.”

“One of the babies is in my ribs and that isn't helping,”  I whined.

Wanda looked at me with her head tilted to the side.  “It's Riley.”

“Riley.  Please, I use my lungs for breathing.”  I complained rubbing my side again.

“I'm not sure she understands that,”  Wanda said.

I got up and started pacing again.  “Feel like she's headbutting them.”

“She'll settle if you settle.”

I shook my head.  “I'm trying to make gravity pull her down.”

Natasha stifled a laugh.  “El, I don't think that works.”

“Well, sitting didn't help either.”

“I know, sweetheart.”  She said, soothingly.

I went and flopped down next to Clint.  “Rub my back for me, please.”

Clint immediately began to knead the tightness out of my lower back.  “Yes, dear.”

“How's Steve holding up?”  I asked leaning forward a little.

“As well as can be expected,”  Wanda replied.

I frowned and we all fell back in that nervous silence again.  Clint steadily working out my muscles.  Eventually, I curled up on his lap and was just starting to doze when my stomach began to twitch.  “One of the babies have the hiccups now.”  I sighed.

Clint looked down at me.  “They do?”

“Yeah, look,”  I said and moved one of his hands so my stomach so he could feel the very obvious and regular jump of one of the babies hiccuping.

“Oh wow,”  Clint said, a large smile forming on his face.

“You can probably just see it,”  I said, rolling over and holding still, so the twitch became more visible.

“Holy shit,”  Clint said, his eyes going wide.  “That's so weird.”

“Yeah, it is. Feels weird.”

He held his hand there for a moment, when Wanda sat up suddenly, looking extremely alert.  “Oh, wait.”

“What?  Is it Bucky?”  Sam asked as I sat up.

The door opened and Steve stepped out into the room looking exhausted.  “They just finished.”

“It went okay?  He's okay?”  Sam asked.

“They're not sure,”  Steve said shaking his head.  “Well, he's okay. They're not sure about the arm.”

I made a whining sound as Sam went over to him and rubbed his back.  “How are you doin’?”  He asked.

Steve leaned on him a little, letting Sam carry just a little bit of the burden he felt on his own shoulders.  Taking that little bit of comfort from him.  “I'll know once he wakes up.”

I held out my arms to him.  “One of the babies have hiccups.  Come feel.”

“They do?”  Steve asked, his eyes lighting up for a second and the bare beginnings of a smile forming.

He moved a little closer to me and I pulled my shirt down tight over my stomach so he had a better view to see the little twitches.  “You wanna feel?”

He nodded and crouched down in front of me and put both his hands on my stomach.  I ran my fingers through the back of his hair as he stayed there tense, but still, feeling the regular little twitch.

“He's gonna be okay.  That arm is gonna be how he gets to carry both these two at once.”  I said gently.

“Right,”  Steve said.  “If it works.”

“It will.  It's Tony.”  I said and kissed his brow.  “If it doesn’t he’s still much happier without one than he was with the old one.  He can sleep without you there if someone else is.”

“This is true.”  Steve agreed.

“So.  He’s okay.  And we’ll know soon enough about the arm.”  I said.  “Did they say how long?”

Steve shrugged a little  “Maybe an hour?  Could be sooner.”

“Surgery is nerve-wracking, huh?”  I said quietly and then almost with no warning, I burst into tears.  The thought of how long I would have to wait between the C-Section happening and when I actually got to hold my babies hit me out of nowhere and the thought on top of how long Bucky’s surgery took and how stressed I’d been feeling just overwhelmed me.  Clint startled and then began rubbing my back and trying to soothe me.  “Sorry.  Bucky and then I thought how I'd be having a c-section and I won't be able to hold them for ages cause they'll be sewing me up.”

“You can hold them,”  Steve said, rubbing my arm.  “Just not weight-bearing.”

“No.  They let you for like a second and then they take them away and give them to one of you until I'm out of recovery.”  I sobbed.

“You'll get to hold them, sweetheart,”  Steve said.  “You're okay, and they'll be in good hands.”

“Yeah, I know they will be.  But... and with Bucky too.”

“Steve?”  Wanda said quietly.

I snapped my head around and looked at her.  “Is he awake?”

“No, but he's getting there.”  She said.  “And you need to be in there or he'll pull a Rogers.”

Steve got up and went back into the medbay, leaving the rest of us to wait.  It was another forty minutes before a nurse came out and told us we could go in and see him.  We all went inside and I beelined for him.  He was sitting up in bed looking sleepy and out of it.

I sat down next to him on the bed and snuggled up against his side.  “Hey.  You did it.”

“It won't move,”  He said, sounding quite out of it.  “It should move.”

“Maybe the drugs are still affecting your nerve endings,”  I suggested.

“Serum, El,”  Bucky grumbled.

“Oh, I'm sorry.  I wasn't aware they didn't take that into account when they anesthetized you.  No wait, yes they did because they consulted with me on it.”  I snarked.  I touched Bucky’s neck.  “Tell me when you stop being able to feel it.”

I started running my finger down his neck and along his shoulder.  I traced the scarring of his old wound and moved over the bandages.  When I reached his bicep he shook his head.   “Nothing there.”

“Okay.  Okay.  So there is some in here.  You've got dulling before the arm but it doesn't stop until after it.  So let’s not panic yet.  Either it's something that is going to increase as the anesthetic clears out of your system or it's something in the arm after its connection.”  I said taking his other hand and squeezing it.

“El, you shouldn't have told me that.”  He said, furrowing his brow.

“Why?  That's good news.  Easy fix.”

“Because. I'm going to panic.”

I lifted his hand and kissed his fingers.  “You were already worried.  It's okay, sweetheart.”  He let out a sigh.  “Has Tony checked it out yet?”

Bucky shook his head slowly.  “No.”

“Maybe he doesn't even expect it to be working yet,”  I suggested.

Tony chose that moment to come into the room.  “What?”

“Can’t feel my arm,”  Bucky muttered.

“Stops about here,”  I said, touching his bicep.

“Let me in,”  Tony said.  I got off the bed and he took my place.  He starts looking it over, moving parts and twisting it in a weird direction.  “Wasn’t turned on.”

“Jackass,”  Bucky grumbled.

“Does it work now?”  Steve asked.

“I don't know,”  Bucky said.  He seemed to be shutting down and closing us all out.  Like this was just too much for him to deal with.

“Why don’t you try it, Buck?”  Steve pushed.

“That's too much pressure,”  Bucky grumbled.

“Buck.  It’s gonna be okay,”  Steve said gently.  “Just relax.  You have your new arm and you’re gonna hold your babies with it.”

Bucky huffed and shuffled down into bed rolling onto his side.  Steve looked like he was in pain.  A nurse entered the room and looked around  “I think that's enough visitors for Sargent Barnes for today.”

I leaned in and kissed Bucky’s cheek.  “I love you.”

“Love you too.”  He whispered.

****

It wasn’t until the next day that we got to see Bucky.  Steve slept badly, though I think we all did.  The following morning I went to the lab for a few hours to keep my mind off it, even though I had been told I shouldn’t be working anymore.  I was just jittery and needed something to hold my attention until we were allowed to go see him again.

At 10 AM, I went up to find everyone gathered around in the waiting area.  “What’s going on?  They said 10?”

“They won't let us in,”  Wanda said.

“Why?  What's wrong?”  I asked, feeling a sense of panic build in me.

“I don't think anything is wrong. But they won't let us in.”  She replied.  “Just Steve.”

“I don’t like this at all,”  I grumbled.  I curled up next to Wanda and she held me and stroked my hair.  It felt like an hour passed before they called us in, but it was probably closer to five minutes when they came to get us.

We all filed into Bucky’s room, where Steve was sitting on the side of the bed next to him.

“Buck?”  Clint said as we all gathered around his bed.

“Yeah, sorry guys,”  Bucky says.  “Didn't mean to scare anyone.”

“You okay?  Why wouldn't they let us in?”  I asked.

“I'm fine. Come here.”  He said.

I moved over to him and he wrapped his right arm around my waist.  I leaned in and hugged him, feeling like I was about to cry or something.  “I was getting so worried.”

“It's okay. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to add to your stress.”  Bucky said and ran his prosthetic hand over the swell over my stomach.

“It works?”  I asked as I watched his metal fingers move over my belly.

He nodded.  “I can feel, El.  It's the new hand.  On your stomach. Feeling the twins.”

I put my hand on his new one.  “You can feel them with it?”

“It's not like with my real hand. But it's better than the other one.”  He said moving his hand from my stomach to gently caress my jaw.  “Tony said it'd get better with use.”

“You're okay with it?  You feel safe?”

“It's better than the other one.”

“You don't get out of changing diapers now.”  Sam teased, giving his thigh a pat.

“I know,”  Bucky said, going back to pressing his hand on my tummy.  “I want to. To be involved.”

“When I am in surgery you can be the one who holds my hand.”  I teased. 

He chuckled and nuzzled at my shoulder.  “You can squeeze as much as you want. And you won't hurt me.”

“Okay then, it's a deal,”  I say giggling.

Wanda smiled and looked a little wistful.  “As long as I get to do skin-to-skin I don’t mind.”  She said.

// NEXT

[leviathiane]

SHOW US YOUR WROR RAW UNPROCESSED WHOLE GRAIN ORGANIC NOTES

this is going to be a long-ass post i am so sorry to Everyone! i take a lot of notes.

So, as You specifically know (as well as all of my lovely Soggers) I take a LOT of notes. Obsessively. I write fucking everything bc i have very little memory and very much paranoia. This results in literal Piles of notes. Raw planning, on paper, on my phone– doodles of scenes im brainstorming, bulletpoints, entire SCRIPTS– it’s all there but scattered (I’ve got scenes planned in the margins of my goddamn anthropology notes and deciphering it was a NIGHTMARE) 

I won’t even upload all the photos of my writing notebook, because itd be like 50 pages of illegible nonesense. but heres a couple of planning phase pages. (may be hard to read, I dropped this notebook both into some tidepools, into a creek on campus, and accidentally leaked my waterbottle onto it in my backpack :/) 

if you can’t tell already, yes they all look exactly like this. Some are even more illegible, because I wrote them with the notebook half under my actual class notes. Because i wrote most of them in class. During lectures. And pretending very badly that i was not doing exactly that. (pay attention in class please i got away with this bc i was filling up elective units) 

I’m also flat out MISSING a large portion of my notes bc some of it? isnt even in the damn notebook. its on a sheet of binder paper, or on the empty back of an assignment. I’ve now lost most of those notes, but the ones i do still have are just as (even more, actually) indecipherable chicken scratch: 

Wow, how clean and tidy and easy to follow! i am in hell. 

and this doesnt mention the PAGES and PAGES of outlines that are on my laptop, and the pages of outlined scenes that are on the notes app of my phone. if i put them all, you would have entire chapter spoilers up to the very end of the story so i cant post a lot of them– and also theres just a goddamn lot of them. currently i have 16 pages of outlining. There are no spacing breaks. It is a solid 16 page block of text. Looking at it gives me a migraine. 

some assorted notes which i have dredged up from the deleted parts of the main draft google doc go all the way back to when i started Wror in June and they are Barely more readable than my handwriting on sheer account of: articulation is not my strength. These include: 

“Ch 8 plan: sabo gets trained specially, awakens his armament haki, beats ace in a bunch of spars and proves himself to be anything but vulnerable. The boys are like “we fucking recognize that technique ryu taught you before us!!” and goad ryu into finally starting them both on basic haki training, just to awaken it, since sabo already has. Also this is the chapter that ace finally confronts ryu for his devil fruit after ryu confirms that some devil fruit users can’t be hurt without haki and ace immediately catches onto that and tries to slam his pipe through ryus head. It doesn’t work, ryu catches the weapon with a haki covered hand, to avoid turning to flame with hit and ace just gets frustrated and accuses ryu of hiding his devil fruit, because he remembers what he saw in grey terminal and that now that he has seen haki he can distinguish it from what he saw and he’s sure no one could do what ryu did. He calls ryu a hypocrite for coddling them even after telling them to stop coddling sabo and ryu has to sit them down and explain that yes he does have powers and he has been hdiing it and explains his reasoning. However instead of understanding th eboys just get fired up and say they don’t wnt to be scared of fire, especially not when it means ryu isn’t taking them seriously in a spar. Ryu finally agrees to start them on desensitization training for fire trauma. Fire desensitization training happens on the beach, so that they have water nearby in case things get out of hand. At some point ace gives ryu a considering look and is just like “if you have a devil fruit that means you can’t swim either right?” and ryu is basically just like “lmao yeah” and then ace immediately attempts to drown him. Lots of murder attempts in ace’s department toget his older brother to be less of an idiot with little success lol(extra: ace tried to attack ryu earlier both to confirm that ryu has a devil fruit that would force him to use haki to hide it, and because he now knows that he CAN’T hurt ryu without haki and as thus can’t beat him and make him admit he’s awake without being good at haki.)” [chapter 8] 

“Small sabo lost his hat and goggles in the incident and while he doesn’t remember having them future sabo notices he looks uncomfortable and keeps touching his hair and head. Ace yells at him for it thinking he bandaging are bothering him and that he can’t touch them but little sabo just comments that something about it feels wrong. Luffy blurts our that he had a hat, like luffy does, But he doesn’t now ace begrudgingly mentions that they can’t get a new one in town. Future sabo doesn’t even hesitate and just plops his own hat onto his younger selves head. It clearly too big for him, and almost falls over his eyes but he grins up at future sabo and is like “wow!! Thank you! I’ll take care of it till I have one of my own” and creates a paradox like Luffys own hat. The footsteps younger sabo has yet to fill. This HAS to happen AFTER the talk where they explain that future and past sabo are both the same person, to give little sabo that pressure.” [chapter 9]

“(Right after this older sabo takes them down to the ocean so that they can play a little and desensitize themselves and immediately fucks himself over when he goes weak in the water bc he somehow fucking forgot his own devil fruit again and now even younger sabo is on his case about not letting him near the fucking ocean that little goddamn HYPOCRITE—) )” [for chapter 9]

“Ch 9 plan: they finally leave dawn island. Starts with the boys getting a haircut after training and luffy mentions how long it’s been since they’ve last needed a haircut, giving sabo and ace time to point out that it’s been 2 months now since ryu joined them, and that sabo was completely healed by now. The boys are now aware of the basics of haki, and while luffy hasnt awakened either yet ace and sabo both have a little bit of weak armament haki. (sabo won’t awaken observational haki until he gets his memories back) ryu tries to sneak off into the city to steal a boat but his brothers refuse to leave him behind and keep sneaking out after him, not wanting him to go alone and saying that since he’s been training them they’re clearly stronger and he needs to let them do this. Ryu eventually just lets it go because why the fuck not it’s a dream and they make him feel better. They get the boat out on open ocean and finally fucking sail out, cheering loudly, ryu struggling to make them all calm down but also not really trying. He’s happy as shit, and they’re all so excited and happy and sabo dips a hand into the waves and then smiles so fucking wide and tackles ryu so violently they both nearly tip into the water and it’s just very very good. “ [also for ch 9] 

** I flat out dont Have any outlining from before chapter 6, because i only started actually outling chapters after that. i tend to just sit down and Write up until i hit a plot point or writers block and then am forced to actually think it through and plan rather than letting it come naturally. thats also why the quality and editing is better in later chapters despite everything being written within the same time frame. 

besides entire chapter outlines, there are the scene specific phone notes like:

“(ADDED) Right after they leave dawn, when sabo is sure they’ve gotten enough of a head start, he calls Garp. He doesn’t say who he is, but that all of the boys are safe and happy with him and has them all talk into the phone to assure him that they’re fine. Garp is honestly just pissed off he doesn’t know who’s calling and when he asks sabo just laughs and says a disobedient brat before hanging up. “

“(ADDED) TO EXPAND ON CH 3: sabo gets offered the chance to go with dragon, and he hesitates on the offer to go through with his previous life with the family he’s made in the revolutionary again. He almost agrees, because the bought of losing them in this lifetime is near excruciating but reminds himself swiftly that it’s no place for his brothers and not what they’d really want, and he wants selfishly to be with them as long as he Can until he “inevitably” wakes up. The boys are visibly relieved by this, especially ace. (Sabo gets asked who he is by dragon, who wants to know more about the stranger with his son, but dragon has always been quicker to make connections no one guessed and he just smiled knowingly at sabo and tells him he’s sure the other will have no trouble finding them if he’s in need. Sabo in turn warns him to keep Kuma close, and to look for a slave girl named koala.)”

I have…. many of these. I have Many of Everything. 

finally, i have scene doodles. if i hit a bad writers block it usually helps me to sketch scenes or the character designs to regain my grip on what the hell is happening in the plot– Breach of Intention has character design sketches, pakcbond has MANY scene sketches, even some of my nsfw has some sketches. my wror skecthes arent Good of course, I am an art teacher for children and that means i am more often explaining the color wheel and brush techniques over drawing perfect human replicas– and i just dont really make a lot of fanart? ive never drawn sabo before but i sure have a bunch now. i wont include close ups because they genuinely suck but heres an example pic 

So… yeah thats about everything. this is a VERY long post and yet i only included like maybe ¼ or 1/5 of all the notes i have dbskhjgfkjadns lmk if anyone wants more (or notes for my Other stories, which contain NO WHERE the same absurd amount of shit that wror does.)

[golgoterror]

Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake. 

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet. 

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again. 

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself. 

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat. 

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat. 

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again. 

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to. 

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. 

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid. 

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really. 

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #468

“recollect me, darling, raise me to your lips  /  two undernourished egos  /  four rotating hips”

Have you ever seen a queen bee outside its hive? I wouldn't know. What comes to mind first, when I say “indie”? The music genre. Have you ever used Duolingo? I have not. Do you think number 13 is unlucky? No. Do you watch any old films? If so, name a few of your favourites. Through all the years in school and reading classic novels, we would usually watch the movie afterwards, so I've seen a good number and understand why they're classics, like The Outsiders, A Raisin in the Sun, Steel Magnolias... Who are some of your classic era film actors and actresses, if any? I don't know enough, honestly. Do you have any novelty ice cube trays? No. What radio station do you most often listen to? I don't listen to the radio. Have you ever been in a Catholic confessional? Yes, because I was raised Roman Catholic, and it was routine to go occasionally. Those things are so awful. Who was the last non-relative you rode in a vehicle with? Oh wow, I don't know. What movie are you looking forward to coming out? HOCUS POCUS 2!!!!!!!!!!!!! :') What color was the hair of the last person you kissed? HAHAHA he's gonna fuckin hate me for this. He has black hair, but with a bit of gray throughout already. What letter does your last name begin with? D. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yep. Do you regret it? Nah. Who was the last person to buy you a drink? You're talking like, a drink drink? In which case, my mother. Who was the last person to buy you dinner? Girt. How old is the oldest person you’ve dated? Idk exactly how old Juan is, but he's probably the oldest? Of the ages I actually remember, that'd be Girt; he'll be 28 next month. Have you ever found a bug in your food? omg noooooo Do you ever read things you wrote as a kid? What were you like? Fuck no, I'd cringe into oblivion. Your boyfriend's birthday is coming up, and you’re totally broke. What do you do? ... Was this written directed at me??? lmao I'm thinking of just trying to draw 2B from Nier: Automata since she's to him what Pyramid Head is to me, ha ha. Would you be content to turn out just like your mom? In most ways, no. If you could pick one topic for everyone in your country to learn more about, what would you pick? Uhhh... Well, it'd be boring as all fuck hell, but I guess politics. Be actually educated on what's going on in the country and vote more wisely. How do you feel about people your age having children? I'm 25. It's normal, and advisable before 30 anyway before the risk of birth defects and problematic pregnancies rise. When was the last time you were at a park? Jeez... the very beginning of this year, I wanna say? I was taking family pictures for someone. Do you feel like going to funerals helps you in the grieving process? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Especially as an adult. How do you feel about the whole organic food craze? I'm not educated enough on this to have a proper opinion. Who was the last person you heard snore? My mom, at some point. Is there a TV show you’ve wanted to start watching but never gotten around to? Even though I don't really watch TV, there are some I'm interested in, like The Witcher. Have you ever worn something out in public that made other people stare at you? Oh god, I would avoid that so hard, so probably not. Do you ever make an effort to look stylish or fashionable? Or do you not care about that? I really don't care. I wear what's comfortable. When was the last time you were in denial about something? What about? Idk. Have you ever worn fake eyelashes? If not, would you ever try wearing them? No, but I probably will for my hypothetical wedding. Is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy? Yeah; Roman, for one. I should be able to list far more, having taken Art History, where architecture played a big part... When’s the last time you made the best of a bad situation? Hm, I dunno. If you watch Parks and Recreation, who is your favorite character? N/A Do you listen to Fall Out Boy? Yeah, they're great. Have you ever been skiing or snowboarding? No. Have you ever forged a note for something at school? No. Are you a YouTube addict? Oh, for sure. I'm always on there. Have you ever found a four leaf clover? Many, actually! It's funny, at our old place, the day my father abandoned my family, I found an actual PATCH of four-leaf clovers right outside. I doubt it meant anything, but it was still cool. From that year on, that spot always had lots of four-leaf ones. Are you good at lighting fires? I wouldn't know. I'm scared to. Name someone who is an excellent listener? Sara. <3 Would you mind living to 100 years old if you were in semi-decent health? Define "semi-decent." If I could still care for myself fine, then sure, I guess? 100 still seems pretty... bold for me, though. How did your parents meet one another? They were co-workers. When's the last time you got heartburn? What do you think caused it? I haven't had it in a while because I have to take a prescription antacid. It's embarrassing to admit, but it's because of my weight; chronic heartburn is common for people of my size. I know for sure that it's the culprit in my case, because when I lost a load of weight? It went away and stayed gone until I started gaining weight back. What's your favorite red fruit? Strawberriessss. Do you enjoy sour candies? If so, which ones? omfg yesssss. Give me like ANY sour candy. Would you want a chance to visit Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory? Ha, it's funny, the first thing that came to mind was hell yeah, so long as I could bring my camera. Can you imagine the photographs? Goddamn right I'd try some candy too, but I'm more interested in the art of it all, really. What is one quirk about each of your parents that you can't stand? Dad is easy: he repeats the FUCK out of himself. Like oh my god. He will cycle a conversation by saying the same exact thing so, so many times. As for Mom... I don't know about a quirk that I can't stand. Have you ever suffered from amnesia before? After I awoke from fainting and receiving a concussion, I did briefly. Like I couldn't remember what happened and was just crying, but it came back to me with time. Do you live with roommates? I live with my mother. Does your body feel older than it actually is? My body feels ancient. Were you always picked last in gym class? I wouldn't say last, but I wasn't a first pick, for sure. Has someone close to you ever passed away from cancer? Pets have. My grandmother died of pancreatic cancer, but we were never close, I'd say. Which form of martial arts would you be most interested in trying? Ngl, I don't know almost any names and what moves they entail. Which type of shoe dominates your wardrobe? Converse. The last time you were high, what was it off of? Never been high. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are you waiting for something to arrive in the mail? No. Could you date someone who didn’t drive (and didn’t show an interest in ever getting their license, either)? If they had no interest in getting one, I don't think I could. How would you react if your artwork became famous? Cry. A lot. But in a wonderful way. Have you ever seen an alligator in person? Yeah. I love those lil 'ole dinos. Most instances were at the zoo, but I actually very clearly remember seeing one in a watery ditch following Hurricane Floyd when the local zoo was destroyed. The alligators got out. What does the inside of your shower look like? It's a... normal tub/shower? What primary color is your Christmas tree? It's always green. When I have my own place, I reeeaaaally want a black one with faux snowy tips, white garland, and red ornaments. What is the stupidest thing you’ve done to a friend’s pet? Nothing? Have you ever seen a snake in the road? I have. Have you ever been to the Kentucky Derby? No. Have you ever heard a wolf howl? Not in person, no. When in a race, do you usually win? Ya girl doesn't race. I don't remember if I did any as a kid. Do you get sleepy when you ride in the car? Yes. How is your credit rating? I don't have one. Do you know anyone who lives in Hawaii? Yeah, a cousin of mine. What was the last phone conversation you had about? I was giving someone permission to talk to my mother about some financial stuff. How spicy do you like your food? Spicy, but not as hot as I used to enjoy. I've come to a point where I want to focus more on enjoying the food than the adrenaline of fighting the heat of what I'm eating. When was the last time you were in a very good mood? Two days ago when my boyfriend came over and we were watching some shows together. Who is at your house right now? Just Mom and me. Have you faced any of your fears lately? I mean, it's nothing major at all, but signing myself in and out of doctor appointments gives me anxiety. My mom used to do it for me, but I've been doing it for awhile now. Have you slept next to the last person you kissed? No. We both needed a nap the other day, but we've agreed sleeping together while my nightmares are being figured out is a very bad idea in case I lash out in my sleep and hurt him because I would fucking sob. Has your father met the boy you currently love? Yeah. But not everyone loves boys, you know. Are you closer with your siblings or cousins? Siblings. I barely ever see my cousins because my extended family doesn't live in NC. How many people have you really fell for? Three. Last thing to make you smile? Some stupid meme on Facebook lol. Does the person you like, like you too? Ye! Next event you’ll wear a dress to: Idk. Is there someone in your past you thought you’d never get over, and then did? Believe this shit or not... I haven't been thinking of Jason as much lately. I VERY much doubt I'll ever be totally over him, but I'm very much focused on and into my current boyfriend. How many arguments have you had with the last person you dated? We've actually never argued. Your girlfriend/boyfriend buys you flowers, you say? With our sense of humor, I'd probably say some shit like, "You killed them for me?" in an adoring voice, ha ha. Describe your life in one word? Dull. Did the last person you kiss have a tattoo? No, but he wants a sleeve tattoo AND I AM SO FUCKING FOR IT Were you intoxicated the last time you threw up? Nope.

[jihoonslattee]

Dance - Park Jihoon

Idea: 3 Years Younger! Reader X Sunbae! Jihoon

Summary: You and Jihoon had been close since you both were little but since you both had started to go to the same high school, things have gotten a little messy. Needless to say you both started acting in ways that screamed jealousy. 

Author’s Note:  WOW ITS BEEN FOREVER SINCE IVE WRITTEN (i have tests every week wow i hate school) I’m so sorry if this isn’t really what you wanted, I wasn’t sure how to write this bc I’m doing it from Jihoon being international age (18) which would make the character 15 so i made it super cute and not really angst? also bc i’m not good with writing angst IM SRRY ILY

Recent A/N: OH GOD IM READING THIS OVER AND I THINK ITS SUPER BAD SO IM SORRY TO WHOEVER REQUESTED THIS (also if this does not have the keep reading bar on mobile i am sorry rip the mobile ppl bc i made this really long FHDJSKFHK 

~~~~~~~

“oh Y/N look it’s Jihoon!”

you classmate almost yelled as you went towards the window of classroom. You saw park Jihoon walking into the school with his two friends and you couldn’t help but think about how handsome he was

Jihoon was almost like the school’s star, almost bc Kang Daniel was the school’s star. 

but nonetheless it didn’t matter bc you has a huge crush on him 

emphasize on the word crush because there were tons of other girls who liked him as well. 

the only problem you had...was well 

yall were three years apart. 

so like 

you were pretty sure that even if you had the chance to date him his army of fangirls will hunt you down and take you down like nothing mattered anymore. 

which was dance (along with all his other cute friends but you only focus on jihoon)

you two often got paired up since you were on the same level in a sense. So you got to know him well and you would say hi to each other in the halls, have small conversations, and other stuff. 

so every single day your crush on Jihoon kept growing and you’re friend knew this, always and I mean ALWAYS telling you where Jihoon was, expecting you to go say hi to him yourself 

like one time she told you that jihoon was outside playing basketball with Guanlin and you were like 

“How did you find that out that’s literally all the way on the other side of the school.”

but anyways going back to present time 

while you were watching him walk into the school, his head turned towards your classroom and you could’ve sworn that you two had eye contact for a couple of seconds 

the only reason why you couldn’t really tell was because you looked away almost immediately.

but after that your day went by slowly, you didn’t really see Jihoon anywhere and you friend decided to get checked out early bc she wanted to attend a company audition. 

so you were eating lunch alone at your usual spot when you see Jihoon walking towards your direction. 

alone 

so you go in to full out panic mode

you start SHOVING the food down your throat and manage to finish your lunch. You literally throw the food into your backpack and start to get up when you hear you name being called. 

“Y/N! Wait up!” 

your mind is instantly like “be chill y/n he’s just probably here to talk to you.” but then your mind is like “wait how does he know my lunch spot.” 

so you turn around and give him a slight smile 

“whats up?” 

“I need to ask a favor for you.” 

So you just nod and you both sit down on the bench. 

“So my friend and I are going to enter the school talent show. And we need two girls and I was wondering if you would be one of them?”

your mouth almost drops in surprise, which makes jihoon laugh a little 

“are you sure you want me to be apart of your group?”

“Yeah of course! You’re such a great dancer who wouldn’t want you to be in their group.”

So instantly from that comment you agree! One bc it seems like it’ll be a great way to get closer to jihoon and also you’ll be able to show others your talent! 

time skipp

so its been a week and a half and you and Jihoon have gotten super close! Not like best friends but more like close friends

and the other girl you were dancing with seems super nice too. She was super nice to your and also seemed close with the other two guys 

she also did know of your crush on jihoon (quote on quote she said it was obvious) 

but anyways 

you were on your way to the practice room when Jihoon stopped you in your tracks. 

“Y/N wait up! Let’s go to the cafe first, we’re gonna meet the other two there before we go practice.”

you kind of give him a weird look and he’s just like 

“I-It’s like a little treat today! Come on let’s go!” 

so you both arrive at the cafe and are sitting there with your drinks 

“Hmm it’s been a hot minute Jihoon I don’t see them coming anytime soon.”

“y/n it’s only been like five minutes.”

and you just kind of awkwardly laugh it off while sipping on your drink. 

“so anyways, do you know what you’re going to do for the solo dance project for class?”

jihoon casually asks while giving you a look that you can’t really describe, maybe lie anticipation?”

“i’m not sure i’ve been focusing on our dance that I haven’t really thought about it yet.”

“Me either, maybe we would meet up sometimes and hang out while also doing our dances?”

“yea-”

“why don’t we all hang out and do it then!”

you both instantly look up and see the other girl (lets call her jane) standing in front of your table, she sits down and gives you both a smile. 

“Woojin and I are both in your class, why don’t we all work on the project together!” 

you instantly nod bc one they are your upperclassmen so you can’t really deny. 

“Great! Anyways. Jihoon, the Chemistry teacher called us and a couple of other people to talk about the test we recently took, seems like we both got a bad score.” 

This obviously sends Jihoon into panic bc as from what he’s told you before, he hates getting bad grades. 

“Oh alright, i guess we can practice another day then. Get home safely Y/N!” 

they both walk away and you eventually go home. 

The next day was a little weird. 

you didn’t see jihoon anywhere. and even if you did he wouldn’t even glance at you. 

so while you’re eating your lunch (your friend decided to audition again bc why not) Jane comes up to you. 

“Hey Y/N I’ve got some bad news.” 

She gives you the most disappointed look ever 

“Since we got bad scores from the test yestreday, Jihoon decided that he didn’t want to do the talent show anymore since he needs to study. I hope you can understand.” 

she apologetically rubs your shoulder and you just nod. 

“yeah I get what you mean. Maybe i’ll ask him about it later.” 

she just gives you another smile and nods as she stands up

“Yeah for sure! i’m sure he would feel better about it if you talked to him. Anyways, I’ll see you later!” 

she walks away and you decide to go comfort Jihoon. 

you catch him walking alone in one of the hallways

“Jihoon!” 

he kind of stop in his tracks as you rush to catch up with him. 

“I heard about-”

“I don’t really wanna talk to you right now Y/N” 

you kind of give him a “wtf” look and decide to pry 

“um why not? I didn’t do anything”

he kind of gives a sigh and turns towards you

“You have been annoying me lately.” 

“Uh says the person who literally asked me if we could practice and hang out together just yesterday. Now whats up.”

“I was thinking about yesterday and you were doing some of my pet peeves, so I kind of want to be left alone for now.” 

you scoffed 

“seriously? We’ve been friends for a while now and you decide to let me get on your nerves now? After I actually decide I like you a lot?”

Jihoon’s eyes get wide and your mind is instantly in panic mode like 

“oh shit girl you done fucked up”

SO NOW you are like 

“haha well look at the time you asked me to leave you alone and now here i am, leaving you alone.” 

you start quickly running off but you don’t even hear jihoon call towards you so you just start walking at a normal pace when you feel someone grab your wrist strongly 

“Do you have-”

you turn around and you were initially prepared to fight whoever grabbed your wrist but it was jihoon, giving you the most dorkiest smile ever 

“You like me?” 

“Uh, not processing sorry” 

“Be real, you like me?” 

you legit just wanted to pretend that you just said it out of anger but hey, why not get it over with now?

“Yes I do, but you are literally 3 years older than me.”

“What would you say if i liked you back?”

you just gave him a look. A minute later you burst into laughter. 

“HAHA I love jokes but yeah let’s pretend this didn’t happen and I’ll go back to leaving you alone.”

you take your wrist out (or at least try to) but it doesn’t work as jihoon just pulls you into a hug.  

“For someone who said I was getting on their nerves you are bring pretty friendly rn” 

He laughs and your heart starts racing. “NO” your mind is screaming bc he literally was bad at your one second ago and now he’s hugging you. 

“why are you literally like hot and cold water.”

“i seriously like you too y/n”

you push away from him 

“i don’t know, i think ppl will give me weird looks. And your army of fangirls will ruin my life.”

“i mean if you’re that concerned we don’t have to date now. We can just be a thing until you are okay with putting a name on our relationship.” 

you just look at him and blink at him for a few times. 

“I-I mean if y-you’re comfortable with that.” 

he chuckles and nods his head. 

“Well since we’re a thing now, lemme do this real quick.” 

he comes a little closer and he starts leaning in

atm your heart is beating so fast that you are preparing to run away to calm your heart. 

but 

Jihoon smiles and just goes up to kiss your forehead 

“You’re so cute Y/N” 

your face turns BRIGHT red and you just hit him a little 

“ANYWAYS why were you peeved off with me anyways.” 

“o-oh, well I was told something. i was told that you were only dancing with us to impress someone else.” 

you just kind of laughed it off and sat down at the nearby bench 

“Funny enough I’m guessing it’s jane.” 

he kind of looked at you in surprise and cleared his throat 

“y-yeah, how did you know?” 

“welll she told me that you wanted to stop doing the dance because you wanted to focus on your grades.” 

he laughed a little while taking a seat at the near by bench. 

“I should’ve known she would’ve been like that.”

you kind of just gave him a like “alright jihoon i have no idea what context you are using but alright.” so he replies

“She confessed to me before and i told her that i liked someone else and i guess she assumed it was you when you joined out dance group, which she was right on.”

you turned a little red again and you just turn around. 

“gosh dang it jihoon, hurry and go before i melt.” 

he just laughs and gets off the bench before turning you around and giving you a slight hug 

“i’ll talk to you later Y/N.”

after he walks away you just kind of sit there on the bench, not processing what had just happened. but soon after you received a text.

from jihoon

“Maybe instead of a group dance we should do a dance with just us~” 

you laughed and just sent a response back 

“nope, i wouldn’t want to let woojin down.” 

so there you have it, you somehow are now a thing with jihoon 

lets just hope his fangirls won’t find out anytime soon

end! thank you for reading! i am super apologetic to the requester, i did not mean to take this long 

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU

New to the AU? Start here!

Chapter 38: Plastic Taste by Joji 

It’s February and you know what that means! Ita turns 23 and it’s the 7th year anniversary of when Tenya first met Ita. And the first Valentines Day as a couple... Ita isn’t freaking out, but Tenya is.

“Have you figured out where to go on her birthday?” asked Tensei to his very distraught brother “it’s the 2nd.”

“I have a plan and I’m not sure if I’ll succeed” Tenya chopped stressfully “I’m going to do the memory lane trip on her birthday and instead of cake, I make the cookies she made for the class when we met. But”

“But what?” Tensei raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t bake so I’m not sure if I’ll do a great job at making them AND for the 14th, I made that reservation for the dumpling house she’s had her eye on since it opened” Tenya rubbed his temples “but I don’t have a plan for that, no present, no back up plan, nothing! Just the dumpling house after work and go home to see what happens.”

“So this isn’t proposal time?” Tensei asked innocently “I really thought this was the time, I was going to get a suit custom made for the occasion.”

“Why is everyone telling me to marry her, it’s too soon!” Tenya groaned “being her boyfriend was already a stretch when I asked.”

The days pass and it’s her birthday! She woke up a little hungover from the night before having her usual day-before-actual-day celebrating with Mimi, Jin and others in her friend group.

“Wake up, it’s your birthday Mom!” blared Muffin 2.0 “you’re 23 years old now and in great health. Tenya has a message for you.”

“He couldn’t just-” I turned to see that I wasn’t in my bed, I teleported myself into my day-bed in the office, fully in my party outfit and make up “alright, off to an awesome start to 23 Ita! Trashed in the wrong bed and Tenya is probably going to chop lecture me later.” I sigh as the robo hands me a hand written note.

Beloved,

Get washed and ready for a walk where we first held hands and our love story began. I’ll be waiting for you down stairs.

-Tenya

I quickly get ready for whatever his note meant, it was exciting to do something that isn’t cake related.

“Ready love?” Tenya asked as he heard me teleport down stairs “you look so lovely! I did say pink is your color” he hugged her tight “Happy birthday.” 

“Thanks!” I got giddy “where are we going?!”

“You’ll see, lets go in my car” 

We get in the car and drive all the way to the downtown area near UA. I gasp as I recognized where we were.

“Oh shit it’s the old stomping grounds!” I exclaimed “I haven’t been here in years!”

“I thought a little day trip here might be suiting, it is where I first met you” he said as he parked “I guess it’s also our first meeting anniversary, it’s a very important day for us.” He opens the door for her “remember when I first held your hand?”

“Of course, I couldn’t catch up when we went to the cafe” I get those warm fuzzies of that day “I didn’t think much of it because back home my friends would do the same” I start giggling “but then I felt the sweat on your hand and figured it was probably the first time you held hands with somebody.”

“Oh that’s embarrassing” he turned red as they walked hand in hand down the same street they took that day “I thought it wasn’t noticeable” he tightened his grip slightly “can you believe that day I set out with the idea that I was going to confess to you to dismiss my crush on you if you didn’t feel the same.”

“Were you hoping I’d say no?”

“I hoped you’d give me a chance because I was still sorting out my feelings about you” he sighed at the thought “I really didn’t know if it was just a phase or if I was just attached to you because you were new and alone and needed someone to protect you.”

“Well your meddling in that 1st term didn’t help me either” I huffed “my poor little heart caught feelings and it wasn’t fair!”

“Why? I was trying to help you.”

“I know but I tend to love too easily when I was younger” I turned red “I was crushing on you but absolutely refused to say anything about it. Because I didn’t want you to stop what you were doing” I turned to make eye contact “I wanted so badly for you to say that you had feelings for me because I felt all those looks, alone time, hand holding, hugs, hand kisses and promises had to mean something if you only do them with me.”

“They did, it meant I was a coward with a big dumb crush on you and hoped maybe if I hug you a little longer or hold your hand enough times, I’d get the courage to kiss you” he stopped “oh look we’re at our first stop.”

“Huh? OH ITS THE CAFE?!” I was stunned “where we had our first ‘date’?”

“Heh, yeah” he didn’t want to admit that he also called it that “and to this day, I still don’t like coffee.” They get seated in the semi busy cafe and order, he looks at her gandering at the unchanged environment “I think I get it now.”

“Hm? Get what now?” I was pulled back into conversation.

“That love isn’t about just liking the person and spending time with them” he held his hand out for hers “it’s being vulnerable and trusting that person, it’s helping them through rough times, it’s communicating freely and it’s thinking about them when you’re apart.” he smiled when she put her hand in his “that was the missing piece in my understanding on how I should go about expressing my feelings to you. But you’ve shown me love this whole time, thank you for being so patient with me.”

“Wow, it took you 7 years to figure it out huh?” the order came as she said that “I really thought the slow dance kiss was going to do it” she stopped to take a sip of her drink “but instead I wrote you off as on the homosexual scale.”

“Wait, what” he had to pause to process what she said “you thought I was homosexual for a while?!”

“Yeah, I didn’t have another reason on why you acted the way you did” I explained “plus with all that time you spent with Midoriya I thought you had a crush on him.”

He laughed “I see how you’d think that but I was just too nervous to connect the kiss” he sipped his drink “and I really wish I remembered that after party.”

“Oh you kept saying you love me, cried, tried to kiss me, threw up, cried again.”

“I did all that?”

“Yeah but as much as I wanted to kiss you and believe you loved me, I knew it was wrong for me to kiss you when you were drunk” I sighed “every time you got drunk, you’d tell me the same thing and try to kiss me but I wished you’d say it when we were sober.”

“I guess you did the right thing” he remembered the day she left on mission “remember that kiss you gave me before you left for a mission in 2nd year?”

“Yeah?”

“If you had feelings for me, why didn’t you confess that day?”

“I wanted a reason to win and come back, I didn’t want my last memory of you to be a confession” tears welled in my eyes “I kissed you on the cheek to give you a pleasant memory of me in case I didn’t come back, the idea terrified me but I wanted to come back to have a chance at having this.”

“Even if it took us this long, I’m so happy you’ve conquered your fears because of the love you had for me” he comforted her “you inspire me to do the same.”

“Ay pues I’m gonna cry Tenya” I yelp as I try not to cry “it’s always when we’re in public too!”

We stay a while longer and while Tenya insisted on paying, I pulled a pro-gamer move and payed for everyone else’s tabs. I do things to spite others, not to make myself a better person necessarily. The rest of the day was spent around that area, in the shops, remembering certain things, getting recognized and passing by the school gates. It was late in the afternoon when we headed home, Tenya had one last surprise.

“Okay sit here and close your eyes” Tenya instructed her to sit at the table “no peeking!”

“Alright! I’ll keep them shut” the sound of his speedy feet made me laugh “I swear if it’s cake, I’m going to McFreakin lose it.”

“I don’t know what that is but you won’t be doing it today” he said as he was scrambling to set up his surprise “okay, open them.”

I open my eyes and it was a colorful napkin with a homemade cookie on top of it “You didn’t! Tenya~” I started to breakdown “it’s just like the one I gave to the class! Napkin and everything!”

“Today is very special to me and since it’s the first one as a couple” he sat in the chair next to me “I thought recreating the cookies would be fitting, because if you didn’t pass them out, I wouldn’t have had an excuse to talk to you that day” he wiped her tears “the day I met my soulmate.”

“You also made me cry that day” I laughed “but these are happy tears” I kissed him “thank you love, let see if you nailed the taste too” I split it in half and it was mushy-soft and the texture was a little moister than what a cookie should be “texture is...something BUT the flavor isn’t bad! It’s pretty close actually.”

“I remembered it was a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie with some spice, so I followed a basic recipe for chocolate chip cookies and added cooked oatmeal and cinnamon” he felt proud of himself as he explained “I feel like I did a pretty good job for my first time baking.”

“WAIT HOL UP BABE” the jazz music in my head stopped “did you say you added COOKED oatmeal to this?” I watch him nod his head confidently and almost didn’t have the heart to roast his ass, but I did, gently “that would explain the mushy texture, you don’t cook the oatmeal before adding it to baked goods.”

I can’t describe the face journey he went through when I broke the news, other than beet red embarrassment “I was so sure that’s what you do! Then how do you make yours?”

“I do the basic chocolate chip recipe, then add a packet of those instant oatmeal breakfasts that had cinnamon, nutmeg and brown sugar” I sniffed the other half of the cookie “then chill the dough for 20 mins in the freezer before baking them to insure even baking” I catch him make his iconic thinking face “BUT you did get one ingredient right.”

“The chocolate chips?”

“What, yeah, but I mean the other key ingredient” I giggled at his answer “you made this with just as much love as I make them.”

“That I did” he smiles and takes a bite of the half I left on the napkin “oh wow that’s mushy, how are you stomaching this?”

“You made it, I want to eat what my man cooks me!”

“Even if it’s 20+ more of these mushy cookies that I put in a Tupperware that smells like salsa?”

I felt my soul temporarily leave my body at that sentence “You did what now?” he shows me his shame in a salsa scented Tupperware “I’ll eat these if you help me eat them.”

“That’s a fair compromise.”    

“AN IDEA! Lets watch something on the couch in sweatpants!” before he had a say, I teleported to the room to quickly change into my sweat pants and black band tee and teleport back “I’m ready!”

“I will never figure out how you get undressed and dressed in under 5 seconds” he sighed lovingly “I’ll go change into mine while you choose something.”

When he comes back, I had a show picked out but I was a bit hesitant to suggest it because Shinso never wanted to watch it with me because it’s an American cartoon.

“Okay so how do you feel about watching Steven Universe with me?”

“What’s the show about?” He asked curiously as he looked at the season 1 poster of the show on the screen “I’ve never heard of it.”

I explain the gist of the show “...I’ve seen all 4 seasons but they’re coming out with a movie this year and I want to re-watch the show to get me by before the Japan release.”

“I’d like to watch this if you say it’s a good show.”

I was surprised he willingly wanted to watch it with me. We get through the whole 1st season, then I pause and turn to him “Okay, who’s your favorite character?!”

“I relate with Garnet but I really like Pearl and her dynamic with Steven” he gets into it “also the themes are really good! And the music is amazing.”

“UGH YOU HAVE NO IDEA! Amethyst is my sprit gem and I love Be Wherever You Are so much that I learned it on the Ukulele” I try to tone myself down a bit “it gets much more heavy in season 3.”

“We should watch this when we have our days off together” he looks at me “is it weird that I’ve never watched cartoons as a child? But I look at you enjoy them and I feel like a missed out on a big part of growing up.”

“We should have this as our binge show” I check the time, it’s almost 9pm “wanna take this upstairs?”

“It’s a bit late and don’t you have-” he started to say that we should be going to bed but stops and feels me run my hand over the outline of his crotch “Oh you mean that, then yes please.”

It was definitely one of the better birthdays in the books, the only thing that went wrong were the cookies. The days following were busy and bustling with high stress situations in their work-places that Valentines day seemed like a much needed wind-down.

“Okay I trust everything will run smoothly when I head out” I say before I leave early for the day, per Jin and Mimi’s orders “do I need to re-”

“LEAVE!” Jin huffed as he pushed her toward the door out of her office “you got your purse, coat and the quarterly reports. Go home before I floor portal you home!”

“Please for the love of God stop thinking about work baby girl” Mimi pleaded “you’re getting headaches and you know what happens when you push it! Plus you need to get ready for your date, who knows, maybe tonight is the night~”

“Okay, okay! I’ll leave” I gave in and headed out “see y’all later.” I make the drive home and the sky looked cloudier than the morning. I get home and text Tenya that I got home.

“Welcome home Mom!” yipped Muffin 2.0 “reminder of your event later tonight, it’s 3 hours before start time.”

“Thank you Muffin” I booped the robo’s nose “can you please tell me tonight’s forecast?”

“It’s cloudy with a high of 78 and a low of 69, chance of rain is at 40%.”

“Hehehe, low 69″ I giggle to myself “guess I should wear the faux mink coat in that case.” I take my time to get ready, Tenya gets home and does the same.

“I hope you worked up an appetite because we’re going to dinner at someplace a little birdie told me you’ve had your eye on for months.” Tenya teased as he drove us to dinner.

“Tokoyami is a narc as bitch” I harshly said “can’t keep anything to himself!”

“What? No silly! I asked Muffin 2.0 what was on your pinned list and they said this dumpling house in little China town has been on your list for a while.”

My face lit up “NO WAY! You got a reservation?!”

“Yup, I wanted to make sure today was perfect” he pulled into valet parking “it’s just going to be me and you, celebrating our love.” We get to the place half an hour before our reservation but ran into a problem.

“I do apologize sir but we can’t give you the promised reservation” nervously peeped the front door man.

“Why not? We’re early to our reservation.” Tenya checked his watch as he said that to make sure they were early.

“I understand that but we had 2 private parties last minute rent out our reservations side” the front man deeply bowed “they claim to want the privacy, we can fit you in another night-”

“I don’t want another night, I wanted tonight” Tenya was losing his temper a bit.

“It’s okay Tenya” I softly said to de-escalate the situation “we can just go somewhere else.”

“No I’ll take care of this, here I’ll hold your coat” he turned to get my coat and turned back to argue with the front man “I’d like to talk to your manager.”

I knew that if I spoke up and did the whole ‘do you know who I am?!’ gig, the media will take hold of it and make me look like the bad guy. I didn’t want to listen to the pointless arguing and I looked out the window of the place, across the street was a street vendor that was selling steamed buns and other steamed food. My stomach was lurching for any type of food and I knew that we just weren’t going to get seated tonight.

“Hey I’m going for a little walk outside.”

“Okay don’t go too far.”

I teleport across the street and walk up to the vendor’s cart “Hi, couldn’t help and see that you’re selling steamed buns!”

The vendor looked at me and started to get nervous “Yes I am! I have pork with salted duck egg, shredded bbq pork and seafood” they were fidgeting with their tongs “what can I get you?”

“Can I have the seafood one? I’ve never had a seafood steamed bun.”

“Here, on the house” they handed me the bun in a wax paper sleeve “may I say, you’re quite gorgeous. Where did you get that decorative hair comb?”

“Oh thank you! You’re so kind and I got this hair comb when I was visiting a friend in Shibuya a few months ago” I took a bite of the steamed bun and loved the taste.

“It’s a beautiful piece! It’s something my wife would like” they sighed “we just had a baby and our anniversary is coming up but we have neither the time nor money to do anything nice. Everything is for our baby.”

That stirred me the right way because I was about to make this person’s whole career with this pro-gamer move “Hmm, this is quite the bun, how much is it for a bun?”

“I can’t take money from a pretty lady, but they’re 400 yen each” they gestured to their other items “sesame balls are 3 for 200 yen and strawberry dango are 250 yen.”

“Oh in that case” I open my clutch “I’d like to buy your entire stock please.”

“Okay I’ll- wait, excuse me!” they were in disbelief “why? I said I wo-”

“I know, but it’s getting late and you should be getting home to your wife and child” I smiled warmly “I know I’d want my partner to be home with me on Valentines day and you seem like you want to be home with them.”

They teared up “Right away Miss!” they got the biggest bags they had on them to fill them up with buns and the other stuff. “That’ll be...31,000 yen” they cringed a little when they said that.

“Here, keep the change” I hand them a 100,000 yen bill.

“Oh, I’m so-” they started to cry “thank you kind lady! Your heart is pure and your beauty radiates from the the inside out.”

“Oh before I go” I take the hair comb out of my hair, causing all of my hair to fall and drape over my shoulders “here, your wife might appreciate this more than I do” I pick up the 4 bags of food “bye bye! Have a safe trip home and happy Valentines Day!”

“Good Bye kind stranger! I will!”

I teleport back across the street and see Tenya still arguing with the manager but now more people that had reservations joined the back and forth. I felt the first sprinkling of rain on my shoulder, and with my coat still in Tenya’s hand, I had to find another way to stay dry. I remembered there’s a corner store just down the street, maybe I’ll get lucky and find an umbrella. I teleport there and just my luck, theres a robbery in progress.

“You came in at the wrong time Miss!” growled the robber as he cocked his gun at the cashier “move and the cashier gets it!”

“Okay” I said as I smiled innocently. I used my telekinesis to empty his gun cartridge and pry the gun out of his hand. “Oh dang who’s doing that?!”

“Some weird shit is going on here!” the robber yelped as I pistol whipped him “Fuck this! I don’t want to know who’s doing this!” he ran out and I dropped the gun.

“Oh wow, you okay?” I asked the cashier.

“I’m fine just- HOLY SHIT YOU’RE THAT CEO!” he was starstruck as he shakily pointed to a magazine rack behind me “I’m a HUGE fan of your business model! I didn’t go to school to study business or anything but you care for the well-being of the displaced in the hero world.”

I look at what he was pointing and it was the cover of Business Insider Japan I did back in October “Oh dang, I remember that photoshoot and interview” I turn to the cashier “well it’s never too late to go to college and study if you have an interest in business.”

“I don’t have the money to go to a big fancy school like you did.”

“I went to Waseda Uni after a short break to work after high school” I smiled warmly as their self-doubt reminded me of myself “nothing fancy but lots of hard work and dedication to achieve my goal to start a security companion company. Though I got lucky in the industry, learning about the ins and outs was eye opening in college. So I say, give it a go and feed your curiosity!”

“I think I will now” they smiled “Oh! what can I help you with?”

“Right! Um do you have any umbrellas? I’ve been caught without one”

“Yes we do! And if I may interest you” they pull out a can from a display fridge behind them “we’re promoting this canned Ingenium endorsed orange juice.”

I start laughing “Oh fuck it’s real?!” I picked up the can to see the iconic chop stance in the hero uniform “I’ll take 12! I HAVE to roast him on this later.”

“So it’s true that you and him are dating? None of the news and gossip columns can conclude if that’s true or not.”

“It’s true, we were best friends in high school” I tapped on the can “that bitch drinks these things like it was his fuel! I didn’t get into it like him but I’d drink the ones he got me because I had a big dumb crush on him and I wanted him to like me.”

“That’s the cutest shit I’ve ever heard” he fawned over my little story as he bagged the cans “your total is 1,055 yen.”

I paid for my items and teleported back to the restaurant just in time to see Tenya walking out frustrated. I open the umbrella and walked up to him.

“I’m sorry baby, I couldn’t get a table for us” he sighed in defeat “and all the other places are packed. I didn’t want this to happen and I don’t have a back up plan” he looked into my eyes “would you hate me if we just go home? I know you’re hungry.”

“I’m fine with that” I hold up my bags “I bought food! So we don’t have to cook or go anywhere else!” I got a slight shiver “can you put my coat on me? I’m cold.”

“Yes! Let me hold those bags” We head home and he opened the bags “that’s a lot of meat buns.”

“Yeah but I was planning to warp some to Mimi and Jin” I check the time, it’s almost 8pm “they should be home now.” I separate the food evenly so we’d have enough for us and a bagful of food for the other 2. 

Tenya loosens up his tie as he slumps in defeat on the couch to eat “Sorry I ruined your night” he put his hand on her face to cradle it “I wanted everything to be perfect for our 1st valentines day as a couple.”

“What else did you have planned?” I asked curiously, resting my face in his hand.

“To be honest, just the restaurant and maybe a long drive somewhere” he sighed and lovingly looked into her eyes “I know you always say to have a back up plan but I was just hoping everything worked out.”

“Oh it was none of our faults” I smiled “today was just weird.”

“But I wanted to do something that you deserved!” he protested “you deserve everything you desire and more, if I could, I’d give you the world and explore it with you.”

“That’s sweet of you but” I put my hand on his head “I don’t want the world, I don’t care for fancy dinners or lavish gifts. I want to matter to somebody and have the simple things in life, the things money can’t buy.” I push his hair back “we could have one dollar to our name and I’d still love you because you make me feel like I matter with every hand hold, every look and every attempt to understand me and my strange habits” I levitate his glasses off “the way you hold me as I drift to sleep, the butterflies I get every time you bring me close for a kiss, the tender touches when we make love” I lean in closer, softening my voice as I get closer “the way you’re considerate of me, the time you set aside for me when it’s been a long day and best of all, when you want to do the things I want to do because they genuinely interest you.”

With her basically on top of him, Tenya brings her in closer “Darling, if I’d known that’s all it took, I would’ve done things differently” he sighed as she put her arms around his neck “but I’m still learning to be a good partner to you, I feel like I have a long way to go and I’m going to be the best one.”

“I hope so” we connect for a kiss “hehe you taste like duck egg.”

“You taste like orange juice.”

We laugh and just spend our evening on the couch. Thoughts of the future popped in my head, thoughts I buried away because of the pain I went through but I wanted answered.

“Be honest with me” I say as I look out the window facing the backyard, watching the rain pour down “do you want to have children with me?”

“I do, I’ve been thinking about starting a family with you since we were in high school.”

“That’s fucking weird” I laughed and looked at him “why though?”

“I want the family you were raised in, one where you see your parents be loving to each other after so long and have the skills that’ll encourage you to do anything you want to” he smiled “I want to have a big family, celebrate birthdays, have family dinners, see them off to school, see them grow up to be a better person than me and full of love.” He paused a moment to think a little realistically “I know you lost one and nothing felt right after, but I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure that doesn’t happen again.”

“I didn’t know you put so much thought into it” it warmed my heart that he wanted to be part of my family “I’d like that, imagine the quirks they’d get?”

“They’d get double quirks for sure! I’m not sure what other quirks run in my family since everyone seems to have just engine of some sort” he started to fantasize all the possibilities “if your quirks makes you nearly invincible, and mine make me fast... does that mean one of our children will become the ultimate powerhouse of fast and invincible?”

“Who’s to stay it’s not all of them?” I get into the fantasy “but I’d love for the elemental quirks to show up or get telepathic quirks. I always thought those quirks were so cool growing up!”

Good conversation ended our night as the rain poured outside. Talking about the future that we’ll build together made me excited to start a family again. While the scar of past will never go away, his love certainly eases the pain. What will happen next in our story? I don’t know BUT now I feel as though I can overcome anything with him by my side.

-Chapter 38, End-

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[hogwarts-houses-as]

Studying Angels

AUTHORS NOTE: heyy. This is what ive written of the book so far. I hope you enjoy. Criticism is accepted but don’t be a dick. Oh and I’m in slytherin btw- Sara

Tw: social anxiety, depersonalisation and mild swearing

Amy’s notes- oh, not bad at all! I’ll give you 15 points for it, bringing slytherin up to 761

It’s seems stupid to think that we know everything. Geniuses are only seen as superior because they have the confidence to say what people really think and fools aren’t taken seriously because they screwed up one situation and they’ve never been able to dig out of the humiliation. And we call this ‘normal.’ We occupy 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000003% of the known universe (not counting parallel/outer universes) and we oh-so humbly named ourselves “Wise man.” Absolutely insane.

Chapter 1 I can strongly assure you that I dislike isolation. I can also assure you that the prospect of fucking up an interaction with another human being terrifies me even more. That’s the reason that the only people I’ve spoken to in 18 days are my professors and Siri. Social phobia is a dreadful thing. Now, a thing that I’ve learned recently is that a book makes a perfect shield for any extroverts that may want to approach but it isn’t always 100% affective – after all, what is? “Good afternoon ma'am. Do you mind if I sit with you? It’s just that every other place is taken.” Piped up an innocently seeming peer at Cambridge University (or as I like to call them 'victims of level 7 of hell’). She almost seemed too normal but I just put it down to the fact that my brain was completely fucked 98% of the time. She was incredibly pale but had a certain radiance that made her look more human. The gorgeously freckled kind of pale. Light auburn hair streamed just past her shoulders while dazzling azure eyes shone softly against the punkish attire she sported. Ripped jeans, a baggy black t-shirt, heavy-duty doc martens and a plaid shirt thrown over her shoulders. Meanwhile, I looked like a gender-warped David Mitchell. Nerdy and awkward with the sex appeal of the average road accident. “So,” She started, somehow pulling me from my book as she sipped her latte, “What are you studying here?” “Sociology. Because I like finding out exactly how screwed humanity is.” I replied reluctantly. She laughed. She laughed at my sarcasm and not being absolutely horrified at it. Interaction isn’t that bad. Or it could be just her. Screw it. “Same.” She said through giggles, “So are most of my roommates -the absolute nightmares. The block of dorms I’m in are under repair so, me and 12 other lunatics are all crashing on the same sofa which isn’t exactly the best of experiences. At least it’s free though.” I smiled at her dry humour. A thought sprang to mind. No, I’m completely forgetting myself. Is that a terrible thing? Well, it’s too forward… you know what? Fuck the anxiety. “Well, if you like, you could maybe chill at my place.” I never wish to say that phrase ever again in this life or the next, “The college gave me no roommates for, uh, reasons,” Wow. Good job I totally don’t sound suspicious, “Therefore I’ve got a spare bedroom. Obviously, you don’t-” “That sounds lovely, actually.” Two fingers to you, anxiety. “If I could just get your number then I’ll be around as soon as possible. Oh, I’m Louise by the way.” She said, stretching out a hand. “I’m Sam,” I replied, at once shaking said hand, “T'was a pleasure doing business with you.” She chuckled with me. “You too. I’ll see ya then.” “See ya.” What the bloody hell is wrong with me? It’s as if I’m overcoming my psychological chemical imbalances. Holy shit I’m overcoming my psychological chemical imbalances.

Chapter 2 “Good morning.” She greeted through yawns, her hair scraped into a messy bun. She hadn’t come back last night until about 2am most probably because of some party that I wasn’t invited to. I’m not complaining because if I was mentally able enough to have a social life then I certainly wouldn’t invite an obstinate prick who is trapped in their own brain and hasn’t felt reality in 8 months. “'Morning. You slept well?” I asked as I tried to hide the fact I was downing the handful of pills that were needed to keep me sane. Key words here being 'kind of’ and 'attempting.’ “Yeah thanks.” Her gentle stare met mine and her face dropped. Oh god, “What are they?” She inquired, pointing at the packets upon packets in the metal case next to me. “Umm, they’re, um, they’re-” Come on brain, you can think up seventeen thousand ways a situation can go wrong but you can’t think of one excuse to what these pills are. “Anti-depressants, derealisation meds and 4 kinds of anxiety meds, Jesus Christ Sam!” She exclaimed rummaging through the case. “Look, it’s nothing, really. I just need… I just need to knock some systems into…into place. I’ve…I’ve got to go.” I scampered out of my dorm room. I fled…like an absolute coward. “You fucking coward, you twat, Sam.” I mumble to myself as I start pacing up and down the corridors because everything else is going downhill and everybody else thinks that I’m insane what’s the point in caring. Something grabs my arm. Oh god she thinks I’m pathetic. She could be one of them idiots who thinks that you can control mental health because it’s all in your head. The nice ones are always idiots. “Look, this connects so many dots an-” “Oh yeah, it makes so much sense that I’m clinically insane. Thanks.” Her face softens with an expression that I hadn’t seen in a long while. “It just explains why people stereotype you in such a way. They don’t understand what’s up. And I know we aren’t that close but, but I think I can help you.” I turned around, just feeling like a huge, overreacting oaf. “Thanks, Louise. I’m, uh, I’m sorry.” I said sheepishly. I’ve known her for a day and she already must deal with a chemically imbalanced nightmare “Don’t worry mate. Shit’ll be okay.” She assured with a smile. Well, I’m truly screwed now, aren’t I? Chapter 3 “Every stereotype is stupid unless the people or person that you are talking about has been proven to conform to that stereotype. But then that’s not a stereotype, it’s a fact.” Louise ranted as we strolled towards our sociology class. “Yeah. It’s one of those things that everybody thinks is normal even though it’s just a paradox wrapped in an enigma wrapped in generations of unneeded acceptance.” Wow. I don’t sound like a nerd at all, “I understand that the social contract theory has to be followed unless you wish to live like an animal without a society but I still don’t get why how you’re born should define what you should or need to do. It’s just utterly bizarre.“ I uttered as we set down our bags in our classroom. The room was surprisingly real. Almost too real to be real. I assumed that my DPDR was beginning to thrive again.

Now, you probably don’t know what DPDR is but I can assure you that you have most probably experienced it. It’s the constant feeling of unreality. A neurological limbo where you can’t tell if you’re conscious or not. An odd phase where dreams feel more like reality than reality and your brain starts flurrying with 'perhaps I’m already dead and this is what they meant when they said that your life flashes before your eyes’. You begin to forget what it’s like to be in the real world. You can’t remember what it’s like to properly focus on the bird chirping in the morning or tea seeping down your esophagus at 3am on a cold Saturday or soft carpet nuzzling against your feet when you finally get up in the morning or the delight of going to see a film with a close friend and laughing over the Scottish character who exclaims "oh my dear lord” at the site of explosions or the delightfully beautiful way the close friend laughed as their eyes lit up in a sense that settled you with a feeling that could only be described as 'you give me comfort in the best kind of way and I hope that we stay friends until we’re draped with suits in coffins’ …or even smiling because you want to rather than because your brain says that something is nice. It’s depressing to think that I may never be able to be in those moments ever again. Its brutally petrifying.

But I’ll stop rambling now.

As we started escaping to different universes (hers was the land of whatever music she listened to whereas mine was the harry potter universe) a plethora of seemingly drunk students came into the classroom in a way that could only be described as 'falling’.

“Did they actually come into class hammered?” I muttered disapprovingly to Louise.

“No,” She stammered with a chuckle, “They’re just the clumsy ones. The nerds.”

“They’re the nerds? Well, doesn’t that out me at an odd point in the Uni hierarchy.

"Who has a good place in any kind of hierarchy? The concept of a hierarchy was made by our society to make you feel that you will never be good enough.” She mumbled, scrolling through albums worth of my chemical romance’s discography.

“I’ve heard that 'mama’ is a pretty good song. And an opening line of 'mama we all go to hell’ says more about Gerard than any other words ever could.” I uttered as I lazily through my tatty book into my rucksack, only to resurface and find Louise staring at me with a confused but impressed look on her face. “What?”

“It’s just that you don’t look like the typical MCR fan.”

“What do I look like then? A stereotypical Dad who thinks that Lionel Richie is the king of the music industry?” I uttered through giggles as out sociology teacher (Mr Bennet) waltzed in.

“Good morning.” He greeted in his amazingly fed-up way, throwing down his bag. “Right as per usual, let’s get on with the debate. Anybody have a controversial subject that they’re afraid they have opinions on that are ever so slightly different to everybody else’s?” He asked like he was one more sleepless night away from a straight-jacket.

Now, I haven’t raised my hand in class since the social anxiety disorder kicked in but for some reason, almost as if I was possessed, my hand shot up.

“Sam.” Bennet said as he gave a vague nod in my direction, thoroughly shocked at my participation.

“The 2016 election in America.”

(Hope you enjoyed that :))

[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #23: Emails.

Written: 1/17/2017

From: SwimMark87@Email.com

To: JazzMan2237@Email.com

Subject: Hello!

Hey there! I saw your post about wanting somebody to talk to, whats up? Should I tell you a little bit about myself? I’ve never done this before. I used to live in the states and I mostly talked to people face to face, I was kind of popular, but out here its so lonely. I decided to study abroad and its great, I’m learning so much about biology! Its just so lonely here, I don’t know anybody, so I thought I’d reach out to you, you seem like a neat guy!

I have a lot of interests, mainly biology (duh), but I don’t want to talk about that much. I spend most of my time in class or studying, and its like when my dad would come home from work (he was a plummer, may he rest in peace) and would refuse to fix our sinks or toilets, insisting that he didn’t want to work at home. I never understood that but I guess I’m feeling the same way with school! Was that too much to say? Anyways, my other interests are jazz (like you), and I mostly listen to a lot of Ornette Coleman, but I’m also very interested in American football (go Eagles!), the mafia (Godfather!), and well plenty of things. Maybe you can expose me to new interests, maybe that’s asking too much…

It said online that you’re from Hanoi, what’s it like there? Is it different from here? Where is it? What kind of jazz do you like? I can’t wait to get to know you!

From: JazzMan2237@Email.com

To: SwimMark87@Email.com

Subject: Re: Hello!

Hello.

It must be lonely in a foreign country, where are you currently? Biology sounds interesting, its a shame you don’t want to talk about it, but I understand.

Your dad sounds like an interesting man, don’t worry about saying too much, its fine. Its fine.

Hm, it seems we don’t have much in common except for jazz. To answer your question I mostly listen to a lot of Mingus, Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, standard stuff. I’m more interested in playing, and although I’m alright with an upright bass I can go crazy on the piano. I could send you some audio files of me playing if you want.

If you’re curious about Hanoi you can just spend a couple minutes looking it up online.

Why is your name SwimMark, but none of your interests are relating to swimming? Also, are you 29? If so, then why are you in college so late?

If you want to know any of my other, non-jazz, interests here they are:

Bird watching, natural disasters, programming, and horror movies.

Till we speak again.

From: SwimMark87@Email.com

To: JazzMan2237@Email.com

Subject: Re: Re: Hello!

Yeah its super lonely, I’m in Denmark and I’ve been freezing my balls off! Is that too crass? Tell me if I’m being to crass, some people here don’t like the way I speak but I’m a city boy at heart! I would tell you the college, but I’d like to get to know you first! Plus, I guess its not really important anyways, like it would be like saying my address or explaining my house, its just the place where I live, eat, shit, and study. Tell me if I’m too crass. And I guess you didn’t ask about my college, but I’ll leave that there just in case you were curious.

My dad was an interesting man, even more than I made him sound! He was a plummer mostly to pay the bills, but he had a side hobby of making model trains sets, the ones with the little towns around them, but he didn’t do it because he was interested in trains themselves, he was a cowboy at heart. He’d build these little western towns, with saloons, horses, indians, all of it, and would usually stage these little dramas, it was neat to see when I was a kid. Sometimes he would have a little plastic woman, tied up in twine, on the tracks and the train would come and hit her, but sometimes when he did this he would pull her off in just the nick of time. Another time he had this bridge constructed and had a train run over it, but he had fire crackers at the base that sent the whole thing crashing down into the little model town below it. Sometimes he would wear a sheriff’s badge when he built his towns, but sometimes, when he was in a dastardly mood, he would usually resort to those antics I described, he was a neat man.

Wow, I didn’t know you played! That sounds super neat, I would love it if you sent me over some of your solos! I haven’t listened to those other artists, and honestly I have only listened to a single Coleman record, it was one that my mom would put on when dad would disappear into his train room. I don’t really listen to jazz other than that, and, honestly, I can’t even remember the name of the album. It was white and he was holding a saxophone I think. I’m sorry for lying, I hope that doesn’t give you a bad impression of me!

I looked up Hanoi, it looks beautiful!

And on the swim mark thing, its… I probably should have explained that in the first email, but its just weird to bring up. Its actually my brothers old email, he was significantly older than me, we were 9 years apart, but he was always a role model in my life. He got a scholarship for water polo, and he was unstoppable! But, unfortunately, sadly, he was killed by a drunk driver some time ago (may you rest in peace Mark). I started using his email when I found a post it note of his that had the password, it was like a coping thing. I mostly just use it when I’m dealing with strangers online, I know its weird, its pathetic. Please don’t think bad of me!!!

Wow, those are neat interests, what are your favorite horror films? I once saw Missed Connections, but the story was to gross for me, I didn’t like watching it. Horror is a little scary for me, but I could try some other movies if you have recommendations!

From: JazzMan2237@Email.com

To: SwimMark87@Email.com

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hello!

Wow, Denmark, that seems nice.

Your dad sounds like an interesting man, don’t worry about saying too much, its fine. Its fine.

I’ll attach an audio file of a piano solo I did last night, check it out. Don’t feel bad about not listening to much jazz, its no problem.

Hanoi is beautiful.

Its a shame about your brother, I do not judge.

Missed Connections was pretty silly, if you couldn’t watch it then I wouldn’t really recommend anything else. Don’t feel obligated to like a genre.

Check out that audio file I attached.

Till we speak again.

From: SwimMark87@Email.com

To: JazzMan2237@Email.com

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hello!

Denmark IS nice, but man is it cold and lonely. Are you fine with me being crass? You didn’t mention anything about it so you must be fine, right? Honestly, I kind of get bullied here, I’m not actually that happy here. Like its a nice country and all, looks great, but I don’t know… Its hard to fit in sometimes, and I just keep saying the wrong things. I guess thats also why I used my brother’s email for this pen pal thing, like it made me feel not as much of a loser. He was the cool one, not me. I didn’t really have any friends back in the states… that’s another reason why I had to get a pen pal. I know I know, I’m pathetic! I’m sorry that I keep lying but its hard for me! I was worrying that if I was myself then I’d just get rejected again, please don’t think negatively towards me because of this, I’m just a lonely soul.

I’ll listen to that solo tonight! Thanks for being so cool about me lying about jazz, at least I’ll be willing to get into the subject! I’ll try to listen to your song when I’m studying, I remember in grade school one of my teachers would play classical music to help us study better, so I imagine it would be like the same thing, right?

I won’t try horror movies then, thanks for the heads up! What other movies do you like, I know I said this before but I really love mafia movies, I love the way how they live so freely and don’t take shit from anybody. Have you ever seen mob flicks? I imagine they might not be too popular outside of the states. I also really like the suits too, and their manliness, like why don’t people wear suits all the time anymore, what happened to that? What happened to that old era of masculinity, like I feel like sometimes I was born in the wrong generation.

What is your family like? I’d love to learn more about you, its great that we’re becoming friends!

Till we speak again, haha!

From: FuckYou372638@Email.com

To: JazzMan2237@Email.com

Subject: Fuck you!

What’d you do to my computer asshole! I have to type this shit out in the library! Did you change the password to my brothers email? I thought we were friends you cock sucker!

From: LadyBoisonberry284@Email.com

To: SwimMark87@Email.com

Subject: Hello from Cali!

Hey there, I saw your post online and you seemed like an interesting person! Let me tell you a little bit about myself!

I live in California over in the states, its always bright and sunny here and I’m right by the beach! However, I do like to go on trips and I’m kind of a nut for hiking! I also like to go out and pick berries, and I’ve been to all sorts of different farms that have different berries, and I put jam on almost anything. Yeah, I’m a little weird :)  If we become friends I can send you jams through the mail if you’re interested! I also sometimes sing, but not in front of people! I’m a little shy about those things, but in general I’m a pretty out going person! I decided to try to do this pen pal thing because I wanted to know what its like in different parts of the world, what’s Vietnam like?

I hope you choose to respond so we can get to know each other, I hope we become good friends, Mark.

From: FuckYou372638@Email.com

To: JazzMan2237@Email.com

Subject: What did you do?

Seriously, what the fuck did you do to my computer? What were those images? Honestly I don’t care about my laptop being broken, or even about my brother’s email, I just want to know what’s happening. Every time I close my eyes I see those things. Its hard to sleep. Every time I can sleep its just constant nightmares. My hair and nails are falling out, I keep getting random nosebleeds, why did you do this to me? What’s happening? What was that noise?

From: FuckYou372638@Email.com

To: SwimMark87@Email.com

Subject: What did you do?

Seriously, what the fuck did you do to my computer? What were those images? Honestly I don’t care about my laptop being broken, or even about my brother’s email, I just want to know what’s happening. Every time I close my eyes I see those things. Its hard to sleep. Every time I can sleep its just constant nightmares. My hair and nails are falling out, I keep getting random nosebleeds, why did you do this to me? What’s happening? What was that noise?

From: SwimMark87@Email.com

To: LadyBoisonberry284@Email.com

Subject: Hello from Hanoi!

Wow, California sounds nice!

I would love some sunlight, but its been raining here a lot.

I love the outdoors too, I often swim, but I also love exploring the jungle. I’ve taken a lot of photographs of the hiking trails around here, would you be interested in seeing them? I could send them to you, it would be no problem.

Vietnam is beautiful, I don’t know if it would compare to the states though. Maybe we could compare photographs.

I would love it if you sent me jam sometimes, I’m always willing to try neat foods.

Till we speak again.

From: LadyBoisonberry284@Email.com

To: SwimMark87@Email.com

Subject: Re: Hello from Hanoi!

Its a shame that its so gloomy over there, but if it makes you feel better there are a lot of overcast days out here on the coast too! It’s a shame its gotta rain though, but sometimes that’s a nice thing, you always have to look at the bright side. At least, that’s my philosophy! What are your personal philosophies? I also believe that people shouldn’t burn bridges, and that its always important to explore!

Honestly, I do live on the beach but I really don’t swim as often as I’d like to, the beach is mostly cold over here :(  It’s neat that you have jungle right by you, that sounds so exotic! All we got are “foothills”, I know they sound so lame! They can actually be quite nice, and when they’re not enough we have mountains, which are beautiful no matter where you are in the world. I would love to see those pictures you have of the jungle! Maybe we could compare ours? I don’t really have any of my own, I’ve always felt like if I wanted the view I should go out and see it in person, but I can’t do that with jungles.

I won’t send jam for a little while though, I still gotta know you better! You’re a quiet one, but that’s okay. I have a son who is pretty introverted too, but I’ll probably break that shell eventually. I’ve been told by friends before that I can be chatty, so I’ll try not to write too much until you’re ready for that :)

What are your other interests, do you have any neat stories? I’d love to get to know you better. If you need help breaking the ice I can start with a story of my own:

One time, when I was about 14 or 15, I was hiking with a couple of my friends and we decided to go off trail because we thought there was a swimming hole nearby. I bet you know where this story is going to go! We never found the hole, instead we were wandering around in the woods for hours until we realized we were lost. We tried to retrace our steps, but we only went in circles, and we thought about calling for help, but one of my friends had to meet her boyfriend later that night and would allow it. Aren’t teenagers dumb? Anyways, she rushes off in a random direction and we had no choice but to follow her, and the whole time we are worried that we’re going to die, or that a bear would get us, but after a couple of minutes of walking guess where we ended up? At the swimming hole we were looking for! There was an older couple there, swimming nude, but after embarrassments they helped us find our way back to the trail, they were so nice! Even though the experience was scary at the time, it gave me a sort of thrill. Now I hike all the time!

I can’t wait to see your pictures!