#x reader writers just need to learn how to coexist with everyone else

[nururu]

Hi. So I saw your posts about the x reader stuff, and I'm sorry that your having your time on Tumblr ruined by a community you aren't apart of. I know the tag feature has been an issue with a lot of people in tons of different communities.

But I am genuinely curious, because shouldn't this be something your more mad at the Tumblr tag function or just Tumblr in general for? Like I checked the posts you showed in the video, and both seem to be tagged fairly normally, and neither seemed spammed with tags. So wouldn't it be more productive to submit reports to Tumblr about the lack of the tag function reflecting your blocked/muted tags and creators?

As someone from the x reader side, I can assure you that we aren't doing this stuff maliciously, and I know I can speak for a lot of people on here when I say that we just want everyone to enjoy their time on the site. But taking the anger out on the creator when the fault really is with the site's tagging feature itself doesn't really solve anything.

Especially since this is an issue much bigger than just fanfiction side, as I know many artists try their best to tag their art with phobias that may trigger people in a particular piece, and how the tagging system is now, it's not really able to help as effectively as it should.

But anyways, again I'm sorry this is having a negative impact on your time here. I really do hope they get this stuff sorted out soon. And I highly recommend that you submit a report to possibly further help the push for a better tagging system.

I hope you have a wonderful day. ❤

Since 2012 when I started using Tumblr, it's always had issues with how it's functioned and how the tagging system has functioned. That's why it's userbase came together as a whole to do a damn good job at making sure things were tagged properly so people wouldn't have these issues with the tagging system (that has never once been perfect since the beginning of Tumblr and most likely never will be.) I'm specifically mad at x reader writers because they are the ONLY people who do not tag properly.

Example: don't tag x reader stuff with main fandom tags. Like instead of tagging it [character name] AND [ character name x reader], tag it with JUST [Character name x reader] instead of tagging it with [show name] AND [Show name x reader] tag it with JUST [Show name x reader]

That way, when I mute "show/character name x reader", it will actually mute it. The I can properly avoid it. But when you tag it with all the main fandom tags as well, it gets unmuted and I can no longer avoid it.

Also x reader writers will tag it with EVERY main fandom tags. Not just the characters they've wrote about, but every single strawhat. So I'm seeing usopp x reader in the Luffy tag.

Truly, this is less of "Tumblr tag system not working" and moreso "people not using the tag system properly and ruining its purpose". If I tagged every single dog I saw with cat tags, it would show up in all the cat tags. So when people search cats, all they'll get is dogs. Not that they hate dogs, but it's NOT what they're looking for. And just because I want everyone to see dogs, doesn't mean I should force them to.

Tumblr doesn't use an AI to auto tag things and sort them properly. It uses it's userbase to do that. If it's userbase isn't using it right, it doesn't work.

I am 1000000% blaming x reader writers. Every single fandom has this issue. Ive seen multiple viral posts complaining about this NOT just from the one piece fandom. It's inconsiderate, and rude, and ruins many peoples tag pages, fyps, AND dashes.

It's not my responsibility to fix an issue I didn't create. All it would take is for this one group of people to stop accosting everyone and start using the tag system as it was intended. This is the first time in my 12yrs on this site where it's been an issue. And it's because none of these writers tag correctly. Simple as that. Tumblr can't stop "dog" from being sorted into the "cat" tag if everyone is tagging dogs as cats.

Also it's not an accident or simply forgetting. It's intentional. And it shouldn't be bc it ruins everyone else's experience.

[kyloswarstars]

where do i belong?

Divergent, Oneshot Summary: Reader is confused and tries to find out where she belongs. Pairing: Eric x Reader Warning: swearing Words: 5.4K A/N: I hope this is not a disaster. Enjoy. Any similarities to other writers’ work are not intended. All ideas used in a fanfiction I post are made up in my brain (as long as it is not a request).

/////

You didn’t quite get why Amity was the way it was. Everyone was happy and all about peace and harmony. Smiling day in day out. Growing vegetables, harvesting, speaking in low voices, no running – just peacefully coexisting.

And then there was you. Internally screaming from all that rage that has built up inside over all those years. You couldn’t stand all this bullshit about living together in one big family. Your parents always used to tell you that Amity was your family, not just the people you were related by blood.

Bullshit, you thought. All of it. And you punched that bullshit out of the sandbag in front of you. Since you arrived at Dauntless after the Choosing Ceremony, you felt that shift going on inside of you. That shift you couldn’t name. There was suddenly more peace that calmed your soul than you ever had when you were still back in Amity.

„Y/N! Come.“ A hand on your shoulder stopped you from hitting relentlessly your enemy – the sandbag. Eric. With a quick glance you realised everyone else was gone. Training was already over?

„What’s going on?“ His squeezed eyes locking with yours. Capturing you like a few days ago your team captured the flag of Four’s team.

„I… I just…“ All of that rage was still seething inside of your head, your whole body. It made you unable to form eloquent sentences.

„I?“

„I was just giving everything to that stupid thing dangling down the ceiling.“

He took a deep breath, probably trying not to lose his temper. „Yeah, I saw that. What’s going on?“ And he mumbled something like ‚won’t ask you a third time‘.

Maybe you should be intimidated by his very existence. But the thing was: you weren’t. You weren’t because you came to Dauntless to be surrounded by intimidating things and people. You sucked them in like air. You thought they would make you feel like you finally belonged somewhere.

You weren’t intimidated by Eric, nor his nearly exploding muscles or his always present anger he never tried to hide. Actually in some kind of freaky way you were feeling the slightest of attraction for him. Not sexual attraction but spiritual attraction. You respected him because he was badass and never backed down. At least you didn’t see him back down since you were here. Eric was extremely unfriendly – something you could finally be too. In Amity you had glued a mask over your face. You ripped it off as soon as you let your blood drop over the hot coals of Dauntless.

„I tried to release some aggression.“

„Makes sense.“ His eyes were still locked with yours. „Now go and grab some dinner. Aggression is not the only key to fighting. Food provides energy. You’ll need that.“

You nodded and walked off to the locker room.

One cold shower later you sat down along the other initiates. They already finished dinner and went onto drinking.

/////

That week Eric told you every day to stop throwing punches to your beloved sandbag when training was over. You never noticed when Four would release the initiates to dinner. You just punched and punched and punched.

„Still aggressive?“ Erics lips curled up into a mischievous grin.

You thought about telling him what you were thinking. And you were like ‚fuck it‘ so you did. „Apparently aggression is not willing to leave me, no matter how hard I hit that fucking thing.“

„You remember what I told you, Y/N?“

„Yeah.“ Aggression is not the only key to fighting. Something your father would say if he believed in fighting – which he didn’t.

„Well, aggression may not be the only key to fighting but it sure is a good catalyst for hard punches.“ You walked side by side through the training grounds. He stopped when you passed the ring. „But aggression can also be… devastating in some situations. It blinds you, makes you vulnerable. You should learn how to control yourself better.“ He stepped onto the mat. „Fight me.“

You shook your head. Yeah, you had a lot of aggression inside of you. And yeah, you punched for hours a sandbag every day. But fuck no, you weren’t good enough to step into ring with fucking Eric-the-Dauntless-leader.

„Too weak?“ He made fun of you. „Too afraid?“ He made more fun of you because he knew it would work just the way he wanted. „Are you still an Amity?“ And it so did work.

You moved your feet onto the mat. Aggressively breathing and locking eyes with him. You were probably red like a tomato, neatly grown in Amity’s greenhouse. You hated those. And that was good because you built up even more anger thinking of tomato salad and tomatoes on sandwiches and tomatoes in every shape Amity put it in.

Then everything came naturally to you. In the past few weeks you had learned a lot about fighting, strategies and winning.

First your fist reached out for Erics face. He easily dodged that punch. He also dodged the next ones. Eric kept being passive – he didn’t attack. That made you even more furious. Your hands tried to hurt him but his body was always out of reach no matter were you two stood. Like you tried to catch a fish in it’s aquarium. It always slipped because you were so eager to get it.

Then you stepped back. In your head you tried to come up with a plan to throw him on the mat. You were small. Not to small. But a lot smaller than him. You needed to take advantage of that.

So you distracted him for a little while. Throwing punches that didn’t make any sense. You waited for that one second he was too bored by your sloppy fighting. And when it came, you made yourself small and rammed your fist in his guts – so hard you sent him to the mat.

A satisfied grin grew on your lips and you lent him a hand to get up.

„That was alright, Y/N.“

Alright was alright for you.

„Tomorrow again?“ He smiled too. It was kind of odd to see him with a genuine smile on his lips.

„Yeah.“

/////

After training started real training with Eric. He explained how you needed to train you to get through initiation. You didn’t exactly know why he wanted you to become a Dauntless member but you appreciated it and didn’t ask any questions about it.

So you two were fighting forever that evening. He didn’t stay passive like he did yesterday. He attacked. And that took everything you had. At some point you were losing your temper because Eric hit your nose again and again. It was bleeding like the water was rushing down the chasm.

„Why the fuck can’t you let my nose be my nose? You’re a broken nose fetishist or what?“, you shouted. Training with Eric was exhausting. Way more than just hitting the sandbag. Or training with other initiates.

„What would you do if i said i am?“

„You don’t want to know, Eric.“

He smiled mischievous. Again. „Come on, hold your back up. Just because your in pain you can’t let your posture turn into that of an old woman that needs a cane.“

He asked, you answered. For another at least ten minutes you attacked him as hard as you could, working yourself through his defence and placed some punches that were fuelled by anger and aggression but not controlled by it. You controlled them. And that was the difference you learned from Eric. When you were in control you could do nearly everything when you worked hard enough.

But because Eric was Eric and this time he did fight back – you landed with a hurting back on the mat at the end of the training session.

„I’d say we’re over for today.“

You nodded in agreement, stood up and wiping away the blood of your still bleeding nose with the back of your hand.

„That was alright, Y/N. Tomorrow we’re doing this again.“

„Alright.“

„Now let’s grab some food. I’m starving.“

You both changed into some clean black clothes and headed out together. Apparently you trained too long. No sign of food available to satisfy your hungry bodies with new energy.

„Never mind“, Eric turned around and walked off. „You’re coming Y/N? If not I’m gonna eat all the stuff I have in my room on my own.“

You hesitated for a moment. Was it appropriate to go with him? Eric was still one of the leaders of Dauntless. You didn’t want to get into trouble that could cause you ending up as a factionless. But in that moment you were craving food so much that you could still care about being factionless if you were kicked out of Dauntless.

/////

Eric’s emergency-food-closet was filled with canned food, bread, peanuts and bananas. You both grabbed as much as you could.

„Over here.“ He guided you to a window, opened it with his elbow and headed out onto the roof. It had already gotten dark but that was alright. Darkness was always alright for you because you had to stand in the burning sun for years when you were in Amity. Not that you dreaded the sun or working in general. You just dreaded standing in the sun and working Amity work.

You didn’t talk while you ate. You for sure didn’t dare to say something. What if you asked a question and Eric flipped? That wouldn’t end good.

Canned beans with bread and peanuts with bananas never tasted that good. Ever. You were kind of losing yourself in euphoria because of food and new energy flooding your worn out body and food and new collected knowledge and food.

„Why did you leave Amity?“ Eric getting personal? Huh.

„I didn’t belong there.“

Eric hmmmmmd and stopped chewing. „And you belong to Dauntless?“

You shrugged and tried to sound casually. „Yup.“ You didn’t want him to know that you desperately wanted to be a Dauntless. For years you couldn’t think about something else than finally getting into Dauntless and become something you’re cut out for: guarding the fence. Why you knew you were supposed to do this? Your whole life was spent by doing things in an environment that insisted on peaceful interaction to function as a faction. But you simply didn’t have it in you. Your sister did. Your three brothers did. But you wanted to use your hands differently. You wanted to hold a gun, to throw punches if it needs to be, to use your brain as a weapon – not for growing tomatoes.

Also you wanted to be in Dauntless because you were tired of wearing red and yellow. You wanted black.

„Then you’d better get in.“

/////

Weeks passed and you got in. Months passed and you got your job. You were guarding the fence. You were good at it. You enjoyed it.

More months passed and your body was covered in tattoos and some piercings.

After a year or so you got promoted. First you didn’t want to agree because you didn’t want to leave the fence, but then you did. You started taking responsibility for ten to twenty people under you, guarding trains loaded with goods departing Amity grounds.

It was strange to come back to Amity, seeing all that people you used to be around. Eventually at some point seeing your siblings. And one day your mother. She smiled at you – she hasn’t taken it personally that you left, told you all the time it was your own decision what to do with your life. She smiled at you, started walking towards you. But you couldn’t do this. With your gun in aiming position you turned around and erased her out of your vision. You had a job to do.

That was honestly your first bad day since you started your initiation nearly two years ago. A really bad fucked up day. Besides that one where you took a bullet.

For the rest of your working hours you couldn’t concentrate, afraid your mother would come up and try to speak to you. You weren’t able to handle this if she would. Good for you she didn’t. Maybe your appearance was to intimidating.

When the train started to move back to the city, breathing was a torture.

When you were back at Dauntless you gave final instructions to your people then disappearing to your room. You threw your heavy gear onto the floor and stripped down to your underwear and then put on your sports wear. Heading straight for your beloved sandbag in the big training hall. Everyone knew it was yours, no one ever dared to train there. So you punched it heavy. For hours. But nothing changed. You had seen your mother today and that was… shit. You always thought about what you had left behind when you came to Dauntless. Never who you left behind.

Your knuckles tried to punch it out. That you were missing your mother, your family. Even if they were Amity through and through. Even if you weren’t supposed to miss them because faction before blood.

„Y/N!“ Erics voice shouted through the hall. You didn’t stop. „One of your people told me you were distracted and didn’t fulfil your duty properly.“

You didn’t react. You just punched the sandbag again and again. Faster with every punch. „Y/N, I’m talking to you as a leader of Dauntless. Not as your mate.“ He could suck your not existing dick. You didn’t answer him, you just threw wild punches.

„Y/N.“ Eric came around and grabbed the sandbag, forcing you to look at him. You were raging and could hardly keep your cool. „What happened?“, he asked and let go off the sandbag. As soon as he stood in front of you, you pushed him. He stumbled back. Only one step but still. You pushed him again. And again. Then you started to hit him against his broad chest. As long until he grabbed your wrists.

„You wanna fight, huh?“

„Hell yeah.“

Eric dragged you to one of the mats and then you two crushed into each other. Since your initiation your fighting had changed a lot. Back then you were alright. Now you were a fucking machine. Muscles everywhere that burned to hit Eric. To bring him pain. He could deal with that. You couldn’t deal with what was going on inside of your head.

„What happened?“ Eric’s arm around your neck, pushing you down. You slammed your elbow into his balls, grabbed his arm, turned it and threw him to the ground. You could hold yourself on top of him for a few seconds, then he rolled the two of you around, him on top and staying there. „Tell me.“

„I can’t.“

„Wrong. You don’t want to.“ Now he wasn’t speaking to you as a leader of Dauntless anymore. He was talking to you as your friend he became over the years.

„Yeah, you’re fucking right, Eric. I don’t want to talk to you about bullshit that is only my business.“

Eric didn’t think about getting off you. He just stayed where he was and leaned back. Unimpressed by your shifting under him to get free.

„I guess you’re right, Y/N. I totally shouldn’t try to help my friend with her problems. Especially not as a leader of her faction that needs to make sure his people can do their work they’re supposed to do.“

You hoped he could sense your fury towards him. Eric was right, of course, but you wouldn’t admit it. Not in his presence. „Get off me, Eric.“ His dull, cold eyes didn’t change. Words wouldn’t get him to do what you wanted.

Being friends with Eric wasn’t like being friends with someone else in Dauntless. The friendship with Eric was strange. He transferred from Erudite and most of the people tend to forget about that. But you didn’t because Eric and you had a tight bond, and you saw through his surface of anger and sheer force. You knew how smart he was, how sneaky, and how most of his actions were guided by that.

You always tried not to get too attached to him. Because after all you were just friends, no matter how close. When he was sitting on you like that right now you couldn’t deny that at some point you had evolved feelings for him. Feelings feelings. But you had learned to ignore them.

That man on top of you, giving a lesson because you fell out of roll today, wasn’t someone you could think about having a serious relationship with. Not that he wouldn’t be able to love or cherish you. But because you felt a shift again. A few weeks ago something started changing again. And today that shift broke free.

Suddenly you weren’t sure about the decision you had made two years ago. Was Dauntless the right faction for you? Amity for sure wasn’t but after two years in Dauntless it didn’t feel like you thought it would feel. Something felt wrong.

Maybe you weren’t supposed to be in any faction at all?

„You know what’s for dinner today?“ Eric still squeezed the air out of your lungs.

„Don’t make me bite you and get the fuck off now, Eric.“

„I got a feeling we’re having a steak night.“

„Eric.“ Your jaw clenched. One more word about food…

„Or burgers?“ That was it.

You hit his face with your elbow and drummed against his chest. Slurs leaving your mouth before you dug your teeth into his hand. Eric gave in and got off you. He looked satisfied at his bleeding hand. But you didn’t care about it, you just stormed off to your room. Why was he doing this all the time? Tackling you to the ground when you were fighting, sitting on top of you and then acting like he weren’t pressing the air out of your lungs at all?

Eric knocked at your door. You could tell it was him because no one knocked like him. A knock that nearly destroyed the door. He yelled your name a few times but you didn’t open.

/////

Next day you skipped breakfast. Instead you headed to the shooting range. Only to see him standing there with a gun in his hand.

„Argh, seriously?“ You turned on your heals but didn’t come far. Eric shot you. Twice. Your knees gave in and you sunk to the ground, trying to yank the darts out of your legs, that were used for playing ‚Capture the Flag‘. „What is wrong with you?“ Your voice echoed through the big room. Pain flooding your body and covering every other emotion you felt.

„You didn’t open the door.“

„So you decided to shoot me? Wonderful.“

His face didn’t flinch. Not even when he talked. That was a bad sign. „Y/N, you’ve got one chance to tell me what’s going on with you. Otherwise I can’t let you go back to work.“

„What?“

„Phil will take your place and lead your crew.“

„Eric, you can’t do this. I won’t be distracted again.“

„I can and I will.“

You learned a lot from him the past years. Also not to back down ever. So you didn’t. Just like him.

Even though your pain consumed all the concentration you had, you held your head up high.

„Alright. You will be suspended. Now get yourself ready. For the meantime you’ll be working with me.“

„Get myself ready? You just fucking shot me!“

„Neuro-stim-darts not actual bullets. Don’t let the-“

„Pain stop you. Yeah, fuck you, Eric.“

He started to leave. „Come to my office when you’re not crying anymore.“

/////

While you battled the pain that would last another few minutes, you questioned yourself why he suspended you. You didn’t knew of any other Dauntless that got punished so quickly. Not for a few minutes of distraction.

Eric was up to something, you felt it.

The day was spent at his side. And he took every chance to tell others why you were at his side. Your thoughts carried away now and then. Thinking about your position in Dauntless and what it now meant. Did you belong to Dauntless? Were you brave and fearless? Was this what you wanted?

You didn’t. You weren’t. It wasn’t.

Eric released you late at night. Every step you took towards your room, your head grew lighter thinking about what you would do later that night.

You changed clothes. Black mid heavy gear, arming yourself with a gun you hid in your waistband. Everything else would be left behind.

You couldn’t be in Dauntless anymore. Not only for the fact that you got suspended and degraded. More so because you weren’t meant to be in any faction at all. You belonged somewhere where it didn’t matter what kind of person you were. Where there were no rules that prescribed who you were supposed to be.

And the only place you could think of was with the factionless.

/////

Your door stood wide open. Eric couldn’t sleep because he felt guilty and wanted to try to speak to you again. The whole day you looked at him like you wanted to cut his throat open. But there was also something else in your eyes. Something deeper.

You grew to be his friend. Actually his best friend. He couldn’t stand when you were not talking to him. You were not much of a talking person with everyone else, but with him you never kept your mouth shut.

Eric checked your living quarters. No sign of you. Everything was where it used to be. He checked your closet where you kept you real important stuff.

Gear and gun were missing. „She fucking went off.“

/////

Your feet carried you into the city with no exact plan where to go. Just everywhere else than Dauntless. An elderly woman approached you in a dark alley. Her eyes took every detail of you. „You’re a Dauntless.“ It wasn’t a question. „What are you doing outta here on your own?“

Well, that was a good question. „I… searching for somewhere to sleep.“

„You have a disability?“

„No.“

„Why are you outta here on your own, kid?“ She came closer, forcing you to answer with her soothing eyes.

„I guess I’m not a Dauntless anymore.“

She nodded. „A long time ago the same happened to me. Come on, let’s go home, kid.“ She patted your arm and guided you to an old warehouse.

Inside Olivia, what turned out to be her name, showed you around and got you some food and water. The warehouse didn’t have any separate rooms. It was sectioned into working area, eating area and sleeping area. Beds were made out of cardboard boxes and some blankets. Harold, another former Dauntless member, brought up some old stuff for you to sleep on tonight.

It surprised you how easy it was to get around with the factionless. How supportive and welcoming they were towards an outsider like you. A young ‚kid‘ that left her faction voluntary. And didn’t know if it belonged where those belong that belong nowhere.

Thinking about what you had done, you drifted off into a deep sleep. Deeper than it ever had been in the last years.

/////

Someone shook you awake. Two furious eyes glared down at you and hands that eventually pulled you up. Eric.

Was it only a dream? You leaving Dauntless? No, it wasn’t. Eric stood right in front of you on factionless ground.

„What the fuck are you doing here, Y/N?“

„Why are you here?“

„I’m here to come and take you back, that’s what I’m here for.“

The factionless around you knew who he was. But that didn’t stop them from intervening. Olivia came up. „You’re not gonna take her with you if she doesn’t want to.“

„Oh, I will and you better shut up!“

„Dauntless has lost it’s niveau, I see.“ Harold came up to your other side.

„If anyone wants to be shot, so be it. But you’re not gonna stop me from taking Y/N with me.“ And with that he just threw you over his shoulders, tight grip around your ass, and storming out with you.

Paralysed by his sudden appearance and what just happened, you needed a few moments to get everything back together.

„Let me down, Eric!“ You hit his back with your tight fists. He didn’t let you down. He carried you over his shoulders without saying a word.

Instead of bringing you back to Dauntless, he took you to an old, empty skyscraper. Climbing steps with you on his shoulder until you arrived on the last floor – high up above the city.

You fell hard onto the ground when he arrived with you in the middle of a destroyed penthouse. His breath was uneven. Not because of carrying you but because of his raw anger.

„Why did you leave, Y/N?“ You expected a shouting, aggressive Eric but all you got was a whispering, hurt copy of him. You’ve never seen him showing that much… emotion before. It honestly made you speechless. You couldn’t answer. You didn’t know how.

„Why did you not talk to me?“ It bugged him that you didn’t trust him enough to discuss your problems and thoughts with him. Best friends did that kind of stuff too. Not only fighting for fun till blood.

„My business, remember?“

He scoffed and mumbled obscenities.

„What now, Eric?“ You made a gesture, including your surroundings. „What did you think? Did you even think?“ The only way to react was to be harsh. „Did you think you’d kidnap me, take me to some abandoned house and punch the answers out of me?“

„Maybe that’s what I should do!“

„Maybe you could also leave me alone!“ Now the two of you shouted at full volume.

„I can’t!“ And then Eric’s lips crashed into yours. Hard and rigid and wanting. Being paralysed again you kissed back because his mouth, his tongue was too tempting not to kiss back. His hands on your lower back pressed your body against his. More than a hundred times had been your body pressed against his. But that was during fighting. In that way… it brought your mind back to reality and you pushed him away.

„Fuck’s sake, Eric.“ Your feet stepped back. Away from him. Your mind tried to understand what was happening.

„I want you to talk to me, Y/N.“ His begging voice activated something inside of you. Something you used to ignore because you were just friends. Best mates. Fighting partners. „I need you to fucking talk to me. Please.“ Please. You have never ever heard ‚please‘ or ‚thank you‘ leaving Erics mouth.

And that stupid word, overused by Amity at any given possibility, made you kiss him. His lips didn’t kiss back out of surprise but you kissed him again and then he went along with it. Eric’s hands found their place on your back again and held you close. You both lost yourself in each other, in a sweet kiss that was really everything but sweet.

You only stopped kissing when you needed fresh air in your lungs but then you instantly returned to kissing. Eric was someone you thought he never could be. Besides kissing you hard, he trailed his hands soft over your body. He made sure you were as close as possible and wouldn’t slip away.

In the end it was him breaking the kiss. Kissing your forehead and resting his chin on top of your head while he hugged you. And then you two stayed like that.

When he started to talk his chin bumped into your head but that didn’t hurt. „Why did you leave?“

„I…“ Words had never been your strength. You were more of a body person. Still you tried. „Do you remember back when I was an initiate? You asked my why I left Amity.“

You could hear his brain working and sorting through memories. „Yeah, I do. Go on.“ His voice was husky but soothing.

„I weren’t meant to be in Amity.“

„Yes, because you were destined to be a Dauntless.“ You could feel he was getting what you wanted to say but was still utterly convinced what he said.

„We disagree in that part.“ Speaking it out loud it made you really sad. You always wanted to be a Dauntless but you weren’t.

Eric let go off the embrace to look into your face. „Tell me what’s in there.“ His finger pointed to your brain.

„Two days ago I saw my mother. I turned my back on her because I couldn’t look into her eyes. I couldn’t concentrate anymore. One of those walls inside my head broke apart and I was suddenly feeling too much. I realised I didn’t belong to Amity nor Dauntless. Or to any other faction. I wanted to be somewhere where it didn’t make a difference if I knew where I belong.“

He nodded. „Okay.“ He nodded again. „Can I ask you something?“ You nodded. „What did your Aptitude Test say? Are you a Divergent?“

It was already hard to admit how you felt. You knew how Eric thought about someone being Divergent. What he thought about questioning the faction system. Still he didn’t seem to mind if you were Divergent.

„Dauntless.“

„Sure?“

„Yes. I may haven’t talked to you but I never lied to you.“

„Alright.“ Eric-the-fucking-Dauntless-leader took your hand in his and squeezed it. „See, Y/N. I would lie if I said I understand you because I know that I belong to Dauntless. The only thing I can say is that after five years in Dauntless I saw a lot of people come and go, especially initiates. You didn’t go. Well you did yesterday but eh-“

„I know what you mean, go on.“

„Right. You made it through initiation. You proofed you can be a Dauntless because you worked hard to prove it.“ He also took your other hand in his. „The thing is: you are a Dauntless. At least in my eyes. Sometimes you are even more Dauntless than Dauntless-born. I see it in you every day. You are brave, too much for your own good sometimes, you’d take a bullet for your people. You’re incredibly strong – physical and mental. You’ve overcome your fears. Well, besides that stupid phobia with spiders apparently.“ Eric chuckled. He fucking chuckled. „You know, everyone can zoom out and get distracted, that is how people work. Even I zoom out sometimes. I just wanted you to tell me what was going on.“

That was a lot of information. At some late nights you listened to him speaking hours about things you would’ve never dreamed him speaking about. But that was all his rational view on topics that didn’t involve him or you personally. Now everything he had said was about you. His view about your ability of being a Dauntless. His view about your characteristics. And it was all positive, wasn’t it?

„You see me as a Dauntless, but i don’t. Not anymore.“

He nodded. Then he kissed you again. But this time slow and intense and careful as if he wanted to tell you something with that kiss. „Y/N, come back to Dauntless with me. I’ll help you find out where you belong. We’ll see if it works, alright?“

„I don’t know.“ You honestly did not fucking know. You were to worked up right now by Erics words. They meant a lot to you. Not only to know how he saw you as a person but also the part about failure. And of course the kisses. They didn’t help at all to get a clear mind.

„Y/N, do I need to throw you over my shoulder again?“ Eric tried to make you laugh. From time to time he liked to do that. And right now it worked.

„No. I’ll come with you.“ Primarily for the kisses you wanted to steal. „But what if it-“

„We’ll figure it out, alright?“ Eric’s eyes had changed from cold grey to something that was inviting. Inviting in every kind of positive way.

„Alright.“

He started smiling and kissed your forehead again before you two started heading down the endless flights of stairs.