#xf missing scene challenge

[baronessblixen]

Stolen Moment

Written for the XF Missing Scene Challenge. This is a (slightly) NSFW scene for “The Pine Bluff Variant”. The first line of dialogue is from the episode, the rest is all mine.

"They still need something from me … and I’m sensing there’s someone Haley trusts even less – The man giving him his orders. Someone I haven’t met yet. A guy named August Bremer." The words flow from him easily, Scully thinks, here in the darkness.

"Mulder, why didn't you just tell me?" She tries to stay calm; there are several feelings bubbling up inside of her, fighting against one another. Calm is not one of them. Or if it is, then it's hidden somewhere under anger and disappointment.

"I wanted to, Scully, I honestly did. Skinner said I should keep you out of it."

"Since when do you listen to Skinner?" Exasperation joins in and she has to stop herself from not pressing the ice pack too hard against Mulder's injured finger. Looking at him, she knows why he listened to Skinner. When it comes to her, he listens to other people, to authority. She's too angry right now to appreciate it, though.

"I'm sorry, all right? It's not like you could have prevented this."

"That's beside the point, Mulder. This needs to be set, by the way. I can take you to a-"

"No. You can do it."

"It's going to hurt, Mulder."

"Don't care." His eyes are dark; if she weren't here, she knows he would just lie down on the couch and get some sleep. Forget about all of this as good as he can. She can tell that there are still so many things he's not telling her about this. It's not about her. For once he has the chance to keep her out of the line of danger and he's doing it as best as he can.

"I've got some strong painkillers that might do the trick."

"I can't, Scully." She adjusts the ice pack on his finger and he winces slightly. So much for not caring, she thinks bitterly.

"What do you mean?"

"I need to stay alert. This- just set it and I'll be fine." He nods to reassure her or himself.

"Mulder…"

"Hey, they didn't give me anything when they broke it either." Mulder grins, or tries to anyway, and it turns into a sad grimace.

"Wait here," she tells him, gently touching his good hand before she puts it on the ice pack so he can keep it there. She feels his eyes on her back as she retreats to his bathroom to get everything she needs. It's a good thing she stashed some emergency medical supplies here. With Mulder, you could never be careful enough. She'd prefer doing it at a hospital, but this will have to do.

When she returns, Mulder has leaned back against the couch. He flinches when she sits in front of him again. His face is unreadable and it has nothing to do with the darkness in the living room.

"We need light."

"No."

"Mulder, how am I supposed to do this in the darkness?" The fish tank, which gives off the only, dim light here, gurgles loudly as if in protest.

"Not in here." He mumbles and walks into the kitchen. Scully hears the flicker of a light and follows him, her supplies in hand. In the light, Mulder looks even worse. Afraid he might see the worry on her face, she keeps her eyes low.

"Sit down," she tells him. "And put your hand on the table." He startles at her words, winces and stands there frozen. Scully doesn't know what she's triggered, but she realizes it won't work this way. Part of her wants to ask him to tell her everything. She knows he won't, even if she were to ask. His kitchen counter looks surprisingly clean and is free of his usual dirty plates. Without thinking about it, Scully hops up and raises an eyebrow at him. With a genuine smile he slowly walks towards her. With her sitting on the counter, she is almost taller than he is.

"Put your hand on my leg," Scully tells him.

"Are you coming on to me, Scully?" She doesn't reply, doesn't even smile. Instead she takes the ice pack away from his finger and inspects it. The swelling, luckily, is minimal.

"Mulder, it's going to hurt."

"So you've said." His voice, however, is no longer confident.  

"Look at me," Scully tells him. Reluctantly, he lifts his eyes and they come to rest on hers. When she came here earlier, she wanted to be angry with him. She is. Somewhere inside, she is angry with him. If only he'd told her. He's right, though; it wouldn't have made a difference. Except she'd known. She could have been there for him. She feels his warm hand in hers, carefully examines his finger without ever taking her eyes off his. If only she could tell him. Tell him that she's not angry (even if she is, damn it), that she understands, and that she's going to do everything she can to help him stop this mindless terrorism. Mulder blinks, as if waiting, as if telling her that he understands. Scully licks her lips, and Mulder blinks again, twice, and this is her cue. A loud crack, Mulder's eyes close, and for a moment Scully fears he might faint. Quickly, without thinking, she hooks her legs around his waist, accidentally drawing him so much closer to her. His eyes open and tears shimmer right next to something else entirely.

"Sorry," Scully apologizes softly. Mulder seems fine, even if he doesn't say a word, even if his eyes don't leave hers, so she tries to entangle her legs from him.

"Stay." And she does. One of his hands, his good one, comes up to her face. He touches her cheek gently, stroking it.

"You cried," he tells her; this time it's his voice that's cracking. His hand is still on her cheek, caressing her, and it's only now that she realizes he's right.

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"You didn't," Mulder whispers. "You made it all better." They're so impossibly close, but it's not enough, and he leans forward. He catches another tear with his tongue, kisses her cheek, now flaming with emotions. Still not close enough. She's digging her ankles into his ribs and she is certain it should hurt. His eyes, however, are no longer painted with pain. There is no sign of fear in his eyes or in the way his arm tightens around her now, holding her close to him. She should put the splint on his finger, really make it better, but instead she wants to give him this; she wants them both to have this moment of oblivion. So she closes the distance and captures his lips with hers. There's no finesse in it as their tongues meet for the first time; there's only desperation.

As right as the angle was for setting his finger, it's all wrong now. Scully runs her fingers through his hair at his neck, knows she hurts him by clutching too tightly, and still can't find herself to care. Right now she needs to feel him. Feel all of him.

"Wait," he suddenly says against her lips, his breath ragged. "Not here." He's said the exact words earlier and now they have a completely different meaning. Quickly, Scully jumps off the counter and without a word they find themselves back in the living room. Scully pushes him down on the couch, not gently, and follows him down. Her mouth is on his and this time there is no stopping. He whimpers when, for a moment, he forgets his finger and runs both hands over her back. Then it no longer matters.

She helps him get her jacket off, then her blouse follows. It lands somewhere with a soft thud. The sound swallowed by their heavy breathing, their urgent kissing. Scully feels Mulder move under her and as his erection brushes against her she moans before she bites his lower lip out of pure urgency. His arms are on her back now, gently stroking her skin, causing goose bumps. There's a moment when he tries to lift her and she almost breaks their kiss. She knows what he's trying to do. Trying to get her under him, to get some control over this situation, but she won't let him. She breaks the kiss herself, finally, and his eyes remain on hers as she quickly works his belt and his zipper. The sounds are unbearably loud. Quickly, she gets out of her own pants, pushes her panties right down with them, and grins at Mulder when he groans. One day they'll do this right. They'll take their time and explore each other all over.

Mulder, still wearing most of his clothes, reaches for her and Scully comes willingly. She straddles him as his hands land on her still bra-clad breasts. She moans into his open mouth urging him on. Her nipples strain against the lace and Mulder frees them. His mouth descends on her right nipple gently sucking for a moment. Scully holds his head, feels the desperation overtake her anew. This is not enough, it tells her. She drags his head up again, locking her eyes with his. Her hand sneaks between their bodies where she finds his erection, throbbing, waiting. She strokes him once, twice, feels him panting against her. She wants to tell him to look at her, to realize what they're about to do, but she can't form any words with him so near, with his cock in her hand. But he hears her anyway. Maybe it's her touch, or her eyes so insistently on his face, that he finds hers. Their eyes lock and a moment later Scully guides his penis into her hot, swollen folds. They both moan in unison as their eyes close on their own volition. Scully starts to move and his hips thrust with her, finding a rhythm easily enough. She braces herself on his shoulders, her mouth against his neck, unable to do anything but feel. Suddenly their rhythm collapses; he is ahead of her, sliding in and out in jerky thrusts.

Scully's hand moves down aiming for her clit, but Mulder is there before her. She gasps as he touches her there, his fingers working rapidly. It's almost right, she thinks, sighing against his neck, but it's not enough. Using his fingers, now wet with her juices, she moves him against her clit and now it's just right. She bites into his neck right before she feels her walls clamp down on his length, taking him deeper, grabbing him. He lets out a long groan, jerking his hips up almost violently, spilling into her.

Neither of them moves for the longest moment. Scully still feels him inside of her, softening slowly, still slightly throbbing. His hand wanders up from her clit to her thigh, smearing residues of her wetness there. He sighs and Scully braces herself for what he has to say to her; about this. But there aren't any words. His breathing relaxes until it is deep and Scully lifts her head to look at him. His eyes are closed and she can't help but smile. He's asleep. Carefully, she gets up. Mulder doesn't even stir, his head on the back of the couch. Scully cleans herself, then Mulder before she tugs him back into his jeans. There's no telling now what they just did. Except for the feeling between her legs.

She retrieves everything she needs from the kitchen. Scully puts the split on his finger, which looks fine now. He'll feel pain later when he wakes up. Maybe the only reminder of what has transpired here in the dark, in the hour they stole from the forces working against them. Scully touches his hair, runs her fingers through it gently. She wishes he would lie down, but she is not going to wake him. He is resting and she's thankful for that at least. She picks up her jacket, turns to look at him one last time. Then, as if she's never been there, she leaves again, stealing into the night.

[h0ldthiscat]

Rain Check

Written for the XF Missing Scene Challenge. Read it on AO3. Many thanks to @scienceandmysticism for wise counsel and superb feedback. u got me fam

Their footsteps scuff across the parking lot, nearly empty even though it’s only half past four. The Bureau isn’t the only government office where people like to duck out early on Fridays, Scully thinks. With the drive they have ahead of them in rush hour traffic, she’ll be lucky if she gets home before seven.

“Rain check?” Mulder asks as they head to the car. They’d taken his since they were only going into Maryland.

Scully sniffs and looks up from the case file they’d received inside from the Carroll County Police. “What?”

“Couple weeks ago, I decided to stay in New Jersey and you had to drive all the way back to DC by yourself.” He scratches his head. “You know, you drove up there to bail me out of jail?”

Scully finds herself trying to suppress a smile. “Yeah, I remember, Mulder.”

“I owe you a car ride in Friday night traffic. Can this be my rain check?”

“Sure,” she says absently, flipping back and forth between two police reports in the file.

It’s nearing rush hour and the November sky is growing dusky pink around the edges, making the clouds almost glow. They’ll be driving directly into the sun heading down the parkway, she thinks grumpily.

The heat in Mulder’s car dries her eyes out, so she flips the blower down. At least the floorboard is warm. It’s colder than she thought it would be today. She hasn’t pulled her warmest coat out of the bureau yet, but might have to soon. It’s supposed to frost tonight. Her mother called her this morning to remind her to leave her taps dripping tonight so the pipes don’t freeze.

God, when did she become so dull? Somewhere between med school and the Academy she’s become the kind of adult she’d always rolled her eyes at as a child: the kind who has strong opinions on the five day forecast and the quickest route to get to work.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Mulder says from the driver’s seat. He cracks something between his teeth.

“What is that?” she asks.

“Sunflower seeds, want one?” He pulls a bag from the cup holder on his door.

“No thanks.”

“Suit yourself.” Mulder flips on the radio with a flourish of his long fingers and fiddles around for a moment until he settles on something Scully hasn’t heard before. She tries to peek at the file in her lap again but starts to get a headache.

“I’ll up the ante and offer you a nickel,” Mulder says after a few minutes. He flicks on the headlights.

“Hm?”

“I offered you a penny for your thoughts but you weren’t biting, so I’ll up it to a nickel if you spill the beans.” His normally monotone voice slips into a caricature of an old New York cop and he talks out the side of his mouth.

Scully cracks a smile. “See here, sonny,” she plays along, “I ain’t tellin’ nothin’ to nobody!”

Mulder laughs out loud, a raucous boom that makes her jump and then giggle at her own silliness. She doesn’t know if she’s heard him laugh like this before. They’ve only been working together for two months, but time spent with Mulder feels a bit like dog years. When she leaves the office at the end of the day she feels as if she’s worked a whole week, filled her brain with more monsters and cryptids than she’d even known existed. And then she goes home to her little apartment, makes a filling but bland meal, takes a shower, goes to sleep, and does the whole thing again the next day and the next.

“I was just thinking,” she admits finally, “about how boring I’ve become.”

“Are you joking?” Mulder asks. He merges into a lane of cars following signs for 32 East. “What about all those dates and birthday parties you’re expected at?”

Scully smirks and bites the inside of her cheek. “Work is--difficult to talk about with people.”

“I get that.” Mulder nods. He’s drumming out something on the steering wheel. It takes Scully a moment to realize he’s playing along with the song on the radio, another one she hasn’t heard. He continues, “I come from a long line of WASPs, though, so I’m used to it.”

Scully smiles. “Me too. Although--is there a word for WASPs who are Catholic?”

“Irish?” Mulder tries, pointing at her hair.

“Mostly German, actually.” Scully feathers a hand through her hair, suddenly self-conscious.

“Oh ho ho. The redheaded genes snuck through somehow?”

Mulder, she has noticed, is the kind of person who doesn’t back down when he’s made someone uncomfortable. It is maddening. It is refreshing.

“Well it’s a recessive trait--” She stops herself. This isn’t a presentation, Dana. Nobody wants to see your scrap paper with Punnett Squares. But when she looks at Mulder she sees he’s studying her intently, listening. He’s just as big of a geek, she supposes. Just about different things.

“Nevermind,” she says anyway.

“No, seriously. What is it, something like two percent of the human population?” He cracks another seed. “I’m dying to know how the Scully clan managed to pass down one of the rarest traits in the Human Genome.”

He’s genuine, which is so unusual in Washington, or anywhere, really. It still catches her off guard. She takes a breath, then says, “That’s just it, neither my mother nor my father have red hair, so both of them must carry the recessive gene.”

He gives a nod of remembrance “Are you the only one with red hair in your family? Does your brother--you have a brother, right, Scully?”

She nods. “I have two. And a sister.”

“That’s almost half a baseball team.”

“Trust me, I’ve heard all the shortstop jokes you can think of,” she jokes, and Mulder laughs again, big and booming.

“Where do you fall in the lineup?” he asks her.

“Third.” She ticks off her fingers. “Bill, Missy, me, and Charlie.”

“All redheads?”

“Just the girls.”

“Christmas photos must have been a nightmare.”

Scully laughs and says ominously, “We do not speak of such things.” This time when he pops another sunflower seed in his mouth she holds out her hand and he gives her a few.

After she cracks the first one she asks, “What about you? It’s just you and your si--”

Instantly, Scully starts to sweat. When she speaks her words are garbled around the shell in her mouth. “Sorry, I just meant--you don’t have any other--God, sorry.”

Mulder smiles. “It’s okay, Scully, really.” He cracks a seed. “Yeah, it was just me and Samantha.”

The car falls silent. Scully recognizes the song on the radio this time. She is about to ask who sings it when Mulder says, “Neither of us are redheads though.”

Scully stammers, “What?”

“Me and Samantha,” he clarifies. “Neither of us are redheads.”

“Oh.” She manages a nervous titter when she realizes he’s making a joke. It’s kind of him, after her clumsy faux pas. He’s a very kind person, she decides. It would be so easy for him to be hard and cynical but somehow he’s the opposite.

“I was, however, one of those babies who was born blonde and then grew up to have dark hair,” he continues.

“I’d be interested to see the statistics about redheaded babies who mysteriously grow up to blend in with the other 98% of the population,” Scully says, raising her eyebrows. “Sounds like an x-file to me.”

“There’s actually a creature called a changeling mentioned in the folklore of many ancient cultures, although the Celts are usually credited with its creation,” Mulder says excitedly. “Parents believed a baby prone to sickness or colic must actually be a changeling, brought by the fairies and--”

“Switched with the real baby when no one was looking,” Scully finishes.

“Someone’s brushed up on their cryptids.” He seems proud.

“We used to tell Charlie he was a changeling,” she explains. “My aunt was a big storyteller, she unknowingly gave us a lot of fodder for harmless torture amongst siblings.”

“I always wanted a big family. As a kid,” he amends. “Both my parents were only children.”

“The grass is always greener,” she offers. “I’ve got more cousins than I can count, and now they’ve all got kids. It’s a lot to keep up with.”

“Nieces and nephews?”

“Nope, but Bill just got married, so he and his wife will probably start trying soon.”

They fall into a comfortable silence and Scully tries not to focus on the mile markers alongside the road. They blur and smear, green beacons guiding them to the parkway as they coast through the beginning of traffic. Left to her own devices Scully can’t help but think of the impending holidays; three weeks until Thanksgiving, seven until Christmas, eight until New Years… she feels nauseous all of sudden and rolls down her window.

“I can turn down the heat,” Mulder offers, fiddling with something. His car is surprisingly neat, the dashboard free of dust, the floorboards clean save for a scattering of seed shells. His fingers pause a moment over the temperature knob, as if it’s been so long since he’s driven his own car that he has to reacquaint himself with its functions.

Scully waves a hand at him before he can make an adjustment. “No, it’s fine, I’m just feeling a little sick, that’s all.”

“We can pull off here and get something to eat.”

Scully lifts her hand to stop him, but then looks ahead at the oncoming sea of brake lights headed for the parkway and acquiesces. Mulder pulls into the parking lot of a 7-11 and declares, “It’s been years since I’ve had a footlong weiner.”

Coming from anyone else she would have tsked her disapproval, but there is something so non-threatening about the way Mulder says it that she almost giggles. A young girl with dark eyeliner whose nametag says Ashlynn rings them up for two hot dogs and two Diet Cokes. Outside, the wind whips Scully’s hair into her mouth as she struggles to open the mustard packet on the back of Mulder’s car. After an aggressive tug the slippery plastic finally gives way, her thumb slips, and she squirts mustard on the sleeve of her coat.

“Awww,” Mulder sympathizes through a mouthful of hot dog.

Scully swears and dabs at the blob with a napkin, hoping that it won’t stain. She’d just gotten this coat, too. They eat their hot dogs in silence, trying not to chew with their mouths open. Scully feels her headache slowly dissipating. Things become clearer around the edges. It is one of those acute Maryland evenings right before winter, with air just cold enough to remind you you’re alive, but this beats another night on her couch. Tomorrow she will go for a run, wake up as early as she can and make herself keep going until every breath is sharp as glass and her legs feel like jello.

“There’s something I want you to have,” Mulder says suddenly, fishing through his pocket next to her.

“Oh?”

“You gave me yours ages ago and I finally got around to returning the favor.” He pulls out an angular brass key and places it in the palm of her hand. “Apartment 42. It’s down at the end.”

“Oh, thank you.” It’s heavier than she expects, which is strange. All house keys weigh the same, she thinks. She pulls out her own keys and jams her nail in between the cheap metal rings, trying to make space for the surprisingly thick addition.

“Technically you didn’t give yours to me so much as I found it,” Mulder says. He takes a sip of his soda.

“Sitting on the desk,” she remembers. “That was my spare.”

“Well it’s lucky I’m a nosy bastard and scooped it up.”

Lucky indeed. Scully shivers at the thought of Tooms in her house, snaking along the floor. To somehow not be safe even with all your windows and doors locked was unnerving to say the least. She’d slept at a friend’s for two nights after that. She’d never told Mulder. She’d never really thanked him, either.

“Thank you,” she says, then takes a sip of her Diet Coke. “For stealing my spare key and for coming that night. I don’t, ah, I don’t know what I would have--”

“You would have been fine,” Mulder assures her, but she doesn’t believe him. She believes that he believes himself, though, and that is sort of reassuring. She burrows further into the popped collar of her coat. Mulder doesn’t look cold at all. He doesn’t have gloves or a hat. She tries to picture Mulder in a hat and chuckles.

“What?” he asks.

“Just picturing you in one of those-- sheepskin hats with the ear flaps.” She mimes pulling the ear flaps down and tying them under her chin.

Mulder laughs. “Just ball caps for me, that’s all that’ll fit on this noggin.”

“Too many cases in there,” Scully says. In a gesture of unprecedented familiarity, she tousles his hair. She can’t quite reach the top of his head, of course, but she gets the side nice and messy. The pad of her thumb accidentally grazes his earlobe on the way down.

“Probably,” he agrees good-naturedly, shrugging a shoulder and flattening his hair back down. Scully fears for a moment that she has grossly overstepped the line, and then he says, “Should we get back?”

It’s not a statement, we should get back, the awkward conversation-ender. It’s a question. He genuinely wants her opinion. On this and, seemingly, all things.

“You’re a good partner, Mulder,” she says quietly. Her eyes water, stinging from the wind. Before she can stop herself, she adopts that goofy voice again, the old school New York copper. “Ya got gumption and spirit, kid.”

“So do you,” Mulder replies, completely serious. And then in the next instant he is playing along, miming a cigar and grumbling, “We gotta make like a banana and split.”

They hurry to get into the car, cheeks raw, lips pebbly and dry. The 7-11 drinks barely squeeze into Mulder’s cupholders. The bases fit, but the cups lean out at an angle, too wide at the top to sit evenly. This town ain’t big enough for the both of us, Scully thinks. She pictures herself and Mulder in denim and horsehide, two no-nonsense sheriffs keeping a small prairie town in line, protecting its inhabitants from dust devils and flesh-eating locusts. Her hair is long and she has a braid. She thinks about growing it out as the car picks up speed and the parkway stretches out before them, a black ribbon dotted with red and yellow lights.

[frangipanidownunder]

All the little things

The missing scene where Scully tells Mulder she’s in remission. As blogged so eloquently by @sunflowerseedsandscience  Noticed the @2momsmakearight has a missing scene challenge too, so here’s my shot at that.

 If she could have breathed him in, his essence, she would have. Inhaled with all her might and held her breath for days. But the tumour had all but destroyed her sense of smell. Still, she knew he was there. She could feel him at the deepest level, in a way she would never have been able to explain in a report.

           “Mulder?” Her voice broke over the incessant hum of the hospital room.

           “Hmm?”

           She heard his shirt rustle as he moved in the chair. “How long have you been here?”

           He sat forward on his elbows, and mussed his hair. She noticed how long and elegant his fingers were. Piano hands, her mother would say. His right cheek was lined from the vinyl of the high-backed chair. His tie was loose around his neck and his collar unbuttoned. Somehow, it seemed fitting that he should be suited up, however creased. Fox Mulder wore a suit well. She thought about how the pleated waistband of his pants sat snug against his hips. She’d always had a thing for hipbones. Rubbing a thumb over the rounded knob of bone, spreading her palm flat across a taut stomach. She’d had enough time recently to think about all the little things she would never do again and that had been one. It was the oddest things that struck her. Of all the horrors she had seen in her professional life, the simple cruelty of her reality had been by far the worst.

She reached out her hand and touched his. His fingers curled around hers with such tenderness that she could imagine him as a lover, how gentle, how considerate, how reverential.

           “I tried to go home, Scully, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bear to go back and sit in my apartment. I…just need to be here some more.”

           She tried to roll herself further to the side of the bed, to close the distance between them. There had been times in their relationship when that distance had seemed so vast it could never been reduced; when their differences served only to convince her that they would pull each other apart, unstitch, if one of them didn’t relinquish their hold on the seams of the partnership. But there were other times, more often recently, when she had felt his presence like a second soul, when their similarities had knitted together the edges of their resolve and they had worked as one.

           “Mulder, I have something to tell you.” She squeezed his fingers. He rubbed his face, his jaw clenching. He might be the psychologist but she was well versed in human reaction and paleness, shallow breathing and tension were all classic signs of the fear response. The Mulder fear repertoire also included impulsiveness, shouting, thumping walls or people and guilt.

           “No wait, Scully. I want to speak. I’ve been sitting here waiting for you…to wake up. I’ve been rehearsing this all night. I…can you let me go first?” His eyes clouded and she scooted closer to him, close enough to pull him forward and drop a kiss on his forehead. He sat back and the look he had on his face all but burnt her heart out. His eyes were red with early tears, his nostrils flaring as he tried to control his breathing, his stubbled chin set firm.

           “K…go ahead.”

           He shuddered out a breath and steepled his hands over his nose and mouth. His brow creased and she knew the skin there would be soft. She had an impulse to cover it in kisses, press her lips there long enough to imprint herself on his brain. Instead, she stored the image in the place where she kept her dreams and hopes and simple wishes.

           “I…we don’t do this talking thing very well. We excel at things unspoken. But since you’ve been in here, it hit me…” he broke off to issue a gentle chuckle, “too late of course, that there are too many things left unspoken. Not the big things, the declarations of love or the promises to continue the quest, but the hundred thousand other minutiae that make up a life.

He sighed and looked at her. “I can’t imagine never asking you again if you want cream in your coffee, or calling you on a Sunday morning to see if you’d seen the article in the Post, or telling you that Skinner wants to see us in his office in five minutes, or watching you sign your name at hire car desk where you’d have to stand on tiptoe to reach the counter, or hoping you’d say yes to adjoining rooms, or wondering if you’d belt me if I offered to carry your bags.”

           He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and she saw how his shirt sleeves were rolled to his elbows and the tendons in his forearms flexed. “Mulder, you don’t have to do this.”

           “But I do, Scully. That’s just it. The big things have remained unsaid for a reason. The big things are measured by the way you’ve changed my life and I hope I’ve changed yours. By the way you’ve made me work for everything, by the way you’ve opened your eyes to the truth even when it hurt so much. But the little things, they cut deep.”

           She shifted, trying to get the pillow out from under her head, so she could sit up. He stood then, took the pillow from her and placed it up against the headboard. He slipped his arms under hers and around her back and gently turned her from her side so she could sit up. She felt her breasts crush against his chest their hearts joining momentarily and hoped he did too. He pulled the sheet and blanket up over her chest and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. She was touched by his gentleness, his silent ministrations, his patent concern for her comfort even during his own distress. His eyes continued to well with tears and she noticed the tremble in his hands.

           “Mulder, I thought about the little things too.” She clasped her hands in her lap and snorted out a laugh. “All the time. How I would miss the way you stand you’re your hands on your hips when you’re frustrated, the way you chew on your bottom lip when you think too long, the vein in your temple that throbs when you’re angry, your Dad jokes and innuendos and hand in the small of my back.”

           Tears tracked down his cheeks now and he looked away, desperate to retain some modicum of dignity. “Scully…”

           She put a finger to his mouth. “Shh. It’s okay.” He broke into a choking sob and she let him cry it out. He shook against her, his forehead burning into her chest, melding their skin together.

           “Scully, I can’t do this without you. I can’t.”

           “You know what? You could if you had to.” She kissed his forehead, savouring the taste on her lips, she kissed his cheek, his stubbled jaw, the soft lobe of his ear and she whispered, “but you don’t, Mulder. The cancer is in remission. I’ve been trying to tell you. I’m okay. I’m okay.”

           She felt his grip tighten on the back of her neck, she felt his shoulders heave upwards, then drop just as quickly, releasing his pent-up tension.

           “The chip worked?” His voice cracked in astonishment and for the longest time he remained silent, her head tucked under his chin, his head thrown back. His shoulders wobbled and his chest expanded and he laughed and he held her close and the bed creaked as his laughing turned to crying.

           She snuffed into his neck. “We don’t know if it was the chip, but the fact remains that I’m going to get better. And we’re going to get the chance to say all those little things, Mulder.”

           She let him sink into her, revelling in the heat of his breath in the hollow between her neck and her shoulder. She brushed her fingers over the fine hairs at his nape. She bunched the fabric of his shirt in her hand and settled to the rhythm of his sobbing. She lost track of time, but her eyes grew heavy and she had to push at him to get him to release her.

           “I’m tired, Mulder.”

           “Have I ever told you how your top lip curls so sedately round your teeth when you yawn, Scully? And how you make this tiny noise when you’re entering REM sleep, like a snuffly puppy? And how your pinky finger sticks out a little when you hold a spoon to eat your yoghurt?”

           “A snuffly puppy, Mulder?”

 She closed her eyes and let him talk. He told her all the little things. And she thought about all the little things that she would tell him later. And later and later.

[sixhours]

Temulentus

Posting the full text here since this is a challenge work. You can read it at Ao3 as well.

Missing scene from Per Manum.

“Never give up on a miracle.”

He whispers words of comfort at her temple, but it’s not enough. It could never be enough to replace what they’ve taken from her.

She pulls back with a soft intake of breath. Her hand behind his neck draws him down, as if to tell him a secret, and as he understands her intention, there’s a fleeting moment of hesitation. Their lips meet—a chaste, careful kiss, testing the waters.

They’ve followed the laws and played by the rules, always ending up here, loss and disappointment heavy on their hearts.

To hell with it, he thinks, and kisses her again.

He pulls away, tugging on her hand. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

“Go? Where?”

“Trust me,” he says, half question, half request.

She ducks her head in assent, and they escape together into the light of the evening street. He keeps her hand tucked in his, desperate to keep some small part of her safe.

“Where are we going?” she asks when they’ve walked a few blocks, her voice numb.

“I’ll, uh, know when we get there,” he mutters. In truth, he doesn’t have a plan or a destination; he just knows he can’t sit in her apartment and watch her come undone.

He finds the restaurant a couple blocks down; a hole in the wall, the kind with red-and-white checked plastic tablecloths and a menu of photocopies. He holds the door and she walks under his arm, barely seeming to notice her surroundings.

When the hostess is out of earshot, Scully leans forward. “Mulder…if this is some kind of pity date—“

“Not a date, Scully. I’m just trying to get you drunk in the classiest way I know how.”

“Get me drunk? Mulder—”

“I think there’s a bar down the street, but you’re less likely to get alcohol poisoning if you eat something, too,” he says, scrutinizing the menu.

She frowns. “I don’t have much of an appetite.”

“That’s OK. We’ll just drink, then,” he says, struggling to keep his voice even. He half expects her to walk out, to retreat to the privacy of her apartment to lick her wounds. “Red or white?”

“Red,” she says finally. “But you have to promise to hold my hair if this goes the way I think it will.”

“Deal.”

Mulder flags down a waiter and orders the wine and an appetizer of stuffed mushrooms. When their drinks arrive, Mulder raises his glass, but he can’t think of a good reason to toast.

“Bottoms up,” he says instead, clinking the glasses together. The first acidic-sweet sip hits his palate, a balm to an ache that isn’t his to share.

The seconds tick by in uncomfortable silence; he reaches over, tapping her knuckles with one finger. “Talk to me, Scully.”

She swallows hard, brow knit in thought. Finally she looks up at him.

“You kissed me back there,” she says, somewhere between a question and an accusation. “Why?”

He blinks, stunned at her frankness. “I thought you kissed me.”

“Maybe it was a little of both,” she admits. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“I…you—I mean, we—”

“I don’t want your pity, Mulder.”

His eyes widen. This is not going the way he hoped. “That’s not—I don’t…pity you.”

She goes quiet again, fixing him with a stare he recognizes from countless interrogation rooms.

“If anything, I blame myself,” he babbles, desperate to unpin himself from her gaze. “If I’d told you about the ova sooner, you might have had a better chance…maybe I didn’t get them into cold storage soon en—”

“I don’t want your self-pity, either,” she cuts him off. “No one is responsible but the men who took advantage of me.”

Heat rushes to his cheeks. “I didn’t do anything—anything—out of pity, Scully,” he says. “I hope you know that.”

She bites her lip, nodding slightly, her eyes heavy with unspoken accusations. There’s another pause, this one longer, and he wonders if this was a mistake.

“Maybe it’s for the best,” she says, turning the wine glass stem between her fingers.

He opens his mouth to protest, but something about the way she’s looking at him takes his breath away; like her soul has been laid bare, and she’s daring him to touch.

“When I was laying on the table and they were doing the procedure…one of the nurses advised me to visualize the desired outcome, to see myself holding my child,” she swallows hard. “But no matter what I tried, I couldn’t see it. Everything was blank, like an empty white screen. And I keep thinking, maybe it’s a sign…”

“I refuse to believe that.”

She doesn’t respond, but her eyes shine, darkening in stark contrast to her pale skin, and she ducks her head to hide the tears.

“Hey,” he says gently, nudging her foot under the table. “We’re supposed to be drinking your problems away, remember?”

“Right,” she sighs, forcing a watery smile. “I think we’re going to need more wine.”

The appetizer arrives, and Mulder breathes a silent sigh of relief when Scully polishes off three of the mushrooms and a second glass of wine. He pours her a third and tops off his glass for good measure.

“At this rate, I’ll be wasted before the first course,” she muses, watching him finish off the bottle with a dramatic flourish.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drunk, Scully.”

She frowns. “There was that time with the wine and the…oh. That was Van Bluhndt, wasn’t it?”

Mulder grimaces at the memory. “Yeah. That wasn’t me.”

“I tried once,” she says. “But you weren’t interested.”

“Tried what?”

“That night at the motel in Florida. The impromptu wine and cheese reception?”

“You were—you mean—I—ohhh…”

She quirks her lips. “You ran after the…whatever it was before I could make my move.”

“You had a move? There was a move?” he grins, giddy at the thought of his straight-laced, buttoned-up partner seducing him in a cruddy backwater motel room.

“Well, maybe I didn’t have a move, but I was keeping an open mind,” she says, swiping a crumb of mushroom from her plate and sucking it off her thumb. “Which is more than I could say for you at the time.”

“Damn,” he says, cursing his stubborn single-mindedness. “Maybe our friend Eddie was right: I’m a loser by choice.”

“Circumstances being what they are…I didn’t ask Van Blunhdt for a sperm donation,” she says wryly.

“Maybe,” Mulder concedes, finding it suddenly impossible to look her in the eye. He focuses on his wine instead, swirling the dregs in the bottom of the glass. “But a guy would have to be pretty thick to say no to you.”

She licks her lips, a rosy flush creeping up her neck. “So—what was your first time like?”

Mulder coughs, finding it suddenly hard to breathe. “My—my what?”

“The first time you got drunk,” she clarifies.

“Oh, um,” he looks at the table, remembering. “It wasn’t that exciting, really. I think I was 13. Snuck into Dad’s liquor cabinet when my parents were away. Passed out on the couch in the basement and woke up with one hell of a hangover.”

Scully arches an eyebrow. “Thirteen? That’s precocious.”

“Yeah. Not that my parents were paying attention,” he says. “What about you? Lemme guess…senior prom night? Open house at Kappa Phi?”

She takes a drink. “I was 16. I caught Missy sneaking out to a party off base, so I did what any responsible younger sister would; I threatened to tell Mom if she didn’t take me.”

Mulder leans in, grinning at the thought of a young Scully coercing her older sister into collaboration. “They teach blackmail in Catechism class, huh?”

She smirks. “It was a bunch of seniors from her class and me. The party was terrible, of course, but I liked the thrill. Someone handed me a drink—I don’t know what it was, but it was sweet—and suddenly everything was funny, and I couldn’t stand up straight.

“But then Missy picked a fight with her boyfriend, who happened to be our ride, so he left. We had to call Mom to pick us up, and I threw up in the car on the way home.”

Mulder whistles. “Bet that made for a fun Sunday confessional.”

“Dad was at sea, of course,” Scully continues. “Mom never told him; it would have been worse if she had…she must have thought the humiliation was punishment enough.”

“Was it?”

“Mmhm,” she says. “Next time, I made sure I had cab fare.”

Mulder holds up his glass. “I’ll drink to that.”

More wine turns into wine and entrées. Scully forgoes her usual salad for lobster ravioli, and Mulder chooses the lasagna. When the food arrives, he’s so entranced at the sight of her enjoying the meal that he doesn’t realize he’s staring until it’s too late.

“What?” she asks, wiping her lips with a napkin. “S’there something in my teeth?”

He considers feigning ignorance, but the wine has loosened his tongue. “It’s good to see you eat, is all.”

“Ahh, the hormones,” she murmurs, ducking her head.

His mind tells him to tread cautiously, to turn the conversation around, but his stupid mouth fails him. “That bad, huh?”

“Mmm. Although, to be honest…the whole experience was so…consuming. It’s still a bit surreal when I think about it. Having a child,” she says, hiding her next words in her glass. “With you.”

With you. The phrase lingers, bouncing around his brain like balls in a pinball machine. “There were times when you were preparing for the treatments, I wondered if you’d change your mind.”

“About what?”

“About me, as a donor,” he says. “Paranoid delusions and a pronounced narcissistic streak don’t make for an easy childhood.”

“What happened to ‘passing genetic muster'?” There’s a teasing lilt in her voice.

“I…don’t know how to answer that without incriminating myself.”

She smiles, sadness lingering in her eyes. “I would have liked to meet your kid, Mulder.”

His throat tightens unexpectedly. “Yeah. Me, too.”

The waiter interrupts to suggest dessert, and Mulder accepts, eager to change the subject. By the time they’ve finished, the rest of the patrons have dispersed, and the staff are wiping down tables and putting up chairs.

“I guess that’s our cue,” Mulder says, handing Scully her coat, watching as she struggles to put it on inside out, then backwards, before offering to help.

“Mulder, I can’t even—this is—I’m not going to be able to walk,” she giggles.

“Lightweight,” he teases, taking her hand.

“You had…how much have you had?” she narrows her eyes in an exaggerated frown as he guides her out the door.

“Not as much as you,” he admits. “One of us has to navigate.”

Her hand is cold, so he holds it close between their bodies, and she leans into him all the way back to her apartment. To the untrained eye, they look like a normal couple on an evening stroll.

They stop at her doorstep, and he realizes, in his haste to whisk her away from real life for a few hours, that he doesn’t know what comes next.

She answers the unspoken question by unlocking the door and pulling him inside.

“Stay with me, Mulder.”

He stands, frozen, at the threshold. “I—I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” she says, in a tone far too precise for her current state.

“I don’t put out on the first date, Scully,” he quips, hoping it sounds more nonchalant than he feels. “And you’re drunk.”

Scully snorts, leaning down to slip off one heel, wobbling on unsteady feet. “You said it wasn’t a date.”

“You got me there,” he says, offering an arm to steady her as she removes her second heel. “But you’re still drunk.”

“That I am,” she smiles, stifling a yawn. “No thanks to you.”

“I take full responsibility. And the responsible thing is for me to go home and let you sleep it off.”

She turns around, placing both hands on his chest. “Mmhm. That would be responsible.”

He should follow his own advice. She’s vulnerable, and he’s not entirely present, but she’s looking at him with such open desire that his feet won’t move.

“Thank you,” she says, leaning into him, further complicating matters and assuring he can’t leave without dropping her.

“It was nothing,” he rasps.

“It was…exactly what I needed,” she sighs. “I wish…“ she begins, closing her eyes. Her head nods forward. Her breath warms the spot on his chest where he might have held a child, in a different time, a different life.

“I know,” he murmurs, when she doesn’t finish. He cradles the back of her head in his hand, running his fingers through her hair in careful circles. “Me, too.”

She steps back. “Stay,” she says, almost breathless with the invitation. Her hand catches his, and he looks down, surprised at how they fit together, how natural it is to touch her like this.

He swallows hard. “I shouldn’t. Not that I don’t want to. I mean, not that I want that, but…and it’s not that I don’t want…that…shit,” he says, rubbing at the back of his neck.

Scully giggles, eyes shining.

“What’s so funny?” he asks, already wincing at the answer.

“If I had known that’s all it took to shut you up, Mulder, I would have propositioned you years ago.”

The light in her eyes is blinding, and he steadies himself against the doorframe, the wine having nothing to do with it.

“Please, stay. Not…for that,” she whispers. “I’m not ready to be alone with this yet.”

He bites his lip, thinking of their kiss, of the lines they’ve crossed. “Alright,” he concedes. “Only if I get the couch.”

“Deal,” she says, looking up at him through heavy lashes. “And Mulder?”

“Yeah?”

She turns, hips swaying as she makes her way to the bathroom, a lilt in her step and her voice.

“I’m going to need you to hold my hair.”

[mulderscreek]

Call for Pregnancy Fics

Calling all authors – and we do mean all, not just already archived Nursery Files writers – we want your pregnancy fics for an upcoming update! The update is going to be a two-parter, one part soon with existing submissions, and the other part the third week of May, so you have some time to get your stories together if you want to join in.

While we’d especially like your post-season 11 pregnancy fics, you can send in any and all fics that are not already archived at The Nursery Files.

Got a Scully pregnant with William fic? We’ll take it. Got a Scully pregnant with an original character baby? We’ll take that too. Got a pregnant Monica Reyes or Marita Covarrubias or Teena Mulder or Maggie Scully fic? We want those too. Fics where an X-Files character helps out a pregnant woman? Yup, we take those. How about a story set in the near future where a grandchild is welcomed into the world? We take those too. How about a pregnant guy? Yup, we take those too.

There are two ways to submit your fic for inclusion in the Nursery Files archive:

Post the story here on our Tumblr, or

Send it by email to nurseryfiles@mulderscreek.com

 If you’d like to participate but don’t have a fic, consider one of our pregnancy related challenges. There are never any word limits so you can keep any of them short to finish by mid-May.

 Pregnancy Challenges

Most of these challenges involve Scully. Some involve other X-Files characters. A couple involve men. A couple (can) involve complete strangers.

 Tell Mulder, Tell Mulder challenge Have Mulder be told that he’s going to be a dad, twice.

 Lamaze Class challenge Send Scully and Mulder (or two other characters) to Lamaze class before the birth of a child.

 Expecting the Completely Unexpected Challenge In your story the dad-to-be is going to be really, really surprised because he’s the one who is pregnant!

 Into a World Like This Challenge Write a fic about a woman (or man) who is about to have a baby during a global disaster.

 When the Wind Blows Challenge Write a fic about an X-Files character having a baby during a storm.

 Labor Day Labor Challenge An X-Files character comes to the aide of an expectant mom on Labor Day.

 Mixed Feelings Challenge Write a fic about Scully having mixed feelings when she discovers she’s pregnant after IWTB.

 Season Eight Missing Scenes Challenge Pack 1013 “forgot” to include several scenes in season eight. Try your hand at one or more of the challenges in this revised challenge collection.

 One Each Way Challenge In fics Mulder and Scully acquire children in a variety of ways. Write a fic that includes every one of those six (or up to nine!) ways.

 Moving Day Challenge A pregnant character in her new home.

 Christmas 2006 Challenges In one of the two scenarios Mulder and Scully are trying to get to friends and family on Christmas Eve when something disrupts their plans. Oh, btw, Scully’s 9 months pregnant.

 GillyX29’s Birth Scene Challenge What if Mulder delivered William instead of Reyes?

 It’s Another Boy Challenge Write about the birth of William’s little brother.

 “He’s My Mommy” Challenge Some poor XF guy gets knocked up! Tell us about it.

More challenges that potentially could include a pregnancy after the cut.

 Additional Challenges that could include pregnancies (not necessarily Scully’s)

These are either challenges where a pregnancy is one of multiple options, or for stories with babies but you’re welcome to rewind a bit and include part of a pregnancy too.

 Just One More Challenge A story about baby Mulder being raised with a near-in-age sibling that Scully could have been pregnant with just before the canon season 11 pregnancy (also includes non-pregnancy option).

 The Woman in Bed B Challenge A story from the POV of Scully’s hospital roommate (though if you include a birth, it’d likely be the roommate’s, not Scully’s)

 Ghosts Hate Babies and Middleschoolers Challenge If watching shows with reenactments have taught us anything, it’s that ghosts really hate pregnant women, babies, and kids in middle school. Tell us about a case that lands on an X-Files’ desk or in their own home.

Merry Multiples Challenge Give someone twins, triplets, quads etc in time for Christmas.

 The What If Challenge In one of the scenarios Maggie Scully discovers she’s pregnant the day she buried her husband.

 William’s Twin Challenge Write a fic about William being a twin instead of a singleton.

 William’s Twin II Challenge When Mulder returns from his abduction, he finds out that Scully is having or has had his baby, one he didn’t know about. But he has a surprise for her too…

 First Halloween With You Challenge

First Thanksgiving With You Challenge

First Christmas With You Challenge In these challenges a character still being pregnant at the holiday is an option.

 Green Goo Fetus Challenge What did Mulder do with the live n’ kicking Fetus from “Emily”?

 Son* of a Lone Gunman Challenge Write a fic where one or more of the Gunmen produced offspring.

 Season 10 Guest Challenges by Kyouryoku Senshi Write stories about how a child broke Mulder and Scully up, and rewrite a scene/episode/season 10 to include William’s younger sibling who was born post-IWTB.

 The Christmas Child Challenge Your challenge is to write a Christmas fic about a baby or child born on 12/25.

 Baby/Kidfic plot Generator Click the magical button, get random pregnancy, baby, or kidfic plot to write about.

 Outnumbered Challenge Write a fic about parents being out numbered: either twins + another child, or triplets = outnumbered.

 I’ll Be Cloned For Christmas Challenge Clone one of the canon characters this Christmas!

 My Baby Isn’t Human Challenge Convinced that their child isn’t human, someone seeks X-Files help.

 Children With Others Challenge Give a main character a child with another character that they’re not usually paired up with (Scully & Skinner or Doggett, Mulder & Marita or Reyes etc).

 Doggett-Reyes (DRR) Babyfic Challenge Give Doggett and Reyes a baby or very young child.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Circe Invidiosa

Circe Invidiosa has 11 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files stories at her website. Some of my favs I’ve recced here before, like Make It Worse and Slap a Goatee On Me and Call Me Evil. She also made a bunch of X-Files collage art, including some cover art for fics (hers and others), which you probably saw if you were reading fic back when authors posted fics on their own websites where art could be shared. Big thanks to Circe Invidiosa for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Well, it would surprise me if people did read my fic. As it happens, I don't hear much feedback from my fic these days. Probably because the bulk of it is on Gossamer and my own site rather than AO3. Also, I was never a BNA. I worked a lot behind the scenes – hosting other authors' sites and making fanart and dustjackets. I think that's what I'd be remembered for, if anything.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience?

I miss the collective excitement and discussions we had as groups. When you got in with a group in the XF fandom, you felt like you knew everybody there. Now the fandom feels a little faceless except for the people I still follow from my old groups.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Most of my experience was on Yahoo Groups. I joined Scullyfic while it was still there and then E-muse when it became an e-mail list, which I'm still a part of. I was part of several Yahoo Groups (can't remember all of them now), where I'd post my fic, RealPlayer slideshows (remember those?!), and collages. I never really took part in discourse because I'm shy and don't think anyone cares about my opinions (still don't!). The e-mail address I used for those groups was purged a couple of years ago, so I've lost all those messages.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

My take away is that fanfic made me a better writer, thanks to having some great betas, and it made me a better professional writer for it (my real-life work is writing but not fun writing) because I learned to take criticism.

I also used to make a lot of fanart, collages and dustjackets for fic mostly. My big take away from that was that I really got into graphics and I got super proficient at Photoshop, which helped my own artistic endeavours and photography. I didn't realize how much skill I had developed until I've had to help someone with their graphics or photo editing.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

My mother was watching X-Files before I was and she was raving about it. I don't have a great relationship with my mom, but one thing she was usually right about was TV shows. It's where I got my love of Sci-Fi.

I think the first episode I watched was Ice, which definitely hooked me. As for when the shipping started, I remember we were watching Lazarus, and when Mulder was yelling at Lula (I had to look that up) about hurting the hostage Scully, my mom said, "Oh, he's so in love with her." And I was all, "What?! Pfff." But then I could not stop thinking about it. And then I thought about it way, way too much.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I was in my late 20s, and it was around the end of S7 and I kept thinking about what if these two dumb idiots actually talked one day. And I kept thinking about dialogue in my head about what they'd actually say. The internet was still in its infancy back then, but I'd seen fan sites here and there. So I decided to search around to see if other people were talking about it and thinking about it like I was. I was such a noob I'd never even heard of fanfic. Imagine my delight when I discovered it. I found a few stories and thought, 'Well, I can do that.' And I wrote up my first story, found a place to post it (wasn't Ephemeral the best?), got some kind feedback, found a really nice person (not sure she wants to be named since she used her real name in the fandom back in the day) who encouraged me a lot and directed me to all the e-mail lists and Yahoo Groups that I needed to be on, and then, Bob's your uncle, I wrote more and more.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Periphery. Most of my experience in any fandom is now on Tumblr because that's where my attention span is. Show me pretty pictures and funny stuff. I am old now and don't want to think hard.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Veronica Mars was my next fandom experience. A number of my XF friends got me hooked on VM. The VM fandom was a LOT younger compared to the XF fandom. When I joined the XF fandom, I was the kid compared to most of the other fans who were all goddesses and royalty in my eyes. But in the VM fandom, I was in my 30s and the rest of the fandom were all in their early 20s if not younger. It often showed, so I stayed out of discussions and just posted my fic once I started writing it. I took a new handle (invida) when I started writing VM fic. Just in case these kids felt like my writing sucked, I didn't want it getting back to the XF fandom that I’d branched out and failed spectacularly.

By then fandom experiences had moved over to LiveJournal. I never really got involved in the discourse or the fandom fights. I knew what people were saying and where the schisms were, but I was all about the fanfic and the pretty pictures. Most of my LJ friends just discussed the episodes and posted their fic and that was good with me.

What got me writing fic for VM was Anjou's brilliant VM fic Into the Blue. Seriously, if you love VM S1, read her fic. Just so beautiful.

VM was also where started writing a WIP, which was a wild trip. I wrote a much-loved WIP called Damn, Damn the Circumstance which people still ask me about finishing to this day. Someday…*wistful sighs*

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Scully. She was everything! Lapsed Catholic, degrees in science, skeptic, always trying to work within the rules but still not taking crap. Yeah, she was the best.

Veronica Mars was great until she wasn't. I have a lot of issues with her beyond S2. And don't even talk to me about S4. For me, S1 was the best, I enjoyed the movie, the books were okay, but nothing else happened after that. NOTHING.

And the first character I ever loved was Princess Leia. She was also everything to me growing up. I wanted to be her. I still do.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Now and then. Not as much as I used to. I sometimes have it on in the background when I'm doing other things. Back before the pandemic, my BFF and I would have get togethers where we would play Scrabble, eat a lot of candy, and binge several XF episodes. I miss doing that. Hopefully, we will get back to that soon.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I am not an active XF fanfic reader right now. I will read any stories my friends put out. Otherwise, I only occasionally read some I come across on Tumblr in my feed, but I am not seeking them out. I will beta for any XF author who asks me as well.

I am reading fic in other fandoms though – Endeavour, Broadchurch, Sherlock…huh, I'm just realizing that's a lot of British stuff. I have been really into British detective series for the last few years.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I used to run an XF fic recommendation site called How Will It End usually with at least one other person (I went through at least 4 partners on that project because I'm a control freak). We'd compile our recs and then I'd post them on my site. We'd also feature authors we really liked and interview them. Not unlike these interviews!

I'm terrible at giving feedback/comments. So I solved that problem by making a rec site. That way I could tell authors I loved their fics by recommending them. I didn't have to comment, I'd just say, 'I'd like to rec your fic'. And then they'd get promotion. Win-win. Back in those days, the fandom would absolutely roast you for promoting your own fic, so to get on a rec site was a big deal. Not that I had a popular rec site or anything. But I think authors really enjoyed being asked.

All that to say I've liked a lot of fics. I can pull up the archives of HWIE and show you all the faves I liked. :)

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Back in the day, E-muse would hold Improv Challenges, where other members would give you a prompt that you had to include in your fic. I was always really proud of the stories I created from those challenges (No Earthly Means and Elephant in the Room if you want to read them).

I enjoyed writing Dead to Rights which is an XF/Dead Like Me crossover because I loved the challenge of writing a crossover. It was the first crossover I ever tried writing even though I only recently published it.

Otherwise, I like re-reading In a Graveyard, Importuning Life for Life, and Some By Virtue Fall. Of my more recent fic, I like Slap a Goatee on Me and Call Me Evil because the premise was ridiculous and I think it's funny as all get out.

Probably my favourite of my VM fic was Stay Outta Riverdale. Because: 1. The title is a Simpsons reference who doesn't love a Simpsons reference? And 2. I think I was hilarious throughout it.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I'm always open to writing more fic (and, of course, I don't mean my WIPs…don't look at me like that). Lately, my only motivation has been from writing prompts on Tumblr. I haven't had anyone give me a prompt in over a year, so here we are. I have snippets of dialogue in journals and word documents that have never found their way into stories. I'd be happy to dust off any of those and shoehorn them into a new story.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

The last fanfic I wrote was a mini-fic over a year ago (with a prompt from Lilydale!). I've written a bit of original fiction but I haven't been able to finish it. Otherwise, I do have a number of real life hobbies which are where my creative outlets lie now.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Lately, challenges and prompts. It used to be from wanting to see more from a scene. I really had a thing for fill-in-the-blanks or scene continuations. And sometimes my motivation is just plain old spite. :)

What's the story behind your pen name?

Circe Invidiosa is the title of a painting by John William Waterhouse. Love the colours and the absolute malice on the face of the subject. It felt like a good pen name – the envious witch. That's me!

I chose it when I posted my first XF fic (which I cringe to read now, ugh so terrible) without knowing there was already a Circe in the fandom. Whoops. I tried to go by the full Circe Invidiosa or Invidiosa as much as possible after realizing that (invidiosa is my url and my username on a lot of sites, etc.). Now I think that I've been around long enough that it doesn't matter as much but I still like it.

As I said, I took the name Invida for the VM fandom which is just a shortening of Invidiosa.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My significant other knows and that was quite a reveal (oh how awkward). However, the SO has been very supportive and has read all my stories since the reveal and sometimes betas them. The SO also wants us to collaborate on writing some original fiction but we haven't found a project that works for both of us creatively or timewise.

My BFF knows because I dragged her into the online fandom. We've known each other since we were 14, but our love of XF really solidified our bond in our 20s. She wrote some short but sweet fics under the penname Helen Quilley which I bullied her into posting, and we wrote Of Ladies Most Deject and Wretched together. She is mostly embarrassed that she wrote fanfic now but we still fangirl together.

No one else really knows other than fandom folks I've met in real life. And some friends know I've written 'short stories' but I don't elaborate. I work in a stodgy, uptight industry where anything fun or actually having a life is frowned upon.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Over the first lockdown, I got my shit together and got my fic site, invidiosa.com, up and running again. My site houses fic by Rain (now @doctorhelena on Tumblr and AO3), Helen Quilley, ML (who I miss so much), Folieadeux, Shelba, TLynn, Oracle, Piper Sargasso, Diehard, and me. And I made all their dustjackets (except Folie's). The site got hacked a few years back and it was so much work to get running again that I put it off for years and years. I still feel terrible that I did not get the site back up before ML passed away, especially when ML had asked me about it a few months before she passed.

Anyway, all my XF fic is here: circe.invidiosa.com. I have 3 of my newer XF stories on AO3. And my fic-LJ also has some of my stories. Some of the newer stories are on Tumblr but the tagging is so erratic that I'd have to list several tags before you'd find them all. I don't know why I haven't moved everything over to AO3. Probably laziness.

I'm @invidiosa on Tumblr. I'm still on E-muse. I'm still on LJ. I'm always reachable by e-mail (invidiosa at gmail).

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Thanks for reading, writing, and commenting. It is always appreciated.

(Posted by Lilydale on January 5, 2021)

[impulsive-astrophile]

Post-ep fic recs for days

@muldaaah as promised, here’s a post-episode fic rec list! 

It’s not comprehensive by any means, but it will probably be pretty long! Nothing past the end of s7 as that’s where I stopped. (if there are any eps I don’t include that you would like me to, let me know)

Recs will be sorted into categories (in bold, linked to their corresponding tags on AO3 for a comprehensive list for that ep) by episode, will not include tags, and can be found under the cut to save your dash. All recs have MSR and are hosted on Ao3 unless otherwise stated.

As always, make sure you read the tags on the work before reading to make sure it’s content you want to consume!

Pilot (01x01)

Pilot Sex (series)

Summary: What if Mulder and Scully fucked in the pilot episode?

Rating: Explicit

Words: 22397

Fire (01x12)

Sick Day

Summary: An early MSR post ep piece of "Fire" of Scully taking care of Mulder.

Rating: Gen

Words: 617

Beyond the Sea (01x13)

My Lover Stands on Golden Sand

Summary: "So who are you leaning on, Scully?" asks Mulder gently. "I'm fine, Mulder," she says, and he tightens his arm around her. "It's okay if you're not," he whispers... and that's all it takes for her to break down.

Rating: Teen

Words: 3428

Fearful Symmetry (02x18)

Shampoo

Summary: Smutty Post-Ep for "Fearful Symmetry"

Rating: Explicit

Words: 3145

Paper Clip (03x02)

It's Cold Outside (multi-chapter)

Summary: For the Easter Fic Exchange: Mulder finds himself trapped at Maggie Scully's house during the course of recreating a family holiday with the rest of the Scully clan. And there's a blizzard. What else could happen? (Set Season 3 shortly after 'Paper Clip').

Rating: Mature

Words: 11302

731 (03x10)

Prayers Answered

Summary: SUMMARY: This is my entry into the Fandomonium First-Time-Smutfic Challenge; my episode: 731.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 7978

Got You(r) Back

Summary: "Mulder, you look like crap." "Aren't doctors supposed to have a warmer bedside manner?" "Aren't FBI agents supposed to have some concept of risk management?" Missing scene after S3E10 "731." Mulder's pretty beat up. Scully looks after him.

Rating: Teen

Words: 4933

Syzygy (03x13)

Cosmic Hearts

Summary:  A month after the events of Syzygy, Mulder and Scully face the feelings that were brought out on that case.

Rating: Teen

Words: 3018

A Little Frustration Between Partnerd

Summary: A Tumblr prompt for the first time Mulder talked dirty to Scully and her reaction to it. Set during Syzygy. Rating: Explicit Words: 542

Truly, Madly, Scully (multi-chapter)

Summary: Mulder and Scully hastily leave Comity and its once-every-84-years craziness borne from the syzygy of Mars, Uranus, and Neptune. Driven by the tempestuous Scully in the middle of the night, she and Mulder end up in a motel where Mulder will soon discover another form of syzygy: his Truly Madly Scully.

Rating: Not Rated

Words: 12516

Make a Change (multi-chapter)

Summary: Indulging into their vices, some unspoken truths become uncovered between Scully and Mulder. But then there's the aftermath. (Set during Season 3, Post-Syzygy. Tags will be added as needed.)

Rating: Explicit

Words: 11308

Chasing Fire

Summary: She could stop this right now, and their partnership would remain beyond reproach. There would be a few awkward weeks, but they'd put this night in the box labeled 'Things Never to Talk About,' and they'd move on. Like they always do. Except, she'd die an old, lonely maid because there would never be another man who could set her soul on fire the way Mulder does. She'd always be chasing that fire.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 8316

Shipper’s Digest 313: Syzygy Convergences (multiple works, not hosted on AO3)

Summary: It's been a while between digests, so I thought I'd dip the proverbial back in with this smut companion for that beloved Season 3 episode, Syzygy. Enjoy.

Rating: Explicit

Words: ~27622

Grotesque (03x14)

Fall Back Together

Summary: Post-Grotesque, our heroes engage in some bondage with the intention of relaxing and reconnecting. When it doesn't go to plan, they must navigate their way back to each other before the chasm deepens. This is maybe 5% porn, 5% dungeon emergency, 40% ode to meditative bondage, and 50% gross domestic aftercare.

Rating: Mature

Words: 4660

Keeping Them Away

Summary: Keeping the nightmares away. This time.

Rating: Gen

Words: 781

Pusher (03x17)

Enjoy The Silence (multi-chapter)

Summary: The horizon paled on the other side of the house, they fell asleep again, waiting for words to come back.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 9068

esoterica

Summary: There are times she thinks that she could love him. (Or: Chocolate and a Supermarket Scene.)

Rating: Teen

Words: 3927

Quagmire (03x22)

The Replacement

Summary: Mulder gets Scully a replacement dog after Queequeg; post ep: Quagmire.

Rating: Gen

Words: 1351

Wetwired (03x23)

the creature in the deep (multi-chapter)

Summary: In the aftermath of Scully’s mind control via television, she and Mulder depart to Norway to investigate the Kraken.

Rating: Teen

Words: 17548

Unruhe (04x04)

Rest

Summary: It was Mulder’s name she screamed, voice ricocheting off the walls. It was Mulder’s name she kept thinking about, promising herself he would come for her and promising herself that she would remember his name if he came too late. She had poured all her confidence in him, telling herself to keep talking because he would get there any minute. This dependency scares her a little bit. But she’s not the only one who has that dependency. She can also hear Mulder’s voice in her head – the way he banged on the side of the trailer, bellowing her name like his life depended on it. She could still his frantic calls as he smashed through the door, gun raised and pupils wide.

Rating: Gen

Words: 1983

The Field Where I Died (04x05)

Once More With Feeling

Summary: I can't live without you again.

Rating: Gen

Words: 12245

a roll of stars and fade to black

Summary: A rewrite of "The Field Where I Died".

Rating: Teen

Words: 9688

But Always Together.

Summary: This is basically me giving a giant middle finger to "The Field Where I Died." Mulder and Scully, throughout the ages.

Rating: Gen

Words: 2028

Searching Souls (not MSR)

Summary: Scully is drunk and annoyed. Mulder is amused. Clearly the perfect time to psychoanalyze the nature of past lives. Post-ep scene for "The Field Where I Died"

Rating: Gen

Words: 2243

Paper Hearts (04x10)

Will you take me as I am?

Summary: Angst. Written as an extended/alternative ending for Paper Hearts, which is one of my favorite episodes.

Rating: Gen

Words: 1934

Small Potatoes (04x20)

2:47 AM

Summary: N/A

Rating: Teen

Words: 2394

Demons (04x23)

It Lingers

Summary: The aftermath of trauma and the lingering effects of Mulder’s risky attempt to recover the truth about Samantha’s abduction leads to a revelation from Scully about her own coping mechanisms and flashes into a past she doesn’t fully remember...and the path to which they lead thereafter. For Miss Rachel (red2007) - I hope it is everything that you're looking for (and more?).

Rating: Teen

Words: 10014

Li(f)e

Summary: "Why did you do this," she said into the darkness, feeling the powerlessness and dread crash against her conscience.

Rating: Teen

Words: 1020

Demons

Summary: After the events in "Demons", Scully takes care of Mulder.

Rating: Teen

Words: 1474

Detour (05x04)

A Kitten to Build a Dream On

Summary: Mulder finds a kitten on his way to work, but he's running late for a meeting with Skinner, so he has to take it with him to the office. A day of adorable feline chaos ensues.

Rating: Teen

Words: 6885

Living

Summary: 18. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” 4. “Shut up and kiss me.”

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2431

Fault Lines

Summary: If she'd known how much time she would spend playing twenty questions with him on long drives, she never would have taken this assignment. (Mulder & Scully, in the car and on the plane, arguing all the way home from Leon County, Florida.)

Rating: Gen

Words: 1705

Chinga (05x10)

Calling You

Summary: Yet another phone conversation between Mulder and Scully in "Chinga". This is one is just a little different.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 1814

All work and no play...

Summary: The relief he feels lasts a grand total of four hours. Four hours where he has the office to himself, not having to think about justifying anything to anyone, not engaged in any arguments about anything, not even fighting over who gets to pay for lunch… god he’s bored.

Rating: Gen

Words: 2882

Kitsunegari (05x08)

The Aftermark

Summary: "How many more pushers were there in the world, waiting to turn him against his partner? What was Scully safe from, who could she trust with her life, if not him? " An episode tag for 5x08, "Kitsunegari", because there is not enough post-trauma cuddling on this show.

Rating: Teen

Words: 1708

Kill Switch (05x11)

Cling to me

Summary: Scully is being all clingy and Mulder is annoyed. Or is he?

Rating: Gen

Words: 1132

The Pine Bluff Variant (05x18)

Don't Ever Be Sorry

Summary: Mulder and Scully post Pine Buff Variant. MSR.

Rating: Gen

Words: 1276

Sanctuary

Summary: Mulder, entangled with the New Spartans and wracked with guilt. Scully, suspicious and worried. How do they cope in the aftermath of this case?

Rating: Mature

Words: 6748

All of This (a round) Us

Summary: A broken finger, a bottle of whiskey, and a conversation. Scully sets a bone.

Rating: Teen

Words: 2240

Invariable (not MSR)

Summary: Mulder is a man of many talents, but lying to Scully is not one of them. An episode tag for 5x18, "The Pine Bluff Variant".

Rating: Gen

Words: 1773

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before

Summary: Post-ep for The Pine Bluff Variant. Scully wants to get Mulder away from the scene of the coverup.

Rating: Teen

Words: 2016

Stolen Moment

Summary: Written for the XF Missing Scene Challenge. This is a (slightly) NSFW scene for “The Pine Bluff Variant”.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2014

Folie a Deux (05x19)

Committed

Summary: Mulder finds himself living out a longtime fear of being held in a psychiatric hospital. Spoilers for Folie a Deux

Rating: Teen

Words: 4235

Triangle (06x03)

Side Effects

Summary: After Mulder's doped-up declaration of love, Scully takes him home to rule out brain damage.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 5532

Walls crumble down

Summary: Mulder finally says "I love you" to Scully in his hospital bed after his adventure in the Bermuda triangle. How does this affect Scully? How does she react to this?

***

Remember those walls I built Well, baby they're tumbling down And they didn't even put up a fight They didn't even make up a soundI found a way to let you in But I never really had a doubtHit me like a ray of sun Burning through my darkest night You're the only one that I want Think I'm addicted to your lightI swore I'd never fall again But this don't even feel like falling Gravity can't forget To pull me back to the ground againFeels like I've been awakened Every rule I had you breakin' The risk that I'm takin' I'm never gonna shut you outYou're everything I need and more It's written all over your face

Rating: Teen

Words: 3447

Accord

Summary: A mostly Scully-sided look at the few moments beyond the final scene of Triangle and a simple, possibly canon-compliant gesture.

Rating: Gen

Words: 1159

Standing on the Precipice

Summary: Summary: If he dies, she’ll kill him. Or: How does Scully go from being gun-ready-to-go-off woman-on-a-mission to rolling her eyes at Mulder’s confession at the end of Triangle? Because surely nothing says I love you more than that whole scene.

Rating: Teen

Words: 1973

How the Ghosts Stole Christmas (06x06)

How Maggie Stole Christmas

Summary: Mulder hasn't really celebrated Christmas since Samantha was taken and unbeknownst to Scully, he receives an invite from Maggie to celebrate with the Scully family!

Rating: Teen

Words: 2930

Arcadia (06x15)

Into the Woods

Summary: A missing scene from Acadia; a direction the story ultimately didn't take.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 3988

Alpha (06x16)

Alpha

Summary: Their edges overlapped, bled, blurred together. Territorial, intimate. They laid claim to each other and then moved through their lives as though nothing had changed. What were they ever going to do with this? A domestic post-episode tag. “Alpha,” season 6.

Rating: Teen

Words: 1750

The Unnatural (06x19)

Rainstorms and Revelations

Summary: After an evening spent playing baseball together, Mulder and Scully make their way home in a rainstorm.

Rating: Gen

Words: 3143

Biogenesis, The Sixth Extinction, and Amor Fati (06x22, 07x01, and 07x02)

Voices In the Dark (Amor Fati)

Summary: A post-ep of "The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati," Mulder and Scully cuddle and talk in the early morning hours for a bit after he wakes from a nightmare. Fluff pretty much.

Rating: Teen

Words: 1108

Ophelia (Triptych) (all three eps!)

Summary: Love, distance, and mental illness

Rating: Teen

Words: 7720

replantation (Biogenesis)

Summary: She’s positive that she’d felt him, the moment that she saw him on the camera feed, pacing in circles and screaming, the sound raw and harsh and still ringing in her ears. He’d looked directly into the camera, directly at her, and she’d felt him, like an extension of her own body, brutally severed and left twitching with muscle spasms against the padded wall. [which Scully gets to him, regardless of the consequences.]

Rating: Teen

Words: 2524

The Goldberg Variation (07x06)

Ready

Summary: After the Henry Weems case, Mulder and Scully end up grocery shopping together

Rating: Teen

Words: 1048

The Amazing Maleeni (07x08)

Magic, Stars, and Desires

Summary: Takes place immediately after the end of The Amazing Maleeni. Mulder and Scully spend the day enjoying their time together. Flirting and fun is on the menu.

Rating: Mature

Words: 4201

Sein Und Zeit (07x10)

Dark Reflections

Summary: "It's been a hard night for him."

Rating: Teen

Words: 6523

You Make Me Feel Like I'm Not Good Enough

Summary: Missing scene for Season 7's Sein Und Zeit.

Rating: Gen

Words: 636

Luctus

Summary: “It’s been a hard night for him.” spoiler alert: this isn't a drabble

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2509

Shoved; Then Jumping

Summary: She didn’t want to think, didn’t want him to think — didn’t want to separate awkwardly, go about picking up strewn clothing and making apologies. So she didn’t.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2475

Scully’s Brüste

Summary: This vignette takes place during Season 7, Episode 10 of the X-Files, “Sein und Zeit”. After the scene when Mulder breaks down crying in his living room in the dark with Sculy comforting him, and sometime before the scene the following morning when Skinner knocks on his door. This is something that may have happened...

Rating: Explicit

Words: 1313

Just Keep Breathing

Summary: A missing/ post scene from Sein Und Zeit. Scully tries to calm Mulder down after the death of his mother.

Rating: Not Rated

Words: 860

X-Cops (07x12)

nothing to hide

Summary: This, for once, isn’t their usual dialogue.

Rating: Gen

Words: 651

Stargazing in L.A. (multi-chapter)

Summary: Now that Mulder has found some closure regarding his family history is he ready to move on with the rest of his life? A short story based on Mulder and Scully's visit to L.A - what will they do with their evening off following their starring role in 'Cops'. Angst-free happiness.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 7044

All Things (07x17) - [this one’s very popular, I just haven’t read many of the fics yet]

in all things.

Summary: "Something had flicked a switch within her at that Temple and she realised that all things had led to this life, this man, this moment. From now on she was going to decide her own future and own it, and that meant fully embracing what she had with her partner. Her partner in all things."

Rating: Mature

Words: 2142

Brand X (07x18)

Wasted Breath

Summary: Post-"Brand X," what if the tobacco beetles left something behind?

Rating: Gen

Words: 5799

His New Mouthwash

Summary: Mulder can't get the taste of nicotine out of his mouth after Brand X. Scully helps him.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 635

[alittlemissfit]

Dana Scully’s Night Off

Wrote this up for @txf-fic-chicks​  Post Ep/Missing Scene Challenge. So I rewatched Szygzy which is one of my all time favorite episodes, then stumbled on the gifset below courtesy of @contrivedcoincidences6​....

view said gifset here

that reminded us both of a certain tiny, sassy, redheaded FBI agent. Anyway, this missing scene came of it. Thank you so much Clarice for beta-ing and looking this over for me, and @kateyes224​  and @piecesofscully​ for the fun challenge! Take this submission as you will. :)

JANUARY 12 4:00 AM

On the walk from Detective White's front door to her car, Mulder shakes his head in disbelief. Getting the blonde’s attention.

“Something wrong, Agent Mulder?”

“Nothing, really. I’m just so disappointed in my partner.”

“Your wonderfully rigid partner?” she asks, unlocking the doors. Once inside the car Mulder doesn’t even buckle up, just sits in the passenger seat with a hangdog look on his face.

“Agent Mulder?"

“I mean, what else could I do? I tried calling her! Before I got a lift here from the police station I tried her at the motel and there was no answer. I just tried again, and nothing. And Scully’s not the type to not answer the phone."

“No?"

“No. She’s obsessive compulsive in that way, if you know what I’m saying."

“Yeah, I see what you’re saying,” Detective White sighs, trying to appear remotely interested in this attractive man’s ramblings and trying not to share her own thoughts about Agent Scully. One being that if the woman was any more rigid and uptight you could shove a lump of coal up her ass and in two weeks wind up with a diamond. Somehow she doubted Agent Mulder would appreciate hearing that.

“She has to know I wanted her to come out and follow up on this lead with us. We were talking about it and she was standing right there,” Mulder says as Detective White nods. Folding her arms over her chest she lets out a slow, agitated breath as he scoffs, shakes his head.

“You know, twenty bucks says she’s sitting in our rental car right now debating about whether or not she should."

“He’s gonna call me. He’s gonna call and expect me to come out to wherever the hell he wound up tonight,” Scully mutters to herself, sitting reclined in the driver’s seat of the rental car. 

After checking in Mulder’s motel room, not seeing him she retreated back to her’s to watch TV. Only to find it was stuck on one damn channel and one black and white movie. 

Frustrated with the dinginess and discomfort the room had to offer she let herself into the rental car. The front seat was more comfortable than the bed, and any second she’d get the call from Mulder and have to take off after him anyway. Any second now.

"And if I don’t go he’s just gonna give me that damn, sad puppy look tomorrow. Make me feel guilty."

She starts the car up, then grabs a pack of cigarettes from her coat pocket. Tipping the carton into her right palm she retrieves one, lights it in the car cigarette lighter. Bringing the Morley to her lips she takes a short, agitated drag.

“All because he wants to work with Detective White. Detective White just wants to solve the case! Detective White could use our help!” she mocks. Taking one more puff on the cigarette she exhales, jams the butt in the ashtray.

Thinking on the detective, her stomach knots and she entertains the idea of not even bothering to go when Mulder calls. It’d serve him right the way he’d spoken to her today. She’s just about to turn the car off, say fuck it and go back inside when her phone rings from the passenger seat.

“Damn it, how’d I guess. How did I-“ She shakes her head, suddenly too tired and too pissed to want to speak to him and punches the button to end the call. Her shaking hand is still gripping the phone tight and she squeezes her eyes shut, shakes her head. As much as she wants to she can’t do it. She can’t just ditch him and her responsibility to this case. Bizarre and cliche as it is.

“Th..this is ridiculous, okay! I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go!! Just like I always do! At all hours of the night! Whenever you call! I just…”

Realizing she’s shouting at her cell as if it’s her infuriatingly frustrating partner, not just the hunk of plastic holding his voice she throws it down on the seat again, runs a hand through her hair. “Shit."

She cranks the seat back all the way up, goes to put the car in drive but starts thinking again on horned and horny beasts, bleached bottle blondes. If you detect a hint of skepticism or incredulity in Agent Scully’s voice…

Turning the car off she slams her right arm into the back of the passenger seat, his stupid fucking seat once, twice, again and again.

“DAMN IT!!” she shouts, punching the seat back once more for good measure as she catches her breath. Going to start the car it sputters, stalls out. Foot still on the gas she spins the wheels, lets out a long, loud satisfying scream before turning the key out of the ignition.

“Forget it! That’s it, I’m done! Whatever."

Throwing the door open she stomps out of the car, slams it shut behind her. She's halfway back to the motel room, has lit up another cigarette before she realizes her phone is still in the car.

Marching back out to the parking lot Scully throws the cigarette down, stamps out the butt. Then jumps to stamp on it again. Hands curled in small fists she continues to jump, her black trench coat flapping up and down as she pulverizes the butt beneath her boot.

Once through, she blows a strand of hair off her face, walks back over to the passenger side door. Grabbing her phone off the seat she punches in the code for her voicemail. Expecting to hear Mulder’s voice, she’s greeted by the distressed principal of Grover Cleveland Alexander High School. Apologizing for the early hour but asking her to get to the school gym as soon as she can.

Calling her back, she can’t help but roll her eyes at the woman's hysterics about the onslaught of satanists, her students being exposed to the essence of evil.

“It’s alright, Principal Miller. I’ll be right there.”

“Good. I already spoke to Agent Mulder and Detective White. They’re on their way over together.”

“Of course. Of course they are.”

The line goes dead and in spite of everything, Scully can’t help but laugh. Shaking her head she keeps laughing, gets back in the car. Lights up another cigarette before speeding out of the lot for the high school.

[leiascully]

I see your name and I think of writing challenges (I miss them!), in depth xf insights/commentary and quality prose. I especially love your M&S banter. It's masterful.

Let’s do the challenges again!  I think that will be fun.

I would love to do some kind of meta challenge, although I don’t know how that would work, exactly.  Maybe people could nominate scenes/ideas to be explained?  

Thank you, sweetpea.  Banter is my main setting, in life and in fic.

[louehvolution]

Your tags you just posted. Jesus Christ when will it end. I don’t like Simon touching him at all. I saw a video of them walking out and he’s literally plastered to Louis’ back. It made me sick to my stomach.

God, I know, anon. It is horrible to watch.

And this is one of the things that make it impossible for me to understand how some people in the fandom can be embracing all of this. It’s like through cropping Simon out people have forgotten who runs that show, and what that show actually is? It is not a platform to discover, nurture, and launch new talent. It is a reality television show that runs indivisible from tabloid press—with The Sun and The Daily Mail at the forefront—and which is built around fabricating or sensationalising drama, exploiting actual hardship and issues, and playing on the good will and morbid fascination of its viewers. And behind the cover of being a platform to grant opportunities and help people achieve their dreams is actually a cesspool of abuse and exploitation—taking advantage of hopes, ignorance and desperation, to trap contestants in contracts that strip them of all power over their lives and careers.

How do people forget that?

With Louis sitting next to Simon for hours and hours, and Simon not missing a chance to show his dominance and sense of ownership over him?

I don’t understand how people can disregard everything Louis has done and said to show where his interests lie—in music—and his commitment to being a musician: to continue learning and growing as a songwriter, challenging himself as an artist, coming into his own as a solo performer… How his dream and goal was releasing his album and touring it—he once even talked about how maybe he would start writing for a second album while he was touring. He never talked about being interested in working behind the scenes or mentoring except in the context of being asked about it specifically and that in connection with the X Factor and Simon, or the girlband and the Triple Strings imprint which ties him to Syco and Simon.

Some people like so much to see him in a supportive role… And I don’t really get it? Because, first of all, Louis himself needs and deserves to be supported? And while, naturally, Louis is kind and sweet and thoughtful, and will do his best for the contestants—how much do people think he will actually be involved, and what power do people think he can have in that show in his situation? Of course there can be genuine emotions, and real relationships develop in these shows, but never forget the context? That stories and images are chosen to be developed for the audience, that contestants are under the control of producers, judges must follow a script, and footage is edited to suit the narratives decided upon. Everything is predetermined, nothing is organic? That moment with the golden buzzer was theatre. And, to me, Louis seemed unnatural, overcompensating at times. I am not negating his good will and intentions toward the contestants—he knows better than anyone what it is like to go into that show with dreams and hopes and be disappointed and manipulated—but there is very little he can do for them. And, again, he needs and deserves support himself.

Also, reminder that Louis had his mic silenced during his time on the show; that he has talked about how XF was a difficult process for him, that he felt redundant:  ‘the kid in the back in espadrilles.’ And now to be back there, “come full circle”, after all his fighting to prove himself as an artist, and express himself through his music... to have his career buried in order to endorse Simon and his show… It’s awful. While some might delight in him mentoring, I can’t help but think that coaching others to sing and perform on stage when he himself isn’t allowed is also cruel? I am sure he is happy to help those boys however he can, but it’s so unfair? Like teaching someone to cook a feast while you are being starved. While back in prison. Though he was never allowed to go far, burdened and shackled, and the chain kept tight. And do people not think about how frustrating it must be to have his album delayed after all his hard work? Louis has talked about feeling impatient sitting on BTY for three months; he said he was desperate to have his album out in December. And his career hasn’t been set back six months, we’re talking about an entire year. Because since he released music in December, he wasn’t allowed to do anything in seven months. And now he has months ahead of him, and with what hope that he will get to release music at all? Accommodations have been made for Robbie, but what suggestion is there that Louis will get to do anything? And if he does get to release a single, it will be one more thing he has to give to them, and let them use to promote the show.

And for the people who even considering all of that can still somehow rationalise that this situation is… not so bad… Watching him with Simon… what possible excuse is there to think he would ever choose to go back to him. Or knowing Louis, be OK with being used to further the same show that trapped him in a contractual hell he has not been able to escape and which has caused him so much pain and cost him so much?

Something to remember: there are in all likelihood requirements for how he must behave, and all the time we are seeing him he is in front of the cameras—in Simon’s domain. And he is in their power. For the press and the final editing done on the show, and the stunts, and his career prospects. I hope he has been, and will be able to find some enjoyment in all these long hours in the months he has before him. And we can appreciate when he does, but there is a difference between that and falling into supporting this show, forgetting everything we know about it, and pretending like this isn’t that bad. It’s bad. It’s really bad for Louis. And so, so unfair.

To make lemonade out of lemons you need sugar. At most here we can talk about making lemon juice. And lemon juice stings on open wounds.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with aka "Jake"

aka "Jake" has 83 stories at Gossamer, but don't miss her website for fics because a number of them come with cover images and/or illustrations you can't see at Gossamer. She's written some of the most epic and well-known stories in the fandom, including Abaddon's Reign and The Mastodon Diaries. Big thanks to aka "Jake" for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It does surprise me! It just goes to show the series has amazing staying power and there are many excellent writers in the fandom who were able to capture the essence of Mulder and Scully and expand on XF canon every bit as successfully as the writers of the TV show. Some even more so.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

Like any online community, there were upsides and downsides. But what impressed me most were the lasting friendships that spilled into real life. Overall, the folks I encountered in the fandom were kind, helpful, talented, and inspiring. I’m still in contact with many of them and even meet up regularly with a couple of people who I consider my closest friends now, though we live far apart. Readers could be especially encouraging, poking authors with virtual sticks to get them to write more and faster. An amazing group called the Mastoholics formed to spur me on while I was posting The Mastodon Diaries as a work in progress. Several of them traveled to my house for a mini-con after the story was finished. Other folks called betas provided invaluable editing advice to authors. I was lucky to have several very good ones, but especially appreciated mimic117 and xdksfan. They went beyond proofreading; they pointed out confusing passages, missing plot points, and anything that seemed OOC (out of character). This polishing was a vital step before posting. To think they did it for nothing but the love of fanfic. It was a considerable time commitment.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

There were several key sites for posting and discussing fic when I started writing in 1997. These included Ephemeral, Gossamer, and Haven. Several sites issued writing challenges, like Haven, The Project, and The Church of X. Others gave out awards, like P1013 [Lilydale note: short for Prometheus1013] and the Spookys. I Made This! Productions invited authors, including me, to write episodes for virtual seasons of the show. I recall joining a couple of listservs early on, too.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Overall, it was an uplifting experience. My writing improved tremendously thanks to honest feedback and several key collaborations, particularly with co-authors Brandon D. Ray and the Secret Squirrels. I’d never written anything longer than an office memo when I started my first fic. I had nowhere to go but up. These gifted and generous authors helped me grow as a writer. Collaborating with them made the experience of writing even more creative, exciting, and special.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

The first episode I watched was The Field Where I Died. It hooked me immediately. Back then, there was no way to go back and watch the earlier episodes. It wasn’t until several years later I was finally able to watch the first 3 seasons on DVDs.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I stumbled upon Ephemeral where I read a fic called Acadia by RivkaT, which was set in Acadia National Park in Maine. If I recall correctly, it was a casefile with an emphasis on Mulder and Scully’s relationship. It felt like an episode of the show. I was thrilled to find a seemingly endless supply of XF stories that allowed me to extend my enjoyment of the TV series. It wasn’t long before I considered writing a story myself, a case file, although as mentioned above, I had no previous writing experience, just the desire to write down and share my ideas about Mulder and Scully.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I haven’t been active in the fandom for quite some time. I have no idea where writers post or readers go to find fic. That said, to keep my mind off the pandemic and other disheartening news this year, I began writing a new fic, which I plan to add to my site in September.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

No, I never joined any other fandoms.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Sadly, no fictional characters have captured my heart and attention the way Mulder and Scully did.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Yes, I do still watch XF. Before Seasons 10-11 aired, I rewatched the entire series and both movies. I enjoy the stories as much now as I did back in the day.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

No, not for ages. I’ve never read any stories from other fandoms.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

There are so many great authors and I’m hesitant to name them for fear of leaving someone out and hurting their feelings. Like a lot of fic writers, I was inspired by Prufrock’s Love beautiful way with words. Mountainphile wrote taut, realistic case files that I admired. David Hearne took on unique perspectives. To name just three.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I think my best writing may be in my long, post-col story Abaddon’s Reign. The story I most enjoyed writing was The Case of the Exuberant G-Man. It was a fun story that seemed to write itself.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

As mentioned above, I’m finishing up a new fic now and plan to post it on my site on or near the anniversary of the airdate of Season 1’s episode Squeeze. My story takes place in 2023, 30 years after Eugene Tooms was mangled to death in an elevator. I wanted to explore the idea of Tooms returning. How would that be possible? And what would Mulder’s and Scully’s lives be like five years after losing their son at the hands of CGB Spender and learning Scully was pregnant once again? I honestly thought I’d never write another fic but here we are.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Often from the unanswered questions left by the show, the off-screen scenes we didn’t get to see.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

The majority, no. Years ago, I told my sister I was writing XF fanfic and she looked at me like I’d grown two heads. We didn’t speak of it again. More recently, my sister-in-law discovered my work. She’s a big XF fan and still reads fanfic, so her reaction was very accepting. Back in the early days, fanfic wasn’t considered serious writing and had a pretty bad reputation, which honestly didn’t jibe with the truly fine quality of some of the writing in the fandom. Sure, it wasn’t all good but there were some real gems.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

All of my stories are on my site at akajake.net.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Just that I’m pleased there are folks like you who are helping to continue the tradition and fun! Thank you for interviewing me and giving me the opportunity to stroll down memory lane.

(Posted by Lilydale on September 1, 2020)