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randomfoggytiger · 11 months

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Updated! X-Files Mulder Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn?

I've seen various takes on Mulder's and Scully's trauma and stress responses; and I wanted to autopsy the issue carefully to reach a conclusion. We're focusing solely on Mulder here-- but! Scully will get her own post in future.

Kitsunegari Sums Up Mulder's Trauma Responses in One Scene

Mulder is too late to stop "Scully" from pulling the trigger against her temple, screaming in agony as she drops to the ground, "dead."

He then cycles through all of his First and Secondary Trauma Responses (will be discussed below):

Running up in horror, then plastering a smile in sickening denial--

Mulder attempts to feel a pulse. There is none. Scully is dead.

His grief overwhelms him-- an aggravated and more violent (if shorter) version of his sorrow in Redux II-- scrabbling at her scalp and shoulders, silently screaming into her face, before turning away so as not to vomit.

He mentally starts to drift;

but denial-- denial, denial, denial-- holds sway as he pops his head back up, reenergized,

vainly feeling for a pulse once again, eyes desperately and obsessively focused on his partner.

There is no hope.

Mulder is now losing all control, probably gearing up to an epic meltdown of Biblical proportions-- heavy breathing, desperate eyes, nothing to grasp at or solve or hold onto--

when he hears a noise. A reprieve. A focus. An enemy.

Furious, he snatches a gun and levels it at Linda Bowman, spitting in his fury

...but doesn't fire.

And allows "Bowman" to talk him down.

And further, when "Linda" fires, Mulder flinches, puts his gun up as he dissociates (looks down to his mid-left)-- freezes, if you will-- and doesn't fight back, expecting to die.

This is Mulder's Trauma Responses in full: Freeze-Fight.

He will also begin to repeat this cycle in Milagro (if shorter-- because Scully pops up, alive, sooner.)

Why Mulder Is Primarily a Freeze Type

I'm going to include this entire segment from Pete Walker's Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (see notes at the bottom for more info) because it's such a powerful piece of Mulder-psyche that it should stand on its own:

"A Freeze Response is triggered when a person, realizing resistance is futile, gives up, numbs out into dissociation, and/or collapses, as if accepting the inevitability of being hurt.... The Freeze Response, also known as the Camouflage Response, also triggers a survivor into hiding, isolating, and avoiding human contact.

The Freeze Type can be so frozen in the retreat mode that is seems as if their "Starter" button is stuck in the "off" position.

Off all the four Fs, Freeze Types seem to have the deepest and conscious belief that 'people' and 'danger' are synonymous.

While all 4 F Types commonly suffer from social anxiety as well, Freeze Types typically take a great deal more refuge in solitude.

Some Freeze Types completely give up on relating to others and become extremely isolated. Outside of fantasy, many also give up entirely on the possibility of love."

These Types have learned from a young age that fighting back will only get you punished and that fleeing will only get you reprimanded; so, they collapse inwardly instead. Dissociation becomes the name of the game, coasting through life without being attached to it, accepting its blows and distracting themselves from reality with either fantasy or the pursuit of a fantastical idea they want to achieve.

Frank Spotnitz said it best when he reflected on Mulder's character growth and seeking 'The Truth': ""You can't get the truth. You can't. There's a larger truth, though: that you can't harness the forces of the cosmos, but you may find somebody else. You may find another human being. That may be kind of corny and all of that, but that's really it: Love is the only truth we can hope to know, as human beings. That's what Mulder and Scully found after nine years. And that's a lot."

But what about those moments when Mulder runs at danger, demanding answers and yelling down the sky?

**Edit: This is the section i had to refurbish based on proper research.**

Secondary Trauma Responses develop when circumstances are so extreme that a person's initial trauma response is not removing them from danger fast enough; and they then develop a second polar opposite response in the hopes that this will help. More often than not, it simply becomes a ping-pong whiplash between one extreme to the other. The four Hybrids are Fight-Fawn, Fight-Freeze, and Flight-Freeze. In Mulder's case, if he stays frozen for too long he will very quickly become very dead; thus, Mulder developed a secondary response: Flight.

Freeze-Flight (or Flight-Freeze-- potato, potatoh) Types

Below is an excerpt from Pete Walker, but it's so completely Mulder that I have nothing else to add:

"The Flight-Freeze Type is the least relational, most schizoid hybrid. He prefers the safety of "do it yourself" isolationism. The Fight-Fleeze Type avoids potential relationship traumatization with an obsessive-compulsive dissociative two-step. Step One is working to complete exhaustion. Step Two is collapsing into extreme vegging out and waiting until his energy reaccumulates enough to relaunch into Step One. The price for this time of no-longer-necessary safety is a severely narrowed existence."

(**Note for the below paragraph: the author is not talking about alpha/beta in the current, dilapidated vernacular. Think of it as an academic term describing more aggressive or assertive behavior as compared to more passive or dismissive behavior.)

"The Flight-Freeze cul-de-sac is more common among men, especially those traumatized for being vulnerable in childhood. This then drives them to seek safety in isolation, or "intimacy lite" relationships. Some non-alpha type male survivors combine their flight-freeze defenses to become stereotypical technology nerds. Telecommuting is, of course, their preferred modes.

Flight-Freeze Types are the computer addicts who focus on work long periods of time and then drift off dissociatively into computer games, substance abuse, or sleep binging. FF Types are prone to becoming porn addicts: when in Flight mode, they obsessively surf the net for phantom partners and engage in compulsive masturbation. When in Freeze mode, they drift off into Right-Brain sexual fantasy world if pornography is unavailable. Moreover, if they are an intimacy-light relationship, they typically engage more in with their idealized fantasy partners than with their actual partner during real-time sexual interactions."

An interesting note: these types are often misdiagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, which explains why some fans theorize that an Oxford graduate-FBI field agent might be on the spectrum (Mulder isn't: it's a symptom of him coping very, VERY badly.)

Mulder's Freeze-Flight response kicked in sometime after his sister's abduction, since his primary Freeze response "prevented" him from saving her (even if he couldn't do anything to help.)

Since then, Mulder has buried all trauma or deep emotion in the bowels of his work in the basement, printing them out as X-Files to brand his work as his life.

For all of Mulder's talk about disliking others for dismissing something that cannot be explained, labeled, or categorized, when he can't do it himself, he goes berserk: first freezing, horrified, before he launches with righteous fury into his work, demanding answers and running himself ragged.

A potent demonstration of Mulder's yo-yo-ing Freeze-Flight Response is the Russian Roulette showdown in Pusher: Mulder more readily accepts his own death than Scully, terrified but determinedly compliant... until she becomes the next target of Modell's mind games.

It's a pattern that has already been established since her abduction, and which repeats for her cancer (and every perilous moment after and in-between.)

An important

There are countless examples where Mulder disconnects from reality in the face of great grief, ala his father's death, CSM and Diana Fowley's oily plan in One Son, and-- especially-- his mother's suicide.

In all these instances, Mulder immediately ran into work mode, trying move the world by force and come up with an explanation-- any-- to make everything right. When he is forced to sit and deal with tragic loss, his Flight peters out, leading him back to square one: an unhealthy Freeze Response.

Luckily for him, Scully is a stable, reliable support; and coaxes him into properly grieving by not sugarcoating the Truth, thereby helping him turn into healthier coping mechanisms (if he wants to use them-- he doesn't in Paper Hearts, but he does in Sein und Zeit. Baby steps.)

In short: Mulder is a Freeze-then-Flight man.

Why Mulder Isn't a Fight, Flight, or Fawn Type

To make quick work of this, I'll rely mainly on Pete Walker quotes again and add my commentary after his statements:

"A Fight [Trauma] Response is triggered when a person suddenly responds aggressively to something threatening.... Fight Types are unconsciously driven by the belief that power and control can create safety, assuage abandonment, and secure love." Extreme Fight Types often become bullies or narcissists to their loved ones as well as their enemies if left unchecked. They are demanding, demeaning, and punishing, equating strength as exerted power over someone weaker. They usually grew up in homes where they had to fight back against physical abuse or protect others from it. This translates to a bitter outlook on the world, always suspicioning the motives of others in cruel or judgmental ways.

(Note: Not much of the above is directly related to Bill Scully-- or Bill Mulder, even, see my previous post about him here-- but his natural bent is Fight above the other 3 F Types. Doesn't mean he's a bully or a narcissist; just that those would be his extremes.)

As we have seen through the entire series, Mulder as an atypical American masculine archetype: he does not resort to violence, preferring to save victims and even villains, willing to give everyone a second chance (and, by extension, giving backstabbers a clear target for their next strike.) The only time he has exerted violence over another was as a last possible extreme to stop a threat (shooting Modell, shooting the Peacock brothers, shooting Schnauz, shooting Roche, etc.)

Back to Walker:

"A Flight Response is triggered when a person responds to a perceived threat by fleeing; or, symbolically, by launching into hyperactivity. .... Extreme Flight Types are like machines with a switch stuck in the 'on' position. They are obsessively and compulsively driven by the unconscious belief that perfection will make them safe and loveable. They rush to achieve. They rush as much in thought in action, compulsion."

I will be talking about this response a little bit more in a follow-up post; but the core with this character is their ability to distract themselves from their problems into oblivion. Mulder's pains and sorrows and traumas are a constant of his life, eating away at his heart and shoving themselves in his face every day. The difference between his obsessive work ethic and a Flight Type's work ethic is the motivator: he is dabbling in his fantasy, building empires from ideas and discovering new kingdoms with every possibility; while Flight Types have ceased to function at all, robotically going from task to task until they overload or shut down.

And, lastly, back to Walker for the Fawn Trauma Response:

"Fawn Response is triggered when a person responds to threat by trying to be pleasing or helpful in order to appease and forestall an attacker.... Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others. They act as if they believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries. The disenfranchisement of the Fawn Type begins in childhood... learns early that a modicum of safety and attachment can be gained by becoming the helpful and compliant servant of... exploitive parents." (As an aside, this Type is also formed from having at least one narcissistic parent.)

While Mulder is often used by those around him, he never loses the core of who he is to their abuse: when Phoebe comes knocking, he may set aside the case to (try to) get some hotel action; but he's still self-aware of his and her actions, disentangled enough to self-deprecatingly (and knowingly) smirk when he catches her red-handed with another man. When his father or mother weave in and out of his life with their soft or outspoken demands, he doesn't bend from the Truth, risking his relationships continually for It. He is willing to tell Scully to her face she is lying to him; and he is willing to sacrifice what new closeness they've achieved if he believes she's being purposefully blind or obtuse. Mulder, while reliant on Scully as his human credential, is not co-dependent on her: he can stand on his own two feet, even if she were to walk out of his life. The wounds would go deep; but he would dissociate from life (like he had in Little Green Men) not erode away completely.

(As an aside, that's why probably why Mulder would have committed suicide in Gethsemane but not during the Break Up Years TM. Post IWTB Scully, while she had walked away from their life together, was still a part of his reality; whereas, S4 Scully would have been dead, deceased, gone from existence... and Mulder could never escape that, no matter how much he dissociated from it.)

How Mulder Can Use His Freeze Response Healthy

In a nutshell, a person should work through their traumas so they can pick among the 4 Trauma Responses for the healthiest outcome in each situation: Fight for healthy boundaries, Flight for healthy retreat and perseverance, Freeze for healthy awareness and distanced assessment, and Fawn for healthy assertive listening and peacemaking. Unhealthy childhoods create fixations on one of these four; and it takes a while to learn the patterns and triggers in one's life and how to manage them.

For Mulder, he grew exponentially through the years, becoming less detached and more engaged with "life on this planet" (growing from a sarcastic S1 recluse to a more emotionally honest person in S2 to a more openly supportive person in S3 to a transformed heart-on-his-sleeve man in S4-5 to someone who can find joy in S6 and peace in S7 and recreation in S8. Is there canon after that?) So, as it stands, he's doing just fine. Because if one truly searches for the Truth it might not be aliens: it might just be a whole, happy life and how to enjoy it.

And there you have it, folks!

Scully will get her own follow up, soonish (though if you don't want to wait that long, she's a pretty obvious *spoiler* Flight Type. No one's really surprised because of what happened in Fight the Future.)

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

*Note*: There are four main trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn (taken from the book Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker-- see Disclaimers section below for info.) In short: Fight Types responds to stress by physical intimidation or verbal bullying; Flight Types run as far as they can from danger or distract themselves from it as much as possible; Freeze Types disassociate, seeing fight and flight as futile and becoming numb to life; Fawn Types try to win favor from their oppressor, leaning co-dependently on others.

**Note**: Most of the information was obtained from Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker, a private counselor and lecturer for thirty-five years. As a victim of CPTSD himself, he made a study of its victims and helped craft a system for CPTSD recoverees to understand themselves and progressively heal. (Highly recommend his book-- excellent.)

***Note***: I will ghost edit later. Brb.

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randomfoggytiger · 1 year

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X-Files Collector's Edition: My Favorite Fics and Quotes by suitablyaggrieved

These are my penultimate favorites for by @suitablyaggrieved/ScullyLovesQueequeg; and I wanted to type this post up because they're great and worthy of love~.

@suitablyaggrieved, this is for you!

Loose chronological order below~.

Main Series

Snooping - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""Mulder, please—”

“I just thought you needed to hear that because I have trouble vocalizing things like that sometimes.”

There was a silence between them, and then Scully asked flatly,

“Where were you sitting?”

“You know the booth with the potted plant, by the window? Behind it.""

S1 Mulder overhears Scully discussing him with her friend; and, when he tries to subtly fish for answers later, gets called out by Scully later.

Fictober Day 4 - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""One day, I won’t be around and you’ll miss it. You’ll feel bad saying that, Mulder.”

He scoffed. “Fat chance.""

S1? Mulder can't stand how Scully picks apart her burgers.

Fictober Day 14 - “Your information was wrong.” - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""She knew it would be a dead end. It always was. It was the journey that interested her.

“I hope we can, Mulder. For her sake and yours.""

S1? Mulder's lead on Samantha yielded him nothing. While he retreats to lick his wounds, Scully vows to help him regardless.

#23 - I'll Wait - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""Oh Mulder, I really would love to see what you had in mind, but a friend of mine invited me to watch her play, and she's holding me seats in the first row.”

“I'll wait,” He said, moving to sit up, and reaching for his Rolodex. Scully watched as he flipped through it.

“For what?”

“The play to be over. I'll pick you up. Give me a call.” He said, selecting a card, and taking the phone’s receiver in his free hand.""

S1 Scully realizes that Mulder is the first person to say he will wait and truly wait, forever if needed.

Fictober Day 10 - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""The words hostile environment came as a shock. Him and the others butt heads occasionally, but he had never gotten to the point where he actively sought to antagonize everyone—he had to put up with the constant quips and snide remarks about little green men. He had to deal with people taking his things, and then blaming it on an alien or something else equally as juvenile. He was the one who had to eat alone.

“That’s news to me, considering I just removed a dead rat from my desk about an hour ago. I’ve been finding all sorts of nasty surprises on my desk lately. My favorite was the vivisected frog,” Mulder said, folding his arms over his chest.""

S2 Mulder is being bullied by his coworkers in surveillance. While Skinner might not back him, Scully does.

Tagging: @today-in-fic ——— Mulder hears the door... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""Mulder hears the door creak open, but he doesn’t look. He already knows who it is.

“Scully, you’re late,” he says, and the reply is,

“I’m not Scully.”

Mulder glances up. Instead of his partner, Skinner is there, looking serious, looking sad.""

Post Ascension Mulder always forgets Scully is gone. Skinner tries to give as much comfort as he can.

Decided to write up this hc I shared. Tagging:... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""As she made her way out of the therapist’s office, she paused and smiled to herself when she spotted Mulder’s car waiting for her. Mulder was occupying himself with a crossword, something that Scully herself suggested when his nervous foot bouncing drove her up the wall. She approached the car and tapped on his window, startling him.""

Post One Breath Mulder supports Scully through her exacerbated fear of flying, suggesting a professional for her traumas and supporting her when she gives it a try.

(11) Post Tenebras Lux on Tumblr

""The anger doesn't come out of nowhere. It happens after he catches a glimpse of Scully sitting quietly with a cup of coffee and reading. She's absorbed in her own world. She wasn't expecting the company, despite the fact that it's a Saturday afternoon in February--Valentine's Day to be precise. Around her, couples make eyes at each other, whispering sweet nothings to each other, and Scully is oblivious to it all.""

S1-S2? Mulder is angry that Scully has to celebrate Valentine's Day alone. He tries to make it up to her.

Jealousy is an Ugly Color - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""Lunch was uneventful, save for the few missed calls from Scully. He ignored them. He hadn’t been lying about the meeting he had later but he didn’t want to spend his lunch with Scully. However, much to his dismay, Scully managed to find his table and join him.

“If I wanted company, I would have asked for it,” Mulder said, but Scully reached over and took a bread roll off his plate.""

War of the Coprophages Mulder is having too much fun pitting Scully against Bambi. Scully Uno Reverses the situation; and Mulder turns into a pouty pants.

Something's Gotta Give - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""Yeah, I know. But the chocolate," Mulder said, bringing the card and the box of chocolates to his desk. "--somebody up there must like you. This ain't Hersey."

Scully didn't even bother to stop him, as she examined the card with a magnifying glass that she had gotten from her drawer.""

S3-4 Scully is bombarded with Valentine's Day's chocolates; and Mulder descends into petty jealousy as he helps himself to her stash.

#4 Come Here, Let Me Fix It For You - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""It’s alright,” Scully said, her arms folding over her chest, as if to protect her heart. Maybe, in her own way, she was protecting her heart from him. “I’m sorry that you weren’t able to finish your vacation. For what it’s worth, I know how much going to Graceland meant for you, and if you wanted to ever go back… I wouldn’t mind coming with you.”

Mulder gave her a smile, one that was dismissive in nature. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re okay.""

Post Never Again Mulder finally leaves off picking at Scully, turning his frustration into focus as he repairs her broken cross. Both apologize to each other.

7. You’ve gone to the bathroom fifty times today.... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com) (Ao3)

""It’s not what you think,” She said, but Mulder stood and followed after her. Normally, she would have protested, but she did not this time, leaving the door to the water closet open. Mulder waited outside, leaning against the wall so he couldn’t see inside, since she had kept the door open. Scully turned on the faucet.

“So what is it then? I thought you might have been pregnant, but you were losing weight,” He explained, and Scully inhaled sharply.""

AU-- Post Never Again Mulder notices Scully keeps rushing to the bathroom. She debunks his pregnancy suspicions, voicing her fear about cancer.

Creeping Distress - Chapter 1 - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""Get dressed. I have an idea.” This is all he says, before he heads out of the apartment. She is confused, but hurries to make herself decent.

When she arrives downstairs, Mulder is already in the car. She joins him and he begins to drive. It’s dark, and quiet, and she wonders if he does this often. Twice, she opens her mouth to speak, but the silence that has enveloped the car is nice and comfortable, and so she does not break it, content to just take in the scenery.""

S4 Scully can't sleep post her cancer treatment; and Mulder willingly and quietly drives her around until she does.

Funeral For A Friend - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""Honey, I know he cared about you a lot. When you were unconscious, he came by everyday and stayed as long as the nurses let him. You said he doesn’t believe in God, but he held your necklace for you. He wore it all the time. When he spoke about you, his eyes lit up, the way people’s do when they’re in love. I didn’t know much about him, but I know he cared."

"I know he cared," She says, lowering her eyes, and using a trembling hand to wipe away the tears that streaked her face. "I cared about him too. But I don’t think he knew that he was more than just someone I worked with…"

"Oh Dana—""

AU-- Post Gethsemane Scully attends Mulder's funeral.

"I think I'm sick again" X-Files starter, MSR? - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""We don’t know that it’s cancer, it was inconclusive,” Mulder started, and Scully’s hand curled into a fist.

“The nosebleeds… that’s how it began last time…”

“Yeah, but don’t you remember the memo about the mold in the air? It could be that… I’m just–let’s not jump to any conclusions here,” Mulder said. Scully smiled at him, despite herself.""

AU-- Post Redux II? Scully thinks the cancer is back. Both she and Mulder are panicking.

The Reticulan Roadhouse - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""…seemed perfectly healthy, though that’s not so unusual…" She continues, engrossed in what she is talking about. She has autopsy reports on the table and is going over the data, uncaring and unaware that they are in a restaurant. Mulder smiles, because though Scully calls him dedicated, she has her moments too, and they are just as endearing to him as his are to her.

"The waitress is coming with the food," Mulder reminds her, and she looks around, and remembers they’re in a diner. She puts the file away, just as the waitress sets their plates down. A steak for Scully, and a burger for Mulder. They thank her when she leaves—at the same time—and go right into eating.""

Post Dreamland II Mulder takes Scully to the Reticulan Roadhouse where he gifts her earrings for her birthday.

#60 - Happy birthday. - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""When the flame was extinguished, he removed the candle, and gently peeled away the wax paper that held the cupcake together. Carefully, he pinched about half and then gave it to her.

"--Mulder, no, that's for you..." She said, looking it over, and using her hand to catch the falling crumbs.

"Yeah, yeah I know but--I don't get to share things with you all that often. Besides, I'm watching my weight.""

S6 Scully surprises Mulder with a birthday celebration.

Cancelled Plans - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""Scully wanted to laugh, and maybe, if she hadn’t just seen Agent Fowley saunter out of the office, she would have. But she couldn’t force herself to. She knew Mulder could probably tell regardless.

“No, I don’t have any plans for that day. I think you’d be the first to know if I did,” Scully answered, her gaze straying to the waste bin by his desk. It was dented, probably from all the times he had accidentally kicked it over when coming around the desk to show her something. That thought made her smile.""

S6 Diana invites Mulder out for Valentine's Day. Scully carefully dissects her own feelings, letting Mulder make his own choice-- and is so happy he chooses her.

Not really a ficobter fic, just wanted to write... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""Almost as if she had heard him, Scully glances in their direction. Mulder gives her a subtle nod. She walks over, her heels clicking loudly on the tile.""

UST Part 1-- Mulder is questioned by a witness by he hasn't asked Scully out yet. He's able to pluck up the courage to do so.

Continuation from this. I don’t normally write... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""I’m willing to give it a shot.”

“Alright."”

UST Part 2-- Scully rejects Mulder's offer. He's able to talk down her fears and make a move; and both are willing to try.

Avoidable Feast - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""I… Well, I want to ask you something. I’m afraid how you’ll react. I mean, I don’t want you to think we’re moving too fast but… I want you to come with me to my mother’s house for Thanksgiving. I know you don’t celebrate holidays, and I know it’s asking a lot,” She says, looking everywhere but him, her fingers playing with each other nervously.

“–I’ll come. What time should I be here tomorrow? And should I bring something?” Mulder asks, and she looks up at him, surprised.

“I—I didn’t—I mean—oh Mulder,” Her tone is soft, genuine and heartfelt.""

Newly dating Mulder and Scully almost miscommunicate over joining or not wanting to join the Scully family Thanksgiving.

Day 20 - There's Nothing Wrong With You - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""I’m feeling okay, I’m still a little sick,” He said with a smirk.

“There is nothing wrong with you.”

“No, I really don’t feel good but… you know what would make it better?”

“Bed rest?”

“No, a kiss to build a dream on,” He sang, and Scully couldn’t help but laugh.""

Scully is surprised that Mulder is actually sick. She lures her boyfriend to her bidding with the promise of cleaner, comfier environs.

31. When’s the last time we went on a date? - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""C’mon Scully, when is the last time we went on a date? It’s been a while. The three stooges’ll be there. It’ll be fun,” Mulder urged his partner. She regarded him in full, her eyes landing on his jacket. She gently picked off some lint and discarded it.""

Mulder lures his girlfriend on a "date" to TLG's.

Sleeping Together - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""He wasn't sure how to comfort her, so he began to read again, allowing her to make her own choice to join him or not. It had been something that they had agreed on, that he would not push her if she was not ready, and she would do the same.

It only took a few minutes for her to decide, and he could feel the couch move slightly when she climbed on it, and moved to lay against him. He moved his book to allow her to settle, and brought his other arm around her. Her frame shook, ever so slightly, and he was taken by the overwhelming urge to protect her. She hung on to him, not out of fear, but of desire, wanting desperately the human connection that they had only shared in fleeting moments.

They said nothing. Mulder continued to read as though she had not been there, and Scully found her comfort in the steady beating of his heart—a heart that was impossibly too big, and far too scarred to be of any use, but working as hard as it could.""

AU? IVF-- Mulder is calmly reading, soothing Scully's concerns, and wheedling his girlfriend to enjoy the moment with him.

#39 - Don’t Cry - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""Mulder didn’t even know what happened, one second he was driving, the next there was a loud crash somewhere above him, and then suddenly there was a half dead man hanging out of his windshield, and a piece of rebar that came from the ceiling of car, down through the back of his seat, through his chest, just below the left side of his rib cage. He probably would have lived if the airbag didn’t come next, just making matters worse. When he finally was able to move the bag out of the way, Mulder was left with the rebar sticking out his chest, another impaling the front hood of the car, and still another through the back window. It was a gruesome sight, the other driver was bleeding like a stuck pig and Mulder soon realized that he must have injured himself after falling.

The other driver was clearly dead. Mulder had watched him die, holding his hand, listening to him explain that he was sorry, so tired, a husband with two kids, a wife on the way out. Mulder gave him that absolution. It was the least he could do. Actually, it was all he could do because he couldn’t move that much. He couldn’t feel his legs, but he knew that he was a mangled mess.""

AU-- Mulder is dying from a car accident. He calls up his Scully to confess his feelings; and she her worries over the conversation are confirmed hours later when he's found.

#1 - Pull Over. Let me drive for awhile. - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""Do you?”

He looks over to Scully, unsure what she means. She steals a glance at him and answers his gaze with,

��Do you resent her?”

“No.”

“I think she knows.""

Sein und Zeit Scully comforts Mulder about his mother's loss, convinced that Tena knew her son loved her.

Et Tu, Brute? - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""She opened the door for him and he started to leave but when he crossed the threshold, he stopped and turned to face her.

“Yes?”

“There’s going to be a movie… on TV? I was just wondering if maybe you’d want to see it with me.” Scully smiled a little to herself and opened the door wider.""

Post En Ami Mulder is still crackly after Scully's road trip; but her explanation helps get them, slowly, back to normal.

Ignorance - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""There was a noise from the backseat, and he reached over to adjust the mirror so he could see the source. Though he already knew it, each look he gives always has the same quality; that of surprise. And that surprised her because she never, in all her years, thought that he would be so keen on this newest venture of theirs.

The backseat occupant made a noise of delight upon making eye contact with Mulder, and Scully steals a glance at her partner, to see a small smile on his otherwise somber features. It was gone as soon as it had arrived, however, and his eyes shift out the window again. The backseat occupant was satisfied with this outcome, and he too turned his attention to the slow moving blurs that paint the window as the car moves along the side streets.""

AU-- S8 Mulder is returned after Will's birth. Scully watches him observe his new family with suspicion tempered by reacclimating trust and maturity. (LOVE this one.)

I agree with you about Mulder’s softness; chiseled... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""Long day?” He mutters sleepily into her ear. It sends shivers down her spine, and she turns in his arms to face him, her hand tracing the faint impression his figure gives off through his undershirt. Yeah, he’s soft, but it’s perfect. He’s Mulder shaped, and it makes her forget, just for a while that the world beyond their door is evil, cruel and uncaring sometimes.""

IWTB era Scully has a day that almost makes her lose hope; but having a cozy Mulder at home, quietly chipping away at his own demons, encourages her to keep going.

Holiday Apologies - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""...I want my whole family around for the holidays. This includes you, however I may feel about it. I didn’t really understand it then, and to be honest, I don’t think I ever will. I don’t know what goes on in your head, and to be frank, I don’t know what Dana sees in you."

"I ask myself the same thing." I muttered, and the joke caused Bill to chuckle. He put a hand on my back, and continued,

"But she loves you. I thought she felt obligated to you in the past because she worked with you, but now I realize that she loved you then too. You were there for her at times when none of us could be, and you’ve seen her at her worse and her best. I just want to hold on to what’s left of this family, and I realized now, that I couldn’t really do that if you hadn’t been there.""

Post IWTB Mulder tries to integrate into the Scully holidays, barely keeping his enveloping depression in check. Bill sees his efforts and buries the hatchet.

Hello? (It’s Me.) - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""I’m what, Mulder? You said I was your partner, your soul mate, and something else.” Scully said, approaching him slowly. He paused, and faced her in full, his body language closed off and defensive, like an animal trying to hide an injury.

“…my everything, Scully. You’re my everything. I wish you knew how much it hurt when you left… like an empty, hole. As stupid as that sounds… you mean a lot to me. I didn’t think that you had it in you to walk away. And you did.""

Break Up-- Mulder avoids Scully's calls, furious and wounded she left. He gets a final barb in when she drives out to check on him.

Flowers - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""I’m happy to see you, Mulder. I’d like to come to visit you, maybe just before Thanksgiving. I’m going to my mother’s this year,” Scully said, and Mulder sort of shrank away from her.

“I hope you have a good time,” Mulder said quietly.

“You should come too. She enjoys having you there,” Scully said, beginning to walk back towards the hospital. Mulder walked alongside her, considering her request.

“It’s probably better if I don’t, I don’t want to ruin things,” Mulder said, putting his hands in his pockets. He slid his thumb over the keys, feeling reassurance that they were there. A means to escape.""

Break Up-- Mulder drops in to Scully's work with flowers. She's happy to see him, but insists he call someone to help him get better.

Assorted Fics

Number 1 or 48 for the bad end prompts if you... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""A few minutes later, it would have been you,” Mulder managed to say, and impulsively, Scully thought, I wish it would have been if it meant you were OK.""

Scully follows her gut feeling, cutting her run short and making it in time to help prevent Mulder from bleeding out after a robbery-gone-wrong.

#21 - You Might Like This - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""As Mulder predicted, he spent more time waiting to order than he did waiting for the food, but regardless, he came back into the car with a burger, some fries, and a soda. He also had a coffee, an extra bag, and when he was inside the car, he handed over the coffee and bag to Scully.

“I figured you might like this,” Mulder said, with a smile, which was doing very little to hide his delight.

“…Thanks,” Scully spoke, opening the bag and looking inside. Her expression softened, and she glanced over at Mulder, considering him in full now.""

Mulder supports Scully after a rough case with a nice little donut.

Tw: blood. ———— Mulder glanced up at the door as... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""What happened?” Mulder asked, standing fast enough for his chair to fall over with a loud thud. He headed over to where she was, taking her forearms and examining them for any wounds. When he saw none, he glanced at her person, and saw a large spot of blood coming from her pocket and dripping onto the floor. She noticed it too and pulled out the gift.

The gift was dripping blood, and with shaky fingers, Scully opened it, and nearly dropped the package in fear and revulsion. Mulder turned away and gagged, trying to suppress the urge to vomit.

Scully is handed a mysterious gift... that begins leaking blood.""

Day 17 - This Is Going To Hurt - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

""I hope you know what you’re doing,” The chief said, moving the barricades and lifting the cautionary tape. Mulder gave him a wry grin.

“Not a single clue,” He said, heading back for the building.""

Mulder, despite being shot and rescued from a hostage situation, persuades Scully and his superiors to go back in.

Mulder heads down to the cafeteria a little late... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""He stalks down the row of food, glancing at each tray, silently deciding on what he wants when he spots it: Lasagna.

He makes a beeline to the spot, his mind already recalling the taste. It’d been so long since he had some. It isn’t his favorite but it is a top contender.""

Mulder wants lasagna for lunch, disheartened when he's too late to eat some. Scully surprises him with a slice she had grabbed for him.

Something, something, the power of... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""They didn’t get time to process the scene when the culprit, a large animal of some sort entered the scene. It was tall, bipedal, some kind of strange cross between a bird and a lizard. It had small forearms, a pair of smaller legs coming out of its back, and a large pair of legs that carried it. It screeched at them again, and Mulder and Scully gave chase, running blindly into the dark forest, away from the creature that seemed to be straight out of a horror film.""

Mulder's horrible directions get he and Scully lost in the woods; and they hide out in a cabin after they hear a horrendous, inhuman noise.

Something always happens in the forest. Either... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com)

""Yes, we’re fine but what is wrong with that child?” Scully asked, and the others began to do the same, hissing loudly and baring teeth—more teeth that were needle-like and sharp, extending beyond the throat and possibly all the way through. Just teeth. The children—if they could be called that—were inhuman, and the ranger stepped out from the cabin and closed the door on them, ignoring that one child had latched on his ankle and was gnawing on it, drawing blood.""

Mulder and Scully "escape" one threat only to find a creepier and more horrifying one. (LOVE this one.)

The Fics That Moved Me The Most

Something always happens in the forest.-- This, no joke, "haunted" me for a long time.

Ignorance-- This fic is perfection. I love to read it all the time.

Holiday Apologies-- This fic is just as perfect but in a completely different way: no fluff, lots of angst, but Scully the guardian angel peeking through behind the scenes. Bill is a great guest star.

Pieces of those fics float constantly through my brain.

Thank you for reading; but a bigger thank you to suitablyaggrieved for writing these pieces. I cherish them and reread them often.

Enjoy!

#txf #fic #Collector's Edition #mine #suitablyaggrieve #ScullyLovesQueequeg #My Favorite Fics and Quotes #x-files #the x files #xfiles #xf fanfic #author shoutout!

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