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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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you know, i’m reading her fics (and also afterglow, so good so bad, and living on the edge by temple) and i’m not going to lie to you guys: i really do feel threatened. i feel my sexual wounding reopening itself. that raw feeling that gnawed at me from late 2021 into a good chunk of last year back to me again. this lingering demon that constantly tells me i’m worthless and that sexuality is a thing of pain, and it tells me to give up the ghost on sexuality as a whole. i read her fics and i feel worthless, just completely unsexy, those old shaming thoughts that have haunted me and built walls around me for what feels like eternity: they want me back. she may as well just shame me for my preferences and my desires. just get it over with. i know that’s what you want to do.

she hinted at it a few times whenever i wrote something that supposed to be hot and she called it “cute” instead. pain and repression are a joke to her. you think you’re the only one who can do it right. i feel so sexless, so neutered, so prudish if you will, all because i don’t have it whereas you do. lol, i’m a sexual being. lol, yeah, imagine me being sexual, especially when her ass exists.

one thing i read during my two “raw” periods last year—where, in a proverbial sense, i threw myself at a wall and splayed myself open and i examined the pieces, kicked up a lot of anxiety, depression, humiliation, actual physical pain, bad memories, and angry tears—was that when a woman feels sexually empowered, she inspires other women to do the same. well... i’m afraid i never got that from her: quite the contrary, actually. i felt more unsafe and like i was being forced to write erotically rather than have it come from me naturally: it felt like there was this unspoken rule that i had to do erotica when she was around. and moreover, her reactions to it only made me feel like i wasn’t doing it right.

i still feel raw at times, too: i still hate and feel so uncomfortable with my desires, and i wish i could get rid of them. my kinks are still heavily riddled in shame. i still think what i like is dumb (just to give an example: you know how i really like how alex looks with a little belly on him? sometimes i’ll think about that and then i’ll immediately think “what am i doing. this is stupid, i can’t do this, i can’t do this to him, i am such a fucking creep”). i look at lingerie or toys online and it feels like such a waste of time even considering them in the first place, like no one wants me. i look at my complete absence of a sex life and i want to cry: 30 years old in april and i never even had my first kiss, what the hell.

and rather than make me feel good about myself and help me understand that it’s all natural and i had to do that myself and i feel like i failed, she did not make me feel safe to express myself. she still doesn’t.

these are the hottest band fics y’all have read. they’re so self-assured and comfortable. but then i stop and ask, you’re serious?

you can’t be.

i’m not going to say much about temple because… i’d rather not, i gave her kudos as like an olive branch and i really don’t want to undo that. but if i remember correctly, just from seeing posts about what people don’t like to see in fic, piss poor grammar and spelling are unanimously a kiss of death for fanfic. and add to this, istg, the quality of their fics has steadily dropped off the last couple of years: i’m having to reread chapters 2-3 times because i don’t know what the hell is happening. there’s rereading something because it’s good, and then there’s rereading because it’s hard to follow.

i liked louder than love. it was fun, and sweet, and actually hot in some places, and to this day, i still go back to that original trilogy. the type o fics felt like natural evolutions of the story, too.

but… i think it’s just me being the thrash and death metal girl here but i can see the chlamydia coming out of the motley ones. it doesn’t help that the quality has fallen off a cliff, and moreover, i’m not sure how that works. i would think that, as time goes on, you improve your writing. maybe it’s just the style—this is tommy lee here, i’m not expecting alex skolnick or chuck schuldiner—but it’s a bad sign if i read and i find it hard to follow. it’s like “a first draft from a sixth grade student writing their first big essay and it’s loaded with errors and you do your damnedest to not be mean about here during peer review” level of hard to follow. whereas i knew what was going on in l.t.l., all the way to the end.

and i’m completely turned off by the green druidess’ motley fics. i mean, i’m already predisposed to feel turned off from her, but i genuinely feel dirty reading life after death. i don’t want to read something that talks to me like i’m an idiot, let alone read said thing from someone who pretty much convinced me that my sexuality is wrong.

you know, i just realized something. these two… things, i wouldn’t call them series (fever in, fever out was a series, so is eerie inhabitants), are basically the fanfic equivalent of marvel. really, think about it: started out humble and small and kinda quaint and then ego took over and they’re just churning out sequel after sequel, spin-off after spin-off, hollow story after hollow story with some sort of vague connection but the quality is abysmal after a while. they’re basically marvel or disney but much, much smaller—and i get a sense that people are afraid to speak out about it, too, given this is fanfic here (so abuse of “don’t like don’t read” on two levels).

except, instead of obsession with money, i don’t know what the intent is. to punish me? that’s what it feels like. it’s not like i give a shit, but… ego blurs your vision, and as i have shown, ego is a major problem with the green druidess—and i’m starting to think temple’s just a puppet. someone who flip-flops like that doesn’t have an ego but lacks a spine. and speaking of her, i thought she’d cruise, at least through last year: quarantine is over and we’re all trying to make sense of this new world we’re in, sure, but i remember seeing her kick ass in 2019 into a good chunk of 2020. and then *she showed up* and... oof. talk about easy to assume the worst. you’re just like mike love but you’ll never be brian wilson.

“we’re lowly fanfic writers. we toil and suffer in obscurity.” listen, if you say this about yourself, apply this to everyone on ao3 and wattpad. okay? it’s not just you. i said this before and i’ll say it again: what the hell makes her so special? is it because she ~actually replies to you~?

you know who else ~actually replied to you~? tila.

although…

from what I’ve read about tila, before she went completely off her rocker, she was actually daring and a formidable person (i mean, she was the first social media star before smartphones became ubiquitous, for god’s sake).

she was blunt and confessional. that was part of her appeal aside from the open lewdness: she was like an open book. people following her felt like they “got” her.

she was genuinely adult, too. there was nothing about her that seemed juvenile, i want to say. she seemed genuinely mature and the way that she expressed it was no child’s play.

you know... compare this to…

well, you know.

and... she called me “cute” for writing a phone sex scene.

...

there’s nothing about ^her that is blunt or confessional, now that i really think about it and how her fics sit in my memory. i really cannot think of anything from her that’s on that deep a level except -maybe- “stay”, and i wasn’t too crazy about the ending of that, either: that’s probably my one complaint with that one, was the ending felt a little... i want to say “canned” or “unsatisfying”, like i was expecting more of a punch but instead i got a little tap on the back of the head.

everything about ^her reminds me of that “abcdefu” song that came out last year: it makes you go, “god, this girl’s a brat. she steals from people and then stabs them in the back when she finds there’s nothing left to take, and then cries about it when someone calls her out, and the way she goes about with it is so childish. she takes until there’s nothing left to take and then plays dead when she doesn’t get her way.”

not just grifter behavior but someone who, in a vein very similar to tila (hence why i keep comparing them to one another), never grew up. except, this is like 5th grade type stuff with an air of detachedness and arrogance, so it gets weirdly creepy once you put some thought into it.

i don’t have any idea how a grown-ass woman pulls off the “creepy child” trope but... somehow.

she did it.

i mean, the fact she reuploaded her anthrax fics almost immediately after the incident happened and then didn’t even sniff the ass of that tag until ^that stupid chapter of like loving the dead should give you more of a clue.

oh, you don’t believe me?

that series was reuploaded. she deleted it because my name was in the kudos. i had it bookmarked. really, i checked out the first chapter of that one and she only changed like minor grammatical errors, which tells me she didn’t even try to fix her plagiarism and do right by it (especially when i’ve shown that she’s still doing it): it was really only to get my name off of there. by the way, i deleted the bookmarks because they were empty; my fault for doing that, i should’ve screenshot them before i deleted them just to back this up, but nevertheless-

SHE IS LYING TO ALL OF YOU.

if something doesn’t go her way, she stomps her feet and screams until someone does listen, and then she abuses fic rules by putting a thin veneer of feminism on top to give herself the upper hand. she makes it look like she’s the only one who can say all this.

it is textbook spoiled brat behavior, and grifter behavior… and i hate to say it but i’m seeing it way too much now. oh, you don’t think women lie or stretch the truth? you seriously believe all women are pure and are victims of everything and it’s impossible that some of them can absolutely vile? “how do we know you’re not lying?” i’ve been telling the truth this whole time—for one thing, i never deleted any posts about it, whereas she has: she pretty much scraped any record of my existence from her accounts because… i wish i knew.

i guarantee you, as you’re reading this, somewhere in the world, a woman is cheating on a man or another woman, a woman is hitting her child, a woman is performing animal cruelty, a woman is engaging in something horrific but no one says anything because y’all have warped the true meaning of feminism from “women should be held accountable as much as men” to “all women are victims and pure and if they don’t act in a way we want, they aren’t real women, and also all men are scum”.

and to really burst your bubble, they’re all real people, too. seriously, stop this “real women” bullshit, already. i’m serious: stop it. it’s literally right up there with telling a guy to be a real man, it’s fucking annoying and helps no one—in my case, it triggered an existential crisis. i really thought there was no way i could identify as a woman because of her bullshit implying i’m not a real woman. and the fact that there are so many people on here who—i’m just going to say it—have no business being on here because they’re at an impressionable age, which only makes it worse. so many teenage girls are going to grow up with internalized misandry and a sense of “us vs. them” as well as misogyny.

do you see why i see her as a prototype for what tumblr has become? moreover, do you see why i am so genuinely creeped out by it? she thinks she’s still a teenager (for the record: i don’t know how old she is. she’s older than me, i know that).

moreover, this is her legacy.

is it worth it to get attention for the hell of it rather than to do something worthwhile like—oh, i don’t know—write a genuinely good story or indulge in art and work on it and get better at it? again, much like tila, she’s obviously passionate about it. why does she feel a need to act like this when she only ends up breaking someone all because she doesn’t like them and leaves whole subcultures hanging just because she doesn’t want to be proven wrong? worse, knowing the size of her ego, there’s no hope for her. i’m afraid she’s too far gone to even assess the damage she’s done to herself. nevermind me and what i went through for a second: the fact she continues to antagonize me and carry this snotty, holier-than-thou, spoiled brat attitude tells me this is going to follow her around forever, no matter what she does and no matter what i do.

do i take responsibility? sure. i absolutely do. i exposed the truth about her, but it’s only because i thought i could trust her. i thought i had made a friend in her, and she turned out to be a complete bully to me and i had no choice but to really look at her behavior and talk about it. i take responsibility but you forced my hand. i didn’t point a gun to your head and tell you to reupload, you chose to do it and you chose to lie on top of that, too.

i didn’t have a choice: you did.

but you know what? i say, let her continue to dig the hole she has dug for herself. it’s like what i said about the people who support ai art: go ahead, keep doing it. let your ego swell so badly that you can’t even walk through a doorway. keep playing the victim.

i didn’t come to your wedding, but i will surely be at your wake. unlike your precious lizzy graves (...i fucking gag every time i think of that name, especially when you realize she’s named after michale graves), i have no regrets about any of it.

#follow up post #good day #xxgreendruidessxx #fanfic woes #fic woes #text #ao3 writer

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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happy birthday, green druidess.

i hope today is good, because... oh, boy, is it a good day for me.

in fact, this is the first january in years that’s been genuinely kind to me! been making tons of art and planning stuff for my fics, planning on moving house sometime this year...

i’m writing all of this as thunder and lightning is rolling through my area. if you don’t mind, i’m going to turn into nikolai tesla here for a second. or robert oppenheimer. electricity is everywhere, and if you’re not careful, it can burn you and vaporize you, sweetheart.

now hold onto me, pretty baby, if you wanna fly. i’m gonna melt the fever, sugar, rolling back your eyes.

*lights up a bong*

are y’all with me now?

her: “hey, how come you never have anything nice to say about me?”

she asks, completely oblivious to the fact that i was never a serious critic, but someone with a sense of humor and i had every right to stand up for myself.

want me to say something nice about her?

she knows how to appeal to people.

there. happy? am i even being serious right now?

who knows, and who cares. besides, her and her army of nimrods have something new to bicker about when using my name in junction again.

*alex skolnick, eric peterson, joey belladonna, and rob cavestany have entered the chat*

*receives, but whatever. and...

pfffff, what?

“Or maybe it was the ice cream man.”

i shouldn’t have laughed as hard as i did at that, but i did, anyway. god.

man, and i thought i had awkward syntax. there’s a lot. trust me: from how state of euphoria sits in my mind, she’s known for her awkward sentences, among other things. such that even the teachers of the most entry-level, special ed. english classes would hit the roof.

...edgy strawberry shortcake? but, you know, if it exists, there’s an edgy version of it. it’s like an offshoot of rule 34 (if it exists, there’s porn of it). by the way, “seafoam”. back up, i thought you weren’t an artist.

u mad, bro? also, paranoia is not a good look for you, liz. trust me.

ahahahahahahahahaha *fart*

oh, yeah, that’s... that’s real important. thx for that really important info. you know, there’s building tension and then there’s farting around like this, and you, my dear, fart more than i do (and i have digestive issues so that’s saying something)

in all seriousness, though, she has gotten bad with the filler lately, like... how many times can you show me this. how many more times can you show me this.

“i rubbed my chiny-chin-chin and said, ‘my, my, my, what sort of this thing might this lady get high upon?’ i checked out her sister who was holding the bed, and i wondered what sort of thing the young lady was on.”

“snap yo’ fingers, snap yo’ neck!”

i haven’t heard about strippers wearing thongs in like... what, 15+ years? britney spears and paris hilton even stopped wearing them even in the era of low-rise jeans, they’re so uncomfortable and so gross, too, like there’s nothing sexy about having a string between your ass cheeks and your coochie.

“slid off the bed” made me think of homer simpson sliding off the bed and sneaking out in the middle of the night with bart to scour the barrels of booze in the prohibition episode (there’s a bit in the second part of this fic where vince acts like bart reading notes from his palm 😂)

firm tits? if she’s got firm tits, she’s probably got cancer, bro. or she has pcos, just gave birth, or she’s the three-breasted martian from total recall, like it’s not natural to have rock-hard boobs and a soft body, especially in that situation.

“so i pulled on her hair, got her legs in the air, and asked if she had any cooties in there. ‘what do you mean, cooties? no cooties on me!’ she was buns up, kneeling. i was wheelin’ and dealin’, she surrendered to the feelin’, and she started with the squealin’. dyna-moe watched from the edge of the bed, with her upper lip twitching and her face gone red, some drool rolling down from the edge of her chin, while she spied the condition her sister was in.”

...this is the woman who made fun of me in 2020 for writing the word “butt” in an otherwise erotic fic. the same one.

good god.

did you have a stroke and lose your sense of hearing, nick? she’s obviously in pain. knock that shit off.

“melted water and her juices”

man alive, that conjures an image.

also, why am i under the impression that she sat down with eclipse open in another tab whilst writing, specifically to angel’s trumpet and summer in the city, and wrote this alongside those chapters, like this whole time i’m just thinking of vampire!alex and his icy cold body... but minus his sensuality and sweetness, and made a lot more disgusting. and it’s kinda creepy, too, like at least i try to make people look like they’re having a good time in my erotica. i also didn’t screenshot it, but there’s a line in here where nick says “i’d like to lick something” and i was almost immediately reminded of magic stick.

after everything, she is still ripping me off, and badly this time around no less: the first time was actually kind of innocuous in comparison to this, like this is borderline psychopathic behavior.

and it’s so ironic, too. everything i do is all supposed to be fun. you gently rib at someone because you like them. has she or anyone who supports her never heard of “dramatic readings” or “drunk readings”? or watched a bad movie and made wise cracks all the way through? if my mental breakdown after all this went down in summer 2020 wasn’t enough proof for you, i don’t know what to tell you.

really, i can forgive spelling errors and awkward sentences and unintentional hilarity, i really can (there’s a trope for that, too, it’s called “so bad, it’s good”), but if you still insist on doing the nefarious behavior i initially called you out on?

she’s insane. she is completely and totally out of her goddamn mind.

and she looks at me and tells me to get over it? that’s justifying your own horrible behavior in hopes to make me submit. there’s a word for that, too. you may have heard of it, you may have seen her use it, too. it’s called “bullying”. look at it this way: if someone hits you and you’re crying, and they tell you to get over it, it’s abuse. bonus points if they’re like “i didn’t do it!” (given bullying is a form of abuse).

when i posted the apple shed back on the 9th, it had pure intentions. sure, when i posted dead man walking, it had the intent of standing up for myself. but that was it, though: i was standing up for myself while writing something that i had wanted to write for a long time, so two birds with one stone there. when she starts something in response to fics like those, it’s solely to cover her ass, never to contribute to fandom. i promise i’m not trying to be like one of the cool kids, either. so, i don’t know what her logic is because i’m not trying to prove anything. i stopped caring about popularity a long time ago. i grew up in nevada and california: we don’t give a shit if we’re popular or not. it’s nice when it happens, but we don’t expect it.

coming from her, she may as well be telling us we’re all fools. really, this is erotic? this is unpleasant, even for her (and i’ve avoided her like the ‘rona). a little pain goes a long way, but this left me genuinely uncomfortable. in fact, this happens a lot in her so-called erotic writings. and like, you can’t cover it up with “don’t like, don’t read”, either, because it’s all at the expense of growing and changing.

it’s like she tries way too hard to be sexy and winds up writing some of the most “cannot... unsee” things i’ve ever read. i feel like i’ve actually grown as a writer since i joined ao3. i can tell right away that she hasn’t, not one bit (and she’s been on there longer than i have, too).

in fact, she’s actually the reason why i’m so picky about reading things that are erotic: i don’t ever mean to shame anyone for what turns them on, that’s never my intention. i’ve been shamed for my sexual feelings pretty much my entire life, so you couldn’t pay me enough money to shame someone for their preferences and their kinks, but way too often, i’ll read something that’s kinda hot, kinda sensual, and then something will happen that’s off-putting and it’s immediately gross, or it’s unintentionally funny. i don’t blame you for it one bit, though: writing is hard, and erotic writing is even harder (no pun intended). you want proof? it took me almost four years to overcome my hang-ups on my own kinks and be comfortable enough to write about them, and yet, i still have a long way to go. i still feel guilt and shame with what gets me going, and though my art is about what i like and who i like, i still am reluctant to talk about my crushes and my sexuality. it’s a continuous process.

what i don’t understand is... what the hell makes her so special? her writing is not sexy. at all. and i’ve given myself shit for being unsexy multiple times in the past. but i don’t think i’ve ever written anything that’s uncomfortable, disturbing, and stomach-churning at worst, and unintentionally funny at best like with her. (and that’s not even touching the plagiarism aspect, either).

there’s someone who comes to mind now that i write this out and really put the pieces together. so many of you are too young to remember tila tequila: i was 12 when she was the queen of myspace and i barely had a finger in the world of music then. if i was too young to remember tila, i know you all are. but i recommend you read about her. i can’t really explain it, but i keep seeing this weirdly similar arc between these two women: overly sexual to the point it’s obnoxious and squicky, loud and boisterous, big ego, went nuts after a traumatic event (in tila’s case, it was losing her girlfriend and then od’ing on pills during an aneurysm; in the green druidess’ case, it was losing her grandmother and then the rendezvous with me in quarantine). if she starts whipping out the prejudices and really problematic behavior, don’t say i didn’t try to warn you.

“you hurt my feelings” i thought people got sick of this trope like... six years ago. sick of the trope. six years ago. nikki sixx. seems kinda weird…

it’s like watching two people have sex with rubber gloves and soapy water.

okay, i want y’all to take a shot every time she writes the word “butt” from now on. i actually came up with a few drinking games with her. for example, take a shot every time someone “hums” during an intercourse scene. take a shot every time she uses a flowery synonym for red hair. take a shot every time there’s a sex scene and you’re more grossed out than turned on.

again, this is the “hot, erotic romance” that readers of bandfic want in 2022/2023? this is torture. like... dude. have you tried just talking to her? why do you insist on spinning in circles every which way: this shit is hard to watch.

this is the scene from tiny bubbles:

Alex didn’t hesitate to take off his jeans right there in the front part of the apartment: he swiped the cordless phone from the kitchen in the instance of someone calling him in the meantime, and he ambled across the carpet to the hallway. He stepped into that large, spacious bathroom and already began to feel completely at ease. The white tile that made up the floor felt like cold stones on the very bottoms of his feet; the white and gray marble on the countertop next to him shimmered and twinkled under the soft light that filtered through the window over the bathtub before him. He peeled off his shirt and lay it on the counter next to him and the edge of the sink. He stood right next to the toilet for a second with his eye on the big silvery shower head on the wall over his head.

A shower wouldn’t suffice. Too quick, especially for his tense muscles in his back and in his legs. He glanced down at the big bathtub before him, the big pearly white tub that provided enough for him to lay down flat on his back.

That would do the trick. He took the bath mat off of the rim of the tub and lay it on the tiles right next to the tub, and then he reached over to the dials on the wall and switched on the water. A bit too cold at first and then he turned the hot dial a bit. He then reached behind him to the cabinets under the sink for the bottle of bubble bath: what was a boy who wanted to relax without soft-smelling tiny bubbles. Down on one knee, he unscrewed the lid from the top and poured in a slender little trickle of that deep blue liquid in: he watched it bleed through the water for a moment, and then he reached down and stirred the water with a shake of his hand so the bubbles would flurry up and collect throughout the water. He put the bubble bath back into the cabinet and he watched the bubbles form and pile upon themselves.

Every so often, he reached down for a stir of the water with his hands so those little stacks of tiny bubbles collected and formed upon themselves even more.

Once the water reached a certain level on the bathtub, he switched off the water, and then he peeled his underwear off and he let it fall onto the bath mat, around his feet. He ran his hand down his stomach before he stuck one foot into the water: nice and warm, almost perfect. It was a bit colder than he usually liked, but the tub had enough water in it already; he set the other foot into the water next, and then he took his seat on the floor of the tub. He leaned back against the wall opposite to the faucet and stretched out his long, lanky legs to where his feet reached the faucet. Though he remained close to the wall on the left, there was plenty of room in that tub for two people.

it’s directly from tiny bubbles. she still has not gotten tired of this. as i said, it’s like she had eclipse open in one tab and used it as a base. it’s like when you’re taking notes from a textbook and you paraphrase as “best” as you can... “best” in that it’s actually not coming from you.

god, where’s miss rocco, my english teacher in junior year of high school. that woman had eyes like a hawk: she knew if you plagiarized or read cliff notes from a mile away. she was tough but she wanted us to do well, and that was my original intent with the green druidess. but since she’s way too egotistical, stubborn, and dumb to figure it out (as bullies usually are), i had to leave the “love” part out of “tough love”.

by the way, “non-erogenous zone”? what are you, my therapist?

*projectile vomits*

“oh. my. GAWD. chand-lah bing! chand-lah bing-a-ling!” (this part actually deserves two jokes)

“are you eating a t-bone? why don’t we call you.. t-bone?” “can i be g-bone?” “there is no ‘g-bone’, george.” “T-BONE! T-BONE! T-BONE! T-BONE!”

*later*

“you’re like that monkey that can do sign language.” “cocoa?” “yeah! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA!”

she also ripped off covalent bonds, i see. not surprised at all, either: it had “easy target” written all over it.

“when you walk in the bar, and you feel like a star, rockin’ your fuck-me pumps. and a man notice you with your gucci bag (crue), can’t tell who he's lookin' to, ‘cause you all look the same, everyone knows your name, and that's your whole claim to fame. never miss a night 'cause your dream in life is to be a footballer's wife. you don't like players, that's what you say- but you really wouldn't mind a millionaire. you don't like ballers, they don't do nothing for ya, but you'd love a rich man six-foot-two or taller.”

vanessa: “we also received your other gift.” austin powers: “yes, basel! nice rack!”

“you’re being a peñis... colada, that is.” -liz phair

i swear, i used “i want you”... by bob dylan, in either fever or now it’s dark. may have been fever, i remember seeing it in the notes when i was putting volume one on wattpad last week.

speaking of notes, here’s another drinking game: take a shot every time you read her author’s note and they’re like this. when i write author’s notes, i try to be fun and friendly because we’re all fans here, but istg, the last couple of times i poked my head into her fics out of morbid curiosity, i saw her author’s notes and they were... i want to say “businesslike”. most recently, she hasn’t put any. it’s like when you have that one mutual on here: you were friends at one point, and something happens, and they end up moving away from their original content, like they got involved in social justice or something, and they start getting hostile and belligerent about it, and they end up deviating away from the original purpose of social justice and turn into someone full of hate, the very thing they were initially up against, and they reach a crisis point where it completely breaks them, and they turn into hipster blogs who don’t bother tag anything or even talk anymore, and then at some point, they leave tumblr. (tells you how long i’ve been on here, too: i’ve actually watched blogs venture through that very pipeline, whereas it’s rare now).

but here, i’m trying really hard to understand her point, or why she’s so bent on making things difficult for me when she just winds up making things difficult for herself as well as everyone who follows her, but she can’t come out front like this. when this whole situation started, and then continued, i really was alone in the whole thing (another key trait that should tell you that i’m not the bully here as bullies usually travel in packs and their prey tend to be loners). some people who had blocked me lifted the barrier and i apologized to them straight up because i knew it was upsetting for them. add to this, i had people left and right blocking me on the pretense of my supposedly running my mouth. incredibly petty and rude (unless someone’s opinion is actually hurting you, i can’t even tell you how messed up it is to block someone for being themselves: and at that point, it stops being opinion anyway) and it really gave me some insight into this new generation of tumblrs, many of whom are a lot like her: she happens to be a prototype of sorts, a codifier for what tumblr has become. but if there’s anything that this current tumblr is not, it’s that i know you guys don’t cheat.

as much as i dislike the ____ x reader trope and stranger things, the air of “oh my gosh, look what i found!” laced with captain obvious that’s in literally everything you guys do, and as much as i wish tiktok would just go away already, gen z and a lot of her readership do have a lot of charm to them because it comes down to ego.

the pen can’t be mightier than the sword if you let your ego get in the way. fic should be fun, it shouldn’t be about cancelling or getting all defensive when someone notices that you’re fucking up and wants you to stop but you instead double down and continue to do it and play possum afterwards at the expense of everyone in the room. karma is a bitch, man, and a bigger one than i ever will be. what goes up must come down.

speaking of coming down, there’s...

there’s...

*snicker* sorry.

ladies and gentlemen. boys and girls. everyone in between. damen und herren. madames et monsieurs.

the crown jewel. the trinity test:

BIT HER BOTTOM

BIT

HER

BOTTOM

WHAT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALEX

YOU’RE NOT HERE! YOU’RE NOT HERE! A DIRTY WORD! HE SAID A DIRTY WORD!

WHAT IN GOD’S NAME HAVE YOU DONE STICK YOUR ARM FOR SOME REAL FUN SO YOUR SICKNESS WEIGHS A TON AND GOD’S NAME HAS SMACK THE SUN!

YOU UGLY YOU, YOU UGLY YOU UGLY YOU, YOU UGLY

YOU AIN’T GOT NO ALIBI YOU AIN’T GOT NO ALIBI YOU AIN’T GOT NO ALIBI YOU AIN’T GOT NO ALIBI

YOU UGLY YOU, YOU UGLY

I AM NOW CHOPPING OFF PHYLLIS’ HEAD WITH A CHAINSAW

I SAID A BOOM-CHICK-A-BOOM!

I SAID A BOOM-CHICK-A-ROCK-A-CHICK-A-ROCK-A-CHICK-A-BOOM!

IT IS OVER! IT IS ALL OVER!

FUCK

okay, never mind the image that just conjured up. it reminds me of that eminem song where he’s rapping in an eric cartman voice, and there’s a line where he goes: “that bitch can twist like a contortionist!”

she bit her bottom and ate her own shit 🤣

it’s like, “what do you want for lunch?” “could you make me a sandwich?” “sure!”

SPLAT.

oh, my god, i cannot think of a better allegory to her fics, like seriously. between the hyper obsession with ghoulish topics to the point of not doing them right (yeah, i don’t get it either) to the juvenile humor, it fits beautifully and perfectly. i also feel like it’s foreshadowing like KARMA IS A BITCH, BABY! 😂😂😂

and that’s another thing that’s common in her fics, too, especially as of recently. she’ll omit words (which is a typo i’m often guilty of, this is getting weird) and she’ll put in a shitload of filler to pad out the word count and then shove it out the door so no one can question it.

it’s like she wants to... beat me to the punchline or something.

but guess fucking what? i have the punchline now, hahahahaha!

god, that is a terrible error, and i cannot believe no one pointed it out, either. but i also can, though, because when i make an error like that, i usually notice after the fact or when i’m editing; the fact no one’s said anything after a month confirms she’s surrounded by yes men. or at the very least, people who don’t know, or don’t care, what a con job looks like (i’ll explain that in a second).

that’s right up there with “angry balls” from twilight (with apologies to stephenie meyer, of course).

and it doesn’t really matter at this point, but it came from this:

george: “you can’t break up with me! i had hand!” AND YOU’RE GONNA NEED IT.

besides... the only taut belt I ever want to think about

is his

yeah, i’d like to see him tighten that belt of his, making that little belly poke out even more and bring more attention to his crotch 👀 swish his long beautiful hair 👀👀👀

actually, all the testament guys can tighten their belts for me any time 😏 and joey, too! he likes his belts, too. the man whom she betrayed and left behind in the dirt along with pete apparently. yeah, she threw not one, not two, but three subcultures, thrashers, grungers, and the goths, under the bus for quite literally no reason: she pretty much gave up anthrax fic after the incident with me and then her eddie vedder/grunge fic and her megadeth fic respectively in 2021, and her updates of like loving the dead since chapter 37 have been hollow and kind of boring, which tells me she’s not putting effort into them, and it’s weird because there are a few people who’ve bookmarked it saying it’s their dream peter fic. she left these fandoms, whole-ass subcultures, hanging for literally no reason other than to be petty and spiteful towards someone who stopped caring in january 2021.

what makes me different? very simple: i don’t cheat. i also genuinely like stuff.

i was thinking about this when i said it’s like she’s not even a fan of these things and she just writes because she thinks it’s what’s cool, too: she’s a grifter. she doesn’t swindle people out of their money, sure, but her behavior is parasitic enough, though.

she writes fic that appeals to a wide array of people while she keeps a straight face on (”she’ll stab you in the back with a smile on her face”, if you will) and also leeches off them under the pretense of “don’t like, don’t read”, thereby abusing fandom rules and then the very second she comes across someone who doesn’t kiss her ass or is bit of a threat to her or better yet annoys her, she turns hostile, covers her ass and gaslights everyone, and drags everyone down with her, declaring it’s “because they made do it!” lol, no. you chose to do it. i didn’t point a gun to your head and told you to ditch your fics: you did it because you have a victim complex and frankly, you suck at writing, too. there’s no money involved but you’re a grifter.

i pray for the mötley crüe fandom. really, take this from a girl who’s into alt rock and thrash and death metal, three genres that are notoriously the antitheses of glam: they don’t need the run-around like that, her building up a base only to watch her suddenly leave down the line because she can’t handle some girl being herself. instead of hitching up her bootstraps and accepting responsibility like any person with a spine and common sense, she plays the blame game and goes “look what she made me do”. who the hell does she think she is, taylor swift? (say what you want about her, but at least taylor has the decency to learn from her mistakes and has a healthy sense of self-awareness. and she’s actually a nice person, too: regina george is more charming than the green druidess) like i said, i’ve grown as a writer and a person. from the looks of it, the green druidess, formerly known as daveighmustaine, formerly known as fromthewasteland, has not one bit. the only thing that’s different is username and pettiness level.

by the way, alex likes to wear a lot of black and red (and green, oddly enough), too, so before i get called out for double standards: no, context is important.

and speaking of context, there’s also a line in this fic where nick runs his fingers down liz’s bare body to her (’scuse me) “abdomen” and she has a belly button piercing. it’s insufficient to say, but i feel like she had the hanukkah chapter of black moon open, too (fits the time frame: that was posted on the 18th and her fic on the 27th). and maybe disciples of the watch from eclipse, too, and blood & chocolate, and really anything i wrote that’s a bit sexual because i have a belly kink, specifically “little round bellies that look like they’d be fun to kiss, cuddle with, playfully poke, gently pat, tickle, admire from afar with the right fabrics and colors, and maybe fill them up until they’re very full and give them lots of gentle rubs”.

so, she not only copies from me, but she can’t even do kinks right.

how is that possible?

when you write kink, there’s this unspoken commitment behind it, like... you know. commit. shit or get off the pot. dude, i have written bdsm scenes where they were enjoying themselves. i wrote temperature play, and elemental play (pyrophilia and aquaphilia), and not once did i inject some painful bullshit.

and i thought we learned from 50 shades, too. there’s literally a right way to do it all and she isn’t doing it. “it makes it more believable and enjoyable!” no, it doesn’t. take this from a virgin: if you’re in pain while having sex, stop. extreme pain is not empowering or sexy: it’s quite the opposite. don’t keep going until one of you is crying and then you call the guy a fuckhead and he’s reveling in your verbal abuse. you’re treating not just him like shit, but yourself, too.

how do you people following her sleep at night knowing your precious fic writer, your “gorgeous queen”, is glorifying abuse across the board and is grifting everyone right in front of their faces, not once apologizing or being levelheaded about anything. she has shown to me, since 2020, that she cannot handle people who are different. hell, it looks like she can’t even handle fandom, period, because i have seen, time and time again, people in fandom far worse than me and i can tell she’s not okay with it. always wanting more attention, more sympathy, just like ol’ tila nguyen who preceded her by 20 years.

i’m just... i’m gonna y’all this right now.

it’s only a matter of time before she says something really problematic, and she loses control of everything. and you’re going to wish you believed me when it all first happened.

#good day #xxgreendruidessxx #fic woes #fanfic woes #text #ao3 writer #happy birthday

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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so, it’s been brought to my attention that you-know-who has started yet another fic a few days after i posted the apple shed on ao3, much like how she started set me on fire after i started dead man walking as a clap back, i guess? idk that’s what it feels like. but it’s not like i can ask her, though—good luck trying to get a straight answer out of her, anyway, especially if this passage from life after death is anything to go by:

”This chapter contains excerpts from Afterglow and used with permission by the author.”

jesus christ almighty, you ever roll your eyes so hard, you swear they’d fall right out of your head? just stop doing it. just stop. it’s not that hard. i have long established the fact that plagiarism is slimy and gross, and you do nothing to rectify it, if anything you make it worse by adding a disclaimer there, so… why bother choosing to do it, especially when you know it’s wrong? i can only hope she knows it’s wrong 👀

(apparently, peter fell off the wagon in l.l.t.d., just like how joey fell off the wagon in her anthrax fics, and the chapters of the former happened to coincide with the publication of eclipse back in october, and then the subsequent chapters after that- you know what, i can’t. i just can’t. the whole thing left me exhausted in january 2021, so you can imagine my ennui now). this was funny last thanksgiving when i began dead man walking after *that* chapter of like loving the dead—”time will not heal these wounds”, it’s called if you’re morbidly curious—it’s just pathetic now, especially when i stopped giving a shit well before then. yesterday also marked three years since i signed and sealed now it’s dark, so… i guess it’s to—overshadow me, i guess? i think? i don’t know. i don’t fucking know.

really, i wish i knew what her problem was, like it must be a hellish place inside of her mind to think i’m haranguing her when she’s doing just that to me. i kind of jinxed it with dead man walking, because i now live rent-free in her mind… almost for no reason.

keyword there is “almost”.

go through her ao3 (and to a further extent, her wattpad of the same name) and you’ll see someone who gives herself to other people. it’s like she writes fic for various fandoms because it’s cool, not because she actually likes these things or has a legit crush on one of these boys like with me and alex, and when it is a legit liking, it kinda blows—again, that’s what i can gather, it’s not like i can ask her so… you know, cool your jets. i often wondered why her fics get so repetitive in the tropes and themes and it would literally explain why. you have someone who’s set in her ways and is hellbent on making my life a living hell—and i think it’s because she’s jealous of me.

really, i started suspecting this when the whole thing started, too, but i needed something firm to back it up so i never mentioned it before: she’s jealous of me. she’ll never admit it—and good luck trying to get her to admit something like that, too, she’s way too arrogant and not very bright—but i have a firm belief that that’s the case. because i’m artistic and have a background in science and i have people looking at me, and the more it happens, the more i want to create and expand.

sure, she gets the reads and the accolades and requests and everything, but at what cost? i see someone who’s afraid to fully be herself and she takes it out on me because… i wish i knew. if she wants to keep this up for years to come, be my guest, but i had enough when i started writing fever, because damn it, it’s not my funeral.

oh. the irony. i was a guest at your wedding, but i refuse to be at your wake.

#xxgreendruidessxx #fanfic woes #personal #text

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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while we’re on the topic of clowning… apparently, Set Me on Fire was written as a response to fever in fever out, which i wrote out of a burgeoning crush on alex, and dead man walking, which was written in response to Like Loving the Dead, which was written in response to both the dead of night and the dead trilogy, which were written because i felt alone and isolated and like i had no voice. this is your queen, type o and mötley crüe fandoms.

add to this, there was a one shot in eclipse, cosa del pantano, that, when held next to Set Me on Fire, feels like a middle finger (even though i promise you that was not my intention). and then the druidess had the gall to complain and pledge her grievance™️ through chapters 2 and 3 of Life After Death. not sure what the point of Burnt Flowers Fallen is supposed to be, other than maybe as a response to like blood from a stone? idk, the second shot in that collection is time-stamped two weeks after i started l.b.f.a.s. i feel like i said this before but… so it’s okay for you to cry and kick and scream and moan when i joke around and am doing nothing more than being myself but it’s not okay for me to bleed and call your bluff. gotcha 👌🏼

Life After Death was apparently written in response to like blood from a stone, flowers for alexander, and eclipse, too (and if she thinks flowers for alexander is in response to burnt flowers fallen, she’s got another thing coming—it’s in honor of flowers for algernon and it’s going to have some sour grapes themes within). add to this, i took one look at chapter one—just one look—to see that it’s a copy of fever in, fever out, of all fics—just like the way that it jumps around with the timeline and it’s coming after something supposedly horrible. it’s… it’s hard to follow, like i see why the mötley fandom is kind of lukewarm to it. nevermind the whole thing between me and her for a second: it…

it’s one of the worst things i have ever read (and i read the first 50 shades book).

there’s in media res, as it’s known, and time travel à la time after time from templeoftheslavegarden, and then there’s manically hopping around to the point i’m trying really, really hard to make sense of this and not wanting to roll my eyes at l*zzy’s heartbreak™️. and i wrote fever because alex was so sweet to me and it was the beginning of a really sweet story between me and him. i wrote fever because i genuinely wanted to put it to bed in february 2021.

apparently it’s supposed to be a spin-off to Like Loving the Dead and temple’s mötley fic so good, so bad, and… i guess it’s supposed to fuse the timelines like what the m.c.u. does or…

you know, now that i say this out loud, i realize it’s not very interesting (although so good, so bad is… it’s warm, friendly, especially with someone like me who’s kind of “take it or leave it” with them; it’s alright). so, i can’t assume you’d care. but Life After Death assumes that you do, and it’s an obvious popularity statement.

i have every right in the world to clown her, especially now that it stopped hurting a long time ago.

#text #ao3 writer #xxgreendruidessxx

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josiebelladonna · 11 months

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the whole “don’t like, don’t read” thing in fanfic is so stupid, honestly, because at this point, it just feels like a muzzle to keep people from telling the truth about how they really feel about something they don’t like. we always have to be positive or we’re scum, and honestly, i think that’s complete horse shit.

if i say that it’s unfair to other kink writers to kiss nickybloodhead’s ass for her kinktober posts (and i took a peek at a couple of her fics and… eh, they’re okay—kind of hard to follow because they’re in second person perspective and the grammar’s not that great, and… i guess there’s just something about the metallica fandom now that i’m totally missing because i don’t get the breeding kink with james, tbh) when kink is inherently all about community and embracing each other’s tastes even when you yourself don’t like it, then why is that an issue? if i say that i find xxgreendruidessxx’s anthrax fics creepy because—never mind what she did to me for a second—i never liked how she portrayed joey and the way she treats sexuality as if it’s dirty and gross, then why is that an issue (seriously)?

are you worried about hearing a negative opinion of something you made? listen , you can give a negative opinion and be kind about it: there’s a difference between what i just said in the previous paragraph and being like “this is garbage”. you know, nightmarebrigade on ao3 called me disgusting for a few fics that i wrote and no one bat an eye—if anything, people kissed her ass for it—but it’s apparently not okay for me to say that i didn’t like a fic because i didn’t like how it was written.

are you so worried that someone somewhere doesn’t like you and it keeps you awake at night thinking about it? that’s immaturity, and way too many people in the rockblr side of things are so guilty of it, it’s actually unreal. is someone like me just the antichrist at this point because of what i think and feel and how i roll with things and you guys can’t help but clutch at yourselves whenever you see me (which is worse than anything that’s ever come out of my mouth, tbh)? it seems to me that all everyone in fic wants to do is coddle each other, and… goddammit, that comes with a price.

because that’s what it sounds like to me, and that’s what it’s always sounded like to me.

#learning about someone’s dislikes is far more interesting imo #rant #fanfic rant #fanfic woes #text #don’t like don’t read

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steele-soulmate · 2 years

Photo

BABY TOMMY IS COMING!

THOMAS JOSEPH RATAJZCK

JULY 30TH 2023

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@starchild0985

@xxgreendruidessxx

@elianafilthyrose

@angel-cherrycake

@sheris532

#Type O Negative #Heavy metal #Peter Steele #FanFiction #Soulmate AU #Baby announcement #Exciting news #Baby Tommy is coming #PSA

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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“you’re sharing your art and your writing so we should have a right to take it as however we want. you want to be part of a community, don’t you?”

(it went something like that, i’m paraphrasing)

nevermind the condescending tone for a second, but, good lord. saying that didn’t age very well doesn’t quite cut it, now does it, xxgreendruidessxx formerly known as daveighmustaine?

#you know when the whole thing between me and her blew up i had a feeling that that was gonna bite her in the ass #i thought it was weird the first time she said it and it got even weirder now with this deviantart nonsense #bullshit beliefs like that are why this is happening #the wound i sustained after the art theft on here (prior to the incident) is still healing too #text

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josiebelladonna · 1 year

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billie eilish syndrome: term i invented last night, used to describe someone who is so obsessed with being “real” and “authentic” that it actually comes across as fake. hard to spot if untrained, as they’ll often use words like “depression” and “anxiety”, but the key is to watch their behavior closely. you know someone has it when you see them and you get the weirdest feeling in your gut, like there’s just something “off” or too good to be true about them and part of you wants to fuck around and find out the truth

notable offenders: the namer, billie eilish. too many things about her either don’t add up or don’t make any sense, namely “follow me for my music and not the way i look” and yet here she is, often showing her tits and there’s this nagging feeling that you just got short-changed somewhere along the way; and “i write all my songs”, but compare her lyrics to the great writers of yesterday and even today like lana del rey and phoebe bridgers, they feel very one-note, overly obvious, and even lame, like imagine some poet somewhere getting overlooked by the attention they deserve over a pathetic line like “i don’t relate to you.” (if i was them, i’d be pissed). just because you write your own lyrics doesn’t mean they’re good—or that you yourself wrote your lyrics, finneas is always credited and songwriters often go unnoticed in the credits. for all we know, there may be 10 other people behind her in penning her songs. industry plants are like that.

another example is gipsygeek (alex skolnick’s… girlfriend? wife? who the fuck knows and i don’t really care, either). i stumbled on her blog last fall and everything about it just gave me this pit in my stomach, because, just like billie, nothing about her adds up. claiming to be in love with him and yet it’s just far too difficult to even talk about him out in the open. at this point, she’s tricked everyone who follows him into thinking she’s actually decent with her stupid, obnoxious image, with that ridiculous name that just looks racist—re: she may as well just use the “n” word—not wanting to be seen in public especially with him, doing really two-faced shit like claiming to be shy and yet talking to his followers as if they’re her own and having this really holier-than-thou attitude that is far too blatant to ignore. i mean, the fact you have to actually go to her profile on instagram in order to find anything about her because alex barely talks about her should tell you something—well, not this summer, anyway. every other post from him since june has her tagged in it… oof. saying that hits wrong is an understatement. that’s nearly right up there with those people who talk about their relationship every 10 minutes, simply because he barely did it in the past. what, you didn’t talk about her before and now because she was there when your mom was in the hospital she’s got your full attention? don’t say i didn’t warn you, alex.

a third example is xxgreendruidessxx, formerly known as daveighmustaine. now, i’ve talked about her more than i would like, but all i’m gonna say is one thing about her that still sticks out to me is her obsession with “real women”. “real women do this”. real women don’t give a shit about what you think.

a big symptom of it, besides the above, is an overall spoiled personality that is often subtle unless you really look, like really stop and look. billie has been absolutely inescapable the last couple of years, to the point loudwire is even talking about her and to the point where even the commenters are like “enough”: utterly spoiled by an already brain-dead industry that feels really gross but don’t expect me to give you sympathy, though, because you’re playing right into it. you would think after knowing alex as long as you have that you would, at some point since 2012, put on your big girl pants and grow the fuck up and have a photo with him, especially when he says it’s something he’ll remember forever AND ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU RUN A BUSINESS! completely spoiled by a gentle sweet jewish man who really did seem in love with you at some point and somewhere along the way you abused the goodness of his heart to the point i want to look at you and say “how dare you” before i slap you, hard, several times. and i don’t recall the green druidess ever being satisfied with anything, like i remember every other thing she said was a complaint. yeah, you bet i’m kicking back watching hurricane idalia coming for the south and her neck of the woods. i got my tropical system and my karma, now it’s your turn.

another defining trait of billie eilish syndrome is the lack of visibility elsewhere: billie may be a superstar here in the states but the rest of the world either can’t stand her or have never heard of her (canada doesn’t even like her: i’ve been seeing a growing number of canadians who are just as fed up with her as me). see the whole thing about having to go to gipsygeek’s profile just to see her. xxgreendruidessxx may have a dickload of reads on her fics but she’s fading fast, though. i haven’t seen anyone say anything about her in months. you also get a sense that they’re hiding something. it’s a bad sign when wikipedia changes every time you turn around. someone refusing pix with their partner is not shyness especially when they have a presence of their own, there’s no way around that. and face it: you mention something that happened to you on a public forum like tumblr, people are going to ask you about it.

there’s no cure for billie eilish syndrome rather than for you—you, not the person afflicted with it—to be cautious and have a keen eye. it’s exactly like when someone says they’re a badass: they are always not a badass. if someone says they’re authentic, they either are not or they are but in the worst way. what’s really scary about billie eilish syndrome is the writing on the wall will often present itself when you’re already neck-deep with them: i unhitched my wagon from billie when she did that ~girly~ photoshoot and i started seeing things she said in the past that got me thinking. the green druidess stabbed me in the back and then tried to cover her tracks by calling me the bad guy when i started paying closer attention to her past behavior. and… i am not a person of prayer by any means but i pray for alex every day. really, i wish i was like christine in seasons grey and that i can get him away from her.

when you do get away from them, you often have this feeling that you were just lied to and used from here to timbuktu, and you really have to resist the urge to not get back at them, whether it’s writing something scathing or wanting to strangle them. it’s in the vein of a grift except they didn’t take money from you, but some of your sanity: i barely go into fanfic tags anymore because of the green druidess. modern music honestly kills me because i know billie’s gonna be mentioned at some point. and i just want to tell alex, “RUN AWAY. NOW. BEFORE SHE DESTROYS YOU.” (she’s already on her way to destroying him, too: ever since he came back to the fold in early june, it was like someone flipped a switch, this is not the same alex we all know and love. something happened to him when we weren’t looking, and it wasn’t just mama.) at least i hope they didn’t take your money.

#text #long reads #billie eilish #billie eilish syndrome

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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i should probably tell you guys that i actually rejoined wattpad earlier this year.

yes, after everything that has happened to me, after all that site has put me through and everything else that has happened, i still caved and set up a new account.

however…

i don’t really use it. i was just going to use it to read because… you know, i—like to read. i’ve been reading since i was a child, i like to find new things and new horizons and new influences (if you’re going to write, you have to read, too—i believe it was stephen king who said that). but i don’t even do that, though—idk, fics on ao3 just feel more humble and like actual pieces of writing, too, they aren’t memes and they don’t give me a headache part of the way through.

the other reason why i’m there again? i want closure. i didn’t get it after i tried putting the now it’s dark ‘verse on there—i couldn’t, whatsername wouldn’t let me. twice she wouldn’t let me: remember last july i tried to extend an olive branch to her and she snapped it in two, and i may have been a little backhanded so i’ll take the blame for it, but i did what i could. she’s just too narcissistic to get it.

i’m reluctant to put my testament fics on there (no way i’m putting my anthrax stories on there, other than maybe my dead trilogy or the artist) because i know what that place is like—i don’t trust the algorithm, either, because i know what that’s like. honestly, testament would be like the best choice because it’s just me in that tag over on ao3: most people on wattpad who are in bandom are into metallica, guns n roses, hair metal, and stranger things, and while i like the former two, you’d be hard-pressed to think that i’d get on well with this new bunch of kids. it’s all like high school: xxgreendruidessxx is the queen bee who travels in a pack (as bullies do—they are almost never solitary) and i’m the lonely nerd who draws and reads books all day and hangs out with other nerds and the down-to-earth jock.

but i wanted to tell this to you guys, though, because i want to be an open book of sorts. my relationship with wattpad just kind of… is what it is. i’m not at all proud of it, and i have a hunger for reading and writing and instead of feeding me, they left me out to starve. even though i have had their scraps, i can’t help but feel like i deserve a delicious dish myself. i was quite literally there at the dinner table.

#text #confession time

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steele-soulmate · 2 years

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Tattooed Wings Kinktober 18, 69

WORDS: 636

“Mary Claire.”

The petite redhead looked up from her spot on the couch in front of the window, raising her eyebrow at the sight of Peter in a vampire cape and nothing else.

“Can I help you with something, Count Peter?” she asked with laughter in her voice as her husband took a step closer to her.

“I need to suck your cunt!” he announced dramatically, stepping towards her and falling to his knees in front of her, spreading her thighs.

“Oh really?” she asked, giggling as he lightly bit the inside of her knee. “Can I read my book while you suck my cunt, Count Peter?” She let out a little screech of surprise when Peter effortlessly picked her up, manhandling her so that they were in a standing version of the sixty nine sex position.

“No, but you can suck my dick with I suck your cunt!” he informed her before going to town on her cute little pussy.

Mary Claire sighed before slurping her husband’s thirteen inch long cock into her throat, grinding her folds into her soulmate’s face as he worked on forcing her to lose control.

“FUCK!” bellowed Peter, clearly having second thoughts about standing while his wife blew him. He quickly made his way over to the couch, sitting before stretching himself out, all the while still eating her pussy.

Mary Claire started to tickle his balls, squealing loudly when his slit started to leak out a river of cum down her throat. As she was suckling at his cock, her cunt shot out her juices, successfully catching the light and creating a little rainbow.

“Fuck sweetheart-!” Peter gasped as he flipped her right side up, setting her onto his lap and pulling a foil packet out of seemingly nowhere.

“Give me!” demanded the smaller woman, practically snatching the wrapped condom from her soulmate’s hand, tearing into it and outfitting her husband’s massive cock in a sweater of latex and lining up his mushroom shaped cockhead with her opening before sinking down onto his with a loud groan of ecstasy.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK…” Peter swore in a wild snarl, his fingers leaving little bruises in her hips.

Mary Claire sighed as her hairy hood met the grey hair at the base of Peter’s cock, creating a marriage of sorts as she rested for only a moment before placing her hands onto Peter’s shoulders and starting to jackhammer onto him.

He growled, repositioning one arm to wrap around her tiny waist and taking a hand into his, bringing it up to his lips to kiss the backs, marked with his tattoos.

“I fucking love you sweetheart,” he gasped out, tracing her face with his nose. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you-”

“I love you, Peter Thomas Ratajzck,” she whispered, touching her forehead to his and crying out as she started to tilt over the edge.

“And I love you, Mary Claire Ratajzck,” he declared, releasing with a loud grunt, his eyes with hearts swimming in them as his wife released too, crying out as her tight little cunt fluttered around his softening dick.

“Warm your dick for a while?” she mumbled, already halfway asleep.

“I’ll fuck you awake, how does that sound?” Peter hummed, laying down with his soulmate curled up in mis arms.

“Perfect,” she breathed, drifting off with a smile on her face.

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@starchild0985

@xxgreendruidessxx

@red-velvet-black-lace-dress

@angel-cherrycake

@sheris532

#Type O Negative #Heavy metal #Peter Steele #FanFiction #Soulmate AU #Tattooed Wings #Kinktober #31 day challenge

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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re: other night’s ramblings about peter steele probably being a white supremacist even though type o dismissed those claims years ago but these things could still be true

…

have you noticed daveigh has only written fic about white people, and what minorities there are are portrayed in a very poor light, like the infamous mention of joey in like loving the dead (trash joey and me at the same time—yes, i’m counting myself because i’m dark scottish and i have those veins of portuguese and the baltics running through me—and ogle a guy who actually wore a nazi uniform onstage, did the salute, and mocked black people’s struggles). when the riots were going back in 2020 and we were all talking about blm and standing up for minorities, that was quite literally the only time i ever saw her participate in a conversation like that. i never saw her mention it again. there’s also the misogyny in her fics, treating girls outside of her heroine and her friend as threats to the man of the hour: no better example of this than her treatment of groupies. it’s even a little misandrist, too, wedging a bout of temptation between the guy and the girl to test him-

and you know, now that i say this out loud, i realize how bad this all looks and i’m actually grateful she’s not around me anymore because oh my fucking god.

#fucking hell #feminist my ass #daveighmustaine #xxgreendruidessxx #text

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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if daveigh/greendruidess/whatever she goes by now is discouraged from writing in the wake of the infamous incident... i want every single one of you to know that i am fully responsible for

my own little world over here because the fact she couldn’t sort out her own shit before she got to writing three years ago has absolutely nothing to do with me and never did, either. i’ve said this before but the only reason i ever bring her up in the last year or so anymore is to make fun of the whole thing. when you’ve been through enough bullshit in life, you learn to laugh at things (and it’s even better if you find the right people to laugh along with).

i mention this because, just out of morbid curiosity just now, i checked her ao3 profile: aside from like loving the dead, she hasn’t updated any of her other wips since february. and my first thought was “wow, that’s... horribly depressing.” shit, i feel bad that i haven’t touched xenon dreams since january and to be frank, i can’t believe it’s been that long, especially with my love of sci-fi and whatnot.

i’ve said this before, too: i do feel bad for her and when this whole thing started, i genuinely didn’t want to go through with it. i think i always will, too (i have too much of a heart, hating is not in my nature, contrary to what she might tell you) and it always kills me to hear about someone giving up something they loved doing because someone else gave them hell of a tongue-lashing. it’s a fear that’s way too common and all too real in the art world, in particular. so many people have given up or will give up because of criticism and it’s something that so many artists fear as well: including me! that was a big fear of mine for years, and in fact, i still feel it. i always clam up whenever i get any comments on anything, not just a piece of art. but at the same time, i also think, wow. your ego was far more fragile than i realized. especially when i remember just how out-of-touch she is.

(and just for some perspective, i consider myself way out-of-touch because yesterday was the first time in... jeez, i don’t even know how long, since i last wandered over to the type o tag just to see what’s going on over there. i’ve been laying low on ao3 lately, aside from the updates and the odd kudos here and there. i haven’t scoured a tag in weeks: writing several thousand words in an afternoon takes a lot out of you and i’ve been focusing on moving lately, so i just haven’t been able to). apparently, she has it in her head that i’m calling people out left and right for stealing, and moreover, she’s addressing me in quite literally the most passive-aggressive way possible.

well... first of all, obviously not. i have way better things to do and it’s really something you have to be on guard for: you don’t go out of your way to scold someone for that, no one does unless they’re actually the victim of it. i’ve lamented how it seems totally bass-ackwards now, that the thieves are the ones to defend and the artist/writer/creator is the one to receive bullshit, and tumblr is an utter bastion for that behavior (why do you think so many artists on here add “do not repost” to their art?), but i’m just sitting here scratching my head at that.

i do remember that chapter of like loving the dead she posted back on my birthday in april, and i have no doubt it was in response to me trying to talk to her last summer to cool things down a bit. the whole vibe of that was she thinks i’m a hater because she’s got a popular fic.

look, there’s a lot of things i don’t like, but i cannot bring myself to hate another person, no matter shitty or toxic they are (and i couldn’t be bothered with things like hits or likes, either, i stopped caring about that during my hiatus and wattpad completely killed it for me).

i actually don’t even hate her at all. i hate that she condones horrible behavior like plagiarism and shameless copying/taking and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. i hate her attitude and how it’s apparently too much to ask of her to throw her weight around (the way she sits in my memory is she looks like regina george in about 30 years but with red hair). i hate how she brags all the time and also her sense of entitlement that’s apparently only gotten worse with time, and i couldn’t help but react to it in the past, either. but as a person, though? no way. you couldn’t pay me money to hate her as a person.

if you ask me, she’s the real hater here. she’s still thinking about that incident and talking about it two years later when there was absolutely no reason to (hell, there was no reason for it six months afterwards). yeah, dead man walking is my side of the story, no doubt about that, but it’s got way more purpose than that: it’s a story that i’ve wanted to write for a long time now and i finally found the opportunity to do so with the events that happened between me and her - i needed a moral or an underlying theme of some sort (it is rated teen and up, after all 😉). she’s just vitriolic and browbeating and projecting onto me, and all i can say is is grudges are fucking stupid.

i got my anger out immediately after it happened through my st. anger drawings, the dead trilogy, and the remainder of my at land’s end series. aside from the odd outburst along the way, i said everything i needed to say and i put it to bed, especially when alex entered my life. i don’t hold grudges, and i’ve never been able to, either.

it literally blows my mind how way too many people on here are like “i have a grudge against this person/i resent this person” and don’t see anything wrong with it. grudges are, at their core, completely petty and pointless and they only end up destroying you, the bearer of the grudge, in the end. really, imagine yourself 5/10/15 years from now, still feeling angry at the other person over something stupid that they let go of right away. you’re going to look so ridiculous and you’re going to wish for that time back, as well. grudges are not just stupid and pointless: they’re sad. like, this is going to be your legacy, man. forget everything else, this is how i’m always going to remember you. was it really worth it in the end? you can’t help but feel bad for the person with the grudge... but you also can’t, because hey, you were the one who stayed angry all this time, not me. i was just trying to live my life, unlike you, letting your anger cloud your vision and swell up your ego to the size of the earth.

when that incident happened (if you don’t know: i was just trying to be friendly with her during anthrax’s livestream from wacken during quarantine - you know. fellow fangirl to another. innocuous fun stuff in a world gone horribly wrong - and over here, she was getting all up in arms about someone annoying and obnoxious, and when she blocked me on here and on wattpad was when i realized she was referring to me), and i looked back on her behavior (which is how i found out her plagiarism in the first place), i saw right away that she’s all-talk and no-walk, but it’s being magnified big time now because she refuses to let go of anger and she’s made it her persona, too. she can go as dark and gothic as she wants: i’m always going to look at her name and think “angry, bitter person.”

i clearly don’t even give a shit about any of this anymore, and i haven’t since the end of 2020, either. i can barely be bothered to go through the type o tag anymore, or any fic tag for that matter because fandom as a whole has followed her lead. aside from things happening on my end, it’s hard to find fic (particularly band fic) on ao3 anymore that feels like it was written from a good place. it’s all clique-y and snide and hard to understand and gives me a headache and i don’t know if tiktokification of everything in existence now is to blame or not.

like i said, if she (or anyone else) throws in the towel, it’s not my call to make and it never was, either. you’re the one driving the ship: i’m just the madwoman in the attic.

#saying this on the heels of the latest couple of chapters of dead man walking #daveighmustaine #xxgreendruidessxx #fanfic woes #fic woes #ao3 authors #text #grudges are dumb #let this be a lesson

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