#yea. very entangled topic

[sanstropfremir]

Hi! As a fellow Humanities Person (sociologist) I've been really enjoying your critical (in an academic sense!) analysis of kpop & the Korean entertainment industry! I'm curious- how do you think social media has impacted kpop? I remember you said in an answer to a previous ask that aespa's choreo seems to have been created with TikTok in mind. And I feel like social media has made it even more difficult for idols to have a private life- like NCT is posting like behind the scenes videos OF behind the scenes videos and I can't help but to think that it seems like there's hardly a moment in their lives where they're NOT being filmed.

thank you! i'm not an authority by any measure but it is fun to speculate/extrapolate and talk about these things with people!

hmm. actually i don't think social media has made it that much more difficult for idols to have a private life, at least in the way that i think you're talking about. yes absolutely it has made idols need to be more careful, bc everyone has a phone now, but for things like behind the scenes content, that's just still just work. they would have been there even if there was no cameras, because things like recording or dance rehearsals or other content filmings are all work hours, not their private life. they know full well that their job is to be a public figure, so when they show up to do work, no matter what it is or if it's being filmed, that's work. has social media made it so that they have to do more things that they didn't have to before? yes absolutely, but i don't think it's that big of an issue for a lot of them. most idols really do care about the communication they have with their fans and showing them more the parts of the process is something that is actually interesting (in my opinion at least), much more so than just getting selfies. i think accounts like the shinee managers (shinee_atoz) are a great way to give a bit more personal context to the official content that comes out (which is what key said abt it when he pitched it) and it doesn't infringe on idols' (or the managers!!) private lives at all.

in terms of aespa's choreo being made for tiktok, that's just going back to the old methods from first and second gen to get a song to go viral because of the point choreo/dance moves. and it did work, next level was probably the most recognizable choreo last year (other than rollin, which was actually old school viral). in fact the whole doing choreo challenges on tiktok is just an evolution of the whole reason point choreo exists in the first place.

[honeybeeloxs]

CENTURY MALL

Ethan Landry x Male Reader

I got really bored, very much inspired by the Fear Street opening scene because idk I lack creativity when I am hungry, and let's just say. I AM STARVING ATM. Also, Reader is related to Tara and Sam but moved to New York after the Woodsboro massacre.

Ethan's relationship with Reader is more minor, but it's stated that they are playing double dutch with their tongues. I also may make this more than one part, but yea... idk

“The night we met, I knew I needed you so, and if I had the chance, I'd never let you go.” The speakers blare, echoing through the empty mall.

“I’m going to clock out. Can you handle closing the store for me? I would do it, but my girlfriend is going to flip.” Elijah told Y/N, who just nodded in response, “Here are the keys,” he said to Y/N as he handed him the keys; he turned on his heels and began walking out; Y/N follows him, “Okay, so… Um, do I have to go out through the back? I don’t like the back.” Y/N said to Elijah, who turned around, “No, you can go out through the front; just make sure there is some room for you to slip underneath the gate,” the blonde replied; he stopped sipping his Orange Julius cup. “Just don’t forget to set the alarm; we don’t want Jasmin to fuck us over and fire us, and don’t forget to restock some shelves with some new records,” he said before turning away and walking to the nearest exit. “Alright! See you tomorrow.” Y/N calls out, and Elijah gives him the thumbs-up before he walks out the mall doors.

"So won't you say you love me? I'll make you so proud of me. We'll make them turn their heads every place we go." Y/N bops his head to the song's rhythm as he slowly dances while walking back to the store.

The leading lights shut off, and the only light left is the neon signs from the stores illuminating Y/N’s face; he stops dancing and huffs; Y/N sees Chris from the Hot Topic a few stores away, and he waves at him. Y/N waves back at him and turns around, heading back to J.A. Records; Y/N pulls down the gate, leaving room for someone to squeeze in or out, and he walks to his right and sets the alarm. Y/N needs to restock some shelves filled with new cheesy country records or some weird tiktok RnB records. The phone rings; Y/N gets up and answers, “Hello, this is J.A. Records; we’re closed.” you can tell he’s a bit irritated. “Hey, Y/N,” Y/N pauses for a moment; it’s Ethan, “Hey, Eth, why’d you call?” his voice softens as a smile creeps on his face, “You weren’t at my dorm like you usually are when I got out of Econ, I thought you didn’t work late?” Ethan questions his boyfriend, “Yeah, I was supposed to clock out an hour ago, but Elijah wanted me to close tonight; something is happening with his girlfriend.” Y/N tells his boyfriend by phone, and he leans back on the counter. “Hey, um, can you take me to my dorm tonight? I don’t wanna walk back to campus; it’s scary when it gets dark,” Y/N asks him over the phone. “Okay, just give me about 15 minutes to close this shit store down, and I’ll meet you outside,” he tells him, holding the phone up with his shoulder as he flips through a magazine. Y/N bids his lover farewell and heads back to the shelf he was restocking, but he stops when the phone rings; he groans and picks it up. “J.A. Records; we’re closed.” Y/N plays with some nicknacks on the counter, “Hello…?” Y/N says through the phone, looking around the counter; he stands there, he repeats, “Hello…? Anybody there?” nothing for a second; Y/N starts walking around the counter entangling the phone cord, “Hello?” finally a response comes through. “Hey, sorry, but J.A. Records is closed tonight; feel free to call tomorrow, K? Okay, bye now,” Y/N tells the caller, “Wait, Wait, don’t go,” he replies; Y/N’s eyebrows raised in amusement.

Y/N walks around the store, sometimes having to move the phone cord as it’s stretching way too far; too much pressure, and it’ll snap. “So… you gotta boyfriend?” he asks; Y/N sits on the counter, “Why? You wanna ask me out on a date?” Y/N taunts the caller, smiling to himself, “Maybe… So do?” he questions, “Yeah, I have a boyfriend, real horror geek.” he replies; Y/N loves Ethan, but the movie genre he likes isn’t the best, a bunch of chicks getting stabbed and making shitty decisions. The person clears his throat, “Well, what’s your favorite?” Y/N hums, “I don’t like horror movies, a bunch of dumbasses.” He jumps off the counter and leans back on the counter. “What’s yours?” he asks the caller; he chuckles in response, “The one I’m watching right now,” Y/N’s eyebrows raise, and he laughs. “Oh really? What’s it called.” Y/N asks as he picks at his nails, “It's called ‘Y/N gets skewered like a fucking pig!’” he laughs, he fucking laughs over the phone; Y/N stops picking at his nails. “That’s… That’s not funny….” he mutters, “You still wanna watch it, Y/N?” The phone line goes dead. Y/N puts the phone back on its holder; he starts laughing, “Ha-Ha, Real FUCKING funny, Christopher.” he yells out, running around the counter, “You got me good, okay!?” Y/N runs and walks between the aisles, “You had your fucking fun, alright? Now tell Ethan I’m still closing up and will be out in a minute.” He walks back to the shelf he was supposed to be restocking.

"I'll make you happy, baby, just wait and see for every kiss you give me, I'll give you three." Y/N can only think about his sisters, Sam and Tara.

Y/N hasn’t talked to his sisters in a while; he distanced himself since the attacks last year; Sam doesn’t care, while Tara tries to hit him up once a time. Y/N knows that if he’s connected to his sisters, he will also be targeted over some stupid shit they caused, and that’s why Y/N moved to New York; he’s attending college and met Ethan but also met his best friend, Quinn. Y/N continues to stack the shelf, but he’s stopped when he hears a record fall; Shit, Y/N knows he had to talk to Jasmin about these old shelves. He constantly has to pick up fallen records. Y/N gets up; He’s a bit paranoid, alone in this big ass mall, and hears a noise. He walks down the aisle and sees the record that fell off the shelf; Y/N bends down, picks it up, and looks at the stand; weird… the record didn't drop from here. Y/N gets up and places the record in its spot, and his breath quickens as he hears something running down the aisle, and his eyes widen as Y/N hears another record fall off its stand. “Okay, Chris, you win. I’m scared now; cut the shit out.” Y/N yells out, hoping for Chris to pop out, “Chris…?” Y/N calls out as he walks to the counter; he looks around wearily. “Fuck this.” Y/N spits out, and he’s getting the fuck out of here; he’s putting that record on its shelf and leaving. Jasmin can kiss his ass. Y/N hears shuffling behind him, and he chuckles and turns around, “Okay, Christopher, you got me; I’m spooke-” Y/N’s sentence is cut off when he sees someone wearing the Ghostface mask; fearful, he screams and pushes him away before running towards the gates.

Y/N slides to the ground and wiggles through the gate; his attacker slashes his leg, and he shrieks. He wiggles his way out, but he’s grabbed by the foot, puts his left foot on the gate, and propels forward. Y/N limps his way to a store that’s gate is closed, but he knows Anika is working late, “ANIKA! You have to help me! Call 911; Someone is attacking me!” you plead; her eyes widen as she dials 911 on the store phone,

“LEMME IN, ANIKA LEMME IN!” Y/N shakes the gate, pleading, "911, what is your emergency?" the operator asks, "I-I… I'm in the Century Mall; uhm… One of my coworkers is being attacked. Can you send someone over?" Anika runs over, fumbling to open the gate, the store phone cord being pulled to its limit. Anika stops what she's doing and backs up, "What…? Wait? Anika, please don't do this." Y/N turns around to see Ghostface a few feet away; Anika screams when Ghostface charges; Y/N moves out of the way, and Ghostface stabs through the gate; he punches him before running away, leaving Anika with his attacker.

"So won't you, please (be my, be my baby) Be my little baby? (My one and only baby)." echoes throughout the mall as Y/N runs into the food court.

“HEY FUCKER!” Y/N screams; his head turns fast as Y/N hits him with a chair; groaning, he falls to the ground. Y/N sees the red and blue flashing lights and runs to the front doors; his leg hurts like shit, leaving a trail of blood; Y/N stumbles to the ground and gets back up while Ghostface recovers from the blow and sprints. “HELP ME, SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP” Y/N screams; Ghostface runs up behind him and stabs him in the back; Y/N tumbles to the ground taking down his attacker with him, sliding across the mall floor, smearing blood. Y/N crawls to the doors as he’s getting stabbed.

The doors fly open, and Ghostface runs off, going deeper into the mall. Y/N crawls, smiling and giggling like a crazy person; he’s safe; he can see Ethan again. He beat death.

[svenotes]

drabble #1

❝ the one where your one night stand turns out to be your boss ❞

[ PAIRING ] : jeon jungkook x reader | bff!hoseok x reader

[ GENRE ] : office au (not the tv show lol) + crack, smut (mentioned)

[ WORD COUNT ] : 1.7k

[ WARNINGS ] : mentions of sex, a lot of banter, jungkook only appears for like two seconds so this is more best friend!hoseok and oc bickering 

[ AUTHOR’S NOTE ] : i’m trying to get back into writing, so here’s some funny banter w plot

drabbles | masterlist | wattpad cross post | ao3 cross post

“Besides, when have—!”

“No.”

Hoseok frowns, eyes narrowing on you. “You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”

Going through your mental checklist, you neatly place the documents in your hands on your boss’s desk. Today has been a hectic day at the office. It was a miracle that you even managed to finish everything by the end of your shift. On days where you can barely tell the difference between left and right, you found yourself clocking extra hours. You suppose you have Hoseok to thank for that. By some grace of God, he was assigned on the same project as you and as annoying as your friend could be, he also knew when to keep things professional.

He’s already set to leave for the day, waiting for you to finish up. Since the days are getting shorter, he’s made the habit of walking you to your car after work. He stares at you with a dubious look in his eyes, and you hold it for a moment before you walk towards your cubicle to pick up your keys.

“I know you,” you start, grabbing your purse and keys. “I know what you’re going to say because I know you.”

Hoseok scoffs at that, crossing his arms over his chest. A part of you hopes he stops his questioning and drops the topic altogether. However, you know Hoseok. Dropping a subject isn’t his specialty, even if the world demands that he should.

As you try to leave your office, Hoseok blocks your path. “Y/N.”

You keep a straight face. “Hoseok.”

“I am your best friend—!”

“Debatable.”

He ignores you and continues, “And I love you—!”

“Also debatable,” you murmur.

“—which is why I cannot for the life me understand why you would keep secrets about your sex life from me.”

He catches the attention of a few of your co-workers. You brush them off with a smile, wishing them good-night before you pull Hoseok inside an empty office by his loosened tie. He lets out a choked cough as you drag him in and shut the door behind him, keeping your conversation away from prying ears.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Hoseok hisses, rubbing his neck. “I just want some details about the new guy you’re screwing. How’d you meet? How long has this been going on? Why was I never informed you were dating someone?”

You close your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose. “For the millionth time, I am not dating anyone. And there’s nothing to know—!”

“You’re lying! Again!” He points a finger in your face. “You left the bar with someone on the night of Ellie’s birthday and you’ve been secretive ever since.” He narrows his eyes. “Who are you hiding?”

You swat his fingers away, brows furrowed. “I’m an open book. I have nothing to hide.”

“Bullshit. You're as open as Yoongi.”

“How is Yoongi?” You ask, not-so-subtly deflecting. “It's been a while since I’ve seen him. You need to stop keeping him all to yourself. I miss my ex-roommate.”

Hoseok and you have known each other for as long as you’ve been working for the company. He sat in the cubicle beside yours and over time you became good friends. Yoongi, your roommate at the time, stopped by the office to drop off some lunch and met Hoseok before you could introduce them.

At first, the two despised each other, their personalities crashing — Hoseok too bright, and carefree and Yoongi more mellow and conserved. However, things began to shift between them over time and now Hoseok walks around with a ring in his jacket pocket at all times.

Hoseok’s cheeks dust pink. “I haven't proposed yet if that's what you're wondering.”

“Just let me know who’s best man I’m going to be,” you laugh.

“None of ours, ‘cause I’m going to ban you from the wedding—!”

Your eyes widen, appalled. “Why—!”

“Who are you dating?”

Your mouth clasps shut, glaring at him. “No one.”

It’s not a lie, Jungkook and you are not dating. Your relationship with him was far from romantic. However, Hoseok doesn’t know that and you’re not sure how you're supposed to tell him. Especially when it seems as though your past is trying to relive itself in the form of another man. You worked hard to move on from when you fell in love with your co-worker — you’ve worked so hard to put the past behind you and keep your professional life separate from your personal. Yet, it’s as if all of that hangs by a thread, threatening to slip through your fingers because history is trying to repeat itself.

How were you supposed to know your kind-of one-night stand was the youngest heir of Jeon Enterprises? You wouldn’t have dared to take a bite of the forbidden fruit if you knew.

A headache forms at the very thought of Hoseok’s lecture once you explain to him you unintentionally fucked your boss. It’s why you’ve been avoiding him and deflecting his questions throughout the day. You sigh, meeting his eyes.

What Hoseok doesn’t know cannot hurt him, right?

His eyes narrow on you, mouth opening for a rebuttal, but the knock on the door silences him. Your attention turns towards the door and you forget to breathe at the sight of the man at the door.

Jungkook's eyes immediately find yours, a small smile tugging on his lips. He looks sweet — innocent, even. Nothing like the man who feasts on you like fine cuisine. Your breath gets caught in your throat when you vividly remember the sinful things he can do with those lips — that mouth. You push the thoughts to the side, mirroring his smile despite the rapid pace of your heartbeat.

“Mr. Jeon,” Hoseok speaks first, clearing his throat.

Jungkook's eyes widen a fraction as he finds Hoseok standing a few feet from you, mirroring the shocked expression you wore moments ago. As if he didn’t even notice Hoseok’s presence.

“Please, call me Jungkook,” he starts, sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. “There’s no need for formalities.”

Hoseok simply nods. “Right. Jungkook.”

“I — uh,” you clear your throat, ignoring the heat that rises to your cheeks as Hoseok's scrutinizing gaze flickers between the two of you. “Did you need anything?”

“Ah,” Jungkook’s eyes flicker towards Hoseok. “Nothing in particular. I was going around trying to get to know the team better. You just seemed preoccupied earlier and I didn’t want to disturb you, so I thought I’d catch you now.”

“Oh,” you say, stupidly.

“We were was just about to head home,” Hoseok adds, glancing between the two of you. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

"I see,” Jungkook hums and his lips curl into a frown momentarily. “It was nice meeting you today. I look forward to working with you both.”

You hold his gaze for a moment before you respond, “Yea, likewise.”

“Me too,” Hoseok deadpans.

Swallowing, you ignore the look Hoseok sends you. It’s clear, he knows; he's put the pieces together. You will the heat in the apples of your cheeks to dissipate as you keep your composure.

“Goodnight.” Jungkook nods at Hoseok before returning his attention to you. “I’ll see you later.”

“Night.”

As he leaves, his gaze lingers on you for a second too long before he walks away. You let out a breath of air you didn’t realize you were holding, hand resting against your thundering heart. Hoseok waits for the door to shut and for Jungkook to round the corner before—!

“I’m not going to lie,” he begins, leaning against the desk, “that was painful to watch.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re fucking him.” It wasn't a question.

“We slept together a few times,” you sigh, pressing your fingers against your temple. “He said he worked at his father’s company, but I didn’t know his father was CEO of Jeon Enterprises. It didn’t even piece together that he was the Jungkook our team manager was talking about until I saw him this morning.”

He lets your words sink in, humming as he studies you. “He was totally gonna ask to fuck you tonight.”

“Shut up.” You throw your keys at him, but he catches it with ease. “We’re… supposed to meet tonight.”

He raises a brow. “To fuck?”

“Mhm.”

You’re supposed to meet tonight for a date, but Hoseok already knows too much. Telling him you decided to humour Jungkook for a date will only worsen your headache. Mainly because Hoseok will tell you the only reason you’re humouring him is since you like him.

Only two weeks have passed since you first met and look at the mess it’s already created. What should’ve been strictly a fuck-buddy relationship has turned for the worst.

“You probably shouldn’t.”

“I know.” You slouch, defeated as you lean against the desk beside him. “I know.”

“Wow — wait.” Hoseok’s shock turns into a frown. “You bailed on me Sunday night for mediocre dick, didn’t you?”

“Not mediocre dick,” you sigh, reminiscing the last time you went over. Although, it doesn’t last for long — “Ow! Hoseok, what the fuck?”

“That's for bailing on me,” he snorts before flicking your forehead again. “And that was for telling me his dick game is good.”

You roll your eyes, scoffing, but that doesn’t stop the rush of memories from last weekend. Limbs entangled between sheets, hands grazing every inch of your bodies and lips twined with yours. Your body still remembers the comfort of his warmth as he brought you to euphoria over and over again. A mere memory makes your knees weak.

Your phone buzzes in your hands and you suppress your groan.

[ 6:14 pm ] jungkook (dude w the nice dick): you still coming over?

You don’t realize Hoseok leans over to read your text until —!

“Booty-call.”

Flicking his forehead, you ignore Jungkook’s message. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Alright,” he says, following after you. He keeps quiet until you’ve both entered the elevator, away from other’s prying ears. “Are you going to visit him tonight?”

“I don’t know.”

Your thoughts are torn between right and wrong — your career and pleasure. Meeting him tonight and ending things would be the right decision, but you’re not entirely sure you would be able to avoid his advances if you tried.

You’re screwed.

It’s been long since you crossed the Gates of Eden and sunken your teeth into the divine fruit, and now you’re addicted to the taste.

You are so incredibly screwed.

all rights reserved © 2021 svenotes

[ayyysweetcreature]

highschool!boyfriend haechan

mode: fluff, comedy and a lot of bickering! 

haechan x reader! 

p.s.: hii it’s been a long damn time I haven’t written about nct-related kind of things lol anyways I hope you guys would like this one eventhough it’s quite long and I had so much fun writing it! haha I would appreciate it so much! happy birthday to lee donghyuck, our pride, our fullsun haechan! I love you. ♡ (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

ridin and rollin oh baby 

HELLLLOO MY NAME IS HAECHANN

first of all y all know haechan aka lee donghyuck 

such a pain in the ass jjsjsjs jk 

he would literally annoy you every second, every minute everytime hes with u 

bcus he loves u 

like he finds u cute he loves seeing reactions 

so u guys go to the same highschool and obviously classmates duh 

and imagine him in a smart highschool attire esp with his body proportion  and his hair up showing his forehead omg 

he would wait for u outside the school bcus u’re too slow jsjs

too slow too fasT 

but whenever ure done and is finally outside the school w him, he would hold your hand tightly and kiss ur knuckles as he swings ur arm

when he sees the other guys tryna check u out oof boy he snapped 

“what are u looking at she’s mine u flat ass”

oooFf

u guys aren’t seatmates but he’d literally push ur seatmate mark lee away so he can sit with u 

“get away im lee haechan aka y/n’s boyfriend” 

and whenever it gets cold and u fall asleep in the classroom he’d silently wrap ur body w his sweater or jacket 

hanging out at the canteen with the dreamies!! 

haechan would literally steal your food when you look away 

and out of anger and annoyance you’d pull his hair literally 

you guys would literally chase each other haha 

god hes so annoying 

but i love him 

btw hes such a bad influence 

you guys will be doing the baekhyun’s candy dance challenge in the school’s hallway!!

u’ve never ever skipped ur class in ur entire life until like u guys met and got closer im srs 

“duDe aren’t you bored? this class is so boring i might die lets sneak out together and ill buy u food” 

“shut up im trying to focus here dumbass” 

“u can’t tell me what to do” 

“im gonna get in trouble again if i follow all the things that u said wtf-”

“well u only live once oh come on please pls-” he replied back w his pouty lips and u know that kind of sad cute eyes 

“what food where” 

“um me cus im a snack-” 

“i bet u taste horrible-” 

“oh no i mean im a wholemeal and i bet u taste even more horrible” 

“right now im not even surprised if i have a damn high blood pressure bcus of u”, you replied to him 

“me too bcus u’re old”

the no ending bickering jsjs it’s a MUST 

he loves to pick a fight w u for no reason man I SWEAR TO GOD

no bickering, no haechan

no haechan, no life

bcus he thinks ure cute when ure about to explode and get upset 

omg remember when he talked about renjun being cute whenever they bicker and he makes him feel upset uwu

he be gettin all the attention skrrrttt skrt

but anyways u guys ended up skipping class and went to eat at ur favorite restaurant or whatevahh 

he attac but he also protec 

u guys went to his house after chillin and eating at the restaurant cus why nOt 

it’s normal sometimes u would spend ur time at his house or he’d come to ur house so that u guys can spend ur time together ehe 

spending time at his house with him is so much fun even his parents adore u 

his room would be filled w michael jackson’s songs, ur and his loud laughter, a lot of love and just pure affection uwu 

u guys would study together and help each other whenever one of u have trouble in understanding smthg, eat and even cook together eventho it’d be a mess, play games, listen to the playlist that he made for u, listen to his smooth  honey voice singing to u, dancing w just the two of u together like u guys are just vibin y knoww 

OH AND DOING DANCE COVERS TOGETHER TOO OMGGG

he might be a pain in the ass kind of boyfriend but deep inside his love for u is soooo deep u can’t even see 

he has this special soft spot for u but he doesnt rlly show it but its obvious most of the time lol 

“hi baby”

“im literally sitting beside u haechan” 

“hello my name is haechan” 

you giggled, “what’s up, baby?”

“um nothing but like have u ever thought about your weakness? do you even like exactly know what are some of ur actual weakness is?” he suddenly asked

“honestly yeah i do think about it a lot and yea i know what are some of my main weakness is it’s quite...a lot”

“what is it?” 

haechan pulls u closer into his arms till u guys are like in a cuddling position next to each other on his bed and then he plays w ur fingers w full of love as u continue

“hmm like um failing? like i can’t accept my own failures” u hold his hand while stroking it up and down gently 

he might be annoying and always love to tease u nonstop and like how u guys would bicker and everything 

BUT having a deep heart to heart conversation w him is the best 

he loves it and treasures it so much and so do u 

he’s very attentive and a genuine good listener, like when he listens to u, he ACTUALLY listens 

he knows when to be goofy and tease u and when to actually be serious 

“failures? baby, you’ve been doing great and working so hard especially in your studies! I can’t even do it like you and in fact you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met and known” 

you shrugged, “I mean yeah sure but like I feel like I’ve been lacking a lot especially in my maths! you know how I’ve always dreamed of studying actuarial science for my uni major and it’s rlly deadass tough-”

haechan then holds ur chin up so that u can look at him and he cups ur cheek as he looks at u softly 

“hey, if you fall, I also fall. I’m not letting you give up so come on what do u need help with ur maths? I can help and teach u” 

you chuckled as ur eyes met his eyes and sigh, “hey, thank you for existing, hyuck. really.” 

he smooches ur whole face and coos at u, “no problem, I’m ur fullsun” uwu 

haechan wants to go to the bathroom so he stands up from the bed before making his way 

“hey wait, wait a second, I have something to tell u before u go to the bathroom-”, you said trying to stop him 

he looks at you with a curiosity, “hm, what is it?” 

“your breath...smells kinda bad just now” 

i swear HE CANT STAND U HAHAHA U GUYS CANT EVEN STAND EACH OTHER 

he rolls his eyes showing his disbelieved facial expression, “i swear to god don’t even start you-” 

and thennnn it beginsss 

anyways u guys spent ur time together in his room that day with him teaching u maths in the topic that u had hard time understanding and solving it 

hes so good at teaching and explaining that u can’t help but to stare at him in awe 

“sTop checking me ouT” 

“wtf hyuck i aM noT” 

jamming to love again while studying together!!

after like half an hour, u guys wanna take a break and u wanna eat some snack so u go to the kitchen 

haechan wraps his arms around your waist as he snuggles his face into your neck, “I thought you want a snack” 

“babe, i’m trying to cut these oranges stop bothering me” you replied to him while struggling with cutting the oranges 

to be honest ure not really good with cutting fruits :’) but u love oranges 

ten can’t relate oops 

haechan watches u from behind with his arms still wrapping tightly around ur waist and stops u

“hMm wait hold up, who the heck cuts an orange like that-” 

“I-I actually am not really good at cutting fruits-”, you replied as u look at him

he giggles while shaking his head, “shut up you’re cute” 

he then proceeds to hold your hand and fingers holding the knife carefully as he stands still behind u and shows u the right way to cut the orange at the same time teaching u slowly too

isn’t he lovely made from love 

SOOO LETS MOVE ON WITH MOVIEEEE TIMEEE *drum rolls*

you guys would always end up watching the same movie haha

so the two of u lie beside each other on the couch w some of the snacks that u guys prepared at the kitchen 

cuddling is a must!!! 

he prefers to be the big spoon and u the smol spoon 

but when he doesn’t feel well or stressed out, you’d be the big spoon 

he loves to wrap his arms around your waist and just having your hand in his hand

he would kiss your knuckles and stare at u but as in like lovingly and admiringly 

he loves giving u smooches and lil kisses all over ur face eventho u might act disgusted but u love it too deep inside lol 

“hey, look at me” he whispers to u as he entangled his legs w urs 

“no” 

pls just look at him or else he’d make u suffer with his otteoke otteoke song aegyo 

anyways the movie got boring so u just get closer to him and lay your head on his shoulder while putting ur left arm around his waist tightly 

“hyuck baby, sing me a song”, you telling him 

“you’re my missing puzzle piece”, he starts singing softly in ur ears while playing with your hair gently using his delicate fingers 

you rub his cheek slowly as u admiring his tanned skin, the details on his face and his beautiful honey brown eyes 

then u fell asleep 

he pulls the blanket nearby the couch and wrap the blanket around the two of you tightly so warm like a tortilla 

haechan looks at u w that soft eyes for awhile and smile before closing his eyes

“7 days a week, I’ll always hover by your side”, he whispers lightly 

“hyuck” 

“huh-” 

“I love you”, you mumbled before going back to sleep 

“I love you too, idiot.” 

[imnotwolverine]

The marriage pact - Homeboy

Henry Cavill x OC Alice - multi-chapter

< Part 19 | Part 20 Homeboy | Part 21 >

Disclaimer: Bit of boyish teasing and making out in the kitchen

Author’s note: 🎶CAnnnnn you feeeel the love tonighttttt 🎶- I woke up with the most suitable song for this chapter in my head. Good morning everyone! 

Word count: 2.164

(Link to my Masterlist)

Dear readers,

In previous relationships big topics like; Will this last? Or; Do you want to settle down or just test the water? - were the kind of conversations I barely had until much later in the relationship. People these days have so many options when it comes to dating that speaking of things that even remotely feel like true commitment, are pushed away for at least the first few months. A simple brush over the topic of kids is fun. But what if that topic can’t wait? And if your date is okay with all that, what will people around you think?

Now, I praise myself the luckiest of Alice’s, because my chocolate cake is daddy material by every meaning of the word. And I mean..every meaning of the word - I know you’re reading this chocolate cake. And I’m glad I can confide in all things of the heart, even if was pretty scary to bring up such topics as mentioned earlier.

So, now here we are; now what? Just..go for it? Or..still go the traditional route? Being the odd ball for so long I don’t really feel like we should be bending too much to the expectations of the people around us, and yet I care about their opinions and fears all the same.

It is, dear readers, time for the talk.

Are you ready chocolate cake?

Ali

‘Don’t worry.’ Henry sniffled, feeling my hand near squishing his hand from the nerves that were working through my system. We were having dinner with both our parents. Not a completely weird thing really, especially since they were such very good neighbours, but the true reason for inviting them both for dinner at this cute seaside restaurant wasn’t just for neighbourly affairs. And I was one to totally overthink the whole situation and make myself crazy in the head for it.

Was it too soon? 

‘There they are.’ Henry smiled and got up from his chair, waving happily at his mom, whom was followed by Colin, her husband and both my parents. Such good neighbours they even travelled together. Swallowing back the rest of my nerves I also moved my chair back and got up, my hands quickly rubbing off my clammy palms on my dress.

‘Oh sweet babies! You look so good.’ Marianne beamed, instantly moving to rearrange Henry’s stubborn curl that always tended to flop back over his forehead. ‘Momm..’ He softly grumbled, making his father laugh heartily. ‘Mitchel was just talking about this new hair growing shampoo he got..so who knows..next up she’ll be doing it with him too hahahah.’ - ‘Oi Colin! No need to share ‘em secrets just yet. I thought it’d be a fancy little surprise for summer. Me..long flowing hair..a fantastic beard..’ My dad rubbed his hand expectantly over his balding head and we all laughed.

‘Sit down, sit down. Please.’ Henry smiled, gesturing at the chairs around the table and before long we were all seated and a first glass of wine was poured. Beneath the table I could feel Henry’s slightly nervously shifting leg against mine, our hands closely entangled. It was a relief to know he was just as nervous. It all seemed silly, but still. We loved our parents and it mattered what they thought and felt. 

From the look on my mom’s face I knew that she knew - not that it surprised me, she practically always seemed to eavesdrop. Then my dad, whom was still joking about with Colin. And Marianne, her eyes piercing into mine, lips casually sipping on her wine. She raised an eyebrow and I swallowed.

But, before I had even gathered the courage to speak up, Henry had already taken the lead, his warm voice breaking up the banter between our two dads. ‘Mom, dad, Mitchel, Elaine.’ He smiled. ‘Thank you so much for joining us.-‘ ‘Always son!’ Colin beamed, raising his glass. ‘Thanks dad haha. Uhm..’ He looked at me, his eyes lovingly searching mine. ‘We are both so very glad to have you as our parents..and see you get along so well. It makes it easier for us to..’

‘ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?!’ My mom blurted out, already squeezing her hands in excitement before Henry could even finish his sentence. Okay, scratch my previous assumption: mom had no clue. Henry blinked at my mom, then burst out laughing. I felt my cheeks flush up bright red.

OH MOM..please..for the love of god. Be-HAVE.

I wish I could just melt into my seat, disappear from the others amused smiles. Especially Marianne’s, her charming blue eyes twinkling with mirth.

‘Hahah..well..Elaine, though I absolutely intend to..ask your daughter that some day..’ He widened his eyes. ‘..perhaps first things first.’ He looked back at me and sniffled as I gave my mom a most exasperated look. ‘We are actually planning on moving in together.’

‘Oh..’ My mom gulped, then chuckled, her hand quickly reaching for her glass of wine. ‘..and babies?’ She said softly, almost teasingly, before quickly taking a sip.

‘MOMMM.’ I gasped, making her chuckle like a giddy schoolgirl. ‘Oh please..’ She raised her wine glass for a toast. ‘..do not mind me. It’s the wine.’ She winked at Marianne who laughed in turn, both women clinking glasses together.

‘Incorrigible..’ Henry murmured, sniffling ever so slightly as we watched both our dads and moms having equal fun and loving banter.

After Marianne and my mom put down their glasses again, Marianne scraped her throat, her brow furrowed in thought. ‘I eh..actually heard the Jones’s are moving out.’ She said casually, looking at Colin who nodded due-fully at his wife. ‘Correct.’ He hummed. ‘It’s a nice house, too.’ She smiled at me and Henry.

The hint was clear; the Jones’s house was just another 200 meters further up the road from where both our parents lived. Henry smiled at me and I felt my heart do another swift and fluttery somersault. Would he like that? Living so close to..? I mean..it wasn’t like we couldn’t stand our parents. We loved them, truly. I could have probably easily found a new apartment by now - but I didn’t. He could have been in his Mews home - but he wasn’t.

‘We could take a look.’ I nodded slowly at Henry, to which his smile only grew. ‘Sounds like a plan.’

—

‘So..yea..we got the house!’ Henry smiled at Piers, the oldest of the Cavill sons munching away on some Christmas chocolates while nodding in shared enthusiasm. ‘Twats gwreaat.’ He mumbled with a full mouth, making Marianne swat his arm. The rest of the family looked up for a moment, some smiling, others mere raising an amused eyebrow.

No matter how old the boys would get, they would always remain boys in the eyes of their mother.  

I snickered and snuggled into Henry’s chest, watching the rest return to their conversation. Piers, Simon, their wives and kids had all joined for Christmas dinner, and though I had often heard Henry talk about such events, it was quite special to be a part of it for the first time. I had known these boys from when they could barely walk and talk, so it was all the more fun to see how, despite having grown up, they still had some quirks from their childhood selves.

Henry being overbearingly caring for everyone. Piers forgetting his manners whenever good food was around. Simon always having to go the bathroom when dinner was just about ready. Some things never change. And others? I looked at Henry, his eyes quickly peeking back at me. Some things do change.

We had survived our summer fling. For the first time ever.

‘So what’s next hmm?’ Simon intermingled into the conversation, him and his wife situated at the couch opposite of ours, the fireplace on our left, his right. ‘Well eh..’ Henry started, but was soon interrupted by Piers. ‘Come on then Henners! House, wife, kids, it’s no secret you want that, huh?’ He teased, poking his younger brother in his ribs. Henry flinched slightly, giving his mom a look that screamed; “Please mom, make them stop”.

But Marianne only sniffled, hiding behind her glass of red wine and watching her kids go about like the good old days. Yes, some things don’t change indeed.

Henry sighed and looked back at me again, the other two clinking their glasses as if celebrating victory - a moment in which they missed the silent glimmer of sadness that suddenly had taken a hold of Henry’s eyes. I felt my stomach flip, not in a good way, and sat up a little. Henry swallowed and quickly made a smile reappear on his lips when his two older brothers sank back down in their seats.

I quickly emptied my wine glass and scraped my throat. ‘I eh..am going to fetch us a new bottle of wine. Anyone anything else?’ I looked around but everyone seemed content enough as it is, even the kids not wishing for more hot coco like I half expected. Only Colin shot up; ‘Oh I can do it too dear, please!’ - ‘Oh no. Please Colin. I’m sure Henry can help me out, right?’ I looked over my shoulder at Henry and he got the hint, also sitting up a bit. ‘Yes, why of course. Ladies first.’ He gestured me to proceed into the hallway.

—

Moving into the kitchen, Kal hot on our heels (expecting food), Henry sighed, his arms circling around me even before we could make it to the cellar. Without words needed I curled into the warmth of his arms, feeling his head dip down to rest in the crook of neck. I was feeling all kinds of worried at that moment. Was something wrong? Did I miss some signs? Did I..-?

‘I already can’t stand the idea of having to miss you again.’ He whispered, hugging me even tighter into his chest.

And then I realised what this was about. After Christmas he had to fly out to shoot a new movie again. This time all the way over in Canada. And we still had to wait for the full green light on my hiatus as my employer was looking into a number of candidates, whom were right now writing a test assignment to see if this could work. In the worst case I would have to miss Henry for 3,5 months. About as long as we were together right now.

And that idea was terrifying.

Quietly I wrapped my arms tightly around his chest, willing him to feel that I wasn’t going anywhere. That we were doing this. Together.

‘I just feel so bad for being the cause of all ..this..’ He swallowed in the last of his words, sighing harshly. ‘Hen..baby. We can do this okay. See it as some kind of ultimate test for our relationship. If we can survive this, we can survive anything.’ I leaned back a little to look into his eyes. He nodded, moving his head to rest our foreheads together.

‘At least after this shoot my year will be less busy.’

‘Yea.’ I whispered. ‘Thanks for inviting me for Christmas by the way. I hope your brothers aren’t giving you their worst.’ I snickered quietly. Henry sniffled. ‘They’re my brothers. It’s their sole duty to give me their worst. And I love them all the same.’ We both chuckled. Even now I couldn’t quite imagine what it must have been like to grow up with four brothers. I had no brothers or sisters, so whenever I wanted to play as a kid I’d come over to the Cavill’s. A real manly household at that; burping contests, dirty laundry piling way up high, building tree huts with rusty nails.

And poor Marianne trying to keep all of us in check.

’You have lovely brothers - albeit a bit of a teasing bunch every now and then.’ I moved my head back a bit again. ‘Are you okay to go back in there or do you need another..?’

‘Just..’ He captured my lips for a brief, though passionate kiss. ‘..a little moment.’

I hummed in amusement, basking in the warmth of his embrace. ‘That hiatus better be approved …soon.’

‘Yea..It BETTER be.’ He smiled, diving in for a far less family-approved kiss.

‘IEEWWWLLL.’ One of Henry’s nephews had apparently come in to check on us and we both gave him a teasing look.

‘What? Can’t adults kiss?’ Henry chided, making the poor teen roll his eyes in utter disgust.

‘You guys are SOO gross.’ The boy shuddered, quickly moving past us to fetch the cookie jar. Also like the old days. Henry wrapped his arm around me to press one more kiss, albeit far more chaste this time, on my lips. ‘I love you.’ He whispered, just loud enough for the poor teen to shudder even louder.

‘GROSSSSSS.’ He said with utter disgust, quickly fleeing the kitchen before he’d have to see anymore of this sappy adult-stuff.

Henry and I both chuckled.

‘I love you too, silly.’ I winked, then felt Kal push his head in my hand, refusing to be left out after all this making out between his humans. ‘And you three!’  

--

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[solasan]

15-25 for ced and alistair!

15. how adventurous are they?

oh, super adventurous. in any way u could possibly take that. out in the world, they’re both stupid and curious (truly some bimbo/himbo solidarity here) — cedany a little more so, because she’s obviously not seen much of the world, so she’ll often get distracted by something shiny or interesting in the wilderness and everyone (bar zev and leliana, who couldn’t lose her if they tried) has to take a few minutes to try and find her again.

in more, uh, intimate settings, cedany’s down for basically anything, and alistair wants to learn all he can. they’re both very careful abt making sure consent is a Big Thing between them, because of cedany’s unspoken issues there, but as long as they’re both interested in trying something new, they’re good. they’re a little less adventurous once they get back together, ‘cause they’re both in their mid-forties and have lived a lot more and have very little time left to be together, since they’re, y’know, on their calling, so they’re more concerned with just having each other, but they stay being horny so props to them i guess

16. do they keep secrets? lie? cheat?

alistair is less prone to secrets — he’s big on honesty — but given that most of cedany’s are very personal, trauma-based ones, ones she refuses to even acknowledge exist, he doesn’t often push for more from her on that front. neither of them are big liars, at least not with each other.

cheating is— a little more complicated. during his marriage, alistair kinda cheats on gwenore with cedany once or twice, but given that gwenore’s aware of these dalliances (after the first one, which was a shock) things get a little murky there. there’s also the issue of him Being Married that means he’s probably Technically cheating on cedany, but it’s, again, super complicated. she also takes other lovers over the years, but they’re technically broken up for most of those. by the end, though, there’s none of that. again, they’re desperate to just have each other again lmao

17. what would make them break up? would it be permanent?

in canon, they break up bcos of the whole ‘im a king and i cant marry a warden or a mage’ bullshit schtick, but that’s not permanent. they actually give their relationship a try more than once in the following years, but it just never works out — the timing is bad, or things are too difficult for them, or he has a family and can’t bear to disappoint his son. they do eventually reunite for their calling and remember why they loved each other and just say fuck it, let’s be in love before we die

outside of canon— they might near a breakup when kids became a topic of conversation, but idk. homeboy has that dialogue abt wanting any future at all with the warden, so ???

18. what are their dates like? how long do/did they date? do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?

they don’t rly have ‘dates’. unless like… sharing a bowl of stew on a log by the fire together during a night watch and then sneaking off to shag in their tent counts? which is a shame bcos i rly do think alistair would pull out all the fucking stops for that shit — dinner, roses, the whole shebang.

they date technically for only like ??? six or seven months ?? but there’s a lot of tension leading up to that, and then they have a whole angsty entanglement for literally 25 years after that so…… it dont make cents luv x

during those 25 years they need to take breaks from each other all the time, bcos it’s painful to be around each other. but when they’re together during the blight ? could not pry them away from each other if u tried. they’re like halves of a whole, as cheesy and disgostang as that is

19. what do they fight about? what are their arguments like? how do they make up?

arguments between these two are loud and often involve cedany turning into a swarm of flies to chase him when her throat gets sore from yelling. they’ve fought abt a lot of shit over the years, too — in the beginning, she was pretty certain he was an actual, certified, mage-killing templar, so she picked on him relentlessly over the pettiest, tiniest things. then things were cool between them when they were dating, and then the messy breakup happened, and then cedany burned amaranthine to the ground and alistair was fucking pissed at her, and then he got married, and—

yeah. they’ve fought over a lot of stuff. they made up grudgingly in the early days, usually pushed to do it by leliana or wynne, but later on they don’t even rly apologise ??? they just kinda act like nothing happened, which is somehow almost worse, but neither of them rly knows how to cut through all the bullshit and hurt surrounding their relationship to be honest with each other

20. what does their home look like? their room?

:((( it’s just their tent during the blight. after that, they never share space again

21. do they share any interests or hobbies?

they share an interest in running at things with war-cries ??? shdkfhsk no they share other interests too; they’re both funny and like prodding at their companions for entertainment, and they could also both play with max (ced’s mabari) for fucking hours. alistair always lets cedany loop her flower crowns around his head or neck too, like a proper supportive boyfriend

22. does their work ever interfere with the relationship?

does his being king count as work ???? probably. so yes

23. how do they hug? kiss? tease? flirt? comfort?

hoo boy let’s go

hug: long, big bear hugs. like, spine-crushing ones. they’re both super duper touch-starved, so they sorta cling to each other. she’ll tuck her head into his neck or under his chin, and he’ll bury his face in her hair or shoulder or rly anywhere he can reach. they cuddle all the time when they’re Together together, genuinely

kiss: tentatively, at first, bcos alistair has no idea what he’s doing. after he’s gotten the hang of it, though, it’s usually passionate af — biting, tongues, everything. alistair is usually the one to soften the kisses, because he’s a big ole’ romantic, in which case they’re that gross couple just pulling back and leaning in to kiss each other again and again. by the end, though, they only have a couple of soft kisses — they’re mostly desperate, by that point, and they’re crying during a couple of ‘em, because who’s to know but them, right ??

tease: alistair teases clumsily. he once did a strip-tease for cedany and then got stuck inside his own shirt. cedany was laughing so hard she couldn’t help him for a good five minutes. cedany’s much more proficient at teasing him. he hates her for it — he’s always bright red by the time she’s done

comfort: quietly, surprisingly. neither of them are good at dealing with real, deep, emotions. they’re both very tactile people, so generally comfort will just involve sitting right beside the other, pressed close, so it’s not technically a hug — bcos cedany especially will never accept comfort outright, for fear of looking weak — but they know the other is there. if one is crying, though, the other will hold them; stroke their hair, their back, that kinda thing

24. any doubts about the relationship?

yea for obvious reasons shdkfhsjkd this is getting so long im just gonna rapid-fire move on u kno theyre messed up

25. how much time do they spend together? do they share their feelings, or hold things in?

in the blight, loads. after, very little. they’ll go years without seeing each other, honestly. alistair tries to share his feelings a couple times over the years but ced shuts that shit down bcos she just CANT. queen of holding things in. ok this is done im sorry emily ily

[chateaudonterre]

36 w Audacia and Invidia? 👀

oh fuck yea here u go jay :***

Audacia & Invidia prompt 36: “Everything was fine, until you showed up.”

The night sky played out above Invidia’s shoulders from where she sat on the ledge of the town wall, casting a cool glow upon her features in the moonlight. She glanced down to her belt and then to the skies above, noting the buckle’s never-failing accuracy in keeping pace with the phase changes of the moon. As she stared out at the plains and villages in the far distance from her current spot, memories re-emerged from the depths of her mind.

“Invi, I have a gift for you,” Elluna smiles, all teeth and those cute, sweet dimples of hers. The choker Invidia had proposed with clinks against her skin as she moves and pulls a leather belt from the depths of the bag at her side.

“What’s this for?” Invidia takes the belt as it’s handed to her, eyeing the craftsmanship and rubbing her fingers across the smooth, glassy surface of the circular belt buckle. “I thought we swore off on gifts until the wedding ceremony was completed.”

“Well, we did,” Elluna sighs, rolling her dark eyes and tilting her head as she scrunches up her face in a mock pout, “but I saw this today and just couldn’t resist. I knew you’d love it, and I didn’t want to miss being able to give it to you. The shopkeep said it was a special belt.”

“Oh really now?” Invidia cocks an eyebrow and a skeptical smile.

“He was explaining how the buckle was enchanted to follow the changes of the phases of the moon. Were you a werewolf, I think that’d be rather helpful.”

“Well, when you catch moon sickness, I’ll be more than glad to give this back to you,” Invidia says, laughing as Elluna gives a playful shove to her arm.

“Don’t be an ass,” she says, giggling. “Now try it on already!”

Invidia unbuckles the belt and fastens it about her waist, adjusting it until it fits snugly above her skirts.

“How do I look?” she says as she cracks a wide grin, and Elluna reaches up to pull her fiancee’s face down to hers in a gentle, sweet kiss.

“Beautiful as ever,” she whispers when they part, and Invidia smiles, pressing her forehead to Elluna’s and entangling one hand into her short curls.

“You know now that I have to do something to make it up to you for this,” she says, and Elluna gives her a sultry look.

“I had something very specific in mind...”

“Something up?” A voice tore Invidia from her rumination, and she turned to find Audacia standing nearby, watching her.

“Everything was fine, until you showed up,” Invidia grit out, and Audacia frowned.

“Is that so? You do realize you’re crying, right?”

Invidia reached up to feel the wet streaks running down her face and swiped her arm across it, wiping at them best she could.

“It’s fine,” Invidia repeated, and Audacia gave a sharp laugh in response.

“Sweetheart, you look far from fine,” she said, and came over to Invidia, leaning against the ledge Invidia sat on to look at the other tiefling.

“Memories?” she asked, and Invidia sighed, knowing there was no escape from the current topic of conversation.

“Yes. Fairly recent ones.”

“Do you want to talk about them?”

“No!” Invidia snapped, before realizing what she’d said.

“Yikes, still sore about that subject, hm?” Audacia said, placing a comforting hand on Invidia’s shoulder.

“I... Yeah. Sorry. It’s gonna take a few more hundred years to get past what happened.”

“Were the memories of a person?” Audacia asked, and Invidia nodded solemnly. “You two must have been close.”

“We were going to be wed in several weeks,” Invidia said, giving a cynical laugh. “So, yeah, I guess you could say we were close.”

A solemn look came upon Audacia’s face. “Can I join you here on the ledge?”

At Invidia’s nod of approval, Audacia hoisted herself onto the ledge, sitting knee to knee with Invidia. Audacia’s hand moved to sit idly on Invidia’s leg, an unspoken offering.

“You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to,” Audacia said, “but know that I’ll be here when the time comes. We only have an eternity to get there.”

Invidia laughed and reached down, taking hold of Audacia’s hand with her own as the two sat in silence under the blanket of night.

[taes-culottes]

45 Minutes Late pt. 2

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Word Count: 1200

Genre: Slow Burn, Fluff/Angst

Summary: You lived in an apartment building a few doors down from Kim Namjoon. Living as neighbors passing smiles and typical strangers greetings, was the norm until a chance encounter at a park changed everything.

Previous Chapter: 1

Wonderland

“I present to you… Deer creek,” she grins and gestures to the space around her. Although the rest of the park was still recovering from the cold winter, spring had come early at Deer Creek. The first green of the spring grew near the waters edge and fresh green leaves sprouted on nearby bushes; crystal clear water flowed over smooth pond pebbles. It looked like a place that would be on the cover of a foreign travel magazine.  He had no idea such a beautiful space could exist so close to the hustle and bustle of the city while still remaining unaffected by human development. It was as if all the pollution and waste that plagued the city did not exist at Deer Creek. He could hardly believed he’d walked past it so many times.

As he stared in awe three deer emerged from the treeline. It was amazing how timid they all seemed, given their incredibly intimidating size. He watched as they apprehensively crossed the stream. (Y/n) squatted, opening her back pack to reveal tons of carrots, apples, and grapes. Within seconds eleven other deer had surrounded them waiting for snacks. Although, the experience was incredible, being surrounded was really unnerving. All of his senses were telling him to run, however, (Y/n) didn’t seem phased at all. In fact, she was smiling brightly at the creatures and handing out carrots and apples. 

Without realizing it, Namjoon had inched closer to (Y/n) for safety. The deer did not seem wary of her at all, however they distanced themselves from him and he couldn’t shake the feeling that they were all looking at him. “Is it just me or are they all looking at me?” She shook her head, “It’s not just you, they are looking at you. They’ve never seen you before, so they're curious. They don’t trust easily.” “And what happens if they don’t trust me?” “Hmm.” She pauses pondering the thought. “Bambi will probably eat you,” she says nonchalantly and resumes distributing snacks.

Namjoon flinched and looked over at the stag. The muscular build of the deer explained how it was able to lift it’s head up given the weight of it’s antlers. Up close he could see another set of antlers were entangled in the mess, one Bambi had presumably broken off of another stag during a fight. To Namjoon, it wasn’t farfetched to think the beast could eat him if he perceived him to be a threat.

Namjoon paled and gulped audibly.

“Gotcha!” She turns pointing finger guns at him and laughing. Namjoon breathed a sigh of relief, “Deer are vegetarians... for the most part.” You state continuing to distribute snacks.

“For the most part?!”

“Relax, you’ve got nothing to worry about. If they thought you were a threat they would’ve run away by now. Bambi is their pack leader, and since he has decided to trust you the rest have also bestowed upon you their trust as well. It’s not something to take lightly. Here,” she places a carrot stick in his hand and positions him toward the smallest deer, “This one’s Stella, she’s a full grown doe, but a runt so she’s tinier and not as intimidating as the others.”

He brought the carrot up to the doe’s mouth, it was strong for its size and Namjoon struggled to keep hold of the carrot.

“Hmm... Stella.” He mulled thought about what (Y/n) had said, as he looked into the eyes of the doe. These prey animals had decided to trust him, something that prey animals rarely do, and it kinda made him feel special.

“And you do this every Sunday?” He asked, getting the courage to pet Stella’s head. Her fur was much more coarse than he had imagined, but it didn’t make her any less cute.

“Yep, 9:00 sharp. Well except for today,” you reply.

“Amazing,” he had no idea such an outing could be experienced regularly completely for free, so close to the city. He was certain that if the entrepreneurs that lived in the city found out about this place, there would be a petting zoo cafe up within the week and a line out the door. He rolled his eyes at the very thought.

Before either of you realized it nearly two hours had passed and the deer had long since left. Leaving the two of you alone at the edge of the water.

“Do you mind not telling anyone about this spot? I don’t know how things work in Korea, but where I’m from Bambi is a hunter’s dream catch.” You ask, drawing spirals in the dirt with a twig.

“I won’t tell anyone, I can tell this place is important to you.”

She beams up at him, “Thanks I really appreciate it.” He couldn’t help but notice how pretty her smile was, and he found himself smiling back.

 “Do you mind if I come with you, I mean to feed the deer.”

“Sure. It’s very tranquil here; a perfect place to write.”

“Write?” He raises an eyebrow, “You write?”

“No, but don’t you? You write songs right?” “Yea how’d you know?” His confusion was confusing you. “Are you not the Kim Namjoon that’s in BTS?” His eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped, “You know me?” He was actually shocked. She never said anything that made him inclined to believe she knew about his occupation at all.

“Is this guy for real?” You thought to yourself. “Surely he had to understand how well known he was at this point, right? Happy birthday posters were plastered all around town only a few months ago, his face was on a bus, and he was in a fried chicken commercial, all very public displays.”

“Namjoon-ssi, I live 3 doors down from you, not under a rock.”

He laughed and hid his face in embarrassment. “I just didn’t get the impression you knew.”

“Actually I’m a high school teacher and BTS is always a hot topic.”

The instant look of confusion/disbelief on his face spoke volumes. It was the same look other tenants of the building gave you when you said you were a high school teacher.

“And I know what your thinking, ‘how can a high school English teacher afford to live in the building, let alone one of the penthouse rooms?’”

Could she read his mind? He was thinking that, but he didn’t want to be rude and ask.

“The answer to your question is simple: I can’t.” He looked even more confused than before; the look on his face was truly meme level gold. “Or rather I wouldn’t be able to, but I was a nanny and tutor for an ambassador’s family for five years. They used to use the apartment as a vacation house, but they recently bought a bigger one so they gave this one to me as a thank you/farewell gift.”

The more they talked the more she interested him. Although her life was very different from his, it seemed just as eventful. He’d only seen people like her in movies and dramas, and it made him wonder how someone so free spirited could exist in real life.

[apneae]

experimental cinema - Mike Hoolboom

Imitations of Life by Mike Hoolboom was a very profound visual experience for me and i felt deeply touched by the content and messages he evokes, presented through an impressively skilful decontextualisation of existing visual material. the film itself has stuck with me since and it perpetuated constant thinking about the quality of the visual content that is omnipresent and consumed without the space of reflection or even the mere possibility to slow down the stream of information. 
it becomes clear from the first few frames of the introduction that this experimental film very much differs in language and topic form the conventional action cinema. it relies on the reinterpretation of existing content that is lost int he flux of the contemporary visual culture constantly churning out the new images. this intertextuality allows various depths of interpretation — i wondered, how affected my judgement would be if i knew where every image comes from or even whether if there was something that i missed or did not notice exactly because i was not aware of the original source of the fragment. however, with not being familiar with the initial context, i, as a viewer, could be shocked — startled by the repetitive stereotypes that brim with violence and dystopia yea are consumed as entertainment. here the fragmentation and rearrangement destroys any notion of an action or narrative that might have been entertaining in the first place, replacing it with the poetics of rearrangement that pull the viewer out of the comfortable numbness of being amused and captivated. the captivation and attraction is established differently — through sentiment in some sections and through revolt and disgust in the other. in some places, one cannot take away their eyes in order not to miss something very important and beautiful; in other, it is the subversiveness of the abject that glues the eyes of the viewer to the screen, hypnotising them with fear. we realise what we as a culture have produced and collectively consumed, blinded by the violence and decadence disguised by the spectacle. it becomes questionable whether our sight has remained healthy and undisturbed despite our eyes being healthy. in this beautiful and terrifying conglomeration of decontextualised images, Hoolboom manages to reference ideas of Freud and his notions of childhood and memory. he compares the fluidity of images to the fluidity of memory and comes to ask whether in the era where they support each other inseparably, they can even be distinguished from one another — especially in the perception of the self and one’s own identity. the concept of the spectacle culminates in persons becoming spectacles — the empty photographs, the mirrors that reflect only the distorted surface, the simulacra of truth decaying into a bundle of incomprehensible lies that together seem coherent and truthful enough to be accepted as an unchangeable status quo. 
Hoolboom involves a political concern through the language of poetry, evoking symbolic images that become loaded with meaning and collective importance when surrounded by the mass of appropriated content. this issues ranges from the intentions to document and the inevitable self involvement of the filmmaker — making the camera ever more subjective tool, replacing the eye of the beholder — to the consumeristic ideals of the definition of the self through the glittering surface. addressing the culture of entertainment, of predetermined content that is re=recycled, he touches upon the question of the free will within this system that labels the individuals even prior to their birth. in the world of the never-ending possibilities, the reality is limited the time. the divorce between the narration and the visual material creates the sense of separation that is reminiscent of the gap between the memory and remembering as a particular linguistic structure that manages to articulate a sensation and the visual imprint left on the retina — not always explicable but palpable in its meltable meta presence. the juxtaposition of soft and comfortable visuals of Jack, the heartwarming sepia nostalgia, the archetype of his unspoiled wise innocence and the harshness of tragedy that is commercially produced enhances the rupture between the homemade reality and the globally available illusion. by merging them and making them refer to each other through the spoken word, the inescapable entanglement of these two realms in the contemporary life is questioned — what is the destructive element in this relationship? do they establish a cumulative mental body of images, acquired both through the physical eye and the artificially framed electrode. is there a possibility of symbiosis or is the dystopia absolutely inevitable? the world of the child is invaded by the flux of images, altering its sense of self, playing with the perceived continuation of the mnemonic matter, of the stuff that fixates the sense of identity. the safe space is irreparably damaged by the decadence of entertainment that pollutes and numbs. the eye rolls back in ecstasy, in disgust; seeing or not does not make a difference. the violence creeps in through the image that depicts the future, the disaster; through the sadomasochistic pleasure of seeing pain, of reacting or remaining untouched. the banality of the photographic tools, the tools for the attempt of self-preservation and remembering uncovers its ruthless mechanical eye, transforming us into an irrelevant sterile image, blending and blurring the division between truth and fiction.

[thinkgloriathink]

Should we blame people for their shortcomings, moral slips, and misjudgments, or should we attribute them to bad design?

(note from the future 3/1/17: My goodness-- I just found out today that this very topic I tried to explore in this post has been discussed and debated amongst intellectuals for like... ages. Lots of economists/sociologists/etc. seem to really like exploring this dichotomy between a more “constrained” vs. a more “unconstrained” vision of society. Wanna read more about all of this stuff? Read “A Conflict of Visions” by Thomas Sowell. On my reading list. Yes. Awwwww yea...)

So I've been reading a lot over winter break, and I was half way through the book "The Design of Everyday Things" by Don Norman, when I sort of started thinking about a big central question:

Should we blame people for their shortcomings, moral slips, and misjudgment, or should we attribute it to bad design?

We can't practically change human nature on the large scale— we can’t force or expect people to be highly competent, even-tempered, and morally infallible. Don Norman argues that we could adapt the policies and systems we build to be designed for fault-prone humans. When things go wrong, we should try to get ourselves used to saying that it’s not bad people, but bad design.

His idea is reassuring to us because he reminds us that the blunders and struggles we have with some everyday machines are more likely a result of poor design, rather than a reflection of our incompetence. Take this all too common situation: you’re in a hotel room, go to the shower, and you realize that you have no idea how to operate it. It’s got four knobs, no instructions, and you’re basically left to guess which one controls the heat and which one controls the water flow. You stand there, scratching your head for five minutes or scalding yourself by accident, feeling embarrassed because your half-million dollar investment in an elite education did nothing at all to help you figure out something as “simple” as a shower. Nah man, it’s the shower’s fault. Bad design.

Norman claims that the best sort of design is something that has the right restrictions, guard-rails, and simplifications— basically, HUMAN centered design. As you could probably tell by now, he takes a very practical approach to his design philosophy, and doesn’t really buy into the whole “they should know better” kind of bullshit.

A washing machine with fifty different switches and controls might be able to give you wickedly clean delicates at customizable temperatures and spinning speeds, but it’s not doing its job right if all this makes people skip straight to the default settings every time. He’s making the argument that, more often than not, it’s not always the sole quality of the result that measures a machine’s greatness, but a balance between the overall user experience it provides and that result.

It wasn’t hard for me to absorb and agree with a lot of what he was saying in his book. If you were to boil down his arguments and first principle assumptions about people, you’ll get that he lays down his groundwork by saying that humans are fundamentally prone to making errors, and therefore the oversights and mistakes they make sometimes while using technologies should be blamed more on bad design than bad people.

Why did the plane crash? Because the wing didn’t rotate like it should. Why? Because the pilot lost control of the wing. Why? Because the pilot was unconscious. Why? Because there was a gas tank leak in the back of the plane. Why? Because there was a faulty knob made of cheap metal that split open and broke. THAT is something that can be fixed and can save lives in the future.

SO Don Norman argues that people are meant to mess up, and we need proper design to accommodate for that.

This subtle shifting of blame from individuals to overall system design got me thinking about things like morality and policy. Does this viewpoint also apply to moral infractions?

Have you heard of the quote: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game”? It’s sort of like that.

Why is this important or relevant? Because I think the way people answer this question might be telling of the kinds of policies they might support or even perhaps shine light upon political views.

In The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt, Haidt constructs two hypothetical “ideal societies” based upon the contrasting ideas of John Stuart Mill and Emile Durkheim. They both have two very different starting assumptions about people. Millian assumes people are generally good and should be allowed to maximize their free will. Durkheimian assumes people will tend to misbehave if they aren’t bound by social mores and duty. A Durkheimian world is one that values duty and social contracts, self-control over self-expression, and duty over rights.

You could interpret that like this: A Millian society puts more emphasis on the individual and less on the “design”, while a Durkheimian (and Norman-like) society is all about less individual and more focus on “design.”

In many ways, assuming that people are inherently good, and acting upon that assumption produces a lot of promising perks. Assuming the best about people is what grants us a lot of our luxuries, freedoms, and niceties. This gives you a lot of win-win situations.

We’ll be able to step away from our desk at the library for two minutes to get a coffee without having to chain all of our stuff down with lock and key

If we assume that people are good, and won’t all steal from each other at any open opportunity, and we’re able to enjoy having free toilet paper and soap in our public restrooms (for example). This kind of system benefits everybody, as long as people agree to practice moderation and look down upon those who overuse/abuse the free luxury.

Here is where assuming the best about people goes bad, and where disagreements might occur:

The school system in Rhode Island is sort of messed up: School districts fire teachers in June and rehire them in September so that they can collect unemployment benefits. Unfair, isn’t it? You’re talking entire districts and thousands of people that are entangled in this whole mess of nastiness. Does this mean all the teachers and the people in the board of education are depraved people for benefiting from this loophole? That’s a stretch. It’s a difficult process to stop, as doing “the right thing” means taking away a significant source of income these people may have been depending on.

Take a good look at the folks who frequent all-you-can-eat buffets, and you’ll notice that some people do some really morally questionable things: they starve themselves for two days in preparation before going in, load up their plates with the priciest food items in the buffet line, and gorge themselves so they could get the most bang out of their buck. What they are doing is technically legal, and the “design” of all-you-can-eat buffets permits this behavior. So if this behavior is done so rampantly that these restaurants eventually go bankrupt, what would you say is the problem? Bad people, or bad design?

So I want to tie this back to Don Norman and design. Do you agree with him about assuming the worst about people? And do you think his argument about people’s unavoidable tendencies to mess up have external validity in other things beyond design too?

[pen-masta]

Peace and Coffee Part 3

Part 3 so close to completion one more left!

Briefly PG-13

1 2 3 4(Complete)

His plan to distract himself was not as easy as he had thought. His mind would wander during the day, reveries of their embrace playing through his thoughts. The inappropriate desires of his early adolescent years coming back with a vengeance. His mind was no longer a safe place to be. He focused every fiber of his being on work, on his family, his brothers, his nieces and nephews, his girlfriend anything he possible could to leave no time for ideal fantasies.

It was working. His brain buzzed with all kinds of topics and people that did not involve Joy. The only time he ever even thought about her now was Wednesday mornings. Of course he did have times when he wondered how she was doing on the other side of the world…but he didn’t let his untrustworthy mind stay there for too long.

Days were a struggle but he managed. Nights proved to be worse. At night he could monitor his thought patterns, but it was harder than it was during the day. Everyone he spoke to or spent time with during the day was asleep at night. He didn’t have that distraction. And if he dared to sleep he was doomed! His subconscious was a true Benedict Arnold!

He had finally laid to down to sleep one night and had a dream that made him never want to sleep again. It was so intense, so real, so heated. He was naked, in his bed, and was entangled with her. He was kissing her deeply. Her hands running over his heated skin, pulling at his hair. Her moans filling his ears. In his mind he imagined it was Martha, but when he had opened his eyes—he was staring at Joy.

He had shot awake instantly. Panting. Sweating. His boxers uncomfortable wet. He moaned and curled up in a ball. Not only were his own thoughts a battle zone, but now he couldn’t find any release in slumber. Gosh he has so many issues! He doubled the coffee and tripled the energy drinks to stay awake for as long as he physically could. And when he crashed he was out for about two or three hours, no more. Overwhelming incongruous dreams waking him from his rest. When he woke he left no time to reflect on his sick dreams. He immediately drowned himself in work churning out five new products within seventy-two hours. He managed to save face for the video chats and never talked about himself, always kept the conversation steered in the direction of her life in the Philippines. She had tried to that to him as well not trusting her words and emotions, but Castel was a headstrong, forceful, stubborn guy. He refused to answer any questions that he couldn’t answer in five words or less. The tension was back, it was underlying and neither wanted to address it—a limited video phone call not really the best form of communication to discuss such an intense matter.  

Not wanting to face the taunting occurrence, they both suffered with their inner turmoil in their own ways. Castel repressing it and not sleeping, Joy spending as much time as she could with the people of the village and her Peace Corp groupies. Eventually it all passed. The feelings, the dreams, the longing—distance will do that they each guessed. They had fallen back into familiar comfort by the time Joy had come home on break for Christmas.

She had hugged him and he held her, happy to have her home again even if it was for a short time. As he had promised he took out to dinner in exchange for her setting him up with Martha. He had taken her to a restaurant they hadn’t been to in years—Dave & Busters. The only one near them was about a two-hour drive north, but neither of them cared. The drive was spent filled with laughter and singing along with the tunes she blasts from her playlist—from rap to country to hip-hop to Disney they sang it all.

When they got to the restaurant they weren’t that hungry just yet so Castel buys a bunch of tokens for them and they play in the arcade. Joy dominates the ski ball game and does her signature victory dance as Castel glares at her in mock anger that he lost, but he truthfully doesn’t care. He’s just happy to have his best friend back. They both dance and jump around as ‘Alone’ by Marshmello plays. Some people look at them funny, but neither of them care. They play the crane game; Joy’s skilled hand directs the crane over the prize she wants. Castel leans against the machine holding it still so the crane doesn’t shake around—a trick they had learned about the crane game years ago—as Joy grabs a mad scientist looking teddy bear. They watch the crane swing around and it wobbles a little just as it reaches the prize slot.

“Wait,” Joy says watching the crane with such intensity Castel is certain the metal will spontaneously combust under her gaze. “Waaaaaait.” She says and waits until the crane shifts to the right threatening to drop her bear just before the prize slot, “Now Cassie!”

Castel pushes hard against the machine lifting it up off the ground just enough to rock the crane to the left. The crane releases and drops the bear into the prize slot. Joy squeals and takes the bear out of the slot as Castel rights the machine again.

“I can’t believe after all these years they never caught on,” Joy giggles and hugs the bear.

“Well it’s just supposed to suck your wallet dry,” Castel smiles and puts his hands in his pockets. “It always drops your prize just before the slot. It’s a scam.”

“Unless your smart like us,” she grins and winks at him.

“Very true Jo-Jo,” he smiles and nods. “Are you ready to go eat?”

“Food sounds great right about now,” she bounces on her toes. “Lead on Casanova!”

The sit down at a booth and look over the menu for a few minutes. The waiter takes their drink orders and leaves.

“What looks good?” Castel asks Joy, looking at her over his menu.

“Hhhmmm,” she hums chewing her bottom lip. “How about we get the sampler?”

“For an appetizer?” He asks and she laughs.

“No for our meal,” she smiles sweetly at him. “Don’t you remember we used to love having appetizer dinners?”

He blinks as the memories flood his brain. He remembers always having mozzarella balls, jelly meatballs, mini corn dogs, pizza rolls, and mini quiches for dinner some nights as kids. He smiles as the memories cause a warmth of happiness to pool in his chest.

“I do,” he nods and smiles at her. “I’m sorry Martha has gotten me into the habit of always ordering you know, an actual meal.” He closes his menu, “I forgot how much I loved having just finger foods for dinner! It sounds great!” He laughs.

She smiles brightly and closes her menu as well, “Sweetness!”

In truth he hadn’t forgotten at all, but he hadn’t had just finger foods for dinner since he started dating Martha. He had ordered the sampler for his meal on their second date and she kind of made fun of him—called him a big kid. Since then he’s always ordered a burger, or steak, or something a little more…“grown up” as Martha had put it. Joy was never like that though, she always loved doing crazy and fun things. She didn’t care if it made her look like a kid she just enjoyed herself.

Martha was actually the complete opposite of Joy. She wasn’t loud and crazy, she didn’t tell dirty jokes to make him snort and turn red. She really didn’t like the whole greased up skater boy look he had going on. “You’re a celebrity now you need to dress like it” she told him as she tossed his Optimus Prime shirt into the ‘get rid of’ pile a few weeks ago.

Joy never cared how he looked. In fact, she had bought about half of the t-shirts he owns…owned. Now his room is cleaned and organized, no trash, no crumpled pieces of paper lying everywhere. His closet is jam packed with suits, cardigans, dress shirts, sweaters, all kinds off ‘dressy clothes’ that he can’t really say he liked…but Martha was happy so he was happy.

Joy smiles and looks Castel over as he places their order for two samplers. He looks very…different. His beard has been cut into a thin, trim goatee and his sideburns are very prominent now that his hair is cut. She was really thrown when she first saw him; his curls are gone. His hair is now cut sleek and even; his bangs are spiked up a little so his forehead is bare.

No t-shirt. No flannel. No sneakers. No wrinkled jeans. Instead he sits across from her in a navy blue shiny shirt, which is tucked into black dress pants complete with a black belt. Navy blue desert boots dawn his feet and…his cologne! It’s changed! He no longer has a sweet woodsy musky scent about him. No now he smells like…well she can’t quite place it, but it’s like a bitter citrus scent—she doesn’t like it.

This is not the Cassie I left, she thinks to herself. He turns from the waiter to smile at her. His eyes. They are the only thing that connects him to the Cassie of the past. Even though he looks so unlike himself, his eyes are still as bright as she remembers. Their deep chocolate color sparkles a little in the light of the lamp above the booth. No, no this is still Cassie. It’s still him.

“So,” she smiles and rests her chin on her hands. “What’s up with the whole extreme makeover look you got going on?”

He smiles, “Hah, just figured it was time for a change.”

“Really?” She quirks a brow.

He shrugs, “Well now that the business is growing so rapidly I’m going to more interviews, press conferences, I even have a photo-shoot coming up for Time.” He smiles, “And Martha said because of that I need to look more like a business man than a scruffy adolescent.”

Ah so this her doing!

“Oh,” she says feeling something curling in the pit of her stomach.

“Yeah,” he nods and sips his unsweetened iced tea—Martha’s orders no more, sugary drinks. “Gotta look good for the press darling” her voice rings his head. He clears his throat, “Yeah new wardrobe, cleanliness, new look, new—”

“Hair cut?” She asks cutting off his rambling.

He blinks and notes the slight hostility in her voice. But he doesn’t address it, “Yeah. She ah said I needed a cleaner look. My curls made me look like a seven-yea-old!” He chuckles and shakes his head, “My curls were an unruly mess anyway,” he says and shrugs. Although he kind of says that last part more for himself than her.

She made him cut his curls!? He did not look like a seven-year-old he looked cute! So what if they were a little unruly? The bed head looked for him! Wow…what’s Martha’s deal? I didn’t peg her for a control freak…why is she trying to change him? Shouldn’t she be dating him for who he is? Isn’t that why you date someone, cause you like them? What does she see him as her project? Wow…maybe I’m not that great of a match maker…but Cassie seems alright. Maybe I’m just overthinking this.

She nods and sips her soda before clearing her throat, “So Cubs Industry is soaring high in the sky, hm?” She smiles.

He chuckles, “Yeah! I’ve got about fifteen different items on the market. I’ve got so many buyers!”

“Sounds like that big brain of yours is racking in the dough,” she teases.

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “I’m actually moving out of my parents’ house.”

“What?” She asks and her voice cracks a little, but she manages to hold her smile. “You’re moving?”

“Yeah,” he sighs a little remember the discussion he had with Martha last week.

“It’s time to grow up,” she had said to him. “No celebrity lives with their parents. And now that you’re rich you can buy your own place.”

He shakes his head and smiles, “Not far though. Just a few streets over.” He says and stirs his tea. “There’s this huge house on James’ Street. It’s really nice.” He chuckles, “It’s got like twenty rooms! I have no idea what I’m gonna do with all that space!”

Her heart tightens. “Why do you want to move Cassie? I mean nothing for nothing but you are only nineteen. It’s not bad to be living with your parents still.”

He looks down into his tea, mesmerized by the slowly melting ice cubes. “Well…Martha suggested I get my own place now that I’m a big name.” He slowly stirs his tea again with his straw, “She had gone house hunting with me. She really liked this one and I don’t mind. It’s not that far from home I can walk over for a visit if I really want to.” He shrugs, “She really likes the house.”

“So is that why you bought it?” She asks careful to not snap.

“Well no, no I liked it too.” He looks up at her and smiles, “Lots of space that I can…do something with…” He trails off.

Oh my gosh…what have I done to him! I’ve hooked him up with this controlling, man changing chick! And Cassie just wants to please her, so he’s doing everything she tells him to do. My poor sweet Cassie! What have I done?!

She chews her bottom lip. This isn’t good. This is bad. This isn’t what I wanted to happen. He’s just coming out of his shell…only to get bossed around by this chick!

“Is everything alright Cas?” She hears herself ask.

He looks a little startled by the question. His eyes are wide and almost scared, and the way he looks at her makes her heart crumble.

No everything is not ok! He yells in his head, Yeah I really like Martha. She’s funny and smart and pretty but she’s really bossy and demanding…nothing like I thought she was when I started pining for her in high school. But it’s okay, everyone has flaws…but I don’t like all the changes…and I don’t know how to tell her that! I like making her happy…no. No you don’t. You’re only focusing on Martha to smother your darker feelings for the other female in your life. You have to love Martha. She’s the safer route…and change is good. Change is alright. You’re okay. You’re okay.

Words catch in his throat as he wants to tell her everything that’s been happening. How he feels, how unhappy he is, how he’s forcing himself to be happy with Martha. But if he did that she’d ask why is he staying with her? And that’d be a flaming ball of disaster because he’d have to reveal the reason he’s trying to learn to love Martha. Because isn’t that what good boyfriends do? Learn to accept you for who you are flaws and all? Even if those flaws happen to be overwhelming controlling over his life.

No he can’t say any of that. And honestly he could just break up with Martha…but then he’d be alone again. And it took him so long to finally ask Martha out! Who knows how long it’d take to ask another girl! Not that there are any other girls that like him. Most of the women he’s had in his life thought he was too nerdy, over the top, dramatic, insane, too intense, and an overall joke. And he is really liking the fact he can say he has a girlfriend…he doesn’t want to go back to being alone.

He grins and nods, “Yeah everything’s all good Joy.”

He’s lying. She knows he is. His eyes always shift everywhere else but the person he’s speaking to whenever he lies. Maybe he thinks she hasn’t noticed it, but she has. She always does. She looks down not sure what to do. Should she pry and get him to tell her the truth? That could end in a fight if he’s stubborn. Nope scratch that. Should she leave it be and wait for him to open up? Cassie is good at ignoring issues and masking his true feelings. Waiting for him to open could take months before he’d actually break down.

She looks up at him again, she opens her mouth not sure what’s about to come out but she’s cut short when the waiter walks up with their food. They thank him and smile at each other before digging in.

He pops a mozzarella ball into his mouth and smiles at the warmth of the dough, and the gooey creamy cheese that oozes out as he chews the little ball. Wow he really missed this—more than he thought. He looks up at Joy who nibbles on a mini quesadilla, her eyes are trained on her plate. She’s in deep thought, he knows because her one hand is twirling a lock of her hair around her finger.

He smirks a little and clears his throat. She jumps slightly and looks up at him and…gosh that look. She looks really surprised, her caramel brown eyes stare up at him, her finger has stopped mid-twirl letting her hair drop against her shoulder. She holds the quesadilla in between her teeth and it hangs down covering her bottom lip. Her eyes are so wide, her cheeks are tinted pink, and she just looks so…cute.

His heart starts pounding in his chest as he stares at her. Thoughts spin through his mind rapidly. Thoughts of his fantasies, daydreams during his alone time, his R-rated dreams, their kiss…Dang it! Stop! No! Why is that still there!? It was months and months ago!

He swallows on reflects and ended up gulping down his half chewed glob of cheese and dough—he gags a little having swallowed it way too soon. He sips his tea and clear his throat as his thoughts relentlessly replay their kiss, his sex dreams, every inappropriate thought he’s ever had about Joy. He runs his hands up and down his legs trying to stop it all, but it wont. It wont stop!

She feels his tension…although she’s not sure what’s got him suddenly so worked up, but she can feel his stressing. She decides to stay quiet thinking about everything Martha has changed about her best friend in the short time she was gone. She doesn’t like it, not at all.

Martha shouldn’t want to change him. There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s the sweetest kindest person she knows. He’s such a loveable dork, why would she want to form him into someone else? I would never do that. Not to anyone. Not any boyfriends. Not Cassie…wait. She pauses her thoughts and looks back at Castel—who is avoiding eye contact, still looking like he’s fighting himself.

Cassie isn’t my boyfriend. He’s my best friend, the other b word. He’s Martha’s boyfriend not yours. She practically shoves the entire mini quesadilla into her mouth as she mulls that thought over. He’s not yours. He’s Martha’s no need to get possessive…but what if he wasn’t Martha’s? Would I want him to be? Would it make things awkward? Why would it? Isn’t it better to date someone your friends with? Someone you already know; someone you already love? …do I want his relationship with Martha to not work out?? Wowie Joy when did you start getting selfish.

Her mind starts to wander as she remembers their kiss. Even after all these months it still plays in the back of mind. It haunts her dreams. Her heart starts to flutter as she remembers all to well what it all felt like. She bites her lip. Should she bring it up? Maybe not. But could he still be thinking about it? She should bring it up. They need to talk about it. She doesn’t even care what his response is but she needs to talk about it.

“Cassie,” she says and he jumps her voice startling him out his now nearly X-rated thoughts. She smiles a little, “I know it was a while ago but…can we please talk about it?” She plays with the hem of her shirt, “We’ve been drifting in and out of these awkward moments since it happened and…I don’t want it to be awkward.”

His eyes are wide and the look in his eyes—he looks like a wounded and scared animal. She chews her bottom lip. Sugar! She shouldn’t have said anything…no! No they need to talk about this no matter what happens they’ll still be friends, that much she can count on. But he looks so nervous and scared. She looks down and sighs a little.

She wants to tell him how their kiss affected her. She wants to tell him how she’s been thinking about it nonstop. She wants to tell him how much she loves him…maybe a little more than friends. She wants to tell him that it’s okay if he doesn’t feel the same, because after all he has Martha. She wants to tell him that no matter what she’ll always love him, that she will always be his friend. She wants to break through this awkwardness and tell him everything…but the scared look in his eyes is just too much for her.

If she were to open up to him anything could happen! He could say he felt the same, that he’s been thinking about it to. He could say he loves her more than just friends. There are so many happy endings to this! But there are more bad endings to this as well. He could get mad that she’s bringing it up now. He could get upset because why wouldn’t she tell him before. He could not want to break up with Martha. Would he really leave Martha for her? Does she want him to? He always gets himself so worked up over little things and it is possible if she reveals how she feels that he could panic because he just got with Martha…no, no she can’t do that him.

I’ll just let him off the hook, she thinks to herself and smiles sweetly at him. She decides to tell him what she has been practicing for months to say.

“Cassie it’s ok,” she says and he blinks a little stunned. “I just wanted to say that we can let it go alright? It’s causing so much tension between us even after all this time and…I don’t want it to be like this.” She looks down at her soda, “It was the heat of it all. We were both really emotional and we got a little caught up in it.” She smiles at him again, “It happened but it didn’t mean anything. We can let it go. You’re still my best friend and I’m still yours, I don’t want that to ever change.”

He stares at her really taken back. She has just said everything he’s been repeating in his mind. And even though he agrees with her it doesn’t change the fact that it really kind of hurts when she says ‘it didn’t mean anything’. He looks down at his tea then back at her. He smiles a little and nods.

“Alright,” he says. “I agree. It was just a mistake fueled by wild emotions.” Ouch, ok that still hurt, she thinks to herself. He pauses a moment, “I never want us to not be friends either.”

She smiles a little and nods, “So we just forget it?”

“Consider it forgotten Jo-Jo,” he smiles as he feels the tension in his chest release.

She smiles and breaths out, Good. It’s alright, as long as he’s still my friend that’s all I need. I can be happy with that. As long as he’s still here.