#yeah i'm making steady and good progress through my to do-list but I Need To Get Through It Faster

[cozylittleartblog]

my ACEN tip gimmick has been fulfilled, aaand i got a little carried away with it. I haven't had time to draw for myself (or at all, really??) in like two weeks, i needed to Doodle and Have Fun. ... also, i did not think he would get so many donuts. people understand the value of giving treats to fictional characters :) its what he deserves

also shoutout to snazzyskeletons who had the same Tip Theme i did. we took pictures with our tip jars together. they are adorable v

i'm glad their vash got some donut money too :) 🍩 please check them out if you want some cute trigun stuff

[klcthebookworm]

20 November 2023 Metrics

Previous Word Count: 66,024 New Words: 1167 Total words for the first draft: 67,191 NaNo 2023 Cumulative Word Count: 21,440 What I Accomplished in the Narrative Today: Started a scene with Alexander and the words just would not come. I babbled on the page how the words were not coming. After ninety minutes of fighting with it, I switched to Peg stumbling upon crime and dealing with it and that scene flowed. Fave line: “I wasn’t trying to kill you, but.” She looked into the van and saw a pile of lumpy garbage bags and smelled rotting meat. “Yeah, you totally had something to do with a murdered person here so good if I gave you brain damage!” What Else I Accomplished Today: Laundry completely done, kitchen dishes are at need to unload the clean ones out of the dishwasher but everything else is done, sorted through the office for 45 minutes and accomplished nothing with it. I really thought I’d get more fiction writing done, but the current state of everything else I have to do means I’m pretty wiped by the end the chore block. What I'm looking forward to: Having everything done and then I can relax. What the hell is relaxing? I have been taking my breaks during the sprints but when I’m sitting right next to what I didn’t accomplish, it’s hard to feel like I will ever finish so why did I reward myself with breaks? Breaks equal to three hours plus however long it takes me to eat. That is five hours for everything on the list. Yes, NaNo is getting three of those hours because I committed to it this year and I am making progress on the project that has been stalled for years and I’m loathe to give it up, especially when writing is my sanity keeper. And giving it up won’t get the chores I hate done any faster. So yes, tomorrow will still have breaks. What I’m going to do before going to bed is download the vague must do X, must do Y, must do Z, etc. onto paper where I can truly see what has to happen around making words tomorrow. What I'm not looking forward to: The reason why this office reset is on my list is that I have buried paperwork and phone calls I need to do in my stacks and now the stacks have reached “oh hell where did I put X?” But I only have Tuesday to find them and deal with them and I’m running out of Tuesday already? Mom needs a trip to town, I also need to pack (some of that is hiding in the stacks too). So yeah, steady wincing think about this now. Also, I think I need to box books I don’t have shelf space for into banker boxes and stack those in a messy corner of the office. That will look more contained and that should help on visual stress. It also comes AFTER dealing with the desktop pile that I’m nearly convinced has the paperwork I need to deal with in it.

[cela-astral-projection]

Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me. 'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see. I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe. There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me.

So young and full of running, all the way to the edge of desire Steady my breathing, silently screaming, "I have to have you now"

18+; Cut for length and content. 

Celeste sat in Julian's nearly finished office at the makeshift desk, a board bridging two sawhorses, making a list for their contractor.

She was in a bit of a time crunch. They were leaving tomorrow. Of course, her bags had been packed for days. It was more the prospect of actually going that made her feel harried.  

She had been milling around the shop for days, making sure that everything was ready for Asra. And, when she wasn't fussing there, she was worried about the clinic's progress. But it was all nerves.

The past few years had been a test, to put it mildly.

Now that all the fires were put out, she didn't quite know what to do with herself.  

Going away with Julian seemed like as good a plan as any. To get out of her head. To get some perspective. There were no more Devils left to fight. No more ghosts were lurking in the dark night. She was as free as she would ever be again.

She had only left Vesuvia a few times. To Nopal, with Asra. To the south, with Muriel. One, painfully short. The other, agonizingly long. The prospect of leaving a was daunting. But the way Julian framed it, even knowing that he had a particular way with words, seemed appealing.

Her note finished, she looked around the room. Light streamed through the window. Fine dust covered every surface. But, even in an unfinished state, there was so much potential here. A place of healing. Where she could get back to who she was meant to be.

Julian stepped into the door frame, leaning against it, grinning broadly. He had been positively giddy for days. She knew that if he could have left days ago, he would have done.

"Are you almost ready, Lovely? Goodbye dinner with Nadia in about an hour. You're going to want to change..."

Celeste gave him a quizzical look, eyebrow raised. "Goodbye...oh. Oh!" she exclaimed, remembering. "Oh, Julian. I'm sorry. I completely forgot. I have some loose ends I need to tie up before tomorrow morning. Give them my regards."

The wind appeared to go out of his sails a bit, tilting his head. "Are you sure, Lovely? Nadia will be disappointed. Portia, too."

She sighed, nodding, sorry to have let him down. "I...Yes, I'm sorry. I promised Asra and Muriel..."

"We can be late if you like. Nadia may even appreciate a spot of fashionable tardiness." Julian pressed. "I can come with you, and then we can go together."

"No, this is something I need to do alone. You go. I will see Nadia when we set off tomorrow." She stood, dusting herself off. She crossed the room to him. Julian straightened. Celeste slipped her arms around his waist, inclining her head to him. He straightened and gathered her in, long arms draped over her shoulders. "Nervous, Doc?"

He shook his head. "I have been waiting years for this, Lovely. I'm beyond ready."

Celeste smiled up at him. "Me too," she replied. "Ready for our next adventure."  And she hoped she sounded sincere. Though, in his reverie, she doubted he would catch her apprehension.

She went up on her tiptoes, and Julian bent to kiss her. It was soft and sweet. She could feel his mouth fixed in a perpetual smile—the happiest she had seen him in their entire relationship. For all her apprehension, this was worth it. Seeing him so delighted.

When their lips parted, his forehead rested against hers, his grey eye heavy-lidded. "Thank you for coming with me. There's no one else I'd rather go with."

Celeste felt her cheeks go rosy. She could never resist this look. It melted her. "I love you, Julian," she whispered.

"I love you, Celeste.." he murmured in reply, voice going husky.

She sighed, sobering at his tone.  "Let's wait for your desk to get here before we christen the office? I don't much relish the idea of splinters in my backside before we get on the boat."

Julian laughed, still heady. "Whatever you say, love. I have other ideas for your backside, anyway."

----

Celeste stood in front of the mirror, desperately trying to get her hair to behave.  Any other day, she would have been happy to throw it up in a bun and go. But, tonight was different. She wanted to look memorable.

Just now, she knew she'd make an impression. Though, it would likely be more of a nightmare than a daydream. She had fussed the waves into frizz.

She tapped her nails impatiently on the counter, tongue pressed into her cheek. She closed her eyes for a moment and drew a deep breath.

Every moment that ticked by added to her nerves. Her trepidation. She had fought to keep herself placid. Convince her self that she was ready. Keep a brave face.

She did want to try. To see something new. Be something...else. See what she could be outside of this city.  

She had fought against herself for weeks. Her anxiety was getting the better of her on more occasions than she cared to count. Despite Asra's encouragement. Despite Julian's joy.  She couldn't shake the dread.

She opened her eyes and stared at her reflection. "Nine years, Celeste. You can do a few months away. You can. No Lucio. No Morga. No demons. No devils. You can do this." she scolded herself. "Pull it together." she spat, steeling herself.

She was shaken from her pep-talk by a heavy knock coming from downstairs.

"The hell?" she said, confused and irritated. The shop had closed early. The sign was clearly posted.  Asra had gone to the hut, and Celeste had planned on meeting him and Muriel there. To say their private goodbyes.

She shook her head and moved her hands back to her hair, deciding to ignore the knock. But, another hard rap came. She called out a warning, hoping that her voice would carry.

She had quiet for a moment, but then another loud bang came. She groaned and tied her dressing gown, harried. She turned and moved quickly from the bathroom, down the stairs, swearing viciously.

She rounded the front counter, yelling. "Hey, motherfucker! We're closed! Read the goddamn sign!"

But, the knocking persisted. So, in her thin white slip of a dressing gown, she cast down the protective wards and flicked the bolt open, throwing the door open in one fell swoop, still swearing. "Listen, you feeble-minded son of a...Oh."

Muriel stood in the doorframe, looking amused. "Yeah, you're closed. Loud and clear."

Celeste blinked up at him. He was...dressed. Muriel was dressed. And well-dressed, to boot. It was no masquerade outfit (a look she had taken no real pleasure in if she was honest. Much too frilly and fussy. Not at all her Muriel.), but it was clean, and it fit him well. A buttoned-down white shirt. Black pants. Boots. Hair braided back. He was impossibly handsome. But that was just Muriel. Impossible.

Celeste was shocked. And Muriel's blush was growing with each moment she spent staring at him.

"I...Asra, he...helped."  he stammered, unable to meet her gaze any longer.

Celeste nodded, still stunned.  "...he did a hell of a job."

"Can I..." he jerked his chin, begging for entry.

"Oh, yes! I'm sorry!" Celeste stepped aside, shaking her head to break the spell. "I just...I'm astonished. This is a surprise."

Muriel ducked his head in the entryway as he stepped in. It was then that Celeste noticed the bouquet in the crook of his arm. Wildflowers. She pressed a hand to her chest, her mouth falling open anew. "Muriel...did you bring me flowers?"

He grunted his confirmation, extending the bouquet to her. They were wrapped in odd, blue paper. She took the bundle from him, bringing a finger to stroke the delicate petals of a coneflower.

"Thank you, sweetheart. They're gorgeous."

"They're flowers. You're gorgeous."  Muriel replied. Though, her hair did appear as if she'd had a struggle with a raccoon. A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. She barefoot, wearing just a white silk dressing gown. Hastily tied and barely covering anything of substance.

Celeste blushed at the compliment, her eyes falling back on Muriel. "Flatterer."

She stepped to him, and he stooped, bowing to kiss her. His fingers under her chin, drawing her up. For a moment, all her dread fell away. Rough fingers, the scent of myrrh, slightly chapped lips. Home. Muriel felt like home. Peace and safety and love.

When they broke away, her eyes fluttered open. He was smiling down at her. A full, genuine smile. It was disarming. More superb than any flower this world could conceive.

She drew a breath, trying to sober herself. "So, are you here to escort me to the forest? Is Asra joining us here?"

He shook his head. "No, I thought I would...try something else. Just us."

"Oh? What...did you have in mind?" she said, eyebrow raised.

"...Just go get dressed," he said, not wanting to reveal too much.

Was Muriel acting playful? Coy? Was Muriel...flirting? She lifted her hand to his forehead, pressing her palm against the skin. He pulled back a bit, confused.

"Just checking for a fever." she teased.  "You don't feel sick. But you are behaving...oddly."

Muriel snorted. "Go, get dressed, please."

Celeste raised her hand, relenting. "Okay, I'm going. Let me put these in water..."

He reached out and took the flowers back, almost looking panicked. "I'll take care of that. Please, go get dressed."

'Ah, yes. There he is.' Celeste thought, laughing to herself, shaking her head.

---

Celeste had wrestled her hair into compliance and dressed. A simple black dress buttoned up the front with wide lapels and a flared skirt. She was shuffling through her jewelry box while Muriel watched, reclined on the bed.

She found a pair of simple seed pearl earrings and held them in her palm, appraising them. Good enough. She slipped them into place, then went back to the jewelry box, trying to find the matching necklace.

She heard Muriel shift behind her as she shuffled through the box.

"Try this."

Celeste gave a "Hm?" as she turned to face him.

A small, wooden box in his hand.

She immediately felt her knees go weak, and she stumbled back, bracing herself on the dresser, her eyes wide. Heart thudding in her ears. "Muriel?!"

Muriel, for his part, looked genuinely bewildered. "Wha--are you okay?"

"Is that...are you...are you pro--" she stammered, eyes locked on the box in his hand, torn between panic and elation.

"Pr--Oh. Oh!" he barked, his panicked expression matching hers when he realized what she thought was happening. "No! I'm not...I mean..." He opened the box, presenting it to her.

It was an herb locket. It was meant for holding charms. Golden. Swirling metal tendrils in an orb shape, held with a tiny clasp. She could see the tiny chips of myrrh held inside. It was elegant. So much more sophisticated than the bundles she carried, even now that the curse was broken.  Celeste straightened, catching her breath, reaching her hand out to touch it.

"Oh, darling," she whispered. "It's lovely. Thank you."

"You're not disappointed that it's not a ring?" he asked, watching her expression.

"That feels like a trick question, and I decline to answer." She said, meeting his eyes. "I love this. It's perfect."

Muriel nodded. He couldn't disagree with her assessment. It was, in fact, a loaded question. And, he was lying to himself if he said he hadn't considered it.

"Will you put it on for me?" she asked, turning around, lifting her hair from the nape of her neck.  

He lifted the necklace from the box, reaching past her to lay the container on the dresser. He brought the delicate chain around her throat. He fumbled with the tiny clasp. Big fingers not quite adept with such diminutive closures. But, he fastened it.

Celeste ran her fingers over the charm and turned to look up at him.

Her eyes were soft. They were reflecting devotion and love.

"It suits you," Muriel stated plainly, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek, running his thumb along the soft flesh.

"All these gifts. I feel...utterly bereft. I feel like I should give something to you."

He shook his head. "Stay with me. That's all the gift I need."

Celeste was satisfied with her self that she didn't flinch at his answer. Though, it stung badly.

"I'm always with you, Muriel. Always." She responded voice sweet, and placid.

Muriel knew her well enough to know when she wasn't engaging. That was alright. He had all night to drive the point home.

"Are you ready?" He asked, breaking the tension.

Celeste nodded. "Lead the way."

----

Celeste knew precisely where they were. She had made this journey many times. Never with Muriel. It made no sense to her.

Her arm was linked with Muriel's. She could feel the tension radiating off of him. He was better in public, but he wasn't exactly great. Curse or no curse, he would, by and large, prefer to go unseen. He was staring straight ahead and ignoring the onlookers' stares.

"Em...Sweetheart? Angel? Light of my life?" Celeste said, growing more concerned as they forged forward. "Why exactly are we going to the South End?"

"Going on a date." He replied. Succinct.

"In the South End?"

He nodded, eyes still fixed on the road ahead.

"Muriel, darling? Are we going to The Raven?" she ventured.

He grunted his confirmation, and Celeste's eyes went wide, turning her attention back to the road ahead, blinking slowly.

Celeste wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to ask him if he had lost his goddamn mind. But, when it came to Muriel and trying new things, she was always cautious about redirecting him. It was important to her that he did try something.

But this seemed like a lot. Especially when she had fully anticipated spending the night in bed.

She had spent her fair share of evenings in the Rowdy Fucking Raven. Things were rarely, if ever, calm. Hence the name. She could pray for a quiet evening. But, she could easily see this becoming a nightmare for Muriel.

When they finally came to the tavern, Muriel paused outside the door—steeling himself.

"Muriel," Celeste said, bringing her free hand up to his bicep, giving a gentle squeeze. "Vesuvia is a big city. There are a lot of places that aren't The Rowdy Raven. We can even just...walk around. Go back to the shop. Go to the hut..."

"No. I can do this. You come here, don't you?" he asked, but his tone was a bit shaky.

"Yes, and I've ended up having to patch up more idiots after barfights than I care to recall. It's what pays for most of my drinks. I'm practically on the payroll." She replied.

"If you can do this, so can I," he said, seemingly finding his resolve and moving to the door.

Celeste shook her head and followed behind, bracing herself for impact.

It was, thankfully, still relatively calm. There was a band playing. Not a particularly good one, but serviceable. Quite a few patrons, but nobody actively bleeding that she could see. Blessing enough.

Barth looked up from drawing a drink, and his eyes fell on Muriel. The liquid flowing into the tankard continued to rise, spilling over the rim of the container. Utterly shocked at the man who had entered. Several other heads turned as well, eyes going wide. One of the musician's timing went wildly off as he was distracted by the newcomer.

Celeste waved and called out the barkeeps' name, trying to break his reverie. "Barth! Any way we can get a corner booth?"

The man blinked and shook his head, swearing at the spilled ale and righting the tap. "Oh! Cela, love! You've got the run of the place! Your usual?"

She nodded. "Dark and stormy. And Mead for him?"

"You got it, Angelface."

She pulled Muriel along after her to the back corner. She found the booth occupied by a regular. Quite drunk. Quite asleep. "Randall?" she said, sweet, tapping the man on the leg. "Gotta get up for me, darling. Barth has something for you up at the bar."

The man stirred. He was groaning loudly in protest.

"Randy," she said, a bit more authoritative. "Move your ass."

The man made another heinous groan but lurched up. He was blearily shifting out of the booth, muttering something under his breath. Celeste shook her head.

"Tell Barth to get you a black coffee. On me." She said, patting the man on the back as he stumbled away, waving her off.

Muriel watched her, shocked to see how easily she navigated the chaos.

She slid into one side of the booth, and Muriel took the opposite side, looking her over.

"Oh, you thought I was joking about being on the payroll, didn't you?" she said, lifting an eyebrow, teasing.

He nodded, not quite sure what to make of it. He had seen the woman drink. After one glass, her cheeks and nose went red.  Usually, after her second glass of wine, she required someone to hold her hand so she could walk. Not precisely standard barroom fare.

Barth personally delivered their drinks, smiling broadly. "So, Angelface. Tomorrow is the big day, isn't it? Come for some liquid courage?"

"It is. You coming down to the docks to see your best customer off?" She smiled back.

"You or Doc? He's the best, but you're my favorite." The man winked. "Will he be joining us this evening?"

Celeste pulled a face. "Doubtful, unless he comes down for last call. But, I have a feeling he's getting the top-shelf stuff tonight—dinner with the Countess."

Barth nodded, looking impressed. "Well, I don't know if I can get away. But I'm glad to see you tonight. And, the Big One, too." He said, turning to Muriel, who had been watching the exchange, rapt. Barth extended his hand. "Good to meet you..."

Muriel lifted his hand to shake Barth's but did not respond. Barth's eyes fell back on Celeste.

"This is my Muriel," she answered for him.

"It's good to put a name to the legend, Muriel. Welcome to the Raven." Barth finished, clapping his other hand over the top of their joined hands, giving an affectionate pat. "Well, I'll let you get back to it. Whistle if you need me." He finished, releasing Muriel. He moved to the other side of the booth and leaned in, kissing Celeste's cheek. "Take care of yourself, Love. Gonna miss you something fierce."

Celeste turned to kiss Barth's other cheek, reaching down to squeeze his hand. "Keep the place standing. I'll be back soon."

When Barth had departed, Celeste extended her hand across the table to Muriel. He took her hand, stroking his thumb across her knuckles.

"So, do you want to tell me why we're here?" She asked, searching his face.

"Because I want to go on a date with the woman I love."

Celeste made a noise of understanding. "So how long did you and Asra sit around prepare this for me?"

Muriel's brow furrowed. He knew it wasn't precisely opaque, but he had hoped she'd be somewhat more receptive to the attempts.

"Don't blame Asra. I...wanted you to see me..." he trailed off, trying to find the words. "See me try. Do the things that you do with--"

"Julian." she finished for him, eyebrow raised.

He nodded. She sighed.

As the pieces started clicking into place, she picked up her drink and took a long sip, eyes closed.

The past few weeks had been a strain, to put it mildly. Muriel had taken the initial announcement badly. He had been tolerant of her relationship with Julian. But leaving Vesuvia, together, for months was more than Muriel was prepared to deal with. So, he hadn't. He had all but refused to speak about it.

Muriel made more trips to the city to see her. When she stayed at the hut, he kept her as long as he possibly could—holding her tighter—fucking her longer and harder. Silent but desperate pleas.

He had lost her twice. Death. And that should have been the end of it. But, she had come back to him. Only to be ripped away by his curse all over again. He finally had her. He wanted to respect that she was learning to navigate the world with the new knowledge of her own past. But, he also wanted her. And he had her. And he did not want to let her go.

Asra was part of the deal. That was how it was meant to be. Julian was not. And now he was stealing her away.

"Muriel, I am coming home. This isn't forever."

It was his turn to drink. He didn't drop her gaze as he imbibed.

When he was sated, he sat the tankard down and took a sharp breath.

"That's something else I wanted to discuss with you...Home. Whose home are you coming back to?"

Celeste narrowed her eyes, trying to parse what he was asking.

"I'm coming home to Vesuvia," she unsure of how to answer.

"Are you coming home to the shop? Home to Julian's apartment? Or home...to me?"

"I always come home to you, Muriel. I also live at the shop, and I stay with Julian," she said, shaking her head. "What are you asking?"

"I want to give you a home. Our home. I want you home with me. I am asking you to stay with me."

Celeste had emotional whiplash already. First, from what she thought was a proposal. And now, this, which also felt like a proposition.

"So, you're asking me to move into the hut permanently?"

"Not exactly."

Celeste pressed her tongue into her cheek, baffled, her irritation growing.

"Why today, Muriel?"

"Last-ditch effort," he responded, more quickly than either of them anticipated.

Celeste released his hand and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Elaborate, please," she said tersely.

"I don't feel like I need to. I want you to stay with me. I want to have a home with you. It seems simple."

"When I'm with you, I'm home."

Muriel drew a deep breath. "I want more than that. I want you to choose to stay with me. I want to build a life with you. I want to give you a home. I love you. I want you to stay."

Celeste softened, deflating a bit from her incredulity. "I want to stay. I do. But... I need to do this. It's a few days in the grand scheme of things. I will come home to you."

Muriel closed his eyes, considering his words. "What...do you need to do that I can't be with you for? Why do you have to leave me?"

"Would you come with me if I asked you to?"  Celeste retorted before taking another drink.

Muriel blinked at her, reeling a bit.  That was a response he hadn't considered. Going with her? With Julian?

When he didn't respond, she made a vague gesture of dismissal. "I guess we're at an impasse, then."

They sat quietly for a long moment, drinking. Muriel extended his hand again, searching for hers. Celeste relented, giving his fingers a squeeze.

"I don't want to argue with you. Not today." He said, low, his eyes downcast.

The music shifted. A slow song. There was a shuffle of chairs and barstools as the dance floor occupants adjusted. Some joining with their partners, others falling away to make room.

Celeste sighed and moved to stand, hand still connected to Muriel's. He eyed her warily.

"It's not the Masquerade. Everyone is drunk. Come on." she said, coaxing him out.

Muriel narrowed his eyes but followed. When he stood, Celeste took both his hands, pulling him backward toward the dance floor.

She pulled his hands to her waist and moved her arms around his torso, finding her favorite spot. Head on his chest. She heard a familiar wolf-whistle from the bar and gave a laugh. Barth, cheering them on.

Celeste took the "lead." Whatever that looked like. They simply stood in the circle of each other's embrace, swaying to the music. No attempts at dipping one another. No spins or twirls. No fancy footwork. Just nearness.

Muriel's hands were firm at her waist, looking down at her as they rocked. The way her eyes fluttered shut, and she breathed him in. As if there were no one else in the world watching. He could feel the eyes, but just now, he could push their stares away. The lantern light playing in her hair. Her skin glowing. Cheek just the slightest bit flushed from drink.

His Celeste. The great love of his life. In front of all these people, completely at ease in his hands. Never afraid of him.

When the music subsided, there was a smattering of laughter. For the musicians, Muriel thought and turned to the stage. When he found all the eyes on them, he blushed wildly. Celeste laughed, shaking her head.

"Why are they...?" he asked, bewildered.

"It's not every day they get a folk hero in their bar."

"Hero?" His tone was incredulous.

"The imprisoned Gladiator that defeated the devil himself? It's a favorite story around here." She said, giving his hand a squeeze.

"You know it wasn't quite that simple," he said, looking down at her.

"Smile and wave, Darling. Your public adores you." she teased.

"Give us a kiss, Love!" Barth called out from behind the bar, and there was a swell of other voices, cheering them on. Some glasses and tankers banging on various table tops. A low chant of "Kiss, Kiss, Kiss."

Muriel blinked, caught off guard. Celeste smiled up at him. "Should we--"

She was suddenly off her feet, swept up in his arms and dipped low for a kiss. Celeste scrambled blindly, hands trying to find purchase on him. His lips were heavy and hot against hers. His hand at the back of her head, his other arm around her back, holding her aloft and horizontal to the ground.

After a long moment, he released her. She was breathless, heart pounding. The din of the crowd was deafening. He carefully lowered her back to the ground. His face looked positively mischevious.

"I'd like to take you back to the shop now." Muriel said, husky.

Celeste nodded rapidly.

He had her by the hand and moved swiftly for the door, Celeste had the presence of mind to look back at Barth, who waved her on. "On me!"

---

They practically fell into the shop once Celeste managed to wrestle the door open. Muriel kicked it shut with a bang. Muriel hoisted her up onto the countertop and was immediately on his knees in front of her.

He was thwarted by her crinoline and groaned, frustrated. Celeste was fumbling with buttons, not quite able to manage them. "Fuck the dress," she said breathlessly.  And Muriel nodded, his hands coming to her lapels and yanking roughly. The fabric rended like paper under his hands, leaving her exposed. She shed the sleeves, and he tugged the crinoline away, tossing it aside in a heap.

His mouth was on her in an instant, and her legs were over his shoulders. Muriel could feel her boot heels pressing into his shoulders, drawing him into her. He brought his hands up to her waist, holding her in place, so she didn't slip off the counter.

His tongue parted the outer lips of her sex, and darted out to find her clit. She was already soaking wet, her fluids drenching his mouth. Celeste hissed above him, her hands in his hair, the braids falling loose from the various stops they had made en route to the shop, unable to suppress their need.

His lips closed around the bud, and he sucked gently. She was calling out his name above him, held securely in place, but still tensing and writhing, back arching. He ventured a hand upwards, finding her breast and cupping it, thumb finding her nipple, brushing his calloused thumb across.

He could feel his cock straining against the trousers, painfully. He fucking hated these clothes. All these buttons and fastenings. He pulled away from Celeste's cunt, and she whined. "Just-- just a second," he said, releasing her breast and reaching down to find the buttons at the fly. He managed to undo the top fastenings and slide them down far enough to allow his member to spring free. He gave a satisfied sigh when he could take himself in hand, stroking.

He returned to his ministrations, tongue seeking out her canal. Dripping with desire. He lapped away the slick with long strokes, thrusting in and out of the hole, drinking her in. She was so warm and wet, and the smell saturated his senses, overwhelming him.

"Muriel..." Celeste hissed, trying to draw him up. He pulled back and stared up at her, mouth slightly agape, eyes heavy-lidded. She didn't need to ask. He knew.

He pushed himself up off the floor. Celeste's legs were still on his shoulders, but she shifted herself so she could lay back on the counter, head falling over the edge.

The counter put her at the perfect height for him. He moved his hand along the planes of her stomach, feeling the way she fluttered under his touch with anticipation. He slid his fingers through her curls, noticing, for the first time, that she had groomed her pubic hair. The smattering of dark curls on her stomach shaved away and the shape altered. Refined.

He clenched his jaw, staring down at the smooth skin, running his fingertips over the bare spaces.

He felt something inside him snap, and he grabbed his cock in hand, finding her entrance and thrusting roughly. Celeste made to cry out from shock, but her breath was caught in a cough. The violent contraction of her body sending her cunt into a spasm around him.

Muriel rocked into her with long, slow strokes to accommodate for his initial roughness. But, his hand stayed firm on her stomach, not allowing her to rise, keeping her down. He could feel himself moving within her.

Celeste was pressed against him, barely able to move, legs straight up. Muriel was deep inside her from the first stroke. She was still trying to catch her breath, but the shock was giving way to pleasure. The exquisite stretch of being filled by his cock. She felt each inch as he withdrew. The ridges and veins, the swell of the head. Moving fluidly inside her, coated in her slick.

Muriel's movements became more frenzied, with each keen and gasp that came from Celeste's lips. The wet sounds that came from between her legs. The thud of his hips against the backs of her thighs.

She came for him, wetness surging from her, her walls clenching as he continued fucking her, hitting her deepest and most sensitive places.

When he was close, he withdrew from her and took his cock in hand, stroking himself to completion. Hot, thick spurts of come on her belly, on her mons. He groaned with each spasm, head falling back.

When he was spent, he took a deep breath, bracing himself on the countertop. He looked down at Celeste, covered in his seed. He released his cock and reached up to take her by the wrist, bringing her hand to the sticky mess, drawing her fingers through the substance, making her spread it across the bare places that she had shaved.

Celeste was still in a haze from her orgasm. But she realized, even in her daze, his point. She should have known he wouldn't have been pleased. She sighed to herself, allowing him to move her hands.

When he was satisfied, he pulled her up, sliding his hand under her back and drawing her up. He brought her fingers to his lips, drawing them into his mouth, sucking away the remaining come. One finger at a time. Celeste watched the display. Soft lips wrapping around the digits. Tasting himself on her skin.

When her fingers were cleaned, he drew her hand up to his neck and leaned in to kiss her. It was positively chaste compared to his previous actions. Soft and tender. When they parted, he pressed his forehead against hers, staring intensely into her eyes.

Celeste stroked her fingers across the nape of his neck, a ghost of a smile on her lips.

"Mine." Muriel whispered. Not a question. An assertion.

"Yours. Always yours."  Celeste replied.

Momentarily satisfied, Muriel pulled back, hitching his pants again, situating his softened member. When he was settled, he moved to sweep Celeste into his arms. Bridal style. Celeste laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Bath," he said shortly, moving towards the back of the shop to the staircase.

---

Celeste had always been a big fan of the bath in the shop. It was ridiculously large. Now that she knew Muriel, she assumed it was an accommodation Asra had made just in case. It wasn't nearly the size of the baths in the palace, of course. But she didn't need a swimming pool. She liked being pressed up against Muriel, between his thighs.

He was stroking a soapy cloth over her body. Lazy, languid circles. She was melted against him, eyes closed.

"Cela?"

"Hm?"

Muriel sat the cloth aside and brought his hand to the necklace, rolling the orb between his fingers thoughtfully.

"If it had been a ring..."

"...I would have said yes."

Muriel sighed.

"Then, I'm asking."

Celeste tensed, and her eyes shot open.  

"Why?" she asked, dubious.

"Because I love you. Because I want you..."

Celeste stared up at the ceiling, measuring her response carefully. "Okay. I will marry you...but I'm leaving tomorrow. We can plan the wedding when I get back."

Muriel swore. "God damn it, Celeste."

Celeste made a noise of confirmation and planted her hands on the sides of the tub, pushing herself out of the water, stepping out. He caught her wrist, but she wrenched out of his slippery grip.

"I'm not doing this, Muriel," she said, beyond exasperated. She was offended. She grabbed a bath towel and wrapped herself in it. "I'm having a hard enough time, I do not need this from you. I am going, and you'll either be here waiting, or you won't."

Muriel was up and after her, watching as she swept out of the bathroom while he fumbled with a towel. "Celeste, we love each other. Why do you insist on leaving me over and over again? I'm so...tired of being left."

"You don't think I know that? Don't you know how selfish I feel? But I have to do this for myself. I am going. I have to go--"

"You don't." Muriel bit out. "Once you wept to leave me. You fought against death to get back to me. And I have been patient. I have given up everything for us. And I have been tolerant. But, there was always supposed to be an end to this...you were my promise, Celeste. We're supposed to be together."

"I didn't make any fucking deals, Muriel. I had nothing to do with any of this," she shouted back. "What you and Asra did I am grateful for, but I am not indebted to either of you. I made no deals.  I stood by your side. I fought alongside you. I went through hell. You made deals. Not me. And if I want to get on a fucking boat and go be something else for a couple months, I'm going to do it."

Muriel stood to his full height, eyes hard, jaw set. Then, in an instant, he was going down the stairs, sending Celeste reeling.

"Where are you going?" She called after him, following after.

When she caught up to him, he had the bouquet in his hand, unwrapping the flowers from the blue paper. Celeste watched him, eyebrow raised. He thrust the paper at her.

"What is..."

"Fucking look at it." he spat.

Celeste laid the paper out on the countertop, squinting at it.

They were plans. Blueprints.

She clutched the towel to her chest with one hand and stroked the lines on the page with the fingertips of the other. It was a house. A cabin.

She looked up at Muriel, who was scowling.

"I want you to stay. I want to make a home with you. I love you." He growled.

"Oh...Muriel." Celeste said, righting herself. "This is for us? This is our home?"

"Stay," he stated, his tone still biting.

"You're building this for us?"  Celeste asked, her lip trembling.

"Stay," he repeated, his harshness fading. "I need you to stay."

"We can still have this. I am coming home." Celeste felt the first tear fall. "I want this, I want the same thing you do..."

Muriel drew a shuddering breath. "Why do I keep losing you? What am I doing wrong? Why do you keep leaving me?"

"I don't know how else to explain the distinction between going on a trip from which I will return and leaving you," she said, trying to keep her composure. "I love you. I don't ever want to leave you."

"But you don't love me enough to stay." he retorted. "Not enough to realize that I want you. I will give everything in the world away for you. I want to give you my whole heart for my whole life."

"You have had a decade to love me. I didn't know...I need to leave for a little bit and see the world with clear eyes. I just...please. Understand."

"I'm trying. I am. But I'm tired. I'm ready for you. I'm ready now." Muriel pleaded. "Please don't leave, Celeste."

"Come with me," she said, crossing the room to him, looking up into his eyes. "You're free, too. Nothing is holding you here. Come with me. See the world with me."

"I will go anywhere with you. With you. I will not go with Julian."

"I made a commitment."

"You made a promise. To me. Long before Julian."

"I will keep my promise. I will."

"When? After he takes you halfway around the world where I can't get to you? Gets you pregnant? He decides that he doesn't want to come home? That he wants you to stay with him?"

"Why don't you trust me? I am coming back."

"I trust you. I don't trust Julian. And I do not trust him with you in the slightest. He will try to keep you. And I won't be able to get you back."

Celeste shook her head. "I don't know how to make this better for you. I love Julian. I love Asra. But...you have to know that I choose you. I choose us," she paused, wiping tears away. "But, I deserve your respect. I deserve to take my time."

Muriel nodded, defeated. "Then, I guess you're going. There's nothing left to say." He stepped past her, back to the staircase.

Celeste was frozen in place, watching him go.

After a long while He descended the stairs, dressed. He stopped in front of her, silent tears falling.

He placed his hands on her shoulders, fixing his eyes on hers. "Stay with me, Celeste. Stay."

She was shivering, trembling. "I can't." she forced out. Her tone all regret.

Muriel nodded, his heart broken. "Fine." He spoke, his tone cold.

And then, he was gone, across the shop and out the door in an instant.

---

Celeste stood, side by side with Julian at the docks. The ship behind them.

Portia and Nadia to one side, hands clasped. Portia nearly in tears as Nadia repeated all the ways in which she would be missed.

Asra stood in front of Celeste. He had been apprised of the rudiments from the previous evening's activities. First by Muriel, then by Celeste. His eyes were sad. Because she was leaving, of course. But, because he had hoped that it would work.

Asra would never be the one to hold Celeste. He felt it would be hypocritical to do so, after all she had put up with. And now, all she was contending with regarding her new-found knowledge. He knew the peace that came with being away from the strains and stresses of daily life. To retreat. To be free.

But it still hurt to see her go.

"You're going to come home to me, right?" Asra said, trying to force a lilt into his voice.

Celeste nodded. "Always, Asra. My Heart." She placed her hand on her chest. "I'm always just a heartbeat away."

Asra leaned in to kiss her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, fighting back the urge to break down in tears all over again.

This was supposed to be a happy day. A fresh start.

Asra's grip was tight, holding her to him, his kiss feverish.  His mind calling out to make her stay. Find a way. Do whatever it takes.

But, he had already done that. He had found a way to keep her.

Celeste was his.

But, most wonderfully, she belonged entirely to herself. Free to choose. To live her life. And how lucky they all were to have her. That she chose all of them. Loved all of them.

His heart had been a gift. It wasn’t a life sentence. 

When their kiss ended, their foreheads were pressed together. Hearts beating in sync.

"I love you, Asra," she whispered.

"I love you, Celeste. Oh, how I love you." Asra replied, his voice wavering.

From above them, there was a sharp whistle. Mazelinka, looking equally amused and irritated. "Alright, Lovebirds! We're pushing off!"

Celeste's eyes went wide with panic, pulling back from Asra, looking over his shoulder. Asra caught her gaze and turned to follow it.

There was nothing. A line of well-wishers, offering similar sentiments to their loved ones before they boarded.

No Muriel.

She sighed. Asra felt his heart skip a beat. He turned back to her, giving a sympathetic look. "He...hates the docks." He offered.

Celeste gave a rueful laugh. "Well...he hates...something, that's for sure."

"Sweetheart...no. He...doesn't hate you. He could never hate you."

Julian's hand fell on her shoulder, giving an affectionate squeeze. "If you want, I can tell Maz to hold off a little longer."

Celeste drew a sharp breath and shook her head. "No...It's time." She said relenting. Turning to smile up at Julian. "We're free, Julian. As free as we'll ever be again."

He grinned broadly. "Oh, you lovely, lovely woman."

Asra caught her free hand and gave it a squeeze, tears threatening to fall. "Be safe. If you need me..."

Celeste laughed and nodded. "I'll be surrounded by water. I know where to find you."

She leaned in to give him one last kiss. Delicate and short.

Asra released her hand and looked up to Julian. "Take care of my Heart, Ilya," he said, his tone a warning.

"You have my word, Asra," Julian said, sincere.

Maz whistled again, less amused this time, staring down at Julian with a hard look. He smiled back, unphased, but when he turned to look at Celeste, she could see the slight dread on his features.

"Time to go?" she asked sarcastically.

Julian nodded. "Before she finds things to throw."

---

Celeste stood with Julian at the side of the boat. His arm was around her waist. Julian eagerly waving at the remaining wellwishers.

Asra and Nadia stood side by side after vowing to watch them over the Horizon line.

When the boat finally began moving away from the dock, she rested her hand over her heart, and Asra mirrored her.

Then, Asra felt his heart drop and saw Celeste's face shift.

Muriel stood at the top of the docks, watching as the boat was unmoored and began to move away.

Julian, to his credit, did rush to the captain to try to convince him to stop and was met with a firm, hearty "Fuck you. No."

Asra rushed up the docks to Muriel, who met him halfway.

"You didn't stop her?" Muriel asked, eyes wide.

"How the hell was I supposed to know that you were coming?" Asra retorted, looking back at the boat that was well away from the dock now. He whirled back to Muriel. "What is...do you have a bag?" Asra's mouth fell open, looking at the satchel that Muriel was carrying. "Oh, fuck."

"Can I get to her?" he asked, trying to figure out what to do.

"I...don't...Nadia?" Asra said, looking for a solution.

Nadia shook her head. "I'm afraid not. They generally won't turn back." She said, her tone compassionate. "We might be able to send another boat after them? Meet them at their next port?"

Muriel sighed, shaking his head. "I thought I had time."

"Muriel, we can figure this out," Asra said, reaching out to rest his hand on Muriel's arm. "We can get you to her."

"No." he said, setting his jaw, eyes going dark.

"Muriel.." Asra began, but Muriel turned and walked away, eyes cast down.

Asra looked back at the boat, then to Muriel. He swore, and chase after him, calling his name.

---

Celeste stood, shocked. Cold all over. Portia stood at her side, a hand on her back, trying to settle her down.

"Can...can I get off?" Celeste asked, her voice shaky.

"No, I'm sorry, sweetie! But, I'm sure Nadia will figure something out." Portia offered sweetly.

"I can swim. Can I jump?"

Julian came back from the captain and his eye went wide. "No, you may absolutely not jump."

"Julian...he came. He won't understand. I have to go back." She broke away from Portia, rounding on Julian.

"I know, I know." He said, catching her by her upper arms. "Nadia will figure something out. We've got Malak. We can send word back. It will be fine."

"He won't understand..."

Julian's sympathetic expression shifted, eye narrowing. "He's a grown man, Celeste. He made a choice. You asked him to come, and he waited until the last possible moment to make a decision. He'll be here when we get back, or he'll figure it out."

Celeste sobered a bit. She couldn't argue with that. She sighed, looking back over her shoulder. The docks further away with each second.

And Muriel, followed by Asra, retreating.

[twopoppies]

I always wonder since you read a lot of fics (like me) can you name your top 5 or top 10??? I'm so curious 😣😣

Oh anon, this is so hard for me to answer. I’m always so impressed by people who can just spout off their favorite 5 fics. I don’t think I can narrow it down like that! There are a bunch of the “classics” that I love but I feel like they get reccd so often. So, I’m going  to try and list some fics I’ve read recently that I love and that are by people who are (hopefully) still active in this fandom.  As a side note, almost all of these authors have multiple fics I loved….if you like these, check out the rest of them!

My Recently Read Top 10

Lambing Season by @helloamhere (M, 25k)

“Shut up,” Louis says, an involuntary grin tugging at his mouth. It’s not every boy who will stand in the middle of a cold barn in a suit and play musician trivia. “I’m Louis.”

//lambing season brings sleep deprivation, noisy alarms, cold barns, demanding animals, and warm strangers.

The Road Less Travelled By by @freetheankles (E, 98K)

Louis was a lumberjack happy to be living his life alone in what could qualify as Middle Of Nowhere, Canada.

Every morning, he went out into the woods, cut his logs, then came home at dusk to a scalding hot shower and a good book by the fireplace. Rinse and Repeat. He had a good life, quiet and peaceful; simple. Not a secluded one as Niall annoyingly claimed.

Louis certainly didn’t need some chatty trespasser dropping into his life, his forest, his home. Invading his space, his circle of friends, touching his stuff, asking questions about his husband. His late husband.

A trespasser who wasn’t supposed to crawl under his skin, occupy his thoughts, and steal his heart from where Louis had locked it safely away, only to put it right back on Louis’ sleeve — where it once laid.

No, Louis definitely didn’t need Harry.

just call me inspiration by @hereforlou (E, 52K)

The truth is Louis knows he’s going to hell, if there is such a thing, but it isn’t because he writes erotic fiction for a living. If anything, it’s because his muse, the reason he’s inspired to write about people shagging in increasingly creative ways everyday, is the sweetest, loveliest, most genuine (and completely oblivious) future children-book illustrator in the world.

(Or, the one where Louis is a writer, Harry is an art student, and they inspire each other in very different ways.)

bloodsport by @twofiveohfive (E, 40K)

“You know how our next game is against the Cardinals, right? You remember how vicious those guys can get. I wanted us to come up with some plays, maybe work on a block from the left—”

Louis stops when he hears a chuckle.

He doesn’t think he’s said anything particularly funny, so he turns to Harry, waiting for an explanation.

“‘S funny, ‘s all.” Harry throws his finished bottle somewhere near the other discarded ones. “This is the first time you’re talking to me in eight months, and it’s still about football.”

where your lips land by BriaMaria / @briannamarguerite (E, 12K)

A love story told through Louis’ tattoos.

… or the Tyler Knott Gregson-inspired AU where Louis is a poet who lives in Montana and Harry is a photographer passing through.

From the poem: “I put new ink where your lips have landed/I cover your kisses with reminders” – TKG

Promise in the Sky by Throwthemflowers / @hazzabeeforlou (E, K)

AU in which Harry Styles, a naïve, repressed, socially awkward Midwestern highschooler tries to navigate his fundamentalist evangelical parents and radically progressive older sister. He’s doing an okay job of this until the Tomlinson family starts attending Lakeside Baptist Church and a boy named Louis changes everything. Harry is forced to come to grips with his true self when Louis becomes more than just his best friend; but their relationship opens a can of worms and sends them on the most painful, heartbreaking journey of their young lives. They risk everything and nearly lose, and Harry learns that perhaps only one Bible verse is true: that perfect love casteth out fear.

For Reasons Wretched and Divine by @indiaalphawhiskey (E, 95K)

Ten years ago, Harry Styles was just a nerdy kid with one friend and a debilitating crush on the captain of his school’s football team. He thought the stars were smiling down on him the day he and Louis Tomlinson were paired for their end-of-term Literature project. But because Harry’s life is decidedly not a fairytale, the budding friendship quickly leads to the least happy ending of all time.

Now, Harry Styles is a household name. Barely twenty-seven with two Grammy nominations to his name, the singer-songwriter is poised to take the music industry by storm with his highly anticipated third album. So, what happens when the best producer in the business is also the only person Harry’s vowed never to speak to again?

An AU in two parts. Two boys, two stories, and hopefully, two chances at love.

precious little thing by mercutionotromeo (E, 21K)

Reason #10 - Curiosity

Niall grins deviously and hits “make call”, putting his phone on speaker. They lean in close to peer down at the screen, heads knocking lightly together. Dull rings reverberate quietly around the room and mix with the monotonous buzz of the lights. It rings for a while - maybe six or seven times - then the other line picks up.

There’s a slow, steady inhale, and a low voice purrs, “Hi, sexy.”

Jesus - this guy has barely said two words, and both of them have made Harry’s cock twitch in his jeans. That’s not even getting to what those words are, and why he’s saying them, and how Harry’s stomach is dropping into his shoes at the mere thought of him saying… other words. Words like “cock”, and “please”, and “come”.

Also known as: a university AU featuring phone sex operator Louis, copious amounts of sweet, soft kink discovery, and Louis being Harry’s Daddy.

I’ll Be Your Love Tonight by dinosaursmate / @catfishau

“I don’t know how I’m ever going to walk away from you.”“So don’t.” Harry ran a fingertip over Louis’ thigh. “Stay with me.”-It’s the summer of 1999 and Louis Tomlinson has been abandoned at a house party. A dispute over Smirnoff Ice and several night buses later, Louis is unsure how he’ll ever walk away from this lovely, curly-haired boy.

everything suspended by @louisandthealien

It’s 8:50 when Zayn pops his head around the corner of Harry’s cubicle.

“Dude, I really can’t talk right now. If I don’t finish this report—“

“You hear about that plane crash?”

Harry stops short. “— what?”

“Louis works in that area doesn’t he?”

“What?” Harry’s hand is frozen in midair, halfway towards scratching his neck.

“Yeah, some plane just rammed into one of the Twin Towers, I guess. Ben is—“

Harry’s blood doesn’t run cold and his heart doesn’t skip a beat. The wind isn’t knocked out of him and his stomach doesn’t drop.

He’s mostly just confused.

You can also check my larry fic rec and my fic rec tags to see other fics I reccommend!

[letsbefeminist]

Hi, I hope I'm not bothering you but I was wondering if you had any advice for like getting your self-esteem/positive self-image back after being cheated on? My s.o. and I decided to still stay together but I'm just having trouble in the aftermath with feeling like myself, or feeling good about myself, or feeling like I'm still attractive to my partner. Also I love your blog and you're always so amazing and sweet in your replies so I hope you don't mind, thank you!

You are definitely not a bother & I’m incredibly sorry you’re even dealing with this right now. It’s a devastating thing to go through & it really can change who you are & how you see/think about yourself.

((This is gonna be looooong as hell tbh & also, thank you for being so sweet! It really made my night & I don’t mind at all you coming to me to talk! 💜💗))

Okaaay, I found out all the way back in November that my partner cheated on me. Like you, i decided to stay with him & work through things but I gotta say, this has been a challenge like no other.

Sooo, I know EXACTLY what you mean about not feeling good about yourself & not feeling attractive to the person you love so dearly. It’s incredibly difficult to feel like yourself when you’ve been betrayed by someone so close to you. By someone who’s supposed to have your back. But you’re still in there my love. It’s just a new scar, that’s all.

Like, it’s taken me months to even attempt this, but day by day lately, I’ve been stacking bricks, trying to build a wall between me & all that bullshit & hurt. Like I literally envision a wall. So yes, it is hard but it’s also doable. Even if it’s slow to happen.

You gotta remember/find out who you are outside of your relationship & outside of being cheated on. Yes, it changes you, it makes you angry & sad & sometimes it’s just agonizing to live with it but it’s not who we are at all. Being cheated on isn’t what defines us!

We are so much more than this shitty thing that happened to us. Sooo much more.

My angel, remember that you weren’t cheated on because you’re unattractive, unworthy, unlovable, or whatever. You’re gonna have to tell yourself this until you listen. Until you actually start believing it. This is legit one of the bricks for my wall & it’s going to be one of the most important ones tbh.

& yeah, this part is DEFINITELY easier said than done, but I’m closer to listening to that today than I was just last month. You’ll get there too. Biggest thing is, don’t rush. Healing takes time. Working on trusting again takes time. Working on feeling like yourself takes time. That’s okay. Believe me.

Next step to building that confidence back up is don’t fucking hate on yourself!!! My goodness, I struggle with this so every time I say that I’m just ugly or that he doesn’t love me I’m knocking a brick off my wall & I got to start over again. That’s unfair to ourselves. We can’t do that.

So every time you start hating on yourself you HAVE to make the conscious effort to quit that shit. Say something nice about yourself. I don’t care if it’s something like your earlobe is cute. Anything positive, no matter how small, is AUTOMATICALLY better than whatever hateful thing you’re saying at the moment. Work on that. Work on being nice to yourself because you’re already going through so much & without a doubt, you did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to deserve being cheated on. You wouldn’t say mean things to someone who is already hurting, so why do it to yourself?

Ask for help is the next thing on my list. Find people who boost your confidence & who you can vent to. A family member, your BFF, anyone. Ask them to be your hype man. To remind you how great you are. How fucking gorgeous & sweet you are, how damn funny & smart you are. This is especially important when you start falling into a self-hate spiral. It’s sooo easy to forget how others see us when someone so close changed the way you view yourself, but that positive reinforcement does do a lot. ((& yeah, you’re gonna be like bullshit a lot of the times, but it does help to hear it. Even if you only believe them for a minute, that’s one less minute of feeling horrible)).

You should also try to do all those things that make you feel good about yourself. The things that made you feel lovable & attractive. Whether that’s dressing up & going on a date or something more intimate & personal. Allow yourself to feel sexy in your own eyes & in the eyes of your partner.

Do the things that always seem to make your partner go wild for you (I know how cheesy this sounds😎). If they’re all like “daaaaaaamnnn,” that’s gonna feel pretty fucking good. Bask in those moments because you need that good feeling. It helps so much to feel like you’re fine as hell to your partner & if you find yourself no believing them, revert back to the above.

Also, you’re gonna have to tell your partner what you need from them. Specifically & generically. Like, that was the biggest thing for me & our relationship. I needed him to be an open book so he’s steady being open about who he’s talking to on his phone, what he’s doing on social media & so on & so forth. Like it’s gotten to the point where Im not always having to ask, he’ll just tell me. That helps build the trust back up.

I also asked him to do things that make me feel important & special again. Things that are outside of sex (this is so damn important). Like when he buys me flowers randomly or calls me beautiful when I least expect it, that feel so good. That helps me feel like I’m thought about, cared about, loved & special to him. It sounds basic but that’s what normal partners do & the goal is to feel normal within the relationship again.

You clearly love this person & want this relationship to workout so you’re also gonna need to remind yourself about how they used to make you feel. Like, at some point they made you feel like you were on top of the world. Hold on to those feelings & memories. REMIND YOURSELF THAT THE PERSON WHO MADE YOU FEEL SO GREAT IS STILL IN THERE!!! THAT THEY LOVE YOU FOR YOU!! THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED!!!!

Yes, a lot has changed & you’re gonna have to accept that things can’t go exactly back to the way they used to be. So you gotta work on a better tomorrow. A tomorrow where you can trust this person again. One where you feel normal & good & attractive again. Hold onto the good memories & make even better ones. This all helps you move forward, & that’s the whole point. I know you miss those good ol’ days but those aren’t the only ones that are going to matter & getting caught up on how things used to be is just gonna depress the hell outta you. Like I’ve made myself sick doing this & I’m trying like hell to stop doing it. It’s okay to miss how things were, but if you really want to move on, you got to accept that things have changed & that it can be a good thing.

Another great thing you can do for yourself is live up the moments you feel good. Like when you had a good day, hold onto that. Be excited about that. Be proud of e v e r y single moment that you didn’t think about yourself negatively or about being cheated on, because like I said, it isn’t what defines you.

There’s a lot you are going to have to work on personally. There’s also a lot you’ll have to work on together. You’re going to have to be open when you can & sometimes you’re just gonna have to wipe the tears & keep on keepin’ on. That shit is hard but it’s for you & your relationship. It can be worth it!

Don’t be so quick to doubt yourself & the impact you have on your partner. There is soooo many qualities of yours that would make anyone lucky to have you in their life & lemme tell you, they know this.

Soo if you gotta walk around like the cockiest mofo around in order to believe it, so be it. If that’s what helps get your confidence back up, shooooo then fake it till you make it boo.

It’s gonna take so much strength & courage from you to feel better & to feel like yourself again but it will happen. It’s gonna be agonizing at times & it’ll probably be slow too but progress is progress, no matter how much bullshit you go through to get there.

But, all in all my dear, you are smart, beautiful, kind, sweet, strong as fuck, & worth loving & if you need me to remind you of that, I will. Every day I will.

I want you to be happy & it’s okay to struggle with how you feel. Just know that that’s not the end of the road. This isn’t the only chapter that’s written in your book. You have to remember all the great things about you & that happens one day at time. So be patient. Be gentle with yourself & allow yourself time to heal.

You’ll feel like yourself again one day & you’ll feel attractive & good about yourself one day too. Just know you have my support & I know exactly how you feel so if you ever need to talk shugg, I am here for you.

So let me end all this with hopefully a smile because I’m gonna send you all the great, incredible love vibes your way sugaaaaah 🌈🔮💕💚💘

[itoshit]

'Your wish my command baby'

Switching our positions from you on top to you under me, I caged your body while my knee started rubbing at your crotch.

Taking my shirt off and tossing it away I sensed your hands roaming at my chest caressing my skin softy. I couldn't help the shivers and I sighted at the contact. Your hands were so warm on my cold skin.

Yanking me close to your face by my nape your breath fanning on my lips, my eyes were drifting from your mouth to your dilated pupils and I kissed you softly, almost scared to break you if I put more pressure. Your tongue licking at my bottom lip I let you inside. My thumbs were massaging your cheeks as your hand slided into my pants kneading my cock.

'Aah Vee I-'

'Shh'

Foreheads pressed against each other I was drowning myself in your eyes, too absorbed to even notice my pants moving down my thighs with the help of your feet.

I wanted to take care of you to show you how much I was sorry for the mess I've made out of your life but you didn't let me to.

'Today isn't about me or you, Mikey. It's about us'

Your words warmed my heart and my mind was becoming all fuzzy. The more you talked to me, the more I let my guards down. I was so scared to let everything go, so scared to be in that position again where I would risk to lose someone else. But did I have a choice in the matter? You seemed willing to please me or at least show me how much you wanted me.

Your hand still pumping my cock I was breathing with difficulty, head in your neck nibbling at your skin. I needed to find something to hold on to, anything. I had to keep the control, I had to stay neutral and not let myself melting under your ministrations but I felt so fragile at that moment. You were so tender and soft, it was at the opposite of our first night together. Our touches felt more thoughtful and at that moment I told myself.

I could do it. I could just stay like that and let go of everything. Why would I need to go to that business meeting tomorrow's evening while I could stay with you all night?

-Mikey

I'm so in love with sensitive Mikey even if he probably isn't like that irl like- it's just so SOFT

SOFT MIKEY 💳💥💳💥💳💥💳💥

I take my time jerking him off, in slow pumps of my hand, eyes locked on his the entire time. We’re so close that we can’t decipher which one’s breathing over the other’s face—all our breaths meet at the center to form one giant one.

Absorbing Mikey’s pleasure-stricken face, consuming him in his furrow-browed, flush cheeked, softly groaning glory and can’t help but recall the comparison I had made it in the car. I hit the nail right on the head: Mikey is like a kitten. In likeness and affections.

Whenever he tries to break eye contact, lids daring to flutter shut, I slow my movements to near-halt, only continuing when he’d reopen them, gaze bleary with list-filled confusion. My coos and soft praises of how good he’s doing, how pretty he looks only make him softer, whinier and clingier.

So different from the man I slept with three months back. I don’t think he’s ever allowed himself to be this vulnerable with a partner in bed before, allowed himself to be soft. He fucked hard then, almost as if he didn’t care whether he pleased me or not once he got his own, but I realize now that that was all a facade. The Mikey I’m seeing now wants to be doted on and taken care of, yearns for it in small moans and whimpers.

And I dote, bringing his lips to mine every time his sounds of pleasure grow in volume, quieting him effectively as I suck his tongue.

V-Vee, he pants. You’re— you—

I shush him, already knowing, speeding my strokes along his shaft. Cum for me, Mikey.

He throbs in my fist thrice before exploding, hot streams of white shooting up over my hand and splashing the bottom of the shirt I wear. Mikey hunches over in my neck, shuddering in bliss and I allow him, rubbing along his nape with one hand and assisting him through his orgasm with the other.

When I pull away, I notice his eyes are half-closed, nearly swallowed up by the bags below his eyes. Oh yeah. The meeting.

Let’s get some sleep, yeah? Need to be well rested for your meeting tomorrow. I ask but my tone is not inquisitive. I slowly clean him and the surrounding area up as he rejects the offer, slurring bits about returning the favor and wanting to treat me well, not even aware that I’m inching his boxers back up his legs, peeling back the sheets and tucking him in as he does so. The little uh huhs and of courses I feed him in between his sleepy rant must’ve made him feel like he was getting his way. It makes me snicker, stubborn man.

His eyes immediately shut once his neck rests against the pillow, and I back out of the bed in increments, scared that even a shift’ll wake him and ruin the progress I’ve made. Grabbing some of the new clothes we’ve purchased, I tiptoe to the bathroom, hoping to get a shower in, so quick he wouldn’t have even noticed my absence. Once I have everything from underwear to pajamas, I spare a soft look to the bed where a halo of whitish blonde sits atop a mountain of white, the steady rise and fall of his chest convincing enough to be on my way.

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Were you really not gonna tell me? 'Cause newsflash, if you were waiting for Buster to grow a pair and do it Nancy: Obviously that wasn't going to and didn't happen, like Rio: It's not just you, I wasn't going to tell anyone Rio: I didn't Nancy: Okay Nancy: Glad to know it wasn't just me Nancy: But you could've said something when they all started finding out and not leave June to break it to me thinking I already knew Nancy: The level of awkward Rio: I'm sorry, Nance Rio: I should've thought Rio: it kinda just happened Nancy: That's my twin brother and I'm the last to know Nancy: You know? Rio: You so aren't Rio: know news is traveling fast but Rio: I don't know, I am sorry Rio: Probably could've done this better Nancy: Anyway its not about me Nancy: So not the point Rio: Yeah but it ain't my intention to make you feel shit with it Rio: or his Nancy: He clearly had no intention either way Nancy: It's actually comforting though, amid this whole personality transplant he's having, he's still able to be a prick Rio: I mean, take what you can get, babe Nancy: I'm sorry but this is Nancy: He's old enough to get married but not mature enough to talk to anyone about it Rio: To be clear, we aren't getting married Nancy: What do you mean? Nancy: You are Rio: I mean Rio: not right now Rio: not for ages, it's not like we've got plans Rio: we would've said then, would've had to Nancy: Then what are you doing? Nancy: Why do you need a ring that costs enough to give my mum and dad a heart attack, right now? Rio: Because we want to Rio: there's no way to say that that doesn't sound bratty but you know what I mean Nancy: Not that long ago he wanted to go to America Nancy: I'm not even trying to sound like a bitch but if I do then it's 'cause I don't understand Rio: I've not said he can't Rio: he's still applied Nancy: I'm not saying that only Nancy: How do you know what he wants? Nancy: I know what it's like to get carried away, like Rio: I know Rio: but this hasn't just come out of nowhere, remember Nancy: It seems like he has to keep upping the stakes, everyone's okay with you being together so he has to take it further Rio: I don't think he wants the fight Rio: like you said, he doesn't even wanna talk Nancy: He says he doesn't, but then does everything he can to have it brought to him Nancy: He's always done it Rio: I don't know what to say Rio: I really don't think he's gonna take it that far, like Nancy: Well, I wouldn't have said so either but it's one drama after another with him lately Rio: There's nothing I can say to convince you, and I'm not going to Rio: but I know he loves me Nancy: I know he loves you too Nancy: But you have to admit, it's intense, right? Rio: Yeah Rio: It definitely is Rio: it always has been Nancy: Are you sure he can handle this? Rio: How do you mean? Nancy: He's always kept everyone at arms length Nancy: Slept with different girls all the time Nancy: Not that long ago Nancy: Has he really changed that much? Rio: I think so, but sure, I can't say so for certain Rio: but it's only me who has to take that chance and trust him Rio: you know Rio: if he hasn't then that's that Nancy: Aren't you freaked out? Nancy: He's already cheated on you, okay not in a cut and dry way 'cause we all know what Chloe is like and what she did but still Nancy: You said yes to forever Nancy: That's Rio: Like you said, not that cut and dry Rio: It was all such a mess idk if we were even together together Rio: it still hurt but Rio: I'm just trying to move on from all that shit Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Sorry for bringing it up Nancy: I'm just Nancy: I'm freaked out if you're not Rio: Nah, it happened Rio: I can't explain how I know Rio: I just do Rio: Maybe it's stupid but it still is Nancy: I don't think either of you are stupid Nancy: Impatient, maybe Nancy: But you're not alone in that, like Nancy: Everything's moving so fast with everyone and I can't remember how to relax anymore Rio: Yeah Rio: It is mental Rio: but this is one of the only things that doesn't make me feel like that Rio: that's what it is, that's how I know Nancy: I can tell its the same for him Nancy: Even if he won't talk to me, I still know Rio: I can make him but you know how well that'll go down Rio: Not got those kind of powers yet, like Nancy: Mum's beat me to the ambush and I can imagine how that went Nancy: I'm not trying to do it Rio: Either really bad or really well 'cos my phones not being blown up so Nancy: Not to be a bitch again, but option 1 is way more likely Rio: Yeah Rio: Reckon your Mum hates me as much as Ro does yet or Nancy: Of course not Nancy: Ro only hates you 'cause she hates herself so much there's no more space there Nancy: My mum would never Rio: Good to know Rio: Self-esteem saving the day yet again Nancy: Not to say she's buying a hat and shoes yet Nancy: But you'll be okay at the next family function Nancy: Mum's mad at Buster not you, and same Rio: What a fashion faux pas that'd be Rio: Make a joke about hiding the bump better than the ring but even I'm not ready for that gag yet Rio: He really is trying, not that I'm going to law school to be his advocate but Nancy: You're getting married before Ro, we're all thrilled about that much, babe Nancy: He's trying my patience, but what's new there? Nancy: We're all trying as hard as we can right now Nancy: It'd be nice if he acted like he gave a fuck about anything besides you and him but Nancy: Just do me a favour and don't have a baby until I'm out of the country, yeah? Rio: Has Drew made an appearance since? Rio: and you've got it Nancy: No Nancy: Even he's not that much of an idiot Rio: Just checking Rio: Don't want 'em sneaking in ahead, like Nancy: If you think my mum is anti your vows she's next level about theirs, don't worry Rio: Ain't we all Rio: Not just 'cos I wanna ride him myself, naturally Nancy: Don't Nancy: So gross Nancy: If that can be the one thing that unites us I'm fine with it Rio: You fancy him too? Rio: Know he's pretty but um Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: Not what I meant Rio: 😂 Rio: Awks, surprised he ain't aiming for the full set Nancy: I'm sure he is Nancy: Happy to disappoint and destroy the myth that he's even pretty Rio: Gasp Rio: Nance, it's all he's got Nancy: Unlucky Rio: Heartless Nancy: Rule 1 of man hating lesbianism, like Rio: I been to the clubs, I basically got the jacket Nancy: You got all the phone numbers too, don't rub it in Nancy: You're already coupled up before me Rio: I didn't get off with anyone 😏 Nancy: Only 'cause you're disgustingly in love with my brother Nancy: You easily could've Rio: Shh Rio: Number one player right there Nancy: Please don't get all boring and domestic Nancy: I need to go out like yesterday Nancy: School is killing me Rio: I don't reckon that's very likely Rio: I do need to ask about and get my name back out so Rio: come with for the crawl, like Nancy: Definitely Nancy: When? Rio: Whenever you can Rio: I was gonna go tonight but gonna take more than one Nancy: I can do tonight Nancy: I need to Rio: Sorted then Rio: Just don't tell your Ma Nancy: She's too busy on labour watch to notice what I do Nancy: Not pregnant or engaged so I'm slipping through the cracks Rio: Aw babe Rio: let's avoid a sister scandal still Rio: Doesn't make the night go with a swing Nancy: Just how hetero is this club if you feel like either outcome is likely for me tonight? Rio: Just 'cos I'm coming for your gayness by getting engaged in a blink of an eye, don't be salty Nancy: Please Nancy: I'm never getting married Nancy: You do you but it's not for me Nancy: I'll keep the cat stereotype Rio: Just saying Rio: you know you could end up wifey'd and ma'd as easy in the gay club Rio: progress, baby Nancy: I could, but I won't Nancy: If I can get through this school year I'll be that career driven bitch Nancy: Glass ceilings to still break, you know Rio: 'Course Nancy: I know you're devastated, babe Nancy: I still love you though Rio: 😂 Rio: How'd you know? Nancy: Settling for the other twin, textbook Rio: That'll be it Rio: Try not to be too smug when you do chat to him, yeah? Nancy: I'll leave that to him Nancy: He does it so much better Rio: Nothing smugger than the higher ground Rio: Sneaky, babe Nancy: You can have that one as a freebie for your married life Rio: 😏 Rio: Still owe me a gift Rio: know you're good for it, McKenna Nancy: Maybe the gift is me tonight, hmm? Rio: Steady Rio: We can't keep doing this Nancy: I know, I know you can't handle me Nancy: I've heard it all before Rio: You heard what they say about redheads too, yeah? Nancy: Absolutely Rio: 😂 Rio: Guess we've said all we need to say then babe Nancy: You haven't told me how high up the bridesmaid rankings I am yet though Rio: You mean you ain't after that best man spot? Nancy: Can't seduce my way up that list Nancy: Also sure that he'd rather die than have me do anything like that for him Nancy: Especially 'cause I'd look better in a suit Rio: Who else would he ask? Rio: Picking the best of his current friends is the best of a bad bunch, like Nancy: You've got more than enough brothers to choose from Rio: Nah Rio: Like you said, kept his distance, who are they to him really, like Nancy: Okay but if you aren't getting married soon who knows what bromances he might form Rio: Who knows how much you'll be twinning Nancy: Gross Rio: You love it Nancy: You do Nancy: I saw you matching him on his feed Nancy: You're such a lesbian now, I can't Rio: Shut up 😖 Rio: we looked 🔥 Nancy: Yeah but it was so gay Rio: I feel hatecrimed Nancy: If you tell me you wanna match me tonight I'm not coming Nancy: Like I am, 'cause I need to, but Nancy: No Rio: 😒 Rio: this is why we're breaking up Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: You could've at least let me break up with you first Nancy: You know how stressed I am Rio: Now you can let off steam with some club hoe Rio: YOU'RE WELCOME Nancy: Now I'll be crying in the club and you'll have to deal with that Rio: Can't keep up with what you want, babe, honestly Nancy: Lesbian 101 Nancy: You never will Nancy: I actually might let off some steam if there's an option though, does that work? Rio: Sounds exhausting Rio: Ooh lala Rio: little TMI but I'm down Nancy: It's a serious question Nancy: Not a proposition for you Rio: Umm, are you asking permission or like Rio: if fucking helps you forget your problems? Nancy: I don't need your permission, we're not engaged, sorry about it Rio: The latter then? Rio: I mean, it's distraction, good as any but it's not fixing anything, like Nancy: If it works as a distraction, I'll try it Nancy: Spoken like I could remotely pull that off after having one girlfriend, okay Rio: Did you Rio: you know Rio: don't have to answer that fully tell me to shut up if you're feeling it Nancy: Yeah but I kind of had my mind elsewhere so I can't really draw on that for much inspiration Rio: Yeah Rio: I wouldn't reccomend going back to old inspiration Rio: goes without saying but that's not gonna help anything Nancy: You're telling me Nancy: Not how I thought my first relationship was gonna go Rio: Cheer up Rio: plenty got you beat Nancy: Is that meant to be comforting? Thanks Rio: Yeah Rio: least you got to be the cunt Rio: feminism, init Rio: the rest of us stuck with our sob stories here, Indie just the latest in line Nancy: I'd rather she hurt me, that's how I deserved for it to go Nancy: As if Buster gets an engagement and I get this Nancy: Such a prick Rio: Well she didn't so you don't get to mope, babe Rio: Come on Rio: Sort it out Nancy: You sound like my mum Nancy: Don't do that around him Rio: Well there's no need for that kinda slander Rio: Might be into it, but I know I can't freak you out with Freud like I did Inds so Nancy: Nothing an old white man has to say about anything is worth listening to Nancy: Even Indie knows that Rio: Harsh Rio: I like him, he knew how to party Nancy: I already know you like old white men, babe Nancy: You can't freak me out with that either Rio: 😂 Rio: Straight up savagery Nancy: Gay culture Nancy: Do I download an app or leave it up to the Gods and fates to decide if I fuck away my stresses? Rio: *Stolen straight from black culture so I trump you bitch Rio: Hmm Rio: Have you lot got a decent app of your own yet Rio: it's easier to swipe away dudes IRL than it is on a screen Nancy: Decent is a stretch Nancy: but yeah, I've swiped away my share of men in the club and out Nancy: Gross Rio: I say leave it then Rio: Plus I know you shy types, you'll front too hard on the socials and feel like dying when the time comes Rio: best to keep all your impressions in person Nancy: I feel so attacked Rio: As you should, direct callout, like Rio: got no time to chill Nancy: Fine Nancy: Acknowledged and accepted Rio: 😘 Love ya bitch Nancy: I'm glad he's not going to America if it means you're not Nancy: Like, I don't know how far away I'll be anyway but still Rio: I know you're hurting rn Rio: but please Nancy: What? Rio: Where you not insinuating you don't even wanna live in the same country as me? Nancy: I'm saying I do want to, not that I know what country I'll be in Nancy: But the way my classes are going I could be stuck here Rio: Ahh, with ya Rio: You cutie Rio: There's no way Rio: even with this bullshit Rio: it's all about your portfolio really yeah Rio: and nothing's fucking with that Nancy: It's just that nobody tells you that when you want to fuck your teacher and it fucks her over none of the other staff are that willing to help you Nancy: She used to help me, you know Nancy: And I can't like hey sorry but can you just help my dyslexic brain figure this essay out please even though you hate me now Rio: Surely there's someone else in that shithole who can Rio: Like, they don't have to be buzzin' about you but Rio: just unprofessional Nancy: I started it Rio: You're a student Rio: in their care, regardless Rio: also hardly the first who wanted to pipe a teacher, like Nancy: I don't know, all I know is everything takes so much longer now and I can't ask mum to help me until this baby comes out Nancy: So we're going out and I'm forgetting that school's a thing Rio: Sure I can't tempt you with a study sesh to go with the pre-drinks, like Rio: may as well, I've got fuck all to do 'til I get a day job again Nancy: You're not married in yet Nancy: You don't have to help me Rio: Come on Rio: Swear, I'm not that thick Nancy: Shhh Nancy: You're smarter than me that's my problem with it Nancy: You think my brother is the only one with an ego? Rio: Babe, please Rio: I'll just help get the shit sorted in your head, I ain't doing it for you Rio: left for a reason Nancy: I mean, if you wanna do it, I'll take the A Nancy: I need all the help I can get Nancy: Especially in Irish, obviously Rio: Don't push it, like Nancy: Come on, homewrecking doesn't end in good homework scores Nancy: Who knew? Rio: Ba mise an dalta ab fhearr liom ach Nancy: You lost me, see this is what I'm saying, I'm gonna fail and then have to go into my uni interviews like well.... Rio: Okay, okay drop the ego at the door and I'll help you out Nancy: You think I'm joking but I've seriously only studied with Buster before I moved schools and my mum since, when she's around Nancy: I wish I could call it ego Rio: Look, I know I can't talk you outta whatever block it is but seriously Rio: no judgment Rio: and none of the others would either Nancy: I know but like, Junior's so smart Nancy: Not saying you aren't, but you left so I don't have to know it everyday, do I Rio: There's different kinds of smart Rio: not to be that after-school special but seriously Rio: you're good at what you want to do Rio: and you'll find a way to make that happen Nancy: I know realistically that you're right but whenever I want to ask someone to help me I just remember what all those fucking girls made me feel like Nancy: About everything Rio: I know Rio: Cunts Nancy: I do need it though Nancy: Help, I mean Nancy: So if you're serious Rio: 'Course Rio: It's no thing, honest Rio: I'll come to you? 'Cos like fuck are you concentrating better here Nancy: Too true Nancy: Okay Nancy: I'll make us food Rio: 👍 Rio: and you say you ain't wifey material Nancy: Oh no, I know they'd be lucky to have me, babe Rio: 😏 More like it Rio: but remember, not why we going out, yeah Nancy: It's all just part of my masterplan to see the engagement ring, don't worry Nancy: There's nothing more important than judging every choice my brother makes Rio: Don't have him taking all the credit like I didn't help Nancy: Lord, imagine Nancy: I've seen so many horror stories Nancy: That straight girl suffering Rio: They love it Rio: First test for hubz to fail so you can cackle with your girls Nancy: They hate men more than I do and that's the truth Nancy: I see you with your separate living rooms Rio: Mhmm Rio: you'd understand if you liked 'em babe Nancy: No thanks Nancy: I refuse to believe the sex is good enough to put up with everything else Nancy: I've heard enough straight girls talk to know it isn't Nancy: Do better, all of you Rio: 😏 Nancy: Don't Nancy: I know what you're thinking and I don't want to hear it Rio: That's why I didn't say anything! Nancy: That emoji speaks for you Nancy: Loudly! Rio: Well, I can't lie Nancy: Disgusting Rio: Moving on Nancy: Thank god I moved before I had to hear that many girls swooning over him Nancy: Just have to deal with you instead Rio: First of all Rio: I'm not swooning Nancy: Sure Nancy: And second of all? Rio: Shut up Nancy: Mean Rio: Deal with it Nancy: Stop hate criming me oh my god Rio: 😂 Rio: The girl who cried hate crime Nancy: The title of my autobiography or no? Rio: Defs a work in progress but don't hate it Nancy: If nothing else the photos will sell it Rio: I know how you meant that and yet Rio: centrefold yo Nancy: Lord Nancy: Go to church please Rio: It sells Rio: we all know it Nancy: If the girl looks like you, sure Nancy: But you're not getting that promo in my autobiography so Rio: Shh Rio: working on my manners but the sentiment's the same Nancy: It's not rude to admit how pretty you are Nancy: You're fine Rio: 🙄 Rio: Such a flirt Nancy: You wish Nancy: You're stuck with my brother now, I'm not saving you Rio: Oh well Rio: that's that then Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Heartbreaking but Rio: Don't break out into a rendition of I Will Survive yet Nancy: I'll save it for the club Nancy: Promise Rio: It is a tune Rio: I'll pick a nice love song to piss you off Nancy: There she goes again with her hate crimes Nancy: So mean Rio: You know Rio: if loving your brother is a crime 😜 Nancy: That was actually the gayest thing you've ever said Rio: I know right Rio: really leaning into this Nancy: Am I proud or am I horrified? Hmm Rio: So proud Rio: Gonna make a speech at the wedding Nancy: If you mean get drunk and call Buster out then yeah Nancy: Of course I will Rio: Please don't ruin my pretend wedding Rio: the drama, this family has had enough Nancy: What do you actually want as an engagement gift though? Nancy: You've caught me unawares and I'm offended Rio: We don't need anything Rio: just get the first round, like Nancy: Did I say need or did I say want Rio: Did I not say a round Rio: you can IOU his Nancy: Fine Rio: Don't be grumpy Rio: So like him Nancy: OH MY GOD Nancy: Is that any way to change my mood? Rio: Facts are facts babe Nancy: Stop it Nancy: I'm pouting 'cause I wanna shop that's not like him at all Nancy: You know he'd just buy it Rio: Yeah he gets so mad when I won't let him splash the cash Nancy: Gross Rio: Mhmm Nancy: Why are you marrying this manchild? Rio: You know you don't wanna hear really Nancy: You don't have to marry him for that Nancy: None of us are religious Nancy: He's slept with girls for so much less Rio: No, I mean Rio: You'd just gross at any reasoning beyond that too Nancy: I know you love him Nancy: We've had that conversation Nancy: My memory's not that bad Rio: Are you drunk already? Nancy: I wish Nancy: But we have to study, right? Rio: Yeah, I can deal with dyslexia but not drunkness, thank you Rio: also omw btw Nancy: I think it's better when I drink Nancy: Like it cancels out Rio: Interesting Rio: still Rio: wait bitch Nancy: I'm not saying we test it now Nancy: I'm just saying test me later compared to now Nancy: Or something Rio: Whips out homework in the club Nancy: I meant my brain in general but whatever you're into, babe Rio: 😂 Rio: You gon be too busy Rio: remember Nancy: Fighting off straight men, sure Rio: Life and times of a mega babe Nancy: Femme struggles Nancy: Woe's me Rio: Poor baby Nancy: But if there are any cute girls there who happen to also be into me then yeah to fucking away my problems, obviously Rio: 😳 Damn okay Nancy: You know how I flirt so you know your blushes are gonna be spared Nancy: You've got more chance than me Rio: You'll be fine Rio: Your Ma ain't about is she Rio: fully avoiding Nancy: She's done her drop in for the day so you're safe Nancy: You don't need to avoid her though, just use the diamond glare like a torch Rio: Bear that in mind Rio: but I'm glad it's safe to come in Rio: get ready to train that brain Nancy: You're really selling it Nancy: Thanks Nancy: We can drink when I'm done, yeah? Rio: Well any jokes about being your sexy tutor are kinda off limits no Rio: Doing my best with what you've left, like Rio: and duh Nancy: Don't this is literally never gonna blow over and be okay, is it? Like Nancy: Excuse me while I move countries again Rio: Oh babe Rio: it will Nancy: If that was true it'd be old news by now, wouldn't it? Rio: Full offense but no one thinks about it as much as you do anymore Rio: it's just part of the craic, like who's fingered who and all that shite Nancy: Ouch Rio: It's gotta be said Nancy: Okay Nancy: Like it did really but you've said it now Rio: I'm sorry Nancy: How did you get engaged and we're still talking about me? Nancy: That's gay culture Rio: 😂 Rio: I like to think if it wasn't to your brother you'd be more receptive but you know Rio: maybe I'm giving too much credit Nancy: Rude Nancy: I want you be happy I'm not that much of a bitter lesbian Rio: I know bitch Nancy: You better know that Rio: Of course I do Rio: it's not that deep, I swear Nancy: You're only getting married, it's not that deep Nancy: You're funny Rio: Oh my god Rio: stop saying it like that Nancy: I'm sorry Nancy: But I can't believe this is something that's happening Rio: You've got plenty of time to get used to it Rio: not like it's happening in the morning, like Nancy: Thank god 'cause I am not having a good skin day Nancy: Club lighting is one thing but wedding photos are another Rio: Nothing but lowlighting I swear Rio: Plus I probably have to go on some mental diet right Nancy: Um NO Rio: Okay, wasn't about to go bridezilla and put all of y'all on it too or else Nancy: If you put yourself on it, I'd kill you, Buster would kill you, my mum would kill you Nancy: We'd all kill you Rio: The family that slays together Nancy: Exactly Nancy: Stop trying to make me give you big gay compliments about how pretty you are Rio: Soz, I'm just SO about it obvs Nancy: Who isn't? With MY track record Rio: Gotta keep everyone on their toes Rio: like you thought you knew our type Nancy: Jesus, I don't even know my own type Nancy: Good luck everyone Rio: We keep it entertaining if nothing else Nancy: One word for it Nancy: I'll just happily accept you and Buster keeping the heat off me with mum for as long as it keeps happening Nancy: Gathering up my free passes to be a messy bitch thank you Rio: Ringing endorsement Rio: You're welcome and cheers Nancy: I can be nice or I can be honest Rio: Why not both Nancy: When they overlap, of course Nancy: Doesn't happen often where my brother is concerned though Rio: 😏 I tried Nancy: You know he's only nice to you, right? Rio: Slight exaggeration Nancy: Barely an exaggeration Rio: Well Rio: I know he tries Nancy: I understand that you love him and you wanna see the best in him but I love him too and that doesn't matter like it should Nancy: Not to him anyway Rio: It does Rio: I know I've not got anything to back that up with but trust me Nancy: Where's he in this conversation? It's just me and you Nancy: And I came to London 'cause I asked you, he didn't invite me Nancy: He never would Rio: I know Rio: he just, does things differently Rio: he thinks that's how you want it Rio: and it's been like that so long, I don't know if he knows how to do different at this point Rio: not yet, anyway Nancy: Things are how he wants them 'cause I burned him years ago by leaving somewhere I literally couldn't be anymore Nancy: And he can't let it go 'cause he'll never talk to me about it Rio: It's not like it's an easy thing to talk about Rio: especially when he did a lot of things he regrets Rio: I get the frustration but it's not easy being the one who has to come on bended knee Nancy: Yeah, he did those things he regrets to me Rio: I know Rio: and so does he Rio: That's what I'm saying Rio: You get it, there's no ego to be salvaged Nancy: I wish he cared a little less about his ego then Rio: It ain't that simple Nancy: Nothing is when he's in the centre of it Rio: What happened happened Rio: There's too much water under the bridge to solve with a simple sorry no Nancy: I don't want sorry, just not to be shut out about everything that's going on with him all the time Nancy: Forget it. It's not like that for you, you don't need to understand how it is for me, like Rio: Well, no Rio: it's a two-way street Rio: he knows as little about you, it takes both of you to keep it like this Nancy: I came to London, I tried, even though he obviously didn't want me there Rio: So that's it, you're good? Nancy: Excuse you, I've been putting the work in since Nancy: He's put the shutters down over this 'cause mum's on the warpath and he can't handle any criticism Nancy: But it's not like I wasn't getting one word answers before then Rio: Whatever, this is ridiculous Rio: I'm not trying to be the go-between for either of you Nancy: Tell him to talk to me then Nancy: He actually listens to you Rio: Why can't you? Rio: You ask where he is but you're in my inbox acting like you expected him to be here Nancy: Please Nancy: I thought things were getting better for a second after the Chloe situation but here we are again, back to square one Nancy: I'm not there 'cause I'm not looking for a fight Nancy: And that's all he wants from any of us about this, for whatever reason Rio: Because he's been making changes since the Chloe situation and has got no positive feedback from that Rio: All he wants is acknowledgment of that Nancy: I know he's doing better but I don't know how to tell him that without sounding like a patronising bitch Rio: I'm not saying it's easy, or even that you have to Rio: but the defensive is his default for a reason and it isn't just that he's a cunt Rio: I'm not having that Nancy: When did it get so hard for us to talk to each other? Nancy: I used to tell him everything and vice versa Rio: I don't know Rio: Maybe it's growing up because even Indie doesn't come to me like she used to Nancy: Everything's so weird Nancy: I hate it Nancy: I'm genuinely glad he's got you, I used to get so worried about him having nobody to talk to Rio: Me too Rio: Yeah, he needs better people around him Rio: I think Uni, wherever he goes, will help Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Where we are in London is like a different world and not in a good way Rio: May can't come soon enough Rio: I am worried what he's going to do 'til then Rio: maybe I can go back and forth but I promised I'd be here Rio: I don't know Nancy: It's not just him, I was a different person there too, more shut off Nancy: It's what you have to do Nancy: He'll come here though, who wouldn't like it better? It's like taking a breath Nancy: Cliche but true Rio: Yeah Rio: It's not good for you though, I mean, you know Rio: you couldn't do it any longer than you had to Nancy: I really do know. I swear I felt too much here for too long 'cause I didn't let myself feel anything there Nancy: And look what happened Nancy: At least none of his teachers are hot, one crisis averted Rio: I mean, Chloe is hardly bangin' but you know Nancy: Therapists don't @ me or my brother, thanks Rio: Your funds, they'll be lining up babe Nancy: Right? I could pay to put their kids through uni before I go Rio: Truly Nancy: Rich kid problems Nancy: I'm aware how I sound Rio: You don't sound any type of way Rio: I'm sorry I had to be a bitch there Nancy: You're not Nancy: I shouldn't put you in the middle, I don't want to but Rio: I know, kind of inevitable Nancy: Tell me shut up next time, like Rio: You got it Nancy: Or you know, do that straight girl thing of 'but I love him' in response to anything and everything Rio: Please Rio: never get you off your soapbox then Nancy: I mean, if you did it enough I'd just die so Nancy: Not that I'm dramatic Rio: 'Course Nancy: Thanks for not pointing out how dramatic he also is Nancy: I could feel you resisting Rio: You know, enough home truths for one convo Rio: Plus I'm here so like, need you to still want me to come in Nancy: Who's more dramatic though, me or him? Nancy: Don't just say him 'cause you don't want me to fight you Nancy: Real question Rio: Hmm Rio: I don't know Rio: you're dramatic in different ways Rio: so diplomatic, I know Nancy: Such a non answer but you can come in anyway Nancy: Hold on Rio: 👍

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

(Part 1) I'm so happy that someone else shares the same opinions about the characters/relationship that I do! Most people seem to love Jax/and/or Tara but I honestly never liked Tara. I think she was ok in s2-3, but then she always got on my nerves. And I hated how she kinda made herself the "victim" sometimes because of how her life turned out. She knew what she got into when she got together with Jax, the club was a part of him and he gave her multiple chances to leave, but she chose to stay.

(cont.) I’m also happy that you also like Nero & Wendy, not many people do. They hate Wendy bc of what she did to Abel etc. And people usually dislike Nero because they say that he always went and told Jax the stuff Gemma told him and didn’t want Jax to know about. But the thing is that Nero believed that the truth would always come out, so he tried to tell it from the start and come clean with things, unlike Gemma who lied about everything. Also Nero/Jax is one of my favorite relationships. I also feel like Nero in a way was more loyal to Jax than he was to Gemma, despite her being the love of his life. Not loyal in the way that he’d betray Gemma, but in the way that he never gave up on Jax, no matter what awful things he did or how much Nero might disagree with his actions. He was there for him and he really loved and cared about Jax. Especially in the end, he was clearly devastated when he figured out that Jax was going to die. And their relationship was clearly mutual. If I I got to pick my favorite relationships on SOA it would be: Jax/Chibs, Jax/Nero, Jax/Wendy and Jax/Happy (Even though Happy liked to kill people, and was a little bit “psycho”… I still think he was a “good/kind person” deep down in a way and he was very loyal to Jax) I also loved Half-Sack/Cherry (one of my few ships on SOA) and I think Lyla/Jax had a cute relationship. And Nero/Gemma. With all talk about relationships… I just have to say that the scene were the club votes on Mayhem for Jax is so emotional. Because even though Jax had done things that made him “earn” the vote, you could see how non of the members wanted to vote yes, but they’d no choice, since it was what Jax wanted. I think that scene also shows that the club was more loyal to Jax and loved him more than they ever “loved” Clay, he was more feared, while Jax was respected and loved for who he was. 

Wow, it sounds like we have so much in common when it comes to SOA, amazing! Yeah, it’s really strange because I actually reblog a lot of Jax and Tara posts and I’ve even made a couple myself, but I’ve never been the biggest fan of them as a couple. Don’t get me wrong, I never hated them or was hardcore against them. I always knew they were the love of each other’s lives and Charlie and Maggie had insane chemistry, but I just wasn’t the biggest fan of Tara as a character, like you said. I completely agree about her making herself a victim. Then were moments when I felt genuinely sorry for her, but then I’d realise, like you said, that she chose that life for herself. You’re right that Jax gave her so many opportunities to walk away and he was actually completely honest with her about the club life and the things that he had to do in terms of the violence and killings etc. but she still chose to stay and raise his son and have another son with him. I always felt like that was so irresponsible on her part. Regardless of how much she wanted a family or how much she loved Jax anyone with half a brain could see that raising a child in that environment was a huge no-no. In season 2, Abel was nearly killed (and if it wasn’t for Half-Sack saving him, he might’ve been) and kidnapped, he was constantly around violence and being dumped on a babysitter, and Tara decided this was a perfect life to have another baby? It was ridiculous. I think that’s why I struggled so much to like Tara, because on the one hand she always tried to put on this persona of being strong, independent and of being above the club, but in reality she was weak. She was a slave to her love for Jax and even though, like I said in my other response, I got so much respect for her in season 6 for putting the kids first, it still took her so long to reach that point. I understand that she was in denial and she wanted to believe that she could have the man she loved and the perfect, family life too, but she should’ve known better. Despite what he might’ve told her, Jax would’ve never gave up the club. In a way Tara was always his mistress and his second choice, because the club was his wife and that nearly always came first. 

I understand that people dislike Wendy for that, but it’s a silly reason to dislike her, in my opinion. The difference between what Wendy did and what others on the show did, is that Wendy was an addict under the influence of drugs when she endangered Abel’s life. In my opinion, anyone that’s in that situation is not a person capable of logical or reasonable thought. She didn’t harm her son by choice, she didn’t even know what she was doing. If you compare that to the other characters, they hurt and murdered others all the time, in the full knowledge of what they were doing and the consequences of that. Also, whilst so many of the characters progressively regressed and got even more immoral and evil throughout the seasons, she was one of the only ones that made steady progress. The Wendy we saw at the end of season 7 was miles apart from the one we saw at the start of season 1 and that’s amazing considering what she went through. 

As for Nero, like I said, he was just a thoroughly honest and straight talking person. If Gemma told him something and he felt it was something Jax needed to know, he’d tell him and to be honest, what’s wrong with that? He never really betrayed Gemma’s trust in any huge way, from my memory. I liked Jax and Nero’s relationship too, but unfortunately, we just never got to see much of it. But there was definitely a mutual respect between them that was very genuine and I think especially when it came to Gemma, Jax felt like Nero was the only one that would understand him. There’s a reason why Nero was the one Jax told about Gemma killing Tara, it’s because who else would understand how Jax felt about that? That on the one hand he despised her and knew he had to kill her for what she’d done, but at the same time he couldn’t bear it because he loved her so much. Nero was the only one that could understand that, I think. 

I like all of the relationships you like. The only reason ones such as Jax/Nero or Jax/Happy didn’t make it onto my list is because I really just felt like we didn’t get to see enough of them and I didn’t feel as much as a strong connection as I did to other friendships/relationships on the show. I’m just like you and loooved Sack and Cherry, which is weird since we saw so little of them. But they’re that couple that are just so cute and genuine and you can’t help but root for them. Lyla and Jax…oh, my god, I LOVED them. I can’t believe I forgot about them, actually. I mean that final scene between them in season 7 (x) where he just kisses her head and tells her he loves her…it makes me melt. I love it because it’s a purely platonic relationship and there’s never any romance involved or complication there. Jax just genuinely cares for Lyla, he helps her get out from porn films and gets her directing instead which is what she always wanted and because she’s Opie’s wife, he just loves and respects her and cares for her. I think the fact that Lyla is one of the only people that he goes to before he dies to tell her he loves her, along with the kids, Wendy and the boys at the club, it’s so sweet. 

I completely agree about the mayhem vote. I already discussed that in my response to your last ask. Jax was considered to be more of an equal and a friend in the club and for that reason he had more respect and was just generally more loved. I also think that Jax worked harder to maintain real friendships with everyone individually, whereas Clay always showed blatant favouritism to Tig and Bobby in particular.