#yeah it's surkie

[shivasdarknight]

well this is gonna make me bawl like a little bitch

[shivasdarknight]

agenda for art because wrist is workable:

-redo this, as it's out of date

-finish these, because Need:

-design forms for Diarmuid and the Morrigna along the lines of this drawing:

along with a new shiva design and maybe some other fun stuff

[shivasdarknight]

I'm editing more of that drg70 fic and I forgot this exchange even happened, so I just really have the need to share it

With her energy back somewhat and ability to walk returned, Surkukteni was anxious.  She wanted to move, she wanted to do something — she had energy that needed to be burnt off in spite of the numbness that still lingered, for she felt she might explode if she didn’t.  She was of one mind as she approached Estinien at camp one antsy evening, hoping her luck would win out: “Let’s spar,” she said, shoving him lightly in the shoulder to get his attention. She really should’ve known at that point not to test her luck with him.  Estinien blinked, staring up at her before his mild surprise turned to a frown.  “No,” was all he said before turning back to the gauntlet held in un-gauntleted hands. “Why not?”  Her arms crossed over her chest (Like a petulant child.), looking down at him as he refused to look up at her. His thumb tapped against the metal like the question irked him far more than he was outwardly letting on.  “If you really want to lose that badly and potentially set us further back because you reopened the wound, then by all means: let’s.”  He cast a sidelong glance up at her, gauntlet carefully set in his lap.  But quickly it turned into a deeply disappointed look as he looked up at her properly.  “Oh for gods’ sake, I was being facetious.” “And I’m being serious!  Let’s fight!” But Estinien didn’t budge.

[shivasdarknight]

Be like Ysayle: get yourself two loving girlfriends who treat you like a princess at every waking hour 💙

[shivasdarknight]

trying to stave off a migraine so i wound up going back to this wip id started the other day, so now here's Uyanga

gee, i wonder who she's related to

[shivasdarknight]

Actually, speaking of how I draw Surkie

Bunch of old doodles that are more in the accurate range for her! I'm still trying to figure out exactly how it's gonna look (also my wrist is still on the recovery and that 2nd image is all I've managed recently 🥹 progress!!), but yeah!

lizard bitch! 💖💜💙

[shivasdarknight]

i need more shots of surkie like these 🤔 just lean more into Big Buff Lizard Bitch

figure out how to maintain the energy from the armored shots while showing off her arms and scars n shit

[shivasdarknight]

I got tagged by @disciple-of-frost for this meme and this is a doozy but also it's extremely interesting

Spell out your URL using song titles that can describe your muse, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL.

Aight so uh. shivasdarknight. let's see.

S - Shrike by Hozier

H - Howl by Florence + The Machine

I - It's All So Incredibly Loud by Glass Animals

V - ngl, i have No songs that start with V that fit 💀 or frankly know many songs that begin w it

A - As It Was by Hozier

S - Sick of Losing Soulmates by dodie

D - Despite What You've Been Told by Two Gallants

A - Any Way the Wind Blows from Hadestown

R - Remember to Breathe by Sturgill Simpson

K - King by Florence + The Machine

N - No Light, No Light by Florence + The Machine

I - It's Alright by Mother Mother

G - Granite by Sleep Token

H - Hello My Old Heart by The Oh Hellos

T - True North by Vocal Line

I'm gonna tag @mxkelsifer @mxkokopuff @hyllhund @starstrider @starswornoaths and @lordguru, and anyone who wants to take a crack at it! no pressure, ofc!

[shivasdarknight]

But, she’d return to a curiosity of hers, even if she knew how it’d likely end: “So what was that earlier?  That look on your face when I said Aymeric had been worried more about you than sorting through his feelings on Thordan?” Estinien’s face immediately soured.  “Really?” “Yes, really.” He pulled a different face at that.  Part of him looked to be considering what she said, but the side that won out saw him shaking his head.  “Nothing you needs worry about.  We should keep moving, however; lest we be caught in the dark again.” Surkukteni groaned.  “You’re so picky.”  But then again, she was of the people blessed by the Night Herself.  “No night travel, you must have a bedroll.  Didn’t realize your standards were so high.” “Nor had I realized that the esteemed Warrior of Light subsists off of so little - does a bed really offend you so?” “Beds in general, no.  The Eorzean kind, yes.” “I feel as if that’s most beds.” “That’s a very Eorzea-centric observation you have there, Ser Wyrmblood.” “I wonder, whatever could be the cause of that?” It was a clear diversion, but one Surkukteni didn’t call to attention.  She still looked at him with concern over his silence, but let them fall back into banter to distract from this topic that haunted him so.

i really love these two dumbasses

[shivasdarknight]

for surkukteni

13. How important are romantic relationships to your OC? Do they prefer casual sex, short flings, or long term relationships? Do they want to get married or are they content with what they have? Or do they have no interest in romance whatsoever?

(last question struck through because I know that Surkie has interest in romance XD)

SEE RELATIONSHIPS ARE A FUN SUBJECT FOR SURKIE, mostly because it's such a tumultuous subject for her - and actually, that last question is applicable at different points in her life. So the short answers are:

Yes, they are important now but not necessarily have been

Surkie has mostly functioned on casual sex and a handful of short flings + one tumultuous FWB situation but now that she's figured out what she actually wants, it's predominantly focusing on the long-term relationships she's built over ~7 years

Surkie honestly has never wanted to get married? Like, she just never considered it as an option or something she'd do. She's perfectly content staying at the dating stage because she has no intent on being unfaithful whatsoever and has full trust in her partners. Yet understand that she's the one who was quietly freaking out on the boat ride to Sharlayan because of Aymeric popping the damn question to the three of them. She's more than fine staying at just fiances - especially since it gets people off her ass more than just lover, or w/e - but she's been warming up to the idea of marriage it's just...not a pressing desire? just a lack of wanting it, not necessarily against (though the legal ramifcations she could really do without)

She USED to not have interest in romance. And that's a trauma response on her part! Because her intro to romance and first - and for a while, only - example was her abusive ex girlfriend, Misaki. She set the standard for romance which made Surkie allergic to the concept. Only when people began to actually treat her properly is when she fully began to unpack said trauma and how it's warped her perception on intimate relationships.

More convoluted response below:

So, romantic relationships fluctuate in importance for Surkie through her life. She thought it was something she wanted as a teenager - which is when she got with Misaki - but that relationship went so poorly and had such a drastic power imbalance that it skewed Surkie's idea of what it means to be romantic and what romance should look like. So through ARR to about the beginning of HVW, she focused predominantly on casual sex and a few flings here and there to try and figure herself out. Misaki really fucked with her head and made her really standoffish to the idea of anything romantic or anything that'd leave her vulnerable. This is also where she develops her hard stance on top only, and has a fairly lengthy list of women she's slept with in the year and a half for this time frame.

This in part shifts because of traveling with Seraphin and Teodore. The two hooked up during their adventures and thus Surkie was stuck around these assholes constantly. It also immediately brought into perspective her only serious relationship (and first one) and how fucking awful it was. It left her feeling hollow and sick and basically told herself to not pursue anything serious lest she be lured in with the joy those two have for it all to come crashing down.

Ysayle was the first person she had proper romantic feelings for after Misaki. While she was good friends with Moenbryda and thought she might've felt something for Y'shtola, neither of those really panned out? Same with Yugiri. Ysayle, however, she was enamored with. And that was the glimpse into how things could've gone and she let herself be hopeful for once.

Uuunnnntil Azys Lla.

Surkie spent a fair amount of time after the fact trying to define what this sort of thing was for herself - especially now that Gwen and Y'shtola were a thing, and Katsuro, Thancred, and Urianger were public, and the fact that Altan had W'khittri - but it never worked. She tried Yugiri again, and that didn't work. She genuinely tried with Aymeric - the first man she ever had feelings for - and that ended in a panic attack and them keeping things at arms length while skirting around open feelings. Flings picked back up to an unhealthy degree, and instead of recognizing the fact that she was deeply lonely, her brother just chastised her for having bad coping mechanisms.

Then of course, the long term fling with Estinien that turned into feelings that she then tried to push him to get with Aymeric so that she had an excuse to not get with either (YOU FOOL, ALL THREE OF YOU ARE POLYAMOROUS). Loneliness and the issues with her brother began to compound and worsen the more obvious the couples got, which made the flings and one night stands into a regular occurrence.

Shadowbringers made that all worse. Katsu's relationship drama was front and center, Gwen getting to reunite with Y'shtola, and everything going on made that loneliness worse as Surkie dove headfirst into her prolonged will-they-won't-they with trying to sleep with Cyella. Something about this woman reminded her of Ysayle and she may have...spent a good chunk of that expansion pack trying to sleep with her because - from her perspective - this was the closest she'd ever get to ever being with Ysayle. Which...well she didn't know Cyella was being standoffish for the same reason since she saw her own assumed-dead-ex in Surkukteni (hm i wonder why). Regardless, because so much of the romantic bullshit culminated in Shadowbringers while Surkie was the only one of the group that wasn't partnered, it was starting to really hurt her and her brother was no help in the matter whatsoever. She had feelings for a man that her brother hated, her feelings for her "dead" ""unrequited"" crush only growing worse with time and not better, so this became a sensitive subject. And understandably (and predictably), she responded to this not with expressing the fact that she doesnt want to be lonely anymore (because again, gestures at katsuro and gestures at the group who is uh. kinda with each other? save the twns and ryne obvs, but like. y'shtola/gwen. thancred/urianger/katsuro. seraphin/teodore. only adult who wasn't partnered was the exarch), but with frustration at affection, anything implying romance, and denying herself from entertaining the idea that it'd ever get better. Again: she was plotting on how to get Estinien and Aymeric together so they'd be happy with each other and she'd not be that perpetual curse that got people she was interested in almost or actually killed.

Yeah, she's. Really fucked up and relationships for her are kind of a big deal for her.

She only starts to even out right around 5.3. Sure, the edge was curbed in 5.1 by briefly seeing Estinien again, but it was right back to the battlefield and having to stuff down how she felt for the sake of maintaining a Strictly Platonic relationship (you fucking dumbass, he's liked you since hvw). 5.3 is when she finally breaks from how awful she fucking feels and how fucked up this has made her, especially since the Cyella stuff has reached a head and they have to end things for their own sakes due to just...constantly reopening old hurt in the other respectively. 5.3 is when she fully gets with Estinien, but understand that she's a fucking wreck at this point. She doesn't explicitly know what she wants - does she want this arrangement to continue? does she want to just be honest? does she just want the feelings to go away? - but she opens her heart regardless of how much it hurts to do so and how anxious it makes her. This is panic attack no2 when confessing to someone, by the by.

This tangent is relevant because actually being honest with someone who genuinely cares about her and knows how to handle her vulnerability and internal issues around this stuff allows her to work through exactly what she wants out of things, realizing just how fucked up Misaki made her, and that y'know yeah, she can allow herself to pursue a serious relationship even with everything that led up to that point.

And then she reunites with Ysayle. And then she upholds her promise with Aymeric. There's also the stuff with Heustienne I'm finalizing - not to mention the ENW + post ENW acquisitions of Gwendoline and Venat, but that's all an aside.

What's more relevant is the fact that the relationship she builds with her partners helps give her needed perspective and time and space to work through the smothered down issues Misaki left her with. Flings quickly become less appealing, she's more okay with the idea of settling down with them (especially since they're now over here having kids), and marriage goes from an uncomfortable subject to something she actually humors since she still gets giddy from the fact she has three fiances, something she's always reminded about when picking at the engagement necklace she's got.

tl;dr Surkie's had a very rough relationship with relationships due to the abuse she experienced in her very first one. It's only through working through that trauma does she finally figure out what she really wants, but until she got there she stuck with flings and emotional distance to avoid getting hurt again.

[shivasdarknight]

i guess it's WIP Wednesday so here's something I've been chipping away at .o.

It didn’t make things any less stressful, though.  Restlessness and worry were a dreadful combination to deal with when bedridden.  While she could do a handful of basic tasks, it still wasn’t enough to be free of Melisande’s aid.  In a surprisingly merciful gesture, Melisande began to loan her what books she owned to keep Ysayle from losing her mind.  But those all turned out to be maddeningly dry reading.  This woman kept around nothing but combat manuals and a few unbelievably awful pieces of: “The raunchiest rags you’ll ever lay your hands on,” Melisande had explained, tossing over one that Ysayle nigh recoiled from at the description.  “Objectifying, terrible writing, and the most unbelievable lead ups to some of the worst smut ever written in Aldenard.” When asked why she even had such things, the gladiator just snorted.  “Amusement,” was her answer.  “You ever see something so horrible that it’s good?  I wouldn’t call that any good, but it’s at least funny.” This must be how Melisande sought to make her even more miserable for what she had attempted to do to Francel.

[shivasdarknight]

#wolqotd #wolquestion more like ancient question but how does venat get to meet your azem/ancient? and if it's the case, how does she (and/or remaining convocation peers) eventually appoint them as the next azem in line?

THIS IS A FUN QUESTION especially since this ties in with Charon and their relationships - ex and otherwise.

So, quick establishing info: Charon was the younger sibling of Hermes. They looked a lot like him, they were trans masc + genderfluid, Exclusively went by they/them, and a...very opinionated person. They were briefly seeing Emet-Selch and Hythlodeus, at some point. Briefly. They're exes.

When Venat met Charon, they were still with those two. So, one of the partners of her coworker. At this time, they were very much so like their brother: quiet, kinda depressive, spitting image of him with the dark, dull blue hair and startling green eyes. Venat - the very outgoing woman that she is - was quick to try and interact with them since I mean...she figures it's just polite to do so since they were the partner of her coworker.

She could also quickly tell that they weren't happy in that relationship. Mostly out of curiosity, she offered to take Charon on as an apprentice since it was a job that would allow Charon the freedom of travel that they didn't have. I still haven't figured out what it was, but let's be honest it was probably something lower ranking to do with experimental magic.

Once away from Amaurot and allowed space to breathe, the conflict became very clear: they were exactly like their brother in that they were deeply uncomfortable with the structure of their society and how it impacted those who were less fortunate - except unlike Hermes, this was mostly aimed at folks who weren't a good fit. Like those with lesser aether, or with issues with magic, or I don't know - someone disabled like them.

The ancient society screams ableism and I'm dying on this hill.

Anyways, once they're not as suffocated by that they start to really flourish under Venat? They talk a lot about their discomfort with their partners and how complacent they are with the state of things, how they just don't seem to care and all. Those two can't put themselves in someone else's shoes and see that there's something fundamentally wrong. Venat is one of the few people who sits down with them to walk them through their issues. So is it really any surprise that not only does Charon really begin to enjoy their travels with her, but really start to admire her?

This is around the time that Charon starts bleaching their hair, because they want to match with Venat - which yeah, Venat finds that really endearing. Charon grows more and more distant with their partners until it gets to where they dump them altogether. As Charon begins to grow more into themself, they get a hell of a lot more bold and outspoken and it brings out this petty streak of theirs.

Deeply petty.

Venat's choice to retire is both so she can be of help to a greater freedom than Azem would be, but also because she wanted to spend time with her partner, Khione. The two were hoping to have children, but unfortunately Khione was infertile.

Charon partly takes on the title of Azem to allow Venat that free time since they deeply disagreed with the whole. Dying when your job is finished thing, because they thought that was fucking dreary and disturbing. But also it's fucking funny being Azem because now they have to work with Emet, which.

I mean they hated it. They were constantly coming back home to Hermes to vent about how it felt like things were being undermined because of the fact that they were exes - yet he was the senior Convocation Member thus they couldn't say shit!

Their wanderlust was part of what made them a good choice for Azem, but their bullheadedness and their habit to take matters into their own hands resulted in them constantly getting in trouble with the Convocation. Lahabrea, especially, could not stand them. About the only one they got along with was Themis, and that's because he's Venat's younger brother in this.

The Convocation also didn't take too kindly to Charon hooking up with Venat and Khione. Partly because they thought Venat was kind of being selfish by not passing on, but also because they were just very hypercritical of anything Charon did. The further they got into the Convocation, the more obnoxious they got. And this continued into the Final Days.

About their only supporter was Hermes when he joined, and they actually advocated his appointment so that they'd have back up. They just weren't anticipating that he'd join on with the Zodiark project, and that resulted in them abandoning the Convocation to help Venat and her allies with the Hydaelyn project. They were to be the Heart of Hydaelyn, but they died before they could do so.

So yeah, it went from "partner of a coworker" to "apprentice" to "successor" to "lover" to "accomplice". Venat and Charon have a really interesting relationship, and this extends into Hydaelyn and all of Charon's incarnations - especially now that they've reincarnated into Surkukteni.

[shivasdarknight]

I got more wips here and it's just more dialogue exchanges that I really adore

There was a lot that she said that Estinien could’ve commented on — the easy sleight against her that was the list she’d so helpfully supplied, how readily she mocked and insulted her beloved captain, or the relevant history of the spear — but instead he looked at her for a few moments to settle on commentary she nearly hit him for: “If how you portray your captain is accurate, then it truly does explain why you were such an unruly pain in the ass when you first joined the Knights Dragoon.”  A pause.  “Granted, you may be more tolerable now, but I see how this captain of yours has shaped you.” “Like you’ve any right to speak!”  She had half a mind to go into all the ways he’d been a pain in the ass back then, but she caught the damndest thing on his face: the faintest of smiles, just barely visible.  It stopped her from making any further comments, surprised it was there to begin with. “I don’t,” he replied.  “But I’m still going to.” Maybe she’d test her luck with him again.  Surkukteni gave him a once-over, a scoff of a laugh prefacing her response.  “Despite all that’s happened, you still don’t know how to keep your opinion to yourself.” “If I did, then that’d be reason to believe I’d been replaced or possessed.”  A pause.  “But in all fairness — as much of a pain in the ass as you were back then—” “Please learn to come up with better lead ups to compliments.” The look on his face said that he wouldn’t so long as he lived; the quick “Pass,” only confirmed it.  “The stir you caused among the dragoons was funny, I’ll admit.”

[shivasdarknight]

i'm slowly getting there with Qismat, which I'm thankful for since I usually ditch new male ocs (unless your name is Katsuro, Teodore, Seraphin, or Glyndwr).

He's a Dalmascan bunny with dual citizenship between Dalmasca and the Forest, so yeah he is a Wood Warder (Djt-Marouc) due to unique circumstances. He's got the Zero Drakengard eye thing going on because of the elementals lashing out at him since he wasn't born in the forest yet still jumps between it and wherever he lives because it sure isn't Rabanastre.

The outfit is still bugging me tho. It's something about the pants that I can't quite get. Unfortunately most mods are either too modern or inappropriate for the climate or just frankly racist. Loose and baggy are the obvious angle here, but I'm still trying to figure out how that's going to look.

Also gotta figure out how he interacts with everybody and honestly I'm kinda leaning towards him being in Bozja as well, even though he's just Some Guy - maybe Sharlayan? Idfk. All I know is I'm starting to get very attached to him

[shivasdarknight]

I got tagged by @mxkelsifer to take a uquiz for my wols about what's inside their chest

Tagging @hyllhund @lordguru @morgmot and honestly anyone who wants to do it .o.

Hilariously, both Surkie AND Melisande got the same result:

Alt text available. What's funny to me is that it way fits Surkie more than it does Melisande. While Melisande is definitely burnt out and scarred from all that has happened to her, it's not really because she burnt from personal connections. Sure she's upset about Laniaitte and the people she managed to connect with, but she's more focused on herself and puts herself above everyone else.

It's Surkie who's that way because of reaching out and getting hurt. Ysayle's (seeming) death is what fucked with her the most, and in AUs where Surkie is not the wol and Ysayle does die, it's borderline irreparable damage that fucks her up even more. Her relationships with Estinien and Aymeric are very much so built on that idea of soothing the pain through time, trust and forgiveness - Aymeric in the immediate fallout, Estinien in the long run - but this only applies if she's the WoL. If she isn't, it doesn't really get resolved. Somewhat through Cylva, but they're both chasing people they shouldn't be.

Gwen's is...

Idk. I'm not really sure with Gwen. She's also a loner type who looks out for her own interests, though she's more charitable than Melisande. She wants to help, but she doesn't want the personal connections that come from it so that she doesn't wind up attached. Her becoming a WoL is what threw a wrench in that.

She's not just a pretty face or pleasant song to most; like, she's someone who's very firm about her boundaries and establishing what someone's relationship to her is. Being unsure if adoration or love being sincere absolutely is a factor, but she's just reasonably suspicious of everyone. Too much goes wrong in her field to begin with (since she built her conjury skills on healing those the Elementals denied), but once she's a WoL her cautious attitude about people (not necessarily the illegality of her research, though) becomes an asset. She does need someone she can trust, but it's not so much a soulmate situation and more having to build that for herself. And that's honestly found in her Warrior of Light companions, and especially in Surkukteni. For her, bonds are harder to form for her own safety, and watching Surkie be destroyed by bonds only firmed her stance on the matter ever further.

[shivasdarknight]

A random wolqotd from my train ride today- In your story, how did Thancred/Estinien feel during That Scene at the end of EW as the only ones that can’t use healing magicks?  Especially curious for ThanWoL and/or EstiniWoL but would love to hear from anyone (spoilers in answers)

YEAH FUN THING ABOUT THAT SCENE.  So it’s Surkukteni that’s the subject of that (specifying since I do write a multi wol story, but she is the Main Wol), which means both of them are In A Situation just differing situations. (more below the cut)

With Thancred, that’s one of her closest friends.  Of course he’s worried.  Of course he’s frustrated he can’t help.  He’s angry that she’s done so much to help him and he’s useless in this situation - more so because they’ve a second connection: her twin, Katsuro, is one of Thancred’s lovers.  Damn well might as well be a sister in law at this point and someone he’s known for seven years - that he’s useless?  It’s a terrible offense, he feels.

And as bad as the stuff with Thancred is, it’s ten time as worse for Estinien.  One of her fiances.  Leading up to her body being dropped off with them by her voidsent, he’d gotten into it with an absolutely irate Katsuro since - as usual - her brother was making himself the center of the issue.  Making it out like he had it the worst off due to his concerns about the soul connection bullshit (fair point, but the patches literally make you two independent people so shaddup).  And obviously this really pissed Estinien off since he had been sitting there dealing with a distraught Ysayle, knowing that they’d have to tell Aymeric about this, that they’d have to tell Allie - their newly adopted daughter - about this, and that their infant children would have to grow up without ever knowing Surkukteni.  He’s knowing he has to be the bearer of bad news and already thinking to how they’ll have to cope without her and how many more people this affects with her being gone.

Estinien is the one who intercepts Diarmuid to keep the Scions from immediately attacking the freaky voidsent out of habit.  Estinien’s the one who rushes Surkukteni into the Ragnarok, immediately confronted by the reality of her condition and how utterly useless he is there.  Why’s he not as close to her as he wanted to be?  To not get in the way and so that those who are capable can have full access to help her through it.  He’s not distant.  He’s not sure she’s coming back from this.  He’s giving people space to work while he’s trying his damndest to console Ysayle and keep her and frankly himself from acting rashly - talking her down is a distraction from his own feelings winning over.  And yeah, for once in his life he’s finding himself praying to whoever may listen - the Fury, Twelve, whoever is out there - that they don’t have to return with a lifeless body and they can uphold their promise to Aymeric.  So needless to say when Surkukteni does pull through, he’s not leaving her side for the rest of the trip as it’s...really all he can do.

And fun addition because I’m deranged: Ysayle’s there and in the same fucking boat as the other two.  She’s a thaumaturge and gladiator canonically; even if I have her hone those skills further and take up Red Magic, there’s nothing she can do in that situation and would be equally as much of a burden as Thancred and Estinien and it fucking ruins her.  She’s inconsolable, she’s despondent, she’s a fucking wreck.  She’s still not fully convinced that this isn’t all some elaborate torment from one of the Hells - considering the trauma of very nearly dying twice combined with the conscious dreams I put her and Surkukteni through - and there’s not a lot people can do to convince her otherwise as it’s a paralyzing fear.  She finally was beginning to feel as if things would go well, and then this?  Worse is that she’s feeling this all so much more intensely because she and Surkukteni are quite literally soulmates, which isn’t anything either of them are aware of.  A connection tying them together as far back as their ancient selves that fucking shatters them should something come of the other, be it separated by the rift or premature death - see Surkukteni’s STB-SHB depression; see Ammut’s violent reaction upon Macchi’s death that made the voidsent that then killed Ammut feel so guilty about it that he carried it with him three-thousand years later; see Philomene’s despondence when Zirnghota was ripped from the Fourth to the Source; see Saoirse’s vicious campaign of her trying to find those that were close to her; see Cylva’s request after the role quests (that thank god you can only outright deny) and own issues in combination with Saoirse’s “disappearance”, her brother’s “disappearance,” the destruction of the Thirteenth, etc. - and of course, see the rampage Charon went on when Khione died, leaving them a broken and vengeful mess that consumed them during the End Days.

So when Surkukteni pulled through, Ysayle was on her immediately.  There was no separating them, not that anyone had the heart to.  Even if it did physically hurt to be crushed in her suffocating embrace, Surkukteni couldn’t say anything about it to stop her and remained like that until they were moved somewhere private so the three of them - Surkukteni, Ysayle, and Estinien - could have some time alone after all of that chaos.

...Yeah needless to say, no one’s okay and there’s a lot of guilt, frustration and anguish.