#yes her education is podcasts - bitch.

[hearteyes-wheeler]

gonna react to the new child's play series because why the heck not

⚠ SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 1 AHEAD ⚠

- ok so the kid's name is jake and he got chucky at a yard sale cool cool

- OOOO HE MAKES SCULPTURES FROM DOLL HEADS THAT'S SO COOL CAN I HELP I WANNA BE YOUR FRIENDDDD

- oh shit he's trying to decapitate chucky no-

- ok that didn't work that's good

- oh wow his dad seems like a dick

- ok his cousin and aunt and uncle are over for dinner

- oh shit his cousin is smart. seems like a piece of shit though

- I WAS RIGHT HE'S A PIECE OF SHIT

- OH SHIT JAKE IS FRUITY

- and his cousin is homophobic i'm gonna kick his balls

- i think his dad is homophobic too 🤠

- chucky kill him first please

- kidding. kinda

- damn he doesn't even know his own kid's age

- his aunt is snooping around in his room ma'am what the fuck you're gonna get yourself killed

- yeah she's definitely gonna die

- ok she isn't dead but i think she's cheating on her husband and chucky definitely knows now

- JAKE'S DAD IS FUCKING DESTROYING HIS SCULPTURE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU CRUSTY FUCKING IDIOT

- i'm gonna cry CHUCKY PLEASE KILL HIS MOTHERFUCKING ASS

- jake looks so distraught :(

- he has chucky though. hopefully chucky is actually nice to him and helps him out or something

- i feel so bad for him

- wait does he wanna sell chucky???!!!

- oh wow he's taking him to school yes chucky get that education

- the people laughing at him obviously don't know how fucking LUCKY they are to be in the presence of a legend

- oh wait jake still doesn't know he has the actual chucky

- oh shit does jake have a crush????? 👀

- oh wait he's friends with his cousin. ew

- not jake's friend having a crush on junior (the cousin 🤮)

- oh shit wait. HOLD UP LMAO. JUNIOR IS DEFINITELY FRUITY TOO. DEFINITELY A HOMOPHOBIC GAY. you aren't hiding shit junior

- oh wait junior's gf gives me season 1 amber from andi mack vibes. she's a bitch lol (i love amber but come on she was a huge bitch)

- oh crap he has to dissect a frog in a class and he hates blood. chucky, be a good friend and stab the frog for him pretty please

- CHUCKY WHEN I SAID STAB THE FROG THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION WHAT THE FUCK HE STRAIGHT UP DISMEMBERED IT 😭😭😭😭 JAKE LOOKS TERRIFIED

- rip frog 2021

- THAT BITCH SHE'S TRYING TO RIDICULE HIM I HATE HER

- ok but the guy jake seems to be crushing on seems nice

- chucky please don't kill the teacher she seems nice too

- OH HER NAME IS LEXI FUCK YOU LEXI I HOPE YOU STEP ON LEGOS

- OH SO SHE'S THAT TYPE OF BITCH

- YOU CAN'T GIVE ME DETENTION 🤪 OR MY PARENTS WILL SUE THE SCHOOL 🤪

- oooo the teacher left lexi in the same room as chucky 👀 i wonder if he's gonna scare the bitch out of her 👀

- awww jake was listening to his crush's true crime podcast and then he went to sit down with him and jake got all flustered

- HE ASKED HIM TO BE ON HIS PODCAST AHHHHH JAKE YOU BETTER SAY YES

- oh wait nevermind the dude fucked up

- i was really rooting for you mannnnnn

- ok so back to lexi and chuckyyyyy

- OH SHIT HE MOVED AHAHAHAH

- YES CHUCKY SCARE THAT BITCH

- she's such a bully ugh

- LMAO SHE SAW HIM MOVE, SHE GOT SCARED, THE TEACHER WALKED BACK IN WITH ANOTHER LADY, LEXI WAS SO SCARED SHE WANTED TO LEAVE, AND THEN SHE SAID "I GOTTA STOP SMOKING SO MUCH WEED BEFORE CLASS" JFKSBDKAND

- ok so jake is trying to sell chucky and he gave this guy his number because he's interested and. the guy is giving me weird vibes i don't like it. suspish

- oh wait the dude is warning him. told him to check chucky's batteries. smart

- oooo he found the murder cases from the 80's... i wonder if andy will make an appearance

- OH SHIT SO EARLIER JAKE ASKED HIS TEACHER TO KEEP CHUCKY IN HER CLASSROOM FOR HIM UNTIL HE SOLD IT AND CHUCKY SNUCK BACK INTO HIS HOUSE AND JAKE LOOKS SO CONFUSED

- OK OK HE'S CHECKING THE BATTERIESSSSSSS

- ✨ N O B A T T E R I E S ✨

- jake honey... you throwing him in the trash isn't gonna do anything... she literally escaped being locked in your teachers cabinet... this is nothing...

- ok there's a talent show. lover boy plays pianoooo. lexi is a fucking bitch ❤ she better not say anything to jake

- aaaaand she said something to jake 🤠 i should've seen that coming

- OH NO

- YOU MOTHER FUCKER IS SHE TRYING TO OUT HIM/EXPOSE HIS CRUSH ON DEVAN??? (lover boy)

- I'M GONNA UGHHHJFKSBXKS YOU PIECE OF SHIT I HATE YOU

- LMAO WAIT CHUCKY SNUCK IN AND HE'S DEFENDING JAKE

- NOBODY KNOWS IT'S A DOLL (at least not yet i think) BUT I KNOW THAT VOICE IT'S HIM IT'S HIM AHHHHH

- we love an ally ❤🏳‍🌈

- chucky. jake. what are y'all doing. they're going on stage.

- "HI I'M CHUCKY AND I'M YOUR FRIEND TO THE END. YOU GET THAT NOW, JAKE, RIGHT? NOW, I'VE SAID FRIEND, JAKE. NOTHING MOREEEE. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT" CHUCKY I LOVE YOU

- OMG CHUCKY HAS LEXI'S PHONE AND IS EXPOSING HER BECAUSE SHE TRIED TO OUT JAKE HAHAH

- NOT HIM EXPOSING JAKE'S AUNT FOR CHEATING TOO

- CHUCKY HAS ALL THE TEA I STG

- I CAN'T I FUCKING CAN'T HE'S READING LEXI'S SEARCH HISTORY OUT LOUD (THEY'RE ON STAGE FOR THE TALENT SHOW BTW AND THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE WATCHING) AND HE SAID LEXI IS INTO P O K E M O N P R O N

- i forgot how funny chucky is 😭😭

- aw damn, jake got suspended :(

- oh shit his dad is abusive and hates that he's gay chucky get the knife and stab the back of his knees idk what it's called shush

- jake's dad took chucky away from him and placed him somewhere and chucky isn't there anymoreeeee 🤪

- oooooh jake knowsssss

- piece of shit is going to the basement because the lights went out this is giving me child's play 2 vibes

- OH MY GOD CHUCKY REVEALED HIMSELF TOT HE DAD AND IS GETTING HIM ELECTROCUTED

- i think he's dead 🤠

- yeah he's dead. the cops and ambulance showed up.

- devan's mom is the detectiveeeeee

- ok so he's gonna have to go stay with his uncle and shitty aunt and cousin. devan's mom/the detective definitely suspects something isn't right

- just realized things are gonna be awkward since chucky kinda exposed his aunt for cheating and junior's gf lexi for cheating also. it wasn't him, but obviously they'll blame him over the doll since they don't know what's going on

- "talk to me. i said talk to me dammit. alright" REFERENCE TO THE FIRST MOVIE AHHH

- CHUCKY SLAPPED HIM I'M SORRY BUT THAT WAS SO FUNNY

- OOOOO WE'RE GONNA GET TO SEE CHARLES LEE RAY'S AKA CHUCKY'S CHILDHOOD IN THIS I'M INTRIGUED

ok so that was it for episode oneeee :D i really like this, it feels like it's gonna be good so far. i don't know if i'm gonna be able to watch more of the show since i found this one on youtube, but hopefully i can!! to anyone who actually read this, thank you and i hope you enjoyed me freaking out lol

[bluepluto03]

I’m working on an atla yt au and I wanna ramble about it

- so jsyk it takes place in like a modern/atla fusion world, so they have modern tech as well as bending and atla animals

- note that when I say fusion I don’t mean modern America w/ benders. I mean I literally spent 4 hrs developing/world building what I thought the avatar universe would be like a thousand yrs post cannon, including cities, really basic politics, an education system, a job/degree/aprenticeship system that is very different from our own job market, bending certification, a back story for the dragons, a fifth air temple bc the genocide never happened, and some other stuff as well.

- (all of that for a youtube au. *sigh*. can anyone explain why I’m like this?)

- anyway the Gaang all have like 1 joint account that they’ll post to as well as their own main accounts. (They also have another joint account where they get someone to make like compilations of funny stuff from their vids and they donate all the revenue that acct makes)

- technically the only ppl officially apart of the Gaang/able to post on the joint channel are Aang, Sokka, Katara, Toph, suki, zuko* and yue. (Though yue posts there very rarely) but a lot of their friends are also YouTube’s and they like constantly collab w/ them to the point of them basically being honorary members

- * zuko doesn’t make a channel for a while,,, he just keeps appearing in his friends videos until ppl start demanding that he makes his own channel

- at first he’s like,,,,, nah bc he Legally is supposed to stay out of the public eye. (Bc of Scar Related Reasons) but eventually he’s like “actually fuck it” and does anyway

- so he just does a lot of random stuff bc he’s just,,,,, himself he has no freaking clue how to social media. Tho he does a lot of showing off his firebending and sword play stuff. As well as introducing everyone to the literal seven turtle ducks he owns

- aang shows off air bending plus has tutorials on animal care and gives advice. Also slot of vids about having good mental health, and random video game stuff

- Katara only really does video game stuff w/ others but she mainly does like water bending stuff, informational videos about healing (both bending based and traditional medicine based), and life advice bc she cares about everyone!!

- Sokka does a lot of video game stuff as well as lots of different weapon stuff! Tho obviously he specializes in the boomerang and sword. Zuko was on his channel a lot b4 making his own and ppl wondered if they were together since Sokka was very openly bi. (They were and ofc everyone freaked)

(Although on that note pls remember shipping real ppl is gross ty have a nice day)

- Toph!! Obvi earthbending but also Literally Teaching Metalbending since she u know invented it?? Also she has a podcast and has a lot of random asf vids on her channel

- suki!!!! She does a lot of makeup stuff, both traditional Kyoshi warrior makeup and those really out there types of makeup where ppl turn their faces into canvases. As well as obviously showing off her incredible skills

- yue does a lot of informational vids especially about the history of the water tribes and spirits! Also a short series of her doing suki’s nails bc for some reason suki is really bad at them?? Dispite being super precise with makeup???

(Spoiler alert suki just wants an excuse to hold her wife’s hand. Yes suki and yue are married don’t @ me)

- the main channel is mostly for them goofing around. They don’t have to put cross overs there (and they don’t put all of em there) but the main channel is just filled with them hanging out and being dumbasses. Also suki doing Sokka and aang’s makeup while yue does zuko’s nails.

- iroh gets featured in a couple of advice giving videos and somehow ends up with a Twitter that he just uses to give wholesome advice to anyone who needs it!

- Sokka and aang have a series doing a “buzzfeed unsolved” type thing w/ spirits. Except. U know. spirits are real. so poor aang is dragged along as Sokka cusses out random spirits apologizing after every word Sokka says.

- mai, ty lee, and azula have a channel called “the killer trio”. Mostly to show off ty lee’s acrobatics, mai’s knives/knife skills, and occasionally azula and her fire bending

- (azula is nice bc she left w/ zuko and Ursa when they were 11/13, then got A lot of Therapy. Now she’s on good terms w/ her fam, including her step dad and step sister)

- anyway bc her and zuko legally u know. Have to stay out of the public she very rarely goes on camera. When she does it’s usually wide shots sparring w/ one of her gf’s or her face is blurred. Her identity becomes a huge mystery and she’s just referred to as “the blue fire bender” bc that’s all anyone really knows about them

- she’s way more parinoid than zuko bc she’s actually a lot more scared of their dad and is trying to protect her brother even if he won’t protect himself

- ofc zuko eventually drops the truth of the whole thing (azula is like bitch wtf??? do u want Ozai to send a hitman after u???) but after all the legal stuff azula just. Casually posts a pic of mai and ty lee both kissing her on the cheek and the internet explodes

- (they knew mai and ty lee were dating but holy shit they’re dating the blue fire bender??? And she lives with them??? And she’s zuko’s sister??!?!)

- teo and his dad have an inventing channel and ofc Sokka shows up pretty regularly

- Haru has a very small channel mostly for fun tho he’s gotten his butt kicked in some of toph’s vids

- ppl like the bolder do not have channels they’re the equivalent of like actual famous wrestlers. Toph has invited them over to fight and has beaten all of them

- zuko has a video titled “I swear to Agni I can explain”. He posted it after about 3 months of not posting. The video features druk’s introduction.

[asklittlepip]

I'm deeply afraid to find out the answer to this, but... none of your relatives are into QAnon, are they? I've been following the growth of the conspiracy theory since early 2018 (with the help of the fabulous QAnon Anonymous podcast) suddenly I'm worried about your extended family. Having abhorrent political opinions is bad enough, but QAnon belief is full on disconnection from reality...

Unfortunately, yes. And more and more, it’s always “blacks are doing this” or “Soros is secretly funding that”, which is, of course, an anti-Semetic dogwhistle.

Also apparently Michelle Obama is a man, Hillary’s a vampiric pedophile, and Pizzagate was real. It’s insanity. And I worry she’s impressing these things onto her kids, both of whom have developmental disorders (one being outright autistic). Constant deflection via whataboutisms and changing the topic if the Great Leader is ever, ever wrong.

And yes, she’s lower or lower middle-class, skipped out on most of high school and has no college education, is getting government assistance.. you know, all the stereotypes about Trump’s voters. The people who he hurts the most.

I will never forgive these evil bastards for ruining my family. This shit is going to be a plague that far outlives the son-of-a-bitch in Washington. He must be removed. Period. Fucking vote him out, everyone. Please.

[thatwitchglenda]

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: Glenda Calliope Chittock  PRONUNCIATION:  /ˈɡlɛndə  ka-LYE-oh-pee MEANING: Fair and good; beautiful voice REASONING: Glenda was a sort of ‘pick a name, any name’ sort of choice. Calliope is her paternal grandmothers name. NICKNAME(S): Glen, G  PREFERRED NAME(S): She doesn’t really prefer nicknames to her full name, so really it’s up to whoever is talking to her.  BIRTH DATE: October 3, 2000 AGE: 19 ZODIAC: Libra GENDER: Female PRONOUNS: She/her ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Heteromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual  NATIONALITY: English ETHNICITY: Colombian/Mexican CURRENT LOCATION: While she’s shared a flat with Amelia in muggle London for some time, the two girls are currently in the process of moving to the Peakes. LIVING CONDITIONS: See above ^ TITLE(S): n/a

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: Mould-on-the-Wold HOMETOWN:  Mould-on-the-Wold, a quiet all wizarding village  SOCIAL CLASS: Middle class EDUCATION LEVEL: Hogwarts. While the end of her 7th year was interrupted, Glenda was in the process of and has since completed NEWT examination 

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood, although her family is so far down the ranks it doesn’t say much.  FATHER: Augustine Chittock MOTHER: Collette Chittock nee Alderton SIBLING(S): None BIRTH ORDER: n/a CHILDREN: n/a PET(S): None. She never got one when she went to Hogwarts, but she’s been thinking about getting a cat for some time.  OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: Honestly, the Chittock’s have very little family outside their immediate circle PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: Peter Pettigrew ARRESTS?: None PRISON TIME?: N/a

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: Working as Sienna Rowle’s stylist/assistant SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: Sponsorship through her podcast CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: Very content. The podcast and getting to work with people she really admires is basically a dream come true for her. Working with Sienna, on the other hand, is just super fun? She actually really enjoys it and she can’t deny that the benefits of the job (ie pretty great pay, tagging along on trips, etc is awesome as well) PAST JOB(S): Internship at the WWN SPENDING HABITS: She used to spend way more than she has. Now she can actually afford to buy the things she likes but really she’s just... lowkey a shopaholic? She likes to shop, she loves to buy things for other people.  MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: 

SKILLS & ABILITIES

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: English  DRIVE?: Barely. Her family does own a car, simply because they live outside of London and relying on the floo and apparition constantly just isn’t an option. But she never properly learned how to drive? She’s driven it maybe a handful of times and is basically an old lady at the wheel.  JUMP-STAR A CAR?: LOL  CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: Definitely not  RIDE A BICYCLE?: Yes SWIM?: Yes PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: She used to play the piano fairly well but she hasn’t touched one since she was at least fifteen. It’s unlikely she could do more than a few cords and a few songs burned into memory.  PLAY CHESS?: Nope BRAID HAIR?: Yes, she loves to braid her hair! Her mum used to dutch braid her hair every night before bed and so she usually sleeps in braids out of habit? Girl likes her braids.  TIE A TIE?: Yes, she learned before Hogwarts on her father. Frankly, he liked to pretend that he couldn’t, it was very cute but also pretty horrifying until she got the hang of it.  PICK A LOCK?: She probably thinks she’d be able to do so with a bobby pin if she tried (thanks to all those muggle films), but thankfully, there’s alohamora. 

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: Cierra Ramirez EYE COLOR: Dark brown HAIR COLOR: Dark brown, almost black HAIR TYPE/STYLE: She’s always kept it fairly long and can pretty much count the times she’s cut her hair in her life. Depending on her mood she’ll straighten it or just curl it; but Glenda’s gotten pretty decent at updos in the last year or so. She’ll throw in the occasional space buns or whatnot.  GLASSES/CONTACTS?:  Glasses but really only for reading far away/watching television. At Hogwarts she constantly forgot to take them to class with her, which often resulted in needing to take notes from whoever was sitting next to her. She’s gotten much better at wearing them when she actually needs them.  DOMINANT HAND: Right handed HEIGHT: 5′1″ or 155 cm WEIGHT: We don’t need to know that  BUILD: Petite/curvy EXERCISE HABITS: Honestly, she doesn’t really go to the gym unless someone forces her to go with them. Back at school when Amelia was on the quidditch team, the girls would regularly work out together. Now she more so relies on youtube videos and a yoga mat to get a workout done in her room TATTOOS: None, although she’s not opposed  PIERCINGS: She’s had the standard lobe piercings for as long as she can remember, but has gotten some over the years. Two on each lobe, as well as her helix and tragus on one side, and rook on the other.  MARKS/SCARS: Most of her scrapes were healed before they ever got a chance to scar; but she does have one particularly notable one on the back of her neck. Not having listened to her mum, she’d hurt herself and terrified of getting in trouble, had hidden the pretty large cut away. Sadly, it had resulted in dittany not being used soon enough.  NOTABLE FEATURES: None USUAL EXPRESSION: LOL let’s just say resting bitch face.  CLOTHING STYLE: Honestly, it’s always changing. Glenda’s super into what’s trendy and ‘in’ and her style really reflects that. She loves bright colors and things that make her stand out (especially given that she’s so short), and her staple is heels. She honestly almost always has some sort of heel on.  JEWELRY: She basically always wears her mothers necklace that was given to her before leaving for Hogwarts. It’s a pretty simple design, just a small pendant with a tiny wildflower in resin. Earrings are also a staple for her, she rarely takes them out and is always sporting something. ALLERGIES: Pollen, latex, dogs. Sad. DIET: She’ll literally try anything once  PHYSICAL AILMENTS: None to make note of

PSYCHOLOGY

MORAL ALIGNMENT: True Neutral TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine PRIMARY INTELLIGENCE TYPE: Musical Intelligence  APPROXIMATE IQ: 121 MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: None SOCIABILITY: Emotive  PHOBIA(S): Touching raw cotton, spiders ADDICTION(S): At most her phone DRUG USE: Occasionally will smoke some weed but more socially than anything else ALCOHOL USE: Again occasionally and as a social thing PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: Not really. Although she might want to sometimes, Glenda’s never actually hit anyone

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: Very casual QUIRKS: Her height, she’s so short. She talks pretty loudly and very quickly compared to others, she’s definitely that person that you have to remind to speak quieter sometimes. Very extroverted HOBBIES: Roller skating, baking HABITS: She has pretty much the same wake up routine? Cannot function without making some tea in the morning.  NERVOUS TICKS: Lip nibbling. So much lip nibbling. When she’s uncomfortable or nervous or basically anything other than neutral.   She also tends to wring her hands when she’s nervous and she’ll fiddle with her rings or any jewelry she might have on. DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: Honestly, she’s just always trying to one-up herself. It’s not that she necessarily has to prove anything to anyone accept herself.  FEARS: Being mediocre. Although she wouldn’t admit it, she’s terrified of people hating or disliking her when she does actually put herself out there. POSITIVE TRAITS: NEGATIVE TRAITS: SENSE OF HUMOR: DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: Not too much, but she doesn’t mind cursing and regularly does so CATCHPHRASE(S): None, really? 

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: Listening to music tbh.  ANIMAL: To have? Cats. To just like admire? Sloths, man.  BEVERAGE: Tea COLOR: Pink DESIGNER: Marc Jacobs FOOD: Straight up just some farfalle with pesto and loaded with pine nuts. Topped with some parm. Amazing.  FLOWER: Daffodils  GEM: Amethyst  HOLIDAY:  Halloween MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: Apparition  MOVIE: Ever After MUSICAL ARTIST: Tove Lo maybe? Stevie Nicks? SCENERY: Some pretty fucking mountains, man.  SCENT: Woodsy, musky scents. Or rose.  SPORT: Honestly, none SPORTS TEAM: ^^^  TELEVISION SHOW: Superstore, Arrested Development. ...Greys Anatomy WEATHER: Snow!!  VACATION DESTINATION: She’s gone nowhere really, like, she’s been on one holiday because of Sienna and so I don’t think she actually has a favorite. 

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: That her podcast really, really takes off. That she becomes properly relevant in the music industry as someone who genuinely has something to say.  GREATEST FEAR: Irrelevance, but also loneliness. She doesn’t want to base anything of herself on love or relationships but she definitely has this fear of ultimately being alone. Or not even being alone, but being lonely.  MOST AT EASE WHEN: In her room, hanging out with her best friends and listening to music. It’s peaceful, it’s happy.  LEAST AT EASE WHEN: In a new environment with new people that she doesn’t necessarily know or trust. She’s not necessarily uncomfortable, but she’s more on guard than in any other situation. 

[starlingsrps]

cora collins dev.

BASIC INFORMATION

full name: cora rebecca collins

reasoning: named after both grandmothers

nickname(s): no.

preferred name(s): cora

birth date: march 22

age: thirty two

zodiac: aries

gender: cis female

pronouns: she/her

romantic orientation: biromantic

sexual orientation: bisexual

nationality: american

ethnicity: caucasian (european mutt)

current location: chicago

living conditions: clean and a bit cramped. she won’t budge from her studio, which is perfectly enough space for her, her cello, and her plants. would it be nice to be able to open her front door if the fridge is open? sure! but whatever!

BACKGROUND

birth place: crawford, in

hometown: avon, in

social class: middle

education level: degree in performance from the london school of music; more workshops and intensives than any sane person should have been through.

father: roy collins, 57, high school principal

mother: sheila collins, 56, housewife

sibling(s): jacob, 35; mia, 26

birth order: middle

children: nah

pet(s): do her plants count?

other important relatives: nope. she's estranged from every last one of them.

previous relationships: a handful but career first, always.

current relationship: single, hung up.

arrests?: nah

prison time?: nah

OCCUPATION & INCOME

primary source of income: assistant principal cellist, cso

content with their job?: it’s perfect

past job(s): cello tutor, waitress, bar back, nanny - she's a working musician, she knows what it is to hustle.

spending habits: borderline cheap. she'd rather save and spend money on things that move her forward. cello? necessity. moving from her studio? not.

most valuable possession: her cello. besides the fact that it’s her livelihood, it’s also custom. she would save it before herself in a life or death situation.

SKILLS & ABILITIES

physical strength: definitely more upper body than lower but not terrible.

speed: speed walking queen.

intelligence: curious - she reads a lot and listens to podcasts while commuting.

accuracy: not terrible.

agility: aight

stamina: excellent but like, low key destructive. she will go until she's going to collapse to make a point.

teamwork: she does really prefer to be the boss but she can defer without being a bitch about it.

talents: cello, sight reading. she also has a wicked sense of humor and can be reasonably warm with people once she's known them a bit.

shortcomings: fiercely independent, stubborn, and private.

language(s) spoken: english

drive?: in theory but she’s been in large cities since she was eighteen so it’s probably best if she doesn’t.

jump-star a car?: nope.

change a flat tire?: nope.

ride a bicycle?: yes.

swim?: yes.

play an instrument?: duh.

play chess?: a little

braid hair?: only her own

tie a tie?: yes and bow ties.

pick a lock?: no

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

face claim: louisa jacobson

eye color: blue

hair color: light brown

hair type/style: long and straight, prone to cutting bangs when stressed.

glasses/contacts?: contacts mostly but glasses now and then

dominant hand: right

height: 5'7

build: willowy, defined upper body and strong shoulders

exercise habits: yep, just to keep her stamina up for performances. she also hauls a thirty pound cello and case around with her every where which does a lot.

skin tone: fair

tattoos: nah

piercings: ears

marks/scars: none really.

usual expression: poker face.

notable features: sharp feature and hella good skin - facials and cello are cora's only indulgences.

clothing style: jeans or ankle pants, shirt. never without a sweater because practice rooms are freezing. several gowns in the arsenal for performances.

jewelry: nah. gets in the way. necklace or earrings maybe but she prefers to keep her hands free.

allergies: pollen

diet: boring as hell - same smoothie every morning, same salad every day, dinner is one of four options. she doesn't like to have to think about it too much if she has to.

physical ailments: she’s very watchful of any hand related maladies that may appear - she's had a few bouts of tendinitis and runs a tight ship when it comes to stretches and physical therapy when it's needed.

PSYCHOLOGY

enneagram type: 6 - the loyalist

moral alignment: true neutral

temperament: melancholic

element: earth

mbti type: isfj - the defender

mental conditions/disorders: some anxiety but nothing she can’t handle

sociability: a loner but good with people once she warms up a bit. she's polite but a little shy and it can come across as cold.

emotional stability: pretty good, brutally realistic.

obsession(s): her hands.

phobia(s): anything happening to her hands

addiction(s): nah

drug use: eh, prescriptions and cold medicine when needed.

alcohol use: sometimes but not excessively. she doesn’t like being drunk.

prone to violence?: not at all

MANNERISMS

speech style: soft but bright.

accent: flat midwestern

quirks: she’s a mover - light on her feet, usually fidgeting with something, that sort of thing.

hobbies: her plants, reading, learning guitar

nervous ticks: fidgeting

drives/motivations: principal cellist

positive traits: independent, driven, reliable, objective, brave.

negative traits: too independent, stubborn, competitive, insecure, mercurial

sense of humor: dry

do they curse often?: nah

FAVORITES

activity: playing music

animal: cats

beverage: water

book: mexican gothic for fiction or any kind of travel memoir for nonfiction. she likes audio books.

color: blue

designer: calvin klein

food: chocolate covered pretzels

flower: lilacs

gem: agate

holiday: holidays generally bum her out tbh. she likes summer in general but recognizes that it's not the same.

mode of transportation: walk or train

movie: marie antoinette

song: "sicilienne" or "vienna"

scenery: a full house, the lake.

scent: lilacs, her cello polish, liam.

sport: basketball, she guesses.

television show: outlander

weather: seventy five, sunny, light wind off the lake. perfection.

vacation destination: wherever is good - she has a lot of friends all over in different orchestras and she likes to visit them if she can get away.

ATTITUDES

greatest dream: principal cellist has been her single minded goal since she landed at cso and she’ll get there or die trying.

greatest fear: breaking a hand, arthritis, dying alone.

most at ease when: playing music, with liam

least at ease when: she’s been backed into a corner.

worst possible thing that could happen: see above.

biggest achievement: her position with cso. she’s very young for it to have happened and she’s the first to crow about it.

biggest regret: nope. not even if she thinks about it - none at all. she can't imagine doing anything differently because it would mean not being exactly here which is where she's always wanted to be.

biggest secret: nah.

top priorities: her career.

[roadswim-collective]

Three Times He Lied To Me  Lie 1.

I was twenty three when I met him. I was back at home, living with my mother, after three years in halls of residence. Here's a list of the places you'd be most likely to see me during the year I was twenty three:

on a train

in a library

at a railway station

in a corridor

at my tutor's office

in my bedroom.

I had literally no social life, unless you count going to the shop for tobacco. My best friend was my I, Claudius box set. On Friday nights when my mother was out with the girls from darts, I'd drink Prosecco in the bath. Sometimes I'd do that on Saturday nights too.

I did go other places sometimes. If the weather was nice you might see me in a castle. Caerphilly was my favourite. Or I might be at a Roman site like Caerleon. And now and again you might see me out of breath at the top of a hill somewhere looking at the remains of an Iron Age fort. I was always alone on these excursions. I'd end the day pretty much as I'd started it, lying in my bed, in my old bedroom, probably watching Gladiator.

I was halfway through a master's in history with archaeology, a two-year course, and I was completely broke. Amazingly I'd got a First in my degree, and my tutor recommended me for post-grad. It was all a bit overwhelming. I was the first in my family to go to uni, you see. Well, my father was accepted at some art college back in the day but he didn't finish the course, he dropped out. Other than that, though, I was the first to go on to higher education. It was quite a big deal at the time. Nerve-wracking. I more or less expected to crash and burn.

Everyone else seemed so confident, so talky, and loud. So English, I was about to say. But that's not fair. I just hadn't met many people like that back then, middle class people. A lot of them hardly bothered going to lectures and they were always incredibly insulting about the tutors. They were always on the piss too. Now me, for the first two years I just kept my head down and my mouth shut. I worked as hard as I possibly could, hoping to keep up. I read literally everything. When a lecturer praised my work, I'd carry that around with me for days like a little glow of fire to ward off the doubts.

Not that I was some kind of nun. My main indulgences were:

thin little roll ups in liquorice papers smoked on the library steps, about one every half hour

a bottle of vodka in my bottom drawer for winding down at the end of a long essay

the occasional lump of cheap hash to see me through the holidays

a boy from Norfolk with nice dark eyes, though that was more trouble than it was worth.

By the final year, though, I knew I was heading for at least a 2:1, possibly even a First. There didn't seem so many of the loud talky ones around by then. There were a lot of drop outs. On the one hand that made it hard, because the spotlight began to shine on me a bit more. I couldn't just hide in the back of the seminars anymore, I was invited to contribute. On the other hand, those little glows of praise from my lecturers had grown into a proper fire, burning day and night. And I started to see them as human, my tutors, not as untouchable gods or whatever but as people who were obsessed by the past, by trying to dig it up and see it as it was, just like me. It was hard to believe I'd made it to the end of the three years. And now they were encouraging me to take it further, to do an MA.

I mean, it was way beyond what I'd expected. That last year was just wonderful, I loved it.

The day I graduated, my mother cried and my brother puked. We were all in the union bar, toasting each other. I can drink my brother under the table, and I did that day. Uncle Lloyd was there too, wearing a blue suit that I won't forget too soon, putting away the cheap beer and chatting a bit too much to girls. My father hadn't turned up. He'd promised he would, but that's my father. I can't believe I really expected him to be there. Maybe I didn't, I can't quite remember now.

So anyway, yes. That was, nice, to be doing so well. And now I got to spend the next couple of years digging around in sub-Roman Britain, a time I'd been mildly obsessed with since I heard the stories of Saint David and Saint Dyfrig in RE at school. I always saw it as this mysterious realm full of saints and kings and warlords and clashing cosmologies, and all of it hidden in layers and layers of myth and dirt. It was like digging up a real life epic, it was kind of  a dream come true for me.

On the other hand, after three years as a student I was completely broke, massively in debt, and I hadn't made any friends. And now I was back at home, with my mother, in my old bedroom, commuting to Cardiff from Aberdare, an hour each way on the train, to do my studying. I was making a tiny bit of money working part-time in college libraries at different campuses all over the place, Merthyr, Treforest, all over. I read my Mary Beard books over lunch, and on station platforms in all weathers I listened to podcasts.

My mind was usually far off in the mist, tracing trade routes of lost empires, digging through dead cities, reading old epitaphs. I was starting to feel a bit sort of nothing about everything, or everything modern, everyday life, here and now. I'd even stopped watching reality TV. The only things I watched now were documentaries. Well, and Derren Brown, I loved his stuff.

Everyone I'd known, my uni friends, had all sort of evaporated. The same thing had happened when I left school, or whenever I changed jobs. It was happening again now. Helen and Julie, Rupinder, Jay, Alex and Steve, Danny, my sort of ex, they'd almost faded out, just a year after we all graduated and I promised to stay in touch. None of my friendships were ever strong enough to survive the transition, everyone just floated away. I couldn't say why.

I was happy enough though, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my own company. To be honest, I couldn't really imagine looking round a historical site with someone else. Having to talk to them, listen to them, instead of just looking at the stuff. Or standing on an iron age site, a hill fort, looking down into the valley, no sound, only the wind whispering and the birds calling – and just because someone else is there you've got to ruin it all with small talk. I tried to see it in more positive terms but I failed to convince myself. I just couldn't imagine it. Very often, I paid for the audio guide tour, with the headphones.

Anyway, there was this librarian I was sort of obsessed with. His name was Will and he was twenty nine. He worked at the humanities library at Cardiff Uni. I did some shifts there, he was sort of my line manager, one of them anyway. He was slim and tall with thick hair and he talked a lot. The women all loved him. He was funny though not quite as funny as he thought. Well, they never are, are they? But he wore tight jeans and brown boots and they suited him, oh my god they suited him. His eyes were green and twinkly, his grin was cheeky. I didn't think he fancied me but I knew for sure that he knew I fancied him.

I sometimes got flustered when we were chatting in a corridor. I was full of pent-up lust. There were moments when literally all I wanted out of life was for Will to turn up at my door late one night and fuck me senseless. Preferably a Friday night, when my mother was out with the darts girls and I was all wet and alluring from my Prosecco bath.

Anyway it was no good, he had a girlfriend. Cerys. They lived together. No kids though. So there was always the chance they'd split up. I tried to gauge the likelihood. It seemed a pretty stormy relationship. He made lots of bad jokes about him and Cerys rowing all the time, her insane jealousy.

He turned up to work one day with his wrist in a splint. When we asked him about it, he said this: "A woman in a bar came up to ask where the toilets were, and the missus didn't like it so she broke my wrist, just as a friendly warning." It turned out later he was joking and he'd actually fallen over drunk. Everyone laughed. But the next day when we were getting cans from the machine Will confided to me that the reason he'd fallen was because Cerys pushed him over some bins on the way back from the pub. "We shouldn't drink together, me and her," he told me. "Only one of us should be drunk at a time. Or it goes bad."

So it all seemed quite volatile. Sometimes he looked miserable. There were phone calls from Cerys that sent him scuttling outside, scowling. He made lots of jokes about how unreasonable she was, how she flew into a rage, shouted and screamed. In dark moments I imagined that what he was leaving out from all these stories for the sake of decency was all the amazing, passionate, hot sex they were having when they weren't rowing. She probably shouted and screamed all the way through that too. Lucky bitch. I didn't have enough experience to make that assumption, really, but it crept up on me sometimes as a slightly depressing certainty.

All this drama seemed very distant from my own life. It was like watching I, Claudius, all that passion, the lust and the violence, Brian Blessed. And there was me, alone in my teenage bed at night, my hand wandering down, trying to visualise the exact lift and curvature of beautiful Will's tight bum. I was wondering if it was finally time I invested in a vibrator.

So then they did split up, Will and Cerys. It wasn't the first time but she'd gone back to Llanelli or Ammanford or wherever she was from, and apparently she'd never done that before. Will seemed pretty upset and he got a lot of sympathy at work, which he obviously enjoyed. I'd say the percentage male/female split at the humanities library was about 30/70 to the girls. Some of the men seemed a bit uncomfortable with this, with being out-numbered, but others blatantly loved being surrounded by women. Will was one of those.

He started going out for drinks after work. We'd all go, a big pack of us. Yes, me too. This sort of party gang developed. Friday nights mostly and usually around Cathays, in the Woodville or the Pen and Wig. There was boozing and there was bad behaviour. I got caught up in it a bit. I'm not really into that kind of thing, in general. I'm useless at small talk, it's just embarrassing, so I drink too much to compensate, and I talk a load of crap, wear myself out, and have to spend the next fortnight in bed. But it's funny how a change in just one colleague's relationship status can act as a catalyst on the pent up frustrations of the whole office.

And of course I always had to catch the last train back home. That was at ten to eleven so I was leaving early, baling out while the night was still young. They were all staying out, Will and everyone, they were going on somewhere else. And I'd be on the train, half-cut but not quite pissed, with all the sweaty bellowing valley boys, nodding-waking-dribbling all the way back to cold dark Aberdare.

There was nothing left for me at home really. The girls who'd stayed there were on their second or third kids. We had nothing in common now. All the boys were messing about with the same old things as before, cars and sports and booze, just with jowls now and already balding. Thinking about it, I don't suppose I had much in common with anyone in the first place.

So I started staying the night now and again with my new friend Abby who was doing a PhD and lived in Roath. Not every weekend, just if it was going to be a big night, someone's birthday or whatever excuse came up. I was quite good at drinking, still am, and I'd always be among the last standing. It was me who had to get Abby into a taxi and find her door key and let us in and, more than once, hold her hair back while she was sick. And when it came down to the last handful at the very end, Will was always there too. Will and me, Abby, Hannah, Chris, a few others. There until the bitter end. None of us had anything much to go home to really.

So one Friday night we ended up in this over-priced cocktail bar on City Road, six or seven of us I think, probably about 1am. Abby and I happened to be sitting opposite Will, the three of us leaning in close over a tiny glossy circle of table to be heard above the music. He was on great form that night, Will. He listened to the latest installment of Abby's catastrophic love life with great interest and had a lot to say about it all. He told Abby that none of it was her fault and she deserved much better. He said, "Look at me, after all this Cerys stuff – I'm bruised, sure, I'm bruised to holy fuck, but I'm not bleeding." I'd almost say he was cosying up her to her but I didn't get that feeling, it read more like a supportive friend thing. Also, I noticed that he was addressing quite a few of his comments on love and heartbreak and so on directly at me. As in, right into my eyes. So of course I began to feel ridiculously excited and kept insisting on more drinks all round.

When men try and chat you up, it's almost always boring, and forced, and makes you cringe. I mean, I suppose I'm partly to blame because I'm just no good at small talk. And chatting up is usually just a subset of small talk, really. You're not usually talking about anything in particular, there's nothing to cling on to, and it's all crappy, you're just wafting these threadbare festoons at each other in desperation. So I tend to just sort of clam up and that's the effect most blokes' efforts have on me, their intended target. Not Will. He was good.

Abby was talking to Hannah so now Will and I were just looking at each other over our tiny table. He grinned and beckoned me to lean in closer, so I did, and he said, "I'd like to try something out on you, if you don't mind." So I raised my eyebrows at him and said Um, okay..? To which Will did a mischievous little chuckle and told me it was a kind of personality test, and I said A test? O-kaaaay... "Don't be worried though", he said, "it's not serious, it's just a bit of buggering about, of no diagnostic value," so I said, Well that's a relief and he chuckled again.

And he was wearing this really nice aftershave and I could see the hairs on his chest poking over the top of his shirt. Plus I was half-cut. Plus it had been a bloody long while since I'd even been near a bloke. So you can imagine, can't you?

Will's idea turned out to be quite good. Basically, you've heard that thing – if you could have as your superpower either being able to fly or being able to make yourself invisible, which would you choose? Those crappy questions you get on Facebook that are meant to reveal some essential truth about your personality based on a seemingly throwaway choice you make. Well, Will said he hated it because it was an obvious fix, a swizz, the superpowers thing, because all the traits associated with flying were really good ones – success, confidence, flying high, reaching for the sky, freedom, the great beyond. And then you had invisibility, said Will, which was the choice of creeps. Think of the kinds of things being invisible would allow you, would invite you to do. It's nothing very noble, is it, Will said. It's sneaking around, it's hiding, not being upfront and honest. It's peeping toms, he said, it's sneaks and spies and saboteurs, it's eavesdroppers and shoplifters and pickpockets. Invisibility appeals to the voyeur, to the nosey parker and the perv. So it wasn't really much of a choice, he said, in fact it was a complete fix and he'd thought of his own, much better alternative.

I was laughing at all this, by the way, and reaching across to maul his arm from time to time. This was a good deal better than your average chat up, I was thinking, and even if it wasn't a chat up I was having fun with a silly man on a Friday night and and he was making me laugh so just go with it, just enjoy yourself for god's sake.

"Okay," says Will, "here's the thing. Some old fella down the road from you, mad professor type, he's built a time machine. It's in his garden shed and he's invited you to have a go."

"So this old man is trying to get me to go into his garden shed with him?" I say. "I don't think I believe he's got a time machine in there, to be honest. I think he might have other reasons."

"Fair point," says Will. "Make it your grandfather then. Someone you trust."

"How about my grandmother?"

Will says, "What's the matter, you don't trust your grandfather?"

"Very funny," I say. "Well, yes I did trust my grandfather and he did make things in his shed, but he's not alive now so..."

"Oh shit. Sorry," he says. "I haven't got any grandparents left, as of last month. Ah well, life's a shit, your grandmother it is then. Okay, so you go into the shed, there's the time machine, and your lovely old Nana is inviting you to be the first to have a go on it."

"First?"

"Yup. First ever trip, the maiden voyage. And she wants it to be you, her favourite grand-daughter."

"Her only grand-daughter, " I tell him. "So, I'm like a sort of guinea pig? My Nan wants me as a guinea pig?"

"Yeah, I suppose so," Will says. "But in a very loving way."

I did one of my stupid big honking snorting laughs all over him at this point. By now, fed up with shouting over the music, Will had come round the table and we were pretty much squeezed together. He seemed to enjoy it, this muffled explosion of me. We were laughing at my laugh. I called it my walrus call, he said it was a great, unashamed, life-affirming laugh, he said it was one of the great laughs. What a bloody charmer, eh? I was seriously starting to wonder if I'd be spending the night at Will's instead of holding Abby's hair as she puked. I was starting to feel pretty damn good about myself, doing all the sexy banter, all the flirty-flirty stuff. I'm a bit slow on the uptake sometimes, I don't always read the signals. This, though, with Will, this Friday night, I felt bloody fantastic about everything.

"Alright, forget about your Nan and the shed and everything," Will said. "You've just got hold of this time machine somehow, okay? But you can only use it once, I mean for one return trip. There and back, then that's it. So the question is – where would you choose to go, the future or the past?" Then he frowned. "Actually this might not work so well on you because you're an archaeology student, not a normal person."

Anyway, to speed things up a bit, that question of Will's led to a conversation between us that went on until we all got chucked out of the place at about two and then continued in the taxi heading for Abby's house. I told Will I'd choose to visit the past, of course, either to sub-Roman Britain to see what it was really like, or all the way back to the start, before agriculture, to when we were still nomads. We talked about that for a while, the distant past, then Will said if he had the one-trip time machine he'd definitely choose the future, no question at all. At least two thousand years, he said, either that or a few million, because he wanted to see how it all panned out. 

So then we talked about that for a while, the far future. It was all quite slurry and rambly and drunken, of course, but it just kept going, and we got on to what all this might for our respective personalities, and about the state of the world in general, whether things were getting better or worse, whether there was any hope for the human race and all that. 

And then, suddenly it seemed, we were outside Abby's house and she was getting out of the taxi, stumbling on her doorstep, trying to find her key, fiddling it into the lock, waving goodnight, and falling into her hallway, while I was staying in the taxi with Will, who was in the middle of saying that there never was a golden age, it was just a fantasy, there was never a time when everything was in harmony and everyone was happy, but that there could possibly be one at some point to come if we didn't blow ourselves up or make ourselves extinct through climate change, and also there was Paul the spotty Australian IT boy who was fast asleep and snoring and had to be shoved really hard to wake him and get him out at his place in Riverside while we went on to Will's flat, quite a nice one in Llandaf North.

And then, suddenly it seemed, it was a year a later and we were on holiday in Rome. It was my first ever visit and it was amazing, overwhelming, beautiful, and Will and I were celebrating the anniversary of that night when we got together, and we were walking around having what was basically a continuation of the same conversation that we'd started then, in that over-priced cocktail bar in Roath.

It was an odd match really, Will and I. We were different in lots and lots and lots of ways. We hardly agreed on anything. And at first, I think we were both kind of fascinated by how different we were, despite having quite a lot in common. Here are some of the things we had in common:

smallish working class valleys hometowns, Aberdare and Glynneath

stopped feeling that we fit in to our respective hometowns at around the same age, 14

each had an older brother who got married and moved away, his to England, mine to Monmouthshire, which amounts to the same thing

divorced parents, both our dads had left home, both of us were under 10 at the time, and neither of us really saw much of our fathers

both went to Welsh school but hadn't really kept up the language since

first in our family to get a degree, Will having achieved a 2:2 in psychology

we'd both been members of the Green Party at some point, although neither of us was now

similarly miserable teenage years, greasy depressions spent in cocoons of totemic books, music, films, art, clothes, comedy, metaphysics, magic, comics, etc, evolving into a dense and intricate personal para-reality to which the everyday world of bus stops and dog shit was merely a laughable and mundane annexe.

It felt as though we'd started off in roughly the same place but had headed in different directions. We kept coming back to the past/future thing, it was like some structuring principle we used in thinking about our differences. Here are some of differences we noticed:

Favourite films - me: Agora, with Rachel Weisz as Hypatia, Elizabeth, with Cate Blanchett, Mel Gibson's Mayan epic Apocalypto, and yes Gladiator. Will liked Bladerunner, Alien, Star Wars, the first Matrix, The Fifth Element, and Guardians of the Galaxy

Books/authors – On holidays from my study reading I liked Sarah Waters and Hilary Mantel. One of my favourites was Alan Garner, ever since I read The Owl Service when I was thirteen. As a kid I read and loved all of Tolkien to the point where it affected my dreams and I saw epic battles on my walk to school, raging in the morning clouds that cling to the scarp of Maerdy mountain. Will had never read any Tolkien but had an impressive number of multi-part space operas under his belt, his favourite being Iain M. Banks' Culture novels. He could quote huge chunks of Douglas Adams and he also loved William Gibson...or was it William Burroughs? One or the other anyway. He mostly read non-fiction now, a lot of pop science, Freakonomics, Malcolm Gladwell, Dawkins.

Music – I listened to Fairport Convention and Nina Simone. Will listened to German minimal techno

The state of the world today – we both agreed that everything was in a right mess, massive poverty, total exploitation, greed, capitalism, eco collapse, extinction event imminent, all caused by us. Not just Will and me. Humans. Where we differed was where we looked for possible solutions. It was the time machine again – he went forward, I went back. Will felt there was no way to fix all the things wrong with the world by going back, it was too late. Humans had caused damage to the world by being too clever – fossil fuels, international tourism etc – but it was only humans therefore who could fix it all, by being even more clever. He looked to a post-market utopia in which we've abolished scarcity, outgrown the lizard brain, conquered evil and greed with intelligence, and built a new world based on a new understanding. We'd first heal our planet with our incredible new machines, and then we'd move out beyond Earth in creative, peaceful waves, slowly evolving into children of the stars. I exaggerate, but only a bit. And me, I still do the same now, I dig back to older societies and pre-modern ways of life, tribal ways and folk narratives, non-profit motives, sustainability, to structures of feeling abandoned on the road to modernity, old medicines for our modern sickness. Will was never very open to any of this stuff. His closing flourish was always something about whatever the old days might have had going for them, it was basically a kind of blissful ignorance, hardly to be envied, and besides, no-one – not even you! - would genuinely want to live in any era of human history before reliable anaesthetics were invented.

As I say, we hardly agreed on anything. But in the early days that was part of what made it fun. We used to debate things a lot in the early days, it was what we did. And whatever we were talking about, at some level you could sense that same old past/present thing, his time machine thing. It really seemed to me he'd hit on something essential about his approach to life and mine, and the differences between them.

So we were in a cafe opposite the Colosseum having coffee, sat right in the bay window, watching the street life. I tried to order two double espressos but I messed up my pronunciation and the waiter brought us singles. Will beckoned the guy back over, and the waiter smiled and said, in English, "You want milk?" Will gave him half a grin, shook his head, and said, "Nessun latte – doppio – prego," and they both laughed, the waiter nodding and whisking off our tray. Then Will turned back to me and grinned his bloody adorable grin. I was thinking we might have this coffee then maybe pop back to the hotel room for an hour or so.

"Milk indeed," he said. "He must have taken us for a couple of weak ass English milk weeds."

I laughed.

"You know what you should do, Will? You should be a writer. You should write something."

"Ha, what?" he said. "I don't think so. I haven't got anything to say."

"You've always got something to say, you idiot."

"Well, yeah, but it's all bullshit really, when you come down to it."

"Well, yeah, but that needn't matter. Look at some of the crap that that sells."

"Mmm, Da Vinci Code, Fifty Shades, Jeremy Clarkson, fair point," he said. "But, no, no, I really don't think there's anything in my particular brand of bullshit that would sell."

"I don't know," I said. "What about your time machine? I'd say you could definitely make something out of that. It's good. It gets you thinking."

"Do you reckon?"

"I do, yes, I think you could make that into something, a story, something funny and clever," I said, "like you."

And he leaned across the table and kissed me. A big kiss, right there in the bay window, with everyone going by. When I opened my eyes again he was smiling at me, his eyes were so warm, he was so handsome, and golden autumnal Rome was glowing away behind him. I felt so good, so happy, more than happy. It was all so much more than I'd expected. I whispered a suggestion to him and, after our espressos, we popped back to the hotel for an hour.

Will often said he'd like to write but he never did. And the thing is, he already had a story about that time machine, an actual story with a beginning, a middle, and a funny but very bleak punchline. I couldn't see why he didn't write it up. Can we just skip just for a minute back to that first night I spent with Will, at his flat in Llandaf North? So it's stupid o'clock in the morning, we're both at the point where you drink yourselves sober, and we're out on his brown bolted balcony. I'm squinting at

glimpses of the Millennium Stadium and the BT building through the trees. A mile and half away, the city centre. The rain is falling but the air is warm and smells sweet. We're still not quite sure if we're going to do it. Will had a text from his ex earlier – at three in the morning! - and it sort of made the atmosphere between us a bit weird. So now we're on the balcony, talking. I remember telling him that all his Bladerunners and his Aliens and his cyberpunk whatever, all these futures he was into were all horrible. Mostly these were all dystopias. It was satire. The future in most of these things he loved was some crazy exaggerated version of today's world, with all our problems pushed to the limit. I remember him grinning as I pressed the point.  Well, he said, realistically, and whatever I'd prefer, it's probably more likely we'll fuck it all up and ruin the world. Realistically speaking, he said. That's funny, I told him, you love the future but you don't even believe in it really. Your best guess is it's going to be even worse than today.

And then he told me this story. There's this couple, he said, and she's like you, she loves the past. And he loves the future. And one day this time machine really does turn up, but you can only take one ride each in it. Just one return trip because human minds can only deal with the experience once in a lifetime, any more and you burn out your brain. So she goes first, heads into the past, and comes back a few seconds later in a state of deep depression and disillusionment. Then he has a go, into the future, and comes back a few seconds, depressed and disillusioned. They conclude from their experiences that the present is as good as it gets and enter into a suicide pact. As for living, they say, our spambots can do that for us. But then he remembers that he's already visited both their graves in the far future and the dates on their headstones made it clear they were going to live for several more decades so they don't bother and just split up. She later married a quantity surveyor and bought a big house near Chepstow, and he drank himself to death.  

So it was a funny little story with a bleak punchline. I kept telling him to write it up but he never did. I couldn't understand because he kept saying he wanted to write. I mean, I thought it would be a good little exercise to get him started. After all, he had the whole thing there, he just had to write it up. But he didn't write it. He didn't write anything. If he did, I never saw it.

This morning I looked through my bedroom window and the sky was turning a lighter and lighter blue as the sun came up over the motorway. Everything around was beginning to glow. By the time I got to work the clouds had come, colours went grey, and at lunchtime it started raining. It was pouring down as I drove home at five. I sat in a traffic jam on Cathedral Road, blowing the heaters to clear the windscreen, getting hot and prickly, opening the window and getting splashed, and thinking, well, how quickly it came and went, that early sun, and what a long time ago it seemed now.

There's a Welsh saying, Nid yn y bore mae canmol diwrnod teg. A rough translation would be something like, Morning is not the time to praise a fine day. In other words, it's very unwise to call it a nice day when it's still early and it might well piss down later. I love that. It's one of the cliches about the Welsh, that we're very pessimistic. All down to the rain, or the diet, or being conquered, or the Miners Strike. I can't speak for anyone else though, Welsh or otherwise. You might call it pessimism, fair enough - I just call it realism.

I've just got back from a conference in Rome. The paper I gave looked at some of the connections between Macsen Wledig of the Mabinogion and the real life Roman emperor Magnus Maximus. It was beautiful, of course, as it always is in the autumn, golden, and glowing. I walked down by the Tiber where all the plane trees had turned orange and were dropping their leaves into the river. Being the maudlin bitch I am, I made a point of walking pretty much the exact route I walked with Will, eleven years ago now, from the Circus to the Colosseum and up to the Capitoline Hill. It was dark by the time I got to the top and my legs were aching. I leaned on a railing, looking down at the spotlit Forum, and I thought about Will, and I thought about my father, who died six months ago next Tuesday, and I felt like crying to be honest. But I didn't, partly because it would have been pathetic and made me feel worse, but mainly because these anti-depressants I'm on seem to dry up my tear ducts. I get the trigger to cry but nothing comes. Probably for the best.

When I get home from these things I'm always exhausted. Even a short trip with no paper to give leaves me completely worn out. I know what it is. It's not the work, that's nothing. It's not even giving the paper, I've long since built my public speaking armour, I can climb into it whenever I need to. No, it's all the other stuff. The chatting and socialising. Relaxing, kicking back. Networking. All that side of it. I'm useless at it. Wears me out. Never been any good at that stuff.

So I tend to get home, lock myself in my house, set the phone to messages, and basically not talk to anyone for, well, for as long as I can get away with. Which is usually about 48 hours, then I go back to work. I always make sure to book time off for exactly this purpose. I call it my decompression period. If I don't get it, if I have to go straight back to work, I go a bit mad. Noticably so. Incredibly irritable, interspersed with moments of mild hysteria. To be fair to my colleagues, they're used to it by now, they've adapted, it's become 'a thing', an amusing thing everyone knows about me, Anna. Academia is a perfect trap for eccentrics. Everyone has their quirks, but actual, diagnosable personality disorders are no more or less common than in any other vocation.

I haven't really changed. Not really.

During decompression I can't even read anything. All my books stay on their shelves. I turn instead to the internet. Last night I watched a whole series of a forgotten ITV sitcom from the 80s called Me and My Girl, starring Richard O'Sullivan as a widower bringing up his now teenage daughter Sam, played by Emma Ridley. Don't ask me why, it's not very good. And this morning I looked up Will's Facebook. Don't ask me why. He's got his profile set to public so I can have a good look at all his family holidays, his wife's birthday, their anniversaries, their kids growing up. Not that I envy her, I can just imagine all the crap she has to put up with. She probably doesn't even know the half of it. She looks more and more hopeless in the pictures, to be quite honest, and a bit thinner every time. This – looking at Will's Facebook – this is no good. I realise that and I hardly ever do it. Why would I, really? I found out all about Will a long time ago, and that's why we're not together now. The main feeling I get when I think of how close I came to ending up with him is relief. I look around my cosy house and I think, wow, close escape. But when I'm in this state, post-conference, I end up doing it, peeking into Will's life, I don't know why.

I wondered if Will ever did rouse himself to write anything. If he ever made something of his time machine thing. By the look of his Facebook, he hadn't, he was still at the humanities library, head of department. When I was full of his family pictures I just sorted of drifted through various Google searches, all pretty desultory. I suppose I was vaguely wondering if anyone else had come up with a similar idea anywhere in the world. Turned out, someone had. My drifting led to a review of a book of short stories, called Minimum City, including one which sounded remarkably similar to Will's time machine story. It was just a synopsis really but it was enough to make me look up the short story collection and its author. It was an American author, a man, quite a big name but I'd never heard of him. Contemporary set fiction still isn't really my thing. From reading the Amazon reviews and all the rest of it, this is what I learned about Minimum City:

It was made up of 28 stories

They were all very short, some only a paragraph long

It was a very slim book, with big type and wide margins

All the stories were set in the modern world

They all tended to have some kind of twist / sting in the tail

The tone was cynical, darkly funny, etc etc

It didn't sound like my kind of thing but I could imagine Will enjoying it, at least Will as he was when I knew him, I can't speak for now obviously. I found the story. It had first been published in an online literature journal before being collected in the Minimum City collection. Its title was The Return Trip. It was very short. A couple come into possession of a time machine. All the rest follows exactly as in the story Will told me on the balcony of his flat in The Crescent at about four in the morning, twelve years ago. Right down to the spambots line. 

I'd already checked publication dates. The Return Trip by this American author whose name eludes me now was first published in an online magazine called Young Boasthard's four years and eight months before Will told me the story. It was collected in Minimum City and published by Harper Collins six months before Will told me that story and passed it off as his own, on the balcony of his flat.

And I started laughing and laughing, until I had to put my bowl down in case I got milky cornflakes over my t-shirt.

[fuckyeahtattoogirls-blog1]

How the Keto Diet Became Palatable

New Post has been published on https://bestrawfoodrecipes.com/how-the-keto-diet-became-palatable/

How the Keto Diet Became Palatable

It was 2017, and Neil Thompson’s friend was about to be kicked out of the military for being overweight. Spurred into action, his friend announced that he was going on a diet and started to lose weight – and fast. Very fast. “In 20 days, he’d lost almost 10kg,” recalls Thompson, who works in IT for the navy. “So, I asked him, ‘How did you do it?’”

His friend explained that, while browsing online for a quick weight-loss plan, he had stumbled upon a Reddit thread about something called the “ketogenic diet”. People on the 1.4 million-strong r/keto subreddit posted about losing 25kg in a couple of months, while never feeling hungry and finding it easier to focus during their working days. However, the diet was, to put it mildly, contrarian in the same way that Brexit is “divisive”.

First, you almost completely eliminate carbohydrates. Low-carb diets are no longer considered radical – the macronutrient has steadily been falling out of nutritional favour for at least a couple of decades – but keto typically advocates an intake of less than 40g per day. (For context, most of us will hit that at breakfast.) Fruit is largely frowned upon, and there’s a strict cap on veg. Yes: fresh, wholesome vegetables.

If you assume that you’ll make up for those lost calories with generous servings of lean chicken, or copious whey shakes, you’re wrong. Next, you’re limited to about 100g of protein per day, though ideally less. What’s left? Lots of fat: marbled steak, oily fish, egg yolk, streaky bacon. Top it all with butter, olive oil or lard, then a scoop of smashed avocado. A classic keto diet provides 90 per cent of your daily calories from fat, 6 per cent from protein and 4 per cent from carbs. In short, it’s a giant middle finger raised at Public Health England’s “Eatwell Plate”.

But Thompson’s friend told him that the ketogenic diet, while bizarre, was rooted in science. The absence of carbs and the abundance of fat push your body into a metabolic state called ketosis, during which you burn fat instead of glucose. The 5ft 9in Thompson – who was, by his own admission, “a bit portly” at 90kg – was intrigued. His online digging led him to a podcast called The Joe Rogan Experience. Rogan, an American UFC commentator, comedian and self-described “silly bitch”, is well known for unpretentiously unpacking complex topics. In one episode, he interviewed top keto researcher Dom D’Agostino, a professor of physiology at the University of South Florida.

“It was interesting to hear a scientist talk about what he eats and why,” says Thompson. D’Agostino is not a salesman, and he did not create the diet (of which more later). But Thompson didn’t care about keto’s history. He just wanted to know if there was any substance to the hype. “I threw out all of my carb-heavy foods,” he says. “Then, I picked up as much bacon, grass-fed butter and steak as I could afford.”

Fact to Fad

If you’re like most fitness-minded people, you’ve probably dabbled with trendy eating plans at least once. But what makes a fad diet tip? That’s a question that Adrienne Rose Bitar, a nutrition historian at Cornell University, has spent her career answering. “Most diets start with some unhappiness we have with our lives and bodies,” she says. This makes us susceptible to simple, counter-intuitive messages that blame our dissatisfaction on a single culprit. Low-fat diet: fat is bad, so don’t eat it. Paleo: processed foods are bad, so stick to the kind of “pre-industrial” food that your ancestors ate.

With keto, you do exactly what your doctor (and likely mother) told you not to

With keto, you do exactly what your doctor (and likely mother) told you not to: eat the delicious, fatty foods and skip the vegetables. While this might partly explain keto’s rise in popularity, it overlooks a crucial aspect of the story. The keto diet, it turns out, was not developed to aid weight loss. It was designed for epileptics.

Fasting has been used as a treatment for epilepsy since at least 500BC. Your body usually runs on sugars harvested from the carbs you eat. You store around 2,000kcal worth of sugars in your liver and muscles. Your body burns through that in about 48 hours, which is when an evolutionary survival mechanism kicks in. Your body switches to its stored fat, some of which is converted to a fuel called ketones. This state is called ketosis (defined as registering 0.5 to three millimoles of ketones per litre of blood).

In the 1920s, Mayo Clinic doctor Russell Wilder started tinkering with a fat-centric diet that mimicked the effects of fasting by depleting the body of sugar. He tested his “ketogenic” diet on people with epilepsy and, ever since, it has been an effective treatment for seizures.

Weight loss entered the frame in 1972, when cardiologist Robert Atkins published his first diet book. The initial weeks of his eponymous diet plan centred on eating fat and very little carbs to induce ketosis, a “happy state… [in which] your fat is being burned off with maximum efficiency and minimum deprivation”. That was when keto first appeared on the radar of Stephen Phinney, an MIT-trained biochemist, who began researching its potential applications for endurance sports.

Then, in 1976, the “Last Chance Diet” took off. How it works is exceedingly simple: you drink a fat- and protein-rich concoction until you shed your desired amount of weight. The diet, created by osteopath Robert Linn, quickly spawned a lucrative industry, with £30m of the elixir sold in less than two years. You were supposed to consult a physician, who would ensure that you were getting the necessary vitamins and minerals – but most people didn’t bother.

Your body can survive for a long time in a carb deficit, but it requires micronutrients. Robbed of minerals, it can’t perform certain crucial functions, like sending electrical impulses to your heart. Between July 1977 and January 1978, the US Food and Drug Administration received more than 60 reports of deaths among “liquid protein” users. The fallout included new regulations, and a negligence lawsuit for Linn. As for Phinney, he and his research on ketosis were, in effect, banished to academic Siberia.

Still, Phinney forged on, conducting studies that, for example, showed that liquid ketogenic diets with adequate nutrients wouldn’t cause heart problems. In 1988, Optifast emerged. Like Last Chance, it was a liquid diet, but with sufficient vitamins and minerals, plus a celebrity enthusiast in Oprah Winfrey. “She did it for four months,” says Phinney. “One day, she opened her show pulling a red wagon that contained 30kg of pig and beef fat. And she points to it and says, ‘That’s how much weight I’ve lost.’” Optifast immediately received more than 200,000 inquiries, and keto research surged in the early 1990s.

It was at this point that the diet was adopted by the hard-core bodybuilding underground, evolving into the version you know today. “I first heard about keto from this guy named Dan Duchaine,” says D’Agostino, a name cited by several other nutrition researchers interviewed for this story. (Duchaine, who died in 2000, was a two-time felon credited with promoting the steroid movement of the 1980s and 1990s, and reviving keto as a way for bodybuilders to drop fat quickly for competition.) Then, with the rediscovery of the Atkins diet in the 2000s, new generations – and perhaps you – warmed to the idea that low-carb could be a dietary tool.

THE VOORHES

Early Adopters

The scaling up of keto started with a study published by a San Francisco-based research centre in 2013. Scientists at the Gladstone Institutes found that a ketone, produced when you limit calories or carbs, can activate powerful anti-ageing genes. This keto diet, as the press release put it, “may one day allow scientists to better treat or prevent age-related disease, including heart disease, Alzheimer’s and many forms of cancer”. Nutritionally woke bio-hackers – interested in keto for fat loss, athletic performance, productivity and longevity in equal parts – began to self-experiment.

Among them was Tim Ferriss, the Princeton-educated, Silicon Valley-based podcaster and author. He’d dabbled in keto, writing that it’s “incredible for simultaneous fat loss and lean muscle gain, though perhaps needlessly complicated for non-athletes”. In 2013, he posted a video of Peter Attia, a longevity expert. In it, Attia talks about his battle with metabolic syndrome and how keto changed his health in ways that the conventional avenues of exercise and a vegetable-rich diet could not; he uses graph after graph to plot the positive impact on his triglycerides and blood glucose.

This sort of dietary evangelism is not without precedent. Diets have traditionally been religious: halal, kosher, Lent. As Bitar puts it: “Many diets were actually plans to purify the soul.” Now, in place of dogma we have data. But the sentiment is very similar: the right diet can make you not just trimmer but better. Following Ferriss’s endorsement, the number of people searching for the keto diet immediately doubled and continued to trend upward as other lifestyle gurus, such as Dave Asprey and Mark Sisson, jumped aboard.

Keto’s side benefits – a reduced desire to eat and increased focus – appealed to productivity-fixated, bio-hacker bros. “Keto does control hunger,” says Guyenet. The reason, he says, may be the extreme nature of the diet. “Carbs and fat together stimulate dopamine release and activate motivational circuits in the brain that drive us to eat,” he says. Consider ice cream: you find it so appetising because it’s both sweet and fatty. As for your promised mental clarity? This remains controversial. Any effect is probably due to eating less junk food, which can cause your blood sugar to rise and dip, impacting energy and mood.

As keto’s popularity continues to increase, the medical establishment has cautioned that – although the diet is considered safe when done correctly – the emphasis on saturated fat and the lack of micronutrients may affect your heart health over time. “We still don’t have enough long-term evidence on what happens to your body after 10 years of ketosis,” says nutrition researcher Stephan Guyenet. And an effective diet should be for life, not just for the summer.

Still, as the buzz around keto intensified, the claims became grander and more outlandish. In November 2015, Ferriss aired a podcast with D’Agostino. That was the tipping point, “the moment at which the diet entered the vernacular and zeitgeist”, says Andy Galpin, a performance researcher at California State University, Fullerton.

The episode’s rather hubristic title was “Dom D’Agostino on Fasting, Ketosis, and the End of Cancer”. Ferriss told the story of a friend with testicular cancer who would fast for three days to enter into ketosis before chemotherapy. D’Agostino noted that anyone with cancer needs medical supervision of their diet, but also said: “If you put your physiology into a state of fasting ketosis, that puts tremendous metabolic stress on cancer cells that are highly dependent for survival and growth on high levels of glucose and insulin. By subtracting them of those growth needs, they can [die], and you could potentially purge yourself of some precancerous cells.”

When asked about that statement, D’Agostino concedes, “This episode’s title is unfortunate,” but he points out that his research does suggest keto can help slow the progression of some cancers, though it speeds up others. “It’s much more complicated than ‘starve your cancer of sugar’,” he says. (Ferriss declined to be interviewed for this article.)

The Ferriss podcast was a gateway to The Joe Rogan Experience, and soon Rogan’s 30 million monthly listeners were learning about the “new” diet. As keto spread from Silicon Valley to the rest of the US, the emphasis shifted from self-optimisation to a key concern of the everyman working 40-hour weeks: weight loss.

No Dead Weight

Keto thrives on social media, in part because its swift results are so photogenic: you’ve likely seen the before-and-after shots on Instagram. “Short-term carb restriction can cause 3-4kg of almost immediate water loss,” says Galpin.

But ketosis isn’t the same for everyone, every time. It’s a moving target: you might only lapse into it when you drop your carb intake below 20g per day, or you might be able to eat 50g and still reap the rewards. To carry out the diet properly, you need to track your levels using a device. And since a single carrot can toss you out of ketosis, you need to quantify each meal, weighing your food and consulting a nutrition app to calculate the exact ratio of fats to proteins to carbs.

Hunger Management

Within a year of Rogan’s podcast, keto cookbooks flooded the market, searches for keto hit 17 million per month, and Orian Research estimated keto had become a £3.8bn industry. And because people on keto often lack nutrients such as vitamin C, magnesium and fibre, there’s been a supplement gold rush for brands behind products that make staying on the diet easier.

Which brings us back to Thompson and they key question: does keto work for weight loss? In the short term, yes. “But the weight-loss effects are driven primarily by appetite suppression, which in turn regulates calorie intake,” says D’Agostino. In other words, when you limit what you eat, you, well… limit what you eat. As scientific as many purport to be, weight-loss diets usually come down to eating less food.

Consider the results of a recent study in Jama journal, which found no significant difference in the amount of weight loss after one year between people on a low-fat diet and those on a low-carb diet. But the study’s results suggest an important fact about the efficacy of diets. Some people lost 30kg, while others on the same diet gained almost 10kg. Whether it works or not can depend on the individual.

Neil Thompson is now 12 months into his keto journey. “I’m down 23kg,” he says. His friend, meanwhile, bailed after three months, when a cross-country move made it hard to continue. “You can’t cheat, or it knocks you out of ketosis,” says Thompson. He prepares all of his meals at home. A go-to is steak topped with butter and asparagus spears.

Thompson plans to stick to the diet, even though it makes him “that picky arsehole” in social settings. “I recently listened to this debate on The Joe Rogan Experience with D’Agostino and Layne Norton, an expert who was more moderate,” he says. “The conclusion was that the best diet is whatever works for you. Keto works for me.”

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Source link Keto Diet Effects

[thesmallestonewasme]

As my this ten and a half months living abroad comes to a close (month and a half left!!!) I've decided to share a few things that have really resonated with me over the course of this experience. I know, I know, I solemnly swear not to become that person who's always saying "well when I lived in Maadreed," but give me a little room for sentimentality here:

1. Never assume anything is obvious. Even in the least diverse of situations we're all coming from different cultures, education backgrounds, and life experience. And in slightly more diverse situations language gets thrown into the mix. Even people you see as your peers in every way probably don't know what you're saying 30% of the time. Just explain yourself and don't be a dick. (Unless they're being a dick about not understanding).

2. You can probably figure it out. If someone as socially inept as I am can work my way through rental contracts, exterminations, doctor's appointments, and teaching toddlers who barely speak any language with my honestly mediocre level of Spanish, you can do anything within your means and courage.

3. I know that addendum in the last one sucked, but I was in a good financial situation going into this and it's a good thing I was cuz I burned through a whole lotta savings. Capitalism is a bitch, you've got to be aware of that shit.

4. At some point you're going to figure out your priorities. It's okay if they're different than you thought they'd be. Recently I was listening to a podcast where a young author (Durga Chew-Bose) was talking about moving back to Montreal from NYC. She said she'd gotten to a place in her life where she'd realized being near her parents was important to her. And that was okay and didn't make her childish or immature. Having recently gone through a similar awakening that really resonated. I need to be closer to my family and the majority of my friends than I am right now. And while not all my family and friends are deep in the heart of Texas, the distance between Houston and St. Louis or New Orleans is definitely shorter than the one between Madrid and my entire American support system.

5. It's all about perspective. Take it from the comparatively super family oriented and homebody Spaniards: a co-worker once tried to sympathize with my homesickness by comparing it to when she worked abroad in London, a city that is closer to Madrid by plane than the city I went to college in was to Austin.

6. You're not a blog person. You're never going to be a blog person. You weren't a blog person in the states and you've tried to become one during two separate stays in Europe. Being a writer isn't the same as being a blog person. Just admit you find fictional characters more interesting than your own life and move on.

7. You're never as useless as you feel. After the election a pretty sizable group of expats that includes some of my close friends put together an organization that now runs fundraisers, teach-ins, weekly congress calling parties, and all kinds of wacky activists fun. If something can be done from Spain there's probably stuff you can manage closer to home.

8. Bedbugs are satan's minions and I couldn't be happier to moving somewhere they're relatively uncommon.

9. On the other hand I'll miss public transportation. Though not the man who managed to drag his entire karaoke machine onto the metro.

10. Nor his friend with the trombone, which has never been a good solo accompaniment to anything.

11. Actually read what's in your medicine and know the non-namebrand word for something. This is something I've been doing a lot recently, as I can't really rely on known brands, and it's honestly really informative and helpful. Yes, many things will say "compare to" on the boxes in America but it's nice to feel free from the clutches of the nestle company.

12. Decide you need to be in therapy BEFORE moving to a new country.

13. There are sooo many preservatives in American produce; Spanish fruits and veggies go bad crazy fast y'all.

14. Your life does not need to be filled with crazy activity just because you live in an exciting place. Not every weekend is a holiday (even if every third weekend is a long one because there is, in fact, a Spanish holiday).

15. There's a much smaller Mexican population in Madrid than you'd think given the large, large Latino population. This isn't really a lesson on immigration statistics so much as a statement that I miss good tacos.

16. When in doubt, spell socks.

[insideoutforever]

Quarantine

Start: Are you introverted or extroverted? Introverted 

1) What is your astrological sign? Gemini 

2) What is your sexual orientation? Gay

3) What is your gender identity? Male

4) Would you become an animal if you could? Why not!

5) Do you believe you'll ever find love? Yes

6) What is your favorite personality trait about yourself? Trusting 

7) What is your least favorite personality trait about yourself? Critical 

8) What's the highest level of education you have? Bachelors 

9) If you could visit any place, fictional or real, where would you go? Austria 

10) Are you crushing on someone? Always 

11) Do you have multiple crushes? Always 

12) Have you ever been in love? I don’t think so 

13) What is your dream job? Not working LOL 

14) Favorite food? Cheeseburger 

15) Favorite podcast? I need to start listening 

16) Favorite musical artist? Gaga 

17) Favorite song at the moment? Boys Will Be Boys by Dua 

18) What is your favorite musical? RENT 

19) What is your eye color? Green 

20) Celebrity crush? Timothee 

21) If you could meet any fictional character who would it be? Lorelai Gilmore 

22) Who is your OTP (one true pairing)? Elio + Oliver 

23) Do you want to have kids when you're older? No 

24) Do you actually believe the eyes are the window to the soul? I’m not sure

25) Do you speak any foreign languages? If so which languages? No

26) Ever gotten in trouble with the law? No 

27) Thoughts on the moon? Bitch is big 

28) Do you like the ocean? Love her 

29) Have you ever had a lucid dream? Nevah

30) Have you ever asked someone out? Yes 

31) What in life is beautiful to you? Music 

32) What is your favorite childhood memory? Going to the pond 

33) Are you living your best life? If not what's stopping you? No, money 

34) What scares you the most? Living forever 

35) Have you ever cuddled with someone? Yes it’s the best! 

36) Are you single? If so why? I am, boys don’t like me 

37) What is your most meaningful relationship? The one with my Mum 

38) If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Kennedy

39) If you could slap anyone from the past, who and why would you do it? Me

40) What do you hate the most about yourself? I’m working on loving myself 

41) If you could change one and only one thing about our society what would you choose? M-F work culture to a 3 or 4 day week 

42) What's your greatest accomplishment so far? Graduating college 

43) What impression do you try to give when you meet new people? Warmth 

[marketerarena-blog]

The Best Podcasts Round Up & Running with Underwear Podcast 95

The best podcasts I’m listening to right now – a list of my favorites in each category and a lil bit about them.  I’m answering a super important but maybe tmi running question – do you wear underwear under running shorts / tights?  And finally the awards this week are HUGE!!

  In case you’re new here…

I’m Monica and I created Run Eat Repeat.com to share 2 huge goals  – run 1 full marathon, lose 20 pounds. Since then I’ve run 30 full marathons, 50 halfs, 900 donuts and now Run Eat Repeat is a huge community online and now this podcast. I’m happy you’re here!

  Warm Up: 

– I’m going to a knife skills class tonight! I’ll let you know if I chop off a finger! Maybe I’ll raffle it off…

– I just listened to Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer. It was amazing!

I turned on YouTube before my long run this weekend and randomly a talk by a doctor that was on Mt. Everest the season Krakaur was where a lot of people died was talking about crisis response. Since they mentioned the book I downloaded it and immediately started to listen to it on the run. I was done in a few days. Yeah! Good books and running!!

<a target=”_blank”  href=”https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385494785/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0385494785&linkCode=as2&tag=rueare-20&linkId=d07c849f535eba2f094cffbd86bbc1ac”><img border=”0″ src=”//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0385494785&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=rueare-20″ ></a><img src=”//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=rueare-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0385494785″ width=”1″ height=”1″ border=”0″ alt=”” style=”border:none !important; margin:0px !important;” />

I have an Audible subscription so I listened to it – but it’s available the old fashioned way too.

  – I’ve been getting questions about the Pile on the Miles for this year. Yes! I’m going to do it again in November but I’m thinking about options for check-ins and considering doing a Run Bet.

Run Bet – you bet $40 on yourself that you’ll run a set amount of times. It’s usually 4 days a week for 30 minutes.

Would you be interested?

What would be a good goal for you?

  My favorite Trader Joe’s Pumpkin seasonal foods that are healthy. List up now!

  Running Gear Question:

Hi Monica,

I’d like to remain anonymous because, maybe everyone already knows the answer to this but…what do you/people wear under their running shorts/tights? I just listened to your “best running shorts” podcast and wondered. Commando? Thong? If so, which ones? Thanks for letting me ask this slightly embarrassing question.

  Take the Instagram Poll to chime in if you wear underwear while running!

>>> Instagram polls are in my Instagram Stories = you have to click on my bio pic in IG and that will take you to my stories. They’re only available for 24 hours so check it out before they’re gone!

If you want to wear underwear while you workout try a pair that’s made specifically to wear under running tights, shorts or yoga pants.

Workout / Running Underwear:

Under Armour Pure Stretch Thong (I’ve heard good reviews of these)

Adidas Seamless Thong Underwear

    Main Event: 

My Favorite Podcasts

Best Running / Fitness Podcasts:

My favorite running podcasts right now are

1. Another Mother Runner the podcast – mix of interviews with runners, race tips & recaps, training Q&A and more.

2. Endurance Planet – I’m kinda new to this one so far it’s 2 guys answering listener running, triathlon, nutrition… questions. They have mentioned a female co-host though so I think it’s co-ed sometimes. The male hosts both sound experienced and educated on running and training.

Other running podcasts in my list…

The Running Lifestyle podcast – I used to listen to this one a lot and just lost it in my usual rotation. I think it’s cute and helpful. I like that the host is big on emotional psychology.

DizRuns – He was on the RER podcast and is super fun!

Get Fit Guy – love this style of short episodes packed with research based advice. Each episode is on one specific tip or question.

The Run to the Top podcast – I used to listen to this when Tina Muir was the host. She has another podcast now – Running for Real podcast! I just haven’t updated my podcast list to listen yet.

Run Selfie Repeat now She Can and She Did podcast – From the creator of the sports bra squad Kelly Roberts updates on her marathon training, mental training and overcoming injuries

Best Fun / Comedy Podcasts:

1. Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald

2. Watch What Crappens

I just discovered The Bitch Bible and Bitch Sesh… so I’m not sure if I love them yet but BB has had some funny moments.

Best Lifestyle Podcasts:

1. Skinny Confidential

2. Young House Love has a podcast

  Best Health Nutrition Podcasts:

1. The Nutrition Diva Podcast

2. Rich Roll Podcast

Honorable mentions:

Model Health Show & Food Pysch

‘

  Best True Crime Podcasts:

I loved Serial and from there discovered Crime Writers On… and then other true crime podcasts.

The best ones I’ve listened to recently:

1. In the Dark

2. Criminal

3. Dirty John – a show is coming out soon so listen and then we can watch it

Check out Podcast Episode 89 for details on This is Actually Happening

  Best News Podcasts:

1. Ted Radio Hour

2. Ted Talks Daily

I don’t really listen to the other ones.

  Best Business Podcasts:

1. Gary V – I’m not fancy either.

2. Pat Flynn is an entrepreneur and sounds so down to earth.

  Best Religion / Mental Health Podcasts:

1. Love Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday

2. Love Meditation Minis to listen to when I go to sleep

3. Love the Savvy Psychologist

  Chime in on today’s Instagram post and let me know your favorite podcast!!

And be sure to join the private Facebook group for more fun and to talk about running, eating and the show!

  Awards:

The Run Eat Repeat team won 1st for the half marathon team division at the Revel Cottonwood race!!

And the RER team won 4th place for the marathon division!!

  Check out the Race Discounts page to save on the other Revel Races and a lot of other races!!

  If you have a question for me – email RunEatRepeat@gmail.com or call the RER voicemail line 562 888 1644

Tag @RunEatRepeat on Instagram and let me know what you’re doing while listening.

And if you need motivation to workout, want to share a Rest Day Brag or just feel like encouraging someone else – comment on my daily Run Report on IG with your update!

Thanks for listening and have a great run!!

      The post The Best Podcasts Round Up & Running with Underwear Podcast 95 appeared first on Run Eat Repeat.

https://askfitness.today/the-best-podcasts-round-up-running-with-underwear-podcast-95/

[starlingsrps]

grace quinn.

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: grace adeline quinn

REASONING: eh, not really

NICKNAME(S): gracie, she guesses but eh!

PREFERRED NAME(S): grace

BIRTH DATE: february 19, 1989

AGE: thirty

ZODIAC: pisces

GENDER: female

PRONOUNS: she/her

SEXUAL/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: heterosexual/romantic

NATIONALITY: american

ETHNICITY: caucausian

CURRENT LOCATION: [bleh!]

LIVING CONDITIONS: good! she has a medium sized house that she bought with her ex but since he's not in the picture anymore, it's all hers.

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: columbus, in

HOMETOWN: columbus, in

SOCIAL CLASS: middle

EDUCATION LEVEL: b.a. in history; masters in public administration

FATHER: joe quinn, 55, mayor

MOTHER: leanne quinn, 55, substitute teacher

SIBLING(S): gwen, 27; chris, 22

BIRTH ORDER: oldest

CHILDREN: currently expecting her first

PET(S): a mutt named baxter

OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: nah, not really?

PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: aaron mcnamara, 32, attorney. they broke up six weeks ago when she found out she was pregnant and she's just fine.

CURRENT RELATIONSHIP: single. it's a little weird.

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: deputy director, parks and recreation

CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: it’s her heart and soul

PAST JOB(S): various internships and lower rung positions; movie usher in high school

SPENDING HABITS: reasonable and responsible. bitch has savings.

SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: not great

SPEED: also not great but can keep up if she must

INTELLIGENCE: smart as a whip

ACCURACY: average

AGILITY: average

STAMINA: average

TEAMWORK: good! she can work well with others and is a good manager but damn if she doesn't prefer being in charge.

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english; little spanish but not really past the pleasantries

DRIVE?: more or less

JUMP-STAR A CAR?: nope

CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: nope

RIDE A BICYCLE?: yes

SWIM?: yes

PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: nah

PLAY CHESS?: nah

BRAID HAIR?: yep

TIE A TIE?: yes

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: dakota johnson

EYE COLOR: blue

HAIR COLOR: brown

HAIR TYPE/STYLE: long with bangs

GLASSES/CONTACTS?: reading glasses

DOMINANT HAND: left

HEIGHT: 5'8

BUILD: tall, lanky

EXERCISE HABITS: she goes to the gym but it's not her favorite thing in the world

SKIN TONE: fair

TATTOOS: nah

PIERCINGS: ears

MARKS/SCARS: freckled in the summer, a crescent moon on her left knee from a massive bike wipeout when she was a kid. she saw BONE.

NOTABLE FEATURES: her bangs, nice smile

USUAL EXPRESSION: pleasant listening

CLOTHING STYLE: crisp and polished at work, jeans and t-shirts off duty

JEWELRY: whatever suits - accessories are funsies.

ALLERGIES: almonds

DIET: reasonable, prone to eating many snacks instead of eating an actual meal.

PSYCHOLOGY

MORAL ALIGNMENT: lawful good

TEMPERAMENT: sanguine

MBTI: ENTJ

MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: general anxiety disorder - daily meds, therapy for a tune up now and then.

SOCIABILITY: extrovert

EMOTIONAL STABILITY: not awful - she's got good coping mechanisms and a support network which helps but she does have her days.

PHOBIA(S): drowning, failure, and horses

ADDICTION(S): nah

DRUG USE: ehhhh nah

ALCOHOL USE: sure

PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: not at all

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: bubbly, a little higher than she'd like naturally. she lowers it a dab when speaking to people she needs to impress.

ACCENT: not really?

HOBBIES: traveling, reading, drawing (not well but she likes to and it's something to do away from her phone)

NERVOUS TICKS: oh boy. A Lot.

DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: success, independence

POSITIVE TRAITS: optimistic, creative, organized, witty, generous

NEGATIVE TRAITS: stubborn, impatient, easily stressed, bad at expressing anger, cries alot

SENSE OF HUMOR: good - it's easy to make her laugh

DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: when she probably shouldn't

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: anything active - she doesn't sit still well. there's always something to do.

ANIMAL: dogs

BEVERAGE: coffee

BOOK: make trouble by cecile richards

COLOR: blue

DESIGNER: not....really?

FOOD: eggs and toast

FLOWER: daisies

GEM: emeralds

HOLIDAY: christmas

MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: driving - there are so many podcasts to listen to that it can only be driving

MUSICAL ARTIST: patti smith

SONG: "dancing barefoot"

SCENERY: driving through backroads

SCENT: paper, linen, and apples

SPORT: not really

SPORTS TEAM: nah

TELEVISION SHOW: documentaries always - ken burns preferred

WEATHER: fall

VACATION DESTINATION: wherever's good!

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: elected office

GREATEST FEAR: just a boatload of pregnancy anxieties right now

MOST AT EASE WHEN: helping others

LEAST AT EASE WHEN: she seldom cracks but she's real bad about the sight of blood

BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: her career

BIGGEST REGRET: nah.

TOP PRIORITIES: baby, friends/family, work