#yes i know its not thursday anymore

[acatpiestuff]

i suppose its only fair that I should remake this today

1st one  |  2nd one

[pears-trinkets]

.

[pedge-page]

#3 of Joel dealing with his Preggo reader : hungry

Warnings: oral m receiving, lactation kink, breast feeding, pregnancy, Joel fluff doing the absolute most for his wifey

18+ ONLY

- - - -

Joel is leaning back in his armchair on this lazy Thursday evening after having worked 12 hours today on a rigorous construction project. He sighs heavily, glaring down at his absolute favorite sight in the world right now: his heavily pregnant wife between his legs leisurely sucking his cock like a popsicle.

With a pillow below your knees, you looked like a dream. Your eyes closed as you gently hum around his mushroomed tip, suckling his precum. There was no rush to your movements, no desperate urge to make him cum: you were simply just enjoying the heavenly weight of your husband's blessed member sliding in and out of your waiting mouth.

He doesn't immediately register when you pull off his cock with a pop.

"I want taiyaki."

Joel shakes himself from his dazed relaxation. "Taco what?"

"My cousin who took me to the international fair 3 years ago? She got that and let me try it and it was really good. I want that." You sit back on your knees, waiting for Joel to get moving. He doesnt. "Right now," you add.

He's learned very quickly that once you have a craving for something, everything else must pause until you get it. Joel begrudgingly tucks his hard and unsatisfied cock back in his sweat pants, grabs his keys and reverses out the driveway, repeating it in his head: tai-yak-i, taiy-aki tayo aki, taco yaki, taco yucky—tacos aren't yucky they're delicious why couldnt she ask foR YUMMY TACOS I COULD HAVE MADE THAT AT HOME.

It takes him an hour of frantic searching of Japanese shops, and finally finding one, having begged the poor lady at the counter to make them—whatever they are, —hot and fresh for his pregnant wife at this late hour despite the shop closing in a few minutes. Luckily she seemed to vaguely understand his garbled mish mosh of the word and went to work.

He tips her generously and is out the door, plastic "have a nice day" bag secured in the passenger seat of the truck as he speeds home.

He triumphantly drops the bag next to your sleeping body on the couch. Your nose wrinkles, eyes shooting open at the sudden new smell. No hello, no thank you, just grubby hands diving in to the bag and opening the styrophome container.

You pause, staring at the contents. "What is this?"

"Its the thing: taco-yauki."

You look at him in incredulously, and he shoots the same look back, mixed with confusion.

"These are fried octopus balls, Joel?"

"Why the fuck would you want that?"

"I didn't! I wanted cream filled waffles! Taiyaki! Not Takoyaki!

"I DONT KNOW JAPANESE, WOMAN."

"STOP YELLING AT ME!"

"I'M NOT YE—" he inhales deeply before exhaling, letting his shoulders sag. "I'm not yelling, baby. I'm sorry. I promise I didn't know."

You shake your head, eyes swelling with tears of hangriness. "Honestly, Joel, if I knew you were going to be this useless when I married you," your voice cracks. You push the now cold balls away and cross your arms, pouting.

Joel covers his eyes with his hands. What a fucking night.

He knows that you dont mean it. That you're tired, crankly, in pain, and hungry. And that your dumbass husband was in such a rush that he didn't take a second to write it down, let alone ask you exactly what he was looking for. He remembered the fish pastry now, something he could have bought at the grocery store 10 minutes down the road. His back hurts, dick hurts, eyes hurt. He doesn't want you to be hurt too.

"Joel," you peep meakly.

"Yes baby?"

"I'm um. I'm sorry for what I said. You're not completely useless." You twist your fingers apologetically, which he finds absolutely adorable. It's impossible to even remember what he was so annoyed by. You clear your throat and speak sweetly: "I don't want taiyaki anymore. Can we have tacos instead?"

He smiles. "White-people tacos or street tacos?"

"The ones you make, please."

Joel's warm hand craddles your cheek softly. "Coming right up, angel." His hand filters down your throat before settling over your chest, fingers ever so gently tracing the lace line of your nightgown, pulling it down slightly to expose more of your supple cleavage. "But first, I get my cream filled pastry."

"Wha—?"

He gets on his knees, yanking your shirt down as your swollen tits—courtesy of your soon-to-be child— bounce out. You hiss at the sensitivity of being so heavy and full of milk.

Joel wastes no time wrapping his lips around your pebbled nipple and sucking gently, the creamy liquid so built up in your system that it just flows naturally into his eager mouth.

"You were hungry too, huh?" You teased.

He hums around your engorged breast, eyes closed in bliss. He softly kneads your unoccupied tit with one hand, the other joining your palm in passionately caressing your large tummy. You both feel your baby kicking happily now that mommy and daddy have made up.

- - - -

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@harriedandharassed

[lovesickry]

- let the light in.

┈⋆⭒ lando norris x rival femdriver!reader [2.4k] ┈⋆⭒ part 3 !

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⎯ find all parts here! .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⎯ contains: 18+, smut, swearing, angst, handjob LOL .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⎯ a/n: sorry for my little hiatus I was really trying to think about what im trying to do with this story. .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⎯ comment if you wanted be added to taglist

by all accounts Spain had been...interesting. considering the close proximity in which you came into with a certain man by which you (or at least thought) certainly disliked.

A sense of unease followed you in the coming week, a kind of distrust. With yourself? It was an odd feeling, unlikely to be exactly pinpointed so it was more or less thrust far back into your mind, his lingering, burning touch hopefully soon forgotten.

You were eager to more or less throw yourself into training, it was Monaco after all, the race every driver wanted to win. You were not an exception.

-

You saw Danny for dinner on Tuesday and it was actually very refreshing, you had taken some convincing (done by yours truly) to actually attend, by in doing so you did actually have a good time. He was Danny Ric of course you were gonna have a good time. Anyway, you were walking around Monaco much too late, talking about the season and actively trying to avoid any talk about his current teammate. He mentioned he was worried about you. 

“Why?”

“Oh just you know, sometimes I see a bit of myself in you and I know how I can get.” 

Your eyebrows furrowed, he cared so much. Danny had never been your teammate but youd drifted together through one force or the other and he'd been nothing but nice to you. You understood where he was coming from, you guess you were similar, the same kind of persistent optimism, sarcasm, devotion, not knowing when to stop pushing, problems of burning out etc; 

“I’m fine”

He waits for you to continue, you do.

“I mean, I think, it's just all a lot. I've wanted to be in Formula One for as long as I can remember and now that I’m here, it's still like everyday I'm fighting to be here. And it's not all just about being a girl either, like most of it is but still. It's like there's something inside me that's almost contradicting my existence, like I'm not meant to be here. It's pushing me forward and also pulling me back. I don't know how to explain it.”

You take a deep breath and try to keep your voice steady as you continue.

“There's just so much that I want to achieve and I don't even think I believe I can do it.”

Your voice wobbles only slightly as you pause walking and look at him, suddenly breathless.

He looks at you with so much understanding you could break down into tears. He extends an arm and pulls you into a side hug as he continues down the street slowly walking. 

“I think when you first do this that's how everyone feels, like they’re lying to themselves or that they don’t deserve it, but believe me when I tell you Dylan you are so deserving, more than so many drivers and you will get there. The isolation will dissipate and your body will realign and you’ll know what to do and how to do it and you’ll truly believe in yourself and your life won't be pushing and pulling at you anymore, i know its hard and i hate to say it, but time is truly your best friend in shit like this.”

You don't know how danny seemed to always know what to say but the words he spoke resonated with you and made something click, the rest of the walk home was lighter as you reached your hotel just after midnight, saying goodbye to Danny and watching him walk off into the lit streets of Monaco, quiet, peaceful and picturesque. You were amongst the other drivers who didn't (yet) live in Monaco, but you loved every moment you visited. Yes it was a posh persons wet dream, but it was undeniably beautiful in every part and you loved the safeness as a woman too. Though you'd have to admittedly work on your french.

When Thursday rolled around and you had to go to the track, ending your period of peace, it was  gratefully uneventful, not once did you see who you had prayed you wouldn’t and that was enough to leave the paddock with a smile. Friday was less than satisfying however, achieving not even in the top 10 in either practices. Saturday and Sunday, were thankfully a different story, you had qualified well, pulling your car into P4. You were happy, the car was happy and you were focused, the chat with Danny had made you in some way looser? 

You had mixed emotions about the part of the day in which you would attend the drivers parade. On one hand you could argue that it was a bit of a break from the seriousness, a time where drivers genuinely just chat shit while people look on and occasionally get asked questions, but on the other you could also argue that its kinda pointless and stupid. Regardless all the drivers piled into the moving vehicle and settled into a chatter of conversation in their respective “groups”. Just by your luck, as you eased into a conversation with Danny and George, Lando decided to join in. You didn’t ignore the look up and down he gave you before swiftly intervening in the conversation. For some reason the minute Lando joined in you were mute, not cintrivuting to the conversation in the slightest bit, other than nudging Danny every now and again to point something/someone out. You spoke few words with Lando present and even fewer when prompted by him to speak. At a point George simply dragged you away and talked to you one of one to save the awkward silence that seemed to surround the you and Lando. You had never found George unattractive, but at the same time you werent attracted to him either, which you thought in the moment he wasnt understand, as everything he said he would lean closer, almost intimate. Not too obvious, not romantic, but obvious enough, atleast to you and the eyes that you felt bore into the back of your head from a certain McLaren driver. Waling through the paddock following the drivers parade was always an ordeal, fans were out and you signed caps and shirts and skin and took photos, before finally making it anywhere near your garage. That was a part of the fun honestly, you always thought: The fans. You hear familiar voices and try not to eavesdrop, though subconsciously straining to hear, it's muffled and you only make out. “Shes not” “Dude” “fuck” “embarassing” “gross” “come on?” “you jealous?” your spying however is put to an end when none other than George Russel and Lando Norris round the corner to where you stood or recently stood, because as soon as you heard shuffling you resumed movement so they didn’t know that you were really just standing there listening to whatever the fuck they were saying.

“Speak of the devil” Lando says with a smirk.

You don't fully register the meaning behind that line however, still relishing in the fact they didn't know of your habit to eavesdrop. 

“You're such a twat” George says, and more or less storms off.

You watch as he goes, still silent and then turn towards Lando. 

“You’re actually such a dickhead ”

Lando scoffs before continuing.

“I was the one defending your dignity, George was drooling at you, its embarrassing”

You raise your eyebrows at him

“George?”

“Oh come on you're not that naive, he's so into you it's disgusting.”

“piss off”

“No seriously Mr Russell was in a seductive mood” it's said with an air of humour and you nearly laugh. 

“George was trying to seduce me?” you let a deep breath out of your noise, nearly letting loose a laugh.

“And how exactly would he go about that huh?” you continue sarcastically.

‘Hmmm” his eyebrows straighten and his whole face looks as though it changes composition.

You move to go, sick of whatever the fuck Lando wants to play with you, you round the corner, reaching a small end of a hallway with no current people near and suddenly hes there too. Lips grazing the top of your ear. His body was against yours and radiating with heat, breath fanning your temple. 

“Like this?” his voice is too fucking low, too fucking delicious and your mind is begging for you to succumb, but you cant, you wont.

“Youre a fucking asshole” its said through your teeth and you dont make any action to move your body away from his.

He hummed in response, simply moving his breaths down your neck.

“You mean it?” a smirk paints his face

“I hate you” the words come out more breathless than you'd hoped.

He laughs into the skin of your neck, you're still not moving, unable to move. In fear giving into him. 

You close your eyes in hopes to centre yourself but it's impossible to ignore the heat that seems to surround you, your blood flows like molten lava through your veins and every breath is staggered and fractured. Opening your eyes was a mistake, Lando is looking at you with someone that could be moulded into admiration and his pupils are blown. You can't stop the way your back arches to meet him and suddenly your hands are in his curls and his mouth is on yours. It is so sweet, so filthy, so hateful. The way your mouths are moving against each other, his hands grasping at your back while you pull at his hair, you notice as you pull away the way he bites his lip, as if to not make any noise. 

Well that's rich, he doesn't get to pretend he hasn't been the one chasing after you, acting all shitty just cause you’ve been the only girl not to fall to your feet at the sight of him.

He deserved a taste of his own medicine, you moved your lips off his and his eyes widened slightly thinking you're stopping whatever this was. Not yet. You move your lips down to his necks and begin to kiss him until you reach where he tenses at, figuring that's your best shot. You find the spot just above his clavicle and he inhales sharply before biting his lip. You were getting somewhere, focusing on this singular spot had Lando more desperate than before, biting so hard on his lip you thought it might bleed and gripping your waist so tightly you thought it might bruise if he adjusted his grip anymore. 

The next idea that hit you was albeit self-indulgent but you thought would get your point across, or atleast suffice some of Lando’s infatuation with you just enough to clear your mind of him.

While one of your hands holds firmly his curls while you kiss his neck fervently, your other hand drops down further, trailing over the muscle that lay taut and hot underneath his fireproofs. His throat bobbed and he threw his head back only slightly, making an incoherent noise that made you smile against his neck, his control lost and gained so fast. Soon after your other hand left the back of his head, he dropped it onto your shoulder, still fiercely remainly quiet as you moved the other hand down his back, both hands reached under the material at the same time and his body was hotter than you had ever thought possible, retaining so much heat you are surprised there wasn't some kind of steam coming off of his skin. You pull his race suit down lower so it meets his middle thighs, his forehead still resting on your shoulder, keeled over. Pulling the material of his fireproofs up so you could actually see the muscle that was residing under there was fucking awe-inspiring, the small gap that you allowed yourself to see, breathing hard and fast, watching the muscle, the skin go out and in which each breath, you were nearly hypnotised. 

“Im not gonna fucking beg tait”

His voice is rough but fractured and static, not portraying the toughness you think he’d like it too. It's your turn to hum in response as you move your hands achingly lower to where he is painfully and unbearingly hard for anything you do. The minute your hand makes contact with the sensitive skin he gasps, you relish in the noise and you slowly move your hand around him, gathering the pre cum that coats the tip and focusing on it, slow moments make him shake and he's suddenly making small, consistent noises that only egg you on more. You hated to admit that the power in the movement was absolutely superb, enough to ignore the ache between your own legs. You twist your hand slightly causing a strangled groan to come from Lando followed by a “fuck you” though its not too aggressive. You speed it up and soon he's breathing too fast, his eyes are fluttering and he’s so close. You position your hand and fingers at just the right part of him and he's coming hard and fast and hot and heavy in your palm. Followed by a deep, long breath and then a swift laugh. Lando Norris just came in your hand in his fucking racesuit. If that wasn’t karma that while he sung the national anthem he’d have cum in his fucking pants you didnt know what was. 

“That's for the crash and all the shit in the press.” you know how it must sound, that you'd just jerked him off and now you're labelling it as payback, but to the relationship that you both held it was pretty much just that. You slip out from under him, smoothing your hair and wiping your hands on his race suit. His face has fallen and hasn't moved, though he moves his arm to steady himself. 

You don't look back as you finally walk out of the corner of that measly little hallway, grateful that nobody happened upon you two. 

“Fuck you” its quiet but loud enough to hear and its almost….whiny? 

The ache between your legs has dissipated by the time you climb into the car, eager to get anything else into your head than the one that had been resting on your shoulder that day. 

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@ssararuffoni, @eviethetheatrefreak, @fairiesdowntheroad, @landosgirlxoxo, @hiraethrhapsody, @hockeyboysarehot @mcmuppet @honethatty12 @darleneslane @formula1mount @borntogayz @kodzuvk @potatos-on-clouds @jullamy @taytaythirteen,@mrsmaybank13, @spiderrmoon, @giuliaabergaminii.@thenoblenomad, @luanemone, @spaceodd-ty, @aphroditeisamilf, @chonkybonky

[writing-bakugo]

Working on a Kirishima fic and have no direction so thought I'd share my biggest headcanon that I've been keeping secret but can't anymore because its TOO good.

Kirishima's Significant Other

Everything weighed him down. Yes, he had his dream job. Yes, he worked close with his friends. Yes, he saved people.

But no one told him how lonely being a pro would be.

Kirishima was trying his hardest. He truly was. But after the third dead person he couldn't save in a single week? It was no secret his smile had started to shrink when he wasn't working and his shoulders slumped more and more.

Of course he did what he could. He was a good man and went to therapy every week and did exactly as the therapist recommended. He even did service projects where he would go help cook or clean at orphanages or homeless shelters.

But no one warned him being a pro would be like this. There was no preparation for the weight that pros carried on their shoulders. And it didn't matter that he was alone.

Kirishima was so terribly alone. After watching all his high school friends get married one after another—even Bakugo, the most unstable man in existence—Kirishima wondered what was wrong with him.

It's not like he didn't have a plethora of fans dying to date him. But none of them lit so much as a spark under him. It wasn't their fault, he just...wasn't interested.

But maybe if he had someone waiting at home for him the weight wouldn't be so bad. If he had a home to come home to, maybe the stress could melt away and he'd finally relax.

His weeks had a routine to them. Monday-Wednesdays were patrol days, Thursday was his day off, Friday-Sundays he was on call. Which he tended to get called in.

So that left Thursdays being the only day of the week that he could do his laundry, clean his kitchen (like his mother taught him), buy groceries, meal prep (Kirishima has a strict diet), and go to therapy.

Hectic, methodical life. Always in motion but never participating. So Kirishima dragged himself to the store and unsurprisingly was swarmed by fans who wanted his autograph.

One even had the gall to ask for his number. She looked like she was in middle school.

And then he was finally in the frozen food section searching for frozen chicken. He always bought the same brand, same packaged chicken. Not for any particular reason, but because it was easy to remember with the bright red logo.

He tossed the last bag in his basket and made to leave when you appeared and frowned at the empty freezer. You wore loose mom jeans and a plain t-shirt with purple stains on it. Your hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and you didn't even bother with makeup.

When you noticed him, you smiled. "You got the last one! Lucky!"

"Oh yeah," Kirishima said and watched you scan the freezer for a replacement. "Do you want it?"

"Huh? No! That's yours! I couldn't!"

"Here." He held it out like some sort of treaty before you shook your head and he laughed. "I insist."

"I suppose if you insist," you said and took the bag. "Thank you! Do you need help finding more?"

"I'm not too worried about it," Kirishima said before reaching into the freezer for ground beef.

You slightly bowed before you went on your way. A few years earlier, Kirishima had a pretty good meal plan surrounded by beef, so he figured he could change it up a bit a make his old recipes.

When he stood in the checkout line, he saw you two registers down. You bowed slightly and apologized before pointing at a cake mix. The cashier set it to the side and Kirishima's eyes widened. Did she not have enough for a cake mix?

The register opened and he turned away, letting the person behind him go before he rushed to the baking aisle and grabbed a cake mix. He didn't really know what he was doing, but it was his hero's duty. And who knew? It could be your birthday or something and you really wanted a cake.

When he checked out, he looked through the doors and wondered if you'd gone far. Kirishima rushed the cashier before he grabbed his three bags and ran out the door.

There you were. You were struggling with putting your bags on the back of a bike and Kirishima grinned when he came over.

"Sorry, I noticed you wanted one of these, so..."

Your eyes widened. "How...thank you." You bowed deeply. "Thank you."

"Yeah, no biggie."

The next week passed. And the next. He didn't see you at the grocery store either times. But, third time's a charm when you appeared and pulled out a bag of frozen chicken.

"Looks like there's enough for both of us, huh?" Kirishima asked when he put a bag in his basket.

"Oh hey! How are you?" You asked. "Thank you so much for the cake, by the way. I didn't know what to do. It was my baby boy's birthday and I wanted to make it special but money's tight right now."

Baby boy. Kirishima stared at you with a drooped smile. He noticed orange stains on your pink shirt and your hair was disheveled like it'd been pulled and of course he would think about someone who already had a family. How embarrassing.

But just like him, honestly.

"No big deal," he halfheartedly said.

You sighed. "Seriously, you were a lifesaver. After his dad skipped town three years ago, it's been so hard."

Wait. Kirishima gawked. "What?"

"Yeah," you deflated and stared at the ground. "My ex went crazy one day and said he wanted nothing to do with us. I'm happy my boy wasn't old enough to remember him or any of it, but jeez. He's five now but I don't even know how men shave. Like do you do just your face or is there other parts of the body? Or even attempting to explain puberty," you shuddered, "and who's going to teach him to tie a tie? And—I'm sorry. You don't want to hear about all my woes!"

Kirishima didn't know why he went home that night relieved that your ex had left. He also didn't know why he was imagining your kid over and over and he didn't know why he found himself standing in the frozen meat aisle just waiting for you to show up on the next Thursday.

And when you did, Kirishima held a bag of frozen chicken out for you and cleared his throat. "Do you want to go out sometime?"

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

I 10000000000% see Kirishima being the kind to fall in love with someone with a kid and 1000000000000% adopt the kid. He'd make the PERFECT adoptive dad. Totally the kind of man who'd say "no it's not your kid it's MY kid." 1000000000% ya'll

[everythingne]

out of the woods, 5 (ls2)

With clear favoritism boosting all of Ferrari's tactics, Dhanishka makes a difficult decision after a crash causes her to see the true colors of her team. Logan sweeps in to save the day.

series masterlist

warnings/notes: mistreatment of Dhanishka by Ferrari, misogyny, migraines, car accidents with very minor injuries, dhanishka and logan kinda being toxic for eachother? yes this is rewritten !

(ch4) (ch6)

-

The little room they've shoved us all into for media is more crowded than I want it to be. The Chinese GP was off to a rocky start already, with downpour rains all day on Thursday and distant thunderstorms for all of Friday and Saturday, supposedly. Ducking through the media area, I'm looking for Charles, turned in on myself even in the room full of flashing lights as I try to hide from the world. I want nothing to do with media today. I know it's going to be a shit show, and my stomach churns and knots. I manage to hide pretty well, biting my tongue and moving as quickly and as silently as possible until I pop my head up to look. Charles had said he was in the back, but when I look around I can't spot his red shirt anywhere.

I'm about to leave, planning to head back to the garage until I have to come out for media, but I make solid eye contact with Logan across the room. A weird wave of calm hits me, before its also sprinkled with anxiety.

We haven't spoke since he kicked me out, and his face contorts somewhere between what I know to be his normal happy expression and his general frustrated expression.

I can't even read his expressions anymore.

I swallow my pride and smile at him, knowing the cameras are on me. I note his smile isn't full, he does still return one, which at least tells me he'll be normal around media. Which is still my biggest concern even with this new sort of tugging feeling in my heart, which I assume is from when he nestled himself in there and fancied himself a home. Even as he waves me over, I hesitate to move, and I can tell he senses my apprehension. Excusing himself from Oscar and Alex's sides, he begins to cross the small, cramped room. I manage to slip through a wall of reporters surrounding Max (who I don't notice is next to Charles), I'm accidentally being shoved aside and nearly falling flat on my head before I'm grabbed and pulled into the firm protective hold of Logan. Instinctively, his arm wraps tight around my waist as he brings me to his chest. My hands find his shoulders and slide across in a hug as he leans his head down to whisper,

"You look terrified, Isa." His hand squeezes my waist and leaves the skin tingly, as if he's shocked it with little electrodes hidden in his fingertips. All his lingering touches feel like that, they have since I was seventeen.

"I am." I say back to him as I pull back from the hug just enough for us to look at eachother, "It's first media day after we announced this whole... thing."

Logan nods and then sighs, but what I don't expect is for him to take me tight by the skin just above my elbows and into a quiet, dark corner. I also pretend I don't see Oscar cover up for our sudden disappearance from the media pen.

"What are we doing, Dhanishka?" He hisses through his teeth, trapping me in the corner. He's doing it to keep media from seeing our faces if they spot us through the tiny crowd behind Logan's back. But he's also doing it to pressure me into answering him, or at least it feels like that.

"What do you mean?" I ask, not exactly knowing what he's looking for me to say.

"With us." He emphasizes, "We never exactly spoke about it. And you look at me one way and treat me another, so figure out right now how you want this to go."

I pause, a deep feeling in my gut I can't name making its home there as I blink up at my ex-boyfriend now kinda-boyfriend.

"We go along with the PR plans." I say softly and he nods, stepping back to just huff, and run his hand through his hair before letting it fall to his side as he says, "This is probably the worst possible time to bring that up, but I'm sorry for just assuming you wanted to..."

He trails off and before he can finish, I shake my head softly and give him the tiniest reassuring smile I can muster. He quiets at the soft expression on my face as I bring one hand squeeze his forearm;

"No, Logan. I should've told you the truth of what I wanted out of this from from the beginning. It was wrong of me to string you along like that," and I hesitate before adding in a softer voice, "I don't regret it, if you're scared about that, too."

He seems taken aback by my apology, but before we can say more, Logan's manager Astrid comes up to us and smiles in the most fake way I've ever seen in my life.

"Oh good! You two, okay listen," She snaps at me to get my attention and I don't hide the obvious distaste for her attitude I have as she keeps talking, "you guys are acting super awkward and I know you aren't actors but we need to keep selling this to help PR, okay? Logan, be a bit touchier, Dhanishka, smile. You both have images to uphold!"

When she waves us over to media, everything just feels strained. We would've gotten somewhere without the rude interruption from his manager. Logan does listen though, and settles his hand on my lower back to guide me into the media area where a few different drivers are already being interviewed.

When we go to split off to do our interviews, he plants a soft kiss to the side of my head and fixes one of my necklaces thats twisted before squeezing my hand three times.

He did that when we were still kids.

I'm lucky Ophelia is calling me over to do the interview, so I can distract myself from the tears threatening to fall over my waterline. Luckily, for now, I'm out of the grabbing range of asshole reporters and the people who only want a headline.

"Danny..!" Ophelia sings, handing me a microphone labeled 'VOGUE' as she steps in, ever so elegantly, next to me.

"Hi, Ophie." I smile, leaning in to give her a tight hug. Luckily during media I didn't have to wear my team uniform, so I had been dressed to the nines in the white and red Ferrari dress-jacket-thing, with the little cape thing on the back. I knew I looked good, which is why I assumed Ophelia had grabbed me before she went off to find Lewis.

"Since we last spoke, quite a bit has happened, but lets talk about this outfit?"

"So, this is Ferrari, of course. I cannot remember the name of the jacket for the life of me. It's a white leather trench coat with a red silk trim, Ferrari's black boots with, of course, the red trim, and a black Ferrari purse. I am completely Ferrari today."

"You look stunning, the red of the Ferrari suits has always looked good on your but this pop? Stunning, brilliant, we love to see it."

We talk a bit more about fashion, and her interview is a bit longer than I'm expecting. I don't wanna leave the safety of her interview, but eventually I'm pulled away and into the mass of the boring, normal interviews.

I wanted to talk more about why Ferrari was using this specific shade of red, not why my rear wing continuously failed while Charles' was always fine. I chalked it up to me driving about a hundred times more aggressively than Charles.

After an hour of normal interviews, it's Sky News who comes to be the kicker. It's some white man reporter I don’t recognize. Unfortunately not Jenson today. When I feel someone staring at me while I greet myself to the reporter, I turn to their gaze and spot Logan. He's far down the pen on my left side and he's staring. When we make eye contact, he makes a foul face at the reporter before he's snagged by another reporter. I don't have time to try and ask further. I miss the reporter introducing himself but don’t miss the way Charles, on my right, comes behind me and roughly grips my wrist.

“Any specific reason you were spotted in London last weekend?” The man asks me. His grip is tightly holding the orange taped microphone towards me and I shrug with a tiny smile. I find myself awkwardly rocking from side to side out of habit. Something in my head tripping every red alarm.

“Just making some visits to my friends, is all. I also had some media responsibilities.” I reply calmly and catch Logan’s eye again. This time, my look lingers long enough to see him try to mouth something to me before the reporter talking pulls me away again.

“A certain driver seems to have caught your eye, though, are we correct to assume there’s some heat between you and a certain Williams driver?” The man smiles almost predatory. Immediately after, Charles taps the back of my arm to signal me to move back as he eyes the reporter. If looks could kill, we'd have a tag team homicide between him and Logan. So, I move back. My eyes study the mans face, the hooded eyes, the slightly narrower left eye. The crooked nose, the wobbly smile. It rings of Trident. Screams it in my face. I can't help but let a soft laugh tumble out of my lips at the realization. It's fucking Anthony Davis. That's why both Logan and Charles have stopped to watch.

“Thought my instagram post was pretty clear,” I chime once I find my footing and push my emotions back, “maybe not as clear as the literal blackmailing you did to Logan. But I'm sure that Williams' lawyers will be in contact soon enough."

My PR agent is gonna just quit one of these days due to my mouth. But I had to say what I needed to. I keep my ice cold glare on Anthony, who tries to stammer out some excuse about the blackmail and I scoff.

"Sorry your brother is too much of a liar to be able to dirty my name. So much so that he sent his baby brother to do his dirty work." I snip and Charles is staring like I’ve just cursed this man out.

I think I can hear Lando laughing somewhere off to the side.

"Dhanishka." Charles hisses through his teeth. Anthony tries to provoke me one more time, and then I point a finger in Anthony's face with a snarl as I step closer.

“We’re done with you and your bullshit, Davis. I hope you have a terrible day. Make sure to tell David I said hi, just to remind him of the woman who took his career from him.” I grin forcibly, watching as Anthony’s face grows in anger. Charles steps between us, asking Anthony to leave and I allow myself a reprieve here to look around. Logan gives me a little smile and an appreciative nod, which I return, before I’m being pulled away by PR.

-

Qualifying brings back Ferrari’s curse.

Charles tires go and he nearly crashes out right before the end and my back wing is broken by the time I’m done. With the challenges we faced, we both do qualify higher than expected which does make me feel a bit better.

After standing and talking about the car and strategy for way too long, I’m let loose to the solstice of my drivers room. The pristine and almost shockingly tidy room is a safe haven as most the chaos of this weekend and I allow myself to relax as I slowly get myself undone from the race.

I change and take my hair out of its now frizzy braid, taking the time to brush it as I stick my head under the sink faucet to wet my hair. I’m wringing it out as I hear a knock on my door.

“Come in!” I call, grabbing a towel to place over my shoulders as the door pops open and I’m greeted with the soon to be Norris’ couple.

I gawk, “How did you both get in here?”

“Charles owed me a favor for all the times I’ve snuck him into Red Bull.” Olivia shrugs as she pops her purse down next to me on the couch, “and Lando doesn’t like me walking the paddocks by myself anymore.”

“That fucking reporter.”

“Don’t.” Olivia points at Lando, who huffs, and she then crosses the room to sit next to me on the couch before Lando can snag the seat. Olivia continues to speak after pausing to sip her drink, “good take down of Anthony today, little debutante."

“Ah. Thank you.” I laugh softly, brushing my hair with the same red brush, eyes glancing over to Lando and Olivia as I try to keep my blush to a minimum. Olivia's soft compliment made my heart skip, as any praise did. It was hard to come by it in this sport and I was honestly happy it was Olivia who was supporting me like this.

“How’re you feeling? You did pretty good for a busted car. I saw how fucked that rear wing was when I was pulling in the pits after Q1.” Lando continues the conversation and I shrug, turning at Olivia's cue so she can start to braid my hair for me. It's weirdly like having my mom or sister do it, I hate how much it makes me miss home.

“It sucks I’m not higher. Wallahi, I'm so tired of this." I complain, rolling my eyes back as I try and keep myself calm. Frustration wouldn't get me anywhere here, "they’ve been harping on me all season about getting back to the level I was at in Bahrain. And they're acting as if every race since, I haven’t had terrible car issues! Sorry you guys fucked up my car!"

"Sounds like Ferrari, between this and the way Aakash speaks to you over the radios?" Olivia hums, "I think I've heard both Charles and Carlos say these same complaints over the years."

"Maybe talk to Charles about everything, he'd know Ferrari better than I would." Lando suggests, watching his fiance as she finishes off my braid. She then squeezes my shoulders and pulls me back to rest on her chest as she lazily wraps her arms around me. Lando kicking his legs up to rest on my lap as he yawns into the back of his hand.

"I have been, he's been a huge help, but it's still ridiculous." I complain, smushed against Olivia's Red Bull tee as I close my eyes to fight off the stress migraine forming.

"The car or the radio?" Olivia asks and I laugh,

"Both." I declare and she nods in agreement. I complain for a bit longer, Olivia convincing me to talk to Charles about my frustrations once again. But by the time I've gone off to find him, I notice his attention being held by Fred and some of the engineers. Even when I try to get him away, he's continuously pulled back with soft sorry's thrown over his red clad shoulders.

After an hour of trying and failing, I just go home. It's not worth my energy.

I go to bed that night with a migraine, but I'm not sick, nor do I feel stressed. The migraine comes from nowhere, I barely have enough time to get meds in me and get myself tucked in my blankets before it gets worse. I barely stomach my dinner, and it takes ages for me to finally fall asleep.

The next day I nearly crash twice when my tires are too worn. I keep asking, but they won't box me. After the race, I attend all my meetings, and while they celebrate another Charles podium, I can't help but sulk in my drivers room after giving Charles a tight hug in celebration. Sure, I finished a lucky P9 for my car issues... but I was fighting with Max in P2 when my rear tires decided they hated me.

I asked so many times to be boxed. It’s not the first time they've refused to pull me into the pits, but today was the most dangerous. I had no grip, I had nothing but prayers and maybe a bit of luck because I didn't crash out.

And when Aakash is not supportive over the radio, maybe I lose my cool, and maybe that’s what causes half the garage to give me the cold shoulder as I get out of the car. I do what’s needed, barely speak, don’t smile, and then retreat to my room with the hope of my anger dissipating.

When my frustrations don't wear off, even after I snag the treadmill to sprint until my legs are jello, I go to try and find Charles for our little private post-race debrief. I need him in this moment like a fish needs water. The debriefs we have been having being the only thing keeping me from losing my mind in Ferrari. I spot him in the garage. He's being held captive by the team. They engross themselves in deep plans for his racing, smiling and waving hands in excitement. I notice no one had come to grab me. I dart my eyes around and swallow the sick feeling in my gut. Why wasn't I grabbed for a team meeting? Had they forgotten me?

"What about Dhanishka?" Charles asks, eyes flickering over to meet mine and I feel the pull to enter the conversation. I'm ready to make my way over, assuming it was a misunderstanding, until Fred shakes his head and squeezes his golden boys shoulder. The way he does it is so paternal. It almost makes me feel sick.

"Dhanishka comes second to you, Charles. You are more important than some girl. We'll use her to help you..."

Fred's voice fades out to a ringing in my ears. I feel my hands immediately start shaking. I feel myself becoming a mix of rage and embarrassment -- my face burns hotter than prodded embers.

More important than some girl?

How could I have been so stupid? All this time I've been trying to convince myself Ferrari wasn't Trident and here they are, planning behind my back. But to ass insult to injury, it's not for my benefit. In this moment, I am Viscaal, and I understand it now.

They've been straight up gaslighting me.

And when Charles snaps his head up to meet my eyes after a moment, I've already turned to rush down the hall. Tears of betrayal prick in my eyes at my own stupidity, that I felt like I belonged in this red building. Sure, it was something off hand, maybe he didn't mean it the way he said it due to poor translation from language to language, but it was enough to frustrate me to tears.

Would I ever escape teams like this?

I retire to my hotel room early that night. As soon as I can. All I wanna do is party, but to save myself the potential breakdown, I choose not to join anyone in the festivities. My mistake is thinking if I ignore the mass amounts of messages blowing up my phone, no one will search for further answers. Everyone, even drivers like Magnussen, knew I loved a good post race party.

I was the life of the party next to Lando after all.

As soon as I get back, still in all my racing gear save for the helmet, I drop my bag at the door, kick off my shoes, and crawl into bed. I ignore the world, let the sun set into black skies as I stay tucked in my bed. I can't bring myself to move, to change, to shower, to even eat. There's a mix of anxiety, fear, and disappointment in myself wrecking havoc in my gut and genuine pain in my body keeping me in the plush blankets.

My parents call to congratulate me, I humor them with a tired smile and blame it on the time zones. I pretend I'm asleep when I see Anya tries to call me twice.

I can't lie to her. I know she could tell it was more.

I have to ignore Anya so my family will continue to think I'm doing fine. I can't worry them about me turning into the monster I had been after Trident again. If that even seems true, my dad will somehow find a way to pull me out of F1 and bring me home immediately. I try to suppress it, but I can feel that monster clawing at the restraints. I've held it in for so long this season, making it all the way to China's GP, but I know one more thing might make me say fuck it and let myself grow cold again.

Half awake, several hours later, not that I would know the time, someone knocking at the door makes me jump. I ignore it, even as the muffled voices call for me and ask if I'm alright. They all sound like strangers due to how sleepy I am, refusing to move from my warmth, I just stay still. Laying curled up, tucked up to my chin in blankets, until someone scans a card in the door and begins to let themselves in. I jump, preparing to throw my phone in defense, when it's Danny who pops his head in.

"Just checking to see if you're alive, mini-me." He smiles, opening the door a bit more so from my vantage on the bed, I can see Charles and Logan behind him. I know they all see I'm still wearing everything I had on at the track, and I see remorse in Charles' eyes when he sees my state, but I shake it off.

"I have a bad migraine, but I'm alive." I say, choosing for that to be the reason as to why I was laying in the dark. Not because I felt too tired to get up to turn the light on. Or that I felt my seventeen year old rage returning.

"Need anything?" Logan asks, feather soft, before the others can. I hate how I can see him noticing all my soft lines turning hard. His eyes trace my face, across my shoulders and then to the way my body lumps under the blankets. I just sit there. Then I shrug when I realize they're expecting an answer.

"Just some sleep. I'll see you guys next race weekend." I wave them off, fake yawning into the back of my hand. Never a fool to my lies, Logan steps into the door frame. Just... welcoming himself in. I don't argue, though something tells me I wouldn't win anyway. Danny and Charles watch cautiously as Logan crosses the room to sit on the edge of my bed, pressing his hand to my temple.

"You're not sick." He murmurs, "just a stress migraine this time, then?"

"You--huh?" I blink and Logan smiles party, a soft blush on his cheeks only illuminated by the light in the hallway.

"You always get migraines when you're stressed or when you've got a fever, Isa." He squeezes my wrist, watching my face carefully, "If you don't feel hot when you have a migraine, it's just stress."

“It’s just… it’s been a rough weekend and I kinda snapped after the race ‘cause this migraine won’t go away.” I lie half now, Logan seems to buy it a bit more as he leans forward and gently pulls some of my stray hairs back behind my ears—settling them how he knows I like it.

“You did really well for all the issues you were having. Can’t beat yourself up over something you can’t control, Danny.” Daniel says from the doorway where he and Charles lean, I squint when I look towards them in the light and see while Danny looks full of concern—Charles looks sick.

“I know. It’s just been a hard adjustment.” I shrug and Logan nods.

“Adjustings a bitch.” he says and I laugh softly as he frowns, "have you taken meds?"

"Wasn't able to get up and grab them before the migraine kicked in." I say and Charles moves immediately, picking up my back pack and settling it on the edge of the bed while he roots through the side pocket to find my medication bottles. Once found, he hands them to Logan, who hands them to me while Daniel roots through the kitchenette for a water bottle.

"You guys don't have to do this." I say softly as Daniel tosses a bottle to Logan, who cracks it open and hands it to me.

"We do it because we care, not because we have to." Charles sits next to me as I take the medication and Daniel nods, sitting at the foot of the bed while Logan leans on the wall to my side.

"Thank you." I hum and then spend the next five minutes convincing Daniel and Charles to leave, and they go, with the promise that Logan will stay while I shower and get changed into comfy clothes because, according to Daniel,

"Logan's the only guy who really should be seeing that."

With a shove from Charles out the door, Daniel bids goobye and Charles follows suit. I go to get up and before I can, Logan gently sets me down.

"Relax. I'll get everything in order for you." He says softly, then pauses and turns, "they're still as bad as they were with Tri-- Sorry, F2?"

I note Logan cuts himself off and adjusts his words, as if trying to keep Trident a distant memory so I didn't have to think about those days anymore.

Or so he doesn't have to bring up how he still doesn't believe me about back then.

I nod.

Logan opens my suitcase, dodging the underwear and bras, and finds a Ferrari team shirt and a pair of baggy sweats for me. He dissapears into the bathroom and I hear the shower running while he comes back out to grab my hair stuff from the same little bag I've always kept it in before he dissapears again. The medication is kicking in, so a bit of the big edge of the migraine is starting to fade.

Logan comes to my side, laying a cold compress across my forehead as he hums, "Do you have the magnesium and the lavender still?"

"Magnesium I already took with my Maxalt. Lavender is over here." I point to the bedside table and he nods once he spots it, then asks,

"How about an ice cap?"

"In the freezer."

"Other meds?"

"Triphala churan is in my bag, I have the other homeopathy stuff with it."

Logan nods once more, using one of my hands to keep the towel in place for a few moments while he moves to fully draw the curtains closed and he clicks off all the ambiant lighting save for one small orangey lamp off to the far side of the room just so we can see.

"Come on, lets get you up. Get those tense muscles relaxed and get you cleaned up."

It shocks me how much Logan remembers from my migraine attacks, and though this is the acute point where I'm the worst, I find it easier to manage with him at my side.

He brings me into the bathroom, where he's set everything out. Even my skincare is set next to the sink.

"I'll be in the bedroom." He says from the doorway, "I'll leave the door cracked so you have a bit of light but I promise I'm not peeking."

His playful grin makes me tiredly smile as I thank him as he leaves, and I turn to feel the water. It's the perfect temperature. If I didn't already have a searing headache, I might've started crying. I take the time to wash my hair and body, lavender filling the room. It was what was in most of my soaps, considering it helped my headache flare-ups and migraines. I swear I hear Logan open and close the door to the room, but chalk it up to the sound of my headache ringing in my ears.

When I get out of the shower, I dry off and change as quickly as possible, hoping to be able to get out of the bathroom before standing too long made my migraine flare. I manage to do my skincare, which is a bonus, and as I step into the bedroom I smell some sort of food.

Logan is doing something in the kitchenette as so I stumble over and pop my chin on his shoulder to see him making up two little salmon and rice bowls he must've gotten from carry out.

"Feeling better?" He hums softly and I shrug, closing my eyes and sighing heavily. I feel his hesitation, before an arm snakes around my waist and pulls me close to him.

"Salmon is supposed to help with migraines so I got these bowls from this place Zhou recommended nearby." Logan says, dropping his shoulder under mine so he can lift me up. He carries me over to the bed and sets me down, allowing me to tuck myself in while he brings over the food and sits across from me.

"if my head didn't hurt so much I'd have a genuine thank you coming out of my mouth." I say before taking a chomp of the food and rolling my eyes at the absolutely amazing taste. Logan just laughs softly, taking his own bite and opening his eyes wide.

"Oh shit, this is really good." He says once he swallows, then his eyes peek up to mine with a tiny grin as he says, "and definitely not on my meal plan."

With the mix of my medication, the excess of magnesium in my system, the lavender, and a warm shower followed by good food, my migraine has edged off enough that I can enjoy this moment. We mostly eat in silence, even if I can tell Logan is worried. So I cock my head at him and furrow my brow, making him sigh,

"What happened today? Other than the race, I know the race stuff, but that wouldn't be worrying you because car failures are out of your control." Logan explains, making sure to keep his voice abnormally soft, "was Aakash rude on the radios again? Did something happen in Ferrari?"

"I..." letting out a long sigh I lean back into the bed cushions, "Well, yeah, I snapped at Aakash today. Ferrari wouldn't box me and I almost crashed like... four separate times. Luckily Lando or McLaren noticed something was up and had him back off."

Logan nods, listening along to every word I say.

"And then he kinda pissed me off with him being dismissive on the radio, and then cursing at me on the damn radio? And the FIA hasn't done anything about it. And then..."

I sigh, rubbing the side of my head that hurts and Logan leans back to grab the lavender oil and he pops it open to tap some along the insides of my wrists and the sides of my neck without me even asking. So I keep talking.

"And then I heard Charles and Fred talking and... and Fred said 'You are more important than some girl' to Charles and they've just been using me like Trident used Viscaal. Which is just..." I stare Logan dead in the eyes as I grumble, "so ironic."

"Jesus." Logan says after a beat, running his hand through his hair as he sets down his half empty salmon bowl on the bed to adjust how he's seated, "Okay, so, Ferrari's treating you like shit which is why you have this migraine, right? Nothing else?"

"Nothing else." I clarify, "everything else has been absolutely wonderful."

The 'even you' goes unsaid.

Logan laughs softly and rhen groans, running his hand through his hair as he stares up at the ceiling, "I'm sorry Aakash is being a dick, thats not cool of him. And for Fred to say that? I really hope he just messed up his words in translation."

"God, me too." I sigh, finishing off the last of my bowl and leaning across Logan to set it on the bedside. He sets his bowl in mine and then turns to help me get under the blankets so I can finally get some well deserved rest.

I can sense the tension in Logan, and take his hand, rubbing it like a massage as I murmur, "I know mentioning Trident makes this odd bubble of tension between us, and I'm sorry, but god now that I know how Viscaal must've felt I really feel like shit. Why did they make him do that..? What was even the point of crashing into you? We had like four races left in the season, I could've made up the points."

"Trident wanted their Renault fame." He shrugs, looking over at me as I barely poke out of the blankets, just my hands out to hold his.

“It’s probably stupid to bring it back up but I need you to know I genuinely had nothing to do with Viscaal and Trident.” I say and Logan sighs, adjusting the way he’s seated as he says,

“Let’s not ruin a nice moment.”

We talk for so long Logan ends up sleeping in the same bed as me. His arm is wrapped loosely around my waist as my head is tucked in the crook of his neck. It’s safe. It’s definitely not platonic, but it’s safe, and it’s what I need.

--

-

So far it's been:

Bahrain, P3,

Saudi, P5,

Australia, P8,

Japan, P4,

China, P7,

and now it's Miami, where I land a solid P10 after Carlos clearly attempts to knock me off the track entirely and runs me into the gravel. I have to fight for my way back up from P20, and Carlos gets himself and Red Bull a 10 second penalty for aggressive driving. I'm impressed with the run some of the back drivers give me (especially Haas and Alpine) but I'm frustrated in general with my finish, I had been doing so well I could’ve easily ended top three, but here I am scoring a singular point.

What could've been more is fucked over when Carlos in P4 swings purposefully wide and damages my front wing, knocking me off the track but not enough for me to fail to recover. We both have to box to check damages, and are both cleared to continue. Everyone can feel my anger in Ferrari, so Aakash doesn’t even bother with saying anything on the radio other than what he needs to.

When we finish, I pull up and wait for podium in the drivers room. I always go to support Charles, and I can tell it means a lot to him when he spots me in the crowd and a big grin pokes across his face.

He walks back to the paddock with me, an arm slung over my shoulder as we talk about anything but the race, and when we get back he excuses himself from the team to pull me into his drivers room.

"You alright?" Charles asks immediately, sitting on his PT bed and wiping his face off with a towel.

"I'm fine, but it's just-- ugh, It's not fair!" I complain to Charles as I pace the length of the tiny drivers room, "I don't know what he has against me!"

"Danny," Charles sighs, running a hand through his hair, "Be proud of what you did accomplish today. Seriously, a wonderful ten place overtake in only seven or so laps! You did amazing tonight, even with that fuck up from Carlos."

"You've been podium every race except for Australia." I snip, whipping around so hard my braid whacks the side of my face, "What I would do to be able to get up there... it's just annoying some drivers have made it their agenda to get me off the track! Carlos has no reason to nearly knock me off the track multiple times today!"

"Carlos is frustrated Ferrari dropped him for you. He'll pretend to be amicable over at Red Bull but he's fucking miserable." Charles sighs, "Ferrari's been no help either, they've yet to pay him the rest of his contract."

"Well how is that my fault, Charles!" I ask, groaning softly as I bury my head in my hands and come to sit next to him. It's not like I had told Ferrari to pick me, it had been a huge surprise they had. Charles has no answer and I just huff and lean back into the couch's plush surface and hide my face.

"I'm miserable too." I complain into the air, and it's frustrating to admit it. Charles can tell I don't wanna talk about it, so he just pulls me to his side and lets me curl up there. I feel like a child, but I feel safe.

—

Imola proves to be more difficult than I expected.

I had qualified really well, starting in P4 with Max, Charles, and Lando ahead of me. I was holding my own during the race, but Ferrari wasn't clearing me to pass Charles to try and take P2. Which is honestly the least of my worries right now. Aakash has been non-exsistant on the radio today, barely answering as per usual. I was basically using my own strategy at this point, pulling off of tips I had been given by Charles for this track.

And everything is surprisingly going well.

“Woah!” I shout, turning clear of whoever is in the Alpine that’s stuck half off the gravel, I make some sort of contact but not enough to deter me, “Alpine is down on the track, hit him, I think front damage? Rear wing is still locked in DRS.”

“Understood. Possible red flag coming up, use these last seconds to try and secure position.” Aakash says into my headset and I reply back with a soft ‘copy’ as I go to turn normally but for some reason I find that I whip to the side—under steering hard. Luckily, by pure coincidence, it keeps Oscar behind me and secures a place in P3 behind Charles. But the car isn’t driveable in this state, extremely dangerous, and my hands shake as I struggle to press down my radio button while holding the wheel steady.

“My steering is going out!” I curse, trying to stabilize myself—waiting for a red flag or a safety or something. Where the fuck is this safety car for the crash?

“How bad is it?” Aakash asks and I grit my teeth as I pull into the next turn. I curse softly, breaking a bit harder than I need to but managing somehow to keep Oscar behind me. I think he knows to stay back, that something is clearly wrong,

“Terrible, terrible! I can’t fight like this!” I snap, groaning as we move now to a straightaway. Oscar comes to my left and I steer towards, Aakash is calling that the flag is flying and the safety car has been deployed, but my eyes are on Oscar as he tries to maneuver around the other side but I cut him off again—or try to.

I steer too hard, clipping the front of Oscar’s tire on the slick of the still drying rain and spinning out. I feel the gravel as the car spins and then the world rocks when I hit the wall. I can't breathe for a moment, breath caught in my chest as I grip my seatbelts.

"Fuck." I whisper, groaning aloud as I try to blink my brain back into order. It's like someone's hit me in the gut. My first F1 crash, not a terrible one, but I hope I didn't also take Oscar out with me. As I catch my breath, I begin to adjust in my seat so I can get out. No one calls over the radio for a moment, and then,

"Dhanishka, is the car okay?"

"Fuck you." Is my reply as I grab my restraints and slowly unclick them. It's agony to move as I take out my steering wheel and pop it on the top of the car, hoisting myself up and nearly buckling back down into the car in pure pain. I manage to get myself out by the time medics arrive, they take me to medical to get checked and it's like I'm not even worried about. No one from Ferrari comes to check on me.

I limp myself back to the paddock, guarded by McLaren employees and followed closely by Lando and Olivia--who is softly scolding the FIA in her phone. Her voice thick in frustration over Ferrari's dismissal of me, her hand on my lower back supporting me as I walk. Once they get me back to Ferrari, Olivia forces her way in to escort me to my drivers room.

"I'm gonna get them fined for this bullshit." Olivia mutters, helping me sit down on my bed. I don't reply as she hands me a change of clothes and then gives me a soft hug, the painkillers slowly kicking in and making my dull pain fade, but my migraine fights through. Because of course it does. Once I feel a bit better, I wave her off to go home and she reluctantly does after ensuring someone will swing by my hotel later to check on me. It ends up being Logan, because of course it is.

And my migraine flares when Aakash knocks, entering my room. He's still got his headphones on, and I bite back about thirty insults as he crosses his arms.

"Feel better?"

"No." I huff, "and your precious car is fine."

"Listen, we're pushing you because we need you to be a better driver." The mechanic looks at me, arms taught over his chest and I wish it was still Ami in charge of my comms.

"I don't understand what you want from me!" I shout in frustration, my hand itching to throw my helmet across the room at him. I’m not violent, I never have been, I don’t understand why I’m so short of breath. It feels like the rage in my belly fights to be fed by all the oxygen in my lungs, my hands shaking as he slam my helmet down and punch the plush surface of my bedding.

“Dhanishka—“ Aakash tries and I whip around, pointing at him and watching his face fill with shock as I finally snap under the pressure of the weekend.

“No, listen to me! [You all love Charles, treat him like your golden child! He coughs and you all run to get medicine, but when I am out there and I am struggling and nearly dying, you do nothing! I fought with a broken wing and a fucked up steering wheel and what help did I get?!]” I snap at him in my mother tongue, watching his face fill with something like horror as I step even closer, “[None of you were there for me! You all went to coddle poor Charlie—he was fine! I was the one who suffered for you! Where is my help? You have all done this the whole season!]”

“[Charles was frustrated—]”

I cut Aakash off, screaming, “[And I nearly killed myself out there because none of you would help! Do you think I wasn’t also frustrated?!]”

“Listen, I—“

“Get the fuck out of my room! I’m not doing media! I’m going the fuck back to my hotel.” I snap and Aakash listens, quickly ducking out of the room. I rip off my suit and throw it in my bag and I get changed into my street clothing, only pausing to touch up my makeup. I pass by Charles coming back from podium with a cold shoulder and shove through the crowd to my car, digging out my keys and getting in. I sit there, hands tight on the wheel for a while, and my fingers start to go numb as I feel like my brain is shutting off and going into autopilot.

I just sit back and watch, like a movie goer, as the world around me fades in my mind.

--

taglist (open, and thank you to those on it now!)

@chasing-liberosis @justsomejess @struggling-with-delia

[lovely-showtimes]

can I request proseka boys x reader sweet kiss? pretty banal, but I like it 😇

sweet kiss ~ ♡

characters - akito, toya, tsukasa, rui.

type - short scenarios.

a/n - okay so i will be entirely honest, i wasn't sure if this request was referring to something or if it's just kisses, so that is what i went with! if that was incorrect, i am terribly sorry, please feel free to request again once reqs are open :') also i am very sorry if toya is ooc i don't know much about him ahfsghsjk

It is a perfectly normal Thursday afternoon, and you are listening to Akito rant about something while you walk back home from school together.

He seems very fired up about this topic, as his brows are furrowed and he's speaking in a slightly louder voice than usual. You aren't entirely sure if he's genuinely angry or not, but he seems frustrated in any case. You interject occasionally with a noise of affirmation to show that you were listening, but you're not even sure if Akito is paying attention to you anymore.

You're a little worried, though. You notice that he's getting quite worked up now, and while you believe it's important to let your feelings out, you don't want him to be too angry. So, you do the first thing that comes to mind.

You lean over while he's talking and kiss him.

Akito immediately stops - not only talking, but also in his tracks. He looks slightly bewildered, as if he had forgotten that he was even walking with you in the first place.

He looks at you for a few moments with an unreadable expression, before leaning over and kissing you again, this time a little more tenderly and loving.

Akito pulls away, and meets your eyes for a few moments once more, before his face goes pink and he takes your hand, pulling you onwards. You can't help but smile at him.

It was on a lovely, warm afternoon when you and your boyfriend lay underneath a fairly large tree, enjoying the shade given to you by its leaves. Toya was leaning against you, his head on your shoulder, and your head leaning against his. Neither of you were speaking, but it was a comfortable silence.

You had been lost in your thoughts, even beginning to feel a little sleepy from how relaxed you were, when you felt Toya move slightly on your shoulder, sharply snapping you back to the present. You look down at him, and were surprised to see an almost adoring look in his eyes, causing you to feel a little flustered.

You opened your mouth to say something to him, but he soon beat you to it.

"May I kiss you?"

You stare down at him in surprise for a few moments, before nodding.

Toya sits up and carefully cups your face and leans in, pressing a soft but loving kiss to your lips. It was short, but very sweet.

Afterwards, Toya gazed at you for a few moments, before laying his head on your shoulder once more, gently taking your hand in his with a small smile on his face.

"Look, a shooting star! Let's make a wish!"

Tsukasa follows where you point, up to the shooting star flying across the darkened night sky. His gaze sparkles as he watches the stars above, as if he has a galaxy of his own in his eyes.

He's so pretty to look at... so much so, you forget to make your wish in time.

Tsukasa turns to you once more, noticing your stare and grinning. "Haha, once again, I have captured your attention! As a future star would always do, of course!" He turns away and strikes a pose, which causes you to giggle.

"Yes, Tsukasa," You smile at him softly. "I am so, so utterly enchanted by you at all times."

You had spoken this in a somewhat joking tone, but you'd be lying if you said it was untrue. Tsukasa seemed to pick up on this, as a red flush appeared over his face, clearly at a loss for words.

He really did look so beautiful in the moonlight, didn't he?

Before you could even register it, the two of you were drifting closer, closer, closer still, until... your lips met, and a fireworks show exploded in your heart. The moment couldn't be more perfect.

"My love, may I tell you a secret?"

You look down from your phone to your boyfriend's face curiously. Rui was currently laying in your lap and was looking right back at you with a mischievous expression on his face.

"Of course. What is it?" You respond, putting your phone down and giving him a bright smile.

Rui made a beckoning gesture with his hand. "Come closer. I don't want anyone to hear it but you."

You decide to not point out that you were the only two in the room in the moment as you amusedly lean down to his face.

Instead of saying anything, however, Rui sits up slightly, kissing you for only a few moments before laying down once more, his signature cat-like smile on his face.

You stare at him in bewilderment for a few moments before coughing and looking away. "If you wanted to kiss me, you could've just asked..."

Rui shrugs, still smiling. "I know, dear. I simply wanted to surprise you a little, fufu."

[beenjen]

I was reminded this morning, after a lovely yoga, that I haven’t listened to this album for a long, long time.

This was the first time, in weeks, aside from transit to and from work, walks at work, the rare Monday of late that hasn’t been absorbed with appointments, projects, etc, etc, that I had an outing. I met some friends at yoga -

It’s a free class my studio puts on at a local brewery. Then I grabbed a latte, and headed for a facial. It was so amazing. Something I needed so much.

When I got home, all of my happy was completely stomped all over. Its so exhausting having to wear all the hats. I can’t step away ever. I can’t let go ever. If I do, everything comes crashing down. It makes me bitter and resentful. It’s hard not to stay there, mentally. To just keep my chin up sometimes.

I shared that the spring break snuck in there - which I’m not sure ‘snuck’ is the right word, because I don’t think it was a surprise for everyone, just for us, and I say ‘us’ lightly, as I was informed I would need to take care of everything, childcare, etc. so, as ever, I have.

The kids, my dad and I are headed to Cincinnati in the morning. We are hitting the Smale Riverpark, have a hotel with an indoor pool, and it’ll be fun. Then we are meeting my nephew and family at the aquarium to pet penguins and sharks, and I want to be excited, because it think it will be fun, I’m just so tired and feel I’m making motions at this point.

Quick Up and back, I will work Tuesday, have childcare sorted…. Then I’m off Wednesday for dads infusion and have to bring the kids with, which is fine, they can’t go into the actual infusion area though, we will sit in the waiting room, then Thursday, I have child care sorted and will have to work, then Friday I have them solo while working from home. I’m nervous about that because I have actual video confidential appointments and my kids do not give a fig about that shit. So, I’m sure it’ll be great - fake smile.

it’s just a thankless job at this point. Everything. Being a parent. A wife. Homemaker. Truth be told, I feel more appreciation from my patients than I do anything else. Running all over for my dad, making special trips to the grocery to get things for hubs while we will be out of town, extra effort for the kids lunches/career day, it’s all MORE. On top of work, trying to take care of myself, keep friendships alive, and no one ever acknowledges it. It’s expected.

I’m fucking becoming a bitter bitch and I don’t know how to stop it. Like, I’m a fucking happy person. I do not live with a happy person at this point. The kids, if you know kids, they are just bumming about, and oblivious. It’s not intentional on their part, which is par for the course. And I will say hubs did it up for valentines, and I was not expecting that, it was a complete surprise. Outside of that? I can’t even.

The worst part? Everyone I know, who is in a similar situation, feels exactly as I do. Somethings gotta give, and I’m tired of it being me folks. I’m not putting myself on the back burner anymore. I’ve take steps to negate that.

When the kids are out for school and I can, I’m just taking them places by myself.

I’m not waiting anymore for someone else to make plans. I’m just doing that shit myself.

I’m making my needs in the top 5. Why should what I need always be at the bottom of the list? Fuck that. Nope.

I have commitments to myself, to take care of me yes, but also, to show my kids how things SHOULD be. I’m their example and I have to do better.

I’ve been walking again at work. Making the time.

I’ve been making yoga a must - it really is, for my mental health.

I started light lifting again. Some Functional strength training. Because it makes me feel strong and capable.

Let’s not lose ourselves my lovelies xx

[butchsophiewalten]

can we hear more about YES? wha happened 👀

There's been a new Findjackwalten update! From what I can tell, this one alters one page (or two depending on how you count it) and adds one new one.

The main page has been updated: https://www.findjackwalten.com/

it strongly resembles the '/copia-de-nueva-pagina' page we discovered back in July, which now, in fact, redirects to it. The old homepage, /cyberfuntech82, is now a completely blank webpage.

Some images have been added to the new landing page that did not exist on the old /copia-de-nueva-pagina page, like the Cyberfun Tech poster we saw Martin post in his community tab is what I believe was May of last year? And three as yet unseen images of Little Bon, Little Bon and Little Sha, and then of the animatronic Bon. There's a fourth image not visible in this screenshot, of the exterior of Bon's Burgers (the same shot of it we seen in TWF1).

Clicking on the "JOB OFFER" image leads to a new webpage, findjackwalten.com/caretakerlibrary.

This page contains a greyed-out version of the banner from the homepage, a large greyed-out version of the mounted buck's head known for being on findjackwalten.com/jackwalten, and a picture of someone we can assume, thanks to later context, is named Richie. It looks like the background illustration of an anthropomorphized family of rabbits is still on this page, it's just mostly hidden by the other page assets. Something interesting to note about this page is that all of its images are actually in regular full color, the page just puts a black & white filter over them. It's thanks to that we can have this regular, full-color image of Richie.

This page claims to be a "Caretaker Audio Archive", which seems to be the same archive Brian mentioned in TWF1, when he mentioned being asked to record himself during his job "for the archives". It contains two pieces of audio attributed to an "R.", who worked for BSI between 1974 and 1975. It refers to him also as the "Night Shift CARETAKER A".

The first piece of audio, titled "richie 1" is dated 05-23-74, or the 23rd of May, 1974. I've transcribed it as follows, but this is pretty rough: Hey there! Its your, uh, it's your coworker Richie from uh, B-Uh, BSI. Uh, Felix probably mentioned me to you before, I-uh-I don't believe we've actually, yknow, met face-to-face before, but I-uh, look forward to working with you! Uh, so, uhm. Yeah, uh! I work the, uh, I work the- I'm working the night shift at the moment. Uh, and, uh, [UNINTELLIGIBLE] uhm, sorry you're not in any, uh, trouble or anything, heh. Uh-m just- saying hi. It's uh, company policy, all employees gotta, like, know each other so we can work more efficiently, I guess. I dunno. Uh, from what I've heard I take it you've been working here quite a while, right? Uh, summer job? Same here! Uh, so uh, where was I? Hmm.. Ah- uh, some notes from last week's shift, uhm, the arcade machines should be on their way by Tuesday, I think? We uh, we made a call with Starleys, uh, now they're going to be doing the installations themselves, so you don't gotta worry about that anymore. Just try and keep [UNINTELLIGIBLE] and plus, you now owe me a favor! Nah, just kidding. Uhh, so! Tech supervisor asked us to present the documentation of the animatronics' state by tomorrow! So, uh, yeah, better get that out of the way soon. And, uh, huh! I guess that's it. Ahh- sorry, and uh, one more thing, uh, I think we'll, uh, yknow, properly meet on, uhm, Thursday! I think. [UNINTELLIGIBLE] a tour of the installations. And, not-not the ones that smell like tobacco. The other one. So, uh, yeah, uh, see you there!

The second audio, titled "richie 2", is dated 06-18-74, or the 18th of June, 1974. This is, very notably, a week after Jack Walten's disappearance. I've transcribed it as follows: Hey, uh, just wanted to update you on everything that's been going on the past few days. So, uhh, for starters I got paid the extra hours for last week, so that's nice. Uhmm, right, uh, right. So, uh, did you get the memo, or whatever? Apparently the lockdown was because of some infestation or something? Yknow, like, bugs? Heh. So just a heads up if you feel kinda- smell chemicals and whatnot. Uhh, what else, what else, what else? Right, uh, right- so here, from next week onward, all animatronics will be cleaned and checked by authorized personnel. Nobody else is allowed- sorry- Nobody else is permitted to go near them until further notice. So, that's one less thing to worry about with our jobs, right? Uhhh, right- ah, oh right, uhm. Don't come to work on Monday. They're doing one more big cleanup to make sure there's no bugs crawling around or whatever. We, uh, we wouldn't really want our customers eating a beetle sandwich, yknow? Haha, sorry- hmm. Uhh, yeah! That's all for tonight. If you see any bugs in the next few days, just like, wack 'em with a newspaper or somethin'. You'll be fine. Anyways, uh, see ya around! Take care! Bye!

A very notable peculiarity with this is that the second audio sounds very... dank? Like it's being recorded in a cave? I have absolutely no idea what this means.

[grey-gazania]

Throwback Thursday Sunday

@swanhild tagged me to share a fic that's more than a year old, so I'm picking one of my Girl-galad WIPs, which I started writing in 2019 and started posting in 2022.

The Kids Are All Right (Rated G, 6/? chapters posted)

As the survivors from Nargothrond come to Balar and the Fell Winter sets in, the girl who will become Gil-galad struggles alongside her friends to find a ray of hope in a darkness that seems unending.

I will fully admit that this story is self-indulgent, because the entire Woman King AU is self-indulgent. I didn't expect it to have many (if any) readers, and so far I've been right, but I'm enjoying writing it and that's what counts! It's allowed me to explore a lot of my ideas and headcanons, such as:

Life on Balar, which at this point in time contains refugees from three longstanding communities (the Falathrim, the Northern Sindar, and the Noldor of Hithlum), with the survivors of the destruction of Nargothrond newly arrived at the beginning of the story. Thinking about how these disparate ethnic groups would interact has been fun.

Following on that, I'm also exploring what it would be like for Gil-galad to grow up between these communities. Her father is the crown prince and later the High King of the Noldor, and her mother is from a high-status family of the Mithrim Sindar, but Ereiniel has in fact spent most of her life among the Falathrim. This frequently leaves her feeling like she's too Noldorin for the Sindar and too Sindarin for the Noldor, but in this story she's coming to realize that her understanding of and affection for all three groups could actually become one of her strengths.

The arc of Ereiniel's relationship with Círdan. The major question I always ask myself when I write a genderswap AU in any fandom is, How would so-and-so being female change things? Círdan's relationship with young Gil-galad is one of those changes. Ereinion, as crown prince and Fingon's heir, would have been much more involved with Círdan as a child. But Ereiniel, being female and not in the line of succession, isn't perceived as needing the same degree of fostering that her male counterpart would. She respects Círdan and knows she can rely on him, but her care was left largely to her mother when she was growing up, and her education was left to a tutor Fingon had selected before his death. She wasn't fostered in the traditional sense because no one ever expected that she would end up ruling her people.

Young people coming of age in the decline following the Nírnaeth Arnoediad. Most of the young adults in this story were born sometime within fifty years before the Dagor Bragollach, when the Siege of Angband was still in place and things were looking more hopeful. Their families were intact and they grew up being told that Morgoth would be defeated. But that's not how things are anymore. What is it like to be the Elf equivalent of an 18-30 year old in a world that's now suffering one catastrophic defeat after another, where your parents and their parents and all the other older adults in your lives have, through no fault of their own, neither a plan nor the ability to stand against the monster Vala who's doing his damnedest to destroy the world and all its people? How do you plan for life in a future that you know there's a good chance you may not have? How do you grow up with the possible deaths of you and everyone you love hanging over your head like a sword?

Elvish local government. Yes, Círdan is in charge on Balar, but he can't possibly being seeing to every little thing. Someone has to make sure the roads are in good repair, and the snow is getting shoveled, and the cesspits are being emptied and composted. Somebody has to adjudicate the smaller disputes and hear the local concerns. So I've invented local neighborhood councils for this purpose.

Erestor. My Erestor is not nobility, nor is he half-Elven, nor is he a Fëanorian. He's a regular-degular Falathron Sinda, but he's intensely curious, a voracious learner, and hungry for knowledge. It's his mind that makes him notable, not his family background.

Celebrimbor and Gil-galad. The published Silm is pretty sparse on what Celebrimbor does in the First Age following his renunciation of his father, so I kept him in Nargothrond, and he arrives on Balar with the first wave of Nargothrond refugees. He's cut ties with his family. Ereiniel, on the other hand, is hungry for connection with her father's kin. And I truly believe that Gil-galad and Celebrimbor were friends before the whole Annatar thing, so this story is allowing me to explore the early days of that budding friendship.

With my OCs Henthael and Gurvadhor, I'm fine-tuning my ideas regarding Fingolfin's followers -- how loyal they would feel to him as the one who led them across the ice and ruled them for four and a half centuries, and how that loyalty might or might not transfer to Fingon, who was his father's heir but also a Kinslayer. Whose loyalty might that fact affect? Who would overlook that pesky detail and who wouldn't?

And last but not least, Elvish gender roles and sexual norms, which I'm exploring via bisexual baby butch Ereiniel. I love her, your honor. ❤️

I am tagging: @vidumavi, @melestasflight, @cuarthol, @polutrope@, leucisticpuffin, @emyn-arnens, @polutrope, @swanmaids, @sallysavestheday, @thelordofgifs, @zealouswerewolfcollector, @hhimring, @elfscribe, @lucifers-cuvette, and anyone else who hasn't done this yet but wants to!

[thewritingofspencerrose]

A Grid Thanksgiving

Logan Sargeant x OC

"And that closes up this wrap up for Vegas, we'll see you all next week in Abu Dhabi," an official closes, glancing around the room for someone to take the microphone from him, Logan Sargeant of all people being the one to do so, stepping on to the stage in an unusual move.

"Uh, if the grid could stick around for just a couple minutes that'd be great," the Williams driver requests, drivers left and right sharing looks.

And they wait, the crews and principles exiting the room before Logan, now without the microphone, has everyone crowd around.

"What's up kid?" Daniel is the one to ask, one brow raised at the American driver.

"I actually was sent on a mission from the missus-"

"You have a missus?" Max asks, the idea setting in over the last few races that he may not be all that young anymore.

Logan chuckles, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck with a nod. "Yeah, I'm going to try to not take that as an insult."

"That's not what he meant," Charles corrects, waving his hand. "You just do not seem as the type to settle down young and we haven't seen any woman with you around the paddock or online."

Logan knows they're right, but that doesn't change the fact that he's tired of always experiencing these assumptions.

"Welp, for eight months now we've been married, her names Brooke, and she sent me to work today with one request."

"Which was?" Oscar questions, expecting something outside the box from the woman who somehow manages his close friend.

"If you all out be available and on location next Tuesday, we've rented a rental apartment rather than a hotel room, and she was hoping you all and your significant others may be willing to join us for Thanksgiving."

"Isn't that typically on Thursdays?" Lando asks, already knowing the answer but hoping for something more.

"It is, but with the race and everything we won't be able to make it home to be with our families, so she got her heart set on cooking a traditional thanksgiving meal for all of you," Logan explains, knowing the request may be a stretch in a lot of places. As much as they respect one another, they are also all still competitors, even if Max and Red Bull had already won. "Its just an open invite, she just really loves the concept of taking a day to appreciate what you're grateful for and keeps saying she's grateful for all of you, even though she only knows you two," He finishes explaining, gesturing to Alex and Oscar. "And none of you have to come, absolutely don't feel like you've got to."

"When will you need numbers by?" Max speaks up, giving the boy a rare grin for a competitor. "I'll have to see if Kelly and P will be traveling with me."

And Logan beams, because at the very least, at least a few drivers are considering the offer.

"Sunday or Monday, Brie isn't planning to shop for anything until Monday."

Max nods, a simple gesture to wrap up the impromptu meeting.

——————————————————————————————————

"Baby, you said to invite the grid, why are you so surprised?" Lo questions with a chuckle, making me want to throw my whisk at him/

"Because I wasn't expecting a good chunk of them to text saying yes! How does Lewis Hamilton even have my number?!"

"He asked me for it so I sent it in the driver's chat," He explains simply, taking a finished dish from my hands to the kitchen island that we set up as a buffet. "Who ended up being available?"

"Carlos, Charles and Alex, Lando, Oscar and Lily, Lewis, Max with Kelly and P, Pierre and Kika, Yuki, George and Carmen, and Alex and Lily," I list smiling brightly at how bustling this home will be in no more than half an hour. "Valterri and the Haas men texted saying they would love to come but they were going home for a beat instead of straight here," I explain, scooping the whipped topping into the bag and twisting it shut.

"Wow, half the grid, good job Baby," Lo compliments, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my temple.

"You're just lucky I didn't invite your boss just to get more baby snuggles," I can't help but jest, but he doesn't look remotely upset at the idea, smiling with a look in his eyes that I just can't place. "What's that look for?"

"You act like I wouldn't love to see you wondering around with a baby, although I'd prefer it to be ours," He admits, making my heart soar. It's before I can answer however that the doorbell rings, calling him away from a conversation we've had many times.

"Brie!" Lily exclaims as Oscar quietly follows her in, Lando following his teammate.

"Lils, it's been too long," I greet her with a hug, pulling both of the Mclaren drivers into hugs as well. "You need to come to more races, I'm always lonely."

"And what am I, chopped liver?" Kelly asks, announcing her little family's arrival, Max clapping Lo on the back as her little girl runs into my legs.

"B!"

"P! I've missed you sweetie," I coo, pulling her onto my hip and kissing her cheek, hugging Kelly and Max.

"P, what do we say to Brie and Logan?" Max prompts, smiling softly at his little girl and I.

"Thank you for inviting us to your American holiday!" She thanks, kissing my cheek before fist bumping Lo.

"I am so happy you all could come," I assure, looking around the progressively filling kitchen. "I love that we're all able to be together for one of my favorite holidays."

She smiles brightly, Max coming up to take her from me with the reasoning that I should be greeting guests as Alex and his Lily walk in, the Lily's being introduced.

And I can't help but smile around me, my heart warm as Lo joins me, wrapping me in his arms.

"Is this everything you wanted?" He asks, words whispering in my ear as he leans on my shoulder.

"Everything and more Lo, everything and more."

[deathclassic]

thank you for thinking of me in this weekly tag wednesday but i do it on a thursday <3

@tellmegoodbye @energievie @creepkinginc @surviving-maybe @michellemisfit @mikhailoisbaby @iansw0rld @transmickey

Name: Molly

Where in the world are you? Australia

Do you have a favorite towel? Nah

Can you skip rocks? i want to say yes but its been a very long time sice ive tried

Tell me about a weird slang term from your area: i say chuck a u-ey a lot lmao, it's just doing a u-turn

Favorite toast topping: im a peanut butter slut

Thoughts on bread pudding: depends on the recipe tbh i dont like it with sultanas and stuff

City or country living? City! or like outta city? i like going to the country though

How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? i dont know? i kinda just lay there and hope it passes

Are you a pessimist or an optimist? pessimist 100% it pisses everyone off but i also learnt that my pessimist attitude was just anxiety and now i take cbd oil to help lol

Can I tag you in random stuff? cant imagine why you'd want to tag me in stuff but sure

im sure everyone has already been tagged but i feel super guilty for not being active much these days and just want to say,,,hi how are you even if we dont really interact a lot anymore

@suzy-queued @vintagelacerosette @look-i-love-u @ian-galagher @metalheadmickey @gardenerian @celestialmickey @gallawitchxx @callivich @depressedstressedlemonzest @shameless-notashamed @sickness-health-all-that-shit @scurvgirl @sam-loves-seb @lupeloto @too-schoolforcool @sleepyfacetoughguy @stocious @captainjowl

[deedala]

✨weekly tag wednesday (but its thursday)✨

thank you so many beloved nuggets for tagging me!! @darlingian @creepkinginc @metalheadmickey @too-schoolforcool @mybrainismelted @lingy910y @crossmydna @iansw0rld @juliakayyy @jrooc @energievie &lt;3

how is your day going?: busy! are you okay?: not reaaallly what is your favourite shade of your favourite colour?: mint green! are you single?: nope are you happy about that?: lol yes what age do you feel in your brain?: for a long time i'd have to stop and think about how i was not 28 anymore and would have to remember my actual age. now i just have a general ~in my 30s~ feeling. alas that is also no longer accurate 🥲 do you feel like the good times are behind you or ahead of you?: i have never had a period of my life that felt like "the good times" and i dont imagine a period like that coming in the future either, so?? do you have a best friend?: yeah did you have a childhood pet?: yes, a few do you sing or whistle around the house?: im a person who is constantly singing, sorry. do you light candles or incense?: noooo are you busy Friday night?: i mean...not more than i usually am with the kids and the chores.... if you were a circus performer which act would you be in?: ....i dunno a clown maybe? what is your favourite outfit?: black sweatshirt + black joggers what's the last thing you created?: some gifs! what is your favourite fic or book of all time?: i get so overwhelmed i dont know how to pick one favorite thing, im skipping this one!! what are you looking forward to?: ...bedtime? what can put you immediately in a better mood?: quiet time do you like hugs?: usually yes, from my family though. i used to love hugs from anyone but these days uuhhm dont touch me lol what is something you wish people understood about you? im doing my best to be not annoying and not dumb but, well lol

gonna skip tags cuz im late this week and also very tired. ✨✨✨sparkles for everyone though ilu &lt;3

[annieqattheperipheral]

Kyle. Hi. Wow. Ok. I'm sad. Wow gonna miss u hard.

Ok so the Brendan Shanahan media availability just ended. Wow, he revealed a fair bit and didn't hide that letting Kyle go was his decision and revealed when he changed his mind from fully working on extending his contract, to ok thank you but bye.

The timeline:

Off-season 2022: shanny tells dubas they're going to wait and see how the 22-23 season goes and then decide on whether or not to extend him. Kyle all cool beans super profesh

Season: goes well normal ups n downs. Owners & board & shanny are happy

Trade deadline 2023: shanny is very pleased and now there's not much else for GMs to do rn so tells dubas we want to extend you. Kyle all cool beans i want that too here's my agent's deets y'all figure it out keep me out of it while i focus on the end of season & playoffs

Friday May 12: Leafs nation crashes and burns out of the playoffs in round 2

Saturday day off

Sunday they all come in for team pictures and shanny & dubas chat and he tells dubas you did well this doesn't change anything we still want to extend you. also everyone will be talking to media tmr you don't have to i won't be. Kyle all cool beans but I'm gonna bc the players & coach have to and i should support them

Monday May 15 - Kyle Dubas speaks to media -> he did not confirm yes/no on whether he wanted to stay as GM, answers with this season was v hard on my family and i have to speak w them before i answer in any way at all

Shanny's brain goes all WTF. Yes we've talked extensively at every conversation about how hard this season has been on your family. But like did not expect that response to the media. So then shanny's all driving home that night thinking ok i have to think about the possibility of next season having a different GM

Tuesday - they don't chat

Wednesday - shanny goes to see dubas. They talk about his Monday media availability cuz shanny got questions cuz like wtf. They talk about pressure on family in this industry both as player and management. Kyle says his agent will contact him tmr and shanny all uhh ok but I'm like still so confused girl

Thursday - dubas agent sends shanny a new contract w different financial package expectations. Kyle emails shanny that night i wanna be ur GM boo🫶 but shanny already got the ick factor going and is so not into it anymore

Friday May 19/today - shanny drove to dubas office at ford performance centre and told him we will not be extending ur contract 😭😭😭

Brendan Shanahan speaks to media

If you've got the urge and u really love kyle highly encourage you watch/listen to both of their press conferences. Shanahan speaks highly of Dubas keeps it profesh there is none of the bad blood we heard about

Kyle is so awesome, open, emotional and possibly its the last time we'll hear from him for awhile since he's no longer with MLSE nor any other org. He said in his media that if he were to not be GM with leafs, in no way would we be seeing him signing with another team like next week. His answer didn't have anything to do w having other job offers.

My overall conclusion:

shanny no longer saw the 100% passion and want for the job anymore from dubas during his Monday press conference. And it's ok if that is how kyle is feeling bc he clearly needs to focus on family for a bit now after just a rollicking season & stressful as shit playoffs. Yes Kyle was in a vulnerable state so soon after playoffs elimination and probably shouldn't have been judged for his contract extension based off of that. But workplaces and jobs are like relationships where if the want to work isn't fully there anymore it is going to turn off your coworkers and boss, and his lack of confirmation of wanting to be GM to the press really drove home that he was still on the fence and iffy about going all in on the job despite the horrible 2nd round loss.

Wherever you go kyle, I'm following you, even if you go to one of my hated teams bc i know you'll fix the org & locker room culture like you did at the leafs💙💙💙

[dbnightingale24]

Salt and Vinegar

Andy Barber One Shot

~~

Ya know, these really are supposed to be one shots, idk why I am the way that I am. TECHNICALLY, this is the second half of ‘Menace In The Sheets, Menace In The Sheets’, but I’m just gonna go ahead and call this part 2, because why not? Yes, this is another fucking novel, because I have no sense of anything at this point in my life. You do get pictures in this one tho, so yay!! I was gonna stop it here, but I’ve been toying around with idea of a part 3...so ya’ll are getting a part 3. I am, as the kids like to say, a sucker. Anywho, buckle up and enjoy another angsty novel by yours truly.

Also, and still very important, SUPPORT SEX WORKERS!!!!

Thanks :) 

Word Count: 29,947 (at least its not 30,000)

Warnings: MINORS DNI!!! SMUT, Very public sex, lying, arguing, drinking, crying, angst, depression, fear, anxiety, fluff, Daddy Kink, manipulation, heartbreak, self hate/anger...ya know, the usual slutty angsty shit I post. 

Song(s) That Inspired This: I’m sorry I’m such a trainwreck of a person. Love me anyway.

Summary: Love is something you never really believed in, but now that you’re deep in it, what do you do when it starts to turn more toxic than healthy?

I do not give consent for any of my works/posts/stores to get posted elsewhere.

~~

“Andy, you constantly say it’s my place, but you come and go as you please, and have your own fucking key,” you sigh, annoyed that you two are having the same argument yet again.

“If no one’s coming over, what’s the issue?”

“I’m sorry, don’t you still go to the fucking club?”

“Y/N-”

“You know what? Fuck it. I don’t fucking care. I’m not doing this with you again. I don’t have the fucking energy and frankly, I just don’t feel like it. You do whatever the fuck you want,” you concede, throwing your hands up as you get off the sofa.

“Baby stop, I’m sorry,” he says softly, wrapping his arms around you from behind. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“You’re always fucking sorry.”

“I know I am. I don’t want to argue. We always seem to argue.”

“Well, I wonder whose fucking fault that is.”

“Sweetheart.”

“Whatever Andy, let me go.”

“No, I’ve been thinking about you all day and I missed you like crazy. I wanna spend time with you.”

“Maybe I don’t wanna spend time with you.”

“Yes you do,” he chuckles before kissing the hollow of your neck.

“I hate you.”

“I hate me too, Baby.”

“How was work?”

“Long, annoying, pointless.”

“Why do you keep doing it if you’re not happy there?”

“Pays well.”

“No, the shady shit you do on the side pays well.”

“It’s not shady.”

“Then tell Lynne about it.”

“You’re annoying, did you know that?”

“You’re putting it nicely,” you smirk. “What do you want for dinner?”

“I’ll cook tonight, it’s only fair.”

“Oh? What brought this on? Something happen that you don’t wanna tell me about?”

“Stop it. I just feel bad. You’ve made dinner for the last week and I’ve been an asshole. I came over today and started an argument, so let me just make it up to you.”

“All you do is start arguments,” you scoff as you break out of his hold and make your way into the kitchen.

“I’m trying to make nice, babe,” Andy sighs, finally shrugging off his coat.

“Yeah yeah.”

“Did you do anything fun today?”

“I argued with Vivian, again, so that was time consuming,” you shrug as you grab two glasses.

“What’s she mad about now?”

“What isn’t she mad about? She said that it was unfair for me to sell everything without talking to her first.”

“What right does she have to anything?”

“Hence the reason for the argument,” you nod as you pour the both of you a glass of whiskey.

“That’s bullshit. I’m guess your Father had something to say about it?”

“Eh, he still just wants to take me out to lunch. At this point, I could murder someone and he’d just shrug it off because he doesn’t want me mad at him anymore,” you laugh before hoping up and sitting on the counter by the sink. “I’m gonna go and see him next Thursday.”

“Yeah?”

“If it means he’ll leave me alone, I’m more than happy to sit through a meal with him.”

“You don’t see yourself forgiving him any time soon?”

“What for? I have no interest in having a relationship with him. I’ve been fine after all of these years, so there’s no use in fixing what isn’t broken.”

“That’s a fair point,” he mumbles making his way over to you and settling himself between your legs. “You think you wanna move that dinner date to another week though?”

“Hmm? Why?”

“I wanna take you away this weekend.”

“Take me away? We can’t do it another weekend?”

“Well, I bought the tickets this morning so-”

“Tickets? Baby, what did you do?” you groan, wrapping your arms around him.

“I’ve been officially divorced for a month. I wanna celebrate and I wanna celebrate with you only.”

“Where are you taking us, Andy?”

“You’ve been saying how nice it would be to go to Hawaii, so-”

“You didn’t!”

“I did,” Andy laughs as you wrap your legs around him.. “We’ve both had a rough go of it, so I figured 2 weeks away would be good for us.”

“Baby...I-”

“I wanted to do this, it wasn’t too much, and I want you to be happy,” he interrupts before kissing the hollow of your neck.

“Andy I-”

“I know, Sweetheart.”

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to. I love making you happy,” he grins before biting your neck.

“Fuck,” you moan, arching your back and leaning into him a bit more. “I thought you were gonna make dinner.”

“Dinner can wait,” he mumbles against your neck.. “I wanna fill you with something else before I feed you,” he husks as he unbuttons his pants.

“Miss me?”

“So much, baby. Gonna show you just how much,” he groans as he pulls your sweatpants down. “My sweet, sweet girl,” he sighs as he thrusts himself inside of you. “So good and all mine.”

This has become routine for the both of you. You argue, pick petty fights, fuck, and make up. You took Andy up on his offer 2 months ago and its been a heavenly nightmare ever since.

Yeah, Andy spends most of his time with you, but not all of his time. While you barely ever work at the club, he spends a good amount of his free time there. When everything happened with your Mother, Andy did spend all of his time with you and it was heaven. He came home to you, looked after you, helped you focus on what truly mattered, and made sure you never slept alone.

He truly was everything you wanted him to be and more.

But you could see him pulling away more and more as time passed. It’s not like he ever lied to you and magically decided that he was ready for a relationship because you were sad, but that’s what you wanted. That’s what you talked yourself into waiting for.

“Then what’s the point of all this, Andy?! Why did you do this?!” you yelled, storming out of the bedroom after him.

“I don’t know why you’re picking a fight when I never fucking told you that I wanted to be with only you,” he spat as he put his shoes on.

“Ya know what? You’re right. My fucking fault, I thought we were getting somewhere, but that was my mistake. We all have to live with the mistakes Laurie made, which is why we’ll never really be together, right?”

“Y/N-”

“No Andy, you wanna keep fucking around, so keep fucking around! Why should I care? You pay my rent, so what right do I have to complain?” you questioned as you put your own shoes on.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?!”

“To work, Andy. You fuck who you want and I fuck who I want, right? We don’t belong to one another, we don’t love each other, and we’re just friends who fuck occasionally, right?”

“Don’t you fucking dare-”

“What? Don’t I fucking dare what, Andy? Do the same shit you do? Earn my fucking paycheck? Fuck someone else? Don’t I dare what? Treat you like you treat me?!”

“Y/N, I swear to God, you walk out that fucking door, I’ll-”

“You’ll fucking what? What will you do, Andy? Cause it’s pretty fucking obvious you’re never gonna let me go, so what the fuck will do? Break my heart and fuck someone else who isn’t me?”

“Sweetheart-”

“I didn’t fucking think so,” you scoffed, taking your jacket off the hook. “You aren’t gonna do shit because you never do anything. You just keep me in limbo because it fucking works for you.”

“Don’t fucking test me, Sweetheart,” he warns as you grab your car keys.

“Go to hell, I’m over this shit,” you spat as you went to reach for the door.

“You think I’m not trying to be better for you?” Andy rasped as he grabbed your wrist, forcing you to spin around and face him. “You don’t think I wanna be better for you?”

“I don’t know what the fuck you want,” you rasped as he pinned you against the door.

“I think I made my intentions pretty fucking clear when I fucked you on the hood of your car two weeks ago,”he growled lowly as he got your jeans undone and down around your ankles. “Remember when I fucked you right outside of the club, for everyone to see?” he questioned as he slid one of his hands down your panties.

“Stop it, Andy” you moaned, loving and hating the pleasurable sensation he caused between your legs.

“In fact, if I remember correctly, the more people that watched, the more you got off.”

“Fuck you!”

“Oh, you did so well that night,” he taunted as he undid his own pants. “You love being my little slut, don’t you?” he mused before forcing your legs around his waist and thrusting himself inside of you.

“Jesus Andy!” you squealed, relishing in the way he always pulled you apart.

“You’re mine, Sweetheart. Don’t ever fucking forget that,” he growled as you clenched around him. “Always so desperate for it rough!”

“I fucking hate you, Andy. I hate you so fucking much!” you mewled, running your hands through his hair as you grind your hips against his.

“Doesn’t feel like you hate me so much when you respond to me so well!”

“You’re such an asshole!”

“Be that as it may,” he grunted as his hold on you got tighter, “you’re still here with me, you’re still waiting for me, and you’re still in just as deep as I am. You belong to me just like I belong to you,” he muttered against your neck before biting and sucking on it.

“Fuck! If you belong to me, stop fucking going there! Fucking...fucking...fuck, I’m so close!” you cried out, your head and your heart in two different places. “Wish I could quit you,” you confessed as you came hard for him.

“I’m so fucking glad you can’t,” he husked as he spilled his seed into you, loosing his balance only a little.

You both stayed that way for a minute, your breathing heavy, as you both slowly came down from your highs.

“I want to do better for you, Y/N,” Andy groaned as he slowly pulled out of you then set you down gently. “I know I’m confusing and hard to make heads or tails of, but I’m trying. I’m really trying, because I do want to be more than just this. I just...I’m still working through some shit.”

“I’m tired of only having part of you, Andy. I deserve better than only being here for your convenience,” you sniffled as you pushed him away from you.

“Sweetheart-”

“Either choose me or don’t, but stop playing hot and cold with me,” you told him gently before making your way back to the bedroom.

He didn’t sleepover that night and you knew he felt bad. Unbeknownst to you, he didn’t go to the club either. He just went back to his place and cried. He left you alone for two days before finally caving and texting you.

Headache: I miss you

It’s so sad how something so simple held so much weight in your heart, but that’s all it took for you to cave and take him back.

You always take him back.

“What do you want for dinner?” Andy pants as he lays his head in the crook of your shoulder.

“To fucking sleep,” you giggle, gaining a small chuckle from him, as you wrap your arms around him. “Salmon? Salmon and broccoli with lemon and butter, like you did last time!” you beam before pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Ya know, I am capable of making you other dinners,” he scoffs.

“Yeah, but that’s one of my favorites,” you pout as Andy just scowls and shakes his head, before pulling out of you. And that makes you groan in dissatisfaction.

“None of that, go lay down. I’ll come and get you when dinner is ready.”

“Are you staying over tonight?”

“Yes ma’am. I told you I missed you and I wanna spend as much time with you as I can.”

“You can spend all your time with me, if you want.”

“Sweetheart.”

“I know...I know,” you sigh, hoping off the counter, and softly pushing him aside,before pulling your sweatpants up.

“I’m trying, Y/N. I’m working on it and I truly only want to be with you.”

“If that were enough, you’d only be with me.”

“Y/N-”

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Andy. I just wanna have a nice night with you,” you smile softly before making your way to the bedroom.

“Baby-”

“Let me know when dinner is ready,” you call over your shoulder before closing the door behind you.

You hear the heavy sigh that escapes his lips before the door closes and your heart breaks. You know he’s trying, that fact has never been lost on you. It would be easy to write the whole thing off as him lusting over you, if Andy wasn’t...Andy.

The ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts you receive whenever you aren’t with him, the calls you receive when he’s on his lunch break just because he wants to hear your voice, the flowers you get weekly (always a different arrangement of your favorites), the way he holds you close during movies or when it’s time for bed, the soft kisses on your forehead when you two are out in public, when he tells you that you’re the most beautiful woman hes ever seen when you’re in sweats and shoveling ice cream into your mouth like you’ll never get to eat it again...those things and so many more. Andy’s heart and mind are in the right place, but emotionally, he just isn’t there.

And who are you to judge him for that?

It’s not as if you don’t feel stupid, waiting on a brokenhearted grown man to get his shit together, but you also can’t stop. God, the amount of times you’ve tried your hardest and failed miserably is now at an embarrassingly high count, but how can you stop? He’s the only person you’ve ever truly cared for romantically, and took up all the space in your heart. It would be so much easier to walk away and hate him if you felt like he was trying to manipulate your feelings, but you can tell by his actions that he isn’t.

When he tells you that he’s going out for the night, but comes back 10 minutes later, never saying anything but pulling you close instead and resting his head on yours before placing soft kisses into your hair. The fact that he not only introduced you to Jacob, but referred to you as his absolute best friend. The nights he stays over and ignores his phone, focusing only on you and what’s making you happy or sad at the moment. The surprise visits with your favorite food from your favorite places. No, if Andy wanted to manipulate the situation, he easily could and would, because he’s never been one to mince words or lie about what he really wants. Plus, ever since he told you he loves you, he hasn’t hidden a single thing from you, no matter how much it may hurt either of you.

Of course, you suggested you two not seeing each other for a while until he sorted his shit out, but that didn’t go well.

At all.

“I don’t see what’s wrong with the idea,” you sighed, as you both sat in the living room, on your sofa. “You’re already going out and sleeping with-”

“That’s not the same and you know it,” he muttered, refusing to meet your gaze.

“Andy-”

“If you find someone else, that means that this is over, and I don’t want to lose you. You don’t just give your time and attention to just anyone. Hell, I had to fucking pay for it.”

“Wow, didn’t know you planned on being a dick tonight,” you snapped before getting off the sofa and storming into the kitchen.

“You know I’m right, Sweetheart,” he sighed, following right behind you. “If you give someone else your attention, the way you give it to me, that means you’re truly and completely interested and open to the idea of being with them. With me, it’s just something to keep my guard up because you know you’re the only one I-”

“Andy, I know you hear just how selfish you’re being right now.”

“When did I ever say I wasn’t selfish? When hasn’t that been something you haven’t known? Didn’t I just beat the shit out of Tyler last week for not backing off of you?”

“Well, maybe if someone hadn’t lost his temper and fucked me on the roof of my car, Tyler wouldn’t have thought that he’d have a chance to make me his little whore.”

“Don’t.”

“What? Don’t what Andy?”

“You know you aren’t some woman I only go to see to get my fucking rocks off. Where am I right now? Where am I most nights? Here, with you. You’re the only person i want to be with and I’m sorry. I’m sorry because this is my fault, I’m sorry that I’m always sorry, I’m sorry that I keep hurting you, I’m sorry that I can’t just trust you...Y/N, I’m fucking sorry. You know I-”

“I know you what, Andy? Care about me? Love me?” you sobbed, your frustration equally placed between the two of you. “Cause you only told me the one time and then you weren’t even sure if you meant it.”

“Y/N-”

“But it clearly worked, because here I am waiting for you, like a fool. Loving you, like a fool. But we don’t talk about it, right? We never have that talk, and I just...I keep fucking waiting.”

“Sweetheart-”

“I’m tired and I’m going to bed. You do whatever you want. Stay here, go out, go to your own place, whatever. I don’t care,” you sighed as you wiped away your tears before making your way to your bedroom.

Andy stayed with you that night and held you close, and you let him because he’s all you wanted. All of your emotions and thoughts always went back to him, and you were tired of trying to stop them.

When it came to work, you barely ever went in anymore, but Andy made Samantha keep you on payroll. Though you begged him to stop paying you, Andy only agreed to stop when you found a stable job. That would’ve been easy enough if Andy would stop going back and forth with you about the simple jobs you found.

“You can do so much better than waitressing,” Andy sighed as you rolled your eyes.

“I’m good at it, Andy. Bar tending and waitressing are two things I’m really good at, so I’ll make more than enough-”

“Why not be an assistant or secretary? You get benefits and that’s something you’re gonna need.”

“I feel like that’s something you want me to do, so I can work for you.”

“I mean, I really do wanna fuck you on my desk.”

“Andy.”

“You know I love being honest with you,” he shrugged with a devilish smirk.

“I wanna do something I’m comfortable with.”

“Getting out of your comfort zone could be good for you.”

“What are you afraid of, baby?” you questioned, straddling him.

“I’m not-”

“Don’t lie to me, Andy. You should know better by now.”

He let out a heavy sigh as he rested his hands on your hips. “I don’t want you to find someone else.”

“Andy-”

“I know I know,” he muttered “I have no right and it’s up to you to be with and do whatever you want, but I don’t want...you mean everything to me, Y/N. Yeah, I may be a little slow to get to the point, but Jesus, if I could just put into words just how much you actually mean to me,” he chuckled humorlessly.

You dip down and kiss him deeply and wrap your arms around him. “I’m here with you, aren’t I?” you breathed once you two broke apart.

“For now.”

The pain in his voice broke your heart. “Honey-”

“I’m trying, Sweetheart, I promise. The pain is still there and the wound is still fresh. I don’t believe that you’d ever hurt me like that and I know you can’t live your life to make me happy, but I also know that I don’t make any of this easy. I’m positive that there’s someone out there, way more deserving, that will make all of this easier.”

“Maybe,” you shrugged “but they’re not you. As long as we take our time and are up front with each other, we’ll be okay. We can figure this out.”

“You really think so?”

“I really do,” you smiled at him.

“Dinner’s gonna be ready soon,” Andy states softly as he makes his way into your bedroom.

“Okay babe.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t shut me out.”

“We’ve been having the same argument for weeks, Andy. I’m tired of talking about it. I’m not shutting you out, I’m just coping,” you mope as ‘Real Thing’ by Lights starts playing. “All I do these days is cope,” you mutter.

“I’m gonna stop going,” he responds softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I’m not gonna say that I’m gonna be here every night, but I’m gonna stop going to the club.”

“Are you gonna stop sleeping around?”

“Yeah, I figure that’s a good place to start,” he scoffs softly “but I’m still not ready to commit or be in a relationship,” he states firmly.

‘Fuck you when you fuck me over’

“However, I am ready to tell you I love you and that I mean it.”

‘But I’ll be here to hold when you call me over’

You’re slow to sit up, but the smile that comes to your face is almost instant. “Say it again.”

He grins “I love you.”

“Again,” you beg as you tackle and wrap your arms around him.

“I love you,” he laughs softly, wrapping his arms around. “I love you, Y/N. So fucking much.

“I think this is a good start,” you smile at him, straddling him.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, cause I love you too, Andy.”

“And that better not change, Sweetheart.”

“I don’t think you could’ve planned this trip at a better time for this trip.”

“Yeah?”

“ This will be good for us,” you smile sweetly.

Andy cups your face in his hands before pulling you close and kissing you deeply. “I love you and I’ll never get tired of telling you that,” he breathes once you two break apart.

“You’re gonna burn dinner,” you giggle against his lips.

“Fuck dinner.”

“I’m hungry!” you groan as he laughs.

“Fine, come with me?”

“Mhm,” you smile at him before giving him another quick kiss and getting off of him.

The entire time you stand with him while he makes dinner, he talks about the plans he has for Hawaii and how early you two are gonna have to get up. As you sit and listen to him go on about everything, you can’t help but get lost in the happiness you feel of him saying the world’s most simple, yet most complicated sentence in the world.

However, there’s still the reality of you dealing with your friends, and none of that is simple.

“So, you’re gonna stay with him?” Allison asks, sitting on her sofa beside you.

“You don’t think I should?”

“Listen, I’m happy he’s not coming to the club anymore, and I’m happy he’s not sleeping around, but...”

“But?”

“You don’t feel the slightest bit bad for Mary?”

“It always come back to Mary,” you scoff, leaning back.

“I know what she did was fucked up, and I know you’re not doing this out of spite, but she’s so hurt and lonely.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“She was your best friend, Y/N,” Allison sighs. “Your childhood best friend-”

“Until she fucked it up.”

“I know, but if you stay with Andy, there’s little to no chance of reconciliation.”

“So, I should put my happiness on hold to make her happy?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“That’s exactly what you’re saying.”

“Ugh, what I’m trying to say is to make sure that he’s worth it. Make sure all of this is worth it. Yeah, he loves you and that’s great, I’m truly happy for you, but Andy does things at his own pace.”

“That’s not fair, Allison. There’s so much more that you don’t know.”

“I know that you’ve cried over him and that’s all I need to know. I’ve never seen you in love with anyone, and while I’m happy to see you this happy and excited, I don’t think you should let your guard down so soon. Yeah, it’s nice to hear sweet things, but pay attention to his actions. They speak the loudest,” she sighs before grabbing her beer and taking a sip of it.

Your heart breaks a little, because you know she doesn’t want you to fall into the same trap that she did with Tyler. “You two get into another argument?”

“Yeah, it was bad. Really fucking bad.”

“How bad is ‘really fucking bad’?”

“I threw a glass at him. Missed his head by half an inch,” she chuckles humorlessly, slouching down further. “When the fuck did I become this person? Why can’t I just leave?”

“Trust me, I’m right there with you,” you mutter, pouring yourself a glass of wine and curling up on the sofa.

“You think about leaving Andy?”

“At least three times a week,” you chuckle.

“I thought-”

“That’s what everyone thinks. I’m not as caught up as everyone thinks. I know they’re flaws, I see the issues, and I have to deal with the heartache. However, no one sees Andy the way I do. No one knows him like I do, and I guess that’s something we have in common, because I don’t let anyone know me like he does. The way he looks at me, the way he holds me, the time he takes to really check on me and make sure that I’m okay...trust me, I have my reasons for staying,” you smirk. “Do you?”

“At this point? I really don’t think so. It’s just better than being alone.”

“You’re not alone, babe. You don’t need him to make you feel normal or worthy. I know none of it is easy, but some one who’s actually worthy of your time and love will want to be better for you. Will do better for you.”

“Is Andy doing that for you?”

“He’s trying to and I’m trying to let him.”

“I guess we’re both idiots.”

“I guess so,” you chuckle leaning into her. “We’re gonna talk about a lot all of this when we’re in Hawaii. The distance from everything and everyone will be good.”

“Please just don’t get sucked up into-”

“I know, hun. I know,” you nod, taking a sip of your wine. “I’m doing the best I can to keep my head above water.”

The days leading up to Hawaii were probably the most stressful days you’ve had in a while, and the only person you really want to talk to, you can’t. You miss your Mother every day and you wish you had her to guide you with all of this shit. She somehow always seemed to know the answer to every question and what to do in every situation. Yeah, she liked Andy, but would she want you to wait for him like you are? Would she want you to risk your happiness for someone who can’t make heads or tails of what he wants? Would she want you to trust your feelings and your heart? Would she want you to trust him?

If only she had more time.

By the time you two are finally on the plane, your head is going a million miles a minute.

“What’s going on with you, Sweetheart?” Andy asks as you both take your seats in first class.

“Just...just adjusting, I guess.”

“You’ve been far away since I told you I love you and about this trip. What’s going on?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now,” you smile softly at him. “I just wanna focus on this trip.”

“You believe me when I tell you that I love you, right?”

“More than you know, we’ve just been through a lot...all of this is a lot,” you chuckle softly. “We’ll talk about it in a few days. Right now, I just wanna  be in the moment with you.”

Andy leans over and kisses you deeply, cupping your face in his hands. “This is gonna be good for us.”

“I think so too,” you nod, before a playful grin tugs at your lips. “You really think you’ll be able to keep your hands to yourself for 11 hours?”

The grin that comes to Andy’s face is dangerous and has you excited in all the ways you shouldn’t be. “Now, when did I ever agree to that?”

Andy is able to keep his hands to himself for all of 2 hours before he’s dragging you into the bathroom and pinning you against the door.

“Fuck baby,” you moan as quietly as you can as thrusts himself inside of you.

“You have no fucking idea how beautiful you look right now,” he rasps as he fucks you against the door.

“We could get caught!”

“That’s half the fun,” he smirks before starting to bite on the most sensitive part of your neck that you love the most, before soothing it with his tongue.

“Baby please!” you beg, wrapping your legs around him tighter, your hands running through his hair.

“Quiet Sweetheart, don’t wanna get us kicked off, do you?” he taunts with a devilish grins as he looks up at you being a wrecked mess above him, only making you clench around him. “That’s right, my sweet girl loves when people watch, how could I forget?”

“Andy,” you mindlessly mumble, feeling both arousal and shame at the memory of him fucking you into oblivion on the hood of your car, out in the open for everyone to see.

“Cause you’re mine, right? I can fuck you anywhere and in front of anyone, can’t I?”

“Fuck...fuck yes!” you mewl, arching your back as your release builds and that knot in your core tightens.

“I wanna watch you explode for me, Baby. Need to fucking see it,” he grunts as he relentlessly fucks into you.

“Fuck!” you cry out as softly as you can, going over that cliff of pure ecstasy and bliss that only he’s capable of sending you over.

“I fucking love you,” Andy rasps, spilling his seed into you.

You both stay there for a moment, trying to come down from your highs, before Andy finally slowly sets you down after pulling out.

“There’s no way no one knows what we did,” you giggle as you clean yourself up.

“They didn’t see anything, so they can’t prove anything,” he shrugs as he gets himself back into his pants.

“Baby-”

“Welcome to the Mile High Club, Sweetheart,” he grins before kissing your lips and making his way out.

You can’t help but laugh and shake your head as you continue to clean yourself up and look yourself over in the mirror. You wait a few more minutes before quickly making your way out and back to your seat, only to find Andy mindlessly flipping through an airplane magazine. You flip him off as you take your seat.

‘You just did,’ he mouths with a coy grin and you can’t help but burst out laughing.

When the stewardess walks by, about 15 minutes later, taking drink orders, neither of you miss the disapproving and irritated look she shoots towards the both of you. The moment she’s out of ear shot, you both burst out laughing.

The rest of the flight goes smooth (with Andy only fingering you once), and you’re almost able to forget. Almost able to forget about all of the complications between you and Andy. How you two got to where you are. It doesn’t help that he makes it so easy to forget when he wants to.

That’s part of why you just can’t walk away.

Even though he does his best to hide it, it’s easy to tell by his actions that he’s genuinely always been a sweet man. He’s thoughtful, funny, caring, loving, and affectionate. So insanely affectionate. You’ve come to the conclusion, that when everything happened with Laurie, that’s when his attitude towards everything changed, and that’s something you can relate to more than you care to express.

It explains why he never let himself get too close to Mary, why he was such an ass to all the girls, why he’s so scared of actually committing to you, and why he works so damn hard to show that he doesn’t care.

He cares about everything entirely too much.

So, that’s how you’re always reasoning with yourself to stay. You see him making effort to tear down walls that he was determined to keep up forever, and you know it takes time. You know how hard it is because you’re doing the same damn thing.

But that’s when the argument between your head and your heart starts.

Shouldn’t that be a reason for you to stay away? For you two to both get your shit together before jumping into anything? No, it’s very obviously not impossible for two broken people to fall in love, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t wait until they have it more together to figure shit out.

However, you shake the thoughts of your head as you both approach the house Andy rented for the both of you.

“Andy,” you gasp, marveling at the large, tropical oasis.

The man spends way too much money on you.

“Is it okay?” he asks and you can tell that he’s genuinely anxious. “I know you like to be far away from the outside world, but not too far. I figure that we’re a good ways away from the-”

He’s cut off by you crashing your lips into his, as you wrap your arms around him. “It’s fucking gorgeous. Thank you, Andy. Thank you so much for everything, I love you,” you smile at him.

“And I love you.”

He gives you the keys before grabbing the bags and you both make your way into the house. You just stand there and look around in pure ‘awe’. The view, high ceilings, the marble bathrooms, the pool...it truly was your own private getaway.

Your heart feels full as you continue to make your way through the house, and you find yourself just wanting to stay there forever. Just you and Andy in your own little perfect getaway. No drama with friends or ex’s, no secrets, no fear, no anxiety, no one else, just each other. Free to love one another without any reservations.

You haven’t even been at the place a full 10 minutes and you’re ready to uproot your whole life just to be with Andy in total and complete happiness.

“Do you really like it?” Andy asks softly, walking up behind and snaking his arms around you in the bedroom.

“I love it.”

“Are you happy?”

“I’m always happy with you, Andy. Even when I’m not.”

“How did I get so lucky?”

“I don’t know, I guess you’re God’s favorite,” you smirk, turning around and facing him while still in his hold. “You know, you’ve been really mean lately, Daddy,” you pout, looking up at him, your eyes innocent but tone seductive.

“I have been, Kitten. I’m sorry,” he practically whines. The look in his eyes changing from love to full blown loving lust.

“Are you really sorry?”

“You know I am.”

“Then get on your knees and show me just how sorry you are,” you demand softly, raising an eyebrow as you stare up at him with innocent eyes.

Andy keeps his heated gaze on you as he gets on his knees and slowly unbuttons your shorts and pulls them down. When he goes to pull down your panties you’re quick to slap his hand away.

“Teeth, Daddy. You know what I like,” you taunt.

Andy’s quick to get his teeth on your panties and pull them down slowly, as you bite your bottom lip and keep your eyes on him.

Yeah, you want Andy in the most desperate way (when don’t you?), but this little act is more for him than you. You know he loves it when you surprise him and take control of the situation. The only thing Andy loves more than controlling you is you controlling him.

“Fuck, that’s it, Daddy,” you moan, lulling your head back a little as you feel his tongue on your clit. He hooks your leg over his shoulder, as you grip his hair tight. “You know exactly what I love!”

Andy only grunts in approval as you grind yourself against him, encouraging his actions, as he slides two fingers into your soaked cunt. The moan that leaves your mouth has him quickening his pace as he adds a third finger and starts sucking on your clit.

“Daddy! I’m so fucking close! I know you can be good for me and bring me off!” you cry out, arching your back as you try and keep your balance.

Andy’s gaze locks on yours as he sucks and lick on your clit like he’s afraid of you forgetting how good only he can make you feel. You can tell that he needs you to know that he’s the only one who can make you happy in any way.

“Shit!” you yell, cumming hard on his fingers as he tries keep you up right. He fucks you through your high before letting your leg down and breaking away from you; your juices glistening on his beard as he pants and looks up at you, waiting for instruction. “Get undressed and on the bed now,” you breathe out, taking your own top off before quickly unfastening your bra.

Andy wastes no time getting undressed before laying back on the bed, desperate to do any and every thing to keep you pleased.

“You really want to make me happy, Daddy?” you question as you crawl on to the bed.

“You know I do,” he husks as he stokes himself.

“When did I say you could touch yourself?” you question as you settle yourself on top of him.

“I’m sorry, Kitten,” he groans, stopping his movements almost instantly.

“I haven’t you under me like this in so long,” you moan, grinding your hips against his.

“Sweetheart...please,” he moans as his hands travel up your body.

“Please what?”

“Please do something,” he begs.

“You can’t cum until I get off, Daddy,” you warn before adjusting yourself so that his tip is at your entrance.

“Fuck!”

“Say you won’t or I won’t fuck you.”

“Shit, I won’t baby,” he husks, his hands gripping the sheets. “Bring yourself off on my cock as many times as you want.”

“You’re so good to me,” you moan as you slide yourself down on his cock. “Shit!”

“You always feel so fucking good, baby!”

“Yeah? You love this tight little cunt?” you whimper as you place your hands on his chest and start to ride him.

“I love everything about you, baby! You’re perfect!”

“Andy-”

“So fucking perfect for me,” he moans as you reach around and start to play with his balls. “Jesus, you know all the things I love, don’t you?”

“I fucking try, Daddy!”

You dip down and kiss him deeply, your hands getting lost in his hair as he wraps his arms around your waist, keeping you in place. When you both break apart, you push yourself up just a little, and you look him in the eyes. The way you love him never feels like enough when you look at him. His eyes are always filled with love and desperation. Desperation for you to stay, forgive him, and just try and figure it out.

Every time Andy’s deep inside of you, you feel his love for you. You know there’s no place he truly wants to be, and that you’re his whole world. You know that with you is exactly where he wants to be.

His breath on your neck as his grip on you tightens is all you can take before you cum hard on his cock, clenching him tight.

“Fuck!” he grunts, never breaking his gaze, but you can tell he’s doing his best to hold on.

“Use me, Daddy,” you breathe, still keeping your pace.

Andy has you on your back almost instantly and starts to love you relentlessly.

“Jesus!”

“You know how much I love it when you take over like that,” Andy grunts, his thrusts rhythmic as he collars your wrists above your head. “I fucking love it when you take what you want from me.”

“Feels too fucking good,”you mewl beneath him, your toes curling from the pleasurable build up in your core.

“I fucking love you, Sweetheart. Everything about you...shit! You’re mine and you’re always gonna be mine!”

“I love you, Andy!”

“Now,” he whispers hotly against your ear “I want you to fucking cum hard for me, baby. I want my cock soaked in it,” he demands, his thrusts becoming more and more erratic.

“Andy!”

“I told you to fucking cum for me, Sweetheart!”

“Fuck!” you cry, balling hands into fists as your orgasm washes over you and the world starts to fade around you.

Andy shouts your name as as his seed spills into you, letting go of your wrists so he can hold himself up and ride out both of your highs. After his final thrust, he collapses on top of you and you quickly wrap your arms around him, as you both just lay and listen to each other’s labored breathing.

“I love you, Andy,” you say after a moment, running your fingers through his soaked hair. “I love you so much.”

“I’m so fucking happy I found you,” he says softly as his finger gently traces up and down your arm. “I don’t wanna lose you, Y/N. I know I don’t always act like it, or make any fucking sense for that matter, but I really want to get over my fears and be with you. Really be with you.”

“We’ll talk about it, Baby. We’ll talk about all of it,” you sigh as he places a kiss on your collar bone.

“I want us to get this right, Sweetheart. I know that none of it has been ideal, but you’re...you’re everything to me.”

“You’re everything to me too, Andy.”

“And I really am sorry for being such an asshole. Especially with everything that’s been going on.”

You can’t stop the mischievous grin that comes to your face. “I almost forgive you.”

“Only almost?” he questions and you can hear the smile in his voice.

“I think you’re gonna have a to do a little bit more to really show me how sorry you are, Daddy,” you giggle.

“Good thing this place is ours for two weeks,” he smirks as he pushes himself up and looks down at you. “I’m gonna spend every moment proving to you just how sorry I am,” he grunts as he starts to move within you again.

Andy spent the rest of the day loving you through and through, in every part of the house that he could, only to finish outside by the pool during the sunset. He made you lay down and rest up while he made dinner for the both of you, and let you choose the movie for dinner. He can’t help but laugh when you choose ‘The Little Mermaid’, but he’s more than happy to watch it with you.

At some point, you two fall asleep, cuddled up close and fingers entwined. Any thoughts of getting things done the next day, went out the window when you woke up to Andy’s head between your legs. How were you supposed to even think about getting anything done when he had you feeling mind numbing pleasure?

“I’m sorry,” he breathes after getting you both off for the third time “I swear I didn’t bring you to Hawaii just to stay inside and make love all day,” he laughs breathlessly. “I just-”

“I know baby,” you smile up at him, running one of your hands through his hair. “I know because I feel the same way too.”

You really do. Yes, you and Andy have had each other hundreds of times, but this is different. Everything feels as it should. It’s just you and him and the outside world is almost nonexistent. There’s no drama, no other women, no jealousy, no anger, no Mary, no Laurie, none of his dickhead friends...it’s just you and him, alone and baring your souls to one another. Everything feels like it should, because everything is as it should be.Yes, you’ve always loved sex with Andy, but this is so much more than sex. It feels like you’re finally home, after such a long and strenuous trip. You never want the feeling to end. You never want to be without him.

“I promise that we’ll actually go out and do things tomorrow,” he laughs softly as you make your way around the kitchen, getting dinner.

“What do ya wanna do?”

“I wanna do whatever makes you happy.”

“What makes you happy?”

“You,” he states simply, smiling at you.

You can feel the heat in your cheeks and quickly turn away to hide the smile that makes its way to your face. “Besides me, what would make you happy?”

“I don’t know. Sit on the beach and watch sunrise, visit local shops, take you dancing-”

“Since when do you like dancing?”

“Since I found out how much you love it.”

“Andy, if you’re trying to make me fall in love with you, it’s already happened.”

“Ha ha,” he smirks, making his way over to you. “I know you love me, but I really do love making you happy. The amount of times I’ve hurt you and made you cry...I hate myself for that, Y/N,” he sighs.

You put down the sauce spoon and turn the stove down to a simmer, before closing the little bit of space between you two and wrap your arms around him. “We’re gonna figure it out, Andy. It’s not like I’m the easiest to love-”

“You’ve never done to me what I’ve done to you, and you never would have.”

“I can still be a bitch, Andy. Don’t paint as me as some perfect human being, cause I’ll never live up to that.”

“You already do for me.”

“Andy-”

“Sweetheart, please understand that I went over the choice of making you my main girl a million times before I actually did it. I knew that what I felt towards you was more than lust and still decided to go ahead with my plan. I was dumb enough to think that I’d get over whatever I felt for you. Why wouldn’t I? The one woman in the club that everyone wanted but could never have. I’d fuck you and get over you, but that’s not what happened at all. I fell in love and tried to pretend I wasn’t. Then, to make matters worse, I tried to control you. Getting angry with you for rightfully being angry with me, because I kept telling myself that I was making the situation crystal clear. I told myself that you were acting just like Mary, even though I knew that was the farthest thing from the truth. What I feel towards you is something I never came close to feeling towards her. I haven’t felt this way about anyone and it terrified it me. It still does. So, I tried to distance myself from you, which proved to be useless. However, in the process of all this, I hurt you. I made you cry, I belittled you, I made you question my intentions, and I pushed you away. I hated myself for it then and I hate myself for it now, but I just couldn’t be vulnerable with you. Not like I am now. I’m still not ready to commit, Y/N. I know it infuriates you because it infuriates me. I want to make you mine. I wanna keep you with me at all times because you really are everything to me, but...being that vulnerable again...I’m just not there yet. So, to compensate for me being the absolute asshole that I am, I just want to make you happy. I want to make you as happy as you make me, because you’re fucking incredible and a better woman than I deserve. If something as simple as taking you to Hawaii, or making dinner, or just watching your favorite movies will make you smile, I’ll do it. I just want you to know that I’m not bullshitting you. This isn’t some sort of terrible joke or something to string you along until I get tired of you. I love you so fucking much and will do any and every thing I can do to make you happy. I promise,” he smiles at you, watery eyed as he wipes away your tears.

“Andy-”

“I know we have a lot to figure out, and most of that is on me, but I really want to figure this out. I want us to make it work. As long as you believe we have a chance, then we really do,” he smiles sincerely.

“Jesus Andy,” you sniffle out, as he chuckles and wraps you in a tight hug. “I love you.”

“I love you, Sweetheart.”

You both eat dinner in a happy and comfortable silence, while watching a serial killer documentary (your choice, not his), as you rest your legs across his lap.

Everything feels right, because Andy feels like home.

When you wake up the next morning, you tell yourself and Andy that you’re determined to spend the day actually doing things. Of course, an hour after you two agreed to that, you made love to him in the shower. Nonetheless, you two eventually got dressed and headed out for the day in the door-less Jeep he rented for you both.

The whole day feels like a dream.

The first stop is lunch on the beach and it’s probably the best lunch you’ve ever had. Both you and Andy spend the entire time laughing and debating the most trivial things, that only you two would care about.

“I’m sorry, did you only watch Lord of The Rings? Have you not read the books?” you laugh before finishing off your papaya and mango smoothie.

“I read the books, smarty pants. I’m just saying that Bilbo could have avoided a lot of drama-”

“If there’s no drama, what’s the point?!” you interrupt as he bursts out laughing. “HAVE YOU NOT READ THE BOOKS?!”

“You know, this God complex of yours is really getting out of hand,” he smirks.

“My God complex? You’re one to talk.”

“I do not have a God complex!”

“Andy, it’s your entire personality.”

“Bullshit!”

“Yeah okay, who fought one of his dickhead lawyer buddies for just grabbing my wrist? Even though we’re not officially together?”

“I think it’s time for us to go,” he mutters, eyeing the waiter as you burst out laughing.

The next stop was the beach and you can tell that’s where he feels the most at home and at peace.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” you ask, making your way back to him as you head back from the water.

“A lot,” he scoffs as you settle yourself next to him. “How’s the water?”

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing-”

“Don’t lie to me,” you warn, now placing yourself directly in front of him. “Talk to me.”

“You’re having a good day.”

“If you’re not having a good day, I’m not having a good day. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I really am happy. I’m just getting ahead of myself.”

“Ahead of yourself with what?”

“It really doesn’t matter, Babe.”

“Andy-”

“I know we have time and that I need to just be here, but I’m so afraid of fucking this up. More than I already have,” he sighs, looking down at the sand as he buries his feet in it.

“Please talk to me, Baby.”

“Why? It’s just a bunch of ‘what ifs’. You don’t need that-”

“Andy, whatever we are, whatever this may be, doesn’t change the fact that I’m very much in love with you. I want to be there for you if I can.”

“Everything is perfect right now. I have no fear of giving myself to you completely, or truly loving you. I’m just scared of...”

“When we get back home.”

“You feel it too?”

“I’ve been doing my best to not think about it,” you laugh humorlessly, taking his hands in yours. “What brought this on?”

“I’m having way too much fun,” he chuckles. “It’s so much easier when we’re away from everyone, isn’t it? Nothing seems to be as scary or as daunting. There’s much less pressure...it’s easier to be happier when you’re just away. I’m always happy with you, but right now? Where we are, how we’re living...I could do this forever with you. I want this with you forever. I don’t know if I’ll be able to be this secure at home.”

“Why?”

“There’s just so much left to deal with. You saw her that night she showed up at your apartment; she keeps fighting for more. At home, I’m reminded of every thing. Jacob’s trial, the whole fucking town turning on me, Laurie cheating on me, then deciding that she just doesn’t want to be with me...the monster I became to deal with all of it...nothing feels good about going home. If I never had to go back, it’d be the best fucking day of my life,” he mutters.

“Well, the divorce is final, you’re out of that house, and Jacob is off at college. The fact that he’s a Barber has me feeling more than confident that he’ll strike out on his own and do just fine, so why stay in Newton if there’s no reason to?”

“Work.”

“Andy, you’re an amazing lawyer. You can find work anywhere, you don’t need to keep working at a place you hate.”

“Then I can’t afford-”

“Don’t. You know how little all of this matters to me. I’ve only ever wanted you and that’s not changing any time soon. I love you for you, not the nice things you can get me. What good is any of this if I don’t have your trust? Your love? Your heart?”

“Fuck, why couldn’t I find you first?”

“I had to get through High School,” you smirk as he starts cracking up.

“You’re amazing, did you know that?”

“So are you, Baby,” you smile before leaning in close and kissing him deeply. “This is gonna be hard for the both of us,” you breathe as you two breakaway “baby steps and patience are what we’re gonna need to make this work.”

“I’m not good with either of those.”

“Neither am I, but I really want to try for the both of us. After all the shit that happened with my parents, I swore I’d never let myself fall for anyone who could complicate my life. Then I met you,” you scoff as Andy chuckles softly. “I am stubborn, I can be mean, I’m unforgiving, and I don’t like compromise. However, when it comes to you, I try my best to fight the urge to throw the towel in, in the name of things being easier, because this is worth fighting for. We’re worth fighting for.”

“You really think so?”

“I know it.”

“What’s it like to be so sure of everything all the time?”

“When I figure that out, I’ll let you know,” you smile with a small giggle.

Andy leans in and kisses you softly while cupping your face. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, Andy.”

You both stay there for just a little bit longer before Andy tells you that you need to get going so you’ll be on time for his surprise. When you try to press him on the matter, he simply shakes his head and tells you, you need to work on your patience.

You can’t stop the gasp that leaves your body as Andy pulls up to a lavish restaurant.

“Andy-”

“I don’t wanna hear it. It’s not too much and you do deserve it. You deserve this and much, much more,” he smiles at you as he turns off the Jeep.

“You don’t have to-”

“I want to. It’ll make you happy and that makes me happy.”

“I’m happy just to have this time with you, Andy. I told you, you don’t need to buy me expensive gifts or take me to fancy places.”

“I know I don’t need to, but I like to do it. I like to do things for you that wouldn’t do for yourself and I love the little gasp that always leaves your mouth. I love the smile that comes to your face. I love you,” he finishes with a smile.

“You’re making my face hurt with all this smiling,” you laugh, turning away from him.

“Good.”

You both walk hand in hand as you make your way inside the building, you leaning in close as Andy quickly gets you two to the elevator. When the doors open and you get off, once again, you’re gasping at the site in front of you.

“There it is,” he chuckles.

“Andy-”

“You love it and I love you.”

“I don’t know how I’m ever gonna make this up to you.”

“The fact you up with me and love me is more than enough,” he smiles sincerely as you’re both led to your seats.

You can barely focus on the menu as you look around the rooftop restaurant, it’s beauty overwhelming to say the least as the sun sets. You’re so caught up in the view you don’t even notice the waiter when he comes over takes your drink order. Luckily, Andy knows you better than you know yourself half the time and orders your Mai Tai for you.

“Andy, this is incredible!” you gush as you take pictures and send them to Allison and Lindsey.

“Yeah? You like it?”

“I love it! You didn’t have to do all of this! I love it so much, I love you!” you beam, scooting closer to him so you can kiss him. “What can I do to make you happy?”

“Just stay with me,” he smiles softly.

“Nope, you gotta tell me something that you want. Something that you want that’ll make you really happy.”

“I have you, there’s nothing more that I want,” he responds coolly before taking a sip of his beer.

“There has to be something.”

“Well, Jacob’s birthday is in two weeks and I’m gonna take him and Sarah out to dinner. I didn’t want to ask you to come along because we’re not officially anything, but I really would like it if you could be there. You both get along so well and I know he’d be happy to see you, and I’d feel better not going alone. I completely understand if you don’t-”

You cut him off by kissing him and pulling him as close as you can. “You are the sweetest man on earth, did you know that?”

“What-”

“Something so simple means the world to you and you’re afraid to ask because you don’t wanna impose? Of course I’ll go with you, Andy. I’d be more than happy too.”

“You sure it’s okay? You going as just my best friend and not my girl friend?”

“Not sure if you’re aware of just how High School you sounded,” you chuckle “but I’m more than happy to go with you.”

“Thank you, I know it’s a lot to ask-”

“It’s not a lot at all. I love you.”

“I love you.”

You both place your orders for dinner before getting lost in conversation about books and music. The music is great, the food is great, and the company is perfect.

You can’t remember the last time you were so happy. In fact, you don’t think you’ve ever been this happy.

You’re on your third Mai Tai when you hear one of your favorite songs playing and you can’t resist the urge to dance.

“Dance with me!” you beg as you pull on Andy’s arm.

“You know you’re more of a dancer than I am,” he laughs, trying to keep his resolve and staying in place.

“What if one of the other guys here tries to dance with me? You don’t wanna see someone else grinding themselves against me, do you?”

“You’re pure evil, you know that?” he growls before finishing the rest of his drink. “Lets go,” he mutters as you giggle and lead him to the dance floor.

Andy doesn’t have to do much as you press your back against his chest and grind yourself against him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you get lost in the music.

“Careful Sweetheart,” he warns with a gentle husk “you know how much I love it when you dance like this on me in public.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m doing it,” you moan, loving the feel of his hands gripping your waist tighter.

“Nothing but trouble.”

“And you love it,” you smirk as you twist your neck slightly and kiss his cheek.

As Andy’s hands travel up your body, you do your best to ignore the lyrics (they’re hitting way too close to home) and just focus on all the pleasure you’re feeling. However, when the chorus hits, you find yourself focusing on it more than you’d like.

‘You know I want you baby, you know I do

I’ll give you my heart and the rest is up to you

You ain’t no good for me, I know it’s true

But you don’t have to be’

As the words roll around in your head, you turn yourself in Andy’s arms and kiss him deeply.

You don’t want to think about anything, you just want Andy.

‘I do it for the thrill, for the rush

I do it for the pain, for your touch

Will I OD when it’s too much?

If I survive, maybe you’re the one.’

Andy’s hold on you is tight as he deepens the kiss and you feel your excitement build. You feel the stares of a few people, but you couldn’t care less. All that matters is Andy and how he’s making you feel.

“Need you now, Kitten,” he husks as you two break apart.

“Then have me,” you mumble as you look up into his loving gaze.

In no time at all, Andy’s dragged you to the men’s bathroom has you pinned against the door of a bathroom stall.

“Fuck!” you cry out, gripping your legs around him tighter as he thrusts himself into you.

“Tried to be romantic and wait until we got back, but you just had to keep pushing.”

“Andy!”

“That perfect little ass grinding against my cock, shit! How the fuck am I supposed to control myself?”

“Never want you to, baby. You can have me whenever you want me. I’m all yours,” you moan, lulling your head back as places wet and desperate kisses all over your neck.

“Jesus, Y/N! I can never get enough of you!”

“Wanna hear you fucking say it, Andy! Need to hear you say it,” you whine pathetically as your hands grip the door.

“I fucking love you, baby,” he moans as you clench around him.

“Shit!”

“Such a good girl,” he grins as you arch your back against the door. “You take this cock so well!”

“Andy please! I’m so...I’m so fucking close!”

“You know what I want from you, Sweetheart,” he taunts as he grips your hips tight, his thrusts coming faster, harder, and more erratic.

“Yes, yes, YES!” you cry out, cumming hard for him, one of your hands gripping his shoulder as you dig your nails into it.

“Fuck Sweetheart!” he exclaims, shooting his load into you.

You both stay that was for a moment trying to come down from your highs.

“I think it’s time we head back,” Andy laughs softly as he lets you down slowly.

“Mhm, I think so too.”

“I hope you’re not tired, because I’m about to keep you up all night.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” you grin mischievously.

You both quickly make your way back out and Andy’s quick to settle the bill. The entire ride down the elevator, you two can’t keep your hands off of each other.

That’s when an idea pops into your head.

“How good of a driver do you think you are?” you question as you take your panties off.

“Pretty fuckin’ good,” he smirks as he starts the engine.

“Wanna show me just how good you are?”

“Sweetheart-”

“I don’t wanna wait, Daddy. Want you to love me right here and right now,” you moan as you straddle him.

“Nothing but trouble,” he husks as you undo the button on his shorts and work them off of him. “And if someone sees?”

“They’re welcome,” you shrug as you start to stroke him.

“Fucking firecracker,” he groans as you bite and suck on his neck.

“Just keep your eyes on the road and enjoy the ride, Daddy,” you moan as you sink yourself down onto him.

“Fuck Y/N!” he moans as he pulls off.

You do your best to keep your head to the side of him as he drives, but Andy makes you look at him every time you two come to a stop light. You’ve never seen him so desperate and it makes you feral.

“So fucking close!” you whine into his ear, your nails digging into his shoulder.

“You better not fucking cum until we get home!” he demands, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“Andy!”

“You wanted to be a little slut and now you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Cum before we get home and you’re gonna be sorry!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” you cry, trying to fight off your release. “I don’t think I can, baby!”

“We’re almost there, Sweetheart”

“You feel too fucking good, Andy! You always feel too...fuck!” you cry out, cumming hard on his cock.

“Oh Sweetheart, you don’t know just how much punishment you’re in for tonight,” he chuckles darkly as he pulls up to the house.

“I almost made it!”

“Almost doesn’t count.”

“Andy-”

“I don’t wanna hear it. Get that sexy little ass inside that house and wait for instructions.”

“Can I at least suck you clean?”

“No, because bad girls don’t get rewarded.”

“Please Daddy?”

“In the house, now,” he demands with a strained voice and you can tell that he’s doing all he can to keep together.

Andy shows no mercy when he finally gets in the house and gets his hands on you. He ties to you to the bed and settles a vibrator between your legs, telling you that you need to learn how to control yourself.

After the cumming for the 4th time, you’re so desperate and pathetic for him.

“Andy please!” you cry out as you try to recover from your high.

“The next time I tell you to fucking wait, will you?”

“Andy, I swear to God that I’ll do anything that you say. I will be such a good girl, I fucking promise.”

“You’re a dirty little liar” he chuckles as he unties you “but I need to be deep inside you,’ he mumbles as he gets on the bed. “I need to feel how much you love me.”

“I’m all yours,” you smile up at him as your hand traces over his broad chest. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too, Angel,” he groans as he thrusts himself inside of you.

Andy loves you until the sunrise, picking every position he knows you love and that will send you into a mind shattering orgasm time after time. You don’t even remember falling asleep, but when you wake up, a small smile comes to your face, remembering all the love you and Andy made the night before, the promises made, and the love that was felt.

You slowly and quietly sneak out of bed, not wanting to disturb Andy, putting on his boxers and AC/DC shirt, before sneaking into the backyard and taking a seat by the pool. As you soak your feet, you think back to the night that Laurie showed up to your apartment, unannounced and unwelcome.

“You have no right to be here!” Andy shouted as he steps in front of you. “We’re divorced and there’s no-”

“You’re really housing a whore,” Laurie laughed incredulously as she looked you over. “You really left me for her?”

“She’s more of a woman than you’ll ever be!”

“Yet you still defend me when Jacob thinks I don’t care?”

“He’s our son, Laurie. Whatever I feel towards you, shouldn’t reflect the way he treats you. Don’t take it as a fucking term of endearment.”

“This isn’t gonna last, Andy. She’s young and you’re just looking for a good time-”

“It’s time for you to go, you’ve worn out your welcome,” you bit as you stepped in front of Andy, not liking how angry and frustrated he was getting.

“You think you know him? Understand him? You’ve heard about a few arguments and-”

“I know enough to know that he deserves better than you. Maybe I am just a notch in his belt on his way to something better, but that’s still better than him attaching himself to someone who clearly has her own interest at heart.”

“He’s never gonna make it work with you.”

“Well, here’s to hoping you’re wrong,” you snipped. “You need to go. Now,” you warned, not wanting to show any weakness as she holds your glare.

She looked as if she’s about to say something, before huffing and leaving.

“Are you okay?” you asked almost instantly when the door closed.

“Y/N-”

“Are you okay?” you repeated, making your way over to him.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes I did. She was making you uncomfortable and unhappy. I wasn’t gonna let her talk to you.”

“Sweetheart-”

“Are you okay, Andy?”

“I have you. I’m perfect,” he smiles softly.

You replay that moment over and over in your head, trying to tell yourself that everything between you and Andy is genuine. It would be so much easier to write this all off as lust if you didn’t know Andy the way you do. If you didn’t know his love language. Sure, you and him have mind blowing sex (that’s how all of this got started), but they’re moments when you can see just how much he genuinely cares for you. The late night drives with the windows down and music blasting, the both of you singing at the top of your lungs. Game night, movie night, when he holds you when you randomly start crying over your Mother and how much you miss her, when he joins you in your dance parties that you have in your room so you don’t disturb him, the fact that he still thinks you’re gorgeous when you’re in sweats and shoveling Ben and Jerry’s down your throat, the way he indulges in sappy black and white romance movies...

The way he loves you.

If you’re being honest with yourself, you’re terrified of going back home too. There’s a big part of you that believes that Andy won’t be able to be the same guy he is now when you both return, and that has your heart breaking. Because what happens if he isn’t? Do you stay and make excuses? Do you walk away and move on? Do you beg him to be better because you know he can be? Do you just hate him?

As all of these questions and more roll around in your head, you don’t even notice the tears that start to fall.

“Hey, what’s wrong, Sweetheart?” Andy asks softly, causing you to jump, as he takes a seat next to you.

“I didn’t know you were awake,” you sniffle softly, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand.

“I always wake up when you get out of bed. When you didn’t come back after 5 minutes, I knew you were up for the day.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, nothing. It’s so fucking stupid. I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Baby, talk to me.”

“I just love you so much, Andy. God, I hate how much I love you and how stupid it makes me, but I don’t want it to change. I don’t want us to change. Jesus, of all the times to have a breakdown,” you laugh humorlessly.

“What happened, Sweetheart?”

“I just keep thinking about what will happen when we go back home and I really don’t fucking want to.”

“Y/N-”

“I want to be with you, Andy. I’ve never wanted anything so bad, but I’m terrified. I tried to tell myself that it’s just the sex and I can walk away any time I want, but that’s been bullshit from the start. Then, I told myself I stayed because I like being taken care of. It’s been so long and I’ve worked hard, but when I really think about it, we take care of each other. Yeah, you pay my rent, but I hold you when you cry, I cook for you, I sit and listen when you vent, I hold you when you’re overwhelmed....I do all of that and more, and it’s not because you pay for a place for me to live. I’d do all of the things I do for you now whether or not you paid for a single fucking thing. Why? Because I love you. Whether its the smart choice or not, I fucking love you with every thing I have in me. I’ve never loved anyone like this and I’m scared, because what happens if we can’t make this work? What happens if I’m not enough? What happens if you decide you truly don’t want a relationship?”

“Sweetheart-”

“This is all so fucking stupid. I’m so sorry,” you sob, wiping your eyes.

“Stop that, this isn’t stupid at all and I want you to talk to me. I want to know how you feel.”

“I’m being dramatic.”

“No you aren’t. I told you yesterday that I’m afraid that I’m gonna fuck this up. When I could lie to myself and tell myself this was just sex, it was fine. We’re so much farther than that now and I truly want to give you the world. I want to be the man you deserve. The man you need. I’m never going to be worthy of your love, but I’m trying and I promise to always try. Don’t feel stupid for having a rational fear. A fear you have because of me.”

“Andy-”

“You don’t need to say it isn’t my fault, because we both know it is,” he sighs, pulling you onto his lap. “Listen, like you said, we’re gonna figure this out, but we have to take it step by step. Don’t bottle up your feelings and hide them, cause that’s not gonna get us far. I want to know how you’re feeling, where you’re at with all of this, and what you’re afraid of. I tell you everything and you tell me everything, deal?”

All you do is nod softly.

“Oh my sweet girl,” Andy mutters into your hair before kissing it. “My sweet sweet girl, how I love you so.”

For the rest of the trip, you both try to focus on the enjoying the time you have together. That doesn’t mean neither one of you don’t have your fair share of breakdowns, but you’re both quicker to come back from them. The rest of the trip is filled with adventures, late night movies, love making, trying to new foods and drinks, learning as much about the island as you can, and site seeing. You’re both happy, carefree, content, and for a moment you really think you two have a shot in hell.

“I don’t wanna go back tomorrow,” you sigh, laying your head on Andy’s bare chest, making little circles on it with your finger.

“Me neither, Sweetheart. This has been heaven. Lets just extend the trip,” he chuckles and you roll your eyes.

“If only. I could stay here with you forever. Just like this,” you smile up at him, taking in his gorgeous facial features. You chuckle at the little bits of gray in his beard and he cocks an eyebrow. “You’re 42nd birthday is next month.”

“You watch your filthy little mouth,” he groans as burst out laughing. “How am I 42 already?”

“It’s better than the alternative.”

“I suppose your right,” he mutters, laying back on the grass. “You don’t make me feel 42.”

“That’s because you’re a big dumb teenager,” he tease as he chuckles. “What do you wanna do?”

“Well, I know the guys wanna go out, but I’d really rather not bring you around them.”

“What? Ashamed of me?”

“Guess how funny that isn’t?”

“I’m just saying,” you shrug, suddenly feeling very insecure and small. “It’s not like they don’t know how we met, and you all run with an entirely different crowd-”

“Hey, stop it right now,” he chides softly, propping himself up on his shoulders as you sit up. “How could you even think that? Yeah, we met at a Gentlemen’s Club, but who the fuck cares? If you think I should be ashamed of you because you work there, then you should be ashamed of me for being the guy who went there all the time. Don’t ever belittle yourself, especially over myself asshole friends,” he states as he takes your face in his hands. “I’m so fucking happy you love me and I could never be ashamed of you. If anything, I don’t want you around my friends because I’m ashamed of them. The way they’ve spoken to you...I wanna keep you as far from them as possible. I kinda just want us to do something. I’d love to include Jacob, but he’s away at school, so something simple and fun would be perfect. Just you and me,” he smiles as he strokes your cheek softly.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll see what I can come up with,” you smirk as you settle yourself in his lap. “I love you.”

“I love you...hey, would you wanna live here?” he questions as he tenses a little.

“Hmm?”

“Would you wanna live here, with me?”

“What are you getting at, Andy?”

“If we’re able to make this work, if I can get my shit together, would you wanna live here? In this house with me?”

You can’t stop yourself from lunging forward and kissing him deeply as he chuckles softy, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you as close as possible. “You really want that with me?” you ask breathlessly.

“In about 2 years time, I’ll have more than enough to take care of you-”

“Andy, you don’t have to-”

“I want to, Sweetheart. I’ll always want to take care of you. You can work if you really want to, but know that you don’t have to if you don’t want to. You’ll never need or want for anything.”

“How’d I get so lucky?”

“Guess you’re God’s favorite,” he smirks before pulling you close for another kiss.

You both spend the rest of the day rolling around in the grass, making plans, and making love before deciding that you both need to pack before going to bed. That night Andy holds you close, as if he’s afraid you won’t be there in the morning, and peppers soft kisses all over your neck and shoulder, silently telling you ‘I love you so much’ before you both drift off to sleep.

During the ride back the next day, you know he can sense the dread hanging in the air, but all he does is rub the back of your hand reassuringly as he drives you both to the airport. They’re no spontaneous sexcapades on during the flight home, just exchanged glances and small smiles. You want to believe you two can make it work. You feel like you two have already been through so much that there isn’t anything you two can’t handle together.

But you also know Andy and his anxiety.

“Do you want me to stay over tonight?” Andy asks once he pulls up to your apartment.

“Do you want to?”

“You know I do...”

“But?”

“I just need a few days to reset, that’s all,” he promises softly.

You force down the lump in your throat before smiling weakly and nodding. “I guess I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Hey, I meant everything I said in Hawaii. I’m going to do my best to get my shit together. It’s just that we’re back home now and I need to wrap my head around a few things. I’m not changing my mind or taking back anything that I said. Just give me a few days, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Sweetheart, I love you,” he sighs sincerely. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Andy. More than you know,” you smile softly before taking his face in your hands and kissing him deeply. “I’ll see you in a few days,” you all but mumble before getting out of the car and getting your bags out of his backseat.

You hear his heavy sigh and you know he feels bad, but you have to trust that he knows what he’s doing, even if you’re completely in the dark about it. The moment you get into your bedroom, you drop your bags and get into before bursting out into tears. You don’t even know why you’re reacting this way. He’s not saying he wants to go back to the way things were, but you thought you two had made enough improvement for him at least want to spend more time with you.

‘He said he just needs a few days, Y/N. You’ve gotta stop over thinking things or you’ll drive the both of you crazy,’ you mentally tell yourself as you try to calm down.

The first two days are hell and you can’t remember the last time you felt so alone. Maybe when you’re Mother died, but that was a completely different type of pain. It doesn’t help that you can’t put off your lunch date with your Father any longer.

“Hey Baby Doll,” he smiles up at you as you take a seat at the table of the restaurant he’s chosen.

“Father.”

“You can’t even pretend to be a little excited to see me?”

“Well, since all of the shit you pulled with Mom, I promised myself that I would never lie. So no,” you smile as the waiter comes and asks for your drink order. “A Jack and Coke, please,” you smile with a slight nod before he walks away.

“It’s 1pm, Baby Doll.”

“I’m gonna need it to get through this.”

“You hate me that much?”

“I don’t hate you, I just want nothing to do with you. God, why do you even want to do this? You didn’t give two shits about me or Mom until she got sick, and now-”

“That’s not true. I love you so much-”

“Not enough for you stick around and be a better husband or Father. Not enough to encourage Vivian to make things right with Mom sooner.”

“Things were complicated, Y/N,” he sighs as you roll your eyes. “I don’t expect you to understand because I hurt you. I hurt you and your Mother-”

“There’s nothing to understand! You’re a fucking liar and a cheater at the end of the day. That’s really all there is. I’m the one who had to hear her cry for you over and over again, praying to God for you to come back-”

“I thought that’s what I wanted, Honey. I couldn’t see myself being a good husband or Father so i just ended up leaving. Almost as soon as I left, I regretted it, but how could I come back? There was nothing I could do to make it right by any of you, so I forced myself to stay away. Then when Vivian still made the effort to have me in her life, I was too much of a coward to tell her not to be angry with your Mother. Having one of you was better than having none of you. Then, when she got sick, I...I wanted to be there for her. For you.”

“We didn’t need you, it’s not like you paid for anything or helped take care of her at all.”

“Yeah, you need no help from me at all,” he scoffs as your drinks arrive. “Your sister told me all about your job.”

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter before taking a sip of your drink and looking up at the waiter. “Please keep them coming,” you smile and he just offers a sympathetic nod before walking away.”Tread lightly.”

“You may hate me, but I still have a right to disapprove,”

“I don’t give a fuck about your approval, in case that hasn’t seemed to come across your mind yet.”

“You’re still my child-”

“No, I’m a grown ass woman. You lost the right to tell me how to live my life when you walked out the fucking door.”

“No parent wants their child sleeping with other people for money.”

“1. No parent just fucking walks out on their kid unless they’re a complete and total dickhead. 2. I’m not sleeping with them, I guess Tweedle-Dee decided to leave that part out.”

“She said there’s one guy-”

“One guy and it’s not like that. It’s...complicated,” you sigh before finishing off your drink. “It’s complicated and I don’t wanna talk about it. At least not with you.”

“Does he love you? Do you trust him?”

“What part of ‘I don’t wanna talk about it with you’ did you not get?”

“You need to make sure that he truly wants and loves you. You met him at this place you work at? I’m assuming he’s older than you, am I right?” Your silence has him scoffing as the waiter brings you another drink. “I thought so.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“I know enough.”

“You don’t know that the last day Mom was alive, he spent the whole day with us because it made her happy. You don’t know that he was the one who woke me up the next day to tell me the news and when I couldn’t get myself together, he was the one to call everyone and set everything up. You don’t know that hes been there for me every day since. You don’t know shit so stop acting like you do.”

“If he’s so damn great, why wasn’t he at the funeral?”

“He was at the funeral. Unlike your little wife, he didn’t wanna make a spectacle of himself.”

“He could’ve at least been by your side at the repast.”

“Just because you didn’t see him, doesn’t mean he wasn’t there.”

“Why the secrecy?”

“Cause it’s no one’s fucking business!” you snap. You’re not a fan of the disproving scowl your Father gives you before shaking his head. “What?”

“He’s someone important, isn’t he? Someone who can’t be seen with a person that does what you do.”

“Why would you-”

“Vivian told me where you work and I know the crowd that frequents there. A bunch of shady assholes, who have a lot of power and a lot of money.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Baby Doll-”

“We’re done talking about this,” you state firmly.

Your Father lets out a mournful sigh before downing all of his drink. “I’m the last person to tell you how to live your life or what decisions to make, but I really do hope that I’m wrong about this man. I know you don’t believe me when I say it, but I really do want you to be happy. I want you to find a man that’s good for you and good to you. No matter what, I will always love you and I’ll always try to be there for you. Whether you want me to be or not,” he finishes sincerely with a sad and soft smile.

“Well, as wonderful as that is to hear, I’m fine and you and your little minion need to stay out of business that doesn’t concern either one of you.”

“Are we ever gonna get to a point where you and I have some sort of a relationship?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh mumble before picking up your drink and taking a sip. “I just don’t know.”

The rest of the lunch is spent in silence and against your better judgment (and the fact that you’re insanely stubborn), you take yourself home. The minute you’re back inside your still empty apartment, you kick off your jeans and fish your phone out of your back pocket.

Still no text or call from Andy.

However, there are two texts from Vivian.

Devil Child: Dad told me you refused to let him drive you home. Please let me know when you’re home safe.

Devil Child: I know you hate me, but please answer me.

You shake your head and chuckle humorlessly before responding.

Y/N: Hey, you know what isn’t a good idea? Telling the one person I can’t stand more than you about my job. Leave me alone and stay out of it.

Devil Child: He’s our Father, Y/N. He has a right to know.

Y/N: Do you think before you speak? He doesn’t have a right to shit. NEITHER OF YOU have a right to anything.

Devil Child: We’re all each other have at this point, Y/N. You can’t keep hating us.

Y/N: Just because I want nothing to with you, doesn’t mean I hate you. I just have no need or desire to bullshit around with you.

Devil Child: Y/N, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.

Y/N: Yeah and I don’t care.

You toss your phone on your nightstand before pulling off your shirt and pulling on one of Andy’s ‘Boston University’ sweatshirts and getting under the covers.

You hate this. You hate being so dependent on someone who’s still having such a hard time trusting you. This isn’t you. You’ve never let anyone have control over your feelings like this, and you promised yourself that you never would, but here you are. In bed, crying over a brokenhearted grown man and waiting for him to make the next move for the both of you.

It’s not like you ever put up much of a fight about it.

“Jesus Andy, don’t start this shit again,” you muttered as you got dressed. “Your jealousy is out of control and for fucking what?”

“Sweetheart-”

“Seriously Andy, what’s the fucking reason for it? No other man can look at me, but you can still sleep with whatever woman you here? What fucking sense does that make? How is that fair?”

“Is there someone else here you wanna sleep with?”

“How the fuck is that what you just took away from what I just said?! You know what? Fuck you, I’m not doing this with you tonight. Go get buried in someone else’s cunt and call me when your temper tantrum is over,” you bit, grabbing your bag and leaving the room.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?!” he questioned angrily, walking after you.

“Why do you need to know?”

“Don’t play this game with me tonight,” he warned hotly, following you into the elevator.

“Play what game? The game you play with me literally every fucking day? ‘Will he or won’t he come home to me? Will or won’t he fuck someone else?’ Those games?” you questioned with a humorless laugh. “It fucking hurts to think that you possibly couldn’t be the only one, right?”

“Y/N-”

“Ya know what? Maybe I’ll go to a club and bring a guy home with me. Better yet, maybe I’ll just find someone here to fuck,” you shrugged as you both got off of the elevator. “It’s not like we both don’t know how much all the guys here wanna fuck me. Maybe they can take me off your hands for a while,” you scoffed, finally turning to face him. His fists were balled and you could tell that he was using all of his energy to not lose it on you. “Now you have a slight idea of how I feel, Andy. Fucking hurts doesn’t it?”

You rolled your eyes as his just softened a bit.

“I’m going home, Andy. I’m over this shit and I’m over you,” you huffed before storming out.

You made it to the front of your car, before you felt Andy hand on your wrist, pulling you to a stop.

“What fuck-” was all you were able to get out before his lips crashed against yours. His arms snaked around your waist and instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck.

God, you two were so fucking toxic.

“Andy,” you breathed out as you two broke apart.

“Over me? Oh Sweetheart, you’ll never be over me, just like I’ll never be over you,” he husked as one of his hands traveled up your skirt.

“Fuck!”

“You know what it is? You know what I really think is pissing you off?” he continued to taunt as he ripped your panties off. “I think it’s because you want me to show everyone just how addicted we are to one another.”

“Don’t,” you warned pathetically. “Fuck!” you moaned as he started to finger you.

“You sure you don’t wanna give em a show? The way this tight little cunt is responding to me, it seems like you want everyone to see just how addicted I am to you. How much I’ll never be able to quit you,” whispered hotly against your ear before licking the shell of it.

Your hands were moving faster than your brain. The emotional and vulnerable parts of you were completely drowning out the logical and rational parts of you. You were undoing his pants as fast as you could and whined in protest when he removed his fingers, but he was quick to grip your ass and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist as he hoisted you up.

You lulled your head back and moaned in pleasure as you felt him thrust himself inside of you.

‘Guess the secret’s out now,’ you thought to yourself as your back hit the hood of your car and Andy starts thrusting into you relentlessly.

“You know why I get jealous, Sweetheart,” he grunted, not slowing up at all, finally meeting your gaze. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I fucking hate you, Andy,” you moaned, tears brimming in your eyes from the pleasure you were feeling, and the pain in your heart.

“I know you do, Sweetheart. And you have every right to.”

It’s not like you could be mad at him for the position you found yourself in. You were all too willing to let him fuck you in front of everyone, because you were just as sick and stupid as he was. You wanted the girls to see how much he desired and worshiped you, just like he wanted to guys to see how desperate and in love you were with him. You both wanted everyone to see just how much you two belonged to one another.

Andy didn’t give a single fuck about his career and you didn’t give a shit about what your friends and coworkers would think of you. All that mattered was each other and proving a point. Even without saying the dreaded phrase, you two made it known just how truly, stupidly, deeply, and madly in love you were with one another.

“Andy...Andy!” you mewled, clawing at his back, as he started biting and sucking on your neck. You felt your toes curl inside your shoes and you knew you weren’t gonna last long.

“Yeah Sweetheart? That close for me already?” he smirked looking down at you at you.

“Too fucking good! I can’t...I can’t...shit!”

“Give it to me, Sweetheart. You know what Daddy wants,” he husked, as his grip on your waist got tighter in the most painfully pleasurable way.

“Fuck!” you cried out, cumming hard for him, your brain feeling foggy from your euphoric high.

“Such a good girl for me,” he grunted before pulling out and getting on his knees.

“What-Andy!” you whimpered as you felt his tongue on your clit. “Oh my God!”

You tried to close your legs, but he wasn’t having it. He used one hand to push one of your legs to the side, while using three of his fingers on his other hand to fuck you. The only thing Andy let you do was hold on for the ride. You gripped his hair tight as you were grinding yourself against him, your brain completely too fucked out to allow anything other than moans and cries to leave your lips. All Andy did was grunt in approval as he continued his assault between your legs, and you knew he wasn’t gonna stop until you were a complete puddle on the hood of your car.

“Gonna...gonna cum! Fuck!” you cried out, your orgasm washing over you hard, as your body went limp.

Andy stayed on his knees, cleaning up the mess you made for him, as you tried to comprehend what the fuck had just happened. Why were you two so toxic? Why couldn’t either of you just make a decision and fucking stick with it? Why the fuck did you have to fall in love with him? Why couldn’t you stop?

“You okay, baby?” Andy asked softly, slowly pulling you out of your thoughts, as he peppered kisses up and down your neck.

“People...people saw,” was all you could think to say, still too fucked out to really put a real thought together.

“That was the point, Sweetheart. Don’t want there to be anymore fucking confusion for anyone anymore.”

“You didn’t cum.”

“Oh, I’m gonna when we get back home,” he smirked, helping you sit up right.

You said nothing as you tried to regain your balance, picking up your bag and fishing out your car keys. “You’re driving home,” was all you said before making your way to the passenger side.

That weekend, you and Andy stayed hold up in your apartment, making love and arguing. Never reaching a resolution but still never quitting each other.

From that day on, guys stopped approaching you and women stopped approaching you. Hell, half of them asked you if it was okay for them to fuck him.

At the time, it felt like a win, like you two were headed in the right now, but as you sit in your bed, you keep being at war with yourself. Why does he need so much time? Why hadn’t you two just just stayed in Hawaii. You call out of work for the next two days and just settle in, allowing yourself until you fall asleep.

By the middle of the next day, you’ve hit the drinking part of your depression.

You would have thought hearing the door open and close would have made you happy, but you’re just numb.

“Sweetheart?” Andy calls from the kitchen, throwing his keys down on the counter top.

“What?” you counter, taking a sip of your whiskey, still flipping through channels for something to barely pay attention to.

You hear him sigh before he slowly makes his way to the bedroom door. “Sam told me you called out for the next few days. What’s going on?”

“Didn’t wanna risk seeing you go off with one of the other girls.”

“Sweetheart, I told you I’m done with that.”

“Yeah well, you’ve radio silent since we got back, so maybe something changed. Maybe you found someone younger-”

“Y/N, that’s not fair and it’s a low blow,” he quickly interrupts, and you can tell you’ve really hurt him.

You sigh before throwing down the remote and finally turning your attention to him. “I’m sorry.”

“What happened? I knew you’d be upset, but I didn’t think you’d get this mad at me.”

“I had lunch with my Father and fucking Vivian told him about what I do for a living, and you came up. Not by name, but he’s aware of how we met.”

“You listened to your Father of all-”

“You haven’t said a thing to me since you dropped me off here,” you quickly defend, getting irritated with his annoyance.

“I told you, I just needed some time to sort shit out.”

“When don’t you?”

“Y/N-”

“Are you staying over tonight?” you interrupt, not wanting to ruin the buzz you have.

“Do you want me to?”

“When don’t I want you to?”

“Come here, Angel,” he smiles softly.

You’re slow to get up and make your way over to him, but the minute his arms wrap around your waist, you wrap your legs around his and your arms around his neck.

You’re finally home.

“I missed you,” he whispers softly before pressing a soft kiss to your shoulder.

“Did you really?”

“There wasn’t a second that I wasn’t thinking about you.”

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

“Are you finally ready to really be together?”

“I’m getting there, I swear. I just needed time to re-think everything and get myself away from...those thoughts. Hawaii was perfect, you’re perfect, and I love you more than I can express.”

“Andy-”

“I know, I’ve asked for so much more than I deserve. I keep asking for more than I deserve. Please, just a little bit more patience,” he begs softly.

“I’m hungry,” you respond softly, not wanting to make yourself any more upset.

“That doesn’t surprise me. Have you showered today?”

“No.”

“Lets shower first then I’ll order something.”

“I can pay for my own food.”

“Don’t start. I want to do this.”

“You wanna be everything but commit to me.”

“Y/N-”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That was mean.”

“I deserved it.”

“You said we’re gonna shower-”

“Not in the way you think, Angel,” he chuckles, his hold on you tightening a little as he starts to make his way towards the bathroom.

“Why not?” you groan, as chuckles a little harder.

“1. You’re drunk-”

“I’m buzzed, not drunk.”

“Fine, you’re buzzed. 2. We can’t keep fucking to keep from arguing, it’s not healthy.”

“Nothing about us is healthy,” you shrug as he gently sets you down.

“I want that to change, Y/N,” he says with all sincerity as he turns the water on. “If we’re gonna do this, really do this, then things can’t keep being as turbulent as they are. It’s not lost on me that it’s more my fault than yours, but still. I want this to be a real relationship, Angel. I want to be the man you deserve.”

You can’t stop the stupid smile that spreads across your face.

“What?” he laughs.

“You love me!” you squeal, running in place a little.

“It’s about time it clicked for you,” he laughs as he checks the water. “I think it’s ready.”

You’re both out of your clothes almost instantly and quickly make your way into the shower. A small smile comes to your faces as the water hits your skin; Andy’s always been the best at paying attention to what you love.

Andy lathers up your soap on your loofah before slowly spreading it around your shoulders, while kissing from your forehead to your cheek.

“I love you,” he whispers softly as he slowly gets to his knees, lathering up the rest of you.

“Andy, you don’t have to.”

“Just let me,” he begs softly.

It’s funny to you, how a simple gesture can make your heart light up for him. He takes his time lathering you up all over before placing you directly under the shower head. You take your time, letting the water wash away all of the soap, pain, and heartache you’ve been feeling over the last few days.

Andy cups your face in his hands as he steps under the shower with you, kissing you deeply as you wrap your arms around.

Finally, everything feels as it should.

You finally feel like you two are truly on the track you’re meant to be on. You both spend that night cuddled up on the couch, watching an ‘The Office’ marathon until you both fall asleep.

When you awake the next morning, it’s to the feeling of him placing small kisses up and down your cheek, telling you that he’ll see you after work.

“Stay home,” you whine, turning over and pulling his arm close to you.

“I wish I could,” he chuckles softly. “I promise I’ll be back tonight though. I love you.”

“I love you.”

For the first two weeks, that’s how everything went. There was barely ever a time when he wasn’t with you. The only time he stays at his own place is when he stays late for work and even then, he talks himself into coming over because he doesn’t wanna be without you.

The love making is 10x’s more amazing, there’s more trust, understanding, love, and openness. Andy’s more vocal about his fears which makes it easier for you to be more vocal about your frustrations. He more open with you which makes it easier for you to figure out what he actually needs instead of just what he wants. Yeah, you two have your little arguments from time to time, but (in a way) it makes it that much easier to pursue the relationship you two want, and it feels like a dream.

Yes, everything is picture perfect until Jacob’s birthday dinner.

“You both came,” Jacob beams, wrapping his arms around Andy first before hugging you just as tight.

“It’s nice to see you both again,” Sarah smiles shyly, waving a little.

“It’s good to see you again too,” you smile, wrapping her in a hug just as tight as you gave Jacob moments ago. “We should head inside,” you smile at Jacob who frowns in response. “Ah shit, what’s wrong?”

“So...” Jacob starts softly “Mom’s inside.”

“Jacob!” Andy groans as you grab his hand to try and soothe the irritation you both feel. “You should’ve-”

“I know, but I wanted to see you. I wanted to see all of you,” he smiles towards you. “She said she’ll be on her best behavior.”

“How many glasses of wine ago was that?” Andy questions, looking into the restaurant; spotting his ex-wife filling her glass with what’s left of the wine bottle.

“Maybe 4?” Jacob shrugs, following his Father’s gaze. “Listen, I know that her resentment on all of us is my-”

“Don’t you dare,” Andy quickly interrupts. “Her resentment is on her. You were rightfully proven innocent, and my secrets were mine to keep. She made her choices and now she has to deal with them. Don’t blame yourself for one second, Bud,” Andy smiles reassuringly at Jacob, taking his side profile in his hand. “It’s your birthday and we’re gonna have a great time no matter what.”

“Dad, if you want to-”

“I wanna stick to the plan, Jacob,” Andy smiles reassuringly at his son.

So, you all put on your brave faces and made your way inside, as you do your best to drown out your insecurities as Laurie and Andy embrace in a brief hug. However, the look on his face tells you that it means more to him than he wants to admit.

He misses her and that breaks your heart.

You do your best to ignore the pain you feel by downing drinks and making small talks with Sarah. You’re perfectly fine until Laurie decides to question your relationship with Andy.

“I really didn’t think he’d bring you tonight,” Laurie scoffs towards you before finishing off her 6th glass of wine. “How’d you talk him into it with your job?”

“I know how much she and Jacob get along, so I wanted her here. No more and no less,” Andy snaps, keeping his eyes on the lit candle in front of him.

“What’s your job?” Jacob mindlessly asks, digging into his plate of chicken penne vodka.

“I waitress,” you quickly clarify, grabbing your own glass of whiskey and almost downing it.

“I don’t see what’s so wrong with waitressing, Mom. Sarah waitresses,” Jacob defends as his gaze lands back on his Mother.

“She just doesn’t seem like the type of woman he’d fall for,” Laurie smiles innocently, before shoveling angel hair pasta into her mouth. “Ignore me.”

“I’m really happy you came, Y/N. My dad is always in a better mood when you’re around,” Jacob smiles sweetly towards you.

You know he means well but you can tell that’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

“How long have you two been together?” Laurie presses as you see Andy’s grip tighten on his fork from the corner of your eye.

“We’re just hanging out.”

“You mean, having fun?”

“He means that we’re falling in love and having fun while figuring it out,” you practically snap as Andy clears his throat.

“Mom, you said you wouldn’t do this tonight,” Jacob grumbles, throwing down his fork.

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how this is ever gonna work,” she laughs incredulously. “What are you? 22? 23? You know her looks are gonna fade, Andy. She’s either gonna get too old or the money is gonna dry up, but no matter what, she’s gonna leave you!”

“I think that’s enough now,” you warn, not liking how anxious Andy is getting. “You know don’t know anything about anything, so I suggest you quit while you’re ahead.”

“Oh, I know more than you think. I know Andy. He’s never gonna commit to you because he’s still in love with me. You thought your little trip to Hawaii would change things?”

“That’s enough, Laurie,” Andy warns, his anger starting to show itself.

“The hell it is! You can’t even bring yourself to call her your girlfriend! What is this? High School?”

“Laurie, it’s Jacob’s birthday!” you snap, slamming your hand down on the table, causing everyone to jump. “Whatever issues you have with me, for whatever reason, this is neither the time or place to settle it. So, I suggest you stop drinking and focus on the food in front of you. If you’re incapable of doing that, I suggest you leave.”

“You think you can-”

“I just did. You’re unhappiness is your own doing. I’m not going to sit here and let you belittle me because you couldn’t decide on what you wanted. Andy loved you, you messed it up, and now he’s trying to move on. That’s it. Your little outburst isn’t going to change anything, so I suggest you shut the fuck up about it or head home,” you finish, eyebrow cocked as you clench your firsts.

Laurie looks from you to Andy before finishing her drink, grabbing her purse, and storming out.

“Jesus,” Andy mutters, throwing down his fork. “She shouldn’t be driving. Let me get her a service.”

“Dad-”

“I’ll be right back, Buddy. Everything is fine,” he smiles reassuringly at his son before running after Laurie.

“I’m so sorry-”

“It’s fine, Jacob,” you smile weakly. “It was bound to happen at some point. It’s fine.”

You and Andy do you your best to salvage what’s left of the night, but the damage is done. When all is said and done, you all awkwardly say goodnight to one another and you and Andy start on the trip home.

“I’m so sorry about that, Angel-”

“Please don’t apologize for her actions. You can’t control-”

“I should’ve known better,” he sighs as you two come to a stop light.

You look at his demeanor and notice how hard he’s gripping the wheel. You know her words got to him, but you aren’t sure just how much.

“What’s wrong, Andy?”

“After all that-”

“Don’t. I know you too well, so please don’t.”

“I don’t wanna argue with you too.”

“Then talk to me. We’ve been doing so good.”

“Sweetheart-”

“Don’t start shutting me out. It only gets us right back to where we started,” you beg. His silence only sets your nerves off, so you start pressing. “While you were away from me, did you see her?”

“Can we please not do this?”

“So you did,” you scoff, looking out the widow. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot!”

“I swear, nothing happened. We just talked.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because I didn’t wanna make you upset!”

“You’re not that fucking stupid, Andy! You had to know she’d bring it up at some point! Whether it was tonight or 6 Christmas’ later, she was bound to bring it up!”

“Listen, we had dinner, talked, cried, argued, and that was that. Yes, I told her that I still love and think about her, but I also told her that it’s time for me to let her go. I can’t be with you and still hold on to her. I told her that I’m happy with you, I love you, and that I’m moving on. She said she’d respect that and wished me all the best.”

“Yeah, cause that’s going so fucking well.”

“Sweetheart, what do you want from me? I’m being honest with you!”

“No, you being honest with me would’ve been you telling me all of shit when you first came home!”

“Yeah, because you were in such a good mood to hear it.”

“Fuck you!”

“What? What can I do to fix this? To make you happy? You wanna go away again? You want a-”

“Don’t fucking try to buy my forgiveness!” you snap. “What else do I need to do to show you that I don’t want your fucking money?!”

“You were all too happy to take it when I met you, and you enjoyed it plenty when we went to Hawaii,” he mutters, pulling up to your apartment and turning off the engine.

“You’re such a fucking asshole, I swear to Christ,” you mumble, wiping away the few tears that you accidentally let slip. “You know what? Don’t do a single fucking thing for me anymore! Don’t pay my rent, don’t take me out, don’t-”

“Sweetheart stop it. I didn’t mean it-”

“No, go fuck yourself, Andy! I’m not doing this shit all over again! I’m not her! I didn’t fucking hurt you!”

“Can we please just-”

“No! I don’t wanna see you! I don’t wanna be with you! How fucking stupid am I?! I keep doing this dance with you and I’m fucking tired of it! Tired of you!” you scream before getting out of the car and slamming the door shut. “I’m done!”

“Don’t,” he warns, getting and slamming the door shut behind. “Don’t you dare fucking say that!”

“I mean it, Andy! I’m over all this shit! I’m so fucking terrible? I’m some fucking leach?! Then don’t fucking be with me! Go be with Laurie or Mary! I don’t give a shit!” you yell as you get inside the complex.

You can feel the stares of your neighbors as you furiously push the ‘Up’ button for the elevator, but you don’t care. You’ve had enough and you deserve better. As you you step inside the elevator, your tears start to come harder as the pain in your heart becomes more and more evident. But you need to do this.

You need to quit Andy.

“You think you can just walk out on me?” Andy questions darkly, slipping into the elevator right before the door closes.

“Stop it, Andy. We’re done. Whatever the fuck this is, it’s done!”

“We’re not ever done, Sweetheart,” he states as he presses your back against the wall. “You think you can just throw us away? You think my love is something you can just get away from?” he questions before kissing the hollow part of your neck.

“Don’t,” you moan softly.

“We argue, Angel, One of the many things we’re good at,” he husks as he hoists you up, your legs doing what they always and wrapping themselves around him tight. “I said some things I didn’t mean and I’m sorry. So fucking sorry,” he promises before biting your neck.

“Andy stop it,” you whimper pathetically, hating how easily you’re giving in to him.

“Don’t ever say that again, you got that, Sweetheart?” he roughly asks as the elevator arrives at your floor.

“I’m not doing this with you again!”

“Oh yes you are.”

Andy has your clothes off and bent over the counter almost as soon as you two get into the apartment, fucking all of his frustration and anger into you from behind.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Angel,” he grunts, his grip on your tight. “I didn’t mean any of it.”

“I fucking hate you, I swear to God,” you moan, clawing at the counter top, loving the roughness of every thrust.

“Stop saying that, you know you don’t. Stop it, please...please don’t say it!”

“Andy-”

“You are every thing to me, Sweetheart. Everything...shit!”

“I fucking hate that I love you! Wish I could...wish I could quit you,” you moan, your release building fast. “Love you so much!”

“Let go for me, Baby! Please!”

“Fuck!” you cry out, your knees almost giving out as you get lost in the pleasure of your release washes over you. “Fill me up, Andy! I need it! Need to feel close to you!”

“Fuck Angel!” Andy grunts, his seed spilling into you as he tries to ride out both of your highs.

You both stay there for a moments, trying to come down from your highs while also trying to handle all of the emotions you both are feeling. You’re so tired of giving into him so easily, but you love him so much. The one person who makes you the happiest also makes you feel the worst.

“I know...I know keep saying I’m sorry and then doing the same shit. I swear I don’t mean it, it’s just...my initial reaction is to just to defend myself.”

“I don’t know how else to show you that I don’t want to hurt you, Andy. I just want to love. All I’ve ever wanted since this became something more is love you and care for you. I can’t do what you don’t let me.”

“I know,” he groans as he pulls out before turning you to face him. “I know that I’m the reason-”

“You keep saying that you know, but you keep doing the same shit, Andy. I can’t keep doing this with you. I love you too much and it hurts too much. I know how badly she hurt you, but I’m not her. You know me well enough to know that I would never do that.”

“Sweetheart-”

“Something’s gotta change or I have to walk away,” you sniffle out. “I’m not your punching bag, Andy.”

You softly push him away from you and slowly make your way to the bedroom. The minute you’re under the covers you just let out all of the tears you’ve been holding in.

Why can’t all of this be simpler?

Andy comes to bed a few minutes later and holds you close, and you’re all too happy to cuddle up to him. Yeah, you’re angry with him, but Andy is still your home. Even when he’s the cause of your pain, he’s still all you want.

“I don’t know why I can’t get my shit together, Sweetheart. I know I’m an asshole and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. I just wanna lay here with you.”

“Whatever you want,” he whispers softly before kissing the top of your head. “Whatever you want.”

Neither one of you says anything, but you can tell that you know there’s a change, and not for the better.

Andy pulls his regular “stay away” routine that he has after every argument you two have, the only difference this time?

You’re not trying to reel him back in.

Soon enough, the arguments become more constant, he’s staying over less, and the love making is more desperate than loving.

“When were you gonna tell me you put your two weeks in?” Andy asks, storming inside your apartment.

“Oh, look who’s here,” you mutter from the sofa.

“Y/N-”

“I told you that I want another job, Andy.”

“I thought you’d at least tell me before you did it!”

“Well, maybe I would have if you were ever here,” you shrug, still not meeting his angry gaze. “I’m not fucking arguing about this, Andy. I don’t want to be there and you keep saying that you don’t want me there-”

“Yeah, but I wanna take care of you-”

“No, you wanna control me.”

“You know that’s not true!”

“Is that something I know? Feels an awful lot like control when you try and persuade me to fucking work for you.”

“Sweetheart-”

“It’s late and I’m tired. Do whatever the fuck you want, I’m going to bed.”

“We’re not even gonna talk about this?”

“Oh, I thought we did? Or does it not count because you’re not getting your way?” you question, finally meeting his gaze as you turn off the TV. You can see all the worry, stress, guilt, and pain that he feels, but it’s become more common than not for you two to hurt one another. “That’s what I thought. Goodnight, Andy,” you sigh before getting up and making your way to your bedroom.

You know it’s the beginning of the end, but you can’t bring yourself to leave him. You keep hoping that there’s a way for you two to get back to where you were, but as arguments become louder and nights become lonelier, you’re almost completely out of hope.

However, there’s one last hope: his birthday.

“Happy Birthday!” you laugh as soon as Andy answers the phone.

“Thank you, baby,” he laughs softly. “I love you.”

“And I love you! What time do you think you’ll be heading over?”

“Oh, actually, the guys are taking me out.”

“Wait...what?”

“Yeah, they’re taking me indoor golfing or something. I’ll come by after.”

“Oh...okay then,” you say softly, biting hard on your bottom lip to hide the disappointment. You feel the tears brimming in your eyes, but you refuse to cry while on the phone with him. “Well, have fun then,” you all but mumble before hanging up.

You all but crumple to the ground as the tears start to flow freely. He knows you two had planned to spend the afternoon together, and you were planning on surprising him with go-kart tickets, because he’s been saying for weeks how he wishes he had more time, because he really wants to go. You’ve made his favorite meal and got his favorite ice cream cake. He went out of his way to hurt you this time, and you’re now more sure than ever, that you two won’t ever find your way back.

You throw out his cake and leave his made plate on the table.

You open a bottle of whiskey and take a seat on the sofa, deciding that you’re done. You’ve had enough and you’re not gonna stay around for him to hurt you any longer.

When you hear the door open at 11, you roll your eyes and keep them glued to the TV. You hear him sigh and you’re guessing that hes either seen the cake in the trash or the food on the table.

Whatever it is, you don’t care and you hope he feels like shit. You hope he’s having the worst birthday ever.

“Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me-”

“You’re the one who said, in Hawaii, that you wanted us to spend your birthday together. That was your fucking request.”

“Y/N-”

“So I, like a fucking idiot, spend the day making you your favorite food, getting your favorite fucking cake, ready to surprise you with fucking go-kart tickets, just for you to blow me off. However, I guess that it shouldn’t have been a surprise since that seems to be the only thing you’re capable of these days.”

“That’s not true and you know it!”

“I hope you’re not here for birthday sex, because I’m a little too drunk for that,” you scoff before finishing off your drink.

“Don’t.”

“Well, what the fuck do you want, Andy? It’s obviously not to spend time with me.”

“Of course I want to spend-”

“No, because if you truly wanted to, you would have invited me out with you.”

“You know why I couldn’t,” he scowls, leaning against the table.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” you snap, finally turning your attention to him.

“You know exactly what it means.”

You can feel your heart breaking but you can’t drop it. “You said you aren’t ashamed of me.”

“I’m not, but just because I’m not doesn’t mean I can just bring you around. They all know how we met, what you used to do.”

“I’ve only ever slept with you!”

“Be that as it may-”

“I would never do that to you, Andy. Never say something like that!”

“Well, it’s not my fault you love me more than I love you,” he shrugs, but the look on his face tells you that he instantly regrets it.

“Get out!” you shout at him, finally getting off of the sofa and storming over to him.

“Y/N-”

“GET OUT!” you scream, tears flowing freely as you start to shove him.

“Baby, please just-”

“Get out, get out, GET OUT!” you scream, your hands furiously hitting him in the chest repeatedly.

Andy sighs in defeat before slowly turning around and leaving. The minute the door closes, you sink the floor and start crying uncontrollably. You love him more than he loves you? What the fuck are you even doing anymore? Why haven’t cut yourself free of him?

Because you’re a fool in love. That’s why.

You cry until you fall asleep, wanting nothing than to just talk to your Mother. You want nothing more for her to hug you tight and tell you that’ll all be okay, but like everything else in your life, what you love and crave the most, you can‘t have.

Andy waits three days before finally texting you.

My Beautiful Disaster: I know you hate me and you have every right, but please come by my office today. I wanna take you out to lunch and talk things out. I really want to work this out. I was so wrong and out of line. Please, just meet me and we’ll figure all this shit out.

You laid in bed and read the text over and over again. He’s always sorry, always trying to make it up to you, always saying what you want to hear but never actually following through.

Well, not this time. Not anymore.

You get out of bed and go through your drawers until you find one of the skimpy lingerie Andy bought for you when you two first started seeing each other. You curl your hair and apply your makeup perfectly. You put on the lacy skinny black heels he loves and look yourself over in the mirror. You need to make sure you look perfect. You grab his ratty old trench coat before grabbing your car keys and making your way out and start on your way to his job.

When you finally get there, you take a deep breath as you shut off your car. A million thoughts running through your head as you try to build up the courage to do what needs to be done.

‘It’s now or never, babe,’ you tell yourself mentally.

When you get out of the car, you make the sure the coat is tight and secure around you before making your way up the steps and inside the large and intimidating building. When you ask the receptionist for directions to Andy’s office, you don’t miss the way she looks you over, and you can feel the eyes of what feels like one hundred men on you.

‘Focus on the task at hand,’ you remind yourself.

You quickly make your way to his office and take a deep breath before knocking on his door.

“Come in,” he states softly, sounding distracted by something.

You push down the lump in your throat blink back tears before opening the door then quickly closing it behind you.

“What’s up...Sweetheart?” Andy questions, eyebrow cocked as he looks over you, his eye settling on your heels. “What’s...”

“I figured we’d just jump straight to it,” you shrug before opening the trench coat.

“W..what-”

“This is what you really want, right? To fuck me? To keep fucking me? So, lets just do it. You don’t even have to pay me for it now.”

“Y/N-”

“No Andy. You always apologize then do the same shit. I always fucking believe you, because I’m a fucking moron, and then you do the same fucking thing. But as long as you’re a good fuck, I guess I should be grateful, right? I always let you in my fucking pussy, and my fucking heart, and you just abuse the love I have for you. So, instead of you telling me shit I wanna hear, lets just jump to the part you love the most. Besides, you said it the other night; all your little buddies know exactly how we met and what I used to do. I’m your little slut, right? Your little money loving slut?”

“Sweetheart, please-”

“No. I don’t wanna hear it anymore. You don’t have to lie to me anymore. Just fuck me and get it over with. As per usual, take what you want from me and then toss me aside.”

“That’s not what I want at all,” he sobs softly. “You know I love you. I just-”

“There’s always a fucking excuse! I don’t want to cry anymore, I don’t wanna feel my heart break anymore, and I don’t wanna keep hoping for you to change. For you to love me as much as I love you. So, lets just go back to what this has always been. Sex. If it makes you feel better, I’ll let you hold me afterwards so you can feel like we actually have something special.”

“If you’ll just hear me out-”

“I’m tired of hearing you out,” you sniffle, wiping away tears. “I’m tired of believing in you, I’m tired of taking you back, I’m tired of you always making an excuse as to why you can’t just fucking be with me...I’m tired of all of it. So, if you’re not gonna fuck me, I’m gonna be going.”

“Please-”

“Bye Andy,” you sob before opening his office door and storming out, not even bothering to close the coat.

By the time you get back to your car, you’re a blubbering mess. The hardest part is about to happen, but you know that if you don’t take the next step, you’ll never be free of him.

When you get back to your apartment, you pack all of your things (and a few of Andy’s sweaters), before grabbing a pen and paper and leaving him a note. You take one final look around before placing the key to the apartment on top of the note you left for him on the kitchen counter.

It’s time for you to say goodbye to Andy for good.

Andy’s P.O.V.

How could be so stupid? How the fuck could I have said that? You love me more than I love you? That’s probably the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever told. What is it that always makes me treat you like shit? I know for a fact that there’s nothing you’d ever do to hurt me, and I just keep pushing. Pushing you to do what I want, away, towards anger...I keep fucking this up and I really fucking wish I could figure out why.

Why couldn’t I just tell you that I saw Laurie? It truly meant nothing, I just needed some fucking closure.

That night was so fucking terrible, but I’d do it all over again if it meant I could feel the sense of freedom I felt when I left the restaurant that night.

“I’m really happy to see you, Andy,” Laurie beamed at me as I took a seat across from her.

“You look good,” I smiled awkwardly. They’re so many emotions running through my mind, of course they all go back to Y/N, but I need to get through this if I want us to have any real chance.  “Thanks for meeting me.”

“Well, you said you wanted to talk-”

“I don’t wanna be rude, but I’m gonna stop you right there. I don’t want to get your hopes up and make you think we have a chance at working things out. This isn’t that at all.”

“Oh,” is all she said and for just a moment, I felt like an asshole. Then I remember my reason for doing all of this.

Y/N.

“I want to start off by apologizing to you. The last few years of our marriage was a shit show to say the least, and me being an asshole didn’t help a fucking thing.”

“It’s not like I didn’t push you to it.”

“I shouldn’t have acted out like that. I was angry, hurt, and I just wanted to hurt you. However, no matter what happened between us, you’re still Jacob’s mother and I shouldn’t have treated you that way. I let my pain bleed all over every thing and turn me into someone I don’t like. Someone I don’t recognize. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” she smiled softly as the waiter approached to take our drink order.

There was a time that smile meant everything to me and I’d be lying if I said it breaks my heart with how little it means to me now.

“So, if we’re not here to talk about trying again, I’m guessing we’re to talk about her,” Laurie sighed, sitting back a little after the waiter walked off.

“Don’t say it like that.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Andy. That I’m happy for you? That I want the best for you?”

“That’s exactly what I want you to say, Laurie. I didn’t do this to us. I fought hard as hell to save our marriage and you decided you didn’t want it anymore. I couldn’t change your mind so I lashed out. In doing so, I met Y/N and Laurie...I love her. I fucking love her so much and I don’t want to fuck it up.”

“Andy-”

“I still love you, Laurie. A part of me probably always will, but I can’t ever be with you again. Not after everything we’ve been through, but I wanna try with her. I want to really try,” I practically mumbled as the waiter came back with our drinks. I’m not surprised that neither of us wants a thing to drink; wanting to be as numb as possible.

“She’s just a mouth keep your cock warm, Andy. You think you love her-”

“Don’t,” I scoffed. “Don’t belittle her when you don’t know a thing about her. She is funny, smart as a fucking whip, compassionate, thoughtful, an amazing cook, loving, hard working, loyal...she’s amazing, Laurie. Jacob loves her-”

“Great.”

“I had to move on at some point and you know that.”

“I really didn’t want you to.”

“I tried to make it work with you, Laurie. I really did,” a smiled weakly, my eyes watering just a little. “We had a good run though. No one can say we didn’t have our moment in the sun.”

“We really did,” she sniffled out as wiped her eyes. “So, what made you realize that you’re really in love with this...woman.”

“I’ve known for a while, but I’ve been too afraid to commit. Then we went to Hawaii-”

“That was supposed to be our trip.”

“We were supposed to have a lot of things, babe.”

“Yeah, my bad, I fucked that up,” she chuckled humorlessly. “Anyway, you two went to Hawaii...”

“It was just perfect. The small gestures overwhelmed her and the biggest ones had her hugging me for hours. We danced, we went on adventures, we had deep and personal talks, we stayed up to watch the sunrise...what I’m about to say, I’m not saying to hurt you, but she’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Yeah, I know I look like a dirty old man, but it’s nothing to do with how old she is. If anything, that’s just a bonus. Someone like her loving someone as fucked as me...it’s unreal. She’s perfect and I’m losing her because I’m afraid. I wanted to have this dinner...I need closure, Laurie. I can’t move forward with her if I don’t have closure with you.”

“Andy-”

“Laurie, I want us to be okay, maybe even be friends, but I can’t keep feeling like my happiness is destroying you. Yeah, in the beginning, I did wanna hurt you like you hurt me, but now...I just wanna be happy again. I wanna be happy with her and not feel like it’s crushing you.”

“I guess I kinda owe you, don’t I?” she sobbed, weak smile on her face.

If only she knew how much it was tearing me apart to do this to her.

“I can....I can be nice to her,” she sniffled. “Like her? That’s not gonna happen any time soon, but I can be nice. If it lasts, I can come around to the idea of being friendly with her at some point. She makes you happy and she makes Jacob happy, so I don’t have much of a choice do I?”

“Thank you, Laurie.”

The rest of the night was filled with planning and crying, trying to be civil, and coming to the conclusion that we truly are better apart than together at this point. When all was said and done, we said our goodbyes and wished each other the best before heading off.

I had planned to tell you that night, but when I got to your place and saw that you were already drunk and upset, how was I supposed to say anything? Yeah, a smarter man would have. A better man would have, but I’m neither of those things. So, instead, I just hold you tell you that I love you and I want to commit.

I tell you I love you and want to commit, and then don’t fucking do it.

Instead of being the man I wanted to be, I was a coward and ran and hid from you the moment we got into a huge argument over my fucking ex-wife.

Why the fuck did her words have to get to me? Why is this so hard for me? Why can’t I just take the fucking leap? You’re probably more terrified than I am, but you’re still waiting and hoping for me to be a better person. I keep fucking failing you and I wish I could stop.

I want to stop.

Every time I think I’m ready to commit, I remember the time I caught Laurie cheating in the home we made, in the house I bought, and chicken out. It’s easier for me to be an asshole than for me to be a boyfriend. I hear myself when we argue and I know that I’m being a complete asshole, but I’m just fucking scared and so wounded. I know I can be and do better for you, but I’ve been resorting to being a complete dickhead for so long, it’s the first thing I resort to and once I’m in the mindset, I can’t get out of it.

However, seeing you like I did today. Crying, truly believing that all I want from you is sex...what have I done to us? How was I a big enough fool to not chase after you?

Jesus, I’m such a fucking idiot.

I’m not gonna keep being this guy though. I’ll show you, and everyone else, that you’re the only one for me. You’re perfect for me and I’m decent enough for you. Things are gonna be different from here on out.

I’m gonna commit and make you the happiest woman on earth. A life without you is a life I don’t wanna live, and I hate that its taken me this long to figure it out.

“Sweetheart?” I call as soon as I unlock the apartment door. “Sweetheart, I’m finally fucking ready! I know I have a lifetime to prove...” I stop as I see the an apartment key on the kitchen counter. “No,” I whisper to myself. “She didn’t.”

I slowly make my way to the counter top, barely able to keep my balance as I hunch over the counter.

This isn’t happening. I didn’t fuck up this bad.

‘My dearest Andy,

I love you. I love you more than I love life itself. You’re the center of my universe and the reason I smile. The first thought I have in the morning and the last thought I have at night. Basically, you’re everything to me...but, I’m not everything to you. I don’t doubt that you tried, because I could see you making the effort, but in the end...it’s just not enough. I can’t keep waiting for you, Andy. I saw the picture of us on your desk and I know...I know just how much I mean to you. I know I don’t love you more than you love me, but you still said it. The words still ring as clear as day in my head. I can’t keep being the person you attack when you’re scared. I didn’t do this to you. I didn’t do this to us, and if I’m honest, I just don’t have the strength and patience anymore. I know a lot of this is on me, because I kept making excuses for you, kept coming back, and kept pretending things didn’t hurt as much as they did. You told me that I need to communicate with you and I didn’t. Anyway, I’m just dragging this out I guess...I paid the bill for this month and next month...I gotta go, baby. I can’t keep doing this with you...I just can’t. I keep saying that, but it’s true. If only you fucking knew. Please take care of yourself, I love you so much. I’m gonna miss the hell out of you and Jacob. I did take a few of your sweaters, but you probably won’t notice or miss them. Treat the next woman better, okay? Treat her the way you wanted to treat me. I truly believe we’re soulmates, we just found each other at the wrong time. Ain’t life a bitch?

All my love in this life and the next,

Y/N’

I can’t stop reading the note as I slowly sink down to the ground. You’re gone? No, you can’t be. This is just a fucking warning to get me to act right. One that I deserve. However, the fact that all traces of you are gone, has reality hitting me too hard.

You’re gone. Really fucking gone.

What the fuck have I done?

**

Andy’s been calling and texting you non-stop for the last 2 weeks, and its taken all the strength you have in you to not respond. You’ve never felt more alone in your life. Thank God for Allison, because she’s been letting you stay at her place, rent free, since you left the apartment Andy got for you as you try and figure it all out. It helps that she finally dumped Tyler, so now there’s more space for you two to just sit and wallow.

Lindsey comes over almost daily to check on the both you, giving Allison rides to work when she’s too out of it to drive, and while it is a godsend, you just wanna be left alone.

You’ve applied to a few restaurants, but your heart isn’t in anything. You just want to sulk for a bit and lick your wounds. There isn’t a day that goes by that you’re not thinking about Andy and how he’s doing. You wonder if he’s eating regularly, drinking enough water, keeping up with his exercises, sleeping enough (he’s a terrible sleeper when his anxiety is high), and if he’s getting his work done to the best of his ability.

Both Allison and Lindsey assure you that he hasn’t been at the club, but you don’t want to think about that. You don’t even let yourself think about the possibility of him being with someone else. Your main focus as of late has been to just get out of bed and at least eat once again.

“You have to get out of the house, babe,” Allison sighs as she gets in beside you.

“I just the ground to swallow me whole.”

“It’s not always gonna feel like this.”

“I love him so much and I know-”

“You deserve better, babe.”

“I don’t want better, I just want Andy.”

“Hun...oh, who the fuck is that?” Allison mutters before getting up to see who’s at the front door. “What are you doing here?” she snaps and you can’t tell whose her so mad so fast. “How did you even get my address?...I’m gonna kill Sam!”

Andy.

“It doesn’t matter that you want to see her, because she doesn’t wanna see you...I don’t care what you think! You need to leave!”

As her anger rises, and you assume Andy refuses to leave, you sigh in defeat before forcing yourself out of bed. You slide your feet into your favorite black fuzzy slippers before pulling one of Andy’s old college sweatshirts on.

Your new constant outfit.

“I’ll handle it, Allison,” you mumble, standing behind her.

“Y/N, you don’t owe him-”

“I need to do this. I can’t keep moping around your house and I need to set things straight. Hiding in your house clearly isn’t getting me anywhere.”

“Are you sure?”

“Can’t feel any worse than I do now,” you shrug, fiddling with your fingers.

Allison sighs in defeat and takes a step back. “I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

You keep your gaze on your feet as you make your way out onto the porch and close the door slightly behind you. You don’t even wanna think about how much of a mess you look right now. Your hair is in a messy bun, your eyes look like they’ve gone grocery shopping with all the bags underneath them, and you can’t remember the last time you weren’t crying.

“Sweetheart-”

“Don’t Andy. Just don’t,” you sniffle.

There’s no way you’re gonna last long without crying.

“Please don’t make this any harder than it already is for us.”

“I’m ready now, Sweetheart. For real this time, I’m ready for any and every thing with you! I didn’t mean any of what I said that night-”

“Andy stop!” you start to cry. “You always say you don’t mean the cruel things you say, but you continue to say them! There’s no excuse for the way you’ve treated me and I’ve done nothing to deserve them! Jesus, you’re entire my world and this ids destroying me! I tried so many times to show you just how much I love you, that I would never hurt you, that I would never do what she did! I stayed when everyone else told me to leave you! I defended you when everyone called you a flaming pile of shit! I did all of this in hopes of finally getting to be with you, but what did I get instead? Lonely nights and a broken heart! You know what makes this worse? Half the shit I wanna be mad at you for, I can’t! You never lied to me about how you were feeling, you always said you didn’t know if you’d ever be ready for a relationship, and you told me time and time again that fear wins every single fucking time. But I was hopeful...so fucking hopeful,” you sob, wiping your eyes.

“I’m ready now,” he cries. “Losing you...I’m ready, Y/N. We can take this at whatever pace you want, but please just-”

“It’s just too little too late,” you sniffle, mustering up all the courage you have to finally look up and meet his mournful gaze. God, this is tearing you apart. “Please don’t call me anymore. Don’t call me. Don’t try and see me...I need to...we need to let one another go.”

“You don’t-”

“Yes I do, Andy. I mean it no matter how much it pains me. We can’t keep doing this toxic little dance. The highs are amazing, but lows are hell and I just don’t have the strength for it anymore. I don’t want to keep trying to be perfect for you, just so you can make me feel like I’m some shameful secret.

“I’m the one who isn’t perfect for you.”

“You were everything I wanted and more. It just took too long for you to see it,” you sob, using the sleeve of his sweatshirt to wipe your eyes,

“Y/N,” Andy begs, taking hold of your wrist softly “if you could just please-”

“I love you, Andy. I love you more than you’ll ever know. Please take care of yourself.”

“Please don’t do this.”

“I’ve gotta go, baby. I’ve gotta move on and so do you,” you smile weakly. You pull him close and kiss him softly on the lips. “I’m gonna miss you,” is all you say before turning and stepping into the house then instantly closing the door behind you.

You can’t hear anything Allison is saying as she rushes to your side and wraps you in a tight hug. All you can hear and feel is your heart shattering into a million tiny pieces all over again. You want nothing more than to open the door and tell Andy you don’t mean it. You wanna tell him that you’ll take him back and be with him like you’ve been longing for.

You just want Andy.

As you cry into Allison’s shoulder, you keep telling yourself mentally that you made the right choice. That it’ll stop hurting after a while and you’ll love again. However, with the pain that you’re feeling, you can’t believe any of what you’re thinking. What if you only ever get one real love in this life?

What if you just closed the door on yours?

~~

taglist: @whxre4cevans​, @fuckingbye​, @maroonsunrise83​, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @autumnrose40​, @emerald-evans​

[theresthesnitch]

hello!!!! hope all is well with you!!!!! in the least pressure-y, least annoying way possible, i was just wondering if you had any sort of updates or snippets or anything for summer boys? literally NO worries if not, i don’t want to stress you out or come off rude, i just reread it and literally fell immediately back in love with how incredible that story is! either way, i love what you’ve written so far, and its such a unique and beautiful story that you’ve graced us with, so thank you so much for that <3

This was very sweet to receive, and yes, you can absolutely ask.

I hit a bit of a mental road block with Summer Boys, and I've about decided that it's because I tried to really awkwardly add but not really address Lyall. I've removed the sections that refer to him, and I'm trying to rework them in a way that makes more sense. I'm hoping to get around to finishing it very soon.

For your lovely ask, here's a snippet:

~~~

Sirius stayed the night that night, and left the next day. Remus had difficulty letting go of his hand, wondering if it would be the last time he would see Sirius this summer, or for weeks, or if he would even know when Sirius would come back. 

Sirius seemed to snese his distress, and he gathered Remus close in his arms. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Remus sniffed. “I don’t want you to go. I hate not knowing when I’ll be able to see you again.” 

Sirius scoffed. “I told you that it would be easier this summer, didn’t I?” 

Remus looked down, unable to meet his eyes. “I know you did, but you’re staying with James’s family, right? And what if they don’t let you come?”

Sirius shook his head. “No, it won’t be like that this summer, I promise. I’ll be back on Thursday, if that’s okay with you, and I should be able to stay until Sunday night, at least. Maybe Monday morning if I leave early.” 

Remus looked up. “You will? How can you be sure?”

“Everything is different this year, Moony.” Sirius leaned in to kiss him. “You’re just going to have to trust me until I can prove it to you. Can you give me a chance? Can you give me until Thursday?”

Remus nodded. “I’ll even wait until Friday for you if you promise to come.” 

Sirius laughed. “Thursday. I promise. You’ll see.” 

They were standing in Remus’s backyard, which he thought was an odd way to leave, but Sirius had insisted. Sirius reached a hand up, shutting his eyes with two soft fingers. Sirius kissed each closed eye, and then the tip of his nose. 

“Don’t look, Remus.” Sirius kissed his lips softly. “Don’t look, and you won’t even have to see me go.” 

He took a step back, and Remus’s arm stretched out until their fingers just didn’t reach anymore. His arm was still outstretched when there was a loud crack that made his eyes fly open, but Sirius was already gone.