#yes i love jeng a whole lot

[iguessitsjustme]

I have not been able to stop thinking about this since episode 9 aired and I read an excellent insight into Pat’s character this morning by @wen-kexing-apologist so I wanted to talk about Jeng because he is the character that I relate to the most. Granted, I am not a high level manager in my parent’s successful company, BUT I’ve worked office jobs and I’ve been in management positions and overseeing people. Please keep in mind that I am approaching Jeng as a white queer person who was raised (all over) the United States so I can only truly add the perspective that gives me. Also I wrote this while bored at work so I was definitely not nearly as articulate as I like, and this might not be anyone else’s interpretation and I completely understand if you do not agree with me here. With that said, here we go:

I am probably the most cishet passing person in the world. There’s no particular reason for this other than it’s just the way I am and how I like to present. I don’t risk my safety by presenting queer, I just don’t. I live in a big city, my family is incredibly supportive, my friends are queer, a good number of my coworkers are queer, I am not closeted. But people see me and they assume that I am straight. For the purposes of this post I'm focusing on sexual orientation rather than gender what I’m focusing on because my relationship with gender right now is basically the shrug emoji. Despite being out as bi since I was 24 many years ago, I still find myself constantly coming out to people because if I say nothing, assumptions are made about me and those assumptions are based on a heteronormative worldview that society has cursed us all to and those assumptions about me are wrong. 

Now let’s look at Jeng. I’m not gonna mention Pat because I fully believe that Pat’s response to learning Jeng is attracted to men was entirely based on his own repressed feelings and not entirely an assumption that Jeng is straight. Jeng passes as straight. I’m sure that’s due to a combination of his position, his family, and just his overall personality. We know that Jeng is out to people. He talks to his friend about Pat, Jaab asks him about his feelings towards Pat, and when he brings Pat home, Jeng’s parents see Pat and make some assumptions about what occurred. So a significant number of people in Jeng’s life know that he is gay and it’s not only a significant number that know but the people closest to him know as well. The other people that are able to clock Jeng in this show are the other queer people. Chot and Jen just know. They see how he looks at and interacts with Pat and can see the humongous crush that Jeng is nursing. So Jeng is working under the assumption that around these people, he is out. He might present straight and he might keep that up for work purposes, but he believes himself to be out to at least the other queer people near him.

Then Pat says this:

And Jeng breaks. And I get that. Jeng knows that Pat is gay, Jeng thought that Pat knew he was gay. Jeng thought they were on the same page. Other queer people in Jeng’s life have known he was gay without him needing to explicitly state that. Pat, the person Jeng has been flirting with and has confessed to (while he was so drunk he couldn’t understand Jeng you beloved idiot) had no clue. At least that’s how it appears to Jeng, who is now in the unfortunate position of needing to out himself. Let me tell you something, it is exhausting to have to constantly come out to people. Every new person that I meet, if I want them to know that I am queer, I need to explicitly tell them because if I don’t, they will never know. I’ve had people think that I’m just a really good ally before. There are times I wish I was so entirely and visibly queer that no one would ever doubt it, and I’m sure Jeng felt that in this moment with Pat. It just takes one look at his face during this scene to know that Jeng has been here before and he is tired and his heart is breaking.

How many people do you think Jeng has had to make a choice between outing himself or letting them work with false assumptions regarding his sexuality? How many times has Jeng chosen to closet himself instead of being who he is? How many times has Jeng been interested in another man but had no chance because that person didn’t know or care to believe he is gay? Just needing to make the decision on whether or not to explicitly say, “Yes, I like men” or “I’m gay” is tiring in and of itself, but then the actual saying of the words? Depleting. Especially to someone who you thought already knew. It hurts when people think I’m just a really good ally. I can’t imagine the pain Jeng felt at Pat’s surprise because to Jeng, that surprise indicated that Pat saw him as a good ally (again, I do not think that’s what was going on with Pat but this is about Jeng and his interpretation) and not as someone with interest in him.

Then Jeng learns later on that Pat just doesn’t understand how someone like Jeng can like him. It doesn’t make sense to Pat. How many times has Jeng been made to feel like his sexuality, coming from him, doesn’t make sense? I’m sure his dad had some things to say about it. I’m sure part of the reason he left previously was due to that. So while Jeng is out, it is a constant coming out process and then an entire new process to get people to believe it. Jeng’s sadness is mostly about Pat rejecting him, but I’m sure at least a small part of it is also the tiny piece of him that was so sure that Pat at least knew he was gay.

Jeng now believes that Pat has only ever seen him as his straight boss and that can’t change. Pat sees him as a coworker, not even a friend, not even a member of the queer community. Just a coworker and nothing more. The revelation that Jeng likes and is attracted to men, made Pat uncomfortable. Is it because Jeng doesn’t obviously present as gay? Is it because he isn’t as clockable as someone like Chot? Now Jeng has to think of not only all of his interactions with Pat, but also all of his interactions with the other queer people in his office. Does he have to come out to them too or do they already know like he thought they did? Jeng was so busy being the most smitten man in the universe, it didn’t occur to him that his giant, massive, all-consuming crush on Pat might not have been obvious. I’m guessing the straight people in his office have been working under the assumption that he is straight. Will he need to come out to them too? He has been handling this for who knows how long, but this time, this time it HURTS.

Jeng was so worried about crossing the boundaries by being Pat’s boss that he didn’t even think about how dating a man would impact his worker’s perception of him. I don’t think he ultimately cares about what they think of his personal life or his personality as long as they are able to function as a department. But when Pat asked if he liked men, Jeng had to start reevaluating everything. Not just his interactions with Pat, but his interactions with the world. No wonder he seemed so just completely and utterly tired this episode. When Jeng and Pat finally work through their little miscommunication issues (which makes so much sense and work so well with this show I can’t even begin to describe my actual love for it which is weird cause miscommunication is my least favorite trope), I don’t think Jeng will actually change anything about the way he presents himself to the world. He still has his family to think about, and he’s still, well, he’s still Jeng. But I think this gave him some things to think about himself that he probably already knew but didn’t think he would have to explain to another queer person. Especially not Pat. Pat is out at the office, but it wasn’t entirely his choice. Pat outed himself so he would stop getting put in awkward conversations about the women in the office. Jeng might have seen something similar to himself in Pat. Pat could potentially pass as straight, and in fact did at the very beginning. He let people think he was dating a woman. Pat was careful who he came out to at the office. Jeng probably thought that of all people, Pat would understand him the best. Not explicitly out, but not in the closet either. How heartbreaking for both of them that their experiences clashed in such a way. But once those two get on the same page? They are gonna be the cutest couple in the entire world and I am so excited to see Jeng, finally, finally, be able to express his love for Pat to Pat as much as he wants to.

[shortpplfedup]

Love ain't easy, and I greatly respect dramas that show you how much it's a miracle that through all of humans' bullshit they still manage to connect to each other. I'm not really interested in convincing anybody on Step By Step, but I'm compelled to get my perspective down for the record.

I feel very strongly about love not being about what folks deserve, but about what they decide. An idea I struggle greatly with is the one that you earn love, that if you somehow hit upon the right combination of attributes and actions you get 'love points' or something and then somebody will be justified in loving you, but that you are undeserving of love if you are flawed or erroneous or stumble and do the wrong thing. I am just not a person who believes that any human being is undeserving of being loved. People can get together, and break up, without being deserving or undeserving of love. Deciding to love is not a reward. Deciding not to love anymore is not a punishment. Love isn't a game with winners and losers. This is my life's philosophy.

Step By Step is not a romance. It's got a romance in it, but the romance is only one story among all the stories the show wants to tell. The show wants us to see and understand how queer people exist at work in a corporate environment, how they navigate its hostilities, and especially its specific hostilities to queerness. They give us 3 archetypes of queer character at work to follow (Pat, Jeng and Chot), and then they expand outward to show us some of the other aspects of their lives that are also acting and impacting upon how they exist at work. Is this done cleanly? Yes and no. The throughline is strong, but the show occasionally focuses too hard on trying to explain something that's happening tangentially (Ae, Kanun and Beam), or on hammering a thematic parallel home (Jaab and Jen).

Why the romance if it's not the point? Because a) it's a thing that happens, but also b) because a lot of queerness for non-queer people simply isn't visible without sex and romance. 'It's about who you love', 'love is love', and similar phrases are how queerness is generally translated to those not on the inside of it, those who don't live it and have an intrinsic understanding of it, those for whom it is an othering thing. So the romance becomes a shorthand as it were. Look at Jeng and Pat this episode, especially Jeng called on the carpet in that meeting. His queerness becoming visible via his relationship with Pat is the 'problem'. Jeng's been queer the whole time, and they all knew it, they're not just finding out. Pat becomes the subject of vicious gossip over whether he has earned his accolades because his queerness has now become visible. Meanwhile Chot, who is visibly queer, outside of the love relationship in his life (which is cleverly rendered invisible by Krit's closet) has been subject to the commentary all along.

In building the romance out, the show naturally wants to use it to underscore some other ideas about work (capitalism) and queerness if they can. Ideas about passing and the closet. Ideas about what it's like to be a young person trying to build your career. Ideas about how you separate and balance or integrate your work and the rest of your life. Ideas about how you need a team to get things done. So yes, the romance ends up carrying a lot of the story without being the point of the story, and yes I can see how that could cause some dissonance.

The romance itself feels unsatisfying at this point because that's how it's meant to feel, I stand by that. Jeng and Pat didn't build a solid relationship, they liked each other and let the feelings carry them. They haven't yet decided to love, with all that entails. There is no emotional catharsis for the audience because there's no emotional catharsis for the characters. Their romance to this point has been an infatuation and a series of false starts. Pat and Jeng didn't know each other's core premises. They don't understand each other. They didn't really choose each other yet, they each held back. Their 'incompatibilities' are exacerbated by the workplace and their roles in it. They can't trust each other with all that in the way. But they DO like each other, and that hasn't gone away, and they can build that into a love in the future if that's what they want to try doing. But that's not about whether Jeng or Pat 'deserves' to be loved, that's about what they decide.

Step By Step has meant a lot to me. I'm confident that it understands its characters and the core story it wants to tell, and for me that story has worth in being told. The execution is somewhat messy, but I will always forgive a little messy execution for a good strong story.

[junghaesin]

in defense of pat

(a completely unnecessary blurb that i just need to type out to help organize my feelings)

i feel like i’ve seen a lot of talk between ep 8 and ep 9 about pat’s actions and how they don’t make sense and how could he be blind to jeng’s feelings etc etc but genuinely i think every decision pat has made recently is so indicative of his character and how he operates

there’s been enough posts explaining the how pat being gobsmacked to learn that jeng is gay and how it changed his whole perspective on their interactions thus far and allows the attraction to jeng that pat had in ep 1 to bubble to the surface again but i think this also informs a lot of pat’s actions in ep

he’s confused now. he’s re-evaluating all the things jeng has done for him and the interactions they had in the light of knowing jeng is queer and what jeng’s treatmemt of him could mean beyond a work lens and i think this flows into the main factor behinds pat’s actions... his insecurities

pat is painfully insecure in both his professional and personal life. in work, we know this stems from him being a fresh graduate who is not confident in his capabilities yet and doesn’t see his own potential. in personal life, we know this probably stems from the way his relationship with put ended... put just up and leaving him w/ no explanation... i can only imagine how much pat agonized over what he did to deserve that (he didn’t and fuck u put!!!!). we see this manifest in the way pat preens over compliments... being told he’s done well or when jeng compliments his ramen. in the same vein, he absolutely deflates when he feelings his not up to standard... like the way he shut down when put dismissed him ramen.

and so now factor jeng liking pat in. jeng who everyone calls perfect both in work and in personal life... the opposite of how pat views himself. jeng is 10 years his senior and is set to inherit a company and could presumably have anyone else in the world... of course pat can’t understand why that someone would be him. his insecurities make it impossible for him to see all the light jeng sees in him. and that’s why he says it makes no sense

his only way to rationalize it is to say that jeng is toying with his feelings as expressed in his talk with jane. but deep down, i think pat KNOWS that jeng is sincere and that’s what makes him even more confused... because he can’t under WHY jeng is so sincere about his feelings towards them. add that in with pat also recognizing his own feelings for jeng and letting them bubble up again and...

you’ve got a explanation for pat’s actions in this episode.

it was hurtful yes and my heart broke for jeng bc we know his perspective and know how much he loves for pat and would do anything to make sure pat is never hurting. but my heart also breaks for pat who is just as confused and broken trying to navigate his feelings and jeng’s feelings for him.

but these steps they’ve been taking to understand each other and their own feelings is going to make it all the more gratifying when they finally both see their feelings truthfully (ep 10 let’s gooo)

RANT OVER

[nakasomethingkun]

i need to gush about step by step episode 7 because it’s another episode that makes me love this show more and more!!

i know that some people are very unhappy that pat got back together with put, but honestly, i’m glad he did, and i understood why he did it. from the very first episode, it’s established that pat is young and single and very ready to mingle. plus, he and put used to be very in love, and it seems like they didn’t have proper closure. spending more time with put probably rekindled some of those fond feelings they used to share, and who here isn’t a sucker for nostalgia? and, on a less serious note, like hello have you see put?? why WOULDN’T pat want to take him back?? if my ex looked like up poompat and he begged me to give him another chance while flaunting the shark he crocheted to take advantage of my fixation on sharks and all things cute, i’d give him another chance too.

anyway. this episode showed us why pat and put used to work and why they didn’t, and it showed us why they’re not going to work in the present. for example, food is very important to pat, and yet during the dinner scene, put didn’t seem to be interested in the food (or in pat, tbh) or in the effort pat put into preparing it, which serves as a stark contrast to how jeng is wrt food. with that said, i appreciate how put is not a bad person (or a dramatized villain). he seemed genuinely remorseful of his past actions that led to their break up, yes, but he knows to apologize when he realizes he’s hurt pat about the meal and he respects pat’s boundaries during their night at the hotel. the thing is, he and pat have changed. they used to be in love, and put might still love pat, but time has passed, and things can’t be the same between them between they are different people now.

plot wise, obviously getting back together with put is important for pat’s character to realize his feelings and work through them, but it’s also important for put’s character, i think, because the man needs to let pat go and accept that they won’t work out (and i think he knows this too, deep down).

i also love that this episode is starting to get at the main “problem” at hand: jeng and pat being boss and subordinate. jeng’s feelings are very obvious - jaab seems to have gotten an inkling, and so does chot. but as jaab said at the start of the episode, it’s all very unprofessional if he really does go out with pat. given the power imbalance, it would also be very inappropriate and easily become unhealthy. i look forward to how this show will handle this aspect, since - in terms of the romance plot - the boss-subordinate dynamic would be one of their biggest hurdles.

jaab of course assumed wrong (i.e., jeng did not have dinner with pat), but his point still stands. even his little brother knows it’s not professional! of course jeng is taking things fucking slow and being really careful about what to do about his feelings!! plus, he and pat are in different phases of their lives. pat is young and emotional and has a lot to prove to the world - and do you know how hard it can be, to be in your 20s? well, it’s fucking hard. pat dating his boss is just gonna create a whole new fucking mess in his already stressful life.

so to the folks complaining why pat is looking at other men when jeng is right there: first, jeng is his boss. second, jeng is his fucking boss. third, dating your boss would be the last thing on your mind when you just started your career, work in what used to be a toxic and highly stressful environment, and your boss used to be really rude to you and made you cry. shifting from seeing jeng as his boss to a potential romantic interest is going to take time, and i like that the show is giving pat that space. also, i think that we would like jeng a lot less if he isn’t so professional lmao. jeng told put to separate his personal life from his work, and i think he’s telling this to himself too.

which brings me to another thing i love from this episode: more put and jeng interactions. ever since episode 5, i have always enjoyed seeing the tension between them. they always say one thing that means a different thing, and episode 7 gave us more of this. side note: i thought the seafood dinner scene in ep 5 was BRILLIANT, because at first glance it’s just the characters saying not much of anything, but it’s more than that. it was trying to further establish how jeng is the born winner that put just accused him of being earlier (e.g., he co-own a successful restaurant, he’s a good cook, he doesn’t mind hosting a wedding for free and giving his brother money because he’s filthy rich).

this is just word vomit, but god, i love this show. waiting 2 weeks for episode 7 was so worth it. other than all of the above, we also got to see chot singing up’s song and the ost for lovely writer lmaooo and if the translation is correct wrt his period, he might be trans?? diversity win!!!!

[purposelynana]

What Did I Watch: #33

This week, I watched it scrambled like a fucking egg. Happy Eid btw. International dates for Eras Tour is out. I'm dead.

Perhaps I'm too used with people in their 20's acted like they were in their 30's and it was total cringe-fest. Or people in their 30's tried to convince me they were still college students. (Yeah you see where this is going). I don't know about Thailand entertainment industry but one thing, somehow they just don't have fucking clue how to cast someone. But at least from casting division I could really tell, people behind Step By Step were in fact adults with working jobs. Not some kind of teenager getting paid for making fan fiction in visual media.

I came to an understanding that Step By Step will be slow as fuck. I think this was a deliberate move by Tee Bundit. Because you deal with a potential HR violation in which could turn into catastrophic effect to both Pat and Jeng's career. You just can't make them kiss by episode 5 and called it done. But this brought new potential disaster that I didn't see it coming in the first 8 episode. Clearly this show doesn't have a seasoned editor and most importantly, but rarely people mention it, a script supervisor.

Because it has unclear timeline, jumpy transitions between scenes, and weird storylines that didn't push the narrative. It felt like it has so many great scattered ideas but not one conjoined constructive story.

In the article above, it explained that script supervisor responsible to maintain the continuity of its script. There were just too many continuity errors and it's such a pity because it already has the idea and goal, yet the journey seemed taking us to too many places.

I could go on and on about how not having a script supervisor could potentially ruining a series. But Step by Step is not finish yet and fucking let's hope it could stick the landing. It's going to have a rough landing but fingers crossed. (I just saw the preview for ep 12, it is a rough landing indeed. Prove me wrong universe.)

Oh god this little show. What a gem.

I have so much heart and love for Our Dining Table. If this was person, I'm going to hug them until I'm shattered to pieces.

It was hard to be an adult, lonely as fuck, having family but not really felt their presence. I have so much love for this show and yet it doesn't feel enough.

I'm almost 30, and yes I'm fucking tired to just watch myself never get to be represented correctly. A lot of these actors are on the same age as me and yet the story seemed never going anywhere. High school students, college students, barely office romances, and damn even I couldn't even get period dramas without having to deal with censorship (dammit China). When you got older, you resent everything, you became critical with everything. Even I'm no longer consider My School President is that good after I praised it earlier this year. In the end, series that I deemed good is the one that I felt so much connection to it. My emotional investment has to be in all time high. Like what I felt towards this.

The scene that breaks me into million pieces. You just need one person to tell you, you have done enough.

Lastly, I want to talk La Pluie. I don't know where this show's going. I'm scared. Because it could turned out to be great or it could end up like anything else, standard. The whole shenanigans about soulmates, love and everything in between got me thinking. Soulmates is definitely, most certainly, not fate. It's constantly changing, depends on your situation, your willingness, and your effort.

The characters in here, they were learning that they couldn't treat soulmates as if it were fate. As if it something already defined by God.

It is not. So I could understand Lomfon weird reaction on his newfound illness. Because he heard Tai's voice during rain, Tai must be (undoubtedly) his soulmate. Dude sounded like a kid, who wants to know reasons behind everything. Somehow I could sympathize him a little bit more, if the actor knew how to enhance his emotions. It wasn't bad acting, but yeah it kinda dull time to time, to the point I was out when he's in the screen. But yeah it's pulp, what can I expect? People acted like their life depend on it?

[invisiblegarters]

Hidden Agenda Ep 4

Even though no one will see this because tumblr still hates me and support is ignoring me, I am determined to keep going for my own sake.

I am really annoyed though, at this point. So that will probably creep in. Apologies beforehand if anyone does actually stumble upon this. I am not good at dealing with frustration, and this whole thing is like trying to interact with people through a two way mirror. I can see you but you can't see me, and it doesn't matter how much I wave or try to get your attention, it just doesn't happen. I hate it.

Anyway. Moving on.

HAHAHA oh I love the only one bed trope.

Aw he's a regular. That's cute.

"Why did you want to come with me?" Zo. Seriously. ZO.

"You are my dear student" are you fucking kidding me with this.

AOU. I mean, JENG. Yaaaay! HI, hi, hi! Does that mean a wild Boom - I mean, Pok - will soon appear?

Yes. Yes it does. Pfft and everyone thought that they were a secret couple. Apparently not so much, I'm dying.

Why the dramatic music? I am so confused. Is Pok using my darling to try to make Zo jealous? Because if so I will be irritated. Or is Zo just pissy because now there are three whole people on his trip with him?

Liveblogging is so stressful I should stop (I won't stop).

Gonna say I feel like Zo is probably just bothered Pok didn't trust him enough to tell him about Jeng.

And yep. There it is. He's just hurt that he found out by accident. My dude, sometimes it's not about you. Although I do get him feeling awkward about the way he found out.

Ah, it's about Nita. Well, you did drag her to the library under false pretenses and then read her a myth that had nothing to do with the help you said you needed and got weird about it. I'm on Team Nita in that interaction, Zo.

Although as an overanalytical person myself I do deeply understand the way Zo has gotten into his head here. And okay I probably just have The Eclipse on the brain (when don't I, really) but this is so very soft!Akk & Aye coded, lol. Zo is the over analytical one who cares way too much about other people and Joke is the one who cares about himself and his people and thinks that Zo should focus more on himself.

Ha so Joke is afraid of heights. I would love to walk on a glass floor like this. I've done so other places and it is a trip. I love it. But I have never had a height thing so that probably helps.

Aw yes Zo get handsy while helping Joke with his fear. We like that. Him physically stopping Joke from looking down...we love to see it.

Oh they are cute on their little date. Zo better cotton on to the fact that it's a date soon. We already know he's now aware of his own attraction and Joke...is not subtle.

No I want to know what a boomerang is too. I am not hip with the social media stuff and this is the second time I have heard this boomerang thing.

I am going to have to google it aren't I?

Aw, Zo. Okay I'm really warming up to him this ep. And I have said it before, but I think that Dunk has really improved. He lost a lot of the little quirks that drove me nuts in SIMM and he's way more natural here, less stiff and like he isn't sure where to move his limbs at any given moment.

Oh my gosh this phone thing is too much for me. It's cute but aaah no too much.

My gosh this dude is so smitten please someone put him out of his misery. It's up to you, Zo.

Ah okay so it is a hidden relationship, just not from friends. I'm guessing family stuff? Does that mean it'll rear its head with Joke too? Will that be our central conflict (if we have one)?

This is making me hungry. I really need to make something to eat before watching these shows.

Hahaha oh Zo. Honey.

Ah, so it's that he doesn't want to be picked on by his straight friends. Man, this is so different from Max I kind of love it. And I really hope that they talk because this kind of thing can break a relationship. I have said this before but it doesn't matter how much you love each other, if one person wants to be out and another can't or won't be, it can easily breed resentment that will slowly strangle the relationship.

Oh no I see a guitar.

Please don't sing, please don't sing, please don't sing.

"Expressing your feelings doesn't make you weak" - louder for the people in the back, please.

Don't sing! Don't you do it! Don't you -

Sigh.

Oh at least the second bit was clearly done via studio. Raw singing is usually just not that great. Literally only Gawin has pulled it off recently.

So are they gonna kiss or not this ep, we think? It's not mid series, that will be next ep, so I'm guessing either it cuts out before their lips meet or they get interrupted.

Then again.

Haha but now Zo's gonna go into panic and avoidance mode. Well that's abut what we all expected, I think.

Still cute.

[mikuni14]

Step by Step Ep 10

Soooo, Jeng admonishes Pat for doing something behind his back, for doing something without discussing it with him first (he's right). Then Jeng does EXACTLY the SAME thing lol  The funny thing is that objectively looking at this whole situation, this mess and chaos, Pat did the right thing by resigning. Similarly, Jeng basically did the right thing as well, by making sure the department survived because too many people work there.

And that's one of the things that annoys me so much about this office romance: everyone in the office is so obsessed with Jeng and Pat, with corporate little games, with blackmail, with gossip, that everyone has forgotten that, SURPRISE!, other people work there too, people who have invested their time and energy in this work and who must live and support themselves in the capital city, where everything is always more expensive. Jeng and Jaab will always be fine, but what about the others? When Jeng heroically proposes that Pat stays and HE resigns... it's romantic, but I want to kick his ass, like.. man, the future of the department depends on you, not Pat! But obviously, you didn't think about THIS, trying to heroically sacrifice for your beloved! But I have a suspicion bordering on certainty that at this point, in Jeng's head: department=Pat 😀 It’s juts... I’m too old for this. Watching it literally makes me feel tired. 

In the fantasy world of SBS, you can resign and come back to work the next day as if nothing had happened, The Gays ruin companies, the stock market, the economy, whatever (although the company uses BL themes in marketing but like, they’re not The Real Gays), and a video of two guys embracing is the end world and probably everyone! the whole country! is talking about it! and it’s a tragedy! Maybe that's how it is in Thailand and I'm wrong, but does Pat, an ordinary worker whose private life is used by the company he works for, have NO options to defend or even attack? As I understand it, the video recorded during his free time, of him doing nothing inappropriate, is circulating on the company's OFFICIAL group chat and being discussed by management, moreover, it is being used for some dirty games. Are there no lawyers in Bangkok? Never mind, since sleeping in the same bed in a hotel, SBS has repeatedly made plot inserts like that, that don't make sense.

Anyway, it's a total mess because Jeng and Pat never had a decent, honest, not necessarily nice conversation about their relationship and its place in the company, they just jumped right into the pool of love and fan service. The show spends LOTS of time on power point presentations but doesn't spend a minute on Jen a Pat talking about work, jumping straight to the drama. I think - this is just my personal opinion - Jeng should suggest, that it would be a good idea if Pat resigned at the beginning of their relationship, when Pat had not yet gotten into trouble, could get good references, leave a good impression, etc. Jeng should help Pat financially and support him while he is looking for a new job. They MUST work separately, which is just good for a relationship. Yes, it wouldn't be a nice conversation, but it would be necessary. Like most important conversations in life. I fondly remember Unintentional Love Story where rich and influencial TaeJoon with heart eyes and with full firmness says to his young boyfriend "you have my full permission to use me". That was super hot and romantic in how honest and open about his wealth and position TaeJoon was, but maybe it’s just me 😉. Jeng IS older and richer than Pat, there's nothing wrong with supporting him until he finds new job. Is that fair to Pat? Of course it isn't! But in the real world (and even in the fantasy world of SBS), there is no other way if Pat and Jeng want to be together and want to be happy. 

In the next episode trailer, one of my most hated tropes in BL was announced: the time jump. TWO YEARS. I HATE THIS. Sure! There's nothing better than wasting the best years of your life on pain and unfulfilled love. Who would want to spend this time working on the relationship, solving problems TOGETHER, kissing and cuddling and stuff? Some losers probably, the real men ✨SUFFER✨. Separation is just so romantic, unlike some boring work on yourself and love for the other person, right?....😑

I respect Be My Favorite for a lot of things, but one of them is that it's one of the few shows lately where the characters actually TALK. Yes, they argue a lot, they fight, but it's still good because they are honest with each other, even when they yell at each other. 😄 And what is important is that later they come back to each other and apologize, explain. Personally, I prefer BMFs to be all about  communication, talks and personal development even if they had to do it until the end of the series and become a couple in the last minute of the season 😎 I prefer that to no communication and unnecessary drama.

[bowandcurtsey]

4, 24, 38!! happy hearts day 😚🤍

TWINNYYYYY YOURE ALIVE AND WELL AND KICKING AND CAUSING CHAOS AGAIN (I HOPE)

I missed you a whole lot and happy happy valentines <3 <3

For the ASK GAME

4: Have you ever changed for someone? I think we all do at some point. when a certain event happened that impacted you so deeply that you gradually change and you didn't really realise it.

I used to never end a night without settling an argument. well you know they say, never go to bed angry?

so then bf and I would always quarrel till late night. like 4am-5am when it gets bad? it was pretty toxic yknow. whoever said not to sleep on it was not 100% right lemme tell ya.

Once I said something really really hurtful. I regretted it the moment it left my mouth. (cues some angst story jeng jeng jeng) and my bf cried. and i wanted to slap myself so badly.

somehow without realising it, nowadays when i'm upset, i seldom talk about it immediately anymore. I would remain silent and then sleep. I'll talk about it the next day or when we meet when I'm not at boiling point of angry LMAO. I would draft what to say as well. I think it helps, although the talk is not easy, I do still go crazy at times but I feel we solve more of the problem than deal with the emotions.

So i guess.. YES in a way, I've changed.

24: Do you think love can last forever? nothing lasts forever. forever is a long time. A lifetime? yes.

38: Do you enjoy love films? OH YES. I'm your typical girl next door in her pjs and blanket in the sofa munching on some snack crying at any sappy movie LMAO. I'm such a nerd, you guys alrd know

[amethysthollis]

Tom Hiddleston Webchat With Empire Online (January 9, 2012)

Before our Tom Hiddleston webchat, Empire had no idea what a “Hiddlestoner” was. It turns out a “Hiddlestoner” is a die-hard Tom Hiddleston fan – and would you believe it, hundreds of them arrived en masse for a pretty amazing War Horse webchat this week. Questions were… varied, to say the least, but the answers were uniformly delightful. Or as Tom would modestly say, “moderately entertaining”. Some people are never satisfied…

Faiyra says: Greetings from Germany. Now you’ve worked with them, would you like to own a horse one day?

I hope one day that I can afford to, but it’s a very expensive habit. But yes, I do love horses.

MoJo16 says: Did you read the book before you started working on War Horse? I’ve loved it for years and am so glad it’s been made into a film

I’d seen the show in the West End, which had made me cry like a lost child. Then, once I was cast in the film I read the book as part of basic research. I also think Michael Morpurgo is an incredible man, and the whole story is written with his artistic heartbeat.

serena3515 says: Hi from Italy! What was it like to work with Benedict Cumberbatch? Would you like to work with him again in the future?

Hello from England. It was great, fantastic to work with Ben. He is having such an incredible moment in the sun, and I think is at the top of his game. He’s been in this business for 15 years, and I remember when I was still in drama school going to watch him in theatre in a production of Hedda Gabler and thinking to myself, I hope he gets the success he deserves. When we were training to be cavalry officers, I think after our first week of training, the first episode of Sherlock aired on television, and it was amazing to be alongside him watching his life change.

JC says: Loki was a really sympathetic villain (good work on that), but did Thor leave you wanting to play an all-out total bastard? Assuming your character in War Horse isn’t one of those…

Gosh. I suppose I need a clearer definition of all-out total bastard. You haven’t seen The Avengers yet! And no, my character in War Horse isn’t a total bastard; he’s the best kind of man.

Jenna says: Would you be interested in getting behind the camera and directing one day?

If anyone were to give me the money and the trust, I’d love to. I feel like, having worked with five different directors in the space of 18-months, more than ever that actors are part of a director’s toolbox in expressing his or her perspective on the world. And I feel I have lots of my own stories to tell, which I’d love to be able to do one day. I’m also really interested in the actual jigsaw puzzle of filmmaking. The visual sensibility, music and editing. I was always badgering Kenneth Branagh on Thor to explain all the CGI technology to me.

JenG says: It’s a shame that Kenneth Branagh won’t be directing Thor 2. Will you be replaying your role as Magnus Martinsson in Wallander and working with him on the third series?

Unfortunately not, because it was filming at exactly the same time as The Avengers, and Kenneth completely understood my contractual engagement and let Magnus go with love.

TintinarooII says: Did you find the filming of War Horse very emotional?

Yes I did. Because I felt it was my responsibility to represent the doomed youth of a lost generation, who were almost entirely wiped out by one of the most horrific blots on the landscape of British history.

Nihan says: Greetings from Germany! Any crazy fan encounters you’ll never forget?

Well, I remember it feeling quite surreal having my picture taken with about six lady Lokis at New York Comic Con, all of whom looked much sexier in their costumes than I have ever done, horny helmets and all.

EllenMarie says: What was it like meeting Prince William? Were you star struck or just another day on the red carpet?

I wasn’t starstruck – I’d met him before because I was at school with him, which sounds like a strange thing. But when you’re at school with someone they are just another guy at school. It’s only in retrospect that I realise how strange that must seem.

Kathen says: Hi Tom, just wondering what’s your favourite sandwich?

I quite like there to be avocado involved in some capacity, and wholegrain mustard, and chicken. Failing that, there’s nothing wrong with cheese and pickle.

i-ship-that says: What can you tell us about Thor 2? Also, as much as I love The Avengers, I’m team Loki just for you. So where can I sign to join your army?

Last question first: I have no idea. And without revealing too much, there’s a specific skill set you need to be in Loki’s army – let me know if you have the qualifications. And all I know about Thor 2 is that we’re supposed to film it in London in the summer and that it is being directed by Alan Taylor.

redreed says: Having worked on Thor and, of course, The Avengers, how do you think the Americans are responding to the fact that amazing British actors are playing superheroes – the most quintessential roles America has produced?

Maybe it’s because we’re cheap and grateful!

tylerdurden says: What’s your favourite band at he moment?

I’m going to have to say Bon Iver even though it’s kind of one guy, but the last album was amazing. I just can’t stop listening to it; it really chills me out, especially when I’m playing Loki.

BriannaValdez says: I know you’re a lover of Shakespeare (as am I). Which play of his is your favourite? If you could play any Shakespeare character, which one would it be?

I do love Othello, because it’s a forensic examination of jealousy and power, and the delicacy of being in love with somebody. If you’re uncertain in your affection and in their affection for you, you can so easily be turned and possessed by the green-eyed monster of jealousy, which eats you up and ultimately destroys the love that was there in the first place. Also, it’s got some of the most heart-attack poetry that’s ever been written in the English language.

selinavalentine says: What’s your favourite country/city to travel to?

It’s pretty easy, this one. I do love Italy, and I’ve had some very special times there. I remember a weekend in Rome with my girlfriend just after I left university that was entirely magical and felt like it was straight out of an Italian romance, touched by Fellini.

GodAwesomeHair says: Talking about the Avengers, we know that Loki will be very different from the one you portrayed in Thor. Is there a possibility he’ll end up like the Loki we saw with Thor before the coronation ceremony? Will there be reconciliation with the big brother who loves Loki so much?

I don’t want to spoil anything here. Loki’s eternal predilection is to dance on the fault lines of villainy and redemption. I think whatever happens to him, he’ll always keep people guessing.

Expedite27 says: What was it like playing Scott Fitzgerald in Midnight in Paris? It was a wonderful movie.

Amazing. The whole experience felt like a dream. We were staying at the same hotel in Paris that Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams’ characters were staying in, which is called Le Bristol, and all along the pavements of Paris there are posters of screen legends outside the tourist stores. And if you stop and go through them, the first couple are of Marilyn Monroe, then you get to James Dean, and then you get to Audrey Hepburn, and right after her are pictures of Woody Allen. Then you walk a bit further along the promenade and you get to Shakespeare and Company, which is the bookshop where Ernest Hemingway used to stay while he was there, and so the whole experience really felt like a twinkling fantasy.

quentinfrappuccino says: Having played Scott Fitzgerald on screen, and having an insight into the doomed relationship that informed The Great Gatsby, do you have any tips for Baz Luhrmann. Also, did you meet the duck in War Horse?

You mean goose? And no. Far be it from me to tell Baz Luhrman how to make movies, but one of the things I did do when I was in Paris was I downloaded an audiobook of The Great Gatsby onto my iPod, and on the days when I wasn’t filming I wandered around Paris listening to it, just to get his voice in my bones.

THFan says: What was the most surprising thing about working with the legendary Spielberg?

How exceptionally kind he is. I would have forgiven him all kinds of grandeur because he’s one of my childhood heroes, but he’s so incredibly humble and generous and collaborative, and the most inspiring thing about him is that, at his age, with his stature and standing in the film business, he genuinely is still as curious and excited as I think he was when he made his first film.

Marina_from_Asgard says: You have just worked with some really great directors (Steven Spielberg and Woody Allen). Is there is another director you would like to work with?

How long have you got? I’m such a cinephile and movie lover that I see as much as I can, and the list is about as long as…it’s very long. Christopher Nolan, Clint Eastwood, Paul Thomas Anderson, Jacques Audiard, Tim Burton, Joel and Ethan Coen, Nicolas Winding Refn, Tomas Alfredson… there are so many. Peter Weir too. Julian Schnabel. I’d love to work with someone whose visual sense is very different from mine, but as far as the list goes already, I’m the luckiest guy in the world.

wearegolden says: Is there any news about Winter’s Tale? Loved the book and couldn’t stop picturing you as Peter Lake.

I love that story too, and find it really really moving, and to be honest I don’t know what’s happening. That’s the God’s honest truth.

Hetherlynne says: What was it like having to work with so many different actors for The Avengers, and did you ever play some Loki-spirited pranks on them?

It was really fun to work with all of those guys. They each have such specific talents, and I always liken acting to playing tennis. The rally that you play with a new partner is completely different, and no, it’s a $300m movie, and I probably would have been fired for playing the prankster!

wingedhelm says: So Tom, I’m about to ask you two extremely serious and important questions. What is you favorite pudding? And how do you take your tea? As a fellow Brit, you know how important that last question is.

That’s a huge question. My favorite pudding is a toss-up between cheesecake – proper, New York cheesecake – and apple crumble and custard. Custard is very important, or dark chocolate mousse. Tea: probably Earl Grey, splash of milk.

Lidy says: I haven’t seen a better interpretation of a villain than Loki since the Joker. What inspired you to interpret your character?

Well, in the comics Loki has so many different faces, and the thing that inspired both myself and Ken Branagh was his mixture of emotional psychological complexity, and the speed of his mind. So you have somebody who’s capable of thinking and strategizing at the speed of light, but underneath that is a deep well of pain that at any moment threatens to boil over.

Charlotte says: How would you sum up 2011 in four words?

A really big deal.

Albus Peach says: What is the worst “Thor” pun you’ve heard? Been to any “Loki” events recently?

I heard a limerick which goes something like this: “Thor’s the god of thunder / he rides upon his filly / I’m Thor, he cried / His horse replied / Then get a thaddle, thilly!“ which I think is basically… shocking.

JennyB says: You are so wonderful at impressions! Do you have a favorite that you’ve done?

When I was a child I used to do impressions of Shere Khan in The Jungle Book, played by George Sanders. I think he’s probably my all-time favorite.

Well, I would never say I imitated anyone, because everybody has their own really distinctive personality, which comes out in the characters they play. The actors that I’ve been inspired by the most in the course of my life are Daniel Day Lewis, Al Pacino, Robert de Niro, Mark Ruffalo, Peter O’Toole, Anthony Hopkins, John Candy, though I could never possibly get close to his brilliance, Jeff Bridges, and I was a fan long before he played the Dude. I used to love The Fabulous Baker Boys and The Fisher King.

I think I need to reboot my impression. I think Al Pacino is my favorite. It’s the bit when he’s interviewing Hank Azaria’s character in Heat. “Because she’s got a GREAT ASS – and you’ve got your head ALL THE WAY UP IT”

Carmen says: You’ve proven yourself to be one of the most expressive actors on screen recently. Which actors/actresses do you most look up to in terms of style?

What I find very impressive is when actors give a performance where I can’t see the joins, and I really have no idea how they did it, how they achieved it. I felt that when I saw Michael Fassbender in Hunger and I watched Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood and marveled at his artistry. But at the same time, sometimes an actor can do very little and still be very moving, like Johnny Depp in Finding Neverland.

ILoveLoki says: Are you watching any TV shows at the moment? Do you have any you would recommend?

Sherlock’s great. And back in the day I was a complete 24 addict. I used to buy box sets and I think I got as far as season 5 before I realized I hadn’t seen daylight in a while.

Steven Samurai says: Today, Nick Hewer off The Apprentice became the Countdown host. How do you feel about this seminal moment in British pop culture?

I’m ashamed to say I’ve never seen The Apprentice. Nobody can beat Richard Whiteley.

kaleidoscopicmess says: What is the most absurd thing about you that’s ever been published?

That I am married. Not true.

eibhlinbrennan says: What’s your guilty pleasure? (crap TV? bonbons? anything?)

Really cheesy dance music from the 90s. Or a double-bill of Kindergarten Cop and Twins.

Blanche says: You are an amazing Loki, but I loved you also in theatre: Cymbeline, Othello, Ivanov. Will you return on stage? A hug from Pisa!

Thank you very much, Blanche. I’m so proud of those shows. They taught me so much about acting and Cymbeline, it sounds strange to say this, but that was where I found my mojo again. I can’t wait to get back to the theater. I’m just waiting for the right thing and the right time.

Jumbo Prawn says: If you could work with any directors who are no longer with us, which would you like to work with and why?

I’d love to work with David Lean. He’s a master. Kubrick would have been interesting, more than interesting. And gotta be Charlie Chaplin.

wingedhelm says: Did you tell Chris Hemsworth that Home And Away was your favorite soap? Was it really Eastenders? Though I see you as more of a Corrie kind of man.

I suppose the one we all watched in my house was Neighbours. Sorry, Chris. But then I was kind of a later convert to Home & Away, and I still remember the theme tune, so I must have watched it for long enough. There was a day in Jotunheim when he was about to unleash the power of Mjolnir on some frost giants, and he heard a voice from behind him, “You know we belong together…” and it was out of tune.

Hannah Yeskel says: If you weren’t an actor, what career would you like to try?

I’d love to be a cowboy. Sometimes I think I might give up the whole game and move to a ranch and herd cattle.

CapnPingu says: If you had your own horse, what would you name him? And why?

I don’t know. I suppose when I met the horse, I would work out what I thought his name was. A bit like children I suppose. I always thought Balthazar was a pretty cool name for a horse though.

Melissa Rocha says: Is there anyone you’d like to play in a biopic?

Gene Wilder.

SuperEllen says: What was your favorite movie of 2011?

It’s a toss-up between The Tree Of Life, Bridesmaids, Warrior, Drive and The Help.

Evil_Twin says: Seven people against one in the avengers… how is that fair?

I’m a god. Re-calibrate your statistics.

Kamospam says: Would you consider yourself a cat or dog person?

I’ve been both, but save one very special cat, I’m a dog person.

Blink182010 says: Favorite film of all time?

Heat. Because it can withstand so many repeated viewings and every time I find something new in it. And I think De Niro and Pacino are both at the very height of their powers. That scene in the cafe, right at the centre of the film, is what acting’s all about. High stakes and perfect understatement.

PhilBotto says: I’ve got to ask you about the incredible restaurant scene in the middle of Joanna Hogg’s Archipelago. It’s one of the most brilliantly observed, squirmingly awkward moments in recent years. Was that in the script or improv’ed?

It was in the script, but as with all Joanna Hogg’s films – or both the ones I’ve worked on with her – the dialogue is unscripted, so it was absolutely planned that the family were incapable of deciding which table to sit down at in a completely empty restaurant, and also that the character of Cynthia is crushingly embarrassing in her public complaints to the chef about her under-cooked guinea fowl.

dgribble says: When you threw Robert Downey Jr. out that window, were you still in character or enjoying every minute?

A mixture of both, dgribble, a mixture of both.

Philip73 says: My name means ‘lover of horses’ but I don’t really get on with horses. Can you help? Do carrots work?

Philip, I think carrot is probably the wrong way in. There’s an amazing scene in The Horse Whisperer where Robert Redford sits in the field for an entire day and waits for the horse to come to him. Maybe let the horse come to you? Have patience.

Arileli says: Do you have something to say to your fans, The Hiddlestoners?

You are amazing and I love you all.

Salmon Mousse says: Can we expect a War Horse 2?

Yes, it’s called Peace Pony.

Thanks for your questions everybody. I hope that was edifying and moderately entertaining. So honored to be here, thank you very much.

(source in reply)

[amaliaonly]

Introspeksi 2016: Ziarah Part Two

I am trying to recall my first meeting with Asyraf but I can’t seem to remember. Okay I can’t really remember (Ohh noo :’( Haiyaa..) Let’s just skipped to my first meeting with Abangmok. So I remember going to Millennia Institute *sings* all by myselffff to meet him during his Wednesday’s training with the MI kidz. I showed him my very own proposal and things he can help me with and of course he said yes with a lot of conditions which I won’t share cos confidential. I told him what inspire the theme and concept behind Introspeksi 2 was our Awang Belanga production which was done when I was in MI. I told abang mok that I wanted to have a musical theatre with live singing, dancing and music for the show. He left me with 1001 questions which I have to answer the 2nd time that I will be meeting him along with my APD. To sum up, the month of March was just busy of meeting people to join the team and I went everywhere with a file that has my proposal, a pen and notebook and basically just approaching the people whom I wanted to worked with first as my subcommittee and joining the Intro team as a whole. The first few people I approached (in no particular order) Shaik Zabir (k lah he was the first one hehe love you cos bestfriend) , Audi (MI senior and mcms friend) , Sha (MI schoolmate & study friend) , Fareez (MI senior and mcms friend) , Luqman (MI schoolmate and study friend) , Yusriby (friends since MI) , Aishahbaby (friends since MI), Shazleena (my secretariat girls but she could not be part but I still love you Shaz hehe and miss you so much gossh), Raudhah (my secretariat girls) , Nizam (mcms friend), my Girls (Mira, Kaknab and Mya but Mya left the 2nd training onwards but I still love you so much hehe), Fatimah (friends since sec school omg), Hanif aka PakNgah which only joined in and out during the whole production and towards last few weeks but still owe you Brother (friends since mcms Dikir), Faris (study friend in Yr 2 but left on Audition day hahaha) I think that was it? These are the first group of people I approached in March and most of them said YES! Next group of people who came are those who approached me. Fiqahbaby! So when I was meeting Audi one fine Saturday he brought Fiqah along and I didn’t know that those two were couple (now happily married Alhamdulillah) So they both came in a package and she agrees to be my finance office (this position was so hard to find btw but Alhamdullillah for this superwomen!) Next was Afidah (my classmate in MI) who approached me I think this one was through Aishah and Mira also and the last one was Najbabyyyy. Naj first approached me to be part of my cast then she said she doesn’t mind to be in the committee as well and I had to reject her in my committee as it was super full back then. Sorry Najbaby but look how far you have come! Oh and also Hakim!! Hahaha I told him he have to try out for cast and I needed help cos I was pretty sure back then there won’t be any Boys in the cast team.

When I was doing Intro 2 I was also going for Summer Abroad to Norway. So can you imagine that during Intro 2 I was gone from 20 June – 27 July? Exactly 1 month and 1 week. Oh I was also part of subcomm for Leap of Faith Camp also another kerja gila but I had Hakim with me so thank you and through this subcomm was where I met one of my main cast Bazilah! I remember approaching her during our first camp meeting. My busyness was really Gila with prepping for all 3 BUT I am thankful that I have a strong committee team. April was basically just research, formulating, strengthening the concept of Introspeksi and meetings of future plans. May was break and towards end May after exams was the first every meeting of Introspeksi 2.

 The first Introspeksi meeting was a few days after our exams on the last week of May. Then came the auditions whereby there I met my cast members Bazilah (whom stayed on till Intro 3 and became my subcomm in Evomz), Hannan & Farah D (whom these 2 surprises me cos I never thought that they would joined), Farah A, Him who shall not be named, Najbaby, Nanababy, Elsababy and Akmalbaby whom all of us stayed on till Intro 5 ;’) Syabas friends. Then came the first meeting with the whole group and this was our first Buka puasa.

Before I flew off to Oslo, I wrote each of my subcomms an email and being me I expected a reply from each of them back hahah. I remember signing of that email with forcing them to reply me, acknowledge my email and knowing what they were supposed to do during our time away.

While I was away I left my script in the hands of Aishah and Abangmok and the team in the hands of Audi and Shaik. There I go flying off to Oslo for a month and a week leaving Introspeksi behind and flying 6240 miles away from Singapore.

See what happens next when I come back after my Summer Abroad Trip. The third and final post for Intro 2. (Jeng jeng jeng…)

Dream, Believe and Make it Happen people.

All my love,

Fitri Amalia