#yet so many people write them calling each other “faker” every other sentence and its so annoying im sorry

[woven-song]

i wonder if people say shadow isn't "in character" because they simply got too lost in the fandom circle that they have a firm idea in their head of what he should be like, even if it's not aligned with canon, and won't accept it any other way

[bat-ly]

Back To School

Characters: Dick Grayson, Cassandra Cain, Bruce Wayne

Summary: Cassandra finally convinces Bruce to let her go to school and is really excited to start her first day at Gotham Academy. However, she's about to find out that even if you're not directly bullied you can still be hurt.

A/N: Long time no see guys!         

Anyway, this is something I've been working on for a while and I'm really proud of it. I believe my writing has improved a lot from when I started this AU and I think this is my best work yet.

It is also something that's deeply personal to me. This is sort of a vent fic and me projecting my struggles on to Cassandra and Dick, that said almost all of the scenes in this story are loosely based on my own experiences as an undiagnosed person who possibly has ADD or Autism (still not sure, to be honest.)

Fair warning for anyone reading: THIS STORY CONTAINS ABLEIST LANGUAGE INCLUDING THE R SLUR AND OTHER ABLEIST BEHAVIOURS IF THIS UPSETS YOU THEN DON'T READ.

Also for anyone interested there is more stuff in this AU that I would like to upload onto Tumblr at some point but for now, you can find it here.

"Are you sure you want to this sweetheart?" Bruce asks for what is probably the hundredth time already. A look of concern is painted on his face as he helps Cassandra pack all her new school things into her new school bag. "it's not going to be easy."   

Cassandra raises an eyebrow up at him before signing "When has anything in my life ever been easy?" She turns back to what she was doing, far too excited to be upset over Bruce's overprotectiveness.   

She is finally going to school! A real school! After months of begging and pleading and proving herself ready for the experience over and over again, Bruce finally caved and enrolled her at Gotham Academy, the same place all her siblings had gone!  

 "I know but this is going to be an entirely different set of skills." Cassandra sighs having heard this argument already. "Ones that you haven't had as much experience in." He pauses what he was doing to reach over and place his hands on Cassandra's cheeks, bringing them up to look him in the eye. "I know I keep saying the safe stuff over and over but I just can't help but worry, this will be a big change for both of us."   

Cassandra puts her hands to his and allows her face to ease into a soft smile. "I know you worry. We will survive this." She is well aware her speaking grammar still isn't perfect but as long as her point makes it through then she doesn't really mind too much. Gently pulling away from Bruce she puts the final item in her backpack before zipping it up and placing it on her back in a triumphant looking pose.   

Bruce looks at her almost wistfully. "Yes, I believe we will." He takes a moment to collect himself. "You look amazing, dear."    

Cassandra beams up at him, grabbing him by the wrist in order to drag him out to the driveway where Alfred was already waiting with the car. There's a bounce in her step as she makes her way down, dragging her reluctant father with her. It was small moments like these when she felt they could almost be like a normal family.  

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

After arriving at the school it took forever to get Bruce to let her go and finally enter the school, she could have sworn he was almost on the verge of tears. Well, at least he was putting on a very convincing fatherly act. Just like she managed to convince him she wasn't overwhelmed by the amount of people. 

Cassandra would be lying if she said that being completely packed in by so many people didn't make her nervous, it was ingrained into her very being to be cautious in possibly problematic situations.  However today was not for being an assassin or vigilante, today was for being a student.   

The first class is… odd, or at least it feels odd to Cassandra. As soon as she enters the room people are looking and noticing her presence. Then the teacher, a greying but in denial about it woman, comes up to her with a smile that might've actually been faker then Bruce at a gala.   

"Hello," she says far too loudly, "you must be Cassandra, welcome to Gotham Academy." The sickly sweet tone of her voice and slow way of stretching each word made it seem like she was trying to communicate with a 3-year-old. The way she bent down to Cassandra's level didn't help either.   "

Uh, h-hello?" The teacher's body language is throwing her off. Surely this is considered weird by society standards?   

"We are so excited to have you here." The teacher moves to pat one of the nearby desks. "We've already set up a nice spot at the front for you to sit, is that okay? Cassandra finds it annoying how long it is taking just for this woman to finish a sentence but figures it'd be rude to say something.  

Not really knowing how exactly to respond to the teachers' obvious lies Cassandra just nods her head and walks over to her new assigned desk. Weird teacher aside she's excited to find that the classroom looks a lot like the ones in the movies.   

The walls are relatively bland and plain, the only decoration being a variety of different informational posters relating back to the room's main subject. The desks are all set up in neat, uniform lines with the only other thing on the floor being the students' bags.  Cassandra's desk is covered in all sorts of different scribbles and scrawl, most of it inappropriate she believes.   

Once Cassandra has sat down the teacher crouches in front of her desk and gives her that borderline terrifying smile. "Now sweetie, if you're struggling with anything you just ask, okay?" She's still talking in that annoyingly slow way and gives an exaggerated nod on almost every word.   

Cassandra still didn't know how she was supposed to react to this so again she chose to just nod her agreement. Finally, the teacher leaves her to unpack her things and continues on with the lesson. Fortunately, the rest of the period goes ahead in fairly ordinary manner.  

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Recess! Finally, it was recess! Bruce was actually right in saying that Cassandra would already know the majority of the regular school curriculum, but she still found the experience educational in its own way. However, after being cramped up in those small desks for over two hours, she was still glad to be getting a break.  

 Cassandra joins the flowing river students as they make their ways down the hall and outside. The weather was fair and warm, which was relatively rare for Gotham, so everyone wanted to make the best of it. Once out in the school break area, Cassandra is confronted with a large selection of possible sitting areas.   

Of course, Cassandra knew that this was possibly going to be a difficult situation considering she wasn't the greatest at making new friends but she figured the best she can do is just find somewhere to sit and let things naturally take their course from there.   She finds a nice bench in the sun near a large group of kids who all seemed to be fairly decent. They're talking very loudly and Cassandra can't help but listen to their conversation.   

"Hey! Did you hear about the shit Raz pulled in Maths today?" a tall, dark-haired boy calls out to one of the others.   

"Aw yeah, I swear he must be retarded or something!" Cassandra instantly goes completely still as soon as she hears this.  

 That's a bad word. Dick told her that's a bad word. A bad word used to describe people like him and her, what was the official name he called it? An ableist slur, she thinks it was. Cassandra tunes back in to hear all of the other kids in the group laughing like it was nothing.  

 Deciding that perhaps these kids just weren't as good as they first appeared Cassandra thinks that maybe it's best if she just ignores them and tries to focus on just eating her lunch and enjoying the nice weather.   

However, Cassandra could not ignore it when she hears the group start making jokes specifically about Autism. Not quite hearing the whole original exchange, she looks over and listens intently only to find that the kids are mocking each other by calling each other Autistic.  

 Cassandra feels such strong, sick feeling of disgust in her stomach that she just has to get up and leave the area. It was horrible! How could they make a joke out of an entire group of people like that!? And everyone was just okay with it?   

Cassandra moves herself to a nice, quiet tree away from any major groups of kids, where she can do her best just to put those awful kids out of her mind. She chooses not to finish her sandwich out of fear that the sick feeling in her stomach would just make her puke it up. 

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

The sick feeling that Cassandra had felt during the first break only got worse throughout the rest of the day as she realized that those were not just a particularly bad group. Now that she had heard it once Cassandra couldn't help but notice that everyone showed the same behavior.   

Worse was that she couldn't seem to find anyone who seemed to care or think that this behavior was wrong. No one seemed to exhibit any bodily behavior that indicated they were uncomfortable with this. Apparently mocking people who have no choice in how that act is completely normal and accepted in school.   

She sees kids making fun of how some people stim, waving their arms around exaggeratedly and laughing about it. She hears many more kids like the ones in the first break who feel the need to use Autism as a way to insult their friends. Most upsetting was the fact that almost every kid in all of her classes felt the need to say… The R word.   

As the day goes on Cassandra continuously shrinks further and further into herself. After having someone as amazing and confident as Dick to guide her through the ups and downs of having Autism she never thought she would say that she was ashamed to be Autistic, ashamed to be different.   

She refuses to interact with anyone just in case someone makes fun of her for her speaking difficulties or her use of sign language. She never puts her hand up to read for the class, noticing how everyone groans and rolls their eyes whenever a slow reader is picked.   

And whenever she feels the urge to stim or flap, she resists. It's torture to not be able to let out her pent up emotions like that but for the first time in her life, Cassandra feels like these differences she has mean something is deeply wrong with her.  

 What Cassandra is not ashamed to say is that by the time that school ends she's ready to just go home and cry. This whole time the biggest thing her and Bruce had been worried about was the possibility of bullying, yet no one said a bad thing to her and she still feels like running home in tears.   

She makes her way out to the car that Alfred is sitting in the front of, opens the door before throwing her bag, and herself, into the seat. Unfortunately for her, Bruce is sitting on the opposite side, surely waiting to hear all about her first day at school.  

"Sooo… how was it?" Cassandra could see the tension in his body, waiting for the verdict. She knows that if she says a single bad thing out loud Bruce would start a campaign to get her out of school, which she isn't ready to give up on yet, but she doesn't know if she has it in her to fake a good day.   

"Fine. It was fine." School has made her painfully aware that she is failing in the speech department so she does her best to talk with proper grammar. She knows it won't be enough to fool him, but she hopes it's enough to convince of her need for some privacy.   

It works, at least for now, Cassandra senses Bruce's withdrawal but also his heavy concern. This will not be the last they speak of this. But until then Bruce is willing to respect Cassandra's privacy and leave her alone until she's ready to talk. They spend the rest of the drive in silence, the tension thick in the air. 

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Instead of taking her usual patrol route that night Cassandra starts the journey to Bludhaven instead. She knows Bruce will be willing to cover for her with the others should they question her absence and right now she just really needs to talk with someone.   

Hopefully, he'll be home tonight. It'll make things a lot more difficult if Cassandra has to go running all around Bludhaven just to find him. She makes her way to his apartment, keeping to the shadows so none of the late night crowd would notice her.   

Once she reaches the window there's music playing from inside accompanied by a carefree voice. Hoping that he doesn't have any guests over, Cassandra approaches the window and gives it a loud tap. The singing stops and, after face appears in the window, so does the music.   

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company, Princess?" Dick grins as he opens the window. Just the sound of his voice calling her that personal nickname makes her feel instantly more at ease. He waves her inside before closing the window and turning to give her a hug.   

She knows he notices how she squeezes him a little tighter than usual because he leads her over to his worn, second-hand couch and sits her down.   

"Is something wrong? I heard you started school today," the concern is obvious on his face and she's just ready to spill her guts to him.   

"Why am I wrong?" she whispers. She doesn't know any way else to tell him, why is she wrong? Why can't she be like the other kids? Why is it so normal to hate people like them, who have no choice or control over how they act?   

A look of pure shock passes over Dick's face, "What?" Cassandra hates that look, it makes her want to break down in tears, to just let him see every exposed and vulnerable part of her so he can kiss it better. Just like he always does as an inside joke whenever one of them gets hurt.   

"The other kids… at school.." saying it is just too hard for her right now so she switches to ASL, "None of them seem to know… they treat our disorders like a joke."

Dick's expression falls into one of dismay. "Cass… Princess that doesn't make you wrong," He looks away and sighs, "It seems like since forever people have always just… never known how to react to something they perceive as different"   He turns back to Cassandra and gives her a soft smile, "If anything it's them who's in the wrong, for refusing to even try to understand."  

Cassandra feels her lip quiver and knows that her eyes must be swelling up as well, "But I feel like such a failure of a human."

  Dick thinks for a moment, shifting his position on the couch, "Do you want to know what someone told me when I was feeling this way?" Cassandra looks at him with curiosity and nods. "Well, they reminded me of something very important."   

Dick moves to cup Cassandra's face in his hands, looking her directly in the eye, "They reminded me that we are not broken or failures, we're just different."   

This opens the floodgates as tears start to run down Cassandra's face and don't seem to stop. She breaks Dick's hold and moves in to hold him as tightly as she can. A reassuring hand reaches to rub soothingly on her back as she finally gets the chance to just let it all out.   

They stay there for what seems like hours, just Cassandra sobbing in Dick's arms until she simply runs dry, then they stay together a bit longer. Until Cassandra is asleep and Dick tucks her into bed before hopping in beside her, still not quite ready to let go yet.