#yknow i think im at the point of high where i domt move much qnd probably basically black out in a bit
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#probably high rn#diary#high#personal#yknow. i like those little activity messages you can set on some things. like.#i just love being a drama queen in them. but i hate when ppl actually question me about jt#so ive been trying to hold back on it but by god do i wanna#i just wanna say shjt like#or like stupid depressing shit idk.#yknow i think im at the point of high where i domt move much qnd probably basically black out in a bit#haha. psych! thats what i wanted.#...when i get this high i just stop existing. i think rn this is like the closest to death i can get#suicidal ideation#like. or just oblivion ig. idk. thats why ive been wanting to experiment lately. just. i want to fade into nothingness#and really while weed is good i want it more. haha.#yknow. im not sure if im actully sad or if i just wanna be rn haha.#drugs tw#i wish i could bother someone abd have them not care about me.#i want them to listend to drug fueled suicidal ramblings of an idiot.#but. alas. thats dumb and like not a good relationship to have with ppl.#i jsut wanna trigger myelf over and over and over again.#i dont really wanna exist lately. im so tired. i just dont even wanna try.#haaah. i wish i could just die temporarily. like. i need a soft reset on my system lol.#...ill be better at somepoint but rn i wanna self destruct.#i think rly ill only get better when i decide to put in the effort. but its so little return for my hard work.#and im not sure its worth it anymore. so im just sayinh oh well.#argh. im gonna go read bc my thoughts make no sense to me either.
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