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vivdunye · 3 years

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present day, present time

and you don't seem to understand

fabled adages of science

so i was watching the snyder cut of justice league the other morning, i couldn't really begin to tell you why other than i needed 4 hours of background noise . but i tuned in at one point when the fictional super Israeli, wonder woman, narrated a scene explaining an alien technology "that was so advanced that it almost seemed like sorcery", and wouldn't yknow, that's a real concept actually, i recognized it immediately as clark's third law:

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

it's perhaps the most well known and oft quoted of the three, but i always felt like arthur c. clark's first 2 laws don't ever get quite enough love . i've been thinking heavily about the first law lately:

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

i've been thinking about it in relation to this one quote from wernher von braun that i always liked:

Nature does not know extinction; all it knows is transformation. Everything science has taught me, and continues to teach me, strengthens my belief in the continuity of our spiritual existence after death.

many people are afraid of death; of ceasing the awareness of life, because they don't know what will happen to themselves after, where do they go if anywhere? it's much more nebulous in the secular sense if you haven't a construct for the afterlife already . i've been thinking about death more and more often lately to a worrying degree . however, scientific thought for all its clinical detachment from all things spiritual has strangely enough always felt like the perfect module for contemplating the metaphysical . so i decided to do some research .

i want to recall right now thomas edison's first intended use for the phonograph . edison had originally envisioned the phonograph primarily as a means of preserving the voices of loved ones after death . he later went on to try and develop a "ghost box" or "spiritphone" . this device would allow humans to communicate directly with the dead . he was unsuccessful .

if hauntology has taught us anything, we technically do have ghost boxes now, but maybe not in the way edison intended or even predicted . we carry them everywhere and can check them anytime, channeling messages through them constantly . we actively become digital ghosts, online we are both present and absent . the present implodes with the past, we've over-documented everything so now we can experience an instant nostalgia . today's future becomes archaic, we live in the archive to try and remember what the future once was .

'haunted' and 'futuristic' become one and the same .

by this token i'm reminded also by transhumanism . as the technological singularity fast approaches, as progress charges forward at a constantly increasing speed, current estimates posit the 2040s as the point in which technological improvements will occur at a constantly self-replicating rate . in the time between now and then, transhumanism and the eventual merging of human consciousness with machinery are theorized outcomes of technological progress . one day we might be able to leave the shackles of our human bodies and transcend our physical forms as a joined digital consciousness .

and in relation to this i also think now of clark's second law

The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

through the wired

this is the stage on which the anime Serial Experiments Lain is set . a story, that while constructed on the patchwork of fiction, is nevertheless symbolic of certain phenomena based in reality .

also i apologize if it wasn't apparent that this post was going to be about Lain . im lainposting boys

the first few episodes exist to misdirect the viewer right from the beginning . and only by returning to these episodes having thought through the rest of the show, does their purpose become clear . the first episode, aptly titled "Layer 01: Weird" , is meant to show us exactly one thing, that lain is fucking weird . we can't tell what she's thinking, we can't tell what she's doing, and that's exactly how everyone around her feels . lain is totally and completely disconnected, she doesn't keep up with current events at school, she doesn't communicate with her family, near as we can tell she has no actual interests besides her stuffed animals and totally phasing out of reality. the inciting incident of the series happens when someone tries to make a connection with lain, and that person happens to be dead...

or at least there body is dead, their consciousness seems to have escaped into the wired . lain's decision to pursue this connection is what lead's her to ask her father for a new navi (the series' name for a personal computer) and that's all that really happens in this episode . coming back to it from later episodes we know that lain is probably thinking a lot throughout this episode . the decision to not entreat us to any of her thoughts is intentional, it is to make us feel distant from her as viewers, the same way that the world around her is distant . as lain forms connections throughout the series, so too, will we form a connection with her .

we do not know how much time has passed since then and the second episode, but whatever has happened lain has already developed a significant presence in the wired . this episode is tricky in its presentation as it doesn't make us privy to which things lain is lying about and which things she's honest about . in it we have lain talking to someone on her navi, she types sporadically in an encrypted language, and someone who looks just like her appears late one night in a night club downtown . while lain won't admit it to her classmates it's apparent at the end of the episode that it was her at the club all along . the key to understanding her actions throughout the episode is to realize she is trying to keep her existence in the wired and her existence in reality as separate entities . the realization she has by the end of the episode, which she uses to terrify a gunmen into suicide is that there is no escape from the wired, no matter where you are you are always connected .

made in the late-90s, Lain was quite ahead of its time . it predicted not only how in the early 2000s the internet would be regarded as a separate world where anonymity and personas reigned—it also predicted how the internet would eventually and inevitably overlap with the real world, once people in the real world realized that the internet is the real world . people have a tendency to see one part of themselves as their "true selves", whereas the parts they show to others are personas, they think of these things as separate when in reality a person is an amalgamation of all of their personas . lain tries to change her personas by dressing and acting differently from when she's in the wired-mode and in normal-mode, but she doesn't realize how people have been doing this way before the wired existed . her classmates are all 15 but they all pass for adults when they've dolled up and hit the club . if the characters in the show seem a bit young for their attitudes then you may not have met enough tech-savvy teenagers before . the purpose of this episode is to ultimately to prove to lain that the so-called real world and the wired are merely two layers of one reality, which couldn't be more true of the world today .

let there be light300pMTK. .

in mythology, psyche was the mortal princess who fell in love with and, eventually, married the god cupid; in religion and classical philosophy, psyche came to mean the human soul, and in the modern, literate world, it retains that meaning as the human spirit; in freudian analysis, psyche refers to the totality of the human mind: the id, ego and superego .

every meaning of psyche is distinctly human: a human princess who achieves godhood, the soul or mind of an individual . if previous episodes introduced the blurring of the real world with the wired, then episode three; "Layer 03: Psyche" is the episode that starts to blur human identity online and offline . one doesn’t even have to venture into the wired to ask what is human .

by this point we know that lain is definitely up to something . at this stage it's hard to tell what, but all we get are little glimpses into her actions . she still seems to be hiding a lot from the world around her and from the viewer in turn . ironically, lain's blank-faced silence and response to the questions of those around her it's own incrimination . when a police officer tells her to speak up (regarding the gunman's suicide) even if she had nothing to do with it, he doesn't realize she's being silent precisely because she does have something to do with it . but her deer-in-the-headlights persona gets her out of it .

the lain of the wired and the lain of reality are slowly starting to mesh into one whole . it remains difficult to interpret the physical existence of "other lain" so to speak, and the show refuses to outright show her playing that character . at the least, we do get to see lain access the wired in all its chaotic glory and she does begin to take an active interest in expanding her knowledge as she learns about and installs the "Psyche drive", a computer circuit that lain procures in hopes of it enhancing her computer's processing power . on the smaller scale, when lain applies the psyche processor to her navi, she is installing a spirit or soul, an animating element, to her machine . notably, the psyche does not replace the main processor; psyche augments the main processor, interpreting the data that flows through it . the soul is not simply the brain, it is an elevated consciousness or meta-self. by this point in the series lines become blurred and the lains begin to merge (hehe) . all of this is set against the backdrop of lain trying to decide if she should remain in the physical world or fully integrate in the wired . she hears one voice telling her that death feels amazing, and god exists in the wired, that there is nothing left for lain in this world . however, lain begins to establish a connection with her classmate alice, saying her name out loud and commiting it to memory for the first time, alice asks why her friends are not more shaken up after watching someone shoot himself in the head the previous day . it's almost as though lain is clinging to alice as an excuse to stay in the physical world out of fear for changing over . this all sets the seeds for what eventually grows throughout the series .

i want to recall the final meaning of the word “psyche". that the word also meant “butterfly,” which is how the greeks imagined the soul to appear . no doubt the symbolism of a creature that begins as one thing and transforms into another is not lost on us here .

every event serves to emphasize the existence of one's own personal reality, and as individuals from all others, we desire a place to belong . however that too is an egotistical concept . in order for there to be a mutual understanding, it is necessary to recognize here and now, like the brain synapses, we are all—in a logical yet chaotic manner—connected .

each is seperate—yet they are one . by connecting, humanity gains first awareness of its function as a seed . and by connecting a human no longer remains a mere endpoint, a "terminus", but becomes a junction to another point, having won the right to continue itself . in a sense, the ability to connect is the ability to continue . this not only applies to the connection of axial coordinates but temporal coordinates as well . therefore, at the time when a conscious, intentional connection is made, surely the dead will rise from there intended place, appearing at the time coordinate of the connection's origin .

in that moment, the realization will dawn that the time in which we inhabit our physical bodies is but the starting point of the connection, and the very meaning of possessing a physical body might be questioned .

we recognize we are connected .

serialize thyself .

#tecnobabel #text

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bma-2020 · 5 years

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Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

#out.#illness cw #health cw #food mention #ive been writing this since noon and its now two pm so this is great #i’s usually put this under a read more but... maybe most people dont deserve a read more rn lol #their behavior will keep being awful if its not pointed out to them so #im done im gonna go welt up from hugging my cat and cry for a bit because i feel mean

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alwaysraineh · 5 years

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hey ho, i would have an OC-ask! Do any of them have siblings? What are their relationships like with them if they do? :)

oh goodness Jo I’m a little bit in love with you right now thank you so much for this ask!!!!

Truth be told, at least half my OCs have siblings, and I think it’s because I myself have a large family??? Anyhow instead of rambling about all of them, I’m gonna just choose a few and then I’ll put the rambling about those few under the cut!!! (In retrospect, this got real long, so… oops! Sorry to make you read so much, but I had an absolute blast with this!!! Thank you

Yve & Aury - Luke & Lissa - Jaq & Keelan - Dwight & Gemma

Yve & Aury

So these two are actually some of my most recent OCs!! (literally… less than a week old) They’re characters in a universe that I created for a trilogy I’m writing (except they’re in the sequel, not the trilogy) and they’re satyr twins! @catladymarie is hugely influential in their very existence, tbh

Yve and Aury are inseparable. They’re constantly squabbling with each other, so an absolute stranger may think they don’t get along, but if you spend more than five minutes with them, you’ll get the feeling that they have a special bond. And they do!! It’s the whole twin telepathy thing, except not quite. While both Yve and Aury studied magic, only Aury came into hers. She can send telepathic messages to Yve and he’ll hear them, but he can’t actively send messages to her the same way. It’s eternally frustrating for Yve that Aury has magic and he doesn’t, because he feels like it’s his responsibility to protect her (older twin complex?? probably) and he can’t without magic. They’re very close and would kill for each other, but they’re quintessential siblings in that they regularly give hollow threats of killing the other.

Luke & Lissa

The Smiths! They hold a very special place in my heart. Luke and Lissa (Lis in particular) are some of my oldest OCs! Like. They’re literally going on twelve years at this point. I made them for an rp that somehow became the premise of a novel??? anyway @stardustscully was huge in their development bc she brought in the best friends and love interests Finn & Pippa!! (still in love with those two, absolutely endlessly)

So! Luke and Lissa aren’t actually blood related; Lissa is a little under a year younger than Luke and was adopted by the Smith family when she was fourteen, after spending nearly ten years in foster care. So Luke is really used to being an only child, but he takes to being a big brother quite quickly. Luke plays basketball and Lissa runs track, so they’re both quite active and often their bonding time involves working out (yuck). They don’t fight much, as Lissa has some pretty serious PTSD and such, but on the occasions that they disagree, they just refuse to be in the same room as each other for a few days. Lissa’s favorite way to insult Luke is to imply that there’s nothing more to him than the dumb jock stereotype (there isn’t) to which Luke snarks back that Lissa is little more than a gremlin (she’s very short). Aside from sports, they have very little in common, but they love each other and always team up to prank their parents and throw overly extravagant parties for their friends.

Jaq & Keelan

Disclaimer: Jaq and Kee aren’t actually siblings, they’re cousins. (But they were raised together by Kee’s mom so it counts. Hush.) I’m not sure I’ll ever get around to actually writing the story they were made for, but it is a fun one! @spacegaylra contributed to this story at the start of it by helping me plan, and made Jaq’s counterpart/best friend/love interest, August! (sweet summer child, my baby)

SO! Jaq and Kee are fey belonging to the Winter Court. Jaq is an only child, technically, but his parents are recusants (similar to apostates, if you follow dragon age lore) and were killed in a rebellion when he was a baby, so he was raised by his mother’s sister; Keelan’s mom. You really wouldn’t guess that they’re cousins, though, because physically they look very similar. Kee is older by the equivalent of about two human years, and she’s got a bit of an explosive personality. She loves pranks and getting into mischief and she has a tendency to drag Jaq along and then blame him if they get caught. By comparison, Jaq really hates being the center of attention and tries to blend into the background as much as possible. As much as he likes to deny any affection for Keelan, Jaq really does love her dearly, and he doesn’t realize quite how much until he’s separated from her (and meets August!) and has to live without her for the first time ever. He can’t ever let Kee know that, though, so when they’re reunited he immediately insults her new haircut.

Dwight & Gemma

Ah, Dwight. How I despise you and yet adore you. Dwight and Gem are twins in a story I’ve taken to calling Vanilla Pines (also Paranormal Kids) and consult @tennisxiu pretty much every time I work on it. It’s probably annoying. But in my defense, she approved an absolutely cursed character design (and name!!) for Dwight (he’s naturally ginger but this is set in the late 90s and he has frosted tips so his buddies call him White and during the summer he wears a bucket hat)(he’s cursed.)

Dwight and Gemma are also twins, but they’re probably the least affectionate set of siblings in this whole post. They love each other, of course, but they would both rather die than admit that. They were pretty much glued at the hip when they were kids, but around age 8, Dwight makes friends with a girl named Morgan at school. Through Morgan, he meets Wesley and Milo, and the four of them become really good friends; Gemma is excluded, and this is when she and Dwight start to grow apart. The four of them get involved in some supernatural/paranormal shit and endure an extremely traumatic experience shortly after Morgan’s tenth birthday, and for the next 6/7 years Dwight basically pretends it didn’t happen and tries to be closer with Gemma again. But, I mean. Teenagers. Gemma’s the one who pulls away from Dwight the next time, as they have completely different interests and is disgusted by her teenage brother (because, duh. i had teenage brothers. they’re nasty). Ultimately, Dwight is closer to Morgan than he is Gemma, and while Gemma has an image to maintain, that does actually hurt her. (Morgan is nice, but Gemma is Dwight’s twin, yknow?) Gemma gets increasingly more angry about that fact the more and more deep into this supernatural crap Dwight gets, since he refuses to tell her what’s actually happening. When he does come clean about it, Gemma doesn’t believe him and they have a big blowout fight. After that, they have a pretty rocky relationship until their mid-twenties or so. At that point, it’s been years since everything went down and Dwight sticks by his story (unlike the first time this all happened, when he was a kid), and Gemma is more willing to believe him. They’ll never be close, per se, but they get to the point that they’re talking regularly again and will visit each other outside of holidays.

#oc talk #my ocs #thank you so much!!!!! i honestly just. oh my god. this took so long because i got so into it #sorry it's so long!!!! i really tried to be concise!! but maybe this shows how excited i am to talk about ocs lol #my writing #oslasil #vanilla pines #paranormal kids #f&a #the trooping sidhe #also a shoutout to all my friends tagged in this!!#you guys have the most amazing ideas and i'm eternally grateful for all of you #and every time i get to work on a story or a character with you i die #bc its so much fun and you're all such creative people and just absolute pleasures to be around #thank you!!!

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video-killed-the-radio-host · 6 years

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(Probably a stupid idea) Carlos being a paramedic and Cecil being a reporter for some news station. Cecil is always the one being sent to dangerous situations because his boss Lauren demands it. Carlos and Cecil only ever exchanging pleasantries because of time. Cecil being sent on scene where Carlos is working. Someone wanted to cause chaos and send a message and Cecil gets shot while on air. Carlos having to keep Cecil awake while working to stop him bleeding out

I’m sorry this took so long to answer. I decided to to a scene instead of a list like I usually do, to do this prompt justice. And I believe there are no stupid idea :)

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The hospital got the call at nine o’clock on the dot. A bus had run into a cafe, injuring a lot of people. At least fifty. It was an all hands call. Carlos, being chief of surgery, gathered his people in the lobby.

“Okay!” He calls. “When we first get there, tag all the people with lesser injuries that can move on their own. Help those who cannot be mover first. The elderly and children are top priorities. Got it?”

There was scattered noises of agreement and they headed out.

-----.-----

“Ceeeeeecillllll~”

Cecil cringes as that voice cuts across the main room of the news station. He forces himself to smile as he turns around, his grip on his coffee mug tightening.

“Ms. Mallard.” He says iciy. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” And by pleasure, he meant ‘never ending hell’ but who’s keeping score?

“There was a wreck today that I want you to go cover. Someone hijacked a bus. I heard there was a gun involved.” She says gleefully.

Cecil bites his lip and sets the mug on his desk with a shaking hand.

“Is that safe?” He asked carefully.

“Sure, if you don’t run your mouth.” Lauren replied cheerfully. “Besides, the only reason you’re still working here is because people like you. Middle aged women need something to fantasize about. But refuse to do what you’re told and I will not hesitate to drag your name through the mud. You’ll never work in this town again.”

Cecil flinches and bites back a retort.

“I’m on my way.” He say softly, grabbing his jacket and recorder. He makes his way out to his car and tosses everything in, leaning his head against the steering wheel and letting out a loud groan of frustration, before starting the car and pulling out.

-----.-----

Carlos crouches over a man with a dislocated shoulder.

“We’re going to get you fixed up alright?”

The man gives a pained noise but nods.

“Need some help?” A voice asked from above Carlos, making his stomach drop.

No no no. He cannot be here! It’s not safe!

But when help is offered…….

“Hold him steady so I can pop this back into place.”

He watches Cecil drop to the ground gracefully and puts his hands on the man’s chest and looks up for confirmation. Carlos narrows his eyes in concentration.

“This is going to hurt.” He was in, picking up the injured arm and with a jerk, snaps it back into place.

The man gives a cry of pain and swears loudly, making Cecil jump back.

“We’ll get you a sling and transported as soon as possible. Just lay still.”

The man nods and mumbles out a thanks as Carlos pulls Cecil up off of the ground. When they were a little ways away.

“Cecil what the hell are you doing here?” He demands.

Cecil gives Carlos a tired look. “Take a guess.”

“You do know that there’s an active shooter right?”

“I do. And so does she.”

“And she still sent you?”

“Part of me thinks that’s why she sent me.”

Carlos tightens his jaw. “Why do you even still work for her? She’s going to get you killed!”

“Carlos.” Cecil says softly. “Please don’t yell.”

“Cecil-” Carlos sight a little. “I’m sorry. I’m just concerned for your well being.”

Cecil blushes cutely. “Thank you. It’s a nice change.”

“I can’t exactly ask-” Carlos is cut off by Cecil stopping and giving a grunt of surprise.

“Carlos?” He asks, his hands going to his stomach. He looks up with wide eyes.

“Cecil? What-”

Cecil stumbles before falling. Carlos catches him and slowly lowers him to the ground, on his back. He starts to unbutton the reporter’s vest but his fingers were shaking so much that he gives a growl and rips it open seeing red spreading across the white dress shirt.

“Yknow,” Cecil says weakly. “If I wasn’t dying, I’d find you ripping my clothes off sexy.”

Carlos looks up at him, fighting back tears. “No. You aren’t dying. Not today.” He says, putting pressure on the still bleeding wound.

“Carlos…” Cecil protests. “Other people need your help more than me.”

Blood started to seep through Carlos’ fingers. “No. Not today. I am not letting you die because you’re idiot boss hates you.”

Cecil gasps again, this time in pain. He closes his eyes but Carlos smacks his cheeks.

“No. Keep your eyes open. Cecil, stay with me. Come on now.”

Cecil opens his eyes a little. “It hurts.” He whispers.

“I know. But pain means you aren’t dead yet.” Carlos tries to reason with him. He turns away and digs in his bag to gauze. He turned back to Cecil, who had his eyes closed again.

“Damnit Cecil!” Carlos smack his cheek again. “Stay awake. Stay with me. Let me see your beautiful eyes. Please?” He begs. “Let me see.”

Cecil blinks at him, his eyes not as bright as usual.

“I need to bandage your stomach, okay?” Carlos asked, holding up the roll of gauze.

“Okay…” Cecil slurs. “Hey Carlos? I’m cold.”

Carlos stops where he was tugging at Cecil’s shirt.

“Shit. You’re going into shock.” He quickly finishes what he was doing and leans close to Cecil’s face. “Hey. Eyes open. Look at me. Look at m-Cecil? Cecil?” Carlos’s voice breaks. “Cecil!”

He reaches down and feels for a pulse. It was weak and uneven. His breath was even weaker.

“No! I’m not going to lose you. You don’t get to die. Not today!” He announces, half histrical. He braces himself up, starting CPR. He stops and leans over, pressing his lips to Cecil’s own cold ones. This isn’t what he wanted-not how he pictured their first kiss. He wanted it to be soft and gentle, or a spur of the moment passion, but not like this. Never like this. He pulls away.

“Come on. Come on….”

He presses down again.

“Come on Cecil! Please….” He begs, pressing down again. “Let me hear your voice again….Please……”

-----.-----

Cecil wakes with a splitting headache. He slowly opens his eyes and looks around in confusion. He was in the hospital. The last thing he remembered was seeing Carlos and then…..the pain. He tried to sit up but that hurt so he laid back down.

A soft knock on the doorframe made him look up. “Carlos?”

“Hey Ceec.” He says with a small smile. “How much do you remember? About earlier?”

Cecil studied him for a moment. “I don’t think CPR counts as a first kiss.” He said finally.

“Is that so?” Carlos laughs softly.

“I’m a reporter. I know these things.” Cecil says.

“Well, would it be okay for me to kiss you now?”

“I think you have to. To make up for ruining my favorite vest.”

Carlos smiles and leans over the side of the bed. “I’ll fix it myself.” He promises, pressing his lips to Cecil’s. They were warm this time.

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #cecil palmer #wtnv carlos #wtnv cecil #carlos the scientist #cecilos #fanfiction #and cecilos content #au #doctor au #near death experience #angst with a happy ending

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

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@lanvinlouis THANK YOU for these beautiful truthful asks and the chance to talk more about how Jeremy Is Valid

honestly i'm h e e r e .......................................................for jeremy...like from the opening number it makes it obvious that what jeremy's after isn't really anything like popularity or coolness in and of itself, he just wants like, the chance to be okay lol....really he's like, actively suffering, and he wants whatever it is he needs to change that. it isn't that he's like, inherently jealous of popularity or coolness or whatever and he's just interested in status for the sake of his own ego, it's that he feels like whenever he's just existing and trying to get from point A to point B, he's drawing this antagonism and contempt and he can't manage to change his situation on his own. and like it's not just that school is fucked up for him b/c he's already like "everything sucks" before he's even left his bedroom at the start of the day like. he's unhappy with his whole life, and now he's basically at this point where he doesn't feel like that's going to change either thanks to or independently of his own efforts, and like, that's bad....just like, in general, when somebody feels like their life NEEDS to change but that there's no chance it will, they're pretty much having an ongoing crisis for as long as that lasts. and like yeah jeremy's dealing with all these issues and is like, taking it day by day trying to go through it like it's a routine, but not only is the "things will change eventually" in doubt for him but like also his ability to actually just tolerate it indefinitely is also in doubt, even though he's been dealing with it for a long time, the problems have probably gotten worse and more numerous and then yknow meanwhile he's probably feeling less hope about things than he might've back in say middle school and such

like, he's desperate enough to actually consider the super weird advice of the guy who bullies him i guess every day. cuz like he sings right off the bat that he wants someone to help him after his own efforts fail yet again and rich is telling him about the squip right after his lowered expectations have fallen even further and, yknow, jeremy definitely is feeling like things can't change even if he tries and that he does need some external source of help and as far as he can tell, the possibility of getting a working squip is the one chance he has...and like even though it's mentioned fairly briefly i think it's efficiently established that his parents' fairly recent divorce is really pushing him to feel even worse / more desperate for something to change things up cuz like, his mom's left and his dad's not literally absent but like, is more absent. and then also jeremy's seeing his dad as being in a similar place as he is and seeing that as evidence that yeah, things might not ever change. and jeremy wants to (tell himself he can) just move on and skip being upset and just accept it as is and his dad's not facilitating that facade and jeremy resents that a bit too

anyways yeah michael!! i know ppl have already talked abt him maybe not being very empathetic and it sure does seem to fit just fine w the material and the sorts of patterns of him engaging w jeremy.........like it definitely seems as though probably the situation he and jeremy are in is that like, they're both p much settled in to the routine of high school and the approach is to just get through the day and then they can retreat to either of their houses and hang out and have things be fine there. and i think the way michael sees it is that since he's the one who's not really stressing out about things being miserable and he's got the perspective that it's all okay since they appreciate each other and college will be way better, that means jeremy would be able to feel the same way about things if he just listened to michael and adopted that same perspective. whereas jeremy's feeling like those things aren't enough to make him feel okay, and when he complains and michael has the advice to just pretty much forget about it, that's just gonna seem like michael's not offering him anything that could actually help, because their friendship alone can't make up for everything else, and he can't tolerate two more years and knowing that things might be better then don't change what he's dealing with currently. like, i think the both of them just feel like the other just isn't listening to him lol....but like i do also think that michael sort of suspects that jeremy's really not doing so great and that his own advice is inadequate, because he does seem to understand pretty easily how/why jeremy wants to actually try to get a squip.

oh yeah and that even michael's light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel Guys Like Us Are Cool In College thing is of limited comfort because it's really just more of the same. like, that they'll still just be at the mercy of this social judgment, but when they get to college it'll happen to be in their favor. and that comes up when they fight and jeremy points this out how michael Loves To Feel Superior based on his own set of coolness standards. and, you know, speaking of what they Say with regard to how some of michael's shortcomings / weaknesses played into the squiptuation, even in mitb the lyric "but through no fault of mine" suggests more that this is defensive and he maybe does suspect that he factored into it a little bit, versus the lyric just being there to be interpreted as an objective peer-reviewed Fact in the middle of this purely emotional one-person-perspective song. it's not as though it's michael's fault or that it's a bad thing that he didn't know how to help jeremy perfectly or that because he might've been selfish in some ways he deserves to lose jeremy entirely. and tbh the stuff michael said even played into jeremy's decision to block him out / leave him behind, because of how michael's take on the problem of them being Uncool was that all they could do was embrace being losers and wait it out. so when jeremy was trying to change things, michael was set up to not only be a symbol of how things used to be, but based on the things michael always told jeremy, he's also seeing michael as a symbol of things being unable to change. and he does still care about him and all and like, doesn't even want to cut him out, but he's so convinced that his own judgment and feelings are useless that he's ignoring the fact he doesn't want to. and when he fights with michael at the party, jeremy's defensive b/c his misgivings abt his squip are kind of only making him more desperate to believe it's still okay, and also he's just in a bad place for anything much less to have an argument, and michael's kind of adding in this bitterness just about being left behind that isn't helping his other points come through as mere genuine concern. like, of course he's right to be hurt, but jeremy's also right to feel hurt by michael even if michael wasn't making the choices that led to the situation. they're mad at each other and they end up fighting once again in the play Because of the fact that they love each other and they want more than to be disappointed by the other.

and ugh yeah loser geek whatever............just kill me, every time i listen to it it's such a fuckin journey through the emotions of it all and. yknow it's like they say, it's sort of a Victorious Powerful Anthem because jeremy's definitively choosing to take action to change his life, even if he's feeling swept up in that change. but he's also only able to make that choice because he really thinks so little of himself that he's taking the self-contradictory stance of "i have to entirely stop caring about how i feel if i want to achieve my goal of Feeling Good About My Life" and deciding that yeah, his own thoughts and judgment are worthless, and he's choosing to totally accept the guidance of this entity that tells him that his life sucks because everyone sees him as disgusting and awful and they're right to feel that way about him. like he's finding it that easy to accept that he just objectively sucks and that even something so inherent as his sense of what's painful or bad is just wrong, because that's how deep his flaws run. and like yeah again he acknowledges that he's being selfish right there in the lyrics, but that's not exactly meant to be like, he's acknowledging that he's also being Evil And Wrong, because technically wanting himself to be happy is selfish, and that's not bad. he just thinks that the squip is the only way he can maybe be happy, and the only way for the squip to work is if he listens to it, and he can only listen to it if he accepts that it's right about everything including how he's horrible and he can never do things right on his own etc etc etc etc. like, he obviously didn't really expect the squip to be like "you're too gross to live" but it was really not that difficult for the squip to convince him that it was right. he hates himself a lot lol.....

also just, as something generally applicable, it's also no wonder that jeremy's often frustrated with everything and that it bleeds into stuff he says and does and the choices he makes being possibly not the most thought-through or Objective, and how can lose his patience sometimes. like he's out here with his flaws and weaknesses just like anybody else, and it's miscommunication too that's leading to Conflicts / making him feel alone

anyways sorry it took me a few days to answer that and frankly this Could be longer.......neither has anything to do with how much i like getting long messages and answering with long messages and supporting and discussing jeremy heere, b/c i like all of that A Lot, @ me about it at absolutely any time and at any length

#long post /////#bmc

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smelly-cassettes · 6 years

Text

take the risk - chapter 3

Archie Sutton wants to be a professional surfer. Gorillaz is a garage band that plays on the beach. Archie’s infatuation with one of the members makes everything so much better. But will a little rock in the ocean halt him from achieving his dreams?

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Au by @putinsstepdad

Read it on ao3 here

There’s a song for every chapter

This fic has gone further than I expected but it’s getting to those good goods yknow also I don’t edit so hhhhhhsorry

6k words/over 17k in total so far

some and then a cut

Archie stared at the floor of his van and how clean it was. Well, as clean as he could get a slab of carpet that was mostly taken up by his bed, television, and record player. It’s been so dirty for the past few days, which usually it doesn’t bother him, but it started to because there was chocolate melded to it and it wasn’t easy to walk around every day. He’s been working a little more recently and between that, surf practice, and plans to hang out with 2D, he hasn’t gotten to it in a few days. So he busted out his very few cleaning supplies and fixed it up because tonight he was going to hang out with 2D after a long couple days without.

Sitting on his creaky futon, Archie pulled out his phone and scrolled mindlessly on it, waiting patiently for ten thirty to arrive. 2D got off work late today but finally for once he wasn’t staying at Russ’s to work on new songs or performance prep. Archie set down his phone on the bed and stared at the wall. It’s been a busy week so far, for everyone he knew actually. He didn’t really know why, but Surf’s Up was on its way in two weeks and Archie has been taking up a few more shifts to cover the entrance cost. It wasn’t much, but he also wanted to get his board done and that was a pretty nice cut out of his wallet. As Archie sits and waits for 2D to arrive, he reminisces about the busy week everyone’s had, starting with the first day.

The summer sun was nice, warm, brought in lots of customers and increased productivity for everyone. These were the perfect surfing days, great weather to ride the waves and get those little pink sunburns below your eye bags that would turn into a bronze blush in a few days. It was always hot in Florida year round, but now that it was midsummer it was blazing every day. This is a good thing. Sometimes, though, it was irritating as hell. Quite literally. The burning sun turned Archie’s van from a cool hang out spot into a sauna as early as eight in the morning, awakening him from his deep slumber covered in a sweaty shirt from his vehicle that decided to turn into a Jiffy Pop.

Archie opened his eyes and viewed the ceiling of his van with a dizzy glare. Fragments of his vision were still black and hazy but they adjusted to the white ceiling quickly. He can practically see steam coming off of him and he feels like he just got out of a shower with how wet his back and hair was. Tiredly, he leans to his right and focuses on the floor of his van that was currently covered in candy, junk food, and accidentally-spilled weed atop Archie’s already dirty and stained carpet. It was normal for the floor to be a mess the morning after hanging out with someone, especially 2D, who was actually a moderately clean person but with the way him and Archie hang out, it never ended clean.

The relationship between Archie and 2D was quite different since their first hang out over a month ago, yet the same in a lot of ways. They shared laughs and stupid jokes like normal friends would do, adding in the frequent nights either getting high or drinking while hanging out with friends or spending time alone with movies in Archie’s van. The activities that the two partook in together were normal, regular things that best friends would do, but it was different. The familiar smiles and random glances matched with pairs of eyes averting in response was no strange occurrence, along with subtle knee touches, maybe a shoulder brush or a hand casually laying on the other. But it wasn’t strange. To Archie it wasn’t weird or different or out of the ordinary. Every single move and every day him and 2D spent together felt...normal, yet so exhilarating. Adrenaline rushed through Archie’s veins the same way it did the moments leading up to a competition or when he successfully rides a giant wave, even when he was laying down the most relaxed way possible. As long as he was with 2D, that feeling remained with him and frankly, it kind of drove him crazy.

Despite it all, the passed six or seven weeks have been the most fun Archie has probably ever had. He met up with 2D, Russ, Murdoc, and Noodle often after concerts and, if schedules lined up, hung out with everyone for movie night or beer and stories at Russ’s house. Lindsay was invited a couple times too after Archie mentioned his relationship with her and by that time she’d actually already met 2D a few times. If Lindsay ever worked later than Archie she’d stop by his van to hang out for a few minutes before heading home to study or sleep and once 2D began coming around to hang out in Archie’s van, it was inevitable for him and Lindsay to meet. She even joined in on a few beer nights at Russel’s. Noodle took an immediate liking to Lindsay because she’s no longer the only girl of the group and the two girls are pretty good friends at this point, strangely close, like Archie and 2D.

But this hanging out was not often. They all had jobs, Archie included, and that was hard to match up in itself, let alone a band schedule with practices and performances, but it was fun. Four months ago Archie would have brushed off any person that said he could be friends with one of the band members from Gorillaz. Now he was going to party stores at midnight to buy foreign alcohol and junk food with his favorite blue-haired singer that had chocolate cravings like a teenage girl on her period, just like the night before.

The night before. As Archie examined the floor of his van, all he could see was last night with 2D. Candy, melting from the heat and stuck to his floor, his bong, still left in the wide open next to his futon, (not like he’d get caught anyways, being in his van and all), The Evil Dead title screen playing on loop on his television still, and the blanket covering most of his floor that he gave 2D last night to sleep with. There wasn’t a lot of floor room between the futon and the television, Archie invited 2D to just sleep next to him on the futon but he wouldn’t comply, even though it’s not like they haven’t slept in the same bed a few times before. Archie doesn’t even understand how 2D laid comfortably on his floor with that little room, but he did some way or another.

Regardless, 2D wasn’t there anymore. Archie checked his watch and saw that it was only nearing ten in the morning but remembers 2D mentioning previously that he had to work early to take over the third shifters at some crazy hour of the morning.

Archie groaned and sat up to lean across his van and grab the door handle to pull open the slider and let in some air. Immediately the entire van was filled with cooler air, though it was still well over seventy degrees, it cooled the sweat on his back. Archie searched his hips through his pockets for his phone, noticing he must’ve slept in his jeans last night. Archie found his pockets to be empty and began rummaging around his van for his phone, lifting his blankets and looking under, then lifting the blanket he gave 2D and finding something, but not his phone. It was a white tank top that surely wasn’t his and after picking it up and straightening it out, it was evidential to be 2D’s white tank top with grey writing, the same one he wore when Archie first met him.

Squinting in thought, Archie pondered why 2D left his shirt in his van. Yeah, it got hot in the night a lot of the time so he probably just took it off, but how did he leave without it? Did he just leave with only wearing his jacket, not noticing he didn’t have a shirt at all? Archie smiled fondly at the thought and set the shirt down beside him and glanced to where the top was placed previously on the floor, there laying Archie’s cell phone. He quickly scooped it up and turned his screen on and opened his messenger.

Want to hang out later?

The question was repeated exactly from both Archie and 2D maybe thirty times in their earlier messages. It was a pretty frequent one, pretty much daily. Archie lays back on his futon and lets out a sigh. 2D was at work and that meant he’d have to wait forever for a reply. He lifts up 2D’s tank top again and examines it before a vibration averts his attention again. His phone.

Possible, don’t know yet. P.S please come save me. It’s deafeningly quiet in here.

Archie grins at the message and shakes his head, formulating a reply.

A: Maybe. Got any munchos yet?

D: No but if you come here I will literally buy you every bag of chips on these shelves.

A: How about I come on your break and you can drive me somewhere that has munchos?

D: 10:30?

A: I’ll be there.

Archie sat up again and stretched his arms above his head. To catch up with 2D he’d have to leave pretty soon, but first he needed to get out of these sweaty clothes. Archie looked to his side back to the white tank top. It was so thin and light, 2D wouldn’t mind if he wore it, would he? Archie fingered the material smoothly and sighed out his final decision. It wouldn’t harm anything to wear the shirt. Besides, 2D smelled good.

“Why Munchos?” 2D asks and takes a drag from his cigarette. Archie is sitting beside him on the cement curb, enjoying his personal size bag of Munchos while 2D eats the lunch he brought from home. Pineapple and cheese on wheat bread. 2D was strange.

“They’re crispy.” Archie replies and eats another chip. “Taste better than potato chips. Why pineapple and cheese?” He asks back. 2D was still in his red and black work tee, the one every employee at 7/11 was forced to wear. Archie wondered if the employees working inside the Fast Stop they were currently residing outside of on their curb were wondering why a 7/11 employee was at a different gas station. Little do they know that the 7/11 that 2D works at doesn’t have Archie’s favorite chips, which was a big turn off.

2D examines his sandwich with a puzzled face and hums.

“I don’t...remember. I just know I’ve eaten it since I was a kid. Only thing I really know how to make.” 2D speaks back and Archie chuckles.

“That why you still like with your parents?” Archie asks. 2D looks at him with a brow raised.

“Hm?”

“So they can make you sandwiches for lunch that actually taste good?” Archie smirks and 2D looks at him half-offendedly, except he wasn’t offended at all.

“I’ll have you know, I make all my food and I like eating my pineapple and cheese, thank you.” He remarks back and Archie rolls his eyes. 2D takes another bite and almost immediately starts talking again with his mouth full of bread, cheese, and pineapple. Archie didn’t care. “Speaking of parents. My mom wants to take me to the dentist tomorrow morning and that will take an hour or so. Then I’ve got work until six and after that Russ wants to go over a different set list and make a new song.”

Archie nodded in confirmation to 2D, knowing that his description of his day tomorrow meant that he was going to be too busy to hang out. It was okay, normal even, but what Archie struggled to admit was that the days he and 2D were too busy to see each other he really missed 2D. It was a weird feeling, missing someone you’re only friends with and only after knowing them for a month, but Archie felt in deep in his chest.

“That’s okay. We can hang in a couple days, yeah?” Archie asked and 2D shrugged.

“I honestly don’t know, my schedule is weird this week, but I’ll text you when I’m free definitely.” 2D said and looked at Archie who smiled and nodded back. 2D grinned and took another bite of his sandwich, the two sitting and staring at the cars filling up their gas tanks in front of them until Archie decides to speak up again.

“Why are your parents taking you to the dentist? Aren’t you like, twenty three?”

“And counting.” 2D sighs. “They want to get some kind of exam done, maybe see about fixing my twisted teeth. They say it looks really bad for work and stuff.”

Archie fixed his gaze on 2D for almost a straight minute until 2D took notice and looked back at him. Archie looked confused.

“I don’t think it looks bad at all.” He confessed. 2D smiles widely, showing his teeth completely like he was showing off. “I like your smile.”

“Thank you, Arch.” 2D says sincerely and Archie gives a smooth “you’re welcome, D.” Archie checks the time on his watch.

“We should get back. You gotta be working in ten minutes and we’re at the wrong gas station.” He mustered and stood to throw the most empty bag of Munchos away, 2D following to throw away his paper bag that had his sandwich. 2D was the one now to nod back and smoothly grip Archie’s hand in his own.

“Right, let’s go.” 2D says and guides Archie back to his car to return to 7/11. This was the little feeling. The little things that he and 2D shared that was different. The different that made his chest numb and the world feel more gloomy when he didn’t have it for a while. But the feeling when it was happening was indescribable to Archie.

“Nice shirt by the way. I think I’ve got the same one.” 2D comments once inside his car. Archie considers for a moment on whether 2D was being serious or not before simply rolling his eyes. How could Archie be so infatuated with a guy so oblivious to everything.

Those two occurences, the texting and the lunch break was the last time Archie saw 2D. Until tonight. 2D was coming over after work to hang out in Archie’s van again, but this time would be different than the junk food and chocolate crazed first time they decided to hang out in the van. No, Archie had an idea this time.

2D was lounging across Archie’s couch mattress like a starfish, groaning about work and how this is the first time all week he’s laid down without immediately falling asleep. Archie was listening from his seat next to 2D and they talked back and forth about their schedules and how tired they were. Archie would usually be tired by now, being so late after his long day surfing, doing dishes, and serving plate after plate of greasy beach burgers, but something was keeping him up. More like someone, but it definitely was not the first time 2D has left him sleepless in bed. There was something about 2D that made Archie’s mind crazy. Something that made his nerves spike when he saw him. He really didn’t know if it was good or bad.

“Arch?” 2D asks and Archie’s internal thoughts halt to snap his eyes to 2D’s. He must have been in a subconscious daze, Archie doesn’t remember what they were talking about.

“Yeah?” Archie questions back, hoping 2D will repeat whatever he just said last again.

“What are you thinking about?” 2D speaks sitting up to lean on the back of his hands. Archie watches as 2D’s blue hair goes from draping behind his head to flowing down just above his black eyes. Again with the blue hair, black eyes...thin lips. “Archie?” 2D asks again. Archie shakes his head to try and physically shake the thoughts out of mind.

“Sorry, must be tired.” He lied and looked in 2D’s eyes with an unconvincing look.

“Well wake up.” 2D answers and playfully slaps Archie’s upper arm. Thankfully the lie flies right over 2D’s head, not like it’s that surprising, he was an oblivious man. “I just got here, ‘n I’ve been wantin’ to see ya all week so don’t fall asleep on me just yet.”

2D wanted to see Archie. Those words stung into Archie lightly, like a little bee sting to the center of his chest, but without the pain.

Maybe he was tired.

“Do you want to go out on the water?” Archie asked bluntly but in all seriousness. 2D looked back a bit worriedly and shifted to sit more on his bottom with his legs crossed.

“This late? Are you sure we’d be able to?” 2D replied, as if that was the thing he was really concerned about. Archie knew 2D didn’t care about the time, it was the water that bothered 2D.

“I know it seems scary, but trust me.” Archie begins. “I go on these exact waters every day at the highest tide. At this time of night it’s calm and almost impossible to get dragged out unless I drag you myself. It’s even more safe at this time, rips aren’t even out at night.”

“What’s a rip?” 2D asks and Archie stand up off the futon.

“Well now I can’t tell you or you won’t come with me.”

“But now I don’t want to go even more!” 2D exclaims and begins to pout. Archie looks at him consolingly.

“C’mon, you’re come so far with you fear.” Archie sits next to 2D again and takes one of his hands in his own, giving it a gentle squeeze. 2D fixes his gaze down at their hands. “We’ve been swimming together for weeks now, and I wouldn’t take to out somewhere that I knew wasn’t safe.”

2D looked back up at Archie, his face still unconvinced. Archie musters out a “Please?” and 2D glances down quickly but beams his eyes back up to meet Archie’s. He nods.

“Yes!” Archie cheers and stands back up, pulling 2D with him. “Okay, come on. There’s something I want to show you.”

Archie found out the first day he spent with 2D and the rest of the Gorillaz in the garage playing cards that 2D had a bad history of getting hurt. When he was sixteen years old, he got in a car crash that dented one of his eyes and fractured it, filling the iris with blood and putting him in a coma. Two weeks later he woke up and was nursed back to regular health. Four months later and almost the same thing happened with his other eye, except instead from a car crash, he accidentally got jabbed in the eye with a power tool. How that happened is unknown to Archie, but nonetheless is the reason for 2D’s black eyes.

The other major accident that 2D faced was much more traumatic and caused deeper scars both physically and mentally inside of 2D. When 2D was five years old, he was maliciously attacked by a shallow shark. Nobody really knows how or why he was attacked but he was and that’s all that’s needed to scar someone. 2D endured weeks in a hospital until his wounds were healed enough for him to use his limbs again and deep red gashes turned into stitched up flesh, then turned into the purple, pink, and skin colored divots in his skin that he has now. His arms and legs are the ongoing sign telling 2D to not go back into the water. That is, until he met Archie.

Archie would never force 2D to do something he didn’t want to do, or at least not go as far to shove him in the water and tell him to get over it. Archie helped 2D little by little with encouragement and reassurance. They started with getting closer to the water until 2D could touch it with his toes, but the feel of the first wave hitting his ankles sent 2D into a flashback and he stepped out of the water instantly, Archie by his side comforting him the whole time. A week down the line and Archie was able to walk 2D into the water up to his hips. Another week and he could do everything besides swim on his own, and that’s the stage he was basically at now. Though it wasn’t all an easy perfect transition. There were many times where 2D had to be taken out of the water and sat on the beach with Archie until he stopped shaking violently and could speak and breathe normally.

Tonight Archie didn’t plan to go swimming with 2D, but he wanted to take him out deeper than he’s ever been before on his board. There weren’t waves at night like there were during the day, if there’s any at all, but waves or not Archie knew that 2D didn’t like the water. But surprisingly enough 2D agreed to be taken out on the water and Archie was going to do everything in his power to make sure 2D didn’t feel unsafe out there.

So Archie quickly grabbed his board from the employee locker room and dragged 2D out onto the beach by his thin fingers, worn and callused from instruments through the years. Archie dropped his board in the sand near the water and the two undressed, taking off their shoes, then their socks, followed by their shirts but both keeping their casual denim shorts on. Once undressed and ankle hooked up to the cuff connected to his surfboard, Archie paused and looked up over the ocean. It was dark out. The lights on the pier were the only things keeping the ocean visible and not looking like a pitch black abyss, much like the sky in the very moment. The air was crisp and clean, a bit salty smelling but nothing Archie wasn’t used to. The sand was cold beneath his feet, much like a desert changes from burning hot in the day to freezing at night. Music could be heard in the distance, something that was a little softer than Archie’s preferred taste, but it set the mood for a late night surf session.

Archie was about to pick up his board but he heard a barely audible moan from behind him that drove his eyes to 2D, who was looking a little unsettled at the sight of the ocean. He can’t blame 2D for thinking the ocean looked intimidating at night, because it really was a scary look the first time Archie saw it, yet Archie had a strong feeling that he could get 2D to enjoy it.

“Are you okay?” Archie asked 2D and they exchanged glances. 2D looked nervous more than anything and Archie wishes he could take away every shed of a bad feeling 2D was having right now. The image of 2D standing in front of him with his shirt off, lightly shone on from the dim pier lights showed Archie the full extent of 2D’s scars. There were a few more along his torso that weren’t nearly as bad as the ones on his arms and legs but still easily visible.

“Hey.” Archie reached out his hand slowly to gently grab 2D’s again. “It’s okay, I promise.”

2D and Archie shared a look similar to the one they had a few minutes ago in the van, one that Archie always gave 2D when they would work to get 2D over his fear. The look that made 2D feel twice as safe in a short few seconds. 2D squeezed Archie’s hand lightly and gave a small nod to signal that he was ready to go out on the water.

The water felt warm in contrast to the colder air. It warmed Archie’s body from his feet through his body while he kicked through the saltwater beneath him. Archie was sitting knees-to-knees with 2D at his normal forty yards out, deep enough to be well over either of their heads and too deep to bring 2D out just by swimming, but they made it work. The music could still be heard from where they were but it was more faint. They were so far away that they could only hear the echoes of everything in a sort of hypnotic tone, the deep sounds of a guitar and a voice so far away that the words being sung came out like a foreign language. 2D was staring out towards the amphitheater, only visible because of the stage lights shining down on the crowd in front of it. Archie glanced at the amphitheater for a moment, but turned his eyes to look at the boy in front of him.

2D. Scarred from shoulder to toe, thin silhouette sitting only a few inches in front of Archie, toes barely visible through the dark saltwater. Mussed blue hair, beautiful black eyes, thin lips curled into a small subconscious grin. Archie felt his heart beating into his chest, blood pumping through his veins in each limb and making his body almost numb with a kind of comforting feeling. Archie smiled and turned his eyes downwards to the red stripe on his board between his legs.

“You know, I used to come out here sometimes to watch you guys play.” Archie spoke, grabbing 2D’s attention. Archie shifted one of his legs to place both on one side and gaze out over the water back to the amphitheater. “Even though it’s pretty far, it feels really close. Like a private show.”

2D chuckled at him. “Fanboy.” He remarked and Archie laughed back at him. “Kidding. I think that’s really cool.” Archie’s lips remained in a smile that pushed his cheeks up below his eyes. Praise from 2D drove his head half crazy.

“It’s one of my favorite things about surfing. The, well, non-surfing part of it.” Archie continued. “Sitting out here, day or night, alone. I like night better because it’s calm and quiet and I can just lay here and not worry about being home or having a curfew or anything. It’s nice.”

“Did you get back to your family?” 2D asked, suddenly remembering the conversation they’d had in 2D’s garage about how Archie hadn’t seen his family in a while. Archie gave him a puzzled look. “You said a few weeks ago that you’d visit them soon. How’d that go?”

Archie turned his face down to the water below his knees, his feet becoming much more interesting than they were twenty seconds ago. He didn’t want to tell everyone about his family problems back then in the garage, not after knowing them only for a couple hours, but he and 2D were closer now. Maybe it’d be okay to tell him why he can’t--shouldn’t--go back to his family. He took in and exhaled a breath.

“I haven’t seen my family in about five years. I got kicked out when I was sixteen when I dropped out of school, but they didn’t even care about that. They only cared that I was young and gay and apparently that alone meant that I was rebelling against them, like I’m gay just to get back at them for being Christian or something, I don’t know. I just know that I don’t want to go back.” Archie kept his eyes focused down while he explained the situation with his family. He didn’t really care that his parents didn’t want him. Of course, at the time it was different, but because of it he was able to learn how to live from a young age and actually start life the way he wanted to once he quit school. It was a bittersweet transition.

“I’m...I’m sorry that happened, Arch.” 2D said softly and Archie’s eyes snapped up to meet his.

“Oh, no don’t be. I’m kinda glad it happened. I’m not worried about it.” Archie responded and 2D’s face lightened a little, yet the slight pit in his chest remained at the new information he just learned about Archie. “Really, D. I don’t care about it anymore.”

2D was still unconvinced but he let the thought go. “You can call me by my real name, you know. Not that I care if you call me 2D or D or whatever, just saying that you can call me Stuart if you want. Or Stu is the more common one.” 2D mentioned. He brought his name up partially to change the subject, which he doesn’t think Archie took notice of.

“I was wondering who you had sex with to earn the nickname 2D.” Archie smirked.

“Actually it’s because-”

“I know it does, dummy. I was making a joke.” Archie laughed, finally looking back up at 2D after his long session of staring down at his feet and blankly up at the amphitheater. 2D’s face turned from confusion to happiness and he laughed with Archie, the two falling silent only a couple seconds later. 2D lifted one of his legs to move both to one side and sit next to Archie but the weight of the surfboard began wobbling beneath him and 2D started to lose his balance. His heart froze, his body not ready to go into water this deep yet, but before 2D could fall in he felt an arm snake around his waist and hold him firmly up on the surfboard until it stopped moving. Archie instinctively grabbed 2D in fear of letting him go into the water, let alone by himself, and held him until the board was steadied again. 2D’s arms were around Archie’s shoulders in fear and Archie could feel the trembling coming from him and he immediately started rubbing 2D’s back to soothe him.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Archie said as 2D’s shakes and breathing started to slow down. Once he was able to speak again, only a minute later, 2D’s grip loosened from Archie’s shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah…” 2D nodded and let his arms fall away from Archie. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” Archie said back, keeping his arm around 2D. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down until he was back to normal, then Archie releases his grip around him and rest it at his side but immediately bumping it into 2D’s. He started to move away but he felt fingers intertwine with his and instead of pulling away, Archie melted into the touch. His fingers curled around 2D’s without a single look up or thought of hesitation, he just molded into the feeling. 2D scooted closer to Archie and leaned his head on his shoulder. At this point Archie felt like his heart might actually pop out of his chest.

“I don’t think I ever realized you had tattoo’s.” 2D voice spoke after yet another minute of silence that they shared that night. It took Archie out of his previous train of thought and he coughed nervously.

“Oh, yeah.” He responded so un-enthusiastically. “I mean yeah, I’ve gotten a few over the years. Mostly bands I’ve fancied. Sex Pistols, Ramones Eagle, the skull for Misfits, and a couple others.” Archie explained, pointing at the respective tattoo’s along his shoulders and right forearm. “Also got a few on my back. A li’l surfboard on my side. I even got your logo a while back but it’s fading ‘cause I got it in color. Shit never stays.”

2D grazed his hands along the tattoos, stopping at the one on his right shoulder blade of the Gorillaz’ very own logo. 2D could barely see it because of the fade, it just kind of looked like a light watercolor version of a tattoo. Still, 2D was speechless that somebody actually got a tattoo of his band’s name, he thought that came when you were much more famous than they are right now.

“Those are amazing, Archie. Serious, I can’t believe you put our name on your skin. Permanently.” 2D said, still very mesmerized.

“Semi-permanently.” Archie corrected. “It’s nearly gone and it’s been three months. This one here was my first one.” He said, pointing to the surfboard that went down his entire right side. “Same board we’re sitting on. I got it when I was fifteen after I bought the board. Held sort of a sentimental value to me, it’s the only one I own and the one that I’m taking to the competition next week.”

Competition.

“Are you ready for it?” 2D asked. “The competition, I mean.”

“I dunno.” Archie shrugged. “I’ve never felt not ready for a competition before. They’re always just practice runs in my head but this one...I could actually get something this year. This one competition could change my life. If I manage to win, at least, but who knows if that’ll happen.”

2D looks at Archie sorrowfully in his forlorn expression. He would never take Archie, his confident and somewhat cocky friend, to be so unencouraged with his own amazing skill that 2D thought was undeniably incredible.

“I think you’re going to be amazing. I’ve never seen someone surf like you and frankly, it’s the coolest thing I’ve probably ever seen.” 2D confessed to try and lift Archie’s spirits, giving his hand that he was still holding a gentle squeeze. Archie stared up in 2D’s eyes with an almost gazing expression, wondering if 2D knew that Archie felt the same exact way about him. “I’ll be at the competition, too, cheering you on from the sidelines just to let you know that you’re doing great, ‘cause I know you will.”

The words that 2D was saying to Archie felt like a snap to his heart, in a good way. But the snap made his mind go blank for a half a second and he didn’t realize what he was doing until he felt the click of his lips pressing against 2D’s in a firm, but kind of sloppy kiss. 2D kissed back for the brief moment their lips were connected, until Archie realized what he just did and quickly pulled away.

“T- uh, I’m s-” Archie started to muster out but was cut off when 2D swiftly released his hand from Archie’s and held the side of his face to press their lips together again. Archie was surprised at the action but he let his eyes flutter closed and allowed his face melt into 2D’s. 2D didn’t pull away for a while, and when he did, he just came right back to Archie’s lips. Archie’s hand raised to cradle the side of 2D’s face and kiss him even more deeply. It was simple and sweet, Archie never wanted the feeling to go away but after a short minute, 2D pulled his face away.

The two stared at each other, letting their hands fall limp and move away from each other’s faces and fall back down into their laps or onto the board beneath them. Neither knew what to say in this moment. It was quiet, the band no longer playing and the waves hardly audible from where they were. Eventually Archie looked away and they both stayed silent. 2D was the first to speak up.

“Do you, uhm,” 2D began slowly and softly. Archie’s heart started to race again. “Do you want to go back? The waters starting to feel a little cold.”

Archie bit his lip and nodded, and without looking or talking, Archie and 2D made their way back to shore on the board. The feelings Archie was having right now were so conflicting. On one hand he wanted to keep kissing 2D into the next day, and on the other he was feeling regretful, like he shouldn’t have kissed him in the first place. Everything was so confusing now.

They didn’t talk again until they made it back to the van and Archie opened the side door.

“What time is it?” 2D asks and Archie checks his watch.

“About twelve thirty.” Archie answered and turned around to face 2D. “Do you wanna stay tonight? It’s kinda late.”

“I would but I have to be up really early for work. Plus I have to take a shower to get the salt water off me and stuff too.” 2D says back and Archie nods.

“Well I’ll uh, see you soon?” Archie responds, nearly convincing himself already that 2D isn’t going to come around for any reason.

“Yeah, totally.” 2D says back and starts walking back to his car. “Night, Arch.”

“Goodnight.” Archie calls back softer than he meant to. He’s not even sure if 2D heard him, but he also didn’t think he could manage to talk any louder with how loud his thoughts were inside his head.

Fuck. Did he just fuck everything up?

I fucking love munchos alright get off m’dong

#this took too fuckign long #starchie #surf au #ur welcome seb #for trAsh #take the risk #chapter 3 #eeeeesorry

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crossnecklace · 7 years

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hi hi hi! so i feel like a lot of my most favorite fics dont get talked about much, therefore i wanted to create a proper fic rec masterpost to spread the love!! this is going to be a looooong list, so hopefully theres something for everyone (though i do firmly believe u should read every single one of these before u die)

in no particular order, but a * indicates my absolute faves that i reread monthly:

hats off to my distant hope by navigator (21k) *

Harry is in White Eskimo. Louis is in London.

AU loosely inspired by the song “505” by Arctic Monkeys.

-kicking this off with one of my very favorites. i think my favorite trope is when hl have this angsty “we’re not dating but definitely fucking and also doing everything couples do also i’m irrevocably in love with you why aren’t we dating?” sort of moment. its painful in the sweetest way, and this fic captures that perfectly. there will be quite a few of those on this list, i’ll bet

up the long delirious burning blue by orphan_account (6k)

harry is a swimmer & louis is the writer who somehow manages to make him come up for air.

-this one is quite sad. so poetic and painful and lovely and unf (warning for mentions of suicide and depression, and the ending is quite ambiguous but there is no MCD)

we wreak havoc with out hearts by flimsy (9k)

Harry finds that he can’t keep things separate; neither can Louis.

Harry tousles his hair, smoothes it back, shrugging.

“Alright,” he says. “I’m, you know, outside if you need anything.”

“Yeah,” Louis replies. “Sure.”

He doesn’t look like he’ll be needing Harry, and Harry tells himself that that’s okay. They’ve both got their moods sometimes or maybe the timing isn’t good, and if it’s not then that’s alright as well. Harry can respect that. And it’s not like this is their first tour; Harry knows that Louis will come around. He always does.

-another one of those w that trope i talked about. im gonna call it the RFWB trope (romantic friends w benefits). this one is so hot and good

rather this than live without you by mediaville (10k) *

Harry decides to give it all up. Louis refuses to be left behind.

-RFWB pt. 3. i ADORE this fic. just the setting and the angst and the smut ugh it all has me on the floor

one day to believe in you by mediaville (7k)

A mysterious force compels Louis to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Even when it’s really inconvenient.

Harry blinks and has the nerve to look surprised.

“You think about me when you get off?”

“Yes,” Louis says. He wonders how hard he’d need to punch himself in the face to knock himself out.

“Often?”

“Yes, Christ, Harry,” Louis groans. “Probably eight times a week for going on six years now. On average, you know. More when we were touring, less when I’ve been visiting family. Anything else you’d like to know?”

- :-)))))))

all my love was down in a frozen ground by navigator (16k)

Louis goes to the woods.

AU very loosely inspired by the creation of Bon Iver’s first record.

-i’ll be honest i dont even remember what this fic is about but its in my bookmarks and its by navigator so i know that its good

boys of summer by sharktoothedfawnskinned (49k) *

What he wants is for this to be a forever thing, not someplace Harry spent the summer once. What he wants is for this to be more than a memory.

(New Jersey beach town AU.)

- I SCREAM EVERY TIME READ THIS RIGHT NOW

we should get jerseys by orphan_account (12k) *

There’s a lot surrounding Harry, and Louis knows, in his heart of hearts, that there always will be. He just doesn’t know if he’ll manage to equate into the ‘always’ of it.

(Harry is a hockey player, and Louis is his slightly melodramatic boyfriend.)

- another old favorite!!! pretty much anything that involves harry being good at sports has me on my knees bc it paves way for automatic angst, louis being jealous of a puck/ball/net/what have you, and uhhh various other *athletic* activities

the finish line (is a good place for us to start) by @loaded-gunn (122k)

Louis Tomlinson, one-time Formula 1 World Champion, is looking forward to the 2013 season. He’s got Zayn in his garage and Liam in his ear, he’s got Cowell Racing backing him despite former indiscretions, he’s got experience and the best race car out there. Not to mention he’s the only racer they have, after Oliver dropped out late last year.

It hasn’t occurred to him that Oliver would have to be replaced by February. That is, until he finds himself at a party celebrating Harry Styles leaving Ferrari for Cowell. Harry hotshot Styles, who broke a record last year and is probably looking to make a big splash. Harry Styles, who is talented and somewhat intimidating. Harry Styles, who left Ferrari for reasons unknown and seems kind of lonely and harmless in person. Lonely, harmless, hot as fuck. Whatever.

The first thing Louis does is take him under his wing. From there it’s nine months of slow-burning romance, the past catching up to them, turning into the human puppy pile that is OT5 and a lot of feelings until, of course, reaching the finish line.

-one of the first 1d fics i remember reading. i havent touched it in a long time but it used to be my #1 fave and it has a special place in my heart. so much pining, only not really in a frustrating way bc theres abundant flirting and they kiss in like, the second scene. its basically louis trying to keep his shit together and failing miserably. AND its stuffed with fandom meta which is quite entertaining if youve been here for awhile. anyway give this a read, i truly love it so much

so keep my candle bright by whisperdlullaby (78k) *

louis returns to his hometown after four years to find that the reverend’s son has done some growing up of his own.

-god. the characterization in this one is just gorgeous. the way louis helps harry accept/explore his sexuality is so beautiful and i think about it every day. a must read!!! (warning for homophobia and religious themes)

no one like you by @myownsparknow (20k)

Dear Niall,

I was glad to have the chance to talk with you again at the AHA conference. Your idea that the Musee D’Orsay Tomlinson painting is in fact not a self-portrait is an intriguing one, and I may have discovered something that will have a bearing on that theory.

Some background: as you may remember, I’ve been researching for a book I’m writing about Harry Styles. I’ve been in communication with Styles’ last living descendant, who is in possession of a trunk that her family believed to have belonged to Styles himself. It held some personal items she presumes to be his, including two unmounted paintings and a small collection of letters.

Upon spending the last few days in Provins studying these items, I believe there to be a connection between Tomlinson and Styles, and I would very much like your opinion.

Are you up for a trip to France?

Sincerely, Liam Payne

Where Liam and Niall are art historians discovering the truth about two nineteenth century painters on opposite sides of an artistic divide.

-this is one of the only recent fics on this list bc i like to stew in the past and pretend all my favorite writers havent left the fandom. i read it when it first came out and man oh man, its like poetry. so gorgeously written, and hl’s relationship is so deeply rooted and beautiful. i love

our little corner of the world by brownheadedstranger (30k)

AU. Louis is stuck in his mom’s diner for the summer. Harry is the line cook with a pickup truck.

-so good!! i’d die for americanized fics which doesnt even make sense bc i hate america but. what can u do

i could dream all night by @fondleeds (73k) *

As the sun kisses the horizon, one last flash of light before the stars and the moon take over, his phone will brighten in his grasp, Louis’ name appearing on screen, come over or wanna see you or miss your mouth. Harry always lingers on those messages, elbows bruising on the cool metal of the railing by the lookout, watching the water as he thumbs at the side of his phone, lips bitten into his mouth, trying to will away the bubbling in his stomach, the heat that flushes to his neck at the thought of being thought of.

At the thought of Louis thinking of him.

AU. Harry spends his summer away from the city.

-lordt. where the fuck do i begin. first of all, lysha, if ur reading this, i’d die for u even tho u already killed me with this fic. second, what the fuck???? this is so good??? the imagery is exquisite, everything is so soft and hazy and warm, but just be warned that its a tRick. this fics wraps u in like a warm hug and then stabs u 7 times in the back so be prepared :-))) (warning for ambiguous ending)

another hazy may by deLILAh (41k) *

louis is a terrible poet and harry lives in the now and they have six weeks to fall in love but, really, it only takes six seconds. bookshop meets military meets summer romance au ft. marlboros, the backstreet boys, and underrated literary devices.

-i dnot even wanna talk about it. i swear to god the first time i read this i stayed up all night and cried through literally like the last three quarters of it. its so poetic and gorgeous and now every time i think or hear about the literary present i wanna die so thanks for scarring me forever

like a bastard on the burning sea by vashtaneradas (22k) *

au; harry breaks louis, louis breaks everything.

- listen i know im not supposed to like this but yknow what?? iconic. its absolutely a guilty pleasure and the only cheating fic ill ever give the time of day bc it just hurts so good

take me to the church (series) by @kingsoftheimpossible (14k/6k/4k)

Harry and Louis are Horsemen of the Apocalypse- War and Conquest- but that’s not really important. They just like to fuck things up.

these r freaky but so so good. theres nothin i love more than boyfriends wreaking havoc on..everything. (the main warnings i’d say are for slight gore/violence and blasphemy. other than that i’d read the tags before you dive in)

if you love me, come clean by @victoryjacket (121k) *

AU in which Louis works at a recording studio where Harry’s ‘up and coming’ and ‘exciting’, soon-to-be famous indie band has just signed a deal to record their debut album at, and Louis’ never even heard of them for Christ’s sakes, but that doesn’t stop him from repeatedly catching the eye of the raven-haired, eyeliner-wearing and slightly dangerous-looking frontman (but he’s not interested, he isn’t.)

-everyone read my love’s fic right now. she writes tortured rockstar!harry beautifully and its just so good :-))))) ft. the slowest, sweetest burn

a runaway american dream by dangerbears (15k)

AU. they take route 66 with only each other and their secrets.

-iconic. plus the whole thing is just hl trying and failing to be just bro pals and platonically share a bed

from the love to the lightning by orphan_account (22k) *

“i didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. because it’s the halves that halve you in half.”

a like crazy au where harry and louis fall in america, but have to try to make it work when problems arise that force louis to stay in london.

-definitely in my top 10. first things first, the line that fucked me up forever: “Three thousand, four hundred and seventy one. There are 3471 miles and an entire ocean between them, but Harry doesn’t even have to get out of bed to find bone-crushing heartache.” AH. i think this might actually be the only long distance au ive ever read and its angsty as fuck but oh so worth it. like literally idek what to say except read this right now (warning for harry/ofc relationship that is pretty detailed, but i grew kinda fond of her? and anyway its mainly just a plot point to emphasize harrys pining for his tru love,,,,yk who)

we can take the long way home by @eleadore (27k) *

“Fertile,” Louis says, and then laughs because it sounds stupid to say out loud. He hasn’t ever really thought of himself in those terms. Baby-making terms. It’s just one of those things his body can do, like exercise, or go without tea. Doesn’t mean he will.

or, The band takes a break. Harry and Louis come together.

-listen, i REALLY REALLY love this fic. its probably literally my favorite one shot, like, its really just so sweet and hot and its again one of those good ol RFWB tropes. loveeee

red brick heart by hazmesentir (99k) *

Harry has only had his room for thirty-two minutes when it stops being his.

Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn’t expect is a surprise roommate who’s loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he’s ever wanted.

-this is one of the few fandom faves i can get behind. i know its got that early era cliche of commitment phobe!louis but i really love hl’s relationship in this, and how harry comes to terms w his sexuality via making out w louis tomlinson like 500 times. plus the scene in the club where louis, uh, helps harry out just…GETS me, yknow?

some things take root by navigator/quitter (50k) *

AU. Louis’ ex doesn’t get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

-pleasepleplalspelplseease. literally navigator can end me. this is THE fake relationship au yall, like, any fanart of hl making out near a bar gives me flashbacks to this fic. read it

keep yourself warm by navigator (20k)

AU. Harry sleeps around.

-this fic is really nice and oddly comforting, like, i just love the pining and the angst. its so !!!!

with love comes strange currencies by mediaville (16k) *

One day One Direction will be over and Louis won’t be around Harry every waking moment. He’ll be able to finally get some space, let their bond dissipate as it’s bound to do, if they don’t mess up again. He can move to Costa Rica and forget that Harry Styles popped his first knot inside him. Until then, he’s going to have to deal with this.

or, They’re Accidentally Mated and Dealing With It Rather Badly.

-i con ic. listen, i have nothing against abo but im just .. not rly into it. however, THIS is the first abo fic i read and the only one i ever loved. like just the whole accidental mating and how it draws them to each other even tho its quite inconvenient, and how h takes cares of l when hes sick, i just..gotta go

covered in lines (series) by mentalistecbm (24k)

He likes to imagine that he’s always aware of Harry’s eyes on him, but the spark that flashes across his body at how often Harry licks his lips while looking at his throat doesn’t feel like something he’s explicitly and consciously acknowledged before, but it feels familiar. Usual. Right.

(Louis is human, and Harry is lucky enough to be his vampire boyfriend.)

-noah fence but this is,,,, essentially twilight in au form, minus love triangles and werewolves. actually its completely different lmao, who am i, but the overall atmosphere and the vampire dynamics rly reminded me of it. i mean it in the best way!!! its so good, and anything involving dr*nking has me on the floor

weird honey by orphan_account (5k)

~staying up all night, talking blasphemous ash, weird honey~

(PWP where Harry is not 100% at home in his body and he and Louis use a sex toy to help work through the problem)

-this fic is soft and nice and makes me feel warm inside so highly recommend

who painted the moon black by throughthedark (95k) *

“People died,” Harry whispers so quietly Louis strains to hear. “People died, and I killed some of them. How does life just go on after something like that?”

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t know. It just does.”

Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six’s victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven’s victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

-listen. i do NOT want to talk about it. (ps harry throwing axes on the bbc literally took me out by the knees bc of this fic)

one more for the stars by imsosorry (16k)

It’s different, and Louis knows that, because Harry’s got so much riding on this - a career and a future and his whole life. There’s talk of him going first overall in the draft, of entering the NFL after only two years in college, of going to New York or Seattle or Green Bay, and Louis wants to be there for him, wants to support him and help him make decisions, but he also kind of wants to pin him to the bed and cry and scream, What about me what about me what about me?

(au. Harry’s the star quarterback and Louis is about to graduate. It’s a heartbreak waiting to happen.)

-i think i mentioned before that sports au have me on the floor and this is no excpetion

you and me were kings by ithacas (28k) *

harry plays football in a small town in west texas. louis might be the only person that doesn’t give a damn. au.

-another football au, this one with the added beauty of being set in southern us. im such a sucker for southern aus, mannnn, and this one is so soft and beautiful

hold onto your stars by vashtaneradas (16k) *

au; harry’s in the army, louis’ back home, and ninety days is a lifetime.

-are u srs????? this is another hazy may except…….Worse. like, im still working out the science of it but im pretty sure this killed me and brought me back to life just so i could suffer the pain of it forever. (nobody dies tho)

makes perfect by checkthemargins (8k)

“What if you practiced on like, a mannequin?” Louis presses. “Or one of those blow up sex dolls? Or even just like, I don’t know, a pillow or something. Whatever it’d fit around.”

Harry tilts his head thoughtfully, curls catching the light so entrancingly that Louis finds himself reaching up to push his fingers through them. “It’s different, though, innit? When it’s a real person. A pillow won’t snog me.”

“Why should it?” says Louis. “You can’t even take its bra off.”

hmmmm. hmmmmmmmm. im jus gonna leave this here,,,,,,,,,

all the diamonds you have here by vashtaneradas (21k)

it hits louis now, how fucking close to the precipice they’re standing.

or, an au feat. investment banking and children.

-its #confirmed that anything by vashtaneradas is guaranteed to be painful as hell. who said there cant be soul crushing angst in marriage/kid fics too !

wild and unruly by @100percentsassy/gloria_andrews (123k) *

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

-ending this with a classic. i trust that everyone has read this masterpiece already and that i dont have to say anything about it other than w o w

______________________________________________________________

tis all for now! happy reading and pleaseee feel free to yell @ me about these fics if you liked them as much as i did!!

#this TRULY took me for fucking ever lmao #pls ignore my sorry attempt at a banner #anyway pls read all of these i love them so much #im so picky about fics so theyre all amazing its confirmed #fic rec #fics #hl #larry fic #my fic rec

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itsfallingforsnow-blog · 8 years

Text

The year 2016 was really hard for me, well not really. I am thankful and grateful and there’s always be roller coaster that I want to throw up and ride again, and throw up and ride again, until we reach tomorrow! Life is an adventure, your own adventure. Some people have it different, or may be a bit similar. Mine? it goes like..

Warning: Please do grab a tea or coffee or coke with snacks, it will be a long one.

❀ The Lessons Learned

I was able to explore where I have always wanted to go and understand things more in terms of different point of view thanks to my boyfriend. To take better care of myself, to have someone to rely on and knowing it will be alright. Listen, to every conversations, taking note what one’s likings and one’s not, I keep on trying to understand but hardly accept if it’s things that are so different. Giving up, on some of my friendship, just because it’s poison. It’s alright, it’s fine to walk away, it will be hard to recall every funny moments we have made, the silly choices and little things that you used to remember, where now it’s just the past. To either learn or run from it. At this point, I am confuse between learn from the past or still running for it. In which leads me to trust issues. As for this part makes me insecure, is it a friend or just using me to get what he or she wants. Pretty nasty to have that mind set plug in me ever since I cut it off. Learning the hard way apparently.

“it’s the one you don’t see coming. the one you trust who betrayal is most lethal. They know how to hit the lowest ..”

Kyrian

It still hit me hard, more than a break-up. The side effects? I hardly make new friends, if I do, the idea of second choice and third wheel gets in. Or just simply to get something for me, I get that a lot. Like, use the term friendship in exchange of money, who the hell do that? Well, I have been there, give it anyway. “Why are you so dumb” I know, as my mother always said, be kind but not too kind, people will use your kindness into something else. University life is hard, I am fine with individual report, but group report? more like eighty percent you twenty percent to oh-I-Have-Personal-other-modules-whatever-going-out-things-to-do-rather-than-helping. Tingtong! apparently we took 5 modules, yes different timetable and such but do take note it’s a group work not a free ticket. Ah life. I manage to report this case to my lecturer, YES I DID. Set up the date for meet up, at that day- transportation problem, I asked for a change of date, my lecture said she’s fine with it, BUT hey lets just go anyway, no need to rearrange another meeting. Nice, they went without me. Ah, life so much. I just let it be, +100 point to trust issues.

Besides all of that, getting to know my parents more every year is what motivates me. To know how much they love me, always and I do too. I might need to open up a bit, or not. Fighting inner demon is ugh, but I am glad to have someone to talk to and cry to.

❀ Best of The Year

The year where I Meet Farid, or get to know him, which is now my wonderful boyfriend.

Along the way getting to know, still. something goes like “Really? Damn same! Hahaha I know.” and more, can’t write everything down. Or simply put how he sees me: curious to get to know to – hardly talk to – ay the best girlfriend ever!! to – my girlfriend is an otaku and a weirdo plus annoying af. That, I love him. To accept who I am, how much he cares and notice things.

Finally learn Japanese Language, since I have always wanted to watch anime without subtitle and go to Japan, eat all of the food, buys all of the CDs and Manga and Games and everything nice! #Wishlist

Officially Launch FallingForSnow, where I bought my own domain and show it off to my parents. Gain more readers, get to know some bloggers. Probably the year when I realized, damn there’s a lot of blogger in Brunei that I want to get to know but too insecure to do so. You see, I hardly talk to girls which I want to BUT ITS HARD IDK WHYYYY. even if someone left a comment got me all excited, and worried at the same time. sigh. Am I the only one?

To have black cat is all I have ever wanted as a cat person, which I do. Plus more than seven cats. All of those eyes, fluffiness and poop that you just have to deal with it.

Celebrate Boyfriend’s birthday! How To Surprise Your Boyfriend 101, I wanted to make something personal, which is a DIY explode box of our moments from day 1 with cute messages of course! A day before his birthday, trying so hard not to get caught, and more surprises from movie to dinner to two whole boxes of snacks. yep.

One of the best feelings – meeting numbers of people IRL recognized FallingForSnow, WOOOOOOOH! “omg you’re fallingforsnow!“, “so you’re the one – that fallingforsnow” not in my wishlist, but damn it feels so good to know people do read my posts! Thank you! I appreciate that really.

❀ Worst of The Year

Stepping down. As you know or just do, I used to join student council. An official student council. They asked, the reason why do I want to join. Technically I do not know, I just do. But when they asked me infront of twenty or more hooman, Wanting to know my limit that’s what I said back in 2015. It comes to an end, I hardly manage my studies, my sleeping pattern messed up, I don’t eat as much – healthy food, to be honest stress af. To the day my father asked me to stop. I put way too much effort and time rather than studying. Yes, I do like to do, what I do being in student council. It hits me, yes to get the paper, might be the experience as well and management of events, but where do I go after that if I don’t take my studies seriously. Well you can manage your time? I tried, a year and I know myself I would put more efforts to activities. There was arguments to let go of me, which I don’t want to see fights between the council. I do remember things like, I finally talk to girls more than 5 THATS A LOT FOR ME, the struggle is real moments, the laughter, to have friends outside my circle, the joy when I was elected to be the Head of Entrepreneur Department thing . As soon as I left, that’s it. It was a good experience, but I don’t like the feeling of sort-of-left out-but-it’s-not, just a plain cut.

Group work – you know where this goes.

❀ Achievement of The Year

Blogging, is something that I never thought would be things that I am looking forward to write and post every week!

Managing events – Get to collaboration with Shin Cat Lover! If you are curious what was it all about click Coffee House

Start Doodle, trying to learn new things, doodle seems fun, and it went well for a first timer, does not include when I was a kid.

A boyfriend to watch anime with HEHE! Achievement unlock.

Bought Lomo’instant (which still I don’t know how the hell to use it properly)

Went to Malam Ini Kita Punya Event, Spectacle 2016 Art & Design Graduation Show, Under Ground, YouMa, I do not go out often, it’s a new experience for me. Better than never.

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Explore Bandar Seri Begawan; Walk around, went to Museum and goes to Bandar Ku Ceria. Of course take tons of picture while so.

Watched tons of anime, like a lot! More than ever. Click here if you want to know all of the list!

Learn more about photography, thank you to my man.

No such thing as too much sushi! I like salmon, like like kind of like, yknow? that kind of like to rip money.

Win spicy noodle challenge HEHEHE. You know that Korean Noodle. yep it was gooooooooood.

❀ My First Time

Watch Sunsets at the beach, it was amazing!

Ate my first Mcdonald (yes, I know don’t judge me hooman I like Jolibee more.)

My first confession, it was…

First FaceTime – with my boyfriend of course and I fall asleep at our first FT. Nope we we’re not together yet at that time, noice move.

Had my first Coffee Bean – not a coffee person but please do add more chocolate

Bouquets of flower

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Sungkai outing with my boyfriend, again I do not go out often, if I do I hardly get the permission from my parents even with friends. Now with boyfriend? Approved? *Insert all of the emotions*

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Celebrate Raya (approved by parents) with my boyfriend (how exciting it was MAIGAD)

Bought my own Lomo’instant, it was expensive. Worth it? It cute but still learning how to – I don’t even know.

I do cook, but cooking with boyfriend is a new thing.

Korean food

❀ Favourite Class

Japanese Class

Business Law

Organisational Behavior

❀ Top Posts of FallingForSnow

Get To Know Me: 25 Questions

Theme: Songket

Wish list 2016

BEST OF JUNE: Surprises, Photography and To do List

What Matters & Giving Up

❀ Messages to my Friends

To my friends,

thank you to my GP/Socio ex-classmate now japanese-buddies, you have been a great friend, more like the closest/coolest to me where I easily open up, even when I speak straight up Kedayan, probably the only Kedayan/Half blood kedayan friend I have. why does it sound so sad. Thank you for listening to my rants, and taking Japanese Language both level 1 and 2, although I suck at Oral test, for taking my pictures although both of us used to afraid of heights. Laugh at my lame jokes too.

thank you to the chippiness of my life, well isnt that obvious who am I thanking to. I know that I’m hardly around when you need someone to talk to, but I am glad to have you around since 2013. But damn, lost of contact this year I would say. Still, happy new year and wish you all the best in any paths you take. Stay awesome bruh!

thank you for the early years of food, food, food and some movies. The times that I have to stop you guys from buying clothes every week. I guess it was a good move (what) to call someone I do not know to sit next to me, and to left my ex-registration-mate when she needs help of direction. STILL SORRY! Overall I am glad to have you guys around, although I went missing and took different module last semester. Can’t thank you guys enough for being around.

lastly, thank you to わたしの友達 ( do you want to google translate that? Or.. it means my friends) from SBE SC, if you guys still think if your friend tho, or else its fine, its fine I shall summon my satans. Just kidding. Its been a great journey with you guys, will remember all those memories in my phone. I keep it on my phone – the picture – get it?

– ❀❀❀-

Note to boyfriend, ONLY IF HE’S ACTUALLY CHECKING,

I can’t thank you enough for all of the moments together, through ups and downs, you’re there for me, support me and also lead me. It’s been a wonderful year with you by my side. Another year to come, bare with me and lets write more ❤︎

Thank you for everything love,

– ❀❀❀-

Hows 2016 for you so far? Hopefully its good, although my timeline is full with people saying its shitty.

2017 post will be up soon enough!

Yumie

Thank you 2016 The year 2016 was really hard for me, well not really. I am thankful and grateful and there's always be roller coaster that I want to throw up and ride again, and throw up and ride again, until we reach tomorrow!

#2016 #adventure #blogger #cat #event #goal #journey #memories #new year #polaroid #wordpress

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