#yo momma

[vexwerewolf]

When you are having a very normal day at the Secret Anomaly Research Facility

[stickersdoodle]

they are both just like me

[demobatman]

pathetic meow meow doodle

[thepariahcontinuum]

Robert Pattinson's voice in the English trailer for "The Boy and the Heron" gave me the idea.

This feels like it has potential.

[creepyolddude1973]

[nutekk]

[vintage-tigre]

[certified-cvnt]

[foxsolace]

{Home}

Summary:The reader/you get abandoned in the snow by your legal guardians. You explored but, never thought you would find your forever home right in the snow.

Warnings: Swearing, maybe a hint of angst?, Tommy being Tommy.

(Also if you think the C! Characters are off, it’s because that is how I imagine them to act :)

It was cold. That would most definitely be a understatement, it was more than cold. Treading through the snow with only a jacket, a shirt, and pants, is the worst possible thing that has possibly have ever happened to me. I mean, other than my parents abandoning me but, I think freezing to death is worse than being a orphan. I looked around to see if I could find something, anything. A small light in the distance makes me have a bit of hope and faith in myself.

(3rd POV)

Phil and his children are enjoying some hot cocoa. “I bet I can drink mine faster, Wil!” Tommy challenged his brother. Phil chuckles a bit at Tommy’s determination to beat Wilbur, “You shouldn’t drink so fast or you’ll be complaining that your mouth burning up.” Tommy rolled his eyes, he definitely didn’t ignore Phil just now

“Tommy, listen to Phil.” Techno said blandly, Techno didn’t look up from his book. “Tommy, if you chug it, I’ll give you 10 emeralds.” Wilbur dared Tommy. Tommy’s eyes widened, “10? 15.” Tommy did grabby hand movements. “Fine, 15 emeralds but, you gotta chug it first, Toms.” Wilbur smirked, he knew Tommy would, hopefully, chicken out and he would win and keep his emeralds.

“I’ll be right back.” Techno got some snow gear on and went outside to do whatever he had in mind.

(Techno’s POV)

I got my gear on and went outside. I didn’t hear anyone object so, I went ahead with going out. I looked out into the vast sea of snow and ice, to just see something limping towards me or the house. I quickly got my axe out to finally realize it’s an orphan. The voices started to get louder, begging for blood. But then one of the voices said “It’s adorable, can we keep it?” As soon as that was said, it became war. One side said “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!” And the other was more peaceful and more on wanting to keep the orphan.

I decided on taking the kid, it’s already half starved and pretty small. I throw the kid over my shoulders, and started carrying them towards the house.

To Be Continued..?

(Geez it’s been awhile hasn’t it? I might make a part two, if you’ll want one.)

[jaffacakerebellion]

the structural integrity of yo momma was irreparably compromised due to recent flooding

[artisticspacestudios]

bnnuy 👀

[demobatman]

my favorite steddie dynamics are “steve doesnt understand why he hates this guy so much until he realizes he wants to eat him alive” or “steve is so enamored by this doe eyed freak that he would move heaven and hell just to get eddie to /look/ at him”

[thepariahcontinuum]

Describing Sigmund Freud as "The Inventor of 'yo momma' jokes" at work definitely got a laugh.

[creepyolddude1973]

[spiritpowerandsoul]

conceptually i don’t agree with men but they kinda went off with john squire

[phantvm]

My Stinker (Ron Weasley x reader)

tw puking wrote with my bestest friend ever @instantdinosaurgentlemen at 1am What the hell was that smell? It smelled like a bomb of a thousand farts had just been dropped inside the Gryffindor common room. Not just any normal farts, no… they were atomic farts. The smell was leaking from upstairs, presumably from one of the dorm rooms. There was only one man capable of making such a foul smell, and that was Ronald Bilius Weasley 🧙‍♂️. I stormed up the stairs directly to the smelly man's dorm room. I dug my nails into my palm as I formed a fist, bringing it up to bang on the door. Tempted to scream until my lungs popped, I was content with breaking the door down until someone came to open it. The door swung open revealing a green faced Harry Pottah. He had his hand over his nose and mouth and took a step back, showing the man himself (🧙‍♂️) sobbing in the corner. The horrid smell wafted in my face, a gag threatening to escape from my throat. My focus shifted between Ron and Harry, dread washing over my body. “What the FLIP is going on? Why does Ron smell like the smelliest, dirtiest sock that has ever graced this god awful planet?” My eyes began to water as I walked over to Ron. God…he was somehow still so dashingly handsome despite smelling so bad. Yet my face continued to pale. Harry coughed, my attention reaching back to him. “It was… Fred..and Gorge…one of their..pr-” Harry threw up on the floor in front of me. Ew. I wasn’t going to be able to erase that image from my mind for weeks. “One of their bloody pranks, it was. Now I smell like a dead cat that’s been rotting under a house all summer..” I watched as he curled in on himself. 

“Bloody hell Ron...there there.” I knelt down beside the tear stained (and stench stained) Ron and pat him on the back, using every fibre of my being to not pass out and die. I looked back at Harry, grimacing at the puddle of puke on the floor. “Harry, do me a favor, would you? Find Fred and Gorge then bring them here.” was all I said, bringing my attention back to Ron as I was now starting to rub his back instead of pat. It seemed to calm him down more than the other, thank Merlin. I wasn’t sure if I could handle more puke. Harry didn’t seem to think twice as he rushed out of the room, mindful to keep the door open to let some of the stench out. “Ron.. have you tried bathing?” I asked in a soft voice, trying to be gentle with the stinker I sat next to. He looked up at me and just shook his head slowly. “You dumb, dumb idiot…Let's get you to the bathroom.” Ron nodded, pushing himself off the floor. I was reluctant to take his hand, but decided he probably needed the moral support from his stinky stench. I pushed him into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. “Sorry Ron, but it's for your own good. SHOWER NOW!!!!!!” I heard the water start running and the stench immediately started to clear up. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the boy's foolishness. One shower was all it took and they couldn’t even come to a solution as simple as that. “You’re really that dimwitted you didn’t think to shower?? You’ll be the death of me Ron Weasley.”

“Yo mama’s dimwitted.” And then they kissed.

THE END :3