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fuzzylumpkins · 3 years

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I GIVE UP. (a secret open letter)

Hi. I know youre a morning person, and you're always busy everyday. especially on a Monday, and i really dont wanna rain on your parade, but given the situation, i just know na hindi ko na kaya patagalin pa to ng ilang araw, or iset aside nanaman. So im sorry if your first day of the week and your day itself starts off with this letter.

I also know na you dont really read my long messages and youre probably thinking, "Hay, ito nanaman si Mara and mga long letters nya." But im asking you to please read all of these. Alam ko pag gising mo you will shrug this off, and it's okay. who would want a buzzkill to start their day with, diba? Hehe but again, please. Please take time to read this and understand where this is all coming from. You can always save these messages to your vault and read it later kung nasa mood ka na, or if me time ka na. But please dont disregard this letter.

Anyway,

It's exactly 2:15 in the morning. I havent slept since i messaged you last night/kanina. I had to stop crying, and collect myself entriely, para kalmado ako (kanina kalmado actually ako. You just got scared na magstorm off ako, and turned off your phone. Pero thankfully, kalmado ako nun. And i guess thats a really good thing, kasi di na ako galit. But i guess that's also a sign na pagod na ako talaga.

So yeah, i needed to collect myself, hindi na ako umiiyak as i am writing this (but i probably will cry at the end or maybe even in the middle of writing of this letter! hehe) Nag relax muna ako from my last message sayo, doing nothing, because I needed to calm myself even more, kasi I wanted to write this letter, na yun nga, kalmado, that way, mas sure ako sa mga sasabihin ko, and sa magiging decisions ko.

Love, im giving up. This time it's for real. Ayaw ko na talaga. Alam ko ilang beses mo na narinig sakin yan. And i end up eating my words, as soon as you talk to me, throw me nice words, treat me with kindness. parang bigla nalang, "nabibihag" mo nanaman ako. Pero ayaw ko na love. Suko na ako. Surrender na ako. Matigas ka talaga. 😢 hehe And honestly, hindi ko na mafeel yung worth ko sayo. I feel useless, and i feel like im worth nothing to you because of these feelings, na matagal ko na nararamdaman, but i always choose to ignore. Kasi in denial ako. These are the red flags i'd like to let you know.

You never gave me any compromise.

Thats one thing i wanted to hear from you, never mo naman ginawan ng paraan. Parang tinatawanan mo lang yung hurt na nararamdaman ko. Never mo ginawan ng solusyon.

You dont give me an assurance.

Wala akong peace of mind. Im sorry pero, wala na akong trust. You lost my trust, i cant trust you, i wont trust you — kasi never mo naman ako pinafeel good, and never mo naman ako binigyan ng assurance na never mo na gagawin sakin na mahurt ako. Parang feeling ko never mo gnawa yun, kasi ikaw mismo sa sarili mo hindi mo masigurado na kaya mo.

I gave you a second chance , but you never valued that second chance.

Tandang tanda ko pa how you hurt me that night na nakita ko yung unang time na finollow mo yang nur aypha na yan. We talked about it sa Biton. You said sorry you cried. —- hindi ko akalain na ung cool guy lawrence would feel so guilty that day, and cry, and lunok his pride and say sorry to me. Sobra kong happy that moment kasi akala ko sobrang love mo ako. September 21 yun. DO YOU KNOW WHY DECEMBER 23 KO PA ULIT NA NALAMAN NA NEVER MO PALA INUNFOLLOW? Because i dont check you, i dont check your account because i trusted you. Sobra ko lang katrust sayo. Ganun ako kaconfident sa love mo sakin. Pero that december night na nalaman ko yun, it was my gut telling me na something’s up. And ever since then, HINDI NA AKO NATAHIMIK. Hindi ko akalain na yung time na akala ko ok ka, na nagsorry ka, na binigyan kita ng second chance, hindi ko akalain na in that span, may pa like like ka pa ng LAHAT ng pictures nya. As in every upload. Alam mo yung nasa isip ko? Isahan mo lang gilike lahat yun. Tapos nakita nya, na “uy may flood likes ako from an ex..” and thats already enough reason to start a conversation between you two. :”( or hindi ko alam kung lahat ba ng stories nya, gina reactan mo, kasi pala react ka sa stories. Dun mo nga ako una nakausap diba? Thats your conversation starter, and that fucking kills me. Yung thoughts na yun never ako pinatahimik. KAYA GSTO KO LANG NAMAN MAWALA SYA SA ACCT MO KSI HINDI KO NA ALAM ANO NA GINAGAWA MO. Hindi ko na alam ano na ginagawa nyo privately.

Kasi you have intentions. You had intentions when you kept liking her photos. Kasi MAY PINAGDAANAN na tayo na issue sakanya, but you still secretly kept liking her pictures. Up until your birthday, sya nasa isip mo while ako i was doing my best effort to make you feel happy. To surprise you. Lahat. Kaya pala when i asked you to come to mabini to get my bigger surprise, parang “ugh” ka pa na ano ba to. bat kelangan pa mag pnta pnta. Then until new year of 2021, kung d ko pa nahuli nung jan 7, nakalike ka pa and updated ka masyado sknya.

So hindi mo mwala sakin yun magisip ako ng , ah baka sa instagram stories ito naga landian itong dalawa. Thats why i dont have my peace of mind. Thats why i want you to remove her. Pero hndi mo magawa, hindi mo kaya.

You never adjusted even for a bit. Para sakin.

Para sa tao na dapat sana mas iniisip mo kung mahal mo tlaga.

Sobra kong selos kasi bakit ako, yung kinulang na sa oras sa buhay mo, yung pinipilit mag habol ng oras na nawala, bakit ako yung wala sa social media mo? Bakit ako hindi mo malagay jan, na yan lang yung isang way na makabawi tayo sa lost times natin. Bakit sila, mas nakikita mo yung everyday ig stories nila, yung personal life nila, mas ginapili mo na yun makita kesa updated ka sa simple things in my life na sana nakikita mo, nahahabol mo. Ung mga interests ko na sana alam mo. Yung mga interests mo na sana alam ko, na sana nadidiscover ko pa ngyon na nagahabol ako ng nawala na panahon? Na bawat ig story mo nakikita ko na “uy mahilig talaga si lawrence/mara ng ganto.” Or whatever. Pero wala e. Ung simple joys ko na ganun, you stripped that away from me Because you CHOSE to keep them instead. You chose them and still choose them to this day over me.

Di ko talaga alam bakit? Kasi

You blame me?

Blame me for fucking what?! Tangina. Lagi mo reason “o, ngayon alam mo na feeling ng di pinapakinggan?” Putang ina naman you pnly felt that for 2-3 days na nag matigas ako to not block an ex. Compare mo sa 2-3 months na nagmamatigas ka hindi ako pagbigyan. Fuck. That. Hurts.

And yung blame na yan, kung hindi mo yan maalis sa isip mo, even if i said sorry, even if pinagsisihan ko na, even if i did everything to change that, wala pa rin, then i think that’s also a reason na istop nalang din ito. Kasi yun yung gusto mo na justification sa actions mo, that one single thing na hindi ko naman pinalala, pero yun pa rin yung ginagamimt mo na dahilan to justify your actions, then i really think it’s time to stop na rin. Oo na, kasalanan ko nalang.

Love the very same reason bakit ayaw mo nagafollow sakin sila, o finafollow ko sila, THATS THE VERY SAME REASON BAKIT AKO NAGA PA BLOCK DIN SAYO. Kung ano yung pakiramdam mo ganun din yung akin. Pero bakit never mo kaya gawin for me yun? Yun yung hndi ko magets. Kung snasabi mo “wala dn man ako gnagawa” WELL GUESS WHAT? WALA DN AKO GINAGAWA, yet i blocked them para wala ka na maisip, THATS ME GIVING YOU YOUR PEACE OF MIND . Para matahimik isip mo and ma feel confident ka about me. E ikw nga MAY GINAGAWA NA.

Di ko talaga alam. Sabi nila it comes with age. Meron mga lalake na maaga nasstop yang stage na ganyan, meron din never na talaga. I dont care if you admire those tiktok type girls, lahat ng mga “wow” for guys. Pero pede nyo naman iappreciate yun without engaging anything with them. Pde mo naman daanan lng without clicking the heart button, or without reacting.

Pero un sa ex mo, tapos hindi pa malabong magkita kayo. Naku, no no na yun. Hindi ako magiging katulad ng asawa natin na nalulusutan natin.

But anyway,

that’s it. Surrender na ako. Masyado na talagang mababa yung tingin ko na worth ko sayo. Masyado na din mababa tingin ko sa sarili ko na naga makaawa ako sa SIMPLENG bagay na hindi mabigay sakin ng tao na nagasabi na mahal ako.

have your freedom, hindi naman kita prisoner. Baka isipin mo sobra pa ako sa asawa mo. Si R nga d naga ganto ganyan, si mara oa, HINDI NAMAN ASAWA. Well maybe because maybe i know you more? I know what youre capable of. You cheat pn ur wife with me, and she doesnt know that. So alam ko na, sya asawa mo kaya mo lokohin, ako pa kaya na kabit mo LANG. If youre gonna b with me, just stay loyal, and be honest. That's all i ask.

Yun lang.

I give up.

💔

Dont worry it’s not you who’s giving up. It’s me. I’ve given up. I’ve given up on hope and love na pjnipilit ko na meron tayo.

Kasi ang dami pa natin pagdadaanan, pero kung ganitong bagay lang hindi mo kaya macompromise for me, then might as well stop this. Pano nlng sa next challenges ? Iwan nlng ako sa ere kasi wala akong support system. So ayoko na dumating sa point na kawawa na ako masyado love. hehe

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Sometimes it takes an experience na masasaktan ka, or may mawawala sayo, for you to realize the value of something. “You never know what you got til it’s gone” kasi you take it for granted.

If youre gonna be with me, be with me all in. Make me feel secured. Give me that trust, kasi yun yung building block ng lahat ng relationships. I told you my deal. D na ako babalik sayo unless you remove that person in your life (na obvious na d mo magawa) Actually, simula ngyon ayaw ko na rin mag-asa. Kasi the more na tumatagal, mas sobrang sakit on my part. Kasi “bakit hindi maaksyonan agad?” Bakit kelangan pa patagalin.

The more you take time, the more it hurts. The more theyre in your life, tapos ako wala? The more it hurts. The more you keep them, the more you dont value my worth.

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I dont want to leave by giving each other wounds. Ayoko na dn matapos ito na puro away nalang. Thats why im giving up. Para wala na ako gnaisip na akin ka, na love mo ako kc i end up getting hurt.

PS: If youre gonna change, dont change for me. Change for yourself. I do believe people change. Yun yung kelangan ko linawin. If you are changing for me, then chances are baka bumalik ka lang sa dati mong ugali, or dati mong ginagawa, because ayaw mong magbago for yourself. If youre gonna change, that has to be for u. Kelangan nasayo yung “narealize ko how much i value my relationship, ayaw ko masira ulit to. Im not gonna give anyone a chance to ruin my relationship.” Because you know the value of this once in a lifetime love story. But if youre changing because naku, “baka magalit si Mara.” Then iba din yun. iba yung reason why youre changing. You might just go back to the way you were. I do believe that ppl can change. Yun lang minsan ang sad dun, it takes a painful experience, para matuto tayo ng leksyon.

Also, i just wanna ask you to not feel AWA towards me. Kasi hindi tama na anjan ka nlang kasi makaawa na ako. Leave that “awa” to me. Kasi ako honestly? Awang awa na ako sa sarili ko for stooping so low sa mga ginagawa ko. Awang awa na ako na i go through hell just to save and value this relationship.

Awang awa na ako na ang dami kong niririsk and pinagdadaanan only to come “home” to a relationship that cant show me my worth.

Parang hindi na tama yung pinagdadaanan ko , tapos ako yung simpleng bagay na hinihingi ko, d mabigay sakin. Unfair na yun. D na ko willing mapagod for nothing.

Pack up na ako, love. Youre only showing me na you dont wanna make it work anymore, and ako nlang yung lumalaban. And I dont think thats fair. but thats ok.

Im sorry, im gone from now on. I give up.

As for your obligations and responsibilities, this current problem/issue im dealing with — my pregnancy. Dont worry anymore na. Ayoko rin n nagastay ka lang kasi naawa ka sakin, or kasi you feel bad na naka take part ka sa pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Wag ganun.

Wag mo nalang din ifeel na obligtion mo to. It’s not. Thankful ako anjan ka when i found out and helped me how to deal with it. So wala kna to feel guilty about. Know that im thankful. Sabi mo nga love diba 🥲 Strong girl ako, matapang ako.🥲 I just no longer want you involved in this. I’ll be on my own from now on.

Im not asking u to call na pala, kasi baka isipin mo ang toxic ko na kausap na umiiyak. Hehe

Goodbye. Sorry this has to come to this. Thank you sa lahat. Mahal na mahal kita, always. 😢

Mar 01, 2021/ 05:37am

#LA88 #fuzzylumpkins

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loveafterthefact · 4 years

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Love After the Fact Chapter 30: Keep Us Warm

Sometime, the most precious thing, is time to be yourself.

Also, how does one discuss future children with their child spouse? Asking for a friend...

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Keith stirs, uncomfortable. He’s freezing. The frigid air bites at his cheeks and the thin cartilage of his ears. The tip of his nose stings, and his fur is cold when he tries to rub warmth back into his face.

What the utter fuck? It definitely wasn't this cold when they went to sleep last night. His eyes flutter open to spot Lance sleeping a few dashes away.

Keith pulls the insufficient comforter over his ears, trying in vain to warm himself.

“Lance… Lance…” He reaches over, pokes his spouse.

“Mnh.” The Altean stirs, more protesting than anything else.

“Lance, why’s it so cold in here?!”

Lance blinks awake. It is indeed freezing. He can see his own breath when he exhales. “Keith? Beloved? Did you leave the garden doors open last night?”

Keith peeks out from the blankets to check. “Fuck.”

“They’re wide open, aren’t they?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re the worst. Okay, stay here.” Lance throws back the blankets, rolls his eyes at Keith's subsequent outcry. “Baby.”

“You’re the baby!” Keith curls into a ball, freezing.

“What was that? Leave for breakfast and let you deal with our freezing cold bedroom?”

“You’re the best?”

“Damn quiznaking right.” Lance closes the garden doors, latches them shut. “I’ll even get a fire going.”

Keith listens as the crackle builds. After a moment, Lance crawls back into the bed, right up against him, curled around his smaller frame. “Don’t even complain. You leave the doors open, you deal with clingy Lance and his cold, cold toes.”

Keith snuggles down into the blankets, not minding a bit as their shared heat begins to build between them. “Please don’t let me do that again,” he mumbles. “I honestly hate the cold.”

“Hm. I love it. I like to be warm in it, but I do love it.”

“Disgusting.”

Lance giggles, settles in, face pressed right up against Keith's neck. He has to nose away locks of hair and the line of thick fur running down Galra prince's neck and back so he can breath, but it's a small matter.

The truth is, Lance has missed this proximity. Going from promiscuous and never without company to married to Keith has been a transition. Never mind the beating his libido has taken; that doesn't really matter in the long run. But he misses being close to people. He misses feeling the warmth of another body. And Keith is very warm. His heat sinks into Lance's bones with every breath.

Unbeknownst to him, Keith doesn't mind the proximity either. It reminds him of his den back home, curled up with his littermate or with his mother. It feels like family, like kinship, like Lance has filled a bit of that gap in his chest.

When the room is warm again, Lance reluctantly shakes Keith out of his doze. “It frosted in the night. Do you want to see?”

Keith sighs, reluctant to move, reluctant to leave.

“Might as well.”

Keith’s hatred for the cold is quickly forgotten.

Frost actually is beautiful. Everything -the ground, the singing tree, the bumblemoths clinging to the branches- is covered in frost, the water leached out, crystallizing into a fine layer of white.

Keith’s ears twitch, tail swinging back and forth, eyes alight with curiosity as he crouches at the edge of the frosted earth. He reaches out to tough the frost, but it disintegrates beneath his warm hand, the delicate formations fading before they can even meet his skin. Keith giggles, delighted, and tries it again.

Lance leans against the doors, smiling as he watches his spouse enjoy something new. He wishes there were more moments like this, where Keith can be a kit, be himself. He looks lovely, even if-

“Your hair looks like a nest.”

“Oh, fuck off. Silly prince.”

Lance just snickers, tugs on a tangled lock of dark hair. Keith tries to smack his hands away, but Lance simply catches one, presses a kiss to the back of it. “I’m glad you like the frost, beloved.”

“Hm.” Keith smiles, eyes averted. Then they light up again. “I wonder what the grotto looks like right now!”

“Wanna go see? Vetroneius is probably done with our cloaks by now and first frost is an unspoken holiday. Nobody will be working, so we have an excuse.”

“Okay!” Keith bounces up, practically dancing inside to find some clothes.

Lance grins, turning to watch him go. He lifts his eyes to the Ancients. Just for today, he prays. Just for today, let him be himself.

Keith does his best not to skip, wrapped up in thick clothes and a new cloak, the layers of fine leather and cloth trapping heat close to his skin. The frost crunches beneath his boots, clings to his clothes where they brush against the ground, against the trunks of the trees.

It's so still. He can hear Lance's heartbeat, hear his quiet laughter as Keith admires the ice crystals dangling from the tree branches.

The grotto is covered in a layer of white frost, the small creatures frozen in the ice. The pool is completely iced over, frozen over the past movement, solidified during the night. Keith’s first instinct, naturally, is to stand on the ice, which Lance indulges even though he knows it will only end with Keith slipping and falling.

Which he does. Almost immediately. Lance grins, leans over his fallen spouse. “Having fun?”

Keith laughs, laying back on the ice, braided hair trailing over the ice. “Yes, actually. I’ve seen frost before, when it gets cold at night. It’s normal. But this.” Keith raises his arms, hands gesturing to the crystalline structures glittering on the ceiling. “It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen.”

Lance settles next to his spouse, lowering himself carefully onto the ice, his cloak offering a protective layer. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Altea is beautiful… Daibazaal is beautiful, too, you know. It’s violent and inhospitable and the kriinli’i turn their prey inside out and hang them from trees, but it’s… natural. Everything here feels cultivated and artificial. On Daibazaal, everything feels wild. It grows how it wants.

“This frost reminds me of that. It does what it wants, and nothing stands in its way. It’s so delicate, but so stubborn. Like home.”

Lance smiles. “I can’t wait to see it. I’ve wanted to for a long time now. Maybe we’ll go there for your season. Adam says you’ll need rest after, so we could stay for a few movements. Maybe a phoeb.”

“Really?” Keith turns his head to look at him. Lance has spoken of this before, but Keith hadn't put stock in it at the time. “You- You’d actually do that? You’d let me go home?”

“I’m not letting you go home. I want you to go home. I want you to be happy and hold onto the people you had the leave behind. I imagine you feel like a prisoner here.”

“Not- Not all the time! Not when it’s just us,” Keith mumbles. “Or our friends,” he adds hastily. He doesn’t want to make this harder.

Lance hums, staring at the ice curled over the ceiling of the grotto. He’s not sure how to respond to that. There’s a few minutes of silence, then Keith speaks again.

“I-” Keith’s throat tightens momentarily. He finds Lance’s hand, grips it tight. “I’d really, really like to go home. Just for a little while.”

“You will.” Lance squeezes back, shifts to press that hand to his lips. He can hear the heartache in Keith’s voice. “I promise, beloved. Just hang on for me, alright? A few more phoebs; that's it. We need to get through the winter, and then we’ll go.”

“Okay. I'm here. Whatever you need.” Keith means that. He means it with ever beat of his hearts.

On the walk back through the frozen forest, Lance keeps an arm around Keith’s shoulders. It does absolutely nothing to help against the cold, but Keith leans into it anyway, grateful. He just has to make it through winter. Then his final growth will start and he’ll be able to go home for a while. All he has to do is make it through the winter.

"Allura will be so excited to see you," he whispers.

"I know. I can't wait." Lance grins. "And I'll get to meet your mom. That'll be so cool. I bet she'll hate me."

"Oh, she will," Keith mumbles, smiling sheepishly. He can't help but think of his mother threatening to slaughter the overbred little whore. "But I think you'll grow on her. Y'know, like a wart or maybe a cancer."

"Wow, thanks so much, beloved. You're rotten to the core, you know that?"

"Nah, I'm just honest. She really will grow to like you, though. She likes good people."

"Aw, thanks beloved." Lance gives his spouse a squeeze. "If she's anything like you, I bet I'll like her, too."

"She's better than me," Keith whispers, allowing Lance to help his through the gap in the wall. "She's braver, and fierce, and she's so loyal."

"Loyal to what?"

"Freedom. That's what she wants. She wants more freedom for my people. They're expected to birth at least five kits in one centaphoeb, required to serve two centaphoebs in the military-"

"Wait. Five kits? In one centaphoeb? That's insane!"

"Expected. They're encouraged to try for eight. It is a lot, especially since the physical output for a season is already immense. But you need people to expand an empire, and kits don't birth themselves."

"Hm." Lance knows they need to discuss these things, and soon. But this day is for Keith. He wants it to be stress- and worry-free. Just one day.

The Galra prince hurries ahead, clearly eager to get warm again. He turns to Lance with a grin. "Are you coming or what, Altean?"

Lance chuckles, hastens his steps. Just one day. Thank the Ancients for just one day.

#LoveAftertheFact #LAtF #klance #galtean au #altean lance #galra keith #adashi #altean adam #galra shiro #voltron legendary defender #vld

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princymami-89 · 3 years

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If we’re dating, you can have your freedom… You’re not my prisoner. Just stay loyal and be honest. That’s all I ask.

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shortyshypanda · 4 years

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If we’re dating, you can have your freedom. You’re not my prisoner. Just stay loyal and be honest. That’s all I ask.

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spasserine · 5 years

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So it’s literally been ten years since Avatar ended and I had recently decided to re-watch it and I couldn’t help but feel extremely uncomfortable (and dissatisfied) after watching the epilogue(s) that followed after the battles in Sozin’s comet. Here’s why:

- The gravity of Zuko’s sacrifice was never really talked about after that whole ordeal. IT WAS A BIG DEAL AND THEN IT WASN’T. HE ALMOST DIED AND IT WAS BECAUSE HE IMPULSIVELY JUMPED IN FRONT OF LIGHTING THAT WAS MEANT TO KILL HIS FRIEND. It was probably the most romanticized scene in the entire series and there is that obvious reason why. Look, I may be a Zutara stan but to be honest, them becoming canon by the end of the show may have not bode well with a lot of people for many reasons. One of them is that though they had the chemistry, trust and all the ingredients for a great romantic relationship, it’s simply too premature and they may need more quality time. So if Zutara became canon (even though I REALLY wanted it to be), it would probably be a bit awkward and its integration would just be a recipe for more dramaaaaa (see: Aang’s feelings for Katara). However, perhaps if they had addressed the events that happened during the final agni kai (maybe Zuko and Katara talked about it or we have another scene of a healing session), maybe just maybe they could have opened the doors for a possible romantic relationship in the future. But insteaaad we got the Maiko Reunion.

- The Maiko reunion is just pretty darn sad to look at because Zuko LITERALLY forgot that Mai was even in prison liiiiike. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND SACRIFICED HER FREEDOM AND BETRAYED THE ONE PERSON SHE WAS LOYAL TO SO YOU CAN ESCAPE FROM PRISON AND YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT IT???? Shouldn’t that be the first thing you thought about when the war ended? He was so damn surprised to see her like omg you’re here, etc. Did Zuko even love her??? Look I love Mai as a character personally. I think she is very intriguing individually, but I think them ending their relationship was necessary (sorry just an opinion). It was a very unhealthy relationship because neither Zuko or Mai brought out the best of the other and they are waaay too different. Him wanting her to be more expressive and openly tries to please her, and her wanting the complete opposite from him. I don’t know why they decided to rekindle all that where they could have just decided to stay friends and that would have been okay still.

- The ENDING ending. I was well aware while watching the show as a kid that Katara and Aang would be ending up together (I was pretty late. the show already ended when I started watching the reruns), but now that I am older it just DOESN’T MAKE SENSE TO ME. It is so very clearly one sided and what I hate the most about the ending is because there is ONE GIANT LOOPHOLE THAT THEY DECIDED TO FIX OFF-SCREEN. What came after that scene in Ember Island Players with Katara admitting that she was confused and even got angry when Aang forcefully kissed her? Nothing! That was a hella awkward scene to watch btw. And then they just pretend that all is well when the war ended and we never get to see them have CLOSURE and then they just magically get together in the end??? Like??? Okayyy so that’s fixed. I mean it was hella one-sided all throughout the series and she was also mothering him at least 90% of the time. I love Aang - he is such a sweetheart and my precious boi but I still cannot understand how an extremely mature teenager like Katara became magically attracted to a very childish Aang. What’s even worse is that Katara kinda becomes some sort of ‘trophy’ in the end. Like some prize to be won. And it’s completely out of her character to stand by with this because she has such a strong character that was like ‘FYT ME’ to anyone who questioned her. She was practically ruined in the comics and LoK (both of which I chose to disregard for the way they had butchered my favorite characters. ESPECIALLY LoK.) I do believe it would have worked out for them when they become older, but to me, that kiss at the end was just very unnecessary. You take it out of the equation and it would have still worked. There are still a lot of unanswered questions and perhaps if we had a Book 4 it would have been answered.

Yes yes, 10+ years later and I am still ranting about the ending of A:TLA (I bet I’m not the only one). MAYBE IF WE HAD BOOK FOUR I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SHUT UP. Alas, that’s obviously never gonna happen.

#rant #avatar #avatar: the legend of aang #avatar: the last airbender #personal #avatar rant #sozin's comet ending #don't mind me #i have feelings #by jove i love this show #and it still hurts #zutara should have happened #i'm done #zutara

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redhoodsjacket · 5 years

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Cold - Jaime Lannister

Hello! So this is my part for @justauthoring ‘s 14k challenge! Also a bit of my pilot as to know if I start a GoT sideblog, if enough people like this one.

Pairing: Jaime Lannister x Reader

Prompt: “Look, if this is gonna happen, then you need to do it. I can’t risk getting stabbed again. I just can’t” (prompt 21 if I remember correctly)

Word count: 2409

Warnings: This has no happy ending I’m sorry but I could do a part 2 on demand I guess

"Get off of me you prick-- oof" Your teeth were clenched as you fought against the two men dragging you across the court. They had stopped trying to be gentle a while ago, but it didn't dim the fire enraging you. They finally stopped in the middle of the place, holding you in front of the Black Fish. He looked at you with half contempt, half admiration before his eyes trailed onto the barred door. You couldn't help but follow his stare, your heart skipping a beat knowing who was on the other side of it. "Just say the words girl" The Tully man spoke, barely sparing her a glance. "And you're free to go"

"You won't make me change my mind" She sneered. "I won't give in"

"Want some advice. Don't sacrifice yourself for them" He grunted. "He's not worth it" "I'm loyal to house Lannister" She spat at his feet. "As you wish" He sighed and walked away. You were held there for a few minutes, until the door opened to let Edmur Tully in. He didn't even spare you a glance and went straight up the watch tower. Moments later, the door opened again. You began trashing against your hold again as you watched the Lannister army walk in with Jaime at their head. "Jaime!" You yelled, getting his attention. "Let her go" He commanded to the man, and seeing as the Tully forces had surrendered, he did as told. You let out a breath of relief as you went to him, and halted your steps at a modest enough distance from him. You hadn't seen him in years, but he had gotten even more handsome, if he even could. "Are you alright?" He asked in a breath after a quick visual analysis for apparent injuries. "Quite, thank you" You replied, catching his glance as it set back on your face. "... And your husband?" He hesitated, but managed to hide most of the disgust in his voice. He never liked that your father married you off to a Frey. "Killed in combat" You replied without much emotion, but a bit of sadness for your next words. "So was the boy" "I'm sorry" His voice was low. He did his best not to sound even remotely joyful of the news. Of course he would have never wished for you to lose your infant child, but he knew this arrangement had never made you happy anyway. Neither him, if he was being honest. "It's fine-- Watch out!" You woke up with a gasp, clutching your left side where you remembered vividly the steel piercing through. You had reacted quicker than Jaime had and put yourself in between him and the Black Fish's sword. You had been reliving this memory in your dream more often lately, and you really wished it would go away. It bitterly reminded you of the worst mistake you had ever made. Days after the stabbing, when you had woken up again, Jaime had been at your side. You had been granted a chamber in the Twins, one where the rising sun spilled warmth into the room. He had been there, sitting on the side of your bed to make sure you woke up again. You had left the Twins not long after, and he had closely looked after you for the time of your travel back to the Capital. Every time your carriage would stop he'd check on you, he'd make sure your wound was cleaned and bandaged again every few hours. You had caught up on the lost time, and you had really thought the spark that had been there years ago when you first met was back and stronger than ever. But then, when you had reached King's Landing, everything changed. He had only checked on you once, a few days after your arrival, and avoided you when you began to walk around again. When crossing paths with your became inevitable, he would only advert his eyes and nod in half acknowledgement, and it broke your heart. The final blow, you thought, was the day you had been summoned into the throne room by the Queen. There were only five other people around her, and you had felt small under their stare. "Lady (Y/N), my dear" Cersei had greeted with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "You look better than the last time I saw you" "I feel better, Your Grace. Thank you" You had politely lowered your head. "Good" She had simply replied. "I have an important matter to discuss with you today" You had only nodded, suddenly feeling uneasy. You hadn't known if it was her smug expression or the stares from the two men you recognized as the Tarlys, but you had had a bad feeling about the outcome of this. "As you know you are one of the last Tyrell alive, and the only one who respected her pledge to the throne through thick and thin" She had began. "The future of house Tyrell now weights on you, whether or not you were prepared for it" "Of course, Your Grace" You had agreed with it. Your cousins might have broken faith with the Lannisters, but you hadn't. "And from what I've been told, you are no longer married to Danwell Frey. Such tragic fate for your son" She had trailed off. "But a Lady with your name deserve better than the Frey, won't you agree?" You hadn't replied, only gulped and glanced quickly at Jaime, who had been staring emptily directly in front of him. "Once the war is over, you will marry Dickon Tarly to unite house Tyrell and Tarly again" Her words had been like a second blade in the wound. You didn't want to marry ever again, not when you had just been reunited with Jaime. Your first marriage had left a bitter taste in your mouth and you wanted no part in another one again. You had tried to catch Jaime's glance as a plea for help, but to no avail. You had swallowed hard and forced yourself to meet the Queen's eyes again. You had taken a deep breath and curtsied, pushing back your true feelings deep inside. "I will fulfill my duty, your Grace. Thank you" You looked outside at the sun rays peeking at the horizon and sighed, knowing it was useless to try and sleep again. You stretched and got out of bed, starting your routine earlier than usual. As you were slowly getting dressed, you realized how much of an idiot you were to stay loyal to the Lannisters. You should have taken the Black Fish's advice when you still could and go wherever you wanted. You weren't exactly a prisoner of the Queen, as you had a proper chamber and could go out in the gardens at any time, but you weren't free to leave either. Now that your new promised had been executed by the Targaryen girl, you weren't worth as much in her eyes. There were no one left important she could marry you off to; you were only a pawn she no longer needed. You quickly braided your hair, then grabbed your bow and quiver from under your bed. You had always loved archery, but your marriage to the Danwell Frey had you putting it aside. However, now that all you ever had was free time, you liked to sneak off somewhere private and practice. You stayed all morning by the sea, just shooting all of the arrows in your quiver and picking them back up to do it all again. It relaxed you as much as it gave you a foreign sense of freedom you knew you would never really taste. When you got back to your chambers, the door had been left ajar. You tensed up and carefully pushed it open, your fingers twitching on your bow. Though, your shoulders sagged when you recognized the golden hair of the intruder, who had his back to you. "What are you doing here?" You said sternly as he spun around, eyes wide. "(Y/N), thank the gods" He took several steps in your direction. You noticed me wasn't wearing his usual armor, but rather was clad in a leather jacket and a cloak and opting for low profile colors instead of the flashy red and gold. "We need to go now" "What's going on?" You took a step back as he took one forward to bring you with him, and hurt flashed in his eyes. "I don't have the time to explain now" He started pacing around. "We need to--" "I'm not going anywhere with you until you tell me what is happening" Your tone took a sharp edge. "Please" He begged. "Just trust me" "Ha, that's rich" You snapped. "Why should I trust you after you've betrayed me that way?" Jaime flinched. "It wasn't like that" "It wasn't like that?" You repeated, your eyes widening in anger and disbelief. "You knew how I felt about marriage, and most importantly, you knew how I felt about you. How we felt about each other. Was I just a toy for you?" "No!" He exclaimed, almost frustrated. "I felt for you the same way, you know it. I never wanted that for you" "Yet You just stood by and watched. All you had to do was speak up" You replied in a half whisper, before your voice took a more cynical edge. "But no, you wouldn't have done that now, would you? Because the she would have known, and you couldn't have that" He didn't deny your accusations, which made you chuckle dryly. Of course, you wouldn't be enough for him to go against his sister, his lover. "I believed in you, Jaime" You said as you put your bow down and started to undo your quiver belt. "I believed in us. And look where it got me" "Alright, I'm an idiot and I'll never be worthy of you. There, I said it" He hurried his words. "But please, believe me when I say that we both need to get out of here while we still can. She almost had me killed, (Y/N)" That made you pause for a moment. You looked into his eyes and saw nothing but urgency and desperation. You knew Jaime, and despite the fact that you weren't ready to even remotely forgive him, you did believe him. You sighed and gave him a nod, and his shoulder untensed slightly. "Bring your bow and a cloak, we'll get the horses" /-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/ You brought your horses to a halt when you were far enough from the capital to put on your gloves, as the temperature had suddenly dropped several degrees. You watched a single snowflake fall on the black leather covering Jaime's golden hand, and suppressed a shiver of fear and uncertainty concerning what would happen next. You had been informed of Cersei's planned betrayal, but you still hesitated to ride up North like that, as you were still very much flagged an enemy. Just like he had read your mind, Jaime then spoke up. "We can't just ride to Winterfell alone" He said, gaining your attention. "We can't" You agreed. "They'll hang us" He took a moment to think, then looked to his left. "The Lannisters army's camp is down this road" He stated. "I'll try to rally as much men as I can to ride up with us" "That would be smart" You nodded. "I might need your help as well" He then added. "Can you try and convince the old Tyrell allies to ride North? I'm sure they'll follow you" You went rigid in your saddle. By sticking by the Lannisters, you had betrayed your family's decision to side with the Targaryen queen. You had been seen as a traitor then, and you doubted your reputation got better when the traditional Tyrell allies had been forced to switch alliances after the taking of High Gardens. Telling them now to change allegiance once again and pledge yet another oath to the Tyrells would get you killed for sure. "Look, if this is gonna happen, then you need to do it" You sighed, fidgeting with your reins. "I can't risk getting stabbed again. I just can't. Not for you" His expression went from disappointed to pained by your last words. It was like he only then realized he had let you down in the worse way after you had literally taken a knife for him. Like he finally understood how much he had hurt you. On one hand you felt satisfaction to see him get even a small portion of the pain you had felt. But on the other hand, the part of you that still loved him ached from the mutual suffering that was happening right now. In any cases, he had deserved your words and their harshness. It didn't mean, however, that you enjoyed it. You had never been a cruel person, and you wanted to think you'd never be one. "Fair enough" He muttered dejection in his voice. He began to turn his horse toward the camp, but he paused mid way. "For all it's worth, I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry about everything I did to you, and everything I didn't because I was a coward. I can only hope one day you will find it in you to forgive a complete fool, but I won't hold it against you if you can't" Tears welled in your eyes at his apology. He seemed so broken at the moment; it almost made you forgive him on the spot. But you remained strong and held eye contact, chin high and shoulders squared. "I guess I just wanted you to know I do love you, and that I have no excuse for not realizing it sooner" He added, making you choke on air. You once again almost lost your composure, but held it together by some miracle. "I'm sorry, (Y/N)" "You should go gather the men now" You spoke up, trying to cover up the shakiness of your voice. "I'll wait here" It wasn't the answer he expected, but he nodded nonetheless, head low in defeat. He galloped in direction of the camp, and only when you were sure he was far enough, let the tears fall down your cheeks. You had been waiting years for that confession, so why did it feel like you had been stabbed all over again?

#justauthorings14kspecial #jaime lannister #jaime lannister x reader #jaime lannister imagine #game of thrones #game of thrones imagine #GoT #GoT imagine

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romantictemptations · 5 years

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If we’re dating, you can have your freedom. You’re not my prisoner. Just stay loyal and be honest. That’s all I ask.

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outlawnurse · 6 years

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He Insists - Chapter IV

A RDR2 Modern AU Written by: @ninja-nurse, Inspired by: @heart-of-gold-outlaw and with Special Thanks to: @ceruleanchillin @teumessianfox and @letsloveimagines

Warning: Language, Spoilers

Dutch sat in the tent with Hosea and Arthur. "Those Pinkertons were looking for me. They had my wanted poster. How did they know where to find me, Dutch?" Arthur asked, angrily. "I don't know." He sighed. "Cait said they were going to offer me a deal." The two men looked at him. "Freedom for us," he hesitated, "if I gave him you." Dutch rubbed his forehead, "Would you have taken it?" "Of course not, Dutch." His brow furrowed. Dutch sighed. Hosea shook his head, "What are we going to do, Dutch? They're obviously on to us, and this little visit was a little too close for comfort." "We just need to lay low. We can't have anymore attention brought down on us."

"I think there's a rat." Arthur blurt out. "Arthur." Hosea said with caution in his voice. "How else would they have known about the Blackwater job? How would they have known where to find us all the way out here, huh?" "....and who do you think it is?" Dutch asking, knowing the answer. "Micah has been nothing but...." "Son," Dutch started. "No." Arthur snapped, "Don't 'son' me. There is something about that man that is rotten, and if you don't trust me, trust Cait." He looked at the man. "She's terrified of him. She doesn't trust him. She jumps out of her skin if he so much as looks in her general direction." Arthur kept his voice low, "The girl knows every goddamn thing that happens to us. What does she know about him?" Dutch sighed, rubbing his forehead, "I don't know, Arthur, but..." "Can you just.... Can you at least keep a closer eye on him?" Arthur asked, sounding exasperated. Dutch nodded, sighing.

Arthur kept his eye on the woman, worried about her after the ordeal. "What are you doing?" Abigail asked, walking over to the girls, who were working behind Pearson's wagon, "Where's Mr. Pearson?" "We're making dinner tonight." Sophia looked up, "We're going to celebrate my sister's stupidity." "Stop." Cait shook her head. Sophia laughed, "You got arrested for pulling a gun on a federal agent... in eighteen ninty nine... Why don't you just try robbing a bank while you're at it?" Caitlin looked at her for a minute, before bursting into laughter, "Maybe tomorrow me and you can go hit a stage coach!" Abigail shook her head at the two, laughing, glad to see the two getting along again. Arthur smiled to himself, seeing the girl enjoying herself. His smile faded, as he saw Micah lean on the table, as Sophia stepped away.

"How're you doing, jailbird?" Caitlin's eyes shifted up, meeting with Arthur's first, then looked to Micah, "What do you want, Mr. Bell?" "I want to know why you hate me so much." She didn't answer. "Your lovely sister doesn't hate me." "My sister doesn't know you like I do, Mr. Bell, and I'll thank you to stay away from her." "There has to be a reason." "There is." "...and what would it be?" She looked at him, holding the butcher's knife in her hand, tightly, "I can't tell you why, but I can tell you this... Be fucking nicer. Help out a little around here. Would it kill you to maybe go hunting once and a while? Do a couple of chores? The horses could use a good grooming and feeding." "That's Kieran's job." "It's everyone's job." "I don't need to worry myself with chores, Miss Marston, I am a stone cold killer." "You, Mr. Bell," she leaned into him, "are not intimidating." He looked at her, standing tall, "I've been nothing but nice to you and Sophia." "You tried to choke me to death when I first got here." "...but I didn't." "Because Arthur threatened to shoot you!" She gasped. "Why are you so protective of him?" "Because he deserves to be protected." She grumbled, returning to her food preparations. "...and I don't." "No, Mr. Bell." She slammed the knife down on to the table, "You do not. You don't deserve to be protected. You don't deserve to be liked. You don't even deserve to be breathing the same air as the rest of this camp. I know who you are. I know what you've done, and I know what you're going to do. You are not a good man, Mr. Bell." "Because your little lover boy, Arthur Morgan is?" He scoffed, angrily, "He's robbed just as many banks and trains and stages as I have. He's killed just as many men as I have. He's got a mean streak in him that sends shivers down my spine. You're precious cowboy isn't the saint you paint him to be." "I know who he is." "Well, what's he got that I don't?" "Besides my attention?" She hissed, pointing the knife at him, "He's not a fucking rat. I know what you did, Micah." He stared at her, not knowing what to say. "There is still time for redemption though." She glared at him. He swallowed hard, clenching his teeth. "Stop feeding them information." "How did you..." "How did I know?" She scoffed, "I'm from the goddamn future, Micah. I know everything." "How?" "Oh, my God. I can't with you anymore. Just stop being a fucking asshole all the time." She yelled at him. He balled his hands in fists, walking away. Caitlin slammed the knife down on the piece of meat on the table in front of her, "God, I fucking hate him." Arthur smirked, proud of the girl, who seemed to be toughening up in her time with the group.

"What was that all about?" Sophia returned. Caitlin rolled her eyes, "Nothing." "You know... He's not so bad once you get to know him?" "I'm sure Hitler had a good side too, but that doesn't mean I want to spend time with him." "You're being dramatic." Caitlin stepped closer to her sister, whispering, "He killed Arthur." Sophia just looked at her. "Yeah." Caitlin turned back to the food in front of her, "You know, the deliciously angry looking cowboy standing against the tree that has the most gentle kisses. The man who is the reason that we had a family to come from. Him. Micah is going to kill him." "What does that even mean?" "Arthur sacrificed everything to save John. He is the reason John, Abigail, and Jack got away from Dutch when he lost his shit. He is the reason they were able to have a life and a family." "I thought John was killed by Pinkertons." "He was, but... not until years from now, and Jack survived. Jack did his thing and he started his family, and here we the fuck are, so maybe stop hating him for two minutes just because I fell for him, and thank him, but don't actually, because we shouldn't really tell him what the future is. If you want to hate someone, hate Micah Bell. He deserves to be hated." "Honestly, he's not really that bad." Caitlin just looked at her. "Wait, did you just say you kissed Arthur?" "No." She turned back to preparing dinner. "Goddamn it, Caitlin." Sophia rolled her eyes.

"Goddamn it, John Marston!" Abigail yelled. The girls looked up, as the man stormed off, they looked at each other, then back at the man.

"You're just like him, do you know that?" Caitlin shrugged, "The apple doesn't fall that far, I suppose." "What's with you?" Sophia glanced at her, before returning to making food, "You're... different." "Prison changes a person." She said, dramatically. She laughed, "Oh, my God, you're so fucking weird."

***

"I need to get out of here for a while." John looked at Arthur. "Do you want to go swimming?" Arthur chuckled, "Oh, wait..." "You're not funny." "I am." Arthur nodded, "Come on. We can go fishing. Do you want to bring Jack?" "No." "John." "Arthur, please. Can't you just be a friend for once?" Arthur looked hurt. "I'm sorry. I just..." "It's fine." He pat the man on the back, "Come on."

***

They stood on the river back, "I just don't get Abigail. Things have been really good between us, you know? I mean, sure... It was a shock when those girls got here, but... It's been good. She's always got to find something to nit pick about." Arthur snickered, "Women." "Speaking of." John looked at the man. "What?" "You've been getting a little cozy with my little Caitlin." "You're little Caitlin," Arthur laughed, "has eleven years on you, Marston." "She's like two hundred years younger than you!" "Two hundred..." He shook his head, "John, relax." "I just want to know your intentions with her." "My intentions?" "Do you love her?" "John," Arthur shook his head, "stop. She saved my life. She's a good girl. I'll admit, I'm keen on her, but a girl like her would never be with a man like me. I'm not good enough for her." "No one is good enough for those girls." John admitted, "I overheard Mary-Beth and Karen talking about the two of you. They said they saw you kiss her." "I kissed her.” He was honest, “I didn't... it’s not like I..." He cleared his throat, "You know what? I'm not talking about this with you." "She's my blood, Arthur. I have a responsibility to her... to keep her safe." "To keep her safe from me?" John looked at him, "That's not what I meant." "None of this matters anyhow. We don't know how long she's going to be here. It'll only hurt both of us if we..." Arthur squirmed, "I don't like talking about this with you." "Yeah." John sighed, "This was a bad idea. I'm sorry." "Sure." Arthur nodded, "That was a nice salmon you caught earlier. Shame she got away." "Yeah." John replied, "I want to bring something to Pearson so he gets off my back." Arthur let out a small chuckle. The two men spent the rest of their fishing trip in silence.

*Horseshoe Overlook, New Hanover*

Caitlin looked up, hearing the two argue. "He's an adult, Susan." Dutch said, "He can make his own choices." "We all know what he's going to do." "You need to let him decide for himself." Dutch said, suddenly getting quiet. He smirked, "Besides, I think with your new... guest... I think he may surprise you." She shook her head, lifting the envelope for Dutch to see, "I hate this girl. I've always hated her. She breaks his heart over and over again and he keeps going back to for more." "The boy is loyal to a fault."

"Ain't that the truth." Caitlin grumbled to herself, suspecting she knew what they were talking about.

"I'm not giving it to him." She shook her head. "You have to." "I don't have to do anything." The woman turned, calling out, "Cait!" She looked at her, "Yes, Miss Grimshaw?" "Susan, leave the girl out of it. She's got enough going on as it is." Dutch sighed. She handed her the envelope. Caitlin tilt her head, "...but it's for Arthur." "Do what you will with it." She said, "Give it to him. Don't give it to him. I don't care, but I will not." Caitlin shoved the letter into the pocket of her apron, "Where is he?" "He went fishing with John." Dutch offered. She nodded, "Well, dinner will be ready shortly."

Susan knew what she was doing when she handed that girl the envelope. She had a knack for reading people. She knew Caitlin was in love with Arthur. She knew Caitlin had to know about Mary, and the trouble she caused for the man. She could tell Caitlin had a dark side to her. She's already see the woman's loyalty and passion for protecting the family. Moreover, she'd seen the girl's temper. Susan smiled, knowing she had someone to do her dirty work for her.

***

The group celebrated Caitlin's return from her one night stint in prison in typical Van der Linde Gang fashion. Food, alcohol, singing, and dancing were in abundance.

Arthur leaned against the tree, his arms crossed, as he watched the group. "You alright there, Arthur?" Karen stood beside him. "Sure." He answered, without looking at her. "You look sad." He looked at her, "I'm fine, Karen." She shrugged, watching as Caitlin danced with Sean, "You should ask her to dance." "I don't dance." He said, firmly. "Not even for the woman you love." "I don't love her." "Do you want to know how I know you love her, Arthur?" Karen put her hands on her hips, "I never told you who I was talking about. You just knew." "Stop." He shook his head. "Come on, you old mope." She hit him playfully, "Dance with me, and show the love of your life that you are capable of having fun." He sighed, "Fine." She curtsied to him, as he put his hand out to her. He held her hand delicately, as she put her other hand on his shoulder.

Caitlin looked toward the man, as she danced with Sean. Their eyes met, as he twirled Karen. She smiled at him. She felt her heart jump in her chest, as she watched the corners of his mouth turn up, and though it was too dark to see with the shadows of the fire dancing across his face, she knew his cheeks were red. She lowered her head, blushing herself. "Why don't you go to him, love?" Sean said, quietly. "Who?" "Arthur Morgan." The Irishman chuckled, not too drunk to notice she'd been looking at him all night. "Why would I do that?" "...because you love him, so ya do." He twirled her around, pulling her in close again. "I don't love him." "Oh, but you do, love." He insisted, "I can see it in your eyes... The way you look at him... You've been in love with that man for a long time, eh?" Her brow furrowed, her step slowed. "It's alright, love." He slowed to keep in step with her. "His journal was in my family since he.. I couldn't help reading it. The pictures... He's so talented, and handsome... It's strange, right? That I would fall in love with a man who'd been dead for over a hundred years." "Love is a crazy thing." Sean said, "I personally think that the two of you would do well together. He needs someone that makes him happy, and I haven't seen the man smile that much since I've known him as he does when you're around." She lowered her head, smiling to herself.

The man had just enough alcohol running through his veins not to care about the consequences of his actions. "Ma'am," he gruff voice all but caught in his throat, "may I have this dance?" Sean smiled. She blushed, putting her hand in his outstretched hand, imitating a sweet southern belle accent, "Well, yes, you may, kind sir." "Well," he pulled her quickly, close to himself, his hand on her hip, "I don't know that I would call myself a kind sir, with the thoughts I'm having about you right now." "Arthur Morgan!" She feigned shock, "Why whatever do you mean?" He swallowed, "Was that too much?" She cocked her head back, laughing, drunkenly, "Arthur, always the gentleman, even when you're trying to be naughty." He blushed. She rest her head on his chest, as Javier played a slower song on his guitar. She felt him wrap his arm around her tighter, holding her close. He smirked, feeling her sigh deeply against him, "Why would someone like you be interested in someone like me?" She looked up at him, "Really?" He just looked at her. "Arthur, you may have made some questionable life choices, but... You really are a good man inside, and a fine looking one on the outside." He laughed. "Arthur, to be honest... This is going to sound... weird, but..." She hesitated, unable to look at him, "I fell in love with you years ago." "What do you mean?" She sighed, "Your journal..." "You read my journal?" He sounded offended. "I mean, you were dead, so... I didn't think you'd mind." He looked at her for a minute before laughing. She chuckled, resting her head against his chest again. "Well, no I suppose I wouldn't have." "The drawings... They're wonderful." He grinned. "Where did you learn to be such an artist." "My mother." He told her, "She taught me to read and to write and how to draw." "She sounds like a fine woman." "She was." The two danced quietly, for a few minutes. "What did you save me from?" "What?" She looked up at him. "Why didn't you want me to collect that money for Strauss a while back?" She swallowed, finding no harm in telling him now, "Tuberculosis." "Tuberculosis?" He repeated her words. "The man was sick... He... I don't know the details, but that's how you got it. At least that's what you thought." "...in my journal." "...in your journal." She sighed, "You were so sick... There was no way you could have defended yourself when..." He looked at her. "I know you don't think much of yourself, Arthur, but I do." "I ain't a good man." "You are though. You're a good man who did some bad things, but you've done some good ones too." He just looked at her. Caitlin's eyes shifted, as she caught a glimpse of her sister out of the corner of her eye. "What is she doing?" Arthur looked, sighing, "Micah." "She better not." Caitlin snapped. "You really don't like him." "Neither do you." "I have a reason." He looked at her, "I think even more so when I see how much you don't like him. I'd love to know what you know about him." She just looked at him, sighing, "I don't want to ruin this moment talking about Micah Bell." "That's fair." He sighed.

Arthur bowed awkwardly to the woman, as the song ended. She laughed, as she curtsied him. He smiled, thriving on the affection he got from the woman.

Micah stood beside the woman, as she stood watching her sister laugh with Arthur, "She's a little hot headed that one, isn't she?" "You have no idea." Sophia rolled her eyes, "She always was." "I don't understand why she hates me so much." He spoke softly to her, testing her to see what she knew, "I am not a bad person." "You're an outlaw." Sophie looked at him, "You're not really what I would call a good person, Mr. Bell." He shrugged, "Do you know?" "Know what?" "The things she does... about... all of us?" She shrugged, "Some. I was never really into our past like she was. She was closer with Grandpa Arthur and our dad... I mean, Jesus, the more I get to know John, the more I realize that she's just like him, so it's no wonder." Micah snickered. "She would feed on all those old stories. Who knows how many of them are even made up or exaggerated?" "Was I in any of them?" He stood tall. She shook her head, lying, "Not that I know." "Oh." He seemed disappointed, "I don't get what she sees in that sad cowboy anyway." Sophia looked at him, shrugging, "She sees him for his goodness, I suppose." "His goodness?" The man laughed, "He's a vicious outlaw!" "That's what I tried to tell her!" "Eh, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I imagine you girls will go back where you came from soon enough." "I hope so." "You know, if you ever want to get out of camp, I wouldn't mind riding into town with you. We could get a couple drinks at the saloon and eat some real food... maybe sleep in a real bed?" "Thanks for the offer." She nodded, only half disinterested. He smiled at her.

*The Next Morning*

"What's that?" Sophia asked her sister. "It's a letter." "...because you've made so many friends in the last month we've spend in the old west?" "It's not for me." She made a face at her sister, "It's for Arthur. Miss Grimshaw gave it to me to give to him, and I forgot about it." She nodded, "I'm going to go see if Mr. Pearson needs any help with breakfast, are you coming?" Caitlin nodded, "I'll be right there."

She looked at the envelope, as she walked toward the lit lantern in the tent, "I'm sorry, Arthur." She took the glass off, holding the envelope over the fire. She looked at it for a few minute, the flame threatening to scorch the paper. She pulled it back, cursing herself, "Damn it." She blew out the flame, leaving the tent.

Arthur sat on the edge of his cot, slipping his boots on, "Miss Marston, how are we this morning?" "I'm well, Arthur, how are you?" "Is something wrong?" He noted her tone. She held out the envelope to him, "Miss Grimshaw gave this to me to give to you yesterday, but... I forgot." "Thank you." He looked at it, then up at the girl, as she turned to leave. "Yep." Caitlin walked away, but stopped, sighing, looking up to the sky.. He looked at her, curiously, as she turned around, "Are... you ok?" "That's wasn't the truth." She admitted, "I don't want to lie to you. You..." She sighed, "I have to keep enough from you, you deserve the truth when I can give it." He furrowed his brow. "It's from Mary." She told him, "I wasn't going to give it to you. I was going to burn it, but... That's not fair to you." "I appreciate your honesty." He nodded, looking at the envelope. She nodded, "I just ... I didn't want to see you get hurt." "She's not going to try to kill me, is she?" He joked. "I suppose not, unless you can die of a broken heart." He didn't know what to say to her. Caitlin took a quick breath, "Well, there you are, so... I'd better get to work before..."

"Miss Marston, I think there are some dirty dishes and utensils over here with your name on them, and the chickens need to be fed.."

Caitlin still looked at Arthur, pointing to the woman, "...before that..." "She really is a great woman." Arthur stated. "I don't doubt that." Caitlin sighed, "I just don't know what's harder: quitting my job as a nurse to run the Marston Ranch by myself for the last few years or working for Miss Grimshaw." He let out a little chuckle, as the girl started to walk away, "Miss Marston." She looked back at him, digging her hands into the pockets of the white apron covering her blue skirt. "Caitlin." He walked over to her, "I wanted you to know that... Well, what I mean is..." She raised her eyebrows, curiously. "I care about you." He gestured toward her, "I know you probably won't be here forever, but... I wanted you to know that." "I care about you too, Arthur." She felt herself blush, "I want nothing but the best for you, and know that if I'm gone tomorrow that..." She looked up at him, feeling herself become emotional, "I just want you to know that you are good enough, Arthur. You've done some bad things, but that doesn't make you a bad person. You're a good man with a big, loving heart... I know you love Mary, but... I've been in relationships like that one, Arthur. Don't let her continue to hurt you. You deserve better, whether you think so or not, and I'm not saying that I'm better for you than her, but... I love you without wanting to change you." He just watched her walk away. He swallowed down a lump in his throat. He looked at the envelope, "I'm sorry, Mary..." He placed it carefully against the woman's picture that he kept by his bed. He looked at it for a moment, before leaving his tent.

To Be Continued.......

#rdr #rdr2 #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #modern au #fanfiction #fanfic #rdr spoilers #rdr2 spoilers #spoilers #arthur morgan #john marston #micah bell

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