#you can say fuck on tv right
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i think about this video a lot.
source: zx10r071 on YouTube
#trent reznor#nine inch nails#you can say fuck on tv right#90s rock#tf era?#wt era?#industrial music#industrial rock#interview#nin
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greg said actually i wanna take YOU out and I'M gonna pay for it
#also it's so cute how he says 'visited' instead of just 'been to' like you can tell he learned how to talk from tv#tomgreg#greg hirsch#which side are you on?#fr why is this part not talked about much beyond the Thor Loves Poptarts-ification of greg loving cpk#tom says my gf is out. so let's go out to dinner. the moment greg understands that it's a serious proposal he's SO excited#and it's clearly NOT for any notion of fine dining. he doesn't ask tom 'where are we going'#no. he wants to go out with TOM!! he has a restaurant in mind that's a treat for him and he's excited to share that with tom#i think he is feeling a tiny bit snubbed at the end by the way tom refuses to let greg have the upper hand#like tom asked him out and greg literally asked him out right back. and rather than be excited tom is like no I'M doing the asking out!! lo#but yknow ultimately tom has his own thing that he already really wanted to share with greg#he IS delighted that greg has unrefined tastes bc it means he gets to treat him. he gets to be the reason for greg's awe#also he just thinks it's cute imo#and greg took to it as much as one can when they've already been more or less forcefed (much like the ortolan he eats lol)#anyway. tom's need to feel in control is his detriment bc greg wanted to treat him to some cajun chicken linguine and then fuck him silly#mine
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I've come to the conclusion that loving young royals doesn't mean I can't be critical about it, maybe especially bc I love the show so much I have such strong feelings about it, good and bad and I can love parts of canon and agree with it and appreciate it but I don't have to love it all. I have accepted that it's okay if I don't accept the ending and I don't have to force myself to support it. It's okay to not agree with all of canon and it's okay to not side with all of the creators' intentions/views. Loving a show doesn't mean you have to take everything the writers say on face value and that's the only version that is allowed to exist. Canon isn't everything and fandom is about curating your own experience that makes you happy and not miserable. You don't have to dismiss canon in every aspect and ignore it entirely, that's certainly not what I want but there is a fine line between being canon respectful, allowing some parts to exist and sometimes, yes, you just have to say "fuck canon" and move on for your own sanity and wellbeing
#especically in the first two weeks of a new release everyone is feelings lots of intense emotions ranging from ecstatic to angry#everything in between is a part of it and i know i'm also feeling very strongly about it right now#i always try to stay levelheaded and rational and see things from an objective pov and be diplomatic about discourse#i don't want any of what i say drift off too much into meaningless hate instead of the constructive criticism it's supposed to be#but when you feel so strongly about something and sometimes you really just wanna say yeah i fucking hate it lol#but i always try to explain why and give understandable arguments and not just blindly hate on something#for example - I'm aware there are fans who have some problems with s2 and don't love the season whereas i do and it's my fave#and there is a difference between expressing some criticism and justified concerns which you can understand where it comes from#and those who are just like 'oh it's a horrible season. it was so shitty and we should get rid of it' which is dumb hate and just not true#and i can't support people like that and take them seriously#i can have my own issues with s3 from a subjective pov which can also include some justified criticism as well#but also still acknowledge it as a truly good piece of tv media and the quality is top notch#and that's why you have such high expectations and have critique because it is so good and sets such a high standard#yrtalk#with that being said i understand ppl not wanting to see any critic about it if they are riding the high of happy wilmon endgame#but that doesn't mean that i can't express my own opinions on my own blog and i will continue to do so#and maybe one day i will feel differently and accept or even like the ending who knows#but it doesn't have to happen. it's fine if it does but it's also fine if it doesn't
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"name a single hobby of yours outside media consumption" taking hammers to your knees
#sometimes its truly about the way ppl phrase things that make me laugh#the inheritant devaluing of literally anything ever by adding the word consumption is sooooo weird#like u guys get what i mean right like........... wtf is media consumption??????????????????????? you mean listening to music???? watching#movie you like or watching tv shows reading a book??? looking at art????? wtf do you guys even mean????????????#consuming and creating come hand and hand why the fuck r ppl avting high and mighty abt the simplist thing in humanity??#u can literally say this about anything choose better words to polarize people instead of belittling them next time#james talks
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#hii.. im still not really here a lot re kpop its just not really like the most important thing in my life rn lol#but uh i guess my dog's passing is something i gotta deal on my own entirely. my mom seems pretty much over it without really taking me int#account at all. today shes even sorta like. making odd comments/jokes about it like 'i talk to toto sometimes' because we say this#weird lady on tv talking ab how she talks to deer heads. and i just stared at my mom like deadpan and just looked away#bc what the fuck. and ofc she wouldnt consider its not an ok thing to say . otherwise shes really like trying to make out that im being a#really good kid and taking care of her and her feelings bc shes inventing things in her head about me being extra nice and careful with her#shes like awww youre taking care of me <3 and im like no im actually treating you like you're a total stranger in my house because you#basically are. and anyway. im basically on my own like i always am. i just have to deal with it all alone. as always. which is like fine#its just im extra lonely and alone so <3 ive also been suicidal and really really on the edge. that's your alex update if anyone cares#to be completely honest it's been taking everything in me not to just od right now its all i can think about and i havent felt like it in#years. ive just been sleeping for 12 hours at a time lmao........ anyway yeah thats it?#mrow.org
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The concept of queerbaiting annoys me. I was told that it refers to a work of fiction pretending to cater to a queer audience but then pulling back from it to avoid alienating homophobes, which is an incredibly specific thing. But a lot of people seem to think that it instead means "any time there's any gay subtex, metaphor, or ambiguity" or "whenever something from 1995-2012 was being a normal amount of homophobic for the era."
#I've secondhand seen the way Sherlock...was.#And yeah that's very pointedly cruel to the audience.#But not everything is that aware of its following to point by point mock them for half an hour.#And I think people forget that for a period there was a unique combination of awareness of gay people and homophobia bad#and a severe need to avoid being perceived as gay (and sometimes homophobic) at the same time#while it was ALSO very acceptable to treat the existence of gay people and homophobia or discomfort with both as a joke#so that whole wink wink nudge nudge dance was a huge thing in some of the 90s and earlier 2000s#and sometimes by doing that people accidentally made it seem even more fucking gay.#Or on purpose. People also forget that yeah gay people could exist as a joke but they couldn't be casual protags or w/e.#It wasn't really done like that.#I think what it's really proof of is that the 90s/early 2000s is long enough ago that people have become illiterate to the cultural cues.#When comedians complain 'you cant make jokes anymore' sometimes this is the exact thing they're referring to.#Gay people being on TV or in books isn't some funny joke you make anymore. Just being gay or seen as gay isn't the punchline it used to be.#People are shitty about it still but it's in a different way now. Being gay isn't as much the big embarrassment it used to be.#Gay tv shows and books are a whole market now. And stuff like Sherlock or supernatural were made right in the middle of that shift.#It's the only way you could position a strategy like this. I don't know if that cultural moment really exists anymore.#Audience backlash is also more massive and in real time.#Now instead of mockery at the idea of idk Dr house md being gay conservatives would see it as a 'culture war' thing.#And non conservatives are more vocal and more liable to criticize. TV shows are seen as keepers of culture in ways they weren't before.#I don't know how to describe it exactly. I'm not an expert and I know I'm missing some pieces or things I wanted to point out.#But yeah I just think people kind of. Forgot how people treated gayness as some kind of cootie disease you had to say#You didn't have really hard all the time. People are still sort of like that but idk the language changed.#A lot of talk about homophobia and queerness is very pseudo-academic now. The distancing happens with different signifiers.#But. Yeah.#☠️#I also think queerbaiting requires a specific kind of intent as a marketing strategy.#Instead of the more likely 'well we have an unintended gay following now so I guess we can throw in some fanservice#the network would literally never allow us to do anything with it even if we wanted to though.'
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trick to fun dialogue is just to make it a little hard to understand. maybe thats a cheap trick but i dont care
#or not even that hard necessarily just like it takes like 2 listens. it takes attention#and what 'harder' is is subjective depends on the type of dialogue you hear a lot and your vocabulary level#watching the nevers right#and im watching this scene and theres this character who exactly hits this spot for me#like 5........wait 5 years ago is not as far as i think it is.........7 years ago (ugh) i woudlnt have understood what she was saying#like i'd know all the words separately but iwouldnt have understood what she was saying at all#but rn im like oooh this is the exact balance between obscuring your meaning and substance#i think oftne in my writing i obscure more than there is substance#there usually /is/. /some/ substance#theres usually substance. just theres more complication than there is substance. here the balance is better#bc someone needs to say these words hfkghgj#the other day while reading scripts im making myself rewrite i was like 'i coudltn do this in a fic. iwouldnt get away with this'#lines that work in a script (bc they'll be acted) fall flat in fic bc we dont have the luxury (or limitation) of actors#but it really made me think abt like..what you need to do in a script for television vs in a fic based on that television you knwo what i#mean? different things you need to work for. WE need to work for that the characters sound like Them. that we can Hear them#tv gets that almost free. the words will be in the right voice in the right body that gets you like 60-70% of the way#less sometimes depending on the specificity of the character&circumstances i was mostly thinking abt the doctor who maybe has more leeway#and tv has the limitations of 1) needs to be sayable. but also 2) needs to be flatter i think#you cant put 5 meanings in every line bc theres plot that needs to keep going and sentences need to stay short#so you get a lot of character work for free i think but in return you need to rein yourself in in that way#anyway idk these observations were just based on like me rewriting the 14 specials and going 'this line fucking sucks in fic' fhgkjhgkjgh#not that it was a bad line! just. boring .meaningless. doesnt add. filler noise. i dont have TIME for that in fic. i lose people#idc if i lose readers i dont know abt that but i lose myself honestly very short attention span keep every word interesting#scripts are fluffy and repetitious. repetitive. but repetitious sounds funner#anyway its fun trying to match that tv need with my own lines that i add in#not too obscure. needs to be sayable. but with my own 'half the spices cabinet in my single cup of hot choccy' approach to writing#(and hot choccy)
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me internally when i’m trying to respect and recognise that my dad has unaddressed autism that impacts the way he handles social interractions while also trying to not just excuse the shitty insensitive behaviour that has absolutely contributed to my mental health issues
#it’s like. haha yeah he handled that situation terribly but remember it wasn’t intentional and he doesn’t understand how that came across!!#i can’t be mad at him i can’t take it personally and get upset haha. hahaha.#and also it’s like. being autistic isn’t an excuse to be a dick. being autistic doesn’t mean you have to like. emotionally damage ur kid ✌🏻#which i AM. growing up with him has fucked me up!!! and i’m allowed to be mad at that i’m allowed to be upset!!!!!!!!#but also oh god is that shitty of ME??? is that insensitive???? do i need to just be more empathetic and understanding#but ALSO also. when ur a kid that shit doesn’t matter. when ur a kid and ur dad is making you cry that doesn’t matter.#and those years of damage stick with you even when ur older and trying to be mature and understanding#literally this evening started with me trying to do something nice for him. trying to give him a gift. actually literally giving him a gift.#and it has ended with me feeling fucking….. shit.#and disrespected. and useless.#i try so fucking hard with this man and with our relationship and every fucking time i try to connect with him he throws it back in my face#like. hey! you’ve been saying how much you want to play gran turismo 7!!! i will loan you my PS5 for a while bcus i’m not playing anything#and i will BUY YOU the fucking car game for you to play it while me and my mum are away on our girlie beach holiday#like i will happily and enthusiastically do those things for you because you have been so vocal about wanting to play this game!!!#so it will make you happy right? it will be something positive for you to enjoy!!! right?!!!????#i will bring my console down to the family tv room for you and i will send you the money so you can buy the game!!!!#oh. oh you’ve clicked around the main playstation menu for 2mins and then turned it off to watch the news. and then just open ur laptop.#not even gonna buy the game huh. just gonna open ur laptop and zone out and act line i’m not even in the room. oh ok. ok ok.#not even a fucking thank you. not even a HINT of recognition. ok ok. ok. ok. now you’re literally ignoring me when i talk to you. ok. ok.#and like!!!! i know this seems so dumb and minor and insignificant but you have to understand. it has been 25 years of this shit.#25 years of me trying to make this man happy and 25 years of him rejecting all of those attempts.#and 25 years of……. a lot of other shit also.
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#for me its video games#its just. such a unique form of storytelling#ur both a character and the audience#whether its a game where your actions completely shape the story or one where ur mostly just watching it unfold. being so involved in it is#so. aaaaaaaaaa#its really cool!! its so fucking good!!!!#i <3 video games#its also the perfect like. fuck whats the word. avenue?? for my favorite type of storytelling which is 'show dont tell'#like. w movies and tv shows u dont need to do a lot of explaining but you do need dialogue and stuff#or w books u can have a book w very little dialogue but they usually need to explain the setting and wgats happening since u cant yk. see i#like obv theres very different types of books and shows but like generally. most of the time. etc#games are the best at the art of putting you somewhere showing you a series od events and not explaining absolutely anything#which i LOVE#see: games like little nightmares and inside#and theyre also like. a combination of all the ways to tell a story. via visuals via audio and via text. games have all 3. this makes no#sense but do u get it???? i cant articulate anything im thinking right#i just wanted an excuse to say i love video games <3
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Another day, another fic, another desperate attempt to work out the floor plan of Van's home/establishment.
#@ yj team: release the while you were streaming home tour video please#i need to just be led by the hand#like i only JUST realized her bathroom has one of those slidey doors and is right off the kitchen#so we're getting somewhere. but where do you SLEEP palmer? how many beaded curtains do you possess?#inquiring gay writers need to know these things for reasons#we've got kitchen proper we've got lil' desk we've got table#we've got bathroom we wrap around to couch and tv#somewhere we've got shelves? is that upstairs downstairs who can fucking say#van. van sweetie are you sleeping ON your couch. van sweetie i am giving you a bed.
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#[sharp inhale]#I will not argue with people on the internet about how the tv industry works I will not argue with people on the internet about how the tv#like. here's the fucking problem. every time you try to talk about business models of tv and why certain things are different than others#it's just impossible cuz no one wants to operate under the assumption that tv is in fact a business from start to finish#and there are better and worse versions of that#and right now we have the WORST version of that#down to 'a strike has been considered every single damn time contract terms are up for review'#like tv has always been a business and that has give and take but you have to start at that basic understanding#the fact that showrunners are now begging people to watch immediately is a symptom that regular people are feeling#but it is WAY larger than that. and creators of all types and actors and below the line folks need to fucking eat.#which means you HAVE to acknowledge that this is a business and then regulate it as such#but you get can't do that cuz internet leftists will be like 'um all government intervention in art is morally horrible—'#yeah go fuck yourself. you sound like an right wing asshat building a backyard militia.#'but megs!' you say. 'no one yet suggested that today!'#yeah cuz I'm not starting the fucking discussion BECAUSE every time anyone has the leftists crawl out of the woodwork#to rebrand what are basically altright talking points to fit their narratives.#sorry but if you try to go 'this should just be way less regulated and everyone should do what they want'#you are giving the state and the market free reign to steamroll over whomever it likes. and I can tell you who they'll go after first.#anyway. idk who you are or what that is. ama closed.
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Anyone else having an absolutely unhinged week or is that just me
#i have gone from having a reliable and secure professional job with a pension plan and benefits to completely unemployed in 4 days#(by choice. i got in an argument with my boss about responsibilities and i was like ‘look this is stressing me out to an insane level#and i don’t think i can do this. i don’t think i’m right for this. i’m going to resign’ and now i’m looking for retail jobs)#and on some level i regret it. like there’s so many things i never got chance to do and maybe i should’ve given it longer?#but my boss wasn’t budging and didn’t try to convince me to stay and i was just like.. fuck this#and literally every time i’ve seen my best friend this week (which has been several times because we’ve both just been like ‘do you want to#go for a walk so we can scream in the countryside?’ and the other person has been like ‘omg yes’) she’s had a fresh tragedy to tell me about#her niece had a miscarriage; her sister-in-law (niece’s mom) is booking herself into a hospice and both family dogs are sick#one is wearing a cone and might have to lose her eye; the other is probably dying#it’s just way too much#and i accidentally insulted her daughter’s dad and the little girl shouted ‘MY DADDY!’ indignantly#and i was like.. oh god. why did i never think about the fact that of Course she can understand me#and yeah her dad is a waste of space but she does usually see him at least once or twice a week and she adores him#it is not up to any of us to poison her against him. we shouldn’t be doing that. this situation is fraught enough#like it is bad enough that he wants to take my friend to court to get unsupervised visits….. if she cheerfully says ‘auntie ellen said daddy#is a bastard’ anywhere in his vicinity this shit is about to go pearshaped#i just am so tired. i want to abscond. i wish i’d stayed in america#i think next steps are like.. recharge. do some autumn cleaning (sort out clothes & donate old stuff i don’t wear to charity).#apply to retail jobs until i get something that isn’t awful and then just sit in it until i come up with a phd idea and can abscond#but in the meantime if you need me i’ll be watching daytime tv in my blankie#personal
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hannibal nbc is such a weird lil series when you considered that when it got aired, the trend in early 2010s tv shows are mostly detective series like csi, ncis, the blacklist etc
it's even hilarious when i'm reminded how hannibal did start like a proper crime thriller tv show at first, like i still remember when i watched the pilot on tv for the first time, i thought "hmm this looks like the other tv shows but damn they presented everything in such weird ways"
then season 2 aired.
like, season 2 really changed everything, i can't really call it a crime procedural tv series anymore at that point, it had already morphed into something hilariously very distinct from that first episode aired in 2013
#that's how it ended up identified as a lil gothic horror series instead now#but honestly this is the only thing you can experience if you followed the story right when the first episode aired#i know nothing. NOTHING about how it'll end#i still remember bawling my eyes out when i watched the last scene in season 1 episode 12#i really thought abigail is fucking DEAD#but yeah i love this tv show man it really fundamentally changed me as a person#hell it's one of the tv show that's able to survive the whole cancellation fiasco as streaming start to get popular#and able to tell its story in its entirety without sacrificing the quality of its presentation#the best fucking finale ever in american television history i would say#tmi tag
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One last reason as to why I love first kill.
When I was younger I loved the science fiction, supernatural, fantasy genre. Who wouldn't? Escaping to worlds where so much more is possible, escaping to a place where lots of things from our world don't exist. Not the same way at least.
Yet I would read these books and I couldn't connect with the mc and their love interest because it was always a mlw relationship. More times than not I took notes on how the m was acting and how the w reacted to it. How gay of me.
With age and school I had to distance myself from books and I ended up missing it a lot- saved money, sure, but those worlds were so special.
Then c*vid happened and I had more time on my hands and I picked up reading again! I fell in love with the scenes being painted across my imagination. But... again, I wasn't connecting, not the way my now very out self wanted to connect to them. I even picked up a gay werewolf book! Sure it wasn't wlw but gay AND werewolf? Why not?!
And well... I remembered a lot of gay books are weirdly fetishized. And I got angry.
Which leads me to the part that connects to First Kill. Because you see, I wrote a book. Its nothing grand, I've only finished the first draft, and if it gets published, it'll be a self publish.
But First Kill? It reflects everything in my book. There's a lesbian lead who falls for, not a hunter, but a girl! Both first kill and my book have creatures and urban myths that are a lie. There are lots of differences, but at the end of the day both stories are LGBTQ+ media that is drowning in supernatural content.
I love first kill because I wrote my book to have media I'd never seen before! And first kill literally HANDED me said media on a plate and said "dinner is served".
I feel like it's a silly reason to love a show so much, but it's one of my reasons. I love it because it gave me content I craved to see so badly I wrote a book about it. I love it because the little girl who thought she was messed up for liking girls is now in her 20s and seeing lesbian media normalized.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?! imma say it.
I love first kill because when Imani and Sarah Catherine kiss, its so believable that if I had had that type of representation when I was younger, I wouldn't have doubted my ability to find love.
Anyway, first kill might be cringe but its everything I've ever wanted in a show. If it gets canceled I might simply wither away.
#first kill#calliette#calliope burns#calliope and juliette#first kill netflix#juliette fairmont#when i say first kill means a lot to me#i mean it#like i literally cried over the idea of it being canceled#i cried because if a tv show with over 30M views can get canceled then what hope is there for me?#some uni kid who just wants some representation?#wants to show reprentation?#if first kill gets canceled then all future media like first kill will have people saying#first kill crawled so xxx could walk and you could run!#but i dont fucking want that!#i want first kill to SPRINT right off the bat and keep going until theres nothing left for it to give#and maybe a little longer cause I'm selfish#i dont want first kill to have to crawl for other media cause thats so dumb that we have to fight this hard#please for the love of god netflix#give us a s2 renewal or else i will literally have an identity crisis#i will literally spiral#or gay spiral#as ben wheeler might say
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I have yet to keep inspecting the sweepstakes, I need some air and food first, but I might as well share what I've been thinking about Mike today, because I heard of an interpretation saying Mike was a camera man for Spamton which ... Is very interesting. Like for me this makes me think of Mike as someone who admired Spamton, someone way smaller than him, definitely younger imo, who simply excitedly followed along with the orders given. I mean, up to a certain point. I mean this feeling is reinforced in the q&a when asked about Mike, that makes Spamton get very defensive, almost protective. In my eyes it almost creates this almost platonic familiar bond dynamic whatever. But like this is just a shot in the dark, bc what we know is, 3 lines, period. But if when chapter 3, 4 and 5 come out and Mike is there and I'm right about these things then I'm gonna feel like a god tbh.
#luly talks#not gonna put this one on main tag bc its a bit too vague and speculative and shit but im leaving rbs on in case some1 is like hm ur into#something here nemo im which case i will wag my tail and bat my eyelashes#but am i making sense anyway?#like just to make sure: my idea of mike is a camera man younger and smaller than Spamton who admired the guy#and spamton out of idk fondness bc he reminded him of his old self kinda took the guy under his wing in a way#that's why he's so protective and shit#although unrelated to this bc just. putting that there and NOT touching it but it's interesting what Spammy says right after name dropping#mike if you believe in the cameraman interpretation (which i saw in a video i then stopped watching bc i wanted to explore that shit myself)#bc he right after says to not believe anything you see on tv but this could easily imply mike did do his part but the editing team changed#shit. but its just very curious what involvement Mike could've had because. why would he be as targeted as he appears to be?#and what caused him to also abandone spamton? is mike even fucking alive? judging by Spammy's q&a dialogue you'd assume he is#but i mean that's official but not canon right so it's a bit hard to judge?#but Mike seems to be the only one he isn't really resentful towards for leaving him almost implying it wasn't Mike's choice?#i just can't wait to see more of this bc it's gonna reveal a whole side to this little puppet previously unknown#in fact i think that after breathing some air im gonna go look at the snowgrave neo fight flavor text and cry and piss and etc#I'm still not over spamton begs the audience to stop taking the furniture i can see the poor guy being evicted as he tries to plead not to#so vividly wugh. my poor little guy of questionable morals . . . 😢#also don't get me started on the commemorative ring man what on earth is going on there.........
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JO: Well, what do they look like? DOCTOR: Well I expect myself their basic form is analogous to a cephalopod. JO: What's a cephalopod? DOCTOR: An octopus. I thought you took an A-Level in science. JO: I didn't say I passed. Urgh, an octopus. DOCTOR: They manifest themselves as a disembodied, mutually telepathic intelligence. JO: But if they're disembodied, how can they hurt us? YATES: They make themselves bodies when they need them. JO: You mean like Frankenstein? - Fun quote from S8E1 for you
oh that IS fun thank you!!
#completely not the point but a pet peeve i have is when in tv theyre always justifying how a character knows something#by going 'learnt it in school'#like????? hello? do writers not live in reality?#like 1) who the fuck remembers anything from SCHOOL#and 2) do we not hear things just randomly all the time that we remember?#like i get it it's easier to say you learnt a thing at school it's a concrete place where people learn things in life#easier to say than 'uh yeah i guess i just picked that up at some point during my life' which is how i think we know most things we do??#and MISknow most things we do too bc lots of things we just pick up like that are not really entirely true#but like thats the knowledge people function on#you just read a thing one time right? you just heard a thing one time#who knows where or when#anyway CHARACTERS DONT NEED TO JUSTIFY THEIR KNOWLDEGE IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN hashtag twenty twentythree#dont you worry writers it's actually more believable i think if people just know stuff and dont know where they got it#anyway sorry not the point#cephalopod!!! 🐙🐙🐙 frankenstein!!!
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