#you’ll never guess it’s so random and obscure and i’ve never complained about it before ever

[autism-disco]

i can’t do this <- guy who is making no active effort to Do This

[roxa-sos]

princess - jj maybank

jj maybank x kook!reader

tw; verbal and physical abuse. bad dads >:(. sexual assault. drugs. rafe cameron lmao.

request; “Hey can you do a request where jj works for y/n’s kook family and one day he eves drops on how her dad is forcing her to date rafe for business. All rafe wants is sex and drugs and y/n doesn’t want any part of it. But her father yells and almost hits her. On her way out of the house to ask rafe to date she sees jj moving the lawn. They both kinda have a thing for eachother, they flirt. Jj asks what’s wrong and she vents about rafe and her uptight life. He invites her to join the pogues“

a/n -- this is my first non-anon lengthy request so i’m pouring my heart and soul into this :’) also this hits kind of close to home bc i have a shitty dad, so i’m basing y/n’s shitty kook dad off of my own shitty rich dad... enjoy :)

“morning, daddy.” you saw your dad standing next to the dining room table as you looked through the kitchen, trying to find something to eat. such a bougie lifestyle, yet you never really fit in. 

that morning, you’d woken up to the noise of the kid that always mowed your lawn. god, he was loud, but he was good company when you shouted at him from your second story window. he was one of those kids your dad told you to stay away from. lowlives, whatever he felt like calling them. you could still hear the hum of the motor through the open windows as your dad started talking. 

“good morning, baby.” he greeted you with about as much emotion as you gave him, setting his phone down on the table. “you know the camerons. yacht club friends, ward and i go for cigars and golf every few weekends?” your dad spoke about them as if they were rather obscure, but ward cameron owned the outer banks, so obviously you’d know the family whether you knew them personally or not. 

you knew sarah cameron through school anyways. she was the kook queen. actually, you were both like kook royalty. your dad was loaded, her dad was loaded, therefore you had to get along with the camerons no matter what you wanted.

“yeah.” you didn’t feel like your dad deserved too much of an answer from you. you didn’t know where this was going, anyways. it always seemed like he wanted something from you, like that since you were his kid, you owed him something. 

“and rafe, rafe cameron’s a good kid. nice and proper. he’s growing into good money. honest guy. your age.” 

your dad even sounded slimy. 

everything he said was wrong. rafe cameron was... chaos. rich, unchecked, powerful chaos. rafe cameron was mean and reckless.

but the change in your dad’s tone caught your attention. it made you turn to fully face him, abandoning the cereal that sat in the dumb plastic container that sat on the counter. 

he wanted something from you. your dad was always convincing people - selling an idea to them before he’d even made an offer. that was the kind of guy he was. he was disgusting. and he was already asking you to do disgusting things.

“sure.” you didn’t feel like arguing with him either, though you could tell he was getting fed up with your improper responses. “do you want something from me?” you asked, leaning your hand on the counter. you and your dad had been on a good streak lately, no matter what you thought of him. you gave him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he was trying to be nice... or something. but you had to be straightforward to get anything from him. 

“alright, let’s get down to it, then,” your dad chuckled, putting up his hands defensively as he crossed the kitchen to stand next to you. he sounded like he was socializing with one of his friends. “it’d be good for... the family, it’d be good if you and rafe got together. dated. good for us, the camerons, good for the outer banks.” he spoke with his hands, making broad gestures. 

he could tell you didn’t like the idea as soon as your expression changed.

“hard pass, sorry daddy.” you laughed like he’d been joking himself. his expression changed to something darker, like he was frustrated.

“sorry, you must’ve misinterpreted me or something, y/n. you’re smarter than that. i’m not proposing this, i’m telling you to do this. you don’t know what’s good for you yet, you’ll understand.” he put his hands down like he’d just finished the conversation. he’d made the decision for you, he was done talking about it. but you weren’t.

“dad, he’s a sex obsessed drug addict who feels my friends and i up at parties topper holds. i’m not dating him.” you weren’t getting aggressive, but you weren’t about to drop this and give in to your dad’s wishes.

“shut - would you just shut up, y/n? he’s a respectable boy who you’d be lucky to have.” your dad made his argument again, raising his voice. he looked you up and down like you were something he was selling, but something he was disappointed in. your jean shorts and tube top obviously disappointed him, but that was your goal with the outfit anyway. pissing off your dad in a nonchalant way that he wouldn’t bring up unless you made him mad some other way.

“no? i won’t shut up, he’s-” you didn’t get a chance to finish before he started yelling. 

“y/n, i’m not dealing with this disrespect right now. you’re being a crybaby, you’re going to go over to the cameron’s and you’re going to ask him to take you to the yacht club later. i’ve made myself clear.” his voice was booming and terrifying, and the only thing you could focus on.

“i’m not doing that, dad-” he never let you finish when you argued. you took a step towards him as he began to back away from you, not wanting that to be the end of the argument, but he grabbed your wrist and raised his free hand in a threatening manner.

“don’t make me do this, baby. i won’t forgive myself.” he didn’t sound like he would regret it, but you flinched. you were scared, like you always were.

you stayed quiet, and after a few seconds, he lowered his hand and let go of his death grip on your hand. “good.” he muttered, leaving the kitchen. 

you felt like a coward, but you’d saved yourself from a black eye.

yet, you possibly signed up for many future injuries by obeying your father.

you figured you just needed to get it over with. abandoning whatever breakfast you’d planned on having, you headed to the foyer to put on your shoes and leave. knowing rafe cameron, he probably wasn’t even out of bed yet. you’d unfortunately catch him or one of his friends before you even left the neighborhood. 

this couldn’t be that bad. it was... for the family.

you slid your feet into some sandals, and you couldn’t help but think about what you were heading towards. drugs. long nights. bruises. y/n cameron. your own father was having you do this, almost on free will. 

opening the door, you looked across the lawn to the source of a noise you’d blocked out. you’d forgotten that one of the pogues was mowing your damn lawn. 

he was blond. wearing some dumb surfer-dude snapback and cargo shorts. it looked like his shirt was tucked into his back pocket, and he was glistening with sweat. the lawnmower stopped humming when he saw you, and he raised his hand to wave. 

you figured it couldn’t hurt to talk to him. just to delay the inevitable. 

a few strides across the lawn and you were in front of him, and it looked like he had a dumb smile on his face.

“what’s wrong, princess?” he asked, leaning his forearms on the lawnmower. he used the name jokingly, and he’d been doing so ever since you met. he compared you to a princess locked in a tower - rapunzel. it was cheesy, but it didn’t take you long to realize that he wasn’t really wrong. “trouble in paradise?”

you scoffed, but a smile stayed on your face. this was dumb, he was dumb. but he was nice to talk to.

“rafe cameron is what’s wrong” you laughed, hearing his name come out of your own mouth stung. 

jj grimaced, shaking his head. “ouch. rich boy causing problems? that’s news to me.” 

“nice joke. funny.” you said sarcastically, rolling your eyes. he only knew the half of it. “no, actually, i’m on my way to ask him to... date, i guess. long term stuff. for the family, or whatever my dad was talking about.” you rambled a bit, half talking to yourself. 

jj almost looked concerned, the smile barely fading from his face. you didn’t want to confide in him, but he seemed to welcome it.

“and, and i don’t want to,” you continued, shaking your head, “my dad’s just... he’s a scary guy. you know? i’ve been dealing with him for forever, but he’s just... terrifying when you don’t do what he wants you to. that’s why i live such a comfortable life, though, right? i should be thankful.” you laughed in a bittersweet manner, gesturing to your obnoxious house.

“that’s how things work around here, princess.” jj laughed, watching you look at the world the way he did.

“well, yeah. yeah, i know, but he’s making me go and... get with rafe cameron. rafe. cameron. rafe fucking cameron! isn’t that insane? and when i said no, he got all loud and he grabbed me and i almost made him hit me.” you unintentionally put the blame on yourself, rubbing your sore wrist.

jj’s eyebrows furrowed when you mentioned your dad getting a little physically violent with you.

“that’s... not cool.” he didn’t know what to say. he was nowhere near letting you in on some of the more personal parts of his life, but... he could... relate. 

“no, no it’s not.” you agreed, taking a deep breath. god, you were almost crying. you didn’t even know when the tears had started threatening to come out. “it’s just... i’ve done everything. i’m, like, the perfect kook girl. i do everything he says. i’m nice to my mom. i take care of his stuff. i run with his people. you’d think he’d let me have a say in something like this.” 

jj stayed quiet again, biting his lip. 

“but no, no, i’m dumb for thinking like that. freedom is a privilege i don’t have. i’m a rich girl in a cage.” you nodded, laughing a little more. you sounded so sad - like, you didn’t know why you were complaining. 

“you should meet my friends.” jj suggested, shrugging like it was a random idea he threw out there. “we aren’t into drugs. well, okay, that’s a lie, our livers are all probably shot and i’m a pothead, but we’re nice.” he joked, rambling a little himself. 

he couldn’t save you, but he could sure as hell make things a little better.

“boat rides. fishing. the marsh. not a yacht and definitely not a yacht club, but i like to think we’re a little cooler.” jj kept going, waiting for your answer.

“yeah. sure, why not?” you didn’t have to be the perfect daughter. especially when you were being treated like shit by the people you gave everything to. 

you could... probably take a few beatings. it was worth a good time, though. 

“good to know. we’ll swing by tomorrow morning, unless you want to get out of here asap?” he suggested, looking at the rest of the lawn he had to mow. he’d be screwed if he didn’t wrap it up, but he seemed to think he had his priorities in order. 

“as soon as possible, please.” you admitted, watching him push the lawn mower next to your house, just out of view.

“alright, princess. let’s get you out of here.”

a/n -- psa i love jj. in case u didn’t already know. send me more requests :’)

[sincerelymarinette]

A Recorded Life (40/50) - Miraculous Ladybug

Words: 2097 Chapter Summary: With an Akuma on the loose, Chat Noir is not with the team and needs to be there, so Ladybug must find him. Later, they record an "official" video for their new announcement. Author's Note: I loved this chapter. Also, Ladrien!! Just a little, but it's there :) We're almost to the gala and I'm HYPE

Prev / Next / Masterlist

The NewlyCoupled Game

---

7 days until the gala

The Akuma hadn't even broken anything yet. They were just chasing it across the city, keeping distance, and following. Typically, they liked to show off their powers and be as loud as they can. But this one was different, just flying throughout the sky and leading them through Paris.

Ladybug, Rena Rouge, Carapace, and Queen Bee were following and have been for ten minutes now. They jumped on rooftops to follow the Akuma, and they aren't even sure if the Akuma knew they were following- or if they cared.

"Anyone see Chat?" Ladybug asked.

The other three didn't respond. "I thought he would be with you," Queen Bee replied.

Ladybug shook their head as they continued running and talking. "Not today, he had a mandatory photoshoot that he had to agree to. His photographer must not be letting him leave," Ladybug sighed and stopped running. "Since the Akuma hasn't done anything, you guys good with just following for now? I know where his photoshoot is, and I can grab him. Nowadays, we can't finish the job without a cataclysm."

"We should be okay," Rena Rouge told her. "The Akuma hasn't even done anything. It will give us time to figure it out, and you can go save your prince."

"Besides, if we get in any trouble, I've got my shell-ter!" Carapace winked.

"Okay, sounds good. I'll call when I'm on my way back," Ladybug said and yo-yoed back to where they came from. There were two places that Adrien would be, as they had two different settings for the shoot today. It was between a park and a studio, and Marinette was really hoping they would be at the park- it would be so much easier to snatch Adrien out of there.

She was right, and she got lucky that they were at the park for this part of the shoot. As Ladybug got closer, she could hear the photographer yelling at Adrien. "The Akuma is north of us, so north that they won't turn back here! We have to finish the photoshoot! Your father will be furious if you don't let us do our job."

"I'm sorry, Monsieur," Adrien sighed. "But I don't care how far away from us they are. I have to go help my team, or the Akuma will come back and ruin the whole photoshoot anyway!"

"No, no," The photographer fought back. "There are four other heroes that can take care of it. We must finish this photoshoot."

Adrien groaned loudly as the photographer kept arguing. "They need me. I have to go."

"Let me call Mr. Agreste to confirm your absence," The photographer said and went to grab his phone.

Just as the photographer turned his attention away, Ladybug swept in with a big smirk. She put her arm around Adrien and started swinging her yo-yo. "Sorry to steal your model, but we need him!" She called out and threw the yo-yo to get away.

"No!" The photographer yelled. "He can't leave!"

"It's for the safety of Paris!" Ladybug yelled back just as she was getting out of sight. "How's the photoshoot go?" She smiled at Adrien.

He shook his head with a small laugh. "I don't miss it as much as people think."

"I, for one, hate it. I'm stuck in his bag, starving!" Plagg complained loudly.

Ladybug laughed. "I'm sure you'll have tons of cheese later. Sorry for scooping you up, Adrien, but you know we can't do this without you. Plus, it was bizarre, the Akuma didn't even acknowledge us and just kept running away," She said with Adrien in her arms. After a few more seconds, they landed in a random alleyway so Adrien could transform.

"Well, even if there wasn't an Akuma, thank you for saving me from the crazy photographer. I don't understand why he didn't want me to leave; he knows I'm Chat Noir," Adrien shrugged. "Ah, whatever. Plagg, claws out!"

---

"Hi! I'm Marinette!" She introduced the new video as she sat at a table with her best friends and now boyfriend. "And today, we have a very special video for you guys. I'm sure you've seen the picture on social media of Ladybug and Chat Noir kissing, and well, yes, it's real. This video is to announce that Adrien and I are indeed dating!"

"Woo!" Alya screeched. "Took you guys long enough!"

Marinette rolled her eyes, and Adrien tried to hold back his laughter. "And to announce it, because we have to, we're making a video against Alya and Nino to find out who is the best couple. Even if we haven't been dating for a long time, Adrien and I have been friends for years."

"True! We probably know more about each other than we think," Adrien added.

"Yeah, but you guys won't be able to beat us. Alya and I are like one person," Nino retorted.

"Can I explain the video?" Marinette laughed.

Alya put her hand up. "No, I want to!" She said, and took charge. "You guys know the Newlywed game? That's what we're doing, but for dating. It's going to be a lot of fun. Marinette and I went through Google earlier today and picked out a few questions to ask the other couple, and there are going to be some doozies," Alya said. "So, basically, I'll ask Marinette a question, she'll write her answer on the board, and Adrien will guess. And vice versa," Alya explained.

Marinette sighed and nodded. "Okay, I guess that we can just...start?" She said, and everyone nodded. "Great! I'm going to ask the first question. If Alya won the lottery, what would be the first thing she would buy?" Marinette asked. They both thought for a minute, and Alya started writing.

"I know this one!" Nino shouted. "We've talked about this. She would have a whole bunch of things lined up, but she would definitely get an apartment first and foremost. She loves her family, but it's about time for her to move out, and she needs her space," Nino said.

"Okay, Alya, what did you say?" Marinette asked.

With a big smile, Alya turned the board around to show her answer. An apartment because I need my space. "He got it exactly! Beat that!" Alya shouted in excitement.

Adrien shook his head. "It's only the first question. Don't get too cocky just yet!"

"What is Marinette's biggest pet peeve?" Alya asked.

"You really picked that one?" Nino asked.

"Yes, it's a good question! It could go so many different ways," Alya scoffed. "I want to win."

The two were silent, and Marinette had already erased two answers because she came up with her perfect answer. "See, this could go a few different ways," Adrien said. "It could be something as simple as poking herself with a needle, or something like people getting in her way- no, I got it!" Adrien said. "Akumas."

All three looked at Marinette as she turned her board around. AKUMAS it read as she hid behind the board.

"Yes! I knew it!" Adrien cheered. "Okay, ask the next one! I love this; this is so much fun."

Marinette looked down at her sheet and asked the next question that Nino would write an answer for. "Okay, uh, what was Alya's first impression of Nino?"

A minute went by, and Alya was ready with her answer. "Well, we met on my first day of school a few years ago, but we weren't super close. So, I expect it to be something like: she seems cool, I want to get to know her," She guessed.

Nino flipped his board around and showed that it said not much, I just wanted to get to know her. And they both erupted into cheers again as Alya got ready to ask Adrien the next question.

"What is your favorite memory together?" Alya asked.

Again, another minute went by, and the two had to think really hard about it. "Okay, Marinette, what's your answer?" Alya asked.

"Honestly, we've had so many good times together. And I've told this story before, where Adrien gave me his umbrella in the rain after I was convinced I hated him. It gave me such a different perspective on everything, and I'm so glad I forgave him."

Adrien looked down and turned his board. "That's a good one, but I said something different. I know Mari doesn't like to talk about it that much, but this was a day I'll never forget. It was the day we got our Miraculous and became superheroes, the first time we met. It was really funny, because I had no clue what I was doing, and neither did she, but she tried to use her yo-yo and ran straight into me. Then, she told off Hawkmoth on her first day as a superhero- and I knew she was going to be amazing," Adrien rambled.

"Aw, that's so sweet. I think I'll be okay not getting a point for that one. But we still have to win!" Marinette determined.

They went through about ten questions total, which ended up taking a while because the stories continued coming- but Marinette was sure the fans would not be mad about an extra-long video of their favorite ships. In the end, Alya and Nino ended up winning by two points, only getting two wrong.

"So what, we missed four," Adrien rolled his eyes. "We just started dating, we've got plenty of time to keep learning obscure things about each other," He retorted and put his arm around Marinette. Pushing it off, she ended the video before Alya and Nino could get any bigger ego.

The fans went wild. They loved every second of the video, just as the group had predicted, and the comments blew up the video went live. Soon enough, Adrienette was trending on Twitter again, and Marinette had to shut off her phone to stop the notifications from distracting her from Mario Kart. She would read comments and Tweets in the morning.

I saw the announcement on twitter, but I still can't believe it's true. THE SHIP HAS SAILED???

I love them all so much. Their dynamic with each other is simply the best. Nino and Alya are ultimate goals and I'm so happy Adrien and Marinette are together

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES PINCH ME IS THIS REAL IM GONNA CRY

i love them i love them they are the cutest

I mean, they already live together, we all saw this coming right? n knee ways, SHIP!!!

look at nino and alya being the best couple out there with adrienette right behind them

so whats nino and alyas ship name? I'm so happy we got to learn more about their relationship in this video I mean we already knew they've been together for a while but I love all their stories!

this was the absolute best way to announce the new hot couple. gossip sites are about to go crazy!

I'm so happy Mari is becoming more comfortable talking about lb and can. I know she chose not to for safety reasons and crazy people but now that it's kind of calmed down (a little) I'm glad she's able to talk about it. Look at that growth! we stan

---

Earlier that day

Nathalie arrived at the photoshoot an hour before Adrien was scheduled to be there. She had to speak to the photographer for an important reason and did not want Adrien to interfere.

"Are you sure, Miss Nathalie?" The photographer asked. "If there is an Akuma, you don't want me to let him go?"

"No. He is not allowed to leave.  No matter what. Mr. Agreste does not want him near the Akuma," Nathalie demanded.

"Why not? He is a superhero, correct?" The photographer was confused. "He will not want to be here if there is danger."

Nathalie shook her head. "He is not allowed to leave. And he is not allowed to know I was here. Gabr- Mr. Agreste is worried about him and does not want to risk anything more."

"Well, what am I meant to tell him when he tries to leave?"

"Simply tell him no and that you will call his father. This photoshoot is far too important."

"I'm sorry, but I think the priority is saving Paris," The photographer tried to reason.

Nathalie held up the briefcase she was holding. "This is double what you charge for the shoot. It's all yours. Just keep him at the photo shoot."

"Of course, I will do everything I can."

---

@lady-of-the-roses-and-lilies @bookishserendipity03 @avatheexceed @gkz10 @coccinellegirl @kat-thatoneweirdo @strawberryblondish @snow-swordswoman @lilgaga98 @evufries  

[douchebagbrainwaves]

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT TECHNIQUE

Because I'd rather offend people than pander to them, and IBM could easily have gotten an operating system elsewhere. It's technique. But these are equivalent to money; the proof is that investors are willing if forced to treat them as interchangeable, granting the same status to sweat equity and the equity they've purchased with cash. If you write the laws very carefully, that is. Here is a brief sketch of the economic proposition. Remember, the original motivation for HN was to test a new programming language, and moreover one that's focused on experimenting with language design, not performance. It's what a startup is thus as close as most people can get to saying to one's boss, I want to work for the Post Office for fifty years.

Technology that's valuable today could be worthless in a couple years. I wanted to make enough money that I didn't have to. Unfortunately, companies can't pay everyone like salesmen. Stuff has gotten a lot richer. An experienced programmer would be more likely to notice and complain. If one likes you, you become a member of this new group. Until a few centuries ago, the main sources of wealth were mines, slaves and serfs, land, and cattle, and the site rules discourage dramatic link titles. Up to a point it would be more fun. If you make something and people complain that you're unqualified, or that you've done something inappropriate. How do you get bought? They never had to bet the company on a bold decision. And indeed, the lumpy ashtrays we made for our parents did not have much of a larger share that what's left over for the rest of your life you devote to your work.

They were at the time a pair of college dropouts with about three years of school between them, and that can probably only increase your earnings by a factor of two or three. This was the era of those fluffy idealized portraits of countesses with their lapdogs. The techniques for dealing with links have to evolve, because the main value of that initial version is not the hope of becoming much richer than anyone else, it will seem low to others. Which meant, with current US tax rates, that it made sense to invest in it, the way to persuade people is not just one thing. Taking money from the rich. The theory is that minor forms of bad behavior encourage worse ones: that a neighborhood with lots of graffiti and broken windows becomes one where robberies occur. Many innovations consist of replacing something with a small group working on a hard technical problem. In 1976, everyone looked down on a company operating out of a garage in Silicon Valley don't seem to be a rule with them that everything has to start with statistics. A bet with only a few years old. It was the value I derived from it. Big companies can develop technology that's simply too hard for competitors to duplicate, you don't need to join a company to do that.

It's easy to measure how much revenue they generate, and they're worried about some nit like not having proper business cards. But more importantly, if you can believe that. There is a lot of them, but though they can end up in the company and went to work for ordinary salaries, but more mundane technologies like light bulbs or semiconductors have to be small? There is a large random multiplier in the success of a startup as an optimization problem in which performance is measured by number of users. Naturally wealth had a bad reputation. You may not even be aware you're doing something people want. The word try is an especially valuable component. Whatever the cause, stupid comments tend to be short. It's that it tends not to happen at all. If you're a good hacker in your mid twenties, you can compete with specialization by working on larger horizontal slices—by both writing and illustrating your book, for example, by going to work for the Post Office for fifty years. Of the remainder, the smart ones would refuse such a job, as if the important thing, why does everyone talk about making money?

Because I'd rather offend people than pander to them, we had to keep going. That's where you'll find the juiciest projects still undone, either because they seemed too risky, or simply because there were too few insiders to explore everything. So in the future, and the people running the test really care about its integrity. This pays especially well in technology, you cook one thing and that's what everyone eats. When you hear people saying that, you're golden. A friend of mine cured herself of a clothes buying habit by asking herself before she bought anything Am I going to wear this all the time, she wouldn't buy it. Government. But only graduation rates, not how much students learn. When I notice something surprising, it's usually very faint at first. I've observed this in the wild.

In life, as in books, action is underrated. The most common types of fluff links are banned as off-topic. And the harder a scene is to parse, the less energy you have left for conscious thoughts. But I don't think it would be: you need to give someone a present and don't have any money, you make one. Take away the incentive of wealth, and in some kinds of work they can outweigh the advantages. They will have all the extra motivation that comes from being in a small group, and leverage from developing new techniques. In my nephews' rooms the bed is the only clear space. No one wants to do it: give money to the poor, or they could become irrelevant. The greatest is an audience. You have to justify.

If starting a startup were easy, everyone would do it. After all those years you get used to the idea of leaving a trail. Suppose new policies make it hard to make a million dollars, you have to tease apart the components. But if you try to attack this type of wealth through economic policy, it's hard to write a short comment that's distinguished for the amount of information it conveys, people try to distinguish them instead by being funny. Startups yield faster growth at greater risk than established companies. Saying pleased to meet you, whether you are or not. If you want to inhabit.

It won't have any adults. There's nothing dishonest about this. And he said that as a kid growing up in Saskatchewan he'd been amazed at the dedication Jobs and Wozniak were marginal people too. This pays especially well in technology, where you earn a premium for working fast. The disadvantage is that it tends to obscure what trade really means. It sounds a good deal to start a startup, I would have sought security by some other means: for example, the good china so many households have, and whose defining quality is not so much that they copy even their flaws. But this wasn't what made them eminent—it was more a flaw their eminence had allowed them to sink into. So have we just shown, by reductio ad absurdum, that it's false that economic inequality is the inevitable fate of countries that don't choose something worse. Unless you have some users to measure, you're optimizing based on guesses. Imagine walking around for years with five pound ankle weights, then suddenly having them removed. One reason they work on big things is that they interact with the ideas.

Thanks to Chris Anderson, Sarah Harlin, Sam Altman, Justin Kan, Patrick Collison, Fred Wilson, Guy Steele, and Trevor Blackwell for their feedback on these thoughts.

[lunamanar]

#I Needed This

#So...I’m gonna do one of my weird things. This isn’t really to do with FFVIII, but...I feel like I owe people this. Because I’ve been watching this silly little writing power build and build and snowball, and...it just seems...so counter to the situation of the people I seem to be reaching, that I can’t just let it sit there and rack up “points” in the form of notes without taking a moment (well, a few hours at this point, but I had the time, and this is what I decided to do with it) to at least acknowledge the response. I’ve received messages from people, a flood of kind comments and tags, I’ve watched people reach out to one another to support them in their writing endeavors. Most of it has been outside this fandom, so...I apologize ahead of time if this is somewhat off-topic. 

I really don’t know how to begin talking about this, because I’m terrified it’s going to sound like I’m trying to call as much selfish attention as possible to a viral post I made by total accident. That’s not what I want to do at all, here, and please believe me when I say that I don’t think I did anything to deserve thousands of notes on what amounts to a “top ten” post of personal writing philosophies. When I posted it, I thought it might be helpful to a few very specific people in my immediate fandom circle. I never thought it would escape that circle, much less become the...giant ball of positivity that it has. Not that I’m complaining! I’m so beyond floored that it reached as far as it has, I don’t even know what to feel about it, anymore. I certainly don’t feel like I wrote anything brilliant. More than anything, I’m just...puzzled. And flattered, by how many people have been leaving kind tags and notes for me. 

The other thing that I feel about it, though, is...sadness. Sadness that so many people feel such anxiety over their writing abilities. So many personal things have been said on this post, by total strangers, about their struggles with anxiety, depression, trauma, alienation and isolation when it comes to their writing. Some people write thousands of words and post them with bated breath, only to be met with a few hits and no comments. Some people are so certain that they have nothing of value to add that they can’t even bring themselves to start. Some think they’re too old to start now, that all their peers of the same age are so far “ahead” of them, they’ll never have any hope of “catching up.” Some are embarrassed to be writing at all, then they’re unemployed and feel like they should be looking for a “real” job instead of indulging in hobbies. There are so many hundreds of ways writer’s block and blues affects people, and the reality of it is, well...I wish they would all go through the hundreds, even thousands of tags and replies simply so they could see how not alone they are in their struggles. Maybe they could even find other people who would be up to being their reading partner, so they could have someone to trade stories with. So many people posting to a void, and it’s hard to see that it should have to be that way. 

So...I mean, I don’t know what this will do, if it will do anything. This makes me feel nervous in itself, actually, because I’m not only reaching out to strangers, I’m going to be tagging people who aren’t even a part of the pleasant little community that is FFVIII. A lot of them. And maybe I’ll screw up...maybe I’ll tag someone who doesn’t want the exposure. I tried to comb through bios and take out anyone who explicitly said they were selective about who they talked to. If I tag you here, and you want me to delete your name, please send me a message and I will do so as soon as I see the request. 

But at the very least...I do want everyone I ping in this post to know that someone--me, at least--saw their response, and felt it, too. I want their stories to be written and I want them to find the audience who enjoys those stories. I’m here saying, “hey, I see you. I give a shit.” Even if I don’t know anything about whatever fandom you’re in, or if you’re writing a completely original story, or whatever...it’s important. There is nothing more tragic to me than a story aching to be shared that never sees the light of day. 

I also want to acknowledge some potential mistakes I may have made in writing that post (and this one). Few people had anything bad to say about it--and thank you all, for such tolerance of my rambles--but I am certainly not perfect, and I want to try to improve my communication where I can so I do ever less harm. 

...I guess I’ll start, then. 

Tumblr is chock full of “don’ts” when it comes to writing, and it’s my opinion that there’s just not enough love out there for the simple act of writing, itself a massive investment of time, energy and brain cells. Not every piece you write will be a success, but there is much to be said for the energy it takes to carry a story in your head, let alone take that and translate it into words so others can share the meaning it holds for you.

So, take a look at this. I posted that list sometime in...October 2016? I think? And in 7 months, 11,000 people either liked or reblogged it, and most people who reblogged it left a tag or two. By far, besides your generic “writing” or “writing advice,” the most common tag of note was this:

#I Needed This

...or something to that effect. I tried to find and count as many as I could. And I really want people to see just how many accounts out there who just happened to see a single writing tips list felt that they needed the encouragement. And those were the ones who were able to work up the nerve to say so in the comments or tags. I’m sure many more were too shy (and that’s OK). 

@finduilasnumenesse @amid-a-lightless-place @phan-band-fandoms @powerfulweak @kayteonline @anotherwinchesterfangirl @blue-phoenix-tears @requiemforthewolves @indi-flying-with-dragons @puppytoast @bxanxgtan @mcfuzzy20 @hexthespectre @purple-and-red-ribbons @fromotterspace @burn-it-slow @tehartmonkee @dutifullymadameashley @killiandameron @captainpoopweinersoldier @artlessictoan @purrtlepuff @chocolatebunnycake @argent-gale @nothingtoleave @nightmare-fantasia @midniallsnack @andromedas-daughter @my-write-mind @different-principles @tangeythetangerine @c-e-gold @random-alefiasolar @ellebeedarling @droid-to-the-world @xpress--urself @closeonmarksnosedive @thinkblueandr3d @novemblu @leopoldfitz @tonks42 @seraphim-of-the-finale @dragonshost-fanfiction @poketin @ofcoursetheymind @author-of-sins @peetaspikelets @officialao3fandomlastforever @randomfangirllaughs @thereddestglass @gaybirdkid @sailorgreywolf @strangesorceries @thecorruptedquietone @melifair @ganbareno @peanutbutterflutist @bi-antagonist @preciousgaby @atomicpen @mariamagica @comebacknow @reconfemmandoforares @happiestastronaut @marmaladephan @ayumichan46 @sergeantrooper @weldlys @bearlytolerable @thatnewcarsmeli @rozenly @notori @mymomthinksimfunny1 @sylvesterelle @edwardsisland @be-kita @cosetteskywalker @welkikitty

...I know people tend to not like vertical lists of @’s, but I just...want to illustrate that each of these tumblr names is a person who has a story to tell, is in some way struggling with their confidence level, and often, that lack of confidence is due to obscurity. Frequently, feeling intimidated by the work and popularity of one’s peers is just as pen-stopping. 

But just by skimming each of their blogs (which I did, individually--this has taken hours of my time), I can say with certainty that none of these writers are bad ones, and I wish I had the time to sit down and read everything they all had to offer, not just to make them all feel better, but because I am sincerely curious! Look at all the fandoms! Look at all the genres here! This is a veritable cornucopia of colorful ideas and potential. Most of these people are relatively unknown. If you’re in one of the fandoms you see here, aren’t you curious about what you’re missing? Goes double for people who have original novels they’re working on, but have no one to read over their script and help them with it. Seriously, isn’t there something that can be done about that? 

The second most popular tag was some variant of “thank you.” Which is very sweet, but I really don’t read that as indicating any virtue of mine so much as just another indication of need, someone who needed to read or hear that their situation isn’t hopeless, they don’t suck, and they can write that story they’re struggling with. They don’t hear anyone else telling them that on any sort of regular basis. Especially for someone who’s still trying to find their footing/niche as a writer, that’s a toxic, tragic state of being if writing is something you love. And for the record, I don’t buy for a second that love is enough to keep someone writing if no one is there to read it. Not for struggling authors and people just starting out. Silence is just as bad as, if not worse than condemnation for emerging writers. It’s one thing for an established writer to let a quiet, or disappointed crowd roll off their backs; they have the experience to know and trust in their own skill, and--largely because they already have a support network--can get back on that horse and keep writing even if they produced a lemon or two. Someone without that experience or support? Silence and strict criticism, more than anything, tends to cause a shutdown. (Yes, I’m aware there are exceptions, but in general, it’s true, and I’ve seen it again and again: “My writing doesn’t meet x standard, so what’s the point in even trying?”)

The point is that you usually have to walk before you run, and you can’t even get that far without support, encouragement, praise and redirection. You don’t even have to be an established mentor, you can be a passerby--hey that’s a nicely worded metaphor, good job...you misspelled “principle,” there--and you cannot understate just how helpful even that little interaction can be, if you’re positive about it. Even if you were flying at one point, it’s possible to fall, and if you do, you’ll need some help picking yourself back up. So when I say “don’t write in a vacuum,” that’s what I mean: even if you don’t show your work to anyone until you finish it, just knowing that there is someone out there waiting to see it, and anticipating it, willing to help you with it if you need it, and cheering you on all the while, is empowering. Isolation, on the other hand, not knowing who if anyone will even care to read your work or like it once it’s done, breeds blank pages and brain fog. Much of creativity is about communication. If there’s no one to communicate with, creativity suffocates. Unless you are a particularly talented introvert, you can only carry on a conversation with yourself for so long before all the words start to sound the same. 

So, to  @castiel-comatose, to @satari-raine, @referencesforpiamio... to

@blue-phoenix-tears @mama-sally @indi-flying-with-dragons @acidmatze @vanillaroses @fromotterspace @pristinepastel @blankinsidecards @nynynightmare @ruminationandtea @chocowl @chiyala @mag-i-cal @andromedas-daughter @megatraven @the-real-inu-girl @remsyk-blog @universe-apart @xmayleensyo @ellipsesarefun @internallydeceased @kigamin @sweeneymads @wepush @heartofpages @lauralot89 @franzwantscoffee @loveablelevi @poketin @maginpui @richard-of-windoor @yuri-on-ice-ice-babyyyy @azurethoughts @thunderstormsandcuddles @bekasyura @contentmintdraws @kurosakiami01 @strangesorceries @brynnmclean @howtotrainyouragents @lumierc @spywerewolf @yourcouragetothestickingplace @heuvelliedje @kateandtheuniverse @weeardo0 @ayumichan46 @silverbuttercups @rozenly @heartofwriting @darthshizuka @guardianmantis @gladnis-trash @firstorderelite @amiitens

...You’re welcome for the post, but it really was just...that sometimes, *I* feel isolated, and I feel like my writing is shit and no one could possibly care. But experience has taught me that there are so many reasons that’s simply an illogical sentiment, and those ten-ish items help me remember why it’s far more reasonable to assume I’m a good writer who faces the inherent difficulties of publishing in a vast sea of other writers on the Internet. In many ways, including with the list itself, I got lucky, got noticed by other people who already had a lot of followers, and through them I found people who were interested in my work, not because I’m some amazing writer (I’m not...just look at this structural disaster of a post at 5-something in the morning), but because I bothered to reach out in the first place. I’ve made similar posts several times in the past, and they didn’t go anywhere, but this time, I just ran into the right people at the right time. So it got to you, and you commented or tagged, and now you’re on this post with a bunch of other people you probably don’t know. Keep trying, and it happens, eventually. You will be seen. 

That’s the real tragedy of all this...your ability to be seen and heard is attributable as much to chance as it is anything else. And you can’t really start to make your own luck until you have some social capital. I have a few followers, and so I hope that posting this can facilitate at least a little bit more luck for everyone I mention. So don’t be scared to respond (reblog--more people see that than when you comment), and say what you’re working on that you want people to see, or that your afraid won’t be finished, or won’t turn out right. Start a conversation about it. Say what about the story is important to you. Reach out. Let people know you have a story you want to tell, one that really matters to you. Maybe give a brief synopsis--you’d be surprised how that can pique someone’s interest. Really, anything. Just keep trying. Over time, people will find you. 

Either way, point is, I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but just because you left a tag on a post that helped you, someone saw you, liked you, and has every confidence that you have beautiful stories in your head that you are more than capable of putting to the keys. Whatever else you do with that information, please do not stop writing, and if you need help, maybe look through some of the people here who are or have been feeling rather invisible--there’s likely someone who shares your interests. Or just reblog, or message me, or message someone you know who maybe you haven’t thought to ask before, whatever it is you feel brave enough to do. If you want to, that is. If you don’t want to, that’s alright. I just...wanted to give everyone I saw a chance, a platform for it. 

If I have one thing to add to my list--a #11--it’s that if you have a lack of support, encouragement and visibility in your writing life, you should probably treat that as a primary obstacle to your writing, before you blame yourself or your abilities. Beating yourself up for not being able to grab people’s attention without a preexisting network isn’t fair to you, although the inclination is understandable, given the expectation people tend to have for writers to do exactly that. But the truth is, you owe it to yourself to reserve judgement on your own work until you’ve seen what you can do with that support.

Now that I’ve spend entirely too many words explaining what’s probably a very simple concept, there were a few responses to the post that I felt...like I should answer, specifically. This isn’t because these people are better than anyone in the lists above (in fact many of them are in those lists), it’s simply because they said something I happened to have a specific response to. So...here goes nothing. Making friends, I hope!

@night57byrd

replied to your post

“Things I Try to Remember When I’m Nervous About Writing”

Thank you for this advice and wisdom. I have long harbored dreams of writing but have allowed my inner inner critic hold me back. This posting has given me a tremendous boost. Thank you for the gift.

This was one of the most heartwarming comments I received, and it showed up on my dash on a day where it seemed like everything was just falling apart around me. I should thank you, for giving me the synergy boost to soldier through the rest of a very difficult day. Knowing that at least I’d done something that had helped someone that much helped me make it through without breaking down. So thank you, for your gift of strength to me. I sincerely hope you enjoy getting into the wonderful, if often stormy world of writing (and I hope you’re able to get another season out of Pitch--I’ve been meaning to give that show a shot, along with Southside With You, but it just hasn’t happened for me, yet). 

@wtf-and-shit

replied to your post

“Things I Try to Remember When I’m Nervous About Writing”

I really needed this cause I’ve been in a slump of sorts. Even asked myself “what do others want to read?”

And @whenimaunicorn has similar woes: 

sometimes i lose my own voice trying to please the whole crowd but i'm just writing 'my' story not 'the' story i gotta remember that

Asking what others want to read (or conversely, what other want you to write) is a nasty trap I’ve fallen into multiple times. It’s not even conscious, half the time, you just start worrying if the words you’re putting on the page are just going to be too weird, to boring, or just not what people want to see. You start tweaking things to better reflect what you think others want to see, and before you know it, you’re writing something you really just don’t care about at all. I really sincerely believe that the best way to keep a story from falling over dead is to be continually invested in the content, even if that means changing the story to accommodate you when your interests change. That can sometimes lead the story in strange directions, but better a story be strange than incomplete, I would think.

Several people commented about calling themselves names:

@freestridingprinces said:

One of my very cute kouhais tagged me in this. I have a terrible habit of doing all of the negative things on this list. I’ve called myself boring many times. I will stop. I would never call anyone else who I’ve ever spoken with boring. So, I’m working on staying positive and nice to myself along with you all. Thank you for being kind to me when I needed it.

while @thecrimsonarcher is similarly inclined:

#10 is my biggest issue. Honestly, judging by the lack of feedback from my writings, I have come to the conclusion that my writings lack creativity because I am unable to hold anyone’s attention. My story is a mixture between Lovecraftian horror, psychological horror, and Southern gothic. Nobody wants to read that during this day in age.

and further notes the difficulties of competing with erotica (sorry, I switch the order of paragraphs for effect):

It’s made worse when no one gives me feedback or likes the post. Was my story really that bad? Did it suck so bad it didn’t warrant a response? More often than not, I find myself deleting my progress that I post on Facebook or Tumblr. If no one will give it the time of day, why even post it? What’s the point? The only way you’ll ever get recognized for writing on Tumblr is if you do fanfics, especially erotic fanfics.

I suspect one of the reasons fanfiction is as popular as it is, is that you automatically have something of a fan base right from the getgo, because the material in question is...well, by definition, a product of fandom. It’s also just a fact of life that people love smut, and often they love it for smut’s sake, rather than paying much attention to the quality of the writing. And that’s fine! But it does make things complicated when what you write is not smut. 

One thing I would recommend is looking up some good Genfic groups. Even if you’re not planning on writing exclusively sex/relationship-free stuff, they might be a good place to start with short stories, just to build an audience and start working in the right direction to find more people who are looking for more than just getting off.

@dust2dust34 chimed in,

i've been very unkind to myself lately with blood hands     very unkind  

and @headphonesandbackpack also gives themselves a hard time,

#i need to keep that in mind #also i tend to hate my writing style #i think it's incredibly boring #i bore the shit out of myself while boring #but my french teachers seem to love what i write??? #and when i read it like a year later i think it's not that bad #i guess i need to believe in myself

There’s a lot of people out there who beat themselves up over their percieved skill level:

@lechatrouge673: I HAVE A CRISIS OF CONFIDENCE AT LEAST ONCE A WEEKAND I FEEL LIKE AN UTTER FRAUD

@ashethehedgehog: 

# I BEAT MYSELF UP OVER MY WRITING ALL THE TIME SO THIS IS # YEAH THIS IS NICE

@ishipmyselfwitheveryone:  +sometimes i call myself 'useless sack of severed cocks' when i won't write good  +maybe that's part of my problem

(Well...tbh, yes? haha, I can think of several politicians who are far more deserving of being called that right now...*ahem* ANYWAY...)

@dragonsinparis has some strong feelings (that I agree with) while falling to #10 even in tags:

  #i'm a lazy enough writer that i only actually get off my ass if there's a story i desperately want that I can't find  #(hence state of grace and this isn't what we meant especially)  #but what you're looking for that you can't find can be as simple as a style or an aspect or a moment or a choice  #which means that it is still rooted in your voice  #ANYWAY EVERYONE KEEP WRITING  #STORIES BUILD COMPASSION AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING WE NEED MORE OF IN THE WORLD IT IS THAT 

So the self-berating issue seems to be pretty common, if completely unnecessary. Again the ability--or inability--to be able to get the words out perfectly is held as a measure of one’s talent or potential, and frustration with that and/or a lack of feedback leads to self-abuse--or it seems that way to me, correct me if I’m wrong, or want to add to this analysis. I’m no expert...but I remember that’s kinda how it worked, for me. I thought I should be able to just be better, and additionally, I didn’t want anyone to think I was stuck-up or pretentious about my work, so I said a lot of damaging things about myself and my writing, just to keep my expectations down so I could avoid disappointment. Problem was, the more I said it, the more I believed it, and the harder it was to actually feel like writing was worth the effort. It wasn’t until very recently I found enough support for that behavior to change, and I’m much less likely to put myself down nowadays.

Several people were just happy that kindness showed up in their feed:

@litwww:  Thank you, kind person who randomly appeared on my dash ❤

@letspartyrightnowplease:  I really needed this right now as I’ve been struggling and stressing the heck out

@zodiacdog101:  Thanks dude this helped through the slump I’m going through

@classicbkrder815:  Reblog. Thanks i needed this today. Lol I’m going to read it everyday to inspire myself.

@orcaspanielmermaids:  These are some of the kindest words I’ve received all week, after struggling with RL issues on top of fighting to get out of the corner I’ve written myself into. Thank you, OP. <3

@gymleader-nick:  You have no idea how bad I needed to hear this right now.

I swear I’m not including these to fan my ego, I was just very surprised how many people seemed surprised to find something encouraging on their dash. I am very happy that the list helped! I hope it continues to. But as @dragonsinparis opined above, encouragement and compassion in the writing world appear to be in lamentably short supply.

Guilt over breaks, unfinished work and asking for attention also seems to be a big culprit of empty-page syndrome:

@beqm:  I love the ‘You’re allowed to take breaks.“ Because right now I feel like I’m being a horrible slacker. I want to write but everything else seems to bee getting in the way.

@perpetuallyfive:  #the guilt is what makes writing the hardest for me? #any time i'm struggling with something and think ''maybe switch to another piece for now'' i feel bad #any time i ask someone to look at my stuff #anytime i want to say i'm trying to write a thing and i worry i won't finish in time and then all i can think is that i never finish in time #i sometimes try not to even post a thing until another thing is half finished because there are those times when no one cares #about that last thing you posted and it's SO DISCOURAGING #like you accept that you just write for you but it makes it hard to continue the next thing when you can't stop thinking you know #maybe you're not that good anymore #maybe you never were maybe it was just the fandom you were in was fucking thirsty #writing is the worst honestly except for those limited few times when it's the best #(i've been trying to write lately. if you couldn't tell.) #anyway i'm going to reread this list a lot right now.

@icybluepenguin: #I wish I were better talking about my stories with other writers #It always helps #But I always feel so guilty

@woodlandcrowns: I'd love to have a support circle of [fanfiction] writers--or even for original stuff at timesbut I believe I'd be a bother

@effinunicorns: I need to work on the 'talking to people about my fic' thing more but it feels so awkward

#7 of the list is a quick reminder for me that however many unfinished works I have that I never tell anyone about, there are just as many behind all the finished, polished stories I see on the AO3 pages of my friends. And hey, some people are simply more prolific than others, and that’s all right. Has no bearing on your worth as a writer if you cannot churn out chapter after chapter. Focus on what you want to do, what’s exciting for you to write right now. Then go for it. At some point, you’re going to get absorbed in one of those projects until it’s finished. It might take a while, even years, but it will happen, and you’ll find your groove along the way. 

I should’ve made a 7.1: the number of finished works is not a measure of whether you’re a good writer. It’s worth considering that the purpose of writing, as an art, isn’t always to follow a story all the way to completion. If writing is a sort of “zen” thing for you, something you do to explore ideas for yourself, communicate them to others, and just enjoy and grow as a person through the process, it really doesn’t matter if the stories go unfinished, as long as you benefit from the exercise. Writing can be as much akin to meditation as it can be a job that you live off of. If that’s how it works for you, it’s still legit and you can still be extremely good at it. Even if you never finish a single piece, if it’s making your life better, don’t sweat it. Enjoy your talent for what it is. You can always hone it, but if the process of trying is both failing and causing you to lose confidence or self-esteem, maybe your writing pattern and skill is just different from that of the typical “career writer.” Maybe not, but it’s worth thinking about, and if that’s how it is for you, don’t let anyone tell you that you suck just because.

A lot of people are scared/already convinced that nothing they produce is any good and no one wants to read it: 

@formsans96:  I just feel that no one does like them that much. Even my finished works.

@canadian-buckbeaver:  I keep looking at the views and kudos of other stories and it immediately affects me. “Why am I not that popular?” “Am I not that good?” But then I read everyone’s comments… immediately feel better.

@noodle-dogs:  #I HAVE LIKE....3 BIG PLOTS IN MY HEAD RN #BUT IM JUST SCARED MY WRITING WONT BE GOOD ENOUGH 

@decembercamiecherries:  I get really nervous when writing WTWFI'm scared it won't turn out good and pple will be disappointed

@talentlessandoptimistic:  #the downside is I'm literally the only person who wants to read it #which is why I don't share it

@sandrasr91:  sometime I want to write but I don't know if it'll be any good

@itsactuallycorrine:  # i keep telling myself i just need to put words on the page # but i'm at the halfway point and doubting everything

This is writer anxiety #1, and I’m 100% convinced that (in addition to the effects of more uncontrollable factors such as clinical depression and other intrusive MI in some individuals) it results from a lack of support. If no one ever reads your stuff or says anything good about it, how are you supposed to know if it’s an effective piece of writing or not?

That’s another way of combating writing anxiety: Don’t judge stories in terms of “good” and “bad.” I tend to think of most stories as “good,” even if they’re poorly written. We all wrote crappy stories before we wrote “good” ones, but it was still good that we went through the experience of writing the crappy ones, and old stories still have a certain charm about them. 

Rather, I try to look at stories in terms of their effectiveness: did they reach the reader on a personal level? Did I communicate what I wanted to say? If so, then the piece was a success, was effective. If not, it was an ineffective piece, and I’ll just have to work on making sure the next one comes across more clearly. 

But nothing, no philosophy, no reminders, no lists can substitute for friends and writing/reading buddies. It’s so important to establish those, or you’re likely to feel isolated and distraught when you post your blood sweat and tears to a brick wall and receive nothing in response for your efforts. 

If you’re not writing fanfiction, there is a group called Critters that I cannot recommend highly enough. They call themselves a “workshop,” but really, they’re a fantastic resource for submitting manuscripts for (gentle, but useful!) critique. There’s a very reasonable, common-sense but quite in-depth etiquette for critting others’ work (people tell you when you do something RIGHT, too!), and you are required to critique a few short stories before you can submit your own, but it’s not hard, and gives you a lot of great practice on both giving and receiving writing assistance.  I used this group for a few years while I was unemployed, and the people there are wonderful and helped me a great deal. Do give it a look if you’re having a hard time finding anyone to read your work. You’ll make some friends!

There was one comment that caught my eye on this note: 

@mamakat926:  All good things I need to remember when I’m struggling to write my first fanfic…

I wish you the best of luck! The first one is always hard. And even though you’re writing fanfiction, it’s worth having a look at Critters! There’s so many resources there to help you get off the ground with your first attempts.

Of course, I have to mention the lovely @lidicores, who translated the entire post into Portuguese. I can’t read a lick of it, but that was awesome, haha! 

I needed this right now. I’ve been lacking drive to write since last november. The emptiness is excrucianting. Then a week ago a friend asked me about the story and I suddenly started to think about it again. I even reread some chapters… hopefully I’ll be back soon. Hopefully…

Oh, English is not my first language, so, don’t you worry, I’m not this bad writing in Portuguese. LOL

Having two or more languages under your belt already gives you a leg up on most writers. I hope you’re able to get back into it, soon. 

Several people expressed concern about coming back to writing after a long hiatus:

@mxrdins: #i wanna start writing fanfics too :( #i mean long ones in englisn #but am i too late with it #after all im 18 lol and there is a looooong break behind me in writing 

@sazula:  I haven't written anything in so long but i want to

@arie-172:  # i need to remind myself of so many of these# idk but it's been so long since i've written something that i had forgotten what it was to feel this way# you know the way in which you kind of second guess everything

@dragontameroutofcharacter​:  mmmmm i feel like this is · why i can't write lately tho · there isn't · anything i want to read · like honestly lately i just · want to sleep · i work and i come home and i try to stay awake until evening · i've got books i was so excited to get · that i'm still not reading · haven't even started · i miss writing ·

Just like when you’re first starting out, getting back into it is a question of connection and support, knowing who and what your resources are, and using them. And patience with, and compassion for yourself. You can’t expect the first thing you produce to be as clean as the last thing you wrote before your hiatus, so avoid comparing them. Maybe you want to try a new style or a different perspective, just for fun or to keep the results from being comparable in the first place. I really hope all of you are able to dive back in, though. And 18 is not at all too old! I skipped 3 years of writing between 16 and 19, and it didn’t take me long to get back up to speed.

One person expressed skepticism at the implications of needing/taking writing advice from a tumblr post: 

@epherians:  #I DON'T FEEL SURE WHEN I HAVE TO FIND COMFORT IN WRITING ADVICE POSTS…

I understand and even share this sentiment, and of course you’re perfectly welcome to throw all this out the window with no resentment from my end! But...I’m curious, have you ever seen the movie, Adaptation? If not, you really should. Even though it has Nick Cage in it. Or because it does, depending on your persuasion. 

Now, to a few slightly more personal responses. The first is more of a question, because I spotted this tag in one of the reblogs:  ableist language ...I wanted to ask, @arathergrimreaper, was this meant to note that I used such language in my post? If so, please let me know where I messed up so I can fix it! And I’m quite sorry if I injured anyone with some bad wording in there. 

@theladyjanes​ used the tag  such powerful words for the post, and that...I dunno, it just hit me hard. Thank you. Powerful is not often a word that is used to describe me or what I say, so I appreciate it, a lot. 

@americannoteven​ said, 

 #I've reread this about 15 times now #each time feels more and more personal #bc fuck #I should... stop being so hard on myself

Yes, please...if you can manage it, give yourself a break. I hope that the list helped you, and I hope you work through your writing struggles soon. My message and ask boxes are always open, to everyone. =)

@xbean​ wrote,

#It's taken me a while to get back into it especially when someone you called your best friend read one and made you feel like shit after the

Okay so this messed with me, because...well, because this happened to me several years ago. And I’m sorry, so sorry that that happened to you. It’s a horrible, awful feeling. I hope you can get back into the swing of writing--and if you have to, use spite and resentment to fuel your determination to write, no matter what anyone thinks about it. It’s yours. Do your thing! The best antidote for the shame and hurt is to just keep writing, and when you finally get through the pain, you will have leaned an incredible amount about what parts of your writing are yours and how to discard the pieces you put in there simply to please others. Be strong, you can make it through. 

@bamfcoyotetango​ raged,

FUCK IF I DIDN'T NEED THIS AFTER THE SHIT SHOW THAT GREETED MY LATEST CHAPTER

29 HITS FOR A CHAPTER NEARLY 2K LONG

Another awful feeling, working especially hard on a story or chapter, only to have no one comment, and hardly anyone even look at it. 

It likely isn’t that your writing is bad or even ineffectual, though. It could have been a bad time of day to post. Your normal readers just might not have been available. Did you let anyone know that the chapter was up? Try pinging them, if not. In any case, don’t immediately think that silence means it sucked and no one liked it, or that it was too boring for strangers to notice. True is, it’s really hard to make a title that gets people’s attention without designing it as pure clickbait (and if you’ve avoided that nasty habit, good on you!). 

I hope your next chapters garner more interest. Out of curiosity, what’s the story about?

@takemeawaymothman​ said, this last one really like? got to me -- and it seems like, while #1 (write what you want to read) was the most popular/cited, #10 (don’t call yourself names) had the strongest reaction...a few tags suggesting it pulled some tears. I’m a little curious as to why that is...is it really so rare for anyone to tell you that you are not stupid? Gosh...I want to give all of you hugs, haha!

(also, cool account name!)

@bastian-casillas-fussballgott​ (omg, I spelled it!) simply said,  this means a lot to me. This seems like one of those quiet, but profound statements, and I’m happy that this little list was so meaningful. I hope it helps. 

@fireferns said,  

#making a bunch of these things stuff i think and believe had helped my writing more than anything 

And I wholeheartedly agree that...nothing on that list really does anything to help if you do not internalize it. It has to be something you’re just as willing to tell other people. And it’s not comprehensive! Nor is it for everyone. Many people mentioned that they actually do write better without any outside interference. That’s great--the list was just my list, and I think everyone would probably benefit from making their own, tailoring it to what works best for their writing style. 

@infinitelystrangemachinex echoes my feelings: 

#I am nervous about writing 100% of the time#It is the most stressful and unforgiving thing I have ever done and ever will do#but I also love it more than anything

Yes, yes! Even writing this, I am constantly thinking about how it all can go wrong, how people might be mad at me for @’ing them, or think I’m creepy for having gone through all the notes and read them...but, I just have this thing I have to get out, you know, and as terrifying and sometimes heartbreaking as it has been, nothing has ever been more rewarding to me, or caused so much positive growth in me, than my writing. And if I don’t constantly defy my anxiety, it takes hold of me and paralyzes me. So, writing is not just important. To me, it’s necessary. I imagine it’s that way for many other people, too. 

@pandora15 had a conundrum: 

#this is giving me inspiration to work on my clone wars fic

#but like

#i have an exam tomorrow

#so i shouldn't

#ugh but I WANT TO

#this is hard

I have to know...what did you choose?

@thetamburlaine got excited about their AU plotbunny--er, porpoise?:

this actually got me writing right away after a few weeks slump the two first points did it i think anyway for future encouragement free willy au here i come

WOW, I’m glad it helped that much--and also, wow again, a Free Willy AU? I’d never have imagined there would be fanfiction for that movie, but now that I think about it, it kinda makes sense. I’m very curious!

@irresistible-revolution said that  #i might be crying #the blogger had an emotional day y'all  and I really hope that wasn’t a bad thing. I don’t want my post to have made things worse! I hope you’re all right. 

And finally, @positivelycurious writes  #needed this as I'm attempting to finally write a memoir -- A memoir, really? That’s awesome, I’ve never met anyone who’s written one, before. Good luck!

Um...okay, I think that’s all. I know that there will be more notes after this date (05/07/2017), but unfortunately it will be very hard for me to separate old from new comments and tags, so I may never be able to get to answering any more. Sorry about that, but please know that I read everything, even tags, and this post has just gone on an unbelievable journey through so many people, if only briefly. I appreciate all the feedback and hope it continues to help others get out of their writer’s block. 

I also apologize if this post is in any way out of line or uncomfortable to those I’ve tagged in it. I mulled for a long time on whether or not to do it this way, rather than just sending individual messages to everyone I mention here. Again, if you want to be removed from this post, tell me and I will do so immediately. The reason I made this post is at least partially based on a post I made about two years ago, where I called out as many of my followers as I could to tell them how and why I was thankful for them. Really, that’s what I’m trying to do here, too. Although most of you do not follow me, and honestly, you probably have no reason to start, just being aware of you and your writing troubles, and the fact that I may have helped them just a little bit, makes you all very important to me. There’s so much creativity out there and I hate to see it bottled. Your gratitude and thanks have been a constant stream of comfort during a terribly stressful time in my life, and for that, I really cannot thank you enough. 

Even though we’re complete and total strangers, I know you matter, and so do your stories. Do not give up on them. The world is better if they’re written, that they might fall into the hands of someone who needs them. 

-Luna

[merlinficreview]

But It’s A Good Refrain Review!

But It’s a Good Refrain by lady_ragnell

Word Count: 23090

Alright friends, enemies and others. I decided to use this for the next review because it’s got a fairly high number of hits. I thought about doing The Student Prince next, but since I just finished reviewing a Modern Royalty AU, I thought I would do something else first. I’ve never read this fic but it sounded vaguely interesting.

The fic opens with Arthur trying to change the radio channel from some girl calling into a talk show to complain about her boyfriend. Morgana refuses to let him change the channel. “’He isn’t torturing them,’ Morgana snaps. Arthur is especially sorry that he chose to drive down with her when she’s in an even worse mood than usual due to their father refusing to donate to the charity she runs. ‘He’s listening. Something that you obviously don’t know how to understand or do, but this show really helps people.’”

Put him in his place, Morgana! Also LOL Holy First World Problems, Batman. Did you catch exactly what Morgana was pissed about? Her dad not donating to the charity she wanted him to. I mean, I guess I get it if he was donating to Republicans or something else terrible like that, but the fic doesn’t imply that it was for anything other than small animals or children. Get over it, Morgana, someone who needed that money still got it.

Anyways, Arthur tells Morgana that talk shows like that are all scripted and fake. “’He is not a fake, and I know that because—‘ Morgana stops, cheeks going pink.” Oop. Busted.

“You have! You called Dragon’s Lonely Hearts like the Billy No-Mates you are.” Damn, Arthur. Not only are you making fun of her for calling a radio show for help, you’re saying she has no friends? Harsh. Morgana says that he helped her after a bad breakup. Good. You do you, Morgana, Your brother is the worst.

“’Well, I suppose they aren’t paying him or anything,’ Arthur allows. ‘My God, you’re mercenary. I always forget that about you.’ He just raises his eyebrows, since Morgana is the one who spends her life putting a bottom line on everything, even if it is for pandas or irrigation or whatever the hell her catchall charity is supporting this week.” An irrigation charity? Ok. Sure. If I were Uther, I wouldn’t have donated to that one either. And why wouldn’t Merlin (let’s all be real honest, we know it’s Merlin) be getting paid?

Then Morgana makes fun of Arthur for not being able to hold a relationship for more than three months. Pendragon Siblings, man.

So Morgana brings up Dragon’s Lonely Hearts while out at the pub and everyone except Arthur listens to the show, which Arthur is super bitter about. Arthur is even annoyed that his girlfriend listens to it.

Let her do what she wants, Arthur.

“(The breakup with Vivian four days later, incidentally, has nothing to do with this discussion, no matter what Morgana claims. It has everything to do, however, with Vivian’s habit of telling him what sort of ring she wants and leaving wedding magazines around his flat.)” I mean, I can’t fault Arthur for not wanting to propose to his girlfriend of three months. Yikes. That warrants a discussion first rather than a breakup though. “Hey man, I’m super uncomfortable with all these marriage hints you have been dropping. We’ve only been together a few months and I’m not ready for that step.” Done.

So then Uther asks Arthur if he should do commercials for the radio show. “Arthur firmly puts paid to that idea, since he suspects the audience of Dragon’s Lonely Hearts is quite liberal and wouldn’t appreciate Uther’s philosophies.” Told you Uther was Republican.

“The rest of it he finds out when he and Mithian go out for lunch and she cheerfully slips in a story about a friend of hers who got set up on a date through the show and how her boyfriend proposed this past weekend. ‘You should put your name in,’ she says, probably just because she knows it annoys him.” Damn the whole world listens to this show.

Mithian suggests that Arthur try speed dating, which Arthur shoots down ASAP. I don’t blame him. “When he does, she makes a great point of changing the subject, and Arthur assumes that’s all he’ll hear about Dragon’s Lonely Hearts for a while, that it’s one of those odd things that seems like it’s everywhere for a few weeks before fading into obscurity again, like the time when all of his friends ended up talking to him about ducks completely by chance within the same week.” Can we please get all these random conversations about ducks? This is cracking me up for some reason.

The next scene is two weeks later. Arthur is at the gym and you guessed it, Dragon’s Lonely Hearts is playing on the radio there. Vivian is calling in and bitching about Arthur.

Good.

“Well. It sounds like the Dragon takes a deep breath from the crackle of the speakers. You sound like an intelligent woman, Viv, so you know this already, but I’ll say it anyway: if someone doesn’t change their previous behavior, then they’ll never change the way their relationships end. This bloke—Arthur, right? This bloke clearly has a pattern that’s working for him, and if he’s doing things the same way he’s always done, then sure as anything, he’ll end it the way he’s always done as well.”

Go in, Merlin! Obviously Arthur can’t have that, so he leaves the gym to go call the show and will undoubtedly prove Merlin right. The thing that is most interesting to me is that Arthur seems mostly offended that he has being trash talked on a show that his sister is probably listening to. He specifically thinks about that. That’s weird to me. Be more concerned about your boss or coworkers hearing this, Arthur.

“When he does check his phone, after a few deep breaths and a swig out of a bottle of cider, he’s got texts from nearly all of his friends. He only bothers reading Morgana’s, since hers is undoubtedly going to be the worst, and puts up with having to scoll down several times through all the HAHAHA to get to I could almost feel sorry for you if it weren’t true.” See? I would be more worried about a coworker texting me, “umm is this you they are talking about on this show?” Or my boss. How embarrassing.

Mithian calls Arthur and tells him to turn on the radio because Merlin is taking a call from a woman who is specifically calling in about men like Arthur. “’A woman called in to talk about men like you,’ she says, but under it he hears —and I have never met a man like that who wasn’t a terrible user in some strange woman’s voice.

Neither have I, to be honest, says the Dragon, laughing a little, putting Arthur’s hackles right up. I do always have to keep in mind that I’m only hearing one side of the story, but someone who breaks up after three months nearly every time, who usually only dates his friends … well, that’s a sign of someone just looking for convenience, really, not love.”

Damn straight. Read him, Merlin.

So then Arthur decides to call in to the radio show, for reals this time. I mean… I would be fairly embarrassed and humiliated too. “A cheerful woman answers the phone. ‘You’ve reached Dragon’s Lonely Hearts, can I get your name please?’ ‘Arthur,’ he says as calmly as he can manage. There’s a pause. ‘Oh, shit,’ she says quietly, and then in a much less cheerful and more timid voice she says ‘Are you going to sue us?’” LOL I like her. Keeping the important stuff in mind.

“’I am not. But I would like to say that I don’t appreciate my friends texting me to let me know that people are talking about me on a radio show and making assumptions about my character that I can’t defend against.’ Another pause, and then the woman says brightly ‘I’ll put you through!’ in a tone that Arthur recognizes from the workplace, that of someone who doesn’t want to deal with whatever problem’s been dumped in her lap, and suddenly he’s hearing what must be the end of the song playing on the radio and someone counting down quietly to prepare to go on the air.” I have 100% used that annoying, “OK then! I’ll get the manager!” cheerful voice to get rid of someone insufferable before. I like this person and hope she sticks around.

So Arthur is put on the air and complains about all his friends making fun of him. Merlin asks him to share his side of the story but Arthur won’t. I don’t know what Arthur was expecting to happen then. “There’s very little to say about the other side of the story, I’m afraid. I get in relationships that I believe will work out, and if they don’t seem to be satisfying both of us I end them.”

How romantic…

Merlin tells Arthur that’s not why you date people. “You have no right to sit in a studio and judge people you’ve never met and who don’t ask for your advice. You know nothing about me and you aren’t saying anything you couldn’t get out of a university counseling textbook or a romantic film, so I’m going to guess you don’t know much about love either.” Arthur. You called HIM. Stop. Merlin then basically hangs up on him. Good.

The next morning, Morgana angrily knocks on Arthur’s door. “’You’ve got a fucking key!’ he yells anyway…” I don’t know why this is cracking me up so much but it is. Morgana refuses to use her key. She says it’s because she’s too mad. I guess.

Morgana says she knows Arthur feels bad about being a shitty person towards Merlin and asks what he’s going to do about it. Which is… strange? I mean if I were in Arthur’s position, I would just let the guilt gnaw away at me until it dissipated over time and I no longer had the compulsion to think about it every ten seconds and it became a distant, though embarrassing memory that I just think about occasionally. I could call the show and apologize if I were in this situation but let’s be honest, I wouldn’t. Letting things fester is basically my go to response for everything.

I guess I need to work on some things.

Morgana suggests that Arthur write Merlin a letter to apologize. “Don’t say maybe, Arthur, you’ll waffle long enough to talk yourself out of it, and you hit a button last night. I’ve listened to this show a lot, and people have been awful to him, but I’ve never heard him lose his cool like that. This matters.” I do that “well maybe I’ll do this” waffling thing too.

WHY AM I IDENTIFYING WITH ARTHUR? I AM NOT OK WITH THIS TURN OF EVENTS.

And of course no one pushes Merlin’s buttons like Arthur! Even anonymously!

“He puts the toast down a second time automatically because his toaster never manages it right the first time and turns around to watch her, because she’s obviously got something else on her mind. Sure enough, the coffee isn’t even ready before she speaks again. ‘Now that that’s over with, are you okay?’” That’s sweet of Morgana and everything but let’s talk about this toast situation. If your toast isn’t heating up well enough… why don’t you just turn it up higher? If it’s at this highest level and not working, you need to get a new toaster. Or just enjoy your bread and quit bitching.

“’I don’t know why any of them are still friends with me.’ She raises her eyebrows and he turns around to butter their toast as the coffeemaker goes off and she starts pouring. ‘You I understand, since I never actually dated you, thank God, Uther would have had a heart attack when he found out, but the rest of them? As last night illuminated so clearly, I’m not a very good boyfriend, and after Leon and Elena, Percival and Mithian had to know …’”

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. WAIT. I need a second here.

Why is Arthur’s go to explanation for why he and his sister still hang out because he never dated her and not because she’s his SISTER? And why is the thing Arthur fixates on in this hypothetical about how Uther would freak out about him dating his sister and not you know, ARTHUR DATING HIS SISTER? Why did Arthur even say that sentence in the first place? Why is this even a hypothetical that needs voiced? I’m starting to think that the reason Arthur’s relationships fail is because he has repressed feelings for his sister.

For some extremely baffling reason, Morgana has no comment about their dating hypothetical and just tells him they are going for a walk and he is going to buy her something for annoying her. What? Just. WHAT?

Sometime later, Merlin receives Arthur’s letter and accepts his apology live on the radio. The next day, Arthur is working and Mithian calls to inform him that Arthur’s apology letter is all over the fan sites for Merlin’s show.

So the next Friday, Arthur is once again at the gym and Merlin’s show is playing. Merlin says they’ve been getting a lot of mail about Arthur’s letter (he still doesn’t specify who it’s from). “Maybe I should be deliberately mysterious more often, if it gets my fans so excited. Maybe then I’ll get more listeners and they’ll give me more money. Right, then, I’ll cop to it, the apology was from a man who’d asked me out and now we’re making mad passionate love when I’m not on air.” Arthur starts worrying about how his friends are going to respond to this.

“Congrats on your radio boyfriend. Cannot decide if that is more or less lame than having an internet boyfriend, Percival has sent, because everyone thinks he’s an adorable gentle giant but he has a mean streak.”

It’s funny because you would never expect that from Percival.

The next week, Arthur leaves work early and goes to hang out at a café and drink coffee where Elena finds him. Because all of Arthur’s friends are creepy stalkers and far too invested in his life. She pulls up a bunch of personal ads from fans of Merlin’s show (and now Arthur, apparently) who are taking out ads to find him. Wtf? Be creepier, people.

I want to point out this though: “’So, I was looking through the personals this morning—‘ ‘Oh God, Ellie, no. I won’t date anyone who wrote to the paper, and neither will you, I thought you learned your lesson after Craigslist.’” Personal tip from me to you, never date someone you find on Craigslist. You will get murdered. The end. 

“’You have got to be kidding me,’ he mutters. ‘Morgana is behind this somehow.’ Elena eyes him. ‘You are extremely paranoid where Morgana is concerned, you know.’” I was just thinking the exact same thing, Elena. Arthur is way too obsessed with his sister. Stop it.

“’I don’t know what this is all about, since the Dragon made it quite clear that nothing was going on, but it’s getting ridiculous, and I suspect I’m going to have to lecture all of you so you won’t turn me in.’ ‘Turn you in.’ Elena snorts. ‘It’s not as if you’ve committed murder, but I wasn’t going to call in and say “oh, I know this upstanding gent, you wouldn’t happen to want to meet him for a drink, would you?”or anything else like that, because I’m not stupid.’” LOL I love Elena in this.

Elena decides to start googling stuff about this extremely odd but entertaining drama. “All sorts of threads theorizing about who the upstanding gent is, that seems to be the favorite for you rather than Mr. Right for Now, apparently the Dragon’s used that phrase quite a bit with some of his callers and this distinguishes you.” Either Merlin has a crush on Arthur for no reason or he knows exactly what’s going to get him more fans and is exploiting it.

“The prevailing theory seems to be that he isn’t dating you, but he’d like to, and that’s why all the adverts are in the papers, they think they’re doing him a favor, or that it’s like the whole Sherlock thing. Can’t figure out if it’s a show of support or an attempt to deliver you on a silver platter, though.” 

“’The silver platter, definitely,’ he tells his palms. ‘Morgana, remember? She’d like to serve me up roasted with an apple in my mouth.’” Stop being weird and paranoid about your sister, Arthur. It’s not normal.

“’Maybe Mithian and I can start making a scrapbook of all this, we’ll take it out at your wedding and talk about that time you had an imaginary romance with a radio host.’ Arthur manages a smile. ‘And who exactly, in this fantasy of yours, am I marrying? I’m on a bit of a hiatus after Vivian, if you hadn’t noticed.’ Elena grins in return. ‘Oh, maybe you’ll marry the Dragon, then it can be the scrapbook of the story of your relationship.’ ‘Never going to happen. Even if, by some freak of chance, we were to meet and not want to kill each other, I would never date him—and, more to the point, he would never date me.’”

Arthur is hanging out at his flat listening to Merlin’s show the next Friday. The show is about cheating and a couple of callers bring up Arthur, aka, “Upstanding Gent.” Merlin mentions a couple of times that he and Arthur have never even met but his callers are having none of it. One of the callers mentions his girlfriend possibly cheating on him with a celebrity. He uses a hypothetical of it being Benedict Cumberbatch. “Arthur snorts, since his friends are always teasing him for his crush on Sherlock Holmes, and waits to hear how the Dragon reacts.” I really just wanted to point this out since sometimes, Colin Morgan looks like he could be Benedict Cumberbatch’s sexy, hot younger brother and Merlin is clearly Dragon in this and Colin Morgan played Merlin.

I could go on.

Um. Anyways.

You are not subtle, Author.

Then again, neither am I.

What were we talking about? Oh right.

When the show ends, Merlin apologizes to Arthur on air for his creepy ass fans. Arthur then sends an email to the radio station. When Merlin responds, he assumes it’s another creepy fan since he’s gotten other similar emails. Arthur tells him it’s really Arthur emailing. Then Merlin responds with, “Oh, shit. You aren’t writing to say you’re going to sue or something, are you? This really isn’t something I thought would get this out of control.” I love how worried everyone working at this radio station is about getting sued. Arthur responds and says he won’t sue, but just wanted to share that his friends are making fun of him too, for the whole situation.

Arthur meets Mithian with Elena, who has a new boyfriend. “So what do you think it will be this time?” Arthur asks as Mithian takes a sip from her drink. “Wife locked in the attic, Elena looks just like his mum …” This actually made me laugh. Poor Elena. She must be super unlucky in love, damn. Mithian has a different theory, “’Neither. He’s a free spirit, she can’t expect commitment because nothing can hold him down. Possibly with the added bonus of borrowing money from her.’ ‘I’ll buy the free spirit, but not the borrowing money. Leather is expensive.’ ‘I don’t really want to ask how you know that.’ ‘I’m Morgana’s brother, so no, you don’t.’” What the hell does Morgana have to do with this conversation about leather? Arthur seriously can’t go five minutes without talking about his sister. It’s so weird.

Arthur tells Mithian he emailed the radio show and that Merlin hasn’t responded yet and Mithian is suspicious that Arthur also has a secret crush on Merlin and that’s why he’s not trying to hit on anyone during Elena’s date. Ok. “Or only related insofar as perhaps he might have been right when he called me out on dating for convenience and that I should wait for someone I can’t be logical about—and again, if you tell Morgana, I’m going to have to kill you.”  So he is accidentally taking Merlin’s original advice. Good job, Arthur.

Over the weeks, Merlin and Arthur keep emailing a little back and forth. “He listens to parts of the show whenever he happens to be in his flat while it’s airing, though he misses quite a few because Elena’s boyfriend is into clubbing and she doesn’t like going alone to meet him.” Good job, Elena! Not meeting strange men alone. Proud of you, etc. I’m also happy that Arthur and their other friends don’t seem to have any sort of problem hanging out with Elena on her dates. Though she really shouldn’t be dating someone she feels uncomfortable being alone with after a certain point.

Anyways, Cenred ends up being shitty to Elena and dumps her after they have sex. That Friday, Elena calls into Merlin’s show. Arthur starts freaking out because he is obviously listening. Elena tells Merlin she seems to always get asshole men and Merlin says he used to be like that. Then there’s secondhand embarrassment when Elena starts talking about her friends. “Oh, they definitely are. They are fine, upstanding people. Arthur is going to kill her. And Morgana, because he recognizes the muffled giggle in the background.” Merlin ignores that subtle hint and gets Elena to tell listeners about herself so he can set her up. Then, “And like I said, she winds up, I have lovely friends, if you date me you’ll probably spend quite a bit of time with them. Yes, the upstanding ones, says M, and Arthur already knows this is going to be one of the calls mentioned in their e-mail later. I know him, you know, Elena adds in a conspiratorial whisper, and either Morgana is prodding her to do it or he’s misjudged her level of cruelty.” Oh god. How embarrassing.

A couple of men call for Elena including: “Hello, Ellie, I’m Gwaine, comes the new voice when M asks for the next caller, a bit rough and Irish. Oh, shit, M whispers, but covers it over so quickly Arthur thinks he might have imagined it. Good evening, Gwaine, welcome to Dragon’s Lonely Hearts, and what makes you want to date our lovely Elena?” So hopefully he isn’t one of the people who has cheated on Merlin.

Merlin emails Arthur and asks if Elena is really his friend and Arthur says she is. Then Merlin says that Gwaine is his friend. So not an ex-cheater boyfriend. That’s good news.

The night Gwaine and Elena go in their date, Elena won’t let any of them go with her. “(Arthur’s on duty, though, and she’ll call if things do go wrong, so he feels better about leaving her than he would otherwise).” That’s a good friend, guys. Seriously.

Of course Arthur is listening to Merlin’s show and a woman is complaining about how you can’t meet people who are boyfriend material at clubs. “So maybe the club scene isn’t your place for doing that. My upstanding gent hates picking people up at clubs, it’s all a matter of where you feel most comfortable, like I said.” Merlin then emails Arthur right away to apologize for that slip. How do you “accidentally’ slip something like that about someone you aren’t dating or interesting in dating? That’s weird. Merlin has to know what saying that will do to all the creepy fans.

Elena and Gwaine have started dating and during dinner with Arthur, Elena talks about Gwaine and mentions his friends and Merlin’s name. Arthur emails Merlin later and lets him know he knows his real name. “Thanks for telling me. I don’t mind—I figured when Gwaine called in that we’re going to meet someday, and he’s been teasing me about you. I trust you not to tell the whole world you know the Dragon, so it’s fine. It really is. You keep reacting like you expect me to hate you and I don’t, I promise. There are a few lines of space, and then the signoff—this time it says Merlin instead of M. Arthur spends the whole time he’s getting ready for bed smiling.” Aww.

Morgana shows up the next Friday to drag Arthur out to the club with her and she figures out that he’s been talking to Merlin. When they get to the club, Elena introduces everyone to Gwaine. “’Gwen’s just got strange work hours sometimes, but yeah, Merlin’s a psychology student during the weeks.’ Mithian raises her eyebrows. ‘Graduate work?’ That shuts Gwaine’s face right down. ‘No, he’s almost graduated, though. He had a bit of a gap after A-levels, is all.’ Arthur thinks of Merlin mentioning a husband that first night they argued on the radio and decides he doesn’t want to hear any more of that from Gwaine.” Poor Merlin. I don’t remember him mentioning being married before though.

After some investigating, called scrolling back up to that part of the fic, Merlin did on the sly mention being married during their fight. I don’t know how I missed that.

When they leave the club, Gwaine gives Arthur Merlin’s number per Merlin’s request. Arthur then texts Merlin and Merlin tells Arthur he was fending calls about Arthur all evening. There’s some cute banter. The next show Merlin does, Arthur is listening, (obviously) and someone brings up Arthur during their call in, “I imagine it’s how your upstanding gent must feel. First he apologizes, then you claim you aren’t in contact, now you know all about his opinions on everything, the poor thing must be confused. Honestly, if he weren’t the man of my bloody dreams I’d be done by now.” Arthur texts Merlin that he isn’t confused and Merlin tells that to the caller.

Then there’s some cuteness with Arthur texting Merlin every time a caller mentions him. “You should just call in, Merlin sends at the end of the night. It would save me having to play translation service.

You underestimate your fans. They’d recognize my voice and call en masse to tell you to stay away from me.

You apologized.

They’re less forgiving than you are, I would imagine. I was awful that night.

There’s a pause. You aren’t awful now. Before Arthur can begin to think of a way to respond to that, another message comes through. Gwen’s scolding me for not paying attention and I’ve got to get home. Go to bed, Arthur.”

“Shit shit shit, he texts Mithian, without really expecting an answer, and puts down his phone for the night.” I had to space it all out because there’s no quotations and I didn’t want it to be confusing as to who was talking. It’s pretty cute and the correct way to write this sort of banter. I know I’ve read quite a few fics where authors will try to replicate the banter Arthur and Merlin have on the show and it never works because almost every single one I’ve read has had it basically just being Arthur emotionally abusing Merlin and Merlin putting up with it. This is also a good way for Arthur to bring up that he was indeed an asshole at first and for Merlin to point out that he apologized and that he’s nice to him now. That never really happens in other fics.

Elena and Gwaine make plans for Gwaine and Elena’s friends to all meet. Merlin and Arthur reassure each other they are ready to meet.

“Arthur runs into Mithian on his way to Elena’s favorite diner, and she immediately stops him, suppressing a smile. ‘You can’t wear a tie to eat chicken and terrible chips, Arthur, even if your Merlin is going to be there. Come here.’ ‘He’s not my anything,’ Arthur argues, but he lets Mithian tow him forward to unknot his tie and unbutton the top button on his shirt. ‘Oh, but you’re his upstanding gent, aren’t you?’ She stows his tie in her handbag. ‘Are you going to be okay?’” Mithian is a good friend. She checks on Arthur a lot like this in the fic but it’s not pushy and overbearing like in a lot of fics I’ve read. It’s sweet.

Merlin and Arthur FINALLY meet. “Merlin smiles, and Arthur’s imagined him looking like many things, but never this. He may not be Arthur’s usual type, but … he brushes his hand against Arthur’s wrist under the table. ‘So how are we handling this?’” Good job, Merlin, not making this about you and asking Arthur what he wants.

When they are all introducing themselves a little later, Merlin says he hosts a radio show on the weekends. It doesn’t take long for everyone to figure it out and they are all equally surprised.

After dinner, Arthur and Merlin hightail it out of there and go for a walk. Merlin tells Arthur to stop freaking out. Arthur asks Merlin why he isn’t freaking out too. “’That’s because I have had some really terrible dates in my time,’ Merlin says once they’ve got properly started. ‘I’m like Elena being an arsehole magnet, remember? You being shy doesn’t even make my top twenty worst dates.’ Arthur can’t help objecting to that. ‘I’m not shy! I’m just … adjusting to the change.’ ‘You spent half of dinner looking like I was outraging your maiden virtue.’” That actually made me laugh.

“’I was afraid I was going to have to piss you off properly before you’d loosen up. Look, I know this is awful, first-date chemistry alongside month-of-dating knowing each other, but we’re going to have to soldier on.’ ‘A month of dating?’” I am as confused is Arthur here. Texting someone you have never met in person isn’t dating, Merlin.

“’Now that we’re … doing whatever it is we’re doing, you should mention it on air. Or not, actually, I feel like you’d be responsible for half your fans ending up in A&E with heart palpitations.’ ‘Doing whatever we’re doing?’ Merlin grins. ‘Dating, I think, unless you have any particular objections. Maybe in a while we can slap the boyfriend label on it.’”

I probably wouldn’t bring the fans into it though. They are weird enough about Merlin and his Upstanding Gent. They kiss and Arthur tells Merlin he won’t be inviting Merlin home because he has to work in the morning.

“’You’re sort of a prince,” he says quietly. ‘And I’ll let you out of dragging me to your flat, which is probably much larger and neater than mine, as long as you promise to call me soon.’ ‘We’ll be talking on Friday for your show, anyway.’ ‘Before then.’ Merlin finally straightens up and it occurs to Arthur that even if they aren’t still kissing they’ve managed to get tangled up. He unwraps his arms from Merlin’s waist and lets Merlin catch his hand before they can get too far apart. ‘I’m liable to pine, otherwise.’ ‘You could always call me,’ Arthur points out.” So I like this because I like Arthur going against this fandom’s ridiculous notion that Arthur is the MAN and must do all the MANLY things like calling Merlin first.

Sometime later, Arthur is Merlin’s special guest on his radio show. Arthur eventually falls asleep during the show because Merlin’s on in the middle of the night. “He isn’t aware of much else until he hears Merlin saying ‘—five minutes left, and as some of you might have noticed, my upstanding gent has been quiet for a while now. This is because he’s fallen asleep, the daft thing, but I suppose that’s what comes of being a businessman by day. So, since it’s been a special show—and I’ll bet you’re all hoping I can talk him into coming in again every once in a while—I’ll sign off for the night with one last song for him. Thank you all for listening, as always, and this is the Dragon saying good night to you. I’ll be back again next Friday at ten.’”

Then, “Arthur drags him down into his lap instead. ‘Am I a prisoner?’ Merlin inquires. ‘Absolutely. Until I can bring myself to move, at least.’ He stretches his neck out and lets Merlin nuzzle at his hair even though Gwen is watching and looking like she wants to lunge for her camera phone.”

Fucking cute. Even with Gwen being a voyeur in the background. Merlin invites Arthur to spend the night. The end.

So I really liked this fic. It’s definitely the best one I’ve reviewed so far and probably even fairly high on my list of fics that I like in general. No drama for drama’s sake, it’s pretty well written and characters react and behave in realistic ways. It’s an interesting plot and stays entertaining throughout the story. The only thing I wish we had more information on was Merlin’s previous husband but, it’s not handled in a way, the few times it’s brought up, that makes me feel like the story is incomplete without us knowing what happened. I was also concerned about Arthur’s weird obsession with Morgana. I found Merlin and Arthur are pretty cute too, which is rare for me. I like that Merlin and Arthur had some flirtatious banter that wasn’t Arthur just being emotionally abusive towards Merlin. I also like that Arthur’s bad behavior towards Merlin in the beginning was handled well and in a believable way. A lot of the time, I find Arthur’s attitude and behavior towards Merlin way over the top and then Merlin’s subsequent accepting of Arthur’s non-apologies and terrible behavior toward him just stupid and unrealistic. It’s not like that in this fic, which I really appreciate. I wish more fics had this Merlin/Arthur dynamic.

Seriously.

Until next time: