#young joel miller

[bluebeary-jay]

Damage done

Pre/No-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: during a fight with Joel, he unknowingly sends you into a panic attack caused by your previous experiences. he deeply regrets it. (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: heavy ANGST, hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending (there's also fluff), established relationship, petnames, soft!Joel (he's trying his best fr 🥺). Several years pre outbreak. please read the warnings carefully

Warnings: fighting, talk and mention about previous abusive relationship, panic attack, emotional distress, self-destructive thoughts

Word count: 4K

A/N: i wrote it partially based on experiences with my own panic attacks, but i know everyone's is different. if there's a warning i missed, please let me know. also i want this man to take care of me so much 😢 anyway, stay safe, darlings, and as always: happy reading and i hope you'll enjoy!! 💕 comments and feedback are greatly appreciated 😌

It had been a rough couple of weeks. Things at your work were rocky to say the least, what with your boss firing several people every week and cutting your salary. Joel didn’t have it much better – from what you understood, two clients suddenly canceled their order, and Tommy got himself thrown into jail, again, breaking his longest record to date. On top of that, little Sarah went down with some kind of flu that was raging in schools recently, and for the last two weeks one of you had to be home with her almost all the time.

So it was probably no wonder that the tension and stress became too much at one point, and you both snapped.

It was about the play at Sarah’s school.

“You promised her, Joel! She was talking about it for the entire week.”

“It’s not my fault we have to go out of town on this date,” he answered through clenched teeth, pinching the bridge of his nose and not looking up at you. “I tried to reschedule, but the commissioning party refused. I can’t help it, for fuck’s sake.”

You were glad Sarah wasn’t home right now to listen to your fight. You dropped her off earlier at her friend’s house because she wanted to practice lines for the play they were doing next week. The play that Joel was apparently planning to miss.

You adored Joel – god, you loved him with all that you had – but he could be so stubborn sometimes, it was driving you up the fricking wall.

“It’s your kid, Joel–”

“Yeah, it’s my kid!” he raised his voice, only now lifting his head. His stare was cold and hard, so unlike how he usually looked at you. “Not yours.”

“Are you kidding me?!” you shouted, hurt by his words and the tone he used. “I’ve been taking care of her, loving her– She is like a daughter to me!”

“But still not yours,” he repeated harshly. That was a low blow, especially when he told you so many times that you might not be Sarah’s biological mother, but it’s obvious you love her like she’s your own blood.

“You’re only saying that ‘cause you know I’m right,” you snarled angrily, and Joel huffed a humorless laugh.

“Of course. You always know better, dont’cha?” He stood up, towering over you, but you didn’t back down. If anything, it only made you more mad, as if he was doing this to intimidate you. “I’m sorry I’m such a terrible father in your eyes, but I have to think about earning money. Especially since it’s only a matter of time ‘till that asshole boss of yours will fire you, too.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?! You really think so lowly of me to say it won’t be long until I get fired?”

“I don’t– Christ, you’re puttin’ words in my mouth again.”

“Again. Of course.” You spat out and took your sweatshirt from the couch, done with him and this conversation. “I’m going to my home,” you told him dryly. Joel’s nostrils flared and he took a step forward.

“No, you’re not.”

“Fuckin’ watch me,” you muttered under your breath, but loud enough for him to hear.

“We are not finished!!” Joel screamed, his booming voice echoing throughout the house.

It felt like a slap. In one second you froze, all your muscles seized up and a feeling of coldness gripped your heart and throat, sending panic flooding your veins. The sweatshirt you were holding slipped out from your stiff fingers.

Joel has never raised his voice at you like that. Never with such anger and fury. There was a bite to his tone that you couldn’t explain, but which you knew very well – the telltale sign that you went too far, and the other person’s patience was at an end, that now you were going to pay for it.

Your previous boyfriend taught you what it means. It meant bruises and split lips, and screaming when you started crying…

Joel noticed the shift in your behavior right away, and his anger immediately ebbed, replaced by confusion and concern.

“Darlin’?” he murmured the pet name, though it rolled off his tongue heavily and with difficulty.

He was still furious at you and your refusal to understand what he was going through, but it all died down when he saw how wide, how empty your eyes were. Your knees buckled, and you looked like you could fall down at any moment.

Joel didn’t have any idea what was happening with you – but knew that whatever it was, it was his fault.

You, in the meantime, felt like you couldn’t breathe. The man in front of you – you weren’t even sure anymore who that was – took a step forward with his hand lifted, and you quickly backed away, stumbling in the process.

“No! N-no, no, please, I’m sorry–” you started blabbering and sobbing, wrapping one arm around your middle to protect all the main internal organs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“No, you didn’t…”

“Please… I’m sorry, I swear,” you cried, trembling at this point, but not daring to escape the room. “I’ll be better, just don’t… Please, don’t…”

Joel’s heart broke when he saw you bursting into tears and trying to make yourself as small as possible. All his anger disappeared in a cloud of smoke, replaced by the overpowering need to comfort the girl he loved.

But you seemed so scared when he wanted to come closer… And he didn’t know how to proceed.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he repeated in an even softer tone, his eyebrows scrunching in worry. “Sweetheart… M’not gonna hurt you.”

He took another slow step forward, but that seemed to already be too much, because the trembling intensified and you practically slumped against the wall, one arm around your stomach, and the other squeezing your throat tightly. Joel feared to know the reason why you would do that to yourself.

“Stop, plea– I can’t– I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s okay, my baby, it’s alright…”

He fell down to his knees next to you and reached to take you in his arms, but you started shaking your head violently, backing away and squirming out of his reach.

“No, no, please, I’m sorry! Don’t– don’t touch me!!”

A bile rose up in his throat, and he retreated his hands, holding them low in front of him to show he’s not going to do anything.

“It’s alright, babygirl,” he muttered chokingly, feeling completely helpless and lost about what to do. “You… you’re safe.”

You were crying uncontrollably now, though it seemed like you tried to stifle the never-ending sobs and tears flowing out of your eyes, in result making your entire body shake. You flinched – actually flinched – when Joel opened his mouth, and your fingers around your throat tightened their grip.

“No,” Joel said decisively, breaking your wish and grabbing your wrists, moving them away from your neck where red crescents started to form. “Baby, please, don’t.”

“Let go!!” It was hard to distinguish the words from between your cries, but the message your body language was conveying was clear as day. “No, don’t… me…” You sobbed again, quickly weakening despite your efforts. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Come ‘ere,” Joel whispered in a voice full of pain, carefully shifting closer and wrapping his arms around you, though being careful not to make you feel too crowded or trapped. “Shhh… it’s Joel, darlin’, m’here.”

Surprisingly, you let him hold you – maybe it was just because you didn’t have strength to resist and fight back anymore, Joel thought, but maybe you recognized him. Maybe it was both. But the tears didn’t stop. No matter how gently he stroked your back or whispered reassuring words, you couldn’t seem to stop crying.

Several times in the next couple of minutes you tried to grasp your neck or arm again, but every time he delicately, though firmly, moved them away. You still babbled half-intelligible apologies and pleas, and each time your voice broke or hitched on another fearful word, Joel’s heart was shattering into a million pieces all over again.

“I’m sorry…” you sobbed again, trembling in his arms. “I’m sorry, don’t hurt me, p-please–...”

“My darlin’...” Joel held you closer and more securely in his arms, rocking you back and forth. “Sweetheart, my sweet, sweet girl… I’m never gonna hurt you, I swear.” He planted soft, delicate kisses on your hair. Even though he wanted to hug you tightly, to show you how much he loves and cares about you, he restrained himself and tried to keep his touch as gentle as possible. “I swear, my babygirl, m’sorry, so sorry for screamin’... Didn’t mean to.”

You were still crying, albeit weaker now, in his arms, clinging to him like your life depended on it. Joel could feel your nails digging themselves into the skin of his back, but it was the furthest thing on his mind – hell, he could start bleeding and still it wouldn’t be as important as comforting you at this moment. Better him than you.

“I love you s’much, my babygirl, my life,” Joel continued murmuring into the top of your head, feeling close to crying himself when your tears seemingly couldn’t stop flowing. “M’so sorry. I won’t ever hurt you like that again, I swear…”

His words, though full of love and compassion, rolled off you like water off a duck’s back, and you still couldn’t locate yourself, couldn’t tether your being to this world and make sense of the difference between what you knew should happen, and what was actually happening.

Your whole body was hurting, yes, but it wasn’t the pain of being repeatedly hit. You could barely hear your own cries, but it wasn’t because of vicious and cruel words being thrown at you. You knew it was Joel you were clinging to, and he never hurt you in this way, but… but you also were never so angry at each other. You never fought like this – and experience taught you that crossing that invisible line will carry certain consequences.

You weren’t angry now. You were scared. And confused.

“Joel,” you whimpered between gasps, struggling to breathe through your rapid sobs. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t– don’t go.”

“M’not leavin’ ya, babygirl.” He spoke into your hair, closing his eyes. “M’not goin’ anywhere.”

You were calming down a little now, the sobs wrecking your body and breaking Joel’s heart dying down, though you were still shivering. Joel continued to hold and soothe you the best he could.

And wondered who must’ve hurt his darling so much that you’d react so badly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered after a while, sniffling into Joel’s chest, but trying not to get snots on his shirt. Joel sighed sadly, but his hold on you just tightened.

“No, babygirl, my darlin’...” He pressed his lips to your hairline, stroking your back with his other hand. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for, I swear. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” you whimpered pitifully, unable to stop another wave of tears from falling. “I’m sorry I reacted like that. I know… Joel, I know you won’t hurt me. Baby, please.” You took his head in your hands, searching his eyes with fear painted across your face. “I’m so sorry, wasn’t thinking and…”

“Hey. Love, it’s fine.” He placed his own hands on your cheeks, stroking lightly your damp skin with his thumbs. “Don’t say that. M’not angry at you and would never be because of that. It’s… it’s okay.” He petted your hair, trying to relax for your sake, but his chest remained tight. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

You nodded weakly, though you weren’t sure if you believed him. Joel swallowed heavily and nodded after a while, too.

“Okay. I… I’ll run you a bath,” he whispered, but you held his hand tighter and shook your head with tears gathering in your eyes again.

“No, no! Just s-stay with me, please.”

Joel took your face in his hands, but you closed your eyes, feeling too vulnerable and exhausted to even try to maintain eye contact.

“I’m here, baby. C’mon, just hold onto me.”

He waited until your arms were around his neck before slowly standing up and tucking you securely in his arms. You hid your wet face in the crook of Joel’s neck, breathing in his soothing smell and trying to calm your breathing, which you still found difficult.

Neither of you said anything when he took you to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet seat and started to fill the bathtub with water and soothing oils. You just watched him, wiping your nose every once in a while.

Still remaining silent, Joel extended his hand and helped you stand up. Then, almost with fearful hesitation, he touched the hem of your shirt, sending you a questioning look. You just nodded, not having strength to undress yourself, and lifted your arms, letting him take your clothes off.

You didn’t let go of his hand even after he guided you to sit in the tub. You couldn’t bear being alone with your thoughts right now, and Joel, being as wonderful of a man as he was, stayed by your side as the warmth from the water seeped through your tired bones.

Another several minutes passed before he finally asked the question that was gnawing at him since the very beginning. You must’ve subconsciously known it was coming, cause it didn’t even surprise you.

“Who was it?” he asked quietly. His hand was still caressing your palm with the gentlest of touches, but his eyes were like ice, full of hidden rage and hatred. “Who did this to you, darlin’?”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, not sure whether to answer or not. Ever since you got to know him, Joel has been nothing but kind and understanding, never pressuring you into doing or saying something you didn’t want… but you had a feeling he wasn’t going to let the matter drop.

And honestly, you were afraid to tell him. To admit how your previous relationship looked and what exactly happened to make you act so strongly about something so small. Because… what if he’ll realize how broken you are, how much effort it’d take to put up with you, and he’ll leave? Even if he was willing to take care of you, it was really unlikely that he’d stay – even if he says that now.

You were doing good until today. You managed to hide the issues you had with yourself and all the pain you carried inside, never letting Joel know that something was wrong with you. But now he… he will…

You didn’t want him to leave. He made your life so much better and you loved him to pieces with all your heart, as weak and broken as it was.

You couldn’t lose him.

“Oh, baby…” Joel’s hands cupped your cheeks so carefully and lovingly that you almost started weeping again. “M’not goin’ anywhere. I love ya so much. You’re never gonna lose me.”

You didn’t realize you said those words out loud, but even so, somehow his affirmations didn’t make you feel any better. You wanted them to comfort you, but if anything, they just made you feel sick.

“I’m afraid you’re gonna leave someday,” you whispered hoarsely, keeping your eyes on the slowly disappearing bubbles. “I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want you to. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Joel. I…” Tears spilled from your eyes again and you shook your head. “I know I’m too much. And… and broken. And I know it sounds like I wanna guilt-trip you, but I’m not, I’m just–” You choked on a sob, and wrapped your arms tighter around yourself, hugging your knees to your chest. “I don’t– don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Sweetheart, look at me, please.” Joel’s hands were rough to the touch, but so incredibly gentle when they guided you to meet his eyes, and a big pit formed in your stomach when you saw how they shone. He was on the verge of tears, too. “Don’t say things like that. Nothin’ is wrong with you. Who…” He sighed again. “Who made you believe such things?”

You didn’t answer at first, but Joel kept staring at you, and – finally – you relented.

“My previous boyfriend. The one I didn’t want to talk about. He– Look, I know he was a horrible person.” You let out a short laugh, but without any joy – or emotions altogether – in it. “And I hate him so much, but he… he was right. About some things.”

“He’s not.” Joel didn’t back down, feeling despair growing inside his chest as he saw the girl he adored with his whole heart put herself down like that. “You’re… fuck, you’re perfect, darlin’, and you didn’t deserve to be treated or talked to this way. M’so sorry it happened to you.”

He brushed some of your hair to the back and sighed silently. He seemed so lost and sad, it made you feel even worse.

“What can I do?”

That stopped the train of your thoughts, and you looked up.

“What?”

“What can I do?” he repeated softly. “To prove t’you that I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Your lips parted, and you were unsure what to say. Joel took your hand in his, delicately tracing patterns on the back of it.

“Babygirl, listen to me. You’re the most precious thing t’me. I don’t care what this asshole told you, but… but none of this is true. And it’s not gonna drive me away from you. Nothin’ is gonna make me leave,” he repeated more firmly, never taking his eyes off you. “Because I love you. More than anythin’ else in the world”

Joel sounded so sincere and desperate, tugging at your heartstrings with his gentle, sad eyes and loving words. The water became cool some time ago, but your insides felt like they were on fire – as if the next breath you were about to take would be your last.

“I’m sorry for everything I said.” You took a shaky breath, trying to keep your voice steady. “I don’t think you’re a bad father. I think you’re the best and most amazing dad Sarah could ever ask for. I didn’t want…” You sniffed and your shoulders started to shake again with silent cries. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I’m so sorry, I didn’t–”

The sob that you tried to stop with all your might suddenly escaped you, and Joel’s forehead scrunched in worry. He pulled you closer, leaning over the edge of the bathtub. Neither of you concerned yourself with water dripping off your skin, only feeling relieved from each other’s closeness.

“I know, babygirl. M’not mad.” Joel left a lingering kiss on your tearstained cheek, and then a second one on your forehead. “I’m sorry, too. For how I acted and for–” he sighed heavily into your shoulder, “for shouting at ya.”

“You couldn’t have known,” you mumbled, but he shook his head.

“That’s no excuse. I shouldn’t ‘ave done it in the first place.” He relaxed in your arms, and somehow it made your muscles less tense, too. “I’ll see what I can do about that job. So that I can see Sarah’s play.”

You nodded and let your eyelids drop, giving in to the feeling of calm and security that always came with being with Joel.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” you asked quietly. You still were a little afraid that he’s going to turn you down after what happened, but you really didn’t want to stay alone. “With you?”

“‘Course you can. D’ya want to go now?”

You nodded again. Not bathing seemed like a big waste of water, but you didn’t feel strong enough to actually wash your body. And Joel didn’t pressure you – he just bent over and wrapped his strong arms around you, practically pulling you out of the tub by himself.

His clothes were completely soaked when he put you down and reached for the fluffiest towel you had, wrapping it around you like a little cocoon. He got rid of his wet shirt, kissed your head gently and, without a word, scooped you up into his arms again.

“I can stand,” you offered when he started walking towards the bedroom, forcing you to wrap your hands around his neck for support.

“I want to take care of you.”

“But your back pains…”

“I’m not that old yet, sweetheart,” he answered with a half-smile, slowing down and gazing into your eyes softly. “Let me take care of you.”

You brushed his cheek with your fingertips tenderly, eyes flickering across his face. “But you’re always taking care of everyone, Joel.”

His throat bobbed and he almost immediately looked away. It was clear what he was thinking – that according to himself, he wasn’t doing a good enough job. Because you got hurt. Because he was the one who unintentionally hurt you and sent you into a panic attack.

He was silent when he put you down on the bed with care, turning around to fetch one of his shirts from the closet. During this whole time you didn’t say anything, either. Your mind was still a little closed off from when you tried to separate yourself from the painful memories that started to haunt you, and despite Joel’s efforts, it was still difficult to move past the experience.

But your head snapped up when Joel, after helping you put the shirt on, knelt in front of you, took your hand in his and leaned forward to kiss your knee gently.

“M’sorry,” Joel whispered with pain tinging his deep voice. “I’m sorry for sayin’ all those things about you and Sarah. I know you love her.” He pressed his lips to your knee again, and lifted his head, revealing how misty his own eyes were, which in turn made your heart ache even more. “My sweet girl. I swear I won’t ever hurt you again.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” you answered quietly, but Joel shook his head and took a deep breath.

“What can I do?” he repeated his question from earlier, and this time you knew exactly what you needed him for.

“Can you… can you hold me?”

Without missing a beat, Joel raised from his position and enveloped you in his embrace, making you feel safe and protected like never before. You sighed heavily, breathing in his scent and feeling like just by touching you with such love that only he was capable of, he helped you to lift some invisible load from your shoulders.

Despite the headache from all the crying and your chest still tightening with every shallow breath you took, you felt a little better now. You didn’t feel alone.

You knew you were safe with Joel.

It took some time for you to fall asleep, but even when you did, Joel could not find peace in the silky darkness of the evening.

Before you dozed off, Joel vowed again and again how much you mean to him, how you and Sarah are the best things that ever happened to him, and how he’ll never let anything happen to any of you – and he could clearly see that you believed his every word, and that you weren’t mad at him. You weren’t flinching when he rocked you back and forth, or later when he pressed small kisses to your forehead.

But you still were quiet and your face miserable, and several times Joel tucked you in closer to himself when he felt you shaking and sniffing. There wasn’t anything else he could do but hold you and whisper soothing promises into your hair. Once your eyelids started to drop, he began humming a familiar melody he knew you liked, and you nuzzled your face into his neck, curling up in his embrace.

And you whispered ‘I love you’ before you drifted off to an uneasy sleep in his arms. And before he could even answer, you thanked him for loving you.

When he heard it, he had to keep himself from breaking down with the last bit of his strength.

“You mean everythin’ to me, love. Everythin’,” he murmured after a couple of seconds, not even knowing if you were still awake. The guilt in his chest made it hard to breathe, but he pushed through it, and then he softly kissed your forehead, making a promise to himself.

He will find time to go to Sarah’s play with you. And he’ll make it right.

[josephquinnswhore]

Red Wine & Reparation

Pairing: joel miller x female reader

Summary: you and Joel became young parents, married young and divorced young.. coparenting can be hard.. especially when you still love each other.

Word Count: 7k

Content Warnings: no outbreak, awkward divorced young couple, Joel Miller being a cat guy, flirting, awkwardness, slight implication of attempted SA. Unprotected sex, oral—female receiving, praise, pet names, tongue fucking, slight submissive Joel???? Creampie, mentions of pregnancy, and breastfeeding kink ??

Note: in this fic female reader & Joel are the same age, late 20’s in this fic!! This is my contribution for this week lol.

You were expecting a visit from Joel in a few hours; although you’d tried to be in contact with him, it seemed he was struggling to get back to you. Texts gone unanswered, calls sent straight to voicemail. It was unusual, and as clingy as you felt, it wasn't like Joel not to be in contact, especially when it came to your daughter, Sarah.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

He calls your name from the other side of the door. “Hey, you home?”

The door swings open and Joel stands on the other side of the door, you can't ignore the subsequent look of franticness in his brown eyes. “Hey.” His second greeting is a little more relaxed, if anything a little bashful. The tips of his ears are red under his dark brown curls.

“I just got a new phone, had a little malfunction at work with the other one, mind putting your number in?” You take the new phone, something that seemed way too fancy for Joel, an Iphone 13. As if your eyebrows raise of their own accord, it doesn't go unnoticed by him.

“I never took you for a man that cared about keeping up with the trends.” Your remark earns a scoff. “I just want to be able to keep up with everything Sarah’s into these days, all the facebooking and snapping or whatever she's got.”

His social unawareness pulls a laugh from her dry throat. “I'm surprised she wants you on her snapchat, teenage girls don’t normally want their parents seeing what they’re up to.”

He grunts. “How are you anyway—both of you.. I mean.”

“Things have been okay, I've taken a step back from work to try and relax a bit more, you know?” Although Joel nods, he can't relate, he’d just gone through the ringer of starting his own business with Tommy.

But Joel knows you need a break, he notices the physical telltale signs of stress. Lines beside your eyes that didn't seem visible a few months ago, the slight strain in yout voice and even your physical stance seems off. You seem to be trying to mask it, but he notices.

“Everything at work alright? They givin’ you trouble again?”

Again. How you'd forgotten about the last time you confided about how bad work had been getting. The unpaid overtime and extensive workload. Joel seemed furious at the thought of you wearing yourself thin and had even rung your workplace, that's an incident that got you a written warning.

In an attempt to dismiss his worries you wave your hand. “Ah it's not so bad, I’ve taken some time off with what little annual leave I have.”

“That’s good. You work too hard, you do.” His voice is softer than it had been a moment ago, his gaze settling on your own. He tries his hardest to suppress the memories as he stares into your eyes, he tries to forget how easy things were back then in comparison to now.

You break eye contact as you feel your kitten rubbing herself up against your legs. The little creature lets out a small mew.

Joel’s shock is evident on his face, the fluffy white bundle of fur rubs itself along your pant leg, its tiny mews echoing in his ears. “Oh my god, what in the world..” He stammers. “Is that…?”

Your entire face heats up. “I know.. I've never been a fan of cats but.. She's cute right?”

Joel can't help the instinctual reaction to kneel down onto the floor to get a closer look at the fluffy bundle of fur. He lets the small creature sniff his hand before petting her. With every stroke of his fingers along her pointed ears, she purrs louder. “What's her name?”

“Her names angel. Sarah named her.”

“Of course she would,” Joel murmurs, still petting the kitten as he looks up at you from the floor. “How'd you end up with a kitten anyhow?”

You huff at the memory. “Found her on the side of the road, I think someone dumped her.”

“God, that’s terrible. Why would anyone do something like that? Who just dumped a living animal in the middle of the road?” He shakes his head as he grumbles angrily. He strokes the kitten in a softer manner, expressing his sympathy for the little animal.

You're stewing in your own irritation at the thought. “Some jackass.”

The conversation seems to grow quiet, with the only noise being the kitten’s contented purrs. “She's a lucky kitty is what she is, havin’ two special girls lookin’ after her.” He murmurs, leaning in to tickle the small kitten under the chin with a chuckle.

“I never took you for a cat man, hell—you're looking like such a softie right now,” you tease.

“It's the one thing you never really knew then, right?” The kitten rolls on its back, purring as it scratches itself on the soft creamy carpet. “I bet you would’ve known all my soft spots had things been different back then.”

A sombre mood falls between the two. “Maybe so..”

Joel turns away with a regretful look in his eyes, it's a painful truth, and one the pair had both seemed to accept. Despite the way the two had seemed to adapt to the co-parenting situation.. They're both reminded every single day since their split of what could have been.

“Yeah.. maybe so.” He lets out a sigh, watching as the small kitten runs off, and he's left kneeling on the floor as he watches after it. He doesn't really know what to say.. And he's not sure you do either, it’s awkward to have these quiet moments between them.

“You know.. Sarah told me you went on a date last week.” You try to sound as encouraging as possible, but even as your heart cracks, it seems to break the silence brewing between you. And honestly, you’re nosey.

His face seems to redden at your playful accusation. “Damn.. she really has no filter, does she?” An awkward chuckle follows as he lets out a small groan and his knees crack as he stands up off the floor. As his gaze meets your own again, he wonders how you'll take the news. If he’s lucky, you’ll be jealous.

“She's a smart kid.. observant.” A small moment of silence briefs the conversation before you can stop yourself from asking.. “How was it? The date I mean.”

“That she is..” Joel murmurs before adding reluctantly. “The date was just.. Not a good fit. It didn't go well.” He shrugs, but you knew it would've been a massive blow to his self esteem. “I don't know why I tried… just thought.. maybe..” He rubs the back of his head and chuckles anxiously as he trails off.

It seems his self esteem did take quite the blow.

“Don't be so hard on yourself now, you're a catch, and any good woman will see that.”

Joel’s eyes narrow into a frown. “I'm hardly a catch.. Let's be real, I work too much.” He pauses. “Maybe I'm still caught up on..” He catches himself before he admits it..

Your ears perk at this. “Who doesn't love a hardworking man.” You tease lightly.

He manages a smile at your teasing. “I’m not a catch.. this..” He gestures to himself pitifully. “Is not a catch. Truth be told I’m.. I'm still pretty caught up on you and I'm not even ashamed to say it.”

“Hell—why?” Is all you manage to ask in a stutter.

“Because..” He lets out a frustrated noise and scratches his head anxiously. “Because I should have fought for you, I should have tried harder. You were everything I wanted. Still are.. Honestly.” His tone takes a solemn tone. “That doesn't just go away, all of those feelings.”

“You're right.. They don't just go away.” Your agreement to his statement has him wondering, his eyes searching your face for any sliver of teasing.

“So.. what does that mean? If I was to say.. If I was to ask something stupid.. Would you be angry?”

You're a little confused by his sudden bashfulness. “That depends on what you're asking.”

“Hypothetically..” He starts. “If I were to ask you out on a date, for old times sake..” He trails off and doesnt look back at you, there's a pregnant silence between you both..

“You want to take me on a date?” You ask in confusion.

He clears his throat and looks up to you, his eyes shifting around the room. “Is that a stupid question?”

“Well.. how about you ask me on a real date and maybe… I’ll say yes..”

His head spins in a daze, his heart doubles in size as he realises how much he wants this. “...are you serious?”

You simply nod, waiting for him to ask you on a date properly.

He's nervous, shifting from foot to foot, as if this was the hardest thing he's ever had to ask. “Okay then..” He mumbles to himself, clearing his throat, trying to steady his voice. “Would you care to.. Join me for a dinner date.. at my place?”

He actually asked..

“I would be happy to join you for dinner, Joel.”

It seems as if he's having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that you actually accepted. Even though it's what he wanted, needed.. He had somehow still expected you to decline. The look in your eye contractics his anxiety, though.

“You sure?” He asked, insecurity evident in his shallow voice. “I mean, you still remember how much I work, right? I have to finish this job for a client, he's on my ass about it, keeps asking me when I'm gonna be finished, but I told him I'm on track. Gonna put in some big hours to get this done.”

How could you forget, it was the reason you split all those years ago. His work was all consuming.

Your heart aches at his attempt to push you away–to take your pending rejection on the chin. “How about you let me know when you're free and you can cook for me, hm?”

The offer was flexible, giving him a chance to relieve himself of the pressure and try to find a day that works for you both.

Joel seemed to appreciate the offer, and his face visibly relaxed. “That sounds perfect, as soon as this project is done, and this client is off my ass, then we’ll figure out our date.”

“Sounds great, just send me a text and let me know, yeah?” You smile and tuck your phone into your jean pocket.

“Count on it.” He spoke with such promise it was hard not to get excited about what was to come.. Maybe they could rekindle what they once had. “I'll talk to you later then?” He takes a step towards the front door, his phone rings loudly, you assume it's a client of his.

“Yeah, we’ll talk later..”

As you close the door, it takes a moment to process what had just happened. A stupidly big smile resides on your lips, giddy with excitement, the disbelief that this is happening. Joel doesn’t text till late, but you’re ecstatic that he did get into contact about something other than who has custody of Sarah for the weekend.

Joel Miller 😉 10:45 pm

Hey, I'm sorry it's late, I just wanted to catch up. How's this weekend sound to you? For our date..

You. 10:47 pm

No sweat. What time were you thinking?

Joel Miller 😉 10:50 pm

Hoping to see you around 7. I'll cook dinner and we can just hang out. Unless you wanted to do something else?

You. 10:52 pm

No. it sounds perfect. 7 works for me.

Joel Miller 😉 10:53 pm

Great.. See you at 7 then.. Saturday..

You. 10:53 pm

Great! See you then handsome. 😉

Joel Miller 😉 10:58 pm

See you, beautiful. 😜😏😊

You can't help but laugh at the emojis Joel sent; he was such an old man that didn't understand a damn thing about technology, sure he was trying, but it seemed to get the better of him.

The week is slow and miserable, with your time off work and Sarah at school, you're not sure what to do with yourself for many hours of the days that slowly pass on by. You spend a lot of time reading your books that had sat and collected many layers of dust on the bookshelf in your living room, even taking your little kitten, angel, for walks on a small leash.

You find that as you become moderately okay with being alone, and in the company of naught but a small kitten, time seems to pass by much quicker than it did.

You'd been doting on what you'd wear all week–hell, you were still trying not to think too much about it. Choosing a simple lavender sundress, it was far too hot to wear anything that would stick to your skin. And whatever sin you’ve commited by wearing matching lavender lingerie is no one's business but your own.. Joel wouldn't know anyway.

It couldn't hurt to hope, right? It had been years since you been laid.

“God what the hell is wrong with me?” You murmur to yourself, one hand desperately clutching onto a bottle of red wine, as if you couldn't make it any more awkward. It's 6:50 pm. But you couldn't bare to sit across the damned street in your car a moment longer, your heart ager and anxiety running wild.

Knock, knock. Your hand raps on the hardwood door twice, hands shaking from being so anxious.

As the door opens, Joel grins. “Hey.. you're early.” Taking in his appearance, you can't help but swallow the saliva that had built up in the few seconds you’d spent greedily staring at him. Hell— it was only a brown cotton shirt and a pair of jeans, but he looked incredible.

“I know.. I hope that's okay.” His own eyes take a moment to appreciate your outfit, the perfectly fitting seam of lavender purple that fits snug around your breasts.

“Totally fine, I’m ready in here.. I made you something special.” The grin on his face is cheeky and he takes the bottle of wine from your trembling hands and opens the door wider for you to enter. “Come on in.”

He has absolutely outdone himself, it seemed Joel had managed to clean the entire house in the week coming up to this evening. The house is cleaner than it's ever been, his kitchen is full of colour of fruits and a wonderful aroma swirls around as you walk through the hallway. The counter is a little cluttered with spices and a half drunken can of beer.

“You've absolutely outdone yourself joel.” The compliment seemed to naturally expel from your lips, seeing how he had set the dining table up, in the middle was a simple summer salad and two wine glasses, as if he knew you'd be bringing the wine..

“I would be a terrible host if I didn't have something special in store for you..” As he trails off, the sound of a timer from the kitchen buzzes, and Joel rubs his hands together. “Here, why won't you take a seat?” He pulls the chair out, waiting for you to take the offer, of course you accept, taking a seat and he tucks your chair in.

“Be back in a moment with the food, make yourself comfortable.” The smell is absolutely incredible as Joel steps back out of the kitchen and sets a steaming pan of hot pasta right in front of you, sitting on the seat across from you.

“Jesus, how in the world? I remember all those years ago you couldn't even seem to grasp the concept of avocado toast.”

Joel laughs halfheartedly at your comment. “I wasn't much of a cook back then was I? Always relying on you to use your magic in the kitchen.” He grasps the wine and opens the bottle, pouring you a generous glass. “The fact that you remember that is pretty impressive though. That had to be what.. five or six years ago?”

You can't help but feel embarrassed to be caught out. “I guess I have a knack for remembering things, god.. Sarah would have been barely five back then..”

When you split..

Joel senses the tension in your voice, and serves himself some wine, taking a small sip. “Yeah, she was pretty young back then. It seems like only yesterday that she was a baby..” He takes a small pause as he reminisces. “I always liked when you carried her around in that sling you had for her. Never really understood why you didn't just use a pram..the sling seemed like much more work.”

You let out a small laugh. “I just liked having her close to me, and I hated those goddamn prams so much. I could never figure out how to use the stupid things.”

“Yeah, they were kinda bulky.. I never liked them much either, honestly. Still.. You'd spend like an hour just letting her nap on your chest, you would just carry her around the house.” He lifts the wine glass, his cheeks bare a resemblance to the dark red wine. “I always thought it was kinda adorable.”

The thought makes you stop and think, lifting the glass up to your lips to take a tentative sip. “Do you ever wish we could have a do over?”

He swallows the small amount of wine in his mouth, the smile that was on his face slowly fades. He never thought they would ever speak of this, of their past. He held a lot of guilt, that they fell apart because of him, he was the one who ruined a good thing. Now.. six years later, he had a chance to mend things, maybe even create something new between the two. “Every day.”

The silence hangs in the air between them for a few moments.. “Well.. either way. Sarah turned out wonderful, and that is something we both ought to be proud of.” Your hand meets his own for a brief moment.

Joel can't help but nod in agreement. Sarah was kind, intelligent, thoughtful and empathetic. He couldn't help but feel like Sarah was turning out more like you than him, and he was grateful for it. “But still, I can't help but want.. I don't want a do-over. What we had was good until I screwed it up, I just wish there was some way I could make up for that.”

“Hey—come on now.. You were working overtime back then..trying to keep our heads above water. I didn't.. I didn't understand the sacrifice you were making for our family back then.. You sacrificed a lot, joel..”

Joel looks up at you in surprise when you assure him of his goodwill. In a sense, he's grateful you're defending him, but you’ve always been too kind about the past, too forgiving, he doesn't know if he deserves it. “Yeah I was working a tonne of overtime.. I was trying to save up for a house, I wanted to take care of you both.. Guess it got out of hand.”

You can't help but feel a sense of nostalgia as you look around the house that you both raised Sarah in for the first five years of her life.. “You did it Joel, you got the house and.. Now you're starting up your own business. You've come a long way.”

“Sometimes I wonder if it was all worth it, I missed out on a lot of Sarah's younger years in the process… it's not time that I can get back.. and I know it was my own doing.”

“That was your sacrifice.. And it was so she could have a good childhood. That in itself makes you an incredible father. She knows what you did for us, for her, and she loves you.”

Joel knew that much was true, he concedes this as the truth. He couldn't deny that he had an incredible relationship with his daughter. There were many things joel regretted in his life and from the past, but he couldn't recall a single moment of regret when it came to how he chose to raise Sarah.

“I think we're well overdue for some more wine, wouldn't you say?” You grin, nodding toward the bottle, and with a small smirk, Joel complies, filling your glass half full and his own the same.

“That may be true,” he replies playfully. “But I'm still gonna need you to take it easy. I'm not prepared for what you'll be like once you're tipsy.”

“I'll be on my best behaviour.” You grin, almost too mischievously.

“I'm not believing that for a single second. I know you.. as soon as the wine hits, you’re gonna lose your inhibitions and start trying to charm me.”

Rolling your eyes is an appropriate response. “As if I need to try to charm you, Joel Miller.”

“See?” He chuckles, “even now, you're flirting with me.”

You are amused by his tone and can't help but be a smartass. “Hey—this is a date.. Isn't it?”

With genuine amusement in his tone, he laughs. “Well, I suppose it is. But you can't deny that if I keep pouring you this wine, you wont end up in my lap within the half hour?”

“Pour me another glass and find out.” You challenge, setting the now empty glass in front of him.

He raises an eyebrow, but pours you a third glass of wine, handing the glass back to you. “Here you go.” He wonders if he'll be right in his prediction.

You hold the glass up and take a sip, eyes closing momentarily as the warmth slides straight down to your stomach. Silently thanking him.

Joel leans back into his chair, after topping up his own glass that wasn't quite empty yet, watching you with a brightness in his eyes. “You know, even though we haven't been an actual couple in half a decade, it's still nice to be having one of these again.. as strange as that sounds.”

With a raised eyebrow and amusement in your tone. “I dont think its strange at all, I think it's wonderful.”

He hums in response, finally digging into the pasta that had been sitting there since he served it steaming hot off the stove, you follow in tow, deciding that your stomach has somehow made room for the deliciously smelling creamy pasta. You can't help but groan in delight as you chew the creamy pasta. “Fucking delicious.” You mutter.

As the two of you decide to eat, Joel notes that you’re out of wine… “I'll get another bottle.” You insist, seeing that he's digging into his dinner.

You know your way around the kitchen you'd spent years living in, reaching upward for the wine cupboard, it seems you can't quite reach, whispering to yourself.. “Goddamnit.” You don’t realise you’ve been staring at the cupboard for a few minutes until you hear him.

“Having some trouble?” You don't have the nerve to turn around at how husky his voice sounds. He decided to take advantage of the fact that he had disarmed you with his voice alone, and slips up behind you, his chest flush against your back. He doesn't bother to help you reach the wine, instead he wraps his arms around your waist.

You can't help but lean backwards into him, closing your eyes as you lean your head backward into his shoulder. Your heart skips at the sensation of him pulled taut against you, it had been too long since he held you like this.

His hand caresses the side of your neck, and he whispers softly into your ear. “How's the wine treating you baby? Seems like your skin is a little warm..” He teased boldly.

“Who said it's got anything to do with the wine? My handsome ex husband is holding me— I think that calls for some mandatory blushing, does it not?”

Joel chuckles and squeezes you tighter around your hips, his body pressing against yours firmly, your hips pressed against the bench. “Ex-husband… is that what I am to you now?” He asked, smirking.

You can't help but laugh breathlessly. “Legally, yes.”

“Legally, maybe,” he replies, his smirk broadening. “But in my eyes.. Who you truly belong to is not a matter of legality..” He leans in and whispers softly into your ear, his lips tickle the skin. “Just a matter of heart..”

You shudder as his warm breath warms your ears. “Joel Miller, the romantic.”

“What can I say, you bring out the best in me.” He replies softly, lips against your neck, his voice carries a seductive undertone. One hand slides up your arms and he grabs you to spin you around, his eyes boring into you as your back is pushed against the counter, you’re forced to meet his gaze as his hand grips the nape of your neck. “Do you want to know what I really think about you?”

His sudden manoeuvre has her shocked into near silence. “What do you think of me Joel?”

He hesitates, trying to find the right words. He can't mess this up, not with your large and vulnerable eyes watching him. “You're beautiful,” he praised softly. “You have the most kind-hearted soul I've ever known.. You're a wonderful mother… and you’ll be the only one I’ll ever truly want..”

Maybe the wine helped him be bold enough to be truthful in this moment, or oversharing. He felt like this might be the only chance he might have.

“Why did it take half a bottle of wine for you to tell me all this?” You mumble.

Joel goes quiet. He can't help but stare down at you, the smirk on his lips fades, you'd always been able to see through him. “I was scared,” a note of humility in his voice. “Scared that once you knew, you wouldn't want to look at me again. I always thought you were out of my league, ya know? I didn't deserve someone like you…still don't know if I do.”

His self depreciation was never something you would come to accept. “Don't talk like that, Jesus Joel. You really have no idea how much I love you, do you?”

“How can you still love me?” He asks, although he's almost afraid of the answer you'll give. “I hurt you, I let myself drift so far from what mattered..”

“Joel… you've done nothing that isn't worth forgiving,” you promise softly.

Joel can't help himself as he pulls you against him, chest to chest. He holds you tightly, as if it might be the last time…”But that's the problem,” he said softly. “Not that what I did isn’t forgivable…but that it didn't need to happen in the first place. It hurts me just thinking about how much I lost sight of things, but it can't have been worse than how much I must've hurt you…”

Your hands have a mind of their own as they cup his cheeks, making him look down at you. “Now you listen to me, okay? I love you. Things were not easy for us back then.. We were young parents and struggling to pay the bills, parenthood hit us fucking hard and we didnt make it..” You sigh, your eyes full of love and vulnerability. “Hell—I don't even remember half of it… but were here now, we have a chance to make things better than they were, we can start new.”

He nods as he rests his forehead against your own, a small smile on his lips. You easily wipe away any insecurity and self guilt he held for their split. You were right, of course. This wasn't the time to dwell on the past, on what could've been, not when the two of you were here… now, with a brand new start. “Let's try again, huh?” He asks in a low whisper.

Pulling your lip between your teeth, you nod against his own warm skin. “Let's try again…”

His hands are warm as they caress your cheeks, he pulls you into him for a kiss, lips meeting and you're flooded with emotion, all the doubt and uncertainty you both held washed away as soon as your lips connected. The bittersweet aftertaste of wine lingers on your warm lips. He struggled to pull away from you, but he looked down at your loved filled eyes, gazing softly up at him. “God, I've missed that.” He whispers softly.

He brushes a handful of strands of loose hair out of your face, looking down at you, you note his pupils are dilated. “You still take my breath away,” he laughs softly, caressing your cheek.

You flush at his praise. “Trying to get in my good books already?”

He was definitely trying. “You can't fault me for trying, I could really use some brownie points right now, ya know?”

Laughing at his sense of humour, you roll your eyes. “You're a crooked man Joel, and I love it.”

“Is that supposed to be an insult or a compliment?” An amused tone in his voice, his body pressing against your own. He leans down to kiss you again softly, his hands caressing your waist and letting his fingers trail up the side of your torso.

“Of course it's a compliment—other men have their heads on straight and they are just…weird. You're a little crooked, a little weird, and I like that..”

The way you accept his flaws leaves him more in awe of you, he can't complain at how endearing you find his oddities. “And so youre saying it's a good thing that I'm a little unhinged at times?” He chuckles, reaching up under your chin to trace small shapes on the soft skin.

You have a little mischief twinkling in your eyes.. “Oh you know—when you get all angry and protective. Definitely crooked, but so sexy.”

“You find it hot when I get territorial over you?” He couldn't help but laugh at her admission.

The wine flows through you, giving you a sense of boldness. You run a hand down his chest, manicured fingers tickling him through the brown cotton shirt. “Do you remember that time I was on a date with that jackass, I was drunk outta my mind—”

He scowls at the memory of that night, you, his ex-wife on a date with some chump named James. The man had tried to take you home, even though you were inebriated. “Yeah, I do,” he replied with a possessive tone to his voice. “You were wasted, couldn't even walk straight.. But I knew what that animal was thinking, I could see the way he looked at you.”

“All I could remember was how infuriated you were, the sexiest thing I'd ever seen..” Your eyes draw him in, batting your lashes at him.

Joel smirks, a light blush spreading from his neck up his cheeks, to his ears from your comment. “You thought it was sexy huh? I thought I'd lost my shit and went a little overboard..”

You can only shrug, unbothered by his reaction at that time. “Oh—maybe you did, I mean you did beat him to a pulp in that forsaken carpark, didn’t you baby? All for me.”

“That prick needed his ass kicked either way,” he growls. “There was no way I was letting him have you.. Drunk or not, that man crossed a line, and I’d do it all over again.”

Your heart doubles in size, and you can feel your knees weakening. “You'd do it all over again?”

He doesn't hesitate. “I'd do it a thousand times over.. At that moment.. in my mind, you were still my girl, being hit on by some creep. And I wasn't going to let him take you away from me.” He pauses, wondering if his explanation sounded too crazy. “You still meant alot to me.. Even after we split.. You always have.”

You run a finger down his cheek, the coarse hairs of his beard make a sound that sends a tingle down your spine. “What I wouldn't do to see that side of you again.”

Joel tilts his head slightly and takes a moment to ponder your comment. He was surprised to hear you admit how much you loved this dominant and possessive side of him. “That side of me.. You want to see it again, cause I can make it happen, baby girl. Just say the words.”

You couldn't help the way you trembled, sure that the only thing keeping you up right was Joel's hips pressing against your own, back digging into the bench. “Please,” you beg pathetically. His hand reaches up to your neck, holding you by the neck, forcing you to look up at him. He applies a small amount of pressure that has you whimpering.

The way you melt under his possessive gesture was enough for him to feel confident that this side of him was still within reach and you loved it. He leans closer to you and kisses you again, this time more forcefully. He lets his fingers dig into your soft flesh, squeezing firmly while knowing it's not causing you pain or discomfort.

Hearing your squeaking moans, and the way your body seems to relax into him as he takes control of you.. He takes this as motivation to move his lips against yours with a different kind of hunger. Feeding into the darker side of himself, trying to recapture that long-lost side of him that he's lost after letting you walk out of his life.

But he wouldn't let you go, no, not this time. He had his fingers digging into your flesh and his lips moving against yours with so much force, he shoves his tongue into your mouth..

His free hand wanders along your body, feeling the warmth of the wine and from the heat of his touch, your body reacting exactly how it used to, as if no time has passed at all. His hand gropes your breast roughly, squeezing and slipping past the two layers of fabric. He pulls away from your lips, eyes darkening. “Wearing a lace bra just for me, huh baby? Bet you've got a matching set on, don't you?” He growls.

“Y–Yes..” A feeble moan emits from your lips, smothered in his spit. The thought drives him wild, and slides down the straps to your dress and takes in the lavender lace bra you brought specially for tonight. “Fuck, you’re a naughty girl aren’t you?”

When you don't respond, he grabs at your breasts roughly, grasping the soft flesh between his calloused fingers, pinching your nipples harshly, making you cry out in pleasure, it was a sensitive spot for you, one that Joel remembered well.

He leans down, greedily sucking all the sweat off your warm skin, licking and nipping, his teeth biting down into the flesh of your neck, leaving an immediate mark, claiming his stake on you. You were his..

His lips messily kissed your breasts, tongue finally meeting the nipple where he suckled harshly, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin. “Do you remember when you were pregnant? Let me drink your milk straight from the source, didn’t you baby? Fuck.. what I wouldn’t give to do that again,” he whimpers against your skin.

Your heart races, running your fingers through his dark hair. He spends his time at your breasts, alternating pleasuring the two, making sure they’re both equally as tended to as the other. “Tits are so fucking perfect baby.” He praises.

His greedy hands trail down your body, the fabric of your dress bunching at his fingers, as he slides them down your legs, he’s on his knees.. face to face with the matching lavender lace panty that covers your pussy. An involuntary moan leaves his lips, he can’t tear his eyes away at the large sopping wet patch in the middle of your panties. “Fucking hell, I can smell your need, you know that?”

Your legs tremble at his sudden growl, he could smell her arousal? The thought embarrassed her. The thought didn’t stay long in her head, he presses his face into your cunt with the panties still on, moaning against you. His large nose bumping your swollen clit through the material, and you let out a whine and curl your fingers through his hair. “Please Joel.. I need more.”

He ignores your pleas for more, licking and sucking you through your panties, he can taste you through them, he’s like an animal being teased through a cage, and he’s painfully hard, teasing the both of you with his devilish antics.

“Fuck Joel! Please!” You beg a little louder, crying out as she tugs on his hair.

Without another moment passing, his thick fingers tear the lace in half, exposing your mound. You didn’t shave, your pubic hair was trimmed but still bush enough for Joel to dive into. His mouth watered, he had always had a preference for hair down there, he’d seen it in pornography magazines growing up, and he fucking desired it ever since.

Women these days are all about shaving, being bare and having brazilians.

Fuck that. This is what Joel needed.

“Fucking hell baby you’re gonna kill me.” He groaned into your cunt. Diving face first, his arms wrap around your ass and pull you tight, his face buried into your cunt as far as he could go.

You stumble and lift one leg over his shoulder, trying to support yourself a little more. It feels impossible though, the way Joel’s tongue dives into your cunt, lapping at the juices you’re giving him, pushing his tongue as far into your hole as he can reach. His hawkish nose presses into your clit and you feel your legs trembling, like you’re about to topple over.

“Joel..” you warn breathlessly. You’re close, so fucking close.

“Cum for me baby. Fuck.. please.” Suddenly he was the one begging, on his knees lapping at your cunt, whining against you. Feeling him beg against you was all it took for you to come undone.. your legs buckle and you tremble above him, clutching onto his shoulder, as you cry out, your clit tingles with pleasure as Joel slowly rolls his tongue against it, trying to string out your orgasm.

He laps you up, all of you, not letting a single drop go to waste, his eyes are black with desire and his face is glistening with you, smeared all over his face, finally, he rises to his feet. “Turn around baby girl.” He orders, his voice husky from your slick.

You can do nothing but comply, he shoves you against the counter, your hips against the cold wood. You can hear him, his breaths are quick, he’s frantically unbuckling his belt, tying the brown leather around your wrists..

You feel his hard cock against your ass, and your eyes widen, forgetting how big he was, did he get bigger?

With one hand he pushes you down onto the bench so you’re lying, face down. “That’s it angel. You’re so fucking sweet, aren’t you baby?” He praises senselessly, the swollen tip of his cock meets your hole and you squeak out, he stretches you, beyond what you ever remembered. “J-Joel.” You whine and inhale sharply, face still pressed against the cold countertop, arms bound behind your back and his throbbing thick cock pushing inside of you, you’re helpless, completely at his mercy and you fucking love it.

Your cunt can testify the fact, it’s dripping, all over Joel, he pushes himself into the hilt of you and groans loudly, a loud grunt leaving his lips. One hand holds you flat against the counter, the other holds your bound arms at his chest.

He slowly starts to thrust, legs quaking with desire, he knows he won’t last long, fuck, he’s never had a pussy so perfect, not after you, all he knows is the warmth of you, your perfectly tight hole, sucking him in deeper.

Your moans are loud, but muffled by your cheeks squished against the counter, you can almost feel him in your ribs, with every thrust it feels like you’re running out of oxygen. Strangled gasps leave your lips as your pussy clenches around him, threatening to spill over a second time..

Joel can feel it, the way you grip him, he knows he won’t last, he grunts as he presses himself flush against you, your arms behind your back hinder his need to be closer to you, but this way.. he wraps his hand around your neck, bringing you upright, flush to his chest.

“Fuck, that’s it baby.” He growls, his cock pummels into you mercilessly, and now you’re free to cry out as loud as you can.

“Joel.. Joel.. I’m.. I..” you stutter, in between moans, your cunt clenching around him. You tense up as you orgasm a second time, creaming all over his throbbing cock.

He brings you totally upright, his hand tightening around your throat. “Fuck baby.. I’m gonna cum.. fill this perfect pussy up.” He whimpered into your ear, biting down on your neck.

You can feel him tensing, seconds later.. heavy and warm ropes of his cum spurt so far into your womb you whimper, knowing that he’s sure to get you knocked up.. again. He lets out the most obnoxious grunting as he pants heavily into your ears.

“Joel.. fuck I’m.. not on birth control.” You whimper. He keeps his cock inside of you, until he softens and pulls out of you, untying the belt that restrained your hands, as your hands fall limply by your sides, he kisses your shoulders, knowing there’s ought to be an ache.

“Good. Maybe we can have a do over after all, hm?” He murmurs softly, kissing the back of your neck. His hands find their way down to your stomach, caressing it softly. “Wouldn’t hurt to have just one more.. would it?”

After all, Joel Miller was a possessive man, a greedy man. You would bare as many children as he wished, because you weren’t ever going anywhere again. You were his.

“Might as well marry me again while you’re at it.” You tease breathlessly.

He hums against your skin, his forehead resting on the back of your shoulder. “Already thinkin’ bout it baby.”

Because Joel Miller wouldn’t let you get away, not this time.

[juletheghoul]

friendly neighbourhood handyman

Gif by @manny-jacinto

Authors note: I just want to live in a world where Joel and Sarah are alive and well. So I wrote it, please enjoy being Joel's neighbour! (Thanks to my bestie @wheresarizona for encouraging me and to my literal wife @foli-vora for being the bestest cheerleader)

Pairing: Young Joel Miller x F!Reader

Word count: 4.3k

Warnings: 18+ no minors, piv sex, dirty talk, creampie, oral (both m & f receiving) let me know if I missed any!

Masterlist

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It was the dog that led you to him, running out the door once you’d pulled it open, powerless to do anything but yell with your first big run of groceries in your arms. 

“Goddamn it, Tucker!” You all but tossed the groceries inside the house, hoping against hope that the carton of eggs was still intact as you ran towards your dog. Luckily he’d stopped at the house opposite, jumping up onto a dark haired man standing outside his truck. 

“Oh god I’m so sorry! Tucker, get over here!” The man was smiling at the dog, thankfully. A young girl came out, no doubt to investigate the noise. 

“Oh!” She squealed happily, “Hi there!” The dog moved from the man to the girl, jumping up rudely, trying to lick her face. 

“He doesn’t bite! I’m so sorry.” You finally made it over to where his tail was wagging wildly. “Tucker, Jesus Christ, get over here.” You gently pulled him away, catching your breath while staring daggers at the dog. He was nonplussed. 

“He’s so cute!” The young girl came over to pet him where he stood beside you, “Hi Tucker.” His tongue lolled, ecstatic at the attention. 

“You’re alright.” The man finished up behind the truck and walked towards you, he was tall and broad, dark eyes to match his dark hair. He was very handsome. “You just move in?” He scanned behind you.

“Yes, moved in last night.” You smiled, introducing yourself to him. “It’s nice to meet you-“

“Joel.” He shook your outstretched hand, shocking you with how warm his grip was. “My daughter, Sarah.” He gestured to the girl petting the dog at your side. 

“Hi!” She smiled, giving the dog some more love before moving away. He fiddles with the keys in his hand. “Come on Sarah, we’ll be late.” He nodded his head, signaling he couldn’t stay. “I know that house. Garcias used to live there, they had some trouble with the deck if I recall. You have any issues, come see me. I’ll fix it up for you.” He smiled before getting into his truck, letting you walk your unruly dog back to your house. 

It was hard not to look out for him after that. Not failing to notice the lack of a wedding ring. 

From then on every rumble of a truck crawling down the street made you glance out the window. Whenever it was him getting home you’d stare, lip caught between your teeth as you watched him make his way into the house. He always had a quick word for whichever neighbour was out, always a gorgeous smile on his lips. 

You thought about taking him up on his offer, about asking him to help with projects around the house, but then what? What if he had a relationship? How could you find out?

The answer came a few days later while you were out on the front lawn, tackling the disaster that was your garden bed. Denise, the friendly woman next door, had come over to say hello. She was commenting on your flowers when Joel’s telltale truck rumbled towards you. 

You tried not to stare, tried to keep your eyes on Denise, keep your attention on the words she spoke but he caught her attention as well.

“Hey, have you met Joel yet? Joel!” She called him over and it made your stomach drop off a cliff. Your blood buzzes with giddy excitement, reducing you to a schoolgirl with a crush. You couldn’t help but smile at him as he walked over. Tucker was tied to the porch with a long leash to stop him from running out into the street again, and he’d been laying in a patch of sun calmly but that went out the window once he noticed Joel walking over. He bounded over to him and was greeted with a friendly welcome. 

“Hey boy, you behavin’?” He patted him firmly on the flank before reaching you both, “Yes, dog made sure we met.” He smiled. “How’s that deck treatin�� you?” He had a squinty smile on his handsome face. One of Denise’s kids came out then and practically dragged her away, leaving the two of you alone. 

“It’s seen better days, whole house has really.” You turned to look at the house from his perspective. “I take it you're a carpenter?” He moved to stand beside you, both of you facing the house. 

“My brother and I work construction, but I know enough to get by. What’s wrong inside?” 

“Well, the banister is loose, wobbly when you go up the stairs. Couple of loose floorboards and the bathroom could use a new sink. Aside from that-” 

“New coat of paint on the outside wouldn’t hurt either.” He was frowning at the exterior. “You all alone in there?” He turned to face you, “Aside from the dog I mean, anyone to help out?” 

You shook your head no. 

“Just Tucker and I, what about you? Just you and Sarah over there?” You gestured towards his home. Probing. 

“Just us, and occasionally Tommy. My brother.” He pulled the phone out of his pocket to check the time, “Can I take a look at your stairs? Sounds dangerous.” 

“Sure–come in.” Your heart raced as you walked up the porch steps, opening the door for him, making sure to untie Tucker and let him in with you.

He made his way in, wiping his boots off as best he could on your welcome mat, Tucker rushed past you both and made his way over to his favourite spot. 

You definitely hadn’t planned on having visitors. 

“Don’t judge me–I’m almost done unpacking.” There were still a few boxes littering the almost set up living room. Shelves that were halfway filled. Books scattered on the floor. 

“Oh don’t sweat it. You should see the way my place gets sometimes.” He smiled, making his way towards the stairs. “Okay, let's see what we’re workin’ with.” He curled his fingers around the banister and gave it a firm shake, swearing under his breath when it almost came off in his hands. “Okay that is really unsafe. Give me a sec and I’ll grab my tools.” He turned to head for the door. “I can’t fix everything tonight, I have to get dinner started but I can do this.” 

“Oh, please if you’re in a hurry it’s okay!” You rushed out after him. “Really, it’s okay–” 

“No it isn’t, I'll be right back.” He jogged quickly across the cul de sac, reaching into his truck for his tool belt and what looked like a drill. “Okay, I’m going to tighten this up and make it safe, and then later on if you want to replace it or update it or what have you, we can do it.” The way he said we almost let you believe that you were an item, and it thrilled you. 

“You’re too kind Joel, really.” You watched him with hearts in your eyes, eating up the sight of him working away, the way his arms flexed when he pushed on the drill to tighten up some loose screws, when he put a few new ones in. It was a warm day, and you could see the evidence of it as a drop of perspiration rolled down the back of his neck, down past the collar of his shirt. All of him a taunt. 

“Okay–I think we’re in business.” He was up and testing the bannister faster than you would have liked, testing it and smiling, happy with his handiwork. “You free tomorrow?” He was tucking his drill into a loop on his belt. 

“Yes, I get home just after four.” You fiddled with hem of your shirt, your hands itching to circle around his neck. 

Jesus woman, get a hold of yourself. 

“Perfect, I’ll get Sarah to go next door–” He caught you staring at his arms, your lip between your teeth, every dirty thought you’d had about him no doubt plain on your face. You looked at the bannister quickly, too quickly. “...Okay if I just park in your driveway?” He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. You could almost hear the smile on his lips along with the pounding of your heart in your ears. 

“Uh, yeah. No problem.” You smiled big. You tried to glance at him quickly but he held your gaze, his head swiveling when you moved. 

“Well okay then.” He smiled big, his dimple the cherry on top. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He winked and then left. Tucker let out a sigh as the screen door banged behind him. 

“Tell me about it boy.” You spoke to the dog, watching Joel as he walked away. 

—

You’d gotten home early, and spent it tidying up the living room, hoping to have it all cleared away by the time Joel came over. 

You’d just managed to put away the last few things and change into something a bit nicer than work clothes when his truck rumbled down the street. Tucker bolted to the screen door, barking happily as Joel unloaded his things. 

“Hey boy.” Joel put down his toolbox and shut the screen door, making sure Tucker didn’t get out. “How you keepin’? He gave the dog those flank pats he loved, moving up to scratch behind his ears.

“Thanks again for doing this Joel-” He looked up at you with something like surprise. 

Was the dress too much?

He smiled wide, giving you a not so subtle onceover. 

“It’s no trouble at all.” He straightened up, running a hand through his hair. “Let's see if we can straighten this place out.” You couldn’t help but smile back, his dark eyes lively with something that looked like mischief. 

He did a walk through of the house, noting the things that needed repairing and once he had assembled the mental list he got to work.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” Tucker was standing near his bowl, pawing at it to get your attention. “I have beer, water, could make a pot of coffee.”

“Coffee would be great, if you make some for yourself. Don’t just make a pot for me.” You heard tools being set down, the general rummaging noises of a handyman. 

“I could have some coffee.” You set about making it, pouring a pot full of water into Tucker's bowl, and then into the machine before adding the filter and the grounds. It was nice to have something to do instead of standing there gawking at him, 

“So—how are you likin’ the neighbourhood?” His voice carried, deep and friendly. 

“It’s great, nice and quiet.” You called back, reaching for a couple of mugs. 

“And the neighbours?” There was something in his voice, something playful.

“They’re alright.” He laughs before you hear drilling sounds.

When the coffee was ready you poured two cups, and fixed yours the way you liked it. 

“How do you take your coffee?” You called out.

“Just black please darlin’.” Your heart raced at the endearment, making you smile privately before heading towards him. “Thank you kindly, this smells amazing.” He took a greedy sip, seemingly unbothered by the temperature and let out a deep groan. 

“Good?” Pride swelled in your chest to see him enjoy it so much, thankful now that you’d remembered to buy coffee on your first grocery run.

“Fantastic. I can never get it to taste this good. Might knock on your door before work.” He set the mug down after gulping down almost half the cup. You laughed, enjoying your own a little bit more now. 

The sun was making its way down as he worked, patching up all the little problem areas of your home. Sanding the edges off so to speak. He talked a lot, asking questions about you, about Tucker, about family and spilling about his in turn. He was so easy to talk to, his voice easy to get lost in and more than once you got the sense that the conversation was a little more flirty than you’d expected it to be. 

He’d catch you staring at his neck, his arms or his mouth and smile to himself. You’d turn and catch him staring at your legs, at your ass but mostly, his eyes drifted down—to your cleavage. 

Eventually the chit-chat stopped, the only sounds were the sounds of his tools, the jingle of Tucker’s collar, cicadas outside. There was something else though, an energy, a vibe flowing between the two of you, shy smiles were exchanged, his hand brushed softly against yours when he handed you the empty mug. He laughed softly to himself after catching you staring yet again. 

“Darlin’, are you givin’ me the eyes?” His tone was playful and you felt your face heat up under the intensity of his gaze. 

“Maybe.” You played with the hem of your dress. “What if I was?” Your ears were burning, the words almost getting caught in your throat. 

“Well,” He turned to face you, hands on his hips, “I’d have to say I’m givin’ you the eyes right back.” Your heart kicked it into overdrive, brain buzzing with giddiness. “I’d have to confess that I’ve been thinkin’ about what you’d think about me kissin’ you.” He took a tentative step closer, his tools forgotten on the ground. 

“I’d be very agreeable to that.” Your voice was steady despite the adrenaline flooding your veins. 

He closed the gap, his big hands landed on your hips and then he went for it. Pressing his lips softly against yours. 

The kiss was lovely and chaste, until it wasn’t. 

Your hands rested on the arms you’d been staring at, sliding up up up past his shoulders, finally curling through the soft waves on the back of his head. He smelled like clean laundry, mixed with something citrusy, something spicy. Mouthwatering.

He pulled you closer, pulling a surprised gasp from somewhere in your throat. His tongue slid along your bottom lip, begging for entrance that you readily gave. 

It was his turn to groan, your fingers tugging at his hair, pressing yourself closer. 

He pulled away after a moment, coming in again to press more kisses to your lips, feather soft and devastating. He pressed his forehead against yours, the both of you catching your breath. He had lit a fire in your belly, awakened a heartbeat in your cunt and made it weep for him.

“Would you think less of me if I took you to bed?” You watched your own hands as you said the words, holding them against his chest, bringing them down slowly and savoring the solid feel of him beneath them.

“I’d love to–” A trilling noise sounded from his pocket and he answered it with an apologetic frown. “Yes baby girl, what’s wrong?” He stepped away for a moment, sighing quietly and hanging up quickly before coming back towards you.

“Dad duty?” You kept your voice neutral, ignoring the way your panties stuck to your body. 

“Dad duty, but–would you be okay with me comin’ back after I put the kiddo to bed?” 

“Of course, I’ll be waiting.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down for another kiss, licking into his mouth before pulling away. “Don’t forget about me.” You smiled sweetly. 

“Keep the door unlocked, this kid is going to bed in record time.” He pressed another quick kiss, and gave your ass a sharp swat that had you squealing into his mouth. He hurriedly gathered his tools and left. Tucker barked excitedly when the screen door slammed behind him. You couldn’t help but laugh as he practically ran home.

-

Hours passed and the blood settled down from an unbearable heat, to a slow simmer. Tucker retreated to his bed, the last few remaining chores were completed by the time the sun had fully set. With nothing to do but wait, you took a nice, long shower. You fantasized about him surprising you while the cool water flowed over your heated skin, butterflies in your stomach fluttering wildly at the thought of his hands on you again, moving down your arms and over your hips, sliding between your thighs to find you wet and wanting. 

The shower ended without any surprises, which left you to dry off and enjoy the still of the night around you. A soft breeze blew through the open window, the cicadas were singing loud as ever and with a growing sense of doubt you saw that the hour was getting late. Maybe he’d fallen asleep. Maybe he’d been so tired from all the little projects he’d done, not to mention his full time job, and the kid he took care of–

There was a quiet tap on the door that had Tucker’s collar jingling. Your heart raced as you all but sprinted to the front door. 

“Good christ woman.” He was staring at your nightie, “You tryna kill me?” made his way in, careful not to trip over the dog on his quest to lay his hands on you. 

“You like my nightgown?” It was simple, but it complimented you nicely. 

“Like?” He shut the door with his foot before pulling you into his arms, his mouth finding yours with an urgency that made you groan. “Darlin’ I love it.” His facial hair tickled the sensitive skin of your neck when he kissed you there, making a shiver run down your spine. Your hands were restless, moving to feel as much of him as you could. The muscles in his arms flex under your palms when you slide them towards his neck, the skin of his back was warm and he all but purred when you scratched at it lovingly. 

Your confidence grew with every press of his lips. 

“I want you in my mouth Joel–” He surged up to capture your mouth, his tongue obscene, making you ache with arousal. 

“That so?” He herded you up the stairs, the two of you giggling as you made your way into your room. “What else do you want honey?” You pulled his shirt up and off tossing it onto the floor with a grin. 

“I want you to show me how much you like my nightgown.” You bit your lip, pulling him by his waistband towards your bed, you sit close to the edge and look up at him through your eyelashes. His desire for you was obvious. Hard and heavy and tenting out the front of his sweats. 

“Go on Honey, open up that pretty mouth of yours.” He pulled the front of his sweats down and your eyes widened at the sight of him.

“Yes sir.” You do as he says, opening your mouth and sticking your tongue out, your hands moving to pull him closer. He groans at the sight of you there and takes his cock in hand, taps it against your tongue a few times and you can’t help but moan at the salty taste of his arousal beading on the reddened tip of him. 

You move one of your hands to hold onto it, noting with nervous excitement at the size of him. He moans when you place open mouthed kisses to the sensitive underside, moving to the base to give him a wide lick all the way to the tip. Repeating it until he whines. 

“Come on sugar, stop teasin’ me.” He reaches down to put the straps of your nightie down, palming your breast before holding onto the hinge of your jaw, guiding your movements gently. “Can you take me a little deeper?” You nod around the tip of him, hollowing your cheeks and taking him as deep into your mouth as you can, swallowing around where he's hitting the back of your throat. He groans deep in his chest when you keep him there, eyes watering, spit spilling around the girth of him, gagging and sputtering. 

“Jesus christ woman.” He says it like he’s in pain and you preen. “Fuck, fuck that’s good.” His thumb presses softly into the plump apple of your cheek, angling your mouth the way he wants it. 

You know you must look a mess, spit dripping down your chin and onto your chest, tears streaming down your face and yet still, Joel is looking down at you like the sun shines out of your ass. 

“Keep this up and I’m gonna fill your mouth.” The words come out strained and despite how much you love having him like this, the ache between your legs is growing unbearable so you give it one final kiss and pull away. 

“My turn.” He pulls the rest of everything off, smiling wide as you scoot back onto your bed, your nipples tightening almost painfully. “God I bet you taste good huh?” He kisses your knee, swearing under his breath at the site of the wet spot between your legs. He curls his fingers around the waistband of your panties and you lift your hips to help him pull them off, his big hands parting your thighs the minute they’re sliding off your ankles. 

“Look at that.” You rest on your elbows watching him get comfortable between your spread legs. “Been thinkin’ about this since the first day I saw you.” He presses a kiss to your mound, then your thigh, sinking his teeth into the meat of it before he nudges at your plump little clit with the tip of his nose. 

You thread your fingers through the dark waves of his hair, smoothing out his eyebrow with the pad of your thumb. 

“Come on baby, who’s teasing who now?” You wiggle your hips a bit, trying to get closer and he laughs, drunk on your excitement.

He dives in, wide licks from the rim of your opening up to the sensitive bundle of nerves. He groans, moving down, sliding his tongue as deep as he can to drink you down straight from the source. 

You watch him through the haze of arousal, breathing hard as he sucks your clit into his mouth, eyes closed in his unabashed enjoyment of the act. His hands squeeze your thighs for a moment before they slide up to pluck at your nipples while he devours you. 

It spreads through your belly like a wildfire, the pleasure building and building until your hips are chasing his tongue, grinding onto his face, your whole body a string being tightened until it finally snaps. 

You shudder, falling back onto the bed, your body practically bowing under the intensity of your climax. 

He presses another kiss to your mound before he crawls up and slots himself in the cradle of your thighs, his cock hot and heavy pressed up against your cunt.

His kiss now is aggressive, all teeth and tongues, breathing hard while he grinds against you—his cock slotting itself between the lips of your sex. Coating himself in you.

You reach down between your legs and line him up, pulling his hips in slowly while his mouth is pressed against yours, both of you sharing a moan when you pull him flush against you. 

“Good god Joel, you’re splitting me open.” You wrap your arms around his neck, biting at his lip and relishing the rumbly groan your comment garners. “So fucking big.” You love how wrecked he is to hear it, so you keep telling him. “Need to be really wet to be able to take you baby—“ he starts off with shallow thrusts, short jabs that make you pant into his mouth. “Hear how fucking wet you made me?” You barely get the words out before his tongue is in your mouth again. 

He slides one knee up for leverage, slipping his forearm under your thigh to hold you open for him and it knocks the thoughts right out of your head. Your mind blanks with every punch of cock and your arms cling to his neck for dear life. 

“Touch yourself baby, need you to come for me.” He looks down, watching the place where you’re joined and you hurry to obey, sticking your fingers into your mouth before bringing them to your clit and he shuts his eyes tight, sweat gathering in his hairline and yours, a thin sheen of it covering you both., 

It only takes a few perfect circles and you're clenching around him with a scream. Your legs try to close automatically but he keeps them open, fucks you through your orgasm until his rhythm stutters. 

“Inside Joel, I wanna feel it—“ he groans, seizing up for a moment before he grinds in deep, filling you to the brim. 

“Fuck.” He collapses onto you, his face buried into your neck while you both catch your breath and it’s only now that you notice your nightie is still around your middle like a belt. You ignore it though, instead focusing on the warm weight of him, comforting and solid on top of you. 

He lifts his head, a blissed out mischievous grin on his face.

“You know, if you didn’t have the money to pay for my handyman services we coulda worked something out—“ you slap his shoulder playfully and he laughs full-throated. The sound is almost more exciting than anything thus far. 

“You’re hilarious.” You push his hair back away from his forehead, smiling to yourself. “A regular comedian, this guy.” 

“I try—“ he pulls out with a hiss, “—you busy this weekend?” He pulls you close, finally divesting you of the nightgown turned belt. 

“Nothing planned yet, why? Are you planning on asking me out?”

“Was thinkin’ about it. Would you say yes?” He skims his nose along your neck, raising goosebumps in his wake.

“Yes. Yes I believe I would.”

—

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[wheresarizona]

September Masterlist

| Main Masterlist |

summary: Joel Miller was the love of your life, your plans to spend the rest of your days with him derailed by the world ending. You got separated on the day of the Outbreak and never saw him again, not knowing if he survived until you find out the smuggler Marlene hired to bring an immune girl to your research hospital is none other than the man you thought you'd lost forever.

pairing: Joel Miller/f!reader (reader is a doctor with no physical descriptions)

Warnings: 18+!! No y/n, Smut, age gap (10 years), Soft Joel Miller (but he fucks), alternating POV, TLOU TV Show Spoilers, TLOU game spoilers (I’m speculating how the show will end), angst with a happy ending, canon-typical violence, emotions, reunions. each part will have its own warnings.

Updated: April 5, 2023

Smut marked with **

Main Story:

Part 1: Austin, 2003**

Part 2: Firefly Hospital, 2024**

Part 3: Jackson, 2024****

Part 4: Jackson House of Worship, 2024**

Part 5**

Part 6**

Epilogue

One Shots:

2002**

Respite**

Asks:

Joel’s Body Hair Preference

Joel and PDA

[ghostfanwriter]

✨🥐 𝐊𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐝 🥐✨

Part two to Pink Velvet.

🥐 Pairing: Single dad, young Joel Miller x Baker! Reader

✨ Setting: No Outbreak Au! Joel's the biological father of Sarah and Ellie.

🥐 Synopsis: Joel starts working on the renovations around your bakery. But he's willing to do more than just fixing your floors for you.

✨ Features: Joel and reader flirting some more, reader being helplessly down for Joel (and Joel eating it UP), a lot bit of a competency thing from reader.

🥐 Word count: 4.2k

✨ About this/Author's note: You guys seemed to really like part one, I can't tell you how happy I got with all the comments on it 🤧 This one is pure fluff and flirtation. I love watching them being all awkward and giggly next to one another. It's cooking, friends, and they know it.

Hope you like it 🩷

You hear a soft sound while you're putting the chairs up so you can sweep the floor. After you don't pay it any mind, you hear a proper knock on your door, and it startles you, making you jump and laugh while you walk towards the door, Joel laughing on the other side.

"Sorry, I tried not to scare you, but you didn't hear it the first time." He says, laughing as you make room for him to walk in.

"Not, it's fine. I just wasn't expecting you to be here early, I was trying to finish cleaning before you arrived." You explain yourself, locking the door back.

"Did you just close?" He asks, noticing the dirty dishes on top of a few of the tables.

"Well, my closing time is never my closing time, you know? People arrive five minutes before closing and I just can't tell them to leave." You say.

"And they never even ask what time you're closing?" He asks and you laugh.

"Some do. But they stay anyway." You say, and he shakes his head.

"Well, I'mma help you so we can sit down and talk, then." He says and you smile.

"Thank you, Joel." You say as he gives you no time to protest, going to the dirty tables and picking up the dishes, putting them on the counter, then going around and putting the remaining chairs on top of their tables.

"You know what's really unfair?" He asks, and you frown.

"What is really unfair?" You ask.

"You know my name and I don't know yours." He says, and you smile, saying your name.

"Nice to meet you." He says your name, and you love how it sounds on his lips.

"Nice to meet you too." You say, swiping a table so you can sit down.

...

"So, tell me about what needs to be done here." He says, sitting across from you.

"Well, first the floorings." You start. "They're... Not great. There are hollow pieces, uneven parts, it's all scratched and the color's not so nice anymore, the tiles of the bathrooms are stained and gross. So I'd like to change all of them." You say, and he nods, a cute pout on his lips as he keeps his eyes on you while you talk.

"Alright, fully changing the floorings will require a few hours to work on them and then a while of no one walking over them, is that ok?" He asks, leaning down to touch the floor.

"Yeah, no problem. Sundays I only open in the morning, just to sell some bread, but it's always the same people, so I could just let them know I'd be closed on Sunday. Maybe try and deliver them the breads if they want." You say.

"Great. I could start on Saturday night and let it rest until Monday morning." He says.

"You can do the whole flooring in just one night?" You ask, shocked.

"Yeah, my brother helps me out when I need it. I'll just bring him with me and we should be done quick. Maybe in like... Four or five hours" He says.

"Alright, that sounds good. I can work on the bread for delivery while you two do it. Does Saturday night works for you, though?" You ask.

"Yeah, any day that works for you works for me." He says.

"Oh, ok. It's just that, you know, Saturday night. Maybe you'd have something to do." You say.

"Trust me, I don't know what going out at night feels like for a very long time now. I'm always working at night." He laughs.

"I know. I miss it, but since I opened I haven't really been going out much neither." You admit.

"Well, now you're gonna spend the nights here watching me renovate your shop, how exciting is that?" He jokes.

'Oh, watching you be skillful and fix things, carry heavy stuff around and make my bakery look better? That's very exciting.' You think to yourself.

"Can't wait." You say, and he laughs.

"So, floorings we can't do much for at least a week, then. Is it ok if I work in one bathroom at a time? Maybe you keep just one, would people hate that too much?" He asks.

"No, I don't think so. I'm ok with that." You say.

"Alright, so I can work on it before the floorings. But you mentioned the walls and lights too?" He squints his eyes.

"Yeah. I think the old renter used to hang big and heavy stuff on the walls, so they're full of big holes." You say, and he looks around, frowning when he doesn't see anything. "I covered them." You say. "With the paintings."

"Why do you need me then? You're already so good at this." He jokes, and you laugh.

"I'm talented." You shrug, laughing.

"That you are. That cake?" He says, his eyes growing wide as he remembers the taste.

"You liked it?" You ask.

"Oh, I fucking loved it!" He says. "We ate the whole thing in like... Ten minutes." He says.

"Really?" You ask, your smile even bigger, even though you can't help but wonder... Who's we?

"Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry." He says, his tone suddenly getting serious as he leans over the table, touching your forearm, your chest suddenly filling with air. "But we destroyed that beautiful thing you created." He says, laughing.

"Oh, my poor baby." You whine dramatically, making a cry face, and he laughs.

"Do you do it all yourself?" He asks, and you nod.

"I do." You say.

"Well, you're in the right business, that was insane." He says, and you can feel your cheeks on fire. "Is there anything else?"

"What?" You ask, a silly smile stuck on your face, still flustered with his praising.

"Anything else you want to work on?" He asks, laughing.

"Ah, yeah, hum... There's an infiltration on the open patio, on the back." You say, and his eyes grow wide.

"And we're here talking about holes in the wall?" He asks, concerned, his laugh telling how funny he thinks your priorities are.

"I'm sorry!" You say, laughing at yourself. "They just annoy me so much."

"Can I see it?" He asks.

"Sure, it's over there." You point to the patio, getting up, and he follows you.

...

You remove the planter from the corner where the infiltration is and he bends down to take a look at it.

"Well, this is not looking good." He says.

"Is it too bad?"

"Yeah, the concrete is pretty wet, there may be a broken pipe underneath here." He says. "Was it like this when you rented?" He asks.

"Yeah. I asked my landlord about it and he said he'd get a guy over to check on it, but it's been a year and still nothing." You explain.

"He won't fix it." He says, like he's certain of it. "But neither should you." He says.

"But you said it's not looking good." You say, confused.

"Because it isn't." He says, getting up, standing close to you. "But it's not your problem, you shouldn't pay for it."

"I was gonna ask you about that." You say, your voice small as he's towering over you. He smells so good, he's so big, so... "Do you want something to drink?" You ask, your throat dry all of a sudden.

"Yeah. Do you have coffee?" He asks.

"Coffee at night?" You laugh, walking back inside.

"Still got a lot to do when I get home." He says, sitting down as you brew him some coffee.

"So, how much of what I have to do here do you think I should ask him to help me with?" You ask.

"Anything that's structural, permanent or semipermanent." He starts. "The infiltration, the tiles and the floorings, basically. You won't take the floorings with you when you leave, and they seem like they haven't been touched for a long time, so you're gonna up the value of the space. The infiltration is here since before you, so it's not your problem." He says. "He should fully pay for both, as far as I'm concerned."

"Don't know if he's gonna like to hear that." You say. You know the man, unfortunately.

"I can come over if you want. I can bring you a detailed budget and project plan, we sit down and talk to him." He offers.

"When, you think?" You ask, bringing him his coffee, sipping on some water.

"Thank you." He says, drinking it. "I just have to take a look around, take some notes, see what kind of materials you want, maybe in one week we can have it all. Maybe earlier." He says.

"Cool. One week is long enough to decide everything and tell everyone about the Sunday when I'll need to close."

"Alright. So I'll take a look around." He says.

"Ok, I'll be in the kitchen. Just call if you need anything." You say, getting up.

...

You finish what there was still left to do in the kitchen while Joel inspects the place. After you're both done you close everything.

"Do you want a ride?" He asks after you close the door.

"No, it's fine. I gotta run some errands, buy some groceries." You say. "Thank you, though."

"No problem. I'll text you tomorrow so we can talk floorings and tiles." He says.

"Uhum. Thanks, Joel. See ya." You say.

"See ya." He says, waving goodbye before crossing the street, going to his car, and you walk away.

For the next three days he texts you, you send him the type of floorings you want, he explains to you the durability and maintenance costs and efforts of each option, and you ultimately decide everything you want.

You set a meeting with your landlord, and Joel says he'll join you, like he promised he would.

...

"So, how do you want to do this?" He asks.

"I don't know." You admit. "What do you think?" You ask.

"I think you should talk to him, and I should just back up what you say." He suggests.

"What if he doesn't listen to me?"

"Then I'll deal with him." He says, his tone almost intimidating.

"Ok." You agree as you watch the man walk inside.

"Alright, now what's this about?" He asks, as sweet as always. His eyes roaming from you to Joel, and Joel hates how the man eyes you up and down.

"Hi, Michael, look, I wanted to do some renovations, like I told you, so I called Joel." You say. "And we talked about the floorings and the infiltration on the back—"

"You're not expecting me to pay for it, are you sweetheart?" He cuts you, his tone condescending, and you see Joel's nostrils widen.

"Those were bad before I got in, you knew about the loose tiles, the worn out floorings, the infiltration was already pretty bad. And you know that." You say, angry. "You even said you'd fix that before it became too much of a problem." You add.

"Don't remember that." He laughs.

"Do you really wanna fucking do this?" Joel asks, his ever so deep voice even deeper, none of the usual softness coating it.

"I'm not here to talk to you, ok? You're just trying to make money out of this situation." Your landlord tries to sound convincing.

"If you don't work on this I'm gonna have you sign this aknowledgement notice saying that you were aware of the infiltration before she rented the space." Joel says, placing a paper on top of the table. "Because if that shit gets worse and she loses equipment, one of her clients or God forbid, she gets hurt... She's gonna sue you and then you're gonna lose a lot more money than you'd spend to fix it now." Joel says firmly, and you take a deep breath in. He's always so sweet to you, but the angry yet somehow professional tone he's using with your landlord makes you almost melt.

"How much is it gonna cost?" He asks, his bravery finding a short end on Joel's dominant presence.

"I made a budget for her. Found the most affordable materials and I separated my labor's cost on each part of what needs to be done here." Joel says, handing him a folder filled with numbers and project details.

"And what else needs to be done?" He asks you.

"Some of the lights are not working, even after I changed the lightbulbs, the floors are terrible, some of the tiles on the restrooms are falling down and the walls are filled with holes." You say. "Now I told Joel I didn't mind paying for part of this. Especially the floors, because I need a specific flooring, and it's a little more costly than other, worse options. So I suggest I pay for Joel's labor in all of these, except the infiltration and split part of the costs of the floorings with you." You add.

...

After some more back and forth you get to an agreement you're all satisfied with. Your landlord ends up paying for all the structural and permanent fixes, and Joel tells you that it's ok for you to pay him a bit per month.

On the first day of the renovations, Joel's working on the infiltration, breaking the old and humid concrete so he can access the pipe and see what's wrong with it.

He wants to make sure he at least changes the pipe today so the leaking stops, so he's outside, focused on finishing it as fast as he can.

But his work is interrupted when you scream from the kitchen.

"Fuck!" You scream, and he comes in running, his eyes and nostrils wide, his protection glasses still on, a cloth on his shoulder, his neck glistening with sweat, his hair slightly stuck on his forehead, his arms so big, his torso and belly slightly outlined on his shirt—

"Are you ok?" He asks, scared, pulling you out of him.

"Me?" You ask, confused, finally finding his eyes.

"Yeah, you!" He says. "You screamed, I thought something happened to you."

"Oh, God, no! No, Joel, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry." You say, starting to laugh. "I'm just used to being here alone, I... I'm sorry, I'm fine." You explain yourself, and he laughs, his shoulders dropping as his body relaxes.

"Jesus, you almost fucking killed me." He says, a little out of breath while he removes his protection glasses.

"No, I'm sorry." You say, laughing, feeling funny for him caring about you.

"What happened?" He asks, leaning on the doorframe, still catching his breath.

"Oh, it was my fucking mixer. It was weird for a while and now it just doesn't wanna work anymore." You say, frustrated, going towards it to grab the dough that's inside it.

"Do you want me to take a look at it?" He offers.

"No, it's fine. You're already busy out there, I can call some technician tomorrow." You say, and he makes a 'tsk' sound, grunting at you.

"I'm already here, I'll see if it's something I can fix. You don't need to spend more money." He says, his look telling you he wouldn't let you say no as he uses the cloth he had on his shoulder to clean his hands.

"Thank you." You say. "Can you take that tray for me, please?" You ask, and he holds it in front of you, so you throw the dough in it and he puts it back on top of the table. "Thanks, gotta finish kneading it now." You say, setting a timer for fifteen minutes and starting to knead it.

He kneels down next to the mixer and uses his flashlight to inspect it.

"Did you smell anything burnt?" He asks, and you frown.

"Don't think so." You say, struggling with the dough.

"What did it do, exactly?" He asks, turning to look at you.

"It started kinda like... bumping, instead of it's constant movement?" You say, trying to see in his face if your words made any sense. "Like, usually it's pretty smooth, but then it started doing like—" you say, moving your arms to mimick it's bumpy and stiff movements. "And then it just stopped."

"Great demonstration, thank you." He says, his face showing pure satisfaction, and you laugh.

"Told ya. Talented." You joke, making him laugh before turning back to the mixer.

"Alright, I think I saw some oxidated parts. You'll probably have to change them, but I can oil them so you can use it until you get the new parts." He says.

"Sure, thank you." You say, and he goes outside, coming back with a can in hand.

He grunts as he kneels down next to the mixer, putting his flashlight in his mouth so he can properly oil the machine.

You watch him as he opens the can, throwing the lid on the floor besides him and wetting a brush, oiling the mixer parts.

His proactivity, his capacity, his availability to help you makes your knees weak, make you want to go to him — jump on him —, kiss him, thank him, fuck him.

Make sure he's well fed, well taken care of, make sure he's happy, he feels loved. Show him just how much you appreciate him.

"You got paper towels?" He asks, already up, startling you.

"Yeah, yeah, hum... They're over there." You point, almost out of breath. Both because of the kneading and your thoughts.

He rips two sheets of the paper and comes back, kneeling back down besides the mixer.

"I made a mess on your floor." He says, sounding apologetic.

"Ugh. How dare you, Joel? Make a mess while you fix my broken mixer for me?" You say, playfully. "How dare you try and not make me knead everything by — grunts — hand?" You say, grunting with the force you're making.

"That's a lot of dough, huh?" He says, standing next to you, watching you knead the dough from behind your shoulder before walking away to throw the paper away.

His smell — God his smell —, so woody and masculine, so strong and so gentle at the same time, the comforting warmth his body emanates, his soft and deep voice, so close to your ears...

All of him making you feel lightheaded, like you're drowning on the man, like you're incapable of peacefully coexisting with him without having him take over you.

"Yep, brioches, rolls, sweet breads." You say before the pause gets too long. "All the same dough." You add, almost jumping when your timer goes off. You look at it, turning your head, confused.

Has it been fifteen minutes already?

"It's this one." Joel says, coming back close to you with another timer in hand. "Croissants." He reads the name written on the tape you put on the timer, and you sigh.

"Shit." You say under your breath.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"The croissant dough is chilling, and it's good to roll out and shape now, but I still got ten minutes on this one." You say, and he catches the distress and tiredness on your tone.

"Can I help you?" He asks, his voice soft and gentle.

"Don't tell me you know how to shape croissants?" You joke sweetly, looking up at him and laughing.

That'd be too much to ask.

"No, that's not I'm my book, sorry." He laughs, his own tone sweet and playful. "But I know how to squeeze things." He says, almost suggestively, you could swear. "I mean, how hard can this be?" He says, pointing at the dough with his palm.

"Oh, yeah? Go wash your hands." You say, and he goes, smiling.

He comes back, his sleeves rolled up, forearms looking obscene almost, his strong hands looking like they would feel so good, like they'd squeeze and hold you so nice...

"What do I do?" He asks, pulling you out of him again.

"You're gonna knead it like this. You lift it, then slap it down, then turn it and do the same. As soon as it gets less sticky you can start doing more like, pressing down and rolling it motions." You say, showing him how to do it.

"Alright, cute, thank you. Let the professional work now." He jokes, pushing you aside with his body.

"Ten minutes, huh? Professional." You say, and he gives you a desperate smile.

You grab your dough on the fridge and come back. Then you take the rolling pin and smack the dough a few times, startling Joel on the first one.

"Love for the craft, right?" He jokes, noticing the lack of delicacy on your movements.

"I like to think about some clients when I do this part." You say before thinking, and he laughs.

"Sounds therapeutic." He responds.

"The butter is actually pretty hard. Gotta break it a bit so I can roll it out." You explain, and he smiles.

He could listen to you talk about baking for as long as you wanted.

You start rolling the dough out, and he focuses back on his own dough.

"Look." He calls your attention. "Not sticking anymore."

"Now you can press and roll it." You say. "If you stand on your tiptoes you can put more force into it."

You set the a ruler at the top of your dough and start cutting it in long and thin triangles. But then your sight escapes from it, finding Joel at the other edge of the table.

His arms muscles flexing as he kneads the dough, his thick fingers piercing into it, his nostrils widening as he uses all his force and body weight — he learned so fucking fast — to work the dough. You're completely lost in him. Lost until you hear...

Your name?

You look at up at his face, a cocky smile on his lips.

"If you told me croissants we're about measurements I'd have done it." He jokes, his smile getting larger as your eyes widen. "Did you mess up your measurements? 'Cause I wouldn't have messed mine up." He teases, his puffy and red cheeks showing how hard he was holding his laughter back.

"No. No, I'm just—I'm just thinking here." You say, embarrassed to be caught mid daydream.

"Thinking, huh?" He asks, panting. "How much longer, again?" He asks, turning his head to look at the timer in front of him.

"Five more minutes." You say, laughing, and he shakes his head.

"Fuck— alright, I take it back. This is hard, Jesus Christ." He admits, stopping as his muscles give up with his laughter.

"To think that I used to wake up at four in the morning to make these everyday." You say, and he shakes his head.

"That's what you were thinking about?" He asks, smirking.

"Kinda." You admit.

You weren't... But he doesn't have to know that.

"You always did it all by yourself?" He asks.

"Pretty much. At first I had my mom help me, but then I realized that overnight proofing and simplifying my menu was better than working all day everyday, and now it's just me." You explain. "Well, me and my mixer." You say, pitifully looking at it.

"I'll fix it, don't worry about it. It needs some rest too." He says. "And well, you have me while it's broken, so that's not perfect but... At least you're not alone." He says, smiling sweetly at you.

"It feels good. Having someone to talk to." You admit. "Though I'm starting to really worry about how many rolls I'm gonna have to make you to pay you for this." You say, and he laughs.

"Never enough." He says, going back to knead the dough.

As the renovations progress, Joel spends each day more and more time in the kitchen with you. Even after he fixed your mixer, he still found reasons to spend some time there talking to you.

And it's not like you didn't escape your own chores to go talk to him. Your favorite thing to do was using him as a beta tester for new or improved recipes.

...

"Do you like raspberries?" You ask, coming close to him while he's applying the new tiles to the bathroom.

"I do." He answers, smiling. His smile sweeter everytime he looks at you.

"Try this." You hand him a small spoon with a raspberry custard. "Is it a bit too sweet?" You ask.

"Just a little, but yeah." He agrees. "Is it for a cake?" He asks.

"Donuts." You say, and he pouts, closing his eyes like you've hurt him.

"Get away from me." He says, handing you the spoon, gently pushing, and you walk away, laughing.

...

"Joel, catch." You say on another day, coming under his stairs and throwing him a pesto roll.

"Fucking amazing." He says with a mouthful after taking a big bite.

"Thank you. I'm testing them." You respond, almost skipping on your way back to the kitchen.

"Make some garlic ones!" He shouts.

"No!" You respond from the kitchen.

"Why not?" He yells, almost disappointed, his voice chocked on the rest of the roll he shoved in his mouth, and you come out of the kitchen.

"Because people come on dates here all the time!" You yell. "I don't want them kissing each other with garlic mouths." You say, already closer to him.

"Hmm. Is the atmosphere here romantic?" He asks, screwing a lightbulb.

"Very romantic." You say, smiling up at him. "Don't you think?" You ask him, and he finishes with the light, that starts brightening all of his best features as he climbs down the stairs, stopping close to your body.

"The only way to know is having a date here." He agrees, his eyes scanning your face, a sweet and adoringly smile on his lips. "You—"

When he opens them, one of your times goes off.

"My donuts." You say quietly, and he smiles, watching as you walk back into the kitchen.

...

"Are you ok with my brother coming over tomorrow?" He asks, throwing his equipment on the back of his truck.

"Yeah, sure. I don't want you going through the whole floor by yourself if you can have some help." You say, smiling.

He nods and stands near you, awkwardly shifting on his feet.

"Can I... Ask you something? And it's ok if you don't want to, I mean..." He stutters.

"What is it?" You ask.

"Is it ok if I bring us something to drink tomorrow?" He asks.

"Sure, I was already gonna bake you some rolls anyway." You say. "But is it to give you energy or to celebrate after you're done?" You ask with a smile, and he frowns, making you tilt your head to the side.

"No." He laughs, scrunching his eyes, gathering the courage to just say it. "I just — laughs — It's not for me and my brother... I wanted to ask you out, but we're already gonna be here tomorrow, so I was thinking of asking if we can hang out here, since we're already gonna be... here." He says, speaking fast so he doesn't have time to second guess himself.

"So you're asking me out... But in?" You ask, playfully, trying not to sound too excited.

"Yeah." He laughs. "Exactly." He says, his cheeks puffy and red as he looks down at you. "But I mean, I get it if you don't want to, if you want to keep it professional, you know?"

"Hmm, professionalism is kind overrated." You say.

"Alright, tomorrow night then." He's quick to say, not giving you time to second guess yourself. "We kick my brother out and hang out." He says, sighing, all of his stress leaving his body at once.

"Sure." You agree, laughing.

"Don't bake any garlic rolls, though." He adds, that sweet smile back on his lips.

"Oh, I'll exclusively bake them." You joke, and he smiles.

"See ya." He says.

"See ya." You say, walking away from him as he gets on his truck.

You're trying not to get your hopes too high. You are.

You're telling yourself there must me something about him that'll shatter the man you know. He can't be this charming, funny and good person he seems to be.

Or maybe you got lucky. Maybe he is all that.

Maybe tomorrow you're gonna have a great time, maybe you're gonna kiss him tomorrow.

You can't wait for tomorrow.

Hope you liked it 🩷

I wrote it right after finishing Pink Velvet, and spend the last week editing it. This series is so warming and comfortable for me that it hurts, I'm so happy you seemed to like it as much as I do 🩷🫶🏻

My Masterlist 🩷

[joelsfavoritegirl]

more pre-outbreak joel hcs because this man takes up every square inch of my mind<33

. let’s be real he lives for sports, joel is the type of guy to invite tommy and all his friends over js to watch the “big game” (and he’s manning that barbecue 100% and doesn’t let anyone get near it, it’s just him cooking on it and he ends up missing half the game because of it but oh well)

. the driest fucking texter on the face of the earth i swear, his number one response to almost any message you send is just 👍 and then he’s confused later on when you assume that he’s upset

“are you mad at me?”

his head turns to your direction, brows furrowed and raised, “what?”

“are you mad at me?” you repeat, fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt as you look at him.

he hesitates for a moment, like he’s almost about to ask if you’re mad at him. “no, sweets, i ain’t mad. why would i be mad at you?” he drawls, turning to face you fully.

“cause earlier when i told you i was gonna be home later you just replied with a thumbs up. you didn’t say anything else.”

“oh not this again- “

. WAS THE BIGGEST HISTORY NERD IN SCHOOL, ik that boy knew anything and everything if you asked him. history was the one subject he had straight a’s from no joke. remembers years and numbers like he was born for it, it’s srsly fascinating.

“napoleon bonaparte died which year?” the voice of the host of the game show booms from the tv. your eyes are flickering over the answers on the screen as you look away from your book for a second.

“may 5th, 1821,” joel mutters, his head comfortably settled in your lap as you card your fingers through his hair.

it makes you frown down at him, scoffing softly before you look back at the screen.

“1840,” the contestant replies and the buzzer practically defeans you, indicating that it’s the wrong answer.

“a couple years off there, Roger,” the host chuckles, flashing that unnatural white-teeth smile to the man, “napoleon died on the 5th of may, 1821”

and joel is chuckling in your lap, patting your thigh in victory as he watches your dropped jaw.

“i was a history buff in high school, what can i say?”

. i also feel like joel would’ve actually been a pretty smart kid (we don’t talk about him thinking the rover in the museum in tlou2 was the real one from mars), i also definitely think he went to music high school parallel with normal high school (he was a band kid through and through you can’t convince me otherwise). hardworking, smart, a bit of a goody-two-shoes if you squint, would’ve probably gone off to a decent college/university if it wasn’t for sarah’s appearance (wrap it before you tap it kids!!)

. type of guy to scoff whenever people say their favorite holiday is valentine’s day but you know damn well he’s got it marked on his calendar so he can remember to buy you some nice flowers and take you out to some fancy date (and fuck the shit out of you when you get home but that’s a whole other story). you tease him about it every year but he just brushes it off (his cheeks are red and he has to clear his throat bcs he himself knows it’s true and he’s too much of a gentleman to fully deny it)

literally the loml it’s critical atp<33

[softiedingo]

Joel Miller aged like a good wine 🍷✨️

[limerence4u]

these are giving hunter joel…. the outbreak started a few months ago and joel has resorted to doing anything to survive…. 👀

📸: @ / gabedoesvp on tw*tter

[boliv-jenta]

After all this 'no age gap' talk, this came to me.

No outbreak Joel Miller x virgin f!reader.

Dave York x virgin f!reader

WC:3.9k

Summary: Before you go off to college, you are determined to get a different type of education.

Warnings: smut. Dark-ish Joel. Dave is his own warning as usual. Unprotected P in V sex. M&F oral. Fingering. Degradation. Slight dub con if you look too close. Reader is just turning 18. One use of 'daddy' for affect.

Summer Schooled

Part 1 | Part 2

Masterlist

It was an exciting time for you. The summer you turned 18. A whole new world of possibilities was opening up for you. First you needed to get some cash saved up. 

Your mom was generous and would support you, but you didn't want to take advantage of her generosity to go out partying with your new college friends.

That was where babysitting came in. 

Luckily enough the new house you'd moved to sat between two families. The Millers to the left and the Yorks to the right.

Mr Miller, Joel, was a single father. Mr York, Dave, you would soon come to find, was unhappily stuck in his marriage.

Both men had gazed a little too long when you had moved in. Their desires became even more apparent when you started working for them. Desires that you assured them that you returned. Both men had been strict on their rule not to have sex with you until you turned 18. 

You had taken this as a challenge to make it the longest summer of their lives. Luckily for you it was one of the hottest summers too. Summer dresses and tiny shorts with tight vest tops were your daily wardrobe. Something both men took note of as you entered their homes to look after their children.

Dave was the first to snap and touch you. Just a palm of your lower back as he left but it was a start. Joel had been the first to kiss you. When you cut your finger while washing up, you'd used one of his favourite movies to urge him to kiss you where it didn't hurt.

Joel was also the first one to sext you. You tried it with both of them. Dave had shut you down and called you a 'dirty girl'. Joel had been direct. He told you to dip your fingers in your pussy and tell him how you tasted. Joel told you exactly how to get yourself off and how he was fucking his fist over you. 

Laying on your bed recovering from a bone shaking orgasm, Dave's ID flashed up on your phone. "Dirty fucking girl. Texting me shit like that. My wife could have seen it. Never leave a paper trail." He was breathing heavily like he was running. Then he groaned. Not running. "I'm assuming you've already touched yourself. Now you get to listen to me jerk off over the thought of you playing with that pussy." The sound of skin slapping skin came down the phone along with his grunts. He hissed your name out before hanging up.

Joel caught you at the door a couple of days later. Pushing you back into a quiet corner. He whispered in your ear. "Slip your fingers in your pussy." With a sign you did so. Only for him to snatch your hand and sink your fingers in his mouth while looking deep into your eyes. He walked out like nothing happened leaving you to care for Sarah.

Dave was the first one you got to touch your tits. They let you use their pool when they were out. Dave arrived home early just as you were applying sunscreen. He innocently offered to help. The whole thing became less innocent when his large warm hands travelled the skin from your back to your shoulders then down to your chest. His thick fingers edged under your bikini top to stroke your nipples as he palmed the soft, firm flesh. When Carol arrived a few minutes later, you dived into the water, hoping to blame your painfully hard nipples on the cold.

Using that incident as leverage, you coax Joel into putting his mouth on your breasts. He trialled hot kisses between them, sucked your nippled until they ached from his attention. He'd only been able to pull himself away when he heard Sarah getting out of bed. He handed you your shirt with a warning glare before adjusting the bulge in his jeans.

The look on Dave's face the next time you saw him told you he already knew all about your time with Joel. The thought of them talking about you made your pussy weep. It almost distracted you from what Mrs York was telling you. "We won't need you on Friday night. I'm talking the girls on a trip. Anyway I hear it's your birthday on Saturday. You don't want to be up late babysitting the night before."

The Yorks might not have needed you on Friday but Joel did. The house was unusually dark when you knocked on the door. When no one answered you pushed the door, which swung open instantly. Fear crept up your spine as you edged inside. "Mr Miller?" 

The world spun as you were dragged inside. "Mr Miller is it now? What happened to 'Joel, please don't stop...'?" Dave had you backed into a corner, his body not touching but close enough to keep you in place. "He told me all about it. Bragged about it actually. I know all about how you'd talked him into it after I played with your perfect tits. Did you really think you could play us like that and get away with it?" 

"Sorry, Sweetheart. I couldn't help myself. It's been a while since I've had something like that to brag about." Joel appeared from the kitchen. 

"You don't need to apologise. She's a big girl. She knew what she was doing. Now she gets her punishment." Dave's hand was suddenly in your hair pulling you forward.

"Mr Yo...Dave stop!" He listened and stopped instantly. His hand still stayed threaded into your hair.

"I could stop or you could take it like a good girl?" 

Everything in your body thrummed with excitement. You were alone at the mercy of two men who you had been teasing for weeks. You should have been scared, a part of you was. It just added to the arousal. Locking eyes with Dave in the dimly lit room, you dropped to your knees. "Good girl but it's not time for that yet." Dragging you up he flung you over his shoulder and hauled you up to Joel's bedroom.

Unceremoniously, he dumped you onto the bed. Two pairs of hands roughly dragged your clothes from you before Dave flipped you onto all fours. "Joel. Come and look at this. She's dripping and we haven't even touched her. Dirty girl." His hand coming down on the bare flesh on your ass stung. A sting that burned down to your core.

Joel hummed low in approval before settling on the bed next to your head. "He's right. You've been a very dirty girl. You've made things so hard for us." He framed the bulge in his jeans with one large hand for emphasis. "Now, I'm willing to forgive you, Baby. Provided you do a few things for me but Dave there, he's pretty mad." Another slap to your rear. "Be a good girl and take your punishment and we'll see if you can make it up to us."

"Okay." Your voice was thick with arousal and a little timid. For all your teasing you were not prepared for this.

"Let's see how tight this pussy really is." Dave had two fingers at your entrance, he swiped them through the mess there coating them before pressing them against your virgin hole. 

"Oh, Dave!" Even the slightest press of his thick fingers felt better than anything you had done on your own. "Be..be gentle."

A huff of laughter rang from Dave. 

Joel was more sympathetic. "Come 'ere, Darlin'." Lightly, he cupped your face bringing your lips to his is a soft, sensuous kiss. A complete juxtaposition to Dave burying his fingers inside you in one long push. 

One of your hands grabbed Joel's well defined bicep and clung on. A little whimper broke the kiss. "Sshh. You're alright. I've got you." He kissed you again and softly kneaded your breast in his warm hand. It all provided a welcome distraction from the burn between your legs as Dave worked you open on his fingers. "It'll feel better soon. Here, why don't I give you something else to think about? The hand that wasn't still cupping your face began to undo his ever present jeans. To your surprise he wasn't wearing underwear. Dark curls came into view before he pulled out his hard length, and what a length. He could easily give the men in the 'big cock' section of your favourite porn site a run for their money. "Here, Sweetheart. Give it a taste. Stick out your tongue." When you obliged Joel ran the thick tip of it across your tongue. The weight of it felt good. It tasted musky and a little salty. It wasn't unpleasant. "Good girl. Now wrap your lips around it, take it into your mouth. Ohhh." You felt the groan from his chest deep in yours. It made you wetter. A fact that a groan from Dave confirmed. He was now slowly working his fingers in and out of your now slick channel. 

Joel began to gather your hair into a ponytail. Gently he used it to guide your head up and down just a little. "Just like that. Suck on it, like an ice pop on a warm day. I know you know how to do that." Yet another one of your teasing strategies. "Oh, fuck. Yes, Baby. Perfect." For a moment you settled into a rhythm with Joel, shallow bobs of your head as you sucked lightly. The routine of it left your mind free to think about Dave's fingers inside you. The burn had subsided and now pleasure was blooming along with you around him. 

"I think we're ready here." Dave called out. Joel lifted your mouth from him. Getting up he went to judge for himself. 

"Really? You're going to fuck her before you make her come?" Joel asked incredulously.

"Good girls get to come. Not filthy little cock teasing whores." Another firm slap to your ass jolted you.

"Oh, she's being a good girl for us. Go see for yourself." With that they swapped places. 

Joel was at your pussy and Dave began pressing into your mouth. "Shit. Maybe you can earn my forgiveness. Breathe through your nose." Dave pushed in further than Joel then further still. Until you had to wrench your mouth off of him as you gagged. "Don't worry, we'll work on that. I'll be fucking your throat in no time."

Given his equally large size you doubt that. "Come on, put your mouth back on it." As you did, Joel licked a strip up your folds. You moans were muffled around Dave's cock. Your lips vibrated against his balls. "Oh, that'll do. Suck on my balls. Play with them."

The sensation was strange, they were actual balls in a sack. You couldn't argue with the name. One rolled against your tongue, the other on your fingertips. Dave's cock twitched against your face as you did so. That's when Joel decided to lick you again. This time he didn't stop. He licked and sucked and worked you on the curve of his beautiful nose until you came with a cry against Dave's now drool covered balls. 

"Now can I fuck her?" Dave almost brushed your boneless form off his lap. His hand spread your spit all over his cock as he spoke.

Joel must have silently agreed or the mind blowing orgasm had dulled your senses because Dave's fat cock head was notched at your entrance. Both men cursed as Dave began to slide into you. 

The pressure was a lot but there was no pain. It just felt…intrusive. 

Joel was at your side again. "How you doin', Angel?"

"Good. It doesn't hurt. He's just…big." He pressed a kiss to your forehead as you spoke.

"That's good, for now. I think that might change. I'll help you through it." His fingers came up to circle your clit. 

Your pussy clenched at what he could mean. Dave felt it. "Don't worry. I'll only give you what you deserve." 

Gradually, Dave's hips picked up their pace. His cock dived deeper with each thrust until every forward thrust left him deep seated inside you. The tip pressed against your cervix. The sensation of it was all too much. You felt overwhelmed by the pleasure and so full of him it boarded on painful. You didn't realise you were crying until Joel hushed you. "Just concentrate on my fingers, Honey." They still circled your clit.

"It's too much, Joel." You sobbed.

"You should have thought about that before teasing me. My hand or my wife's pussy haven't been enough. I've needed to use this tight little cunt. You dirty fucking bitch." His thrusts were deep and fast now. It was too much for you to enjoy. Luckily, Joel's hands were skilled enough to draw an orgasm out of you. "Fuck." Dave gritted. "That's it. Take it. Fucking take it. Oh, god." Dave practically growled as he filled you. 

There wasn't even a moment for you to catch your breath as he flipped you onto your back. Two fingers curled inside your pussy collecting your combined spend and shoving it into your mouth. "Suck." Came Dave's wrecked voice. He moaned when you did. "I bet we taste fucking good." Was all he said before turning to Joel. "You're too fucking soft on her. I'm going for a smoke."

The door closed swiftly behind him as he left. It felt like he took the air with him. The weight of everything crushed you. You'd just had sex. It was incredible but not what you were expecting. Tears felt from your eyes. Joel was wiping them away in an instant. "Did he hurt you? I know he was rough…"

"No. He didn't. Well he did…" Joel bristled. "....but I loved it. I loved him using me. I wanted to please him. Can I please you, Joel?"

"Oh, Darlin', of course you can. I'm not leaving without feeling this pretty pussy around my cock. I want to know what it feels like when I make you come. Plus, you do owe me. After all that teasing. Bad girl." Grabbing a couple of pillows, he walked around to the bottom of the bed. Strong hands lifted your hips and propped them up on the pillows. "Here, let's get you all ready." His hands spread your legs wide. "So fucking pretty. I'm going to give you my cock now. Remember, you need to take it well, be my good girl."

The moans from the two of you harmonised as he bottomed out. "S'good for me. So fucking tight. You're going to jerk my cock off nicely. If you're good I'll use it to make you come too."

"I want to be good for you, tell me how." You swear you felt him swell inside you.

"Oh, Sweetheart. They'll be so many ways. Right now, you can take my cock and tell me how good it feels."

"So, so good, Joel. I feel so full of you. In a good way."

"Mmmm, yeah. I can feel you getting wetter around me. You love being filled by a grown man's cock, don't you? I saw you don't bother with any boys." With Joel and Dave around, who's looking at boys? "You need someone with experience to teach you how to work a pussy. See how quick you came on my face? Tasted like heaven." His thrusts stayed deep, he barely moved out but they quickened just a touch. "Tell me how much you like it." 

"I fucking love it, Joel. I want your cock every day now." His cock twitched again at your swearing.

One of his hands came up around your throat. "I'm not sure I like you cussing. I'll have to wash your mouth out. Open." He prised your lips apart with his thumb. His spit hitting your tongue made you jump and instinctively swallow around his thumb. "Good girl."

For a while he just slowly used your pussy. Long, lazily thrusts in and out as he muttered praise. "I've dreamed about this. For a little too long. When you came to view the house, I was relieved that you were legal because of the thoughts I had about you. I wanted to fuck you in that little dress you had on. Your tits looked fucking amazing. If I'd have known no one had touched you I might have given it to you then. Such a waste of a perfect cunt. Had you touched yourself then? Did you know how good it felt?"

"Yes." Was all you could breathe out so mesmerised by his low voice and the roll of his hips.

"Fuck. Making me feel like a dirty old man. I should have spoken to you. Saw how mature you are. Mature enough to drive two old men to fuck you. And take it so well." He groaned and muttered to himself. 

The gentle thrusts were building something inside you. Unlike with Dave this was pure pleasure.

"Oh, Joel. It feels so good." There were no words for it.

"So do you, Baby. Even though this pussy is tainted with Dave's cum. I'll soon fix that. I'll pump you so full of my load that I'll flush him out. I bet you'd like that, being full of the cum of two men. A married one at that. So dirty. That's what you've wanted isn't it? To show us how dirty you are. For us to fix it? I'm going to give you my cock until it calms you down. We can't have you going off to college whoring around. Am going to make you come so hard that you'll only want me. Knees up." He lifted your knees and held them in place. Leaning back he repositioned his cock against something inside you. A few short thrusts had you arching towards him. "There it is. You hold your knees for me. I want you wide open. I want to see your folds taking me. I want to see you cream on my cock."

The spot inside was soon pummelled by the swollen head of Joel's cock. That along with the drag of his thick girth against your walls was sending you higher by the second. "Oh, Joel. Oh, god!"

"Fuck. He won't help you, Darlin' but scream all you like." His voice was shaky with the effort of Jackrabbiting into you. Your nails bit into your own skin, desperately looking for something to hold. "Yes. Taking it so well. You're gonna make me come. Gonna shoot a big, thick load inside of you. You want that?"

"Yes, Joel, please. Please." You were near sobbing now. It just felt so damn good.

"Oh course you do. Fucking filthy. I bet part of you wants it to take. For me to get you knocked up. Then you can stay with me and get this cock anytime. I could fill you all day with no consequences and when your pussy is too sore I can use this dirty mouth."

The lewdness corrupting a beautiful act sent another wave of arousal through you. Maybe Joel was right, you were just plain dirty.

"Oh, shit. I won't last much longer. Gonna fill you soon. Want to you to squeeze my cock first. Come on." His thumb rapidly flicked over your clit causing you to writhe and moan on his dick. "So pretty. Come on. Soak my cock. Squeeze it. Make me come. Be a good girl for Daddy."

The world shattered into a million pieces. The shard cut through any thoughts, shredding them to nonsense. Sights and sounds all bounced off of them, spreading them far from your conscious mind. Eventually, they all tinkled to the ground allowing for the world to reform around you. 

"Fuck me." Was the first sound in the new world. Dave was standing at the bottom of the bed. "Look at this pretty mess."

It took you a moment to register that your legs were still spread. Your pussy on display for him. It was drenched.

Joel stood to the right of him. The top of his jeans stained a darker colour along with the bottom of his grey t-shirt. "Let's get you cleaned up. You did so well, squirting all over me."

Shit. You thought that only happened in porn. Joel moved to gently get you up. Dave stopped him. "I'm not wasting that." His head instantly between your legs.

"I think she's had enough." Joel warned him.

Dave took his mouth off of you and replaced it with his fingers. "I don't give a fuck. We had a deal. I'm getting my fill. She's going to come in my mouth. Aren't you, Gorgeous? Come on, give me more to think about when I have to get it up for my wife." His hot mouth returned to you. His tongue searched your folds for every drop of your sweet release. When he was satisfied he buried his whole face in your pussy. Licking, sucking and shaking his head until you came for him. Standing, he wiped off his mouth. "Now, you can clean her up."

Joel rolled you up off of the bed. Before setting you on the side of the tub. Taking a hair tie he piled your hair up and secured it in place. Once the tub was filled, he slid you into it. Taking a wash cloth he cleaned you down inch by inch. When he was done he helped you out. He dried every part of you thoroughly. Placing a kiss to your sore pussy as he did. Scooping you up in his arms. He placed you into his freshly changed bed. "Sleep, Darlin'."

Exhaustion over took you. You barely had chance to feel Joel's now naked body against your back before you drifted off. At some point you stirred from your sleep, still too tired to wake up fully. Joel's hand was on one of your tits. The other was furiously jerking his cock. 

"Sorry, Sweetheart. You just look so good. So warm against me. You sleep. I'm almost done." Even that couldn't keep you awake. 

Neither did the hot drip of his cum on your tits or the warmth of his tongue as he licked it all off. Into the morning you woke to Joel's cock hard and heavy between your thighs as he spooned you from behind. 

As your brain slowly came around their was one thought that struck you. "What did Dave mean by you made a deal?"

Joel skimmed his lips on your bare shoulder. "Good morning to you, too! We made a deal. He got to have you first and I got to keep you until college."

"Keep me?" You smiled.

"It'll take more than one lesson to teach a naughty girl like you have to behave." With that he pinched your nipple roughly and plunged his cock deep into you. You let out a scream which he silenced with his hand. "See. It's early.." he gritted as he fucked you hard. "...people are…trying to sleep. You need…to be…more…respectful. Under…understand?"

"Yes!" You moaned through his fingers. 

"Good but I think I really need to drive the lesson home." With that he pressed you into the mattress face first, slamming into you until you came, gasping for breath. His fingers joined his cock to get you off again before he painted your cunt. "Happy birthday." He panted into your shoulder while he softened inside you.

You'd spent the first part of the summer making it as long a summer as possible for Joel and Dave. Now you had a feeling Joel was going to make the rest of it feel as long as possible for you.

Tags: @kirsteng42 @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid2 @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @kinda-nobody @movievillainess721 @munsonownsmyass @mandoloriancookie @faceache111 @elegantduckturtle @manazo @simpingcowboy @pedrit0-pascalit0 @yourcoolauntie @pedrostories @geekrenaissance @its-nebuleuse

[meetmypointlessaddiction]

I have a Mafia!Joel x reader fic in the works. Anyone interested in a quick snippet?

[staesthete]

single dad who‘s extremely chaotic but caring and would die for their kids wearing stupid dad clothes (bonus sexy dad cap thank you to whoever decided to put them on tom) probably smelling their shirt in the morning if they can still wear it for another day…. Gotta be one of my favourite genders

[fan-fiction-floozy]

I feel like there is a severe lack of young Joel on this platform. Send me what you’ve got, I need to get my pre outbreak Joel fix

[juletheghoul]

Ache

Gif by @userkeery

Authors note: It's 3:30am and I am posting Joel smut because just like all of you, that show ruined me. It's literally pwp because.. well you all saw it. lol. Hope you enjoy! (Thanks to my wife for literally talking me through this @foli-vora)

Pairing: Young Joel Miller x F!Reader

Word count: 800

Warnings: 18+ no minors, piv sex, dirty talk, creampie, feelings? let me know if I missed any!

Masterlist

-

He walked through the door with an air of determination, his mouth seeking out yours with pure purpose. He licked into it, barely giving you time to close the door behind him.

“Someone’s happy to see me.” Your words come out breathy, his passion flowing through him and now into you as you’re herded towards your couch.

“Been thinkin’ bout you all day, couldn’t wait to get here.” He punctuates his words by grabbing a meaty handful of your ass, low enough to pull the lips of your sex apart and it makes you gasp into his mouth. 

“Jesus Joel-“ he doesn’t let you finish, his tongue fills your mouth again and all you can do is try to keep up, your hands find the gap between his shirt and his jeans and you sweep your hands up the broad expanse of his back—lifting it up and off relishing the golden skin on display for you now. 

He grins and then your shirt is off and tossed onto the floor, your bra joins it soon after and within a few minutes you’re both naked and on your couch, mouths fused together, sharing the same panted breaths. 

“I missed you too.” You thread your fingers into his dark hair, guiding him towards your breast and he gifts you with a groan from deep in his throat, his tongue eager on the stiff bud of your nipple. 

He hums his acknowledgement onto your breast before moving to the other and his desperation is currently hard and weeping against your hip, sliding against your skin with every movement but he doesn’t get to it. Instead he keeps a steady suck at your nipple, moving from one to the other until you open your thighs underneath him, hoping he’ll slip in to soothe the aching emptiness he’s created.

“Come on baby, you gonna make me beg?” You tug at the dark waves of his hair, gasping when he lets your nipple go with a pop.

“I have half a mind to let you, love it when you beg.” He kissed your sternum quickly before grasping his cock in hand, giving himself a few strokes against the slick pooled at your entrance. “You think she’s ready for me?” He bites his lip, drunk on the way your hips tilt up to help him. 

“Yes Joel, put it in already.” He laughs at your tone, his dark eyes lively and lust blown.

“Yes ma’am.” He slides in with a moan. The smile morphs into something almost unfocused as he pumps himself slowly in and out, coating himself in your liquid heat before he speeds up. 

The stretch of him is exquisite.

You’d thought about him all day, waited with baited breath from the moment he’d called during his break, knowing he’d have you wet and mewling for him just like he always does and yet this is so much better than your daydream. It’s always better.

He shifts, kneeling on the couch and pulling your hips up with him. His big, calloused hands hold onto your hips with a grip hard enough to bruise but it doesn’t matter because his cock is pressing up against something sacred, something that makes your eyes roll back, something that lights a fire in the base of your spine. And then it strikes like lightning, a scream and a wet clench and you're falling off the cliff.

“You’re not even gonna make me work for it huh?” He’s triumphant, proud of the way he’s made you see stars but it’s not enough for him, he speeds up, fucks you through your climax and just when you think you might pass out he’s pulling you up to wrap your arms around his neck, grinding his come deep. 

-

Your hands slide across the smooth skin of his back, enjoying the press of his lips in the crook of your neck. Your legs are tangled up together, a rare cool breeze envelops you both as you catch your breath and savor the afterglow. 

“Where’s Sarah today?” You press the tips of your fingers into the knots of his shoulders, wanting to take some of the pain he complains about away.

“She’s at—oh, fuck that’s nice—the Adlers, Jesus Christ, right there-“ he winces but leans into it, letting you work the ache away. “I should get goin’ soon.” 

“Am I ever gonna meet her?” It’s not an uncomfortable question, with the way things were going between the two of you it was only a matter of time.

“Actually, yes. My birthday’s comin’ up. Thought it would be nice if you came over then. You can meet my shithead brother Tommy too.” He pressed a kiss to your jaw, moving to find your mouth again before he inevitably had to go.

“I’d love to.” 

-

Tag list: @frannyzooey @greeneyedblondie44 @lola4pedro @ezrasbirdie @221bshrlocked @artsymaddie @supernaturalgirl20 @sleep-tight1 @wheresarizona @sherala007 @marydjarin @cannedsoupsucks @thirstworldproblemss @ilikechocolatemilkh @freeshavocadoooo @hrk-fic-recs @greeneyedblondie44 @maxwell--lord @princessxkenobi @the-feckless-wonder @kirsteng42 @thisshipwillsail316 @feministfanboi @stevie75 @readsalot73 @pedrostories @tobealostwanderer @mandocrasis @elegantduckturtle @diogodxlot @alczysz17 @evyiione @absurdthirst @beskarboobs @andruxx @littlemissoblivious @1800-fight-me @maievdenoir @gracie7209 @omlwhatamidoinghere @magikfanatic @frankiecatfish @mrs-ghuleh @pedritoispunk @studythoreauly @missswriter @pintsizemama @mswarriorbabe80 @a-trial-run-on-paper @la-le-lu @chickadee-djarin @dobbyjen @rosiefridayrogersunday @ajeff855 @johnsrevelation @the-witty-pen-name @zombiesnips-blog @quica-quica-quica @sarahjkl82-blog @fan-of-encouragement @queenofthecloudss @mandosmistress @deadhumourist @felicisimor @no-droids-on-sunday @sophiefatale2495 @toomanystoriessolittletime @what-iwish-you-knew @pedrostories @athalien @bi-thewayy @pedrosbrat @gamingaquarius @localddreamers @luxmundee @iamafadedmoon @nakhudanyx @littlemisspascal @grogusmum @recklessworry @heyitmelexie @killyspinacoladas @gothicxbarbie @evildxad @dragonslarimar @spideysimpossiblegirl @chemtrail-mix @maievdenoir @breezythesimp @altarsw @artooies-scream @staygolddindjarin @lorosette @softsweetedbeauty @littlemisspascal @yuiopiklmn @squidwell @allthatsleftbehind @just-blogging-around @bbyanarchist @girlofchaos @maddiedrmr @frasmotic @acourtofsnakes @buckybarneshairpullingkink @astoryisaloveaffair @harriedandharassed @swtaura @evelynseventyr @send-me-to-valhalla @shirks-all-responsibilities @androah @alwaysachorusgirl @dindjarinsmut @captain-jebi @gallowsjoker @oliviajdjarin @actuallyanita @tusk89 @dadbodfanatic-x some people who I think might like this; @the-ginger-hedge-witch @write-and-buried

[wheresarizona]

September Part 1

Austin, 2003

summary: Joel comes over on his lunch break for not-birthday sex.

rating: E (18+!! This is smut with some plot. Oral sex (f receiving), unprotected p in v (wrap it up!), creampie, dirty talk, praise kink, TLOU spoilers, slight angst, emotions)

pairing: Young Joel Miller/f!reader

word count: 2.9k+

a/n: Yeah, the show got me in my Joel feels. I think this will be two parts. Thank you to @invisibleismyname for betaing, @juletheghoul for giving it a look over, and @perropascal for coming to my aid last night to let me know it was okay. Love you all!

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs appreciated!

Part 2 - Series Masterlist - Masterlist

“Oh god,” you moan, staring down at the man’s face between your legs. The bed sheets are soft under your bare body, big hands holding your thighs open, hearing the obscene slurping sounds as he ate you out like a man starved. “I’m so close, Joel,” you continue.

His eyes are on yours, “You gonna come for me, baby?” The words are muffled into your sex. Joel sucks your clit between his lips, making you gasp his name, your body alight in pleasure, feeling your muscles tightening, your hand grabbing onto his hair for something to hold onto, keeping yourself up with your other elbow digging into the mattress.

He groans when you tug on the brown waves of hair, your back arching when he presses two thick fingers easily into your slick entrance, reveling in how they stretch you, his tongue swiping through your folds as he pumps his digits.

You were so fucking close, could feel your orgasm just in reach.

Crooking his fingers, he searches for a moment until he hits something that has you shouting his name, your body tensing as white-hot pleasure pushes you towards your release. He pulls your clit back into his mouth, while focusing his attention on rubbing that spot, and you’re gone, euphoria exploding in your veins as you come with a silent cry, falling back onto the bed.

“There it is,” Joel says, his fingers still working. “My good fuckin’ girl.”

You ride out your high, pussy spasming around his digits, breathing hard.

It takes you a second before you can speak, your eyes open, sitting up on both elbows to see the bottom half of Joel’s face wet with your slick, a smile on his lips, his naked shoulders so broad and golden.

“You’re too fucking good at that,” you pant.

He chuckles lowly, taking his fingers out of you and kissing your thigh.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“Yes. Now, how much time do we have before your lunch break is over, because I need your dick inside of me, and I don’t think I can wait until Sarah goes to bed tonight for your birthday sex,” you reply, pulling your lip between your teeth.

His eyebrow quirks.

“This isn’t my birthday sex?” he asks.

It was just your luck that Joel was doing a job in your neighborhood, and on lunch, he’d come over, his mouth on yours the moment you’d opened the front door, him stripping you as he walked you to the bedroom. He’d kissed you ravenously the whole way, like it’d been on his mind all day, and he wanted to taste every inch of your mouth, until he got you onto the bed, where he dropped to his knees beside it to eat your pussy.

“No,” you answer, shaking your head. “The birthday sex involves lingerie, me giving you the sloppiest blow job, and letting you fuck me however you want.”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.

“Lingerie?” he asks thickly.

You smirk.

“Oh, yes. Something I think you’ll really like—time, Joel. Do we have time to fuck?”

You’re needy and wanting him inside of you, wanting to feel him split you open on his dick.

“Fuck, right,” he says. You watch as he leans back to pull his Nokia from his pocket, eyes squinting as he reads the time before tossing it haphazardly onto the bed.

You giggle when he starts moving quickly, him getting up with a groan, seeing his hard cock bulging against the zipper of his jeans.

“I can get you off again before I have to go,” his voice is deeper, his hands working to unbuckle his pants and get them undone, your heart thumping hard in your chest when he pushes his jeans and boxers down, freeing his throbbing length.

Your mouth waters at seeing the reddened tip of him glistening with precum, your cunt clenching at his thickness—foreplay was essential when it came to fucking Joel, him needing to open you up to be able to take him.

He grabs the meat of your thighs, pulling you to the bed’s edge, his eyes locked on your pussy, his tongue swiping over his bottom lip.

He spits on his fingers, using them to wet his dick, pumping it a few times before sliding it through your wetness, a moan falling from your lips when he nudges your clit, meeting your eyes when he notches himself at your entrance.

“You gonna give me one more?” he asks.

Seeing the hunger in his gaze has you fighting not to let a moan break free from your throat, your cunt already pulsing, wanting to feel him inside you. You know for a fact that he’d get you off again, your body already thrumming in anticipation.

You nod your head.

“Fuck me, Joel.” His eyes are so dark you can’t see any of the familiar brown remaining. “And finish inside me, I wanna feel it.”

He groans at your words, eyes closing for a moment.

“Best fuckin’ birthday,” he rasps.

He starts pushing in, and your back arches, moaning as he stretches you open, filling you inch by inch, your fingers digging into the bedspread. You’d been dating for over a year, and no matter how wet he got you, there was always a slight burn that you loved.

“God, you feel so good inside me,” you moan, feeling so fucking good when he bottoms out, his hands gripping your thighs hard, his eyes on where you were both joined.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groans. “Fuckin’ love bein’ inside you.”

He pulls out halfway and slowly pushes back in, him watching his cock moving in and out of you knowing it was shiny with your arousal. His pace starts out languid as he lets you get used to him before he speeds up, it feeling like electricity is flowing through your body with every push and pull of his hips.

You’re on cloud nine with how he’s fucking you, his grunts and your moans filling the room with the wet slap of his hips, hearing your pussy taking him over and over again. He’s so thick and hard, your cunt weeping around him, his rhythm pushing the air from your lungs with how he’s pounding into you, your skin hot and buzzing, him working you up as the pleasure heightens.

You get louder the closer you get to your release.

“Scream my name, baby,” he says through gritted teeth. “Want the fuckin’ neighbors to hear how good I make you feel.” His hand leaves your thigh, licking his thumb and pressing it to your sensitive little clit, moaning his name as a jolt runs through you. “Want you to come for me,” he continues. “Want another one.”

Your body is winding up, his cock spearing into you over and over again, feeling like you were going to snap at any second, your pussy fluttering, chanting his name with your eyes squeezed shut, feeling so good.

“Open your eyes, baby. Let me see you come.”

You do as he says, staring into his dark ones, the skin of his neck and chest flushed and glistening with sweat, his lips slightly parted, brows furrowed.

“Come for me,” he orders.

His order is your undoing, all of it coming to a head; his thumb, his cock, the way he was looking at you like you were the only woman in the world, it all sending you over the edge with a cry of his name, your pussy clenching around him hard enough to make his hips pause.

“There we fuckin’ go,” he groans. “So fuckin’ good to me.”

Pleasure was radiating through your body, Joel working into you again, his thrusts wetter from your release as he extended your high and chased his own.

When you catch your breath, you speak, “You fuck me so good, Joel.” His breathing is shaky, seeing his eyes shut, looking like he’s in pain with his rhythm not as steady as before. “You gonna come for me?” you ask through heavy breaths. “You gonna fill me up? Fuck me full of you, baby?”

The groan he lets out is low and long, his hips stuttering.

“Fuck, baby, you’re gonna fuckin’ kill me,” he says through his teeth.

His hands grab onto your legs, hoisting them up onto his hips as he leans forward, sucking your pebbled nipple into his mouth and making you moan as pleasure shoots to your pussy.

“Yeah, but you love it,” you pant, pushing your fingers into his sweat-damp hair.

His thrusts get short and shallow, his head moving up to look you in the eyes.

“I love you,” he says, kissing you hard, knowing he was close with how desperately his tongue licks into your mouth and tangles with your own. It doesn’t take much longer for him to finally push in deep, Joel raggedly groaning into your mouth as he comes, feeling his cock jerk and the wet pulse as he fills you.

He moves to nuzzle his face into your neck, feeling the sweat on his chest against your own, him panting hot breaths into your skin, while you rub your fingers through his hair, scratching lovingly at his scalp, hearing him hum happily.

You stayed like that for minutes, basking in the post-coital bliss.

“Happy birthday, babe,” you finally say, kissing his hair.

He lifts his head, giving you a boyish grin.

“Thank you, baby.” He kisses you sweetly.

When you break the kiss, you ask, “What time do you want me to come over tonight?”

His smile turns to a frown, him sighing as he looks away.

“I’m pullin’ a double—promised Sarah I’d be home by nine and that I’d bring a cake.”

“Well, I’ll just keep Sarah company after school, and we’ll go get you a cake, so you don’t have to worry about it,” you reply, kissing the tip of his nose.

He smiles crookedly.

“Sarah would love that.”

He’d been nervous about introducing you to Sarah, with her mom being out of the picture, but the two of you had gotten along swimmingly, and you absolutely adored her and she you.

He kisses you tenderly.

“I don’t want to leave,” he murmurs against your lips.

“I don’t want you to go.”

Beeping sounds on your bedside table, your work pager going off.

“Shit,” you say, Joel already reaching to grab it for you. You take it. “Goddammit,” you groan.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“There’s an emergency at the clinic, and I have to go in. Hopefully, I’ll be done before Sarah gets home.”

His hand strokes your cheek, him looking you deeply in the eyes.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. If you do, then great, she’d love to spend time with you. If you’re there late, just head to the house when you’re done.”

“Okay,” you reply. “I’ll try to be quick. Happy birthday, Joel.”

He smirks at you.

“Thank you for the not-birthday sex.”

You laugh.

“I promise the actual birthday sex will be better.”

He leans in to kiss you.

“I thought this was pretty fuckin’ good,” he says against your lips.

You hum in the back of your throat, your hands cupping his cheeks.

“It was, but it can be better.”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that.”

He kisses you harder, pushing his tongue into your mouth and kissing the breath from your lungs.

“Tommy, we gotta go to her house!” Joel shouts, looking at his brother in the driver's seat.

Fear is curling in his gut, Sarah safe, him not hesitating to kill a woman to protect her, and now he’s panicking because he hadn’t been able to reach you with the phones being dead. His priorities had been to get to Sarah, then find you.

“Okay, okay,” Tommy replies, the tires screeching as he sharply turns a corner. “She’s over by the job site, right.”

“Yes, next street over.”

His heart’s pounding a mile a minute in his chest, sirens, and explosions sounding in the distance. He can’t believe what’s going on, how the world’s going to shit before his eyes.

“Daddy, is she okay?” Sarah asks, taking him from his thoughts.

He turns his head to look over the seat at his daughter, seeing the fear on her face, and he wants to take it away from her, hating she was having to live through this, having to see the things she’d seen.

“I’m sure she’s okay, baby girl,” he replies, doing his best to sound reassuring, but his guts were churning, thinking the fucking worst because he wasn’t sure, not with what he’d seen tonight, and he's so fucking scared. “She should be safe at home by now.” He hoped she was, was praying that she’d left the clinic and made it home, which was why she wasn’t at his house. God, she better be okay. He couldn’t lose her. She’s the best thing to happen to him in a long time, wanting to spend his life with her, and had planned to ask her to move in tonight when she came over. Sarah loved her, he loved her, fuck, he needs her to be safe.

Sarah distracts him with questions about what is going on, him and Tommy answering the best they can but both having barely any idea, passing houses on fire, people running, police cars racing towards something.

“Turn right here. It’s her street,” Joel says, his heart feeling like it was going to beat out of his chest, his brain chanting over and over, please, be okay, please, be okay.

Something has the night sky lit up, and his stomach plummets when they turn down your street.

“No, no, no, no, no,” he murmurs.

“Is that?”

“Stay in the truck, Sarah,” Joel orders, not bothering to answer Tommy as he jumps out of the vehicle before it’s even fully stopped.

Hours ago, he’d been with you here. He’d kissed you goodbye, told you he loved you before he left, and now the house was engulfed in flames, his eyes burning, the heat hitting him, his heart shattering into a million pieces.

Were you in there?

“Joel!” Tommy shouts, him jogging to reach him.

Joel’s frantic mind whirling, looking at his brother.

“I need to see if she’s in there,” he says, already moving, but Tommy grabs him and stops him in his tracks.

“You can’t go in there,” he reasons. “I’m sure she made it out. She’ll be okay. We need to get out of town—get Sarah someplace safe, then we can try and find her. I know how much she means to you, but we can’t do much right now.”

“Fuck!” Joel shouts, hitting his thigh. He presses his hands to his face. “Shit, you’re right.” He looks at Tommy again. “We need to get the fuck out of here—need to get Sarah out of here. Fuck,” he says again, tears brimming in his eyes. “I love her, man,” his voice cracks on the last word. “I can’t lose her, not after…” He sucks in a breath.

“Not after Sarah’s mom,” Tommy finishes for him, rubbing his shoulder. “Yeah, I get it. Let’s get somewhere safe, then we’ll figure shit out and find your girl.”

“Okay,” Joel replies, nodding his head. “Sarah’s safe. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

You’d gotten out.

Barely.

Halfway to the clinic in the city, something deep down told you not to go—an instinct, and so when it was safe to do so, you were doing a u-turn in the middle of the two-lane highway to head back to Austin, planning to go wait at Joel’s house for Sarah.

You must have run over a nail or something because your tire went flat, finding yourself on the side of the road, trying to change it out, annoyed when you realized your spare was flat, too.

Miles were between you, Austin, and San Antonio, your cellphone not picking up a signal to call a tow truck.

No one stopped to help you.

No one stopped to offer you a ride when you started walking back towards home.

The military aircrafts screaming across the skies had frightened you, many police vehicles flying down the highway towards the city, realizing something was going on, worrying about Joel and Sarah.

To your dismay, a gas station you’d come across was closed, and the payphone outside not working.

Hours you spent walking, hours you spent hoping the two people you loved most were okay, wanting to get to them as soon as possible, trying to stop any car that drove by you with no luck.

Chaos awaited you when you arrived in town with the dark sky as a backdrop, hearing screaming, sirens, explosions, knowing you weren’t safe, and hiding from anyone who came near.

Joel’s house was empty, the elderly neighbor dead outside, and you feeling so fucking scared, your only option being to find a car and get as far away as possible, knowing deep down that Joel would’ve done the same to keep Sarah safe, and that gave you the strength to walk through the Adler’s open front door, find the car keys hanging in the kitchen, and start driving.

You’d made it out, hoping and praying that somehow Joel would find you, that he and Sarah were okay.

He didn’t find you.

You never found out if they made it out.

Days turned into weeks, turned into years of surviving and using your medical skills to get by and eventually join the Fireflies.

Joel Miller never found you in 2003.

But twenty years later, you found him in a Firefly hospital.

Part 2 - Series Masterlist - Masterlist

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Young Joel Miller Wallpaper / Masterlist

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