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lcvclywon · 5 months

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─── ⋆ HE WAS A JOCK, AND SHE DID BALLET

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Jake sim was a loser. Frat boy persona and charismatic antics aside, the moment Jake was alone with a girl he would freeze. Which explains his track record of having only slept with one girl all throughout college. That was until, you came in: Decelis' top ballerina and prized possession. Following a drunken one night stand and some (shitty) advice from his friends, Jake hopes you could help him out.

pairing ── jake x female reader

genre ── strangers to lovers, fwb (no smut tho!), college au, obvious x oblivious, denied feelings, veryyy lengthy fic

wc ── 16.6k

featuring ── jay, heeseung and sunghoon of enhypen, kazuha and yunjin of lesserafim, yuna and ryujin of itzy, seunghan of riize, soobin of txt, karina and winter of aespa, jisung and hyunjin of stray kids

warnings ── mentions of sex and hooking up, implied sex, suggestive at some parts, cursing, mentions of underage drinking, mentions of family issues, yn is kinda mean and bitchy (i tried to base her off of jo yi seo so!), mentions of crying and breaking down, mentions of blood and periods, kms jokes used, mentions of food, mentions of kissing, use of the word whore once i think, jake and yn arguing a lot

DISCLAIMERS! i'm not trying to sexualize jake nor any other idols, this is a work of fiction

Beep beep beep!

Groggily you startled open rubbing your eyes trying to locate where the hell that blaring alarm sound was coming from. Finally finding the small slim black clock atop the nightstand you muttered a string of curses below your breath, slamming your hand down on it putting a stop to the shrieking rings. You immediately closed your eyes and attempted to lull yourself back to sleep pulling your black comforter over your head, arm grabbing for the pillow beneath you then- wait, you don’t own black comforters?

Neither did you own a black alarm clock (not to be rude but who the hell even owned alarm clocks in this day and age?). Slowly you realised, you didn’t own any of this…fuck.

Looking around trying to collect your thoughts you scanned the room to try and get a clue of which dude your drunken self managed to have a one-night stand with this time. Noticing a sleek leather wallet on the nightstand next to the alarm clock, you immediately grabbed it trying to see if there was a student ID, driver's licence, hell anything. Imagine your surprise when the first thing you saw was none other than a Decelis student ID laminated and shining with the name Jake Sim printed on it. Oh shit.

You muttered strings of curses under your breath, did you seriously have a one-night stand with Jake Sim? The proclaimed loser of the Decelis Soccer Frat? The same dude who had the reputation of trying (and failing) to let alone hold a proper conversation with the girl's gymnastic team? That Jake Sim? You scoffed under your breath, god you couldn’t believe this. Fuck you seriously needed to get a hold of your drinking problem.

“Oh, you’re up” oh great. You were too busy trying to figure out how you got yourself into this problem that you failed to notice that said problem was standing there leaning against the bathroom door frame right in front of you.

Whipping your head up you were greeted with the sight of Jake Sim, toothbrush in mouth, dishevelled mess, awkwardly smiling right at you. “Uh, Hi Jake.” you looked around awkwardly trying not to stare at him since he was practically half naked “Could you um, put on a shirt?”

“Yeah, you’re kinda wearing it though…”

You glanced down to see that you were indeed wearing his shirt, the large oversized plain black tee was so big it hung over you like a dress.

“Right.” you said in an exasperated sigh walking past Jake into the bathroom with your clothes in hand to change

“Uh do you want breakfast? Tylenol? Are you hungover?” He was only met with the door shut in his face.

“Yeah uh” you called out, muffled and in between grunts trying to change into your clothes as fast as possible, “No, not really! I kinda, you know, have to get back to my dorm.”

“Oh yeah totally,” Jake replied awkwardly fuck how do you even talk to someone you just had a one-night stand with? Jesus, how did Heeseung do this shit. “Here.” you said opening the door to hand him his shirt.

“Ah, thanks” Jake said quietly as he draped the shirt over his body. He stood there still brushing his teeth as he watched you pack your things up, shooting your head back to ask “Are the other guys still here?”

“Nah, they all left to practise earlier” he replied watching you let out a slightly relieved sigh as you stood in front of his mirror tying your hair into a loose ponytail and touching up your makeup slightly “So…” he attempted to start before being cut off by you.

“Yeah um, thanks for whatever last night was Jake. Can’t really remember most of it, I’m sure it was good,” briskly lacing up your shoes you mentally cursed yourself for deciding to wear docs last night, “but maybe let’s not bring this up like, ever.” Finishing off with a tight knot and immediately pouncing up to only be met with Jake’s lost eyes and mouth slightly agape.

“Anyways! I really need to get going now so I’ll see you around ‘kay?” You walked backwards until your hand reached the door handle and turned it. The moment you stepped out you practically ran down the steps, cheeks and ears red, still muttering curses quietly, and regretting all the decisions you made last night.

And there Jake Sim stood, hopeless as ever, watching the second woman he’d ever had a one-night stand with leave running. Fun.

Not to be full of yourself but you kinda had a reputation in Decelis, top ballerina, rich mother, the whole shebang.

And well Jake on the other hand,

I think I just slept with Jake Sim

Kazuha Nakamura

EXCUSE ME

Yeah hahaha.. LISTEN I WAS DRUNK IDEK WHY I DID IT

Kazuha Nakamura

SOCCER PLAYER JAKE SIM? THE FRAT BOY JAKE SIM? THE APPOINTED LOSER OF DECELIS SOCCER TEAM? ARE WE THINKING ABOUT THE SAME JAKE SIM HERE.

STOP YES THAT JAKE SIM. I KNOW i’m gonna kms

Kazuha Nakamura

Okay but was it good at least?

You paused, well it was good, but you shook your head remembering who you were talking about here. I mean it’s not like you and Jake were complete strangers, you went to high school with him, so yeah you knew Jake. But imagine the whiplash you got entering college realising you now attended the same school as Jake Sim the scrawny physics nerd, except now he was Jake Sim, star soccer player who grew up and gained some charisma. However, all you could see was teenage prepubescent Jake who used to rant about Einstein’s law of relativity.

Yeah, not happening, you thought to yourself closing your phone as you headed into practise desperately hoping to drown out your memories of this morning with endless classical music and exercises.

Jake however, was still sprawled out on his bed even though it had been hours since you left. Face buried into one of his hands while the other scrolled through your Instagram profile, occasionally letting out annoyed sighs before groaning into his hand. How the hell did he even manage to screw this up.

“Jake, get up. I’m starting to actually feel bad for you” Jay let out at the sight of his friend curled up in agony, watching him with a mixture of sympathy and disappointment painted on his face.

“Dude you don’t get it, she RAN.” Jake cried out loudly sinking even deeper into his bed

“Okay, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. Maybe she just was startled, and like seriously you couldn’t have been that horri-”

“The one-night stand isn't the problem, the problem is that it was YN!”

From what Jake could remember you, L/N Y/N, were basically untouchable in high school. I mean head of the dance club, straight A student, and not to mention you were one of the prettier girls that attended school with him; you were practically on a pedestal. The one chance he had to interact with you when he was 1. Not drunk 2. Not surrounded by his friends giving him an extra boost of confidence, he blew it.

“Okay, so it was YN? So what man, I think you’re overthinking this” Sunghoon chimed in from the back

“Hey I mean, I think you’re judging the situation way too early dude. If I were you I would see this as an opportunity!” Heeseung declared as he pranced into Jake's room

Briefly looking up from his phone, Jake shot Heeseung a judgemental glare before asking with a scoff “Okay well, since you’re the self-proclaimed expert here, mind letting me in on what you mean by ‘opportunity’”

“Okay listen,” Heeseung said while sitting on the edge of Jake’s bed “Here's what you’re gonna do: you’re gonna go up to her, start small talk, then you’re gonna ask her if you guys wanna do something casual-”

“Are you seriously suggesting I ask a girl to be friends with benefits after she RAN out on me” Jake screeched throwing his pillow at Heeseung (who thankfully caught it)

“Hey let me finish!” He replied tucking the pillow under his arms “Yeah ask for something casual, and if she was so embarrassed and humiliated as you claim she’d reject you outright, but if not you get a casual fling with a cool girl. What’s not to love?”

“Maybe the part where this whole thing is stupid, ” Jake grumbled, adjusting himself to sit upright to face Heeseung “, and why would I listen to you exactly?”

“Because a) as you said I am the expert,” Heeseung said before tossing the pillow under his arms back at Jake “and b) you genuinely need to gain some experience talking to girls. And this gives: you said experience, no strings attached!”

Jake leaned back on his headboard sighing to look up at the ceiling. God this was stupid, Heeseung seriously just wanted to make a fool out of him. How much experience did Jake seriously need, couldn’t he do that without this whole thing? I mean he had plenty of other girls to talk to right? Well…wrong. I mean, you couldn’t be that embarrassed, could you? What other chances did he have, hell this was the second person he’d ever slept with since entering college (an astounding fact even to Jake). Was it worth a shot?

“Fine.” Jake replied with a sigh. Fuck he was really doing this.

Closing the door behind you, your hands fiddled through your bag trying to find your pastel pink airpods, ready to blast music in your ears after a long chemistry exam. Putting them on, finger hovering over the play button, you were suddenly interrupted by a small tap on your shoulder. Turning around to see the one person you were trying to avoid all week, Jake fucking Sim.

“Oh Jake, I didn’t know you took chem?”

“Yeah, I didn’t, well last year I didn’t…but I had to bump up my GPA a bit so I thought chem would be easy enough. But it’s,” Jake replied looking up and recalling the questions of that harrowing exam he just took “Yeah it’s ass.”

You let out a slight chuckle, well he’s funny at least. “Yeah, that test was not my best work…”

Jake grinned at your comment, speeding up a bit to match your pace. “Hey wanna go grab some coffee?” His words laced with nervousness “I’ll pay! Well, I was the one who suggested it so I really should be paying, shouldn’t I… Anyway, my treat.”

And that’s how you found yourself seated across from Jake sipping an iced americano, legs crossed, looking around awkwardly, in dead silence.

Jake had tried to start some small talk but was met with nothing but concise and quick answers from you. Fuck you Lee Heeseung, he mentally cursed. “So..” he awkwardly started “How was your weekend?”

“I think you know how my weekend went Jake” you said in between sips

“Oh, right.” Jake said remembering how it was just this Sunday when you booked it out of his apartment. “Uh about that-”

He could barely finish his sentence before you rushed to reply “I thought we weren’t going to bring that up”

“Yeah but-”

“Listen, Jake” you let out with a sigh, placing your drink down on the table in front of you “You’re like, a nice guy and all. But I just really really can’t do relationships right now, like I’ve got a lot going on with ballet- seriously my mom is on my fucking ass about recitals…”

You realised you were rambling and looked down after briefly pausing “Anyway, you’re seriously great. I’m just not looking for anything serious right now an-”

“Me neither” Jake cut in nonchalantly while nodding diplomatically and taking a sip of his drink

“Yeah, an- wait what?”

“I mean, I’m not looking for anything at the moment either. That night was nice, I had fun” Jake explained while fiddling with the paper wrapper of his straw “And if you haven’t noticed I kinda don’t have a lot going on with me right now”

You took a moment to register what he just said before deadpanning “Are you trying to use me for sex.”

“What no!” Jake exclaimed a bit louder than he realised, making a few heads turn “Um, no I’m not. Seriously. I’m not a douche, I’m just…I don’t know how to really- talk. To women at least… I was hoping, well I was told, having casual hookups would fix that. Like, exposure therapy, I guess?”

This man seriously did not just describe hooking up with you as exposure therapy.

“You can totally decline! I was just suggesting it because a friend told me to, oh wait fuck you didn’t want anyone to know. Sorry, Jay, Heeseung, and Sunghoon know…I seriously didn’t mean to tell them it just slipped out and- yeah sorry. Uh well, Heeseung suggested it so…” Jake rambled on with his hand absently reaching for the nape of his neck, only to be met with your blank expression, mouth slightly agape, and iced americano in hand. God your face was practically a human adaptation of the Windows error screen.

“Ummm” you trailed off playing around with the straw in your drink. Well nobody’s ever asked you to be friends with benefits, so your brain was admittedly still buffering. “Don’t you think it’s a little…weird? I mean we’ve known each other since high school, like granted we didn’t talk but- yeah you know? And like I’ve just, never done this before. Like ever.”

“I mean I haven’t either,” Jake paused to put down his drink “Worth a shot though right?”

Jesus Christ were you seriously going to be friends with benefits with the physics nerd? You mentally weighed out the pros and cons of his little proposal. It wasn’t like the last time was bad or anything, you just couldn't shake off the image of sixteen-year-old him at the back of the physics classroom playing with the Newton’s cradle while your teacher lectured on about waves. Recalling this you looked up at Jake sitting in front of you right now, he still had the same face but his features matured, his body was more built (probably all the training) and you couldn’t deny that even with him nervously picking at his fingernails…he definitely did grow up well.

“I’ll-” you said with a slight sigh “I’ll get back to you on it Jake.”

“You’ll get back to him on it?! What is this a corporate meeting?” Your roommate Zuha said in between handfuls of chips.

Eyes shifting to the side to snap a dirty glare at her, you sighed in frustration before joining her atop your lofted bed. Kazuha and you were complete opposites: she was arguably way more bold than you and had an impressive list of friends spanning across the three different universities that neighboured Decelis. To be honest meeting her when you were six at ballet lessons might have been the sole reason you were able to get through university with a thankfully active social life. Truly you didn’t think your bond over Ever After High dolls would take you so far; but there you were in your second year of university, lounged across your mattress while she berated you for your lacking conversational skills.

“Hey! I was trying to be polite for your information,” you defended whilst burying your head into your pillows

“I mean why not?” Zuha asked with indifference

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because we went to high school together, he was and still is a huge dork, and he’s Jake Sim. Yeah just a thought.” you snapped back while digging your hands deeper into Kazuha’s bag of chips

“Well to me those all sound like pros.” she had reached in to grab a fistful of chips before munching on them between sentences, “Plus what’s the big deal, you hooked up once why can’t you do it again” she asked, tugging away the bag from you as it reached near emptiness.

God you wished it was that easy. You sometimes envied how little she thought of things.

“Yeah, I guess…” your hands reach for the ends of your hair, twisting them around your fingertips. “Okay but how do I even get back to him on it?”

“Yeah well your first mistake was responding with that, but like just text him? We’re not living in the fucking 19th century, sms exists.”

“Yeah okay, am I just supposed to send ‘Hi Jake! So after much consideration, I am now getting back to you on it! And yes I would totally love casually fucking you xoxo yn!!’” you replied sarcastically

“Okay, you know that’s not what I mean. If you’ve got the general premise down, just send it. Not like you’re opposed to it so…” Zuha said handing you your phone with her Calbee chip dust-covered fingers.

Taking the phone and wiping the grime off, you opened your chat with Jake. Typing and retyping over and over again trying to form the perfect message your finger hovered over the send button while you battled your internal warfare.

Too immersed in the constant back and forth fogging your mind you failed to stop Zuha from taking the phone from your grasp and sending the message for you.

“KAZUHA NAKAMURA. UNSEND THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW” you frantically cried out ripping the phone from her hands, you scrambled for the unsend button but were disappointingly greeted with a notification at the top of your screen.

Jake Sim (Hookup)

Cool! So this Friday?

What the hell did you just get yourself into

Sure enough, Friday came and you found yourself stretched across Jake Sim’s bed dressed in one of his oversized shirts. God, you didn’t think you would be here again. Mindlessly scrolling through Instagram while Jake pulled a grey hoodie over his body before adjusting himself next to you, subtly inviting you to lay your head on his shoulder. (Obviously, you didn’t get the hint)

Putting down your phone to the side, your hands reached to fidget with the seams of his sleeves.

“Do you-” you were cut off by the embarrassingly loud rumble of your stomach.

“Oh, are you hungry?” Jake glanced down, eyes widened and head slightly cocked to the left.

“Um, kinda..” you responded, god wasn’t he supposed to be the awkward one.

“Do you want some ramen?” He said propping himself a bit more before mentally cussing at himself realising the implication of his words “I mean, not in like- that way. Well I guess kinda in that way, we did just-”

“Ramen sounds great!” you quickly cut in before he could finish his sentence, ripping the comforters off your bodies already heading towards the door.

To your surprise, Jake Sim was a pretty good cook. Well, that was a bit of an exaggeration considering it was just Chapaguri and steak, but hell was that one good bowl of Chapaguri. Spooning the noodles into your mouth, Jake placed a cut of steak onto your plate. Weird. That was, thoughtful. Probably a force of habit you reasoned to yourself.

“So um can I ask,” you paused to wipe your mouth “Am I seriously the only other girl you’ve slept with, or is you sleeping with only 1 person before me just a rumour?”

Jake’s arm stretched towards the nape of his neck while the other placed another piece of steak onto your plate before answering. “Uh, I mean in college, yeah. I haven’t had much luck seeing too many people. Kinda the reason you’re here”

“Well I guess that’s not too surprising”

“Oh yeah?” Jake asked tauntingly leaning back into his chair “What’s that supposed to mean hm?”

“I’m just saying I’m not surprised that the dude who spent his free periods researching Quantum mechanics can’t pull.” you teased back with a sly smile

“Uh-huh,” he replied putting another piece of food onto your plate “Well I’ll have you know I managed to hook up with at least like- 2 people in high school”

“Yeah and I don’t do ballet.” you came back snarkily

“Hey! I can even list them for you if you don’t believe me.” Jake chuckled slightly while adjusting the collar of his hoodie

“Yeah, and I bet it was real hard remembering that list of 2 people” Laughing in response Jake reached for a can of coke before opening it and placing it in front of you.

Again, weird. As you got talking you realised Jake Sim maybe wasn’t as awkward or dorkish as everyone claimed him to be. Okay well partly your fault for believing assumptions and jumping to conclusions, but after the initial nerves wore down he was pretty chill. Which led you to wonder, “Hey why don’t you talk to girls? I mean you’re pretty much a natural at this.”

“Oh.” Jake replied a bit flattered, “Well, I don’t think I’m a natural, like when I tried to talk with Minyoung after we hooked up it was a mess.” hands now fiddling with the skin at his fingertips, “I guess with you it’s sorta, comfortable?”

Your actions came to an instant halt, comfortable? You shook it off thinking it was because you guys knew each other beforehand, yeah definitely that.

“So you did manage to get with one of the gymnastic girls.” you said trying to divert the topic

“Well not really, she kinda ghosted me after that..” Jake answered looking down at the marble countertop

“Why?”

“Well as you said, I can’t really pull” you giggled in response while still forking down mouthfuls of chapaguri

“Hey, don’t laugh with your mouth full.” Jake scolded before taking his thumb to wipe the corner of your mouth, an action you once again brushed off to be a force of habit. Still, you couldn’t deny, if you actually did like Jake in that way you would’ve folded instantly.

He smiled slightly and ruffled your hair before taking your empty bowl and beginning to wash it, weird.

Hooking up with Jake became more natural and common as time went on, it somewhat integrated itself into your routine:

Hook up, go eat, then go about your separate ways.

Over time you got to know Jake more and more, past his initially dorky interests you learned a few things about him:

He was a huge dog lover - similarly to you - and had a golden retriever named Layla

He was surprisingly funny, if he got comfortable with you at least

Despite being awkward as fuck, he was way more extroverted than you. He just needed to be around one of his friends for that to shine through.

He wasn’t called a star soccer player for nothing, you’d initially never expected scraggly little Jake Sim to win so many medals and trophies in high school. No wonder he got in with a scholarship.

It wasn’t like Jake told you these things outwardly, but you never failed to catch onto how his eyes had a slight glimmer within them when describing his ‘best friend’ who you later found out to be his childhood pet. Or how whenever there was a short silence between you two he took it as an opportunity to crack a small joke. And you knew on a surface level that Jake was a pretty friendly guy, but you just never realised how long his social battery truly lasted; that man had a motor mouth. The soccer thing however was something you always had a slight clue about, in high school most of his lunch breaks and evenings after school would be spent in the field with Jay, Heeseung, and Sunghoon. Back then you assumed he didn’t have anything better to do, so the numerous medals that spanned across the walls of his room were a bit of a shock to you.

But it’s not like you cared about Jake like that, you were just…observant.

Jake was nice, it was fun being his friend but you didn’t go out of your way to try and hang out with Jake in real life. Really, it’s not like you guys were close like that. Neither of you bothered to try and cross that boundary, that was until today at least.

“Hey.” Jake said, smiling as he sat down in front of you. Your eyes faltered from their usual unbothered gaze, your pupils dilating a bit in shock. Hell, there are around 200 other seats in the athlete’s dining hall, yet he had to sit in front of you.

Maybe your pastel pink Lululemon jacket was the drawing point, probably so bright it made you the first person he noticed making him sit with you out of convenience, at least you would like to tell yourself that. “Oh, hi Jake. Uh- don’t you have practice? I mean usually I never see you at the dining hall when I come to eat” You slowly realised how stalker-ish that sounded “not like. I’m tracking your schedule or anything like that. don’t get the wrong idea”

Jake let out a breathy laugh in hopes of breaking the awkward tension surrounding the table (he remained unsuccessful) “Yeah, uh practice got cancelled. So I’m here earlier than expected.”

“Cool cool” you let out nonchalantly. And there you were back to square one, the same awkward tension overwhelming the atmosphere. God how could you be this awkward with a guy you basically had a bi-weekly fuck schedule with. “So uh, you going to Soobin’s party this weekend? the whole soccer team is gonna be there, including me” he said the last part in almost a whisper.

“Oh uh, I haven’t really thought about it. Kazuha is going, so I’ll probably go with” You replied still staring down at your measly plate of japchae, barely touched. “Uh I think I should go study-” you frantically said in an exasperated sigh in hopes to remove herself from any more unwanted conversation starters you would have to pull out of her ass.

“But you haven’t even touched your food?” Jake said clearly not getting the hint. But also he was genuinely worried, I mean yeah typically soccer players and ballerinas' diets are obviously different with their portion sizes, but he still took health very seriously. “I’m not that hungry anyway.” you said slowly getting up to leave

“Wait, do you do this often? skip meals?” Jake asked, his eyes glazed over with a concerned expression, one you hadn’t seen before.

“Oh I mean, most times it's not intentional, I get busy with practice”

“Hold on” Jake muttered before getting up and heading outside. Leaving you haphazardly standing up holding your plate of food. You sat down again poking at the unfinished scraps of carrots, “This man cannot take a hint” you muttered.

Jake then returned pocky and Pocari sweat in hand. “Uh here, it’s good for electrolytes” he said while handing you the bottle “Oh and, eat this after practice or something, you need carbs and sugar”. Slightly taken aback you slowly took both items in hand, a slight warmth forming in the pits of your stomach. “oh you didn’t really have to-”

“I wanted to.” Jake replied cutting you off, suddenly embarrassed at his boldness he absently reached to the nape of his neck (a habit you noticed he did when he was flustered) “Uh anyways, I’ve gotta go to office hours now. But try not to skip meals, it’s not that good for you, you’re an athlete so..” he trailed off mumbling the last bits to himself, all while looking down to the floor. The weird tension in the air was still there but, somehow it was a little more bearable, well for you at least. “Thanks, uh I’ll pay you back-”

“Don’t bother!” he scrambled to say shooting his head up, pushing your approaching hand back. Fuck that reply was way too quick. “Uh, it’s on me! Don’t worry about it really.” slowly backing away he failed to notice how his legs seemed to trample over each other almost knocking himself down. He (thankfully) regained his balance “Bye YN!”

Blinking in what you think is a mixture of disbelief, amusement, and confusion you managed to mutter out a small “Thank you”

Safe to say that interaction left you both pretty embarrassed.

Most times you went to Jake's house it usually ended in lighthearted conversations over a plate of food. However, some nights were just spent as the two of you lay in his bed looking up at his ceiling talking about everything and anything; these were the nights you found yourself enjoying the most. Tonight luckily happened to be one of them.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Jake said before settling down next to you “Have you seriously never had a friend with benefits before?”

“Hm? Why do you ask?” you said before moving to lay between Jake’s legs, head resting upon his thigh.

“Ah you know, Just curious” He replied looking down at you with a slight smile. Did his eyes always look that pretty?

“No actually, I wasn’t really one for keeping a casual relationship with one person for a long time. I got bored too quickly, not that I’m bored of you. I did have a lot of hookups though, those were a bit more fun” you replied; a small smile formed across your face while recalling nostalgic high school memories.

“That’s interesting…” you noticed a slight hesitation lingering in his words.

“Why d’you sound so confused huh” Gently nudging his thigh you laughed.

“Nothing nothing! I just, you know, didn’t really expect that from you. I don’t know in high school you were kinda- perfect? Like the captain of the dance team, student council secretary, and straight-A student; not to mention you were practically already on the road to Decelis with a scholarship. I didn’t really expect you to…”

“What, be a whore?” you butted in jokingly

Jake’s hand reached out to run through your hair, grinning softly before responding “You know that’s not what I meant.”

Chuckling in response your hands reached to fiddle with the ends of your hair. “Kidding, I get what you mean though. I - well my mom - tried hard to keep up the good girl act. But I was a teenager with the whole house to myself and a huge lack of self-discipline so…yeah”

“Was your mom never really there or…” Jake asked looping your hair around his fingers, shit was that too invasive?

Thankfully you responded whilst twiddling with the hem of your (well his) t-shirt. “Uh, no not really, I guess. Well, she was there, but just always working” Jesus why were you telling him this shit, not like you wanted to it was all just kinda- spilling out. “I mean I don’t hold it against her, it’s literally the reason I got to do ballet and attend this school in the first place”

��But?” Jake asked expectantly. Fuck why was he asking you this shit? Did he seriously think trauma dumping would fill the void of intimacy you two shared?

“No I mean there isn’t really a but- well there kinda is. I don't know, it gets kinda lonely…only child and all. But I know she did it all for my own good, she knows what's best for me” the last part coming out a bit strained, “I just was kinda on my own for a while I guess… that’s probably why she signed me up for ballet classes when I was younger”

“Oh, she was the one who signed you up?”

“Yeah, she was, actually!” voice slightly perking up as you recalled fond memories of six year old you lacing up your first ballet flats, “When I was younger I loved dancing so ballet kinda came naturally to me I guess, but yeah ballet was really fun”

“Was?” Jake inquired curiously, his head tilting down to meet his glossy eyes with yours.

“Oh well, I guess it is still kinda fun- but like as I got better at it there seemed to be more expectations from people. It gets kinda stressful you know” you replied with a slight chuckle, hands picking at the skin on your fingers. “It’s partly my fault for not wanting to practise so much anymore, but sometimes it's hard not to notice every little mistake I make when dancing.”

“Well,” Jake began before taking your hand in his and lacing your fingers together “, I think you’re doing just fine. Trust me I’ve never seen a better dancer than you, like you’re seriously amazing”

You giggled slightly while staring at his hand intertwined with yours. Funny, you didn’t think he’d notice that.

“You sure you’re not lying about the whole bitchless thing? Because this,” you said while gesturing to his hand holding yours “, totally not bitchless behaviour”

“Hey, I never said I was bitchless! Just no girlfriend you know.” Jake laughed nervously , becoming all too aware of his actions. He slowly lets go of your hand. A slight blush formed across his face before he cleared his throat to ask “So what about you, no boyfriend?”

“Well, I did have one or two. But as I said, I get bored easily” you answered, still twiddling the hem of your shirt “I dumped both of them, not like there was anything wrong with the relationship- I just kinda have this bad habit of running from things when I notice something just slightly goes wrong. Yeah, it’s stupid really I don’t know why I do it.” Trailing off you slowly became aware that you were crossing the imaginary line you established between you and Jake. Wait, what the fuck were you saying? Why were you telling him this? You didn’t tell anyone this shit. No way Jake Sim, the dude who you were casually hooking up with, was going to be the first person you let in on your issues. Nah, not happening.

“Um anyway! Maybe I should get going now, you have practice anyways.” you sighed, frantically getting up and grabbing your clothes.

“Oh uh, yeah sure…” Jake said slightly startled, his hand reaching for the back of his neck and scratching it while he tried to look the other way as you changed in front of him (not like his head was in between your thighs a few seconds ago)

He walked you out to the doorway of his apartment, keeping a somewhat awkward distance between you guys as he waved while watching you walk out.

“Bye!” he called out delayed, giving you a slight jump.

“Oh, bye!” you said awkwardly facing him, immediately turning back around to speed walk down the hallway.

For some reason even though you had already left he couldn’t get rid of this slight buzz in his stomach, his heart racing ever so slightly while he felt his cheeks heat up. Fuck I’m an idiot, Jake sighed to himself.

“What do you think? Too much?” you asked Kazuha whilst standing in front of her to show off your outfit. You were trying to dress out of your comfort zone by switching up your usual white tank and low-waisted jeans combo to a black tube top paired with a leather miniskirt.

“You look the same YN.” your roommate replied stoically “And what are you so nervous for anyways? What, is it because Jake is picking you up?” she added between snickers.

“What no!” you rushed to respond “And might I remind you that the only reason he’s picking me up is because you ditched on me last minute.”

“Heyyy, I told you I was sorry! But Yunjin won’t be in Korea for much longer and I promised to have a sleepover with her before she leaves!” Kazuha whined in a pout “Promise, next time I get invited to a party you’re number 1 on my waitlist. I swear”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one on that waitlist right now.” you muttered before reaching for your phone after noticing a notification popping up on your screen.

Jake Sim (Hookup)

Hey I’m waiting outside btw! Also, I brought a jacket just in case you were cold but I realised you might bring your own so uh

Jake Sim (Hookup)

don’t bring a jacket lmao

You smiled to yourself slightly after reading that, to which your roommate seemed to catch.

“Oh lover boy here already hm?” she teased in a playful tone. “Ew god don’t call him that.” you deadpanned before heading out the door.

Now in all honesty you were perfectly fine with going to the party yourself, Soobin’s apartment happened to be a 15-minute walk away from campus and it’s not like the area was relatively unsafe. However, Jake insisted that he pick you up and drop you off, saying something along the lines of it weighing down on his conscience. You can’t say you weren’t thankful to see him jacket in hand and waiting for you in front of the doors to your dorm after you were unpleasantly greeted by the bitter wind blowing in your face. Totally just grateful for the jacket, no other reason.

The walk there was filled with the usual lighthearted jokes and updates on your days, nothing new. You grew to truly enjoy these moments with just you and him, it somewhat felt like it was just the two of you and time stopped. It was nice, you never had someone to listen to you the way he did. However, the peaceful moment shared between you two vanished the minute you stepped into Soobin’s apartment. For a while you forgot that Jake Sim, though being called a dork by half the campus, was still a frat boy and admittedly pretty popular. So imagine the whiplash you got when he was immediately dragged away by Jay, Yuna, and Soobin before he could even say goodbye to you. Not like you cared though, you had plenty of other friends.

A couple of hours had passed and the ‘other friends’ in question seemed to disappear one by one as the night went on. Which is how you winded up in Soobin’s living room on the couch, beer in hand whilst scrolling through TikTok. That was before you heard someone clear their throat. Looking up you were met with Lee Heeseung standing in front of you, head cocked slightly to the side.

“Hey YN, mind if I sit?” he didn’t really wait for your response before plopping himself right next to you.

“Oh, hey Heeseung” you muttered, eyes not leaving your phone. You had talked to Heeseung a couple of times before when you went to meet up with Jake, but you wouldn’t really consider yourself besties with the guy who was the sole reason Jake had even offered to hook up with you.

“What’s up, are you bored? I assume you didn’t come here to scroll TikTok alone.” He joked with a quick chuckle.

“Yeah well I would leave but Jake insisted on taking me back home so it feels kinda rude to leave without him. And he’s obviously very,” you shot your head up to glare at the sight of Jake chatting it up with Jay, Yuna, and Ryujin. What happened to the whole ‘bad at talking to girls’ thing now huh? You scoffed before completing your sentence with a grimace “Preoccupied.”

Heeseung seemed to catch onto your change of tone as the next thing he said was, “Don’t worry Jake’s normally just chatty like this when he’s got one of us around, he really really can’t talk to girls otherwise. Well, obviously not you though, actually he can’t shut up about you.”

Your head perked up at Heeseung's comment “What do you mean?”

“I mean, the guy can’t stop talking about you even when you’re gone. Like telling us about how cool your recitals looked, your favourite foods, what you guys did that day, hell he brings you into practically anything it’s kinda annoying. ‘Oh YN loves that drink’ ‘Oh can you buy one for YN too?’ ‘Hey, this is YN’s favourite song!’ ‘Hey don’t touch that, it's for YN’” Heeseung said in a mocking tone, his hands coming up to mimic small puppets pretending to be Jake.

“Really? You’re probably exaggerating, me and Jake aren’t even that close.” you commented

“Trust me YN, you don’t live with that guy. I feel like I’m even in on your whole friends-with-benefits situation by how much I know about you. Seriously I think he's obsessed-”

“What’cha guys talking about!” you were too engrossed in your conversation you hadn’t noticed that Jake had left Jay and his friends to come join you.

You shot a glare at him before tilting your head down at your drink “Oh you know, just keeping myself entertained” you replied before whipping your head up “Since you were obviously, pretty busy.”

Before Jake could defend himself, Soobin drunkenly called out from the kitchen “Hey guys! Who wants to play spin the bottle!” his words slurred as he held up an empty beer can.

Great, drunk college students and spin the bottle, what could go wrong?

Hesitantly you and Jake made your way to the circle formed on the floor sitting across from each other while everyone else gathered in.

“Okay, so the rules are: you kiss or you drink. Three shots worth of soju may I mention! Who wants to go first?” Soobin asked gesturing to the bottle

“Oooh me me me!” Yuna replied eagerly before placing the bottle down and spinning it, landing on Jisung. One after the other everyone took turns spinning the bottle whilst the rest of the crowd let out shouts and claps of encouragement. You frankly thought this whole thing was stupid. I mean, spin the bottle? What was this a cheesy highschool movie? The bottle eventually reached Karina, she took it in hand and spun it vigorously.

Karina, god how could you even begin to describe Karina? Yoo Karina was top of her class in rhythmic gymnastics, led the student body org, and not to mention was absolutely drop. dead. gorgeous. You concluded in your mind that anyone who got to kiss that woman would be the luckiest person on earth, but that was before the bottle landed on Jake.

“Well pucker up loser” Karina said before moving towards Jake to grab his face and press her lips onto his. You tried to cheer and clap with the rest of the group but you couldn’t ignore the dreadful feeling of your heart dropping to the floor. Pulling away from Karina, you couldn’t brush off how Jake’s eyes immediately came into contact with yours causing your pupils to dilate slightly before you shot your head down to the ground.

Why the hell did you even care this much, wake up YN! It’s Jake, so he kissed another girl, who cares? You guys aren’t even exclusive, pull yourself together! You quickly shook off the awful feeling in the pit of your stomach and joined in with the others chanting “Spin, spin, spin!” as Jake whirled the bottle around with a quick flick of the wrist.

The bottle seemed to spin in slow motion before coming to a reaching its delayed halt and pointing directly at you. Oh fuck.

You braced yourself for the awkward aftermath of the kiss you were bound to face later tonight, god how were you even supposed to face Jake after this? I mean yeah you guys had sex, but you would argue kissing is far more intimate. Your gaze lingered on jake and you watched how his eyes widened in anticipation, his hand again reaching to the nape of his neck absently while the other grabbed the red solo cup and-

Wait what, Jake was taking the drink?

Let it be known that Jake Sim had an infamous reputation of never drinking at parties, for a while people thought he was heavily religious; until it was revealed by sunghoon that in highschool Jake was unexpectedly a huge party animal and no one could possibly keep him away from a beer. Getting into college, he apparently tried to drop the heavy drinking and decided to take his athlete career more seriously. If you were to take Jake's drink at a party you would find either 1 of 3 things: coke zero, a mixture of random fruit juices from a punch bowl that 80% of the party did not touch, or kombucha (surprising to say the least). Yet there he was, drinking about 3 shots worth of soju all in one go. All to avoid kissing you. great.

A pit formed in your stomach as the loud chants seemed to die down, somehow this made you feel like the world's biggest loser. Was kissing you that bad? Hell he was in between your thighs half the time but he would rather drink than kiss you? Why didn’t he kiss you? Why did you want him to kiss you?

Jake let out a slight groan after downing the drink whole, the circle erupted into laughs and whoas but he could only focus on the one person who hadn’t said anything, the one person who was staring straight at him in what Jake could only assume was a mixture of disbelief and anger. Fuck, this totally did not go to plan. Why was she mad? I mean you didn’t say you were mad, but the look in your eyes somewhat gave it away. Jake thought the last thing you wanted to do was kiss him, I mean this whole time you would preach about how you guys were strictly casual and how you wanted nothing to do with him romantically. Jake thought he would save you the trouble, and partly save himself from the prolonged silences on the walk back to your dorm. It’s not like he didn’t benefit from this too I mean, Jake totally could go without kissing you. It’s not like it was a piece of intimacy your “relationship” lacked, not like it was the one thing he’d been longing for. Yep, totally not.

You broke the gaze abruptly when you soon realised how long you’d been staring. Fuck did he notice? He definitely did. Your eyes now fixated on the floor while he stared off awkwardly to the side.

“Your turn YN!” Yuna cheerfully said handing her the bottle, her breath reeked of alcohol it was making you dizzy.

“Uh I think I’ll skip, I’ve had enough drinks for tonight” you replied, accompanied by a nervous chuckle. God, why was the room suddenly spinning? “As a matter of fact,” you quickly got up from your position slowly moving away from the circle, “I think I need to use the bathroom, I’ll sit out this round, you guys can continue though”

“Okay!” Yuna responded, obviously she was too wasted to notice the hesitation lingering in your voice.

You quickly stole a glance at the group behind, more so at the man you were sitting across from a minute ago. Lo and behold, Jake was laughing hazily and chanting encouragements with the others as Ryujin and Hyunjin messily made out. His eyes had a shine which was all too familiar to you, his grin was one you recognised countless times before, and to your dismay: he was completely unaffected by the whole situation.

Great, so he couldn’t give less of a fuck. You thought to yourself. Normally this would be a relief to you, I mean you said yourself you wanted something casual, but if that was the case why did you feel so embarrassingly hollow and empty inside?

You groggily stumbled away from the corner of the room and headed over to the kitchen, maybe a drink would drown out the noises of them chanting “Kiss kiss kiss” Pft, what are they grade schoolers? You snatched a red solo cup and started pouring whatever alcohol was closest in reach, vodka, tequila, soju, beer, you did not give a fuck. You downed the drink whole, slightly gasping for air as you polished it off. Grabbing for another bottle, your hands seemed to meet another. Looking up to see who had a shared interest in… absolut vodka? God you hated that shit, but well right now it seemed tolerable, however you were greeted by the disappointing sight of none other than: Seunghan.

God what was Seunghan doing here, he didn’t even fucking go here. To give some context, Seunghan happened to be your last boyfriend; a senior you used to date who at the time was a huge ego boost to you since you were a year younger. But you inevitably broke up with him before he left for university, even though you promised you would try and make things work long distance. Hell who were you kidding, staying with a highschool senior as a college freshman? Who would want to do that? The last excuse you could spit back at his pathetic face while ending things was “You aren’t even a good fuck” safe to say that bruised his ego a bit.

“Hey YN” he looked at you with an expression you can only make out as: egoistic. You wanted to smack that smug grin off his face, but you weren’t really the one with the upper hand here. I mean who wouldn’t smirk at the sight of their highschool ex absolutely fucking hammered at a college party.

“Hi” you replied coldly, his grip on the alcohol bottle slightly loosened, which you took as an opportunity to snatch out of his hand and pour yourself another drink (probably double of what you were originally planning to pour)

“So,” He paused for a second waiting for you to finish drinking “How's it going, what are you doing here?”

“I kinda go here.” you said in between sips “and shouldn’t I be asking you that, you don’t even go to Decelis.”

“Well someone’s hostile” he let out a chuckle, face still smug “Ah yeah, my friend Soobin, actually invited me. Swim team captain, ring a bell?”

“That's nice Seunghan” your face obviously painted that you didn’t really think so. You started to slowly make your way to the bathroom, not knowing how much longer you could stand being in the same proximity of this asshole.

“Is that it?” Seunghan called out expectantly. What the hell did this man want jesus. You could feel your anger just about boiling over, that and the 4 cups of alcohol in your system just about tipped you over the edge”

“What the hell do you want, Seunghan? An apology? You see me after what 2 years and expect to coax an apology out of me? Yeah not happening. I don’t even know what you’re doing here because clearly last time I checked you didn’t go to Decelis. So yeah, I don’t really know what you want from me but if it's an apology or something, sorry to disappoint.”

“Woah woah, calm down there” Seunghan said, arms up seeming to gesture he meant no harm, the smirk on his face displayed otherwise.

You were ready to spit out another insult at him, maybe add a punch into the mixture, until a pair of hands gently grabbed your shoulder. You whipped your head backwards to see Jake smiling awkwardly at Seunghan and scratching the back of his head nervously. “Sorry about that, she's kinda drunk right now so I think we’ll get going!”

You want to retort back that you aren't, but before doing so Seunghan cuts you off “who are you again.”

Instead of the smug grin that adorned his face earlier, a weirdly serious expression was now plastered across him. Weird. Was he trying to assert dominance or something? You giggled to yourself a bit at the idea, slowly looking up at Jake to see what his response was. Maybe they would have a standoff, battle it out like in the movies. Instead a grin was still shining on his face, except something was off. His gaze looked harsher, juxtaposing the warm smile on the lower half of his face. Something behind his eyes signalled that he wasn’t going to take any bullshit, funny you thought. You weren't used to seeing this side of Jake, it was an amusing sight to say the least.

“Jake her,” he hesitated for a second “boyfriend. But I don’t think that matters really, I've gotta get YN home now” He quickly grabbed your wrist to lead you away and out the door, seemingly a bit too quick that it had you stumbling over your steps, or maybe that was the alcohol talking.

“Woww, look at that you can actually stick up for yourself! You know that was kinda funny, what were you trying to assert dominance or something? Thanks for saying you were my boyfriend though, god I don’t think he would be able to leave me alone otherwise” you said in between chuckles whilst shutting the door behind you, but jake remained silent. Weird, was he just drunk too?

It’s not like you weren't used to the silence, hell it’s what took up most of your conversations (well lack of conversation more like). You remained quiet until the both of you got back to your dorm, you were weirdly too intimidated to say anything. Not intimidated by him, god no. More so the situation, you’d been used to the awkward silence, the post sex silences, the comfortable silences, but this was a different silence, one you weren’t really sure how to react towards. Once in your dorm, Jake finally said something to break the tension.

“Who was that guy?” he asked, gaze averted down to the floor and hand absently reaching for the nape of his neck, there he goes again you think. ”Seunghan,” you said while pulling over your tube top to change into an oversized shirt, which you realised was one you stole from Jake a while back “, just some ass I dated in highschool, doesn’t really matter.”

Jake's gaze was still stuck on the dorm carpet, his hand now picking at his cuticles. “Was he bothering you? I mean I couldn’t really tell but you looked uncomfortable, so like…yeah I don’t know”

You chuckled, cute you think. Wait fuck did you really just find what he did cute. Did you just fucking giggle. A flustered blush seems to form across your face whilst thinking of your actions. Get a grip YN it’s jake fucking sim, hes an awkward mess, an awkward mess you’re casually fucking. You can’t be doing this.

“Uh, I mean kinda. I was going to punch him so you probably saved me the collateral. Thanks though, it was nice” you said, tucking away your boots still facing away from him; embarrassed at the thought of you being the least bit flustered over his actions.

“Ah…” Jake trailed off. Fuck what was he meant to say now, well he knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to ask if it was weird that he called himself her boyfriend, but you didn’t seem to care so it would be weird if he brought it up now. I mean, not like he cared. a little white lie to save you some trouble, no biggie.

“Are you down to..” you asked nonchalantly, turning your head around to face him. He adorned his typical lost expression, god he was really clueless.

“You know, fuck.” you assumed it was the alcohol in your system talking, you were clearly very tipsy, that plus your pent up frustration from tonight was the perfect mixture for a good hookup. Or maybe you were just plain old horny, probably the case you thought to yourself. Definitely wasn’t the way Jake's hair was a perfect fluffy mess, or how his face seemed to have a slight glow to it (probably the drinks), or his eyes that were weirdly more iridescent than usual, yeah totally not that.

Jake's eyes widened a bit, taken aback by the request but definitely not surprised. “YN you’re drunk,” he said with a sigh, grabbing your shoulders and sitting you down on the edge of your mattress, “I'd love to but, maybe next time?” he said with a gentle grin, his dimples slightly poking out.

fuck was he leaving already? Before he could go any further you quickly grabbed his wrist. Jake, startled, looked back at you like a deer in headlights. Only to be met with an equally as shocked gaze, shit all this alcohol was making your body move before you could even think.

“Uh, can you just…” you wince a bit at the thought of what would come out next, “stay. Just until I fall asleep, I feel kinda…lonely?” The end came out in a mumble as your eyes laid fixated on the floor. A blush formed across Jake's face, but he quickly snapped himself out of whatever haze he was in. She’s drunk jake. It doesn't mean anything.

He plastered on the gentle grin that adorned his face earlier, smiling at her with endearment. “Alright, uhm just scoot over a bit”

Moving awkwardly to the side to make room for Jake on the bed he shortly joined you, adjusting himself next to you moving your head to atop his arm while the other pulled you in closer allowing him to rest his chin on top of your hair. Everything about this moment felt much too intimate to be shared between two people who were just casually fucking. You could feel your heartbeat slightly quicken and your breath hitching in your throat. However as time passed on you began to feel yourself slowly relax into Jake’s touch, allowing yourself to enjoy the feeling of his hand combing through your hair whilst the other reached to trace circles along the small of your back. His warmth next to you felt all too natural, like this was meant to be. Like you weren’t just two strangers who decided to hook up, like you two were everything and more.

“Sometimes I wish this was real” you sighed out, clearly letting the liquor in your system do the talking

“Don’t know how hammered you got but you’re definitely not dreaming right now YN.” Jake said in a low chuckle. Fuck you could listen to his laugh for ages.

“Not this, I mean us.”

“Oh.” Jake could feel his body go stiff as heat rushed up to his cheeks. He knew you were drunk, but some part of him hoped this was sober you.

“You’re too sweet for me sometimes you know? Makes me wish you weren’t my friend and my boyfriend instead, then again don’t think I’m ready for that either. Well sometimes you make me feel like I’m ready, I don’t know, it's weird. Being with you feels so…natural? Like I’ve known you since we were kids- I guess we kinda have known each other for a while, makes me regret not talking to you enough in highschool. You were always pretty cute despite being a dork” rambling on you nuzzled your head closer to his chest. Fuck Jake was practically begging you couldn’t hear the intense racing of his heart.

“How much did you drink YN?” he stuttered out

“Oh you know, just enough to make me forget everything about that party. Stupid Seunghan ruined my night. You know when you called yourself my boyfriend, yeah I really liked that, some part of me hoped you meant it. I guess I like you a little more than I expected, super stupid right…” you said trailing off as you fell further into your slumber; words slurred as a mixture of drunkenness and exhaustion took over your body.

“You like me?” Jake asked stunned, after garnering no response he tilted his head down slightly to face you. Your face looked so peaceful sleeping he didn’t have the heart to wake you up. How cute, he thought to himself.

“Goodnight YN.” he whispered before pulling you closer to him and dozing off himself.

As the sun rose, beams of light made its way through the curtains to shine brightly on your face rudely waking you up. You slowly opened your heavy eyelids before stretching out your arms, only to be met with the shocking sight of Jake passed out next to you.

Jolting up immediately, you had to do a double take to make sure you weren’t seeing things. Unfortunately this wasn’t a dream and you really did wake up next to Jake Sim, this being the second time you’ve done this with no recollection of what happened the night before. Frantically you tried to recall all the events that happened after Seunghan approached you; slowly but surely everything from last night rushed back to you in an instant, including your drunken confession to Jake.

Fuck fuck fuck FUCK. What the hell was your issue? Why would you say all that? Jesus you seriously needed to stop drinking, you always ended up in Jake’s bed hungover. God could he have remembered anything that happened last night, he couldn't have right? He was probably drunk too, fuck you hoped he was drunk.

“YN, you’re up already?” Jake said as his hand groggily rubbed his eyes, the other reaching over to your wrist.

“Oh uh yeah!” you replied, face flushed with embarrassment before you quickly snapped your hand away from his touch “Hey this is weird but did I happen to say anything weird last night, I was like really drunk.” You winced expecting him to answer with a harsh reminder of your drunken words but instead he only uttered a small “Nope, not anything out of the ordinary”

Sighing in relief you let out a small thank god before getting up to go get dressed, Jake shortly following you like a lost puppy. Still yawning out and half asleep he groaned out a small “Hey, what time is it, by the way?”

“Oh um,” you quickly grabbed your phone to check “9:30.”

Jakes seemed to immediately wake up, shouting “Oh fuck, I’m late!” He quickly grabbed his belongings before rushing out the door, before haphazardly rushing back in quickly to tell you “Uhm if you need Tylenol let me know I’ll go pick it up for you, bye YN gotta go!”

Despite being in a rush, Jake was always so attentive towards you, something you were always grateful for; another habit you grew to love about him.

“He's so sweet” you whispered under your breath to yourself before snapping your head up to face yourself in the mirror. Splashing water on yourself you pointed at your reflection before reminding yourself how badly this would end if you kept going on with this little crush.

You do not like Jake Sim. You will not like Jake Sim.

Days passed and after that night it was safe to say things got pretty awkward between you and Jake. You were in desperate hopes of avoiding him any chance you got, that of course was a lost cause as you guys still were hooking up every other week. However, you made it your mission to not interact with him outside of his apartment, not in classes, not in the gym, not at parties, nowhere. This seemed to be your brain's deluded way of trying to help you get over your crush on him.

Jake on the other hand had a sense of why you were avoiding him, the whole drunken confession probably didn’t sit right with you. Jake didn’t really want to push it and force his way into your life if you weren’t comfortable, even though he desperately missed the days you spent every second together like best friends, he knew he wasn’t in a position to be complaining. But as time went on your missing presence began to eat away at Jake’s mind, he couldn’t take it anymore.

Which is how he ended up rushing to move seats over to sit next to you when you entered the chemistry classroom.

“Hey YN.”

“Oh, Jake hi…”

“You ready for today’s presentation?” he asked after noticing you diligently reading over your flashcards.

“Oh god no, I’m cooked.” you replied with a nervous laugh.

“Don’t worry I’m sure you’ll do great, you always do.” Jake reassured with a warm smile. How did he always manage to say the right things?

You flashed him a quick smile before whispering “Thank you.”

Sure enough a few minutes later you found yourself in front of the three hundred students in that lecture room trying not to stumble over your words as you presented about Electrochemistry. Everything was going fine at first, not to toot your own horn but you were pretty much guaranteed an easy A for this project. That was all until it came crumbling down. You stopped dead in your tracks as you felt a familiar warm feeling gathering between your thighs. Fuck, did you just get your period?

“And u-uh, as I was saying…” you tried to continue the presentation and ignore the fact that your period was looming over you like the grim reaper, threatening to drip down your legs and publicly embarrass yourself in front of the whole class.

The easy A you were so sure about now seemed out of reach as a lump formed in your throat while you stuttered with tears threatening to spill over your eyes. Quickly finishing up your half assed paragraph on Faraday’s law you bolted out the classroom the moment you were excused back to your seat.

Rushing down the hall into the bathroom to clean yourself up, you were frustratingly met with the sight of blood stained jeans. Trying to pull down your shirt to hastily cover up the stain was no use, god out of all days to not bring an extra pad. Why did it have to be today?

Sighing in agony you decided it would be a good idea to just head home instead of returning to class, hell you’d embarrassed yourself enough after that how could you even walk back into the lecture hall after that mess?

Leaving the backroom with your head down and hand searching your bag hoping a spare pad would manage to appear out of thin air, you failed to notice Jake standing right in front of you (well that was until you bumped into him).

“YN, you okay?” his eyes graced with concern, oh so he’s still attentive as ever it seems. “Was it your presentation? I thought it was great-”

“I got my period.” you blurt out in a rush at the same time, eyes still stuck on the ground as you didn’t have the guts to face him right now “and like, yeah it's a mess so…I kinda just want to get home and change.” you finished with a frustrated sigh.

“Ah I see” Jake replied before looking down to notice the dark patch on your jeans.

Before you could go any further he wordlessly stripped off his hoodie before wrapping it around your waist. No words were spoken between you two but the tension arguably spoke much louder than words ever could.

“I’ll come get it back later okay? Don’t worry about it” he said before knotting it a final time around your waist to secure it in place.

“Oh, thank you Jake…” you mumbled

“Hey YN.” he started, making you finally whip your head up to meet his eyes. His face detailed with hesitation, mouth slightly agape, eyes glossed over with doubt and hand again reaching for the nape of his neck nervously, “um, sorry it’s nothing actually- just uh, don’t be a stranger you know?” he continued with a slight shrug. So he did notice you distancing yourself.

“Oh,” you stuttered, not really sure of what to reply with “alright…”

And with that you made your way back to the dorm, uncertainty lingering in the air around you following its way back to your dorm. Sprawling across your mattress you stared up at the ceiling lost in thought. This wasn’t going to end well.

“YN you keep doing this!” your dance teacher snapped before banging a ruler on the metal bar in front of her. You flinched slightly as the loud bang rang through your ears before going to pause the music.

“How many times do I have to remind you?” she let out in an exasperated sigh, fingers reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose, “your legs aren’t straight and your feet aren’t pointed either! These are basic things even beginners could get, I expect more from you! What would your mother think, hm? She invested all this money in you just for you to fall short of your abilities. You’re my top student, you cannot be performing like this when the recital is just a few months away! Pull yourself together before I choose another person to take your place, lesson dismissed.” she bellowed out before storming out the classroom. Leaving you collapsed on the ground, face flushed with disappointment as you stared at your dishevelled reflection in the mirror.

Fuck she was right, what were you doing? You should be better than this, why weren’t you improving? God your mom spent so much time and money on this and you were just letting her down, you couldn’t do anything right. You were becoming a bigger failure than you realised and you didn’t know how to stop it. How were you meant to be the perfect ballerina when you didn’t even know how to be the perfect daughter? You knew you were better than this but why couldn’t you live up to it. Why did you keep messing up?

Slowly tears began pouring out your eyes before the practice room was practically engulfed in your sobs. You however stopped your crying when you noticed the door crack open.

“YN?” Jake murmured out with a worried look painted across his face, “what happened, what’s wrong?” he asked while rushing over to your side.

“Oh Jake, god please don’t look I’m a mess right now” quickly you tried to wipe your tears and nervously laugh before Jake stopped you and took your hands in his.

“YN, honestly I couldn’t care less about how you look right now. What’s wrong? Why are you crying hm?” His face had the same serious gaze from the party when he confronted Seunghan, “It’s okay, you can tell me.”

Hearing that you finally broke down sobbing as he pulled you in closer to his chest, hand running through your hair while whispering small words of comfort. “Jake I can’t do this anymore, I keep messing up in everything I do! I don’t know why I can’t just be the person everyone wants me to be, I’m a failure.” you cried out between sobs.

“Hey hey don’t say that, look at me.” he gently took your face in his hands before tilting it up to meet his gaze, “Okay so maybe you’re not the person everyone wants you to be, and hey maybe you aren’t perfect-”

“Not helping.” you deadpanned

“Yeah well, I wasn’t done. Point is you’re not that but, you're YN. You’re exactly who you need to be right now, and you’re doing your best. Maybe that isn’t perfect but hey nobody’s perfect, you just keep such high standards for yourself you can never get a chance to breathe. It’s okay to make a few mistakes here and there, we all do, we’re only human. If it means anything, in my eyes you’re doing everything right. You’re perfect, okay YN?”

This only made you sob harder into his chest. Jake wasn’t complaining though, he only brought you closer and tightened his grip around you. Hands still running through your hair to lull you back into a relaxed state.

After finally calming down you wiped the remnants of tears on your face before loosening yourself from Jake’s embrace. Awkwardly laughing before asking “Uhm, why did you come here in the first place again?”

“Oh right that. I needed to get my hoodie back and Zuha said you’d be here, didn’t really expect to see you crying all alone though” he commented with a quick chuckle

“Oh shit yeah,” you said before reaching over to your bag to try and find his hoodie, Jake however grabbed your wrist to stop you, “Never mind that okay YN? You had a pretty rough day, let’s just get you back to your dorm alright?”

“But your hoodie-”

“And up we go!” he exclaimed before lifting you up by the arms and pushing you to get out of that practice room.

The walk back to your dorm was filled with Jake endlessly checking up on you, asking “Are you sure you’re okay” every five minutes. You reassured him time after time that you seriously were fine before finally losing patience and snapping “Jake Sim. If you don’t stop, I will actually not be okay.”

“Okay okay! Just checking!” he said before whipping his arms up to feign in defeat.

Reaching your dorm, you awkwardly stood at the doorway waiting for Jake to leave and bid you goodbye but instead he just sorta awkwardly stood there staring at you.

“Yes?”

“Oh um just- call me? If you ever need someone to talk to, you know?”

“Thanks Jake, but I’m not really looking to make my friend my pseudo therapist right now.” you joked.

“I know I know, just reminding you. You’ve got me, ‘kay?” Jesus, you could never get over how warm his smile made you feel.

“Alright, thanks Jake” You sighed out before slowly closing your door. After shutting it you immediately dropped to the floor, head buried into your knees. You hated this. You hated how without fail, no matter how long you avoided him, Jake Sim always managed to make butterflies spawn in your stomach and your heart to beat out of your chest. He always knew the right things to say and how to make you feel like the world stopped and purely revolved around the two of you. You hated how badly you’ve fallen for Jake Sim.

To give some preface, the only times Jake and you had kissed were:

The first time you’d two ever hooked up when you were drunk out of your mind and too blacked out to remember a thing

The second time you’d hooked up; which technically wasn’t even a kiss because you stopped him as his lips ghosted over yours, almost connecting. You argued that it would be weird for you two to kiss since you only agreed on hooking up with each other, which you added did not involve kissing.

You two mutually agreed that your relationship would involve no kissing between the two of you. This however did not stop the fact that Jake refusing to kiss you at the party bugged you more than it should have, leading you to blurt out on a random Wednesday afternoon:

“You didn’t kiss me.”

Jake stopped midway through unbuckling his belt. “What?”

“I mean, at Soobin’s party, you didn’t do it” your eyes glued down to the bed sheets while your hands came up to fiddle with the ends of your hair “I mean you kissed Karina, why not me?”

“I mean…I can kiss you now if you want?”

“Yeah but then you’d only be kissing me because I asked you to do it.” you grunted out in annoyance “But when you were told to kiss me in front of others you didn’t, but you could kiss Karina so easily”

“I thought you didn’t want me to kiss you?” Jake countered, his tone becoming more argumentative.

“When did I ever say that?” you tried to say nonchalantly, but instead your words spat out like an accusation. Fuck what were you doing?

“Yeah okay well, kissing her meant nothing” Jake said in a bit of an exasperated sigh, his brows slightly furrowing together. Well Jake knew it wasn’t just that, but hell who was he to bring that up right now

“Yeah well, we’ve been fucking for 6 months, not like that means anything” For some reason this stung a bit for Jake, god he hated that it did.

“YN why does it matter.” he retorted back, the question coming out sharper than he intended

“Technically I’m saying it doesn't.” you let out a slightly stifled breathy laugh in an attempt to break the tension, obviously it doesn’t work “What do you not want to kiss me or something?”

No. God no it was the complete opposite. That was practically the only thing he’d thought about for the past month. But Jake couldn’t admit this now, first off to save him from looking like some desperate loser, and second: you just went on to elaborate on how kissing him meant virtually nothing to you. That them kissing was nothing. Jesus, how could he tell you only now that to him, it was something.

The silence filling the room meant one of the two things you concluded: Jake was either mustering up the courage to give you the best kiss of your life or he did not want to be anywhere near your lips. You opted for the latter.

“I’ll take that as a no.”, you swiftly got up from your previous straddled position to grab your designated ‘walk of shame’ hoodie and collect your things. Clearly, this wasn’t going anywhere. “It's fine Jake really. Just forget I ever asked. It was stupid, and uh, I’ve got practice so I think i’ll get going” you said absently while touching up your makeup

Jake hastily buckled his jeans back up and pulled his grey crewneck over his head. But you were practically out the door before he could finish. “Wait, YN…” he called out stumbling behind you trying to catch up

“Jake, seriously just drop it. It was stupid okay. And I’ve actually got a lot of stretching to do today, so I’ve gotta get going.” You attempted to make the end sound cheery and like you totally didn’t have a lump forming in the depth of your throat. To your dismay, emotions ended up getting the better of you and the words left your tongue stung with bitterness.

“YN I’m sor-” he attempted to stutter out, but you were obviously not hearing him through. “Bye Jake.”

God, she couldn’t even look at me when leaving.

“Bye.” Jake let out defeatedly, only to be met with the slam of a door in his face.

“fuck…” you both thought.

“YN come on you’ve been cooped up in the dorm for weeks! Let’s go out tonight, I doubt Jake will even be at the party. Besides you were on my ass about not going with you last time, now the invitation is practically handed to you on a silver platter and you don’t even accept it?!” Zuha said as she rolled next to your curled up body that laid like a corpse on your bed. She was right though, you spent the next few weeks skipping all your classes and only going out to eat and go to practice that the colour from your face was practically drained. You looked like a total zombie to put it lightly.

“Yeah I won’t, I’m not in the mood to go out tonight”

“You’re never in the mood! Come on, what good is it to stay stuck in your room pitying yourself while bingeing K-dramas? That’s never gonna help you get over it, a couple of drinks is what you need!” you partly blamed Kazuha for your excessive drinking, she always managed to help you get out of a heartbreak by getting you blackout drunk.

“Ugh Zuha, who's even going to be at this party anyways? Isn’t it the same old people?” you argued before pulling the covers over your head in hopes it would magically make you disappear from sight.

“No actually it’s not, a couple of people from SM are hosting. You know, the uni Minjeong goes to? I heard SM parties are like, next level. And besides you can meet some new people, don’t you think that’s the perfect way to help you get over this loser?”

“Hey, he isn’t a loser!”, you quickly argued, springing up from your previously snuggled position, “just like- yeah anyways not the point. I guess, maybe…it would help?”

Before you could even finish your thought Zuha immediately pulled you up and sprung into action. “Okay, perfect. Here, wear this.” she said before tossing pieces of clothing at your face.

Holding them up you weren’t even sure if she gave you a proper shirt, it was way more revealing than you were used to. “Did you cut this shirt up or something?”

“No, I didn’t you prude. And besides, don't you wanna look cute? Those SM guys won’t know what’s hit them. Trust me.” she said while absently applying lip gloss.

Hesitantly you wiggled into the outfit before checking yourself out in the mirror. No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t even convince yourself that you felt confident. Maybe some makeup would help. Propping yourself on the bathroom counter you began to cake on layers of foundation, blush, and eyeshadow. Finishing it off with a muted pink lip.

This is good, you’re fine! You’re going to have fun tonight. You muttered under your breath, repeating it like a mantra. God you hoped you could have fun tonight.

Entering the apartment you were immediately hit with a wave of loud music blaring through your ears, god you couldn’t even hear what Zuha was saying right next to you. She was right, SM parties are next level. You could see a couple people gathered round a table playing beer pong, seeing Minjeong and a few other familiar faces. You decided to join them, and despite being the worst one there you had to admit it was really fun. Now that a few drinks were in your system you seemed to loosen up, completely forgetting about the worries that had plagued your mind this morning. You grabbed a drink and made your way over to the kitchen where you spotted Zuha and Heeseung talking. Hold on, Heeseung? If he’s here then…

You scanned the apartment, eyes wandering to the living room where numerous people seemed to be chatting away enthusiastically. Moving further into the area your eyes darted across each face trying to spot your target, and that was when you saw him. There he was, red solo cup in hand, looking directly at you.

Shit, you were gonna kill Zuha, what was Jake doing here? You scrambled to try and get away from him after making eye contact, but before you could slip away you felt a hand grab your wrist. God damn it.

“YN, can we talk?” Jake begged with pleading eyes, fuck you’d never seen him this desperate, “please.”

You nodded your head slightly before he dragged you to an empty room.

“Okay you said you wanted to talk, so talk.” you demanded, still slightly buzzed. Your confidence fueled with alcohol and sheer pettiness

“Listen,” Jake said before pausing to collect his thoughts, “I’m sorry for, well yeah all of it. I shouldn’t have kissed Karina that night, it’s just we aren’t exclusive or anything so I figured-”

“Yeah we weren’t, but honestly Jake I couldn’t give less of a fuck” a bold-faced lie. Jake scoffed, he was trying to patch things up and you were seriously giving him this attitude?

“Yeah sure sounds like it”

“Yeah I don’t, I just think it’s messed up that you don’t kiss me and then proceed to call yourself my boyfriend”

“Please, that was because Seunghan was bothering you! What was I supposed to do just let a creep keep harassing you? Do you even remember what happened that night YN?”

“No and as I said I couldn’t give a fuck”

“Well, I do. You can’t just tell me you like me and pretend it was nothing” fuck so he did remember

“Okay well,” You stuttered out, anger simmering within you “I was drunk. I wasn’t in my right mind that night, so yeah it was nothing. Why does it even matter if I like you or not, you said from the start that what we had was casual.”

God were you serious right now? Jake could feel his heart hurt a little and his previously confident stance faltering, “Yeah well we obviously haven’t been acting very ‘casual’ as of late.”

“Why does that even fucking matter Jake, I don’t know why you care so much!”

“Obviously because I fucking caught feelings!” Jake’s mouth seemed to work faster than his mind. Shit did he seriously just admit that.

Everything stopped, and your gaze softened for a split second. What. He likes me? He likes me. Fuck, why would you even say all that shit in the first place? You couldn’t even sustain a casual relationship how the fuck were you meant to maintain a real one? This is stupid.

“This is stupid.” you blurt out finally “I can’t handle a relationship right now Jake, hell I couldn’t even handle a casual one. No way we could ever be a real thing.”

“I thought you liked me.” Jake muttered

“So what if I do Jake? Look at us right now, I can’t even confess to you without running away from it. I’m not good for you Jake. I wouldn’t be able to make us work and-”

“Are you not even willing to try!?” Jake interrupted, tears slowly brimming in his eyes. Fuck, you couldn’t bear seeing him cry.

“Not if I’ll just hurt you in the process!” you shouted meeting his glossy eyes with your own “I’m sorry Jake.” And with that, you stormed past him out the room, out the door, down the stairs, and booked it back to your dorm.

Much like the first time you met, Jake Sim stood there watching you run out on him, again. Fuck.

Ice cream, americanos, and 2521.

This was how you would spend your days now that you and Jake were officially over. Well it’s not like you didn’t hangout with your other friends as well, you tried really, but even with them you couldn’t get rid of the sickeningly hollow feeling that brewed in the pit of your stomach. You felt much more content alone in your dorm room accompanied by Nam Joo Hyuk and Kim Tae Ri. Or maybe you were just trying to ignore the empty feeling in your chest for as long as you could before heading to sleep. Whether it be escapism or satisfaction, you’d become accustomed to your new little routine. That was until one fateful Saturday afternoon.

You begrudgingly got up from your comfortable position after hearing a couple of knocks on your dorm room door. Hair a mess and wearing a 2 week old set of pyjamas, you honestly couldn’t care less who was at your door. Expecting to see Kazuha you unlocked it without thinking too much, however you were only greeted with Park Jongseong staring straight at you.

“Oh Jay! Hey,” you exclaimed suddenly, becoming all too aware of your unkempt appearance. “What are you doing here? Were you looking for Kazuha or something because she just left for practice an-”

“Actually I’m here for you.” Jay cut in, “Could I come in?” his lips pressed together in a thin line and his hands were tucked away in his pockets.

“Oh, um” taken aback slightly by the question you stumbled over your words as he watched you expectantly “...yeah yeah sure, it’s sorta a mess though.” you admitted before moving aside to let him in.

“So, what’s up?” you exhaled before returning to your position leaning back on your headboard

“Have you um, talked to Jake at all recently?”

And there it was. Fuck you knew he would ask about Jake. “No, actually.” “Ah yeah, I figured.” his eyes still awkwardly scanning the room “He’s been kinda out of it too, not really going to out with us anymo-”

“If you’re just here to tell me about how badly I hurt him, you can save it.”

“Wait wait no I wasn’t! Just, okay- hear me out” he reasoned before grabbing a chair to sit in front of you

“I know you guys had that whole argument before. And I don’t blame you, I probably would've been pissed too. But as I said, Jake is an absolute mess. And in no way am I here to make you feel bad for him, or anything! Just like- YN I’ll be straight with you. Jake has never liked a girl this much. Like, ever.”

Feeling your heartbeat flutter more ever so slightly, you glanced up to make eye contact with Jay. “Ah…”

“Yeah and, considering the fact I had to basically nurse him through his first breakup in highschool where he claimed his life was over. I think I’m a pretty reliable source right now. Point is, Jake was like head over heels over you. Still is. Despite being really tired from practice he would always try and run to the convenience store to stock up on your favourite foods. And even before you guys started this whole thing, the day you ran out of his dorm room, I swear that man was an inconsolable mess. Every moment not spent with you, he spent with us talking about how much fun he had with you.” he paused briefly to let you soak in all the things he had just admitted

“And I know I don’t know you as well as he does, nor am I close with you like, at all. But from the look in your eyes you had whenever you were with him, I think you liked him a lot too. And just saying, I don’t think Jake is totally opposed to the idea of you guys dating even after that whole incident at the party. He’s still willing to try…” he trailed off before getting up from his previously sat position, “He’s playing in tonight’s game so, think about it?” he concluded with a slight shrug

Quite honestly you were at a loss for words here, I mean you knew Jake liked you but you didn’t truly know the extent of it. You were obviously still scared about meeting Jake again but a small part of you had hope he was still as forgiving as Jay claimed.

“Thanks Jay, I’ll see.”

This was a bad idea.

You couldn’t believe Jay Park had convinced you to dress up all pretty just to sit through an insufferable game of soccer where you had no idea what was going on. Well, he didn’t really tell you to do all that, but you reasoned to yourself passing the blame would probably make you feel better about the fact that this was how you were spending your Saturday night.

Legs crossed over each other and eyes shooting across the field, you couldn’t really make out anything that was happening. Despite going to a university for sports you sadly had no interest in anything that involved throwing, kicking, or hitting balls around a large empty space.

You were internally debating whether any of this was worth it in the first place, the game was almost over there was so there was really no harm in leaving now anyways. That was until your eyes locked with an awfully familiar face. There he was, clad in a navy blue jersey, sweat making his skin glisten and a few strands of hair stick to his forehead, running across the field chasing after the ball. And just like that, you felt like you fell for Jake Sim all over again.

You could deny that even if you had no interest in the sport, Jake made it look infinitely exhilarating. Suddenly drawn in you found yourself at the edge of your seat the entirety of the last half of the game, cheering and clapping whenever Decelis scored a point. It was the final few minutes and Decelis and SM were neck and neck, both scoring a total of 10 points each.

The ball spiralled across the field before landing in front of Jake. Steps fueled with determination he dribbled the ball further and further across the court with speed and intensity you’ve never witnessed before. Fire blazing with every step he took, he skillfully planted his foot on the ball before striking it in the opposing team's goal post.

“And a score from Jake Sim! Ladies and gentlemen with only 20 seconds remaining of the game we may have our winners!” The commentator's voice echoed across the stadium, the crowd erupting into shouts and cheers.

After what seemed like an eternity, the referee finally blew the whistle to announce the end of the second half, crowning Decelis the official winners of this match. The team rushed towards Jake before engulfing him in hugs and showering him with compliments. Jake let out a wide grin in response, his smile beaming brightly across the field. You missed seeing that side of him.

Making your way down the stadium steps, you rushed over to the field in hopes to catch him before his team swept him away. Unfortunately, around 20 other people seemed to have the same idea as you. Being drowned out by the crowd gathered around Jake Sim you somewhat lost hope in any chances of you speaking to him tonight. It’s fine, right? You had plenty of other chances to talk to Jake. However, whether it be fate working in mysterious ways or the glint of your silver hair clip, Jake's eyes caught sight of someone tucked away behind the crowd.

Recognising you instantly, his heart began to palpitate ever so quickly and the confidence he adorned earlier vanished in an instant. Not wanting to ignore the other people surrounding him he mouthed a quick “Wait” before politely finishing up his conversation with the rest of his team.

Pushing slightly through the slowly diminishing crowd Jake made his way towards you and tried to ignore the way his hands instantly became clammy while his heart was beating out his chest. Mustering every bit of courage he had left of him he let out a strained “Hey YN.”

“Hi Jake,” you started awkwardly, “Could we um, talk for a bit?”

“Yeah sure but-” he reached to the nape of his neck beginning to look around, “maybe not here? We could go back to my apartment if you want, the guys are going to the afterparty and I’m not really interested.”

“Oh uh,” your heart jumped a bit at his sudden request but after calming yourself down you responded, “yeah, sure. That sounds good.”

The walk back to his place was admittedly one of your more awkward ones, silence filling the atmosphere as you two were both obviously too scared to start any conversation before reaching his apartment. Said silence remained as you made your way into his building, following him around while your eyes layed fixed to the floor.

Clearing his throat as he shut the door, he decided he should be the one to break the awkward tension between you two. “You wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Oh right. Um about the other night, I’m really sorry I just…” all the lines you had practised earlier in the shower now had completely slipped your mind, leaving you to run short of things to say, standing there after an uncomfortably long pause.

“YN it’s fine, I totally understand you not wanting anything between us anymore I get it really-”

“NO THAT’S NOT IT!” hands reaching up in front of your chest before you noticed how disastrously frantic you sounded, “What I was going to say was-” you started before letting out a deep breath. God you really had to get a hold of your nerves.

“What I wanted to say was, well what I’ve been planning to say- is that I was wrong. And I’m sorry for saying all that shit that night, I was scared shitless if I’m gonna be honest. Also admittedly, really buzzed. That obviously doesn’t really make up for it, but, yeah. Anyways– I’m getting side tracked.” you mumbled before shaking your head to snap yourself back into it.

“I told you before, but I have a very big problem with running away from anything that doesn’t have a solid 100% success rate. And relationships kinda are a big part of that? I think I’m seriously out of my mind for saying this, and hell all of this seems incredibly crazy to me. But I just…have to get it out. I’m willing to bet on, maybe not a 100% percent success rate for you Jake. I don’t care if it’s 10, 20, 30 or in the negatives. I’m willing to take that risk for you Jake.”

One beat passed, then two, then another. You stood there in agony waiting for Jake to respond with anything. A yes, a no, a laugh in your face, god you just wanted him to speak.

“Please say something” you winced.

“Sorry I’m just- I just- well I’ve never really had anyone ask me out before? So, I kinda am at a loss for words right now, you know?” Jake paused to look up at your hopelessly distraught image, “You are asking me out… right?”

“Yes…I think so and I’ve truthfully never done this either.” you replied sheepishly, eyes still stuck on the hardwood flooring.

“Well YN,” his hand reached for your chin to lift your head upwards so you were eye level with him, “I would love to go out with you.” he said with a gentle smile. The same smile that had you weak in the knees everytime.

“Oh thank fuck.” you sighed out in relief. Jake couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of all tension leaving your body. He moved his body closer to you to corner you against the kitchen countertop before moving in to whisper, “Can I do this now?”

“Do what?”

“This.” and with that he slowly closed the distance between you two to press his lips gently on top of yours before his hand reached over to cup the back of your head. It took a moment for you to register what he was fully doing, but as if he had full control over your body you melted into the kiss like butter. Lips moving feverishly against his, your hands reached over to grab his arm and pull him even closer towards you. There was barely breathing room between the two of you, your bodies moving perfectly in sync. Sighing into the kiss as his mouth parted against yours; you swore you weren’t religious but if this was what heaven felt like, you were willing to rethink your choices.

Slowly parting from him, his lips seemed to still chase after yours as if it was attached to your mouth with a string. You let out a small giggle, redirecting your gaze at his eyes. They were glistening with a warmth you’d seen countless times before, except this time you truly knew it was meant for you. You moved your arms over to loop around his neck whilst cocking your head to the side in amusement.

“Guess people can’t call you a loser now?”

“You know damn well I never was,” he chuckled out, tone still low and hushed, “C’mere” he exhaled before kissing you again with even more passion and intensity than before. You smiled into the kiss allowing him to manipulate your body like butter.

Who knew the physics nerd had it in him huh?

thoughts frm yuya 💭 hai everyone! omg this is finally out 😭 i think i grinded this fic out in like a week so i do apologize if it's bad 🙏 anyways i hope you guys enjoy it since it's my first really long fic ^^ i said this before but i'll prob go on a short hiatus since i've got my finals coming up, maybe coming back by the end of may or middle of june? nonetheless I will still try and be active on here, just no posting or new works, but i might try to queue some works up so TT hope you guys enjoyed the fic >< feedback and reblogs appreciated !

taglist ─── ⋆ @yerisrev, @nwjws, @jlheon, @k1ttylvr @iiaweirdo @mokangelic @jvjsssnaa @ms-no1kpopstan @caeqey @saursoob @shinrjj @m3chigo @eneiyri @shnnzsworld @heelariously @felixslove @vixensss @laurradoesloveu @atrirose @anormieee @jaklvbub @leep0ems @river-demon-slayer @minniejenseo @thing89 @ineedsomezzz @riksaes @iheartjayke @jinnibug @kookify @roastandtoast @fakeuwus @junityy @ak-aaa-li @letwiiparkjay @kashuannn @floweryang @bywons @dimplewonie @ginakam @hearts4itoshi @nctislifue @chaeyunloveeee (if ur name is bold that means i unfortunately couldn’t tag u TT)

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chimivx · 1 month

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That one fucked you over last year, this one is fucking you over this year, you had no idea she was involved with him, someone over here has been lying to you, you didn't mean to end up in that ones bed, he told you he loved you... Does anyone even trust anyone anymore?

👫 -> college!teez x fem!reader/oc {frat/sorority} #️⃣ -> 7.7k (part SIX of ten) ‼️ -> 18+, sexual content, drugs/alcohol, college life, all the drama, heavy angst, infidelity adjacent moments, mean boys, mean girls, mentions of anxiety/depression… IF I MISSED ANYTHING PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

{ there are names & faces in here that come from NMWID <3 }

january 14th ~ monday ~ last semester ~ 1:52 p.m

Sitting on the floor of your bedroom with your back against the post of your bed, Tori and Yuna sat across from you, their legs stretched out as they scrolled your roommates phone together. Isla was beside you, her long shining hair pulled up into a bun on the top of her head. It was the first day back from winter break, three of you went back home to spend it with family, but Isla stayed here. Not entirely alone, some of the other girls stayed put as well, not wanting to travel long distances because of costs.

Everyone knew Isla could afford it, though. She stayed put because of her parents. Her brother, Dokyeom, or DK as he’s now called, was across the country anyhow, their parents were going to spend the holidays with him, and although they offered to fly Isla out to join, she stayed here in the ITZ house getting into who knows what.

“I have people asking me to make videos about sorority life,” Tori giggled with Yuna, glancing up at you and Isla from her phone. You were editing her Instagram caption for her.

Isla rubbed one of her eyes. “You should,” she said to Tori. “You’re good at speaking… and persuading.”

Tori perked a brow putting her focus on her phone screen. “Thank you, I think?”

“You’re welcome,” Isla said, laying her head on your mattress. She pointed her eyes to you typing away and took a breath. “Damn, it was that bad?”

“No,” you said quickly for reassurance. “Not bad at all, just… Missing some words and spelling errors.” Finishing up, you handed her phone back to her with a smile.

“Thanks, Ror,” she whispered, reading over what you’d done. “Idiot Isla over here.”

“Don’t do that,” you said. “You’re smart.”

She shot you a funny look. “Science smart,” she rolled her eyes, “Brain can name every bone in your body but can’t spell definitely.”

Yuna’s head shot up. “To be fair, that one is hard.”

Sharing a laugh with them both, Tori was the only one to keep quiet. Her brows had lowered over her eyes, the energy within them going dim.

“What happened?” you asked, the attention turning over to her.

Shaking her head, slowly, she parted her lips and released a breath. “Mingi just told me their Vice President is going to be President next year, once their current one graduates.”

“Hongjoong?” Isla questioned, and Tori nodded. “Damn, it should be Seonghwa instead.”

Widening your eyes you nudged her side to agree with her. “Seonghwa is really smart.”

“They all are,” Yuna said, and you tilted your head from side to side.

“Of course they all are,” you said. “But, I’ve known Seonghwa since we started here. He’s different, he’s calculated, yanno?”

Tori watched you for a few seconds, then offered, “Why not Yunho?”

“What about him? He’s been working side by side with their secretary all year, he’s definitely getting that spot.”

She shrugged. “You don’t think he’s presidential material? You’d choose Seonghwa over him?”

Now Yuna and Isla were watching you. “I mean,” you paused, thinking to yourself, then smiled, “Yunho’s the smartest over there schoolwise, right? It makes sense for him to be in charge of keeping their records straight, making sure everything falls into the plan accordingly, he’s the right amount of mad man for the job, but he has too much heart. Seonghwa would make a good president ‘cause he can separate himself feelings-wise.”

Yuna and Isla ‘awe’d’ in response. Tori simply eyed you, cooking up something in her brain to counteract you, always playing devil's advocate.

“But, if Seonghwa separates himself feelings-wise, how will he relate to his brothers and be able to lead them with some sort of compassion. A president should be empathetic all while still strong minded enough to put their foot down when needed.”

Yuna and Isla were looking at her, then snapped their necks back to you.

“Then it makes all the more sense it’d be Hongjoong then, right?” Your smile made her nod.

“Yeah, it makes sense,” she said.

Isla, focused on you, narrowed her bright eyes slightly. “I like your opinions, Aurora.”

“Me too,” Yuna said, quietly. She and Tori went back to her phone.

“I do, too,” Tori said soon after.

Isla picked her phone back up, getting ready to post her photos for her thousand of followers. “You should be our next president,” she mumbled, and Tori shot you a smile.

september 21st ~ saturday ~ 3:33 a.m.

Your phone buzzed incessantly, waking you up, pulling you from a much needed slumber that would bring you into a day off. Whoever was waking you up right now better have a good enough reason. Nasara was only finishing its second week of classes and everyone was already exhausted, falling straight back into the student mindset like no one had left for summer.

Lifting your phone, the light of the screen blinding you in the pitch black of your bedroom, you blinked hard, squinted your eyes, and lurched forward. Yunho was calling you. The second you sat up the call stopped, taking you to the home screen showing off the messages waiting for you.

[youknow everythin]: I’m sorry

[youknow everythin]: I’m so fucking sorry

[youknow everythin]: Rory

[youknow everythin]: Forgive me

Stomach sinking, you opened your phone to the thread and saw him typing. Then, the bubbles disappeared.

[you]: yunho are you okay

[youknow everythin]: Yes

[youknow everythin]: …

[youknow everythin]: No

[youknow everythin]: Don’t freak out

[you]: what are you talking about you’re scaring me

[youknow everythin]: Open your window

[youknow everythin]: Please

Dropping your phone to the blankets you twisted to your right and pushed the curtains aside, moving to your knees. Pitch black outside, you could barely see anything out of the window. Nerves sparked inside of you, traveling through your veins, your hands shaky as they worked at the locks on the wood.

Was he here? On the roof? Was he on the ground? Did he want you to come down? Tori was asleep in the bed mere feet over, not far enough to allow him in if he was here. No one could see him. If he was caught here you were both in trouble. You with Mina, Yunho with Seonghwa.

That thought terrified you. It made you sick. The idea that something would happen to Yunho because he was affiliated with you. Because you two were together after you and Seonghwa… Fuck, you never should’ve did it in the first place.

Seonghwa.

Now you were lying to other boys, using him as a pawn in this game you and Yunho were playing, if you could even call it that. Not speaking for a week after he made you cum twice had been taking its toll. You missed him, you wanted him. As much as it hurts to admit it to yourself, you missed him. Even if you meant it as a friend, it still hurt, because how were you two supposed to go back to friends after all of this?

Finding the edge of the window in the dark, you hooked your fingers beneath it and slowly pushed it open, trying to be as quiet as this ancient house would allow you to be. Past every whisper of a creak, every sigh of the slide, you finally opened it all the way, and without another second to think a pair of arms were thrown around your neck, Yunho pressing his lips to yours, his hands slipping into your sleep rumpled hair.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered between kisses, pressing you flush against his chest where he knelt on the shingles, hanging halfway into your window. He kissed you with a ferocity, one you figured came from that place of borderline instability, the part of him that’d make him go crazy over something he was passionate about. Something he loved.

“Yo,” you whispered in the shared air, putting a hand on his chest to push him back. He took a hand to your chin, placing a thumb over your lips.

“Rory,” he kept his voice low, knowing your roommate occupied the room. “I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying that.”

“I know,” his eyes squeezed shut, “But, I am. I’m sorry for not talking to you, for not answering you.” His words began to tighten the space between your lungs. “It’s been weird over there, at the house, with the guys, and I just… I don’t know how to handle this.”

You waited, for him to say anything else. “Handle what, Yo?”

“You.” He kissed your cheek. “You, Rory, this. Us. I don’t want anything else.”

Grabbing his wrists you tugged them away and put space between you. Eyes adjusting to the dark, you were able to make him out now. Fluffy hair, sleepy eyes, puffy cheeks. He had either just woken up, or he hadn’t slept. In a long time.

“Yunho, hang on,” you whispered, taking a breath. “There isn’t… Us.”

“Yes, there is.” He came closer to you. “Rory, come on.”

Moving your hands to his you opened your fingers and he snatched them right up, holding onto yours tight. “What do you think is going to happen? You’re gonna date me? You’re gonna be my boyfriend? After all of this? Yunho we’re not even barely into the semester yet and…” Releasing a sigh, you felt your throat tighten, like you were going to cry.

“Tell me,” he whispered. “Tell me everything, please.”

You wanted to. A part of you, most of you, wanted to tell him everything. From Seonghwa, to Tori and Mina’s friendship, to your dad… But, if you got into any of it you’d be airing out a lot of shit you’ve done to try to move past him. Sleeping with Seonghwa, putting your focus on him, toying with the idea of Soul, keeping the freshman in your back pocket just in case…

“Rory.” His whisper held a bout of sorrow, and when you looked up into his brown eyes, he nodded the smallest he’s ever had. “I know.”

Now you were crying. Tears slid from your eyes without your permission. “When?”

“The night it happened.” He drug his thumb over your cheek, brushing a tear away. “He makes it kinda obvious.”

“Fuck,” you sighed, taking your hands to your face, wiping it clean. Yunho sat back some, still halfway through your window. “I’m sorry.”

He shrugged slightly, and shook his head. “I can’t be mad at you.”

“Yes, you can.” You glared up at him, then closed your eyes.

Taking a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh, he said, “Okay. I am. That’s why I stuck to Mina after… And that's why I haven’t answered you.” He glanced away, but when you opened your eyes to watch him, his attention was back over your being. “But, that still isn’t right, Rory, we hooked up last week. I should’ve answered you, and I’m sorry.”

“Did we?” you asked, and he raised his brows in question. “Hooked up? That’s what we did?”

Yunho ran his tongue over his bottom lip, his eyes blinking like crazy. “I mean,” he breathed, “What do… What do you think?”

You waited to answer him. Letting the question marinate in the air, in the tension between the two of you that was so thick it could only be cut by him smothering you with his body weight on your sheets, you shrugged. “Yunho, it’s more than that.”

“Yeah,” he answered quickly, taking you by surprise.

“Yeah?”

“It’s been more than that, Rory,” he said. “For a while.”

“It has been,” you whispered.

His sideways smile melted on to his face, charming you, pulling you toward him. Outstretching your arms he let you fall into him, his own arms wrapping around your back, holding you close as you beckoned his lips closer with your own, and you kissed him. Slow, eating away time like you had nothing to lose, Yunho was seconds away from pulling you onto the roof, or rolling on top of your bed inside the window, but you pulled away from him.

“Wait,” you said, and he looked at you wide eyed, his lips still half pursed. “Not to… Talk about it… But, Tori told me something.” He thinned his lips and nodded. “About Seonghwa.”

Yunho sighed, his eyes falling shut for half a second. “Yeah,” he grumbled. “I know what you’re going to say.” Parting your lips to speak, he was quick to kiss you, swallowing your words. “Don’t apologize.”

“How can I not, I’m gonna get you kicked out of your frat,” you said, furrowing your brows. Keeping his lips moving over yours, his tongue slipping out to meet yours, he sighed and held you tighter.

“You’re not,” he whispered. “I’m not going to get kicked out.”

Clamping your jaw shut, withholding the whine that yearned to slip out, Yunho’s lips slid down your neck. “But, Tori said that Mingi said-“

His teeth pressed into your skin, gently, cutting you off. A breath corrupted your lungs. Wrapping his lips around where he bit, he released a breath, the warm air erupting goosebumps over your skin.

“Can we not listen to other people?” Lifting his head, taking his hands to your cheeks, he drew circles over your skin and left a kiss on the tip of your nose. “That’s how so many of these messes get started, by listening to other people.”

Gazing up at him, longing to pull him into your bed, to fall asleep beside him, you gave him a small smile. “How?” He was quiet, you could see the gears turning behind his eyes. “How does this work, because I see it all going to shit if we do anything.”

“Me too,” he answered honestly, letting out a quiet laugh with you. “The reality is that I have to break things off with Mina, even though we aren’t dating.”

“You’re gonna break her heart,” you whispered, and Yunho expressed his distress on his face. “Do you feel things for her, Yo? Be honest with me.”

He shook his head, then hesitated, then continued to shake it. “She’s… cute. I’m attracted to her, but I don’t… I don’t know. She doesn’t get me like you do, Rory, she thinks I’m… silly.”

You caught your laugh before it echoed into your bedroom. “Silly?”

Yunho creased his brow. “Silly,” he said. “And, she has no opinions on Mesoamerican civilizations.”

Gasping, slightly sarcastic, you whispered, “You’re kidding. Does she even care that your favorite period is postclassic?”

Holding back his laugh, you could tell he wanted to, he forced a frown on his face and shook his head. “She doesn’t.”

“Oh, honey,” you crooned, cupping his cheeks. “Just know that I still stand by what I said, they were superstitious bastards, and weak, abandoning all their land?”

His eyes bugged out of his head. “Rory, you know they had to move. How can you even say that? We’ve discussed this!”

Shushing him, you giggled and fell into him. Catching you, not finding it very funny, Yunho glanced away in shock. “I know, I know,” you said, catching your breath. “Listen to me,” you looked up at him, his face solemn, “You’re not silly. You’re intelligent, and you love what you do.”

“I think I love you,” he whispered.

“You have people around you who get you, Mingi, Tori, me, yanno? You don’t need that validation from elsewhere, you can get all you need from us. Okay?”

“Rory?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you hear what I said?” he whispered.

Gulping, you tilted your head. “I did.”

He searched your eyes for an answer. “And?”

Thinking for a moment, you sighed. “Yo, I don’t know what that feels like.”

The whole truth. Love? What was that? You’re not sure you’ve ever felt that for another human being, at least on this level. Sure you loved Tori, you loved Mingi and Yunho, as your friends. But, to love somebody? To be in love with somebody?

“I understand,” he said. “It’s okay.”

Toying with his hair at the nape of his neck, you pressed your lips together and frowned. “I like you, I have feelings for you, you have the ability to do things that hurt me in that way… So, I mean, maybe I do?”

Yunho’s eyes flickered to your lips. “Don’t force yourself, Rory, don’t overthink it. Don’t look into it.”

“But, I have to,” you whispered. “I’ve been jealous of Mina since last semester.”

He raised his brows. “You have?”

“I have,” you admitted, curling your lip. “Unfortunately, I still am.”

His hands pressed into you. “Don’t be.”

“Yo,” you started with a smirk, “Everyone throws in my face daily that she’s your type, that she’s perfect for you.” He narrowed his eyes. “And, looking at her, she kinda is.”

“Just by her looks?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Everybody mentions her clothes, her style, the way she puts herself together. She’s perfect for you.”

Yunho lowered his eyes, thinking again. Then, he lifted his gaze to meet yours. “Do they not know she’s a bitch?” Gasping aloud, you both started to laugh, covering each other's mouths with your shoulders. “I’m serious,” he snickered, moving a hand through your hair. “We have to do what she wants to do, we have to say what Mina wants to say, we have to act how Mina wants to act. She pretends to listen to me, but then won’t remember a thing. It’s like she’s not even into me, at least since we’ve been back. She’s worried about her image.”

Taking everything he said, knowing you would save it and hold onto it later, you scoffed. “Damn, started to think I was the only one who was starting to not like her.” Yunho smiled sideways, then shook his head. “What do we do?”

His smile faltered. “Exactly what you know we need to do.”

“Don’t make me.”

He thinned his lips and bowed his head. “Rory, if I’m breaking it with Mina, I need you to break up with Seonghwa.”

september 21st ~ saturday ~ 10:17 a.m.

Somebody was crying.

Sitting up in bed, awoken by the sobs and harsh breaths, you rubbed your eyes and pushed your hair from your face. Somebody was crying and it was coming from the hallway. Your door was cracked open, Tori gone, having gotten up at some point without waking you.

Throwing the covers from your legs you slid from your bed and poked your head out of your door. The hall was empty, but the crying was louder. Stepping out into the vacant hall, closing your door behind you, you tiptoed around the floor, pressing your ear to Ryujin and Isla’s door. It wasn’t coming from there. Circling around, moving toward the common bathroom on this floor, the door was cracked like yours was, and the crying was coming from inside.

“You can call him,” Tori’s voice said from behind the door. “That’ll help won’t it?”

Shit. Shit. Did it happen already? Did Yunho even sleep at all? He left your roof soon after he told you to break things off with Seonghwa, when it was nearing quarter after four. Did he already do his part?

“I can’t, when he gets like this he doesn’t answer his phone,” Mina sniffled. “So high and mighty,” she muttered with a cry. “It’s scary, you know. You can’t pull him out of it, you can’t bring him back, he has to do it himself.”

“No one can help?” Tori asked.

Mina sniffled. “No,” she said. “His dad usually can, he said he’d get like this too sometimes, but… Chan is way worse. At least that’s what doctors like to say. He’s got the combination. His dad only has one.”

It’s not about Yunho.

Thank god, it’s not about Yunho.

But, damn, it’s about her family.

Backing away toward the staircase, not wanting to interrupt the two or insert yourself into that situation, you leaned against the bannister and waited for someone, anyone, to come out. It took a couple minutes, but Tori was first, after telling Mina to take all the time she needs, and that if she needs any help she shouldn’t hesitate to let her know.

Your roommate stepped out of the bathroom in her pajamas, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. Pulling the door shut, she turned around and caught a glimpse at you, her eyes shifting into a hardened glare, her eyebrows going flat. Folding your hands over your front, you gestured toward the bathroom as Tori bounded forward toward you.

“Is she gonna be okay, should we-”

She grabbed onto your wrist, not worried whether or not she hurt you. Pulling you into your shared bedroom, she flung you inside, releasing you, and shut the door. Slamming it, really. Ryujin would be complaining later on.

“Tori!” you giggled, stumbling over clothes that laid on the floor. Catching your balance, turning to her and her, you think, anger, you sat on the edge of your mattress and shook your head. “What’s going on? Is it Mina?” She came closer to you, slowly, her mind at work. Or, rather, her mind settled, the venom ready to pierce you.

“Tell me everything,” she snapped, her volume low. She stepped in front of you, keeping you trapped where you sat on your bed. Looking up at her and her pointed brown eyes, there wasn’t as much honey in them as there normally would be. She was angry.

Electricity sparked in your veins, shooting throughout every limb. “What are you talking about? What did Mina say?”

“Mina is having family troubles right now, Aurora, this isn’t about her, this is about you.” She jutted her chin toward the window behind you. Your stomach sunk through the floor. “Tell me why I woke up to you and Jeong Yunho swapping spit on our roof last night.”

Oh, fuck.

Well, here we go.

“Tori, listen, there isn’t anything-”

“Bullshit, Aurora,” she sneered, taking a step backward. Her piercing glare didn’t once leave you. “He told you he loved you. What the fuck is that?”

Lungs tightening in your chest, you tried to take a deep breath to ease the tension but it didn’t work. “I don’t know, Tori, you gotta believe me. I just… We’ve been hooking up for a while, it was only so I could get over what happened with Wooyoung, it wasn’t supposed to turn into anything crazy.”

“Your ‘hooking up’ that’s ‘more than that’?” she whispered behind her teeth. Damn, she really did hear everything. “When did this start? You said it was to get over Wooyoung, are you telling me you’ve been fucking him since last semester? While he’s been dating Mina?”

“What?” you sighed, eyes going wide. “Dating Mina?”

Tori glanced around the room like you were stupid. “Hello, Aurora, where have you been? Even if the words aren’t said it’s clear that the two are for one another. You’re telling me you’ve been sleeping with him this whole time?”

“Hang on,” you breathed, standing to your feet, making her back up. “Tori, hang on.” Reaching out for your best friend's shoulders, your heart sunk as she swatted you away. “Okay,” you whispered, putting your hands to your chest instead. “Yunho and I, it’s been since May.”

“May?!” Tori nearly shouted.

“Yes,” you said. “It was right after the year ended. I was at his place, I was helping him unpack because you know he is not good at that. If I didn’t go there he would probably to this day still not be unpacked.”

She rolled her eyes. “Where was his brother, is he not capable of helping him?”

“Tori, we’re friends, me and Yunho, I’ve been to his house before, it wasn’t weird,” you said, tilting your head aside, questioning her with your eyes. “It took us probably two hours to get him unpacked and comfortable, it was only him and I there, we got to talking, we opened a couple drinks.”

“Talking about what?” she asked, her tone never changing, dripping with frustration. “Don’t you dare beat around the fucking bush, tell me it all, I am so pissed off right now.”

“Wooyoung,” you sighed, speaking with your hands as if it would calm her down. Her emotion radiated off of her, her energy filling the room with the ability to suffocate you. “We were talking about Wooyoung and what had happened, how he slept with Yeji, or how Yeji slept with him. My feelings were hurt, you know this, and Yunho asked me how I was feeling. I was honest with him, it sucked. I thought Wooyoung actually liked me, and he didn’t. I thought I would get to have what you and Mingi had, and I wanted it with him.”

Tori grit her teeth. “Wooyoung or Yunho?”

Taking a breath you shook your head. “What?”

“Wooyoung or Yunho, Aurora,” she said. “Because now a whole bunch of shit is adding up.”

“Like what?” you asked quietly, tucking your hands over your front, clutching your t-shirt for some sort of comfort.

“For starters, last semester you were obsessed with him,” she scoffed, “And you made it pretty damn obvious, but I just thought it was because you guys were friends, and you were upset he was pulling away because of Mina.” She lowered her voice even more. “Now I know it’s because you liked him. Did you even know you liked him?”

“No,” you breathed, your throat tightening. “I didn’t. Not then.”

“From that, to this summer and you and Yunho spending so much time together, to how you guys were at that first party,” she paused and smirked. “You know, Mingi said that Yunho said the same exact thing when he asked him where he went. Outside? You know how upset he is right now?”

You flushed of all color, your blood running cold. “You told Mingi?”

“Of course I told Mingi, Aurora,” she laughed aloud, shaking her ponytail. “What do you think? I’m going to find this out about his best friend and not ask him about it? I had to make sure at least one person in my life was telling me the truth.” Sucking in air like your life depended on it, the tears welled up in your eyes, but you forced them back. “What did I say when you told me about Seonghwa? Don’t keep things from me? And you lied to my face?”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“That’s not going to cut it, Aurora,” she said, her own voice cracking. Knowing her, you were surprised she wasn’t already crying. It wasn’t in weakness either, that was just how she expressed her feelings. “Apologies aren’t going to mean anything anymore if you don’t change how you’re acting.”

“Right,” you whispered. “You’re right.”

“Was Seonghwa a lie? It’s been Yunho this whole time?”

“Seonghwa was not a lie,” you said, holding up your hands. “I slept with Seonghwa, that was real. It was me… Angry that Yunho was giving his attention to Mina instead of me.”

Her brows squished to the center of her forehead. “Sleeping with other guys is not going to heal what happened with another, and that’s coming from me.”

“I know,” you glanced down at the floor, then back at Tori. “Last week I was with Yunho, at the party.”

She huffed a laugh. “What party, you weren’t there.”

“Yes I was,” you whispered, and she spun in a circle, pressing her hands to her cheeks. “I left dinner. Seonghwa picked me up, he brought me to ATZ, and when you guys showed up was when Yunho took me upstairs, when I… followed him upstairs. We were only gonna talk, but… we were really drunk, and, I guess…”

“In love with each other,” Tori mumbled, her icy glare back over your trembling form. “Admit it, Ror.”

Swallowing hard, you clutched your hands together and shrugged. “Tori, I don’t think I can.” Her eyes softened the slightest, her knowing eyes. “I said it to him last night, I don’t know… what that feels like.”

She nodded and whispered, “I know.”

A tear slid down your cheek. “This is all a mess. I promise to you, I swear, that I did not know about Yunho and Mina. All summer, I had no clue. He told me nothing. Not until we were with her after that morning meeting and she told us about it.” She was quiet, letting you speak your truth. “Tori, after what happened to me, you really think that I would go and do that to another girl? One of our sisters?”

“When’s the last time you fucked him?” she raised a single brow, the pierced one. “Last night was pretty shitty enough. Was it last week? At the party nobody saw you at?” You nodded and she sighed. “You’re still doing what Yeji did to you, Aurora. You know she likes him.”

“I know, I know.” Taking your hands to your hair, you tugged them through the strands and gripped the ends. “It’s fucked up, and I hate it, and I don’t wanna do it.”

“Then, break it off,” Tori said.

Looking up at her, lips parted in some sort of shock, you whispered, “What?”

She shrugged. “With Yunho, break it off.”

The words struck you like a bolt of lightning. You couldn’t feel the floor beneath you, your stomach was sick, your head going dizzy. You couldn’t feel the tears on your cheeks, but you knew they were falling.

“I- I can’t do that, Tori,” you babbled, looking everywhere else but at her. “He’s the closest person I have, besides you. He’s one of my best friends, he knows so much, he cares about me. I care about him, how can I just break it off with him. He gets me, I get him, yanno, it’s like, when you talk about Mingi, and how he just fits with you, he’s your other half. That’s how it feels with Yunho, he just fits with me. He laughs at my jokes, he makes sure I’m alright, and I do the same for him, yanno, I love him, I can’t just…”

The corners of Tori’s lips perked up. She stepped closer to you and wiped your cheeks clean of tears. Squishing your cheeks together, she leaned over you and pressed a quick kiss to your forehead. She let you process what you had said, what you admitted in your blind rambles.

“It’s still shitty, Ror,” she said, her tone gentle. Making sure you were looking at her, she whispered, “And I’m really mad you didn’t tell me. As much as I love us loving those best friends, the four of us, I’m upset. So is Mingi. I don’t even want to know what’s going down at ATZ right now, especially since you’re Seonghwas. Yunho knew his consequences, he knew what would happen… So, I guess he really does love you if he doesn’t care about losing his brothers.”

“Please don’t tell Mina,” you whispered, and Tori brushed your cheeks clean again.

Pursing her lips, she sighed. “That puts me in a really awful place, Ror.” Pleading with her, your eyes wide and shiny, she took a breath and shook her head. “Figure this out, and tell me when you do.” Taking her hands back, she crossed her arms over her chest. “And, I’ll tell you when I’m not so mad anymore… I wanna know what it is about this boy's dick that’s made you like this.”

Cracking a smile, you raised your shoulders. “Okay, let me know.”

Bobbing her head, Tori glanced about the room. “We’ve got girls coming around this week, we need to clean up.”

“Let me do it, please,” you said. “I owe you this. I can take care of it all, I’ll do your laundry.”

She smiled. “I’ll help you, Ror. Don’t be silly.” Smiling back at her, she accepted it. “Recruitment dinner’s a week from now. We’ll be at ATZ. Do you think you’ll have things figured out by then? Sorted out?”

With a breath you shrugged. “I can’t tell you that. Yunho gives me whiplash.”

“Valid,” she popped her brows and turned to make her bed. “Maybe you guys are meant for one another.” Watching her pull at her blankets, you couldn’t help but giggle. She threw you a look over her shoulder, shutting you up.

“Right, mad at me, probably shouldn’t be giddy over a boy telling me he loves me,” you said, narrowing your eyes, and she lost her mind, collapsing onto her bed, laughing. “I’m so serious, too.”

Tori flipped over and tossed a hand your way. “Ror, you’re never serious.”

Sighing, you propped your hands on your hips. “You know, I could give you one fun fact to hold you over until you’re not mad at me, about Yunho.” She started to arrange her pillows, her head shaking, her smile still evident. “You want a spoiler, angry pants?”

“Ror!” she laughed, throwing a plushie at you, one gifted to her from Mingi. Shoving her hands into her lap, she squeezed her eyes shut, her entire face screwing up before she nodded really fast. “Tell me,” she forced from her mouth.

Smirking, you whispered, “He’s huge.”

Her eyes shot open, her extremities flying every which way beside her. “Compared to Seonghwa?”

“Bigger,” you whispered, and she flopped backward, kicking her feet.

“Shut the fuck UP!” Launching forward, she tucked her knees beneath her and slapped a hand over her mouth. “I wouldn’t even think that, ever, Hwa gives off such big-”

Your bedroom door opened, slowly, pulling you and Tori’s attention toward it. A red eyed, tear stained cheeked Mina poked her head inside. Mouth going dry, you watched as she took you in, then turned to Tori.

“Hey,” your roommate said, her tone hushed. You actively watched as she took everything you told her within the last ten to fifteen minutes and sat it in the backseat of her mind. “You okay?”

Mina pouted, a tear slipping down her cheek as she shook her head. “Can I talk to you?”

Tori glanced at you, and you nodded, something small so Mina wouldn’t think too much into anything. “Sure,” she said to the sophomore, moving off of her bed. Mina disappeared behind the door that Tori tugged closed, giving you a look before it latched shut.

Tori would have your back. She wouldn’t tell Mina anything, that much you knew. You could trust her, though it killed you to know that you had broken hers. It was all aired out now, all of your shit. Someone other than you and Yunho knew your history. Tori, and Mingi. Seonghwa had guessed it was Yunho, but the two of you didn’t go into details. He was still someone you could trust, though this whole belonging to him thing made you sick.

Yunho had to break things off with Mina, and you had to find a way to break things off with Seonghwa while still keeping him on your good side.

september 21st ~ saturday ~ 5:02 p.m.

[youknow everythin]: Thinking about you. What else would I be doing.

[youknow everythin]: I want to see you. I want to show you what page I’m on in this textbook right now, you’ll freak out. It’s for my history of gender class, we’re reviewing the protests of women, the suffrage movements. They’re so badass. Makes me think of you. I don’t know.

[youknow everythin]: I haven’t talked to Mina yet. She’s been texting me about something with her brother. What’s going on over there?

[you]: you already know i’d be one of those girls in the streets with the signs, petticoats and everything

[youknow everythin]: You’d look good in one of those.

[you]: thanks <3

[youknow everythin]: What did you say about those hearts?

[you]: i can send it, you can’t

[youknow everythin]: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[you]: you’re insufferable, how’s your thumbs after that???

[youknow everythin]: They hurt

[youknow everythin]: See what I put myself through for you, Rory

[you]: my knight in shining armor, woe is me

[you]: mina is not okay, she’s been kinda crying all day, tori has been hanging with her. it is her brother, but i can’t tell what’s going on. he’s either missing, or he ran away, or something else, i dunno. i hope he’s okay, i know he struggles

[you]: let me know when you talk to her, then i’ll talk to seonghwa

[youknow everythin]: I will. I’m going to go back to my women now.

[youknow everythin]: …

[youknow everythin]: <3

[you]: …

[you]: <3

september 22nd ~ sunday ~ 12:14 p.m.

Getting out of the house, spending some time at the Conoscenza, claiming a table on the second floor with Tori, the two of you had been sitting in front of textbooks and notebooks for the last hour. It was incredibly unfortunate you weren’t able to tell Mingi or Yunho to meet you here, there were too many eyes around, and Yeji was off doing god knows what for the day. The two of you were better off getting homework done on your own, and a small part of you kind of loved that. It’d been chaos since move in day, you and Tori hadn’t had much time to just be you and Tori.

Sharing laughs, helping one another with tricky questions, taking time to scroll on your phones and show each other meme’s you knew the other would like, it felt it should, everything was good. Everything was going to be okay.

That is until now, when Tori caught your attention by tapping the end of her gel pen on your book, gesturing behind you with her eyes. Turning over your shoulder, Yunho was sliding into a chair at another table on the other side of the library. Tori smiled as she watched your eyes light up.

“Do you think I can go talk to him?” you whispered, looking at her. She shrugged, and went to speak, but then snapped her jaw shut, her eyes widening the slightest. “What?” Turning back around, you released a breath.

Mina was sitting down across from him in a pleated skirt and the sweetest sweater. She wore a pout on her lips, and when she was seated she stretched her hands across the table toward him, ones he took tentatively. Was this happening now?

“Tori, did she tell you they were coming here?” you asked, facing your best friend who had her eyes locked on the pair.

“No, I swear,” she whispered. “I had no idea they would be here. She did tell me she wanted to talk to him about her family, though. She told me they still don’t know where Chan is, one of the twins, you know about them right?”

Nodding, you sighed. You knew about all of your sisters' families, all of their siblings. Mina was quick to drop all of her information to you the second you two were alone. “I know about them. They’re a good family, she comes from a good one, I feel bad for her.”

Tori frowned. “I do, too. She shouldn’t have to worry about this while she’s here.”

Turning to catch a glimpse of her, Mina was crying, her mouth running a mile a minute. Yunho was nodding his head, his hands not having moved an inch since he originally took them.

“Do you think they look anything like her?” you asked out of pure curiosity, facing Tori who gave you a questionable look. “Have you seen them before, I mean?”

“Are you asking that because they have a different dad?” she asked, eyeing you as you pulled out your phone.

Ignoring the text from Seonghwa, who was asking to see you, you opened Instagram. “No, not because of that. You don’t get intrigued? She has three brothers, don’t you wanna know what they look like? We know what Isla’s brother looks like.”

“Everyone knows what DK looks like, Ror, he’s the most pined after baseball player in the fuckin’ MLB,” she laughed, then thought to herself. “Though, if Vernon gets there, that might change,” she mumbled, and you snickered.

“You have a secret crush?”

Tori deadpanned. “Don’t we all?”

Shrugging, you typed away at your phone and leaned forward onto the table. “Touché.”

Opening up Mina’s profile, her follower count just under six thousand, though it went up everyday, you scrolled until you found a photo of several people standing together on a football field. Her high school graduation.

A man, taller than Yunho, stood beside a woman, his arm wrapped around her back, hooking around her waist. They were a beautiful couple, and they looked genuinely happy. The man, who you assumed was Mina’s father, was gorgeous. So gorgeous you had to keep scrolling through the photos or else you’d have to tell Tori you understood her when she spoke about your own father. The couple stood with Mina, her hair long and past her shoulders like her mothers. She was her father, they shared the same smile, their eyes would scrunch up the same.

In the next photo Mina was standing with another man, he was tall too, but not as tall as her dad. He had shorter dark hair that hung over his forehead, and he wore darker clothes. She was in the middle of the photo, the skinny guy on one side and someone who looked just like him stood on the other. He was tagged as @kaangmiinhoo, but neither the name nor neither of their faces rang any bells.

The third photo is what made you smile. Finally, Mina and her three brothers. Two were nearly identical, tagged as @chan_1007 and @choiisunoo. Speechless, you turned the phone to show Tori.

“Oh my god,” she whispered, zooming in on Chan and Sunoo. “Oh my god.”

“Who’s the dad?” you asked, and you both shared a quiet laugh. “If it’s not the first hot guy, is it the second hot guy?” Scrolling back to the photo with the Minho tag, Tori audibly expressed her disagreement.

“That’s her uncle and her cousin,” she said.

“Damn,” you said. “Is everyone hot?” Swiping back to the brother photo, Tori zoomed in on the boy to Mina’s left. The twins were behind her, smug, their chins tipped backward, but the boy to her left simply smiled, his other hand not behind his sister's back tucked behind his own. He was tagged as @everyone_woo. Wonwoo was his name.

“He’s her actual sibling,” Tori said. “He’s younger than her, and believe it or not, he plays baseball, too.”

“What do the twins do?” you asked, zooming back in on Chan, finding it hard to fathom that he was real. Tori shrugged.

“They’re older, I don’t know, she’s never spoken much of them until now,” she said.

“Hm, interesting,” you mumbled. Tori went back to her books. Sitting back in your chair you tapped on Chan's profile that was thankfully public. There were numerous photos of cars, a few of him and some friends thrown in the midst. With a whopping total of twenty photos, typical man, towards the bottom there were party pictures, probably from high school or college, if he went. The very first post was of him and another guy taller than him by a few inches. They almost shared a face. Tapping on it, the caption read ‘my dad is cooler than your dad’.

His dad was, dare you say, hotter than Mina’s. You couldn’t blame her mom. He was posed with an arm slung around Chan's shoulder, the other hand pressed to his own head, messing with his long, shaggy hair. Chan was leaning into him, his arms crossed over his chest, looking about fifteen or sixteen years old. Below it, the Minho who was tagged in one of Mina’s photos had left multiple comments, the boys going back and forth about the clothes he was wearing, and when they were going to hang out again.

Swiping away from it, scrolling up to the top of his profile, it accidentally refreshed, and when it loaded, there was a colorful ring around his profile photo. A new story update. Furrowing your brow, you contemplated tapping on it. If this guy was… missing, why would he be posting to his Instagram story?

You clicked it.

A video started to play, on silent. Chan was walking through a house, showing off the sneakers on his feet, and then the camera lifted to Sunoo, his twin brother who had a baby on his hip. He was bouncing the little one, a baby girl with a bow in her hair. When Chan shoved the camera in his face, Sunoo flashed him a smile behind the phone and then pushed him away with his free hand. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the words on the screen were ‘dad on duty’, and Sunoo was tagged.

The video ended.

He wasn’t missing, he was at home.

“Tor,” you whispered. She gave you a hum, but didn’t look up from her work. Locking your phone, you stared down at the table and didn’t answer her. Not that she was paying attention anyway. You’d tell her later. Hopefully Chan didn’t take the video down.

Moving slowly, you turned over your shoulder to peek at Mina and Yunho. They were standing, he was hugging her. Arms thrown around his neck, she was looking at you sending your stomach into a tizzy. Her cheek was laying on his shoulder, and you swore she wore some type of dominance in her gaze.

When they pulled apart from one another it vanished, and she blinked big, sad eyes up at him, nodding as he spoke to her. His hands took to her hair, maneuvering her chin upward, and he kissed her cheek. Trying to not let it bother you, you told yourself that everything would be okay. Everything was going to be fine.

He was yours, he told you he loved you.

Things would be settled soon, and everyone would have peace, though you’re not so sure Mina deserved any.

If you were lucky enough to be blessed with siblings, loving, caring siblings… You certainly wouldn’t use them or their struggles for your own personal gain.

What the fuck was going on?

NU home ✧ nice for what masterlist ✧ talk to me ✧ thank you for reading <3

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