#zees 2am posts

[ghost-kings-court-jester]

My friend was watching the show for the first time and they brought up a misconception that I think we see a lot in fandom. So I want to talk about The Gamblers Den and specifically this scene in particular:

My friend genuinely wondered what Hua Cheng would do and then when they heard his explanation they were even more confused:

They basically messaged me saying, wait Hua Cheng would have made the bet. He bets people’s lives and some how Xie Lian is okay with that. How???

And to anyone else who’s thinking the same thing or falling for the Demon King vibe Hua Cheng is trying to sell here I am here to tell you, you have all been duped.

What’s import to understand is that Ghost City actually came from making one of Xie Lian’s ideas work:

Xie Lian is talking about a specialised market here, a place where the common people couldn’t just stumble into without reason and that’s what Ghost City is and The Gambers Den is the foundation of it. While Xie Lian didn’t say hey go gamble, Hua Cheng is taking a risk and playing into his greatest strength and then showing of for his crush is the most dramatic way possible when talking about it.

For Hua Cheng the house always wins! Literally. Or at least what he wants the bet to be will always happen. His luck is just that good. If the gambler wins it’s genuinely because Hua Cheng let him.

In the Den he is acting as Judge and Jury with Xie Lian as his moral code but he can’t just turn down the deals. If he does then these people could go to less safe options (looking at you Qi Rong) to get what they desire which negates the reason he built Ghost City in the first place.

Hua Cheng has to let these people play by his rules if he wants to follow his Gods wishes. So he has to be creative and look at loop holes, phrasing and Xie Lians most important teaching finding the third path.

For this moment specifically giving the options I think Hua Cheng would have taken the 20 years of his daughter’s life. Why you may ask? Well the phrasing is easier to manipulate. While the eradication of his competitors is pretty well laid 20 years of his daughters life is pretty vague.

Option 1) Hua Cheng could take her away from her shit father and put her in an apprenticeship and marry a man of her choosing since her hand is now her own to decide since Hua Cheng doesn’t want it.

Option 2) She has to work in Ghost City for 20 years and is married to Yin Yu in name only (because Hua Cheng can’t have a wife at all or he won’t win Gege) then gets pleasantly divorced and giving a severance payment after 20 years.

Option 3) He could decide life is a vague term and after she dies she has to spend 20 years in Ghost City and matchmake a future marriage between her and another ghost.

Option 4) He could decide what she has to do with the next twenty years of her life which could include an actual good marriage and education. Where she has to worship his shrine and be only his devotee for 20 years.

Option 5) He can literally say I’ll collect when I decide and never cash in.

He can do anything because the wording is so fluent and for Hua Cheng debater and Civil God Killer it’s probably easy. He’s not a demon king, he’s a crafty trickster spirit basically a fae lord.

He’s playing the system and he’s winning that’s what Xie Lian figured out and why he supports it. He knows Hua Cheng well enough even back then to trust that he would make the right decision because he believes in Hua Cheng and he’s right too.

[visualtaehyun]

The Next Prince Trailer language annotations and various bits and bobs! Let's goooo~

Since I've read the novels, I'm gonna try to keep this as spoiler-free as possible! If you've also read the novels, then please just silently make eye contact with me across the room and give a meaningful nod instead of ruining the fun for other folks :P

Disclaimer: not a native Thai speaker, still learning 🙏

First things first- Their names are Khanin and Charan, yes, but their nicknames (no context or explanation lol) are Nin and Ran so that's what I'll often be calling them ✌

This is Nin's debut / official introduction to the public as the heir of Assavadevathin. I've gone ahead and marked/named all characters:

In the novel, Jay is a stage actor but seeing him be the center of this choir, it seems they've changed that to him being a singer!

In all of these instances we can see a bit of world-building - the hand over the heart is an Emmalian gesture of respect, straight from the novels:

As you can see, characters of different comparative ranks may execute it differently, depending on the recipient. Additionally, you can see some of the commoners or attendants bowing or curtsying in front of the royals.

When the King gives Charan the quest to return Khanin to Emmaly, there's an interesting bit of information getting lost in translation:

Thipokbowon: ปู่มีชรัณคนเดียวที่ฝากฝังอะไรไว้ได้ /bpuu mee Charan khohn diao thee faak fang a-rai wai dai/ = I only have you that I can entrust something to. -> ปู่ /bpuu/ = grandpa

Thipokbowon: หลานรีบไปสืบหาด่วน [...] /laan reep bpai seuup haa duaan/ = (You) hurry and find out [...] -> หลาน /laan/ = grandchild

Thipokbowon can mostly be heard referring to himself as เรา /rao/ in the trailer but with Charan, he specifically refers to himself and Ran in a familiar and informal way! Sidenote: You can hear the King call Nin หลาน /laan/ as well in the trailer.

Similarly, Khanin refers to himself by his nickname when speaking to Tatdanai, as does Tatdanai refer to himself as พ่อ /por/ = dad. Khanin says:

นินได้แชมป์แล้วน่ะ /Nin dai champ laaeo na/ = I won!

The Fencing Club 🤺 And the guy standing closest to Nin?

Likely his best friend Paul! Because he also shows up in the scene where Nin and Ran are at a party with his friends. The two we get close-ups of are probably Paul and Samantha then:

And please disregard the subs cause we can clearly hear them all chant "Kenneth! Kenneth! Kenneth!" As confirmed by P'Den and Nong New, that's Nin's English name:

CharanKhanin will be moving through various pronoun choices, nicknames, and registers throughout the course of the plot (and I shall of course publicly lose my mind about it every single time :P ) but in the trailer, we really only hear a sprinkling of that. When they first meet, they both use ผม/คุณ /pom, khun/ (= polite formal male 1st pers. pronoun and polite formal 2nd pers. pronoun) which they mostly keep using all the way till Emmaly:

Nin: นี่คุณเป็นใครวะ /nee khun bpen khrai wa/ = Who the hell are you?

We can first hear royal register being used by Charan though (in reference to Nin and before returning to Emmaly) when talking about Nin's true identity:

Ran: [...] ท่านชายคณินทร์ พระองค์มีสายเลือดของกษัตริย์ /tan chaai Khanin, phra-ohng mee saai leuuat khaawng ga-sat/ = [...] Prince Khanin, His Royal Highness has royal blood. -> พระองค์ /phra-ohng/ is a 3rd pers. pronoun used for high-ranking royalty like the King, princes, or princesses

Once in Emmaly and when in company or public, Charan is always heard using proper address with Khanin, such as:

Ran: ฝ่าบาท /faa baat/ -> ฝ่าบาท /faa baat/ is a 2nd pers. pronoun used for certain ranks of royalty

Ran: คือหน้าที่ของกระหม่อม /keuu naa-thee khaawng gra-maawm/ = Those are my duties. -> กระหม่อม /gra-maawm/ is a 1st pers. pronoun used by a male speaker when addressing royalty of certain ranks Sidenote: Chakri, Nin's butler, also uses it but as an ending particle (like ครับ /khrap/), not in this trailer but in the novels and the pilot.

Funny intermission-- here's Nin swinging away with god-knows-what to defend himself from the strangers invading his home:

Moving on! Both Nin and Ran can be heard using the male ending particle พ่ะย���ะค่ะ /pha-ya-kha/ that's used with certain royalty. Nin with (who I assume might be) the King--

Nin: มันใช้ความกล้าและความตั้งใจจริงต่างหากพ่ะย่ะค่ะ /man chai khwaam glaa lae khwaam dtang-jai jing dtaang haak pha-ya-kha/

--and Ran with Nin sometimes. Here are two such instances:

Ran: [...] ต้องขออภัยล่วงหน้าด้วยพ่ะย่ะค่ะ /dtaawng khaaw a-phai luaang naa duay pha-ya-kha/

Ran: หลังจากนี้กระหม่อมอยากให้เราระวังตัวในการใกล้ชิดกันมากขึ้นพ่ะย่ะค่ะ /lang jaak nee, gra-maawm yaak hai rao ra-wang dtuaa nai gaan glaai-chit maak kheun pha-ya-kha/ = From now on, I want us to be more cautious about being close to each other.

Last notes coming up~ A filming site observation from personal experience:

This scene was surely filmed at Chatuchak market in Bangkok, I recognize the type of numbered sign above their heads!

There is only one character I cannot identify - this mystery lady right here:

I have an idea who she might be but that's top secret :P

And lastly-- (partial) Title drop!

Nin: คุณอุตส่าห์บินข้ามฟ้าไปพาผมกลับมา [...] /khun oot-saa bin khaam faa bpai phaa pom glap maa/ = You diligently flew across the sky to bring me back, [...]

-> The Next Prince's native title is ข้ามฟ้าเคียงเธอ /khaam faa khiiang ter/ = Across the Sky, Beside You ✨

⇒ emblems, territories and royal houses of Emmaly ⇒ royal family of Emmaly ⇒ characters and cast of TNP ⇒ all my TNP posts

[vampnoopy]

welcome to my blog! ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

i'm zee, or solaris (he/vamp/star)! i'm here to share and talk about my favorite interests, as well as life in general. i enjoy many different things (cartoons, anime, kpop and emo music, etc) and probably will talk about all of them at once. i also enjoy writing, editing and doodling silly stuff. i'm brazilian, and will post in eng + pt/br. please do not follow if you are under 16 or if you are a proshipper! other links!! ao3 | pronouny | last.fm | carrd

+ click keep reading for interests + tags!

fav music!! loona, stayc, fromis_9, chungha, bts, pierce the veil, my chemical romance, paramore, sleeping with sirens, mitski, aespa, chappell roan, olivia rodrigo, etc.

other media i like!! avatar the last airbender (zuko <3), legend of korra, lord of the rings, steve harrington (& steddie), bungou stray dogs, haikyuu, alice in borderline, ghibli movies, horror movies, five nights at freddy's. 

other things!! black + red color combo, cats and bats <3, rainy days, funky makeup looks, poetry, reading fanfic at 2am, calligraphy, embroidery, long youtube videos, the song demoliton lovers, snoopy and vampires.  

my silly tags!! personal stuff: zeecore | venting/oversharing: zeelore | my writing: zz fics | miscellaneous: zz ramblings | music related: zee-j (get it? like dj) | untagged cue | fandom stuff tagged accordingly.

[awkward-halfhug]

My mom just saved my rewritten chapter 4 by liking it, because if she didn't, I was absolutely going to scrap the whole thing. Thank goodness for my mom, my number one fan, without whom I would probably give up on all of my fanfics because I think they all suck until she tells me they don't

[yeoldotcom]

i hate writing kissing scenes

[synthient]

overly elaborate set of Neotrin Nonmonogamy Headcanons:

On one of their early shore leaves, Trinity was casually like "oh btw, no pressure, but Zee and Link invited us over for dinner and a foursome tonight if you're interested"

Neo had a moment of "o. oh. are we not. serious then? which is fine...I don't want to ask for any more than you're willing to give..."

Trinity, feeling like she just kicked a puppy: "oh shit. I've spent most of my adult life in Zion & forgot not everyone's poly by default"

They had an extended heart to heart, affirmed that Yes We're Life Partners, discussed their relationship boundaries, etc etc (they did end up going to Link and Zee's place. they had a lovely time)

Cut to post-Resurrections: Trinity's like "hey, why don't we check out what Io's orgies are like? See how they stack up to Zion's"

Neo, who's become even more of a Shut-in With Sensory Sensitivities with age: "eh, think I'll just curl up with a book tonight. you should go though"

Trinity kind of freezes. Neo's like "oh. do we want to renegotiate that...?" Trinity's like "no, I just...I've gotten so used to Chad being possessive, and the conventions of Straight Nuclear Marriage, and not feeling like I was allowed to voice any of my real desires...🥺"

They settle into a comfortable routine of Trinity: [gets home at 2am with glitter on her face] Neo: [playing pirated animal crossing in bed] "oh hey honey, how was the orgy :)"

One of their main post-resurrections conflicts--not in a Fighting Over It sense, but in a knowing they have conflicting needs and working their hardest to balance them sense--is that Trinity spent 20 years never getting a moment to herself, and really values her moments of privacy and independence. Meanwhile Neo spent 20 years unhealthily isolated, and would like company All The Time if possible

This is lowkey addressed by the Trinityneosmith Endgame That Lives In My Head 👀

Smith is also taking full advantage of the Io Orgies, btw. Trinity and Smith, in unison: We Love Our Crotchety Non-Orgy-going Shut-in <3

[heruines]

hi i’m ren,   new to krp because of   @blisande​ . click for    about    /    wanted connections       just flexing my boy out here and if you wanna give him a go,    please like this post or dm me for plotting.

KWON ISEUL QUICK FACTS ! tw: abuse, torture

mixed blood of  djinn  &  ghost.   appearance aged 22 human years.   djinn age classified.     chaotic     stupid     neutral.      demiromantic   #depressed and repressed.

fondly called as izey  (pronounced "eye-zee”)   by only mom,   iz for others.   he uses a lot of fake identities because of his job,   but the most used is   cheon in-su  &  kang dae-ho.

imagine being hunted by a psychopath serial killer dad who wanted you to come back home and be his serial killer son because you’re the perfect mixed blood to carry out flawless assassinations     while     you’re also trying to stay alive from your ghost turned poltergeist mom who wanted you dead so you can be with her.      :///

dad is well-feared enforcer from neugdaedeul known more as an Executioner than enforcer because even iseul didn’t escape his dad’s favourite past times of murder and torture during their forced father-son bonding times as courtesy by his dad.

mom is once human communicator from haedogje pa.  she turned into a ghost after dying in giving birth to iseul then into poltergeist when she lost iseul.  

ghost mom runs away with iseul his entire life and taught him how to be a ghost for   DECADES   until dad catches up and attempts to exorcise mom for good but she became stronger into a poltergeist because she can’t afford to lose her baby boy.

dad spends iseul’s other lifetime to warm up their relationship and have iseul follow his footsteps to be better than him because iseul   is dad’s most deadliest investment,  riskiest gamble. 

iseul said fuck you dad and runs away on his own,  lives life day by day as he tried to find mom but she kinda tried to kill him when they accidentally meet so that’s enough incentive for him to steer clear from his family at all costs.   life or dead,   he’s bound by them and thanks he hates it.

this survival mode ends when he joins o-jeom after  @ophelixs​  takes him in.

iseul,  shrugging spitefully:     “guess i’ll live”

he’s the perfect enforcer but between running and spotting,   iseul chose to be a runner.  ironically.    ( it’s his coping mechanism   shhhhhh. )

for an immortal,  he’s chaotic stupid.   strong preservation instincts,   but will fight anyone at mcdonald’s parking lot at 2am if you cross him or anything of his badly.   

scared of being forgotten and of heights,  fucking terrified of his parents,   but literally he just Fakes It Til He Makes It™. 

you might think he’s soft and silent but once you know him,  he’ll never stop dragging you down for your bullshit. 

acts like he’s totally chill but he easily jumps 0 to 100 real quick.   total no impulse control,  we talk shit and throw shade literally and figuratively like real dumbasses.

[zhouruizee]

Cai Xukun’s Friend Circle Big Exposé

Zhou Rui: Kunkun, one day he posted in his friend circle feed Zhou Rui: At like 1-2AM in the morning Zhou Rui: The caption was Zhou Rui: It was his sweat-drenched figure Zhou Rui: Yeah, his caption said Zhou Rui: He said: “time to dance wet my last piece [of clothing]” Zhou Rui: It was already very late at that time

2018-09-08 18:25 // Idol Hits 中国音乐公告牌 Weibo Update (translation)

#IdolHits #HitsRecord Q Point Group brings and exclusive behind-the-scenes story of a promoting singer, the scene of @蔡徐坤 earnestly practising at dress rehearsal makes @周锐Zee and @李希侃_LXK remember Kunkun's post in his friend circle a certain night: "Time to dance wet my last piece [of clothing]." Kunkun has also said himself that usually he would bring 4 to 5 T-shirts to practice, and only leave when he has drenched all of them. Pushing aside a month's schedules, going through 21 rehearsals, only then could yesterday's core-shaking promotional stage happen. Strictly demanding himself to do better without stop, it is the always-pursuing-perfection Kunkun, that's right 💝

[realtalk-princeton]

An additional perspective on the physics major

Marty answered a question awhile back about the physics major, and another physics major who also happens to be a RCA realized that some of his/her frosh got a bit nervous about the major, so he/she also wanted to share some perspectives on the major. Here’s the link to Marty’s answer:

https://realtalk-princeton.tumblr.com/post/186555703749/marty-downsides-of-physics

Here are the RCA’s thoughts:

I really appreciated Marty’s broader statement about choosing majors that cater to your likes and dislikes rather than thinking of the “pros” and “cons” of each, but was surprised to then see it preceded by saying the physics major has many downsides. I do not believe this at all. The physics major is certainly one of the tougher tracks at Princeton, but also one of the most rewarding, and I would not necessarily call more pset hours or tougher material a “downside” if the field is something you are interested in.

To clarify, this is not a (total) rebuttal of Marty’s description. I found much of the description to be fair and unbiased, and plenty agreeable, but would like to offer a more positive connotation to what I found a somewhat negative review, to help others review the department and make a decision for themselves (I am a PHY major, and an RCA, and after hearing some expressions of concerns from zees who were originally excited about the PHY major after reading Marty’s review, hope to provide another perspective). I’ll also break it up similar to Marty:

Difficulty: pretty much what Marty said. I find physics much, much, easier than any humanities major, but that isn’t to say physics isn’t difficult—it is Princeton, after all. “It’s also important to keep in mind that it’s easier to do 20 hours of work that you want to do than 5 hours of work that you don’t.” It’s about the skillset you have and what you want to learn about. But you won’t see every pset taking 20 hours. I’ve done some in as little as 2, and as many as 24+, but that’s also pretty standard across Princeton’s concentrations.

Psets/HW: For the most part, problems will be pulled from textbooks, with a couple written by the professors or pulled from graduate entrance exams. You’ll tend to get one (or two) problem(s) that is blatant application of what is covered in class (i.e. “plug and chug”). You’ll also get some problems (idk, 3-4?) about the current topic that require a little more thinking (a little more being as little as 15 min if you have your eureka moment, and hours if not, but that’s what working in groups is for), so that you’re not just learning to regurgitate what is provided in lecture, but instead how to actually use these skills when you enter the real world…because you can be sure that the complex real-world physics you do outside the classroom isn’t going to have a pretty answer, or even one defined way of solving it, so the department is going to throw a few curveballs because there is no other way to help students practice for that sort of situation. These definitely don’t involve deriving “new math” or starting from scratch, or (as Marty put it), you certainly aren’t “lacking the necessary information”… professors cannot test you on something they haven’t taught. Instead of seeing a problem and thinking you haven’t been provided the tools to solve it, you ALREADY have all the tools you need to solve it, you just need to figure out how to use them the right way (and that is not always something that can be taught, and must sometimes be experienced to be learned. This is where many of the longer hours on physics psets come from). There is the occasional (I can think of maybe 2 or 3 up through the end of junior year) problems where the professor mistakenly assigns something where some information is truly “missing” on the student’s behalf, and when the students speak up about it, the problem is excised or compensated for in the grading. Department is also pretty decent with normalizing (they’ll do so at the end of the semester at once, rather than per test or per assignment, so seeing grades below B- is quite uncommon, but you’ll really have to crunch to get an A as opposed to an A- or B+).

Difficult times and Department: I’ll use this as a convenient segue. On those few problems where you’re struggling or your group is struggling and just can’t make any progress, I think the physics department is actually one of the BEST departments in this school for helping you overcome your current obstacle. There are always people in the department (yes, even at 2am, some follow more studentile schedules than we do) and unless you’re taking a senior elective or graduate course, 95%+ of the people in the department are equipped to help you with where you’re stuck, and will gladly do so. It just requires being proactive on your part to either 1) email someone for help, 2) set up a meeting, or 3) literally drop in to their offices unannounced, which are all a miniscule amount of effort (and yet, many still do not). This is what makes the Princeton physics department one of the best in the world, matched only by those of schools like Oxford or Cambridge – the level of undergraduate attention. Not all physics professors in Princeton to research, and NONE are allowed to do only research. Your lectures may not be too different from what you’d see in some other schools, but you now have access to some of the top people in the world in this field, and another major difference is they WANT to help you (with maybe a few notable exceptions, but every group has their bad apples). It is your choice/prerogative whether you want to make use of this resource to its full capacity, or not at all and treat the department like you would any other teaching group in high school. Talk to them about their class, their work, their lives, ask about what you can help them with (which is how I found my two JP projects), take them to dinner, and do all of these again. It is a privilege to even have the ability to do these things, and you will never TRULY struggle (or wither and die) in the department as long as you do. I don’t see this in other Princeton departments.

The Material: I agree with Marty that most of what you learn is not the stuff that people get excited about. We just aren’t that smart or experienced yet, you will spend all 4 years at Princeton merely building the tools to put in a toolbox, rather than using them, because there is just that much physics needed to start making exciting progress nowadays. Like Marty said, physics is very different than pop science videos, but that doesn’t have to mean the excitement can’t be found. You should look for the connections in how things from your different classes over weeks and semesters work together (and I agree this can get very hard when you’re stressing over short-term pset or exam performance). I also agree that you lose it if you don’t use it—I too have embarrassingly stumbled on the basics when push comes to shove, but for the most part people within the field understand this point too. Most everyone is making sure you understand concepts, how things link together, and how to approach problems rather than that you have an encyclopedic knowledge of equations and facts.

I also blatantly disagree that physics majors have to take a lot of classes. We have very few classes we actually have to take (I think 8?) and a few more (I think 4?) that are departmental prerequisites that can be skipped (if you’re lucky or wicked smart) or cross-satisfied with other similar classes you’re interested in, if you’re willing to go into the department and talk about it (again, this goes with the engaging the department to its fullest extent and being proactive, like was said above). We have so much room for electives that I could have been a double major if Princeton allowed it.

Marty covers mental health, undergraduate groups, and independent work very well, so I won’t keep blabbing on it. Physics is great about being open with hardship, and there are definitely times that everyone feels like they’re a dummy. Don’t get caught up in those moments, and appreciate what you learned from them afterwards. Use the opportunity to work with all the other kids that are interested in the topic like you, make new friends, and learn together. It can even be fun (sometimes) and misery is mitigated in company – some of my best friends here are people I started with studying and working with, and our relationship is now based very little off that though we still do so.

I also disagree strongly with Marty’s final paragraph. I don’t recommend shying away from physics, I’d recommend trying it if you’re interested and doing it if that’s what you want to do (if you’re doing it because that’s what you think smart people do, that’s a different matter). It keeps so many doors open for post-college plans, I’ve worked in CS, ORFE, data analysis, defense, non-academic research, and research jobs, and all of them hire physicists post-college. So “not like it’ll do you a lot of good for post college plans” is a very warped view.

So basically my main takeaway is the department is going to be what you put into it. Go in with a positive attitude and be excited about what it can offer, and use this to be proactive and you’ll likely do just fine in the department (and even, dareisay, like it, from time to time?) I’m with Marty for saying if this writing doesn’t appeal to you, you probably won’t want to be a physics major, but don’t be afraid to be one just because of some longer pset hours or whatever you hear floating around (I find it a rule of thumb that many PHY, and Princeton students in general, love to complain, I know I do, so take a lot of it with a grain of salt. Their experience will not be yours, only you can determine that). Reach out to the contributors if you’d like to talk to me about this too, I’d be happy to talk. And please read both my and Marty’s reviews, as I’ve written this to be in tandem with Marty’s. Thanks.

If any readers want to talk about physics, the writer who wrote this bit is willing to be connected.

Response from Marty:

This is really great and I’m glad it’s here, but I definitely didn’t mean my post to be an overall negative review of the department. The question explicitly asked about downsides, so I wrote about that, but I could’ve written an equally long post about upsides. Sorry if anyone was discouraged by what I wrote. It also seems like this rebuttal misunderstood some of the points I made, so apologies for anyone who was misled. 

[honkasithbadonkajedi]

Aren’t you forgetting something? (A Zee and Kash AU feature)

(Inspired by my absurd need to write fiction at equally absurd times of night, a post of that one scene from Brooklyn 99, and the tag

this is zahra and kash

attached to it by @tarydarry) --------------------

He forgets the name every time they leave.

He’d spotted it during a torrential summer downpour while moving apartments, picked it out from the small local listings, and allowed it to aid and abet him and Zahra when they were too lazy to walk to a good bar, too in need of a strong drink to sleep.

It’s a terrible place by all accounts. The padding on the stools is frayed and fraying still. There are floorboards where there shouldn’t be any, and all of them squeak. The pool table looks like it’s been to war and back, the sticks for playing required to be rented out to stop their use in fights (this did not prevent their use in fights). It’s a ramshackle stack of a bar that smells like sour beer. But the ‘dim lighting’ and ‘bartender who knows your face’ sense of atmosphere had been a standing achievement for over a year.

The drinks weren’t half bad either. And it was cheap.

Zahra’s been stirring her rum and coke quietly for ten minutes now, and he knows this isn’t good. She’s not angry. He’d prefer her anger actually; that stormy, scrunchy-browed scowl that overcame her face when something disappointing mustered itself enough to get in her way. But right now she’s...lost in thought? Absorbed? No, ‘pensive’. She’d use that word.

Zahra is Pensive, which means she has words for him. And he isn’t going to like them.

“Let me get this straight:—”

“Dear gods...” There’s too much scruff and eye-bagginess on his face for this.

“Keyleth.”

Maybe if he rubs his eyes hard enough they’ll fall out and Zahra can take him to the hospital and not talk about this. “Mnhn?”

“She likes you.”

“Maybe?”

“You like her.”

"I guess?”

“You love her.”

‘Yes’ would be terrifying. ‘No’ would be a lie. “I...have no idea?” He wishes he could stop answering with questions.

“I’ve seen her as often as you have, you know,” she continues, smiling that Zahra Hydris smile and he wants to disappear somewhere where he can’t hear his suddenly thundering pulse. “She’s sweet. And gorgeous. You could do worse.”

“Everyone knows she’s pretty.”

“Except for her.”

A scathing snort. But he knows it’s true. And if she weren’t so damned adorable he would’ve stayed annoyed by her sunshine and her sheer inability to function in a public space for an hour before saying something squint-worthy. Or maybe it wasn’t just the ‘adorable’ part. He knew he was an asshole. It would be easier to walk away if she weren’t so damn brave; if she didn’t wake up every morning and spend every minute, every breath, finding a reason to move forward even after all that’d happened to her.

And then there was him.

“We’re different people, Zee. Too different. There’s a whole list of differences between us,” he says - pragmatically, sagely, he feels - and plunks down his empty mug for another round.

“Bullshit. You’re not that different. And it doesn’t matter even if you are. Not with the way you look at her every time she walks into a room.”

He doesn’t have to see her to know there’s that little upward turn at the corner of her mouth, every second like a verdict that he, Kashaw Vesh, is guilty as fucking charged of having a heart and he hates it.

“Look at me. You know me, right? I’m just the—the graveyard shift-ing, black coffee-drinking, scowling man her friends tolerate! She wouldn’t take me.”

“They don’t tolerate you, they like you. Or would like you if only you’d actually let them. And you’re being much too hard on yourself.”

His look of skepticism must’ve been louder than he thought. The radio in the back actually hikes it down a few decibels.

“I’ll admit you took some getting used to,” she offers, demonstrating rare charity toward his bitterness, “but I think they’d grow to see you much as I do.”

His shirt is one size too big in spite of his muscle mass, bunched up against the hand he’s resting his cheek against with a vengeance, pooling spitefully at his hip to remind him he’s wearing it...and he still feels naked under the sudden weight of the conversation.

They’ve never really talked about it. This. The emotions. They’d never had to. In this city, this life, after all that’d happened, they were all each other had and that didn't need to be questioned. ‘Best friends’ was too cheap a term to drape over the shared car rides and late night phone calls. ‘Sister’ was too terminal.

....Comfortable. They were Comfortable. Nothing had to be said unless it needed to be.

And there was so much to say.

“And...how’s that?” he asks, knowing full well that this could lead to staying in the bar until sunrise and one of them crying.

“Like someone who matters, and someone to be cherished until death comes.”

So much to say. His eyes won’t stop stinging. But before he can even hope to conjure the words (or force himself to), she laughs, her tone rising to something more cheerful. “She’ll also be attracted to you, probably even want to—“

“Zee!”

“I was going to say ‘kiss with indiscriminate passion’, but that’s quite possible too.”

“We are not talking about this.”

“Oh don’t be such a child about it. You like her, possibly love her, and she at least likes you. Get on with it and tell her!”

“What...now?!”

“It’s barely sunset. Her shop will still be open even with the rain.”

“I...doesn’t she...like...someone else?” he asks, so weakly it feel like a wisp of vapor.

“Someone Else is besides the point.”

“Wh—okay, I’m an idiot when it comes to this shit but I definitely know that is not how it works!”

“That’s how part of it works.”

“How do you even know she likes me?!”

“The way she looks at you, you daft—!”

“It very much works differently than this!”

“You’ll never know if you don’t say something, now will you?”

“Okay, okay let’s just say I go and just have it out! What if she doesn’t like me? What then?”

“Then you move on with your life and stop moping! That’s what you’d tell yourself right?”

His mouth pulls into a thin line (and he can’t decide if this is not to do her the disservice of a scowl, or to put a lid on the elation of being known well by someone) and pushes himself off his stool. “...If this goes wrong I’m blaming you.”

“But it won’t~. And aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Uh...”

Slowly, painfully, awkwardly (and he really wonders about that list of differences) he presses a quick peck to Zahra’s forehead before taking off.

“No, pay your bill!” she shouted, unheard over the sudden slamming open of the door and the footsteps resounding against puddle-ridden pavement. “Damn it, who raised you?”

Rain continued to pour, and she breathes out a laugh at the thought of Kash cursing his way through the rain. In all likelihood she wouldn’t hear about this until either 2am or next afternoon. But she’d be the first to hear about it if she picked up her phone quickly enough.

Maybe she should take the day off. Just in case.

[ghost-kings-court-jester]

Love hearing the opening of some songs and just knowing it’s going to blow my mind and make me scream into my pillow.

[yumisjasminetea]

Nieuw jaar, nieuwe start.

Hello all! Miss me?

I’ve been pretty inactive over the past three weeks or so over the Christmas and new year period. Sorry guys. I like to think my reasons are fair enough! My boyfriend and I had flown back to the UK to spend festivities with our families and friends. It was lovely, but also a bit hectic as we were trying to fit in as many catch-ups as we could. Who knew that we knew so many people? We flew back on New Year’s day at 6am after pulling an all-nighter for the tick-over of 2016 to 2017. Let me tell you I am not as young as I used to be and we just about passed out in our bed when we got back! What a start to the new year!

So, what I wanted to start with is how the New Year is generally celebrated in the Netherlands! I admit cheat as I didn’t actually witness this myself this time round (as I unfortunately haven’t mastered being in two places at once!)... but this is all something I look forward to next time!

I noticed that there are three main themes in the Netherlands; oliebollen, vuurwerks en springen in de zee.

Oliebollen

That’s right. Those large, spherical, deep-fried doughnuts that I wrote about just before Christmas last year. This is the common treat that most Nederlanders chow down on to welcome in the New Year. As a quick re-cap from my previous post, oliebollen was eaten to make your belly oily so that the goddess Perchta wouldn’t be able to slice your belly open if you’d been naughty over the Yule period. I’m pretty sure that means that you are allowed to be a bit naughty as long as you eat oliebollen to protect your bellies. Just saying!

Vuurwerks

Fireworks, of course! Now, this is something we celebrate in the UK as well so this is a lot more close to home for me. From numerous YouTube videos and word of mouth, I see and hear that firework displays here in the Netherlands are pretty amazing. Mooi!

Additionally, I know that there are pretty strict rules regarding firework purchase and use in the Netherlands. There is a national ban on purchasing and lighting up fireworks apart from in three days leading up to New Year’s eve, and on New Year’s eve - “oud en nieuw” - itself. They are only allowed to be fired between 6pm on 31st December and 2am on 1st January. Due to this short duration of lifting this national ban, apparently this is where the Dutch go a bit crazy with fireworks!

Springen in de zee

Jumping in the sea! I’ll be honest, this doesn’t appeal to me as much as the other two New Year traditions however the more I think about it, the more I want to participate in it. So, to welcome in the New Year, it is often that the Dutch go to the North Sea (or to a nearby canal/lake if the sea is unrealistic to travel to) to take a New Year’s dip to mark as a fresh new start to the new year!

I come from a small hilly town in the North of England, and we actually have something similar. So there is an old (around the 1700s) spa cottage on the moor near my parent’s house; it used to have an open air public bath, but nowadays it’s only the plunge pool and cafe that are open to the public. In the New Year, loads of people from all over will participate in a plunge into the freezing cold plunge pool. I have never done it myself because let’s face it I’m a big wuss! But I know a lot of people who have and they always say the same thing. It’s cold, but it’s refreshing. Natuurlijk.

When I arrived back in the Netherlands this year, my boyfriend and I were watching the Dutch news and there was a segment on a load of people who participated in the North Sea dip. It looked very very cold, but really quite fun! So this time next year, this could well be on the cards for me! Who knows, I may return to my home town and jump into the plunge pool too! But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

So...

That’s it, really! To all of you who’ve supported my blog so far, I thank you. And I wish you the best year that 2017 can offer. Let’s make this a good one.

Tot ziens en prettige dag!

[lindyhunt]

TIFF 2018: We Went to the Vox Lux Premiere Party

So I attended a TIFF Party! To help those who couldn’t make it feel like they were there, I completed this comprehensive post-party questionnaire.

What was the party for?

Vox Lux, the second feature from actor-director Brady Corbet. The film stars Natalie Portman (and young actress Raffey Cassidy who bares uncanny resemblance to Natalie Portman) as a pop-star through a decade of her scandal-ridden rise to fame.

What brands were present as partners?

Grey Goose and Soho House.

Which celebrities were supposed to be in attendance?

Natalie Portman, Jude Law and director Brady Corbet.

Which celebs did you actually spot?

I saw a server who had an uncanny resemblance to Amy Poehler — but that was it. I didn’t see them, but here’s who else was there: Natalie Portman, Jude Law, Brady Corbet, Kim Cloutier, Sarah Gadon and Joe Zee.

Having seen said celebrities, what did you learn about them? How did they seem? How are they doing, you know?

Well, I heard Jude Law was seen having a great time, and actually stayed behind to socialize well after the party ended. But most importantly: at some point, the DJ played “Natalie’s Rap 2.0” by The Lonely Island, which prompted Portman to dance. I really wish I saw this.

Food? Cocktails? 

Soho House’s wood-oven pizzas are just as delicious at 4pm as they are at 2am. Same goes for Grey Goose’s classic Le Fizz cocktail. (It’s a refreshing blend of Grey Goose, St-Germain elderflower liqueur, fresh lime juice and soda — and you should definitely try to re-create it at home.)

Describe the general vibe.

Mid-afternoon parties are actually very fun, and should happen more often.

Please repeat one conversation you overheard.

“Natalie Portman should be a real pop star.” (I said this.)

Best dressed? Worst Dressed?

Natalie Portman. Jude Law. (See below photos, you’ll understand.)

If you had to title the party as if it were a film, what would it be called?

Closer: Part II

Did the party adequately drown the rapacious loneliness that follows you around—follows all of us around—like ghosts, unwilling to let go of a world that no longer needs them?

What I really would like is to drown in that Soho House wood-fire pizza.

The picture I painted wasn’t clear enough? Well, here are some photos from inside the party.

Photography by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose

Photography by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose

Photography by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose

Photography by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose

Photography by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose

1/5

Vox Lux Premiere Party

Jude Law and Natalie Portman

2/5

Vox Lux Premiere Party

Gary Michael Walters

3/5

Vox Lux Premiere Party

Natalie Portman

4/5

Vox Lux Premiere Party

Matthew Hannam and Sarah Gadon

5/5

Vox Lux Premiere Party

Kim Cloutier and Joe Zee

[ghost-kings-court-jester]

Saw something about Hua Cheng always being able to sense his ashes so he can always sense Xie Lian and I just think it adds a hilarious take to him giving Xie Lian his ashes. Like yes it’s a beautiful and romantic ghostly tradition but there is something so funny about him given them to him the moment he has to leave so he doesn’t lose him again after 800 years of searching like someone tagging a bird to track their migration habits. He is not taking no fucking chances.

[ghost-kings-court-jester]

Thinking about Katara and Sokka seething over Aang and Zuko gallivanting around the South Pole penguin sledding and dancing in like nice light weight clothing because both their bending keeps them warm.

Like yes, they are probably also perceiving and lusting on spec but I would be so mad if I couldn’t wear a silly little outfit in my own home but these two dudes are like running around having acrobat time and I am in a huddle in the worlds thickest coat. I’d want those twinks dead.

[ghost-kings-court-jester]

Hua Cheng essentially cockblocking himself for possibly all of eternity will literally never not be the funniest thing MXTX ever wrote.

Xie Lian was pretty much completely in love with him the second he saw those lanterns (and completely oblivious about it) and then we get the wonderful first kiss underwater moment and Xie Lian is basically drawing hearts around Hua Cheng every time he sees him. While like quietly dying cause he literally has no idea what to do with it. Like at this point he doesn’t even really understand that he is head over heels totally gone for this man.

Until Hua Cheng is like I have a beloved I just haven’t won them over yet. Which he thinks is perfectly reasonable because his self esteem is the worst and he doesn’t understand how he could have won Xie Lian over yet. (He’s only on step 22 of his Marrying Dianxia 3000 step Master Plan ((that he debates throwing out on a regular basis because he doesn’t deserve to even dream about wanting Xie Lian)). So course he’s like yeah I have this wonderful noble beautiful beloved I just haven’t won them over yet wink wink nudge nudge.

But Xie Lian is like oh of course obviously I don’t deserve nice things and fuck I actually wanted him so badly I’m actually in love with him and now I will resign myself to never being happy for his sake. (Their combined self esteem is truly a so low it’s a hole in the ground which is hilarious because they think the other person is to good for them and unattainable forever because they literally have the same neurosis.) So he starts boxing up his feelings forever constantly wanting Hua Cheng and feeling guilty about it and literally dying inside because he wants Hua Cheng like he’s never wanted anyone.

Like essentially books 3 and 5 only happen because Hua Cheng has now cursed them both by saying he has a beloved because Xie Lian believes he isn’t wanted and therefore any nice thing Hua Cheng does is just him being nice and not Hua Cheng pulling out steps 23-34 of his plan thinking he still hasn’t won Xie Lian over. (He has he so has but he shot himself in the foot so badly it’s painful to read).

Like thank the Gods Hua Cheng is so unhinged and created the cave of 10000 Gods cause Xie Lian would literally be at his own wedding to Hua Cheng still convinced he wanted someone else and this was in fact a thing they were doing to solve a case together otherwise.

Like he needed something that unhinged to put 2 and 2 together otherwise he never would have caught on he’s Hua Cheng’s beloved. Meanwhile Hua cheng is like 🥺 he’s going to think I’m a weirdo now and I’m only on step 50 of the plan 🥺 like the two of them wouldn’t have been fucking nasty 2 books ago if he just kept his mouth shut and didn’t cockblock himself so violently.