tammera

[tammera]

I see you.

Lost.

We were distracted

as you watched

the world die.

Sound bites

flling the void.

Between worlds

I see you.

Looking for

the world

you knew.

[tammera]

Beware of reacting to people who have been planning for decades.

Respond don’t react.

Plan…….step away from the dependence on them and they lose power.

[tammera]

The artificia1 inte11igence given for $9.99/month or less…..feels like

A trap.

An experiment.

A gathering.

[tammera]

Pay attention to the in between.

[tammera]

‪We have a responsibility to our children. If you miss that you miss everything. ‬

[tammera]

So if the people are the government and the government is the people, what happens to the good people? What is the system doing to our people to create the monsters we have in politics?

Tamara

[tammera]

To give words to this time we are in, is difficult. It is a feeling this tangible energy everywhere. Change is coming. Coming together to help each other through what is to come. Joined by a web of life changing cross roads. Words intended to divide are instead bringing hope and unification.

We find ourselves tangled together, unexpectedly connected. Directions will vary. Decisions differ. Regardless we will live, we will fight, and we will survive.

Our young adults with the ability to see what so many of my generation cannot. They are awake and they are ready.

[tammera]

Look behind the curtain of media baiting tweets. watch as he pushes through agenda. Tickling old wounds. stirring up unsettled anger. He is self serving and brilliant. Creating unrest and isolation amongst the masses.

[tammera]

The confusion will settle and clarity will be the reward after the monsters have been slain.

Now to be able to look back and see clearly the beautiful synchronicities.

[tammera]

Generation Gapped

Is something different? A universal awakening? I think many feel a shift even if they won’t admit it out loud. Energies, magics, the Bible and Buddha would all agree. A shift is occurring. People are ‘waking up’. But what does that mean exactly? My hypothesis is that this is occurring due to a generation gap. The generations before mine have never lived to be happy. It actually has never really occurred to most of them to do so. They lived to survive. It was just simply about survival. The concept of only doing what makes you happy is a relatively new one. And one that my generation is learning to embrace and the generations after me progressively ‘getting it’ with some born inherently already knowing it. To live is to be happy, orherwise are you alive? Or are you asleep? Following society’s invisible rules?

Gone are the days of staying in an abusive marriage due to parental disappointment, a job or career that you hate, following policies blindly. Our government is a perfect example. They can no longer hide behind the complacency of society. With the birth of the internet so too came the power to be awake. To learn and share ideas and discover that simple survival is not enough anymore.

Our lives have deeper purpose with our shared insight. We want more on an experiential level. Following blindly to avoid is no longer enough. With the information we’ve gained, the knowledge, we are forced to act on it. Anything less is irresponsible.

[tammera]

My perception will decide the reality of any situation. The deciding key, how I perceive this moment. When I ignore old wounds, fictional fears and feel the moment as it happens, I have all I need. I have all the control and none of the control.

[tammera]

Memory- looking from a new perspective, allowing it to wash over you. Feeling it pass once again. Understanding new information from a moment of long ago.

[tammera]

Can you feel it?

To give words to this time we are in, is difficult. It is a feeling there is this tangible energy everywhere. Change is coming. It’s as though we are coming together to help each other through what is to come. Coming together, joined by a web of life changing cross roads. Words intended to divide are instead causing hope and unification. We find ourselves tangled together, unexpectedly connected. Our directions will vary. The decisions will differ. Regardless we will live, we will fight, and we will survive with Grace.

[tammera]

My firstborn was born in charge. I had no idea what motherhood looked like.

I was terrified.

What I did know, was how to be what others needed or wanted me to be. He led I followed.

He gave me courage.

People would say they fell in love with their kids at first site. It didn’t happen that way for me.

I felt fear.

I caught a glimpse of him after he arrived as they rushed him to ICU. I knew he was magic.

He gave me courage.

In the overly lit ICU he lay in a strange glass box his blue eyes curious and alert. Holding my breath I approached. Would he like me?

I felt fear.

Lowering into the wooden rocker I reached for him through the holes strategically placed for parents to connect. We were already connected.

He gave me courage.

I’d known of his magic since he had begun to grow inside me. Sitting with him there stroking his soft infant skin he was vulnerable but fierce and I knew Paul Raymond Head III would live up to his name.

I felt hope.

We shared a heartbeat and as I looked into his eyes I knew he already knew me from the inside out. That’s how I fell in love with my firstborn.

[tammera]

The New Normal

The movement towards equality and better treatment for all is powerful and necessary. Standing up to broken beliefs and inequitable power has been a long time coming.

I am a woman.

One who has lived through years slight social shifts and appeasing speeches in regards to women’s rights. Sexual innuendo has been commonplace. I sometimes allow myself to wonder, what could that same young woman have done had things been different? I was sexually abused by my biological father. I reported him when I was 15. I recently read the child protection agencies report, “she is adjusting well and we see no reason the family unit cannot be restored.” 123 charges in all, he served a year and a half in jail. It continued, by the time I was 20 I was molested by a family friend, raped by 3 different men and at 27 had just buried the father of my 2 young sons.

I recall being a young widow, 28 attending a big board meeting for the nonprofit I worked for. The room filled with men in suits, educated men, older men, bigger men, men that grew up with privileges I never knew. I was bright, driven and had a knack for ‘just knowing’. I moved up the organizational ladder quickly becoming the Director of Organization Management. I was a tremendous fundraiser and asset to the organization. I just wanted to provide a decent life to my children and make a difference. After 2 years in the position I reported the Director for misappropriation of funds, something everyone who worked there witnessed. I was fired. I understand inequality.

I found myself being angry at the recent #metoo. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I love women I want women to feel empowered, courageous, authentic. I’ve been fighting with myself for weeks at why I feel so angry. I watched Oprah last night on the Golden Globes, the nations big sister, cool aunt, bringer of hope. As always she filled our hearts and made the world just a little bit better. She said ‘to the little girls watching’. Nothing else mattered to me in that moment. I felt heard. She gave me what I’ve needed all along. To be heard. I spoke out, it didn’t seem to matter. My little 15 year old was screaming inside. ‘What about me? Why does the Hollywood starlet matter more than me?’

Oprah reminded me last night, I do matter my voice is heard and makes a difference. Keep telling your stories.

My hope is that if a child comes to you and they tell you it’s bad, you will always believe them first before anything else. Don’t send them back to the monster.

We as citizens have a responsibility to our children to educate them. To raise adults that respect each other. In order to do that we have to respect our children. These living breathing, impressionable little humans count on us to teach them what normal is. Let’s make the new normal about personal space, boundaries, love and respect.

#newnormal #metoo

[tammera]

Forever

I met you in a bar For the first time, although I felt I had known you Forever. Our journey would be fast Although I thought it would last Forever.

I said ‘I do’ Before I knew This meant Forever. So young, So naive but not Forever. I was so full of hope That the demons would leave Forever.

I found you there, In that place where you had been Forever. Behind the heroin gaze, I knew you were there, But where. Your track marks remained, on the inside and out Forever. ‘I’ll just take a nap,’ you said, I didnt know you meant Forever.

[tammera]

Grandfather

I went to the land my grandfather had hunted and trapped, I could feel them everywhere, my ancestors, calling to me. We ran through the woods laughing and crying, on land I hadn’t been on in years, yet I knew this land, I recognized it, and it recognized me. I can still smell the earth from that day, recall the brilliance of the moss feel it’s softness beneath my feet.