tapcongirl-blog

[tapcongirl-blog]

Well it’s been awhile since I be updated this journal/blog. A lot has happened. I had my surgery, threw my husband out, school has ended, I lost my job and started a business.

Whirlwind man but it has been the best and worst at the same time. I was strong during my recovery well the worst part of my recovery. But once it hit a week my heart broke open and I was sad and missing what I thought I had.

Then I saw things that my ex said about my oldest daughter and that was it. How do you walk I to a child’s life 10 years ago and raise her, don things in school step up as a dad and then when it doesn’t work out with her mom you say all of these hurtful and nasty things that show you never cared or loved her or her mother.

The fact that he gets to be free like a bird honestly is bullshit as well. No bills, no rent, no child support nothing. He lbs just out there doing his own little thing being happy and moving on. Meanwhile I was left with everything I closing finding a way to pay the rent since he didn’t pay his portion.

People like him I hope and pray suffer in the long run. I know I should t say things like that but I want nothing more than karma to kick him down a flight of stairs.

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The world is moving so quickly I can barely keep up. My marriage, my job GONE! At least I have my kids because I don’t know where I would be. I feel like every year since 2023 has been a loss of something. No matter how hard I work to keep everything together it all just falls apart. Everyone just says stay strong! How strong do I need to be. When is my time to be taken care of. Need surgery again - nope not gonna happen because the people around you are selfish. I do and do for so many people and all I get in return is smacked in the face. Have you ever felt like you were in a bad dream? This is how I feel. Where do I go what do I do?

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Situationship

Have you ever been in a relationship that is so confusing you just can't figure out the left from the right? One day your in love, the next you don't speak.

So my husband an I have been married for over 9 years but we have been together since we were kids.

A few months ago he stepped out on me and our family and ultimately long story short we decided to be together. For months he has been working and doing so well with making everyone feel comfortable again.

I still have this other person in my head all the time. She is like a ghost that now lives in our home with or family. There is no contact between them anymore from what I see ( and I have searched) and he is no longer going to his meetings which is where he met her.

But for the last couple of weeks he has been so different and so blah with everything. Now he is looking to go out with a family member all the time and says he is just bored.

BORED!!!!! you are bored being home with your family. Like WTF? Yes everyone needs time to themselves and away. I get that I need it too (never get it). But to tell your wife you are bored is a red flag for me.

I bring up things about the past because I'm still dealing with this damn ghost and he gets mad because I keep bringing it up. But what am I supposed to do? I told him last night I will not bring anything up anymore.

I feel like i'm on the worst roller coaster of my life and I want off. I love him and want my family to stay together but how to you get someone to open up and be real?

I'm tired man. I'm tired.

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Life

I was born on a Sunday afternoon well a little before. My mom and dad were young 20's and married. I was the first child for both of them. When I ask stories about when I was born I don't really get much but honestly I don't even remember anything prior to my little brother being born. I know from looking at photos that my parents and their friends were party animals. I was there and i know I was close to my dad ove3r the years cause I remember playing with him and working on cars. Then my brother came into the world. I was so happy to have him cause I wasn't alone anymore. My brother was the light of my life but he is also where my life as an adult started. He was a crazy boy. Ran away, hid all the time, bounced off of walls, he was honestly not easy. But he was my best friend and still is to this day. The only memory I have from a young age is when my brother came home from being born. He was so little and blonde. Like where did he comes from? He kept all of us on our toes and still does. This is when I remember my mom and dad fighting all the time, There was a time when me and my brother where in his play yard and a chair came over us and hit the wall and broke. New fear unlocked. I jumped over my brother to make sure he was safe. The fighting wasn't crazy that I can remember but they were definitely not meant to be together. It was always me and my brother especially once our parents separated and mom moved on. She threw dad out on his ass and then started shacking up with the neighbor and one of my dads best friends brother. My mother over the years from a young age has always had to have a man in her life. She couldn't do life on her own especially with her kids. The problem with this was the damage that our step father caused in both of our lives was horrible. My brother was beat on and always in trouble and I was always called names and given a list of chores that had to be done daily. I learned very quickly how to take care of kids and how to take care of a house. These were my jobs and then low and behold my mother was pregnant with my little sister. I was so excited for another baby and another friend and I really hoped she would make life better and make our parents grow up. Between moving every year, cars being repoed, businesses being run into the ground. Although my dad wasn't right there he was always a phone call away. He always made sure we had what we needed and made sure we were ok. There's a large chunk of time that I have no memories with my step dad but the bad. name calling, beating my brother, treating our sister like an angel because she was his. The pain, hurt and lack of love during this time of my life set me up to be very doubtful in my abilities, all I wanted to do was make sure everyone was proud of me. But as I grew I realized that was only when you were perfect. Needless to say we never met the PERFECT status in anyones eyes growing up.

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a little about me!

I am a married, mother of 2 girls that are just like me. I have a great husband but just like me he has some issues from childhood as well. He has tried to be there for me with the ups and downs I have had for the last couple years. But he fell and fucked himself and our family up. BADLY!!!!! But we will talk about this much later in the story of Lauren.

First we have to start from the beginning.

Sunday February 15,1981 @11:59am

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Dealing with Childhood Trauma

So I have been reading this book on how to heal from childhood trauma and it's really hitting home. Lately I have realized how much damage has been done to my self esteem, my emotions, my mind =, just so many different things. I am going to use this platform to work through my triggers and learn who I really am and what I need in my life to feel happy and fulfilled.

Even though I'm the one on the journey maybe you can find what you need as well.

Enjoy my journey and please chime in whenever you need to. I want to be fluid and transparent through this entire process.

[tapcongirl-blog]

Beautiful Florida night.... dinner on the patio with the fam! #breezy #sofl #dinnerdates #onlythebest (at Margate, Florida)

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Ok so it’s been awhile since I’ve shared... so here is spaghetti Alfredo with broccoli and chicken paleo. #boom #dallaslikesit #sogood #winnerwinnerchickendinner

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#mynailtechisbetterthanyours💅 #mygirl #sofresh #onpoint #xmasdecor @spanish_barbie22

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One year ago today I was blessed with my first niece. I fell in Love the moment I found out your mommy was having you I thought. But then you arrived and I held you and that was it. Aubriela my little who I hope you know how much we all love you. I’m so excited to see what you have in store for all of us as you grow. Today is the first of many birthdays we will all share. I love you forever and always!

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Well we have saved, worked extra hours, been away from one another all to get to this day. We finally made it my love. I am so proud of how far we’ve come in 3 short years. From renting and scrapping by to now home owners!!!! Here’s to being a grown up. @grod1369 . Thank you to everyone who supported us and a special thanks to the best dad in the world for letting us crash with you while we saved and pushing us to make the impossible possible... (at Broward County, Florida)

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A little egg white and wheat Melba toast for breakfast while I reset my computer.... #sundayfunday #hubbysworking #cakesearching

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I hope everyone has a splendid Thursday!!!! Smile and enjoy. Don’t let anyone or anything change who you are!

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Happy Halloween peeps!!!! May your day begin and your night a little scary!!’

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Are you ready to make that next step to purchase your first home. Do you think you may not qualify. With a quick conversation we can tell you if you qualify now or what it would take to get qualified. Give me 10 mins and I can get you everything you need to know. #letsdothis #helpingbuilddreams #lowscorenoproblem

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Best part of starting my day! Coffee, home made banana muffins and my hunny!!!! Have a great Saturday all!

[tapcongirl-blog]

Lunch time sweat session....