the-dragon-writes

[the-dragon-writes]

Who in your brotp Googles bad puns for every situation? Who has a pun at hand for any random conversation topic that could come up?

[the-dragon-writes]

A person awakes from a coma to find the world has become a Utopia. They’ve read enough literature to believe there must be something wrong with it. There isn’t.

[the-dragon-writes]

Strange Saturday Nights

Prompt from: https://thestoryshack.com/tools/writing-prompt

Genre: fairy tale

Person: a golfer

Item: a machine gun

Sentence to use: “Don’t trust everything you see.”

Full title: Strange Saturday Nights Are Good For Sunday Morning Health

I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually drunk. I didn’t think I was, considering I only had a sip from one of my friend’s cups, but hey, with what I’m seeing in front of me, I can’t really be sure. After all, last I checked, I was driving home. I have no idea how I ended up on this golf course, standing next to a dragon.

Did someone slip me some magic mushrooms? Maybe ground up in my drink or something? I’m not really sure how that works, to be honest.

I sit down, staring past the dragon at the figure that was approaching slowly. It’s a bit too far for me to see what it is right now, but it’ll get closer soon enough. I would run, but if this is just some weird hallucination, I don’t think it would do any good.

But then again, maybe it’s not a hallucination. I’ll still take the risk, though; I have no idea where my car is and I’m not a very fast runner, so trying to escape both a dragon and a mysterious figure probably wouldn’t end very well for me.

Well, this is not how I expected my Saturday night to go.

The figure’s gotten closer, enough so that I can see it clearly. It’s a man, dressed like a golfer, with dark hair swept to one side. His shirt, though, is neon yellow, and his shorts are neon pink. He’s got a handsome face, but honestly, with those clothes, he’s an eyesore. He’s also holding something, but I can’t tell what yet.

The dragon and I share a look saying, can you believe this guy? then go back to waiting for the man to reach us. The dragon seems slightly exasperated- it huffed a little, and now it’s steaming slightly from its nostrils. These nostrils are about the size of my face, by the way, and it’s a little scary to look to the side and just see this large hole that’s oozing a little right next to me.

I’m also still wondering how I managed to share a look with a dragon, of all things. I have no other words for this than utterly bizarre.

The man’s almost here. I’m wondering if I should get up to greet him. I’ve got to be polite in all situations, no matter the circumstances, right?

---------------------

The eyesore in the neon golf clothes is carrying a machine gun along with a golf club, and this isn’t even the weirdest part of my night. Or maybe it is; I’m really not sure anymore. How did I even get here?

The man’s in front of me now, smiling. It’s actually a very nice smile, and it makes his whole face light up. It’s making me smile too.

“Hello, everybody!” the man says loudly, smiling even wider (if that’s even possible). “I’m so glad I finally found you!”

I’m trying to say something back, respond somehow, but the words are sticking in my throat. I can’t say anything; nothing’s going to come out. That’s...probably not good.

The dragon snorts and says, “About time you got here. We’ve been waiting for ages.”

The dragon talks. Huh. Well, that’s a thing now. I feel like I should be more surprised, but I think I’ve gotten used to the fact that I’m not really feeling anything very strongly right now.

“Shut up,” says the man, and he sprays a line of bullets right in front of the dragon’s feet. “I’m not here for you.”

The dragon snorts at him then spreads its wings above our heads and flies away, apparently disgusted with our actions. Oh great- my only protector here is gone.

My chances of living past tonight are going down like the Titanic. I can feel goosebumps on my arms, and a chill goes down my spine. I still can’t speak, can’t even scream for help. Not that there’s anyone around to help.

My fear only grows when the man turns to me. I’m shivering now, but I can’t move. It’s like I’m paralyzed.

The man just smiles at me and goes, “Darling! I’m so glad you’re safe from this hideous beast!”

Okay. Something strange about this: I’ve never seen this man before in my life. He’s a complete stranger, and I know this for certain, because I know I’d remember that face. So, why is he calling me darling?

The man kept talking. “I’m here as a reminder, darling! You’ve forgotten me, but you’ll remember soon!”

Oh man. This dude’s seriously creepy. I start praying for the dragon to come back and maybe eat the crazy golfer with a machine gun.

Naturally, my prayers aren’t answered.

The man stops talking; I think he might have noticed that I stopped listening a little while ago. He reaches up and cups my face with one hand, and strokes my cheek with his thumb. He smiles again, and says, “Remember, darling, don’t trust everything you see.”

It’s as if those words were a spell- I can move again, and my first reaction is back, away from the man. He puts down his machine gun and lifts his golf club. I have an immediate bad feeling about what he’s going to do, and then it happens- he swings it towards my head, and because I’m too slow to dodge, it hits me right in the temple.

That crack is the last thing I hear before I pass out.

-------------------------------

I wake up in my bed. It’s Sunday morning, and I feel fantastic. Generally, I never feel this good on any morning; must be because of that crazy dream I had last night. ‘Shrooms, am I right?

And then I realize that it wasn’t a dream. Mostly because there’s crusted blood on the side of my face. There’s a golf club in the corner (I don’t golf and never have), and my shoes, which are lying on the floor near my bed, seem a little...singed.

I have so many questions. What happened after I passed out? Who was that man? Was there really a dragon next to me?

What is going on?

Well, there’s only one thing I know for certain right now, and it’s that I need to know what happened last night. I guess the first stop is to talk to my friends?

I get out of bed and I immediately notice something- there’s a bracelet or something around my ankle. It’s smooth and round, but when I sit back down and try to take it off, it beeps and a flashing message appears on it: come to the golf course at 9:00 tonight.

Not very subtle, is he?

[the-dragon-writes]

I finally updated Someday! Happy New Year, everybody!

(Read on ff.net here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11800313/9/Someday )

[the-dragon-writes]

A Toast

...to you, stranger. May you have a truly happy new year. I hope that, no matter where you are, it is a great one. May you always have enough food whenever you need it; may you always have a place to sleep. May you always be safe and comfortable during the upcoming year, and in all the years ahead. If you are in school, I hope that you breeze through the year with the highest grades possible. I hope you make many new friends, and that you enjoy all your classes in each semester. May you get a promotion or turn a great profit next year. I hope that you get a job doing what you love, and that it fulfills your dreams. May you have the best coworkers. I hope that you enjoy the year to its fullest. Whether that is finding love or getting a new car, I hope you are completely happy. I hope that you, whoever and wherever you are, have an amazing 2017.

[the-dragon-writes]

A curse was placed on you in which your life shortens based on the amount of time people spend thinking about you. You make it your goal to be the most uninteresting person in the world.

[the-dragon-writes]

The bar had a rule: Dead people only.

[the-dragon-writes]

To You, Friend

Part 5 (continuation of the last)

and now here we are, with you seemingly happier than ever and me, well, not. i’m over here feeling like i’m dying slowly, but there you are, just breezing along. it’s not fair, not fair at all.

why can’t i move on? i want to so badly. i just want to be done with you, done with this whole business. i want to be happy. i don’t want to feel like i’m a bad person, like i’ve done something terrible to you when really it’s the other way around. i’m so tired of feeling guilty.

next year will be a new year for me. i’m going to leave our friendship one hundred percent, leave our mutual friends, leave every trace of you behind. i don’t care if i’m left with nothing. i just can’t do this anymore.

i don’t care how many friendships i have to break. i will be happy. i don’t want to feel so lonely anymore.

i just want to be happy again.

[the-dragon-writes]

To You, Friend

Part 4 (continuation of the last) 

we had a normal conversation today. it flowed easily, it was fun, we talked about stuff we liked. it was almost like how conversations between us used to be.

except for a few things.

one, you couldn’t look me in the eyes. not once, you never looked at me. you always looked slightly to my left, above my shoulder, searching for something else.

two, you never answered my questions fully. you only gave me vague answers, ignoring the main part, never saying straight out what the answer was.

three, everything felt stilted. awkward. scripted, almost. you couldn’t tell from the way we were speaking, but it felt like i was talking to a stranger, someone who i hadn’t known for even a day. i wanted to escape the conversation, and i could tell that you did too. finally, when you left, i actually breathed a sigh of relief.

and fourth? you still haven’t said anything to me, and i resent you for it. i want you to end things, because it was your choice in the first place. maybe you want me to do it. maybe you think i’m a coward, or an idiot for not noticing for anything. but the truth is just that i’m angry and bitter. i’m gonna keep sticking around, because despite the fact that i want to punch you every single time i see you, i want you to suffer in my presence more.

but i still wish it would end.

oh, and your little passive-aggressive comments to the rest of our friends? don’t think i don’t know about those, and don’t think i’m not furious.

[the-dragon-writes]

To You, Friend (III)

(continuation of pt. 2) 

it’s been more than a month and you still haven’t said anything to me. nothing to me, nothing about me, nothing at all. you’re acting like everything's normal.

except for one thing-- you can’t look me in the eyes anymore.

i noticed it the minute we started to talk again. you’ll speak normally, but you won’t look at me. do you feel guilty, knowing that you still haven’t cut things off cleanly with me yet?

you firmly ended things with everyone else. why didn’t i get that same privilege?

i still get angry every time i think about this. i’m absolutely furious. but more than that, i just want closure. i just want to end things cleanly, so that i can move on.

but you haven’t said anything.

and i’m bitter. i’m a spiteful person, and i know it. so because of that, i’m going to stick around just to make you unhappy. and i’m not going to leave until you confront me, face to face. (and i might not even then, because i’m not going to let you drive me away from all my other friends.)

i’m not going to let you make me feel guilty for being myself, for having my own opinions. because you know what? i have a right to have them, and i’m not going to change them just because i want your friendship back.

i don’t know if you know i know, but i think you’ve tried to give me hints. talking about this site, mentioning your messages, i’m not sure, but i keep thinking that you’ve been trying to prompt me to ask about it, because surely i’ve noticed by now.

well too bad. you’re gonna have to do it yourself, coward.

but this is the question i keep agonizing over-- why won’t you end this?

[the-dragon-writes]

“I miss who I thought I was”

[the-dragon-writes]

I finally updated! *celebrates* 

(Read on FF.net here)

[the-dragon-writes]

To You, Friend (Part II)

this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. i don’t know why i was so surprised that it did.

i want to know what the breaking point was. what did i do, to make you think i was horrible and awful? what about me was so disgusting? and why couldn’t you say it to my face instead of behind my back?

it hurt, at first. i felt genuinely sick; i couldn’t focus on anything but that, and nothing made sense anymore. i became friends with you because we had common interests, and even if our opinions differed, i thought we could have a civil discussion. i love debating, don’t you know?

i was angry afterwards; absolutely furious. you’re a coward. you can’t even call me names to my face, you have to do it behind my back and on the internet at that. i never did anything to you, never did anything to anyone, so why did you have to hurt me like this?

it’s not fair.

and now, i just don’t care. the apathy has set in, and i don’t feel anything for you anymore. i don’t care what you do, who you become where you go. i couldn’t care less.

i tried to help you, don’t you know? i was really worried about you, and then you did this. now, i just don’t care.

you can go fuck yourself, for all i care.

this isn’t the first time something like this has happened, and it certainly won’t be the last. did i cry? no. will i cry? no. you aren’t worth my time, or my tears. you aren’t worth anything. not anymore.

but thanks. it was fun while it lasted. 

[the-dragon-writes]

It was only after they invaded that the aliens realized, to their horror, that humans had superior technology in all things, except inter-planetary spaceflight.

[the-dragon-writes]

SOULMATE AU WHERE YOUR TATTOO SHOWS THE FIRST THING YOUR SOULMATE THOUGHT WHEN THEY SAW YOU. 

EXAMPLES: 

“dear lord I want his babies”

“why are they staring at me”

“FANFICTION BLUE EYES”

“they’re wearing socks with sandals that’s disgusting”

“who the hell drinks coffee with a straw”

“i have to think something sexy at them. oh wait did that count. thats so embarassing they better not be my soulmate.” 

“leARN TO USE A TURN SIGNAL, MOTHERHUGGER” 

[the-dragon-writes]

Writing Prompts (weird things my preschoolers have said to me edition):

Remember yesterday when I met you?

I’m really smart. I know 2 and 3 makes 5. 

I am a police cat. 

If a boy gives you pink flowers, he wants to marry you. 

You have lipstick all over your face. *talking about eyeliner*

I told you we have to eat cheese like this. Slow, so you can taste it. 

Tuck me in like Darth Maul. 

*quietly from underneath a fitted sheet* gotta catch em all

I have to go to the garden to get the macaroni and cheese flower.

I was born with the force. For real life. 

First you put coffee on it and then a bandage.

I used up my speed. 

This is the leaning tower of pizza. 

I’m the manager, so I tell everyone what to do. 

My phone number is 600.

My favorite movie is Chucky because he cuts off a guy’s head. 

You have to go to jail because you’re a zombie. 

Yes, I want to be naked.

I’m playing a game called kick the cheetah in the butt.

There are 300 bees here and they’re angry. 

[the-dragon-writes]