the-shitpost-wizard

[the-shitpost-wizard]

As an introvert, for Christmas I desperately would like a floating battery icon over my head irl that indicates how much I would like to be interacted with please and thank you <3

[the-shitpost-wizard]

If I feed you carrots you may grow

[the-shitpost-wizard]

[the-shitpost-wizard]

idk who needs to hear this but if you have been putting something off bc it doesn't need to be done until the end of the month. we are almost done with the teens we are approaching the big numbers (the twenties). that date shall dawn upon you swiftly and without mercy before you know it. psa for everyone except me i got plany off time

[the-shitpost-wizard]

if i were dating you. well, heh. let’s just say horses wouldn’t be called ‘horses’ anymore.

hey what the fuck does this mean

[the-shitpost-wizard]

…THEY’RE CALLED T-SHIRTS BECAUSE THEY RESEMBLE THE LETTER T

[the-shitpost-wizard]

Can I please just get adopted by some rich guy and live with him in exchange for designing buildings. I don’t want to deal with landlords

[the-shitpost-wizard]

tell me something soft

[the-shitpost-wizard]

went to an elementaryschool musical production and they started the show with the director saying: "Now there's some very small viewers here today, so just so you know. There will be a scary character later in the show. This is her," and a girl in a kinda scary ghost outfit did a creepy walk across the stage, then stood up straight and did a cheery wave, "but remember, it's just Nina. She's pretending to be scary."

Aaaand i would very much like for horror movies to have that as a little bonus feature you can chose. Let me start a movie with Guillermo del Toro showing me a scary ghost that might jump at me, but don't worry, thats just Doug!

[the-shitpost-wizard]

someone in the UK threw eggs at Charles and was arrested and has been banned from openly carrying eggs in public and has since been sent death threats but their statement on the matter was so fucking good

[the-shitpost-wizard]

vampires with large families. little old lady vampire who keeps pictures of all 243 of her great-great-great-grandchildren in her wallet. she pulls it out and makes you coo over the baby photos (before she bites and drains your blood)

[the-shitpost-wizard]

excuse you, i'm doomed by the narrative? then why do i have this kickass sword. u sound jealous and ridiculous rn

[the-shitpost-wizard]

[the-shitpost-wizard]

[the-shitpost-wizard]

There’s always something on Reddit

[the-shitpost-wizard]

reminiscing on when i went cave diving a couple years back & another dude who was in there was playing minecraft music out of his backpack so i just heard c418 slowly approaching me from within an actual cave. shoutout to that guy

[the-shitpost-wizard]

obsessed with this photo my friend took out of her window of just a random ass wild rat in her lemon tree. who is he