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thecaffeinatedlich · 9 days ago

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Asexual!Viktor Headcanons/Thoughts/Rambles

(Hi Jayvik nation. Yes, I know. But I'm ace and these are my headcanons (and my self-projecting on the blorbo). I'm not against the ship at all. I just want to ramble about my various ace shipping ideas.)

Also, i'll be upfront and say I don't want perfect "good representation." My fave romantic relationships in fiction tend to be ones where everybody has something wrong with them and is a little fucked up and things are sometimes messy and weird. Sometimes they are messy and weird on the way to everyone figuring their shit out. Sometimes they just stay messy and weird because that works, more or less, for these characters. So, jsyk, I am not looking for or trying to create Good Ace Rep here.

If any of this bothers you, please move on. I'm just chatting to find like-minded folks in fandom, not trying to convert anyone to my ways, yanno?

Asexual, not necessarily aromantic, but rather oblivious to it. I think he knows he's not really sexually attracted to anyone and finds this a relief because he'd much rather focus on science and has assumed that he also doesn't do romance. Compartmentalized other feelings or perhaps attributes them to admiration of a person. Romantic feelings steal in on the back of appreciation for competency.

I'd also say some internalized ableism is a part of it. It's hard to recognize and accept that other people may find you interesting or desirable when you resent your own body or are dealing with pain and other complications. (There's a whole side-talk to have about S2's "you don't need to fix yourself" bit but it's complex enough that it would derail this list.) Being ace can sometimes feel a little like another way to be a little broken.

Viktor seems a little touch-averse, which isn't necessarily an ace thing but sometimes goes hand in hand. Again, pain and disability can contribute to that. But even when he's fairly healthy he tends to have a little moment of like "what are- why are you doing that?" whenever he is touched. (Which. Relatable. As someone whose brain briefly turns to static when ppl touch me unexpectedly. Jayce is BIG on casual touch tho. Like, "Jayce reaches out to touch" should be on your drinking game lists.) There can be an interesting internal tug-of-war between not really desiring touch yet having some touch hunger. You might not be hungry for hugs and kisses or sexual acts and if that was the only menu you've ever been shown, you've never known how to get your touch hunger sated. The slow discovery that you would like to be touched by someone actually if they can cater to your tastes. The exploration and negotiation of how you'd like to be touched, in the hands of someone who cares enough to listen and follow your lead, and who you trust enough to stop when you need them to stop. I don't know if it's "sexy" really, but there can be a potent fantasy in bodily autonomy when you have a body where being touched at all is Complicated.

The man is oblivious to the idea that anyone would be attracted to him or interested in him. Pretty normal for aces. I've been on at least one date without realizing it was a date until someone pointed that out to me. Yes, I think this is great fanfic fodder and more people should write about aces being absolute dumbasses and failing their perception rolls when it comes to people trying to date them.

Speaking of dumbass asexual moments. The "bedroom door" line. This is 100% the sort of thing that would come out of my mouth without a thought regularly when I was in my twenties. (and sometimes now....). Like "night + door = bedroom" clearly that is the most natural explanation with zero thought about the implications that he is ostensibly taking an attractive man to his room in the middle of the night because that is not a thought at the forefront of his mind. (certainly not when he's thinking about science!). Please imagine someone having to explain the impression he may have made on Mel if she read a sexual implication he did not mean into that. (or Jayce)

Asexual-romantic yearning. Sometimes, when you're ace but not entirely aromantic, you still get crushes on people. Sometimes you don't entirely figure that out until you find yourself resenting your best friend's new romantic partner for taking up all their time (away from you.) TBH, I don't think Viktor would mind Mel that much if she wasn't dragging Jayce into politics that are interfering with the sciencebro goals. But it's fun to add a soupçon of romantic jealousy to that. A "hey how dare you get between me and my Best Friend and our special something I haven't examined too closely but oops it's load-bearing!"

Also, like, after being the focus of someone who you Admire, with your life entwined with theirs, your goals aligned, feeling like a partner in more ways than just work....and then they go off and fall in love with someone else? Someone who can satisfy their sexual needs? Well. He knows he can't do that. Time to double down on science time! Not just because of the, yanno, rapidly imminent death thing. That's a big part of it, of course. But also, there are feelings here that make no logical sense. What better way to tune them than delving into work! The work you SHOULD be doing with your PARTNER! It's fine! (It is not fine.)

(That said. I'm totally here for some sort of Viktor-Jayce-Mel poly thing. Mostly for fluff and fun reasons, but I think it's just barely workable in more canonical works too, fwiw)

Pining. Imagine. Viktor is asexual and full of complicated feelings about his own self-worth and desirability, but he's got this Partner situation pretty locked down and that's great and then in comes this gorgeous, intelligent, powerful woman who seems to effortlessly entice his partner away and can offer him so many things he can't or doesn't want to offer Jayce. Imagine belatedly figuring out that some of his feelings are romantic but not being sure that matters if Jayce has found someone who can fulfill him, mentally, emotionally and sexually. And Jayce is his friend and, as annoying as the politics are, he knows bringing these raw untested emotions into the light isn't going to help anyone and anyway Jayce is happy. Right? But he has to sit there. With those feelings. Pining for an idea of the future that slipped out of his grasp even before he realized he wanted it.

Again, the "you didn't need to fix yourself" bit at the end of S2 has problems, but boy howdy, if you're ace there's definitely a fear that an allosexual partner would always choose someone they can have sex with over you. That scene hit like a truck for me. Seeing an allosexual character choose a partner I had categorized as ace over his allosexual lover? BAM! And it looked like it hit Viktor that way too. Being SEEN. On so many levels!

#long post #arcane #arcane viktor #arcane jayce #arcane jayvik #arcane s1 #arcane s2 #arcane spoilers #(mostly s2 big spoiler)#my autism also probably colors a lot of thoughts about emotional and sensory processing here lmao #but fuck it i'll project that onto the blorbo too #what is fanon if not the place where we look for reflections of ourselves in the other? and build them onto scaffolds of dreams #and yes I know one of the showrunners/writers said viktor is asexual in part to justify a non-romantic read of the relationship #that was shitty of him #and really showed a poor understanding of asexuality #because I read viktor as ace long before I read that statement and I still thought that jayvik works as a ship #and frankly it's more fun and meaningful to me an actual asexual if he is ace and jayce respects that #more rep of close relationships that don't fit into tidy molds pls #please do not discourse at me ahahaha #it's been so long since I've tried to be in a fandom and i'm scared lol

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thecaffeinatedlich · 11 days ago

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Arcane S1 rewatch continues. (Episode 7) I swear I have thoughts that aren't about Silco. I just think he's horrible and neat!

Man, juxtaposing Silco's meeting with chembarons and Jinx confronting him about Vi is fun.

He's giving both the chembarons and Jinx a version of the same speech, basically saying: 'I saved you. I made you who you are. Don't forget that. You owe me. It's Them against Us. Do what I ask of you' He literally tells the chembarons "I gave you life," which is straight out of the abusive parent playbook.

Like the emotional tone is different and the power dynamics are different in each encounter, but it's still the same manipulative technique to get what he wants.

And like, I do think Silco does care for Jinx in a profoundly fucked up way. I think some of the emotion there is real. (You can, in fact, think you love someone and still treat them poorly. Love is an emotion that comes in many flavors. And you can make harmful decisions while experiencing any emotion.)

But also, he's still trying to use her the same way he uses the chembarons. And I think putting these scenes near each other but not back to back to each other is a choice meant to make you draw the comparison between Silco doing the most fucked up, "I'm not mad, just disappointed. I raised you differently than this. Do better." to the chembarons and his "i'm your real family. i need you." to Jinx. There's a muddled paternal thing here that such an interesting part of his character.

And core to the tragedy of him and Jinx as well. I think the version of Silco who is able to love Jinx fully and treat her well is long dead by this point. So, by the time Silco does go, "Actually, I do care enough about this girl to put her wellbeing above my ambitions" it's way too late.

I dunno. I continue to be fascinated by the sort of running themes or motifs of family and love in this show. Often messy and messed up. Like, I love a good heart-warming "found family where despite our differences and spats, we care about and support each other wholly" as much as the next depressed tumblrite who remembers the halcyon days of early Avengers fandom. But a show doing variations on love and family's impact being a profound force, not always for good? I can gnaw on that for DAYS! Years, even, apparently! Until I have no choice but occasionally vomit up a small essay here, I guess!

#arcane #arcane s1 #arcane silco #arcane jinx #arcane analysis #honestly this was not supposed to be an all silco all the time blog #i swear I have thoughts about other characters!

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thecaffeinatedlich · 13 days ago

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Season 1 rewatch continues (now on e6) and how did I forget this scene where Silco is just apparently chilling out with a small child for an unknown amount of time until her father comes home?

(the answer is probably child Viktor. too adorable. no brain left for anything else but this sad baby nerd and likewise the sad adult nerd)

Just. Okay. First of all, this an utterly diabolical bit of villainy. Nothing creepier or more horrifying than the bad guy getting into your house and hanging out with your kid just to prove to you how easy it would be to hurt someone you love. And forcing Marcus to have this back and forth where he's doing veiled threats and Marcus is trying to plead for his daughter's safety in front of said daughter. Who is just a wee thing so we're all being so calm about this. Just, yikes!

But I do enjoy villains and I love how Silco does manages to be genuinely creepy and threatening while also delivering half of his threats like a children's TV host talking about some very special lessons about family and feelings. Like Mr. Rogers holding your toddler hostage but not breaking out of that calm, friendly voice. He's so very careful to keep things chill and playful in front of the kid. Which I'm quite sure is deliberate, more for the impact for freaking out Marcus than anything else, but begs the question if Silco has always been good with kids or if this is a skill learned from raising Jinx?

Because, like, somehow this man talked his way into this house and this child's room with two weird thugs and has been there long enough to put together a house of wooden block cards and made her comfy enough that she is giggling and having a nice time from all appearances. How? I guess from the little glimpse of him we get in Season 2's Nice World AU and the pre-betrayal stuff, yeah, somewhere in there was someone with a potential to be soft, and nice. Who has since become twisted and twists people in pursuit of revenge and his cause. So there's a spark of tragedy there seeing a weird echo of that come out as a mechanism to manipulate people.

And also, just. The scene is so funny in such a dark way. Those two thugs just chilling among these lovely nice kid's things like they never had, watching their terrifying boss make a small child laugh. And then giving Marcus scowls and glares while also riding a tiny rocking horse. Like. The juxtapositions! The absurdity! Horror and humor are both made of such things and this is just such a peak moment that wobbles between the two. Love it!

#arcane #arcane s1 #arcane s1 ep6 #arcane silco #little mention of arcane s2

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thecaffeinatedlich · 15 days ago

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i have given into the horrible little brain gremlins that keep glomming on to the worst ideas and am attempting to write fic.

I haven't properly tried to write fic in about ten years so it feels kinda weird trying to get back into that creative brainspace. interesting to look back and see I am still consistently the sort of person who looks at canon and goes, "Hm. I can make it worse" like that is some sort of challenge that needs to be answered, lol. still drawn to "what ifs" and AUs. trying to add a little "and I can make it better too" to this AU, but we'll see what happens when I get further into it...

and it's really really hard not to be tempted to write AU fic in a universe that has canon AUs! like that's just an invitation to play is what it is!

i think i just... i like sort of shuffling the deck and finding out what sort of parallels and moments I can highlight or twist in interesting ways while still staying true to a character. AUs are always interesting to me as a reader because it's a little glimpse into the author's mind for what traits they identify as key to who a character is. and I like it when AUs function as "character portraits" which delve into who a character is and how different circumstances do or don't change that.

anyway, brain gremlins want to do something complicated and detailed so....we'll see how long these fickle monsters can keep my brain focused on this before we run into some sort of derailing detail and the whole thing comes to crashing halt..... but I'm having fun playing with things and maybe, some day, if it hangs together satisfactorily, I shall talk about it in less cryptic terms!

#arcane #arcane ramble

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