thechameleongirl

[thechameleongirl]

Everything in going well. Surgery pains are long gone. I live a normal life and rarely have pain, only occasionally when I turn weird in bed. I sometimes have trouble lifting weight from high above or below my head but it’s not too bad. I forget that there’s metal in my chest most days. The scars have healed nicely. I just wish the ones in the front of my chest weren’t imbedded. Embracing my new chest aesthetics more and more. It doesn’t look so weird to me anymore.

I can breathe. It took a long time for me to really notice how it helped during exercise. But now that I’m a year into my recovery I notice it. I can work so much harder at my job before I tire. I don’t have to rest between rooms. I feel like my breathing is always improving. My heart doesn’t race. I don’t have to think about breathing anymore.

Surgery helped me, I feel normal now. It wasn’t about the looks. I just wanted to feel better and that we accomplished :)

Now it looks like I’ve been diagnosed with Celiac disease or at least gluten intolerance so on to the next medical abnormally :/ I’ll be okay though. Thanks for listening ✌🏻

[thechameleongirl]

Why does Level of Concern lowkey sound like it was written by Danny Gonzalez?

[thechameleongirl]

I feel more deformed after surgery than I ever did before

[thechameleongirl]

POST NUSS PROCEDURE PHOTOS:

I don’t think I would be able to believe that these after photos weren’t photoshopped if not having experienced it for myself.

Unfortunately, I am not able to lay completely flat yet, so I could not recreate the rib flare photo. I do think my rib flare has been improved though.

None of my bras fit anymore! You can see in the upward-angled photo that it is looser and not as full as before surgery (a concept that I am not so pleased with). It’s uncomfortable to even wear a bra for more than a few hours, but not as bad as I expected.

My torso looks wider than before surgery from the front, though I appear slimmer from the side. Dips/indentations/ice cream scoops have formed under my breasts since surgery. Looks a little caved in, though not unattractive, just new.

My body keeps changing and surprising me! I will post scar photos as well as more before/after soon! I hope this is useful for those curious about surgery, but please remember, Pectus bodies before surgery are absolutely unique and beautiful! I find myself missing the dip strangely. You don’t need surgery to have a lovely body! It served to improve my health and quality of life.

The Pectus Chronicles (Photos)

I am 21 years old with ~Pectus Excavatum~ My Haller Index is 4.6

The first photo shows my Pectus from a floor-level perspective looking up. There is a noticeable gap between the center piece of my bra and where my chest caves in. This has been present for as long as I can remember (though it wasn’t noticeable at birth, so it must have developed during puberty) I just thought my chest was a little odd in the way that no two bodies are the same.

The second photo is to show off my ribcage flare (which is quite mild compared to other cases I’ve seen online).

The final photo is a head-on angle of my chest. It is difficult to capture the depth of my depression in the photo, though, to me, it appears relatively mild. I sought treatment because of the breathing difficulties it is causing me.

[thechameleongirl]

I just want to take my man everywhere in the whole world and hug onto his arm and show him off to everyone. Like here! This is the one I’ve chosen to love!! Isn’t he so great?! And he likes me too! What a concept

[thechameleongirl]

The Pectus Chronicles (Part 7)

Early in the morning we arrived at the hospital and checked in. Soon a nurse came and took me and a group of patients upstairs. My parents were allowed with me. I changed into a hospital gown and some socks that they provided and a hair net. We waited in this room, along with other people in their own hospital beds, for an hour or more. The anesthesiologists, the surgical team, and Dr. Petroze all came to see me and ask various questions. They gave me some pill to calm me and it really worked. I don’t remember leaving that room but I remember laying in the operating room with many surgical instruments around me and many people in scrubs. They all chatted with me and were lightheaded and kind. I don’t remember going to sleep or waking up from that. My next memory is me talking to my fiancé and his father who had been waiting downstairs through it all. I don’t specifically remember feeling pain in that moment. They had a team of people move me from the bed I was in to another and it was so bumpy to where I first realized my pain. Including my surgery day, I stayed in the hospital for 5 days. The first 2 days I felt like my pain was never under control. I was always in pain and crying. I would recommend working on your core muscles before because having a strong core helped me tremendously with assisting the nurses with getting me out of bed and helping me stand up. The hard part was sitting up, nurses would have to place their hands behind me and pull me up before I could help myself. I was so relieved to not feel nausea from the anesthesia. However, we think one of my pain meds was disagreeing with me to the point where I could barely stand and vomited. I had to use a bedside commode these first days. It was not as awful as I suspected. Staying upright was difficult and I could only sit up in a chair for 15 minutes before I felt too sore and unable to breathe well. It was very important that I was releasing gas after surgery so the doctors often asked about that and I’m sure I passed gas and belched more in these days than in the rest of my life total. It’s only a few weeks later as I write, yet all of this is quite a hazy memory now. The pain is such a brief period of your life overall that it won’t effect you after you’ve gone through it The first time I looked down to see my chest I cried. I cried so much that I had to stop or else I wouldn’t have been able to breathe. It looked different than I had expected. I felt like my chest looked like an odd straight line was passing through it. It took me weeks to bear looking at it more. It looks more natural when looking at it in mirrors rather than looking down at it. I am now over a month out and my chest does not look like it did right after surgery. My breasts look natural now and continue to settle into something I am more content with each week. I was too quick to judge. I had one scary moment in the midst of all my recovery. I was in my hospital bed, surrounded by my people, crying from some pain after having just been out of bed. It hurt bad so I got worked up emotionally and suddenly I felt some jolt from inside of my chest. I immediately thought that my bar stabilizer had popped out of place and that my bar was shifting and that my stitches were ripping open. I screamed as it happened more, I looked down and the skin of my chest, just below my right armpit, was moving up and down as if something were trying to escape from within me. My mom rushed to get a doctor and my dad and fiancé gasped in horror because they had just seen the movement from under my hospital gown and knew what I was concerned over. The more excitable I got, the quicker the thing inside me pulsed. I just kept whining “please help me, I’m scared” as a team of nurses and doctors scrambled to figure out what was happening. They ordered a chest X-ray and a team came right to me room and performed it. Everything looked fine. Most of the doctors were entirely bewildered and had not seen the chest movements for themselves. Someone determined that it was a section of trapped air pockets from the surgery, they had seen something similar before with a different procedure. The air had been trying to find its way to the surface. It is the most bizarre thing I hope I will ever have to experience. It didn’t hurt exactly, I just seemed so terribly off and felt so startling that I assumed there were severe complications. The possibility of this is HIGHLY unlikely, but I wanted to document it so that if someone else happens to experience it that read this, they won’t be so so afraid like I was. When I was released to go home, the car ride made it hard for me to breathe because of the sitting upright. I definitely would recommend having lots of pillows and blankets for support (the hospital even let us have some of theirs). Getting out of the car was quite difficult and I needed assistance from someone else. Something I often complained about at the hospital was that my butt hurt from laying on it for so long and it caused me much discomfort. When I got home I noticed that I had bed sores in this area. They went away after a week or so. I was incredibly bloated post surgery, I seriously looked about 3-4 months pregnant. We were very concerned but continued a regimen of miralax and some other stool softener that they prescribed and it sorted out about 3 weeks after the surgery. We found out that I disrupted the bacterial balance in my armpits because I was not able to properly clean under my arms since I couldn’t lift them for awhile. I had to use special surgical soap to help cleanse them and get rid of an other-worldly odor. Showering is difficult at first but not impossible. I did end up needing a shower chair for the first couple of showers and needed assistance washing my hair because I could not raise my arms high enough. At my post op checkup they said all looks well. I quit one of the final prescribed drugs I’ve been taking and am weaning off the other. Now it will just be Advil and Tylenol as needed. I’m soo glad to be rid of taking pills all the time. I finally walk normal again. For the first few weeks I was hunched over and it took more energy. Now I can walk a mile outside in my neighborhood. I can shower without a chair and by myself. I can finally pull shirts over my head instead of needed button-ups only. I’ve been sleeping in a recliner since surgery and expect to be there for awhile. I could not sit up out of the chair myself for a month. During the daytime, I can sit in a chair with an ottoman to support my legs. This allows me to get up by rocking the chair and using my core muscles to stand up. I had all these things planned that I could do while recovering but until the past couple days I’ve had no motivation or energy to do any of them. It gets tiring requiring help for what used to be everyday tasks. It has certainly tested my patience and my pride. I have been ravenous since my procedure and consumed more food than before, though it could be that I’m stuck in the house all day bored. I’ve consumed an unreasonable amount of media in my down time to the point where I think I will be done for awhile. Overall, this process has not been as hard as I expected it to be in the aftermath. The days at the hospital were unpleasant but looking back it becomes difficult to remember, which I believe is for the best. Progress feels slow but it comes in bits each day. I don’t at all regret having it done. I have learned since surgery that you won’t really start to see improvements in symptoms like breathing until around 6 months. I will do my best to keep walking and practicing my breathing until then. I intend on coming out of this stronger than ever. I want to start jogging once I have the lungs to do so. Updates will come as I have things worth saying~

[thechameleongirl]

The Pectus Chronicles (Part 6)

Today is the day before surgery! We went for a preoperational visit. They ordered an EKG which was them attaching a few suction cups to my arms, ankles, and chest. It looked normal they said.

This appointment was for the nurse to compile my information for the anesthesiologist(s) to use tomorrow. It was brief. They have me some special soap to shower with tonight and then again tomorrow morning.

I honestly don’t feel too panicked at the moment. I’m trying to ward off the bad feelings by keeping busy and remembering to breathe. I was quite anxious this morning but did the same and was able to relax. They called me and said that I am to come in at 6 a.m. tomorrow. The nurse said it looked like I’m the first surgery of the day so it should be soon after we get there that we get going.

Wow, incredible that all this is reaching its climax. Let’s go get better!

[thechameleongirl]

The Pectus Chronicles (Part 5)

I finally made it to my preop appointment! Dr. Robin Petroze was the doctor visiting with Shands’ travel clinic near where I live who ran through the information with me about the surgery I will be having. Dr. Islam did not have any available time slots to perform my surgery until late January so I decided to have Petroze perform the surgery in early January. I could not afford to do it later because my mother would not be able to take off time from work to be my caretaker based on her job duties in early February. I have great confidence in Dr. Petroze after speaking with her at this appointment as she was incredibly knowledgeable about the unique challenges this operation poses to women. It’s incredibly relieving to have an actual surgery date and also terrifying.

I woke up in excruciating pain the other night. With tremors of pain up my sides and in my arms. My thoughts were “why was I sleeping with my arms about my head, I just had surgery”. I immediately realized that I haven’t had the surgery yet and that I am indeed, crazy.

Coping with the fear and anxiety will be my biggest challenges from here, though I wouldn’t back out for anything. A few months of severe pain are worth it if I will be able to function normally and healthily in the long term.

Dr. Petroze sent me to have Pulmonary Functioning Testing(PFT) to rule our asthma or other lung disorders in the mean time.

PFT was not a good time for me but not for any standard reasons. I hadn’t realized that they were drawing a blood sample from an artery to check the oxygen levels at the appointment. Needles aren’t my favorite but I knew I could endure if needed. My wrist hurt pretty bad from where they took the blood and my hands were sweating like crazy.

They sent me over to the air-testing machine and I told them I wasn’t feeling so good (which is pretty big for me because I hate speaking up). They sat me back down in the chair and I started shaking and sweating and turning white. I couldn’t breathe very well and my eyes started closing. They used an oxygen mask and I started to recover and then it all happened again. They ended up taking me back to my car in a wheel chair and asked that I eat a full meal and rest and come back later that day if I felt able. My blood sugar was the issue I believe.

I rested up and returned and luckily had an uneventful appointment from there. They had me breathe in certain ways while sitting in this little glass booth with a clamp on my nose and a tube in my mouth. They said the tests looked normal for someone my age and size so I don’t have asthma or any airway-restricting diseases. The only issue was that they noticed air trapping, which basically means that some of the air that I breath in doesn’t come back out and remains inside my lungs. This causes feelings of shortness of breath and perhaps why I hyperventilate sometimes when unable to get enough air after exercise. They said this is what they often see in patients with Pectus and it should improve after I have my surgery!

Only a few weeks until I get the Nuss Procedure now! Stay tuned and pray for my anxiety in the mean time!

[thechameleongirl]

It’s my last day of school, possibly forever, and it doesn’t feel like an ending or a beginning

[thechameleongirl]

You are lovely, well-spoken, and so kind. Sending you love and healing for your surgery. You will be fine, try not to worry. 💜

I so appreciate your words dear stranger 💕 I will promise to try to keep the worries to a medium amount.

[thechameleongirl]

I wouldn’t get to speak under these rules

Anything.

Get my new book!

[thechameleongirl]

This is a great video on Pectus Excavatum for anyone who has it or for showing friends and family~

[thechameleongirl]

The Pectus Chronicles (CT Scan)

I had to send a release form in to get these but here you are!

Something I had not realized was that Shands was sending me a CD with video of my scan. So, I had to click through 300 some images to find the deepest image shown as I breathed in during the scan.

As I mentioned previously, my Haller Index is 4.6.

These images show that my heart is displaced into the left side of my chest cavity. I figured this was the case because I have always felt my heartbeat much stronger on that side. I guess I really have been covering my heart when I say the pledge of allegiance.

[thechameleongirl]

yea

[thechameleongirl]

The Pectus Chronicles (Photos)

I am 21 years old with ~Pectus Excavatum~ My Haller Index is 4.6

The first photo shows my Pectus from a floor-level perspective looking up. There is a noticeable gap between the center piece of my bra and where my chest caves in. This has been present for as long as I can remember (though it wasn’t noticeable at birth, so it must have developed during puberty) I just thought my chest was a little odd in the way that no two bodies are the same.

The second photo is to show off my ribcage flare (which is quite mild compared to other cases I’ve seen online).

The final photo is a head-on angle of my chest. It is difficult to capture the depth of my depression in the photo, though, to me, it appears relatively mild. I sought treatment because of the breathing difficulties it is causing me.

[thechameleongirl]

The Pectus Chronicles (Part 4)

My personal worst-case-scenario was to travel all the way to Shands after having spent so much time researching it, telling my friends and family about my condition, and spending so much emotional energy on it only to be told that I had blown it out of proportion and that I was not eligible for surgery. I had been trying to estimate my Haller Index for weeks using a wooden ruler and my best bet for the distance inside of me between my spine and sternum (which I had decided to estimate was a 3.8). I just wanted something concrete to ease my worries about eligibility. I couldn’t help but spend hours looking through a series of mirrors to get a better idea of how my deformity appears to other people. Like I mentioned before, I had never realized my chest was abnormal, so I have developed a weird type of body dysmorphia that makes me not an objective viewer of my own condition.

The days before my consultation, I had difficulty eating, sleeping, or focusing. My boyfriend and I left for my appointment first thing in the morning and brought a few friends along for moral support. We struggled to figure out where to park and ended up settling for a spot with a parking meter because we were cutting it close on time. We went to the Shands Pediatric Surgical Specialties wing on the first floor. It was a bit amusing to be seen at a children’s hospital, the only difference that jumped out was the presence of Minion stickers all over my examination room. They were fast with check-in and putting me in a room.

Of course, I had already obsessively researched my doctor’s accolades, read his research paper on Pectus, and stalked his Twitter page, so I was a bit shocked when the doctor that walked in was not him. I don’t recall his name, but he was incredibly nice and professional. I think he may have been a medical student or shadowing my doctor for the time being. After he examined me and discussed some of the details of prospective surgery, he fetched Dr. Saleem Islam who consulted me as well. I was so relieved to hear both of the doctors exclaim that my Pectus was “very deep” upon giving me physical examinations. They asked about my symptoms and I nervously chatted, eager to prove my need, but ultimately it was agreed that I was eligible for surgery, all without having seen any tests yet. They noted that, for insurance coverage, I would need a CT scan to calculate my Haller Index. They immediately sent me downstairs to get this test done (which took 8 minutes at most). All this entailed was laying flat on my back and holding my breath occasionally while the machinery spun gently around me.

Dr. Islam contacted me the next day and let me know that my Haller Index is 4.6! The next step will be meeting for a preoperative appointment a month before my surgery date. They have not yet figured out their 2020 calendar schedule at Shands, but they are confident I will be able to schedule my surgery date for some time in January. This is excellent timing for me as I will be graduating this semester and not yet starting a full-time job, so I will be able to take off my part time job for the month or so of strict recovery time. I will post more updates after my preoperative consultation in early December.

[thechameleongirl]

The Pectus Chronicles (Part 3)

At this point in the process, I was incredibly hyped. I tend to obsess over things and bring additional anxiety into situations, so, naturally, I had continued to scour the internet for research studies on Pectus Excavatum and had seen every female Pectus video and resource available. The full realization of all my symptoms was setting in and I really wanted surgery now. This is when I started noticing that my chest looks unusual for myself and it started to bother me.

I have been made fun of while changing on multiple occasions. Comments about how “nobody wants to see that” as I took off my shirt in locker rooms or around so-called friends. I’ve always been aware that I’m not the most genetically endowed when it comes to chest size, so that’s all I ever attributed their unkind words to. But it did bother me, I don’t look at myself in a mirror to this day until I’ve put on a shirt because I’d rather not look at a part of me that doesn’t make me feel good. So, long story made *slightly* shorter, there were a lot of emotions riding on this.

I anxiously arrived at the cardiothoracic surgery office with my boyfriend in tow and filled out paperwork. I wasn’t even three feet in the door after the nurse had called my name before they stopped me and said there had been a mistake. This doctor didn’t specialize in Pectus and, therefore, could not see and diagnose me. Someone should have called me sooner they said, and they were very apologetic. I left greatly discouraged, uncertain, and with many tears in my eyes, though after a good and dramatic car cry I was back on my feet.

I’m based in northern Florida, so I decided to contact Shands Hospital in Gainesville because they are only a few hours from me and covered under my family’s insurance plan. They were efficient and set up my patient chart and just asked that I have my Primary Care Physician send over a referral. I called my doctor and they later sent over the referral. Shands called a few days later and set up an appointment for the end of September.