thecoffeetablewriter-blog

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MID 20′S. How does it feel being 20? How does it feel being a little older than 20? How does it feel being closer to 30 than 20?

Let me tell you how it feels.

When it hits you, it’ll hit you hard. It becomes your internal battle. The one nobody would hear about, but constantly makes itself known to you each day. It’s when you’re in a tough situation, you have no idea what to do, and you started looking for an adult, and you realize with a slowly sinking feeling that YOU ARE the adult. It’s that feeling you get when you think back on your life, and you realize that you’re not living your life well enough. That you are at this age, and still you haven’t done even half of the things you once hope you would’ve done by now. Then you wonder, what were you doing in the days before this moment? Then it will sink in, you’ll wonder whether you’ve been wasting your life. We all wish we could stop time. Take a pause on life, stay in a moment, or remain at an age where you are forever young, and not too old.

The truth is, we are only as old as we think we are. Anyone can stay young at heart at any age. It’s all a manner of perspective. We may not be able to stop time, but the least we can do is to live life everyday. Today is the youngest we are ever going to get, we should enjoy everything while we still can. :)

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And then, I woke up.

Have you ever had that kind of dream, just before you wake up, when it is so interesting, or intense that it’s almost like watching a movie of your life? I have those kinds of dreams, especially now that I almost always have the chance to sleep deeply. They always seem so realistic yet thankfully, I could always tell it apart from reality. My dreams come in full color, sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn’t. However, I could always tell it apart because in dreams, people moves slower, including me. I could never make the people go faster, even when there’s danger. And I’m always brave in my dreams. I could face all things that any person would be afraid of in real life. I believe it was the first time I ever had the dream I had last night. And I could remember every detail.

The setting was at our house, but it looks so different. Our house seemed older, and made of old wood, but it has the same brightness to it. There we’re two floors. On the first floor, was the living room, the kitchen and there are two bedrooms. On the second floor, it was an open space, and at the back, there were two rooms toward the left. I called one of those rooms, the “Angeles Room” My mother, aunt, and the maids were busy in the kitchen, my father was somewhere in the house, and I was with my cousins at one of the rooms in the first floor. It was a normal peaceful day at our house. Then a thought came to me, I’m not sure how I found out, I guess I overheard it from the news, but I started telling my cousins that someone was going to attack our house. Someone was going to drop a bomb on the rightmost part of our house, and it will blow up half of it. They didn’t believe me at first. I was telling everybody to move faster but they weren’t. Instead, they were still so calm and went on doing their business for a while, my cousins peed in the bathroom, my mother finished something in the kitchen, they had the same urgency as if we were only going to take a family picture. After a while, I was able to gather them on the second floor. I was the only one scared, and they were all still chatting. My father was sitting on a couch, with his back towards the veranda. We made a makeshift cover, made of a huge wooden plank then crouched on the floor.I kept telling my family to hide. Suddenly, the house shook and rumbled. We all thought it was the bomb I was talking about earlier. I was wrong. It was a small airplane, with a single pilot inside. First he attacked the first floor, surprisingly, our house hadn’t collapse yet. Then he spotted us on the second floor, and tried to hit us with the blades from the plane. My father was almost butchered by the blades, as he had his back to it, and he was moving ever so slowly. We were all safe then, and the plane left us for a while. One of our maids came up, and when we asked her where the other two was, she told us that they didn’t make it. We were trying to regroup, still my family wasn’t as frantic and panicky as I was. After a few minutes, the plane came back and started circling the house. I told my family to crouch down again, because I was thinking that they wouldn’t attack us if they didn’t see us. The plane circled twice, and left when he didn’t see us, or so we thought. Suddenly, there was a thudding sound on the roof and then sparkles emanating from a welding machine came where our hands were supposed to be. It didn’t hit any of us but we were all thinking that we should find a way out of there. I urged everyone to move to the Angeles Room, I haven’t convinced them enough.. and then, I woke up.

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Quiet mornings, are the best part of the day.

says the introvert

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DON’T THINK. JUST RUN. I started running again a few weeks back, I admit, I am still not in shape but everyday I feel I am getting better. Well, I get lazy too, that’s why I’m not getting as good as I should be. Tonight, I ran again, I was on my last 15 minutes of walking/running and I thought, I’ve done less running and more walking and making all kinds of excuses for myself. How I couldn’t possibly finish this street because I was already wheezing too loudly, or that my knees are giving way, or that I’ve done enough running anyway, or my favorite thing to say... I’m tired. On that last 15 minutes of running, I decided to try not complaining. After all, to whom was I complaining to? It was just me, the wind and the street. It might be a good change to not hear that whiny voice in my head.

I started a light jog, which turned into a light run, then to a full on run. Wind was blowing strong on my face, my sweat is dripping and drying at the same time, my heart is pounding hard on my chest and my calf and thigh muscles are burning mad. Then I started my mantra, “don’t think, just run”, I repeated this over and over in my head, to the sound of my foot steps on the ground. I repeated it over and over as I passed the incline, and ultimately finished the street. And then, even though I was wheezing so badly, I almost couldn’t catch my breath, I smiled at the end. I got that little sense of triumph that only I could appreciate this much. It was a triumph against myself, against my own negative thoughts that I couldn’t do it. Then it occurred to me, this is just an example of what most people battle everyday. It is a silent battle, but with the greatest enemy nonetheless. Our greatest enemy is ourselves. We are often the biggest obstacle that hinders what we actually want to do. It is our own fears, our own uncertainties, and self doubt that brings us down. What I learned today is that we can overcome them. The first step is to recognize it first, then celebrate the little victories you have against it. There is no such thing as a small victory, every victory counts, trust me on that. ;)

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HO CHAI LAI is a Chinese restaurant tucked away in the city of Muntinlupa. I haven’t heard any blogs, or reviews written about this place. I don’t think this is something you will readily find in the internet, but this is one of my most favorite Chinese restaurant. I think this place is severely underrated, and to be honest I think that’s one of the reasons why I love it so much. They are not commercialized, that’s why I believe they’ve always stayed true to their recipes at an affordable price. The place is always packed with people, families, business men, or couples like us at any time of the day. Their place is simple, not even too Chinese-themed at first glance, but their food is always a surprise to me, and I mean that in a good way. Any new food we try, that will be the new favorite. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten anything in this place that I haven’t loved.

Well our latest favorite is this stuffed squid...which is fried by the way, so it doubles as a calamari in my book. ;) It is so simple, yet I found myself saying “ang sarap nito!” every time I take a bite. The squid is cooked perfectly, just the right kind of softness, the breading is crispy in all the right places, and even the sauce matches the whole thing completely! Will definitely come back for more. ;)

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ICHIBA JAPANESE MARKET. This is a quaint and simple little Japanese restaurant my boyfriend and I accidentally found within Newport Mall. We had just come from a casino session, which was also fun except that I kept losing, so we didn’t have much cash left on us. We really didn’t intend on eating then, but when we saw this place, we just couldn’t resist it’s charm. First we wanted to just take a look around, so we decided to go inside. And we we’re like giddy little school kids on a school day! Both of us have always wanted to go to Japan, and this is how we imagined going to a Japanese market would be like. (Yes, I know, we do imagine the oddest things). There were live sea creatures to be cooked, market signs in Japanese writing, of course every props you can think of. We even saw the uncooked King Crabs in their freezer, and it looked so good! So naturally, being the foodies that we are, we had to try out something, and first on our list was the Octopus Takoyaki. It was the best one I’ve ever had in a long time! All the ingredients we’re spot on, the octopus was cooked perfectly, it was just like a party in your mouth tasting all the different flavors. I ultimately enjoyed this little adventure of ours. The best part of it all was that none of it was planned.

We will most definitely be going back to this place to try out the other food, but in the mean time, two thumbs up for a great dining experience.

[thecoffeetablewriter-blog]

This is just a little something I learned today.

No matter how righteous, noble or selfless we deem our acts to be, there is still something a little bit selfish in the things we do. We can't really do away with that, it's human nature. To prove my point, challenge yourself: 'Why do you do the work you do?', 'Why do you go to the gym everyday?' Why do keep that relationship?', just ask yourself WHY you do these things?

Admittedly, I went to medical school claiming that I want to help others. But why? I realize now that it woud give me satisfaction to be able to do so. Others would claim that they do it for the money. Others, so that they may able to do something worthwhile. While others still, do it because they feel the need to prove themselves. Whatever your reason is, one thing remains the same. We do it for OURSELVES. And that is not necessarily a bad thing as human beings, that is just how we are.

The sad thing is, some people are a little too aware of this and end up doing only the things that would benefit them.

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This is me, basically trying to manage my mood....with chocolates! I mean really, what is it with girls, mood swings and chocolates. Men will say that we’re all just amplifying simple emotions, and its just all in our heads. Well maybe they’re right. It just so happens that once month it gets out of control. One minute you’re giddy, then you’re sad, a split second and you’ll be angry and in another minute you’ll be crying. It really does happen THAT fast, and most of the time we find it hard to control, particularly when the people around us seem to be inconsiderate enough. But then again, these mood swings happen and we only have to learn to control them. Better yet, we ought to lock ourselves up and don’t come out until you’re done! Haha! Just kidding. :)

We really can’t do anything much about it. We just learn to cope, and hope that we wouldn't get into serious fights and irrational disagreements while we’re at it.

[thecoffeetablewriter-blog]

A broken heart speaks far greater honesty than a drunk one.

[thecoffeetablewriter-blog]

The Comeback

Been a little too caught up in the wind, that I didn't notice I've been floating mindlessly around. It is ironic that while I believe that this is the moment that I am most in touch with my brain, that I overlooked the fact that I've lost touch with my heart.

I haven't written in a while. Haven't felt any music. Haven't read or even appreciated the smell of a good book. Haven't woken up in the morning thinking..feeling how extremely lucky I am to have the things I have right now. I don't know how to use my colors anymore.

My days come and go without me actually living in it. I am breathing, but I've found out that I have forgotten how it LIVE. Paintings have lost their meaning, the arts have lost their touch. The heat continues to annoy me and the winds simply provoke me. As I sit here writing this monologue I continue to realize that, that is not someone I recognize, more so, someone that I could even agree with.

I continue to float around, losing myself and I'm not having it anymore. I had hoped to find a tiny spark of creativity that I've so long lost. Rationality have made center stage and I'm afraid that its not always a good thing. While you are a brilliant soul, do not ever EVER let go of what makes you human.

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Read and relate

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"Oh kay bilis namang maglaho ng pagibig mo sinta. Daig mo pa ang isang kisap mata." This portion of the sky was peaceful, literally 10 seconds ago. Now the wind is howling, mad as ever. You're scaring me Maring, you really are. :|

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Tried to catch up on current events. I find it amazing that people like them can still sleep at night, fully aware that they have stolen and ill-gotten wealth. Maybe their delusions of grandeur has gotten the best if them that they no longer feel remorse or a certain level of guilt, while seeing plenty if homeless and hungry Filipinos. I know fully well that they have TOO MUCH of everything, that I only hope that they have a miserable, low emotional quality life depite living in vast luxury. #medyopissed #KapalNgMukha

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J.K. ROWLING ‘The fringe benefits of failure’