thecuriouslifeofalex - Tumblr blog

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

"Don't wish it away"

As a parent how many times have you be told by an utter and complete stranger "Don't wish these days away!"... Well Dave - I am. I am wishing 2 - 3 year old age range straight to hell away. To an area of hell that is completely unreacheable. As a current mother of a wild 2.5 year old - I AM STRUGGLING like a son of a Bitch. How can I absolutely love every inch of this kid but literally been driven MAD over him and his asshole behavior, preferably in public? Here's an example :

Day off. Let's go to the aquarium! It'll be fun....

Btw fun now means :

FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE NIGHTMARE.

I live approximately 33 miles from the aquarium. My boy cried for 31 of those miles because... You know... truck's..

Finally to the aquarium. Great.

Not only did he blast through the ENTIRE thing. But he refused to sit in his stroller or allow me to hold him. Because...2.5...independent.

Cool. Whatever. I'll follow you little man. The world is your oyster.

Sitting in an open area in front of a huge tank full of beautiful fish, sharks, turtles, lights and music.. this kid eyes down someone's left over food that they kindly left sitting on an empty bench. Unfortunately for Greyson I care about the face that people are disgusting and I won't allow him to eat it.

M E L T D O W N has now begun.

"I EAT I EAT I EAT I EAT I EAT (REPEAT TIMES 200)"

Ok. Let's blow this exhibit and go and get you food. Because yes I DID have food but I didn't have food that he currently wanted. Figures.

Find food. Buy food. Sir down and eat food.

Nope.

He decides he isn't hungry now. Now he wants to go play on the playground in the near distance. Stick to your guns mom. Force the kid to eat THEN go play.

After 15 unrelenting minutes of arguing with him about the order or operation (not PEMDAS) but just the simplicity of eating first, then play. We go play. It should also be noted that during this time frame I was attacked by a squirrel who apparently is a local named Bob and has zero manners. Nothing like being robbed of your apple by a 5 lb rodent.

Playground. Sweet. Let's go.

Were playing, but he consistently wanted to play on the "big kid" area where the potential of him falling and dying was quite high. So again, unfortunately for the boy I stood my ground. Welp. Let me tell you that earned me a SLAP to my face AND a bite to the shoulder.

So when I say I'm wishing these years away, I am. Because there isn't a world that I can fathom missing this type of mental, emotional and obviously physical abuse. Toddlers are ASSHOLES. Fight me for it. I don't care.

Guess who is ending her "no alcohol" till March 23 days early? Yep. This mom. Catch me at the bar ✌️

Because...you know.... sanity.

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

The Baby Greens..

We've all definitely heard of the baby blues. A down time in a womans life typically after birthing a child seemingly caused by rapid changes in hormone levels but perhaps it's the unsettling notion of how much your life has changed so fast. Combination? Who really knows. But no one talks about the "baby greens". As I type that I hold back from spewing whatever small contents of bile is left In my stomach across the room.

Baby greens is some work of the devil guys. It's when your baby gets sick, typically with a horrific stomach virus then so slightly passes that demon to you. In which it hits you like being caught in an elevator with Ray Rice.

Pow!. Bad joke? Probably..moving on.

When my kid gets sick I automatically become a human shield for any and all vomit exiting his tiny body. A mothers instinct is to hurl her body in front of the child to protect your furniture, dog, carpet, wine glass..whatever. Then of course you want to cuddle your baby as they vomit down your backside and into your hair. Because "awe, their sick".

So 16 showers & outfit changes later your babe starts settling down a bit. But the worst is far from over. FAR.

I say the worst because the "worst" isn't them being sick my friend. Fuck no. Kids are relentless. They vomit and shit their pants and rally 5 seconds later. The WORST is your time mama. Because unlike when they are sick and we keep it quiet, rub their back, sing them sweet songs... they....they DONT. Lower your expectations. Kids love to kick us when were down.

And like a ticking time bomb..you know it's about to smack you right across the face with a 10 x 4.

I haven't had a stomach "bug" in... I don't know, 15 years? That's Elementary life. Then your body builds up super badass soldiers and wards away all the evil. Eventually though you enter your child bearing years, have a crotch goblin & look who comes back into your life. Like a stalker ex-boyfriend who literally cant take a hint. Be gone.

The devil...back knocking on your door..but this time its armored with weapons and protection that your body has never met before and is over taken. The Khalessi of viruses if you will. She also brought her dragons.

"Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons"

In other words.. shes here to kick your ass.

So like any queen would do, she invades and destroys you, very similar scene to the destruction of Kings Landing.

("Damn... Is really using GOT as a metaphor to this entire blog..?" Yes..yes I am. Jon Snow ♥️)

As you beg for mercy for the sake of your life, your laundry pile and your dignity - your bouncing toddler has zero compassion for you. In fact, your baby who is feeling all better now, is ready to play, scream, run, jump and swing from the effing shower curtain rod as you die on the bathroom floor.

THIS IS THE SHIT PEOPLE NEED TO TALK ABOUT

Check on your sick mom friends. We are not OK. All people deserve to die in peace.

I have had 4 EFFING STOMACH BUGS since having G in September of 2017. I'm no mathematician, but....that's a lot. I'd love to contribute my baby weight loss to diet and exercise but now thinking about it... its definitely just me averaging mass quantities of vomit and diarrhea every few months to keep this bod in check.

So to my moms out there, fighting the good fight, praying for someone to just kill you and take you away from this current misery.

I see you.

I pray for you.

I drink for you.

& Just know...that someday our kids will be grown and need to wipe our ass and clean our mess.

That thought gets me through hard times. Cheers, to weight loss, pedialyte and a few sober days... (just kidding about that last one)

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

Mommin' + Surviving

It's absolutely no secret that being a parent takes a toll on your life for a bit. For obvious reasons, everything about your world, sleep, time management and priorities has completely been rearranged. As a new mom you've stepped into a new world of late nights and early mornings. But in time like any change, this new becomes your standard and life will adjust and Keep chugging along.

With that being said, as a mother of now a 19 month old (Holy F) I have learned that it IS possible to have both. It's OKAY mom's + dad's to be a parent AND keep your social life. Read that again. And again if needed. Not just a "social" life - but it's OKAY to have (kidless) date nights with your significant other. YOU NEED IT. You DESERVE it.

Before your child, it was you + whomever, whenever, however. Why should your life completely stop due to your new family member ? This concept always boggled my mind prior to children and now after children (child, don't get ANY ideas guys) I never understood why friends who have children seem to disappear into the dark night. Like they boarded a boat to the land of boo return. I swore that when I became a rent myself that I would maintain my LIFE. Why? Because it's absolutely unhealthy not too.

Kids are great. They are full of life, curiosity, laughter, pop bellies, sweet kisses, the opportunity to live your childhood over again, slaps across your face, complete breakdowns in the grocery store, extremely embarrassing restaurant trips, dirt, snot, late nights of no sleep (which is COMPLETELY different than late nights at the bar y'all), poop smeared across your walls and my personal favorite - biting. You see kids are great but kids are WORK. Work that your not paid for. Work with no one coming behind you and complimenting your hard work. Work that last 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. Literally, people PAY people to do this job. It's called a nanny (Please God give me one), daycare, baby sitter ect. But not when it's YOURS - there is no pay. Just overtime, alot of coffee and let's face it....alcohol (Please send wine).

You see it, it's SO important for you to take care of YOU. And your spouse. You both need date night, friend night, guys night, girls night, solo night, do nothing at all but stay at a local hotel night and order pizza while the grandparents take the reigns for a bit. It's OK to involve your family and loved ones. I grew up with a very small family. I envied the kids around me who had very involved aunt's, uncle's, grandparents, cousins whatever. Let them love your kids for a bit. Kasey and I have had a recent kidless vacation. It was literally the most wonderful 3 days EVER. Does that mean I don't love my kid? Absolutely not. I missed the shit out of that little terrorist. I couldn't wait to come home and have him chuck a remote at my face. It was HEALTHY. Self love is SO important y'all. Find a trusting friend, sister, grandparent, sitter - involve them. Involve them and take care of YOU. The years will go fast. Spend them enjoying your moments with your tiny human because you gave yourself the opportunity to LIVE and raise your family.

If my friends need that person I can whole heartly be that escape for you. Want a date day? Bring those little assholes to my house but please know - I'm pro-throw cheese at your baby. 🧀

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

Man

..

Good boy

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

Team 0 days off.. literally..

Ahhh..yes.

Another post of a human creator bitching about her new found life as a mum. How original right? The great news is these post our more for my sanity & purely for your enjoyment. If your childless.. soak it up baby. If your a mom, grab a glass of wine and cry with me a bit.

Lately here I've been feeling like the walls all around me are just closing in a little more every day.

I'm not sleep deprived, my boy (whom now is pushing 8 months) is totally a dope ass sleeper.

I'm not friend deprived, I still got my girls from day one hanging tight.

I'm not body depressed, my post baby body is starting to look better than my before baby bod with all my energy invested into the gym & healthy meals

I'm not over worked, I work 3 days a week (12 hours each) and have 4 days off really can't beat that.

But with that being said - I NEVER have a day off from responsibility. And yes I know that was apart of the deal when I got pregnant. But you don't really understand the depth of that until your smack in the middle of it.

Getting woken up every morning by somebody screaming at you is really wearing my friends, like over an 8 month span it's like - holy fucking wearing on your soul. I like to start my mornings quiet with coffee. Now they are a forced, abrupt awakenings with coffee that was brewed 2 hours ago. Pure evil if you ask the right person.

All day long I plan my every move around a tiny humans schedule. Which isn't much - they sleep, eat, play, and poop. But when your trying to balance out an entire full day - it's alot to work around.

Secondly, I have a HUGE fuckery of personal family issues occuring at the moment that just wear on my every breath. I have never spent a single moment of my life feeling sorry for the hand I've been dealt through life. Never. If you ask any person who knows me they will tell you that I am the Queen of making lemonade out of lemon's. I'm a firm believer that we all face our own demons through life, mine were just giving to me very early in life. These demons have left me parentless since the age of 19 years old. I have accepted my cards, but that doesn't take away from the fact that they are a shitty hand I'm playing with here. Not having your parents around sucks just as bad as you think it would, and then some. Do I have other family members? Sure...I guess you could call them that. But we're not a "close" real family. Just the kind that exist because we share the same bloodline if you catch my drift.

You're probably wondering where all this rambling of dead parents and what not is going...and honestly it's just leading to the next disaster in my life that's about to occur within the next few weeks. Because without them, certain unfinished business has been left behind for the rest of us to deal with. And by rest of us, I now mean me. Myself. As if my entire life is chatoic enough at the moment.

And so I feel the uninterrupted, constant responsibility of always having to care for others, at home, at work, wherever has subconsciously made me forget to care for myself. Because in all honesty, I am feeling suffocated. Like I'm breathing through a very thin straw while underwater. I feel this up and coming inner explosion wanting to occur. I've neglected to listen to myself and care for myself because I've consistently put others needs before mine for months now. At this point I'm so deep I haven't a clue how to swim up & out.

This mama needs a serious break.

But when your a mom there are no days off. Seriously. Unless you have alot of money and can afford a nanny or a huge involved family.

Lucky for us we have neither of the above.

We make a healthy income, with small handful of reliable helping hands with the babe. But we realize these people have lives and our responsibilities are not theirs.

In the words of a withering soul...S.O.S ✌️

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

#AintNobodyGotTimeForDat

Like seriously... Why didn't any soul tell me how I'd never have a single moment to upkeep this freaking blog? People ask me all the time "when will you post again?" And I'm over here like "uhh...Greyson's high school graduation perhaps?". I must have been high as a kite when I thought this would be a breeze while trying to maintain a newbies life, do this mom gig, work full time and squeeze in a shower once in awhile. Perhaps this is a solid time frame though to sneak one in. I'm freshly coming off our first vacation (staycation) as a family..and it was perhaps (no definitely) the most unrealistically, unrelaxing, stressful "vacation" of me life. Like seriously, I need a Vacation from what the Flip just occurred all week long. All you mom's who think "I can still travel the baby will just come with" - your all wrong. I was you, just a week ago..now, now I am that bitter ol Haggard mother who knows better. Vacation with a baby is HELL on Earth. I would describe it somewhere between plucking nose hairs with tweezers and rubbing sand in your eyes. There wasn't enough alcohol this week to make me relax and even if there was I wouldn't drink it because..well.. I'm a mom now and being hungover with a baby is probably worst than a Jewish concentration camp (see post #1 please & thank you).

We stayed local cause, well I live like 5 miles away from paradise. Seriously Google it "Anna Maria Island" ahhhh...Yas. my brother in law and family came to town from good ol Denver and rented a b-e-a-utiful house out yonder for us all to live it up in for the week. Which sounds great..except a few minor speed bumps that through this whole ship off course.

1. It was FUXKING COLD all week ..like 40 degrees cold. Like...why does God hate me? It's been in the upwards of 1000 degrees the past 6 weeks.. Vaca hits and boom..hello Northeastern Storm residual..#booYouWhore

2. there ain't SHIT relaxing about sitting on a beach with a 6 month old...not... shit

3. Greyson recently started daycare which left him with a solid ass virus this week...#DoubleBoo

4. Babies eat sand...just FYI

5. What goes in...must come out...also FYI

6. Babies don't do well on boats...so no baby on boat = no mama on boat

7. Our diaper bag exploded bottles at dinner.. saturating every effing thing..Guess what diapers do when they get wet...if you said "nothing" your incredibly wrong. Please go wet a diaper and get back to me.

8. Did I mention how freaking cold it was?

9. I ended my vacation with a fat ticket on my window for "Parking on a Paved surface" ..... Like what the turkey does that even God for sake mean? ISNT EVERYWHERE WE DRIVE PAVED (for the most part)? I'll park in the Gulf next time..sorry

10. I have a super great tan. Yeah totes not a negative I had to sprinkle some happiness in there somewhere #BrownBunz

11. While we were soaking in the beauty of a sunset, I felt an incredibly warm sensation around abdomen.. yeah the baby peed all over us both..Great news though.. remember that diaper bag that was ruined at dinner? Oh yeah baby ... No diapers, no clothes #nailedit

THIS WEEK WAS LONG AF.

It's absolutely insane how raising a little human completely changes your way of thinking and thought process. Long gone are the days off taking a vacation & straight relaxing while consuming every alcoholic beverage within a 5 mile radius. Perhaps when he gets a little higher and is more independent it'll balance itselr out

...but for now..my new paradise is right here...in my bed..ahhh sweet serenity my friends. ✌️☘️

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

#INeedAVacationYesterday

*** Warning : I write this while sick, pressure in my head like a mofo and slightly hormonal ***

Can I just say... sometimes I absolutely hate being a mom. Like legitimately MISS my previous life so much it could bring me to tears. I miss not being needed. Not being demanded. I miss waking up whenever I want too, going wherever I wanted whenever I wanted too. There's a beauty about freedom that we ALL take for granted while we have it & miss it incredibly too much when it's gone. Now with all this being said..this feeling only comes ONCE in awhile. It's those days when work, school, parenting, sickness and everything else that falls apart all seem to run together and you literally want to rip every thread of hair right outta your own scalp. When you are in a "To hell with it mood" and day dream of your self soaking up the Ray's on the beach with your pre-baby body while sipping on a Malibu bucket - all tan and beautiful. Yassss'm. Those ARE the days. Because THESE days - these days your bare minimal ftiendlisted, not invited anywhere "fun" cause well..you have a baby, and that means fun is negative. You have a mom-bod, with hair roots that severely need some TLC. But you know twhat? That's OK. It's totally OK to have a new and improved mom life. If you didn't want to kill your kid and quite frankly yourself once in a good while are you really even a parent? Because even though I DO miss the absolute hell out of freedom, alcohol, social life, QUITE, peacefulness...I wouldn't trade my WORST mom day with my BEST parentless day. Period. Because my days NOW are filled with a smiling, giggling, growing, adorable baby who absolutely adores my husband and I. Like I literally love him so much that the meer thought of anyone causing harm to him gives me the ability to smell the inside of prison walls. So sometimes yes, I absolutely hate being a mom..but that's what makes me human and makes me truly appreciate this entire journey. I still have the ability to feel life and all it's beauty without a little one sucking it all away from me. Now that..that is a GIFT! Because sanity and peace are quite frankly overrated y'all.

#Mommin #SaveMySoul #WhatBaby #Vacation #Staycation #Nocation #WheresTheRum #Parentlife #MomLife #BabyGreyson #Journey

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

Sometimes thoughts just need to be put on matter so I can get them the F out of my head. Seriously. I've had a rather emotional week. Which is impressive... considering it's only Monday. I'm not sure if it's the fact I stopped breastfeeding my pup this week or if it was last night's heart wrenching, life destroying episode of "This Is Us", (🖕you NBC or ABC, whoever the hell runs that show,) but lord I have found myself ever so emotionally retarded the last few days. I'm sure that's not politically correct to say..but whatever I'm hormonal get off my back. I've recently been following a high school gal pal who's life is seriously hitting the fan. That's putting it mildly. I won't go into details of her life because it's nobodies business including my own. I'm watching her share her heartbreaking story of last days of life with her child. I believe she is about 7 years old & is very, very sick. I follow her videos, blogs and updates of the good and the bad. Even with the good, unfortunately the bad out weighs heavily and soon she will living on this Earth without her child. Now believe me I am whole HEARTLY just torn from head to toe with sadness for this poor child, but am I insane to be even SADDER for her mama? I believe this angel will move on to another World without pain and will only know love and happiness. But her mom? Her mom will be LIVING, breathing, feeling and remembering this all for the rest of her life....my question is..how do you? How DO you live? Because as a person who has walked through hell, climbed the saddest mountains and has personally had what felt like my heart placed into a blender loosing my parents at a young age..do not feel this is overcomable. I do not feel that after having a child of my own, that I could truly live on if something was to ever happen to him.

When I was young, my oldest sister was killed in a car accident. She was my mom's first child. I thankfully I don't remember this moment of my life or of my mom's. As the story goes she was an absolute wreck. I've been told it took her about 1-2 years of peeling her out of her bed daily until she found the ability to smile again and the strength to live again. My mom passed away a few years ago, and you know..we never really talked about her. 18 years later she STILL could not speak about the loss. It was as if she blocked it out. Like her mind was protecting her by not allowing her to access that area of memories. I always saw a little bit of sadness in her eyes though. I wish I knew who she was before she lost her child. You can never be the same again. Not even close.

I have been grieving for these mothers and I applaud their courage. There can not he any type of pain quite comparable to this type of loss.

Tonight I have sat quietly with my baby rocking him. He has been asleep for about an hour now. Instead of putting him down as soon as he dozed to run to my bed and RELAX after my long work day, I decided to sit here with him in the dark, listening to his music, listening to him breathe, soaking in his health and kissing him over and over and over again. We get so caught up in our busy lives that we forget to savor the moment. To just enjoy the quiet. To appreciate our health and time with one another. We all have an expiration date. None of us know when your time is up. Or when our loved ones time is up. We always assume that we will just live till we're old and grey. But we won't. Our time is not guaranteed. So I have made a promise to myself to always appreciate time. It's something we can never get back. Something so many people would give anything to have just 1 more minute of. Squeeze your babies, dogs, cats, mom, dad, brother, sister, friends and strangers. Be good and do good. Because you never know the day that'll it'll only be a menory.

Phew...now please excuse me while I attempt to wrestle my hornones...this mom lite will be the death of me.. or at least my sanity.

.

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

Rule 3: Having a baby has made our relationship stronger

Say twhat..?

It's true. I can whole hearted day that having a child has made my husband and I's relationship better than ever. But don't worry - about 900 people told us during my pregnancy how it would more than likely ruin us. Yeah people suck. Got to love their unwanted words of wisdom. Infact ON MY DUE DATE we were enjoying a last hoorah lunch and our waitress thought that was prime time to say "enjoy this meal it's the last great thing that will ever happen to you two and your time together" it took everything in me ( and also the thought of giving birth in jail ) to not slap the words right out of her mouth. Like who raised you? As if I'm not full of enough fear at this moment you drop a bomb that my life as we know it is completely over? I have one thing to share with you - to the blonde lady at Cracker Barrel on Cortez road with 6 kids, 5 different baby daddies and twins - your a special kind of asshole and I'm sorry your life sucks but you seem deserving of it. Anywho.

Being 4 months into this gig I feel like my relationship with my husband has faced the most challenging moments raising a tiny human. As a team we've been day in and day out getting our asses royally kicked by a 14 lb ball of energy. Literally, Kasey might of experienced a bloody nose from a swift kick to the mug the other day by yours truly. Hurricane baby at it's finest.

The keyword there was TEAM. You HAVE to be a team on this journey. If your not in it to win it then do NOT have a baby together. If you have a Rocky relationship do NOT have a baby. If your significant other is a half asser on ANYTHING...I REPEAT DO NOT HAVE A BABY. Because as much as I love my bug in a rug, I could see where this journey could be full of loneliness, stress and anxiety that never seems to end. But sharing that with someone who is just as dedicated as you are really is just the 🐝 knees of the gig. When G was brand spanking new we would both try and tag team every single diaper change. Sounds ridiculous. And it was. Our hands were constantly in the way of one another and it made the entire sha-bang a thousand times more difficult. We change diapers for a living and still couldn't get this one straight. Go figure. The first few weeks we did shift change. I took days he took nights, it aloud for us both to experience full stretches of sleep and not have us both walking around like a bunch of drunk zombies (ahhh..college days, but less alcohol and more sleep deprivation). We do all our baths together. Well not as a family, we're not ALL bathing, just the baby is. Then we read a story or two all together. Rock him to sleep together. Then we lay on our bed and watch the monitor as he sleeps and giggle the night away. You see being a mom and dad is literally the hardest yet most rewarding thing we've ever done in our entire lives. Like people say that but I'm not always convinced they mean it. But I do. And it's because of my super awesome husband that I love this life so much. Yes it's only been 4 months but that's plenty of time to get the feel of how this life is going to unfold for you. People have babies in hopes of saving their shitty relationship. You know what that buys you? A single ass parent life and a broken home for your new child. Which can be cool I guess, two Christmas's isn't the worst thing in the world. I remember when my parents told us they were separating. It was on Easter. Not sure why they chose that day to tell us but they did. I was 5 years old. I remember that very moment 22 years later. Remember that people. Some stings never fade. Now with that being said, if my parents were happier apart then together then by ALL means it was the right choice, but please just stop having babies with people that you know you'll want to kill 6 months from now.

Being a parent is hard. Like really hard. And I'm saying that even with a baby who is really good. I couldn't imagine it with a baby who was a bad sleeper, colic or anything of that nature. We understand each other's stress, give each other a break when needed and Bond as a family like NEVER before. Everything about our relationship is BETTER. We have always had a super awesome bond prior to G. But he was just the absolute cherry on top. I love my husband more now than I ever thought was humanly possible. I respect him more. Cherish him more. And value our time with and without Greyson together a thousand times more.

Having a baby made us better. So when your ready to take the journey with your super badass significant other - do so knowing that it's not all these horrible things that 'people say'. "People" can literally kiss my 🍑 and stick it where the sun don't shine.

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

Rule #2 : Some days you just won’t win..take your loss

This might make me sound like an absolute asshole to verbalize on “paper” but damn sometimes the memories of “before mom life” can just bring me to tears. What do I mean exactly? I mean the memory of sleeping in, getting everything done that needs attended too or just straight up doing NOTHING at all sounds so incredibly good that it makes me want to cry. You never see a life where peeing is considered a difficult task..then you become a mom.

Now I LOVE being a mom. I really full heartly do. It’s great. But if your fears of being a mom are all circling around loosing your freedom - then boy your fears are REAL. Cause my friends freedom as you know it takes a long walk off a short pier.

Now my complaints may very well fall on deaf ears cause as a whole my baby is awesome. He really is. He sleeps 10 hours straight at night, rarely makes a peep, he’s easy going in public settings and he is FULL of smiles and giggles.

But just like any baby, G has his “days”. I find myself constantly searching for a HUGE medical based problem when the reality is, he’s a baby and babies have bad days like anyone else.

Today friends is ONE of those days. As I write this I am sitting in my bathroom with the door shut and he is screaming like a crazy man in his crib. He’s fed, dry, and clean. I have rocked him, loved him, kissed him, sang to him - yet he just wants to be mad. That’s when you put the baby down in a safe place and you walk AWAY. Not far, don’t buy a 1 way ticket to China (despite how great that does currently sound) but just enough to KEEP YOUR SANITY.

There are days that you just WONT WIN. Your baby is full of changes so having the expectation that they won’t be a total asshole some days is a serious illusion.

I’ve been ATTEMPTING to wrap gifts, do laundry, and finish Christmas shopping today. Go ahead and ask me how much of that was accomplished. I’ll say 25%. Infact while shopping this little guy decided to have a serious blow out in his diaper then proceeded to scream his lungs out while I’m stuck in holiday shopping lines. The anxiety was REAL my friends. Every shopper stared me down like I was physically beating my kid. Like stop doing that people. It’s a crying baby - huge whoop, stop staring and making us mom’s feel like a bunch of assholes for daring to be brave and bring our baby out to get some errands done.

Sigh…though the days of easy-going are long, long behind me now I will say that I will cherish these moments even the bad one’s. One day I’ll look back and wish to relive this time again & again. So for now it’s Tylenol for Mama’s headache from the crying, wine to keep me sane and VERY cherished date nights when we get em time to time.

Side note : I just scooped the babe up and he has worn himself out completely asleep…ahhhhhh…the silence. Yesss.

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

I came across this article in regards to loosing weight and the correlation with breastfeeding. Everyone will tell you how BF will burn your baby weight away. I did drop my baby weight rather quickly and perhaps I DO have BFing to thank for that. However, I also maintained an ideal weight gain during my pregnancy and maintained my gym time up until about 30 weeks. At 14 weeks postpartum TODAY - I’m dancing right about on my pre baby weight. My body however does not reflect that. My belly is still soft with extra love hanging around. My hips are still wider than ever. And my boobs took a vacation that their never coming back from (I hope your somewhere where the sun shines and the air is salty and fresh!) The point is - ignore the scale. Those numbers mean NOTHING. Set aside time weekly to workout - even if it’s 15 mins on some intense cardio in the AM. Just do it. You’ll thank yourself later. Secondly, stop with the shitty food. Feed your body water, protein and vegetables. Being a new mom is tough but taking 10 mins to prep a healthy meal for the day (oatmeal, egg whites, yogurt, protein shake, toast with honey, grilled chicken, salad ect) can make all the difference in the world. Kick the soda, keep your coffee clean-ish and replace all with water, water , water. Let’s work on our hot mom bodies - WE DESERVE IT. We DESERVE to hear “Oh my God, you had a baby??? You look fantastic!” 💪 It’ll make your day - I promise. And make every healthy eat and workout totally worth every inch. Not to mention the happy endorphins your body WILL NATURALLY RELEASE!

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

Rule #1. Avoid the brown bottle flu at all cost

My non-blood mom warned me wisely to not have a hangover with a baby. Now as a new mom your like "eh I've been hungover before, it sucks but it'll be fine". FYI - IT'S NOT FINE. Having a hangover with a baby is probably the worst punishment for binge drinking the night prior. It's like God's way of teaching you a harsh lesson.

I have only gone out once since being a new mama and it was for my birthday about 8 weeks ago. We have our God sent GiGi who took Grey for the evening and kept him over night thus allowing my husband and I to have a night on the town with friends and sleep off the hangover in the AM. Not bad right? Well picture this one..

Last evening I ventured out with some lovely ladies in our fancy get up, lipstick on and hair washed and styled. Boom yes. We went to a champagne tasting in Sarasota from 6 pm - 8 pm. Now mind you..There were 12 tables with 4-5 different types at EACH. In a 2 hour window I managed to get a solid buzz going. Now remember when I said I did my hair and had makeup on? Well shoot... I can't go home now. I've put all this effort in to look good - I need to soak it all in and continue the party else where...duh.

Remember my amazing husband I mentioned back in post 1? Well this next part is just another reason why he such a badass. I ask him if he minds me going downtown to have a drink, his response "absolutely not babe!!! Have an awesome time, I got the baby!!" - Yeah I know he's amazing, getchu one like that ladies. Now my girlfriend & I think we're having "a drink"...Go ahead and laugh I know. You'd think by the age of pushing 30 (holy..shit did I really just write that 😥) that we would be mature enough to have a single adult beverage and be on our way back home... WRONG. We are not mature enough. We turn into 21 year old bimbos that are out for the very first time in our lives..every...single..time. We end up closing down the bar, destroying some McDonald's and crawling into bed somewhere around 230-ishhhh in the morning.

Why. Did. I. Do. This.

You know who doesn't give a shit about your desperate need for sleep, Tylenol, water and a greasy cheeseburger? Your baby. Your baby doesn't care AT all. In fact, babies are smart. They can sense your desperation and will turn off the sweetness & frequent naps and kick fussy asshole & wide awake into full gear. All. Day. Long.

I've spent my day so far throwing up in between diaper changes and bottle feedings. I'm somewhere between feeling like a total asshole mom, begging my sweet baby to PLEASE take a 10 minute nap and secretly wishing a semi truck would just run me over and put me out of my misery.

So ladies, the point is..if your going to drink like you have no responsibilities or obligations to tend too, do so with knowing that the next 24 hours of your life will be the worst possible hours you'll ever know. Was it worth It? Hell yes it was. Because as a mom, you NEED to have nights out. You NEED to hang with your girlfriends, drink too much and dance the hours away. You NEED to put on makeup & a hot outfit and feel good about yourself. Just because your a mother doesn't mean that your life is over. You will loose yourself if you don't allow there to be fun and baby free time. It just means that your hangovers have officially leveled up on you girlfriend.

God speed my friends. God speed.

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

Pregnancy sucks…Don’t lie

Let’s be real about some real shiz for a moment. Pregnancy sucks. If I never have to venture down that path again that’ll be just fine with me. To my Mama’s out there who are trying to get pregnant - please don’t be offended by these words. Pregnancy is a beautiful miracle. The wonders of our bodies as women to grow a human inside us is absolutely baffling. It really is. But with all beauty comes pain and discomfort. It’s like squeezing your ass into a body shaper, or some cute stilettos. The shit looks good - but damn is it ever uncomfortable.

Now I was blessed with morning sickness for the first 12 weeks. Not too shabby right? Wrong. Did I mention I’m a nurse? Nursing for 12 hours while sick 3 times a week = Pure Hell. But it passes.

Growing. The growth is sooooo real. Your big..but then suddenly your fucking Mac truck size big. Like move your seat back so you can get in the car and drive type big. I was blessed to come from a line of women who don’t get stretch marks. But to back up that theory I bathed myself in every lotion know to man kind to help prevent the markings of building a human slashed across my abdomen for eternity. I used a mixture of Vitamin E, coconut oil and baby oil. Lathered it on twice a day baby! I however did not love on my boobs enough - those puppies look mightly colorful these days.

The itchy skin..

The heart burn. Holy. Shit. The heartburn. I was sooooo convinced my baby would come out a Tum or pepcid pill. I way over took the daily dose I’m pretty sure. Popped them thangs like tic-tacs. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE will tell you “Your going to have a hairy baby” - OR food for thought - you just have a HUMAN inside you pushing your stomach UPWARD into your throat. Pushing all that stomach acid with it. Just saying. To each their own theory though.

Round ligament pain. Google it. It’s real.

Tachycardia. Unknown reason why. Perhaps increased blood volume. Whatever cause it - it sucked. Nothing like feeling like you just ran a marathon at 3am while sound asleep.

Your pelvic floor. I thought for WEEKS, like literal weeks that my baby was just going to plop right out of me.

This ALL goes without mentioning your limit of 200 mg of caffeine a day (Again..did I mention that I’m an effing nurse!? That’s our lifeline). No - alcohol. This was the worst for me. No I’m not a raging alcoholic. A person who enjoys a nice cold beer. Or a solid ass night on the town. Not drinking was like loosing apart of who I was as a person. Totally sucked.

Side sleeping only- FML.

The list goes on and on. Infact the only great thing about being pregnant was the ability to eat alot and wear a tight dress and not look like a huge cow but like a beautiful goddess. Winning. And of course - it’s your baby in there!!! I was always a “team no kids” but apparently having sex leads to children who woulda thunk?!

With alllllllllllll that being said…as horrid as it was…and painful..lawdddd back labor is the devil in disguise..was it EVER so incredibly worth every freaking moment.

Now the birth story… That’s for another day my friends 💕

[thecuriouslifeofalex]

Does Blogging officially make me a mom?!

...Ok here we go

First off I'll start by saying HI - I'm Alex. I'm 27 years old, married to a rockstar (OK - really though he's a badass lifesaving critical care nurse, close enough aye?). We've been together a beautiful 6 years & I have to say we really go together like vodka & chocolate! That's a thing..Google it!

Recently we've ventured down the road of...you guessed it PARENTING! Our life was pretty much full of cool stuff like - animals, traveling, alcohol, Uber rides and did I mention animals? And then it happen. Boom - our eggo was Prego with Baby #1. It was a blurry 6 weeks of holidays and drinking but somewhere in-between it all ... a baby was made!

Now your probably thinking "Great another mom blog". And if you are - YOUR RIGHT! BUT I will say.. The Blogging came recommended after a shalom of funny status updates of my first 12 weeks of being a mom. I kept my family and friends on their toes and delivered them belly laughs from sharing my "new mom" hiccups, failures and of course my gorgeous baby boy, Greyson !

So here we are...Blogging away while sitting on the couch watching my 10th straight hour of Netflix with a baby attached to my boob. The life.

I use to be pretty cool, or at least I like to think so..I was in great shape, good boobs and could handle.my alcohol pretty well I must add. So you can imagine the surprise of our little bundle was quite the change up for us. Along with all changes come learning curves. With all learning curves comes a shit load of information that nobody tells you!!! Like...

-Where do you out the baby when you go grocery shopping?

-How do I avoid getting peed on with every diaper change?

-Where did my once beautiful perky, but fake, boobs go? Like seriously...I can't seem to locate the implants anymore..

Everyone will go out of their way to tell you how you'll never sleep again, how your life will never be the same again, how your a shitty mom if you don't breastfeed blah blah blah...but no one tells you how not to look like a total asshole in public with a baby or that it's totally okay to drink an entire bottle of wine in one sitting by yourself.

Well people I'll be that person. I'll share all my asshole having moments in hopes of perhaps saving just one mom from the complete embarrassment when you walk into a bathroom with an explosive shit diaper and find that it doesn't have A FUCKING CHANGING TABLE and haven't a clue what to do. But.like it's 2017..get your shit together McDonalds.

I'm not a professional by any means. I'm new to dis, remember? But I'm tired of seeing all these shitty mom blogs that are full of judgy, bias, helicopter mom's who try to tell everyone how to raise a damn baby..If your my age or older you'll know we came from a time that mom's smoke while pregnant, left us in a car to get gas or go into a bar and we turned out pretty alright.

So welcome to.my first blog. If it made you.smile then it was worth the read and worth the hour and half it took me to blow through this shindig. If you didn't find humor in my words of wisdom so far...well your personality probably sucks anyway so lighten up 🙌