theonstanley

[theonstanley]

I miss when love felt like...

[theonstanley]

Would you...

Would you let me hold you hand this time

Stare into you and tell you countless stories about how my doors never really shut.

We'd write a poem with our hands clenched as if letting go was the last thing on our minds

All the unspoken pain would flow down my face to yours.

I'd wipe your tears dry and use my sorrow to hydrate your garden

Would you let me hold your hand this time. Let me be there for your bloom.

Would you let hold your hand

And this time, I'll never...

[theonstanley]

I miss you?

What i i said I...

I sometimes imagine how youd react

I get it, we didnt end on the best terms

With the screaming and shouting

Its like we buried a damaged artifact

What if i said i miss you?

I see in my head the elipses on the screen ...

'Type and Erase' trying to find the right words

I read your text "what makes you think you do?"

The obvious memories flash right before my eyes

As i frantically press the keys on this keyboard

Hoping the right memory, the right moment, the right words

Will show you where my heart really lies.

But then i try to bring myself back to reality

You broke up with Me!

I walked away from You!

The back and forth and all the duality

"I miss you"

I still imagine a future together

"I miss you"

But how do i know we'll last forever

"I miss you"

Is our relationship really in the nether

"I miss you"

It's for the best i don't say that to you

I Love......

[Message deleted]

[theonstanley]

Choosing myself nearly broke me

[theonstanley]

I will never look for you in her

And that is the gift I present

To my future

[theonstanley]

“And it’s hard to hate someone once you understand them.”

— Lucy Christopher

[theonstanley]

— rhythmicrhinoceros

[theonstanley]

— David Foster Wallace

[theonstanley]

Andrea Gibson, "DEPRESSION [VERB]", Lord of the Butterflies

[theonstanley]

HOW TO WRITE A CHARACTER WHO IS IN PAIN

first thing you might want to consider: is the pain mental or physical?

if it’s physical, what type of pain is it causing? — sharp pain, white-hot pain, acute pain, dull ache, throbbing pain, chronic pain, neuropathic pain (typically caused by nerve damage), etc

if it’s mental, what is the reason your character is in pain? — grief, heartbreak, betrayal, anger, hopelessness, fear and anxiety, etc

because your character will react differently to different types of pain

PHYSICAL PAIN

sharp and white-hot pain may cause a character to grit their teeth, scream, moan, twist their body. their skin may appear pale, eyes red-rimmed and sunken with layers of sweat covering their forehead. they may have tears in their eyes (and the tears may feel hot), but they don’t necessarily have to always be crying.

acute pain may be similar to sharp and white-hot pain; acute pain is sudden and urgent and often comes without a warning, so your character may experience a hitched breathing where they suddenly stop what they’re doing and clench their hand at the spot where it hurts with widened eyes and open mouth (like they’re gasping for air).

dull ache and throbbing pain can result in your character wanting to lay down and close their eyes. if it’s a headache, they may ask for the lights to be turned off and they may be less responsive, in the sense that they’d rather not engage in any activity or conversation and they’d rather be left alone. they may make a soft whimper from their throat from time to time, depends on their personality (if they don’t mind others seeing their discomfort, they may whimper. but if your character doesn’t like anyone seeing them in a not-so-strong state, chances are they won’t make any sound, they might even pretend like they’re fine by continuing with their normal routine, and they may or may not end up throwing up or fainting).

if your character experience chronic pain, their pain will not go away (unlike any other illnesses or injuries where the pain stops after the person is healed) so they can feel all these types of sharp pain shooting through their body. there can also be soreness and stiffness around some specific spots, and it will affect their life. so your character will be lucky if they have caretakers in their life. but are they stubborn? do they accept help from others or do they like to pretend like they’re fine in front of everybody until their body can’t take it anymore and so they can no longer pretend?

neuropathic pain or nerve pain will have your character feeling these senses of burning, shooting and stabbing sensation, and the pain can come very suddenly and without any warning — think of it as an electric shock that causes through your character’s body all of a sudden. your character may yelp or gasp in shock, how they react may vary depends on the severity of the pain and how long it lasts.

EMOTIONAL PAIN

grief can make your character shut themself off from their friends and the world in general. or they can also lash out at anyone who tries to comfort them. (five states of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventual acceptance.)

heartbreak — your character might want to lock themself in a room, anywhere where they are unseen. or they may want to pretend that everything’s fine, that they’re not hurt. until they break down.

betrayal can leave a character with confusion, the feelings of ‘what went wrong?’, so it’s understandable if your character blames themself at first, that maybe it’s their fault because they’ve somehow done something wrong somewhere that caused the other character to betray them. what comes after confusion may be anger. your character can be angry at the person who betrayed them and at themself, after they think they’ve done something wrong that resulted in them being betrayed, they may also be angry at themself next for ‘falling’ for the lies and for ‘being fooled’. so yes, betrayal can leave your character with the hatred that’s directed towards the character who betrayed them and themself. whether or not your character can ‘move on and forgive’ is up to you.

there are several ways a character can react to anger; they can simply lash out, break things, scream and yell, or they can also go complete silent. no shouting, no thrashing the place. they can sit alone in silence and they may cry. anger does make people cry. it mostly won’t be anything like ‘ugly sobbing’ but your character’s eyes can be bloodshot, red-rimmed and there will be tears, only that there won’t be any sobbing in most cases.

hopelessness can be a very valid reason for it, if you want your character to do something reckless or stupid. most people will do anything if they’re desperate enough. so if you want your character to run into a burning building, jump in front of a bullet, or confess their love to their archenemy in front of all their friends, hopelessness is always a valid reason. there’s no ‘out of character’ if they are hopeless and are desperate enough.

fear and anxiety. your character may be trembling, their hands may be shaky. they may lose their appetite. they may be sweaty and/or bouncing their feet. they may have a panic attack if it’s severe enough.

and I think that’s it for now! feel free to add anything I may have forgotten to mention here!

[theonstanley]

"Its never the same".

She lays there comfortably. She owns it all. Her beauty leaking from her scars, they never feel the same. Should i stay, finally go through the night and see her during the day? Should i stay and let her scars consume me into dismay, shouldn stay?

Will she let me?

Tickle...

I stop. Never has a wall looked so beautiful. An artist unknown but a foundation unbroken in detail. Can i touch it? Can i run my hands through the walls shes built. Can i climb over to her side to see the mud behind the concrete. Can i be the humpty dumpty...who climbed in the wall and maybe she'll catch me when i fall.

[theonstanley]

But were not together.

I just saw a post about how lovely it feels to be in love

She spoke about the soft touch of your breathe when you whisper my name to me

She mentioned how your hands played perfect notes all over my body

How the stare from your eyes put my withered soul on spotlight

It felt like it was written for you.

I found myself jealous at her words for capturing your essence in a sentence

And cast you the perfect role in this story I call life.

"The Girl he always wanted".

The poem was beautiful. Honestly it made me cry.

I clicked share and your name was the first to pop up but…

But we aren’t together.

So I stepped back

Liked the post

And left "..." for a comment.

Hoping the algorithm would algorithm and the poem would still find its way to you and you’d see the comment,

That although our story seems finished

These ellipses show a desire to carry on

That although were not together

I continue to think about you, whenever i read a love poem

[theonstanley]

Lee Krasner // Franz Kafka

[theonstanley]

Setting boundaries is so tiring

[theonstanley]

I just want someone to talk to.

[theonstanley]