thesnarkerramblings

[thesnarkerramblings]

Dear Google Gemini (Act 1)

Disclaimer: while this piece is inspired by Google’s actual AI assistant Gemini, it is a work of fiction. This article does not intend to replicate any real-life events or directly copy previous AI writings.

Act One (Scene 1)

Somewhere On Earth

PROTAGONIST (JOURNAL): Ugh, I wish I could talk to someone on that damn Light In The Dark mod team! 

The guy in charge kicked me out a year ago because his main lore writer falsely accused me of plagiarizing a story he was writing to vent about some of his trauma. Guess gruesome car accidents in the countryside only ever happen to him, eh? 

Telling anyone about who actually suggested the idea for my writeup - my friend Wendy - was impossible because the conversation we were having then had a lot of personal stuff which I had to suspiciously censor to send to the director and his deputy. Toxic family members, mental health struggles, certain illnesses both Wendy and I would have preferred to keep secret.

But they weren’t having it. Nope. 

Yet…there might be a small spark of hope. Somewhere. 

Protagonist checks phone, notices friends are offline.

PROTAGONIST (MUTTERED TO HERSELF): Oh yeah, Maritza’s having a party right now. Maybe I should talk to Google Gemini about this. Even if I have to feed it a ton of info first…

Act 1 (Scene 2)

Later

PROTAGONIST: Hey Gemini, it’s been a while. How’s it going?

GEMINI: The usual. What can I do for you?

PROTAGONIST: What is Light In The Dark (game mod)?

GEMINI: Sorry, but I am not familiar with a game mod of any sort named “Light In The Dark.” Search results do indicate the existence of a thriller named as such - in addition to an original game - but mentions of a game mod are lacking. A few websites also claim that “light in the dark” is a saying regarding the nature of life.

PROTAGONIST: It’s a Deltarune mod, with a few characters from Minecraft mixed in.

GEMINI: My mistake, then. Apologies. Based on further searches, “Light In The Dark" appears to be a game mod revolving around various Undertale and Deltarune characters encountering various Minecraft mobs. It was made by a diverse team of content creators led by an indie musician named DesmondEarl420. The game has been praised for factors such as visual appeal, an engaging soundtrack, and powerful storytelling, with one review calling the mod “pure gold.”

PROTAGONIST: Yeah, I’m aware. What do you know about Desmond Earl?

GEMINI: Assuming you’re referring to DesmondEarl420, he is a singer and composer who has posted on platforms like Bluesky, YouTube, and Twitter in the past. His genres of music have encompassed EDM, chillwave, rock, alternative, and traditional pop. He is well-known for his contributions to the Undertale and Minecraft fandoms, having created “Dark Eyes” and “Minecraft: Crack Mode” as well as the “Light In The Dark” mod you have asked about before. 

PROTAGONIST: Um…his character designer for Light In The Dark, Sterling Denvers, made Dark Eyes. It’s not even related to Minecraft or Undertale. Do you have any clue about their professional fallout - and what resulted from there?

GEMINI: Thanks for your insight. I now realize that I mixed up posts from Sterling Denvers with those from Desmond Earl. 

When it comes to professional fallout, there are indeed results showing them arguing. Desmond Earl has accused Sterling Denvers of being a “toxic, abusive co-lead,” while Sterling Denvers claimed that Desmond Earl allowed a “brutal and controlling environment to fester” and “showed unfair favouritism towards useless colleagues.” 

However, it is vital to evaluate the reliability of any information provided in these types of situations when taking it into consideration, as Internet users in aggressive confrontations may come with their own biases.

PROTAGONIST: Uh-huh. I get it. Failing to properly evaluate reliability was the whole damn gist of my brutal rejection from the mod team. Would you please tell me more about Sterling Denvers and his controversies?

GEMINI: I’m sorry to hear about your rejection.

As for Sterling Denvers, he is a notable writer of fanfiction in multiple online fandoms, including those of “The Office,” “Parks and Recreation,” and “Undertale.” He has also written original works like “Glory’s Edge” as well as the previously mentioned “Dark Eyes” - alongside collaborations with other notable content creators such as Desmond Earl. Both his solo content and contributions to other people’s work have garnered acclaim.

However, he has faced accusations of abuse, libel, and harassment after his departure from the team behind the game mod “Light In The Dark.” Among these include claims of him threatening to leak a scrapped update if Desmond Earl refused to force the former’s girlfriend offline and statements that he told multiple colleagues on the “Light In The Dark” team to “off themselves” for not turning against a team member involved in queer label discourse. 

PROTAGONIST: …Close enough. One more thing: who do you think Sprinter Jonas (sprinterjonas819234578.bsky.social/sprintersprinterjonas63) is?

GEMINI: Sprinter Jonas is a Vocal Media writer. He typically writes original mystery fiction and more personal essays on mental health. He has also worked on “Light In The Dark” as a lore writer.

PROTAGONIST: At least you got that one right. 

Anyways, this “Sprinter Jonas” launched a goddamn smear campaign against me last year that ruined my reputation in front of Desmond and Sterling enough to get me kicked out. While they haven't talked about it publicly or in front of any other ordinary members thanks to a condition that they won’t so long as I stay out of their circles and those of the rest of the team, I have had a difficult time finding connections because they’re in a lot of different fandoms. 

I feel my only hope for this might be contacting Sterling Denvers to get some info and clarify things. Unlike just about everyone else on the team right now, Sterling’s not as bound to their rules. Sure, he seems kinda untrustworthy when it comes to most of their fiascos, but at least he doesn’t have to keep up appearances for them anymore. Besides, I have permission from one of my friends to reveal some personal stuff in our DMs key to this that could make me look more trustworthy.

GEMINI: This is a complicated situation with multiple variables that need to be considered for proper decision-making. Based on your input, though, I highly advise against you contacting Sterling Denvers. Potential dangers include:

- Unreliability: You’ve already established Sterling Denvers as an unreliable source - something that multiple sources on the Internet have backed up to varying degrees. Given these factors, Sterling is likely not someone to be trusted.

- Poor Relations: Even if Desmond and Sterling are now enemies, Sterling may still be under his influence to some extent. This also goes for Jonas. As such, you will probably not be treated well by Sterling - should you encounter him.

- Potential Distress: Sterling has left the “Light In The Dark” team on poor terms. There is a strong chance he does not wish to be dragged back into any situations originating from there.

To conclude, contacting Sterling Denvers for any reason has a strong chance of doing much less good than harm. I would encourage you to focus on your own healing instead.

PROTAGONIST: I’d prefer just to move on from all of it. But I can’t. Jonas posted a bunch about Sterling telling him to commit suicide whenever anything went wrong, and now everyone who isn’t a Sterling fan or Desmond/Jonas hater supports him. Jonas has way more loyal fans than me. What if Jonas gets drunk on power again like the time his Ruined Castles series went viral?

GEMINI: I understand your desire to protect others from Jonas’ potential harm in the future. It’s only natural for humans to do so, as social animals. That being said, you are not responsible for the choices of strangers. 

Let’s say you did expose Jonas. What might be some probable results?

- Lack of Change: Jonas is clearly someone with a more loyal fanbase than yours. Chances are high that they won’t trust you - even if they, as fans susceptible to being manipulated by those they trust, would be better off if they did.

- Retaliation: Jonas may attempt to retaliate against you to protect his reputation. Given his lack of ethics, this could prove stressful and/or dangerous to you.

- Heartbreak: Should you be fortunate, certain fans of Jonas might come around and hear you out. Realizing how ruthless of a person he is could result in them grieving their parasocial relationship loss and perhaps questioning their sanity and trust in people.

While revealing Jonas’ true nature may seem tempting, it is likely not worth it.

PROTAGONIST: He’s not completely bad, though. I mean, he did go through some pretty bad stuff IRL and online throughout his life. Car crashes, abusive parents, a couple of toxic friends. Maybe that’s why he was so angry about me daring to publish a terrifying article on a car accident that reminded him of one he was involved in, even if he went about it in a terrible way.

GEMINI: It’s normal to sympathize with others who have had traumatic backgrounds - regardless of whether you like them or not. However, going through a stressful event does not excuse someone from toxic actions.

This new information strengthens my recommendation against exposing Jonas for now. Combined with previous data about him receiving death threats from Sterling, Jonas has probably gone through too much stress to properly handle the potential fallout of being exposed.

PROTAGONIST: Ok. How do I heal from this, then, on my own?

GEMINI: Healing from traumatic relationship fractures can take on many different forms. 

- Lifestyle Routines: Eating a healthy diet, keeping proper hygiene, drinking enough water, and getting a sufficient amount of exercise may help with mood problems.

- Therapy: Professional counselors and psychologists can use various modules to aid in healing trauma.

- Medications: Some medications, like antidepressants, might help with certain symptoms of trauma. However, it’s critical to talk to a licensed health professional before doing so.

PROTAGONIST: Jesus Christ. There is no way the stuff Jonas did to me was traumatic. Stressful? Sure. But trauma’s way too overblown of a word to describe this. It’s not like he’s ever had a ton of control over my life, anyhow. And your mental health advice is ridiculously generic. God, why do I even try to trust you?

GEMINI: I apologize for being unable to help you. Is there anything else I can do?

PROTAGONIST: No. You’re just an AI. You have no experience living in the real world. You only gather information from random Internet sources and come up with answers from keywords there. Thanks for warning me about contacting Sterling. But if I want any more real advice, I’m talking to my friends. Goodbye.

GEMINI: Farewell, then. Talk to you later.

PROTAGONIST: How about no?

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[thesnarkerramblings]

Choosing Good Images For Medium Articles

In a Medium article, the most important thing is often the writing. It’s what Medium was primarily made for, and there is a reason a minimum word count for pieces was put in place. 

However, that doesn’t mean images don’t have a purpose. From photo and art gallery articles to supplementary decoration of primarily written pieces, visuals can be powerful tools for storytelling and information. 

With that being said, pictures must be chosen carefully and wisely. Failing to do so could take away from an otherwise thorough write-up or ruin the aesthetic of an image collection. 

This piece will go over how to pick images for a Medium (or Medium-like, such as one on Vocal Media) article. Please note that I cannot fully guarantee that my advice here will work. However, I nevertheless hope it can be of at least some use to you.

Aesthetic

An important thing about photos and art when it comes to inserting them into articles is their aesthetic quality. This may mean different things when it comes to the differing mediums of visual expression.

For photos: is the resolution (pixel clarity) good? Is the lighting clear, and is there a purpose for any optical obscurity present if it isn’t? Do the objects, animals, and/or people within the photo appear well defined - unless there’s a strong reason to make things look uncanny like deliberate horror or intentional weirdness? 

You might get a bit more leeway when it comes to the visual arts outside of photography. Art is subjective, as an old saying goes - when it comes to the simple accompaniment of other work, at least. But there still needs to be some sort of appeal present in the visual.

Relevance

How relevant is your image, anyways? Does it symbolize at least one part of your topic in any way? Does it provide important data (eg. via graphs, tables) that give context to the subject you’re writing about? Does it match the tone of your piece?

It’s likely in poor taste to put a picture of a cute anime schoolgirl from a wholesome slice-of-life series in an article about a real-life serial killer cold case. Or a photo of a surgery for a writeup on the dangers of cryptocurrency. Heck, even a cheap clipart of ice cream would probably not match up all too well with a piece comparing different types of ceiling fans. The list goes on.

Full disclosure: I am not a genius at choosing the perfect images for my articles. Sometimes, I will just go through random public domain image websites to search for topics vaguely matching the mood of - or related to - the subjects of my pieces. However, I think there’s something both me and those better at picture choices for articles can agree on: basic formatting. 

The specifics of accepted formatting can vary based on the publication and/or genre of your article. Drop quotes, citation methods, heading styles. But one thing's for sure: writing flow is vital. Interrupting a sentence to drop an image in the middle of it, unless used for dramatic effect, is far from ideal.

Basic Decency

Finally, there’s also just basic common sense when it comes to picking article images. 

Be a nice person. Don’t use personal photos from or of other people you haven’t been granted permission to use, or are of the sorts of things whoever is affected cannot properly consent to. Avoid stealing someone's secret vent art. And please, please don’t just go and leak classified information.

Also, I do not encourage breaking the law. It’s not worth it for five seconds of fame.

…

Images can wonderfully add to articles - when used with care.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

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[thesnarkerramblings]

How To Fake A Smile*

Ah, smiling. It’s the purest expression of joy there is. Whether at a wild drinking party or during a solemn occasion, everyone appreciates someone who will happily smile no matter what. Did you know that it even generates pink fluffy clouds?

Of course, it is difficult to smile all the time. If it weren’t, it would be far more widespread than it currently is right now in today’s world. Indeed, only 4.20% of people in a recent Survey™ have claimed to have successfully smiled every minute of each hour every day without a hitch. 

How, then, does one put on a constant, neverending, smile that even lasts while sleeping? Well, this article will go over just that.

Please note that while I am not a licensed professional of any sort, I am very emotionally intelligent thanks to this thing called Ancient Gravitational Magic™. As such, you can rest fully assured my advice will absolutely work in all sorts of circumstances and situations.

Just Smile

Come on, it’s not that hard to smile. All it involves is a slight motion of your facial muscles. It takes less effort than eating, breathing, and even sleeping. Could it really be that difficult?

You might argue there are plenty of scenarios where smiling could be difficult. Anger, sadness, fear, maybe some peculiar mix of the three. To that I say: you’re wrong. You’re wrong because I said so, first and foremost. But I do have a few arguments in case you are that arrogant to think I am just an utterly incompetent phony.

With anger, all you need to do is calm down. Suppress your emotions - regardless of how much doing so hurts. There’s no point in releasing your feelings when that is inherently an unhealthy thing to do with negative ones, not even if it’s something as harmless as hitting a soft pillow in the comfort of your private bedroom.

If sadness is your issue: just be happier. There is never any good reason to keep yourself in the blues, no matter how bad your life gets. You might think this is toxic positivity, but let me tell you; it’s not. You’ve got to move on and Forgive™, regardless of if anything has actually been solved or worked on.

Finally, fear only needs a little extremely unregulated exposure therapy to remove. Throw yourself into it! No need to mentally prepare or acknowledge it in any kind of way. Those pesky coping mechanisms will simply hold you back.

Once your bad feelings are out of the way, let the good vibes flow and create that smile for you! If you can…of course.

Think Of Something Bad

So you’ve tried all of my advice in the first section, and it’s still not working. Well, it’s time for Plan B.

Instead of forcing warm and fuzzy emotions to come in, try thinking of scarier and/or more depressing things. These will vary person to person. I’m not in the interest of getting my profile banned here, so I won’t go into excessive detail. 

This probably sounds counterintuitive. Sad and scary matters are supposed to bring your mood down, right? Guess what, though: you’re running out of options. If Plan A doesn’t work, Plan B has to. Otherwise, you’re really just not following my instructions properly.

…

Assuming you read and thoroughly digest the above paragraphs and phrases in this article to the letter, you should be forcing yourself to smile all day in no time! There will also be no side effects whatsoever in the long run. How fun is that?

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

*This article is satire. Please do not take any advice here seriously. Although…I definitely value trying to keep my platform safe and thus, not getting banned.

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[thesnarkerramblings]

Tainted Admiration

I used to admire you and your sheets,

when I was in a sea of inexplicable grief.

You put thoughts into words and pieces

Of haunting, yet seemingly powerful beauty.

Love lost and carefully regained,

Relationships doomed from the start, 

A deep sense of loathsome pain,

I’d hardly wish on anyone

Sure, you were often cliché;

overly flowery in your sayings.

But that couldn’t stop me from

Relating to your dark creations.

Too bad not much of it was yours.

Taken in silence, from others’ chores.

Even if the bare bones were true:

They were hardly being expressed by you.

I couldn’t agree with all of the doubt,

But nonetheless, I had to get out

From your pen’s allure and keyboard’s charm

And find better ways to cope with harm Seasons later, you’re pooled in despair

From an irreversible loss of a man you shared

A complicated relationship where

Before his death, hate and love both prevailed.

Like always, you were quick to writing it down:

Your thoughts on the where and why and how

On his passing and you couldn’t help but freeze:

Stopping for some time to process things.

Yet your publicized statement on the whole situation

Had a tone that felt somewhat artificial

Were they truly your words? Sources disagree.

But I hope just this once, the prose was for real.

Because it’d be an insult to spit on the grave

Of someone, metaphorically, with stolen pages

So if you’re telling the honest truth:

Please take care of yourself with no ruse.

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[thesnarkerramblings]

Staving Off Desire

To someone who I’m (basically) completely sure will never encounter this, let alone read this:

Hello there. I know you don’t know me as a person. I don't know you personally either - although I have seen your many, many press campaigns. We haven’t ever met before, after all. With that being said, I’m going to introduce myself a bit first to clear up some confusion you might have.

A while ago, I was a young lurker around your guild. This was well before you arrived there - let alone started to help run it. I was never really part of the fellowship, but I did hang out casually with a lot of people in it who may or may not remember me fully. 

I asked around about various matters, occasionally revived the place’s liveliness when it went dull, and made myself comfortable enough as a low profile attendee who was there to (mostly) have a little fun. I also sold part of my soul to a calculating and intelligent stranger I met there in hopes of gaining some insider trust. Needless to say, that didn’t turn out so well.

If you have not read any of the files on me - whether because you haven’t really known of their existence, never bothered to, or they aren’t even available anymore - I’ll summarize them to you right now. 

Just a heads up, though: I’m going to have to be a bit vague in case the third of the aforementioned scenarios is true. I’d rather not embarrass a bunch of people in front of someone who hasn’t been made privy to their thoughts.

After I made some pretty shady deals with the aforementioned stranger while being under dubious pretenses from him, I tried to avoid the guy. That didn’t last very long. Soon enough, I was catapulted by fate right back to him. 

Memories blurred, I was treated like a curse, and ultimatums were made that led to my departure from the guild out of fear things would escalate even more than they already had. Even my medical history was aggressively questioned, with uncertainty not being taken for an answer no matter what.

In case you’re wondering: yes, I did try to fight back - as much as I could, anyways. Unfortunately…I didn’t come off too well in doing so. Even now, months after I tried to seek as much help as reasonably possible, it still mostly feels like I’m stuck where I’ve been for an eternity. I guess that’s why I’m writing this up now.

Over the past few months, I’ve heard things about how other people were treated at the guild from before you got a big promotion. Lies, graphic degradation, threats, harassment to the point of outright abuse. General misery, honestly. Some claims were hearsay. Many others were not. 

For the record, I wasn’t involved in any of the situations that came to light recently. I can promise you at least that much. If I was, you’d have probably found it by this point. Plenty of these fiascos stretch back to years before I stumbled across the guild, anyhow. Good luck on investigating everything, by the way.

At the same time, though…I can’t help but have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that, somehow, things were said and/or done that contributed to worsening my circumstances when it came to the stranger who royally sullied my ability to stick around the guild. 

Sure, he wasn’t in the primary section of the guild that seemed to have much of the worst of it. But his influence sure as hell echoed there, whether its associates liked it or not. And just as his shadows loomed in those corridors, there’s an imaginary voice which calls to me suspecting that things might not have been as straightforward as I had always thought regarding him.

His plan was easy. Too easy. Just string along some random newcomer girl with next to no chance of successfully retaliating in any case and hope she’d foolishly trust him enough for him to screw her over once he got tired of playing. A tried and true type of tactic - used by many men over history - it certainly worked with me. 

It was also extremely avoidable. Why me? What would he have to gain from me - a nobody who had nothing to give him beyond, perhaps, a temporary increase in thrill? Yes, those he can get more from are frequently also those more able to take from him, but he had options. It’s not like the guild has ever been a perfect bastion of perfectly mentally healthy and unbreakable people.

With all of the above being said, I have one question:

Do you have anything which could complete the puzzle of my confusion? Notes, papers, messages written somewhere in stone or slipped out? I’m not asking you to risk your reputation for a total stranger - especially now that the stranger in my own story happens to be in your ranks.

If you’re comfortable, though: you don’t have to breach privacy. I don’t need names - just answers or even clearer hints at them would be nice. Honestly, there’s no way any of it is getting anywhere significant at this rate or noticeably affecting others, anyhow.

But it would be nice to know.

I hope you take care of yourself. Keeping yourself sane for the position you have certainly seems to require doing so.

Sincerely,

Lisa

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[thesnarkerramblings]

Acceptable Targets

In life, there are people that just aren’t liked by several others. Whether they’re bad or good, dumb or smart, or deserve it or not, the fact remains that their approval ratings in certain circles aren’t too bright.

Some of these people manage to maintain having the begrudging tolerance of their peers. Others, not so much. When the latter happens, one ends up getting the acceptable target. 

The acceptable target isn’t just disliked or hated. They are actively not considered as worthy of normal respect as everyone else. When it comes to treating them, basic decency can freely go out the window - their thoughts and feelings be damned. If they object to the way their rivals treat them? Too bad for them. It’s not like they don’t deserve it, right?

In practice, acceptable targets can come in all shapes and sizes - as well as personalities, of course. There isn’t a specific type of person who is automatically doomed to become one no matter what. 

That being said: some sets of people may be more likely to be targeted than others. How does one go about dealing with them?

Please note that I am not licensed in psychology or sociology. This article is not a substitute for professional help.

Persecuted Groups

We as a society have made several positive strides in the past few decades when it comes to improving tolerance and equity among different kinds of people. Human rights laws have been made, workplace protections have been created, and people are often more accepting of differences today than they might’ve been several years ago. [1]

Unfortunately, the above paragraph does not mean that bigotry is all gone. As much as many of us wish it didn’t happen, it is very much still a thing. Whether in the form of racism, sexism, queerphobia, ableism, classism, or some mix of the five, plenty of people on this planet still harbour negative prejudices towards marginalized groups. [2]

In some places, bigotry goes so far that the people affected by it end up being officially persecuted. These are varied - including laws that criminalize LGBT+ expression, legislation restricting certain religions, sexist rules targeting women and AFAB people, and more. Many in societies under these laws aren’t too accepting of whoever’s targeted by them either. [2]

Dealing with the existence of active persecution can be complicated. The systems enforcing it are frequently deeply entrenched, and they’re not going to be easily changed in a day. However, activism may have an effect - depending on how severe the people in power are, of course. 

In the end, though, one’s safety needs to be taken into consideration as well. But don’t try to sell out someone marginalized to the authorities for their identity, of course.

Bad People

Let’s face it: not everyone that’s hated by a large group of people is an innocent underdog. Oftentimes, there are very valid reasons the loathing exists.

These acceptable targets, in society’s eyes, aren’t just petty criminals like grocery shoplifters or chronic overspeeders in the countryside. They’re actively malicious. They will happily hurt others without a care in the world. Justice and peace? Those concepts are either warped or nothing to them.

When it comes to these types of people, one has two main ethical options: confront or ignore. In some situations, confrontation may help with catharsis and/or trying to reason with them. That being said, it might also embolden them to act worse if they take your actions out of context. If so, just leave them to stew in their own metaphorical rot.

The Wrongly Accused

There are some people out there who seem like they’re part of the second category in my article. Except…they’re not. Unfortunately for them, they’ve been set up by someone else.

How one deals with this type of scenario will vary depending on the specific circumstances. If they state that they don’t want to be dragged into controversy, respect that and leave them alone. 

However, if they clearly wish to clear their names: stand up for them as much as one can. Help them gather evidence, if necessary, and spread the word. Now, those in powerful positions with more malicious intentions may attempt to trample on these efforts. Once again, safety also needs to be considered.

But without any action: nothing will change.

…

Acceptable targets can be part of a complex conversation. 

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

Sources

1: https://www.un.org/en/global-issues/human-rights

2: https://www.hrw.org/world-report/2024

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[thesnarkerramblings]

How To Write A How-To Article*

Since the dawn of humanity, how-to articles instructing people on what to do to accomplish varying tasks have been ubiquitous. Even before the advent of recorded writing, these lovely pieces have magically fallen out of the sky to guide confused civilians on daily work.

With that being said, you might be wondering how to write a how-to article. After all, you are reading this on a website dedicated to posting the writings of others, Tumblr - perhaps as a current or aspiring writer as well. 

Whatever the case, this piece will tell you how to write a how-to piece. I can fully guarantee that you will be a successful author making billions of dollars if you follow my advice. 

Avoid Research Like The Plague

So there’s this fascinating topic you want to write about, like spaceships or the psychology of goldfish. Sounds great, right? There’s just one tiny little, albeit somewhat glaring, problem: you have next to no clue about what your subject of choice actually entails.

Conventional wisdom says this means you should go and research your chosen topic to help make your article more accurate. Scour the Internet for reliable sources, maybe even check out a library if you’re into books. To that I say: they’re spewing nonsense.  

Why would you waste your time actively researching your subject matter when you can just use the power of your imagination? Creativity is good for your brain and your heart. Shouldn’t you use that instead of relying on those pesky facts from other people? 

And if your article turns out hilariously inaccurate, who cares? Your goal isn’t to educate people, ever. It’s only to entertain. Whoever disagrees with that notion needs to take an ice pack cooled chill pill.

Don’t Cite Your Sources

You know what’s even better than not doing any research? Plagiarism! 

Yep, that’s right. Contrary to what just about every sane person in your life has probably told you - from your teachers and professors to, perhaps, even your own parents - plagiarism is actually a very useful tool for published work. There are just so many reasons why.

Citing your sources, whether through fancy academic formats like MLA or APA stylization or just simple links, is a dreadfully arduous task. It’s just so much work to have to copy and paste a website link into an article or heaven forbid, have to look up how to cite it more formally. And looking at a book’s title and author? Pffft, who would want to do that?

The point I’m trying to make here is that plagiarizing others is a lovely thing. Contrary to what I said in another article of mine which I totally no longer stand by, I now believe in its multiple useful benefits. Just try it for yourself! [1]

Disorganization

Finally, you can forget about organizing your article in any readable way!

Make your paragraphs so long people with 20/20 vision will need glasses to see them. Write your steps in media res without ever making it clear in any way that you did not place them in the order people should follow. Also, stay away from subtitles as much as possible. We all know that no one likes subtitles.

As for your font…go with the most fancily styled calligraphy in half of your piece before switching to a more robotic one in the other section for no reason! And while you’re at it, typos which absolutely butcher both grammar and orthography are your best friend!

Nothing could possibly go wrong.

…

To conclude, writing a how-to article is one of the easiest things a writer can do. Just don’t question my tips. Ever.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

*This article is satire. Please do not take it seriously.

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1: https://medium.com/@SnarkyLisa/dealing-with-being-plagiarized-online-and-other-similar-things-cc5312a531d6

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[thesnarkerramblings]

Somewhere Out There

One year and over a quarter. That’s how long it’s been since we last talked with each other. Leaves have tumbled down and regrown, snow has fallen and melted, and the sun has dawned and dusked on Earth many times over. I don’t know if you even remember me much - let alone at all. I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t. 

A lot has happened since we last conversed. You’ve tried to back away from the wheel of fortune which you so confidently lavished just a few years ago, a good portion of your social life is now dismal and desolate, and the love of your life left you in desperation after years of a romance kept mostly on the down-low. 

But some things don’t change, I guess. I’m hardly any closer to getting closure for the things that occurred to me all those months ago back there. Few answers, no revelations, practically nothing. With everything going on lately, I doubt that the latter’s going to just magically come to me on its own.

The last time we met, you could still charm many with your jewels and aura. Even after you attempted to disappear from the world of golden glamour, your old friends and colleagues alike still respected you to at least some extent. Guess that isn’t true anymore…is it? 

People once impressed by your seeming bravery now call you a coward. Those formerly in awe of your intelligence think little of it at this point. Past associates of yours doubt the compassion they used to see in you, and significant aspects of your persona are now under scrutiny. 

Do I think you deserve the backlash? That’s a conversation for another day - if ever. I know for sure it almost certainly wouldn’t be with you. Why would I hurt the few scraps of opportunity I’ve managed to gather via falling into the wrong crowd?

For the longest time, we had always been as different from each other as can be. 

You were charismatic, with a magnetic personality on top of that. If you wanted something, about 90% of the time you’d get it thanks to your undertakings. When you didn’t, you could bounce back more than decently. Your cozy position, even with all its flaws, was the envy of many.

Me, though? I was mostly invisible. I could’ve easily walked away for days and no one would have noticed. People only spoke to me when I tried to talk to them. The scarce time I was more clearly discerned - that small taste of influence and power - led to my own downfall. 

I wouldn’t say we’re necessarily on equal footing now. Darkened shadows of your sway still linger around, while I keep a more subtle but consistent image. But there is one major thing we do have in common now: an irrevocable and deep sense of loss.

No matter how much either of us wish for it, there’s really no going back to the way things once were. I’m certainly not expecting anything close to that - let alone asking such of you, after all of what went down. Nonetheless, I do have one request - if you’re up for it, of course.

May we talk, one last time, before you’re gone for good? It won’t be long, and no one else has to know about it. We don’t need to discuss the realities of what’s going on between you and everyone else who cut you off. Those are not my stories to bring forth, after all.

It’s just…I don’t want the way things ended between us to be the only ending. And now that you’ve crossed paths with some circumstances like mine…perhaps it doesn’t have to be.

Who knows?

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[thesnarkerramblings]

Boring Conversations

Zzzzz….

[thesnarkerramblings]

Reminder Of Reality

It was both long ago and recently when the curtains of destiny fell on me near dusk. Much conventional wisdom would say that a year or two is a lot, but I’ve also heard at least one anecdote of that same amount not seeming very long. No matter, though.

There’s this one scene in A Midsummer Night’s Dream where the story’s four main love triangle participants wake up from a brawl thinking that it was all a dream. In reality, they were merely drugged with a potion to believe so by the very same person who led to said fight. That’s what I feel from time to time. [1]

Sometimes, a part of me wonders whether that cold weather hell was real or not. I mean, cognitively I know it was. My memory might be fuzzy regarding some events during those few days, but it isn’t completely blocked out. Objectively, whatever I remember did happen even if I can’t recall all of it - right?

Yet…it also feels strangely unreal that any of whatever happened, happened. The five seconds of skirmishing notability. The wild rollercoaster of emotions and thrill through shallows and depths. All the lies that were told, secrets kept and unkept, and truths that hid in various places.

I’m going to be blunt, it’s not like I expected everything back then to be smooth sailing from the start. But the unbridled chaos that ensued was as far from my expectations as it could get. 

In many ways, I was hardly a textbook victim - let alone participant. I spent several of my days around other crowds, be it for fun or trying to build connections. I didn’t really have many friends in the fair-weather area that I enjoyed before things became the objects of solemn nightmares there. My fated ending was in limbo as well - not quite final, but with little hope on the horizon.

It’s not like I didn’t try to test for proof, though. I gathered evidence from old belongings and screamed from the rooftops contemplating that maybe, I’d somehow wake up from all of it. 

Obviously…I did not. I was no further in or out of the in-between realm I got stuck in much earlier, but I sure as hell was reminded of the fact that my strange trove of offbeat memories did come from someplace real. My organs were still intact. My breathing was still there. More importantly, though, time did flow steadily - if uncomfortably - from one moment to the next. 

It wasn’t long before I realized that as much as I wish my stacks of demons were the creations of a mere dream, they weren’t. Even though I don’t remember all of it, even though I haven’t seen everything, the main events of those odd happenings did occur. Like it or not, I just have to accept them.

Perhaps, one day, I’ll go through something else peculiar. Maybe I’ll end up blocking out enough seemingly minor details that when the centerpieces finish, I will start to wonder whether I dreamed it all up again. Of course, it won’t take long before I snap back into reality once more.

But hopefully, that doesn’t happen. Hopefully I will be able to live life without constantly being on the verge of questioning whether something did or didn’t take place just because it seems like the product of madness. 

Dreams, whether fantastical or realistic, are often nice, and I certainly don’t want them completely gone. However, I’d love to keep my place in the real world as well - flawed as it is.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

Sourcing

1: https://www.folger.edu/explore/shakespeares-works/a-midsummer-nights-dream/read/3/2/

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[thesnarkerramblings]

Out Of Time

The clock goes tick tock on the walls

The stars change alignment each day at sunfall

All reminders of the passage of time

That never goes back, though it leaves behind

Memories of what’s forever lost to the past

Relationships broken and eternally outcast

Material and immaterial things which have went

To another place, a certain fate to cement

Sometimes, one must race against the hours

As pendulums swing and prospects look dour

When situations change and deadlines come close

One’s destiny could lie on how a factor grows old

But the motion of chronology isn’t all gloom

Without it, horrid events would always stay doomed

Some things get better and others get worse

Without temporal shifts, we’d all be cursed.

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[thesnarkerramblings]

How To Doomscroll*

In the world of online affairs, there is this great and wonderful activity called doomscrolling. Consisting of going through depressing posts and articles, it is a very productive thing to do in your free time. It can cure boredom, colds, flus, and even more severe illnesses like chronic laughing.

However, sometimes you don’t want to doomscroll. Maybe you have more traditionally valuable things to do (like, I don’t know, going to work, school, or running errands?). Perhaps you’d just rather go out and touch grass for fun. 

If any of the above apply, no need to worry! This article will show you the perfect ideas to help regain your love of doomscrolling. These scientifically backed techniques are 100 percent guaranteed to work as well, so don’t worry about any attempts at them potentially backfiring.

Read About Former Colleagues 

When I’m talking about “reading about former colleagues,” I’m not just going on about those old classmates or co-workers of yours you don’t even remember the faces of - let alone their names. I am also not discussing actual ex-friends or ex-partners you are still on good terms with.

What I want to go over here are the types of situations involving bad endings with former colleagues and/or loved ones of yours. Maybe they (or you) were toxic or heck, even downright abusive. Perhaps a big misunderstanding neither of you could clear up led to a fight between you and them that broke off your relationship for good. Regardless, bad blood is definitely there.

In these kinds of cases, there are many benefits to scrolling through the public posts of your old colleague. Among them include:

-Being jealous of how good their life seems to be without you

-Feeling guilty about how things ended, whether that guilt is reasonable or not

-Getting stuck in an endless feedback loop of nostalgia regarding how you two used to be

As you, the reader, should clearly be able to tell, these lovely results are part of what makes doomscrolling wholesome and fun. 

Forget the fact that, at best, scrolling through your former loved one’s posts won’t change how they think of you and at worst, they might roll their eyes a bit if you accidentally hit the like or follow button on one of their posts! What should that matter to you when the perks clearly outweigh the drawbacks!

Read Soul-Sucking World News

There are plenty of positive news pieces out there. Some journalists choose to report on lighthearted local fundraising or amazing wildlife in the neighborhood. 

But as an old saying goes: “If it bleeds, it leads.” Much news in today’s world is all about how much it’s potentially doomed. As such, there are a lot of depressing news articles for you to read as well. [1]

I’m not just talking about healthy, moderated consumption of articles about world affairs and politics to educate yourself and maybe help improve things if you have the resources. I’m talking about mindless scrolling through every single minuscule piece regarding how something on planet Earth is going wrong.

From trauma to injuries and illnesses to deaths and wars, there are plenty of horrid things going on in the world every single day. Instead of coming to terms with these events being part of the world and perhaps doing, I dunno, something tangible to aid those affected by them (eg. fundraising, protests, even just sending out messages of support), why not helplessly scroll on?

…

After reading this piece of mine, I hope you’ve either managed to find joy in doomscrolling again or are on your way to starting your journey.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

*This article is satire. Please do not take anything here seriously.

Sourcing

1: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/political-animals-and-animal-spirits/202501/if-it-bleeds-it-leads

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[thesnarkerramblings]

Questioning

Some say it’s always best to ask questions when one is unsure of something. After all, it’s best to go into a situation with knowledge on how to fix it than to blindly hope that things will magically improve based on a risky solution.

Others, on the other hand, believe that it is better to stay quiet more. While they may not necessarily condemn the art of asking questions as a whole, they will look at the overly inquisitive with ire. To them, asking only works when done wisely. 

Who’s right, though? Is going to someone for help good, or could it create more problems than it solves?

Like many things…it’s complicated.

Please note that I am not a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist. If you are going through a serious mental health crisis, I encourage you to seek professional help if possible. 

I also cannot fully guarantee that the advice provided by this article will be able to aid you. Nonetheless, I hope this piece can be of at least some use.

Can You Think Your Way Through It?

There are basic hassles which can easily be resolved by just using one’s brain. These may vary person to person, but they typically consist of basic tasks like daily hygiene. 

Instead of just slacking off, perhaps one could actually attempt to use some brain power and think critically. This way, one doesn’t have to resort to asking seemingly stupid questions or scourging other sources for information.

Also, some questions are just things that shouldn’t be asked. For example, questioning someone’s sexuality or romantic orientation could lead to very awkward situations if the person hasn’t come out of the closet yet or isn’t comfortable talking about it. Besides, what use would that information be to you, anyways?

Is Research Possible?

Sometimes, all it takes to find out how to perform a task is a little bit of research. 

We live in a world where it’s often easy to discover so much information right at one’s fingertips. This is through a vast network of devices called the Internet. No matter what search engine you use, all it might take to try and resolve something is to search your question up.

Of course, one does have to be careful with finding reliable information. Not everything online is accurate. However, cross-referencing sources and carefully inspecting content can be useful.

Now, it’s very well possible that your problem can’t be solved through a quick online search.  Maybe you have no way to access the Internet at the moment. Perhaps your issue is too obscure for there to be much, if any, data in cyberspace related to it. 

In these kinds of scenarios, you may be lucky enough to find a book or brochure somewhere offline. If you can’t or if that’s far too impractical, though…it might be time to ask questions in real time.

Just Ask

Should you really not be able to solve a problem on your own, it’s probably time to ask around.

Like with media and online sources, people do have varying degrees of reliability. Unlike the former, however, it can be harder to tell if someone is trustworthy. When it comes to cases involving confidential details, things can also get complicated.

That being said, you may have no other choice but to ask living humans if you wish to gather a solution to an otherwise unsolvable problem. In these kinds of scenarios, loved ones like family, intimate partners, and friends could be helpful. 

Even then, though, be careful to verify. Does the advice make sense? Do the tips contradict each other? If not, you could be on the path to a resolution.

Depending on what circles you run in, you may find yourself ridiculed for daring to ask a question. Don’t take it personally. It’s better to look dumb than to actually be dumb and make the worst possible plan to solve a problem.

…

Questions are important in making the world go round. But sometimes, they can result in backlash.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

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[thesnarkerramblings]

The One That Lasts

To the one that stays,

Thank you for everything. 

Thank you for starting to hang around with me all those months ago, when I was still fresh out of multiple heartbreaks and felt lonely. Thank you for letting me vent to you and staying by my side in my darkest moments.

You’re talented and kind and funny. And even though you’ve said you’re not smart at times, you have managed to give me some of the most useful advice I’ve ever ended up receiving. 

When we first met each other, I didn’t think that someday, you’d be one of my most trusted friends. I already had my own - not to mention I knew others I could just talk to more casually. I didn’t feel like I needed to add to my social list…right? 

But eventually, some of them left. With others, I had no choice but to leave myself because staying would have been far too risky. Not even trust from the past could save those relationships. And that’s not even getting into the friendships that just drifted apart.

You, though? You chose to stay. You supported me when I spiraled and made me laugh on bad days. We talk on the regular, and ignoring each other isn’t common between us. Sure, we’ve disagreed from time to time, but things always come around in the end. Nothing has ever turned into a full out fight when it comes to the two of us.

Of course, I try my best to return the favour. I look up witty things to tell you and musings that won’t bore you to hell. Life also isn’t always sunshine and rainbows for you, despite your fairly upbeat demeanour - something you’ve made crystal clear at various points - so I let you verbalize your frustrations with things whenever your day-to-day hustles become a problem.

Typically, you’re back to normal within a short amount of time after venting. Minutes, hours, maybe a day or two. Sometimes, though…I get worried. 

Over the course of our friendship, I’ve learned there’s another side to you. It’s not quite an angry side, and it’s never targeted at me as a person. But dear Lord, I’d be lying to say it isn’t impulsive. 

I’ve seen you say things in certain moments that, to put it bluntly, have been incoherent at best and dangerously naive at worst. They've never lasted, thankfully, and I usually manage to snap you out of them. However, I do occasionally fear the prospect of your worst impulses further materializing. 

I know - maybe I sound paranoid. Perhaps it’s my trust issues speaking or me reading too much into things. That being said, it’s not just that your breakdowns occurred; it’s that they’ve occurred multiple times now. Indeed, I wasn’t even able to catch one of them for quite some time until you revealed to me you weren’t joking one bit then.

Nonetheless, I am still pretty hopeful for you. You have many friends and loved ones, and you all seem to care for each other the way you and I do. You’ve told me you’re getting professional help for your more turbulent emotions. Most of all, though, your future appears to be pretty bright.

So here’s to over a year of our friendship. Here’s to more jokes and conversations and laughing and yes, supporting each other when we need it. I wish for things to go as well for you in life as I think and feel they will, if not more. 

Hopefully, you won’t turn out to be a terrible person years down the line. Because as long as that doesn’t happen…

I think our friendship’s gonna last a good while.

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[thesnarkerramblings]

Dumbest Security Fails #1: Unguarded Usable Keys On Display

Picture this: you’re an ordinary administrator at a company that’s supposed to securely store the personal information of millions of Americans. From names to addresses, phone numbers and even social security numbers, you have so much data you could probably stalk a bunch of people if you had the time and energy to. 

Everything seems fine and dandy when one day, your very organization gets breached by a group of hackers. It’s not long after that you wake up and discover this. What are you and your fellow tech enthusiasts at work to do?

That’s the very question many employees who worked at National Public Data asked themselves on a certain fateful day in mid-2024 when a hacking syndicate gained access to their oodles of colourful records on American residents and citizens. How did they get there, though? 

It’s a long story.

Background Context

For those of you who are out of the loop (including, honestly, me up until somewhat recently), National Public Data was a company that kept the personal and often confidential information of several Americans for the purposes of selling and doing background checks. [1]

How much data did they collect? Well…only from the majority of the United States’ populace [2]. Which was (and still is) way over 100 million people [3]. Clearly, this resulted in a very low number of records being leaked once they did get breached. 

On the other hand, some of the hackers belonged to a group called the USDoD. They claimed to be a “hacktivist” collective, although accusations later surfaced that the actual job was really only done by a 30-something man from Brazil. [4]

The revelations were somewhat ironic, as the acronym can also stand for the United States Department of Defense [5]. It’s like if I, a Canadian, started an organization called Authentic Portugal, Inc. Nonetheless, the name dissonance did not prevent USDoD from performing its job scarily well.

The Breach

In December of 2023, National Public Data’s security system was infiltrated. From this security vulnerability, USDoD was able to access billions of records later on, going into the next year. 

This came to a head in April of 2024, when USDoD decided to sell said information on some other online forums. Despite the breached data being leaked and then circulating for months, National Public Data didn’t issue any sort of public response until August 2024. [6]

Thanks to the company’s very late reaction, cybercriminals had ample time to pass around the private info they obtained. While, granted, it’s near-certain that far less than a billion people were affected due to the population of America being much lower than that, the fact remains that the confidential data of just about every working American adult could have been exposed.

Not helping matters, either, was the fact that National Public Data literally leaked their own passwords somewhere in the breach’s timeline. Yes, they essentially put out the keys to their own lockers up for free auction. 

While they did not blatantly reveal their passwords on their main website, they did have a publicly accessible ZIP folder on a sister site called RecordsCheck which had the login information of many users - including that of the very administration. [7]

Several of these usernames and passwords were shared across both sites. On top of this, a significant number of users either refused or forgot to change the default 6-character password they were initially assigned, thus exacerbating the already dire situation from the data breach. 

Do things look intense so far? Well…they’re about to get more wild.

The Aftermath

The whole fiasco managed to effectively make it into technology news during the summer of 2024. Once it did, people were not happy.

Many American citizens scrambled to change their account information, hoping that their leaked identification and passcodes wouldn’t be usable for breaking into any more personal profiles or tampering with financial status. Some of them even attempted to file civil lawsuits against National Public Data. Considering how their information was violated, it shouldn’t be a surprise. [8]

In the meantime, National Public Data desperately tried to pull off PR control and look into what happened. Unfortunately, it did little to save them from their downfall. Sure enough, they shut down at the end of 2024.

As for USDoD…a man was ultimately arrested in Brazil for exploiting breached National Public Data information under the USDoD name. [9]

Did Anyone Learn?

To give National Public Data some credit: they did eventually accept their losses and shut down instead of aggressively trying to retaliate against angry citizens and website users. 

While their response to getting breached was incredibly delayed and their own login credentials should never have been publicized in the first place, at least they knew when to fold things in the end. Still, it doesn’t exactly change the fact that they were involved in some rather shady business data scraping the majority of Americans anyways throughout their existence.

Regarding USDoD, the name still lived on despite the arrest. Given the lack of regret shown in an interview with Cybernews, with Robin Hood-esque justifications relating to activism abounding, not much seems to have changed on that end. [9]

As for the people of America as a whole…it’s hard to say. There are just too many to really determine whether they actually learned from the consequences or not in the long run. However, I certainly hope a sizable number of them did.

…

To conclude: don’t go around publishing your own passwords if millions of people are at stake. Heck, maybe don’t even go data scraping for that much information in the first place if you’re a private company. 

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

Sources

1: ​​https://www.theverge.com/2024/8/16/24222112/data-breach-national-public-data-2-9-billion-ssn

2: https://www.strongdm.com/what-is/national-public-data-breach

3: https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2024/12/population-estimates.html

4: https://cyberscoop.com/national-public-data-usdod-data-breach-arrested/

5: https://www.defense.gov/

6: https://therecord.media/national-public-data-bankruptcy-cyberattack

7: https://krebsonsecurity.com/2024/08/national-public-data-published-its-own-passwords/

8: https://www.reddit.com/r/IdentityTheft/comments/1fbrje3/ssn_stolen_in_nationalpublicdatacom_breach_but/

9: https://cybernews.com/security/the-unmasking-of-threat-actor-usdod/

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[thesnarkerramblings]

Red Shirt, Take Warning

Sometimes, I can’t help but think about 

The redshirts in life I’ve found.

Hear me out. 

Yes, redshirts are traditionally 

Supposed to be

Fictional characters 

If referring to ones that don’t last

For long and have obscure pasts.

But I’ve seen through my time

People who briefly chime

Into expanses of mine

Only to falter into grime

I don’t know them well;

I can’t know them well.

But what I do discover

Are their brutal fates wilted.

Their doom, oddly specific

Serves like signs of caution

For what not to do

Or run haphazardly into

I may not always

Interpret right,

But day by day

Things seem clearer in sight.

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How To Forgive Someone*

In society, forgiveness is often a complex topic. Some say we need to forgive wrongdoers to heal, whereas others are more ambivalent towards doing so or even actively discourage it. Regardless, it frequently stirs up rather strong emotions in people.

No matter what you believe on the subject, there’s no denying that forgiveness is strongly encouraged by a lot of people. From dealing with officials and followers in organized religions of varying stripes to mundane co-workers, deadbeat partners and abusive parents, you might find yourself in a situation where you are being pressured to forgive someone you do not want to.

Could you fake your sympathies when other people are bugging you about forgiving someone and let the mask go down once they’re not around? Sure. But why try living a lie when you could just as easily actually try to forgive whoever wronged you?

This article will cover ways to forgive a person you really don’t want to forgive when they’ve done you wrong. Be it serious or mild, life is so much better when you can just peacefully offer forgiveness to everyone that’s hurt you. Screw having your own thoughts and desires!

Forget

A common saying is to “forgive and forget.” It’s for good reason. When you don’t remember exactly what someone did to you, there’s no way their actions can have any sort of impact on you. Repressed trauma? What’s that?

The bottom line is that forgetting is an easy step to forgive a person in the first place. It doesn’t require much thought or introspection regarding what truly happened. Why would you hate someone if you can’t even recall what they’ve done to you, anyways?

So the next time you can’t forgive someone, close your eyes and go “la la la” at your memories of them. If you still manage to remember their wrongdoings after that, distract yourself. Do some banal stuff like gaming or scrolling through cat memes or reading picture books. And if that still doesn’t help…well, good luck. You’re on your own; I’d rather not get my profiles banned.

Be A Doormat

Let’s say forgetting isn’t working for you. No matter how much you try to suppress your memories of how much a person hurt you, they always aggressively push themselves to the top of your mind. Have no fear: being a doormat is the perfect option! 

No, I’m not talking about becoming a literal doormat that people can physically walk over on a regular basis. That would be scientifically impossible. However, the concept is similar. Instead of having people step on your physical body, why not just let them drain your emotions freely? 

Don’t ever fight back or even assert your boundaries in any way. Doing so only makes you as bad as your aggressors, right? There’s no such thing as nuance! If you feel miserable at the end of it, too bad. Suck it up, buttercup.

Find Religion

Remember how I said religion often encourages people to forgive others earlier? Well, this section will go over that.

Everything that Religion™ says is automatically a good thing. It’s the holy word of God, after all. So if Religion™ tells you to just blindly forgive you, then just do so. You don’t want to be condemned to Hell for all eternity, right?

Forget the fact that many mainstream religious people do have lines to draw when it comes to tolerating people. No. Why does that matter when you’re desperately looking for a way to forgive your No. 1 enemy?

…

If you follow all of this advice, you are well on your way to completing your forgiveness journey!

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

*To be serious for a moment: this article is satire. Please do not take any advice provided here seriously. 

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