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Look for Beauty Everywhere

One of the many reasons why I love the Christmas season is because people get excited to decorate everything plain in colorful lights. I absolutely love finding beautiful things in unexpected places. It brings joy and comfort when I least expect it.

May this holiday season bring you many more opportunities to find beauty.

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You Have Power

In any given situation, you have power. Your power may be limited to what you can influence or control but it is power nonetheless.

The question then becomes what do you want to use your power for? What is your ultimate purpose when using your time, effort and abilities?

It’s become increasingly clear to me that I operate vastly different than most people. I don’t have the same values and triggers that most people hold. I have more sensitivity to fairness and justice and compassion and kindness. I hold these values on pedestals and also believe they’re achievable in today’s dysfunctional world.

My values have constantly battled my purpose. I am always told my purpose is to make a living, to maintain the American dream, to simply be content paying bills. Instead my values challenge this mediocre purpose for living and I find myself constantly searching for more. I want to do meaningful work, make a positive difference, lead others to find a virtuous and happy lifestyle.

I want to use my power, my time, skills and ability to outperform mediocre expectations for life.

And so, I have made the difficult decision to keep searching and exploring for these opportunities. Life for me is so much more than paying bills.

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Don’t Believe in the Gaslighting

It’s easy for people who don’t have direct experience with a situation to discount another’s story about its effect and impact. When a sound and logical person is convinced that they’re being mistreated in a situation, the worst response anyone could have is to use gaslighting to contain them.

Phrases like, “It’s just your assumptions” or “That’s not like my own experience” are possibly the worst way to handle receiving new, layered, shocking information about how someone may have been hurt, negatively affected, or disrespected by microaggressions.

In a world of, “Prove it or shut up” it is completely counterproductive to discount and gaslight people who are brave enough to come forward and make a claim that maybe nobody else is willing to. If standing out alone is already ostracizing then why should the community be so ready to throw stones simply because their experience differs?

I often find myself siding with the unheard and invisible. I have proudly become an advocate of active listening and caring about others from a growth perspective. It’s the reason why I can’t and won’t be comfortable with gaslighting as an acceptable response to anyone struggling with painful situations. Even if I can’t empathize using my own experiences, I still want to listen and learn. I want to better understand so I can be a little bit of help.

Recently, I experienced gaslighting for a situation at work and I was so hurt by this experience that I cried for 3 hours. Three hours were dedicated to mourning and grieving over the fact that my story and experiences didn’t matter. This is the worst feeling anyone could have after sharing vulnerability. And it reminded me how important it is to simply choose to not believe. Don’t believe in the gaslighting. Don’t listen to people who don’t want to listen to others. Don’t take advice from anyone that doesn’t want to first better understand your heart.

[thirty-three-peonies]

Finding Peace in a World of Constant Chaos

I’m slowly learning to be comfortable in the driver’s seat of a half-broken car driving through a town that’s on fire.

It’s a metaphor, in case you didn’t get that.

I grew up thinking control was the safest way to live life. But as I am aging and realizing just how little control that we have on people and events around us, I am learning to find new ways to cope with the chaos.

I’ve learned that energy is not necessarily renewable. Once it is spent, it is gone. Therefore, energy must be used wisely and for intentional purposes. Once you run out of energy, it can take days or longer to get more energy out of nowhere to restore yourself and to use for others.

I have also realized that I don’t truly understand what energy is and how I can get more of it. I used to think energy came from excitement and joy. But those are just fleeting moments of emotion. It’s not possible to generate energy if you are spending it. Instead, I am learning how to live with space in my mind and in my schedule to focus on getting more energy.

I am learning that certain activities naturally create energy like meditation, prayer, reading, journaling, spending time observing nature and of course, intentional rest.

If it’s any comfort for you, know that I used to think the recipe for success was in being a busy body. Now, as I am aging, I am learning that my recipe for success is in generating and spending energy wisely. Practicing this mentality has given me a new kind of peace and tolerance for the chaos of today. What do you do to gain peace and energy?

[thirty-three-peonies]

How to Find Your Confidence

Recently, I have had the privilege of mentoring a few other fabulous women and have been sharing my story and personal experiences with finding self-confidence.

It seems to have taken me several years to find the courage to live in my own skin. I strongly believe that our childlike selves determine our ability as adults to live in sync with our true convictions.

As a child, I was independent, but eager to please others. I had a healthy fear of authority and naturally respected my elders. I was also curious and persuasive when I had a strong feeling or idea. But as I grew older, my childlike self became less confident in my intuition and convictions. Eager to please, I started to mold my identity and opinions to match that of others, especially the really loud and obnoxious people who acted self-righteously. The more I became like the people around me and conformed to their opinions and ideals, the less confident and curious I became until eventually I lost all sense of wonder, confidence and creativity. I became the perfect shell of a person and void of passionate, or original ideas.

It wasn’t until I had lost my true self that I started searching for self-confidence again. It took a lot of time and journaling and self love to even get to a place where I could allow myself to have a voice. To simply say, “I need this. For me. And that is reason enough.” To learn to be content with my own thoughts, presence, and proud of my original ideas.

It’s been a few years since I have felt lost, but as I was mentoring a friend the other day, I remembered the struggle that brought me here and the simple steps that I took to regain my self-confidence.

I shared the following tips that might help you to find self confidence too.

1. As silly as it may sound, take each day to try something new.

2. Start the day with a positive affirmation.

3. Walk without a destination in mind so you can simply focus on breathing.

4. Take time to do self care and identify your needs.

5. Never give more than you have in your cup. Giving should be a cheerful act of sharing what has overflowed from your cup.

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Be Kind to Yourself

As I grow older, I realize that I have become a prisoner to the lies and criticisms inside my head planted from years of judgment and unfair treatment. I no longer socialize with people who treated me so badly but their words stayed engrained in my mind.

I’ve become incredibly sensitive to the words of others because of this PTSD and it makes me want to hide any time someone has something rude or unfair to say about me. I hate it. I wish I naturally had thick skin so that words just bounced off and are never planted in my heart as weeds.

I pray that I can find the strength to let go of this PTSD and learn to forgive myself and the people who mistreat me. I want to be more kind to myself. I want look at who I have become and feel proud of this woman despite what other opinions there may be.

Today, I couldn’t help but cry and feel completely exhausted from the prison of these lies and the terrible impact it’s had on my self-esteem in these past 20+ years.

If being kind to myself is accepting the hurt and sensitivity, then today, I give myself permission to feel sad and tired. I give myself permission to enjoy the beautiful aspects of who I am and my life today. Tomorrow is a blank page and I can write a new chapter with a new pen and new ink. I don’t have to carry the old pages of pain with me anymore. I can say goodbye to the old me.

Finally, be kind to yourself.

[thirty-three-peonies]

[thirty-three-peonies]

Easy Kimchi Fries and Baked Chicken

Ingredients

Kimchi Fries

-Frozen fries

-Kimchi

-Yellow onion

-Green onion

-Mozzarella

-Kewpie Mayonnaise

-Sriracha

Baked Chicken

-Drumsticks

-Fish Sauce

-Salt

-Garlic powder

-Oyster sauce

Instructions:

1. Marinade and season chicken drumsticks with salt to taste, a tablespoon of garlic powder, a tablespoon of fish sauce and a half cup of oyster sauce.

2. Fry the frozen fries in an air fryer or pot of oil for at least 7 minutes.

3. Preheat oven to 400 degrees and place marinated drumsticks on an aluminum foil lined baking pan.

4. Bake drumsticks for 45 minutes and let it sit in the oven at 150 degrees for another 25 minutes.

5. While drumsticks are baking, cook on a stovetop pan the fried fries and a tablespoon of kimchi with a tablespoon of olive oil. Add sliced green onion and yellow onion and cook until the onions are soft. Once onions are cooked, add two handfuls of shredded mozzarella cheese on top. Mix once cheese begins to melt. Fries are done when the cheese is completely melted.

6. When fries are done cooking, move them into a bowl and add more sliced green onions. Drizzle Kewpie Mayonnaise and Sriracha sauces to taste. If you like sour cream, add a spoonful of sour cream on top.

7. Once drumsticks are fully cooked, remove and place in a serving dish. The chicken should be moist and the meat should be plump and falling off the bone!

[thirty-three-peonies]

Let’s Buy a House

This is probably the most exciting and daunting sentence anyone could say in today’s economy! I’m a second generation American and the first in my family to have purchased a home with my own financial resources.

The house buying experience is still new to me and I honestly didn’t know what to expect the first time around but having gone through it twice now, I am starting to feel way more comfortable with real estate and thought I would share my thoughts on this whole process.

Getting Ready

When are you really ready to become a home owner? Answering this question is the first real step in making this life-changing decision. I remember taking an honest look at my finances and my happiness in renting, before deciding that home ownership would outweigh the lifestyle of renting a small apartment. Home ownership sounds dreamy but inheriting a 30 year loan and needing to save for emergency housing repairs is less ideal than renting year to year… unless, you truly want to and can afford to turn your cash savings into a physical asset for investment.

Mortgage Shopping

Once you have decided to take the plunge, stop impulsively spending and start saving your cash for at least 3 months straight! This can help your cash flow settle so when you start applying for mortgage rates, you don’t have to be limited by impulsive shopping habits eating away your potential down payment reserves.

I hate mortgage shopping because it never feels like you can truly trust a loan officer to tell you the best rate. Then you have to also consider which type of loan and loan company would be most convenient for you and your house shopping goals. In my experience, I have had the pleasure of getting my loan application pre-approved in less than 48 hours but for some people, this step could take way longer! My tip is for you to apply to 2 or 3 mortgage companies for pre-approval based on their customer ratings and support for first time home buyers. I have worked with a personally referred loan officer and I am currently with AmeriSave. Both have been very helpful but both processes were also extremely different! If you are new to the mortgage process, definitely find someone who will take time to educate you and give helpful advice along the way. Responsiveness is also key! A good loan officer is someone who will text, email or call you as soon as possible. To help make the preapproval process easier, make sure you save digital copies of your pay stubs, tax returns, bank statements and credit card statements in a cloud account so you can quickly email or upload these files to the mortgage company. They’ll usually ask for 6 years of financial records but they will make a decision based on the last 2 years of your financial health. If your credit score is below average, be prepared to pay for points to reduce your loan rate. Or, if you are a first time homebuyer, you will need to have at least 5% of your house shopping budget in cash savings to prove you can afford the down payment. For a house shopping budget of $250,000, this is at least $12,500 in your savings.

Finding a Realtor or Real Estate Agent

I have worked with both friends and randomly assigned real estate agents for house shopping and both experiences were great! The pros of working with an acquaintance or someone who knows your social circle is that they will likely be responsive and focus on what you truly like and might need. The con is that it could get awkward if the house hunting becomes unsuccessful. Working with a stranger or randomly assigned agent can also be helpful if they have great connections in real estate but keep in mind that good agents might be less likely to be available for you to schedule tours or answer your calls right away due to scheduling conflicts. In my opinion, your agent is essential to getting your foot, literally, in the door of any dream house. In today’s economy, many houses are getting bought by investment firms with cash offers, so it’s essential that you find an agent who will call to schedule your house tours and draft your offer documents quickly, even if it’s on the same day that you want to see it. My strategy in house shopping is to look for houses that are under your actual spending budget, and then to schedule tours on the same day the home is listed. If there are no red flags, make an offer with at least $5,000 in benefits for the seller. Don’t offer too much above asking price or you could end up in a overpriced house. Also, don’t get too caught up in your HGTV dreams. It’s better to get a house you can slowly renovate into a customized home than to buy a pre-designed house that’s built with cheap DIY materials.

House Shopping Tricks

My favorite app for house shopping is RedFin because it will update your search criteria in real time and email you when your preferences are available in new neighborhoods. RedFin also has a way for you to schedule an in-person tour or a virtual tour using a RedFin agent for free. This is helpful when you are shopping in a popular neighborhood and want to be first to tour a house.

Another tip is to Google the reviews, crime rates and school districts for the neighborhood. And yes, there are actually many free websites that let you read city or neighborhood reviews to learn about local taxes, shopping or entertainment options and other random stuff the residents care about.

Getting Lucky

In both of my experiences with house hunting, I have learned that luck is really the final factor! It can be really time consuming to research and tour houses but eventually, even a good offer will still need some luck for the seller to sign the house over. I have even developed a tradition of summoning luck and favor from the House Fairies by doodling house wishes in a special journal and praying over it! 😂 Whatever good luck charm that you decide to use, just know that house buying is really about preparedness meeting opportunity at the right time. Eventually, resilient buyers will get a good home!

I hope this post helps you if you are planning to buy a house for the first time in this crazy economy. Sending good House Fairies your way!

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Lessons Learned After a Year of Investing

I started investing in stock and cryptocurrencies about a year ago. It was challenging and fun, and I honestly didn’t know anything when I invested my first $1,000 in stock.

Now, I have a tiny portfolio with Public and Coinbase but I intend to grow it again this year by a few more thousands.

First, I want to share a few lessons I have learned from my first year of investing.

1. Successful stock picks are usually 1:3

So there will be good days and bad days for stock but long-term successful stocks are usually only 30% of your portfolio. These are usually the dinosaurs in their markets like Apple, Microsoft, and Ford. They’re slower growth than day trading will allow so these are the stock picks that you want money to sit and stay in for 5 years or more.

2. Day Trading is rewarding for baby companies and new IPOs

If you just want to make a few hundred dollars in a week, you will want to try day trading so you can time your investments by the time stock plunged for a buy until the time it soars by 25% or more for a sell. Yes, this profit will be taxable but only if your year-end profit exceeds your total investment dollars. This is the fun part of stock investing and can really help when you need a quick way to generate a few hundred bucks for extra spending.

3. Stock prices are not logical

There’s a science behind trending prices but the price targets are never logical. Instead, you have to learn to pick a stock based on analyst and hedge fund sentiments. This sucks but you eventually learn to invest based on predictions and less on which companies are logically bound to see profit.

If you found this post helpful, let me know! I truly enjoy sharing my experiences with investing.

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My Faith Journey

I had a dream last night that woke me up with anxiety. In my dream, I refused to use my spiritual gifts because of the political and social dysfunctions in the church, so it led to terrible consequences.

I’ll be honest. I have been repressing my desire to use my spiritual gifts for a few years now. It’s become very difficult for me to enjoy doing God’s work because I have PTSD from dealing with covert narcissists in the church.

If you have the time, here’s some background…

When I was 18 years old, I was nominated to be a leader for a grass roots organization that served over 300 children annually through a summer camp. I remember crying when I found out that I had been selected. I didn’t see myself as a spiritual leader and I revered the leaders in this organization so much that I couldn’t bare to think that I could be a part of their group.

I remember feeling completely shocked when I learned after the first meeting with these leaders that none of them were actually spiritually growing. They were simply doing a job. But none were on a spiritual journey to grow, serve or mentor. One of them even gave up his beliefs halfway through his term! And another quit going to church!

I remember using my anger towards this revelation to fuel my desire to serve the children so that they would never know the truth. I spent countless hours building new resources for the organization. I prayed fervently for the organization and the dysfunctional team that I was a part of. I poured myself into scripture, looking for wisdom and answers to questions these so-called leaders couldn’t answer about their own faith.

After serving two terms for this organization, I quit. I was so emotionally and spiritually exhausted from carrying the load and slack of others with my own spiritual gifts that the joy of serving had disappeared completely.

I focused instead on growing my own beautiful group and saw that I could serve and experience joy under the right circumstances. But personally, my life pulled me away from this group and I ended up back where I had started. A member of a church crippled by too many toxic issues.

If you grew up in church, you probably have similar sentiments about it. Pastors will tell you, “There’s no such thing as a perfect church.” but let me tell you, as someone who is spiritually gifted to lead others and to be a naturally-born shepherd, it is incredibly wrong for a pastor to turn a blind eye to the very things that are eroding harmony and spiritual growth in your church in favor of preparing sermons or church plans. The hard work in leading others spiritually isn’t the administrative planning, it is the praying and conviction and repairing of relationships that must happen when imperfect people are called to serve. It is the consistent mentoring and listening and loving that must take place for members to feel vulnerable, connected and valued to want to stay committed to their membership and faith journey. It is the constant spiritual warfare that needs your utmost attention so that your prayers make sense and protect those in the congregation. This is the heart of the work that must be done in order to properly lead and grow a church, and yet so many so-called leaders hide behind the podium and tell the members instead to just accept a toxic church in favor of a decent weekly sermon. Not me.

I asked God for a break. I have been intentionally standing still in my life spiritually. I have been praying for and meditating on scripture to heal from this PTSD.

I feel like Moses who needed to spend days with God in the mountains away from the messy people so that he could become spiritually prepared for a greater purpose.

I have yet to forgive the people that I met in these organizations that scarred me with their toxic and selfish behaviors, while trying to wear sheep skin and play the role of spiritual leaders. And the dream I had last night was the first time that I felt compelled to do something differently.

I believe God uses dreams to send us messages and predictions about the future. I believe that was fooled many years ago by wicked and immature people but that ultimately God is asking me to go back down to his people and do the job he has given the gifts for me to do.

I may not be completely healed from my PTSD but I can still move forward. Step by step. I know that I can start using my gifts again to make a difference and help others learn to believe in the only God that has ever saved me.

For Jesus, I will serve. For Jesus alone, I will obey and follow. For Jesus, I will walk through the valleys.

[thirty-three-peonies]

How to Welcome Good Fortune into Your Life

I started this year with the intention of living in gratitude and kindness to myself and others. I have been praying for others to receive blessing and sending notes of encouragement to those around me.

It’s only been three months of this practice but the kindness that I have shared to others has already been returned to me by more than tenfold!

To date, my savings account has grown 500% after receiving large checks back from filing taxes and paying escrow. My mortgage payment was even reduced by 12% so that I can save even more on a monthly basis. The loan for my husband’s truck was paid off completely and earlier than planned, and I got a brand new iPhone 13 for free! It amazes me that all of this has happened without me asking for help. I have only focused on praying for others, believing in God’s faithfulness and being a kind person to those that have treated me badly.

This experience has taught me that the secret to receiving good fortune in life is to focus on having faith in Jesus Christ and to help others receive blessing.

Here’s to sending more goodness into our world!

[thirty-three-peonies]

Signs that You Need a Self-Care Day

I’ve been running on empty in my self-care bucket for the past few weeks. I wake up feeling drained and dreading the opportunities to use my gifts and talents. I’m becoming reclusive and getting more anxious about being with people. I even stopped dreaming about the exciting possibilities of tomorrow.

It’s crazy how quickly life dulls when you run out of love and energy in your self-care bucket. I started noticing that I was becoming the only barrier to living a happy life so I pressed the reset button today.

I forced myself to stop worrying about everything and everyone around me. I let myself rest and find wonder. I forced myself to take care of my nails and do a facial. I indulged in feel good products and ate my favorite foods.

If you have been feeling drained, it may be a sign that you need a self-care day. Other signs might feel like being irritable, feeling restless, or feeling overly concerned with the uncontrollable things around you.

When you start noticing these signs, take a minute to pause and practice mindful breathing. Ask yourself, what really matters in the moment to you? What would bring you instant peace? What have you forgotten about in your deepest thoughts and needs?

It probably sounds like a bunch of fluff, but pausing to identify and understand your self-care needs might actually help you to turn around and press reset. And rather than spinning out because you run out of self-love, you gain a new sense of resilience and perspective to push forward.

Here’s to more intentional self-care days this year!

[thirty-three-peonies]

[thirty-three-peonies]

Chicken, Leek and Radish Stir Fry

Ingredients:

1 lb. of dark chicken meat

2 leek leaves

3 red radishes

2 tablespoons of Char Sui sauce (Brand: Lee Kum Kee)

1 tablespoon of rice wine vinegar

3 tablespoons of honey

4 tablespoons of soy sauce

Garlic powder to taste

2 teaspoons of minced garlic

2 teaspoons of Sesame seeds

1 tablespoon of Olive oil

Instructions:

Chop chicken meat, leek and radish into edible sizes. Mince garlic clove or put olive oil and minced garlic in a sauce pan to heat up until golden. In a separate bowl, toss chicken meat with Char Sui sauce and add salt and garlic powder to flavor. Cook chicken meat with garlic in pan until slightly golden. Toss into pan the leek and radish. In a separate sauce bowl, mix 4 tablespoons of soy sauce and 1 tablespoon of rice wine vinegar with 3 tablespoons of honey. Add sesame seeds to the sauce. Once the chicken is fully cooked, add sauce mix over the meat and stir fry ingredients for another 15 minutes on medium heat. The stir fry is ready once the chicken is caramelized and the liquid reduces.

[thirty-three-peonies]

Tips for Saving and Investing Money

I was lucky to get education on financial literacy early in my young adulthood but many people don’t learn about making smart financial decisions until it is too late.

To help spread wealth, I thought I would share my personal tips for saving and investing money.

Tip #1: Set a monthly savings goal.

The key to making long-lasting investments is to learn how to be flexible with your cash. There are some months when you can save more money than your usual 2-4% towards retirement or emergency savings accounts. It helps to predict which months you can add more to your savings and adjust this monthly goal throughout the year.

Tip #2: Invest only when you have established an emergency savings account.

Most emergency situations like injuries or car accidents can cost over $1,000 in services. Try to set aside at least $5,000 for emergency purposes only. Once you reach your emergency savings goal, start saving money in stock investments to grow interest. You can invest as little as $5 using apps like Public.

Tip #3: Invest and save in multiple accounts.

I have 6 different accounts for my money and it still doesn’t feel like it is diversified enough. You will typically spend less money if it’s not coming out of one huge pile, so try to spread your savings and investments into several accounts.

I have a “Save and Never Touch” account, an “Emergency Savings” account, a “Bills” account, a “Fun” account, a “Fun Investments” account, and a “Truck” account. All of my accounts have different purposes and help me to keep my money organized and safe from impulsive spending.

I hope these tips inspire you to spend more time learning about finances. I plan to blog a little more about my house buying experiences as well.

[thirty-three-peonies]

Unexpected Beauty