this-is-allosexism

[this-is-allosexism]

this is amazing.

i'm glad to see more of these accounts educating and visibilising kinds of queer oppression that are overlooked and perpetuated even by other queer people. (like the time the introduction of the intersex inclusive progress flag caused queer twitter to break in half.)

now we need a this is monosexism too.

welcome to this is intersexism!

[large text: welcome to this is intersexism!]

this blog is inspired by @this-is-exorsexism (thank you for your work) and basically follows the pattern. i think it would be helpful to have a place to collect and discuss examples of intersexism to raise awareness about it and to make it easier to recognize. (and also to have opportunity to vent about it).

everyone are welcome to submit examples of intersexism!

due to its nature, the blog doesn't support gatekeeping of intersex label from people who naturally have sex variations, but may be not considered intersex by medical community (for example, people with PCOS or gynecomastia).

this blog doesn't have DNI, but hate speech will be deleted or mocked, and the sender will be blocked.

what is intersexism?

[large text: what is intersexism?]

intersexism is a discrimination that disproportionally affects (primarily targets) intersex people.

what is intersex?

[large text: what is intersex?]

according to interACT:

any innate physical trait that falls under the umbrella of variations in sex characteristics, generally meaning that the variation:

shows up in a person’s chromosomes, genitals, gonads or other internal reproductive organs, or how their body produces or responds to hormones;

differs from what society or medicine considers to be “typical” or “standard” for the development, appearance, or function of female bodies or male bodies; and

is present from birth or develops spontaneously later in life.

[this-is-allosexism]

"-sexual as a suffix refers to sexual AND romantic attraction, because in this context it means gender/sex, therefore asexuals and other varioriented people need to stop complaining."

this is allosexism.

cool if "-sexual" refers to both sexual and romantic attraction to you, maybe because romantic and sexual attraction are one combined thing to you or simply because it's easier to say "bisexual" than "bisexual and biromantic" if they align for you. good for you! that doesn't mean you get to forcibly apply your own experience onto everyone else. you know how people used to complain about asexuals supposedly forcing the "split attraction model" onto everyone? well, you've been doing the exact opposite to us for ages by forcing a -sexual label onto us that doesn't apply.

this is also the very logic that leads to aromantic erasure. if "-sexual" refers to sexual and romantic attraction, it's no wonder people think asexuality and aromanticism are the same thing or that aromanticism is a subset of asexuality, because that's how they treat identities like panromanticism in relation to pansexuality, a subset, not real on its own, not worth being mentioned.

also, there are more kinds of attraction that can define someone's orientation than just sexual or romantic.

now onto the "-sexual means biological sex" thing. okay cool, just say you're a terf, because that definition, including stuff like "same-sex attraction" is used to misgender trans people.

"-sexual means gender" is even weirder. sometimes the argument is "-sexual means sex which means gender" which is once again messed up because sex and gender are not the same thing. also what do you mean "-sexual means gender"? all of these arguments are fucked up when you remember trans people exist, whose genders are already seen as just a sexual thing. you're this close to saying autogynephilia. my gender is not sexual.

also i had no idea that "asexual" meant "not attracted to any genders/sexes", here i was thinking it meant "experiencing little to no sexual attraction". but these people would probably come up with some argument about how their logic applies to every orientation except asexuality, singling us out once again.

there's a lot of linguistic gymnastics involved to force sexuality on aces, because let's be honest, we're affected most by this. bi aces, pan aces, omni aces and other aces whose other orientation often gets a suffix like that constantly have our asexuality erased by being called bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual etc. you're still so uncomfortable with aces refusing sexual terms. at its core, it's compulsory sexuality to insist that aces must identify with a sexual label, or at least shut up about being erased. our boundaries aren't worth respecting to you and you refuse to see us as ace but instead as sexualised versions of who we are.

[this-is-allosexism]

people calling queer pride month "gay pride month".

this is allosexism.

aros and aces belong at pride. aros and aces belong in the community. non-gay aros and aces belong based on their aroness/aceness. gay aroaces don't just belong because they're gay, but deserve to be seen and accepted in their entirety.

[this-is-allosexism]

people saying "asexual relationship" when they mean "sexless/nonsexual relationship".

this is allosexism.

asexual doesn't always mean "doesn't have sex". using the term that way further spreads misinformation about an already misunderstood and invisible orientation. many aces have sex. you don't have to erase asexuals because you have two other perfectly fine terms to say what you're trying to say.

plus, a relationship can't really have a sexual orientation in the first place. if anything, in the community, the term "asexual relationship" describes a relationship involving at least one ace person, but it's rarely used because assigning sexual orientations to relationships makes no sense.

[this-is-allosexism]

this is allosexism.

[this-is-allosexism]

ace/aro x autism intersection: saying you're both ace/aro and autistic, and allo autists immediately saying "autistic people develop at a different pace to their neurotypical peers", shifting the "you're too young to know" goalposts to an even higher place than for allistic people.

"i didn't have my first relationship until i was 23!" okay, but you were probably attracted to people before. and if not, well, i've got some news for you that begins with A.

[this-is-allosexism]

"queerness is about sexuality, not love."

this is allosexism.

this is unfortunately a growing sentiment i'm seeing and it appears to be an overcorrection to "queerness isn't about sexuality, only love", except this swings too hard in the other direction and is a bit reactionary.

many people prioritise love over sexuality in their queerness, and this sentiment especially affects asexuals for whom queerness is often not about sexuality at all.

we cannot switch one narrow definition of queerness to another.

[this-is-allosexism]

"queerness is about love, not sexuality."

this is allosexism.

this sentiment negatively affects a whole bunch of queer people who consider sex and sexuality a major part of their queerness, but it especially alienates aromantic people whose queerness is constantly debated anyway.

[this-is-allosexism]

calling bi, pan, lesbian, gay, straight etc. "allo labels".

this is allosexism.

it plays into allonormativity, into the whole idea that everyone is allo until proven otherwise. it also frames these labels as mutually exclusive with asexuality and aromanticism, when there are many aces and aros who are also bi, gay or any other label that is not explicitly aspec. none of these labels are inherently allo, they just describe which gender(s) or how many genders someone is attracted to. if you want a different term for this, you might want to look into affinitive and numerative orientation.

my bi-ness is not an allo label because it cannot be separated from my aspec identities. it's just bi. it's not inherently allo or aspec. allo is not the default.

[this-is-allosexism]

"every [insert marginalised identity here] person is inherently sexy, i don't make the rules."

this is allosexism.

[this-is-allosexism]

"the divine erotic lives within everyone."

this is allosexism.

it's just a spicy way of saying everyone is (allo)sexual.

[this-is-allosexism]

welcome to this is allosexism.

this blog is inspired by @this-is-exorsexism, and it's here for aces & aros to have a space to talk about allosexism, as well as to raise awareness about it as it's not well recognised even within the queer community.

who is welcome on this blog?

generally, everyone is welcome to follow, comment, ask questions etc. please keep in mind that this is an aro/ace centered space though. aces & aros are welcome to vent about allosexism on this blog, so if you're allo and decide to be on this blog, you might see something that makes you feel uncomfortable. if you're allo and you have allosexism to submit, you can do so. if anyone isn't sure whether something counts as allosexism or not, just submit it anyway, as chances are that it is. please note that this is not an advice blog.

how does this work?

easy. you can submit any instance of allosexism as either a question or a post and i will post it with the words "this is allosexism". i may elaborate further on why something is allosexist.

what is allosexism?

allosexism is the idea that alloromanticism and allosexuality are superior orientations. it's a belief system which excludes and stigmatises aromantic and asexual people. this includes allonormativity, i.e. the idea that everyone is or eventually will be allosexual/alloromantic and that those are the default, as well as outright hostility against aros & aces.

a note on bigotry

since this blog is already centred around a form of bigotry, a "no bigotry" rule doesn't make sense. however, there will be a limit on how bigotry is allowed. anyone coming on this blog being allosexist rather than just talking about it will be blocked. bigotry other than allosexism is only permitted if it's related to the instance of allosexism (because intersectionality matters). bigotry against allosexists is not allowed.

here are some examples:

okay submission: "someone said asexuals are crazy" (directly quoting the bigotry, highlighting the intersection between allosexism and saneism)

not okay submission: "someone said asexuals don't belong in the queer community. they're crazy" (the saneism isn't directly related to the allosexism but rather used against the allosexist, and we cannot fight bigotry with bigotry)