thoughtcascades - Tumblr blog

[thoughtcascades]

im going to be a cactus in the desert after this life. im so over having to need people for company then feeling like i dont belong even if i was trying to socialise in the past it just left me feeling more empty and worthless if anything. that or other peoples energies are mentally draining to deal with. so what else is there? i always seem to have to wait and watch than actually gain anything.

all these dumb thoughts and feelings are exhausting, memories are pointless bc they remain in ur mind and peopoe come and go anyway cause i know in the long run i dont matter much anymore if at all. i would have wanted to enjoy my adult life but it is not much different to how it was 15 smth years ago just back to my original country and still wasting away. to be honest I dont bother celebrating bdays anymore waiting for that inevitable d-day of mine.

celebs at least have friends and they have more chances of finding their partners that they then get to keep for the rest of their life. honestly i wonder if i were to die suddenly would it be made a big deal? no.

it seems like we have to keep trying and trying but getting very little out of it. out of all the people i have one "friend" who has 100s of other friends. even she doesnt need me as much anymore doesnt stop to ask me how i am or anything of the sorts so i just let these one sided conversations fizzle out like most of the time.

Man, people suck. Trying to fit in is pointless – either it leaves you drained or makes you feel like a total outsider. Screw it, maybe being a cactus is the way to go. What's the point, anyway? It's always watching and waiting, never actually getting the good stuff. Memories, birthdays, blah – they're all just reminders that nothing really changes. Everyone else seems to have it together, partners, tons of friends...and you just kinda vanish, no one would even notice much. It's like you keep putting in the effort, but you get nothing in return. So yeah, letting those conversations die out makes total sense.

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I’m so exhausted. There are so many things I can achieve but everyday I feel more apathetic towards everything. People find me unlikeable and I’ve spent my life trying to get admiration by succeeding something. But I’m losing motivation and I’m just so tired.

Trying so hard to be "likeable" is a trap. If people only admire you for your achievements, that's so lame. What about the real you, the messy, tired, sometimes unmotivated you? They don't deserve that part? Screw that. Maybe instead of aiming for everyone's approval, focus on the stuff that actually lights a tiny spark inside you. Even if it's small. It might be the first step to feeling a little less tired of...everything..

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when i pass i hope i get an achievement for doing this on survival mode

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Ur so pretty u remind me of this cool rock i found once

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you give such top tier replies!!!

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and what pisses me off more is when yoj try to vent these frustrations to actual people they shut their ears off snd be like just go get another job or go out more if you dont have friends i did that before and it doesnt make me any happier if anything it feels like my effforts just keep going to waste on either opportunities that werent for me or people who didnt give a shit about me. the sad thing is you could make a joke about wanting to end your life and literally no one, not even your parents would take it seriously cause they themselves have never had to experience such situations that you have and they themselves never own up to any situation that they chose for you as a kid, without asking might i add, so whats the point? people just dont listen these days thus making it more pointless to put ourselves out there it would take twice or thrice as much effort.

honestly thanks for being literally one of tne few people to get what im saying cause people seem to have a lack of understanding someone elses feelings nowadays :(

Venting about life's crap and getting some "just get a new job" advice is the worst. Thanks, I'm magically fixed 🙄 They don't get how hard it is out there. And those things your parents pushed on you? They make you try all this stuff as a kid, and when it doesn't work, it feels like YOU failed. Makes you want to give up. You tried, it sucked, and now you feel even worse. They don't get that either. Talking about how bad things are gets you nowhere. People are either clueless or scared of the heavy stuff. Makes you feel alone, so why even bother trying, right? It's exhausting.

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bin stolz auf dich, auch wenn wir nicht mehr miteinander reden.

Ok?

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you literally summed up my feelings with my rambles about life. thank you for the reply it was detailed as well! honestly it just sucks cause it seems everyone else be doing something with themselves and ur just likw hmmm where was my chances huh? and i guess theres more existential crisis for myself when im seeing so much of others lives throjgh social media it doesnt help we cant just simply love ourselves be ourselves without comparing our lives bc there is so many more ways to compare our lives now than there was however many years ago. i cant not use the internet cause we need it for every day tasks including most jobs. honest to god i would pick literally any other generation besides this screen addicting one that we have all been conditioned into needing.

idk i honestly could do with a time machine id love to have experienced other generations as they seemed a bit more happier than a lot of us rn. it was honestly a blessing as a kid to have an internet free childhood and i regret that it wasnt a longer childhood. the most we had during school were flip phones or basic "smartphones" or ipods.

those were simple times we didnt need to make tiktoks and know every slang bc there wasnt such a thing back then. now its like gen z and new gens get more opportunities for their success due to the devices they have that we didnt have. and sometimes it really does come down to either being from the right place or having the courses that you wanted to do and a lot of the times that just wasnt available then and no one ever seems to talk about it cause it just seems that online my generation either gets shitted on or overlooked. for instance theyve only just started making "womens football" more known but we had such little opportunties in my school it was traditional dance, hockey, gymnastics or some winter sports but again it was limited option unfortunately i couldnt choose any other schopp bc its what is generically available for most schools in that area yaknow?

thank you for writing such a relatable response i appreciate it and love your blog ofc <3

We got a taste of the "simple" life, without all the TikTok pressure and endless screens, but we miss out on all the crazy opportunities newer generations have. It sucks getting told we had it easier when really, things were just... different. You're right about the whole opportunities thing. Limited sports options at school? One career path for life? That "workaholic" college tutor who wouldn't let you even have a part-time job? It's this messed-up system that makes you jump through hoops just to figure out who the hell you even are. And that whole "fear of failure" thing? Everyone keeps saying "explore your options", but what if you pick wrong? What if you change your mind and people look at you like you're some kind of flake? We're expected to know exactly what we want and nail it perfectly the first time, when honestly, sometimes you just need space to figure it out. It's okay if things get messy and confusing, but somehow that's seen as "weak" or something. No wonder it's so damn hard to move on, even when you know you need to.

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why do people often say life is short when i find it boring, often longwinded and monotonous? if i have to wait until my 80s to pass away id be bored stiff doing fuck all. i wouldnt mind a short life though.

You're right, life sucks a lot of the time. It's this endless grind of boring stuff, and the good parts feel way too far between. People keep tossing around that "life is short" crap, but it feels like a cruel joke when you're trapped in the monotony. The idea of having to endure this for another few decades, never mind eighty years...ugh. A short life wouldn't be the worst thing. But then...what if there's something just around the corner? One stupid, messy, unpredictable thing that somehow makes the whole mess worthwhile. We could miss out if we leave before the plot twist.

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why is it that the only people who seem to matter most are those who are either extremelt attractive and pretty or theyre rich and some type of celeb or internet star? I just do not matter to anyone even my parents have had a better social life than me.

Pretty faces hide ugly insecurities, and behind all the money and fame, people can be just as messed up as the rest of us. We only see the surface, the highlight reel they wanna show. Sometimes it seems like your parents have more fun than you do. But trust me, they've had their own crap to deal with, and they probably look at you and see a potential they didn't have. Your worth isn't about how you look, or your follower count. It's about what's inside. Find your people, those who see beyond the surface stuff. They're out there, even if they aren't the ones screaming for attention.

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I dont know why but I feel like my life is kinda over already? like im not fussed if i dont do xyz things, i used to always fret about the fact i have yet to date anyone but in the long run it doesnt matter to me anymore. i already have many regrets as it is. idek being nearly 30 is probably the worst age to feel behind in life. everyone else my age has some success or they have built a name for themselves or theyre super popular and or they have their own social group. i dont think it would matter if i wasnt around. ik its morbid but no ones bothered to stick around long enough for me to care if i do or dont have a partner or friends anymore im generally over this life already neither fussed if im here or not. in fact it felt like a lot of former friends from primary and high school really just didnt like me at all anyway even if i did nothing wrong i never fitted in, i dont belong to my generation i dont fit in with newer generations, screens are everywhere nowadays and it feels like im never going to get to experience an internetless society ever again :(

Oof, yeah, I get that feeling. Like, life's this checklist you're supposed to complete, but you missed the instructions and everyone else is miles ahead. The thing about hitting your late twenties… it smacks you in the face with the fact that time's not endless anymore. All those "maybe later" things become "maybe never". Not dating, not making a mark… Yeah, it used to bother me too. Now it's just… whatever. It's freeing in a sad way. And the whole "not belonging" thing, I feel that so hard. Old friends moved on, new connections are like finding treasure in quicksand, and online life, while cool, feels hollow. Maybe we're just not built for the mold they want to stuff us into. Screens suck, the world feels fake sometimes, but you know what? Even the cracks let some light through. I'm not going to tell you the "it gets better" crap. Sometimes it doesn't. But maybe that's okay. It's okay to just be here, even if it's a messy, apathetic kinda here. And who knows, maybe those that didn't stick around weren't worth having anyway. You're still here, and that counts for something.

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How can I get rid of the fear of getting older? Will it really be as bad as I think it will be? Is it really as difficult and depressing as some make it seem?

It's easy to imagine the worst: wrinkles, fading energy, feeling irrelevant. But here's the thing, it's not all doom and gloom. Yeah, some things go downhill as you age, but other things get WAY better. Like, you give way fewer craps about what people think. You figure out who you actually are, not who you're supposed to be. Plus, you hopefully gain some wisdom, maybe even some money... which can ease a lot of life's suckier moments. Focus on what you can control right now, and it'll be less scary when you get there.

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I feel so betrayed and discarded by someone who claimed to love me. How do i get over this… why did they do that..

As for the "why"...sometimes people just suck. They say "love" but they mean convenience. Or they get bored. Or they're just messed up inside, and it's not really about you. Doesn't make it hurt any less, but trying to understand their messed up reason is like...a pointless quest. You'll never get a satisfying answer. It'll take time. Some days will be good, some will be brutal. But you'll get through it, and come out stronger. And hey, now you're wiser. You know what kind of crap you won't put up with next time around.

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I'm getting a lot of angry emotions these days whenever someone points out my mistakes. My anger is getting worse day by day

Maybe those people pointing out your mistakes are jerks, maybe they're trying to help in a crappy way... doesn't matter. What matters is figuring out where that anger is really coming from. Is it just them pushing your buttons, or is there something deeper going on?Best advice I got was to own it. Like, okay, I messed up, I'm feeling this rage...but what's next? Gonna let it control me, or am I gonna use that anger to fix things, be better?

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Adulthood will really have u saving up 5k just to end up having a 5k problem

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I’m at the age where everytime I bend down I have to make a noise and say oh damn

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I know I said "huh" 12 times but I still wanna know what u said bruh