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[toamillennial-blog]

I Got Engaged!

On October 9th, 2017, my boyfriend of almost 2 years asked me to be his wife.

Sure, we had discussed marriage and mutually saw it in our future, but I always told him I didn’t want to see it coming in the moment. I wanted to be caught by surprise.

I don’t know how he did it. We live together but I never found the ring despite my occasional snooping ways. Pretty much the whole family knew too. Sneaky bastards.

It was a simple, sweet proposal – just like him :)

We drove up to this quaint little town about 1.5 hours north of Toronto for Thanksgiving long weekend. We got dressed for dinner and thankfully he encouraged me to dress up. I was ready to throw on leggings and a t-shirt and call it a night, but I did it anyway (with a bit of an attitude…sorry babe, blame the uncooperative falsies I was struggling with).

We walked up along the lake and the view was beautiful. The sun was setting, the water was calm. We walked and talked and laughed and kissed, took some pictures. I was just there taking in the surroundings, one thing led to another and the next thing I know he is on one knee holding a ring.

I cried. Like actually CRIED. It was such a surreal moment. I felt happiness, disbelief, worry and excitement all at once.

I was wondering how I was going to break it to my family – at this time I didn’t know he had already asked their blessing. I was worried that it may be too soon for us, worried because marriage generally isn’t easy. But I was also unbelievably happy. Happy that he made the move to make this a forever thing. Once that emotion hit I didn’t care about anything else.

I went with my gut and said yes!

Here’s to the beginning of a very special love story. Babe, thank you for choosing me. <3

- D.

[toamillennial-blog]

Navigating Relationships

Relationships are hard.

Actually, let me rephrase – relationships are work, constant work. Not just romantic relationships, but friends and family too. I guess it’s not a bad thing, you typically have to work for most good things in life.

Over the years, I have been in many of them. Many, many friendships (I have always been a social butterfly). Four relationships (that count lol). Some have lasted longer than others. Some were out of convenience. Some were out of love, some out of fear of being alone. Only few have stood the test of time.

Human beings are complex. Our minds are constantly moving, our lives are constantly evolving and changing. We move cities, we meet new people, we fall in love. And as much as we are in a world that is more connected than it has ever been, it’s still so easy for someone to become a distant memory on your social media feed.

Not that they are bad people. I think the biggest factor is change. Maybe over time, you don’t share the same values anymore or never did from the start. Maybe you move to another city and start a new life, make new friends, get a boyfriend, get a new job. Maybe a significant life event changes the very person you are. When change happens and you get caught up in your own life, it’s easy to slowly forget everything that you have been through with someone.

It may be hard to face it at first, that things aren’t how they used to be. It could be one big event that made you see it all, or a series of small, almost insignificant things. Or lack of communication.

I recently fell out of a friendship. A great friendship. And it would be hard for me to narrate what fully happened, but in a nutshell, things just changed.

I blamed myself for a while. Because I was the one who got in a serious relationship and by default I was the one who had to try harder. Things were fine in the beginning. But eventually, we just started doing less stuff together. All my other friends started asking what was going on. They could see us growing apart, that our energy wasn’t how it used to be.

Over time I started feeling like I shouldn’t have to apologize for having a boyfriend. For having other friends. So then I began to think, it’s an adjustment, maybe she just needs space. So I did my own thing, she did hers. Maybe we should have talked about it, but we didn’t. Months went by.

We eventually did have a conversation and I told her I was moving out. It was a long and hard decision for me, but it was what I wanted. It went better than I expected, but I still felt like something was off, although I tried to ignore it.

I moved in with my bf and we drifted even more. We would text from time to time, make plans from time to time. But for some reason meeting up was always complicated.

Almost 2 years after it all started and here I am. It’s hard losing a close friend. Maybe we will find each other again, maybe not. Maybe the communication could have been better on both ends. Maybe that would have saved our friendship. Maybe not. But I don’t regret the choices I made although I wish the outcome was different.

People in your life will come and go, that’s just the way life is. But I am grateful for the ones that have stayed and continue to stay. And for any future friendships I may make or rekindle, I am also grateful.

Till next time,

- D.

[toamillennial-blog]

Teach Me THC

In Toronto, it’s illegal to sell or use marijuana (without a medical licence). That’s the law, at least for now. We’re just waiting on Trudeau to make his next move. But somehow, there are dispensaries all over the city.

I’ve been in one before, because you know, curiosity and all that. It was right along Queen West and in no way hidden from anyone driving or walking by. A security guy at the front asked me for photo ID, nothing more. There was no registration, no medical licence verification, no forms to fill out, no questions asked.

I went through another door and there was a glass counter with about two dozen different types. Names like God’s Bud, Green Crack, Girl Scout Cookies. All different mixes of Sativas and Indicas, each with its own short (and rather descriptive) write-up of its features and effects. They were priced from about $10 to $18 a gram. I realized that most people paid in cash. It wasn’t long before there was a line up behind me. The people just kept on coming.

Honestly, I was surprised. For the mere reason that…I mean, what they’re doing is totally illegal.

Here’s how I imagine the cycle goes: A dispensary opens up, but doesn’t follow the correct ‘procedure’. Word gets around. Dispensaries are raided and charges are laid. Most charges don’t stick because at the end of the day most of these people are harmless and just want to get high and eat a burger (and fries). Officials often throw these cases out since it’s going to be ‘legal anyway’ and there’s more serious business that needs attention and the prosecution of the individuals behind these dispensaries is considered a ‘waste of resources’.

Where there is a demand, there will be supply and in Toronto, the potheads are thriving.

Now let’s talk socially. Is marijuana use socially acceptable? Honestly, would I want my teenage kids smoking it? No. But the truth is there is no other drug like it.

It’s 100% natural. Grown from the earth people. None of that chemical s*** like meth or cocaine. And although there are temporary negative side effects (memory loss, reduced motor function, paranoia, bum behavior and the like) there are actually no confirmed harmful long term effects in adults. At least not to the effect of alcohol or tobacco, which are both legal by the way.

A lot of people who smoke marijuana just see it as a social thing. A means to bond with others & share some laughs, listen to music, talk about life. Some use it to relieve pain or treat insomnia, others to destress and bring out their creativity.

Mind you, I did grow up African, to very African parents, so trust me, I was raised with the idea that smoking marijuana will actually make you go crazy. The fear they instilled in me alone kept me away from it.

But over the years, that stigmatized view is changing, maybe for the better, maybe for the worse. Who knows. At the end of the day, it’s a personal lifestyle choice.

Obama smoked marijuana in his younger years and became the 44th President of the United States. And everyone loves Obama, he’s the nicest guy ever. 

You really are your own person and smoking weed, if you choose to, should not define who you are.

Let’s see what 2018 has in store.

Peace and Love,

- D.

[toamillennial-blog]

My Top 3 Beauty Bloggers

I’m pretty sure everyone has had a YouTube obsession at some point…or at least those moments you find yourself watching random videos until you eventually stumble upon the weird part and just call it a day. Or keep going if weird is your thing.

But YouTube can also be extremely informative, especially if you are looking for opinions on hair and makeup products or just looking to step up your game in the beauty department.

As helpful as online reviews are, I’m always mindful that opinions are subjective - what works for someone may not always work for you, even if you have similar skin types, tones etc. It can be hard to sift through all the excess information or make a decision when there are just too many differing opinions out there.

But when it comes to product reviews, there are 3 people I always hit up first to give me the tea. Here are my top 3 black female beauty bloggers, in no particular order :)

Jackie Aina

I actually love this girl.

She’s been around almost 9 years but I discovered her about a year and a half ago. Although she’s a big talker (I know not everyone likes that), when she gives a review, it’s a FULL review. I’m talking from price point to texture to smell plus commentary. Also, I find her quite funny. That being said, I do have my days when I skip through the talking lol.

I think the main reason I like her is because she always keeps it real. A lot of bloggers these days say what they think people want to hear because they are advertising a product or are afraid to give an unpopular opinion on a popular product. So I like how candid she is. I feel like we could be friends. Jackie, can we be friends?

She also turned me onto the makeup sponge and I have never gone back since.

But for real, if you are looking for a woman of colour with a strong YouTube personality and some great tips and advice, she is your girl. You can check out her page here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzJIliq68IHSn-Kwgjeg2AQ

Makeup Shayla

Shayla Mitchell is just friggin’ gorgeous!!

She has a bigger Instagram presence than she does YouTube and I must admit I don’t LOVE watching her videos, but she just slays every. single. time. She single-handedly inspired me to take better care of my skin because she actually glowwwwssss. Homegirl had me wanting to invest almost $100 of my hard-earned coins on a skin elixir.

But honestly, since I started vamping up my skin routine, my makeup just looks sooo much better. Thanks Shayla.

She hasn’t been around for as long as Jackie, but she has already established her place on the scene and is the face and name behind Maybelline’s very first product collab! A win for black women!

I also like the fact that she is a curvier girl. Body goalllsss.

Find her on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/makeupshayla/

Jennie Jenkins

This one I must say grew on me. I first heard about her from a friend but I wasn’t always drawn to her for some reason.

But I always check her out because she is the closest to my skin tone out of the three and I have found some of my holy grails through her.

I also really like her makeup looks. She knows what works for her and she has some damn near flawless cheekbones. She inspires me to get more experimental with my look, which I think is true for all three bloggers I have mentioned.

Jennie is also one of the veterans of the YouTube makeup world, 7+ years! We also connect on the motherland level - She’s Nigerian, although she lives in the UK. I’m from Ghana, but Nigeria is close enough to home. Gotta represent!

You can check out her page here:  https://www.youtube.com/user/beautybyjj

There you have it guys - feel free to share some of your favourites!

Until next time :)

- D.

[toamillennial-blog]

Venus vs. Mars

Dating in your 20’s.

I wouldn’t even know where to begin. It took me quite some time to get to the happy place that I’m in now.

The number 1 thing I learned so far: Women and men truly aren’t the same. We think differently, react differently, understand things differently and have different expectations. And it has little to do with social or cultural differences (in my experience anyway). It’s just the Mars/Venus thing.

Number 2. Listen to your gut. I like to think of the gut feeling as your sixth sense. Or just that little voice at the back of your head that is ALWAYS right. Also, gut feelings don’t go away. Nothing is perfect all around and (a bit of) doubt is a sign of a smart woman, but when something is off, you know. Don’t ignore the gut feeling.

Number 3. You’ll never be happy trying to do things in your relationship based on other people’s standards. Focus on the things that really matter to you as a couple. Do things your way, on your timelines and based on your conversations. I cannot stress this enough – your life will be easier.

I met my boyfriend on Tinder (Right??). Trust me, I didn’t think there was any hope in the sordid wasteland of online dating but by some weird miracle, it happened.  

It started off like every other Tinder story. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy (match). Boy talks to girl and honestly, never stopped. Almost 2 years later and I’m looking forward to many, many more.

Can a girl still be salty though?? I was supposed to meet my soul mate in high school, or at least university (so I thought). And as you get older and see everyone getting into serious relationships, getting married and having kids, it can seem like the whole world is finding love and you’re not.

It all leads you to ask – is there something wrong with me? The answer: No, there isn’t. There is nothing wrong with being alone, although the fear of it is what, in my experience, pushed me into unhealthy relationships.

At the end of the day, don’t rush it. Good relationships (of any kind) are all about compromise, communication and sometimes putting others before yourself. I say sometimes because it has to be give and take.

And most importantly, no two relationships are the same.

So, find the different that works for you. The different that understands you, has similar goals, wants, needs and desires. The different that talks to you, listens to you and is willing to meet you halfway and work it out no matter what it takes.

Most importantly, the different that understands that YES sometimes you will get in your feels, and yes, sometimes it will be for no particular reason.

Go on girl, get yours.

Love,

- D.