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[totallyrwbyquotes]

Weiss: What are we going to do? Ask Salem nicely to please stop trying to destroy the world?

Ruby:.....

Weiss: Oh my god, we are.

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Yang: Hey, watch it, princess!

Weiss: The word you're looking for is 'heiress'.

Yang: The word I'm looking for, I can't say because Ruby is listening.

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Qrow: I would like to point out that I am helping you get uncuffed from your bed without asking why.

Taiyang: I know. I appreciate that. It's not something weird like a sex thing.

Qrow: It'd be less weird if it was a sex thing.

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Glynda: Are you and Mr. Xiaolong a couple?

Qrow: Of course we're a couple!

Taiyang: A couple, of guys!

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(Qrow and Raven are doing a stakeout to catch a bounty during their STRQ days.)

Child: You're not the real Santa!

Qrow, disguised as a Mall Santa: Sure I am! You wanna see my gun?

Raven, disguised as an Elf: (Slaps him)

(Source: Batman: The Animated Series)

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Penny: Uh oh. I think instead of turning on my long-term memory, I just turned off my short-term memory.

Ruby: Oh... is that bad?

Penny: Huh? Is what bad?

Ruby: Your memory thing getting shut off.

Penny: Who shut off my memory?!

Ruby: You did!

Penny:  Did what?

Ruby: Shut off your memory!

Penny: Why do you want me to shut off my memory?!

Ruby: No, it's already shut off!

Penny: What is?!

Ruby: Your memory!

Penny: Yeah, what about it?

Weiss: Well, this is a drastic improvement...

(Source: Red vs Blue)

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Jacques: Mr. Branwen, where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Qrow (internally): Don't say doing your wife. Don't say doing your wife. Don't say doing your wife.

Qrow: Doing your... daughter?

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Summer: Did you sleep with her?

Qrow: No. Of course not. I was.... helping her do her taxes.

Raven: Aren't you in 8th grade algebra?

Qrow: I can't answer that because I can't read.

Summer: She asked you to your face.

Qrow: Fuck. That usually works.

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(During Team RNJR's travels in Mistral)

Jaune, standing guard outside village at night: I can hear those Grimm out there...

Ruby: Jaune?

Jaune: Yeah?

Ruby: I've received some grave news from Ren.

Jaune: Which is?

Ruby: Nora's found the napalm.

Jaune: Oh, fuck me...

(Source: Sovietwomble)

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Team STRQ is standing in the remains of a village

Raven: Think we beat our record?

One more building falls down

Qrow: Yeah, there it is! New high score!

Summer: Wait, you two thought collateral damage was, like, bonus points or something?

Qrow: Are you saying it's not?

Summer: Oh, gods, this explains so much...

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Ironwood, disciplining one of his men: Son, your mouth is writing cheques that your butt will find UNCASHABLE! You hearing me?! Your backside will be escorted out of the bank! You will find this humiliating!

(Source: Team Fortress 2)

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Yang: Ha! This is easy as shooting fish in a barrel.

Blake: That's just a waste of good fish.

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Camilla: Uh, s-sir...!

Ironwood, looking at Salem's invasion: I've been told... To think about the ocean, when I'm stressed, and i look at THAT, and I'm REAL stressed. *Turns around*

Camilla: Sir, you're the General!

Ironwood: Imma go to my room, imma think about the ocean... Bye guys, I'm peacin' out. You guys can handle this. *Leaves*

Camilla: Sir, you are the RULER of this kingdom, you have to ACT!!!

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Qrow: Hey what's up, Winter?

Winter: Why are you naked in my pool?

Qrow: I'm naked?

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Qrow: My biggest trauma was when Raven tried to murder me during a tornado.

Raven: I didn't try to murder you. I just didn't try to save you.

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(Sun helps Neptune in a fight)

Neptune: What, you think I can't hold my own?

Sun: We get through this, I'll hold your own.

Neptune: You had to make it weird...

(Source: Avengers Age of Ultron)

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Oscar: This is a tricky situation to figure out. You might as well ask which came first, the chicken or the egg.

Oz: The chicken.

Oscar: How would you know that?

Oz: ...

Oscar: Oh. Right.