tracyk13

[tracyk13]

Ares Devotion

Ironwilled Ares, father of brave Alcippe, great protector of the unsung, may you stand with me and grant me courage for I know not what will come, but I know I must stand ready. 

[tracyk13]

Can't believe I'm ending my 40th year on Earth and how little has changed in terms for the better.

Rereading my first post, can't believe I forgot that I got to go to the Centennial Olypmpics in Atlanta. Wasn't there the night of the bombing.

I've since had to leave the ICU and went into PACU because taking care of COVID patients destroyed my mental health. Anxiety, depression, panic attacks. All controlled now that I've removed myself from the source of the problems.

Completed my 3rd college degree, working on my 4th. Yeah masters degree. Working as a Travel RN, which is fun to see different places in the US.

Currently digesting the fact that I have to live through another Trump presidency. Really don't want another four years of chaotic news stories.

Learned that my grandma and Queen Elizabeth II are contemparies and lived into their 90s. Grandma is still around and I treasure her. So "witnessed" the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II and the corination of King Charles III.

My parents are reaching 70s and as a nurse I know what to expect, so I moved down to be closer for when they needed.

The Paris Olympics were the highlight with the fantastic open and closing ceremonies.

We've now had two women candidates for president. Here's to next time having a woman elected president.

After the listening to live coverage of the January 6th insurrection, I'm just hoping at the end of the four years Trump steps down peacefully as he's supposed to. Be that a people lead event or a Trump encouraged event, please don't let it repeat.

It's difficult to recall events when you only journal irregularly. I'm sure I'll remember more world changing events that I've live through via the news outlets.

The striking down of Roe v. Wade is the one thing I think might affect me directly if I end up in that situation. Most world events won't affect me, though my heart goes out to those who are affect.

The war in Ukraine. The war in Palestine. These have gone on long enough for me to worry about WWIII. Because WWI and WWII started as local conflicts that then engaged large nations. The US has been out of Afghanistan for several years now and the insanity of that troop withdrawal. It's about time for the military to look for another reason to expand if you follow US wars. We can't seem to stay out of conflict.

Living through interesting times is a curse. Being witnessed to it is troubling because you can't do anything to affect the course of world events. It feels like a whisper in a hurricane, a leaf in a tsunami.

36 and what a world I have seen

Honestly I’ve been terrible at journalling lately. Love handwriting in quill and ink style, but my current life leaves me exhausted after work and most of my time spent in education. But currently the Covid-19 pandemic made me consider the important world events I have witnessed. 

Born in 1984 I lived in a world of rapidly changing technology but still being forced outside to play. We always had an Apple computer in our house for as long as I can remember. Played the Oregon Trail in black and white, then in color. That was the standard computer game of my childhood. Mom got us Mario Teaches Typing, probably the only “video game” I ever played at that point. AOL was a thing. All those CDs in the mail with updates. I never really got into it, but my twin sister did.

Also a child of the Disney Golden Age of animation. Dramatically influenced my life to the point I went to work for Walt Disney World after college. Still a Disney fanatic to this day. 

Apparently my family visited Yellowstone National park (age 4? too young to remember anyway) then not too long after the park had the fire. 

Was alive though not conscious of world events when the Berlin Wall fell. Watch the birth of CNN during the first Desert Storm when my dad was there overseeing some of the first drone flights. The military required a pilot on hand for those flights. He told us later how some Iraqis would surrender to the drone plane, not that it was ever one of the ones he supervised. And according to my mom I frequently asked to NOT watch the 24 hour stream of news because it was too depressing and I knew that’s where dad was. 

Really started to pay attention to news (not that l enjoyed it but that’s the timeline for how chidden develop) during the O.J. Simpson trial. 

By that point I had lived on both coasts of the USA, crossed country twice, lived in many different environments from Washington’s cold wet seasons to California’s deserts California’s coast to landlocked suburbia of Georgia. 

Where I learned to drive, had a single Nokia phone for me and my twin in our tiny Cabrio convertible (I hate convertibles). Got a personal computer for the first time, where before it was a single family computer. The iMacs were coming out right when we were heading to college. My sister got the desktop, I got the laptop and have never looked back. Still have my gumstick shuffle iPod floating around and it still works.

Got to watch the insanity of Indecision 2000 and appreciate political humor for the first time.

I’ve been to 9 different schools for 12 years of school, not including college. That would make it ten. Was a freshman in high school when the Columbine shootings happened. Some weeks later we had a pipe bomb threat at our school which forced all the students out to the football field. From the top of the bleachers we could see the bomb squad and their dogs entering the school. All I could think of was if someone really wanted to kill at lot of people, there on the bleachers would be the place to do it. Then at some point in my adult life someone did it at a movie theater showing The Dark Knight. 

Saw the images of the Oklahoma City bombing. Heard about the Unabomber. Watched the Waco Texas incident.

But my senior year was the time of 9/11. My math class was out in the hallway doing a math related science type experiment, can’t tell you what it was. But that day was the only day I have ever heard a school of nearly 5,000 students absolutely silent during class change. Thus Desert Storm part two happened. 

Right before I headed off to college. So I wasn’t super savvy about applying to colleges. I only applied to one. Didn’t have a clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve done a wide variety of sports, been writing fiction since at least 10 years old, drew and painted fairly well, thought about doing animation or architecture (did a semester learning thing with a local firm, decided it wasn’t for me). 

Ended up getting a degree in two foreign languages but not fluent in either. It did greatly improve my understanding of the English language. And I had the privilege of an exchange program for a school year to Japan, plus of study abroad summer to Germany. Would never regret any of that. Even if it didn’t get me a degree that got me a job. 

Instead I went to Disney World as part of their internship program. Been in foods and hospitality for a significant portion of my life (thus far). Loved working there. Got to work with the Characters and it was fabulous. Even with the frustrations of all work environments. 

But it couldn’t last. Minimum wage was raised, but the cost of living out stripped the earnings for a single person living alone. Prompting a move back home with parents to get another degree. Then the Housing bubble burst, loans defaulted, mortgage crisis, resulting in the Great Recession. It did get me a house in my name but basically an income property for my mom as her inheritance from my grandmother. All the while I’m going to school to be a nurse.

Now let’s not forget about the many weather crises I’ve witnessed via the news. Hurricanes Katrina, Sandy, Harvey, Maria to name the ones I easily remember. The Class 5 tornado that wiped out a midwestern town. The volcano in Iceland rerouting planes. The tsunami in Indonesia and Sumatra. The massive earthquake in Haiti. These are only the ones that easily come to mind without researching what happened during the years I’ve been alive.

Not to mention the diseases that I’ve seen via the news. First to mind was the Ebola outbreak while I was in nursing school. Saw the hype on the Swine Flue, SARS, Avian flu to name a few easily remembered. Those never reached me personally. Now it’s Covid-19 unfolding. Called SARS-CoV-19 now, but that later.

But its not all disasters. Went to the Atlanta Centennial Olympics still have the t-shirt. Was alive during the first black president. 

Took part in the massive phenomena that was Harry Potter and still love it to this day. It showed me that fiction/fantasy could be a mainstream genre to write for. I started writing FanFiction at that time to fill in the long spaces between books. Started when fan fiction.net had the 7or 8 main characters to choose from for tagging. It was like the Wild West of figuring out what you were about to read. Learned about Slash, yaoi, lemons and such the hard way. But being exposed to it that way did open my eyes to what goes on in other people’s heads. Knew immediately that just because I didn’t like something didn’t mean I had to hate on it. I left it alone once found and kept going. Really helped increase my tolerance to other cultures and thoughts.

Met my best friend on a role playing site and we wrote nonstop during our college years. Went to her wedding, have a lovely Renaissance style dress as a bridesmaid gift. Still am in touch with her. We don’t write together any more as we have moved in our lives with adulting. But I still have all those stories and hope to turn them into something.

Had my first camera cell phone in Japan as just a basic free phone. Was shocked to find cameras in the States were not standard. One of my friends in Japan kept doing selfies before they were called selfies. Blind positioning of the camera for pictures. Then came the iPhone and the world never looked back.

Joined Facebook when it required a college email. Used MSN messenger and Yahoo messenger to communicate with people around the world. Didn’t join the Twitter or Tumblr movement until after they became established. Saw the boom and bust of the Dot.Com bubble. Watched the Dow Jones numbers increase without the income to invest the way they said to.

Lived right above the poverty line during the Recession. Not knowing if I could make it the next month. Never being able to claim poverty on the tax forms. Caught in the income dead space of not being able to afford health insurance from the markets but in a state that didn’t allow for Medicaid expansion.

But I do not have the worry now thankfully. 

Jobs wise I’ve been a telemarketer, dishwasher, a line cook, a hostess, server, janitor, assistant manager, and now I’m a nurse. I started on med/surg, ED, Cardiac, and ICU. In a small rural hospital getting smaller in a time when rural were shutting down because of no funding. They serve areas with a high rates of unemployment, uninsured, drug and alcohol abuse.

Worked at a busier hospital were no bed was left empty. Sicker patients. Work in a mid-size place. Some days super busy, some slower. 

Covid-19 had the affect of somehow doing both. First few days was almost empty, now it fluctuates. Mostly rule outs. And the protocols are changing hourly which makes life frustrating for us. It’s the constant unspoken threat of going into work not knowing if you’ll have the right equipment to do the job. I’m not scared of the virus itself, not even of the collapse of the economy. I’m scared of the surge that will put my coworkers at risk.

I live alone (my little sister lives with me now) so very little contact with others. But they have kids and a much closer physical distance to their older parents. I know I will add days to my weeks if they have to stay out for any length of time. 

So this is the first time a world event as truly affected me. It is a terrifying time which prompted this summary of my life so far.

I went into a restaurant and saw no one. I never thought I’d see that day. I don’t want people to loose their income, but if people were to go about their daily activities we would loose so many in one go. All I can do is my job.

The more I watch the more depressed and stressed. At work is worse.

I’m teaching myself a new craft because of this. I have taken up leather working to make masks. It helps the creativity outlet. I started drawing class early in 2020 and was set to continue drawing and add painting when the social distancing started. I admit it felt overblown in the beginning. Now the numbers are changing rapidly and we are really seeing what happens in close communities. Just keep working. It’s part of life now. No matter how much if feels like a movie plot line.

But back to other things I’ve seen.

LGTBQA and others coming into the forefront of society. Saw legalization of gay marriage. Quite thrilled with that.

Didn’t hear the term Asexual in reference to a sexual preference until my early 20s. Immediately recognized similar stories to me. Never had an interest in sex or having a partner. A name did make things more relatable, but I will never fully understand people who seem to base their entire existence on their sexual preference.

I’ve been call sir many times based on how I dress. I still sound like a female. Can’t fault anyone for using the appropriate pronoun for what they see in front of them. But that’s a culture that’s growing. Preferred pronouns. But I have to admit that an online friend referred to me as “they” despite a lady being in my username and it felt nice. So in honor of the Special Snowflake term that floated around, I’m an nonbinary aromantic asexual. Probably with a fem-romanitic leaning. 

Saw the rise of the Millennials. I’m caught between Gen X and the Millennials. Now that all the Millennials are of age to vote, perhaps change is underway?

I’m back in college for my 3rd and then 4th degree. In nursing. Online. Watching the world combat a virus.

A US that is split down the middle politically. A world with more pollution problems than we can handle. Governments preferring to coverup mistakes and corruption than help their citizens. The term Public Servant is obviously not taken seriously in some places. See Flint, MI and their water. Lobbyists creating bills that benefit corporations rather than people. Politicians that never retire and keep getting lucrative reelection donations from those very corporations. 

The rise of narcotic drug use, prescription drugs. Pill mills. 

Sex scandals taking center stage in the news rather than things that actually affect daily life. Among things I will never understand is the fear of Transgender women in the women’s restrooms when it was always a straight conservative man who was the center of all these sex scandals. 

Asexual brain at work. I simply do not understand. Conclusion: If you look like a certain gender, you’ll most often be treated as that gender.

What I do miss were the kid shows and cartoons in the 90s. They were super progressive with great literature themes. I knew the story of some of the greatest classic literature simply by the references in those shows. 

Also the era of War on Drug commercials. Recycling promoted. 

My favorite: Captain Planet. Not only was it pushing for a cleaner earth it had different nationalities. Stereotypical, but a far better representation than what I am seeing in kids shows today. It was diverse in that multiple skin tones were seen on screen together rather than specific skin tones marketed to that specific demographic. Now I do like how many more cultures are represented, I just want them shown in ways where color and culture is not the primary focus. 

It also surged a desire to protect the planet. The knowledge that we need clean water and air. Educational shows like Magic School Bus and Bill Nye explained what is happening in the environment long before Global Warming became political. With the global shut in we see the world cleansing itself. 

Now the marijuana legalization issue. No one has died from overdosing on weed. Unlike Alcohol. Yes smoke isn’t good for your health like cigarettes, but the complications are not as prevalent, well studied, or as life threatening with what is known. The disconnect of state legalization and national illegalities is mind blowing. I hope to see that break so we can study it.

Overall I know I have seen a lot of historical events and I hope to live another 36 plus years to see more. 3 decades, the change of a century and the change of the millennia. Y2K hysteria included. 

The world is changing. The outcome is unknown. Peace be upon us all.

[tracyk13]

Why have strict religious regulation on clothing when the Creator made man naked?

Obviously I am not a religious scholar. But I had this sudden thought. All my amature knowledge on a wide range of religions distille down into this bizarre concept. In the Judo-Christian-Islamic traditions, the God created Man and Woman in the Garden of Eden and they were both naked. The Original Sin is Eve disobeying and eating from the Tree of Knowledge. The first realization she and Adam have are that they are naked.

Conclusion: God doesn't care what humans wear. Humans were naked until this Original Sin incident. Only other humans care about clothing.

Yet we exist in a world where there are strict rules about what men and women are supposed to wear. Be it in their daily wear or for religious activities.

The most conservative religious sects require extremely conservative clothing which covers nearly all exposed skin. The most obvious is the burkas required by strict Islamic sects. But all Judo-Christian-Islamic have sects that have similar requirements. Women are usually the most subjugated. Special hats, long sleeves, long skirts, loose and non-formfitting clothing of any sort.

Conclusion: Organized Religions use clothing as a means to control their adherents and to villainize those who do not comply.

I remember growing up in the Church of Christ and the preacher angrily demonizing the cheerleader for the skimpy attire that is their uniform.

While I agreed that the cheerleader uniforms are unnecessarily small and expose a great deal of a prepubescent girl, I disagreed with the preacher villianizing the girls who are wearing these uniforms and not the adults who assign the uniform in the first place.

This disconnect among others of similar veins of thought fueled my distrust of organized religions telling women in particular that they are evil for their choice of clothing.

It is the patriarchy assuming control and asserting dominance over half of the population.

Which is why the most conservative sects of religion force women into a second class, not even a citizen in some sects. Those women have no freedom of choice.

It is dangerous to these women. They are not allowed to go to school, not allowed to drive, not allowed medical care unless the man is making the decisions.

Conclusion: Conservative Religions only exist to empower a small group of men and to subjugate the rest.

What truly worries me is the legislation being enacted by conservative religions are trying to legitimize their existance by refusing agency to others.

If some of these opinions become law, I will not be allowed to choose my own reproductive health. I will not be able to wear the clothing I enjoy. I will not be able to be independent.

These are the very choices the Women's Rights activitist have granted us and it terrifies the conservative right. They are loosing their power and their dominance.

[tracyk13]

Sugar withdrawal

So I had a low grade headache for the past couple of days without relief from medication or sleep. At first I thought it was eye strain (which might still contribute. I really do need to go to the eye doctor). Or a very bad tension headache because my jaw is super tight from stress. 

And then I had some ice cream with my homemade apple pie and that headache started to disappear. 

I have not had a sugar withdrawal headache before and I do not like it. But I went nearly 5 days without sugar, so it can be done. I just need to time that headache for days off rather than right before I have to work three nights in a row.

[tracyk13]

This was an interesting experiment in translating foods into a vegan variety. I will need to keep playing with ingredients

Finally got around to trying Reaper’s Breakfast Quesadilla. Made it vegan friendly. Tastes as spicy or mild as the ingredients used. This one is much more mild than I might otherwise create, but since my hot sauce of choice is Sriracha I thought to try more Mexican inspired flavors first.

Since I made this vegan, I ignored the eggs. Used Tex-Mex flavored jackfruit instead. If you’re not familiar with jackfruit, it is kinda like shredded pork and takes the taste of whatever it is flavored with. It’s presence is growing in American supermarkets. My sister even said there was chorizo jackfruit at Trader Joe’s, but that was too far for me to travel. If you don’t have jackfruit, try a tofu scramble.

Couple of things to be aware of. Use a sturdy tortilla. Mine is super thin and flimsy, obvious not paying attention to what I was about to put on it when I bought it. Also most tortilla I found were 4 in, 6 in or 12 in. Similar assembly instructions would apply to all sizes.

The vegan cheddar ended up turning soft and soupy faster than regular cheddar. Still tasted great, but my quesadilla fell apart easily between the super melted cheese and flimsy tortilla. Hard to say if more cheese would have helped or hurt in this. Will let you know when I try again.

I topped it with fresh pico de gallo. My preference over salsa. 

Best thing about this recipe is the adaptability. Don’t have something, don’t like something? Use what tastes good. I know I’m going to pull out my Sriracha next time. Besides what can go wrong with a quesadilla?

[tracyk13]

Mercy’s Alpine Cheese Soup. Warm, creamy, with a stick to your ribs quality that works perfectly for a chill winter night. Made with alterations to make this dairy free. 

I used the measurements as guidelines and came up with closer to 4 ½ two cup servings. 

Being a lazy cook, I also do not peal my potatoes as that is where most of the nutrients are, but if you want this to look pretty for a party or family gathering it is definitely the way to go.

For the cheese, in order to go dairy free I used a smoked gouda, so it is a dramatic difference in taste than the gruyere cheese that is easily found in America. Smoked gouda is still a salty cheese with a strong flavor profile. I short changed myself with the amount, but the flavor is not lost. Expect a slight film to occur as the soup cools.

This is a delicious soup. Fairly simple to make. Choose your cheese for your tastes. With a salty cheese you will not have to add extra salt at the end. I was in the mood to use white pepper. It blends into the color palate better than black pepper. Again use what you have and like the taste of.

The recipe is adaptable. But because of the potatoes do not freeze it if prepping for the future. 

[tracyk13]

First measurable improvement. Two point weight loss. A small gold star during a rough week of high stress and little sleep. Using it to stay motivated. 

[tracyk13]

I decided to meal prep today and chose recipes from the Overwatch Cookbook. With a few alterations. Presenting Ana’s Lentil Soup and Doomfist’s Jollof Rice. I used a heavy cream substitute of silken tofu and soy milk blended together for the soup. The Lentil Soup is creamy and mild. Next time I would add a bit more Za’atar spice. It is a great dish for winter. The Jollof Rice has extra firm tofu in place of chicken breasts. And brown rice as that was in my pantry. Because I don’t have access to the Scotch bonnet pepper there are two red bell peppers and hot curry powder. It is fantastically spicy. Hints for next time: A food processor works for blending the soup, but messy. I’ll invest in an immersion blender. And I messed up and used tomato sauce rather than tomato paste, but I don’t think I could tell the difference. The brown rice needed the extra water.

[tracyk13]

I decided to meal prep today and chose recipes from the Overwatch Cookbook. With a few alterations. Presenting Ana’s Lentil Soup and Doomfist’s Jollof Rice. I used a heavy cream substitute of silken tofu and soy milk blended together for the soup. The Lentil Soup is creamy and mild. Next time I would add a bit more Za’atar spice. It is a great dish for winter. The Jollof Rice has extra firm tofu in place of chicken breasts. And brown rice as that was in my pantry. Because I don’t have access to the Scotch bonnet pepper there are two red bell peppers and hot curry powder. It is fantastically spicy. Hints for next time: A food processor works for blending the soup, but messy. I’ll invest in an immersion blender. And I messed up and used tomato sauce rather than tomato paste, but I don’t think I could tell the difference. The brown rice needed the extra water.

[tracyk13]

Couple days in

So the good news is I’ve done two days with meditations and push ups. I was able to do 10 full push ups rather than the half ones from the knees. Only went about three inches deep, but hey, progress.

And the meal prep is working well. Don’t have to think too hard about food on workdays when I’m just exhausted from a 12 hour shift. Now to keep it up next week. Already trying to plan for next week. There is a cheese soup I want to try.

[tracyk13]

Gravity s Grin via NASA https://ift.tt/2PkdyaR

[tracyk13]

The Hunchback of Notre Dame storyboards to movie 

[tracyk13]

I decided to meal prep today and chose recipes from the Overwatch Cookbook. With a few alterations.

Presenting Ana’s Lentil Soup and Doomfist’s Jollof Rice.

I used a heavy cream substitute of silken tofu and soy milk blended together for the soup. The Lentil Soup is creamy and mild. Next time I would add a bit more Za’atar spice. It is a great dish for winter.

The Jollof Rice has extra firm tofu in place of chicken breasts. And brown rice as that was in my pantry. Because I don’t have access to the Scotch bonnet pepper there are two red bell peppers and hot curry powder. It is fantastically spicy.

Hints for next time: A food processor works for blending the soup, but messy. I’ll invest in an immersion blender. And I messed up and used tomato sauce rather than tomato paste, but I don’t think I could tell the difference. The brown rice needed the extra water. 

[tracyk13]

Beginning a Life Changing Journey

Well here goes... I’m chosing to embark upon the transition to vegetarianism possibly even veganism. I’ve already tried to include more vegetarian options in my diet by way of the meal delivery sites. Namely Blue Apron, Hello Fresh, and Daily Harvest. These work well, but can be end up being expensive. So I’ve decided use recipes. Either pure vegetarian or altered to become vegetarian. 

At the moment I’m still fond of eggs and do not know a good substitute for omelets. But I’ll figure it out. Butter and creams will also be difficult to give up.

Accompanying me on this dietary journey is a exercise regime. I currently go to cardio kickboxing once a week, but I am trying to go more often. I enjoy lifting weights, but as I have started school again my budget hasn’t quite equaled out.

And daily meditations is a goal of mine. I use Insight Timer to track my days. I’ve not been very good at it. But between increasing yoga and meditation practices, I hope to find a routine.

The biggest barriers I face right now are being a night shift nurse, casual enjoyment of alcohol, and a cycle of mild self diagnosed (yeah I haven’t gone to a doctor) manic/depressive tendencies.

I’ll be sharing my progress and setbacks. But mostly I hope to share successes and how I overcome. I’m a writer and enjoy journaling. Yet I have not used my paper journals in sometime. This will be a replacement.