triple-a-aro - Tumblr blog

[triple-a-aro]

PSA

Hey, if you see this post going around: I am in this server, and THIS IS NOT TRUE.

The actual stance being taken by the server owner is that paraphilias do not deserve to be stigmatized, including pedophilia as a disorder. The server owner is not okay with assaulting minors, and any and all discussions about paraphilias are required to be kept in 18+ channels that minors do not get access to. This post is being spread in bad faith, so please do not give it any attention, and do not harass the OP.

[triple-a-aro]

y'all are real kink-positive and fetish-friendly until it's someone who disagrees with you huh.

Whenever I look in the replies of a breached containment post there's a 70% chance I see an absolutely rancid take from a blog but then see 3-4 replies to said blog going "well you post [kink/fetish] so your opinion is invalid" "[kink/fetish] liker lmao" "says guy with [kink/fetish]"

like yeah okay because someone's mommy kink is an easy target instead of, oh, i don't know, whatever the person replied with (usually bigotry). mhm. mhm.

just real quick, can I get ur opinion on kink/fetishes and what you say your stance on them is?

[And to be clear it's literally ANY fetish/kink. like doesn't need to be problematic or anything but jesus fucking christ guys]

[triple-a-aro]

Absolutely! In shinigami eyes' reporting system, it explicitly says that simply being trans is not specifically enough to warrant a green labelling - however many people seem to treat it as such.

It does touch on a certain amount of entitlement that I've found in some trans people (transfem or otherwise), that as trans people, they should be the ultimate authority of trans-friendliness.

I have shinigami eyes mostly to check for TERFs, and while I know it's unreliable at times, it's severely disappointing to see blogs marked as trans friendly posting things about trans men that belittle them, accuse the entire community of sexual harassment, or otherwise are rude/derogatory to them.

Again, since shinigami eyes is, ofc, so user-based it is likely that these blogs were marked in by other people who agree with that rhetoric, but still :/

[triple-a-aro]

The Blocklist

Reminder that this list is for blocking and awareness purposes ONLY. I do not support nor condone any harassment of the individuals listed.

Obviously this list is incomplete.

List below the cut:

spacelazarwolf nothorses stopcannibalizingourown/aterabyte xxlovelynovaxx genderkoolaid ftmtftm manstrans transmascissues mean-transhet a-polite-melody romantorchdick/grifalinas/certifiedwerewolf doberbutts transmascposi mordcore hadeantaiga transunity nat-stimmy transmascpetewentz transguy-donewith-yourshit transfaguette borrowmyshovel genderstarbucks translobby transvermin man-squared happysadyoyo qweerhet aintgonnatakethis meme-lorbius

[triple-a-aro]

In regards to anti-transandrophobia blogs (or at least I assume, given the context of the more recent anons I have been sent), why do you think sending me messages wishing me corrective sexual assault is an appropriate answer to what is attempting to be rational discussion?

Do you not think, that by reducing me to my reproductive capabilities (i.e. telling me I should be forcefully impregnated), you are expressing a form of bigotry by attacking my gender in such a way that would be unique to trans men?

[triple-a-aro]

I've been chatting with some other transmascs as of late that has led to some very interesting conversations! Namely, I recently had to really think about the concept of transmisogyny being an "inverse" to transandrophobia and why I don't really mesh with that.

We all agree that cis men and cis women have experiences that are fundamentally different from each other, right? And neither of those experiences are an inverse to each other because of the nature of life experience, so that makes it non-comparable in most situations because cis men do not typically experience misogyny in the way that cis women experience it.

So why are we applying this binary to trans men and trans women? There is this centering of a "who has it worse" argument in transandrophobia discourse, but like...

I don't think, even if "x has it worse" was a valid idea*, that trans women and trans men have comparable experiences at all.

There is no who has it worse because the experiences are so fundamentally different. Trans women might experience sexualization in the form of fetishizing the idea of a woman with a penis, but trans men might experience sexualization in the form of "tomboy" or the idea of a masculine "woman". Those two things are not comparable in the slightest because they're fundamentally different forms of bigotry.

So we would want to apply the label transmisogyny to illustrate that the hypothetical trans woman was fetishized for her genitalia - So why is it a problem if we wish to apply the label to transandrophobia to the hypothetical trans man for his experience of sexualization?

Neither labels imply a more severe experience, just a difference. *Arguing about which group has it worse implies that there is a limited amount of caring/empathy from outside forces that we need to appeal to. Some people think that caring about trans issues is a quota, and if someone talks over another then they're gonna get all the care quota - this is incorrect. As far as trans rights are concerned, we are all one group to the transphobes and to a lot of leftist spaces.

[triple-a-aro]

wgat is your problem

Would you like to elaborate on that, anon?

[triple-a-aro]

I have shinigami eyes mostly to check for TERFs, and while I know it's unreliable at times, it's severely disappointing to see blogs marked as trans friendly posting things about trans men that belittle them, accuse the entire community of sexual harassment, or otherwise are rude/derogatory to them.

Again, since shinigami eyes is, ofc, so user-based it is likely that these blogs were marked in by other people who agree with that rhetoric, but still :/

[triple-a-aro]

thanks for turning on anon asks!! i dont want to get this linked back to my actual account where i try to keep things pretty discourse-free. what i wanted to say is that i really get where yr coming from with the falling into transmasc vs transfem thing??? i find myself going oh no thats a trans woman so shes not gonna like me a lot and then i feel really guilty abt it so its good to know that other transandro bloggers are aware of that whole thing. how do you keep yrself from falling into those thinking patterns?

No problem at all, anon! I understand that this can be a topic that you don't necessarily want. attention. on you. Perfectly valid to keep yourself safe.

This touches on something that I've been realizing more often for myself, though! When you are educating yourself on topics such as transandrophobia, the loud and vocal minority of transandrophobes are likely to speak up in comments and replies of posts doing so, which makes it seem like they're everywhere. Much like vocal transphobes, we must remember that this is a minority; most people may not have even heard of transandrophobia, but I'm sure they'd agree that "trans men experience oppression for being trans men that other trans people don't experience". Because that's common sense.

The other reason I find myself falling into that pattern is the centering of trans women in these transandrophobia discussions. A lot of it ends up with people arguing if transmisogyny is worse or not, and I think that misses the entire point. But if you see these transandrophobes going on and on about trans women having it worse (and some of those people being trans women themselves who are lashing out for whichever reason), you're going to start connecting transandrophobia and trans women.

Which sucks. It really fucking does. The brain is equipped to notice patterns, and it's going to emphasize in accordance to how transandrophobes emphasize.

So how do I personally stop this from happening?

I follow trans women. Feels like a no-brainer, right? But recently I realized I was not following any trans education that was run by trans women, mostly because I had been scared of researching into the blogs themselves in case I found bigotry towards trans men, and I am not in the business of digital self-harm. If anyone has any good blogs feel free to drop them here, and I'll reblog!

If I feel myself getting incensed, I step back If you find yourself getting really mad, step back and ask yourself: - Where is this anger coming from? (At transphobia or has it been construed somehow?) - Where is this anger directed? (At transandrophobes, or at trans women?) - Who has posted this? (TERF psyops do exist, and if a blog is posting inflammatory content, they might be baiting you) - Is this user in the same circle as other transandrophobes? (There was a ring of particularly nasty transandrophobes that I blocked for mocking trans men and suggesting corrective sexual assault, and I have not found as many since)

Go to irl queer spaces. While this is not going to be a solution for everyone, I find stepping offline and talking to irl trans women is beneficial. Make friends with trans people! This discourse is so terminally online, and the only reason I participate in it is because I do what I can irl and therefore my only contribution is not arguing over discourse.

I also interact with other trans men who are normal about trans women as well. I hope this helps! Media literacy is good to practice, and I'm proud of you for owning up to something very hard, anon.

If we have any other suggestions, pop 'em down in the replies or reblogs!

[triple-a-aro]

@ the person who wanted to send an anon because they dont want to be identified, anons are on now! no problem for asking me i literally forgor so hard that anon needs to be turned on :]

[triple-a-aro]

Tips for being a transmasc in the online space today

You can't be straight (why can't you just be a lesbian? we don't want icky straights in our queer community)

You can't be a lesbian (because you're a man)

You can't be gay (because clearly you're just a fujoshi, or a rapist who wants to trick real men)

You can't be aro and/or ace (because every transmasc is biromantic asexual and you're just adhering to stereotypes)

You can't be fem (because you'll just look like a lost little girl)

You can't be masc (masculinity is evil)

You can't be a xenogender or use neopronouns (because it's only afab people who do that, it's cringe)

You can't tell any other trans people that they're being dicks (because transmascs actually suffer the least in the trans social hierarchy and that makes everything you could ever say against another trans person invalid)

You can't be mad (it's just the testosterone)

You're always racist (because there are no transmascs who are POC)

But most importantly

You cannot be proud of yourself. Because the way people treat masculinity today makes it feel like a downgrade

I'll articulate later a lot of why these stereotypes crop up, but I want my fellow trans guys/mascs to know that you are valid, no matter your sexuality, presentation, or how much you've been stomped down on. You are allowed to be mad and angry at your treatment, it's valid to feel like you're being brushed aside. We will get through this, I promise you.

[Disclaimer that this is not, and will never be an excuse to treat any other trans person like shit. If you find yourself falling into a "transmascs vs transfems" binary, take a step back and look at what you're actually thinking. I'm here to call out transmasc experiences, not to feed into the fucking psy-op that is the current "transmasc v transfem" discourse]

[triple-a-aro]

my point with this is that it's really exhausting trying to stand up in solidarity with my trans sisters, to uplift their voices, their stories, and say hey! bullshit is happening, c'mere lets help this person out! and then i go to their blog and they're engaging in fucking. discourse about whether trans men should be allowed to say that they face oppression or not.

I'm probably going to end up making this blog into something that Can uplift ppl regardless but right now? I am exhausted.

>hear a story abt some real transphobic bs happening to a trans woman

>rightfully outraged about that because transphobic bullshit is transphobic bullshit

>look into the situation to see if there's any additional information/something I can do to help

>find a sideblog of that very same trans womans

>"transandrobros"

[triple-a-aro]

>hear a story abt some real transphobic bs happening to a trans woman

>rightfully outraged about that because transphobic bullshit is transphobic bullshit

>look into the situation to see if there's any additional information/something I can do to help

>find a sideblog of that very same trans womans

>"transandrobros"

[triple-a-aro]

slightly related to the last post: i'm an aroallo gay man who, should he ever be in a relationship, would be something like a fwb (additionally i'm polyam and don't necessarily make a distinction between my relationships based off if we're fucking or not)

but that experience i've been specifically told is queer. so is the difference that i'm fucking men? or that i'm trans mlm? because fundamentally the type of relationship i'd be comfortable with is that very same "exclusive fwb look at this dumbass cishet man who claims to be aro"

[triple-a-aro]

Seeing all those "exclusive fwb" posts go around and the shaming of cishet aro men is so strange actually. I thought we were all about qprs and aro ppl can date and ace ppl can fuck! EXCEPT when it applies to these people who I don't like >:(((

and in this case, it's men. i never ever want to complain about how many fem/women we have in this community, because it is a good thing that we have lots of fems/women in this space! but I feel like it's contributed to a slowly degrading idea of who men/mascs are and i have a bad feeling that it's going to start applying to other marginalized groups in the future

similar to the whole "trans men don't experience transphobia unique to them" can turn very fast into "trans men don't experience transphobia in any meaningful way", "aro cishet men are predatory" can quickly spiral into "aro het trans ppl are predatory" into "any aromantic is inherently predatory"

not to mention the "destigmatization" of sex is apparently only applying to queer people (because aromantics are clearly not queer (sarcasm)). there's something to be said about the way cishet men and women often weaponize sex, especially against queer ppl, but do you really think that in itself is not born out of a society that stigmatizes sex and sexuality? is it not counterproductive to gatekeep healthy sex and sexual boundaries from cishet people in general? (Not that aroallo cishets aren't queer, to be clear)

[triple-a-aro]

Trans men and women tend to get viewed as either disgusting male freaks or perfect feminine female goddesses based entirely on identity and vibes alone, forcing trans men to either detranstion to talk about the issues faced, or shut up and hate themselves and grovel at the feet of their "betters", and trans women are forced to preform the highest standards of femininity or be shunned and live in fear of being cast out and not being "woman enough" facing the constant need to prove themselves to avoid being seen as interlopers. these things are similar, these problems overlap, and yet people go on to pretend that one is the most victimized victim and the other is the "subjector and oppressor" (Interchangeable) and neither can truly understand the other. these ideas being perpetuated by others within and outside of these groups. It drives me up the wall that there are people pretending this helps anyone, that either benefits from the others oppression in anyway. Personally, from what I've seen a lot of it comes out as like gender insecurity, from the inside groups, which is pretty sad, but also extremely frustrating to be lashed out at for being unwilling to accept this gender essentialist false binary

[triple-a-aro]

can i just say that afab privilege is the funniest fucking term ive ever heard of in my life