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[trippykippy-blog]

(UNKNOWN DATE)

the night it really all took off.... the evil. it dove for me, and never turned back. 3 hours i heard a noise that fried the goosebumps off of my skin. and it was inside the house. it was a woman yell. no it was a bird. neither? both? it taunted me, while i was alone. it snatched the curtain on my concious and i shone through my ribcaged until everyone was blinded by the light. they begged me to stop but i just fucking fell right in the ice water and froze in shock. like a gold fish in a bowl, i sat for hours and looked at that color pink until i blended into that wall like a god damn chameleon. my bladder was full and i remained stagnant until i couldnt anymore and eventually passed out from exhaustion. i dont give a god damn who believes, ( i did then ) but ive learned how their little game works. they can scare you, but they cant hurt you. thanks to some friends that night that know what theyre talking about when it comes to the magical realm of insanity, i found a break in a brief moment of breath and when i woke up. it was still happening. daylight.. i just went back to sleep. its funnier when people look at you to see how you react to something unexplainable and you sit there with the “ matter of fact “ look on your face and you see their face go “what the fuck... “ yeeeah...

[trippykippy-blog]

hes gone away... so far away. he made a way. now he wont stay, maybe he’ll be back, maybe one day. now he’s just an old ashtray. begging for you to pleae stay. i turn my back and walk away, for this young boy is not the same... his skins still gold, but his soul is sold, instead of hair, he grows black mold. with poison eyes, that sow and weep, see if you can catch him sleep. remember now, he plays for keeps, the water is just way too deep....

[trippykippy-blog]

the day i went on mission to rescue a “not-so” parnoid schitzophrenic from the mental hospital. i was in the backseat of my best friends car. we were parked and she was facetiming the guy she liked who was in jail on the side of the road for 20 minutes. when me and her took pictures together, people accused of being on meth. too be happy and skinny must call for destruction of the light and is means to be torn down. taking trips like this took my mind off of the terrible visions i had seen and awful deities that i felt were trailing me. sounds like the paranoid schitzophrenic here was me. the ones you call crazy, are smarter than your dumb, close minded ass could fathom and i truly believe that with all of my heart. the world started clicking together, and our minds dropped on us like draping tents over our eyes. the days to come after this are not to be spoken of at this point in time..... 

[trippykippy-blog]

the house is slinging your stuff again.

shadow be gone.

genie in a bottle slams from the ceiling.

dont venture behind your figure.

dont look now. oh please dear god dont look.

hes latched on your back. you wear him every where you go.

head hung low, shoulders pushed in.

alert but useless eyeballs, feed you to them all.

sweet smells, and the color black.

engulf.

wave.

chewed up, spit out prophecies.

hesitance......... 

HAUL ASS. run. get out. fresh air.

the shadow that walks past the blinds.

the screaming bird who loves 3 am.

this looks like our old place that they said was burnt to the ground.

x ray vision. blueprints of the mind.

locked in. 

go to the doctor.

i heard theres a shot you can get every few months that will make you tired enough to lie about the ugly stuff you see and feel.

dont leave me alone here. here it comes.

nothing steps down the hallway.

dont waste your energy trying to hold onto your stuff.

nights that last beyond past 5 am.

72 hour days.

hungry pit you refuse to feed.

your friends beg and plead.

“ i saw it to.”

what are you looking at?

see no evil hear no evil speak no evil.

scribbles on a pad plaster on your pink walls

your best friend is gonna throw up

we dont like seeing you like this.

(i had been up for days, no food, no water, no desire for either, i felt terrified but at home in my new place. i kept seeing and hearing things no one else would be stupid enough to admit was taking place. it ran me insane. sitting at the table across from my best friend who was trying her best to pretend not to notice me falling apart at that little square red book that harvested everything i felt with my eyes, and mind. they told me to see a doctor... that i was sick.... not to think about it... close my third eye..... i think they were just scared too.)

[trippykippy-blog]

i forgot that i had a smile that existed beyond being forced. i took this on accident. following a three hour storm of chaos and hurt spit from blood to blood over possessions. i love this.

[trippykippy-blog]

what the fuck is going on?

i miss my father.

hes fucking dead.

got too high on ecstasy,

laughing friends radio blaring,

splattered blood and bent skull on the concrete. 

but this wasnt how he needed to go....

it was in a room of the people who loved him the most

souls all writhing and screaming for a reason

dirty tears mixed with skin oils, like a lather

the baby is screaming ‘daddy wake up’ 

he cant here you. hes brain dead.

too much fun, leads to no race won.

they pulled the fucking plug

i miss my mother.

she might as well be.

you guys would all have more peace that way anyways.

dont fucking act like you care, just because i checked on you.

i dont want this bedroom brain.

everything is a rental, nothing is possesed.

i wish my fucking dad was here. too fucking bad huh?

youd think id be used to it by now.

where is my mom at? dead to the world.

probably somewhere curled up to a small oak tree.

on a bed of pinecones, with pricks in her back.

lie down on your dead leaf pillow.

make friends with the beasts of night.

drinking blood from a cup, drawing in it crecents upon your doors.

black widow, spit your venom spin your web.

im grown now. grown enough to have nothing and be nothing.

dump her off on me, give me scotch tape and tell me its my job to piece her back together.

call me a fool for the smile on my face. youre ugly. im ugly. you made me ugly. look at us. 

where should i stay with all these pieces?

“do you have a tent?”

i wish i had a tent made out of the canvas of my beating heart.

dont vent to your friends, unless you like them black as charcoal, and sick as congested liver.

sharp yellow snot cuts the back of your throat, tonsils all full with the left overs of the dope you pour into your face, shoots out your mouth, in string, living in your windpipe, ejected by force, foam slaps the tile floor, cheeks turn red.

“why are you drooling on yourself”?

throbbing face corner, twitching left eye.

finally tears.

cleansing the slits i see out of. rib skinned rubber band.

they eat you desolate. trees of thick forests and sharp knives.

you miss your family?

what family?

your brother barely even knows who you are, dont you remember him?

your grandmother watches you wear down, your skin drag down under your eyes, fighting yourself every day, and it drains her. she isnt so nice anymore you know.. why did you do that to her? holes torn in the paper walls, doors broken in half, cant see through the black and red, mop in her eyes, she tries to hold the hope that not everything is ugly. innocent and fucking nieve. thats the way she likes it. or.. did. until year 3 of the blender. crows feet, butterfly fabric, scaly hands, that pat your back when your head is in your chest and your dripping the fluids again. the same hands that reach across, the car, going 60 mph to feel, your cold hand, and press some warmth back into them. she will stand watching, she wants people to look. she planted him in the dirt like seed, but he tore her garden up like weeds. she tried to cut and whack them down, but cut herself, i watch her drown. she smiles and nods, and carrys on - i know she doesnt like me.

your mother warns you of the potholes in the road, - a yield sign, shes been here before. dead end. turn back now. a few nice words when you feel upset over nothing. a heart too big to pump oxygen. holes in your face that admit youve been studying. lizard eyes. purple locks of hair, dry and stale into red broom straw. 23% of the time she lives without care, peace sign thrown in the air. the rest of it, means hell to pay for every person involved, she loves her son the most :) she talks riddles, runs at night, spits out bees. “what the fuck are you looking at?” vodka lights up her eyes, but she falls apart inside. magical circles race around her rounded head. stuck on repeat. the straw in her hand she stabs in her nose. you reach to help. oh wait, youre just looking in the mirror again. haunting endless echoes of bathroom doors being shut and water running to no avail, never ending sound of stream, a white painted fram, round opener, you look so pretty today.

moms sister, carries the weight of her own sins, lost in a world of red blazing demons. brain gnaw. first fulls of hair, giving self black eyes, she ends up with a crazy toothy smile anyway. eyes go from white and brown to brown and black. permanent frown. acidentally falling asleep on the grass. the cigarette on the property that strictly prohibits this very thing. plastic chemical bottle. cooked dinner that night.

dads brother, cant even look at you. his face is inside you. it is a bed of nails here. crack, ecstasy, and methamphetamines for dinner. tooped with marijuana, a dash of lsd, magic mushrooms of ‘please dont look at me, because when you do i see my dead brother’

grandfather hid dead bodies and poked people till they hurt and would bleed. hed take everything in sight. what he thought he needed. short gasps around. little did he know, thered be nothing left of no one to call a family.

i dont have to tell you that

your father watches you from either above the clouds or below the fiery pits of hell. and he’s bittersweet and all knowing.watches you gnaw on fruit. i bet  you dont ever stop to think that he is black behind gods shoulders but he’d do anything to snap you out of it. oh well. its not up to him, faggot. its up to you. kill him over and over and over again, and expect him to call. you dont know who he is and he doesnt know who you are. and the funniest part is, you never will.. guess you dont like him enough. he wouldnt have liked you very much anyways mom says.

you better be glad you have a mere morsel of jump left to kick out of that lazy ass, and friends who like to see the race go on pull you up and carry your dead weight across another mile mark. heat stroked. hot heavy sweating body on the pavement. i feel like a pair of wooden crutches, walked on for 58 years...  worn. have history. not cold or shiny. down to earth. rubbery bouncer edges. leaned on to walk right through you. cut trees. burn leaves. dry heaves. cant breathe.

“thank you”

you will never live together as one. you will die alone, as the only son.

oh yeah, your face looks like its about to fall of your skull. i hope you get control back of those face muscles. i hope next time i seen you youve washed your face or changed your clothes... you care not for yourself and not for others. drown in spit, tired kid.

[trippykippy-blog]

i dont even remember taking this. hospital waiting room. hoping mom didnt die yet. at least she didnt this time. i probably thought my cheeks were too sunken in and my jaws were too sharp to take a decent picture. i remember now. i felt really good because i hadnt changed clothes in four days before that pair. well, as good as you can feel when your mom is wailing at the top of her breathless lungs, welcoming death into her sad arms, only to be teased by its lame kiss. the darkness has been consuming us for almost 4 years now. my friends came for me... but the only one beside her bed where her ex stepmom, and her worthless excuse of an addict everyone but her calls her “man.” hes as old as my grandmother. who didnt bother to show either. i made the waiting room my home. now im homesick. at least i got to walk out of those sliding glass doors with her in my arms. thats all that matters. :) to bad we’ll all be dead soon.

( - unknown date )

[trippykippy-blog]

3.27.17

im really ready to get my life back on track. i feel sick to my stomach. i want to throw up. i havent wanted to self harm in a while but damn.... i went to a bunch of cemeteries exploring today. found some interesting shit. tired of being broke. need to fill out applications. tired of not being able to sleep. was almost there and now its like im wide fucking awake. im alone. my nana will be awake soon. fuck it. hopefully ill be better tomorrow...