trxppedmind

[trxppedmind]

I hate how you make me feel,

So safe and seen and all vulnerable.

I hate how you look at me,

Making me feel actually pretty.

I hate how you hug me,

As if no one could hurt me once i am in your arm.

I hate how you hold me,

Stilling the voices in my head.

I hate how you feel in my arms,

So soft and warm.

I hate how you got me all lovey dovey.

I hate how i started to fall in love not just with you, but with a future with you.

I don't actually hate any of this.

But what if you leave too?

What if I get to used to you?

To dependent?

What if I fail to heal for you?

What if I break you?

What if you see me the way i see myself?

[trxppedmind]

And the worst part of doing everything for your loved ones?

They won't do the same for you.

Not because they don't want to.

They simply learned to set boundaries and take care of their needs, rest, for example, wich is good.

Yet, it hurts.

Because i would do everything for them, even if my head got chopped off, idc.

But they won't do the same for me, wich is okay.

Still, it hurts.

[trxppedmind]

The thin line between

Being emotionally so drained you can't feel shit anymore but you rationally know it will pass and you love them

And

Knowing you love them but not being able to feel it so the bordi tries to convince you that you never loved them and you should push them away

But

As soon as you meet up again you can feel the love and warmth again and realise you really love them so you get really scared again to loose them

Only to

Spiraling into this endless, toxic circle of "I hate you, please don't leave me"

[trxppedmind]

my range of emotions go from “it’s scary how much i feel” to “it’s scary how much i don’t feel”

[trxppedmind]

[trxppedmind]

We love the feeling of permanent panicattacks

They will never understand the sadness that you can physically feel in your chest

[trxppedmind]

seeing other cluster Bs with only a platonic favorite person/attentive person/exception/equal person makes me so happy. RB if youre a cluster b with a platonic Favorite Person/Attentive Person/Exception/Equal Person!! you are so valid

[trxppedmind]

I asked a friend who is a sociopath (diagnosed with ASPD, he refers to himself as a sociopath which is why I’m calling him that) what love feels like to him and how he knows when he loves someone.

I loved his answer. He said “Routine. If they are a part of my routine and feel familiar and comfortable and I would feel like something is missing if they weren’t there, then I think I love them.”

I have bpd with ASPD traits and I think his answer was so cute. I think that is what love is like for me too but I’ve never heard it so succinctly explained, perfect summarization.

[trxppedmind]

"We need more mental health acceptance and awareness!" Y'all still call ppl with cluster b disorders evil 💀

"We need more weird people!" Y'all COMBUST when someone is xenic 💀

"Healthy coping mechanisms are important!" When someone age regresses, you call them creepy 😭

"More people need to be proud of who they are!" When you see a furry, you cry 😭

(U should totes follow me if ur a supporter of these so I can b on the good side of tumblr XD /nf!)

[trxppedmind]

my anhedonia is eating me alive so i’m making these mental illness memes to cope

[trxppedmind]

Real

why can’t we know if a person will stay forever, it’s such a tormenting thing to not know.

Like please stay with me till the end, i will do anything for you.

hurt me, make me cry, make me suffer

but oh god, please don’t leave.

[trxppedmind]

Its easier to live for someone else than just for me.

[trxppedmind]

🤣😑🤷‍♂️

[trxppedmind]

Maybe, borderline is not the monster i see in it.

If I loose control and start to struggle with life, borderline kicks in.

Maybe its not to make it worser.

Maybe its desperate, trying to save my inner child, deeply burried under all the supressed emotions.

Maybe it just doesn't know how to do it a healthy way.

[trxppedmind]

The World of Black & White thinking.

The World of a person with Borderline.

No grey. No purple, nor blue or Red.

Its just Black or White. Liking or disliking, loving or hating.

Perhaps, i call you my light. Oh, The love i feel for my light can feel so beautiful and warm. Go on, cheat, hurt me, break my heart. As lang as you are my light, i dont care. Just make me feel loved and cared for. I will do anything for you.

No matter how selfdestructive i will end up, oh i love you.

But if The light dies, and youre just a Black hole.. oh, i hate you. So much it hurts. I remember everything you did wrong and now i use it against you.

But what about tomorrow? Will you be my light again?

[trxppedmind]

God, I wanna love someone so bad.

I wanna give them all of my time.

Text them during every single minute i can steal.

Cuddle them to sleep,

Caress their face,

Stroke trough their hair,

Binge-watching with them..

Someone who doesn't get annoyed.

Someone who gives me the same back.

Fuck Sex, i just wanna feel worthy for more.

I wanna feel loveable. I wanna feel seen.

I wanna feel them.

[trxppedmind]

If my woman is an overthinker, then Il be an over explainer. I have no issue putting her mind at ease. The goal is to build her trust, not to destroy it.