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“It never stops hurting, does it?” “What?” “Giving someone the best of you and watching them choose someone else.”

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #83 (via floralprintharry)

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Forever falling down the rabbit hole.

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I am you.

And if I was to fall in love again is knew they had to be nothing like you. Because all the boys with their love filled eyes that held my hand never understood why I was so angry with them. I was angry with them for all the things you’d done. I was angry with them for reminding me of you every time my eyes graced theirs. And I was angry with them for not being you.

So if I was to fall in love again they need to be nothing like you. I need to discover them as a world I’ve never traveled. I need to discover their tongue as a language I’ve never spoken. I needed to be a brand new person that they learned to know outside the shadows of you. Because the memory of you has left marks on my body that they will one day ask which of my wars caused. They will try to understand the twisted tongue language I speak. And when they finally discover me, they will be falling in love with the piece of you I’ve held onto for so long. I tried to rid myself of you so many times that I’ve exhausted myself. I’ve fought wars with the demons you left with no end in sight. The things you left behind were just too heavy for me to remove. So I kept them, I left them on your side of the bed to collect dust. Occasionally I glance over and wonder if you ever miss them. If you’re ever going to call and ask for them back. But you won’t, you’ve left them as my punishment for all the times that I was unforgivable. For all the times I begged for forgiveness and you told me just this time. This war has raged on long after you’ve been gone

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That was us though; simple and eager. #whisperingbones

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If I run don't look for me.

I’ve gone away into the night. I slipped out the windows as the summer air rolled in. I left everything I knew behind and ran. I didn’t look back even when the demons that stayed caged in my mind begged me.

They begged me for a taste of the poison they once knew. They begged me for a memory of you.

But the memories are too hard to swallow. They drag me to the depths of the ocean with the idea that I was too impatient. The idea that perfection was at the ends of my finger tips when I pulled them back in. The memories are what I cage in the hidden corner of my heart because they weaken me. They bring me to my knees and tears to my eyes. I've played them too many times before. I know what went wrong but could never understand how it went wrong. So I put them away so I could never ruin those memories in belief that I may one day need them again. So I slip away and hide from the weight that keeps me on my knees

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the worst is over now, and we can breathe again.

I am my own worst enemy. i ruined things before they would even begin. now I've learned to not lose the things that i hope to never let go of. but that means that i have to let go of the things that i once barely held onto. because i had those things nailed down tightly with nails that I've now removed in hopes to keep the girl of my dreams. so I've let things go to hold onto the thing of my future. and I've stopped thinking about the future of all these things.... mistake or good choice. . . 

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And I know we are undone.

Pierce Brown, from Golden Son  (via the-final-sentence)

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Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that.

Ally Condie (via observando)

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Love: When I feel like I can’t do anything, like all hope is lost you come along and take my hand. You make my stomach turn in the best of ways. The words that I had ready in my head won’t come out because the butterflies don’t want to ruin a first impression. My mind is going ninety miles an hour trying to think of something clever to capture your attention. I want to flip your world upside down; I wanna turn your words inside out and lay them out for you to see. I want to make you remember me when I walk out of your life. I’ll make you sweat just as you do to me, I’ll push until you’re just about to fall and then pull you back like you’re my life line. I’ll pick myself apart just to get a glimpse of what it is that you see in me. But the only thing that I can feel is warmth that’s radiating from my hand now that it’s linked with yours. My heart beats fast as your skin brushes mine and it’s clear now that you put the color into my black and white world. But there are no fairytales, we’ve become a masterpiece and a disaster all rolled up into one. Some don’t understand it while some envy it. 

Admiration: I admire those that want something in this life a goal, a place, a future, a person. And those that have been through hell to get to where it is that they’re going and survive it without trying to make people feel sorry for them. Those that find strength in a weakening situation. I will always have times where I let you down and disappoint you, all I ask is for you to wait, hold on because I know later on I will give you a million reasons to stay. I just need you to be patient; unfortunately life doesn’t have a fast forward button for me to speed you up to those times. Or a pause button for all of the moments where I wish that I could spend forever there. Or even a rewind button for the moments that we fight or if I hurt you so that I could go back and change things from happening. I just need you to wait with me.

Life: I want to be in a car on a sunny day with the windows down and the music blaring with no certain destination just free to go where I please. When the only thing that matters is what song is playing because when the right song comes on you can close your eyes and feel as if you could fly, and no one else can see it. It’s your own secret world, but just for a moment because when that car stops the reality and the thoughts come rushing back like a brick hitting you in the gut. All I feel is that I give more than I receive when people try to make me feel like I give nothing and take all, as if I’m always wrong. No one can understand what’s inside my head. I want to take you on a ride through my memory, to see what it is that made me. Because all that’s left of what used to be, is holding on by a single thread.

Destruction: You’re picking me apart makes me nervous, I feel that if you ever get to the center and all you’ll realize I’m not all that I’m cracked up to be and I won’t be worth your time. My fears could eat me alive but I’ll make you believe completely the opposite. I’ve lived in pain both mental and physical whenever it came in my direction. I gave compassion and received scars and tears. He came in and sucked me dry took me all that I had and walked out as if it wasn’t important at all. I spent years building those walls that he so simply knocked down. Trust is not easy, I refuse to put my faith into anyone that hasn’t proved consistently that their here to stay.

Flatline: In the beginning I was only planning to hold on to you and using you recreationally, but then I started needing you at night, and then it was all of the time. My day was incomplete without your smile or that sparkle in your voice. Missing is what gets at me the worst. I wish I never had to miss anyone; I want all the people that I felt that I needed were in an arms length from me at all times. No matter where I am the thoughts roll on like a movie that doesn’t have an ending. It’s too much to write down there’s so much to say but my mouth doesn’t move; it’s as if it’s been sown shut. Like there’s a secret truth that I know that someone didn’t want me to tell. We are becoming who we are meant to be not who we want to be. I let myself drift just to feel okay just to feel the comfort in not know what is going to happen next. 

Dissection: I need to pick you apart to see what’s inside in order to memorize every scar and every bruise. I want to get to know the parts of you that you share with no one. I need to see if you can win and lose, in a world that bases who you are off of how well you can lie your pretty quick to turn into the person they want you to be, I want to bring you back from that world. Because I’m not willing to bend to be something for someone that isn’t willing to bend for me. life makes everyone weak, everyone breaks and yet the ones that cry are looked down upon. im torn between telling you the truth and letting you get what you deserve, that’s how it is supposed to be isn’t it? This place is like waking up from a dream just to see a nightmare.

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you changed everything.

I live my life in a series of half written stories.  I have always had trouble finishing the sentences that I begin in my head. There never seemed to be enough nouns for me explain exactly what I meant. Never the right adjective to express what I felt. It always seemed as if I would start at the beginning and skip to the end but never tell you exactly what happened in the middle. So I would give up before I even found the words.  Until now.

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It isn't perfect. Not by any means. But it was the only thing I knew would last forever.

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sweetheart love is never worth this much.

You'll fall flat on your face because he'll leave with the smallest inch to stand on, knowing full well you won't be able to catch your balance. You'll come home one day and find flowers on your door step,  those butterflies will come rushing back until you open the front door and see that he has left you with nothing but dying flowers and the empty beer cans he left behind as a reminder that you gave him a key.

you'll ask why this happened and lips will be sealed,  he'll be too busy taking photos with other women.  he'll tell you that he was working or his phone was off. But he'll always escape telling you that he doesn't love you  like you need him to.  And darling love is so sad, to know that this could've been avoided  all along, if you just weren't so blind. 

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She said, ‘I’m so afraid.’ And I said, ‘why?,’ and she said, ‘Because I’m so profoundly happy. Happiness like this is frightening.’ I asked her why and she said, ‘They only let you be this happy if they’re preparing to take something from you.

Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner (via fusels)

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if you love me like an object i will treat you like one.

i was never meant to be someones property.

i was never meant to cook three meals a day and ask you how work was. 

everyone always wondered why the love never lasted, 

I was never meant to be some body's everything,

I can love you with my all and give you up the next day.

I was bound to burn strong but fast.

Moving at the speed of light to survive regardless of the damage that I leave in my path.

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I have a writers soul.

You told me you couldn't believe me because you never saw me writing. But I couldn't find the words to describe your beauty while the world inside of your eyes was playing over the curves in my skin. But you realized my silence during slow songs must of meant something. You realized no other type of person kept so many notebooks spread throughout their life. Or saved every thing anyone has ever given them. You make me melt when you describe the way that my bare feet curl over the gas pedal or when you noticed my eyes first. I can feel you watching me. I can feel you see me

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You are the only one, the only love that I have ever been able to write about.

Things I Never Got To Tell You, Part 21 (via venula)

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I have done bad things. I can’t take them back, and they are part of who I am. Most of the time, they seem like the only thing I am.

Veronica Roth, Insurgent (via simply-quotes)