twelvensfield - Tumblr blog

[twelvensfield]

that feeling when you’ve been reading all those gentle soft happy fanfics where everyone is gay and in love and it’s not a big deal and their friends all support them.

and your favourite superhero couples and detectives and kings and warlocks are just domestic and happy.

and then you emerge into the real world and it’s just not like that.

you walk into your job in the morning and know that if anyone knew, you’d be out the door. kids use the word ‘gay’ as a slur and it might be silly but it makes something hurt inside your chest. you look at your mother and think of the words she’d use to cut you with if you told her. the disgust on her face. you have your family around you and you know it could all be shattered in a minute and it would be you who’d done it.

everyone assumes your straightness. people look at you strangely when you use ‘they/them’ pronouns when asking what their fiancé’s name is, bcs you don’t want to make the same mistake that others make with you. you file forms with spaces for the mother’s name and father’s name and wonder how you’d fill them out if you had a partner and a child. you work with children and wonder what they have to hide about themselves.

and then, sometimes, you go home and read some more fanfic. maybe you write some, or draw fanart if that’s your thing. that’s the best thing, that we’re dreaming about a better world. maybe we’re not famous or published or earning money for what we do. but writing and reading fanworks like this helps a heck of a lot of people, including me, feel happy and comforted and like it’s possible that they might belong one day. that it gets better.

thank you, everyone who creates fanworks where being gay is simply treated as normal. your work is healing and wholesome and full of heart and goodness. and much as i may love the canon, it’s not the canon - it’s the fanworks that are a safe haven to retreat to and recover and heal.

[twelvensfield]

hey so i’m high.

good morning, this is you from the past. my whole body feels like it wants to vibrate but can’t quite get that level of clearance yet. i love that weed makes me sleepy. i’ll probably use this a lot in the future. i’m also very cold. but i put a hoodie on. my attention span is very short because i just want to find the exact right thing to do but i don’t know how to reach that point. i think maybe i want to be in a hot tub. bubbly and warm - both of the things i want to be. ooh i’m going to the range tomorrow i’m excited.

why do i burp so much?

[twelvensfield]

hell yes!

i want to start a discord for people who are working on writing novels (specifically wlw novels) we could bounce ideas off of each other, proofread, discuss plot, world/character building, etc. would any of you be interested????? reblog/like if you’d be about this

[twelvensfield]

i watch too much tv.

[twelvensfield]

dyed my hair pink for uni so i can be identified as a) cool and (more importantly) b) a lesbanim

[twelvensfield]

do i crave physical contact? yes. do i want my friends to think i’m coming onto them because i want a hug? no. do i have a solution for this problem? kinda, my mum tickles my back when i ask her to even though she has arthritis :))

[twelvensfield]

all my friends’ parents think i’m dating their daughter. like i’m gay but i don’t have game, bro. nice of you to think i’m girlfriend material because no one else does :)

[twelvensfield]

i like knowing that people are thinking about me. like that i don’t only exist in my own head,, yknow. anyways this is because a co worker of mine (we’re not best buds, but he’s chill) went to the cafe down the road and brought me back coffee because he thought i might like that. like how crazy that i can be conjured up in other people’s minds. wild

[twelvensfield]

Barry (2018) is my fave new obsession. I can’t get enough of it, and I think it deserves a way bigger audience.

This is the first Ch of my new fic, it’s only 2 chapters long because I’m terrible at long form but I wanted to contribute something :)

[twelvensfield]

everyone’s prince charming

[twelvensfield]

merlin is the ULTIMATE RAVENCLAW fight me

[twelvensfield]

morgana as slytherin obviously

[twelvensfield]

the merlin cast as hogwarts houses ...

[twelvensfield]

i liked making this one the most tbh

[twelvensfield]

i imagine ravenclaws to feel a lot of pressure

[twelvensfield]

hello cute slytherin tumblr girls

[twelvensfield]

hufflepuff/yellow aesthetic :))