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It’s Ark’s birthday!

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I’m pretty sure the best labels for me to use are gay asexual trans man.

To be honest, I think I was having trouble accepting that I am a gay guy, since I’ve identified with some flavour of multi-gender attraction for at least 11 years. It’s hard to let go of something when you’ve identified with it for so long.

I always related far more to gay men than to literally any other part of the LGBTQ community (even found myself wanting to be a gay man), but I suppressed those feelings because “I’ve always been attracted to more than one gender”. But with more reflection, I’ve realized that isn’t actually true.

Every “girl” I had a crush on when I was a kid later came out as guys when we were teenagers, so I’ve never had a crush on any girl or woman. I also tried going on a few dates with some women and nonbinary people when I was around 18-20. While I liked them as people, I didn’t feel any romantic spark.

I am romantically attracted to men and only men as a man. I’ve always been that way, I just wasn’t ready to accept it yet.

And often when I would change my labels in the past, I got that nagging feeling that something about it was wrong. That there must be a different answer that I need to go looking for.

But not as a gay man. That stress, that discomfort, that wrongness, which has been hanging over me for more than a decade, it’s completely gone.

I finally feel free.

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Honestly, if someone wants to be a professional writer, but doesn’t have many creative narrative ideas, writing nonfiction is a good option.

There’s general nonfiction books, yes, but to be more specific: journalist/reporter, biographer, technical writer, historian/history-focused, academic literature, and self help.. These are all options. You don’t even need to write a book to be a writer.

There is also creative nonfiction. Just because what happened was true, that does not make it boring by default. Like an artist painting a semi-realistic portrait, the most important details can be emphasized, the colours can be a little softer or brighter to get the mood right.

In that way, you don’t have to invent the story yourself. It already exists. It just needs to be told in the way that only you can say it.

*Though of course, if you are writing about a currently living person that is not yourself, please get their permission first!

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not ali Hazelwood literally confirming this...

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I made my own personal study and writing Discord server, so I can track my productive hours with the help of bots.

I’ll see if it’s something I can commit to checking and working with consistently. (I have tried a lot of gamified habit building tools, but I’m terrible at committing to use it every day, and tend to stop.)

But since Discord is something I have set to boot on startup, my productivity server will probably be something that I check and work with every day.

It’s more a matter of, “wait and see” if it will work in the long-term. But I am liking it so far and I’ve gotten a lot done.

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I really like one of the servers I’m in, but there is one certain person who isn’t putting triggering things under spoilers and the 1 mod (who is also the server owner) is doing absolutely nothing about it. It’s a little frustrating, especially since the triggering things they’re bringing up often cause me to panic, and there’s a specific channel dedicated to discussing those things. (Granted this person who keeps bringing up triggering stuff is pretty new and they don’t have access to that channel yet... But it should be common sense to at least put it under a spoiler.)

Maybe I should send in a support ticket (since the sever has a bot for it) or DM the server owner about it. Perhaps the server owner simply hasn’t noticed it yet. It is true they weren’t on Discord a lot today.

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I’ve agreed to go out to help someone I know apply for their medical employment insurance online.

I don’t like this person for various reasons, but it’s a favour for someone in my family. Since I’ve filled out governmental forms online several times, I know what sites are legitimate and I am somewhat familiar with the process. (Don’t want to hand over sensitive personal information to the wrong website after all.)

In exchange for helping, I will be treated to home-made lunch. I don’t like that person, but it is true that they’re a good cook. I think it’s a fair trade.

I’m mostly hoping I will be able to stay focused. I’m quite tired and spacey today, and the high temperatures are not helping.

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I’m finally going to take the plunge and join a Discord server, and commit to being active in it. (Instead of doing the usual self-introduction and then just lurking.)

I don’t want to overwhelm myself, so I’m just going to join only one small server for now, but I have others lined up that I’m thinking of joining too (just not yet).

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In the first poetry workshop I ever took my professor said we could write about anything we wanted except for two things: our grandparents and our dogs. She said she had never read a good poem about a dog. I could only remember ever reading one poem about a dog before that point—a poem by Pablo Neruda, from which I only remembered the lines “We walked together on the shores of the sea/ In the lonely winter of Isla Negra.” Four years later I wrote a poem about how when I was a little girl I secretly baptized my dog in the bathtub because I was afraid she wouldn’t get into heaven. “Is this a good poem?” I wondered. The second poetry workshop, our professor made us put a bird in each one of our poems. I thought this was unbelievably stupid. This professor also hated when we wrote about hearts, she said no poet had ever written a good poem in which they mentioned a heart. I started collecting poems about hearts, first to spite her, but then because it became a habit I couldn’t break. The workshop after that, our professor would tell us the same story over and over about how his son had died during a blizzard. He would cry in front of us. He never told us we couldn’t write about anything, but I wrote a lot of poems about snow. At the end of the year he called me into his office and said, “looking at you, one wouldn’t think you’d be a very good writer” and I could feel all the pity inside of me curdling like milk. The fourth poetry workshop I ever took my professor made it clear that poets should not try to engage with popular culture. I noticed that the only poets he assigned were men. I wrote a poem about that scene in Grease 2 where a boy takes his girlfriend to a fallout shelter and tries to get her to have sex with him by tricking her into believing that nuclear war had begun. It was the first poem I ever published. The fifth poetry workshop I ever took our professor railed against the word blood. She thought that no poem should ever have the word “blood” in it, they were bloody enough already. She returned a draft of my poem with the word blood crossed out so hard the paper had torn. When I started teaching poetry workshops I promised myself I would never give my students any rules about what could or couldn’t be in their poems. They all wrote about basketball. I used to tally these poems when I’d go through the stack I had collected at the end of each class. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 poems about basketball. This was Indiana. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I told the class, “for the next assignment no one can write about basketball, please for the love of god choose another topic. Challenge yourselves.” Next time I collected their poems there was one student who had turned in another poem about basketball. I don’t know if he had been absent on the day I told them to choose another topic or if he had just done it to spite me. It’s the only student poem I can still really remember. At the time I wrote down the last lines of that poem in a notebook. “He threw the basketball and it came towards me like the sun”

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I lost almost all of my writing.

My poetry, my NaNoWriMo first drafts, a book I was working on, original song lyrics, all gone due to a Critical Process Died bluescreen after trying a check disk command, since I had noticed issues opening videos and pictures. I had to call in a tech guy to try and fix it.... But in the end we had to resort to deleting all of my data on the C drive and reinstall Windows 10.

I’m not sure if I installed something I shouldn’t have, or if my install of Windows 10 became corrupted on its own (the tech guy complained that the Windows OS is unstable and can do that), but... I am going to be a lot more careful from now on. I may have been a little too reckless with my downloads. (Though I’ve had issues with file corruption on this computer before too... Perhaps some of the hardware on this computer is gradually starting to fail. Everything seems fine after the reinstall so far though.)

Also I want to get a hold of a work laptop ASAP, in hopes of preventing loss of important files. I found one in new, non-refurbished condition that seems to be a good deal, but I’m going to ask someone I know who is a lot more tech-savvy than I am to give the final approval.

I’m also going to back stuff up way more often, and maintain those backups, just in case something like this happens again.

I’ve never experienced such a catastrophic failure with my own personal computer before, so I wasn’t prepared.

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Today’s KAITO module of the day is:

Trans City x Hatsune Miku by Maako!

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New anima!!

Also wanted to see how they would look with short hair  ↓

Keep reading

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Poor girl broke her favorite sitting basket.

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ohedo julia-night !!

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I redid the 1st drawing I posted on this tumblr

It’s been about 4 years ^^ time sure does fly

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Good afternoon. It’s my birthday!

I have some plans to spend time with my family, but I will also be hanging out here a bit and playing some games.

Since it’s the weekend and my birthday, I’m going to take it easy.

I’ve also re-opened asks so you can send me a message that way if you want.