universtuck

[universtuck]

Looking back, there are so many reasons why we didn’t work out. Me being afraid to lose you as my close friend is one of the biggest reason. I repeatedly asked myself in the head, do I really like him enough to ruin this friendship?

In the end I chickened out and being distant, while you’re out there seeing someone new. We didn’t talk for a month because I was still bitter about you having a gf as if what we had was nothing, but I was more upset because you didn’t tell me anything about it. About her.

You used to tell me everything but then all of sudden it just stop and left me hanging with questions when did it go wrong? Who is this girl and why did you never tell me anything about her? Sadly up until today I have yet the answer to that question. You and I are still distant and I really don't want to get attached to you again so I put a barricade between us. I really don't want it to be like this but it's what we both need.

Maybe Rachel was right, we are too good as friends to pursue a romantic relationship. I guess that makes you the Joey to my Rachel.

[universtuck]

[universtuck]

He is so full of life when I’m so sick of it. He sees the world like it’s always been kind to him but all I see is sorrow and pain. I want everything good and the best for him so I eliminate things that might deceive his positive perspective of life; including me.

[universtuck]

At some point we will realize that life is an endless cycle of growing up and farewells.

[universtuck]

Water stream down on the tranquil lake, cloudy weather hugs the whole land like the sun never kissed the ground. I could feel the autumn breeze whiffle faintly off my hair, but that’s all I got since everything else feel like nothing for me.

How long has it been since the last time I genuinely feel the butterflies unraveling every side of my spine? The heart that was supposed to be crimson red slowly turning into a little blue as it has been raining there since God knows when.

I feel very distant from my old self. Hollow perceive that has been lingering over a year now has become something that thoroughly planted inside my messed up mind. Emptiness. Emptiness. Emptiness.

[universtuck]

I no longer find peace within his eyes, that used to be warm as Christmas hearth. Rose-tinted glasses started becoming more blurry as the day goes by, and before I even realized, everything has crumbled down before my eyes.

Something that used to be my source of life, my escape from the cruel world now has turn into something odd and strange. Sparkles and the butterflies on our stomach that we used to treasure a lot now has thoroughly burnt into nothing but ashes. When did it start? Where did it all go wrong? I question myself hundred times a day but no answer can be heard, maybe it's because the question itself has no answer. We clearly notice the sign but chose to ignore it until everything that we used to call “love” has turn into something that we call “numb”.

[universtuck]

Despite how things end between us, I’m still glad that we met. I’m still thankful because you let me know what love is. It’s never been just a sweet fairytale with rainbow and glitters, but it also contains struggles and cloudy.

[universtuck]

For so many years, I let you become part of my life and see every storm and sunshine in it. For so many years you fill the biggest hole in my heart that I didn't even know I have. And for so many years, without I realized, you have become the apple my life; the one that I treasure the most.

Things getting heavier as the time goes by, I can't afford the pain of losing you so I tried my best to endure it. But love, I'm merely a powerless human– what can I do when the world says “us” doesn't belong to me and you?

There is nothing in this damned world that exceeds the cruelty of time. If the universe is kind enough, maybe they will let us have our chance to fix what we've broken and heal in every part where it aches.

We were meant to be, my fading heart and and my guts know it so well; but time hates us.

So maybe... we will have chance in our next live.

Or maybe in another lifetime.

Someday.

[universtuck]

I hope you think of me when the world offers you a splashy rainbow and luminous way of life, when all of your joy and excitement sparks in every step you take; dancing merrily until the dawn comes. As the sun embraces your soul and flaws, I hope you think of me on the other side.

I hope you think of me fondly during all of your rain and hurricane, when the darkness surrounds you and thunder was your only lightning. During the hard time and when you have nowhere to run inside this confusing messed-up world; please think of me as your home.

Because I do, think of you all the time. In my silent prayer, in my goodnight wishes, my longing daydream, in everything that was left inside my shattered heart. This heart of mine is fragile and damaged, but you live there like a glimpse of hope that keeps it living.

[universtuck]

He has the bewitching ocean eyes that could easily drown anyone one second after your eyes meet his. Deep, dark, and calm even when the wave inside crashes. To drown in those ocean eyes would be such a sweet fate that everyone desires.

[universtuck]

if not, winter by sappho // ampio orizzonte by ettore tito // lesbos by sylvia plath