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Entry #4, Updates

I've updated my introduction post and bio because it didn't portray who I actually am. Just what I thought I was at the time

As stated in my previous update, I am not just transfem nor do I only use she/they pronouns.

I am, even though I thought not for quite a while, transmasc in a way. A coffeebean and a honeybee.

I still take pride in my femininity and my transfem side, but I would also like to explore my masculine side more as well.

But its hard because no one respects me. No one believes I am who I say I am. They can't wrap their heads around me not being what I was born.

I was born neither and was forced to be a gender that they wanted me to be.

I believe i'm a femboy at heart. I'm not that interested in "typical" masc things, nor am I into being masculine at times. But dysphoria is terrible and tells me that I need to or else I'll never be seen as a man.

Do I want to be seen as a man? To be seen as a woman?

What does being transfem mean? What does being transmasc mean? What does it mean to be one or the other. What happens if your both?

For now, I see myself as a guy, but that might change tomorrow.

But that's okay, I think. We'll just take it day by day.

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Entry #3, Genderfluidity

So… I continue to forget that gender fluidity is a thing that exists for me…

If you're not in the know, being gender fluid means that ones gender can change from masc, to fem, to nonbinary, to something else depending on the moment, which can be months, days, or minutes apart.

I've fought this identitiy for years, labeling myself as anything other than it because I wanted my gender to be stable and understandable… But that never came, and I became the boygirl girlboy of my dreams. It's so strange because my "animalistic" gender is rather solid, being male, but as a human I am something other.

But I can't fight anymore, mainly because my gender is always going to be fluid. Does this change anything that I've talked about? Not really. I'm a multigendered person who is still transfem... But is also transmasc and transneutral depending on the day.

Gender is weird ya'll. Stay in school

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Entry #2, Neo

Ever since I was a child, It's always felt weird to be a girl. I've cursed my mom and dad for calling me one, and yet now a days I want to be one.

I believe that it's because they can't see who I truly am. They can't see the journey i've gone on to recognize this about myself. They can only see the mask.

Because of this, I've decided to identify as a neogirl. For those not in the know, it basically means a "new type of girl". But what exactly does that mean?

From what i've gathered from the internet, neo gendered people feel a connection to a type of gender, but in a different way from what non-neo gendered people feel.

For me, I feel like femininity was forced upon me by people beyond me. It was something I had to be, and I hated every part of it. But since exploring the etherio part of my gender, I've been able to look at the feminine part of my gender without cursing it or running away. How I see my feminine gender might be extremely different from how others might see it. But it's mine.

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Silly Entry #1, Nails

These "Silly" entries are going to be less wordy than my main entries, as these are just supposed to be silly little things to update y'all with what's happening.

Today I painted my nails black and shaved my legs! Kinda TMI but I think there's a good reason to talk about them, as they're just little things that we can do to cause gender euphoria.

Let's focus on the things that give us joy instead of despair, shall we?

Question for anyone who sees this, what gives you some euphoria? I'd love to hear it!

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Entry #1, Coyote

Let us first start this journey with a post dedicated to where I am at the moment.

As stated in my intro, I was born a male Eastern Coyote. This is something I know in my bones, and something I want to return to. But in a human society, I don't really fit in the boundaries put in front of me.

Society tells me if I'm truly a male, then I must look the part. I must take parts of my body off to be able to "pass" or I'm not good enough. And yeah, sure, I want to do that, but at the end of the day I still want to be feminine.

Transfem is what I want to call myself, because I'm just starting to understand my femininity that I've shunned because I've always hated it. But, as I've started this journey of mine, I've decided to look back on it to find I don't exactly hate it.

But I can't be transfem. I have to be transmasc. If I'm not then society would see me as "not being trans", because someone like me cannot be transfem... Even though I was a male before all of this.

You can probably guess my "true gender at birth" from what I've said, but honestly, I don't care at all about this human shape of mine I have to carry. I am male and I'm transitioning to be feminine. A term that I've found that has helped me with accepting this is honeybee transfem, an agab-less term for transfems (though in my opinion there shouldn't be a need for this, but that's for another post)

But then, as always there has to be a wrench thrown into things, because sometimes I'm not feminine. Sometimes I'm a star. And I'm not sure how a star can be one's gender, but gender just does what it does I suppose

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A Little Introduction From Me

Hello!

You may call me Malachi, I use He/She Pronouns, and I'd like to formally welcome you to a place where I will be journaling my gender crisis due to my gender fluidity and shapeshifting-ness

A couple things that you'll need to know about me before we begin, I am a zoanthrope and on the schizospec. Being an animal is very much connected to my gender, as I was born as a male eastern coyote, but the way I express my gender now is extremely fluid in presentation. Another thing you'll need to know is that I'm a part of a system. No one will really talk here other than me, but it's still important to touch upon.

This blog will be a diary of my journey and an exploration of the link between gender and alterhumanity.

Also, main blog is [ the-dreamscape ], so any follows and things will go from there

Tags:

#a little post from me - original posts

#journal entry - journal entries... As the tag says

#silly journal posting - not as deep journal entries

#a little post from you - reblogs