a sideblog to put all the angy and all the sad and all the things that I think are badneedless to say don't this blog is going to be straight arsenic sometimesThis blog is not meant to be read tbh DX
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Dentists be talking about some chewing center like I don't use my whole mouth.
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Dear Corsair,
If I go to your website looking for a mouse driver, for my aging mouse so I can configure my mouse and potentially debug that mouse...
THEN WHY IN THE FLYING FUCK ARE YOU GIVING ME A HARDWARE MONITOR WITHOUT ANY DEBUG OPTIONS FOR. Y'KNOW THE M̷̨̪̈̒͊̀̾͘͠Ō̸̧̹͇͓̓Ư̶͓͉͖̪̠͚͓͋̌̓̃́̊̈́̃̅̊͘̚ͅS̶͉̻̖̜̩̈Ẹ̷̹̽̊̀̿̿.
IQUE is built for gamers who would've been better off if MAC wen't into gaming. This wannabe monitor is designed to be a console bros first introduction to PC gaming. Like cool, pretty colours, and they flash. BUT I WANT SETTINGS. I want to configure and test the device down to the goddamn input buffering. I want to set the polling rate of each sensor individually. I WANT TO FUCK AROUND WITH SETTINGS UNTIL I CAN SQUEEZE ANOTHER 5 YEARS OUT OF A MOUSE THAT HASN'T EVEN SEEN 3 YET.
#unironically the only problem is the scroll click#All I need is to set a buffer and an input limit to make it work again. Won't be as responsive but will last until another thing break.
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I must've done a grave mistake recently because every website with an algorithm is giving me blatant porn rn
For my heavily repressed self, that's like an already very slappable person blanking while you’re trying to instruct them in safety procedures for heavy machinery.
#In my defense some songs about sex are indeed exploration of lust rather than just indulgence. So that's fine.#Probably because I listened to that one less horny song from that one particularly horny VTuber.#algorithm#vent post
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There are days on which I dislike having returned from the me that was in the bad place. I have so many preferences to manage now. It's like I'm constantly with another person and that person doesn't even know whether they're gonna enjoy miso soup or pizza more.
Back in the bad old times I just took a look on the mental checklist and did the thing that I didn't want to do. At least I had a reason to be annoyed then.
#I would prefer not to see analogies like “inner child”. Child simply is not an attribute of behavior or psychology to me.#To be fair if I puppeteered my meatsuit like that I would not have the problem of having nothing to do that I could complain about.#That's the thing with trauma. Once you reach “brain off” levels of bad it's kinda easy. It's still bad but it's easy.#Also to be fair there are people who are not the danger zone.#I try to run this blog anonymously but this statement should be here in case a certain someone finds out.#I'll stop describing them now just so it works for anyone muhahaha >:D#They'll know though. I trust.#Fuck miso soup was a placeholder but I reaaaaly want some miso soup now. Might even pay for delivery. And I never do that.
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The best league players are the ones who honor for keeping your calm.
Objectively, of course. Has nothing to do with the fact that I just fed the shit out of a game or anything XD
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Men are...
Let me prove you right by walking away
Women just...
How about I leave you alone with this thought
People who use pronouns...
Well, look at the time. It's fuck off a clock.
#I see that you've been hurt. I see that someone tried turning you into something else because they're to lazy to recognize your personhood.#I do not see that giving you the right to be that lazy fuck yourself.#You can turn that bottle when it lands on you but if you don't shatter it you'll always be played with. Grow up.
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not married, not separated but a secret more intimate and apparently legally binding thing: having to put my name and the financial status of me and my family onto your Antrag zur Hilfe zum Lebensunterhalt because we live in a "eheähnliche Gemeinschaft" (I am your girlfriend)
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Truck-kun, where art thou.
Oh to be reincarnated into a world where strengths and weaknesses are equally accepted without expectation and judgement. A world where we speak of dreams and desires freely and have no need to fear those of our fellow man. A world where a cry for help is met not with this gaze demanding justification or payment, but with a simple gesture of good will and perhaps even a hand.
#tw sui ideation#I don't need magic I just want to be happy and escape this BS everyday politics.#Honestly that world only really needs everyone to live by things.#1. Don't do to others what you would not have them do to you.#2. Don't expect malice.#That's it.#That's all I ask.#But I ask that of LITERALLY EVERYONE so... yea statistics says no.#to be fair some wild magic powers and a harem might do too but it wouldn't be worth the peace of just fcking respecting each other goddamni
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Fuck functioning. I just want to be happy.
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"high functioning" is a bit of a drag either way.
My distrust of people makes sure I don't let my guard down, so I actually show up to appointments (showered and with brushed teeth, usually) despite wanting to throw myself into the sea (IF I HAD ONE!) every moment leading up to it. Then I describe how I need to manipulate myself to get out of bed with treats, (legal) drugs AND video games just to hear "If you can get up, you're fine.". Like, huh?! I'm barely capable of holding down a job, I have 4 suicide attempts behind my ass and I'm not sure I'd trust the very embodiment of kindness if I found them anywhere near the mortal plane how in all afterlives am I FINE?!
Being assumed to be “high functioning” can be very frustrating. One day you’re completely capable and getting a lot done, and the next you can’t even speak in public because a stranger came into your personal space and now your throat doesn’t work.
Being very capable one minute seems to erase your struggles the next to people who don’t understand how autism works, and even to yourself sometimes.
I’m afraid to use a tool to help me speak if I need to because I’m usually perfectly capable of speech the same way I’m afraid to take breaks from walking when I need to thanks to POTS because I’m usually perfectly capable of walking. But that’s not how disabilities like these work.
#And then I give up on therapy again because honestly I'm to tired to play their games (:#Sometimes I do hate it here.#Why do I have to justify not wanting to kill myself?
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Well, well, well. I found answers.
Still not comfy but now that I can rationalize it, I can do a cognitive behavioral therapy on myself. (Because that's what normal, well adjusted, totally and fully human people do, right?)
Truth be told, if I didn't have to seen "it" being used to dehumanize, I might've went with it myself. That veil of humanity does weigh heavily of recent.
Can someone explain to me why some people prefer "it/it's" pronouns.
#Gods sometimes I do wish I could abandon this pelt and return to a form much truer to myself.#But then... the portrayals we call culture do paint the unbinding of the soul as a loss rather than a mere change.
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Can someone explain to me why some people prefer "it/it's" pronouns.
#If this appears on your for you please don't think I'm trying to be a dick.#I want to be respectful but I don't even “it” animals. That's just alarm bells to me.#Like I'll do it but it's not like I'm gonna “get over” the notion of dehumanizing language.#That shit's learned and I'm gonna need a starting point if I'm gonna unlearn it.
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cdu und spd stecken jetzt also das lob für eine "kehrtwende" bei der finanzpolitik ein, nachdem cdu und fdp drei jahre lang die grünen bei jedem versuch etwas ähnliches zu machen blockiert haben, weil schuldenbremse. 😐
#Da die Union erst nach fast 20 Jahren mentalen Dünnpfiffes als unfähig auffallen. Nicht dumm genug.#deutsche politik#german politics#german stuff
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lately ive been bedridden with a terrible case of i dont wanna
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Can someone tell YouTube to stop SHOVING THE SAME VIDEOS IN MY FACE OVER AND OVER?!
If I want to watch a video, I put it on the watch later. If I don't put it there, you never have to show it to me again. I WILL NOT WATCH IT.
The fucking algorithm isn't there to remind me that people entirely lacking a drive for novelty become obsessed with shit. It's there to show NEW shit that FITS INDIVIDUAL WATCHING HABITS.
AND FOR FUCK SAKE. DON'T LOAD MY FEED FULL OF LONG FORM SHIT FROM PEOPLE WHO I ONLY WATCH IN SHORTS!
JUST AS YOU SHOULDN'T ONLY LOAD THE SHORTS, OR FUCKING YT MUSIC FULL OF PEOPLE I WATCH ON MAINLINE YT. THOSE ARE 3 DIFFERENT PLATFORMS I APPROACH IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE WAYS. FORCING THAT TOGETHER WILL MAKE ALL 3 NEARLY UNUSABLE
YouTube. Please. My favorite website. Stop being actively hostile to anyone with so much as free will and do SOMETHING about your UX. And I don't mean redesigning the homepage AGAIN. I MEAN HOW YOUR SYSTEMS INTERACT TO CREATE AN OVERARCHING EXPERIENCE.
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Die Union ist eine Protestpartei.
#I don't think I have to elaborate on here.#deutsche politik#politik#venting#german politics#cdu#csu#deutschland#fck cdu#vent#german stuff
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Just had a meet with a social worker about my depression...
I was wearing a shirt with the text: "Just stab me now"
... in my defense, all my other shirts were dirty...
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