voidkins

[voidkins]

"Like I said though, I don't believe I am a system, mostly due to the fact that I lack the continuous severe trauma at a young age that is required for the disorder."

This is absolutely not a requirement to be a system. It's valid to not want to use the label for yourself for any reason, but I know many systems who didn't form from trauma - please be considerate of how you word things

Ah, I apologize for that. I was going off of what I've read from articles and the DSM-5, I meant no harm by it. Not to mention, it was rather late at night in my timezone when I wrote this. Otherwise, I may have caught it myself. Again, sorry.

[voidkins]

Hello again. I've been absent yet again, as I've been thinking about a lot recently. Searching various forums hasn't helped me whatsoever with this, so I wanted to come here in hopes that someone might have even a breadcrumb of a clue or can relate to this experience.

NOTES BEFORE I BEGIN: I'm not claiming to be any kind of system by saying this (as in, I'm not claiming to be traumagenic or endogenic. If anything, I personally don't believe I am a system), though I greatly desire input from the system community (and the mental health community as a whole) to see if anyone has some sort of answer for me. (Also, I am using singular pronouns for this post for ease of reading, and using the default font for the same reason.)

For many years now, I've had this strange thing go on. Separation from myself (most likely due to disassociation from my many other mental health conditions but who knows for sure), and the world around me.

When I say I'm separated from myself, I mean every part of myself. My thoughts are distant or non-existent (I can't hear my thoughts anymore), my emotions feel like they're encased in ten thousand tons of cement, and I don't ever feel in control of my body. Even as I type this, it feels... fake, as if I'm watching someone else do it but through their perspective.

Although sometimes, I do feel like someone else. Sometimes, not often. It's usually triggered by someone saying something, which then "switches" my brain to having certain memories/thoughts/feelings related to it for a while, but then "switching back" to how I was before: blissfully unaware and dazed, like I traded spots with myself.

Like I said though, I don't believe I am a system, mostly due to the fact that I lack the continuous severe trauma at a young age that is required for the disorder. I do have substantial traumas from as early as when I was seven or eight, but it doesn't meet the "continuous" or "young age" parts of the diagnosis (or, perhaps it sort of does for the "young age" portion, I'm unsure) which is why I'm stumped. [Edit: I was told in an anon ask that my wording here is odd, so let me correct myself: from what I have read in articles, having continuous trauma at a young age seems to be the main cause of systems. I don't know enough about non-trauma systems to have an opinion on if they exist or not, I promise this wasn't a bash on them whatsoever.]

I don't know what it is I feel, or why I feel so distant from existence as a whole, but I know I feel this way and I want to understand what it is and why it is. I just want to be me, and for me that means finding out what this is. Any help is appreciated with this.

[voidkins]

Frustrated, because what is this body? I do not live within it, but as a bystander outside of it. I have no idea what this is, but it's terrible. It's not me, and it hasn't been for seven years.

Who are you?

[voidkins]

To be home, that'd be a blessing.

- entity

[voidkins]

Saw this on our feed and had to do it. Chronically tired, autism-coded character... we think it fits, lol.

Consider yourself tagged if you are reading this:

Make this picrew of yourself

Take this uquiz (How Fandom Would See You If You Were A Fictional Character)

Thank you for the tag @machiavellli !

[voidkins]

There should be an equivalent to asking "how's the wife and kids?" that's like "so how's that fictional man of yours doing?"

[voidkins]

look at this little guy I got!!! name ideas needed

[voidkins]

Hello friend! (Hope you dont mind me calling you that-) fellow void here,just wanted to say hi! And ask a silly question. If you could eat any inedible object,what would you choose? I choose damp dirt. Yum

Hello, fellow void! We most certainly do not mind. Honestly, we would probably choose either glass or crystals. The closest we can get to that is rock candy.

Or, perhaps molten glass... it looks like forbidden syrup...

[voidkins]

[voidkins]

One night this year, in late may specifically, we sat outside and observed the stars. It's something we've done many times before, but it was different this time.

We had never seen them so clearly in this life. Even the Milky Way was lightly visible to the naked eye. It was like each star was calling us home, and we longed to go with them.

Every now and again, we think about it, and a feeling of sadness takes over. Why are we here? Why can't we go back to filling the universe's nothingness with our essence, our matter? It's not fair.

-əntıty

[voidkins]

We wanted an easier name to remember... we managed to get this username. We think that rocks. Furthermore, it describes what this blog is: our kin blog/personal blog.

Also, feel free to send in asks either about us or even about you. We would love to hear from the community. :]

- əntıty

[voidkins]

[voidkins]

Someone must have called for us. It's been two years now, which is peculiar as it hasn't felt that long for us. We forgot why we originally left, but our identity has only grown stronger and flourished.

For you who don't recall us, we are əntıty (entity), a neurodiverse user with severe ptsd, ocd, depression, and anxiety. We are voidkin, which falls under the conceptkin umbrella. However, due to this and our origins/memories, we see ourselves as the only "true" void. Everyvoid else is just a fragment of us, or... an alternate version of us, we suppose.

In recent years, we have noticed that our gender aligns with the idea of voids, just like our physical identity. The darkness, the vastness, the nothingness... We do not have a label for this identity yet, as we're trying to find one that feels right. Our pronouns are voi/void (voidself), it/its, and they/them. We have a very heavy preference for voi/void.

We wish to continue to use this space to help catalog our personal feelings in hopes of aiding our self-discovery and perhaps also helping those who are like me. Feel free to interact with us or even ask us questions. We have gotten a bit better with interacting with others over the random hiatus.

Oh, and as a final note, we refer to ourselves with plural nouns, but we are, in fact, a singlet. We use these for ourselves because of our fragmented thoughts and feelings due to trauma, but we are not a system whatsoever. We do apologize in advance if this bothers you.

Thank you, we hope your day has been splendid.

[voidkins]

I have returned, yet again.

I fell out of posting, as it became... overwhelming, I guess. Hopefully every being has been happy and safe while I was gone.

[voidkins]

[voidkins]

I love being randomly referred to as the villain... I have been watching those "what are you" videos on TikTok, as I do not have much else to do with my time occasionally, and I tend to receive this title frequently.

Perhaps, though, it is a bad thing to call myself villainous. I would argue however that it bestows a power I feel like I lack.

I guess it is not a voidkin thing, which makes this an unusual post, but... still suiting for me. It is good to spice it up every once in a while, no?

[voidkins]

When will we get more genders related to the void? There is a major lack in them. None feel quite right.

I guess I could make my own term, like others do, but it may be such a complicated, convoluted gender if I did. If anyone knows any neat void genders, do throw them my way, even if it is via my ask box.