voidpvllman - Tumblr blog

voidpvllman · 8 days ago

Text

i’m sorry, i love you | bellamy blake

* part two of ‘i love you, i’m sorry’

summary: raven is working to hijack a drop ship and escape to earth, kane’s daughter is supposed to go with her, but after watching her boyfriend– the only reason she agreed to this– ‘s heart stop right in front of her, she has given up on this insane plan. and everything else… the dropship is ready, but after someone else finds out about it, she demands to go with raven instead.

warnings: mention of suicide, violence, blood, fighting, seven year, established relationship, someone gets stabbed, sexual situations- steamy, no smut, mentions of the first time, dual pov, no use of y/n, or ‘you’ ! angst as usual bc who would i be otherwise, :,)) “touch her and you die” vibe ‘:D ,, bellamy blake. he’s the final warning….be careful

“i’m sorry.”

it was the last thing bellamy said to her.

she said she loved him; he said he was sorry.

he didn’t say it back, he didn’t give her a final kiss.

he didn’t say it back.

not one last kiss.

his heart had stopped.

he was gone now. forever.

tears stung her eyes as she stared blankly at the wall. her hand shook slightly because of how tightly she gripped her fork. kane watched her anxiously from across the dining hall. she was slipping; pulling away from him, pushing everyone away, including him. raven stopped beside him, looking up at him in silence. “she isn’t doing well.” “her boyfriend of seven years is dead, after you sent him down to earth.” kane tensed, snapping his head towards her, “he would have been floated if i hadn’t stepped in.” “at least it wasn’t because of you, right?” she spat the words angrily, “but it was. you didn’t vote against sending them to earth. you didn’t stop it.” kane exhaled, hanging his head. the guilt had already been eating at him. he had felt sick since the council had passed the decision to send the delinquents to earth. he had tried to argue reason. but if they didn’t try something, everyone would die, instead of risking the 100 criminals. maybe it would have been different if it was his daughter being sent down. he would have fought harder. he would have screamed and argued and likely gotten sedated. but it was his daughter. kane could not wrap his head around abby and thelonius were so willing to risk their own children for hope of everyone else. maybe he was the problem.

raven sat beside her, nudging her gently. she flinched, wide eyes snapping in her direction. she looked exhausted, skinnier than raven had ever seen. “it’s ready.” she shook her head weakly. no. “we can leave today.” she shook her head again, “i’m not going.” raven barely heard her, it was so weak. “what?” raven grabbed her shoulders and turned to face her, “what do you mean you’re not going?” she shook her head again, far away expression returning to the wall, “i was going for bellamy. bellamy is not there.” raven squeezed her arms tighter, “i don’t want to go alone. please come with me.” another head shake. raven stood to her feet, “i dont want to go alone! i did this for finn- i- he’s all i have!” “at least he’s still alive.” raven glared at her, nostrils flaring, “you still have your father! i have nothing! there is no one else up here for me!” people were looking up from their tables, turning towards the raised voice. she didn’t flinch, eyes fixed at the wall, all the fight gone from her. “fine!” raven slammed her hand down on the table, drawing the attention of everyone who hadn’t been looking previously. “i want to be with my best friend and my boyfriend. but if you aren’t coming, then screw you. i’ll go alone.” the words stung, but she had managed to push everyone away.

no one would miss her now.

she held a knife up her sleeve, as she made her way through the ark. she stopped outside the control room, taking deep breaths. she closed her eyes, picturing him again. the day they had met she couldn’t even remember; they had been so young, she just assumed they had known each other forever. she remembered their first kiss. their first date- watching the stars on bellamy’s blanket, tucked under his arm, a makeshift picnic of food they had snuck away from the dining hall sitting between them. she felt tears sting her cheeks and she swore. the memories burned. the dreams even more- aching, her heart feeling like it might shatter. it would all end. the memories. the pain. the shattering ache in her chest every time you pictured his face, the nausea every time you saw his monitor flatline.

it was ending.

all of it, along with her life.

she stopped at the control room’s door, hearing voices. “they aren’t dying.” it was abby who was speaking. “abby, calm down-“ it was her father. “they aren’t dying!” she flinched at abby’s sharp voice, “they’re taking them off!” “how can you be sure?” “i can’t. but i have to hope. i have to see my daughter again.” “you expect me to tell my daughter that her boyfriend is still alive and risk being wrong about it once we get down there?”

he could be alive.

bellamy.

he could still be down there.

she was sprinting before she could catch her breath or her head could stop spinning. what if it was too late? what if raven was already gone? she picked up the pace, forcing her shaking legs to go faster. raven was sitting in the drop ship, eyes closed, breathing heavy. her eyes opened when she heard the door slam. raven looked at her with wide eyes, “it’s you…” she was surprised, maybe even disappointed? “he could still be alive.” raven’s eyes fell, “i know… abby told me.” she raised an eyebrow, “abby?” raven closed her eyes, bracing herself, “she wants to come with me.” her heart dropped, anger, panic, anxiety all surging through her. “didn’t take you long to fill my spot, did it?” her words were bitter, she spat them out like venom. raven flinched, “i’m sorry. you said you weren’t coming.” she opened her mouth to take her anger out raven once again, but then the door opened. she froze. abby froze. the three of you stared at each other. the drop-ship only seated two… she would be one of them. “abby,–“ raven started but abby cut her off, “i am seeing my daughter again.” she tensed, your fingers twitched slightly. “i’m getting on that ship, abby.” her tone was low, warning. “no, you’re not. i’m sorry.” raven watched anxiously, flipping the dials and frantically pushing buttons before this got ugly.

“please don’t make me do this.” abby held a syringe in her hand. she was going to sedate her if she had to. her fingers wiggled slightly, the knife up her sleeve dropping into her hand. “i won’t.” raven’s eyes widened, noticing the knife before abby did. “don’t—“ abby sprinted for the drop ship. she got there first; abby grabbed her legs, tackling her to the ground. raven was pleading for the two to stop, not being heard over the scuffle. abby reached for the door, bracing herself to jump in. she screamed something, trying to pull her away from the drop ship, from the open door, from her chance to get to bellamy. it happened before she had realized it. raven had gasped- it almost came out as a scream. abby’s eyes widened, collapsing into her arms. she slid to the ground, from her arms, taking sharp breaths. she pulled the knife out, staring at it wide eyed as if had acted on it’s own. she climbed into the drop ship beside raven, shaking, vision blurring. she had stabbed someone. she couldn’t breath, her entire body shaking from the adrenaline. “what did you do—“ “go, raven.” she had done it for a reason. guards were yelling outside the door, having been alerted that a drop ship was preparing to launch. “raven, go! now!” raven engaged the thrusters, glancing to abby’s body on the floor with wide eyes. abby was still breathing. the doors were forced open and guards rushed in. their guns were raised, kane was with them. “hold your fire!” his eyes found his daughter’s, then shifted to abby on the floor. “get a doctor! now!”

kane had hesitated, watching as the drop ship launched. his eyes were wide, tear filled, full of betrayal; and hurt. she closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to see the look on his face. they had launched, the ark getting further away rapidly. “i’m sorry,” she whispered it, knowing he couldn’t hear her. knowing he would never forgive her. raven’s eyes widened through her helmet, watching as earth got closer. it was in their reach. a warning appeared on the screen, flashing red and beeping. “oh, shit.” raven flipped switches frantically. “brace yourself—“ the ship lurched as it hit the atmosphere, shuttering violently as it picked up speed. she shut her eyes tightly, hands gripping the edges of her seat as if that would keep her safe. she knew they shouldn’t be approaching this quickly. she knew they needed to slow down before—

the ship crashed into the earth in a trail of smoke and fire. both heads slammed against the widow, helmet cracking against her forehead.

*.•——*.•

bellamy dropped the wood he had collected, looking to the sky as it flashed. a streak of bright, burning smoke trailing behind object that was rapidly approaching the ground. “clarke—“ bellamy didn’t need to say anything thing, everyone was already looking up. “what is that–“ “who is that?” finn shifted his bag to his other shoulder. “get a search party ready.” bellamy’s tone was dark, eyeing the direction of the crash. “what if they aren’t friendly?” jasper trailed behind clarke, stumbling slightly as he tried to keep up. “they might need our help.” typical clarke… bellamy rolled his eyes to himself, “that’s why we have guns.” “bellamy-“ “this isn’t all rainbows and butterflies clarke! the people here are trying to kill us. the people up there-“ his eyes shifted up towards the sky, “-our people- want me dead. when they get down here, if they get down here- they will kill me. forgive me for not wanting to rush out there with open arms, princess.” clarke glared at him as bellamy pushed past her. “don’t you have anyone up there that you care about? that you miss?” bellamy paused, turning around so quickly that clarke flinched. “you ask too many questions, princess. and i’m getting really tired of it. and you.” the sudden change in his tone caused the others to look at him with wide eyes. octavia ducked her head slightly, “bell-“ “i’m fine.” he pushed past her, cross tone not even sparing his sister.

“what is his deal?” octavia looked at clarke cautiously, “he left someone up on the ark.” she looked anxious, sorrowful, “don’t bring her up or you’ll get shot.” clarke of course, didn’t listen. “what if she’s on that ship, bellamy?” the reaction was instant; clarke had not taken the warning seriously. bellamy froze, tensing up, somehow growing even taller. clarke stepped back before he even turned around. bellamy spun, nostrils flared, elbow pushing clarke against the tree, hand gripping his gun tightly. “what did you just say?” clarke gasped as her back hit the tree, opening her mouth to say something. finn jumped in front of bellamy, trying to de-escalate the situation but making a mistake by getting in his face. bellamy shoved him, ignoring his pleas, ignoring octavia telling him to calm down. “bellamy.” octavia grabbed his arm and bellamy let her pull him away, letting clarke ease off the tree as finn rushed to her side. “i’m fine.” bellamy pulled out of octavia’s arms again, ignoring her urges to talk to her. bellamy walked ahead of the group, hand tight around his gun, shoulders tense, jaw clenched. “i thought you were smart, griffin…” octavia passed clarke, slight amused, smug smirk on her lips. “bellamy has a girlfriend?” a girl had joined octavia in the line and octavia couldn’t remember this girl getting asked onto the rescue party. she pouted slightly, voice sounding pathetically disappointed. “yes.” “but she’s on the ark…” her tone was too hopeful now. “bellamy won’t ever look at anyone else.” octavia couldn’t fight the amused smirk on her face just thinking of her. god, she missed her. it had been years. “could i take her?” the girl’s voice was playful, and octavia almost laughed, “you wouldn’t stand a chance.” octavia’s voice being void of playfulness made the girl stop, “and if it came to bellamy, your death wouldn’t be quick. or painless.” she smirked, knowing she had never killed anyone, and had barely ever had to get in a fight because bellamy never even glanced at other girls. “also.” octavia stuck turned back to the girl who now looked ill, “he’s twenty three.” “there’s no rules about that on earth!” octavia rolled her eyes, “i hope it is her that landed. i’ll be sure to introduce you first.”

bellamy turned a questioning expression to his sister, who had caught up to him. “you have an admirer.” really, quite a few. bellamy just hummed once in acknowledgment, clearly not caring, definitely not interested. he blew his messy curls out of his eyes and kept his eyes focused in front of him. octavia knew he missed her. she knew the look behind his eyes, the tight way he would smile at her. “i told her she would kick her ass.” bellamy gave octavia a crooked smirk, slightly amused, almost a genuine smile as he thought about her.

bellamy’s smile vanished as soon as the screaming started.

octavia couldn’t even get her words out before bellamy was running. “bellamy, wait-“ but it was useless; octavia knew exactly who the scream sounded like- she knew it wasn’t possible- but a lot of things on this planet shouldn’t have been possible. “bellamy-“ they couldn’t even see him now, he had gotten so far ahead of them. “bell–“ another scream cut clarke off, the girls grew pale, “we’re getting closer.” “or it’s getting closer…” clarke stumbled, grasping a tree before she went tumbling down a steep drop off. “bellamy-!” octavia slid down the hill quickly, seeing bellamy sprawled out just at the edge of the incline. he was conscious, looking more pissed off than anything. he was muttering as octavia helped him up, cursing the uneven footing and his panic that had caused him to miss the drop off. “-fine-“ bellamy winced as he stood to his feet, groaning slightly. “bellamy, your leg-“ a sharp twig had stabbed through his pants, a bloody stain surrounding it. “i’m fine.” the pain of putting his full weight on his leg caused a gasp to escape, his face tightening against the pain. “bellamy, your leg-“ clarke had made her way down, trying to steady bellamy so she could look at his leg. “i’m fine, griffin! we need to keep moving.” another scream, and bellamy was running. “bellamy!” octavia tried grabbing him, his adrenaline still managing to drag her behind him. “bellamy, stop!” octavia yelled over the distant screams and bellamy finally stopped. his jaw was clenched, eyes wild, “it isn’t her. bellamy, how could it possibly be her?” bellamy’s tense posture changed slightly, almost easing. his eyes darted back and forth, processing, the rationality and the protective, animal side of him fighting for control. finally, bellamy breathed deeply, “it’s not our fight.” it could have been grounders. it could have been people from camp who wandered off and were screwing around. bellamy felt himself breathe, octavia felt herself relax, clarke spoke up, “we still should see if they need help! that could be our people!” “clarke-“ bellamy sounded exhausted, he looked exhausted; a new sadness crossing over his tight expression. clarke started arguing again but was once again cut off by another scream, this time much closer. bellamy tensed again, head snapping back up, eyes widening with an expression clarke had never seen. “it isn’t her.” octavia squeezed his wrist. “it sounds like her…” bellamy had almost whispered it, not intending for anyone else to hear him. another scream— panicked, desperate, cut off by a name.

his.

“bellamy—!?”

bellamy was sprinting, pain in his leg be damned, not caring if the others got left behind. maybe he was hallucinating, maybe he had gotten into a toxin, maybe he was bleeding out or dying. but bellamy only knew that voice. and he knew he had to get to her, weather his leg could handle it or not.

—*.•*

she felt hot, sticky liquid against her palm, spilling between her fingers. she couldn’t feel the pain, couldn’t hear her surroundings, but she knew she was bleeding. “raven-“ her voice didn’t sound like her own, didn’t feel like it was coming from her. “raven—“ she opened her eyes to blinding light, squinting at the brightness, the squinting causing pain to shoot through her head. she swore, gasping out a cry as sharp pain shot behind her eyes. blood was running over her eye, burning as it covered her vision. not good. she shifted, gritting her teeth against the pain, turning to check on raven. raven was unconscious. not good. her helmet cracked, a light trickle of blood coming from her forehead. “please don’t make me do this alone.” she shook her friend lightly, trying to rouse her but not cause her pain. “come on, raven… we were supposed to find them together—“ a movement in the trees caught her attention, heart leaping in anticipation, fear, excitement. it was a deer. a real deer. the deer stepped into the clearing slowly, eyeing the smoking drop ship warily, ears twitching against the breeze. it turned it’s head and she screamed before she could stop herself.

the deer had two heads. the second was mutated, haunting, gaping holes where its features should have been. “what the hell is this planet…” she stepped out of the drop ship cautiously, shaking, expecting the air to kill her instantly, despite evidence against it. she breathed deeply, taking it in, unable to stop the smile spreading across her lips. she was free. it was beautiful here. and she was free. she thought of octavia, her best friend under the door, who had never known freedom, taking in the new planet for the first time. octavia. bellamy… how would she find them? they could be anywhere.

something fluttered near her head and she screamed and threw herself to the ground. “oh,” she exhaled, watching the small creature dance above her head. she fought the urge to touch it, not remembering if the insect bit and not positive she wouldn’t get some radioactive disease from it. she couldn’t remember the name of the delicate, graceful insect but she had always liked them. she glanced back at raven, sending a silent plea to whatever deity may be listening to keep her safe until she got back- hopefully, with help. she touched every tree she passed, savoring the way they felt, the way they smelled, the way the leaves folded and crumpled beneath her fingers. she fought off the urge to take her shoes off and walk barefoot against the grass and moss.

once she reached a stream- or maybe a river— she couldn’t fight the urge to indulge in earth any longer. she dropped to her knees, cupping her hand to taste the earth water. it was fresh. it was perfect. nothing like water on the ark. a splash made her snap her head up, reaching for the knife that was— damn it. it wasn’t in her pocket, it wasn’t tucked into her boot- it must have fallen off during landing. she stumbled to her feet, bracing herself. a fish jumped a few feet away, the ripples in the water mesmerizing her. just a fish. just a fish…. she was laughing then, loudly, likely sounding completely insane. the adrenaline, having reached the absolute limit of every emotion she had felt the past twenty four hours, all coming out hysterically, over a fish. she shook her head, stepping into the cool water, wading in further. she couldn’t swim. she knew she couldn’t swim, which was why she wasn’t planning on going in any further than her waist- and even that was pushing it. she exhaled, savoring the water against her skin, trying to get used to it, not having anything that it reminded her of. another thrash in the water and she whipped around, foot slipping against the sudden change of weight on new footing. she slipped, hands coming up desperately to catch her on something that wasn’t there. she screamed just before her head went under the water. her head came up again, gasping for air, all logical thinking slipping from her mind as she desperately flailed to keep her head above water. she was screaming again. for help. for someone. for anyone…

for him.

his name escaped her lips like a prayer. screaming for him like she was pleading for her life, desperate- terrified. her head dipped below the water again and she gasped despite her mind screaming at her not to. water was in her lungs. she couldn’t get air, even if her head did break the surface. something brushed against her leg and more water rushed down her throat at the surprised inhale. she clawed and kicked, upward, any direction, eyes stinging, trying to make sense of her direction under the water. her head broke the surface and she gasped in vain. she choked on water, hiccuping, gasping desperately to try getting air to her lungs. air. air. anything but more water. pain shot through her leg, a sharp sting going up her leg, the water around her turning red with blood. her blood. she couldn’t scream as teeth grabbed her leg again and pulled her under the water once again.

she couldn’t scream, she couldn’t take in a breath. her vision was blurred, throat raw, chest constricting as it fought for air that wasn’t there. something was swimming towards her, a blur under the water, long and fast, and with obviously sharp teeth. she wasn’t going to make it to the surface. she wasn’t going to find bellamy… she would never see him again. she had come all this way—

arms grabbed her roughly, wrapping around her shoulders, holding securely as they dipped down under her armpits. a gun fired distantly, there was a splash, she was faintly aware of her head falling against something soft and warm, the faintest outline of curls, a familiar voice pleading her name. it was only a dream. a beautiful, final dream. memories of him… bellamy.

she opened her eyes to a familiar face, inches from her own, a huge grin attached to the same face. “good morning,” his voice was so raspy and rough that she held herself back from climbing right back on him. bellamy was still shirtless, tangled sheets just barely over his hips. shit, she would be dead if plans had changed and her dad did come back last night. thank everything that wasn’t the case. “good morning,” bellamy repeated it, leaning down to kiss her bare shoulder, agonizingly gentle and slow. “you stayed.” soft eyes met hers, the smallest, gentlest smile on his lips, “of course i did. who do you think i am?” “certainly not my boyfriend that finally accomplished getting me into—“ he put a finger to her lips, eyes darkening slightly, playful smirk on his lips, “i would hope you would know me better than that.” a small kiss to her lips, “if this,” another kiss, slightly below her jawline, the smirk returning, “was all i was after, i wouldn’t have spent sixteen years chasing after you, specifically.” the girl grinned, beaming, cheeks heating up, chest swelling, “we are only sixteen, bell.” bellamy smirked, shifting closer to her, sheets rustling as he leaned down to kiss her again, “exactly. i was born in love with you.” the girl scoffed, ignoring her boyfriend’s grinning face. damn, his lines always worked on her. as cheesy and ridiculous and illogical as they were. and bellamy knew it. he was still grinning, kissing her again. you closed your eyes, face resting on his chest. in this moment she realized she loved him. if nothing else made sense, she realized she had loved bellamy blake and would forever. and she would remember the way he tasted, how softly he had kissed her, while also seeming like she was air he was short on, the way she fit so perfectly in his arms, tucked against his chest, the exact sounds the sheets made as he pulled her closer to him as he fell asleep, and the way last night had been absolutely perfect.

she woke up screaming, a racking cough nearly throwing her off the makeshift gurney, screaming at the hands on her shoulders, the wrap tightening around her leg and the faces now staring at her in shock. the tent erupted in panic, yells, demands, hands grabbing at her. someone had a syringe. the tent opened and someone had stepped into the middle of the chaos before someone could even announce that you were awake. “back up! if you touch her again, you’re losing a hand. everyone get out…”

*.•*–

bellamy had pulled her out, ignoring the danger, ignoring the warnings and snaps from the others. she was here. she was here. how the hell was she here? why was she here? god, she shouldn’t be here… bellamy held her tightly against his chest, groaning as he reached the rocky river bank, stretching his leg out underneath him with a gasp of pain. he had forgotten about the stick sticking out of it, or the rock that had sliced a few inches down his leg. she was here. in his arms. safe. her chest rose and fell rapidly, hands clutching tightly to bellamy’s shirt, his pants, face buried into his neck. she knew. somehow, she knew. bellamy felt tears in his eyes and was thankful no one would be stupid enough to mention it. octavia knelt beside her brother, eyes wide, trying to find words, clearly not letting herself believe it was really her. “how—“ bellamy just shook his head, chin nestled against her head, stroking her hair, eyes closed tightly, breathing in deeply. “i can help carry her-“ “no.” bellamy threw his backpack towards finn without a word, wincing, stumbling slightly as he managed to get to his feet. “bellamy—“ clarke’s tone was warning, expression furious, like she really was a nurse scolding her patient. bellamy ignored her, gritting his teeth, clenching his jaw, swallowing the pain as he scooped her up, one arm under her shoulder blades, one arm behind her knees. “bellamy, i–“ “no.” bellamy sent a glare to the others, making sure they knew to back off this time. octavia’s eyes met the group, warning, sorrowful, pitying. “my responsibility.” bellamy bit back the bitterness, knowing it was his fault she was here. he left her there; on the ark. where he knew she would be safe. had he said something else, maybe she would have stayed. she came after him… after everything… she had found him. almost dying in the process.

she had found him.

she had found a way to earth, illegally, against her father, against everything, for him.

the others were talking to him, asking questions, trying to interrogate octavia for answers, but bellamy kept silent. he focused on the rising and falling of her shoulder blades against his skin, the throbbing in his leg that was threatening to give out, her hair against his skin, her breathing. the fact that the pain in his leg was nothing compared to this; carrying her unconscious body, carrying her because of him. because he had left her. because she had almost died because of him.

clarke was yelling as soon as she got to camp, not needing to be reminded of the importance and urgency that this particular person gets treated. bellamy was screaming at people, demanding they get out of the way or get shot, demanding that no one looks at her, refusing to let go of her. “bellamy. i need to treat her injuries.” he was knelt over her, protective, guarding her body, expression wild and unstable. “bellamy.” octavia tried reasoning with him, but there was no point. the girl shifted, inhaling sharply through gritted teeth. she exhaled, weakly, but there were faint words on her tongue, “find..raven…” eyes darted around the room, others looking anxious, “she wasn’t alone.” monty had finally spoken up, looking to jasper firmly, “we’ll take a search party.” the crowd in the tent thinned, and clarke took a deep breath, “okay… okay-“ clarke began working around him but bellamy jumped, ready to attack any time anyone else touched her, tried to help, or tried supervising too closely. “get out! i need everyone out!” clarke finally snapped, raising her voice and pointing to the entrance of the tent. “bellamy, go! i can’t treat her with you guarding her like an attack dog!” bellamy opened his mouth, furious, about to reach for his gun. finn had jumped in front of clarke defensively, but octavia reached bellamy first, “i will stay with her.” bellamy didn’t ease up at all, so octavia dropped her voice, “do you want her to live or not?” bellamy’s jaw clenched, unclenched, hand moving away from the gun, “clarke.” he paused before he exited the tent, eyes meeting her’s with a mixture of rage, anguish, guilt and sorrow that clarke had never seen.

“if she dies, you die.”

*.•.—

her eyes darted around the tent. she had ripped out of the hold of the boy that was holding her, kicked whoever held her leg and jumped to her feet frantically, only to be hit with severe pain and go tumbling to the ground. arms caught her immediately, a sharp intake of breath and a shaky exhale. she knew the arms that held her. she knew them by the way they held her, as if they belonged there, as if they had found their home once again. “i’m sorry.” the words out of his mouth were broken, shuddered, voice cracking as he tried keeping himself together. “i’m so sorry… why are you here? why would you possibly—“ he finally tilted her head up to look at him, his own eyes bloodshot and tear stained, lips pressed tightly together as if he was trapping a sob inside, “i’m so sorry.” it almost came out as a gasp, eyes dropping as he took her in. his hand rested on her cheek, other hand stroking her hair, as if he was making sure she was really there. “i’m so sorry- i’m- i’m sorry. i’m sorry…” “i love you.” once she took in his face, her panic and fear vanished completely, turning only to tears. tears of relief, tears of joy, tears for surviving everything else and making it back to him. “bellamy.” she had to say his name. saying his name confirmed she had made it. he was here. she had found him. he was alive.

he was alive.

he was here. in front of her.

she had thought he was dead. she had watched his heart stop. she had watched him shoot the chancellor. she had watched him willingly leave her behind. he had left her behind.

he left her behind.

he left her…

bellamy was still holding her against his chest, rocking back and forth slightly, as if she would be pulled away from him suddenly, or maybe just to ground himself, feeling her against him, assuring himself she was okay. when she hit him he flinched, but didn’t defend himself. she had stood up, smacking him on the shoulder, the back of the head, really anywhere he had failed to throw his arm infront of. she wasn’t punching him, she hadn’t slapped him across the face- which bellamy wouldn’t have been shocked by- she just whacked at him like he was a pesky fly. “how..” a knuckle against his ear, “could you-“ a palm against the back of his head, “bellamy blake–!” a barely solid, half hearted fist against his chest. “i thought you were dead! you left me there! and then i thought you were dead! all because of a damn wrist band that you couldn’t keep on! why did you take it off! why— why did you let me think you were dead! why… why?” bellamy ducked his head, still not holding anything up to block her hits, knowing he deserved them- knowing he deserved worse. hell, she should have dumped his ass and forgotten all about him and moved on. but that wasn’t her… god, that wasn’t her. he finally turned to look at her, bravely exposing his face to her, only to find tears in her eyes. he hated himself. for all of it. for what he did. for how he left her. for what he hadn’t said… octavia didn’t even need him here. she was free, happy– independent. not an illegal child that needed to hide under the floor.

“you didn’t say it back.”

her voice broke him completely, lip struggling to stay steady as he pressed it tight against the other one. “i’m sorry.” “i said i love you… and that’s exactly what you said.” bellamy held his breath, holding her, never letting his hands pull away from her for more than a second. “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.” would she be petty enough to come to earth just to break up with him? he had said those words back to her a thousand times in his head, every day, constantly, at night while he failed to fall asleep, while tracking and hunting— just not when it mattered. “i love you.” the words almost made him collapse into her further, legs nearly giving out from relief, adrenaline and emotion, “i’m sor—“ bellamy caught himself, “i love you.” she was smiling now, he wiped tears off her cheeks and away from her eyes, “i love you.” she melted into him, pulling on his hair as she forced herself closer to him. “i love you…” he repeated it, nose brushing against hers just slightly, “i love you so much. i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. god, i— i missed you so much. i- i’m sorry.” bellamy repeated the five words over and over, alternating, saying them like a prayer, making then stick in, begging for forgiveness, hoping to just please still be okay. “you came down to earth for me. for me. how the hell did you- what were you thinking? why would you-“ she had the faintest smile, the slightest hint of amusement on her lips. he was spiraling- about two seconds away from asking if she was okay and turning all overprotective, animal-like and scary, once again. so she shut him up before he could. in the best way she knew how, in a way that always worked…

her back came to rest against the dirt floor, slowly easing him over her. pulling him down, closer, closer, agonizingly close, pressed against her, following her with a hungry expression, eyes faintly glazed already. she parted her lips just enough for it to effect him. bellamy hummed slightly as their lips finally met, finally reunited- desperately, passionately, messily- so needy. he had exhaled involuntarily, and if people had been standing too close to the tent it would have sounded like much more than what it was. bellamy’s elbows found the ground on either side of her head, lowering himself further, letting his weight rest on her fully. god, he missed her. god, he had needed her here. the cold nights, the bloody nights, the lonely nights when he firmly refused the many offers to join him in his tent he missed the way everything felt okay when she was pressed against him, sleeping in his arms; after his lips were swollen and his chest and stomach looked like he had been severely beaten. the pair got lost re-memorizing each other, ignoring the hushed, sneaking whispers near the tent, ignoring the return of the search party and raven, ignoring everything except each other and the quiet gasps occasionally, when one would roll onto a rock or trail sleepy kisses down, in a line. it had only been two weeks, but a lot could happen in two weeks; she was just thankful to not see bellamy through just a monitor. to feel his warm skin, his messy hair on her forehead, his rapid heart rate, his steady, shaky breaths that he had to force himself to take— both reminding her that he was very much alive and breathing.

*.•*. . •.*

a/n: bellamy is just so😮‍💨 sorry this took so long to get out. i will likely write for him again in the future but lmk!

🫶🏻 dedicated to this taglist:

@lindsayjoy444 @lshyelic @your-left-nuts

#bellamy blake x reader #bellamy blake #part 2 #the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #the 100 x reader #fanfiction #bellamy blake angst #18 + content #steamy #voidpvllmanfics #angst #angst with a happy ending #my toxic trait is that i too would betray humanity for him #sorry that was an inside thought #i fear that i would choose him over humanity

45 notes · View notes