wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“What’s a good way to make Wolverine smile? A gift that’ll surely help him out in whatever way.” Admin Note: Yo everyone, so it’s been quite awhile... And by awhile I mean it’s been a long time coming since the last upload. What else is there to say? Uh... These right here are pretty obvious as to what they are, Garfield comic strips with a little Deadpool spin. Why? Because why not. Hopefully people will like these as much as I do. Enjoy everyone and have a fan-fucking-tastic day!

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“Time to piss off some people by mixing both my comic appearance and the movie’s logos to create a parody poster of the film I’ve recently seen which so happens to be Shazam!”

“Is this a movie people should see? Why in the ass is someone from the Marvel universe reviewing a DC movie? Glad you asked those questions and if ya didn’t I’m going to pretend you did. To answer those questions...” 1: Yes. It’s actually amusing. 2: Because I can. “I could go into the pros and cons of the film but why do that when you can go watch the movie? The final score out of ten is...” 🌮 🌮 🌮 🌮 🌮 🌮 🌮 🌮 /10

(And in case anyone doesn’t care to count those emojis. My score is 8/10)

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“In time, you will know what it's like to get the shits. To feel so desperately to use the toilet. Wipe it. Unclog it. Destiny still arrives." "A good taco isn't something one considers when balancing the universe. But this... Does put a smile on my face."

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“Take a close look at this beautiful image, you might notice that this image has made the happiest place on Earth is now even happier than before. Also you’re going to notice there’s a big 60 in the background... It should be pretty obvious that I photoshopped myself in this picture. Anyways, that’s right, I’m going to survive the Disney-FOX merger.”

“As Ryan Reynolds said: Welcome to the big leagues, kid.”

//Hey everyone, so I wanted to let everyone know starting next month I’ll be posting way more than I usually do. So if anything I guess that means daily posts. Can’t wait to get more involved in this community, love you all and have a fan-fucking-tastic day!

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

Okay. So I'm having trouble deciding my next cosplay. It's either my favorite mercenary, you or my favorite singer Brendon Urie. What do you think I should pick?

“Brendon Urie? Whats the hurry?! Hah, get it the joke..? Anyways, although I know tons of people love his music and such, it all comes down to who can win in a fist fight which is obviously me. Why not cosplay as me but with something related to that singer, like a hat or shirt over the Deadpool costume. Could always work out.”

“... So yeah, that’s my suggestion.”

#Deadpool #Ask Deadpool #MercWithAMouth #Marvel

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

Okay. So get this. You walk into your best friend's house and find out she's banging your ex. Does that mean you can shoot him?

“Hmm… There’s a reason why you’re asking this which comes down to that you personally think… It wouldn’t be technically his fault 100% since it’s the two of them doing it. Best thing to do is just express how you feel about that… Or cover their car in a shit ton of memes, layer after later after layer so they’re forced to remove each one. Then you could always fill the car with many little ping pong balls.That doesn’t help? Put a few copies of Green Lantern in there, that’ll surely teach ‘em a lesson. If all else fails, then a good squirt gun with tobacco sauce could do the trick if they’re for some reason a type of food which let’s be honest will not be the case.”

“You know what? Even better, force them to watch the Emoji Movie then write a book report on an Adam Sandler film comparing the two on why they’re like the leftover piece of Doritos chip that Hollywood doesn’t want to pick up.” 

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“Did you know my mom?” “Yes. A little. I didn’t really know her. I wanted to! I just... Didn’t get the chance.”

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

Lesson of the day: Careful what you say, because you never know when it may come true. “Whoever knew Mary Jane Watson loved to play Eye Of The Tiger when breaking Disney’s PG-13 rating. Maybe all this time when she said the quote ‘Go get ‘em, tiger’ that it could possibly also have a secret meaning to what just happened? Theory confirmed?”

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“First off, sir, let me explain to you why that just happened. You said the only thing preventing you from buying the car was the window not being capable of opening. Never said anything about rolling down the window. So technically I’ve fixed the car to your preference. Secondly, I suggest you purchase this car before I show you why Pixar’s movie Cars is rated G and not R.” “Basically what I’m trying to say is you’ll get struck by the car, sir. So that’ll be $69,000 since I like that number.”

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

 “Since Disney is going to purchase FOX and that means I’ll get to freely roam Disney shit and Marvel. So I’ve decided this would be a perfect time to introduce a new type of post: Deadpool Song Parodies.These parodies is more likely to be inappropriate, and if that surprises anyone... Clearly you haven’t read my comics. The song selected to be the first to experience the Deadpool parody is  a memorable musical bit from The Jungle Book -- Not the bear song, but the elephant song. Welcome to the brain of the merc with a mouth. You’ve been warned. CUE THE PARODY!”

“ 🎵  Hump! Two! Three! Four! Open wide! Two! Three! Four! Hump! Two! Three! Four! Open wide! Two! Three! Four!

Oh, the aim of my mini me, is filling every hole. To make her moan really fucking loud. Is the mercenary way. Is the mercenary way!

Hump! Two! Three Four! Take it off! Two! Three! Four!

By the position or style. I might waste some lead. Oh I’ll get it on, it’ll last so long. In a “mewrcewwary” style. In a mercenary style!  🎵 “

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“This shocks me so much that I’ve reached this amount of followers. Seriously, I have no idea how to properly thank everyone except for saying it. Now I can confirm that soon there will be a shit ton more posts. Oh, also I hope y’all really like the little things I’ve added to this piece of paper... Although to everyone else (you) it’s being viewed on your screen... So me saying it’s on paper is completely useless and thus making me look like an idiot... Hmm... Didn’t really think this post through fully -- I could’ve made this easier by ending the post right now, but something makes my continue-to-type-random-shit senses are tingling... Have a fan-fucking-tastic day!”

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“Hello to the people reading this post, I hope you’ve had a fan-fucking-tastic holiday! Loads of people say that 2018 sucks, and there’s no doubt that it did. A lot happened as we’ve lost legends, people getting mad over little things, tide pods, Bethesda doing shady shit... The list goes on, but let’s hope 2019 will be a better year. So time to enjoy what’s left of this year with a smile”

“Make sure to tell your family how much you love them, maybe even put down the phone or close the computer (Whatever you’re on to read this) and spend time with them. If they’re not nearby physically then give them a call. Stay positive everyone and I’ll see you on the next post.”

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“Oh, you seem really stressed since the Tumblr has decided to use the censorship gauntlet... There’s a bed back here just for you, it’s real comfortable, and you might have noticed a little theme. Everything’s red, and you know what red leads up to? Romance, and my suit pure red and black, adding romance and mystery to the mix. I’m known for being the merc with a mouth because of all the jokes that I make, but... There are other reasons why that nickname is given. Don’t worry about all the balloons, because in here you’ll feel as if you’re floating in joy, so forget about that clown... Besides, his actor was in my sequel and met a tragic, gruesome and painful death.”

“It’s almost Christmas time meaning you’ll get to sit on Santapool’s lap as well. (When that time comes, do not touch the hat. That’s a rule.) What? Didn’t expect me to have a romantic side? If so then you need to see the first movie... Then you’ll know what’s in store with the Canadian Amazon Prime package. So... For those who fantasize about me, you’re about to get a musical message from me.”

“ 🎵  I can show you my sword. And I don’t mean my katana. Tell me, reader, when did you last fantasize about me? (OH, READER!) Don’t even dare deny the facts. (I SEE YOU READING THIS!) Just pretend that I’m right there.  🎵 “

“And prepare for some Christmas parodies to be released later today. Until then, enjoy yourself, reader. Hope this was a good treat for you like it’s a lollipop after a doctor’s appointment.”

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“It seems people are still hurt over the events of Infinity War as people lost some of their favorite heroes. After The Mad Titan snapped his finger which broke the heart of many around the world, and you know what those who died become after the snap? Here’s a hint for everyone...”

“ 🎵  Let beauty come out of ashes. Let beauty come out of ashes. And when I pray to God, all I ask is... Can beauty come out of ashes?  🎵 “

“If no one understands why I sang that... Y’all need to watch my sequel -- Don’t give me that look! The song is appropriate since half the universe became nothing but ashes. Which makes me curious to know how much of Hollywood even survived that snap.”

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

Looks like Dick Tracy won't be hard anymore. Now to my introduction... Hello, name's Detective Deadpool and what's the biggest* difference between Dick Tracy and I? The D in my name's more hardcore, rough, Canadian and more alive than the other one, so that makes everything easier. What's with the hole in my chest? Glad everyone asked because that's to make this post have a more 'romantic' tone, so suck it Twilight (Not literally... Stay away or any vampires from that movie will glitter like hell.)" "Food missing from the fridge even if there's a label saying to not touch? Trying to solve the mystery behind the Tumblr censorship or why the fuck Youtube Rewind 2018 sucked Dick Tracy? Then line up because the detective's in... Also if anyone says this is a reference to Detective Pikachu, then you need to look at some older comics because I've done the detective business before that movie was announced. Now it’s time to make this even more romantic!"

“So... What defines a romantic post without getting Tumblr’s staff getting triggered? Nothing, but what’s this desk behind me for? Literally anything that your mind can think of-- Except to snort drugs off of... That shit leaves stain marks, especially after Wyatt Wingfoot came outta nowhere. Who is that? Exactly what I asked when he said his name-- But let the imagination flow within you, and I’ll see all you fan-fucking-tastic people on the next post.”

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

”So... You’ve heard the recent news about Tumblr will be making this place a family-friendly media page? It’s absolutely terrible and within time we’ll need to start censoring cuss words even, but you know what I say to that? F@#$! that.”

“See? That’s an example of what’s to come. Is there any possible way to prevent this from happening? Possibly, that’s if their staff truly does care for their users, and surely they might become the EA of social media if the users are not heard, so continue letting them hear your voices. The door is closing, and I mean that quite literally... Look at this crap, I’m frozen in time like this right now for this specific post. Next one will be a different pose, but I’ll tell ya what, staying in place for this long isn’t comfortable... GO, LET THE TUMBLR STAFF HEAR YOUR VOICES AND STOP THIS CENSORSHIP!”

[wade-wilson-merc-with-a-mouth]

“Can you please stop trying to attack me like as if I’m a mouse... That oddly sounds like the TV show that house the mouse managing to escape while brutally injuring the cat named Tom. So let that be a lesson for you, T’Challa. Keep this shit up and I’ll manage to make an anvil drop from the sky out of nowhere with no explanation to crush your foot. Okay, that doesn’t seem to make you stop coming after me... Alright, let’s try my secret weapon. Cat toys! Here, play with these mice that won’t fight back, or maybe these balls -- Not mine. Fuck... Now people on Tumblr are going to assume I meant mine... DAMMIT! STOP IT, T’CHALLA -- Y’ALL ARE BRUTALIZING ME! Yes, I’m talking about the person who’s making me say all this shit along with the writers of this little series with me fighting Black Panther...”

“Didn’t expect another fourth wall break after that other post? Well trust me, more posts like this are coming real soon to both Tumblr and Google+... That’s right, I’m going to see you quite a bit, the person who’s reading this that is. Until then, have a good day and enjoy these hashtags that get rather useless after like the first four! Like the Fantastic Four in movies.”